Bleacher Report - Articles by Anne Doe

D- Day and a (supposed) New Budget Cap

Anne Doe — Fri, 29 May 2009 07:14:57 -0400

Finally it seems the war is over, hopefully anyhow. Throughout the evening, there have been numerous reports that the budget cap of £40 million has now been raised to £85 million, and that the objecting teams should be on the grid for 2010.

A £40 million budget cap is expected to be introduced the following year, at the start of the 2011 season; a year later than what was originally hoped for by the FIA and Max Mosley.

All of the current Formula 1 teams have signed up for the 2010 season, and they are also to sign a new Concorde agreement prior to the 12th of June.

The current teams entries currently take priority, I believe, over the teams who submitted their entries earlier. Submitting their entry does not automatically guarantee that they have a place on the starting grid for next year.

In my opinion, the teams most likely to join Formula 1 in 2010 are Lola and Prodrive/Aston Martin. Lola, a Huntingdon-based comapny, were last seen in Formula 1 before the new millenium, in 1997.

Prodrive are a company many people have held respect for, having worked before in WRC, and with the prestige of the Aston Martin name, I certainly wouldn't say no to them.

Certainly at least one of these names is recognisable to people who aren't up to date with the motorsport world, so the FIA would most probably see that Lola and Prodrive/Aston Martin would have a much bigger fan base than say, Formtech.

The real question is whether any of the new teams will actually be able to impact upon the sport that is Formula 1.

Battle of the F1 'Elders'

Anne Doe — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 15:43:14 -0400

The definition of 'elder' in Formula One is hardly the definition shared by us generic human beings. In recent times, many of the rookie drivers have been freshly plucked from high school and strapped in with a racing harness (to be fair, some drivers do look around fifteen).

Still, it is of no consequence that the rookies in Formula One just seem to keep getting younger, because around the paddock, there are still many faces which first appeared more than eight years ago.

Rubens Barrichello, surely is the first driver that comes to mind when I write the word 'F1 Elder.' So far, he holds the record for the most grand prix starts, and is the only current driver ever who first debuted on a track no longer in use by Formula One.

1996 saw the start of Giancarlo Fisichella's Formula One career. Driving for Minardi Ford at the time, he retired from the Australian grand prix after 32 laps, his car suffering from clutch problems.

Jarno Trulli's first taste of F1 came in 1997, at the wheel of a Minardi Hart. Having qualified 17th at the Australian GP, he managed a finishing position of 12th, not bad for a rookie driver.

The Australian Grand Prix of 2000 saw another two new faces pop up. Nick Heidfeld did quite well in his Prost Peugeot to qualify 15th, while Jenson Button is his Williams BMW qualified 21st, before his engine blew up at 46 laps.

Quite a dismal end to his debut.

In 2001, two of our Formula One world champions found themselves in the cockpit. Kimi Raikkonen's debut saw him receive a point in his Sauber, having just 21 car races to his name and under a provisional super licence because of his inexperience.

The second world champion to start driving in 2001 was Fernando Alonso. Having qualified 19th in his Minardi Ford, Alonso worked his way up to finish 12th.

Okay, having digressed so far off my original point, I think a reminder is whats needed. My headline kind of states, but should really ask if there will soon be a Battle between the F1 elders, and an explanation to my theory is probably needed.

After watching the timings during qualifying on Saturday morning (yes, I did get up to watch it, including the third practices) I was rather astonished to see just how close the times were.

Result of the new '09 rules? Probably, but I having seen only what the car can do for so long, I do think it quite refreshing to think that the driver really can have a lot more input.

Don't get me wrong, some cars will be (and no doubt will always be unless F! becomes A1GP) superior to others. No denying it, I thought the Brawn GP's looked pretty nifty whizzing round on Sunday.

The point I'm trying to make is that, come Apr. 14 (when THAT issue is finally solved), I think we may actually be able to see the F1 'Elders' battle it out properly, the margins between the timings being so small.

At not one point in the careers of the aforementioned drivers have they all been in a car similarly able in performance.

We all know that a decent car can do so much for a driver, but I think that now, with the differences being so minuscule, we should actually be able to see once and for all how much time the ability of a driver is worth.

Restoration of the F1 Pecking Order

Anne Doe — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 17:55:36 -0400

From what I've read, heard and seen up until now, it is apparent that the rear diffuser issue is currently the most controversial on the grid as of this moment. Toyota, Williams, and especially Brawn GP are no doubt feeling pretty good about themselves for such an ingenious invention.

