Bleacher Report - Articles by Dozer

The Assassination Following The Impact! 04/30/09

Dozer — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 23:23:46 -0400

You are once again graced to be in the presence of The Present aka Dozer. Dozer would like to welcome you to another edition of The Assassination Following The Impact!

Impact! Opens up with the Main Event Mafia coming out to the ring without Sting. Kurt Angle once again, starts off the show blabbing on and on. He talks about how he came to become The Godfather.

Angle says that Foley must pay for attacking The Godfather of the Main Event Mafia last week. He says that if Jarrett puts him in the Fatal Four Way match at Sacrifice, that if he were to lose; whoever pins him would replace him as Godfather of the Main Event Mafia.

Jeremy Borash is in Foley’s office talking to him, when Jeff Jarrett comes in saying he wants to beat the crap out of Foley. Foley said he wants to make sure that Jarrett has his back, and Jarrett said that the only back that Foley was going to get was the one that he turns on him.

Kurt Angle needs to shave his head, he’s starting to get a five o’clock shadow, or maybe that’s an overcast…Dozer’s not exactly sure.

They’re showing clips of some tag team matches that took place last week, as it would seem. And it turns out that Trevor Murdoch is in TNA, Dozer wonders if Lance Cade is in TNA as well. Nope, it seems that it’s just Trevor Murdoch who is now known as Jethro Holiday.

Match #1 - Amazing Red & Suicide VS Motor City Machine Guns: It seems this guy Amazing Red is pretty good, he’s a former TNA X Division and World Tag Team Champion. Well we all know he was actually a former NWA World Tag Team Champion, but they don’t’ say that anymore.

Mostly the Guns have controlled the match, but Suicide & Red are showing some pretty good teamwork together for what Dozer is assuming their first match together. Red does a really awesome move, almost like a somersault off the back of Alex Shelley and hits a spinning kick on the back of Sabin’s head.

Suicide was on the receiving end of a kick from both of the Guns, then him and Suicide attacked the Guns. Then Amazing Red hits a Hurrancarana/DDT on Chris Sabin—nice move there. Then Suicide hits his finisher and scores the pin.

Winner: Amazing Red & Suicide

Lauren was talking to The Beautiful People, trying to get some insight on Madison Rayne’s Stretcher Match tonight against Awesome Kong. Angelina Love asked who was strong enough to carry Kong’s fat ass out of the Impact! zone once they’re done with her.

They said that they’re not worried about Kong, that in fact they welcome a Stretcher Match. Then Velvet Skye said that she had to get ready for a funeral later. Then both Skye and Love get up and go off screen, leaving just Madison Rayne.

Lauren asked her if she was sure about this tonight. Madison Rayne said "A funeral, right…let’s just hope it’s not mine." Then they go to commercial.

We come back to hear about what brought Abyss to the office of Dr. Steve. Wouldn’t it be funny if "Dr. Steve" was Dr. Death Steve Williams? Oh, Dozer was wrong…it turns out Dr. Steve is none other than Stevie Williams. Nevermind, Dozer’s an idiot…his name’s Dr. Stevie.

WHAT THE F**K DID ODB DO WITH HER HAIR?? It looks like she stuck her hair in an electrical socket and had a porcupine as a hairdresser today. It’s hard to understand what Cody Deanner’s saying, but it sounded like he was insulting Abyss. Deanner must be even more stupid that he leads on.

We come back from Break to see the Motor City Machine Guns talking to Mick Foley. They’re complaining about Suicide, they want to know who he is. Mick Foley says that he knows who Suicide is, it’s Al Snow.

The Guns didn’t buy it, Dozer didn’t buy it, Dozer wonders if Mick Foley even buys it. Foley said something else that Dozer couldn’t make out; he talks to softly half the time. It would be truly awesome if Dozer’s wife would let him use the laptop during Impact! but she won’t.

So here Dozer sits on Thursday nights upstairs in the kitchen sitting at the computer desk watching Impact! "What’s so bad about that Dozer?" you might ask. Nothing’s wrong with that, except for the fact that the TV is half way across the room and Dozer can only turn the TV up so high because his father in law is watching hockey in the next room over.

Match #2 - LAX VS The British Invasion: LAX wasn’t coming out, and then they go to the back. SuperMex was laid out in the back with the British Invasion looking over him. Brutus Magnus even took Hernandez’s Feast Or Fire briefcase.

When Homicide was coming down the ring, he hit one of the British guys with the Feast Or Fire briefcase. So now it’s a 2 on 1 Handicap Match, and Hernandez has been in control for the most part so far in this match.

Dozer has no clue who these British guys are, and was hardly watching the match because he was trying to see what he missed last week on Impact! Dozer saw the finish of the match, but since he doesn’t know who these British guys are, he’s sparing you from having to read "The bigger British guy held up Hernandez while the smaller British guy landed a diving European Uppercut off the top rope for the pin."

Winner: The British Invasion

Match #3 - Awesome Kong VS Madison Rayne (Stretcher Match): TNA Referee Rudy Charles sends Raisha Saeed, Velvet Skye and Angelina Love to the back so that there’s no interference in the match.

So in TNA a Stretcher Match is a combination of a traditional Stretcher Match AND a Last Man Standing Match? They have a WWII style stretcher laying in the ring, and the only way to win is to put your opponent on it for a 10 Count.

That is the shortest and stupidest Stretcher Match Dozer has ever seen. Yea sure TNA doesn’t do everything like the WWE does, but that was just completely and utterly ridiculous.

Kong was in complete control of this match, if you’d even call it that. Kong hit an Impact Buster and two Awesome Bombs before finally putting (and keeping) Madison Rayne on the Stretcher.

Winner: Awesome Kong

We come back from commercial with The Beautiful People in back, freaking out over Madison Rayne. Then we return to the Impact! Zone where we see the Motor City Machine Guns coming down to the ring.

They call out Suicide, saying that he is actually Christopher Daniels. Daniels got fired 18 months ago in a Feast Or Fired match. Chris Sabin says that they are as smart as they look, and they know that Daniels is Suicide.

Apparently, Chris Sabin likes to check out Daniels’ ass, because he says "That ass is unmistakable." Sabin asked Daniels a bunch of questions, and then he calls him a low down, dirty, stinking, filthy, liar.

He says that he found a loophole to come back to TNA and steal his partner’s X-Division Title. He demands that Daniels make amends with The Guns and the whole world and admit that he is Suicide.

Daniels’ says that he doesn’t owe anybody an explanation, that Jeff Jarrett brought him back, and that he’s going to do what he does best; and that’s wrestle. Alex Shelley asks Daniels "Who are you Suicide? Huh? Who are you?"

Daniels grabs the mic from Shelley and says "I’m Daniels. And now…I’m pissed off." Then he attacks both of The Guns and then he goes for the Best Moonsault Ever, but The Guns get out of the way.

We see Mick Foley still looking around trying to find somebody to help him out against Kurt Angle. He’s in back talking to Samoa Joe, talking about the ‘knife’ that he has. Then Joe takes the towel off his head and just walks away. Foley says he’ll have to turn to "Plan C" and makes a call on his cell phone.

Match #3 – Abyss Vs Cody Deanner: From what the announcers are saying, it seems that the stipulations of this match are that Cody Deanner is allowed to use anything he can get his hands on against Abyss.

After being hit by a license place and a garbage can lid, Abyss gets busted open. Abyss then knocks Deanner down to the mat, then he runs over to the corner where ODB is. ODB gives Cody whatever it is that she has in her flask.

Then Deanner hits Abyss with a garbage can and then a few shots with a black kendo stick. Abyss is going through therapy in this match for sure, according to the advice from "Dr. Stevie."

Abyss was staggering on the other side of the ring, then Deanner hits Abyss with a running steel chair shot. Then he reaches into his "1980’s Fannie Pack" and takes out an adjustable wrench.

Mike Tenay needs to go back to shop class because he simply called it a wrench, but it was clearly an adjustable wrench. Cody was planning on hitting Abyss that adjustable wrench, but Abyss had other things in mind for mister Deanner.

Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam on Deanner for the three counts.

Winner: Abyss

Lauren is seen interviewing Daphne backstage. Dozer’s gotta admit, she’s actually pretty hot now that he gets a better look at her. He saw her in the ring a couple weeks ago teaming up with Abyss against ODB and Cody Deanner.

She didn’t look that good at that time, but Dozer didn’t get a chance to see her very well. Now that she’s not wrestling, and she’s just standing there with the camera focused on her, she’s pretty hot. She’s got a pretty sexy voice too.

JB is talking to Kevin Nash & Booker T in the MEM Locker Room about their match tonight. There seems to be a catfight brewing between Sharmell and Jenna. Speaking of The Main Event Mafia, Matt Morgan comes out and basically says that he wants to join the Main Event Mafia.

Lauren goes to the locker room and is talking to A.J. Styles about Samoa Joe and their match tonight against Kevin Nash and Booker T. Styles tells Joe to show up with his game face on. He says he doesn’t need this "Nation of Violence" he needs his friend, "The Samoan Submission Machine."

Main Event - AJ Styles & Samoa Joe VS Booker T & Kevin Nash: Samoa Joe doesn’t come out to the ring, so it appears to be a 2 on 1 Handicap Match, our 2^nd of the night.

A few minutes into the match, the screen splits and we see Bobby Lashley walking in the back. Just then Samoa Joe finally makes his way down to the ring, just in time for a commercial break.

During the commercial break AJ Styles and Samoa Joe got into a fight, allowing Booker T and Kevin Nash to take advantage of the situation. When we come back from commercial, Booker & Nash were clearly in charge.

Joe & Nash were on the outside of the ring fighting, and Jenna was on the ring apron distracting the referee. Meanwhile Sharmell slid the TNA Legends Championship title belt into the ring to Booker T. He then hit Styles in the head with the belt, tossed it out of the ring and got the three count.

Winners: Booker T & Kevin Nash

Mick Foley is talking to somebody, saying that they deserve a big contract. He says that they deserve a big contract, saying that "You headlines WrestleMania." Dozer says that it doesn’t take a moron to know that Foley’s talking to Bobby Lashley.

Who else in TNA headlined WrestleMania besides Kevin Nash, Mick Foley and Kurt Angle? Dozer is almost sure that it’s Bobby Lashley. Dozer has been made a fool of and proven wrong before, but Dozer’s IQ isn’t low enough to allow him to count how many times that has happened.

Even Jeremy Borash says that it had to be Bobby Lashley that Mick Foley was talking to in his office. Now they’re hyping up the Main Event Mafia again. Dozer didn’t realize that collectively, they have over 75 years of pro wrestling experience between them all.

Kurt Angle shows up in Mick Foley’s office and Foley was trying to get the ‘mystery person’ to come out by saying "now," but he didn’t. Then Angle chokes Foley and then knocks him out of his chair.

Foley tells Angle that he can hit him with a chair if he wants to, to make it fair. He says that Angle can have a shot at his title at Sacrifice. Then when they realize that they don’t have a steel chair, Foley says that Angle can use Jarrett’s guitar to hit him with.

Just when Angle was about to hit him with the guitar, Foley decides that he doesn’t want to do that. Foley said "That’s Jeff’s thing, I don’t want to do that." He said that if Angle wants a chair, that he could make a call and have a steel chair there in less then 30 seconds.

So Mick Foley gets on his cell phone and calls somebody. He says "I need a steel chair in my office in 30…" and then he hits Angle in the head with his cell phone. And starts calling Angle a son of a bitch, that it’s about time that he starts earning his paycheck.

Then Foley goes into a clothing locker and pulls out Mr. Socko from a golf bag. Do they even call him Mr. Socko now in TNA or do they have to call him something else? Then Foley puts the Mandible Claw (if they still call it that) on Kurt Angle.

