Bleacher Report - Articles by Chip Stevenson

My Name Is Chip: Evaluation of the Detroit Tigers' Karma in 2009

Chip Stevenson — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 19:11:00 -0500

Earl and I are big believers in karma.

When something bad happens, I look for lucky pennies on the ground, buy all the rabbits' feet I can find, and purchase as many lottery tickets as I can afford. When something good happens, I'm on the lookout for black cats, broken mirrors, and any ladders that I could possibly walk under.

Everything seems to even out in the end no matter how high the highs get or how low the lows get.

That's why I'm looking forward to the upcoming baseball season more than any other season that I can remember. The Tigers' 2008 season was a complete disaster. Without going into too much detail, here's a short list of what went wrong:

Curtis Granderson broke his hand in Spring Training—taking him on a little vacation for the first few weeks of the year, as did every Tiger on the roster.

Newly acquired Dontrelle Willis signed a fat contract to go along with his fat body that he showed off during the season. (A true story: I saw him at a local Chipotle last year during the season. I tried to talk to him, but he stopped me mid-sentence and denied that he was Dontrelle Willis. I could tell it was him though when he threw away his leftovers and missed the trash can by six-and-a-half feet. Maybe that's why he failed so hard last year. Karma will getcha.)

The pitching staff turned out to be the weak link. It seemed like everyone's velocity dropped, and they were forced to get by on only smoke and mirrors. The only problem was that Leyland's Marlboros were the only things allowed to give off smoke in the Tigers' clubhouse, and all the mirrors were bought up by new pitching coach, Rick Knapp, to put in the Tigers' bullpen in 2009 in an incredible display of predicting the future.

As hard as it was to endure that type of season, I knew that better times were on the horizon. 2009 is bound to be a much different year.

Early reports out of Spring Training had Bonderman on his way to full recovery, Zumaya throwing gas, Willis on the comeback trail, and the hitters and defense looking better than ever.

Finally, after a long offseason, I was ready to put 2008 behind me and move onto a 2009 full of built-up good karma.

And then the Spring Training games started.

Zumaya was wild as ever in his first appearance, Willis was pulled before finishing his second inning of work, and Bonderman's first start was pushed back and ultimately canceled.

What have we done to deserve this? Have the karma gods decided that another year in the AL Central basement is in store for the Tigers? Why?

Only time will tell. But in the meantime, I urge each and every Tiger fan out there to go do as many good deeds as you possibly can before Opening Day on Apr 5th.

Take the trash out without complaining. Look your wife or girlfriend in the eye the next time you mumble a response when she asks you if she looks fat in that dress. Maybe even put the toilet seat down after you go.

We have just over a month to build up as many good karma points as we can so that maybe, just maybe, 2009 will be like 2006 and not even close to 2008.

And hey, if it doesn't work, and the Tigers flirt with last place this year, there's no need to worry—we can just cash in our good karma points in 2010.

Detroit Doesn't Do Defense Anymore

Chip Stevenson — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 18:36:00 -0500

Detroit is known as a blue collar, hard working, bring your lunch pail to work type city. We like to roll up our sleeves and get our hands dirty, and the whole city has always embraced our gritty nature. We use mustard packets, not Grey Poupon. We like grass stains and skinned knees more than hair gel and cologne. We drive American cars and trucks, not BMWs and Mercedes.

Our sports teams usually follow the hard working mold that the city embodies, often leading to successful yet unglamorous teams (Pistons anyone?). As the rest of the country cringes at the thought of another defensive battle between their team and a Detroit team, we can't wait to see another opponent turn the ball over after a 24 second violation or one of our defensemen sacrifice his body to block a shot on the ice.

Unfortunately, I have noticed a disturbing trend in Detroit sports lately. Offense, not defense, has become the focus of our teams, and it has not been paying off. Instead of slowly squeezing the life out of our opponents with suffocating defense, our teams across the board are simply trying to outscore the other team. Not only has it led to fewer wins and more losses, but they are also at risk of losing a fan base that is suffering economically more than any other area in the country because the fans can no longer relate to the teams' style of play.