It is the belief of Ferrari team principal, Stefano Domenicali, that the "pecking order" of f1 has been completely turned on it's head at the moment. Not particularly hard to see why he thinks this, a brief glance at the starting grid for tomorrow would explain his thinking.

Brawn GP, in case you have not been informed yet (which would be quite miraculous), have taken the first two slots for tomorrows season opener at Australia. It is the belief of many on the circuit that the ingenious diffuser has been the reasoning for such an unexpected result.

However, come Apr. 14, this rear diffuser which currently adorns the back of the Williams', Brawn GP's and Toyota's, will have it's legality on the Formula One circuits announced.

Scenario One: The diffuser is banned.

Williams, Toyota and Brawn GP add around another half a second to their lap times - Advantage lost.

Scenario Two: The diffuser is declared legal.

Anybody unfamiliar with the acronym wysiwyg, please allow me to explain. In F1, what you see is what you get (most of the time anyway), but the problem is, what you see, other teams see, too.

The teams whose cars are currently running without these cunning diffusers are probably designing one as we speak, or are simply waiting for the verdict on their legality.

Either way, if the diffuser is rendered legal, each of the teams not running it right now will be soon.

So for each team is on the same footing-advantage lost.

It seems to be that everything hinges on this day, April 14th. So come d-day, do you think Brawn GP, Williams and Toyota will be able to hold their own against the big dogs without their advantage?

I hate to be cynical, but I don't think they can—the pecking order is restored.

Massa Gets His Driving Gloves On at Mugello

Anne Doe — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 11:48:40 -0500

Felipe Massa's first run in the Ferrari's shiny new F60 (click here for Ryan's Article and more pictures) got underway at Mugello today.

This year's shakedown came a little later than last year, but hey, better late than never. As well as a different driver presenting this years car (it was Kimi Raikkonen last year), it was also staged at a different track.

Mugello played host to the F60 shakedown this year, instead of the Fiorano where the F2008 was presented. This was, apparently, due to weather conditions; but as Ferrari own both tracks, it doesn't exactly hurt them.

The car itself doesn't look too bad. It doesn't have nearly as many winglets as last years car, due to the new regulations. I liked the aerodynamic winglets but c'est la vie.

Massa took to the track, according to Autosport, at 10:35 Italian time, and again at 10:55.

Images from Manipef1.com

Despair, Doom, Death for Formula 1, but One Thing Left in Pandora's Box

Anne Doe — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 02:04:59 -0500

Everything terrible in the world, according to the Greek myth, erupted from the box which Pandora opened. I know I seem a little hyperbolic, comparing F1 to the world (and hypocritical, seeing as most of my comments go along the "F1 is doomed" lines), but I'm going to take a positive viewpoint and make this comparison anyway, as there seem to be quite a few articles predicting the end of F1.

In Greek mythology, there is the story of "Pandora's Box." Zeus handed Pandora a box, instructing her not to open it, but also gave her the gift of curiosity (not a great combination).

Upon opening the box, she released disease, despair, malice, greed, old age, death, hatred, violence, cruelty, and war. Quickly she closed it again, keeping only hope inside.

Now it doesn't really take a member of MENSA to guess where I'm going with this. F1's finally been hit by the "Credit Crunch," and is seemingly impermeable no longer.

Honda has been hit severely by the global crunch, its car sales are down by 41 percent from last year. Ouch. So Honda, as I'm sure you've read, have shut up shop, cutting their losses, call it what you will.

After dusting the F1 rule book, it states inside that there must be 18 cars on the grid at the start of the season. With Honda gone, only 18 cars remain, but are all the other teams going to be able to weather the storm, bearing in mind that Honda had the biggest budget of them all?

Doom, despair, and the death of F1. The Panic Button (forgive the pun) has been hit. No more races, no more fastest laps, no more championships, no more (lets face it, we love them) crashes, and no more F1.

Ah, but wait. Hope remains for those optimists, those who walk out of the house despite the black cloud over their head. And it will be the optimists among us who see us through this financial crisis.

Three people are poking their nose in at Brackley already, and people with seemingly bottomless pockets, may I add. There is a high chance someone is going to take a hefty chunk in Toro Rosso, and, although I would have snorted with laughter at Max Mosley for this a week ago, standard engines for those who want to make the break into F1.

Hope is still in the box for those who wish to seek it.

Bernie Ecclestone: Soon To Be Not So Supremo?

