Bleacher Report - Articles by Michael J. Bernard

Tony Franklin and His Undefeatable Patented Offensive System© Sent Packing

Michael J. Bernard — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:53:48 -0400

Tony Franklin and His Undefeatable Patented Offensive System© Sent Packing
for Bleacher Report

"I think Tony (Franklin)'s done a good job of adjusting," Tommy Tuberville told ESPN's Chris Low just days ago. "I don't know whether we've done a good job of adjusting to what we've gone to. But he's our offensive coordinator. He's worked as hard as anybody here, and he's as disappointed as anybody here. We've got to find some answers. He knows he's the guy who needs to find those answers, and he's looking hard ... along with the other coaches."

Then, the answer was: "It's no time to panic."

Apparently Tommy "The Riverboat Gambler" Tuberville and Auburn University officials reversed course, and are now panicking, releasing a press release at 3:44 p.m. this afternoon that Tony Franklin had been fired.

Franklin quickly cleared out his office and departed in his Hyundai Veranza after reporters refused to help him stuff boxes into his automobile.

"After evaluating where we are at this point of the season offensively, I felt it was in the best interest of the Auburn football program to make this change," Tuberville said in the official press release. "I'm not satisfied with where we are and I am personally going to take a larger role with the offense the remainder of the season. We are going to work harder than ever to make sure we consistently improve as we move forward."

Tony Franklin thinking, "I could always write a tell-all book about the six games and 10 months I spent collecting dirt on Auburn and it's employees."

Franklin had been under intense fire following Auburn's poor showing against a surging Vanderbilt team this past Saturday.

Tony Franklin's Undefeatable Patented Offensive System© never truly found a home at Auburn—a traditional power running school—and even Tuberville previously admitted that giving in to "The Spread" was as much a recruiting tool as a revamping of Auburn's offense.

Auburn's offense is at or near the bottom in most offensive categories in the SEC and the country. Auburn ranks 104th in total offense (309.2 yards per game), 105th in pass efficiency (104.98), tied for 111th in red zone offense (65 percent) and 112th in third-down conversions (29.7 percent).

Tuberville has gone through 12 offensive and defensive coordinators in 10 years, and his 4-2 Tigers are next visited by Arkansas.

Tommy Tuberville overheard on the phone: "It's either him or me?...Him!! Him, damn it, HIM!"

Ohio State-USC: Worst Showing Ever for a Top Five Team?

Michael J. Bernard — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 11:09:00 -0400

Saturday night's 35-3 colossal rout of Ohio State by the USC Trojans may be viewed in the future as one of the worst showings ever by a team ranked so highly.

Like Tommy Bowden and the Clemson Tigers in Week One, The Ohio State Buckeyes entered Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum last night with the air of a near-future conference champion.

Not even Chris "Beanie" Wells, once considered a front-runner for this year's Heisman Trophy, could have saved Ohio State from the beatdown that took place. Wells was being called "The Favorite" to win the award, ironically, before a single snap was played this year.

Instead of a season-long coronation of what Jim Tressel and the Buckeyes feel is the greatest running back to ever live on the face of the planet, Wells was sidelined after being injured while playing the criminally bruising and often dangerously mean Youngstown State Penguins.

In the meantime, Wells sat out the Ohio game, during which time many speculated as to the nature of his injury, as it must have been so minor that it defied explanation by the OSU medical or coaching staffs.

Indeed, Wells participated in more than 75 percent of the practices leading up to the USC showdown, but late Friday evening Jim Tressel told the assembled media that he was not going to play Wells, and that it was his decision alone to make. Indeed, the team medical staff cleared Beanie to play as early as Thursday.

Some media sources had been hyping Ohio State since early in the spring as "Clearly the Best Team in the Country."

It could have simply not been any clearer to Jim Tressel, the Ohio State players, and their parent organization how important this game was.

