Bleacher Report - Articles by Michael Caissie

Patriot Cheerleaders are Running Scared

Michael Caissie — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 17:30:07 -0500

Okay, I have heard more than enough of who is more afraid to play who this weekend between the Chargers and the Patriots.

As the Charger’s DE Igor Olshanky put it, "Who? New England? Seriously, I mean, their more worried than we are, I promise you. Believe me. They know what's up."

Well...he was half right about his statement.

What? You thought I was going to blast him for being overly confident about playing a team that has yet to lose, and already beat his team this year? No. You thought I was going to let him know giving the Patriots poster material is just plain stupid? No.

I am saying he was half right about his statement.

There are indeed some professional athletes in New England who are afraid of the Chargers, but they're not football players, and they're not afraid of Mr. Olshansky.

The New England Patriots cheerleaders are simply terrified, and are desperately hoping that one particular Charger is quick to recover from his injury. The Pats Cheerleaders are desperately sitting around worried…praying even…that Philip Rivers recovers before this weekend and suits up for the game.

So, I have been told that cheerleading is EXTREMELY competitive, and neither set of cheerleaders wants to be shown up by the other team’s set of pom-poms. Before the injury to Rivers, it looked as if it would be an equal affair of cheers and dances between both cheerleading squads.

Now what are the Pats cheerleaders to do? Surely they can keep up, perhaps even beat, their Charger counterparts on any given Sunday. But…this might not be any given Sunday. No…this Sunday the Charger’s might have the super cheerleader on their sidelines, sure to give them an unfair and overwhelming advantage.

Did you see Philip Rivers jawing at the Indy fans last week? How can the Pats cheerleader compete with that kind of commitment to vocal excellence?

Maybe Tom Brady will take time out of doing his talking on the field to help them out? Sorry girls…probably not going to happen. I know it’s not fair, but your quarterback will be too busy letting his game do the talking this weekend, just like he does every weekend.

I wonder if Patriot fans sitting on and around the 50-yard line behind the Charger team are required to pay extra for their tickets for the additional entertainment and interaction surely to be provided via Mr. Rivers?

Okay, I’ve had enough fun trying to prove a very tired and very obvious point. Charger fans…you can disagree with me all you like, but EVERYONE who is ANYONE in sports this week has been saying the same thing that I have been saying ALL season long. Philip Rivers needs to learn his place, and let his skill do his talking.

Surely this would be less of a story if Rivers were a winning QB with some rings to flash; Montana, Young, Brady, Manning, Favre, etc. But then again…those that have deserved the right to run their mouth…just do not run their mouth.

That was an incredible win for the Chargers and their fans last week. No one outside of San Diego gave them a chance to win that game. It is too bad Rivers was busy on the sidelines, exhanging words with drunken fans, while his team, and his backup, were pulling the upset win. Passing words with fans, while your backup was busy passing YOUR team to victory...really, Philip? I am really looking forward to the game this weekend, because these are two very good teams, and both are deserving to play in the Super Bowl.

The New England cheerleaders are looking forward to Rivers hopefully suiting up, because they already have their hands full competing with Chargers cheerleaders. Having to beat Rivers too just seems unfair.

I am sure the Charger cheerleaders are hoping that Rivers plays as well, because if he keeps this up, he might easily take one of their jobs next season.

Dear Jerry Rice...Randy Moss Doesn't Know Any Better

Michael Caissie — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 17:02:10 -0500

Dear Jerry Rice,

I'm sorry to hear about your disappointment over Randy Moss' comments after breaking one of your many records.

"I don't think me breaking Jerry Rice's record is special," Moss said. "I think shutting you guys up is what made it special, all the negativity, all my critics."

Let’s face it, Mr. Rice—you can’t turn a whore into a housewife, and you can’t expect Randy Moss to understand why you're upset.

"It's almost like a little slap in the face, but that's typical of Randy Moss," you said on a recent radio program.

Mr. Rice, you're of the generation that knows to say the right things to the right people at the right times, out of respect. Moss, on the other hand, lives most of his life with blinders on.