Anne Doe — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 08:25:02 -0500

Okay, I don't know much about the Ecclestones. I know that there's a rather small guy called Bernie, who plays an important role in Formula One. There are two daughters, Tamara and another one who I can't, for the life of me, remember the name of. Then there is Bernie’s wife, Slavica.

While working on a Formula One promotional event in 1984, she met Bernie (and gave him a fake number, not knowing who he was). Also, she is a former model for Armani, and started modeling in the '70s. Between the two of them, there is a 28 year age gap, as well as a language gap. Slavica speaks Croatian and Italian, while Bernie only speaks in his mother tongue of English.

So there is some (alright, barely any), background information. Now to address the entire point of this article. There have been quite a few rumours about a divorce soon to hit the family. It has been reported that Slavica was packing up her things while Bernie was chilling at the Brazilian Grand Prix, and that she has been in contact with divorce lawyers in Switzerland.

Anyone with experience reading the British newspaper probably thinks this will be another normal divorce battle for them to report, where the woman will get a big payout at the end. I can understand why they would think that, having had the Heather Mills – Paul McCartney case shoved down their throat.

But alas, if this divorce does actually happen, it’s going to be Bernie in hot water. As anyone who has lived in a society and not on an alienated island knows, laws are incredibly complex. Bernie knows this, and he also knows a way around them.

Slavica, as a non-Brit, wouldn’t pay as much for her business ventures as Bernie would, so Bernie probably thought himself quite clever when he put the deeds of all the business flotsam and jetsam in her name.

Has the penny dropped yet? If it hasn’t, I’ll put it bluntly here: If Bernie and Slavica were to get divorced, most of the money Bernie has made would rightfully belong to her. That’s going to leave you with more than a slight headache in the morning.

So I put the question to you: Soon to be not so supremo?

Pages Burnt in the F1 Record Books

Anne Doe — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 09:58:23 -0500

Although it seems pretty pointless writing the next sentence as we all followed the 2008 season diligently, Kimi Raikkonen recently relinquished his crown as Formula 1 world champion.

Lewis Hamilton won the 2008 world driver's championship and is the youngest person to do so. Now if you couldn’t predict that last sentence, I think you’re in the wrong section.

Having said that, I took the liberty of browsing through some other Formula 1 records the 2008 drivers hold. I made a note of some of the most spectacular records, and now write them in the article before you. Just to note; these aren’t written in any particular order.

Firstly I start with a, shall we say seasoned (probably soon to be veteran), F1 driver. As many people noticed due to the celebrations, Rubens Barrichello holds the record for having entered the most Formula 1 races ever.

With 267 races under his belt, he’s not likely to be beaten for a long time, unless Patrese makes a sudden reappearance in F1.

Another record he holds, although it probably won’t give him any joy, is that he entered the most F1 races before a win. It took him 123 races before he reached the top step of the podium.

Lastly, but interestingly, he comes third in the record books for having taken a win from starting far back on the grid. In (I believe it was) Germany, Ruben’s made it from 18th on the grid to take victory.

Next up is Nico Rosberg, our half-German, half-Finn driver. At 20 years and 258 days old, he is the youngest driver to have set a fastest lap at the 2006 Bahrain Grand Prix.

Nick Heidfeld, our tyre-friendly German, holds the title for most points accumulated without a race win, 200 to be precise. I’ll bet that tastes rather bitter.

Our beloved David Coulthard is joint with Rubens at fourth for the most podiums ever, both with 62. Jenson Button has one to be rather proud of; after his first and only win at Hungary, someone noticed that he is one of two drivers who have won from a penalty position. The other was Kimi Raikkonen with his stunning win at Suzuka in 2005.

I’ll write more on that later, because Raikkonen has enough interesting records and near misses for his own paragraph.

Sebastian Vettel is another driver to add his name to the enviable race winners list of 2008. Not only this, though, he tops the list for youngest ever pole position holders at just 21 years and 71 days.

He also broke the record the next day, too, and at 21 years and 72 days, he was the youngest ever driver to claim a race win. I’m unsure as to whether he should have been allowed to drink the champagne on that podium, he’s that young.

At 20 years and 89 days, he was also the youngest driver ever to lead a race for one lap and at merely 19 years and 349 days, he is the youngest driver ever to receive points.

Fernando Alonso recently gave up one of his records. He is no longer the youngest driver ever to win a world championship. He is, however, still the youngest to do it twice, at just 25 years and 85 days he took his second title.