Jim Tressel alternated between quarterbacks Todd Boeckman and Terrelle Pryor, sometimes rotating them each play—which, even if it worked initially, had an eventually debilitating effect on the offense.

Boeckman, the fifth-year senior who was supposed to have the experience and knowledge to keep the game under control, completed 14 of 21 passes with two interceptions, one of which was returned 48 yards for a touchdown.

Pryor, the versatile change-of-pace quarterback who has been a relative unknown quantity outside of Columbus, Ohio, completed seven of nine for 52 yards and rushed 11 times for 40 yards. He didn't have any turnovers.

The Buckeyes had 177 yards and 13 first downs at halftime. They had 30 yards and two first downs in the second half. On six second-half possessions, the Buckeyes punted five times and were intercepted once.

The loss of Wells prior to the game does not explain getting thoroughly dominated on both sides of the ball, resulting in the worst defeat endured by Ohio State since 1989.

Twenty starters returned from last year's 10-2 team that got taken apart by the LSU Bayou Tigers in January. Several players that could have defected to the NFL draft in the spring returned for this year's run, and all probably saw their NFL stock plummet.

The loss was such a monumental collapse by a top five team that it begs the question: Is this the worst showing ever for a top five team?

One thing that is true: Ohio State did not even play well enough to test the conventional "wisdom" that USC is the best team in the country.

UCLA, which got hammered 59-0 yesterday by BYU, will likely put up a much stiffer fight when the two teams meet up in their annual rivalry game.

With only Notre Dame (who defeated Michigan 35-17 also Saturday) and the Pac-10 schedule remaining, USC is poised to make their now-traditional run through their conference, perhaps get tested by Jimmy Clausen and Notre Dame, and make travel plans for the BCS National Title Game in Miami, January 8, 2009.

Hopefully a more worthy team than the Jim "Not Woody Hayes" Tressel-led Ohio State Buckeyes will be there to give them a real game.

Coach on the possibility of a rematch between USC and OSU for the BCS National Title: "...the possibility that the Buckeyes will be seeing the Trojans again is not that far-fetched of an idea. Yes, the BCS is that F..... up!"

Coach then continued, "Of course, if the Buckeyes can get off the mat and teams begin to fall away in the coming weeks, and Ohio State rolls up some wins, the boobs in the Harris Poll will forget the 35-3 beatdown that we all witnessed in the Coliseum...

"Yes, the BCS Boys have created such a fraudulent system, such an embarrassment to the great game of college football, that the worst nightmare scenario of a rematch of USC and Ohio State is a real possibility!

"Yes, the team that got their ass handed to them the last three times they have played legitimate football teams could BE PLAYING FOR THE NATIONAL TITLE IN JANUARY! We would say this BCS was created by morons, but that would be a terrible insult to morons everywhere."

Coach on Ohio State, "Yes, Ohio State can beat Big Ten teams, but they cannot beat the best teams in the game of college football today."

Beanie Wells: No Hope for the Heisman

Michael J. Bernard — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 11:06:00 -0400

Beanie Wells, Heisman No Hope
for Heisman Hopefuls

“I honestly (think about it) all the time, I’m not (going to sit here and) tell you (I) don’t,” he said. “I thought (about) the Heisman (in) my 10th-grade year. (Honestly), Me (and my father) were sitting in the living room (and I told him) I wanted (to be) the first (freshman to win the) Heisman. (That didn’t happen), (so), you know, I just want (to get it), honestly.” Beanie Wells, mumbling about winning the Heisman Trophy back in April. His college major is not English as a Second Language.

Well, so much for the most anticipated game of the week. So much for the Heisman Hopes of a little known or cared about Ohio State Running Back named Chris "Beanie" Wells. While speculation about his health had been rampant all week as Ohio State prepared for its game versus Southern California, at one point wavering from "on target to play" to "doubtful" within a short 15 hour span.

