Bleacher Report - Articles by Knox McCoy

AFC South FIGHT CLUB: Coaches Edition

Knox McCoy — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 20:56:24 -0400

Projections, previews and predictions are all great things. When awaiting the slow approach of football season, they are almost sacred in how they sustain us and save us from the drab inundation of 4-hour baseball games. But sometimes all this analysis can cause paralysis. There is a tendency for some articles to be a little formulaic and vague. Like Michael Corleone, what I want...what's most important to me is that we become liberated from generic analysis. Which is why I wanted to comparatively analyze the AFC South coaches, FIGHT CLUB style.

Begin Slideshow

Are You There God? It's Me, Casey Clausen...

Knox McCoy — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 23:39:33 -0400

Let me get a couple of things on the table: I’m not a diehard. I do pull for teams or storylines, but I don’t bleed certain colors, and I don’t feel particularly compelled to attend sporting events. In the era of HD TV and satellite game packages, I feel pretty validated in my choice.

That being said, I do enjoy the occasional sporting event. Much like a fine cigar or bonus McNugget in the 10-piece meal, these are the finer things in life and they are perhaps disorienting if not experienced in moderation.

Knoxville’s Neyland Stadium on game day can have a similar affect.

The streets around campus are flooded with streams of orange and the enthusiasm is evident in the buzz felt outside the stadium.

Once inside, the buzz undergoes a metamorphosis into an ear-splitting assault on your sense of hearing. When the players run through the “T”, this unrelenting noise crescendos until finally easing up until kickoff.

At least that’s what it used to be.

Nowadays things are a little different. The buzz isn’t as palpable. Home losses to the likes of Wyoming have a way of doing that.

But back in 2002, the electricity was still there, and amped up even higher for a early fall clash between uber-rivals Tennessee and Florida. Tennessee was coming off an 11-2 season and had high expectations for their traditional kingmaker matchup with Florida.

I also had high expectations because my best friends and I would be among the 107,000 after I scored four tickets. Four free tickets, that is. Getting free tickets is always cool, but most of the time it comes attached to the Louisiana-Monroe game. Free Florida tickets? Once and a lifetime.

So we woke up Sunday morning ready to head to Knoxville. We decided to forego traditional tailgating for the quiet and indulgent ambiance of Calhoun’s. After all, this was Florida v. Tennessee. We needed to gorge ourselves in an environment of seriousness and respectability so we could talk about the game with things like buttered bread and modern plumbing flowing freely.

But before we ever piled into my car, there was a kink in the plans: Saturday’s forecast called for a downfall of biblical proportions. And upon waking up Saturday morning, we saw that the forecast was right.

To say it rained, though, is a bit simplistic. It was deluging in ways that Forrest Gump never mentioned. My windshield wipers were working triple-time just to keep my visibility poor.

Needless to say, this was a complex development for us. But much in the same way that a blizzard is just an excuse to play football, a monsoon would only make spectating the game that much more memorable.

Undeterred, we purchased some respectably gaudy ponchos and forged ahead to Knoxville. Even in the rain, the electricity outside the stadium was potent. Outside of something cataclysmic happening, it seemed that nothing would cause the home crowd to wilt.

The game was pretty uneventful until Florida punched in a goal line touchdown on fourth down to take the lead in the middle of the second quarter.

No big deal, we thought. It was a wet and muddy day and this would be a low-scoring contest. Our optimism was strong in the midst of intermittent rain showers.

Then Casey Clausen went to work. When I say that, I don’t mean “went to work” in a Joe Montana-like manner. I mean “went to work” in a Jeffrey Dahmer-esque way.

To be fair, I never really liked Clausen. He was inconsistent and had a goofiness emanating from his frosted blond tipped hair and massive Cro-Magnon ridge. When you root for a team with a quarterback who looks like an unfrozen caveman, it’s hard to feel great about things.

To be fair, he was solid, but he had moments of wild inconsistency that were monumentally bad. Little did we know that we were about to be privy to perhaps one of the most monumentally bad moments.

Fresh off Florida’s touchdown, Tennessee got the ball back just beyond their own 20. Ready to run their offense with some adjustments, Clausen stepped under center and proceeded to fumble the snap. Florida recovered and scored three plays later on a Grossman pass.

Some air went out of the stadium, but most fans were resolute. These things happen in the ebb and flow of a game, they probably reasoned with themselves.

Following an exchange of turnovers, Tennessee got the ball back and tried resuming their offensive game plan. Inexplicably, Clausen fumbled the snap again at his one-yard line. He recovered the ball and ran two impotent QB sneaks up the middle for one yard. On third down, he managed to fumble the ball AGAIN!

After getting the ball back following a punt, the Gators scored another touchdown to go up 21-0. Then, just to make sure our game day experience was completely ruined and utterly unsalvageable, Tennessee fumbled again, which allowed Florida to kick a field goal with two seconds left. This put them up 24-0 at the half and it sent us home soaked, grumpy and dumbfounded.

Now, when I look back on that game, I remember it fondly given the absurdity of how it unfolded. Five fumbles in under five minutes? Three by Clausen?

That memory reinforces what makes college football great: the unpredictably of the games given the nature of the players participating. Who can know what to expect when dealing with 18-22 year-old players?

Do I wish that the game had turned out differently? Sure. But it makes for a great memory. Watching an unfrozen caveman ruin your rainy afternoon has a tendency to do that.

Feel the Burn: High Impact Players for the '09 Patriots

Knox McCoy — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:50:47 -0400

With Tom Brady's return to the starting lineup, the Patriots are instant contenders for this year's Super Bowl. Beyond the usual stars contributing to a playoff run, the following 5 players will have a significant impact on the success of the team. They may not be the most noteworthy names, but their contributions will go a long way in determining whether or not New England can return to '07 form.

Begin Slideshow

Patriot Concern: Replacing Rodney Harrison

Knox McCoy — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 23:07:24 -0400

As a player, Rodney Harrison could never be confused as a Mister Congeniality candidate. Often times, his physical and sometimes dirty play incurred the wrath of opponents and hyper-sensitive broadcasters.

Feel free to disagree with his roaming hands, after-the-play love taps, or helmet-to-helmet shots, but you can't disagree with his impact.

Harrison gave New England a bully in the secondary and was the surly spark the defense needed. That isn't to say that the New England defense wasn't already good. It was. Harrison was just the piece needed to go to the next level.

Put it to you like this: Was Danny Tanner doing a good job raising DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle by himself prior to Full House? Heck yeah he was. But add Uncle Jesse and Uncle Joey into the mix with Danny and the Tanner household became a veritable parenting clinic regardless of what Kimmy Gibler thought.

The point is, that Harrison lifted the Patriot defense from sturdy to stout. Don't believe me? Check the numbers.

Over the six years spent in New England, Harrison completed an entire season twice. Not coincidentally, those were the years in which New England ranked the highest in terms of Team Defense (concerning yardage allowed and points allowed) and in turnover ratio.

In fact, throughout his time with New England, the more games he participated in, the higher the team finished in that season.

Consider their best years when he played in all 16 games: In '03 they ranked first and seventh in points and yards an managed 41 turnovers for a turnover ratio of +17. In '04 they ranked second and ninth in yards and points and grabbed 36 turnovers for a turnover ratio of +9.

Now consider their worst years in '05 and '08 when he played in only three and six games respectively. In '05, they ranked 17th and 26th in points and yards and grabbed 36 turnovers for a -6 turnover ratio. In '08 they ranked eighth and 10th in yards and points while grabbing 22 turnovers for a turnover ratio of +1.

Harrison managed to perpetuate such an impact because of an equal distribution of skills as a cover man as well as a kamikaze blitzer. Obviously, with his retirement, a gaping hole is left in the New England secondary.

Call it the Rodney Harrison-effect. The Colts saw the same development with Bob Sanders. Both players' presences directly and undeniably correlated to a more successful defense.

It's bigger than the production they bring to the table as individuals. The effect is felt in terms of intangibility where an obvious increase in energy and tempo is evident.

Brandon Meriweather and James Sanders are solid players and suitable options at Safety, but the Patriots are in need of a player to thrive on and neither player seems capable of providing a Harrisonian-style spark.

Coming off a year where New England's defense fell towards the middle of the pack and repeatedly failed to create turnovers, replacing Harrison may be the single most important unresolved issue on defense. The tone he set has yet to be recaptured.

That's where Patrick Chung comes in. Many were underwhelmed by New England's backpedaling through April's draft selections. Chung's name didn't exactly percolate the masses as the team's first pick, but his skill set on the field is eerily reminiscent of No. 37.

Honing his craft as a Rover for Oregon, he isn't shy about flexing his run support muscles or in blitzing the pocket. Much like Harrison, Chung's versatility will allow the Patriots' defense to freelance in and out of particular schemes without losing personnel advantages.

While his pedigree seems to be a match for the vacancy left by Harrison, it remains to be seen if he will have the desired effect on his defensive teammates. Regardless, Chung will find himself in the safety rotation, which should give Patriot fans a chance to gauge his impact.

With the Patriots' recent foray into the offseason cornerback market, some pressure should be off New England's young Safety group. If New England is to return to the Super Bowl though, one of the three players will need to emerge as Rodney 2.0.

The Safety subplot should be one of the most entertaining story lines of training camp. What combination will Belicheck settle on and what factors will he base this selection of off?

Most rookies try to avoid being associated with penalty flags, but this may be a situation where some penalty yardage and personal fouls could be a promising sign for Patrick Chung and the New England defense.

Letting Characters from Hollywood Predict the NFC East

Knox McCoy — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 02:50:47 -0400

When prognosticating, many presume that unlocking the code of predictionary success is delved from a combination of science + wisdom + logic. Sadly, this is not so. I’ve found that successful prognostication can be found in a much more abstract domain: TV/movie comparisons. Picking a character that most accurately reflects a team’s roster and overall personality is the key to success in your predictions of the future season. With that being said, what follows is a look at the NFC East teams and which fictional characters they most resemble.

Begin Slideshow

Is Vince Young the NFL's Version of Britney Spears?

Knox McCoy — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:01:04 -0400

Over the past year, there have been many detractors lamenting the flaws of Vince Young. From his attitude, to his fragility, all the way to his intelligence, there has been no shortage of material in support of why he has been failed to meet the amply-sized expectations that came with his selection in the ’06 draft.

The slow burn of a bust is hardly new ground in the NFL, though. Every franchise bears the scarring of the draft process. Some, like the Colts, have small scars hidden from the naked eye. Others, like the Raiders, have massive keloid scarring that makes Seal’s face look smooth in comparison.

To be fair, the jury is still out on Young. While many are eager to prematurely assign him bust status, the preliminary evidence seems to suggest that this is merely a stage in the metamorphosis of his career.

Delve deep enough and you can spot a precedent for Young’s current status in the music industry. Connoisseurs of pop culture should immediately recognize the similarities between Young’s career and a certain singer named Spears.

On the surface, Vince Young and Britney appear to be two completely different commodities within their respective industries: One is a pro athlete playing the QB position, and the other is a musician with two kids.

Young’s peak moment was vanquishing Pete Carroll's dynastic USC in the '06 Rose Bowl. Spears’ peak was tongue-kissing Madonna at the '03 VMAs. See? Both shocking events that symbolized, if just for a moment, the usurpation of more established icons.

While it is true that both individuals reside in completely different spots along the spectrum, they are oddly similar in the trajectories of their careers, as both rose quickly and yet fell just as precipitously.

Below, we examine three facts that link these two together.

FACT NO. 1: Both used their sex appeal to achieve superstardom.

I think we can all agree that the schoolgirl outfit and other strategically constructed costumes are common threads in the modern male’s perception of sex appeal.

But before you dismiss the similarities in my definition of sex appeal, consider this: Would the average Texas Longhorn fanatic prefer a music video featuring a girl in a white spandex spacesuit or a two-touchdown beatdown of Oklahoma at the Red River Shootout? Be honest.

Suddenly sex appeal isn’t so clear, is it?

With that being said, Vince Young’s athleticism is his sex appeal. Just as Britney’s sex appeal caused everyone to overlook her inherent flaws (mediocre voice, mind-numbingly simple songs, etc.), Young’s freakish athleticism caused most of us to overestimate his potential as an NFL QB.

We believed that his ability to evade and run away from opponents would translate seamlessly to the NFL. It didn’t.

What did happen was infinitely more disappointing, as Young struggled to grasp the leap in overall athleticism among NFL defenses. The very expectations that hyped him served as the gasoline that inflamed the discontent of his performance.

