Bleacher Report - Articles by Robert Nelson

Barack Obama Replaces Brian Cashman: New York Yankees Get...."Changed?"

Robert Nelson — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 07:41:01 -0400

In breaking news today, Barack Obama has withdrawn his run for the presidency of the United States and accepted the position of replacing Brian Cashman as general manager of the New York Yankees.

Issuing a brief statement, Obama said, "We gonna get some change."

Not going into any type specific detail, Obama commented, "First thing we're gonna do is create a hybrid-type pitching mound. It will be sort of like a cone. We call it the 'home-field advantage.' We'll lower the mound six inches for when we bat and in between innings, the "cone" will be placed on top of the mound for the opposing team to hit off of. We're supposed to have a home-field advantage and this is just the beginning."

So much for the Anti-Trust Exemption that requires a level playing field, but the Yankees will get more revenue as result of this change - and thus have to pay even more revenue "sharing" proceeds to all teams and have to pay even more taxes to the local, state and the federal government.

The Yankees having to pay more is a good thing and will allow for even more social programs, feed more "starving children" with federal programs like The School Lunch Program - but fear not - the teacher's union will still have that ever tightening strangle hold over the " quality dependent on income" education program and will still hold some political parties hostage...regardless of educational results of children furhtering inequality in America - but don't worry, there will still be taxes to fix it all.

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day - teach a man to fish and feed him for life!

Obama goes on, "Secondly, when Jason Giambi bats, we will bring in the right-field fence 70 feet. This will be accomplished by a new 'transportable wall.' This will 'level' the playing field even further, all for the sake of fair play and equal opportunity."

"Thirdly, free beer for everyone. No age limit. You've been forced to watch this mess all year, you might as well be medicated. We were going to offer free parking, but everyone takes the subway to the Bronx. There will be semi-naked cheerleaders offering free peanuts during games pitched by Carl Pavano."

"Furthermore...And very exciting for all of you, I'm sure...Any opposing pitcher with an ERA less than 7.35 will have to pitch from a distance halfway between "the cone" and second base. Any pitcher with and ERA lower than 4.6 will have to pitch underhand...you get the point."

"In closing, I'm delighted to be running this show now. I've promised you change, and by the grace of God, you're gonna get some."

Lastly, Obama suspended George Steinbrenner from Baseball again - regardless of his being talked about for the Hall of Fame.

Obama calls this plan, "payback for Steinbrenner contributing to Richard Nixon's Campaign. The media does not like Nixon, so I had to do it."

Obama reported that he doesn't care if he promised the people to run his campaign on Public Finance alone to seter Big Money Corruption and doesn't care about Campaign Finance Reform at all - he wants to be a Yank.

He also added that, "George also shares a name for which I do not care for - that short, fat Jewish guy on Seinfeld. I know Mr. Steinbrenner was already suspended in the 1970s, but I don't think he remembers his punishment - so it is important that he does."

At the end of the "Obamanian Empire" the Yankees were literally left with change -pocket change- but Boston prospered due to Obama's love for Ted Kennedy.

I would have tagged John McCain - but this site does not have a tag for John McCain - only one for Barack Obama.

"The New York Yankee Road Trip From Hell"

Robert Nelson — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 06:09:36 -0400

The Misery - The Horror - The Hank and Cashman Connection

Do you know which team with the largest of all markets, who all-too willingly takes its fans' money, but promises the moon and the stars...stinks and can't buy a win?

What you gonna do big boy?

Let me tell you what Hank is going to do: NOTHING. PERIOD.COM. NOTHING, just like he has all year, and just like he did last offseason...nothing. I know, at least he saved Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy, right? The two boys both have ERAs now over 10!

If he was going to do something, then he would have already done it—starting back when Wang busted his ankle in Texas, circa mid June. Instead of getting a like-type pitcher to replace Wang, who went down for the season, Hank gave us Darrell Rasner.

When Joba got injured about four weeks ago, Hank gave us Carl Pavano. It is almost as if he WANTS to lose.

Now, Yankee fans sit in the Yankee Universe, with all of OUR money normally reserved for making an already bloated market all the much fatter. It's Sept. 1, 2008, and the playoffs have become another distant galaxy, and it is getting further away.

I know one thing I won't be spending my money on for the rest of the year, and that's Hanks' Yanks.

I have already bid farewell to the faded white facade. I patted the Cathedral's support beams and said my thank-you's to Yankee Stadium—a place that gave me the delight of any sports fan every year, for the last 15 years.

Now, Yankee fans sit and watch a shell of a team as they move to break the consecutive postseason streaks and end it at 14—breaking a record in this way is not a good thing—what's worse is that this is happening in the last year of the House that Babe Ruth Built.

Fans can play the blame game: blame this, blame that, blame this player, blame Girardi, blame who you want—but, the time has come to point the finger at the head honcho, the man, the big cheese, the king joker: Hank, who actually said in June that he liked the job Brian Cashman was doing. (!??!!)