The long anticipated USC/OSU match up is possibly the most important game in the Jim Tressel era for the Buckeyes to win. After two consecutive BCS national championship game losses, the Buckeyes are losing all credibility with the national public. If there ever was a must-win game for the Buckeyes, this is it.

"What would Woody do?"

Monday: Beanie does not practice with the team, but does running drills the entire time. Several players are quoted after practice, all of them telling the press encouraging details about Wells’ progress.

Tuesday: Ohio State releases its depth chart for the USC game. Beanie Wells is listed as the No. 1 running back. Beanie tells offensive coordinator that he’s ready to carry the ball 45 times.

Wednesday: Beanie practices with the team, gets about 20 carries and the team lists him at 75 percent healthy. More positive details from fellow players.

Thursday: Tressel announces that Wells is listed as “doubtful” for USC moments before the Buckeyes board the plane for California. No other players are made available to the media.

Friday: Following a walk-through at Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, Tressel calls a press conference to announce that Wells will not play on Saturday. No players are made available to the media.

Saturday: ESPN reports that Ohio State’s team doctors have cleared Beanie Wells to play. Erin Andrews also reports that when attempting to discuss it with Buckeye players in their hotel lobby, they refuse to answer, only offering “the team is focused” statements.

Saturday: ESPN analyst Kirk Herbstreit expresses doubt about the reports and affirms his belief that Wells will play. No other members of the GameDay crew challenge his assertion. Kirk Herbstreit said he was "shocked by the announcement."

Herbstreit, who watched Ohio State's walk-through, said he "saw Beanie smiling and laughing, tossing a ball around" with other Ohio State players on the sidelines. Herbstreit also said, "I'm still not convinced he won't play, by the way."

Jim Tressel and the Ohio State Media Department has been overhyping Beanie Wells since last year's win over (pathetic) rival Michigan. Sportswriters all over the country put his name higher on their list than any player out of the SEC, including Tim Tebow, last year's winner and the first underclassmen ever to win the Heisman Trophy. Why?

Because it is necessary for the National Sports Media, and the school with the biggest booster coffers in the nation—Ohio (Choke) State—to maintain some sort of BCS relevance.

"I didn't come here just to be a part of the team and just to say I played for Ohio State," Wells also said in the preseason. "I want to leave a mark, and that's something I work hard every day for...We have guys like Archie (Griffin), we have Eddie George, we have Keith Byars, Antonio Pittman. And those are great guys, don’t get me wrong, but I want my name to be at the top.”

There go your Heisman Hopes, buddy. You'd be better off playing today until your wheels fell off but Jim Tressel is such a monumentally sized douche bag I can barely put it into words.

Here is the reality: Ohio State is ranked No. 5 in both polls. Why? Because they play their usual if not softer than usual Big 10 schedule, and their week 3 match-up with USC.

If you get a Top 5 ranking, it is because YOUR TEAM is assumed to be equal and within reach of anyone above you in the Top 5. You have a "tough" schedule and good players.

But, if on the other hand, going into a Top 5 match-up your "star player" is too injured to play, and you accept a blowout, then you are not a Top 5 team.

Football is a team sport, and a Top 5 team is not made by ONE PLAYER and a tough schedule.

If that was the case, the Arkansas Razorbacks with Darren McFadden in 2006 and 2007 should have been pre-season Top 5 teams. They were scheduled a tough SEC schedule, played USC, and had Darren McFadden.

Ironically, Darren McFadden missed both games against USC—which is one of the reasons why he came in second in Heisman balloting two years in a row.

Wells rushed for over 1,600 yards last season, but suffered an injury to his right foot during the season opener against Youngstown State. Without Wells in the line-up, the Buckeyes barely defeated Ohio University in week two, needing a fourth quarter comeback to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.

So all Beanie Wells Heisman Talk ends now. He is useless. I don't care if he runs up 2,500 yards this year playing against the pee-wee Big 10.