FACT NO. 2: Both overestimated the realities of their talents and suffered a stunning fall from prominence.

Consider the parallels: Who can forget the pictures of Britney shaving her head, or the buzz cut that shrouded the fiendish look on her face when she attacked the paparazzi outside her house?

Similarly, how strange was the manhunt for Vince Young amid allegations of suicidal thoughts? Neither of these events was coincidental because they were symptoms of a deeper turmoil.

The ease of success, though nice, often comes at the price of appreciation. Both Young and Britney erupted in the face of struggle because of their inability to handle failure. The propensity for success, combined with unrealistically high expectations, created a turbulent atmosphere that overwhelmed them both.

FACT NO. 3: Both rebounded and regained footing as solid and respectable artists.

This fact is actually conjecture, as it only relates to Britney—for now.

She got tangled up with K-Fed, birthed two kids, enmeshed herself with a litany of lecherous personalities, and struggled with her weight—yet she still managed to regain her popularity.

Though cataclysmically poor decision-making and perpetually stained Cheeto fingers plagued her throughout this time of tumult, she was still able to rehabilitate her image and return to the stage as a legitimate artist.

Though Young is currently still in the wilderness, the Titans can find solace in knowing that all is not lost.

While it is true that he has virtually bankrupted himself of all the credibility gained by hand-delivering a national championship to Austin, he still retains the same arsenal of physical skills.

Outside of a few lapses in judgment, there have been no profoundly stupid or life-altering incidents that may compromise his ability to play football, and he's not even one year removed from being benched.

Whether the Titans choose to stash him on the bench, hope Kerry Collins stays healthy, and cut ties with Young after this season is anyone’s guess, but to close the book on Young right now would be foolish, given his unique skill set.

Why not give Young a chance to offer a Wildcat look? With the Titan offense already being the weak link, why not at least diversify the looks and get a little return on your investment?

The NFL is clearly moving towards a style of play where the standard demographic of each position is becoming more blurred than it is defined.

It began with the emergent 3-4 defense and the melding of the DE and LB positions, and it continues with the evolution of the quarterback. The white, statuesque, cannon-armed quarterbacks are dying out, as offensive coordinators seek to increase the efficiency of an offense's versatility.

While there may be a tendency to want to write Young off and cast him into the same heap as Ryan Leaf, Tim Couch, and JaMarcus Russell (oh wait, can we do that yet?), the Titans would be wise to recalibrate their expectations of Young and take advantage of his talents.

If not, they’ll be forced to watch as another franchise reaps the reward of his rebirth.

Ed Orgeron's Essence Key to Tennessee Volunteer Success

Knox McCoy — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 23:10:20 -0400

Of all the talent migrating into Knoxville, the most impressive “get” this offseason was the crazy Cajun himself, Ed Orgeron. No ordinary coach, Orgeron is a one-man stimulus plan. Monte Kiffin is banking on as much, since his chances for success rest squarely on Orgeron’s broad and scarcely clothed shoulders.

Take your worst shot at Coach O. He can take it. Shirtless probably. He is a dynamo of energy and focus, and the foundation upon which Lane Kiffin is balancing his legitimacy as an SEC coach.

How so you ask? More than Monte Kiffin’s pro experience or Jim Chaney’s offensive innovation, Ed Orgeron is charged with the most difficult task: getting elite national recruits to Knoxville.

In and of itself, a task like that sounds overwhelming and impossible. But Ed Orgeron was built for impossible.

Detractors may point to his underwhelming stay in Oxford as the coach of Ole Miss. So maybe his time leading the Rebels didn’t go dynastically. So what? It’s freaking Ole Miss. They are the lap dogs of the SEC: Little body, big ego.

I get it. Ole Miss has given us The Grove, Faulkner’s Estate, Sandra Bullock in A Time to Kill, and Archie Manning. But a sweaty Bullock does not an SEC contender make, and the Manning’s have been more overexposed than Jon and Kate Plus 8 of late.

Seriously, give Houston Nutt a couple of years after Orgeron’s players trickle out and see how long before he’s run out of town by an army of seer-suckered, suspender-wearing blue bloods. (Hint: three years).

But all that is irrelevant. Some men like Scottie Pippen, Silent Bob, and Barney Rubble were born to be No. 2. It is their niche within the universe and it is where they thrive.

Similarly, Orgeron thrives on the recruiting trail and not as a headman. Chitchatting high school football coaches? Check. Making half-time small talk with Holly Rowe? Not so much. This understanding underscores the massive faith Kiffin has placed within his recruiting coordinator.

For anyone who has read Meat Market, Orgeron’s life and path within the coaching profession is well chronicled. But as good as the book was, the scope was so large that it sometimes skimmed over Orgeron’s mythical motor and appetite for caffeine.

After reading, I was left wondering, beyond the Red Bull, colloquialisms, and relentless recruiting, how is he able to be so successful at what he does?

Simply put, there is an aura about the man. He’s a cross between something out of a Flannery O’Connor short story and a southern fried version of Thor the Hammer God. Armed with boundless energy and immeasurable enthusiasm, Orgeron can connect with recruits across the country because of an innate passion for football.

In the business of the game today, attentions can be diverted, and otherwise good coaches can meander off the path blazed by Bear Bryant, Joe Paterno, and Bobby Bowden.

Recruits are becoming more and more savvy to their own influence, and to the institutional situations they shop themselves to. No longer are they beholden to certain coaches or programs. The players are now the kingmakers.

Not only that, but among the coaching ranks, lesser men find themselves trapped inside the labyrinth of balancing success on the recruiting trail, and personal success in the form of promotions and personal branding. Ed Orgeron laughs at such men.

He is able to burst through the walls of distraction like the Kool-Aid guy due to one thing: his uncanny ability to communicate plain and simply the heart of the matter. His passion for the game of football is first and foremost, and every recruit he comes in contact with is witness to his maniacal approach to playing football.

Recruits are sharp enough to discern if their recruiter is more gimmick than gospel. Orgeron’s tactic is to appeal to a player’s most primitive and basic competitive instincts. The simplicity of his technique is both respectable and profound.

His approach has already paid tremendous dividends in his cultivation of a top-10 recruiting class that was scanted by his and Kiffin’s late start. Some programs may consider such a class a major achievement, but for Orgeron, it is just a stepping-stone. As the foundation for the program’s revitalization, he has his work cut for him. Time for another Red Bull.

The Tim Tebow Movie: Five Actors To Portray No. 15

Knox McCoy — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 01:31:45 -0400

Already a collegiate icon, Tim Tebow is fast approaching the Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer zone of anything is possible. With that being said, given Hollywood's dwindling creativity, it should only be a matter of time before the Tim Tebow story is written out and sold as a movie. Don't act like it isn’t going to happen. Remember, they made a movie about Rudy, a guy who sucked so bad that he struggled to stay on Notre Dame’s practice squad. Conversely, Tebow is a quarterbacking cyborg who plows through defenses like the Stay Puft Marshmallow man stomping through New York City. I'd say we're due a biopic. Add to that the media obsession with Tebow and his deliverance of stats, championships, and innate awesomeness and you have a guaranteed blockbuster for 2010: TEBOW. Obviously, such a movie would require a solid supporting cast, because an otherwise decent movie can be sabotaged by a terrible casting call (see Reeves, Keanu). But the crux of the movie will be built upon which young actor could pull off the look and sound of Tebow. With that being said, here are the top candidates (in no particular order) to play Tim Tebow…

Begin Slideshow

Best of Times Or Worst Of Times? Titan's '09 Will Be Somewhere Between

Knox McCoy — Fri, 29 May 2009 01:02:45 -0400

At the conclusion of each season, every team begins a transformation process brought on by the importing and exporting of free agents, coaches, and incoming collegiate players. While the cumulative effect of all the changes is impossible to gauge until the games actually begin, the projections and prognostications have become a cottage industry within NFL fans.

The Titans underwent one of the more invasive makeovers as they lost their long-term defensive coordinator, Jim Schwartz and the engine within the defensive unit in Albert Haynesworth. Titans fans need not be alarmed though because Jeff Fisher and his staff are no strangers to changes. Though the personnel losses may resonate deeply within the organization make no mistake, adjustments will be made.

What follows is my assessment of the different realistic scenarios facing the Titans due to the changes in personnel and philosophy throughout this off-season.

Offensively, there were minimal departures to the starting unit so offensive coordinator Mike Heimerdinger can focus on the assets he acquired and how to better use the holdovers from previous years. The most noteworthy acquisitions were receivers Nate Washington and Kenny Britt.

It Could Be the Best of Times…
In a perfect world, Kerry Collins will be as sharp as last year, the line will any major injuries and LenDale White will show up to camp weighing less than Tony Soprano. Nate Washington’s addition to the offense will finally give Collins a player who can competently stretch the field, which means that opposing safeties are forced to play deep. This, in turn, opens up the running game as Chris Johnson’s speed and White’s power will consistently face defenses that are unable to saturate the box with defenders.

But the biggest tweak to the playbook is when Heimerdinger unveils the new Chimera package, which puts Kerry Collins in the Shotgun formation at QB with Vince Young and Johnson in the backfield with him. Washington, Britt and Gauge would be split out wide as receivers forcing the defense to stay honest in coverage as a pass is just as likely as a speed option with Young and Johnson.

It is lauded as the evolution of the Wildcat formation and leads to Michael Vick being signed by, ironically, the Browns. Vick’s image is slowly rehabilitated by a genius marketing effort featuring the new quarterback interacting with members of the Dawg Pound. But I digress....

Or the Worst of Times…
Collins’ level of play will dip slightly as he is another year older combined with a tendency to struggle slightly in the years after a playoff appearance (see years ‘97, ‘01, ‘03 after playoff campaigns in ’96, ’00, and ’02).

Nate Washington will struggle as a starting receiver and many will wonder if the Titans were too blinded by the glint of gold off his championship ring to notice that his game lacks a consistency needed to be a successful starter.
Vince Young will be heard from, but not in an innovative offensive package. If Collins flounders, chances are good that the franchise will look to evaluate Young for the last time in deciding how to proceed with him.

Defensively, the main storylines will be Chuck Cecil’s ascension to his job coordinating the defense and how he plans on filling Haynesworth’s sizable (and face-gashing cleats).

It Could be the Best of Times…
Cecil ‘s approach is both fresh and innovative and he manages to build off of the foundation left by Schwartz while tweaking it to put his nuances into action.

The emergence of Jacob Ford and shrewd draft picks along the defensive line will allow the Titans to employ a deep rotation of capable lineman. Though Haynesworth was a devastating presence in the middle, his departure allows the Titans to develop young players and, through the unrelenting wave of fresh-legged defenders, the Titans are able to consistently control the line of scrimmage. This means that the secondary can cover aggressively knowing that play-actions won’t gash them and long routes will be rendered obsolete due to the hellacious pass rush.

Or the Worst of Times…
The Titans will struggle with establishing a defensive identity, as Cecil won’t want to change too much from his predecessor’s attack. This will be extremely detrimental as much of what Schwartz did revolved around the disruptive abilities of Haynesworth. Though the Titans’ depth at defensive tackle will try to replicate Haynesworth’s impact, they will be unable to do so and the double teams will focus on stifling Kyle Vanden Bosch and the emergent Ford.

As a result, though the Titan defense will still resemble the gritty and physical squad from last year, they will not be able to dictate the tempo to opposing offenses. This will result in them becoming more and more reactive instead of maintaining the proactive attack from last year and thus infinitely more susceptible to consistent offenses.

Logically speaking, we can expect the actual season to be a blending of both scenarios. If there is anything that we have learned throughout the last decade in the NFL, it is that every team is capable of inverting an expected performance for better or for worse in any given year. Except for the Raiders.

Come With Me If You Want To Win: Jeff Fisher's Titan Salvation

Knox McCoy — Tue, 26 May 2009 23:49:48 -0400

My admiration and appreciation of the Titans begins and ends with head coach Jeff Fisher. In a turbulent period marred by team executives with itchy trigger fingers, Fisher has been able to maintain a steady grip on a team within a sport where teams frequent the coaching carousal.

With his Titan tenure turning 15 this November, Fisher finds himself in the rare position of having largely avoided the hot seat throughout his stay in Tennessee.

In avoiding the travails that befell fellow coaches like Brian Billick and Jim Fassel, it is necessary to appreciate Fisher’s ability to consistently reconnect with players and to gain respect through his fresh motivations and challenges.

The continuity of Fisher’s term should not be underappreciated. Just like a franchise quarterback, very few teams are able to find a long-term solution at head coach and when they do, even fewer manage to ride out the short-term storms as they panic and react instead of scoping out the bigger picture.