Just then the lights go out in the office and we hear a thud of sorts. The lights come on and both Foley and Angle are on the floor, and somebody is holding a steel chair wearing black sweat pants with a black zip up hoodie that covers his face.

It was the same kind that Scott Steiner was wearing a few weeks ago after Samoa Joe attacked him and he didn’t want anybody to see his mangled mug. Then the guy in the hoodie unzips the zipper, and it turns out to be none other than Sting.

There you have it folks, another week in the confusing world we know that as Total Nonstop Action Wrestling. Shouldn’t it be called TNAW then? Only time will tell people, only time will tell.

This has been, is, and will always be known as The Present; so get used to it. Forget the past, don’t worry about the future yet. You’ll be lucky if you even make it to the future the rate that you’re going at. Stay tuned for another edition of The Assassination Following The Impact!

~Dozer~ (The Present)

The Assassination Following the Impact!: 4/9/09

Dozer — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 23:42:09 -0400

TNA Impact! Opens up with a preview of Lockdown. The Main Event Mafia comes down to the ring, but Booker T & Sharmell aren’t with them. The announcers are talking about what Samoa Joe did to Sharmell last week.

Dozer hasn’t seen Impact! In a few weeks, so he’s gonna be a bit rusty for his first ever TNA Impact! Recap.

Sting calls Jeff Jarrett out, asking who’s really running company, him or Mick Foley. Sting implies that Mick Foley is the one calling the company's shots and he starts questioning Jarrett’s authority, seeing as that Mick Foley put Sting in a match against Samoa Joe last week.

Sting orders Jarrett to put Foley in a match this week, at which point Scott Steiner jumps in saying Jarrett’s losing control of the company...the IWGP Jr. Tag Team Champions, The Motor City Machine Guns come out and interrupt Steiner.

Mike Tenay says Steiner is attempting to brainwash Jarrett. They side with Sting; even saying Foley is the boss around TNA. Alex Shelly says Thanksgiving Eve 2008 was the worse day of his life. He had to put on the Turkey Suit and was attacked by Mick Foley.

He says he wants revenge against Foley, and suggests Jarrett put The Guns in a Handicap Match against Mick Foley, and Jarrett makes the match official. Dozer is greatly looking forward to that match.

JB starts talking to Mick Foley in his office, and once again Foley is loosing his mind. He's talking about KC & The Sunshine Band. Dozer missed most of the conversation because nobody in his house knows how to be quiet; all he heard was Mick Foley saying he was going to "tweak" a match.

Impact comes back from commercial to have Jeremy Borash interviewing Foley and Jarrett. Foley’s talking about "tweaking" that match again, turns out he’s talking about his Handicap Match against The Motor City Machine Guns.

Match No. 1: Sheik Abdul Bashir VS Suicide (Non-Title)

Suicide will be in an Xscape Match at Lockdown with the TNA X-Division Title on the line. The object of the match is like simple: the 1^stperson to Xscape the cage wins the title. His opponents will be Sheik Abdul Bashir, Consequences Creed, Jay Lethal and Kyoshi.

Mike Tenay & Don West are talking about Bashir, and DW says that he’s been a victim ever since his 1^stday in TNA. Bashir was in control for most of the match, until Suicide gets a momentary advantage until Kyoshi kicks Suicide in the back of the head.

Now that he had the advantage again, Bashir DDTs Suicide on the X-Division Title that had just been tossed into the ring. He then threw the title back to Kyoshi and covered Suicide for the pin, which if Dozer is correct…is Suicide’s 1^stloss in TNA.

Winner: Sheik Abdul Bashir

The No Limit & Kyoshi join Bashir in a post match celebration, in which Bashir lays the X-Division Title on top of Suicide and raises his hands up to the sky, as if to be praying. Just then the lights went out and a few seconds later, Suicide and the title belt are gone. How will suicide fare when there’s four other men gunning for title at Lockdown? Order TNA Lockdown on April 19th on PPV to find out.

Back from commercial, we see Rhyno talking with a Navy Petty Officer 2^ndClass Jessie Neal who is stationed on the USS Cole. Why the hell is this idiot wearing his cover indoors? Anybody who’s been in the military, such as Dozer, knows that you’re not allowed to wear your cover indoors.

Petty Officer Neal was talking about how he lost a friend of his when his ship was attacked. He was saying that him and his buddy had both been long time pro wrestling fans all their lives, and they always wanted to become a pro wrestler.

His friend died, and a part of him died that day too. Rhyno offered to take his time to help Petty Officer Neal train to become a pro wrestler, to help his dream come true.

Next we see The Beautiful People ganging up on Raisha Saeed, and were cutting her hair. You could hear Mike Tenay say that Awesome Kong was gonna be pissed. Then they go to another commercial break.

Next up, Team 3D were talking about after they left the WWE, how they got to see some of the younger wrestlers that were out there at various wrestling schools. They were astonished to see that there was absolutely no respect at all from any of them, and they decided to open up their own wrestling school.

JB interviews Sting, talking about Mick Foley’s actions as of late. Sting says him and Foley have been friends for 20 years, and that he’s surprised as well. He says that Foley always knows what he’s doing, he’s not a dummy.

Sting says that it’s impossible to try and get into the mind of Mick Foley, that he’d have to be a schizophrenic. JB then asks about the possibility of Sting’s retirement. Sting says that if he suffers another major injury like he did in 1990, he won't be coming back.

Then he’s talking about the infamous match in Germany back in 1994. It was Cactus Jack VS Vader, the match when Cactus Jack lost his right ear while getting tangled up in the ropes.

When Sting asked him if he was all right, all Cactus said was "Sting, I think I lost my freaking ear…BANG, BANG!" He says that’s the type of guy his opponent is. That’s the crazy kind of mindset that he has. He also admits that he’s fully aware that this match against Foley could very well be his last match.

Heading into a commercial, Mick Foley’s walking in the back, heading towards the ring. They said that Foley would be speaking when they come back. Dozer’s guess, as well as anybody’s at this point most likely…he’ll be addressing tonight’s main event.

Foley’s talking about his match tonight, saying that The Guns are really tremendous wrestlers. Then he starts talking about his next book, and then he’s talking about his son Dewey. Foley seems upset that his son wants to look like Alex Shelly.

At first it sounded like it was gonna be a Hair VS Hair Match, but then Mick Foley makes his announcement. His match against MMG will be a First Blood Match, with Sting as a Special Enforcer.

He also wants Jarrett to come down to the ring, and "do whatever it is that founders do". He ends his promo by saying he’s going to "cut that kid up like a Thanksgiving Turkey".

JB is talking to Booker T about his wife Sharmell. He says that she hasn’t been the same since last week. He says she's hardly said one word after being abducted by Samoa Joe. At least Dozer thinks she was abducted, nobody’s saying exactly what happened.

Then Kurt Angle jumps in to talk to JB about something; Dozer wasn’t really paying much attention, so whatever. All he heard was something about "this tribal slaughter ends here." We’ll see what he’s talking about later...or maybe not?

During the break, AJ Styles caught up with Samoa Joe. They were talking about the "Nation Of Violence". Did Samoa Joe start his own faction? Last time Dozer saw Impact!, Joe was on a one-man mission on a rampage.

Styles tells Joe that if Booker T is going to have Kurt Angle out there at ringside, then he’s going with Joe. Joe says "As far as you’re concerned…the Nation Of Violence is a Nation Of One."

Match No. 2: Booker T VS Samoa Joe

They finally showed what happened last week with Samoa Joe and Sharmell…and all Joe did was walk out the door with Sharmell over his shoulder.

Now Dozer’s confused. Samoa Joe says The Nation of Violence is a Nation Of One…but when Joe came out, he was announced as part of the Nation Of Violence. Oh well, we’ll figure out what’s going on later.

Joe was starting to gain the advantage, until Kurt Angle tripped him while he was bouncing off the ropes. Then Kurt Angle hands Booker T a steel chair for him to use on Samoa Joe.

AJ Styles runs down the ring, takes the steel chair away from Booker T, and starts attacking Kurt Angle. Then Booker T was setting up Samoa Joe for the Axe Kick when Joe caught him in a power slam for the pin.

Winner: Samoa Joe

All it looked like was a basic power slam, but they called Mike Tenay called it something else. Dozer didn’t catch what it was, oh well. TNA needs to update their Website…they don’t even have Samoa Joe’s tattoo on his picture, it’s an old one.

**On sale this Tuesday, Jeff Jarrett King Of The Mountain**

They’re showing footage from the date that some guy won with her a little while back. He sees a sign about Woody Woodpecker, and he asks ODB if he’s ever met him. She responded "I’ve met the pecker a few times." That comes as a complete shock to Dozer, he never would have guessed that ODB has ever seen a pecker in her life.

Team 3D are talking about what makes a great tag team. They feel blessed to be as popular and as successful as they have been in the last 14 years. They were talking about being 21 time World Tag Team Champions. They are truly showing how humble they are and how much they love doing what they do.

Back from commercial, we see MMG talking about their match tonight with Mick Foley. They are so confident they’ll win tonight. They said they would put up their IWGP Jr. Tag Team Championship belts if Mick Foley can beat them tonight.

Match No. 3: Scott Steiner VS James Storm

DW and Mike Tenay are joined at the broadcast booth by Team 3D as their guests. Brother Ray says he’s been a wrestling fan his whole life. He says that he can’t think of a bigger match than the Tag Team World Dominance Match taking place at Lockdown between Team 3D and Beer Money Inc.

Mike Tenay says this match is arguably the most important match in tag team wrestling history. It’s going to be the New Japan Tag Team Champions going against the TNA World Tag Team Champions in a winner take all…in Philadelphia of all places.

The match has been going back and forth. Steiner hits a clothesline on Storm and goes for a two count. But since Steiner is so damn full of himself, he has to break the count so he can do push ups in the middle of the ring.

Kevin Nash interfered, giving Storm the win. Steiner starts to beat Beer Money with a lead pipe, until Team 3D jumps in the match to stop the beating…returning the favor from last week.

Winner: James Storm

This is going to be one hell of a match between a great tag team and a very good tag team. Who will win? You’ll have to wait until April 19 to find out. Of course, Dozer has his opinions, but he doesn’t feel like dwelling into the future at this point.

Back from commercial, JB is on the set of the Beautiful People. Angelina Love is blabbing about how she wants to be TNA Knockout Champion.

Speaking of that championship…when did they start calling it the TNA Women’s Knockout Championship? Have you ever heard TNA or WWE calling a male wrestler a Knockout?

Match No. 4 Awesome Kong VS Angelina Love & Velvet Sky

The Beautiful People were focusing on double team moves in the beginning of the match. Does that mean those two blonde bimbos aren’t as stupid as they look?

Don’t be so quick to judge...Velvet Sky was attempting to pin Awesome Kong and Kong reversed it. Before she did that, Angelina Love started to walk away. So Kong gets a reversal and a three count…and Angelina turns around like "Oh My Gawd, what just happened?"

Winner: Awesome Kong

Heading toward the commercial, we see the MMG bringing their IWGP Jr. Tag Team Championship belts to the ring, and Mick Foley is bringing a barbed wire baseball bat. Why would the announcers point out the Guns are bringing their titles to the ring? Yeah sure they said they’d put their titles on the line, but they always bring their titles to the ring.

Coming back, JB is talking to Jeff Jarrett. He says that next week he will name the final member of his team for Lethal Lockdown. He said that he’s a former TNA Champion and he will face Kevin Nash next week.

Main Event: Motor City Machine Guns VS Mick Foley (First Blood Match for the IWGP Jr. Tag Team Championships with Sting as Special Enforcer).

Holy CRAP that’s a long title for a match!

