Bleacher Report - Articles by JokersWild

Jokerswild Deals The Cards 10/21/08

JokersWild — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 13:26:12 -0400

JOKERSWILD Deals The Cards 10/21/08

Time again to deal the cards to those who are deserving.

NFL:

Well week seven is in the books and some great games were played.

The Ace—goes to Da Bears as much as I hate giving it to them being a Vikings fan they deserve it for dropping 48 points on the Norseman.

The King—goes to The Patriots for stomping a mudhole into the Broncos dropping 41 points on them and only giving up seven.

The Queen—goes to the Steelers for beating the Benglals 38 to 10.

The Wild Card—goes to The Rams for smacking The Cowboys around and beating them 34 to 14.

MLB:

The Ace—goes to The Phillies and The Rays for winning their respective divisions and advancing to The World Series.

NCAA Football:

In this category I will deal the cards according to the strength of the opponent and only the top 25 teams qualify.

The Ace—you would think should go to USC -nope they beat who ? 1 and 6 Washington State.

The Ace—goes to Texas for beating MizzU 56 to 31.

The King—goes to TCU for beating a undefeated BYU 32 to 7

The Queen—goes to USU for stomping WSU 69 to nothing. USC is a strong team but they have to beat a better opponent to get a higher card.

The Wild Card—goes to The Buckeyes for beating a 5 and1 Michigan State 45 to 7 The Buckeyes have only given up 10 points in their last two games.

NASCAR:

The Ace—goes to Jimmie Johnson for winning at Martinsville.

The King—goes to Dale Jr. For running a great race and coming in second.

The Queen—fittingly goes to Cousin Carl Edwards

And finally, The Wild Card—goes to Jeff Gordon.

Well that's how the cards were dealt this week stay tuned for more dealing next week.

Welcome to Upsetville

JokersWild — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:26:08 -0400

In a land far far away there is a town called Upsetville, and they have been getting some notoriety here lately.

It seems no one gave this town any respect until they defeated the giants that surround them. It all started with a local boy named David when he defeated the mighty giant Goliath.

There are several teams that represent Upsetville, and this weekend they rose to the occasion and defeated their nemeses.

The Beavers defeated the mighty Trojans that the world thought would reign supreme.

The Wolverines defeated the Badgers with stingy defense and some razzle dazzle from their offense.

The Shipment defeated some nasty Demon Deacons.

The Tide rolled all over the Bulldogs. UGA was not happy.

And some Rebels ran over the Gators.

The Terrapins beat the Tigers like the tortoise beat the hare.

IT was just another day in Upsetville, and the celebrations could be heard all over the world.

Just goes to show you that the BCS is truly BS and all the experts are humbledand prove that no one really knows what's going to happen. Mark May can once again swallow some crow, which just happens to be the town's main cuisine.

JokersWild Deals The Cards

JokersWild — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 14:32:47 -0400

It all started when I turned five while I was delivering flowers for Don Vincent and came across some of the elders playing cards at Carlitos house.

That's when I started my life long addiction with cards and strip poker or any game that involved cards I was the #### at 52 card pickup.

And in keeping with the tradition of my love for cards I decided to deal out some cards to some sports teams and athletes that are deserving.

NFL

The Ace will always go to the team that has scored the most points- I know you will say it was against a bad team but hey their pro's they should have played harder.

The Ace goes to the Denver Broncos for putting a whooping on the Raiders by a score of 41 to 14- that was a woodshed beating.

The King goes to The Steelers for putting 38 on the Texans and only giving up 17 and I thought this was going to be a good year for the Texans.

The Queen goes to the Falcons for putting 34 on the mighty Lions of Detroit and giving up 21 -Michel Turner has thighs like Earl Campbell had I don't know if some of you are old enough to remember Earl C. but he was a turbo charged tank that would run you over or drag you to the end zone. Turner had 220 yrds rushing.

The Wild Card goes to The Bears for going into The Colts house and putting the smack down on Manning and Co.