I honestly don’t believe he meant to slight you with his comments, but was instead sincere in his opinion that, at the end of the day, his accomplishment was more than about the record he broke, or the legend who held it before him.

Moss has never been mistaken for someone who values good sportsmanship or respect for the game.

But you, Mr. Rice, are a class act, and retired as one of the greatest players in NFL history. Your name is all over the record books, and you have served as in inspiration for players and fans for years.

You didn’t have the physical attributes Moss has, which makes your feats that much more impressive.

Take it from a Patriot fan—your legacy will outlast all of your records. Don’t waste your breath or your energy on Randy Moss.

After all, you're better than that.

Sincerely,

A Patriot Fan

Philip Rivers and Eli Manning: Time To Give Credit Where Credit Has Been Earned

Michael Caissie — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 11:57:09 -0500

They didn't blow it. They didn't implode. They didn't shatter the dreams and hopes of their fans.

Neither one was particularly flashy. Neither one would be considered dominant. Neither had the kind of performance that makes one a legend of the game. Hell, neither one did anything outside the realm of what should normally be expected from a quarterback of a NFL playoff team.

It was simple. It was sweet. It was victory.

These two guys came to work, punched the time clock, and did their jobs. In doing so, their teams live on to play another game, and their critics are left looking for something new to talk about.

The lead up to Wild-Card Weekend was filled with more than a few questions concerning the play of two young starting quarterbacks. Hearing the onslaught of doubts from both the fans and the media alike—including yours truly—one might have assumed Eli Manning and Philip Rivers had already lost the game for their respective teams before the games were even played.

However, by sunset on the west coast on Sunday, both quarterbacks had silenced their critics and led their teams to the next round of the NFL Playoffs.

Eli Manning was a solid 20 of 27 for 185 yards, two touchdowns—and probably even more importantly, no interceptions. He looked as if he did indeed carry over his stellar play and confidence from the previous week.

Philip Rivers shook off a relatively mundane first half, and finished convincingly, going 19 of 30 for 292, with one TD and one pick. Rivers and the Bolts looked poised and ready in bringing San Diego its first playoff victory in fourteen years.

In both games, both quarterbacks were the leaders their teams needed to see another game this season. And in both cases, this writer found cause to give credit where credit was certainly earned.

I’ll avoid the tired cliches about Eli looking like a "certain sibling," and simply say that he looked like he was actually comfortable not only with the game, but also with the weight that’s been put on his shoulder by an entire city. He played smart, and looked to do just enough to make the plays he needed to make, while avoiding forcing the issue. He didn’t light up the scoreboard, but he didn’t have to find a way to win.

With San Diego’s running game virtually nonexistent throughout the majority of the Sunday’s second game, the Chargers' fate rested solely on Rivers’ ability to pass the ball. While playing with his usual fire and passion—as evideced by his frustration after his interception—Rivers played with enough poise and resilience to finish as a winner.

Of in every NFL contest, games are won or lost as a team. Neither of these guys did it alone—but they took what was given to them and made the best of their situations.

Four years ago, these guys came into the league in the same draft. Four years later, on the same day, in the face of adversity and skeptics, they both rose to the occasion to get their first playoff victory.

Congratulations, gentlemen. Here’s your pat on the back from one of those skeptics. Good luck next week—because you’re both going to need it.

San Diego Ticket Woes: Sticking It to Chargers Fans

Michael Caissie — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 12:18:16 -0500

(Huge sigh of relief.)

Good thing the NFL was gracious enough to grant the San Diego Chargers and their fans (trying not to laugh here) an extension to sell the remaining 500 tickets to their Sunday playoff game, in hopes of avoiding a local TV blackout.

My point in writing this?

I don’t really have one. I’m just cold and vindictive—and love other people’s misery.

In fact, I only just barely managed to pull myself off the floor amidst my fits of laughter long enough to stick it to all of those "Charger Fans" (laughing again) who crucified me for an Chargers-Chargers_Charged_The_Shame_of_LaDainian_Tomlinson_and_Co_-271207">earlier piece on the Chargers and their poor attitude.