Does anybody else find it funny Mick Foley is wearing a Leopard print suit coat? Foley has never been one to dress up, but he’s always had a few loose screws anyway. Jeff Jarrett declined Mick Foley’s "offer" to come down to ringside and watch the match, so it’s going to be Sting and Sting only outside the ring.

Foley was standing outside the ring, and gets hit with a dropkick to the arena floor from Chris Sabin. For an encore, the Guns hit Foley with a double Suicide Drive right into the security rail. Just when things are starting to get good, they go to commercial.

You know what that is? It’s a marketing ploy. They know you’re going to want to see what happens next, so they force you to sit there and watch five minutes of boring commercials, just to see a few more minutes of their programming.

This time it wasn’t so bad as they showed a sneak peak of Seth Rogan’s new movie Observe & Report. Dozer will let them off the hook this time, but next time…they WILL feel the wrath of Dozer and The Assassins!

We come back from commercial to see Mick Foley punching Alex Shelley in the face. Then they throw Foley into the ring post shoulder first. Then Shelley lands a top-rope missile dropkick right on Mick Foley.

Outside the Ring, Sting hits a Scorpion Death Drop on Chris Sabin. Foley takes advantage and hits a Double Arm DDT and pulls out his sock and clamps on the Mandible Claw on Shelly.

When he pulled the sock out of his mouth, there was a little bit of blood on the sock. The referee tried to stop the match, but Mick Foley wouldn’t let him, saying that he wanted to bust somebody open. So the match continues.

Then Foley grabs the barbed wire baseball bat and starts to rake it across Alex Shelley’s face in the ropes. At that moment, Sting hits Foley in the face with a steel chair. Shelley fell down but covered up his face to hide the fact he was bleeding.

Mick Foley didn’t think to do anything like smart like that. The referee saw Foley was bleeding from the chair shot, and he called for the bell.

Foley lost the match, but it didn’t quite live up to Dozer’s standards and expectations. He’s not saying it wasn’t a good match, he just wanted more because he’s a greedy bastard and wants everything to go his way.

Winner: Motor City Machine Guns (Still IWGP Jr. Tag Team Champions)

This marks the premier edition of "The Assassination Following the Impact!"

Will there be more in the future? There you go again wondering about the future.

What will it take for all of you to quit worrying about the future?

Don’t you realize it won’t get you anywhere in life? Obviously you don’t or else you wouldn’t be asking Dozer if he’s going to be writing another edition of "The Assassination Following the Impact!" next week.

You’d be going over this edition over and over, admiring the skill and craft that makes up an article written by Dozer.

You saw the Impact!, now you’ve seen the ensuing assassination; that’s all you’re going to see at the present time.

~Dozer~ (The Present)

You've All Seen The Future...

Dozer — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 18:18:46 -0400

We've all seen Marty McFly fly into the future in the DeLorean in "Back To The Future."

We all hear people talk about what will happen to our planet in the future if we don't take care of it.

People all across the world partake in fantasy sports, where you pick players that you think will do well in the very near future.

Randy Orton formed his Legacy group because he feels that they're the future of professional wrestling.

Nostradamus spent years predicting events that would happen in the far future.

We even have our own glimpse of the future right here on Bleacher Report. What's that, you don't believe me? How can we have the future here in the present, you say?

What a swell question to ask, what a swell question indeed. A swell question deserves a swell answer. Wait, the answer is swell.

"So the question is swell, which in turn deserves a swell answer? That makes sense, I suppose, but what is this swell answer that this 'Dozer' guy keeps talking about?"

There is a writer here in the wrestling community of Bleacher Report who is a very swell writer, but he's in way over his head. He calls himself (are you ready?): "The Future."

Sure, you have to think about the future or else you won't get anywhere in life...but think about this: If you don't look at the present, the here and now...how can you even think about starting to prepare for the future?

It's impossible, you can't do it. Well OK, you can but you'll be asking people if they want fries with their burgers for the rest of your life.

Sure, Barack Obama didn't just wake up one day and decide he wanted to be an Illinois senator, or U.S. President, he had to plan for the future to make it happen. But how do you prepare for the future?

You take care of yourself now, right here, at this point in your life. If you don't go to work right now, you won't have any money for the future.

If you don't watch what you eat and exercise right now...you'll end up being as big as Yokozuna (and don't say that you're training to be a sumo wrestler because Dozer knows that you're lying).

"Okay Dozer, I won't lie to you, I'm sorry I thought about it. You actually make pretty good sense so far, but I'm confused, what are you getting at?"

The point being made here is simple: if you want to be prepared for the future; prepare yourself now. What does that have to do with professional wrestling and swell sports writers?

Forget the future, forget your 401(K) and Wall Street, forget Josh Swell. If you want to know the truth, if you want to see things in another light...look no further than right now.

Josh Swell may be the future, but Dozer is here, Dozer is now. Dozer is here to help all of you, to save you from the average mundane articles that you see on here all the time...Dozer WILL make an Impact!

If you're not ready for the impact, head to the bomb shelters or the North East corner of your basement. Then you should get on your knees, lean forward, tucking your head down, and cover the back of your neck with your hands.

The bottom line is this: you've all seen the future, now prepare yourself for the present. Believe in whatever you consider holy, collect your four leaf lovers and lucky rabbit's feet, because Dozer is the present, the here and now. Don't be jealous, just consider yourself forewarned.

Mike Adamle Still Screwing Things Up

Dozer — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 17:21:57 -0400

We all remember Mike Adamle, but I'm sure some of us would prefer to forget him. He was a former ECW announcer and Raw General Manager. How he got the latter position, I'm not sure.

Mike Adamle didn't know the difference between a Hammerlock and a Hammerhead Shark to save his life. We all remember him calling Jeff Hardy "Jeff Harvey." Maybe that's the reason why they bumped him up to GM.

Even before being named Raw GM, Adamle had more than his share of screw ups. On Apr. 29, 2008, Adamle got up from the announce table and walked away right before the main event on that night's ECW.

If you're the GM, you don't need to know the names of the holds or any of the technical terms (you should, but you don't need to,) so on paper it seemed like a good idea I'm sure.

What we got, was an idiot for a General Manager who couldn't even cut a promo without using index cards. He had no emotion and no backbone. He was influenced by Chris Jericho, and he rushed what could have been a great match.

It was SummerSlam '08, and the stage was set for John Cena vs Batista for the first time ever. While I'm not that big on either of them anymore, it still could have been a great match. Sure the match itself was fairly entertaining...but there was no buildup to it.

Then to make matters even worse, he puts Cena and Batista in a World Tag Team Championship match against Team Priceless just two weeks before their match at SummerSlam.

When they should have been focusing on each other, they had to focus on two other people. Sure they won the titles, but in doing so, they made Team Priceless look weak. Instead of keeping a young and promising tag team together, Adamle makes them drop the titles to Cena and Batista.

Maybe Adamle realized that this was a mistake, who knows, but the next week Team Priceless regained the World Tag Team Championships from Cena and Batista.

So first, he makes Team Priceless look like nothing, then he takes that so-called Tag Team Title reign of Cena and Batista and throws it right out the window by having them lose it seven days later.

Then on the Nov. 3 edition of Raw, Adamle resigned from his position as General Manager of Monday Night Raw. His profile was then removed from wwe.com and his WWE contract expired on Jan. 15, 2009 and was not renewed.

"Thanks for the history lesson Dozer, but what does any of that have to do with him still screwing up?" I'm so glad you asked, but you must have patience young grasshopper. A great magician never reveals his secrets.

As some of you know from reading my articles, I live in Chicago. Ok, I live in the suburbs, but still. Now that I'm working again I've got a fairly busy schedule, so I catch the news whenever I can.

I always try and make time to see what the latest news is with my favorite team, the Chicago Cubs. I was watching the news this past Saturday night and low and behold but who do I see? Mike Adamle is the Sports Broadcaster for NBC5 Chicago.

I forgot that he was part of NBC5 Chicago before his stint in the WWE, so I was pretty surprised. And he's going on about all the stuff that had happened that day in Chicago sports.

That was a pretty bad day for the Cubs, we got spanked by the NY Yankees 10-1. I knew that even before Adamle got to the Cubs game because of the sports ticker at the bottom of the screen.

So Adamle's going on about the one home run the Cubs had that day and how bad of a beating that they received from the Yankees. Then I hear it, Adamle says "And the Cubs lose to the Yankees, 8-1."

I was confused, I swear that the sports ticker said that the Cubs lost 10-1, but Adamle just said they lost 8-1.

So I had my wife go to the Cubs website to double check the score and sure enough, my boys in blue lost 10-1 that day. So Adamle is still screwing things up, even on a local scale.

WrestleMania: What Happened to the Colons?

Dozer — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 00:39:21 -0400

I was very disappointed in WrestleMania 25, to say the least. What happened to the Lumberjack Match to Unify the Tag Team Titles?

Yea, I see on wwe.com that the Colons won the match, which I predicted....but it wasn't shown on TV. My wife, two of our friends, and I got to the bar almost two hours early to make sure we got a seat to watch all of WrestleMania.

We watched the whole thing from Nicole S. (don't know how to spell her last name) from the Pussycat Dolls singing "America The Beautiful" to Triple H hoisting up the WWE Championship.

I saw CM Punk win MITB for the second straight year; I saw Kid Rock perform and Santino being crowned Miss WrestleMania...I saw it all. At least I thought I did. I have no idea what happened to the tag team match that I was so looking forward to.

Did they do what they did last year with that battle royal to determine the No. 1 contender for the ECW Championship and do it before WrestleMania went on the air? That's the only conclusion that I can think of, because they did not show it in the four hours of the broadcast.

If anybody has any information as to when the match took place, and why they didn't show it, please let me know. I was looking forward to this match more than any of the others, and I didn't even get to see it. I want to know why.

My WrestleMania 25 Predictions

Dozer — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 16:01:44 -0400

It's finally here...the event we've all been waiting for. WrestleMania 25 is only three and a half hours away; but who's counting?

Everybody always has their predictions, some have their sources where they get their info. Well I don't read spoilers and I don't have any inside tips...but I do have a passion for the sport of professional wrestling.

So without further delay, I bring to you my predictions for WrestleMania 25:

25 Diva Battle Royal

Honestly, I have no idea who's gonna win this one and I really don't care. I've lost a lot of interest in the Divas as of late, even Maria, whom I used to be infatuated with.

I am glad to see Gail Kim back, however, and I think she will help bring back the level of competition there was when they first introduced the Divas Championship, so I'm gonna go with her.

My pick: Gail Kim

Chris Jericho vs. Piper/Steamboat/Snuka: I am one of those people who actually like Chris Jericho. Granted I may not like some of the things he has done, and I am getting a bit tired of the whole "hypocrites" and "maggots" thing...but whatever.

It's obvious that Snuka and Piper are way out of shape and I really didn't even want to see them compete.

Don't get me wrong, I love those guys...but if you wanna compete at WrestleMania...you'd better be in good shape in my opinion. I would love to see the WWE Legends win, but I doubt it's gonna happen.

My pick: Chris Jericho

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Eight men, one ladder, one briefcase, one winner...who knows how many trips to the local Emergency Room.

We've got some new blood in this year (Mark Henry and Kofi Kingston)...but other than that, everybody else has been in at least one MITB match before...and Christian was in the very first one; I think Shelton Benjamin was in it too.

This one can go any way, but you know how the WWE is. I don't foresee CM Punk winning two years in a row, that's for sure. As much as he's been a bore lately, I'd love to see Finlay win, drop Hornswoggle and turn heel again...he's better as a heel.

My pick: Finlay

Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker: Undertaker is 16-0 at WrestleMania...but he's never beat Shawn Michaels in a one-on-one match. Then again...the last time they faced each other, Michaels went into retirement for five years after having back surgery.