He got hurt playing the massively dangerous Youngstown State Penguins, playing in the third quarter while Coach Jim "Not Woody Hayes" Tressel attempted to help him pad his Heisman stats. Well, guess what doesn't pad your Heisman stats? Not playing in the biggest game of your career.

Randy Latham, a football analyst, said, "If Beanie Wells does not play today with anything less than a broken leg, then he is completely off the Heisman Radar. Essentially, Beanie Wells is an over hyped Big 10 nobody. If he doesn't play Saturday, he should be out of Heisman consideration completely, and Ohio State out of the Top 20."

"The Game of The Century" has been a dud already, before kickoff. All you will hear from this game are excuses for the next three months.

As for those who were making the argument late Jan. 7-8, 2008, that LSU did not even deserve to be in the BCS National Title game and that the game should have been a match up between USC and Ohio State can keep dreaming. Today is going to be a showing of why the PAC 10 owns the Big 10.

Much speculation has been made that Jim Tressel is keeping Beanie Wells out of the game to keep both the Buckeye's BCS and Beanie Wells' Heisman hopes alive. Much of this orbits the idea that OSU can lobby for a rematch against USC if the BCS National Title was on the line with the "our star player didn't even play because he was hurt" ploy.

"A bad showing, as expected, by Ohio State and Beanie Wells failing to pick up even 50 yards would essentially kill their season," Said Dinky McConnell, a football analyst, "And for the Big 10, that would be devastating if Ohio State wins the conference."

"I'm not sure he'll ever speak to me again, but I think it's the right thing to do," Tressel said. Tressel said the decision to not play Wells was his alone after talking the matter over with medical personnel. The coach said he is concerned that letting Wells play might expose him to further risk of injury, limiting Ohio State against later opponents and possibly damaging Beanie Wells' NFL stock.

(Ironically, the blog titled "Beanie Wells For Heisman" has been shut down in the last 12 hours. Fitting.)

ACC Sacked in Week One of College Football Season

Michael J. Bernard — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 17:30:00 -0400

ACC Sacked in Week One of College Football Season
for 24-Hours of Propaganda

The ACC was manhandled in four of its out of conference games in week one, Virginia Tech losing to East Carolina, Clemson steamrolled by Alabama; North Carolina State blanked by South Carolina; Virginia obliterated by USC.

Can the legitimacy of the BCS remain if the ACC continues to be so poorly represented this season?

"I think too much is made out of one game," Wake Forest head coach Jim Grobe said. "A lot of the schools that got hammered a little bit this past week were playing teams nobody else wanted to play. There's not many coaches I know of who would want to open up with Alabama, or Southern Cal or East Carolina, South Carolina. All those games we got criticized for were really tough openers."

Then, looking ahead to Wake Forest's match-up with Ole Miss and newly minted head coach Houston Nutt, "Certainly we would like to play well as a representative of the ACC," he said, "but more than anything else we know we have a really tough game, really tough team in Ole Miss."

"It's Week 1," Virginia Tech head coach Frank Beamer said. "A lot of unusual things happen in Week 1. In college football you don't have what the pros have, and that's exhibition games. You don't even have what the high schools have, scrimmages against other people. Again, I think you judge a league over a period of time, not a season, or a game or opening week."

Alabama Crimson Tide on New Sports Illustrated Cover

Michael J. Bernard — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 08:06:00 -0400

Alabama Crimson Tide on new Sports Illustrated Cover
for 24-Hours of Propaganda

Just a month after Nick NITELITE Saban graced the cover of Forbes Magazine and was anointed the most powerful coach ever in the history of Human Athletics, the Crimson Tide capture another major magazine cover with the picture of Glen Coffee amidst Alabama's Saturday night routing of the Clemson Tigers on national television.

A demoralized Tommy Bowden has also, reportedly, called Saban among several other coaches trying to figure out how to salvage his team, season, and presumably, his career. It is not clear what Nitelite told Bowden.