That’s right—I’m taking a cheap shot here because it’s soooo easy.

Seriously: How the hell can you not sell out a playoff game? What’s wrong with your fanbase?

I'd be embarrassed to call myself a Charger fan right now.

Don’t even give me that crap about, "It's the holidays," because I don’t see any other "elite teams" (laughing again) with this problem—and last I checked, the holidays are celebrated across the country.

So let the bashing start immediately upon this posting and continue right through 1:30 PM Sunday...because apparently none of you Charger "fans" will be at the game.

Will you even be watching on TV?

Keep the Faith, Rocket: A Special Message to Roger Clemens

Michael Caissie — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 11:59:05 -0500

Dear Roger Clemens,

It was good to hear from you. Where have you been—and what took you so long?

I was starting to think we were doomed to continue our relationship solely via your agent and attorney. I’m glad you’ve finally resurfaced to clear the air.

After all, we’ve missed you.

Now I’m sure you’re looking a little yellow lately, and dealing with high blood pressure—in anticipation of your upcoming 60 Minutes appearance, of course, not from the side effects of, well...

You know.

I bet you’re feeling some rage coming on too—from all those "false" accusations as opposed to...

Right.

No need to worry, my friend—I’m sure your 60 Minutes spot will persuade the world that you are indeed innocent. People just don’t understand that hard work and dedication can counteract all logic, and have provided you with the edge you needed to actually get BETTER in your 40s.

You have nothing to worry about, Roger. I’m just glad you’re okay.

By the way—did you get that email I forwarded you about Cialis to help with your little (pun intended) problem we discussed recently? I’m sure it’s no big deal (pun intended)—nothing a little pill won’t fix, in as little as 30 minutes for some men...and it works up to 36 hours, so you can be ready when the moment is right.

I know it seems like you have the world on your large, acne-scarred, shoulders, Roger. But you need to have some faith.

Come Sunday I’m sure, your saying things like you "swear" you didn’t take steroids or HGH will clear your name. I’m sure your explanation about how a trained professional, with nothing to lose by telling the truth but everything to lose by lying, somehow has a fuzzy recollection as to what he actually injected you with way back when.

Oh, and one more thing—don’t worry about Brian McNamee’s lawyers' threatening to sue you for the defamation of their client.

They’re just threatening to do what anyone who’s been falsely accused of something would do.

All the best from your loyal fans,

Victor Conte, and Syringe Manufacturers Worldwide

It's Time to Give the Celtics the Respect They've Earned

Michael Caissie — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 10:46:49 -0500

Tim Legler went on ESPN Radio this afternoon and reiterated his statement from a few weeks ago regarding the Detroit Pistons being the best team in the NBA. His piece, Daily Dime, on ESPN.COM spoke more of the same.

While Detroit is indeed on a 10-game winning streak, his reasoning as to why Detroit is number one, and the Celtics are number THREE, is simply stupid. (Sorry I couldn’t come up with anything more eloquent to say)

I sat and listened this afternoon while Mr. Legler stated that the play of Billups was the difference in the teams' meeting a few weeks ago. Okay, Tim, I won’t disagree with you on that one.

He continued by saying that Billups simply overpowered Rajon Rondo. No disagreeing from me on that one either, Tim.

Then he simply got stupid by saying that all of the other positions could be a toss up on any given night between the two teams.

You might as well eliminate the center position for both teams because it’s simply not worth talking about. That said, let’s move on to Hamilton vs. Pierce. I would agree that this would indeed be a close one and probably could go either way. When it comes to Prince vs. Allen, I think it could also go either way.

But Garnett vs. Rasheed? Tim Legler actually said this could be a toss up on any given night? That’s probably one of the most ridiculous statements I’ve heard in a long, long time. You should have just stuck with your Billups vs. Rondo argument, Tim.

Let’s just forget about the player vs. player argument all together. Let’s look at their records. Detroit is a respectable 25-7 and sitting comfortably atop their division. The Celtics are 27-3 and also comfortably on top of their division—making them only one of five teams to lose only three games in their first 30. You might remember another one of the five, the 95-96 Bulls that would finish with 72 wins and the championship.