However...HBK has been an innovator his whole career. Let's list all the "firsts" he has accomplished: first-ever Ladder Match (Lost), first-ever Iron Man Match (Won), first-ever Hell In A Cell Match (Won) and the first-ever Elimination Chamber Match (Won).

Will he add another "first" to the list? Or will the Deadman once again reign supreme at WrestleMania? If the last few weeks are a sign of things to come, it doesn't seem likely. Then again, Taker has made a career of pulling out ahead when it seems least likely.

My pick: Undertaker

Tag Team Unification Lumberjack Match: I'm really mad at the WWE right now. Their tag team division is on life support and has been for quite some time now. This match is supposed to be the shock it needs to thrive once again. I'm looking forward to this match more than any other match on the card, that's how big tag teams are to me.

I keep hearing commercials on the radio about WrestleMania, I keep seeing commercials on TV about WrestleMania.

They all talk about the WWE Championship match or the World Heavyweight match, or the Divas Battle Royal, or the MITB match...not one freakin commercial talks about this match.

It seems more and more that the WWE really doesn't care about the tag team division any more which really lights a fire up underneath me.

You know you've got a problem and you try and fix it...kudos for that. The least you can do is advertise it to bring more hype to the match, for God sakes,people!!

My pick: The Colons

Brother vs. Brother (Extreme Rules): Jeff Hardy has always been more popular than Matt Hardy, and Matt's jealous. That sums up the whole story behind this match. Sibling jealousy.

I wasn't so sure about this feud at first, but it's been better than I expected. This is going to be a great match I'm sure, and I'm really looking forward to it. Jeff's had all the momentum going into WM25, expect a change tonight.

My pick: Matt Hardy

Triple H vs. Randy Ordon (WWE Title): This storyline has gone from Shane beating up Legacy to Orton taking out the entire McMahon family, to Shane/Vince/Hunter beating up Legacy.

It all sounds the same, back and forth, back and forth...but it's better than I thought it was at first. I'm really looking forward to seeing Randy Orton once again become the WWE Champion for a 3rd time tonight.

My pick: Randy Orton (New WWE Champion)

Triple Threat Match (World Heavyweight Championship): This is another storyline that I could really care less about. I actually like John Cena more now that he's chasing for the title instead of holding the title.

Edge is still boring as ever, this whole "kid friendly" angle that the WWE's been going in is really hurting Edge's credibility as far as promos go...they suck just as much as a lady standing on the street corner in the middle of the night looking for twenty bucks.

Big Show, Big Show, Big Show...where the hell do I begin with him? I don't even know and I don't even care. I think it's good that he's getting a title shot, but not with this storyline, he's too good for this. I look forward to him winning the one title that he's never won in his career.

My pick: Big Show (New World Heavyweight Champion)

Two Tag Team Title Matches, No Title Change: My Thoughts

Dozer — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 02:13:29 -0400

A few weeks ago, The Miz & John Morrison defeated Carlito & Primo Colon to earn a Valentine's Day date with Brie & Nikki Bella.

Shortly after their date, they challenged The Colons for their WWE Tag Team Championships where if they won, they would become the Undisputed Tag Team Champions.

I figured, and wrote an article saying, that this was WWE's solution to the problem that is the Tag Team Division. I almost guaranteed that Miz & Morrison would walk away that night with both the WWE & World Tag Team Championships.

When I saw Primo take out The Miz on the outside of the ring, I knew it...I knew that I had predicted the future. I knew that Miz & Morrison would win the WWE Tag Team Championships.

Then it happened, Carlito hit the Backstabber on Morrison and won the match for himself and his younger brother.

With the way WWE has a habit of building up feuds and storylines just to drop them the next day, I had a feeling that this was the end of the feud between the two teams of Tag Team Champions. How delighted I was last week to find out I was wrong.

What I don't know if Miz & Morrison put up the challenge out of arrogance, or if The Colons wanted to prove that once wasn't a fluke. What I do know is that it was announced that the next week on SmackDown, Miz & Morrison would be defending the World Tag Team Championships against The Colons.

I was ecstatic, but confused at the same time. I kept saying to myself, "Does this mean that they're going to make The Colons Undisputed Tag Team Champions? I know they're over and they're a good tag team, but not that good."

So I waited until last night so I could find out. Well I wasn't able to record SmackDown, so I had to go online today to see what happened. I wasn't that surprised when I read that Miz & Morrison had retained their World Tag Team Championships.

So here we sit, let's look at what's transpired as of late:

- Both the WWE & World Tag Team Champions have been feuding in both singles and tag team matches.

- Miz & Morrison won a date with the Bella Twins for Valentine's

- The Colons successfully defended the WWE Tag Team Championships against Miz & Morrison

- Miz & Morrison successfully defended the World Tag Team Championships against The Colons

Now here we sit, they both have a successful Tag Team Title defense against the other. So who's better between the two?

Let's look at the four competitors accomplishments in the WWE one at a time, so we can get a better idea of who is the better tag team.

John Morrison

- Debuted in 2004

- Two time Intercontinental Champion

- Former ECW Champion

- Former four-time WWE Tag Team Champion

- As part of MNM, became the 1st Tag Team to win the WWE Tag Team Championships in their debut match

- As part of MNM, became the only team to win the WWE Tag Team Championships three times (in their rookie year)

- Two time Slammy Award Winner

- Current World Tag Team Champion

The Miz

- Debuted in 2006

- Former WWE Tag Team Champion

- Current World Tag Team Champion

- Two time Slammy Award Winner

Carlito (Caribbean Cool)

- Debuted in 2004

- Former United States Champion

- 1st person to ever win the U.S. Championship in his debut match (in the WWE, on SmackDown)

- Former Intercontinental Champion

- 1st person to ever win the Intercontinental Championship on their debut match (on RAW)

- 1st person to ever win the Intercontinental and United States Championships on their 1st night on each respected brand.

- Only the 2nd Puerto Rican to ever win the Intercontinental Championship, after Pedro Morales

Primo Colon

- Debuted August of 2008

- Current WWE Tag Team Champion

Carlito & Morrison are widely regarded and considered the better wrestler of their respective tag teams, and rightly so. Both men have been in the WWE for five years, while Primo & The Miz only have less than four years of experience in the WWE combined.

I like and respect both tag teams, but it doesn't really matter what we like, does it? It only matters what Vince thinks, and who knows what's going through that man's head these days, the way he's been keeping things under a tight lid.

I'm only batting .500 on my predictions for the tag team division, so I'm not gonna predict what's gonna happen next.

I previously predicted that unless they got better, Hawkins & Ryder would soon drop the WWE Tag Team titles. Two weeks later, they dropped the titles to The Colons.

What I can do is state what I want to happen, and here it is. Since both tag teams have gotten the upper hand on the other as of late, and the tag team division is still in need of improvement...I honestly do think that the WWE is going somewhere with this feud between the two teams.

So when I go to sleep, now and up until WrestleMania 25, I'll be dreaming of another Tag Team match where somebody's gold is on the line. Wait a minute...this is WrestleMania, the Grand Daddy of 'em all. We can't do the same old thing that was done the month before; well they COULD, but I'm hoping they won't.

I don't want to see a World Tag Team Championship match at WrestleMania. I also don't want to see a WWE Tag Team Championship match at WrestleMania.

"But wait a minute Dozer, I thought you said that you wanted to see somebody's gold on the line at WrestleMania? How can that happen if you don't want a WWE or World Tag Team Championship match?"

Quite simple, I want to see something that I haven't seen in years. Something nobody has seen in years. Something that hasn't happened since August 27, 2002. That was the day that Intercontinental Champion Rob Van Dam defeated the Hardcore Champion Tommy Dreamer to Unify the two titles and retire the Hardcore Championship.

I want to see a Title VS Title Match for the Undisputed Tag Team Championships at the 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania, and I want John Morrison & The Miz to win that match. They should make it either a Tag Team Elimination Match or a 2 Out Of 3 Falls Match. This way there would be a clear cut and decisive winner.

You've seen my thoughts on the current stage of the tag team division...what are yours?

Do WWE Championships Hold Water Anymore?

Dozer — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:01:27 -0400

We all remember the title reigns of yesteryear. Bruno Sammartino held the WWF Championship for almost four years, Fabulous Moolah held the Women's Championship for almost 29 years, London and Kendrick held the WWE Tag Team Titles for 11 months and even JBL held the WWE Championship for over 10 months.

These days we see Batista holding the World Heavyweight Championship for eight days, Triple H and Randy Orton both losing the WWE Title to each other on the same night they won it and CM Punk having the World Heavyweight Championship for about 9 weeks.

What happened to the days of feuds going three or four months, or sometimes years (Steve Austin/Vince McMahon)? When Chris Jericho won the World Heavyweight Championship back from Batista in a Steel Cage match, that was the end of that "feud."

Batista never got a rematch. He was put in a Triple Threat match to determine the No. 1 contender for the belt, but that's it.

Does McMahon think that we have the attention span of somebody who had one too many chair shots to the head? Half of the time when I'm watching WWE, I'm playing video games or surfing the Internet because half the time I'm bored. I stated in one of my first articles that lately it's been becoming a chore to watch wrestling, and it's true.

In my opinion, if WWE wants a title to be credible, they should make sure that the champion holds on to the title for a little while and defends it against worthy opponents. Nothing against Rey Mysterio, but having The Great Khali defend his title against him is a joke and an insult to the title.

Long gone are the days of Steve Austin vs. The Rock, Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giants, or even John Cena VS JBL. Now fans are being given such fueds as JBL vs. CM Punk or Melina vs. Beth Phoenix. Sure they're all good competitors, but there's no build up hardly at all for these title matches.

Tonight we witnessed a new WWE Triple Crown Champion in JBL. He is a former WWE Champion, a former two-time World Tag Team Champion as part of the Acolytes with Farooq, and won his first Intercontinental Championship tonight from CM Punk, who only held the title since January 19th.

Punk and JBL feuded over the World Heavyweight Championship, but haven't fought since then. All of a sudden JBL beats Punk for the Intercontinental Championship? Where did that come about? It wasn't even announced on the WWE Web site.

It pisses me off when I see all these "transitional" champions that we've been getting lately. CM Punk and Kofi Kingston are great singles wrestlers, but they should not have been given the World Tag Team Titles. This was yet another title match Punk was in that had no build up to it. I mean, Priceless never even got their rematch.

Ted DiBiase, Jr. was gone for a while and when he came back, he's all of a sudden part of Legacy along with Randy Orton and Cody Rhodes. I just wish the WWE would put more value on their titles these days. Yeah sure, Edge may be an eight-time champion. But how many of those titles did he win and defend honorably?

A wrestler isn't judged on how honest he is in the ring—it's on his accomplishments. The titles on the other hand, need to have a certain value to them. To me, a title loses credibility when somebody constantly cheats to get or keep it.

The Colons have tried to bring credibility back to the WWE Tag Team Championships after Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder diminished that, but they're not doing that good of a job. I must say that last week's title defense was freakin' awesome against Miz and Morrison.

The WWE has been teasing us with unifying the tag team titles, and I hope it happens. A new title means a new chance at credibility, a clean slate. I guess I'll just have to keep my hopes up that the WWE will start to go back to having the memorable feuds of years before.

WWE & World Tag Team Championships: United Once Again?

Dozer — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 20:59:48 -0500

For quite some time now, people have been writing articles on the current state (or lack there of) of the Tag Team Division in the WWE right now. What state is that that I'm referring to?

WWE Tag Team Championship

We've seen some of WWE's best wear the WWE Tag Team Championships: Chris Benoit & Kurt Angle, Los Guerreros, Eddie Guerrero & Rey Mysterio, The Dudley Boyz, RVD, Road Warrior Animal, Matt Hardy, MVP, London & Kendrick...the list goes on.

However, since July of 2008, the WWE Tag Team Champions have hardly ever been on TV, and whey they were...they were usually losing and/or in singles matches.