It's not just one or two of our teams either. It's literally every sports team we have.

1.) The Detroit Red Wings- After winning the Stanley Cup last year and leading the league in defense by allowing a measly 2.18 goals against, the Wings went out and bought the premiere free agent on the market: Marian Hossa. He certainly has been a good addition and is 4th in the league in points.

On the other hand, as Hossa has improved the Detroit offense, our defense has really suffered. Our goals against average has increased over a full goal a game to 3.33, and we have dropped from first in the league in that category to the bottom half of the league. Just the other night, the Wings were up 5 to 2 in the 3rd period and ended up losing 7 to 6 to the Pittsburgh Penguins. Unacceptable.

The Wings' record still is obviously stellar at 10-2-3, but it's damn near impossible to win anything in the playoffs with a Swiss cheese defense.

2.) Detroit Pistons- Ever since Ben and Rasheed Wallace teamed up to take home a championship in 2004, team defense has been the Pistons' calling card. That is, until now.

The trade for Allen Iverson was a signal that Joe Dumars does not believe that defense can win championships anymore. It was an indication that in the NBA world, the easiest way to win is to run and run and run and just hope that at the end of the game your team has more points than your opponent.

This year, the Pistons are giving up 95.5 points per game, more than a 5 point increase from last year, and I've already seen players like Beno Udrih, Devin Harris, and Mikki Moore have big games against us. The ghost of Ben Wallace's past is rolling over in his grave at the sight of those names tearing up the Pistons' defense.

3.) Detroit Tigers- In 2006 when the Tigers went to the World Series, pitching and defense carried them. Their 3.84 team ERA led the league as the pitchers dominated while the hitters scored just enough runs to win.

During the past couple of offseasons, the Tigers have focused on adding offense at the expense of pitching and defense. The additions of Gary Sheffiled, Edgar Renteria, and Miguel Cabrera arguably added some punch to the lineup, but the other side of the coin has suffered.

This past year, the team ERA ballooned to 4.9, good for 3rd to last in the American League. Needless to say, the Tigers did not reach their goals in 2008 and are now left with no money to spend on pitchers and an aging lineup.

4.) Detroit Lions- Do I even have to say it? The Lions have the 2nd worst defense in the whole league and have drafted offensive players in the first round of the draft 8 out of the last 10 years. Really smart.

This trend away from defense throughout the Detroit sports world is disturbing . Not only is it risky in terms of winning since our success has been based on defense for so long, but it also risks losing a fan base that values hard work and sacrifice above anything else. What ultimately happens to Detroit sports as we move closer to what everyone else in sports is doing remains to be seen, but I, for one, am nervous about it.

This article can also be seen on Detroit4lyfe

Tampa Bay Rays Get Price Checked

Chip Stevenson — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 05:37:31 -0400

I'm sure that Major League Baseball was hoping for a better World Series matchup than the Tampa Bay Rays, a team that can barely fill its stadium during playoff games, against the Philadelphia Phillies, a team that hasn't won the World Series since 1980.

They had a chance at landing the hottest chick in high school and slow dancing with her in front of everyone on prom night with a potential Los Angeles Dodgers-Boston Red Sox series. Instead, they ended up being forced to take all of those awkward pre-prom pictures with the ugly sister and pretend they are happy about it even though all they can think about is the one that got away.

Still, there are some good storylines to this year's World Series, and one of them is David Price, the No. 1 overall pick in the 2007 MLB draft.

All season long, I heard about how Price was dominating in the minor leagues to the tune of a 12-1 record and a 2.30 ERA. Everyone expected him to be a secret weapon—an ace in the hole—for a Rays team that was contending for the first time in its existence. Baseball analysts all over the country couldn't wait to see Price play a huge role in the Rays' playoff push—only it never happened.