The personality of the Titans is evidenced in the stamp indelibly left by Fisher. As an apprentice of Buddy Ryan’s, Fisher (along with the new coach of the Lions, Jim Schwartz) has left his mark on a team perennially gritty and physical on defense.

In many ways, I find Fisher’s work similar to that of MLB’s Billy Beane, in the sense that both men continue to diligently and excellently paint masterpieces even though the materials at their disposal are often less than ideal.

This leads to a larger point; many coaches are great when their key players are great (think Mike Shanahan, Mike Ditka, or Dick Vermeil). But how solid are these coaches when they don’t have the benefit of a franchise QB or string of Pro-Bowlers?

Fisher’s ability to extract the maximum potential out of players is one of the most impressive accomplishments on his resume. Year after year, as big name free agents bounce around the league, the Titans improve steadily—not through the market, but through the systematic development of their own players.

Which I guess is one of the reasons I like the Titans. I can’t help but appreciate franchises that diligently work at improving themselves through efficient and proven models, instead of throwing money at free agents in an effort to quick-fix problems.

Do I “like” the Eagles or Colts in the classic sense of the word? No, I do not. But how can you not admire and appreciate what both teams do each year to give themselves a realistic shot at a Super Bowl?

There isn’t anything exceedingly sexy about the Titans, but there is a blue-collar aspect in how they operate. While that may not result in them being the lead-in to SportsCenter, it does put them in the mix for each game.

Tennessee hasn’t won a championship, hasn’t featured an overabundance of Pro-Bowlers, and probably won’t be appearing on Hard Knocks anytime soon. But I like them nonetheless, because regardless of stat totals and championship banners, they are prone to playoff contention and, as a fan, that’s all you can really ask for.

For me, the most compelling reason to appreciate the Titans was seen through Fisher’s actions last year during the Vince Young melodrama. In a strange and bizarre development, Young seemed like a possible risk for suicide after his therapist alerted Fisher about some troubling sentiments Young had expressed.

Whether or not Fisher did exactly as every other coach in the NFL would have done is beside the point. The concern and humanity that poured through his attempts to make sure Young was safe suggested an authenticity that most fans are unable to glimpse.

His frantic efforts suggested a larger concern for his players, which, for my money, goes a long way to explaining why, after almost 15 years, his message is still fresh and his players still respond to him.

Understanding Jeff Fisher's Wrinkles: Tennessee Titans' '09 Roster Breakdown

Knox McCoy — Mon, 25 May 2009 23:23:05 -0400

When a team’s biggest offseason storyline is the departure of a franchise defensive tackle and it's innovative defensive coordinator, then it probably wasn’t the most serene spring.

Coming off a 13-3 record in 2008, it would seem implausible to suggest that the Titans had a significant amount of work to do in the offseason. But upon a closer inspection of the depth chart, the Titans have their work cut out for them.

Outside of the arduous task of filling the hefty void left by Albert Haynesworth, the Titans face, perhaps, a bigger problem in replacing the man who pulled the strings on a perennially stout defense.

Add in huge concerns at the receiver and defensive end spots, and many presumed that the Tennessee front office would do their best Jerry Maguire impersonation and show free agents the money with the $35 million cap space they held.

But alas, the Titans skipped shopping at Saks Fifth Avenue and instead opted for the eclectic selection in the Penny Saver.

Signings like Nate Washington, Patrick Ramsey, Jovan Haye, and DeMarcus Faggins provided an enthusiasm and intrigue like that of a neighborhood yard sale.

While it is true that the Titans never graduated from the Pacman Jones School of “making it rain,” their reluctance to shop this offseason was surprising to say the least.

With receivers like Braylon Edwards, Anquan Boldin, and Torry Holt available, common sense would suggest jumping at the opportunity to sign a proven commodity as opposed to an unknown quantity (see Britt, Kenny).

But before anyone begins shoveling dirt on the ’09 campaign, let’s remember that the Titans are as thrifty as they are wise. Jeff Fisher manages an excellent coaching staff renowned for extracting every ounce of potential out of players, and the Titan running game returns intact and with a LenDale White motivated to get paid.

Though currently injured, Kenny Britt could be a solid possession receiver for Kerry Collins. With a “only-if-I-have-to” passing attack that stifled the Titans’ postseason intentions, Britt will need to find his footing quickly and avoid the drops that plagued him in college.

The plan is for Britt and Nate Washington to step into the starting lineup and relegate Justin Gage and Lavelle Hawkins to the third and fourth receiver spots, which would be more befitting for their respective skill levels.

A wildcard possibility would be a training camp pursuit of Plaxico Burress should he manage to avoid jail time and league suspension after his legal troubles in ’08.

The selection of Sen’Derrick Marks was a modest attempt at piecing together a plan to replace Albert Haynesworth’s production. Marks will combine with Tony Brown, Jovan Haye, and Jason Jones in a group that should provide a blue-collar approach within their rotation.

Staying along the defensive line, left defensive end could cause some heartburn for new defensive coordinator, Chuck Cecil. Jevon Kearse is a shell of his former self and his recent arthroscopic knee surgery doesn’t inspire any confidence in his ability to last the entire season.

Fortunately, Jacob Ford’s emergence last season was a pleasant surprise and should result in increased playing time.

Perhaps the most interesting addition will be Jared Cook. His athleticism and speed could produce the mismatches that the Titans’ one-dimensional offense thrives on.

His inclusion into formations as a receiver/tight end hybrid will also allow the Titans to use Alge Crumpler and Bo Scaife and thus, force other teams into awkward defensive packages.

The only question will be if Jared Cook turns out to be more Antonio Gates or Vernon Davis.

The Titans can’t expect the Colts to stumble out of the starting blocks for a second straight year, so the fight for this season’s AFC crown will be much grittier. While the defense may take a step back, don’t expect them to skip too many beats as the transition from Schwartz to Cecil should be seamless.

For the Titans to reprise their run of last year, they will lean heavily on Nate Washington and Kenny Britt to provide some semblance of balance that could never be had last year. Defensively, playmakers must emerge along the defensive line to allow the Titans to dictate the tempo and pace of their games.

Failure to meet these needs will result in America being deprived of Jeff Fisher’s postseason scruff.

The stakes couldn’t be higher.

AFC East to Be Ultra-Competitive in '09...Not

Knox McCoy — Mon, 25 May 2009 23:09:20 -0400

Any proclamations of a competitive AFC East have been greatly exaggerated. In a universe where Matt Cassel pilots the New England Patriot offense, this would be a perfectly reasonable sentiment.

Much to the dismay of AFC East division denizens though, Cassel has migrated west with former Patriot executive Scott Pioli, leaving New England’s offensive attack in the golden hands of Tom Brady.

While the division is infinitely more competent than in 2007, the question isn’t about improvement.

It’s about who can trade body shots and throw down with the division bully.

Below is a look at New England’s divisional rivals and their corresponding threat level to New England’s rightful place atop the AFC East.

Dolphins

Swapping Randy Mueller and Cam Cameron for Bill Parcells and Tony Sparano was akin to swapping Amy Winehouse for Angelina Jolie. In the spacing of a year, Parcells (with the help of Jeff Ireland) has salvaged the wasteland of talent that was the Dolphin roster and nurtured it into a plush garden of reasonably priced veterans and shrewd draft picks.

But as helpful as competent personnel moves are, the issue of stopping the explosive and retooled Patriot offense is a much more difficult topic altogether.

Gimmicks like the Wildcat formation work when there is a void of dynamical action within a game. An open seam here or a blown coverage there can be the decisive action in a contest between two mediocre offenses.

But if New England can approach the just under 37 PPG average of 2007, then the Wildcat is much less effective against New England’s unrelenting offensive production.

It goes from a game changer to a cute attempt at trickery.

Threat Level: Guarded

The Dolphins always play the Patriots well, but they won’t be able to score in bunches to keep up.

Jets

The shifting of regimes from Eric Mangini to Rex Ryan actually could be a huge boon for the Jets. During his time in New York, Mangini built a solid foundation through the draft and combined with some decent free agent signings; the Jets should field the best defense in the East.

The issue Ryan’s team will encounter will be a similar refrain from his time in Baltimore: a shaky offense. Regardless of who’s selected to lead the offense, (be it Mark Sanchez or Kellen Clemens) they will inherit a group that is light on playmakers.

While the Jets appear to have a very promising future, ‘09 should be a year of growing pains and not postseason plans.

Threat Level: Elevated

The Jet defense will present the best challenge to Brady and Friends, but Sanchez/Clemens don’t have the skill or weapons to keep up.

Bills

While the Bills should be commended on their foray into the media spotlight by signing Terrell Owens, the diva refugee shouldn’t be regarded as a cure for all of the team’s plights.

Marshawn Lynch, Fred Jackson, and Dominic Rhodes make for a terrific triumvirate at running back, but that’s where the positives end. The offensive line is still an enormous question mark after the Jason Peters trade, and Trent Edwards is a shaky peg to hinge a franchise’s future on.

Ko Simpson and Donte Whitner have been underwhelming in the defensive secondary and Leodis McKelvin has yet to explode onto the scene as a solid option at corner. The Bills should also be concerned about their LB group beyond Paul Posluszny.

Threat Level: Low

The Bills should offer some resistance to the Patriots—in the first quarter. They are simply not talented enough in the areas where the Patriots are vulnerable (defensive pass rush and offensive pass attack) to present any real problems.

I'll Never Let Go, Tom Brady: My Love Affair with the '01 Patriots

Knox McCoy — Sun, 24 May 2009 23:15:07 -0400

I vividly remember the moment anytime the glorious scent of donuts strikes my nose.

I was in college and my friends and I were putting the finishing touches on a modest pregame spread to celebrate what appeared to be a mismatched Super Bowl.

The New England Patriots were playing the St. Louis Rams in the Superdome, and I couldn’t be less invested in either team. But it was the Super Bowl...and I would watch because of a strong moral obligation.

To hedge against the impending blowout, my friends and I compiled a conventional selection of game day foods with one notable exception...donuts.

Predictably, none of us minded that a friend, inexperienced with game-day cuisine, had provided one dozen deliciously glazed and glistening donuts. Sitting between wings and chips, they weren’t bad.

Just different.

We maneuvered around my cramped dorm room as the festivities began to subside and the business of player introductions loomed about. This was always my favorite part of the Super Bowl because it was one of the only times where I was able to discern genuine emotion and nervousness from the players.

The magnitude of the game was written on each individual face.

But the emotion was even more evident in light of the events of September 11th. While the usual pomp and circumstance of the game was on full display, the notion of a unified patriotism was clearly evident through all the pregame performers.

For me, the atmosphere was vaguely reminiscent to Super Bowl XXV in 1991 after Whitney Houston’s performance of the Star Spangled Banner. The stadium was full of emotion with the Gulf War weighing heavily on most American minds.

I was glad to be watching the Super Bowl and feeling proud of my country just months after finding myself in a Spanish class where our teacher inexplicably communicated to us in indecipherable Spanish that the World Trade Center was being attacked.

Released from class early, we wandered around campus oblivious to the developments but aware that something was amiss.

Even though the teams disinterested me, the merging of all these feelings, along with one of the teams being named the “Patriots,” was more than enough to gain a small notion of intrigue and persuasive rooting interest in the game.

The player introductions began, which meant the Rams would be trotting out the key components of the “Greatest Show on Turf.” One-by-one, the most impressive offense assembled in my lifetime was introduced.

When the time came for the Patriots to be introduced, something odd happened.

Instead of hearing the individual names of the offense or defense, the entire team pooled out onto the field, each individual forming one large and cohesive unit.

It was at that moment that I became a fan of the New England Patriots.

Whether it was a testament to the underdog status, the fervor of patriotism, or the team entrance onto the field, I’ll never be able to honestly say what most contributed to my conversion. But as a lifelong believer in the importance of teamwork and the solidarity of camaraderie, the Patriots’ approach spoke to me.

Their offensive strategy was as provocative as an episode of The Golden Girls, and it stood in stark contrast to the track-meet style of the Ram’s offense—but it was blue-collar and deliberate.

And it worked.

In fact, their entire roster could have been described as blue-collar and deliberate. Instead of focusing on big name free agents with equally large price tags, the Patriots plundered through other team’s scrap heaps to make shrewd signing after shrewd signing.

Cast-aways and also-rans were reborn as Patriots, mirroring the composition of our nascent nation’s militias that fought against red-coated and blue-blooded cousins from across the pond.