Since July 2008, the only WWE Tag Team Champions that we've had have been Hawkins & Ryder and The Colons.

Carlito has been wrestling longer that Hawkins, Ryder and Primo combined. Ever since being drafted to SmackDown in last year's draft, he had not been on TV up until the middle of September when he debuted with his little brother.

They proceeded to beat the then tag champs Hawkins & Ryder in a non-title match. Two weeks later, they were the new WWE Tag Team Champions.

A week or two before this had happened, I wrote an article saying that basically Hawkins & Ryder weren't deserving of the titles, because they were never on TV and never defended them.

At first, I thought it was mainly on SmackDown where the tag team division was struggling.

Right now the only tag teams that are assigned to SmackDown are Hawkins & Ryder, Jesse & Festus and The Colons...that's it. Only three teams competing for one title...no wonder the competition is so weak on Friday nights.

World Tag Team Championship

The WWF/E World Tag Team Championship has been around since June of 1971. Many current WWE Hall of Famers have held the World Tag Team Championships since then.

Back in 2002, after the brand split, it was decided that the World Tag Team Championships would belong exclusively to RAW. At this point, the World Tag Team Champions were Kane & The Hurricane.

Then in 2006, WWE brought back ECW as one of their brands, but only brought back the ECW Championship, leaving out the ECW World Tag Team Championship and the ECW TV Championship (all of which were held by Rhyno when the company went under).

So at that point, there were still just two Tag Team Championships in the WWE, one on RAW and one on SmackDown. The tag team divisions were really strong for quite some time, but now...are almost forgotten.

If you thought that the competition on SmackDown for the WWE Tag Team Championship was bad, there's only TWO tag teams assigned to RAW...Cryme Time and Team Priceless.

Yet neither of those teams hold the World Tag Teams Championships...the most prestigious tag team title in the history of the business.

The Miz & John Morrison

I remember the day that Johnny Nitro first debuted in the WWE as part of MNM...I was there with my cousin in Chicago. We were arguing over who'd get the binoculars as we both were trying to scope out and check out Melina.

MNM went on to win a record three WWE Tag Team Championships in their rookie year. No other team has ever done that in WWE history, in their rookie year or in their career. Shortly thereafter, MNM split up.

Actually they got fired by then SmackDown GM Teddy Long. Next thing you know, Nitro & Melina showed up on RAW.

Nitro went on to win several Intercontinental Championships, most from Jeff Hardy. Once in a while, MNM got back together for a 'cameo appearance' at a PPV, but that was the last we'd seen of Joey Mercury.

During the 2007 Draft, Johnny Nitro was drafted to ECW. He replaced the then MIA Chris Benoit (R.I.P.) in a match against CM Punk for the vacant ECW Championship, which Nitro won. A few weeks later, Nitro was history...and out came John Morrison.

On Nov. 16, 2007, MVP told Matt Hardy that Hardy couldn't challenge him for the United States Championship because he had scheduled them a match that night for the WWE Tag Team Championships. Their opponents: the unlikely pair of John Morrison and The Miz.

After the smoke had cleared, Miz & Morrison were the new tag team champions. Many wondered how they'd work and co-exist as a tag team. I myself wondered if they'd last, or if they were just 'transitional champions' (like CM Punk's World Title run).

Well here we are over a year later, and they are the World Tag Team Champions. The only tag team that was around when they first started wrestling together that is still in a tag team, is Cryme Time. Everybody else disbanded.

Over the last few weeks we've been seeing Champion Vs. Champion matches in The Colons VS Miz & Morrison. Of course, The Colons lost every time; in fact, I can't even remember when they last won a non-title tag team match.

Two weeks ago Miz & Morrison beat (once again) The Colons to earn a date with the Bella Twins.

Next thing we know, after the date, Miz & Morrison have challenged The Colons for the WWE Tag Team Championship. If they win, they will become the Undisputed Tag Team Champions. I was surprised when I heard this.

The Miz & Morrison may soon have both of WWE's tag team titles? What's gonna happen with the rest of the tag team division?

What To Do?

Then it hit me...this IS what the WWE's doing with the tag team division. They're getting rid of, what has unfortunately become the weaker title, and unifying them to go back to the old days of just having one tag team title.

Why would they do that? Well think about it...up until the time that Miz & Morrison won the WWE Tag Team Championship...the World Tag Team titles were exclusive to RAW and the WWE Tag Team titles were exclusive to SmackDown.

Then two ECW Superstars come in and take the titles back to ECW.

Yet they're still considered a SmackDown title...how does that work? Well Miz & Morrison would float back & forth between ECW and RAW, but only defended the titles on RAW. That wasn't the same when they were WWE Tag Team Champions, they defended the titles on ECW and SmackDown.

I've already pointed out that there's only 6 tag teams in the WWE right now. Competition = Prestige. If there's no competition for a title, what good is it? Look at the Divas Championship, the title's only been around for about six months.

There was such a huge hype around the title at first. Natalya Neidhart is a third generation diva, the first ever in history. She comes from the legendary Hart family, and is a truly gifted wrestler.

It was Natlya VS Michelle McCool: Who would become the first ever WWE Divas Champion? Both divas got such a huge push heading into SummerSlam '09. Michelle won the match, and Natalya disappeared. For a while her and Victoria were losing matches to Brie Bella, I mean Nikki Bella...wait...they're twins?!

My point is that the title still doesn't carry much prestige because A) it's still new, and B) there really isn't much competition aside from Michelle McCool and Gail Kim (when she comes back).

That's what has happened to the tag team division in the WWE as of late. The titles are still prestigious, but not what they used to be.

I mean come on, whose idea was it to put CM Punk and Kofi Kingston together and give them the titles? I love Punk (not just because he's from Chicago either) and Kingston...it was just a stupid idea to put the two of them together. Their title reign lasted about six weeks, that's it.

Sure you can put two singles competitors together, and they COULD form a good tag team...but you never know what's gonna happen. Many, many tag teams have been formed that way; but the number that fail are far greater than the number that succeed.

As much as I have always loved the WWE Tag Team Championship, it's been greatly diminished over the last year and I'm glad that the WWE is finally doing something about it. It sucks that they're getting rid of it all together, but sometimes that's what you have to do.

Hey who knows, maybe they'll finally bring back the Cruiserweight Championship? I'm not holding my breath, but it's worth hoping for. Let me know what you think, is the WWE making a good move by getting rid of the WWE Tag Team Championship and just having one tag team title for all three brands?

This has been an Assassins article.

The Rope Break: One of the Most Confusing Rules in the WWE

Dozer — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 18:33:37 -0500

There are many rules in the WWE, or any professional sports league, or pretty much anywhere you go on life. A company that's been around as long as the WWE obviously has many rules their wrestlers have to follow, otherwise they would be called WCW.

If the rule's there, it must be right and make sense...right? Wrong, there is always controversy in the world of pro wrestling; and always will be.

Let's look at one rule in particular that always pisses me off when it is ignored or enforced when it doesn't apply to the match at hand: Rope Break.

A rope break, in theory, is relatively simple. If you have your opponent in a submission hold or are covering them for a pin, and they get their hand or foot on the ring ropes, the referee stops the count.

If you have your opponent in a submission hold and they reach the ropes, you must release the hold before the referee counts to five. If not, you will be disqualified and lose the match.

If you're covering your opponent for a pin and they get their hand or foot on the bottom rope, then the referee stops the count. There is an exception to this rule however, as the referee doesn't always see the person's hand/foot on the ropes and counts to three.

In those cases, the referee's ruling stands. There are other cases when a General Manager, a Tag Team Partner or Manager notice that the one person had their hand/foot on the ropes and will either order the match restarted (if they have the authority to do so) or will inform the referee.

In those cases, the referee usually restarts the match, and it continues until somebody wins. Here are some examples of when the Rope Break rule was correctly and properly enforced:

5/22/05 - John Cena VS JBL ("I Quit" match for WWE Championship)

During the first few minutes of the match, JBL was caught in an Arm Drag from Cena. Cena held onto JBL's arm, holding him in a modified Armbar. JBL crawled to the ropes and when he got there, just looked at Referee Nick Patrick as to say "What are you waiting for ref? Break the damn hold."

The referee didn't do anything, and then Michael Cole pointed out what JBL was trying to do. JBL was trying to draw a Rope break to get out of the hold, but he was told that there is no Rope Break in an "I Quit" match. So JBL rolled out of the ring to get away from Cena.

5/26/06 - Rey Mysterio VS JBL (Title VS Career)

JBL hit Mysterio with the Clothesline From Hell and got the 1-2-3 over him. I believe it was Chavo Guerrero (obviously before he turned on Rey) that told the referee that Mysterio's foot was on the ropes. After realizing this, the ref took the title from JBL telling him that the match was still going.

Shortly thereafter, Mysterio pinned JBL to retain the World Title and send JBL into semi-retirement. The match stipulations were that JBL must retire, but he showed up a few days later at ECW One Night Stand saying that since Tazz left SmackDown for ECW, that he would be taking his place.

Now as many times as the Rope Break rule was correctly enforced, there are times when the rule is enforced when it doesn't apply to that match; as follows:

3/11/08 - Tommy Dreamer/Colin Delaney VS Miz/Morrison (ECW Extreme Rules Match for the WWE Tag Team Championships)

This was huge in my eyes. I knew that Miz/Morrison would win, but it was still awesome. I took my wife with me (we were just friends back then). I'm holding up my "I CAME TO SEE COLIN DELANEY" as high as I could, thinking that maybe he'll see it and do something.

Do what, I don't know. I was lost in the moment and most of my logic went out the window. Dreamer/Delaney got a huge pop when they came out. Delaney was wearing a Chicago Cubs jersey (the real baseball team in Chi-town) and Dreamer was wearing a Chicago White Sox jersey.

At one point, Delaney went for the "Wassup drop" (I think that's what they call it) on The Miz. To make things even better, he was wearing a Chicago Bears helmet when he was doing it!

The match was good, but I got really pissed off at one point and started yelling towards the ring. Dreamer and Delaney had just hit simultaneous DDTs on Miz & Morrison and covered them for the pin. The ref slaps the mat 1-2-Rope Break, Miz & Morrison both got their foot on the ropes to stop the count.

I'm sorry, but I thought this was supposed to be an ECW Extreme Rules match, I got confused. Extreme Rules means there are no rules! I'm sure you can see and share my frustration at that point.

2/15/09 - Elimination Chamber

Now I don't remember the specific details for this one. It's the most recent of all the matches, but due to the fact that there was two chamber matches and 6 participants in each match, it's easy to get a little confused.

Me and my wife were at a bar watching No Way Out this past Sunday, and I got upset during one of the two chamber matches. I don't know which two men were involved; but I remember at one point somebody was being pinned and the referee stopped the count because they had their foot on the ropes.

The bar erupted, and I heard several people complaining about that. They were (as was I) wondering why the ref stopped the count when there's no rules inside the Elimination Chamber.

Now I think the Rope Break rule is a necessity to have. It keeps honest men honest, as the saying goes. It helps to prevent one superstar from getting an unfair advantage or a cheap victory. I'm not suggesting they get rid of it, rather sit down and look at it.

They need to figure out when and where to utilize the Rope Break rule. It's been misused so many times throughout the years, it starts to get pathetic sometimes. Like recently when JBL was in Shawn Michaels' corner in a match against John Cena.

Cena had Michaels locked in the STFU, and HBK kept trying to pull himself to the ropes. He was within inches, and the ref kept a close eye on Michaels, the ring ropes and JBL, to make sure that he didn't interfere by pushing the rope towards Michaels.

Yet as soon as the ref looked away to ask Shawn if he wanted to continue or if he wanted to quit, JBL pushed the rope far enough forward for Michaels to grab hold of the bottom ring rope, forcing the ref to break the count.