Some have knocked the Celtics for a "easy early schedule," but they’re 9-0 against the West this year. Indeed the C’s did lose to the Pistons, but it went down to the wire, and a year ago we wouldn’t even be having this discussion. The Celtics lead the league in defense and show no signs of slowing down.

While I’m not ready to crown them the NBA Champions just yet, I think it’s time that people stop shying away from giving the Celtics the respect that they’ve already earned this year. If you play to win, then whoever is winning the most should be recognized as the best team.

Otherwise, why bother keeping track of records at all? To suggest that a team that is 27-3 is third, San Antonio at 21-8 is second, and Detroit at 25-7 is first makes no sense to me.

Last time I checked, having a winning percentage of .900 is pretty good.

Wild Card Weekend: Which Teams Should Win—and Who Will Win

Michael Caissie — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 09:29:20 -0500

"Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing." - Vince Lombardi

It’s win-or-go-home time! Taking a look at this weekend's games on paper leaves little room for discussion as to who SHOULD win—but fortunately for fans and teams alike, football isn’t played on paper.

That said, I’ve taken a look at the matchups and provided a who SHOULD WIN, accompanied with a who WILL WIN; often times with different outcomes.

Washington at Seattle

Who Should Win:

Seattle—With the recent return of Seattle’s running game, and Matt Hasselbeck behind center, Seattle certainly should have the offense to put up points this weekend. Playing at home should provide enough of an edge to send Washington home for the year.

Who Will Win:

It’s been a great run for the Redskins, and the emotional boost from Taylor’s passing has rejuvenated this entire franchise. Sports are about emotion and passion, and this team seems poised to make the most of their dedication to their fallen teammate.

I look for them this emotional high to push them past a Seattle team that at times looked absolutely horrific this year.

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh

Who Should Win:

This is probably the closest game on paper of the bunch, but I think Pittsburgh at home should escape with the win. Ben Roethlisberger had his best year as a pro and looks like the leader everyone thought he was prior to his motorcycle mishap.

Heinz Field is a hard place to win at in the playoffs, and I think the 12^th man should provide the Steelers with just enough to overcome an impressive Jacksonville team.

Who Will Win:

Jacksonville—The Jaguars look like the Steelers of past years, with a great running game, solid mistake-free QB play, and a big chip on their shoulder. How they had no Pro Bowl players is simply disgusting (Taylor has since made it as a substitute, but it was definitely a slap in the face).

The poor playing field will most likely help Jacksonville and actually hurt the home team. With Big Ben playing so well, and the injury of Willie Parker, the Steelers will have to rely more on the passing game. This plays right into Jacksonville’s favor.

Giants at Tampa Bay

Who Should Win:

With the way they played last week against the Patriots, the Giants should win a close one in Tampa. They have all the right skill players in all the right positions to win in the playoffs.

Their powerful running attack should keep Tampa's defense busy all game.

Who Will Win:

Sorry New York, but Eli is no Peyton, and I think last week was the best he’s ever going to play. Until he proves otherwise, I think he buckles under the pressure in big games. Tampa’s defense should throw enough at Eli to bring him back down to an average QB at best. With Eli playing like Eli, Tampa need only focus on the Giants' running attack to keep them out of the end zone.

Garcia has once again proven he’s a winner, and should have enough with Galloway stretching the field to put up enough to win.

Tennessee at San Diego

Who Should Win:

Is there any doubt that on paper San Diego has the best talent in the league? There shouldn’t be! This time the Chargers are playing at home, have the best running back in the NFL, and are looking to show everyone that they are indeed an elite team.

With last year's early exit, the Chargers are playing with something to prove and should come away with this win.

Who Will Win:

San Diego definitely has a lot to prove, and I just don’t see Tennessee having enough offense to win this game. Defensively they will provide fits for Rivers, but LT is the great equalizer. I’m of course merely stating the obvious, but the Chargers go as far as Rivers is capable of taking them. Lucky for the Chargers, this won’t be the week where his performance will really make or break the game.