And though it may seem silly to put so much meaning into a game when there was a much larger undertaking going on throughout our country, the team, their name, and the mantra of the night all converged into something bigger and more profound than a sport’s championship.

Through the entirety of the game, my interest and investment in the Patriots grew rapidly. The ups-and-downs of the game gnawed at me. While I had begun the night disinterested and impartial, as the seconds ticked away I needed the Patriots to win.

There was a bigger symbolism that had to be served.

The Patriots’ vanquishing of the Rams in overtime was the subtle gesture of symbolism I needed. The nature of the upset recalled the original essence of our country and the sturdy foundation of stubbornness that it was built upon.

Even though our courtship was brief, the ’01-’02 Patriots are my favorite all-time team. I continue to root for the Patriots, not just because of the meaning I’ve attached to that night, but because (Spygate aside) they continue to be a franchise that stands apart from all the others.

Kind of like those donuts.

The Mother of All Interviews: 20 Questions With Cortland Finnegan

Knox McCoy — Sun, 24 May 2009 22:14:56 -0400

One of the key cogs in last year’s suffocating Titan defense was cornerback Cortland Finnegan. After emerging from the depths of the 2006 draft, Finnegan has provided the Titans with a playmaking, shutdown corner and, after the most recent season, he can add “Pro-Bowler” to the long list of adjectives that describe him.

With the losses of defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth and defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz, the Titans will rely even more heavily on Finnegan to emerge as a leader of the unit.

To better understand Finnegan, I’ve submitted a list of 20 questions designed to peek into the core of his soul:

1. You obviously haven’t taken the typical path to becoming a Pro-Bowler. Who was most instrumental in helping you get to where you are today?

2. What is the most underappreciated aspect of your game?

3. If a movie was to be made about your life, what actor do you believe should be cast as you?

4. Your musical exploits for singing “Let’s Get It On” at a Karaoke Benefit for Leukemia have been uploaded to YouTube. What song would you perform at a tryout for American Idol?

5. Hypothetical #1: Let us assume that the Finnegan name will be passed on to a healthy baby boy. Being predisposed to football excellence, he pursues a career in the NFL. Would you rather him be the best kicker in the game or an average cornerback?

6. In the picture attached to this article, what exactly are you looking at? Be honest.

7. Who wins in a thumb war between you and Keith Bulluck?

8. If you could intercept any quarterback from all-time, who would you most like to victimize?

9. What are your plans for life after football?

10. Hypothetical #2: Aliens have launched an aggressive assault on planet earth with the intent to eradicate all human life. Through a miraculous chain of events, we have diplomatically convinced them to resolve our differences over control of the plant through a two-on-two basketball game to 21. Through various methods of selection, you have been selected as one of the earthly representatives and given the authority to pick your teammate, with the only caveat being that you must pick one of the actors/actresses from the ensemble hit TV show, Friends. Whom would you choose and why?

11. Why did you choose #31?

12. What player have you styled your game most after?

13. What was your backup plan if football hadn’t worked?

14. Name one thing you would do differently in your football career from high school until now.

15. Hypothetical #3: In 5 years, time travel will not only be possible, but it will be commercialized. As such, you are invited to participate in the Laser Tag Championship of All-Time (Sponsored by Budweiser and featured on ESPN 6). Spanning recorded history, name the 3 people you would select for your team and why.

16. Which wide receiver gives you the most trouble and why?

17. If you were a wrestler, what would your ring name be?

18. You and Derrick Mason had a memorable scuffle last season. Which vengeance scenario against him would be more desirable: A throttling hit where he fumbles and a teammate takes the fumble back for a touchdown or stepping in front of him for a long and lusty interception return for a touchdown?

19. What is your favorite defensive formation to play out of?

20. Hypothetical # 4: If, in the near future, your entrance into any restaurant, business, party, etc. could be prefaced by introduction music, what song would you choose and why?

Tennessee Titans Tackle a Revitalized AFC South

Knox McCoy — Sun, 24 May 2009 21:31:42 -0400

In years past, the AFC South was defined by the Colts and the expansive gap between them and the other teams. In 2009 though, this dynamic shifted as the Titans ran away with the division crown after unforeseen stumbles by the Colts and Jaguars.

After personnel purges and roster reconciliations, the battle for the division title is as wide open.

Below, we examine the teams vying to topple the Titans in ’09.

Jacksonville Jaguars

After their playoff run in 2008, many expected the Jaguars to make the leap and contend for a Super Bowl in ’09. But things unraveled quickly following the arrest of Matt Jones and the tragic shooting of Richard Collier.

Their misery continued with numerous injuries along the offensive line compromising the Jaguars' running attack. This, in turn, put undue pressure on a receiving group incapable of carrying the offense.

The signing of Torry Holt should be an effective salve to this problem, however. Though he is on the downward slope of his career, Holt is still capable of commanding defensive attention and his professionalism should rub off on the likes of Williamson, Jarett Dillard, and Mike Walker.

Jacksonville addressed the shallow depth on their offensive line with the selections of Eugene Monroe and Eben Britton in this year’s draft, which should solidify the Achilles’ heel of last year.

How Does This Affect the Titans?

While the Jaguars seem to have the receiving threat they’ve been missing since Jimmy Smith, their defense is a unit in transition.

Derrick Harvey, Reggie Hayward, and Quentin Groves will be the keys at defensive end and their ability to collapse the pocket will be the biggest variable in the defensive scheme.

Houston Texans

The Houston Texans march into ’09 with the same high expectations as in year’s past, but with an owner tired of waiting for results.

Steve Slaton’s emergence as a top-level running back finally gives the offense the kind of diversification needed opposite Andre Johnson.

The offensive line has been a study in patience but with the addition of Duane Brown through the draft, the Texans should be able to competently protect their quarterback for the first time since their inception.

With all that being said, the season’s prospects begin and end with Matt Schaub’s health. With Sage Rosenfels’ departure to Minnesota, the Texans now list Dan Orlovsky (cue stepping out of the back of the end zone joke) as the primary backup. The sound you just heard was a collective shudder throughout Houston.

The Texans are hoping that Brian Cushing will enable the defense to take the leap out of the NFL’s defensive ranking basement. His inclusion with DeMeco Ryans and Mario Williams should help form a solid front seven.

How Does This Affect the Titans?

The Texans continue a gradual improvement, but there is no evidence that they will be making a division championship-size leap this year. The offensive line’s ability to protect Schaub will largely determine how far the Texans can go.

Indianapolis Colts

The Colts enter ’09 in uncharted territory. With the losses of Marvin Harrison and Tony Dungy this offseason, the face of the franchise has changed, but its essence continues to be Peyton Manning.

After stumbling to a 3-3 start, the Colts rallied to finish with a 12-4 mark riding squarely on the back of their quarterback. The rest of the league shouldn’t hold their breath for another stumble out of the gate as the Colts have retooled and reloaded their offense through the draft.

With the departure of Dominic Rhodes, the draft yielded running back Donald Brown as the newest member of the backfield. Given Joseph Addai’s season-long slump (and savage murdering of many fantasy teams), Brown could see significant playing time if he’s a quick study on blitz pickups.

The selection of Austin Collie could provide the Colts with a much-needed infusion of talent. Should he sync with Manning early, the slot position could be his for the taking.

The defense returns mostly intact under new defensive coordinator Larry Coyer and should closely resemble the same scheme and execution of previous seasons.

Just as Manning drives the offense, Bob Sanders is equally critical to the performance of the defense. His ability to stay healthy and thus maintain his reign of terror throughout the secondary will determine how effective the defense can be in stopping the run.

How Does This Affect the Titans?

Without question, the Colts will be the most serious challenger to the Titans’ hopes of repeating as division champions. Should they be found wanting in their quest to unseat the Titans, it will be because of an inability to stop that which is Tennessee’s bread and butter; the running game (with LenDale obviously representing the butter component).

The End of the Georgia-Florida Cocktail Party?

Knox McCoy — Mon, 18 May 2009 15:57:47 -0400

What will become of Georgia and Florida’s annual autumnal clash? Self-preservation dictates that Georgia must decline extending their contract with Jacksonville as host of the “World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.” (See Tim Tucker's excellent piece on this in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution).

The decision will more than likely be received as an admission of defeat given UGA’s record of 3-16 in Jacksonville since 1990. But with jobs, conference titles, and national titles at stake, Georgia can’t afford to willingly place themselves in a disadvantaged situation any longer.

But what of the site’s neutrality you ask? Right. Jacksonville is about as neutral as James Carville on speed at an Ann Coulter Roast. The Gators are tough enough on their own. Why participate in the charade that Jacksonville, as a venue, gives each school complete competitive equality?

As the race for conference superiority gets more heated and expensive, programs have to mull over every aspect of their football operations in an effort to give themselves the biggest boost.

While it would be admirable and noble for Georgia to extend their contract with Florida in Jacksonville, logic would suggest that they will opt for a more equitable commitment.

What if the site rotated between the “neutral” venues of the Georgia Dome in Atlanta and Jacksonville? This way both programs could share in the wink wink, nudge nudge concept of neutrality every other year.

Will the derisive jeering from Florida fans at Georgia’s withdrawal from Jacksonville sting a little? Sure. But better to take it now then after yet another late season drubbing at the hands of Urban Meyer’s “visiting” squad. The stakes are simply too high.

The Once and Future Tennessee Volunteer QB

Knox McCoy — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 17:06:17 -0400

Like a fresh whiff of morning breath, most Tennessee fans are finding themselves smacked in the face with the unpleasant news of would-be QB contender B.J. Coleman’s transfer.

The ill-advised taunting of conference power houses like Florida, Georgia, and Alabama drew very little ire from insiders even though it will result in all three matchups being brightly outlined come this fall.

But this development has left many split and disappointed at the eulogy being given about Coleman’s brief Volunteer career. While the transfer itself is a shock, most are concerned not with the departure, but rather in the process of how it all went down.

Where exactly did Coleman stand in the minds of Kiffin and Jim Chaney? We will never know, but the perceived lack of opportunity was enough to push Coleman out the door and away from a program he loved and dreamed of representing on the field.

The superficial diagnosis of this development is that it will finally provide some clarity to a muddled position battle. Not only that, but it will also make Tennessee all the more appealing to the elite QBs in this year’s recruiting class.

Had Coleman stayed, started, and thrived, Kiffin and company would have had a difficult task of enticing QB recruits in coming to Knoxville to possibly sit for two years. In this age of Terrelle Pryor, Joe Flacco, and Twitter, kids have been conditioned to expect immediate results. Think blue chip prospects are eager to hold the same clipboards that were once carried by Jim Bob Cooter himself?

Even Coleman’s biggest fans drew blanks when trying to explain why he never undeniably emerged as “the guy.” His intangibles projected great things, but for Kiffin to tie himself to Coleman’s wagon would be a risky proposition for a coach who had already doubled-down enough over the past five months.

So where does this leave Tennessee? While Coleman wasn’t slated as the No. 1 guy, most considered him a shoo-in to receive decent playing time. If given truth serum, Chaney and Kiffin both probably expected to play all three QBs throughout this season.

Now? Tennessee will be forced to rely on two underachieving and (somewhat) fragile players in the most physical conference in the nation. Though not the end of the world, it is enough to provoke some acid reflux among Tennessee faithful.

The biggest consequence of the entire debacle won’t be felt on the field, as it is Kiffin’s loss of political capital. It’s one thing for a guy with questionable character to be cast out of Rocky Top (see Demetrice Morley). But for a kid like Coleman to leave on such awkward terms? While it isn’t unforgivable, it does warrant questioning and some criticism over how the situation was handled.

B.J. was well-liked, respected, and devoted to the program, so the news that Kiffin was less than diligent in communicating with Coleman should come across as a concern for fans because he deserved a little better than the double brush off he received.

Dare we attribute it to a lack of experience? One could argue that B.J. overreacted and interpreted Kiffin’s behavior as the silent treatment, when it was really just the new coach juggling a busy schedule full of obligations.

Regardless, Kiffin would have been better served to quickly name a starter and end the controversy before it escalated. The veil of ambiguity only served to complicate things as every drill and scrimmage felt like an audition when, in reality, very little will keep Jonathan Crompton from beginning the season as the starter.

Time will tell if this unfortunate event is the exception or the rule. If Kiffin hopes to put a fence around Tennessee in the recruiting wars, he’ll have to start by making amends for a bad break-up with a native son.

Tennessee Volunteers To Watch in The 2009 NFL Draft

Knox McCoy — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:11:06 -0400

While Tennessee’s representation in this year’s draft may be a little lighter than past years, Robert Ayers leads a handful of Vols that should end up professionally and gainfully employed come the end of April.