We all know the stuff is scripted and pre-determined, but come on WWE...make it look a little more believable for God's sake; and keep some consistency in your rules.

This has been an Assassins article.

Previewing No Way Out: Finlay vs Jack Swagger (ECW Championship)

Dozer — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 17:18:50 -0500

After successfully defending his ECW Championship against former champion Matt Hardy at the Royal Rumble, Jack Swagger decided to throw himself a party. There was just one small problem.

His ECW Championship was missing. Turned out that Hornswoggle had it. Swagger didn't take kindly to Hornswoggle stealing his belt. So he decided to push Hornswoggle to the mat.

Finlay wouldn't stand for that, as he leveled Swagger with his own ECW Championship title belt. Finlay clearly sent Swagger a message, as Finlay pinned Swagger's shoulders to the mat one-two-three. Swagger was no longer undefeated on ECW or anywhere.

It was then announced that at No Way Out, Swagger would be defending his ECW Championship against Finlay in a one on one encounter. Will Swagger prevail, or will the luck of the Irish be on Finlay's side tonight?

I don't think it's as easy as that anymore, not after what happened this past Tuesday on ECW. This past Tuesday, Christian made his long awaited return to the WWE. He challenged the winner of Swagger VS Finlay for the ECW Championship.

Swagger said that Christian was no threat to him. In turn, Christian leveled him with a shot to the head with his microphone. Later that night, Christian handed Swagger his second loss in a row, his second ever.

I would love to see Finlay finally win a world title, but with his gimmick, I don't foresee him winning tonight. Plus if he did, that would set up a Face vs Face feud for the ECW Title...and I just don't see that happening.

I have a feeling that Christian might be at ringside for Guest Commentary for this match, and will probably have a hand in determining the outcome. I predict that Swagger will beat Finlay to retain the ECW Championship.

Previewing No Way Out: JBL VS HBK (Winner Take All)

Dozer — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:09:36 -0500

I'm really not interested in this storyline or this match, so I'll give this my best shot.

Late last year, we heard JBL say that he made a "business proposal" to Shawn Michaels that "he could not refuse". What the hell was JBL talking about?

Turns out, WWE Superstars aren't even immune to this economic crisis we're in these days. Shawn lost all his money in the stock market, was now flat broke, and needed JBL's help. Funny, doesn't Vince McMahon pay them a crapton of money for what he does?

So JBL hired one of the best in the business to help him become World Heavyweight Champion. In his qualifying match against Rey Mysterio, Shawn Michaels pulled JBL out of the ring and slapped him in the face. The referee saw this and rang the bell, giving JBL a DQ victory (good thing it wasn't that easy to beat Punk when he was World Champion).

That put JBL in a Fatal Four Way Match that also included Shawn Michaels, Randy Orton, and Chris Jericho. Michaels eliminated both Jericho and Orton, then it came down to Employee v Employer in the final two.

JBL told Shawn to lie down to JBL could cover him for the victory. Shawn wouldn't lay down, he told JBL to hit him with the Clothesline From Hell so at least he wasn't coherent when JBL "beat" him.

At the Royal Rumble, HBK intervened in the match, but instead of superkicking John Cena's head off and giving JBL the victory and World Heavyweight Championship—he delivered the Sweet Chin Music to JBL.

I don't know about you, but when I heard about that, I thought that HBK was through with JBL for good—I was wrong. After that, Cena found out just how in tune the band really is when Michaels gave him a superkick to the jaw, then pulled JBL over him. Even then, with Cena lying motionless on the mat, Bradshaw still wasn't able to get the three count over Cena.

Eventually Cena came back after JBL missed a Clothesline From Hell and hit him with the FU for the win. Then Tony Chimmel says "Here is your winner and the NEW WWE Champion, John Cena!" Oh wait, sorry. I heard that JBL missed his finisher and then Cena all of a sudden hits his finisher for the win, I thought I was watching WrestleMania 21.

Now that I'm back on track as far as what year we're talking about, we shall continue. The next night, JBL and HBK were arguing back and forth about how good of a job HBK has been doing. He said he needed to do something to get Cena to lower his guard, that's why he superkicked JBL the night before.

Seems like a good reason, but was it? Or was HBK just looking for a reason to kick JBL's teeth right down his throat? I think it was a little bit of both if you ask me.

The next week on RAW, JBL performed an "Employee Performance Evaluation". In other words, JBL wanted to blame somebody else why he, once again, couldn't beat John Cena for a World Title.

HBK kept on saying how sick he was of JBL and how much he just wanted to kick his head off. JBL just laughed and made HBK an offer: You versus Me at No Way Out, winner takes all.

If JBL wins this Sunday, he owns Shawn Michaels—all the royalties and everything that comes with the name Shawn Michaels. He said he could make a movie of Shawn's life, and he'd get all the credit and profits from it because he would own Shawn Michaels, his name, and all that is associated with it.

If Shawn Michaels were to win, however, he would be free. I could just hear HBK doing his best impersonation of Martin Luther King Jr. "Free at last, free at last...by God almighty, I am free at last!"

Okay, maybe that was going a little too far, but oh well. If HBK wins, JBL will pay him the rest of the one year salary that would be owed to Shawn, and he would never have to work for JBL again.

JBL had to remind Shawn, however, that he is still under contract to JBL and that if he lays one finger on him, that this offer would be off the table for good.

So, as JBL stood there and insulted Shawn nonstop, all he could do was stand there and plot his revenge for No Way Out.

Michaels isn't just fighting for himself on Sunday...he's fighting for his wife and his children. He's fighting for financial security for the rest of their lives, the kind that apparently only JBL could provide.

I have a feeling that JBL may try and get Shawn disqualified somehow, trying to take the easy way out. Michaels will do what Michaels does best. He will fight tooth and nail and pull out all the stops to get the victory over JBL.

This one I'm really not sure how it's gonna play out. I would love to see HBK win. This whole gimmick with JBL is just stupid and boring. Then again, WWE is known for doing that in the past, so who knows what's gonna happen.

Since I already predicted that Undertaker wins the Elimination Chamber match to become the new WWE Champion, and that Shawn Michaels will then challenge him for the title...I'm picking Shawn Michaels to win his freedom.

Previewing No Way Out: Randy Orton vs. Shane McMahon (No Holds Barred)

Dozer — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 21:09:43 -0500

It was my wife's birthday and it was right in her backyard, yet there was something even bigger than that.

It was January 19th, at the AllState Arena in Chicago, IL...where both my wife and CM Punk grew up in the North Side neighborhood.

It was Monday Night RAW and the boss was back! After his unfortunate 'accident' during the final show of 'Million Dollar Mania', Vinnie Mac had been MIA for over six months. He finally made his very hyped up return to WWE TV.

Two weeks prior, Chris Jericho had been fired by Stephanie McMahon, only to show up the night Vince came back saying that Vince told him he could plead his case.

Jericho and Orton had teamed up to try and remove JBL from the World Heavyweight Championship match at the Royal Rumble against John Cena. That obviously didn't work seeing how Jericho got fired.

While both father and daughter were in the ring, Vince called out Jericho to state his case. Stephanie made Jericho apologize to her and then get on his knees and apologize to all the WWE fans—man, I SO wish we were there to see that, but I couldn't get tickets.

Shortly after, Orton came out and started talking trash to Stephanie; telling Vince that after she popped him out a couple of grand kids, she's become essentially worthless.

Vince would take no more as he threatened to fight Orton right then and there if he didn't apologize. Orton wouldn't, and as Vince started to yell out that infamous phrase, Orton smacked him to his knees and then kicked him down to the mat.

Following that, was the "kick heard 'round the world" when Orton punted Vince McMahon in the head. Stephanie came down crying, screaming her head off while security and referees restrained Orton.

Orton went on to win the 2009 Royal Rumble that Sunday, and the following night on RAW, threatened to sue Stephanie McMahon and the WWE, and to stop WrestleMania if he were to get fired anytime between then and WM25.

At that point, the entire RAW locker room emptied out onto the stage, staring down Orton. Stephanie said that firing him would be "too easy" and that they had bigger plans for him.

At that point you hear Shane McMahon's music. There was no jumping around the stage walking backwards and kicking up his feet like Mohammed Ali—he was there for business.

Shane took off his suit coat and unbuttoned the cuffs of his shirt and proceeded to stare down Randy Orton and Priceless. Then he let loose, beating up up DiBiase and Rhodes, making his way up the ramp to get his hands on Orton. He even hit some of the other RAW superstars that were in his way.

The next week on RAW, Shane was in the ring saying that he was approached by Orton's legal team. He thought he was going to be handed a lawsuit for attacking Orton.

Instead, Orton issued a challenge to Shane for a match at No Way Out, which was accepted by Shane. So the stage was set for No Way Out: Shane McMahon VS Randy Orton in a No Holds Barred match.

The following week, both of the McMahon children were attacked in back by Legacy and as Orton went to punt Stephanie in the head, Shane dove in front of Orton, taking a kick to the kidneys to save his sister.

In her office later on, you see Stephanie talking to Kane, and you can tell that she'd been crying. She asked Kane if he "talked to him" and Kane said "He'll be here."

So now Kane was in the Elimination Chamber, and Randy Orton would be facing The Undertaker the following week in an attempt to weaken Orton down for his match against her brother.

Team Priceless interfered on Orton's behalf to force the DQ giving Undertaker the win. It looked like the dead man was going to be exactly that. That was until Shane O Mac hit the ring and started to clear house.

Rhodes and Orton managed to get out of the ring, but DiBiase wasn't so lucky. While DiBiase was sitting unconscious in the corner, Shane went outside the ring and looked underneath. At this point, I had absolutely no idea what was going on and was so shocked to see Shane grab a garbage can.

"What could he be doing with that?" I wondered to myself doing my best impersonation of Festus. Sure enough, Shane wedged the can in between the two bottom ropes right in front of Ted DiBiase. He then climbed up the opposing turnbuckle and was pointing at Orton, almost to say "This is you come Sunday" and hit the Coast To Coast on DiBiase.

Now that we have the history leading up to the match, what's gonna happen when there's No Way Out for either of these men?

Shane has been in more hardcore type match ups that Orton has, but Orton is a better wrestler. From what I understand, Team Priceless is not allowed to interfere in the match, so it'll be somewhat even matched.

Orton has been on a roll lately—he's damn near unstoppable unless you put him on a motorcycle.

Shane is hellbent on revenge, on defending the McMahon family name and legacy. So who's gonna win, and how will it effect Randy Orton at WM 25? That's the question everybody wants to know.

This is going to be a very physical and violent match. Shane will no doubt be using every weapon at his arsenal—as will Orton. The battle will spill outside the ring, and probably spend as much time in the ring as outside of it.

Orton will dismantle the Spanish Announce Table (it's always the 1st one to go, go figure) and attempt to hit Shane with one of the TV monitors. Shane will duck and Orton will end up hitting the monitor against the ring post, smashing his hand in the process.

Shane grabs a Kendo Stick and cracks it over Orton's skull, knocking him out cold. Shane drags Orton up on top of the announce table, then climbs back in the ring.

He'll climb up the turnbuckles, and fly off and hit an elbow drop on Orton through the announce table, sending them both crashing the the arena floor. Stephanie then comes down to check on Shane, and to give him support and be his cheerleader.

EMTs come out to assess the damage, declaring that neither men are able to compete any further. Just as Lilian Garcia starts to announce the match a draw due to that fact, Shane starts to make it up to his feet and leans up against the ring apron for support.

He tosses Orton in the ring and goes for the cover, but only gets a two count. Then he sets Orton up for the Coast To Coast, but he'll end up sliding out of the way and hits Shane with the garbage can in mid-air.