Another interesting record he holds is that he has scored podiums consecutively in 15 races, second only to Michael Schumacher. Lastly, before being trumped by Vettel, he was the youngest driver ever to win a race from pole, at just 21 years and 236 days.

Lewis Hamilton knocked Alonso of the top spot for youngest driver ever to win a WDC. At just 23 years and 300 days, he managed it.

He holds several other records, joint with Jacques Villeneuve on most of them. He holds the record to most wins in a rookie season with four, and is joint second with JV for the highest ever finishing position for a rookie. They were beaten only by Farina in 1950, who won the title in their debut season.

Finally, we come to our 2007 champion, Kimi Raikkonen. Twice, Raikkonen has matched Michael Schumacher's 10 fastest laps in a season, both in 2005 and more recently in 2008.

In 2005, Raikkonen also matched an unhappy record; Most wins in a season without a championship, seven to be precise. This he shares with Prost and Schumacher.

Impressively, he also comes third on the list of fastest laps of all time, with 35, behind Schmacher and Prost. He is also fourth for starting 17^th on the grid and taking a race win, an incredibly memorable race at Suzuka in 2005, were he overtook the Renault of Giancarlo Fisichella on the last lap.

Lastly, he comes in second to Alberto Ascari, setting six consecutive fastest laps to Ascari’s seven.

Amazing, five of the top ten youngest drivers to win a race are still very much in action and all have contracts for next year. Vettel, of course, heads the board, with Alonso a close second at 22 years and 26 days.

Fifth is Hamilton at 22 years and 154 days; Kimi Raikkonen is behind him by a year and three days; and seventh is Kubica, who scored his maiden win at 23 years and 184 days.

Formula 1 continues to astound many, and no doubt will for some time to come. The drivers seem to grow younger each year (hint the joke), the talent ever fresher.

A Formula One Tribute To...

Anne Doe — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 07:03:09 -0500

A tribute to...

Lewis Hamilton, our new world champion who kept his head right up until the end to snatch the title.

A tribute to...

Felipe Massa, who drove the perfect race and is one of the most worthy competitors to date.

A tribute to...

Scuderia Ferrari, our new constructor's championship winners and an incredible asset to Formula 1.

A tribute to...

Kimi Raikkonen, who gave his teammate the best chance to take the title by keeping his competitors at bay.

A tribute to...

Fernando Alonso, who kept our passion for F1 at the highest intensity and supplied us with almost daily controversial comments.

A tribute to...

David Coulthard, one of the best loved drivers on the paddock.

A tribute to...

The F1 teams, without whom we would have no sport to argue and debate over.

And lastly, a tribute to...

Formula One fans worldwide, for obvious reasons.

Without each and everyone of these people, the 2008 season would not have been what it was. Now for 2009...

Ron Dennis: We Do Not Remember Last Year

Anne Doe — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 09:24:32 -0400

"We don't even remember what happened in Brazil last year." Ahem...yeah okay, unless you drank all of Russia's vodka stocks in one night, I'm pretty sure you do. Take that back actually, were I in your position Ron, I would have done just that.

Well I'm going to be nice and spare the McMerc fans from reminding them what happened at Interlagos, as I'm in quite a good mood. I'll rip apart Ron's comments instead.

"It's clearly not done, but most likely it's only unreliability that's going to cause us a problem. So we're going to be cautious about tyres, rain all sorts of things." Okay Ron, enlighten me. Its likely unreliability is going to be your only problem, so you're going to be cautious about everything else. I'm thoroughly confused.

"But there's nothing to be achieved before Friday in planning for the what ifs." Right Ron, so planning ahead is a stupid idea. I knew buying a coat before winter was idiotic, what was I thinking?

"All the work we normally do will be done, and we will arrive on Friday morning ready to go and we'll adapt to whatever gets thrown at us." So you're going to go as you normally do, then change what you normally do? Aha, right.

"You never stop learning. It's so easy to forget that that was his first season and it was a phenomenal season. Why shouldn't this one be better? Is he going to get better? Yes, he is." I don't get why you asked a question and then gave an answer. We'd have understood if it was supposed to be rhetorical, but then you just answered it.

To anyone reading this article, I know I misunderstood his comments. It was, in fact, deliberate, but I was just in the mood for writing today.

Heikki Kovalainen: Victim of Injustice?

Anne Doe — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 05:35:48 -0400

After being given mismatched tyres, can even McLaren fans deny it?