MLB

There are so many games that happen at different times this one is almost impossible to do so I will pick the ones that caught my eye and deal the cards accordingly - whether they played the same day or not its my blog my rules...LMAO

The Ace goes to the Marlins for upsetting the Phillies 10 to 8

The King goes to NY (Yankees) for smacking the Angels around and beating them 7 to 1.

The Queen goes to the Mets for beating Washington 10 to 8.

The wild card goes to Cliff Lee for picking up win number 21.

NASCAR

The Ace goes to Jimmie Johnson for winning the Rock and Roll 400.

The King goes to Tony Stewart For the first losers spot.

The Queen goes to Denny Hamlin-for being the second loser.

The Wild Card goes to Dale Jr. for showing Kyle Busch that karma really does come back and bite you in the ####..LMAO

NCAA Football

These college football game are not easy either so refer to the same rules as MLB.

The Ace goes to Oregon for pileing on 66 points on lowely Utah State.

The King goes to Florida for beating Miami 26 to 3.

The Queen goes to CAL for putting a severe hurting on Washington St. 66 to 3.

The Wild Card goes to Brigham Young for having someone on their side that helped them with the dumbest penalty I have seen in awhile in college football.

Honorable Wild Card Goes to Eastern Carolina from Conference USA for beating West Virginia 24 to 3.

Well that's all the dealing for this week stay tuned for more in the future.

Buckeyes are playing possum

JokersWild — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 04:25:48 -0400

The Ohio State University is pulling a fast one a trick a con a sham their setting USC up and they don't even see it coming they are pulling the Ol'Trojan Horse trick on the Trojans.

They are going to come into southern Cal looking like a far inferior team like a high school team that just lost their favorite coach, It's a front and farce some good Ol' fashion trickery.

Chris Wells was faking it hes not hurt -why should he take a chance of getting injured playing interstate squads that have nothing to lose.

Tressel is a genius he using smoke and mirrors, pulling the wool over Ol' Petes eyes it's shenanigans I tell ya !!

If any of you out there in football land honestly believe the same team you seen struggling against two interstate schools is the team that will be playing in Southern Cal you better wake up and smell the coffee.

The Buckeyes and Tressel will show up they will play the game of their lives they will leave it all on the field.

To all of the Buckeye fans out there don't doubt your team just remember in 2002 the 14-0 season the Buckeyes fell behind in games, won games in the fourth quarter and won games in overtime.

It's "Tressel Ball" you know the type of football that has you biting your fingernails sitting on the edge of your seat , Being on the verge of a heart attack its the same situation this season.

I have been waiting for the game with USC since the end of last season and so have the Buckeyes.

GO Buckeyes!

How To Get Blog Comments 101 Part 3 In 3D

JokersWild — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 09:03:09 -0400

Hello and welcome to part three of how to get blog comments 101. Today we will discuss more ways to get your blogs noticed.

As a seasoned pro in the field, I find it my duty to help my fellow bloggers that are struggling to get into the most read and popular section.

Titles

Let's start with the title to your blog. This is just as important as the content is. It is the attention getter that you need to pull in readers. Make sure you come up with original and interesting titles, avoid titles that have the word prediction in it unless you are an expert in the field.

Self Promotion

Make sure when you post a comment in others blogs that you give yourself a shameless promotion for the masterpiece you just wrote. This will either work or fail but you won't know unless you try.

Be a good blog host

Make sure that you respond to all the comments that are left on your blog, This helps build a re pore with your fellow blogger and will bring back return readers. Nobody likes it when they leave a comment and they get no response back. It's like a slap in the face so be a good blog host.

Humor

Why so serious? You don't have to be so serious in your blogs. Lighten up a little and throw some humor into your blog. It dosn't have to be the whole body of the post but a little joke or funny line that makes the reader happy and in return keeps them returning to your blog.

Pictures

Pictures are worth a million words. They can help get a point across and can help keep the attention of a reader if your post's content isn't the greatest throw in a pic of a hot chick or of the main person that your blog is about.

Plus some people don't read at all, they just like to look at the pictures.

This post is part 3 in 3D .

I hope you have your 3D glasses.

Here are a few 3D pictures:

See what I mean about the pictures

Well this concludes part 3 in a 5 part series on How To Get Blog Comments 101.