Highly anticipated true freshman wide receiver Julio Jones caught 4 passes for 28 yards, highlighted by a 4-yard touchdown catch of a John Parker Wilson pass to give Alabama a 31-10 lead with 4:08 left in the third quarter.

Double-teams that Julio Jones drew opened up the game for other receivers.

Clemson was out-classed, out-coached, and out-played in every phase of the game.

Junior kicker Leigh Tiffin connected on four of five field goals in the victory over Clemson. He opened the scoring with a career-long 54-yard field goal in the first quarter; extended the Alabama lead to 6-0 midway through the period with a 21-yard field goal; and capped the first half with a 34-yard field goal for a 23-3 Tide lead.

He added a 26-yarder in the fourth period to give the Tide a 34-10 lead. With those successful attempts, Tiffin has made 23 of his last 28 field goal attempts dating back to the Georgia game last year.

His 54-yarder ranks third in Alabama history, exceeded only by a 57-yarder by his father, Van Tiffin, against Texas A&M in 1985 and a 55-yarder by Ryan Pflugner against Arkansas in 1998. Pflugner’s kick joins Leigh Tiffin’s as the longest field goals in Tide history kicking without the benefit of a kicking tee.

"...we'll kick you the hell out of the Georgia Dome!"

Alabama held a 23-3 halftime lead. With the victory over Clemson, Alabama has a record of 8-1 when leading at the half under head coach Nick Saban. The only loss was a 41-34 loss to LSU last season in Tuscaloosa .

Senior quarterback John Parker Wilson surpassed the Alabama career pass completions mark in the second quarter tonight, with a 5-yard pass to tight end Nick Walker.

Wilson completed 22-of-30 passes for 180 yards and 2 touchdowns without an interception in tonight’s game. The completions move his career total to 500, exceeding the previous Tide record of 488 set by Brodie Croyle (2002-05).

Wilson also surpassed the Alabama career pass attempts mark with 882, exceeding Croyle’s 869. Wilson extended Alabama ’s early lead to 13-0 with a 1-yard touchdown sneak with 2:51 left in the first quarter.

The touchdown run was the seventh rushing TD of his career and his 44th touchdown in his career (7 rushing, 37 passing).

Is he worth it? Early Indications Point to sorta.

Top Wide Receiver and Linebacker Prospects Have Eyes on Auburn

Michael J. Bernard — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 06:56:24 -0400

Top Wide Receiver and Linebacker Prospects eye Auburn
for 24-Hours of Propaganda

Jheranie Boyd, the No. 5 wide receiver prospect and No. 37 player overall rated by ESPN, told AuburnUndercover.com on Monday that he has narrowed his choices to Auburn, Clemson, Florida, North Carolina and NC State.

Boyd is an UnderArmour All-American who plays football for Ashbrook High School (2007 record 8-6) in Gastonia, N.C. Many feel the 6-foot-3, 180-pounder, who totaled 47 receptions for 1,151 yards and 11 touchdowns, is North Carolina's top wide receiver prospect. Boyd sports 4.4 40-speed and a 40-inch vertical jump.

Boyd says that one of Auburn's biggest selling points is Tony Franklin's Undefeatable Patented Offensive System©, which he says is a mirror image of what he runs now at Ashbrook.

linebacker Jonathan Atchinson of West Atlanta, Ga., appears to be one of the finishing touches of Auburn's 2009 recruiting class. The 6-foot-3, 215-pound Atchinson committed to the Tigers over Alabama, among other colleges. Rivals.com has Atchinson rated as the nation's No. 59 outside linebacker prospect.

Auburn now has 23 commitments for its 2009 class. Atchinson is the fifth linebacker who said he intends to sign with the Tigers, joining Jonathan Evans of Prichard, Ala., Donald Ford of Odenville, Ala., Harris Gaston of Bessemer, Ala., and Eltoro Freeman of Perkinston, Miss.