China, a week back. Clambering out of his car after qualifying, Heikki Kovalainen wasn't looking particularly happy. Having qualified in a lowly fifth position, nobody was really expecting him to be. I, myself, was feeling rather bad for him, as. straight after walking down the pit-lane, he was almost attacked by the ITV camera.

And those of us residing in the UK, even if you only had a passing interest in F1, or even fans worldwide, could have guessed whom ITV asked him about.

"How are you going to help Lewis tomorrow?"

You'd be quite heartless not to feel sorry for him.

Monaco was where all of the problems concerning McLaren started. Many people believed he stalled on the grid before the parade lap, but that wasn't the case. An electrical glitch from the monitor that was plugged into his car prevented the car from going with everyone else's.

A series of bad races followed. Bad luck coupled with some driver errors prevented him from achieving his maximum potential, but fuel loads did not particularly help, either.

Kovalainen has been consistently bogged down in a car which nearly always had a heavier fuel load than its sister car. It doesn't take a genius to work out that adding more weight slows you down, leaving him further down the grid and thus lessening his chances of a win.

These last two races haven't exactly been brilliant for the Finn, either. At Fuji, his Merc' engine went up in a cloud of smoke, which unsurprisingly meant "nil point" for him. China was hardly better—he was served with mismatched tyres at the start. It would all come to nothing, anyway; his brakes developed a problem and he eventually retired with his engine developing a pneumatic system problem.

Were the roles reversed, does anybody really believe that Lewis Hamilton would have been struck with all of these problems—electrical glitches, inexplicable fuel loads and, most ridiculously of all, mismatched tyres?

It has been subtly hinted at that Kovalainen is not happy with the situation. I think I'd feel the same, too...

NOTE: I do apologies for neglecting to respond to comments, but my A-Level work hasn't been getting the attention it (badly) needs.

Force India Close To Deal With McLaren

Anne Doe — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 10:38:46 -0400

Force-Mercedes or McLaren-India. You get where I'm going with this.

According to reliable sources, unless Ron Dennis is not reliable enough, it is believed that Force India are very close to clinching a deal with McLaren-Mercedes for next season.

McLaren's top guy apparently told Spanish Newspaper, AS, that with all of the economic worries around the globe, McLaren are soon to arrange a deal with Mallya's team.

The nice package would include a shiny Merc' engine for Force India, as well as a whole host of technical information.

A nice idea is it not? One team stays afloat, the other has a junior team. One has a nice speedy engine in the bargain, while the other would have a nice playground to test up-and-coming drivers.

The deal is expected to be completed "shortly" (how long shortly will be, I don't know) and is expected to be signed and sealed before the new season in 2009.

You Want a Say in F1? Then Go and Say It!

Anne Doe — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 05:32:51 -0400

ING, sponsor of the Renault Formula One team, is conducting a global survey. And, no, it's not just a boring "Who will win the championship?" poll where people try to predict what will happen at the end of the season.

This particular survey is similar to the one carried out a few years back (2006, if my memory hasn't failed me), where us fans can actually express our opinions to people who can make the changes happen.

The questions include the usual "Who is your favourite team/driver," but don't worry, it gets more interesting. There are several that ask about media coverage in the country you selected, what you would like to see more of, if you want to hear the drivers talking to their pit crew, or want more on-board head shots.

So, do you want to say something?

ING and F1 Global Racing Fan Survey

Or, in case my hyperlink skills have failed me or you need to paste the link into your browser: http://www.ingf1racingmagazinefansurvey.com

Is It Too Late for Robert Kubica to Snatch Championship?

Anne Doe — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 06:37:45 -0400

So Robert Kubica's a bit of an enigma in my eyes. Don't worry, I'm about to explain why.

This is the guy who, before the season pretty much began, had already dismissed himself from fighting for the title. And unless they were driving a Ferrari or McLaren, most of the other drivers felt this way too. Can you really blame them?

There is hardly ever room for the little guys. It is a truth that we F1 fans have to bitterly acknowledge. We accept deep down that the constructors title can only be won by two teams, and it is not particularly hard to guess which teams.

But it is in the cockpit that there is a difference made. It is here where a driver can either flourish or diminish.

And Robert has certainly been flourishing. In Australia, he would certainly have gotten pole position had he not made an off track excursion, yet he still managed second. That race would have been excellent indeed had he not been crashed into by Nakajima.