He then covers Shane, and gets the three count. Orton gets up and raises his hands in Victory, but Stephanie grabs the mic and tells the referee to restart the match due to the fact that Shane's foot was on the ropes, and shows a replay proving that fact.

Orton gets frustrated, and pushes Stephanie down to the mat. Then he drops to the mat and starts pounding his fists, waiting for Shane to get up so he can deliver an RKO to him.

Once Shane starts to get up, Stephanie climbs back in the ring behind Shane and gives him a low blow. Orton then punts Shane in the head for the 1-2-3.

This gives Orton the win and all the momentum in the world heading towards WrestleMania. Stephanie will be heeled now and will go on to say that Shane was trying to buy the company out from under his father's nose, just like his Vince Jr. did to Vince Sr. and that she had to do what she could to protect the company.

Orton will then go on to face John Cena (but hopefully Chris Jericho) for the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania 25 in Houston, Texas.

Previewing No Way Out: Smackdown's Elimination Chamber

Dozer — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:56:02 -0500

Yesterday I talked about RAW's Elimination Chamber match at No Way Out; today I'll dissect SmackDown's chamber match in my second installment of Previewing No Way Out. On the 'blue side' of all that is WWE, we have 6 more men fighting for the top prize of their show. Today we're going to be looking at "The Rated R Superstar" Edge, "The King Of Kings" Triple H, "The World's 2nd Largest Athlete*" The Big Show, "The Undefeated Moscow Mauler" Vladimir Kozlov, "The Charismatic Enigma" Jeff Hardy & "The Phenom" The Undertaker. First up on the chopping block: The World's 2nd Largest Athlete, The Big Show.

Begin Slideshow

ECW's Superstar Initiative Hits the Jackpot!

Dozer — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 00:52:04 -0500

When former SmackDown General Manager Theodore Long arrived in ECW, he implemented the ECW Superstar Initiative. Since then we have seen such stars as Evan Bourne, Jack Swagger, Ricky Ortiz, and DJ Gabriel (whoever he is). While some of them have risen to big things (Bourne winning a Slammy and Swagger being ECW Champion), the other two mentioned really haven't done anything.

For weeks now, there have been articles all over the Internet about when Christian Cage would be returning to the WWE, and what brand he would be on. All signs pointed to SmackDown. They said that he'd be feuding with Jeff Hardy, that he was the person behind all of Hardy's "incidents."

There was talk of reviving the old Hardy Boys/E&C feud. They said that the two top feuds on SmackDown were gonna be Cage VS Edge and Hardy VS Hardy.

I even saw an article today (Just "Open" Your Eyes: Christian Cage Will Return At No Way Out) basically saying that it was a sure thing guarantee that Cage would return at NWO. Then I see an article (from the same guy I think) saying that Cage showed up on ECW tonight.

I couldn't figure out why he was on ECW. I thought he was supposed to be on SmackDown? Hang on a minute, I need to go wipe all this egg off my face. Ok I'm back, I still have some left in my hair, but I'll just take a shower later.

I couldn't perceive why in the hell the WWE would waste somebody of Christian's caliber on ECW. I mean come on, their most exciting superstar is out with an injury and their champion is still in his rookie year, and their Tag Team Champions don't even defend their titles on their own show for crying out loud.

There's obviously something wrong on ECW, so why would you put Christian over there? He'd be so much better on SmackDown. I mean there's Edge, both Hardys, Triple H and so many other top superstars he could feud with. The veteran of ECW is Mark Henry (not including Tony Atlas).

C'mon, seriously? Mark Henry? During his 13 year tenure in the WWE, the only titles he's ever won was the European Championship and the ECW Championship, which he won almost 10 years after winning the European Championship.

Why would they put a former NWA World Heavyweight Champion on a lack-luster show like ECW with no star power at all? Wait...did I just answer my own question? Why would they put...yes, it all makes sense now. Why didn't I see it before? Why wouldn't they put Christian on ECW? Every reason that I just gave as to why I thought they shouldn't put him there, is in fact, every reason why they should.

Having Christian on ECW will raise the credibility of the show and if he wins the ECW Championship...that will raise the credibility of the title, and people will maybe start regarding it as a legit world title. Well, a legit title at least...they don't even refer to it as the ECW World Championship anymore.

I think that he will win the title, maybe not right away but who knows. I think it'd be cool to have Swagger retain the title (although I'd love to see Finlay finally win one of the 'big ones') and him feud with Christian all the way up to and then drop the title to him at WrestleMania.

On the flip side, if that were to happen but Christian were to lose to Swagger at WM25, that would put Swagger over in a big way.

Wether or not he wins the ECW Championship from Swagger or Finlay, I see big things on the rise for Captain Charisma in the land of extreme.

Previewing No Way Out: RAW's Elimination Chamber

Dozer — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 23:01:30 -0500

This is my 1st 'preview/predictions' article, so I'll give it my best shot. lol I will pick apart the upcoming No Way Out Pay Per View one match at a time. I will give my take on each match, who I want to win and who I think will win, and why. For my 1st article, I'm going to be looking at RAW's Elimination Chamber match. **Note** Only the Elimination Chamber match articles will be slideshows. "Six men, 10 tons of steel, 2 miles of steel chain, 1 unforgiving structure...it's the Elimination Chamber and it's coming back at No Way Out!!" Yea, yea...we've seen it before. Sure it's a very dangerous match and it is fun to watch, but I just don't get that excited about it anymore. So what makes this year's Elimination Chamber matches different from last years? "For the 1st time ever, the World Heavyweight Championship AND the WWE Championship will be defended inside the Elimination Chamber!" So? What's so new about that? The only thing different from last year's No Way Out is that instead of determining who the #1 Contender to each brand's respected Championship is...the Championship is on the line. Sure it adds more pressure to the match, but that's about it. The competitors will like me be competing with more drive and desire because this year instead of fighting for a chance to wrestle the champion, you're fighting for a chance to be the champion. As far as I'm concerned, that's the only difference between this year and last year. You all know the basic concept of the match, but I'm gonna run through it anyways. There are 6 participants, the 1st 4 that enter the ring are locked inside a glass chamber. The final 2 men that enter the chamber start the match off. Every 5 minutes, one chamber is unlocked at random, and another superstar is released into the action. Victory can only be obtained by pinfall or submission, no count-outs, and no disqualifications. The match continues until only 1 superstar remains and in turn, is the World Heavyweight/WWE Champion. Here's a look at the six men competing in RAW's Elimination Chamber.

Begin Slideshow

Assassins: Who's in Charge and How Can I Get in?

Dozer — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 21:29:32 -0500

I thought that Joe Burgett was in charge of The Assassins. From the articles that I've been reading, that's the impression that I got. I've been on B/R for a little while, and I've wrote more than a handful of wrestling articles. I always do my research and put everything I can into my articles - that's what you, the B/R Wrestling Community deserve.

So when I heard that the Assassins are recruiting, I wanted in. So I left a note on Joe's profile days ago, asking him if I could get in. Then I get an e-mail today saying that he left a comment on my profile. So I rush over here to B/R to check my profile and what do I see from Joe?

He's plugging his talk show for tonight. While this certainly is the right area to do it, seeing as this IS the wrestling community; I was disappointed. I was looking for a message from Joe telling me that I was in.

This goes out to anybody who knows what's going on around here. Since I haven't got an answer from Joe, I'm calling out anybody who knows who actually is in charge. I want to be an Assassin. I've got the credentials, there's no question about that. Plus I think it would be cool seeing as I'm a former U.S. Marine. Marine - Assassin...they kinda go together if you ask me. lol

So whoever's in 'leading the insurgency', get a hold of me and give me the skinny on what's goin' down.

Super Bowl Commercials: What Happened To The Slowskys?

Dozer — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 23:26:51 -0500

Like almost everybody else on here, I was having a Super Bowl party this past Sunday. Me, my wife, and our friends were looking forward to the thought of maybe seeing a new Comcast commercial staring Bill and Karolyn aka The Slowskys.

As luck would have it, there WAS a Comcast Slowskys commercial shown during the Super Bowl, but I didn't get to see it. My drunk friend was yelling "THE SLOWSKYS!! THE SLOWSKYS!!" the whole time, and we didn't get to hear a word they said.

Today we've been looking all over the Internet at different websites that have all the Super Bowl commercials on that website. Not a single one of them have a Comcast Slowkys commercial. They showed one Comcast commercial, but it didn't have the Slowskys in it.

Does anybody out there know where I can see this new Comcast commercial featuring the two and only Slowskys?

Chris Benoit...Essentially Erased from Wrestling History, Even the Commercials

Dozer — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 23:49:44 -0500

We're not stupid. We all know about the Benoit tragedy that happened little over 18 months ago. WWE wrestler and (in many people's opinion) future WWE Hall of Famer killed his wife Nancy Benoit (known to wrestling fans as Woman from the original ECW), his son Daniel before hanging himself in June of 2007 (on an unrelated note, this happened two days before my birthday).

Benoit had just been drafted to ECW and was scheduled to challenge CM Punk for the vacated ECW Championship at Vengace: Night of Champions that night. Benoit was a noshow for the PPV, in fact I think that he hadn't shown up to work for a couple days, citing a family emergency.

The following night on RAW, Vince McMahon stood in the middle of an empty arena. Monday Night RAW had been cancelled in light of the fact that (what was presumed at that point) Chris Benoit and his family had all been murdered. The whole two-hour segment was devoted to Chris Benoit, a tribute to a great wrestler for many years.

The following night on ECW, they briefly mentioned the tragedy, saying that Benoit would be missed. After that, you never heard Chris Benoit's name again on/in any kind of publication that is related to/associated with the WWE.

They essentially wiped their hands clean of any memory of Chris Benoit. Granted his name is still on wwe.com when you look under Title History. Unlike most of the wrestlers however, his name appears in black instead of blue. You cannot click on his name to get more information about him.

I've known that for a while and while I do not under any circumstances condone what Benoit did, I don't think that they should essentially erase him from wrestling history. The man was an outstanding wrestler.

Granted, I just did a little research and they actually talk about Chris Benoit if you look under Royal Rumble History and click on 2004. He's not completely erased, but for the most part...the WWE appears to have tried to forget about Chris Benoit.

That became even more apparant during tonight's commercial of WrestleMania 21. More specifically, the Money In The Bank (MITB) Ladder Match. The participants in the first ever MTTB match were: Shelton Benjamin, Edge, Christian, Kane, Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit. During the commercial, Benoit's face wasn't shown once. There was one clip that was focused on Edge, and you could see Benoit laying on his side on the mat with his back facing the camera.

The WWE has gone to quite extensive lengths to avoid talking about Benoit, even editing a commercial of a very hectic match, just so they didn't show Benoit (or at least his face). Now we can go back and forth all day about this, but I've got a bigger question to ask. What is that question you ask? Check out my poll.

When Does Defeated Become Undefeated?

Dozer — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 23:14:05 -0500

We all know that Vladimir Kozlov has been billed as 'The Undefeated Moscow Mauler' or the 'Undefeated Russian Bear' or 'The Undefeated ______', but he's not undefeated.

I saw somebody write an article on here saying that his "Undefeated streak" was fake. I was obviously curious, so I checked it out.

The article had a link to a video on YouTube of a SmackDown! house show taping where Triple H defeated Vladamir Kozlov in a Street Fight. So he's not really undefeated, they just keep saying he is because it never happened on Friday Night SmackDown!

I can see how they can get away with that. Not all wrestling fans go on sites like this, trying to get all the dirt and grime they can about what's going on backstage with the wrestling world. So kudos to the WWE for that aspect.

Now here's what I don't get. We all know that two weeks ago on ECW it was Title vs. Streak. Jack Swagger was heading into his ECW Championship match with Matt Hardy undefeated. He'd never been pinned, counted out, disqualified or forced to submit.