Atchinson said he was informed by Auburn coach Tommy "The Riverboat Gambler" Tuberville that the Tigers were going to sign five linebackers. Atchinson said he wanted to be the fifth, as the Tigers have offers extended to several other top-rated linebackers.

My Picks for Week Two of SEC Action

Michael J. Bernard — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 16:34:00 -0400

for Football Around The SEC

South Carolina (1-0) at Vanderbilt (1-0) USC: 87%. My Pick: South Carolina. While Vanderbilt impressed with a win over a veteran Miami (OH) crew last week, The Ol' Ball Coach will put them at 1-1 by Friday morning.

Southern Miss (1-0) at Auburn (1-0) AUB: 97%. My Pick: Auburn. At least one analyst has put Southern Miss at beating Auburn. Could Tony Franklin's Undefeatable Patented Offensive System© fail this time out? It's unlikely that Southern Miss' offense can get through Auburn's stifling defense. Also, they lack Brett Favre.

Ole Miss (1-0) at Wake Forest (1-0) WF: 60%. My Pick: Ole Miss. In my ritualistic once-a-week long shot I pick Houston Nutt to scare the crap out of Wake Forest at home.

Central Michigan (1-0) at Georgia (1-0) UGA: 99%. My Pick: Georgia. Are you kidding? I'll be pissed off if Central Michigan puts up more than 11 points.

Norfolk St (1-0) at Kentucky (1-0) UK: 99%. My Pick: Kentucky. I'll go with the boys this time.

Tulane (0-0) at Alabama (1-0). BAMA: 99%. My Pick: Alabama. Nick NITELITE and crew will make Tulane feel bad about themselves.

SE Louisiana (1-0) at Miss St (0-1) MSU: 96%. My Pick: Mississippi State. Sadly, this pick makes me nervous in a way it probably shouldn't. I pray to god that Sylvester Croom got that alarm clock situation straightened out.

UL Monroe (0-1) at Arkansas (1-0) ARK: 98%. My Pick: Arkansas. If a sloppy Auburn offense can put up 34 points, Bobby Petrino's team of the week should be able to go at least as far as 17. UL Monroe is still looking for their first score of the season.

Miami (1-0) at Florida (1-0) UF: 92%. My Pick: Florida. As long as Tebow is alive Florida is hurricane proof.

Troy (1-0) at LSU (1-0) LSU: 99%. My Pick: LSU. I'd try to take another mid-major to take out LSU but I got burned by Appalachian State. This isn't to say deep down in my soul I don't want Les Miles to flop and flop embarrassingly bad, like Tommy Bowden bad.

Tennessee Loses in Overtime, Phil Fulmer Dazed and Confused, Slick Rick is Back

Michael J. Bernard — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 13:36:59 -0400

for Gods Among Men: Coaches and Coordinators in the SEC

it always feels good to beat Tennessee

The Rick Neuheisel era in UCLA is off to a dramatic start with a 27-24 victory in overtime versus 18th-ranked Tennessee. Quarterback Kevin Craft rebounded from what many would consider the nightmare of quarterbacking, a first half with four interceptions, to lead a miraculous come from behind victory.

The Tennessee Volunteers went into halftime up 14-7, but during the second half excellent play by UCLA's quarterback and defense kept them in the game and pulled them away from the under-inspired Tennessee team.

Tennessee had hoped to rebound from a 45-31 losing performance against California the year before, but failed to live up to advance billing.

Tennessee represented The SEC, who came into the game as the defending national champion conference with a 10-1 mark on opening weekend. The sole loser from the SEC before Monday Night's game was Mississippi State at Louisiana Tech, with Sylvester Croom's crew losing unceremoniously and unexpectedly.

UCLA represented the PAC-10 in this showdown, which was 6-3 entering the contest which also reflected two inter conference games played on the opening weekend.