Rest assured Yankee Universe: There is MISERY AHEAD. NY is a team not playing well, and their offense is the one constant that has stunk from the beginning of the season to now. Some wrote that "the bull-pen needed improvement," while other opined that "the rotation needed improvement"—and both got remedied with the rotation to a lesser degree.

With the main problem of the Yankees being offense, which has lasted from start to finish this year, getting a fix like Richie Sexson was just another "swing and miss" by soon-to-be "goner," Cash-man. What the hell was Cashman smoking that day, and where was Hank?

And don't be confused about it, either. The Yankees' offense is so bad that they sent Melky Cabrera back down to the minors...but they expected Richie FN Sexson to fix it?

As a card-carrying member of YANKEE UNIVERSE, I've thrown in the towel several times, but like true love, I can't bring myself to walk away once and for all. I always find myself sadly looking back.

Fans must all face reality, and I'll show you how hard the remaining season will be.

Sept. 1 at Detroit - Please try to score some runs for Sydney Ponson.

Sept. 2-4 at Tampa Bay - Don't make me cry.

Sept. 5-7 at Seattle - Take a big, long flight and see how that works for ya.

Sept. 8-10 at Anaheim - Hottest team in baseball. One sick SOB made this schedule.

September 12-14 at home, against Tampa Bay - That ass will probably be sore by then.

This is indeed a horror movie. A bad dream that one does not wake up from. It is the Wes Craven version of Groundhog Day, but instead of it being Bill Murray stuck in a town with repeating days, Yankee fans find themselves hoping for a postseason appearance in the last year of Ruth but are battling the GM and owner, who are just laughing at us fans while in our misery.

Cashman might as well be called Kashman Bates of the horror movie Misery, because the fans are now tied down to a team that he and Hank built, and now they are holding fans hostage. Much like Cathy Bates, who forced James Caan to write a new novel while being held captive as he was crippled, Kashman Bates has forced fans to support and pay for a new idea too: the youth movement.

And just as the fans had the hope of making the postseason, by signing the likes of Gary Sheffield or Barry Bonds to permanently fix the offense, "Kathy" caught us hoping for a way to that postseason in the final year, and the sledge hammer came crushing down, breaking our dreams of postseason play into mere shards.

They passed on what I called a must sign, and then they passed on the cure for the rotation too—almost proving that they want to lose this year.

Maybe Yankee management wants to lop off some heads and let them role as they break the streak in order to have an excuse to rid the team of some pretty big fan favorites next year—Pettitte, Moose, and Giambi's stars are fading already.

Will the Yankees make the playoffs? I'd rather go buy a lottery ticket, and it kills me to even say it.

Bottom line, YANKEE UNIVERSE: Management didn't do what was needed to do, when it was needed to do it (Yogi helped me write that).

Now the Yankee fans are paying the price for being naive and optimistic. We are paying the price, as we always do—after all, it is OUR MONEY—but this time the goods are no-good.

It's one thing to buy into a winner, but it's quite different paying to see a loser (no offense Pavano). It is our money and NOW, we can choose to spend it elsewhere, like college football and send the Yanks a message.

Or maybe fans can go along with Cashman and Hank - we could demand that they keep Carl Pavano—because he is sooo good—that's only my attempt at offering the reader some comic relief, but don't tell Brian Hoch of MLB.com—he likes Carl—which is as funny as listening to Eddie Murphy's Raw, "Wanna lick? Psych!"

Without fans, there is no Yankee Universe to destroy because Hank and the Steinbrenners would not have the money they now have. It is not Hank's world, he is just a steward. It is our place....The Yankee Fan Universe, and maybe it is time we showed management our displeasure of this, the final year of OUR stadium.

Yankee September: Mission Impossible? Not just yet.

Robert Nelson — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 15:55:32 -0400

At the close of business Sunday, the Yankees were 9 1/2 games out of first place in the AL East, and five games behind in the AL Wildcard.

As we approach September, Yankee fans all over the nation are wringing their knuckles and scratching their heads, wondering, "How the heck do we get back into this?" The first response would be "WIN GAMES". Brilliant! But there's much more to it than that.

Let's cut to the chase. A playoff birth will all come down to schedules, performance of the core team and acquisitions followed by decisions made by management. We must first take a look at where we've been, where we are and where we are going.

This is a far different team approaching fall than we saw take the field this spring. Injuries have clobbered this roster. Wang is gone, Joba is hurt, Posada is gone.

Jeter and A-Rod have had their issues. Run production has been downright horrible at times. Cashman continues to make moves that defy common sense.

That being said, let's give credit where it is due. Mike Mussina is having a MVP year. Andy Pettitte is on fire. Mariano Rivera continues to prove he is the greatest closer in the history of the sport.

There have been unexpected arrivals. Xavier Nady and Pudge Rodriguez have suddenly found themselves in pinstripes and are doing a fine job picking up the slack. Somehow, Carl Pavano, possibly the worst decision ever made by a major league team, is back in the Bronx. How will that turn out? Who knows, but thank YOU Mr. Cashman.