In Malaysia, having driven a lonely race where he had been 20 seconds behind Kimi Raikkonen, and 20 seconds ahead of Heikki Kovalainen in a Finn sandwich, he got his first podium of the year.

Need I say anything about Bahrain since the media said it all, with the predictable, but enjoyable headline "Pole on Pole." He had beaten the superior cars to the front of the grid. And even after the BMW mechanics had neglected to mention the oil on the track, he still managed to bring home a second podium for the Swiss/German based team.

A neat fourth place followed after the return to Europe, and he pocketed a handful of points. He also added another trophy to his collection in Monaco, with another second place.

We now return to Canada, the site of Robert’s 2007 horror crash. No doubt his memories of the place are now only happy ones, after a certain somebody neglected their brakes. He was now part of the minority of drivers who have won a race this season. BMW ruined the Ferrari party; they were now no longer the only team to have enjoyed a 1–2.

But even after this Robert was still dismissing any title chances. He led the hunt for the WDC, but insisted that he would not win. This race was followed by miserable ones, and BMW have not recovered truly since.

So it seems odd that Kubica recently released a statement about how he was going to keep fighting for the title, despite being in a less enviable position than merely a few months back, where he was point-blank denying his chances.

But he has every hope, and every right to keep fighting. Despite being in an inferior car, he is currently separating the two Ferraris in the table, and those who follow the sport know that a single DNF can make a huge impact on the final result.

I’m still supporting Kimi all the way to Interlagos, but if he does fail to win his second championship this year, I hope it that it is Robert Kubica he loses to.

You Do The Math: Kimi Raikkonen Is Still In It

Anne Doe — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 04:50:40 -0400

18 points behind the leader. Four races to go.

The points after Monza last year. Lewis Hamilton, leading his team mate Fernando Alonso by very few points.

A two horse race between the two drivers was what the people saw. The rookie versus the two-time Champ.

19 points behind the leader. Five races to go.

The points now, as of Spa-Francorchamps. Lewis Hamilton, leading Felipe Massa in the red by very few points.

A two horse race between the two drivers is again what the people are seeing.

But many people, during last year and now, dismissed, and are now dismissing Kimi Raikkonen as champion. I wonder why that is. Because he has an extra race to make up the point, and then some. We saw him do it last year, it can be done.

So why is it that so many people have already ruled out the Iceman? Perhaps it is because the leading Ferrari in this years challenge is not being driven by him.

That's wrong. Why? Because it should not matter which driver is currently in a better position, it is the maths that counts.

Felipe Massa was in the running as much as his counterpart last year, until Monza, when it was mathematically impossible for him to then win the championship. It was here that he pledged his full support behind his teammate.

So why is it that so many people have already deemed Raikkonen his rear gunner? It is not fair, nor is it right. He will not be lining up behind Massa until the math forces him to do so. Like Massa last year.

The Iceman proved last year, that he can defy everyone, and against the odds and take the title. It is what F1 is (or should be) all about.

Call me naïve, call me what you will, I don't mind, because I will be supporting him until the end.

Ferrari are still giving their full backing to both of their drivers. They have not given up hope in Raikkonen, and until the maths deems it impossible, nor will I.

Keep flying Finn!

My Top 20 Martin Brundle Quotes from Modern F1 Times

Anne Doe — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 14:30:40 -0400

In the light of a—well in my view anyway—fairly uneventful Valencia Grand Prix, here are some funny and stupid quotes from Martin Brundle from 2001-2006. Hope they give you a chuckle anyway...

"You have to pretend you’ve really noticed that yellow flag. Remember what Mika Hakkinen used to do: he used to put his hand out of the cockpit to say, ‘Yeah, I’ve seen it,’ but keep his foot hard on the throttle pedal."

"If Michael does a victory leap on the podium, I’m personally gonna go and punch him."

"Scary thing about Raikkonen is he doesn't even look 21, does he? I think he'd get thrown out of a few pubs in the UK."

"Jean Todt: the Master Yoda of the Ferrari team."

"Raikkonen's rear tyre decided to take the short cut through the barrier there and cut about half a mile out and make its own way back to the pits."

"Fisichella is now 30 years old, no longer a young man, and he needs to be cutting the mustard pretty soon in his mustard-coloured Jordan.”

“No doubt there’ll be a bit of blue sky and some sunshine any time soon for Michael Schumacher’s lap—that’s how it normally works out, doesn’t it?”

“With that sort of dexterity, I reckon Alonso could get a job driving a transit van round the M25.”