He was called up in September, but he definitely did not live up to all of the hype. His stuff was certainly there, and his results left fans begging for more, but he only ended up appearing in five games and throwing a total of 14 big league innings. Even though he showed that he could contribute in those few innings, his career was put on the back burner as the Rays succeeded without him on their way to the playoffs. David Price was a forgotten man.

Then, almost completely out of the blue, there was Price on the mound in Game Seven of the ALCS against the Boston Red Sox. Price had appeared in just one previous playoff game, but here he was facing the dominant Red Sox lineup with the bases loaded in a 3-1 game.

Joe Maddon, the Rays manager, was finally using his secret weapon in the most important situation of the season. But would Price's utter lack of big league experience come back to haunt him?

I honestly couldn't believe my eyes. Just a year ago, Price was starting games for Vanderbilt, pitching against kids that I played against in high school (Zach Putnam, Adam Abraham, Doug Pickens...) and losing! The University of Michigan knocked Vanderbilt out of the College World Series by hitting a 10th inning home run off of the man that now held the keys to the Rays' entire season.

In one year, he went from throwing against my competition and failing to throwing against J.D. Drew with the bases loaded in Game Seven of the ALCS in a two-run game with both teams' seasons hanging in the balance—a dream scenario that could have so easily turned into a nightmare.

After being barely used throughout the season, he stepped onto the mound, charged with getting the most important outs of the Tampa Bay Rays' franchise when he had appeared in only six total games before. No problem. Two 87 MPH sliders and one 97 MPH fastball later, Drew was walking back to his dugout in disbelief, while David Price was walking back to his a legend.

Instead of buckling under the pressure like so many people would have done, he owned that moment, and, because of him, the Rays marched on to the World Series.

He made an appearance last night in Game Two. Again, he was charged with getting the most important outs of the game, and, again, he succeeded. It didn't matter to J.D. Drew that Price had only a few big league innings under his belt, and it certainly didn't matter to the Phillies last night.

Players with dominating ability and ice water in their veins are rare—Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Joe Montana. Huge names. Successful players. Legends.

Maybe we'll have one more to add to that list when David Price's career is over.

The Dodger Blues: Chad Billingsley Needs to Grow Up

Chip Stevenson — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 21:57:00 -0400

The Los Angeles Dodgers' 2008 season transformed from a disappointment, made up of young players having poor seasons, to full-fledged championship contender when Manny Ramirez joined them in July. Manny completely changed the team dynamic, turning them into a group that believes they are going to win every game rather than one that simply hopes they are going to win.

Clearly, the whole team owes a lot to Ramirez and his .474 batting average this postseason. Unfortunately, Chad Billingsley, the young "ace" who took the loss in game two of the NLCS against the Phillies, has a weird way of showing his appreciation: he kicks his teammates in the private parts.

In game two, Brett Myers threw behind Manny in his second at-bat of the game. While Myers claimed that the ball slipped out of his hands, it was clearly an attempt to cool down the hottest hitter in the game and the Dodgers' most important player in the series.

Myers essentially told Manny, "I had nightmares about you walking around the bases against me all night last night so take this!"

Normally, when a team's best player is hit in an important game, his pitcher will respond by hitting or at least brushing back a player on the opposing team. Nobody ever admits to reacting in this way, but it's one of those unwritten baseball rules that has been ingrained in the game for years. You hit our best player? Fine, we'll hit yours. Tit for tat; let's kiss and make up.

Chad Billingsley's dog must have ate his unwritten rulebook. He was too busy giving up seven earned runs in 2.1 innings to defend the player on his team that is basically the only reason why he is even pitching in October at all. Good grief.

Luckily for the Dodgers, Manny did his own retaliating by hitting a three-run home run off Myers later in the game, but he still didn't let Billingsley off the hook. In his postgame comments, Manny showed his displeasure with Billingsley's lack of effort by saying that he'd want a guy like Myers, the pitcher who threw behind Manny in the game, on his team because "he's going to go out there and battle."