DISCLAIMER:

Michael Caissie is not a Gridiron God, nor a homer (the Pats aren’t even playing this weekend—so, Ha!). There was no skill involved in writing this piece, or in picking the winners. He did no research and has nothing more than a fourth grade education and a black and white television without cable to watch the games each week.

SEC Speed Kills: Colt Brennan Should Have Worn His Seat Belt

Michael Caissie — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 10:59:49 -0500

Three and out.

Just like that, it was over after the first offensive drive for Colt Brennan and Hawaii.

Don’t act so surprised. Oh, you’re not? I wasn’t all that shocked either.

Knowshon Moreno found the end zone twice in the first quarter, and the Georgia Bulldogs’ defense looked like they were playing against a high school football team from start to finish Tuesday night in the Sugar Bowl.

Unfortunately for Hawaii—and their Heisman Trophy finalist QB—the Warriors looked nothing like the highest-scoring team in the nation.

With Georgia leading 24-3 at the break, the Bulldogs looked just as poised and ready to start the second half as they did in the first. On Hawaii’s first possession of the second quarter, Brennan was sacked by Roderick Battle, and subsequently picked off by Asher Allen.

Brennan seemed poised to score on his next possession. Unfortunately, his score was for the wrong team.

After dropping back to pass, Brennan was introduced to the soon-to-be-named MVP of the bowl, Marcus Howard.

Blowing right past Hawaii’s overmatched tackle, Howard crushed Brennan, causing the fumble and the ball to find it’s way into the endzone. The Georgia senior promptly followed the way of the ball, providing a defensive touchdown for the Bulldogs.

Brennan’s night, and his college career, would come to an end after being slammed to the ground by Geno Atkins. He made his way to the sideline finishing with an unimpressive line of 22 of 38 for a mere 169 yards, with three INTs, no TDs, and two fumbles lost.

"It was the fastest team I’ve probably ever seen," Brennan said after the game was finally over.

Hawaii would eventually find its way into the correct endzone behind Brennan’s backup Tyler Graunke. His 16-yard touchdown pass to Ryan Grice-Mullen would prove to be as meaningless and as feeble as Hawaii’s entire night.

The Sugar Bowl, and the night, belonged to Howard and the Georgia defense. When it was all said and done, Howard would finish with three sacks, two forced fumbles, and a tip that would aide in a teammate’s interception.

This night showcased the speed and talent of an impressive Georgia team, and certainly reiterates the notion that football is a team sport. As great as Colt Brennan has been, Georgia showed what an entire team of talent can do in the spotlight.

Along with Howard’s MVP performance, the Bulldogs’ D left New Orleans with six takeaways, and some well-deserved respect—not to mention helping to set a new team record for points scored.

Position Available: QB capable of turning NFL franchise around. Applicant: Matt Ryan

Michael Caissie — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 12:40:57 -0500

It’s 5 PM East Coast time on December 28th, and I am wonder what the executives of a few NFL teams are doing.

I can tell you what the likes of Mr. Lemon, Huard, Harrington, Testaverde, Pennington, and Boller were hoping they were not doing.

Are you watching, GMs? I hope you got a good look at a guy that could immediately help you in your most important position.

The 6' 5" 218lb Matt Ryan has an NFL-caliber arm, and did nothing but set single-season passing records for Boston College this year—without having a real vertical threat at wide receiver.

With his favorite target coming out of the backfield, Ryan headed into the Champs Sports Bowl with a passing rating of 128.5, having racked up 4258 yards and 28 touchdowns on the season.

At one point this year, he had the over-achieving Eagles and ranked second nationally. He’s the ACC Player of the Year and winner of the Johnny Unitas Golden Arm Award.

He’s a winner, a leader, accurate, intelligent, and tough. His two last-minute drives against Virginia Tech in the bad weather this year was a perfect example of Matty Ice’s value to whomever is fortunate enough to land him in the draft.