“There’s been a lot of calls this last five years to ban all Germans in red cars—they’ll be wanting to ban Spaniards in blue cars next.”

“I never used to read that lollipop—you don’t actually sit there and go, ‘Oh, right, OK, brake,’ and ‘I’d better put a gear in.’ I don’t know why it’s on there really.”

“Kimi’s not up for talking to me, which 10 percent of me says, ‘Grumpy little sod;’ 90 percent says, ‘I really don’t blame him’.”

“I’m not sure what else you could say to a racing driver that could possibly be worse than, ‘You’re too slow’.”

“A Formula 1 car is one of the best hoovers in the world.”

“The Racing Drivers’ Book of Excuses has already gone to print for this year."

(Watching the drivers being weighed)
“You have to remember to hold your crash helmet and your gloves and all the goodies – and then if you’re really crafty, you can hold a bottle of water in your hand and add a little bit more to your weight as well.”

“Massa wins the ‘most awake’ prize.”

“Listen to the traction control babysitting him through the corner.”

“Kimi Raikkonen’s down here somewhere—let’s see if we can get two or maybe even three words plus VAT out of him today.”

(Monteiro and Sato give different explanations of their tangle.)
“It’s a bit like a primary school playground, isn’t it? ‘It wasn’t me, it was him!’”

And lastly, you're not a true F1 fan if you don't remember this one:

Martin: “Kimi Raikkonen doesn’t seem interested in the proceedings going on up there. Kimi, you missed the presentation by Pele.”
Kimi (nonchalantly): “Yeah.”
Martin: ”Will you get over it?”
Kimi: “Yeah. I was having a shit.”
Martin: “OK, thanks for that! Obviously, you’ll have a nice light car on the grid, then.”

Oh well, hope you had fun reading.

Is McLaren-Mercedes Cheating Again?

Anne Doe — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 03:11:06 -0400

Had a look a McLaren's new steering wheel recently?

Don’t worry, fans of the Woking-based outfit. Although I am a Raikkonen fan, this is not an article filled with unprovoked attacks on McLaren or its drivers.

All of this starts at the home of F1. I believe that it was at the British Grand Prix. Hamilton had just won, with a minute or so before anybody else was to cross the line, oh, and it was pouring down rain. So why did he finish with such a big margin.

A) Because he is a good driver.

B) He was driving a McLaren with a nice shiny new steering wheel.

McLaren introduced, at Silverstone, a steering wheel with, in total, six paddles. The first set, of course, is to change gear. The second set looks joined to the first set, but they are, of course, clutch paddles.

So far, this is nothing new, every team in F1, bar Force India, are currently using the same type of system. But it is last set which are the most intriguing. They are paddles to adjust the torque. So what McLaren have, in effect, done is develop a type of manual traction control.

"But traction control is banned isn’t it?"

Dig deeper into the FIA rules, and here is the rule, word for word: "Torque setting cannot be triggered by same drive input as a gear change."

This is exactly what traction control did, and this rule bans it.

But those McLaren guys in Woking did something both simple and crafty. Essentially, hey just made a dual-purpose paddle into two separate ones, so that when a driver pulls both paddles simultaneously, they have a kind of manual traction control.

It also works as a type of launch control. So all Heikki and Lewis have to do to make the torque changes automatic is wrap an elastic band around the two paddles, et voila! Then hide the elastic bands when the FIA pop round to have a look.

I believe that this is the reasoning behind McLaren's current run of form. Engineers will always be smarter than the people who write the rules. What will the rivals do? Try to copy and if they fail, protest, in that order.

The FIA though they put a blanket ban on traction control, but McLaren engineers have apparently unpicked the stitching. But is regaining a type of traction control overstepping the mark? We know that traction control has the ability to allow the less talented to stay on level with their more gifted counterparts.

Personally I think McLaren have been smart to spot the loophole, but do you think getting a type of traction control back should be classed as cheating?

McLaren: devious or genius? Please leave your opinions below. I’m in Finland for the next couple of weeks, but I will reply when I return.

Formula 1 and the Female of the Species

Anne Doe — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 09:07:37 -0400

During my seven years of watching Formula 1, I've heard this question asked many times, most recently today: Why are there no women in Formula 1?

And I've also heard many answers, ranging from the incredibly politically incorrect "there are no racetracks between the kitchen and the laundry room" to the super feminists' "Formula 1 and the world will be dominated by females in the future!"