Fat Phil Fulmer's team looked well prepared in the first half, and Jonathan Crompton, Tennessee's oft-injured quarterback in his first starting action, played well throughout.

UCLA quarterback Kevin Craft, on the other hand, threw four interceptions—the first two coming on sequential plays—in the first half and had he not already been the third-string starter without replacement he would have likely been benched somewhere between interceptions two and four.

Instead, when asked if he considered giving the quarterback the hook at halftime, Neuheisel said, “I told Craft that I threw four interceptions in my first start, but (Coach) Terry Donahue waited until the third game before he pulled me.”

Craft, who started five games at San Diego State in 2006, became the UCLA starter after Patrick Cowan went out for the year with a knee injury in spring practice, and backup Ben Olson broke a bone in his right foot in practice on August.

A good deal of press had gone into UCLA declaring to USC, the perennial PAC-10 powerhouse that dominates in the polls, BCS rankings, and millions of fans worldwide, that their reign was coming to an end, presumably because they, UCLA, were going to magically become good overnight.

Every match-up between SEC and PAC-10 teams draws a great deal of attention, and last year Tennessee went down in the season opener to California.

What about this new guy Neuheisel? "Every sign points to falling in love with him," says analyst Larry Brown. "I’m not. I see a disingenuous snake creating something too good to be true. I’m guessing the joy of this win won’t be felt in five years when the program’s on probation."

The UCLA Bruins seemingly made adjustments well throughout the game, whereas Tennessee never seemed to alter it's offensive or defensive schemes. Besides injuries, general fatigue and cramps seemed to hamper the UCLA Bruins worse than the Tennessee Volunteers, who are used to playing at a much higher elevation.

This could be a concern for UCLA when they have to start playing the likes of cross-town rival USC, or a few of the other speedy PAC-10 teams.

As expected, Tennessee special teams suffered from the loss of veteran punter and star athlete Britton Colquitt. A blocked punt resulted in UCLA's first touchdown, and in the moment, a seeming shift in momentum that petered out well before halftime with little result.

The difference between a first and third string starter at quarterback was immediately obvious, with all three of UCLA's opening possessions ending with long interceptions.

Three of Craft's four interceptions were thrown right at defenders, beautifully arched and placed balls, lofted, and straight into the hands of opposing players—Rex Grossman ("As long as someone catches the ball, it is not a wasted effort") would have been proud.

Jonathan Crompton, who was noticeably held together with what must have been a hectare of medical tape, performed serviceably throughout the game, countering concerns about his toughness and durability.

"...if we can hit field goals like Alabama, we can beat anybody..."

The kicking game lost the game for the Tennessee Volunteers, more than any other single component. Crompton was competent, Arian Foster was dazzling in flashes, and the Tennessee defensive backfield shut down the UCLA passing game almost completely until the fourth quarter.

“They were crying about the quarterback situation; I knew darn well they’d be ready for us,” Fulmer said. “We made enough mistakes tonight to fill three or four games. We will play better teams than UCLA is, and I know we’re a better team than we were tonight.”

“It was just a matter of settling down,” Craft said. “I wasn’t nervous at all. I just wasn’t in a good rhythm. In the second half, I found it.”

Fulmer was impressed, saying, “The kid (Craft) is a coach’s son, a very talented young man. He throws the ball extremely well. He threw four picks in the first half, but it didn’t seem to faze him. He just executed very well in the second half.”

Gone is the time that the Tennessee Volunteers can count on Britton Colquitt to pin the opponent precariously near their own goal line. Or at least for four more games, at least one of which, given Monday's result, is an absolute must win for Fat Phil Fulmer.

In two weeks Florida travels to Knoxville, and a loss to the Gators could make it impossible for Fulmer to fulfill his contractual obligations in only his first year of the extension.