Did you clear your schedules to watch his encore performance? Did you see him go 22 of 47 for 249 yards and three TDs, leading his Eagles to their eighth-straight bowl win, and their first 11-win season since 1940? Some of the quarterbacks listed above need two seasons to win that many games!

So, lower echelon NFL execs: I hope for the sake of fans of your teams you’ve already started to print "Ryan" on the back of a home and an away jersey.

Chargers Charged: The Shame of LaDainian Tomlinson and Co.

Michael Caissie — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 19:00:33 -0500

It’s the holiday season—a time for love, a time for cheer, a time for forgiveness.

It’s a time in which I desperately tried to resist writing this piece—but in the end several helpings of rum and eggnog made me FINALLY come to my senses.

So let me get this straight: Players like Terrell Owens and Randy Moss are poor sports, distractions, and disruptive when they're unhappy?

Okay, for the most part, I'd have to agree—especially when either player’s team is losing. But the eggnog in my gut and my visions of Monday night are enough to remind me that this piece isn’t about Moss or Owens.

On the contrary, this is about a player who's apparently been given a get-out-jail-free card when it comes to sportsmanship and chemistry. This is about a team that apparently can do no wrong.

More to the point, this is about the hypocrisy of the media and fans alike.

Imagine a team that's quick to whine and complain when it feels disrespected, but that makes no apologies for its own horrendous behavior. Imagine a player who has no problem questioning the integrity of other players and teams, but really needs to take a good hard look at himself in the mirror before opening his mouth.

Imagine a franchise that has proved absolutely nothing, but always seems to have a soundbite about how they "should have won."

If you can do all that, you can imagine my growing disdain for LaDainian Tomlinson and the San Diego Chargers.

Yes, you read that right.

Please take the time to gasp and prepare to call me every name in the book.

Got that out of your system?

Good, let’s move on to my proof...

Exhibit A: I take you back to last year's playoff loss to the New England Patriots, and to LT’s obnoxious aggression toward the Patriots role players who celebrated by mocking Shawn Merriman’s dance.

LT was simply being a sore loser—to say nothing of Philip River’s quote calling Ellis Hobbs the "sorriest corner in the league."

Rumor has it that Rivers originally wanted to tell Hobbs that he was a "big fat poopy face"...but teammates advised against it, so he went with the "sorriest corner" bit instead.

Exhibit B: If you would please direct your attention to this year's Titans-Chargers game. With the Chargers down 17-3, Tomlinson CLEARLY got up and walked away from Rivers after he sat down next to him on the bench.

Not exactly the sign of a true leader of men. Way to help pick your teammate up, LT—and way to be a role model for kids.

In the end, the Bolts came back for the win—and once again LT was all smiles.

Do you have two sets of teeth to brush in the morning, Mr. Two-Face?

Exhibit C: Apparently LT and Rivers have more in common than just wearing the same NFL uniform on Sundays.

Mr. Rivers, is your mouth tired from all that ridiculous jawing you were doing toward a fellow QB on Monday night?

Apparently beating a team on national television wasn’t enough for Rivers. What was the rest of that warm and cheerful quote about Ellis Hobbs last year? Wasn’t it something like, "Act like you’ve won a game before"?

Hmm...interesting notion.

So go ahead and call me a Grinch. Go ahead and defend these guys, because I know you will. I expect you to, because I’ve sat and watched it all year long.

I’m not doubting talent or performance. LT is a phenomenal player. Rivers is...umm...well...I’ll get back to you on that one.

I’m not questioning their humanitarian efforts or their compassion for the less fortunate either. I’m sure they’re both great guys. I know LT has done a ton for the community and for many charities.

All I’m saying is, in the end, both Tomlinson and Rivers need to stop and remember that they live in glass houses—and that the media and fans need to stop giving them free passes.

Maybe these guys will grow up and turn over new leaves. Maybe miracles can happen. Maybe if...I mean when...the Chargers lose this year (Oh come on! They have Norv Turner as their head coach!), they'll take it with some class.

Yeah—and maybe T.O. will one day win the Nobel Peace Prize for his promotion of harmony around the world.