Manny was clearly taking a shot at Billingsley, who not only blew the game with his terrible effort on the mound but also showed a lack of respect for the team's best player.

Ok, fine...Billingsley is a young player who might be a little bit starstruck pitching in the NLCS and all. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him. I could cut him some slack and say that he just needs to learn how to conduct himself as a top pitcher for a contending team. Unfortunately, his lack of testosterone continued after the game.

Clearly, he didn't pitch well in the game and certainly let his team down. I wouldn't expect him to be happy and chipper in his postgame comments, but I would expect him to take some responsibility for failing so hard.

Instead, Billingsley somehow decided that his poor outing wasn't his fault at all. It didn't matter that the Phillies hit all of his pitches like they were hitting off a tee in a batting cage.

The real reason why Billingsley got hit so hard was the pitch selection, dictated by his catcher, Russell Martin. Billingsley placed the blame squarely on Martin's shoulders and took absolutely no responsibility for being horrendous in the team's biggest game of the year, even though he could have always shook off the catcher whenever he wanted to throw something else.

So, here's a recap of Chad Billingsley's night: first, he loses his unwritten rulebook. Then, he offends the Dodgers' best player by showing absolutely no respect for his teammate. He goes on to lose game two of the NLCS, putting the Dodges in an 0-2 hole in the series. Finally, he blames his catcher for the poor outing and decides that he played no role in the loss even though he was the starting pitcher.

All in all, it was a pretty successful night for him, I'd say.

He showed he is ill prepared to be a starting pitcher on a contending team; he showed he has no perspective on why his team is in the playoffs; he showed he buckles under the pressure of big games; and he showed that he has no respect for his teammates.

I'm rooting for a Dodgers-Red Sox World Series so that I can see Manny poke holes in the Green Monster, but I'm not so sure that the Dodgers can make it there with pitchers like Billingsley starting important games for them.

-Mr. Stevenson

Are You Clutch? ESPN's Keith Law Just Says No

Chip Stevenson — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 02:05:00 -0400

There's been a ton of debate in the last few years about whether a baseball player can be "clutch." The stats seem to go against the idea, while people's selective memories and sense of nostalgia seem to support it.

I'm not going to go there because I could probably write a million words on it, but I do think that people often wrongly define clutch.

In a chat on ESPN.com this week, Keith Law, an analyst whom I would characterize as a stats guy and also an analyst whom I enjoy reading, answered this question and, in the process, completely embarrassed himself by admitting to the world that he might not know what he is talking about.

ajd (chicago): Is that really the argument re: clutch? Or is it that the "clutch" player doesn't let the assorted jitters, nerves, etc. affect him when he's in a particularly pressure-laden situation? (I don't buy into "clutch" for what it's worth.) In any event, it's interesting that, in Manny's case (cf. Bill Simmons) when people say "clutch" they really mean "too stupid to know what's going on." Wonder if they'd say that about an articulate white guy!

Keith Law: "Clutch" is supposed to be "better when the pressure's on." That means worse when the pressure's off, to me, at least. And that's a good point about Manny—I wonder if they'd say that if he was a non-Latino American who only spoke English. "Less comfortable in English" does not equal "stupid."

"Clutch" does not mean playing better when the pressure is on, as Keith Law puts it. Rather, clutch simply means playing well when the pressure is on. It's a small difference, but also a very important one.

If a player hits .330 during the season and goes on to hit .320 during the playoffs, games in which the pressure is always on, I think that it would be perfectly acceptable to call him clutch if you believe in it. That player certainly didn't perform better like Law thinks is required, and he even performed a little worse, but he would still be clutch in my book.

detroit4lyfe.blogspot.com

Celebrities R Us: An Interview With Michael Olowokandi

Chip Stevenson — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:50:17 -0400

detroit4lyfe.blogspot.com has really taken off in the last few weeks. With an ever increasing fan base and consistent posts from 2.5 contributors (dupree needs to man up), our revenues from advertisements and the always welcome donations have really started to pour in.