"Yes, the UCLA-Tennessee game could have gone either way," Coach said, "but it went against the Vols in overtime, and that loss to the Bruins raises some serious questions about Fulmer, with the most serious being: How can a head coach in his 17th year at the helm of a top SEC team (Phil Fulmer), lose to a coach that was tossed out of the game of college football just a few years ago (Rick Neuheisel), and took over an UCLA football program that was on the verge of disappearing from the Pac-10?

"Answer: There is no legitimate answer to that question, and that is why Phil Fulmer finds himself right back on the Hot Seat! Tennessee was breaking in a new QB and offensive coordinator, but it was the Tennessee defense that let the team down in the fourth quarter, when they could not stop a third-string QB and a banged-up UCLA offense."

Coach added, "Phil Fulmer and his staff got out-coached on a beautiful night in the Rose Bowl, and that has become an all too familiar story in recent years in Knoxville, and that means the pressure is going to very high and intense as the Vols look ahead to a “MUST-WIN” game against Florida in two weeks.

"Welcome back to the Hot Seat Phil Fulmer! As tough as the SEC is these days, it is going be damn hard to get off of the Hot Seat this time."

"If there was even a shred of doubt that UT will never return to football prominence under Phil Fulmer, it was completely obliterated last night," said one Tennessee fan after the game.

In rare form, Coach had this praise to add, "Congratulations to Rick Neuheisel for a nice win in his opening game at UCLA. One really wonders what UCLA would have done to Tennessee if they had been able to play the 10 or so starters that got injured in fall camp and in the first quarter of Monday night’s game?"

"...screw you Fat Phil, I hate you too...."

Both offenses were pitiful and out of rhythm in the first half, with Craft having a particularly miserable time, going 7-of-18. Crompton did have 119 yards passing by halftime, going 11-of-23, with one interception. Lincoln was short on two field goal tries in the opening half, from 51 yards in the first quarter and 55 in the second.

UCLA did not play spectacularly until the flourish of it's final game lead-taking drive in regulation, but what they proved was that it does not take even a marginally good team to beat Tennessee on any given day of the week.

Kevin Craft was originally listed as the third quarterback on the Bruin's depth chart before injuries took their toll on the Bruins this August, and the trend continued at game time to such an extent that by the end of the first half the Bruins were missing seemingly half of their team.

Craft was numerically, definitely, irreplaceable, and one wonders the veracity of the story Slick Rick Neuheisel told coming out of the locker room to start the second half, and what effect it may have had in bolstering Craft's confidence. Craft came out in the second half an entirely different player, throwing far less interceptions and completing way more passes to his own players.

Along with a new quarterback, each team was beginning its first season with a new offensive coordinator, Norm Chow at UCLA and Dave Clawson with the Volunteers.

The Bruins, plagued by quarterback injuries, went 6-7 last year before firing Karl Dorrell and bringing back their prodigal son. Neuheisel is a former UCLA quarterback, 1984 Rose Bowl MVP, and former PAC-10 coach who was literally disbarred from college coaching in 2003.

Neuheisel earned the nickname Slick Rick for his well-documented recruiting violations at Colorado and Washington, leaving both schools on probation after his departure.

It would require going into too much detail describing here all at least 80+ NCAA official allegations of recruiting improprieties, ethics violations, witness tampering, illegal interstate commerce, wire fraud, gambling, and other lesser crimes and misdemeanors previously linked to Neuheisel.

"It's good to be back at UCLA, baby," Neuheisel declared loudly via Jumbotron in a speech that took place as devastated Tennessee players, coaches, and personnel vacated the increasingly threatening environment.

Coach Fulmer declined to be interviewed by ESPN's Erin Andrews and sulked into the locker room as quickly as possible. With the pomp and ceremony taking place in the Rose Bowl, it would seem that Neuheisel was The Coming of the Mechanical Christ. "We talked to this team all along about being relentlessly positive..."

"...all behold the New God Krishna..."

"We will follow you to hell, Mechanical Christ!"