Arian Foster

Foster is the embodiment of the tragic hero ideal at running back. By all objective accounts, he is a talented running back, but he was cursed with the fatal flaw of being at the scene of many crimes against Tennessee football thanks to ill-timed fumbles.

But if you can escape that bright scarlet letter, you can see that Foster was a very productive SEC running back with quick feet, outstanding field vision, and patience with the ball.

Though he was rumored to be a second round projection last year, the difference of a year and another layer of bad mojo could mean a drop to the fourth or fifth round.

But hey, if things don’t work out, he always has that philosophy store waiting on him (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnEr34dOR2Q).

Possible Matches: Houston Texans, Philadelphia Eagles, Arizona Cardinals.

Anthony Parker

Parker has the luxury of leaning on his versatility, which is something that the NFL teams of today crave. Though he could play guard or tackle, most of his potential can be seen as a center due to his height.

He’ll be a classic fifth to seventh round depth chart draft pick, and may reward a franchise that can afford to coach him and season his talent.

Possible Matches: Buffalo Bills, Arizona Cardinals, Detroit Lions, Dallas Cowboys, Washington Redskins, San Diego Chargers.

Ramon Foster

Foster is an intriguing prospect to those who can look past the initial shortcomings. Undeniably talented, Foster’s reputation suffered because of his willingness to play through injuries.

There are also some concerns about his quickness, but a transition to guard could be just what the doctor ordered. He has a chance to sneak into the later rounds, but more than likely he will receive an undrafted free agent deal.

Possible Matches: San Diego Chargers, Detroit Lions, Buffalo Bills, Washington Redskins, Pittsburgh Steelers.

Demonte Bolden

Bolden’s name probably won’t be heard amongst the chatter going on in NFL war rooms, but he does have a chance to catch on as a seventh rounder or undrafted free agent for teams needing warm and angry bodies.

His talent as a run-stopper and relative speed for a defensive lineman should lead to someone taking a flyer on him. With some of the teams trending towards quicker defensive lineman, Bolden should warrant a second or third look from teams needing depth in the trenches.

Possible Matches: Seattle Seahawks, Minnesota Vikings, Tennessee Titans.

Robert Ayers

Ayers is obviously the cream of the Volunteer crop this year as he is projected to be selected in the middle of the first round.

Though something of a late bloomer, Ayers took advantage of this year’s opportunity to showcase his talents and proved his worth as a pass rusher and playmaker.

He may not have the speed of Everette Brown or the athleticism of Brian Orakpo, but there is a workman-like quality to his game that should translate well to the NFL, as he does not have to rely on one facet of his game to make a difference.

DE is a deep position this year, which could result in Ayers slipping into the late first or early second round, but he is definitely a first round talent that should be snapped up early.

Possible Matches: Washington Redskins, Oakland Raiders, Kansas City Chiefs, Minnesota Vikings, Buffalo Bills, Atlanta Falcons.

On The Clock: Drafting With The Detroit Lions

Knox McCoy — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 00:13:51 -0400

The Lions enter this year's draft at a crossroads. Actually, not really. It’s just another draft, where they will have a high pick. Big shocker, right?

But there is a faint glimmer of hope shrouding this draft as it is marked by the first hint of promise since the Millen regime took over. No one can be sure how this new administration will perform, but this draft will provide a clear look into what the future of the franchise may look like with two first round picks.

If It Were Up To Me…

If it’s me and I’m staring down the barrel of Daunte Culpepper and the brothers Drew (Henson and Stanton), I’m thinking that I HAVE to address the QB position. Very little is accomplished in the NFL without a competent QB so the Lions need to make this a top priority.

The only problem is that neither of the top QB prospects this year feel like sure things and if Alex Smith and Ryan Leaf have taught us anything, it is that nothing (not even dogfighting charges) submarines a franchise faster than a bum first overall pick.

So what then?

The Lions should dial up the Broncos and chat up Pat Bowlen about trading Jay Cutler for the 20th overall pick. Maybe the 20th pick isn’t enough, but throw it out there and start the discussion. The Lions have two 3rd round picks (65 and 82 overall) so they can add one of those picks to sweeten the pot.

The way I see it is that Jay Cutler is a gift from the ghost of Scott Mitchell. Maybe he is a bit of a diva, but I’d rather deal with a diva than the corpse of Daunte Culpepper. The Lions must be bold to climb out of the ditch their franchise has been in for the past several decades.

Trading for Cutler gives them instant credibility, which would then allow them to use the first overall pick on Eugene Monroe or Jason Smith to shore up a leaky offensive line. Their second round pick can address the defensive line or a cornerback and just like that the Lions actually have a chance to win some games.

What They Will Probably Do

More than likely, the new GM, Martin Mayhew, will pass on making any big splashes via the trade market. He’ll probably take Matthew Stafford #1 overall and then take best available at offensive line or defensive line at pick #20.

This wouldn’t be a terrible alternative, but it does come with some significant risk, because if Stafford doesn’t pan out, the new dawn for the Lions may quickly turn into just another season of Groundhog Days.

NFL Draft Studs and Duds

Knox McCoy — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 21:25:35 -0400

Each year, NFL executives are met with the ultimate crapshoot when faced with the drafting of college players. Mistakes can submarine a franchise's direction for several years, while successful gambles can set up an organization for an entire decade. What follows is a look at which players will reward their future teams and which will haunt them.

Begin Slideshow

Tennessee's Quarterback Question: B.J. Coleman or Jonathan Crompton?

Knox McCoy — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 00:32:14 -0400

With the whirlwind of change and improvement Lane Kiffin has ushered into Knoxville, the biggest question he will encounter is one he may not be able to answer immediately.

Lack of production at the QB position was the impetus behind the disaster that was last season, and Phil Fulmer’s subsequent removal. Clearly that position will be heard from yet again, as Kiffin's later entrance onto the recruiting scene meant he was unable to attract any top QBs.

For the triumvirate of thus-far mediocre quarterbacks on the depth chart, this was a lifeline and opportunity to show that last season was a result of ineffectual coaching and not a lack of ability.

The consensus seems to be that Kiffin and offensive coordinator Jim Chaney will be a significant upgrade from Fulmer and the comically overmatched Dave Clawson.

Questions still remain over which QB will reap the benefit of the new coaches. Who will emerge as “the guy” within Chaney’s new offense?

If all things are equal (and apart from Eric Berry everyone seems to be tabula rasa with Kiffin) then consider me a B.J. Coleman guy.

(Full disclosure; Coleman and I may be fellow graduates of the same high school).

While Jonathan Crompton seems to be the clubhouse leader, I have some strong doubts about his ability to effectively quarterback an SEC team. Let’s make like Dr. Phil and analyze the motivating factors behind these doubts.

Accuracy

There are many foibles a traditional QB can have, but one that is almost unforgivable is a propensity for ladder-climbing overthrows, ground-balling throws, and those of the interceptive variety.

This is akin to an actor stuttering. Is it the end of the world? Certainly not, but you won’t find that actor in a Steven Spielberg or Martin Scorsese movie.

When an offense is centered around the notion that the quarterback will deliver the ball to his receivers in a timely and accurate manner, failure in this regard results in a long and slow death from eight yard bounce passes on 10 yard routes.

Historically, Crompton has surfed between the 50 and 60 barriers in completion percentage throughout his career, which would be swell if he played baseball.

Unfortunately, he does not, but what he does do by shot-putting his passes, is threaten the mental wellbeing of orange-clad fans everywhere.

Before I come off as too down on Crompton, let me say this; I will grant the guy a certain leeway as he found himself chained to an offense more suited to an intramural flag football team.

I daresay that Peyton Manning himself would have had issues with some of the stick in the dirt plays Clawson featured in his playbook. That said, let us not lay all the blame at Clawson’s feet. He wasn’t exactly coaching a group of young Tom Bradys.

Ill-suited

Regardless of the coaching staff, there is a basic level of ability that needs to be exhibited by the quarterback.

Does American Idol expect the blind contestant, Scott MacIntyre, to dance and cavort around the stage like the other contestants? Absolutely not. The producers wouldn’t think of asking that of him because he simply doesn’t possess the capability to do so.

Similarly, is it fair to ask Jonathan Crompton to competently run a pro-style offense?

In the right system, I could see Crompton being very effective as a homeless man’s Tim Tebow, but not within a traditional pro-style attack. He is more of a tough guy QB, and this is evidenced in his willingness to go helmet-to-helmet with SEC safeties.

Unfortunately, this same willingness is the greatest indicator of the poor fit he is at quarterback.

It’s sweet when Tim Tebow rolls over SEC defenders, but not everyone is bulletproof. For the rest of the mortals playing QB, it should be scramble, slide, and duck in that order.

Crompton’s ardor to engage defenders is symptomatic of his poor decision making skills, and to run a pro-style offense against SEC defenders, a QB must be a good decision maker first and foremost.

Case in point; John Parker Wilson. He rode a superior defense and running game to the cusp of the national title game. Was it sexy football? Not entirely, but then again, getting spanked by Wyoming at home isn’t exactly sexy either now is it?

Wilson was able to overcome some physical shortcomings by making good decisions. I don’t believe Crompton can make the adjustment of checking down, throwing away, or sliding out of harm’s way.

Understanding the Hype

Crompton is undoubtedly talented and his abilities were recognized coming out of high school in 2005. He was a five-star recruit, ranking just behind Mark Sanchez and Ryan Perriloux among QBs.

Despite his ability, talent alone doesn’t make the man; just ask Jeff George or Ryan Leaf. The more important question is; how is he talented? How did he become highly sought after?

If we take a closer look at Crompton’s origins, we see him emerging from a high school and conference (or district, region, what have you) from which nary one significant prospect has sprung forth from. Isn’t that slightly disconcerting?

Compare this to B.J. Coleman who arrived in Knoxville fresh off a high school career that saw him consistently tangling with future major conference recruits.

I ask you, which is the more attractive option? The recruit with inflated stats against inferior competition or the recruit with lesser stats against more proven competition?

My friend Scott Simmons has an interesting theory on players like Crompton. He posits that players from smaller schools and/or rural areas are more prone to failure in major conferences because they are never forced to develop the finer skills of their game in high school. They can largely rely on their superior athleticism against a substandard pool of players, much in the same way that you or I repeatedly rely on the spread option to dominate computer opponents in NCAA ‘09.

These stars rarely meet a worthy opponent amongst the litany of mediocre challengers they face on a week-to-week basis. Therefore, their adjustment to the rigors of SEC football is a difficult one, as they begin to experience opponents who are equally skilled, if not more so.

Crompton’s aforementioned propensity for slamming into safeties cleanly evidences this idea. In 3A North Carolina rural football, this tactic may have brought him success and glory as he bulldozed 130 lb safeties, but in the SEC, all this guarantees is playing time for your backup and a healthy helping of neck stingers.

Simply put, Crompton is an unnatural fit at the position. He’s a throwback version of a QB when they were able to run free without fear of concussion from blazingly fast linebackers or headhunting safeties.

Due to the evolution and sophistication of both the QB position and opposing defenses, the stylistic tendencies of his game have been rendered endangered and obsolete.

Has B.J. Coleman proven that he is head and shoulders above Crompton? Not yet, but he offers something Crompton doesn’t have; natural skills and an instinct for the position.

I believe that he deserves the opportunity to start more than Crompton deserves another chance to possibly fail.

There has long been a rumor swirling around Coleman that, in being groomed by Cutcliffe as the next player in a long line of Cutcliffian successes at QB, he was denied the opportunity once Cutcliffe left for Duke.

It seemed that Fulmer was eager to demonstrate his own expertise at producing QBs, and this meant competing with his own selections and not Coleman. In other words—epic fail.

It was only after the advanced stages of rigor mortis had set it on the Vol’s season, that Coleman was given a chance to play, which hardly provided an accurate read on whether or not he can run an offense.

Who can say how valid the rumor is, but if David Cutcliffe deems a QB worthy of playing within his system, I think it’s only smart to kick the tires and see how well Coleman performs.

Regardless of the decision, Kiffin has acquired enough fan capital to try his luck with a reborn Crompton if he so chooses.

My hope is that he recognizes Crompton for the square peg in a round hole that he is, and instead invests in making the more naturally talented and savvy Coleman his QB for the future.

Alabama Unveils Racy New Recruiting Strategy

Knox McCoy — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 05:54:09 -0500

Developing story out of Tuscaloosa...

The recruiting world is atwitter with the latest volley lobbed in the battle of SEC recruiting.