We have been trying to figure out what to do with all of the cash money we have been making, but we have been having a hard time settling on a consensus. We have thought about buying a private detroit4lyfe jet or buying rims for my 2001 Honda civic or maybe buying the Cleveland Indians, changing their name to the Fairies, and running their organization into the ground, but we decided against those because we really wanted to give back to you all who have made the blog what it is today.

So, after we took into consideration the feelings of our considerable fan base, we have decided to use the 1.4 million dollars the blog is worth today to book some incredible celebrity interviews. I am so happy and proud to bring you our very first celebrity interview today and that man is MICHAEL OLOWOKANDI.

Before I get into the actual interview, let me give you some background information on this celebrity superstar. The Kandi Man grew up in London where his 7 foot tall frame made him stand out like yellow pee on a fresh blanket of snow.

Even though all seven footers belong either in the NBA or the circus, Olowokandi didn't even start playing basketball until he was 17. He enrolled at the University of the Pacific (sounds completely made up to me), and after his senior year, he was drafted No. 1 overall in the 1998 NBA draft by the Los Angeles Clippers.

The Clippers were hoping that the athletic, 270 pound, seven-foot-tall big man would blossom into a legitimate NBA center, but he failed miserably. He sucked for the Clippers for five years, sucked for the Timberwolves for three years, and played for the Celtics for like a year and a half before they realized he sucked and they cut him.

He is currently technically an NBA free agent, but only because no one wants to give him any money to sit on their bench. Still, his combination of a slight British accent, 7 foot tall body, and overall suckiness is generally unmatched in all of mankind.

He is easily considered one of the biggest busts in NBA history after being a number one overall draft pick, but he still kindly took time out of his busy schedule to graciously give an interview to us.

He asked me to meet him at a swank bar in downtown Boston called Felt at 1 am for the interview. Even with my extensive experience with celebrity interviews, I have never done one that late at night.

I decided to go along with it though because I couldn't screw up the very first interview for the blog. So, I made my way over to the bar late last night and here is what transpired....

I was sitting at the bar, drinking some water because I would never drink on the job, and admiring the place. All of a sudden, the bar went silent, and I figured that I was finally recognized. I started to stand up to acknowledge that yes, I do actually write for detroit4lyfe and yes, I will accept all free drinks/donations, when I took a glance over to my right and I saw a full entourage of about ten large men including one in the middle that had to be at least 10 feet tall.

It only then dawned on me that maybe everyone got silent when they saw that group of intimidating men. One of the entourage members basically ran to the bar right next to me to order a drink, and my celebrity interview started...

ME: Is that Olowokandi over there?
ENTOURAGE GUY: Yea **Sneeze**
ME: Gesundheit. Are you part of his entourage?
EG: Thanks brother. Yes I am. Are you Chip Stevenson?
ME: Yes I am
EG: Can I have your autograph?
ME: I would love to give you one, but you know if I give you one then I'm going to have to give everyone in this place one and I dont want to be writing my name all night.
EG: Yea, I understand. Peace.

Ok, so after that awkward exchange, I made my way over to the big fish to start my interview... and boy did I ever interview him.

ME: Who do you think is going to win the NBA championship this year? The Celtics?
KANDI MAN: It's a possibility. (channeling his best magic 8 ball impression. I was waiting for a "concentrate and ask again" or a "signs point to yes" response to my next question)
ME: I think the Pistons are going to win it. Rasheed is pissed this year.
KANDI MAN: Man, I don't have a crystal ball yo. (it seems like the crystal ball is the magic 8 ball's arch nemesis, and at this point I might have offended him)
ME: Why do you still live in Boston?
KANDI MAN: Well, I still have a place in LA but um well see....... (his voice sort of trailed off there)
ME: I see. Welp, nice to meet cha!