I hope to see you in the popular section soon and if you ever need any help with posting pictures or adding music to your post's just leave me a Fox-mail and I'll see what I can do to help you.

Famous Quotes And A few Of Jokers Wild's Own

JokersWild — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 14:04:57 -0400

In Lew of the upcoming game between "The Ohio State Buckeyes" and "The Trojans from Southern California," I have summoned the greats of the past to give inspiration to the Buckeyes as they soon will be going into an extremely hostile environment.

The Sun will be shining down on this battle of two proud traditions and it will be hotter than my ex-stepmothers kiss the fans of USC will be in riot mode and frenzied out of their God- forsaken football minds.

The crazed stares of fans that have anticipated this match up will be gazing at the 64' HDTV's that they will be paying on for months in anticipation of the kickoff to this battle.

So I find it fitting to throw some words of encouragement towards the young men that will be taking the field in honor of the Buckeyes.

~Some Famous And Not so Famous Quotes Of Inspiration~

"Young men that take the field on this day, Know This, God will be watching the game today, Play Accordingly." - Unknown Author

"One man practicing sportsmanship is far better than fifty preaching it" - Knute Rockne

I want you to beat them like they owe you money - JOKERSWILD

"Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football." - John Heisman

I want you to beat them like they hurt your mama - JOKERSWILD

"I learned that if you want to make it bad enough, no matter how bad it is, you can make it." - Gale Sayers

He said your girlfriend is terrible in bed - JOKERSWILD

"The only place you can win a football game is on the field, the only place you can lose it is in your hearts." - Darrell Royal

The Player in front of you is your enemy, he hates you - JOKERSWILD

"Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it." - Heywood Hale Brown

"When the ref isn't looking, Choke the living hell out of him" - Reynolds

"Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport." - Duffy Daugherty

"So you wanna dance, Frank, or do you wanna sit here and have a heart attack?" - TM

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Joe Theismann

That's all I have for now Im sure some fellow bloggers will help me come up with more.

GO BUCKEYES! Go!

Pessimistic Optimisms And Other Oxymoron Truths

JokersWild — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 13:57:18 -0400

Welcome to the thoughts of an optimistic pessimist with a twist of oxymoron truth.

I love" Jumbo Shrimp" that have "Millitary Inteligence." It forces me to be "Cruel to be Kind" to them as I slowly bite their tails off.

The Dolphins are going to the "Soft Rock" in the AFC East this season. The "Mercy Killings" they will be receiving are going to be falling on deaf ears with "Deafening Silence" as the "Holy War" of the NFL continues to hurt these "Mini Giants," but they should still be able to pick up their "Death Benefits" when the season is done.

It's no "Open Secret" unless it's to a "Liberal Conservative" that the Giants will not be the "Sports Sedan" they were last season, The loss of two of their best pass rushers gives them "Great Deficiency" in their defensive line and without their "Small Crowd" to anchor the D they will become victims of "Friendly Fire" by opposing running backs.

The "Cincinnati Bengals" (which by the way have there ever been Bengal tigers in Cincinnati other than in their zoo?) are the "Alien Residents" of the AFC South and will be the "Non Dairy Creamer" to any opponents coffee as they try to get their "Controlled Chaos" of a team together. It is no "Open Secret" that they will be "Icy Hot" and their offense will "Start Stopping" and their "Forward Retreat" will be the laughing stock of the NFL again or can we "Expect the Unexpected" from them this season.

Well since this is a "Free Speech Zone" I will end with this for I will be busy today watching political advertisements with supposed "Responsible Government" nominees promising us "Government Organization" but in truth they will be "Accidentally on Purpose" lying through their teeth.

After watching the advertisements, I will go to the store to pick up some "Genuine Veneer" to fix the counter with and, stop by the "Full Time Day Care" to pick up the young ones, then return to my house to find my "Wireless Cable" being installed and then I should be able to get on my "Microsoft Works" and resume my blogging.

So until next time unless I am "Found Missing" expect this "Dumb Genius" to be "Drinking Responsibly" and visiting my online "Strippers Dressing Room" and thinking of more Oxymoronic Truths.