Swagger then beat Hardy to become the new ECW Champion. That same week on SmackDown!, Hardy pinned Swagger in a tag team match.

Swagger was pinned, on national television, in his 1st match as ECW Champion by the person that he just won the title from 72 hours removed. Now to me, that means he is no longer undefeated. I mean, his shoulders were pinned to the mat 1-2-3 no questions asked.

Yet tonight on wwe.com, they are saying that Jack Swagger defeated Matt Hardy to retain his ECW Championship and to remain undefeated. I saw it in two or three different places, they said that Jack Swagger remained undefeated after beating Matt Hardy. How the hell can they say that, when he was pinned on WWE TV?!

Let me know what you think, do you think that WWE should keep billing Kozlov and Swagger as 'undefeated' (Dolph Ziggler too, if you read my article on him...Monday Night Screw Up)?

Monday Night Raw Screw-Up

Dozer — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 14:30:01 -0500

I write this as I watch Monday Night Raw. I'm sure all of you that are watching tonight heard The King and Michael Cole mention on at least two different occasions that Dolph Ziggler is undefeated on Monday Night Raw.

I know that one of the reasons Mick Foley left the WWE this last time is because Vince McMahon was too critical/strict over the headset towards him. That's how Vince is, it's his company and he wants to make sure that the announcers know what they're doing and keep the integrity of their shows up to what we, the WWE Universe expect from them.

So why would Vince allow them to make the same mistake twice? On live TV, Monday Night Raw of all places? I do seem to recall just a few short weeks ago that Dolph Ziggler lost his debut match on Monday Night Raw against Batista.

Did anybody else catch that, or am I the only one?

Hawkins and Ryder...Tag Team Champs Or Tag Team Chumps?

Dozer — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 19:11:14 -0400

Brett and Brian Major, collectivly known as the Majors Brothers...the "twin" brothers from Long Island, New York (I'm not sure if they are twins or not, that's why I put that in quotes). They made a name for themselves on ECW. Then came last year's WWE Draft and they were sent to SmackDown!.

I was exceited for them because there are many people that don't have calbe that couldn't get the chance to watch these two in action. They weren't the hottest team ever to hit the scene—but they were able to hold their own quite well in the ring; in singles and tag team action.

I was saying to myself "This is good for them, they'll be on national TV getting allot more exposure to people who couldn't previously watch them. I bet they'll hold the tag titles within a year." Well that most certainly did happen...sort of.

Last year at Armageddon, Edge returned to screw the Undertaker out of the World Heavyweight Championship. Due to his relationship with GM Vickie Guerrero he was thrown right back into the title picture where at the next PPV, he won the title with the help of two Edge look-alikes. Who were these two people who helped Edge win the title? They were the Majors Brothers...but not for long.

Shortly after helping Edge win the World Heavyweight Championship, Brett and Brian Major were renamed Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder. They became part of La Familia with Edge, Chavo Guerrero, Vickie Guerrero, and Bam Neely who came in the picture later as Chavo's bodyguard. An overnight heel turn for two very popular young wrestlers. But why did they do it?

I'm not WWE writer or anything, but it seemed fairly obvious that they wanted to win the WWE Tag Team Championships. Who else better to learn from than Edge? Now some people would say "Why Edge? He's a singles wrestler."`

Whoever says that is either one of two things. No. 1: They are a very young wrestling fan who just started watching the last two or three years. Or No. 2: They're a complete idiot. Need I remind you that Edge is a 12 time Tag Team Champion??

Who else better to learn the ropes from? The only people I can think of that even come close to that amount of tag team championships are Bart and Billy Gun (aka Kip James), The Hardys and last but not least...The Dudley Boyz aka Team 3D with an amazing 20 World Tag Team Championships under their belt.

At the Great American Bash this year, Hawkins and Ryder won a Fatal Four Way Tag Team Match to become the youngest WWE Tag Team Champions in history. I wanted Miz and Morrison to retain—but that's a different story.

I was happy to see a "passing of the torch" of sorts, and was looking forward to seeing them on TV a lot and seeing a bunch of title defenses on SmackDown! and on PPV. What do we get instead? Half the air time Hawkins and Ryder have been getting for a while was pushing Vickie Guerrero's wheelchair around like they were her servants or being Edge's lackies.

I could probably count on one hand the number of times Hawkins and Ryder have actually DEFENDED the tag titles...but I honestly can't remember them defending them at all, maybe once. These two young men are very good athletes and need to be better utilized. If you're going to give them the straps, give them the air time and credibility that goes with them!

Here's what I would do if I were writting the storylines for these two. I would put the Harys back together from time to time 1st of all. Yes I know that Matt is the ECW Champion and Jeff is the No. 1 Contender for the WWE Championship at No Mercy.

Matt will beat Mark Henry to retain the ECW title. Then Miz and Morrison will start a fued with Hardy, setting up for a title match at Survior Series—Morrison VS Hardy. The Miz will try to interfere in the match, but just like at Night of Champions, Jeff Hardy will come down to even the score. Later on in the main event, Jeff Hardy will finally win "the big one" and become WWE Champion for the first time in his career.

Jeff will keep his storyline with Triple H, but also cut a promo about how he got his start as a tag team wrestler, and talk about Ryder and Hawkins and how they need to defend the titles more often.

Ryder and Hawkins will retaliate saying that Jeff isn't a tag team wrestler anymore, and that they could beat the Hardys any day of the week. This would build towards the next PPV setting up a WWE Tag Team Championship match between The Hardys and Hawkins and Ryder.

The Hardys will be looking to prove that they still have it (as we all know they do) and Hawkins and Ryder will be looking to prove that they are the standard bearers for the tag team division on Friday nights.

I would put Hawkins and Ryder over the Hardys, giving them the huge push that they need right now. This wouldn't damage the Hardys as it was a tag team match and they still have their respective World titles.

I would also have them start fueding with Miz and Morrison. They beat won the titles from Miz and Morrison (never actually beat them as it was Jesse who was pinned in that Fatal Four Way match) in the 1st place, but Miz and Morrison never got a rematch. This would be a very good fued that I would play out over two months, maybe a little more.

Taking nothing away from their athletic ability...I think that Hawkins and Ryder are more Tag Team Chumps right now than Tag Team Champs. They need to start wrestling more and defending the titles WAY MORE OFTEN to be considered bona-fide tag team champs in my opinion. What do you think?

One Mask...Two Mask...Rey's Mask...Kane's Mask...What's Next?

Dozer — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:10:15 -0400

I previously wrote an article about the Kane/Mysterio angle that was going on on RAW. I was wondering what the hell WWE's creative team was doing with this angle. Rey Mysterio hadn't been seen on RAW in almost a month, and Kane had been walking around for two or three weeks attacking everybody in sight, asking if he was alive or dead.

I thought Kane was a complete nut job, but that's old news. Kane pulled Mysterio's mask out of the sack and started laughing. He'd been going on and on saying that Rey's spirit and soul were damaged and broken.

I know I'm not alone when I say that I was starting to get bored with this storyline very quickly. Unlike most people on this site, I had no clue what was in the sack prior to seeing it on RAW. I was confused as to why he pulled Mysterio's mask out of the bag, but I figured that it meant Rey was coming back soon.

Then I hear all these reports that it was supposed to be or should have been Kane's mask that he pulled out of the burlap sack. I wasn't quite sure that to think about the thought of Kane going back to "old school Kane" with wearing the mask and all.

I figured, "Whatever, they're not gonna have him go back and put the mask on...that'd just be stupid. He's been without the mask for what, almost six years? Where's the entertainment there?"

Tonight on RAW we see Kane on the Titontron talking to Rey Mysterio saying that they'll face each other next week on RAW. He said that he "picked" Rey, but he never said why. He said that he'd give him a hint, and held up his old mask. Well I guess they think that there IS something entertaining about it.

Now I'm not saying that there couldn't be something good to come from this...I'm just not sure what it could be. I have to admit, I was very excited (although I'm not quite sure why) when I saw Kane hold up that mask. Maybe it's because I (as well as most people I'm sure) liked the old Kane better.

The unmasked Kane has gotten very stale the last couple years—with the exception of the whole May 19th angle. That was pretty funny. Weird, but funny.

What's going to happen from here? Will it be a "Battle Of The Masks" or a "Mask On A Pole Match"? Or how about a "Loser Gets De-masked Match"? The latter would be extremely stupid because Kane has been unmasked for several years as I said previously in this article.

I hope they don't take off Mysterio's mask. I remember when they did that to him in WCW. Mexican wrestlers greatly honor their tradition and heritage, and a major tradition of lucha libre is wearing masks. I know how much it meant to Rey to wear that mask, and how much it hurt him to wrestle without it. He was (and now is again) carrying on the tradition of all the Mexican wrestlers that came before him. It's good to see some respect for honor and tradition in sports entertainment these days.

I, for one, am curious to see where this fued is heading from here. I'm glad to see that it's finally going to start taking shape after all this time we've been waiting and waiting for Houdini to re-appear (refer to my article entitled "Rey Mysterio—We Found the Mask, Where's the Man?"). I think this could work up to be a fairly good rivalry.

Right now the only good ongoing story in WWE has been the Jericho/Michaels fued. I am glad to see the way that's been turning out (although I was actually rooting for Jericho during that match, but that's not what this article is about); let's see what happens with this one.

Rey Mysterio—We Found the Mask, Where's the Man?

Dozer — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 19:12:45 -0400

"The Biggest Little Man" is the title of Rey Mysterio's newest DVD produced by WWE. Lately he's been making a big scene with little results.

He got injured at the hands of Chavo Guerrero and was out for almost a year. He returned and put Guerrero out of action for a little while. He worked his way up in the standing, earning himself a World Heavyweight Championship match against Edge at The Royal Rumble. He got injured overseas days before his match at the Rumble, and was out for a few more months.

Fast forward to the Annual WWE Draft where Rey Mysterio was drafted to RAW. He started a feud with Santino Marella. He was on RAW for three weeks in a row—the night of the draft, the following week when we was interrupted by Marella, and the next week when he defeated Marella.

And then, the disappearing act...he disappeared. Then, suddenly, Kane pulled Rey Mysterio's mask out of that burlap. Before he did so, he said, "The man who wore it has been scarred and tortured and damaged beyond all human recognition." This brings up the question I have been asking myself for a few weeks now, "Where is Rey Mysterio?"

The last two years have been a constant roller coaster for Mysterio (real name Oscar Gutierez). The only thing he's really done since winning the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania 22 was win the WWE Tag Team Championship from MNM with Batista—which led up to their encounter with then-World Tag Team Champions Kane & Big Show (only to lose the titles back to MNM in a Steel Cage Match where Mark Henry interfered).

Mysterio is a multiple time tag team champion, a former World Heavyweight Champion, and a record nine-time Cruiserweight Champion (between WCW and WWE).

I was glad to see that the WWE didn't put him back in the Cruiserweight Division after falling out of the World Title picture. I thought maybe that had something good/big in store for him. Maybe another tag team run, perhaps even a successful run as United States Champion.

But that never happened—nothing happened.

They gave him a push, he got injured. They gave him a bigger push...he got injured again. Now it seems like they were going to push him again (I don't know exactly for what, but they put him on the cover of WWE Magazine, he was the first draft pick...seemed lke they were going somewhere with him)—and now it seems he got inured...yet again.

But there is nothing posted on wwe.com about Mysterio's "mysterious" absence as of late. His bio still says that he is recovering from a bicep injury at the hands of The Big Show.

First off, that injury wasn't caused by The Big Show, only worsened by him. Second of all, he IS listed on the RAW Roster on wwe.com, so it's obvious (if people hadn't been watching the last two months) that Mysterio was drafted to RAW, but it doesn't even say that on his bio...what the heck is going on here guys?