And there you have it- the first celebrity interview at detroit4lyfe.blogspot.com. He then gave me a very strong handshake, and the interview was over. I basically asked him everything I wanted to ask, but the interview still seemed to just fly by.

Next thing I know, I'm eating a mountain of fried rice at some Chinese place at 2 am and reflecting on the enigma that is Michael Olowokandi. I want to thank him for taking the time, and you all can be on the look out for more celebrity interviews on the way.... maybe.

Webster Missed This One

Chip Stevenson — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:37:43 -0400

hate/respect (hāt·ri·spekt): verb, to have a healthy appreciation or admiration for a person, team, sport, place, object, or idea that, at the same time, invokes intense and unwavering unhappy feelings

Being a die-hard Detroit sports fan, I have, in a way, been forced against my will to discover this concept of hate/respect (it should be pronounced quickly like one word- haterespect).

You see, contrary to popular belief, Detroit sports do not always have the type of success that we all dream of, yet I cannot bring myself to root for other sports teams even when the Detroit teams are out of contention.

Take the Detroit Lions for example- My most vivid memory of Lions playoff lore comes from all the way back in 1995 when Lomas Brown, an offensive lineman on our team, guaranteed victory in the first round against the Philadelphia Eagles, and then the Lions produced a 58-37 loss. Sweet. I remember acting like a prepubescent Tony Kornheiser as I analyzed Lomas Brown's guarantee with all the insight that a 9 year old has to offer, and I even recorded it all on my talkboy.

Clearly, the lack of success of the Lions could push a normal sports fan towards rooting for another, more successful team. But I guess I am not a normal fan because I will always root for the Lions and any other Detroit team even if they go 31-81 since 2001 and have huge fan-coordinated rallies to get the GM fired (50 games under .500, seriously???!!!!).

So, to keep my sanity, I often find myself absolutely loathing a more successful opposing player or team with all my soul yet still looking up to them in a way. And this is how the concept of hate/respect was born.

Just to be clear, there are two distinct yet equally important aspects of the hate/respect concept: 1.) hate and 2.) respect. For example, I do not hate/respect NASCAR because even though I can't stand anything about it, satisfying criterion number 1, I also do not have one iota of respect for it, violating criterion number 2 (watching men drive around in ovals 500 times? I'll pass).

So, without further ado, here is a long but still not exhaustive list of things that I hate/respect...

... Derek Jeter. He's a Jankee, he dated all of those celebrities, and he sucks at defense- all strikes against him. But he still wins so damn much, and he's from Michigan.

... The Intentional Walk. It's basically a signal that the team is giving up, waving a white surrender flag and saying, "We can't get this guy out so let's roll out the red carpet for you on your way to first base and beyond," but it's still sometimes completely necessary to win the game- bottom of the 10th, less than 2 outs, guy on third, walk the bases loaded to set up the double play and the force out anywhere.

... Chili's Awesome Blossom. Onions are by far my least favorite food so I would never eat anything close to this (the opposite of ranch dressing), but I respect it for being 2,710 calories and 203 grams of fat. Seriously, that's like a year off your life.

... Male Figure Skaters. They are so damn feminine (two links because one is not enough) and I hate them for not just playing hockey instead, but many of them can do four full 360s in the air in one jump and that's no joke and they sometimes have to deal with dropping their partners. Yikes.

... The Mid Season Trade. They always bring those unavoidable feelings of illegitimacy, but sometimes they bring that sweet success that makes it all worth it.

... Lefty Specialists a.k.a. LOOGYs (Lefty One Out Guys). They throw so goofy and they have such a ridiculously small role, but I respect them for coming into those tight situations and getting the opponent's best player out using only smoke, mirrors, and guts.

... The Spelling Bee. Cool, man. You are a really good speller, and I'm sure you have put in a ton of work to get where you are today. I use spell check.