Okay, let's delve briefly into the science. Men generally are more physically able and generally have better spatial awareness. But there are exceptions to the rule on both sides—there are women who can lift cars and men who have such terrible spatial awareness that they cannot even parallel park.

I've dismissed fitness and awareness as the reason there are no women in Formula 1. There is no scientific reason why they cannot compete.

So why are there no women in F1? I believe that it is drummed into us from an early age that racing is for men.

Allow me to explain my theory: When I was younger, my mother would buy me dolls, naturally Barbie dolls. Yet I longed to play with my cousin's gigantic car collection. I loved the way that when you dragged back the car and let go, it would shoot forward.

But when I asked for toy cars from my parents, I was presented with a car for my Barbie, one that didn't go soaring forward when I dragged it back. But like many secretly disappointed people, I put on a smile.

I also believe that there is a second reason. While watching Top Gear a couple of weeks ago, Jeremy Clarkson, although hardly one of the most impartial of people, made a very good point, which seems be true: "The second a woman puts on a pair of racing overalls she is treated like a sex object."

Just type in Danica Patrick into Google and click images. Has anybody ever asked Kimi Raikkonen to pose in a red bikini?

I don't blame my parents for buying me the car. Disappointment is a part of growing up. But just think: How many people who buy cars in a toy store end up giving them to little girls? And how many more racing drivers have been asked to pose for a tacky magazine such as FHM?

The generation of both female and male racing drivers battling it out will come, but I sincerely hope it is sooner rather than later.

Onwards But Upwards? Testing at Jerez

Anne Doe — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 01:25:52 -0400

Not even two days have passed since McLaren took victory at the German Grand Prix, for the first time since the days of Mika Hakkinen, and yet the teams are already testing at the Southern Spain Circuit of Jerez.

Jerez is one of those tracks, like Circuit de Catalunya, where every one of the teams knows the exact elevation of each kerb. They all know the fastest way around this track, and its unsurprising seeing as they complete hundreds of thousands of miles around this track each year.

Okay why mention this? Because the lap times from this circuit in the next few days should give a clear indication of who has slumped, and who has progressed. Let's go back to April. Ferrari was topping the time-sheets on most of the days, and sure enough they won at the next two races, and then scored a lock out front row in Monaco.

Force India is the only team not out in force today. But if you are a fan of the underdogs, don't dismay. They're set to introduce, and finally, a quick shift gearbox. Meanwhile, Honda is set to evaluate the rear suspension on their car, as well as a revised aero package.

BMW today were experimenting with KERS. It wasn't incredibly successful. Christian Klien returned to the pitlane after a mere 3 laps. A mechanic who was examining the car suffered an electric shock. He injured his left arm but was deemed well enough to continue to work, however BMW's testing for the rest of the day was abandoned as there is currently an investigation taking place.

The test this week should give us a clear indication of who has the pace to take the win in Hungary, so keep your eyes glued to the lap times for the next four days.

Kimi Raikkonen's Unlucky No. 17 Continues in Germany

Anne Doe — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 11:55:11 -0400

17 is the unlucky number in Italy; it is also the amount of race wins Raikkonen's been stuck on since April.

Recently, people have been questioning Kimi's motivation, saying that he's lacking it. It's easy to understand why, his last race win was nearly four months ago.

The German Grand Prix, both at Hockenheim and the Nurburgring, has never been kind to Kimi. He has more DNF's to his name than race finishes, as well as crashing at Hockenheim at the same corner—twice.

It's not been a great weekend for the Finn. He's had to contend with Renault's, Toyota's, BMW's and even his own car. His F2008 has been under-steering on the way into the corners, then over-steering on the way out.

He just has not been able to find the right set-up, and this weekend, it was not superior to the mid-pack cars.

His luck didn't really improve come race day either. He lost a place on the opening lap to Robert Kubica, and then didn't seem to be catching up to Trulli when he was wedged between Alonso and the Toyota. And then he went into the pits, queuing up behind Felipe Massa, and upon coming out he was down to 12th.

But when he came out in 12th, something happened. Kimi seemed filled with that vitality from his old McLaren days, to get the points he needed for his Championship campaign.

After pulling some great overtaking moves on Nico Rosberg, two-time world champion Fernando Alonso, Bright spark Vettel, Jarno Trulli and Rising Star Robert Kubica, Kimi was now back in the points.

Yes, he could have done better than sixth, but I hope today pushed the Kimi reset button, that we'll see more of that deserving young racer from Espoo, and he can get that elusive 18th win.