On Tuesday, word leaked of Ed Orgeron's shirtless tactics to rally visiting juniors in an effort to pump them up about being a part of the Tennessee culture.

Though the approach was instant fodder for praise and criticism throughout the southern media, one thing was certain: the Volunteers were again at the forefront of recruiting news.

Not everyone was content to stand aside and watch as Lane Kiffin's staff made wave after wave on the recruiting scene. Not one to readily accept being outdone, we have an exclusive account of Nick Saban’s attempt to one-up Lane Kiffin's upstart recruiting staff.

One unnamed recruit agreed to comment on what transpired on the condition of anonymity.

"We had just come in from a tailgate with the coaching staff and their families. There was a huge spread of food to choose from and we were able to mingle with all the different people involved in the program.

After awhile, the recruits were rounded up and told to gather in the practice facility to get some parting words from Coach Saban before we left with our parents.

We settled in and a video compilation of Alabama highlights from legends past and present began to play. As the video began winding down, Sweet Home Alabama began to play and everyone was getting really pumped because we love that song and it wasn't even the Kid Rock rip-off version."

The prospect continued, "Everyone was on their feet and clapping. Just as the chorus was about to hit, the lights came up real bright and we saw Coach Saban front and center.

But he wasn’t wearing any pants."

When pressed for details, the anonymous recruit mentioned that the entire coaching staff joined Saban in pantlessness and they then performed a cabaret version of Sweet Home Alabama.

When asked about Saban's undergarment choice, the recruit bristled when answering the question: "Listen, I wasn't looking or anything, but it was right there in my face. I really didn't think he would be a tighty-whitey guy, but you can never really tell these days. It was hard to tell what he was wearing at first as his polo fell just above his waist, but when he did the split it was all out there in the open.

I'm all about being yourself, but just not in my face and not in tighty-whiteys, ya know?"

Another recruit was quoted as saying the performance was "uncomfortable," "disturbing," and "literally stinging to my eyeballs."

When reached for comment, Saban shed some light on the unusual tactic.

"If Lane Kiffin and Ed Orgeron think they can waltz shirtless around the SEC and steal all my recruits, they have another thing coming. I'm no limit. Does he honestly think I've won consecutive recruiting national championships by letting socially accepted dress codes stand in my way? Nick Saban doesn't mess around."

"Kiffin doesn't even know what I'm capable of. I'll take this all the way. He wants to drop shirts? I'll drop trou. And don't think for a minute that I won't go au natural. How do you think I got Julio Jones to commit?

Forget smoke machines and fake press conferences. Kids just need to see what the body of a champion looks like. This is a game of chicken Kiffin doesn't want to get tangled up in because I will bury him underneath all my discarded clothing."

Saban was pressed for details on if this was just a reaction to Ed Orgeron's actions or if this was something that had long been in his repertoire.

"Oh sure. I've been dropping my pants for several years now. I actually picked it up from Mike Price. He developed the method in a hotel room in 2003 with some exotic dancers.

He was a visionary, but he was also ahead of his time. I decided to reapply the same concept to potential recruits and boom goes the dynamite."

The usual tight-lipped Saban continued, "They don't call me the new "Bare" Bryant for nothing. Pop quiz: what are the four things I need to close a recruit?

1. Houndstooth hat
2. Crimson Banana Hammock
3. National title ring
4. A big smile.

And that is how we do it here in the 'Loosa. Saban out."

Mal Moore was contacted but refused to comment on this story.

Delving Deep into the Logic Behind the Anti Lane Kiffin Movement

Knox McCoy — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 15:12:18 -0500

If Court TV has taught us anything, it is that a deviant’s crime is often symptomatic of a larger problem. The actual crime is merely a manifestation of a deeper-rooted problem.

So, when the storm of controversy and uproar surrounding Lane Kiffin avalanched across the sports landscape, I wondered if the outrage was a true response to the crime or if it was emblematic of a concealed issue. Unless minor recruiting violations and smoke machines are significantly more offensive than I presumed, it is safe to assume that the yelling and gnashing of teeth regarded a larger problem.

But what problem could cause the greatest mouth-breather revolt since McDonald’s pulled the McRib from the permanent menu? What was the true reasoning that motivated agenda-driven media types like Paul Finebaum to slither into their human suits so that they could take turns lambasting the new coach? Below, I offer four possibilities that could be the underlying reasons behind the widespread scrutiny of Lane Kiffin.

Too Legit to Quit

There is a tendency for people to dislike overachievers. Say what you want about Kiffin, but the facts remain: He is 33 and not only is he the head coach of a top-25 program (I’m ballparking, OK?), but he has also been an NFL head coach, which is something only a handful of people in the world can claim.

Was his tenure in Oakland a dynastic one? No. But Pete Carroll didn’t really pan out with the Patriots, Butch Davis was mediocre with the Browns, and Steve Spurrier…yikes. The point is ridiculing someone for being a bad head coach is like talking trash to a guy because the swimsuit model he dates wasn’t on the cover of SI. He still ran in the same circles as Bill Parcels, Bill Belicheck, and Tony Dungy while you were kicking it at Subway with your boys over $5 Footlongs.

I know that crazy Al Davis hired him, but he still owns an NFL team, which again, not a lot of people can say. Understand this: If Davis was crazy to the point of being detrimental to the league, Roger Goodell would have him dispatched to a nursing home in Poughkeepsie so fast that he would be there in time for arts and crafts. And if you don’t believe that, I guess we just can’t be friends.

Regardless, the guy is 33 and shuttling between the top layers of his profession. Should we really split hairs on this? I don’t know about you, and although I am several years away from 33, I am fairly certain that I won’t be ascending to the top of a Fortune 500 company anytime soon. Add to that his birthright of coaching pedigree from his father, Monte, and a wife that is appealing to the eye and you have a guy who seems emminently more awesome than you are or I could ever hope to be.

Does it come off as though he was born with a silver whistle in his mouth? Possibly, but check the track record and guys like Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart, Troy Polamalu, and LenDale White suggest that he may have somewhat of a clue as to this whole recruiting and coaching thing.

Isn’t there some part of us that hates younger people who are more successful than we are? Their presence forces us to confront our own professional inadequacies so subconsciously we loathe them and cross our fingers for their failure as if that failure will vanquish us from the reality of our own inability to maximize our potential. Basically, maybe Kiffin’s awesomeness makes people like Finebaum feel bad about their own schluppishness.

Simple, Fundamental Hatred

I have a sneaking suspicion that if the Messiah himself descended upon the world cloaked in the colors of a rival SEC school, there would be a good many, otherwise God-fearing people who would momentarily hesitate in accepting said Messiah’s peace, love, and redemption. Our respective allegiances are part of our identities and so it is largely impossible to discuss any issues without our rooting interests coloring the conversation.

With football as such a cornerstone of the South, there’s a generational hate passed on and ingrained in most fans that discourages civil, rational, or logical discussions or observations about competing teams.

Will there ever be a day when one man is able to unite all Alabama and Auburn fans under a brokered peace? Can anyone foresee a situation where all Georgia fans and Florida fans gather for a friendly and civil cocktail party in Jacksonville?

If Nick Saban left Alabama today for even a non-threatening job like Kentucky, I would wager that Alabama fans would instantly flip their internal switch from love to hate. And that is true of the majority of SEC fans regardless of what team they cheer for.

Regional Xenophobia

Quite plainly, we southern folk are a little skeptical of the city-slicker California types. Call it ignorance or call it a disparity in perception. Southerners stereotype (American) Westerners as convertible-driving surfers while Westerners see us as shoeless, inbred hillbillies. It’s our cross to bear.

Coaches like Urban Meyer and Nick Saban have escaped this regional discrimination, as they were veterans of several programs by the time they landed in the SEC. But Kiffin’s identity is very much tied to California in both the USC and Oakland jobs he held, so his persona has not been allowed to be blurred across several different regions. He is ardently cast as a California type who, no doubt, juggles sushi while doing yoga.

This broad generalization has been the validation behind some of the arguments southern fans and analysts have made recently. Whether the criticism has been over the disconnect he has with the South’s football culture or his lack of manners when discussing his elder and more-accomplished contemporaries, Kiffin’s inexperience with the region has been a red herring of criticism.

I have no doubt that if a native son like David Pollack returned to UGA as a coach and called out other SEC teams and/or their coaches, he would be called “intense” or “spirited.” But as an outsider, Kiffin draws comments describing him as “knuckleheaded” (quoting Gene Wojciechowski), “boy blunder,” or even “buffoon” (quoting Finebaum).

Righting the Ship

For those familiar with The Sopranos, there is a brilliant episode (Cold Cuts, Season 5, Episode 62) where Tony’s n’er-do-well sister, Janice, begins turning over a new leaf after attending anger management. She learns to embrace her circumstances and deal with problems calmly instead of lashing out in violent anger. Tony observed this transformation and though he should have been happy for his sister, there was a part of him that hated what was happening. Her change was a shift in the status quo and it would invariably force Tony to question his own shortcomings as things that could be addressed and improved. So instead of supporting Janice’s self-improvement, Tony antagonizes her repeatedly over a family dinner until she snaps and tries stabbing him with a fork. As the meltdown escalates, Tony is seen smiling as he walks away contented in the destruction of his sister’s progress.

I think SEC fans/teams are reacting much in the same way. Fans and coaches of other teams love to see Tennessee football spiraling into irrelevancy and their outrage at Kiffin’s largely innocuous comments are most likely in response to the programs productive movements. If they can discourage the program’s growth by repeating the anti-Kiffin mantra, they will do so ad nauseum until the notion becomes almost factual.

Lane Kiffin represents a transformation for the Tennessee program and regardless of whether you believe that he will be “the one” to lead the Vols out of mediocrity, he is a step in the right direction away from the status quo of the last several years.

Kiffin has initiated a movement towards discipline, accountability and expectations and though it is yet to be seen whether this approach will translate to success on the field, it stands in marked contrast to the previous coaching staff’s approach.

It is entirely possible that the backlash towards Kiffin’s comments was more of a frustration with the change in the conference landscape and a yearning for days past when Phil Fulmer and his staff seemed as visionary as the producers behind Bromance or The Hills.

Instead, now they have Kiffin, and though the jury is out on whether he will exceed or underachieve, the Vols are now an unknown quantity.

Some Professional Advice for Matt Stafford and the NFL Draft

Knox McCoy — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 23:44:18 -0500

Listen, Matt. I know this is an exciting time for you as you begin preparations to fulfill a dream you’ve probably had most of your life. I get that. But before you get swept up in the whirlwind of Wonderlics and workouts, I thought someone should set you straight.

I love your work as a QB. I consider myself an objective fan, but I lean towards the SEC so I’m well acquainted with the body of work you’ve put together over the last three years. I think you are exceptionally talented and will be an asset to whichever team drafts you...in time.

Face it, man. You aren't ready just yet and thanks to the performances of Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco, you will be expected to start, excel, and lead your team to a playoff berth all in the first year. Keep in mind that just as the media loves stories like Flacco and Ryan, they salivate over potential busts. Are you familiar with Ryan Leaf's work?

Now understand that I don’t have you pegged as the next great bust or anything like that. I’m simply discussing realities. Keep this in mind: I like you. I’m down with the floppy hair, the big Texan gunslinger vibe, and I even get the hoisting of kegs (not my style, but it’s ok in a, “stupid things kids do in college” kind of way).

So I’m not some undercover Gator fan with a malevolence born out of generational hate. I’m just a fan and I want to see you succeed.

So what I am about to suggest may come off a little weird. But just go with me.

In late March, you need to do something very bizarre. Not like Scientology bizarre, but something that is enough to give NFL GMs pause on drafting you. Nothing self-destructive or morally compromising. Maybe go visit Boy George in prison. Flip out on your trainer a la Christian Bale (NO BRUCE, LET ME FINISH!). Or maybe be seen having coffee with Vince Young or Matt Leinart.

Why would I suggest these things? Because if you don’t do something, you’re looking at being the No. 1 overall pick and the property of the Detroit Lions. Cool, right?

False actually, because there’s more significance and expectation attached to this pick than others in recent memory. The Detroit Lion faithful are refugees. They have experienced an eight year-long siege under Matt Millen and they are staggering around free, but malnourished and wounded.

Add to that the desolation and despair saturating the city as a result of our nation’s wearied and wounded economy.

So not only are you looking at the pressure traditionally applied to No. 1 overall picks, you will also be the symbol of a reborn franchise, in the heart of a city wanting for hope. In other words, a long, LONG way from keggers in Athens.