(By the way, last year's winning word was serrefine and I swear that the squiggly red line that shows up under a word when you misspell it just showed up under that word even though I just copied and pasted it from the Spelling Bee's website. Karma's a bitch.)

... Boy Bands. They completely sold their souls (my college roommate, Matt Ballinger, is the one all the way to the right), but they made a ton of money and probably hooked up with a ton of girls.

... Whiskey. Whenever I drink whiskey, I feel like my whole body rejects it- all my muscles clench at once and all I want to do is spit it out. But I still feel like a man for drinking it, and I can respect any drink that makes your toilet angry the next morning.

... Fouls at the End of NBA Games. They usually just prolong the inevitable, and they make betting on NBA games a very unstable venture, but it still works every once in a while and it succeeds at stopping teams like Memphis who as a team shot 61% from the charity strip from winning a championship.

The list goes on and on... I could have included the designated hitter, switch hitters, salads, manual transmissions, and even the city of Boston on the hate/respect list, but I'm sure you get the idea by now. I'm also sure that more names will be added to the hate/respect list as time goes on, and I'll post more about these new inductees in the future as they get initiated. Go spread the concept around and enjoy the results. You're welcome.

Any major ones that I am leaving off the list?

-Chip S.

Cris Carter: A Nightmare to Lions Fans Even in Retirement

Chip Stevenson — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 12:43:00 -0400

So I was watching ESPN's pregame NFL show just now, and they were talking about Matt Millen's firing and the direction of the Lions and what not.

Cris Carter, former Minnesota Vikings wide receiver and Lion killer extraordinaire, says that he worked out in the offseasons with Charles Rogers and Mike Williams before they were drafted. As everyone here knows, those two guys are two of the biggest busts in NFL history and will forever be a symbol of this despicable era in Lions lore.

Carter says that he could have told Millen to not even think about drafting those guys just based on their workouts with him. Unfortunately, Matt Millen never asked.

If you were thinking about investing millions of dollars into a top 10 draft pick, wouldn't you try to gather as much information about the player's work habits, personal life, background information, etc.? Wouldn't you want to ask the opinion of their work out partner who just happened to be a Hall of Fame wide receiver?

Sheesh, if that kind of half ass job makes you the second highest paid general manager in football, I wonder how bad you have to be at your job to be at the bottom of the general manager pay scale.

Twins or White Sox? Root Canal or Wisdom Teeth Removal?

Chip Stevenson — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 20:42:00 -0400

It's obviously been a lost season for Tigers fans. I've seen enough bullpen blowups, baserunning blunders, and devastating home runs to last a lifetime.

As a baseball fan, though, I have to move on and look toward the playoffs. The Tigers will not be playing when October rolls around, but some lucky team from the AL Central will, and it's about time that I pick which team I'm going to be rooting for from now on.

The choice between rooting for the Twins and the White Sox for me is like the choices that contestants on Fear Factor had: Do I eat the broiled cow testicle or should I go with the slimy sheep brain?

OK, so it's not that bad...still, it's a difficult choice for any loyal Tigers fan.

After much deliberation, I have decided to root for the Twins over the White Sox for a few distinct reasons:

1. I want the Twins to make the playoffs so that they can play on a national stage and show the world how annoying their style of play truly is. I've never seen so many bloop hits, Texas leaguers, and broken-bat singles in my life. Other than Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer, has anyone on their team ever hit a ball to an outfielder?

Every single player on their team, again, other than the M&M boys, looks exactly like I do at the plate when I joke around and hit left-handed. The only difference is that I get laughs when I do that and they get millions of dollars. Life is unfair.

2. Rooting for anyone on the White Sox is like rooting for the USSR in the Miracle on Ice. Seriously, they have to be the biggest collection of unlikeable people the world has ever seen since the real Little League team in the movie The Sandlot.

Ozzie Guillen, AJ Pierzynski, Orlando Cabrera, Bobby Jenks, and Carlos Quentin could all easily be the monsters in little kids' nightmares. You wouldn't root for them, would you?

3. Both of their stadiums are just absolutely ridiculous. They both breed a brand of baseball that is completely unique to their team and unfair to those who come there to play.

The White Sox play on a field that is more fit for a high school junior varsity softball team because of how short the fences are and how many hits fly out of that place.

The Twins play on a field that is more fit for roller hockey than baseball because of how hard and fast that field plays.

Still, if I had to choose one field to watch two teams battle it out in October, I'd pick the Metrodome in Minneapolis. I'm interested to see how teams like the Angels and the Rays react when they go into Minnesota and see slap hitters sprinting around the bases like the Tasmanian Devil rather than a typical team that goes all or nothing by swinging for the fences and compiling strikeouts.

In all seriousness, the Twins play differently than every single team in the big leagues. They play good defense, throw strikes, put the ball in play, and run the bases like there's no tomorrow.

As most major league teams focus on power and play station-to-station baseball, the Twins play like they're from the 1950s, and I kind of dig that. They are definitely a throwback to the time when baseball was truly the national pastime, and with Yankee Stadium kicking the bucket this year, I'm in the mood to hold onto some of that old style of play.

As much as it pains me to say this, Twins4Lyfe,

—C.S.

The Criticism of Commentators Is Getting out of Control

Chip Stevenson — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:57:00 -0400

I realize that my last couple major posts (October Just Wont Be the Same and You Know What I Don't Like) have been filled with more complaints than Prince Fielder made when the Brewers stopped offering donuts in the post-game spread. Still, I really need to get this last pet peeve off my chest: I cannot stand when people complain about announcers.

I understand that listening to Tim McCarver, Joe Morgan, and the White Sox announcers isn't as easy on the ears as your favorite Hannah Montana jam, but c'mon... you watch the games to watch the games, right? Who cares that the announcer maybe got a player's name wrong or didn't think a particular pitch was a strike only to have ESPN's K Zone prove him wrong? We're all human, man. Relax.

The most egregious case of bad announcing I have ever seen came during an ESPN Sunday Night Baseball broadcast of a Tigers game. Joel Zumaya was on the mound throwing his usual cheese. He was hitting 100, 101, and even 102 on the stadium guns, which have been known to enhance a pitch's speed to make it seem like the pitchers are throwing harder than they actually are.

On this particular night after one pitch registered 101 mph, Joe Morgan questioned the reading. He couldn't believe that Zumaya could throw over 100 mph so he said, "No, I don't think he was throwing 101. Maybe 100."

Obviously Joe Morgan, or anyone else for that matter, can't detect the difference between a 101 mph pitch and a 100 mph pitch with the naked eye. Everyone understands that so everyone should have just simply let it go as a stupid mistake yet he got absolutely obliterated on every Tigers' forum I've seen. (For the actual transcribed exchange, click here.)

That was one tiny little exchange between Joe Morgan and Jon Miller on probably a 3+ hour broadcast, but I'm sure that the vast majority of people watching that game remember Morgan's gaffe and not who won that game. To me, that's sad.

Clearly, every announcer says something worthy of making fun of every now and then, but I've watched way too many important games that have been completely compromised by an annoying array of "This announcer is soooo bad!" "I can't believe he still has a job!' "Did he really just say that?" all while I'm biting what's left of my fingernails as Magglio Ordonez comes up with the bases loaded or the final seconds tick off the clock as the Lions stupidly win a game that costs them the No. 1 pick in the draft.

Some of these announcers have been broadcasting 100+ games a year for as long as I can remember- of course they are going to repeat stories, of course they are going to forget a player's name, of course they are going to sound stupid sometimes, but do we really need this blog or this one or this one to rub the mistakes in their faces and put all the gaffes on record?

Again, I'm all for some good natured ribbing when a guy screws up, but it's just gone way too far. Watch the games for what happens on the field, not what happens in the booth.

Mute Button 4 Lyfe

-Chip S.