I’m trying to set you up for long-term success. Yes, I realize that with the prospect of a cap on rookie salaries imminent, I would be crazy to advise you to try to engineer a slide down the draft. But I’m fairly certain your career will have two trajectories: Bust or Groomed to boom.

We need to ensure a slide so that you end up with a team that can be patient with you. Fiscally speaking, we're focusing on your 2nd contract and marketability. Historically speaking, busts don't command a lot of credibility among American consumers and they don't get lucrative second contracts.

Tough love time: you have poor footwork, you rely on your arm too much and you stare down receivers and entire sides of the field. Plainly put, you are immensely raw. All I want to do is make sure you go to a team that knows to slowly cook you instead of tossing you in the grill.

Detroit and San Francisco are train wrecks and you need to steer clear. The 49ers offensive coordinator is Jimmy Raye. Jimmy Raye? I think you tailgated with him last fall, right?

The Jets are at pick No. 17 but the New York media may be the worst thing that could happen to you. If you can squeak by them, you are home free. Following the Jets is a list of teams with the infrastructure to groom a raw, young QB such as yourself.

I realize that I am asking you to forfeit millions of dollars. But what is the real value on a contract from the Lions? Is it worth the same as one from, say, the Eagles, the Dolphins, or the Bears?

I would argue that when you consider the peripheral circumstances surrounding a contract from the Lions, the innate value is significantly lower, much in the same way that a house located on a sinkhole is significantly devalued.

So don't look at this as sabotage. What I am proposing is a long-term business decision. If you were a William Hung-like talent, I would urge you to get all you can while you can. But you have potential. You could be great, but you need some tutoring that only superior franchises can give you.

Do I need to summon Alex Smith or Joey Harrington's ghost of crappiness past to enlighten you on the disaster that awaits you in Detroit or San Francisco? Trust me on this. You may not want to hang out with Amy Winehouse and Mike Tyson, but the career you save may be your own. Think about it.

Another Comparative Analysis: Big 12 Coaches as Characters from Lost

Knox McCoy — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 00:47:20 -0500

As we continue our look at coaches around the nation, this time we match-up coaches from the Big 12 with characters from ABC's Lost.

Paul Rhodes as Rose Nadler

The relationship of similarity that Rhodes has with Rose is in their slight but important roles within their respective environments. Though neither carry any significant heft, they are one rung up the ladder from universal obscurity experienced by, in Rhodes case, teams in lesser conferences and, in Rose's case, expendable extras who are frivolously dispatched of during ambush scenes.

Just as Rose is not featured in each episode, Rhodes does not find his team showcased every week, but both do enjoy the occasional spotlight in their regularly interactions with entities of substantial substance: Rhodes with programs like OU and Texas and Rose with Kate, Jack, or Juliet.

Art Briles as Bernard Nadler

Rhodes and Bernard find themselves in uniquely similar scenarios within the environments they each occupy. Each seems to be more or less defined by the Catch-22 scenario they face.

For Briles, he can proudly state that he coaches in the Big 12. Unfortunately, this also means that his squad will be subjected to a weekly bludgeoning at the hands of some of the premiere programs in the country.

Similarly, Bernard and his wife survived a plane crash and subsequently found themselves living on an island that has placed his wife's cancer in remission.

The flip side of this is that this very same island also features a ruthless black smoke monster and is currently skipping through the time space continuum. Can't have everything, right?

Mike Sherman as Daniel Faraday

Both have returned to places where they have previously spent time: Sherman spent 1989-1993 coaching the Aggie O-line while we have seen visual and heard anecdotal evidence of Faraday’s time on the Island.

Whether or not this has been in a time-traveling capacity is unclear, but Faraday exhibits an inability to understand or defend against the machinations of the Island, which is a clear parallel to Mike Sherman's inability to understand or defend against Big 12 offenses.

Bill Snyder as Charles Widmore

Each delivered success to their respective ventures, though neither will be confused as paragons of parenting or bastions of charm. Their efforts were achieved through tireless work and they press on even in the face of long odds.

For Snyder, he chases the dream of installing Kansas State as a perennial nation contender and Widmore seeks to find and claim the Island. Snyder faces a formidable opponent in former protégé Bob Stoops and Widmore faces the maniacally nefarious and calculating Ben Linus.

Dan Hawkins as Christian Shepard

Both seem to be dwelling in some kind of purgatory: Hawkins as head coach of Colorado and Shepard as a spiritual guide of sorts on the Island. They are similar in their failure to meet expectation within their jobs with Shepard's failure largely attributed to his alcohol abuse.

Hawkins experience with failure is the direct result of a gimmicky offense failing to translate to a more talented and athletic conference. Also, both men have fathered sons who don't get it.

For Jack Shepard, "it" is not repeating the alcoholic mistakes of his father. For Cody Hawkins, "it" is the basic fundamentals of quarterbacking.

Bo Pelini as John Locke

Both men are trying to save things that have been subjected to disrepair: Pelini is trying to save Nebraska football and John is trying to save and stabilize the Island.

Both entities have experienced trauma at the hands of diabolical and reckless men: Bill Callahan and Ben Linus. Unfortunately, both Pelini and Locke may be called to sacrifice themselves for the sake of what they are saving.

Gary Pinkel as Libby

Both Palmer and Pinkel operate in relatively middling capacities with flashes of importance. Pinkel was briefly on the national stage two years ago when Missouri was poised to make a National Championship game appearance. Libby was an important member of "the tail section" and was seen cryptically present in Hurley's mental institute-orientated back-story.

Though both seem generally likeable, it is doubtful that either will escape the barriers of their conditions: Pinkel with the Missouri program and Libby after being fatally shot by Michael.

Also, both had a weak spot for fat dudes: Pinkel with Chase Daniel and Libby with Hurley.

Mike Gundy as Miles Straume

Both are prone to outbursts and command an unexplainable prowess: Straume can speak to the dead and Gundy manages to get college-age athletes to agree to live in Stillwater, Oklahoma for up to four years. It is still unclear which of the two has the more impressive power.

Mike Leach as James "Sawyer" Ford

Just as Mike Leach appears slightly offbeat, Sawyer also manages to colorfully imbue each Lost episode with his quirky names and drippy southern twang.

Widely known to be a pirate aficionado, Leach runs an extreme offense in an extremely offensive conference.

Lastly, both are known to be con men. Leach with his offense’s repetitious disappointment in games of significance and Sawyer in the numerous schemes he ran prior to landing on the island.

Mark Mangino as Hugo "Hurley" Reyes

It wasn't as much of a foregone conclusion as you would think. The polar bear from season 1 had a pretty compelling case.

At any rate, the main similarity is their flubbery physiques and a fascinating inability to lose weight despite existing within an environment that discourages steady and consistent gorging while encouraging sweatiness and daily exercise.

Mack Brown as Sayid Jarrah

Just as Sayid has a tremendous advantage in his military training through the Republican Guard, so too does Mack Brown enjoy the tremendous advantage of running an iconic football program in the state of Texas which is replete in Longhorn fans and 5-star recruits.

Unfortunately, just as Sayid constantly finds himself captured or neutralized, so has Mack Brown’s program been found lacking in the face of championship expectations despite a tremendously advantageous perch on the recruiting landscape.

Bob Stoops as Ben Linus

Brilliant. Ruthless. Cunning. Manipulative. Successful. These words are equally indicative of both men. They both repeatedly position themselves for success when they should otherwise be counted out.

For Ben, this is seen when it is discovered that he has a malignant tumor on his back as well as when John Locke usurps his role as leader.

For Stoops, this is seen in almost every season when the national media and public talk themselves into a seemingly invincible Sooners team and are invariably disappointed when Stoops and company lay an egg (see USC epic beat-down for '04 title, the Boise State meltdown in the '06 Fiesta, the lethargic West Virginia performance in the '07 Fiesta Bowl, and the offensive no-show against Florida for the '08 title).

And before anyone comments on it, I like Jack and Desmond as much if not more than most everyone else, but I just couldn't find the comparison to make with any of the coaches in the Big 12. Please comment with your recommendations on who, if anyone, they should compare to.

The Godfather and SEC Coaches: A Comparative Analysis

Knox McCoy — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 23:33:19 -0500

In the increasingly competitive and cut-throat SEC, a comparison to the main players in Francis Ford Coppola's The Godfather seemed appropriate. Just as the Five Families in New York represented the most successful criminal organizations in the country, so too does the SEC represent the best that collegiate football has to offer. Behold, I give you SEC coaches and their gangster counterparts.

Vanderbilt's Bobby Johnson as Don Stracci
Just like Don Stracci, Johnson is the head coach of an organization and they are both largely irrelevant throughout the course of the movie/season. Johnson is visible once a year—when he gives one of the bigger schools a scare—and Stracci shows up to be murdered in an elevator by Peter Clemenza on the morning of the baptism.

Kentucky's Rich Brooks as Don Tattaglia
Similar to Johnson and Stracci, Brooks and Tattaglia represent largely irrelevant portions of the conference and movie. The Tattaglia family business is prostitution and Kentucky's brand of football is held with similar regard throughout the SEC.

Auburn's Gene Chizik as Fredo Corleone
Poor guy. It's not his fault. What's he going to do? Turn down the Auburn job to stay at Iowa State? Just like Fredo, Chizik has been tragically set up to fail due to a lack of savvy in his chosen field. It doesn't make him a bad guy, but it also won't protect him from hecklers at an airport tarmac, or a murderous fishing partner in Tahoe.

Mississippi State's Dan Mullen as Enzo the Baker
We don't know a ton about Mullen other than the success he experienced with Urban Meyer. Just as Enzo helped Michael Corleone bluff down a gang of hoodlums outside Vito’s hospital, Mullen similarly helped Meyer's offense fend off the malevolent advances of SEC defenses. After his assist to Michael, we didn't hear from Enzo the Baker again, and there is a good chance that we won't hear from Mullen again either.

Arkansas's Bobby Petrino as Carlo Rizzi
Ah, yes. The traitorous brother-in-law to the Corleone family who sets up Sonny's murder at the tollbooths; Sounds eerily similar to Bobby Petrino's clandestine flight to meet with Auburn about replacing his former mentor, Tommy Tuberville. Or maybe it more closely resembles Petrino's betrayal of the Atlanta Falcon's players and organization as he post-it noted his resignation midseason. Either way, both bear the scarlet letter of betrayal.

Ole Miss's Houston Nutt as Moe Green
Nutt's similarity to Green is most evident in the issue surrounding their employment. Green is insulted by Michael Corleone's attempt to buy out his stake of the Las Vegas business. Green contends that he is the reason for the success in Las Vegas because as he put it, "I made my bones when you were going out with cheerleaders!" But Michael believes that the success is due to the Corleone's bankrolling of the Las Vegas operations and he asserts himself in the form of a bullet through Green's glasses. Similarly, there is some dispute over whether the success of Ole Miss is mainly attributed to Nutt's coaching, or Ed Orgeron's relentless recruiting directly preceding Nutt.

LSU's Les Miles as Don Barzini
Les Miles helms a program that is a year or two away from being a top five program in the country. Just like Barzini, he's shrewd and prone to chance taking, which may inhibit him as he battles Saban for the west's #1 position.

Georgia's Mark Richt as Tom Hagen
Like Hagen, Richt is laid-back, successful, and armed with a quiet confidence. Just as Richt was a refugee from the rotting FSU program, Tom Hagen was a boy from the streets with an eye infection who was rescued by Vito Corleone (don't ignore the parallels of Richt being hired by Vince Dooley and Tom being saved by Vito. Both rescuers were legends who subsequently slipped into irrelevancy, but that's a conversation for another day).

Tennessee's Lane Kiffin as Sonny Corleone
Sonny was thrust into family leadership following the assassination attempt on Vito Corleone, though many felt he was too inexperienced or hotheaded to lead. He replaced a leader who at one time enjoyed tremendous success, but had recently gotten soft, and lost his edge. Sound familiar?

South Carolina's Steve Spurrier as Johnny Fontane
Spurrier closely parallels the character of Johnny Fontane as they both are aging relics of their past success. Both stars shone brightly once upon a time: Spurrier with the Fun 'N Gun at Florida and Fontane in the music business. Also, both dealt with megalomaniacal authority figures: Spurrier with Daniel Snyder and Fontane with Jack Woltz. They both adorn themselves with self-assured confidence, but they occasionally devolve into whininess. My dream for us this year is to have someone catch this scene on camera:

Spurrier: Oh Coach Saban, I don't know what to do...
Saban: (Slaps Spurrier in the face) You can act like a man! What's the matter with you? Is this how you've turned out? An NFL finocchio who cries like a woman?"

Alabama's Nick Saban as Don Corleone
To cast Saban in a fading light would be unfair and inaccurate, but I found him to be the most befitting of the Don Corleone comparison due to his track record of accomplishment, age, and experience. He has enjoyed success in 3 different programs and is the most powerful coach in the nation. Though he is building a juggernaut in Tuscaloosa, his rivals will continually attack him.

Florida's Urban Meyer as Michael Corleone
Like it or not, Meyer is the force to be reckoned with in the SEC. Even with everyone gunning for him, he still has found a way to come out on top in two of the last three years. Both are fierce leaders and neither forgets an insult. Like Michael, he should have a long and successful career should he choose to stay in the profession that is most native to him. Also, they both enjoy a complicated relationship with the Catholic church (Notre Dame in Meyer's case and the Vatican in Michael's). Let's just hope Meyer's career doesn't end in Sicily with him slumped over dead in a chair.

Breaking News: Lane Kiffin's Letter of Apology to Urban Meyer Leaked

Knox McCoy — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 12:53:50 -0500

Dear Urban,

It’s the Kiff here. My boss told me that I needed to apologize for calling you a cheater, so here's the best I can do: You are welcome.

C’mon. You have to be grateful for the tidal wave of compassion you’ve gotten. Not only do you return an insanely talented defense, but you also bring back the quarterback-cyborg that is Tim Tebow. Add to all that two National Championships and your prime location in the nation’s recruiting hotbed, and yet you’re coming off as the victim in this situation. Crazy huh?

Have you ever been to Tennessee besides when you play us? It’s not exactly flush with football talent. I’m plowing through scouting reports of Jim Bobs and Bubbas. Phil didn’t exactly leave me with a stocked fridge (and that metaphor extends both literally and figuratively in case you were wondering).

So of course I’m going to come out guns blazing. I’ve got to get us back on the map. I mean, you saw our QBs. Jonathan Crompton? Really? Peyton Manning isn’t exactly walking through the locker room door.

But admit it. You like it. You need it. Do you really want to be the guy who tries to throw down with Mark Richt? That’s like wrestling a Tibetan Monk.

Face it, Urban, I’m the most refreshing thing since the Tim Tebow circumcision story broke last fall. The Florida Gators and this conference deserve a better class of antagonistic coaches, and I intend to be that guy.

Be honest: When Phil was the coach, did you really feel challenged? Did you feel validated as a coach for beating a guy who was more familiar with a post-game spread than a spread offense?

I mean, I guess it was nice to beat Grandpa Spurrier now that he has one foot in the tee box, but please don’t tell me that you feel a sense of accomplishment for beating the ghost of Gators past.

You and I both know that you were one more National Championship away from shoving Charlie Weis out of South Bend and fleeing the mullet-headed mouth-breathers filling up the Swamp. With me around, though, you’re having second thoughts. Think of the pride you’ll feel in tangling with my dad’s proven pro-style defense. Kind of overshadows feeling good about torching Hawaii and the Citadel's defense huh?

Sure, you have Nick Saban as a formidable opponent, but he’s out West, and you guys may tangle once a year if all the stars align and everything goes according to plan. I give you the guarantee of a royal rumble every year and early on.

I know I come off a little chirpy, but you’ve got to like that I’m not so eager to kow-tow to the wave of Olympic-caliber sprinters you’re rolling out. Whether you like it or not, you're the Yankees now. You're the man, the establishment. Florida is Cobra-Kai now. You're John Kreese, and Timmy T is Jonny Lawrence. I am Daniel-San, and my dad is Mr. Miyagi.

And you know what, Urban-Myth? You may try to sweep the leg, but I plan on crane-kicking you and Timmy right in the face.

But that's not all, Urbie. I’m coming into your backyard. I’m going after your recruits, and I swear to Pete Carroll that if we are bombing you by 40 and I have all of my timeouts with less than a minute left, I will call all three timeouts while Ed Orgeron power-bombs Albert the Gator and the entire team gets Kiffy with it in the end zone. I have never been more serious about anything in my life.

Anyways, I've got to run. Got a study session on SEC rules and regulations. Nu'Keese and Marsalis send their best.

Subversively yours,

The Kiff

In Defense of Lane Kiffin and Tennessee Football

Knox McCoy — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 20:31:46 -0500

I’m struggling to understand the immense backlash against Lane Kiffin.

Don’t we want coaches to be infused with a little emotion? It seems a little hypocritical to burn the new guy at the stake when we complain about the non-controversial and mundane answers regurgitated repeatedly by coaches.

In the current state of sports media, even the most slight and subtle jabs are hyper-analyzed. The media and the public have become a giant raging fire that craves controversy and will spark on the smallest of issues if it will provide content.

So why, when Lane Kiffin gives us exactly what we want, do we become so outraged? Sure, his comments and conduct seem laced with bravado, but isn’t that more interesting than politically correct jargon? Throughout the week, I’ve seen more outrage written from sports writers throughout the south than I have in recent memory.

All because Kiffin called out Florida and misunderstood a rule?

I think the media monster has a lot to do with the streamlined rhetoric that most coaches access throughout the season. Why publicly speak with any passion? Doing so only serves to place the comments in the news cycle while leaving the coach bound and gagged for endless scrutiny.

I think when we step outside of our respective fanaticisms, we all enjoy a mouthy coach. Who among us didn’t enjoy Spurrier’s swipes and jabs at FSU and UT? What about Urban Meyer’s silent fury during this year’s UF vs. UGA matchup when he called not one, but two timeouts in the game’s final minute?

Lest we not forget Kiffin’s predecessor and his Eeyore-like responses in press conferences: “I’m going to have to look at the tape.”

Can anyone remember the last time Fulmer spoke with any kind of decisive expectations for the Tennessee program? Me neither.

In the Robber Baron era of SEC football budgets, mediocrity is a death knell for any program, which is why Fulmer had to fall on his sword. Spending bundles of money to end up at home during bowl season simply cannot happen. His approach with the players had become stale, the fans had long lost confidence in him, and his recruiting suffered tremendously.

And please stop with the validation of Al Davis and his overhead projector of criticisms, Paul Finebaum.

You think Kiffin calling out Urban Meyer means that Davis was right? Really? So the vampirical owner now has credibility because Kiffin didn’t cower in the shadow of Meyer?

I have never read anything more brazenly idiotic than Paul Finebaum’s whiny diatribe against Kiffin last week. Beyond giving Davis credibility, he also asserts that Kiffin’s staff is incestuous due to the inclusion of his brother-in-law and father. Of course.

I hate it when coaches hire people they know and trust. Oakland is football's version of indentured servitude and anyone with a clue knew that Kiffin took the job to improve his profile. If you think otherwise, then I bet you believe the stimulus is going to work too.

An approach of self-preservation for Kiffin would have involved keeping his head down and mouth shut until he had the benefit of a couple of recruiting classes, but when you have to kick-start a program, you can’t sit by and hope things bounce right.

Don’t forget, after a steady trend of sinking to the middle of the pack, Signing Day and beyond was largely about Tennessee and Kiffin. Yes, he was uninformed about a rule and wrongly criticized Meyer, but on a day when high school players across the country were paying close attention, Tennessee and Kiffin thrusted themselves front and center.

My father has always said, “I’d rather pull the reins on a racehorse than kick a mule in the butt.” Tennessee fans may find this saying particularly compelling given the end of Fulmer’s tenure and the beginning of Kiffin’s. Regardless of how you feel about the Vols, it has to be somewhat refreshing to see a coach step in and place the burden of expectations squarely on his back.

Maybe he crashes and burns, but may be the cavalier attitude is just what is needed to create a groundswell of momentum for the program. Kiffin’s first SEC game will be a good indication either way.

The Evil Genius of Manny Ramirez

Knox McCoy — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 17:49:21 -0400

The best bad guys are the ones whose plans are realized or wreak a tremendous amount of mayhem in the process.

I mean, would Heath Ledger’s Joker be any good if his “Pencil Trick” had failed and a gangster shot him dead with the sharpened #2 still in his hands?

Or think about the Arabian swordsman who squared off with Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark. He could have been awesome, right? He owned the maniacal look, had sweet sword skills, and an awesome red sash accenting his black outfit. But Indy put aside the bullwhip and opted for the more decisive approach, the gunshot, which incidentally answered once and for all the age-old debate about gun vs. machete.

So when we examine Manny Ramirez, make no mistake that we are looking at an exceedingly malevolent force who has orchestrated a deception of Shakespearean proportions.

Perhaps you are blinded by his Marley-esque dreadlocks. Or it could be that you are still chuckling about his catch/high-five the outfield fan/miraculous double play from earlier in the season. But in doing so, you are overlooking a man who is about to complete the last stanza in a diabolical and melodramatic song.

With the help of Scott (The Stain) Boras, Manny (The Pain) Ramirez gave the worst acting job since Nicolas Cage in any movie starring Nicolas Cage through the efforts put forth in his last days in Boston...His cancerous behavior and (using Tim McCarver’s word) despicable actions forced the Red Sox to give him away to whomever would accept a left-fielder with Hall of Fame skills and Wall Street ethics.

For "The Stain" and "The Pain," this was the most difficult portion of their plan. Actually playing the game would be no problem, but to have landed in a situation where Ramirez had a viable shot to be on a playoff team was beyond masterful and evoked the nuanced manipulations of Ben Linus getting Jack to perform back surgery on Lost.

After arriving in Los Angeles, all he managed to do was hit 17 HRs, knock in 53 RBI, and bat .396...in 53 games! He saved his best work for the playoffs though, hitting four HRs and ending with a .520 average. Even Krang and Shredder wouldn’t dare try to perpetrate such a belligerent fraud on a scale like this.

All that remains for the machinations of the master plan to be come together is for a desperate owner to gloriously overpay for Ramirez’s services (should the Dodgers pass on Ramirez’s option), which has always been a foregone conclusion.

As a scorned Sox fan, what can I do? I feel like a mortally wounded Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet, screaming “A plague o’ both your houses!” to Ramirez and whomever rewards his villainy, as I swear to loathe the team that awards his shady tactics. Regardless of where he ends up, I hold out hope that some kind of justice will be meted out to him.

I wonder how lice respond to dreadlocks?

Fantasy Football: A Completely Healthy Response to Tom Brady's Absence

Knox McCoy — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 14:53:19 -0400

Dear Tom:

I know I said I would stop writing you, but...it’s just so hard. I miss you. I miss your smile. I miss the way your hair fluttered about your head after victoriously removing your helmet following a long Randy Moss touchdown.

I guess it could be worse. I could be Jabar Gaffney. My Name is Earl is looking at a better season than he is.

Do you ever think about me? They way you so carelessly left me to twist in the wind as my fantasy keeper-league mates routinely pummel me, week in and week out? How could you? You’re TOM BRADY! How dare you let your knee explode! I needed you!

I’m sorry, Tom. I’m not being fair to you. But do you know how humiliating it is to show up on Sundays with Matt Cassel on my arm? He couldn’t even beat out Matt Leinart or Carson Palmer at USC, and look what they went on to do in the NFL: Leinart is backing up someone who could be his grandfather and Palmer is tanking faster than Brooke Hogan’s music career.

What’s that? You were a backup in college, too? Oh Tom, you make me laugh. I think everyone knows by now that you were just giving Scott Dreisbach and Brian Griese a chance to make something of themselves. And do you know why you did that? Because Tom Brady is generous like that.

But let’s get back to the point. No one cares about the scorned fantasy owner left behind by the malicious acts of Bernard Pollard. All we have is your jersey to dry our tears and the memory of 50 majestic TDs and 4,800 prodigious yards. We are the forgotten and we mourn in a forgotten silence.

On an unrelated note, I watched the movie Fatal Attraction recently. You should Netflix it since you’ll be laid up for a while. It’s great. I really connected with the Glenn Close character and her raw emotion and honesty.

I want you to know that I’m keeping your QB spot on The Wolf Blitzers warm in case you discover a cure for destroyed knees while you are re-cooperating, because Tom Brady is a medical genius like that. Even if you don’t, I’ll be here next year waiting for you. I’ll be the one outside our fantasy football draft with a white rose. Clenched between my teeth.

This was good. I feel better. I’m glad we can talk like this. I apologize for the crayon writing, but the doctors insist because of the sharp point thing. I’m sure yours were the same way with you. Anyways, feel better soon. I’m going to go start my next letter to you.

Respectfully yours (and carefully observing your 50-yard restraining order),

R.K.