The big key to this finish is schedules. Not just the Yankees, but the Red Sox and Tampa Bay. You're not just watching the Yanks now Bomber Fans, you have to watch it all.

What Boston and the Rays are doing matters just as much as who's on the hill in New York. Let's look at the schedules, Yanks first.

The Yankee September. Tough. Starting Tuesday night, the Yanks face Boston six times, Tampa six times, three games at Anaheim, three at Seattle, Toronto, White Sox, etc.

The games with Tampa and Boston should be considered MUST wins, not just you win one, I win one. This is where you have to make up games.

Next, the Boston schedule. Equally as difficult, the six games with New York end with three at Fenway. Whoever made this schedule up is a sick individual. This was not done by chance.

They also have six games with the Rays and a bunch of games with Toronto and Texas. Boston has to lose some games, we have to pass them BEFORE we can think about taking first away from Tampa. Keep that in mind.

Finally, those pesky damn Rays. They've got injuries and everyone has been waiting for them to fold up. Don't count on it. They are playing their guts out but there is a big window of opportunity. Here is the most brutal schedule of all. Specifically, Sept. 2 through Sept. 21.

9/2, 3, 4 Yankees

9/5, 6, 7 at Blue Jays

9/ 8, 9, 10 at Red Sox

9/12, 13, 14 at Yankees

9/15, 16, 17 Red Sox

9/18, 19, 20, 21 Twins

During this time frame, many things could change. There's your chance.

Finally, a note on performance. We need bats. Leaving nine men on base per game is no longer an option. The core of the team is still there. Damon, Jeter, A-Rod, Giambi, Cano, Matsui and Abreu are fully capable of making things happen.

Nady is getting comfortable. It's time to step up. Bats must crack! The pitching staff has performed solidly in spots as mentioned. Moose, Andy and Mo need to continue being the foundation. Ponson needs some run support.

Don't make it hard. Pitch well, play defense, swing the bat, and hope you start winning quickly and the Sox and Rays start losing. This is still the same game we played as kids. We'll see.

Barry Bonds or Gary Sheffield Needs To Be a New York Yankee Right NOW!

Robert Nelson — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 15:49:16 -0400

I don't like Barry Bonds. I don't like the smell around him. But as a Yankee fan, and with all the injuries surrounding my team, the time has come. We need to face facts.

Yankee Stadium has that short-porch in right field. Bonds is idle and slobbering to play, even for the league minimum salary. Our team ranks seventh in the American League in batting average, and the outfield is begging for the stability of a fielding-offense. DO THE MATH!

I've thought this all year and didn't want to admit it to myself, much less write about it. All it took was a nudge from my friend, Patrick Read, in my neighboring state to send me over the edge.

It's on like Donkey Kong! Bonds in pinstripes! I'm not saying put him in left field full-time. Make him the designated walk and up the run production!

The problem is, we're screwing around and not doing anything. We see Mike Mussina pitching his guts out. That's not going to get you there.

It's the same thing with Pettitte; he's not going to get you there. Ponson pitches seven shutout innings, but it is not good enough.

We see the constant shuffle in the pitching rotation. That's not going to get you there.

We see the moves made for the bullpen already, and it is not doing the trick. Edwar Ramirez, Veras, and Mariano are as good as it gets.

We see the injuries, and we see where that is getting you: further back.

It is time to step up the offense again, Yankees.

Or snag the Top Chef, Gary Sheffield—who was placed on waivers today by Detroit. I remember getting a confident smile whenever Sheffield was up and playing for the Yankees.

He could hit and the Yankees can't. Plus, he was a leader in the clubhouse who hated to lose—almost as much as fans do, especially now, the final year in Yankee Stadium.

Don't worry about your reputation to the lore. We ain't choirboys and nor are our players—and the Yankees have the richest of all legacies.

Let's win this damn thing!

There's only one last season in The Stadium, and that is right now!

BRIAN CASHMAN, ARE YOU LISTENING!??

Manny Ramirez over Juan Pierre? Wake Up, Dodgers!

Robert Nelson — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 08:59:33 -0400

I remember the first time I saw Juan Pierre. He was on first base. I looked at the tube and said to myself, "Wow, that guy's gonna go!" He went. He was halfway to second base before the pitcher got into his windup.

"Who the hell is THAT guy?" If ever a leopard was granted a license to play baseball and run bases, this was the cat. He's a thief, and he doesn't care that you know it. He's the kind of player that tells the first baseman as he's taking his lead, "I'm goin.'"

That being said, I'm a Yankees fan and happened to turn on the Diamondbacks at Dodgers game last night. I entered the Twilight Zone. I saw a game of small ball like I'd never seen in years. It was unreal to see Joe Torre giving signals a mile a minute, bunt attempt after bunt attempt, and, yes, a PERFECTLY executed hit and run.

I remember this game now. This is like we played when we were kids.

I'm used to the exciting high drama of Yankee Stadium. Big bats, big swings, big money.

This was something different. I'll watch again tonight. Enter Manny. I won't call it the Manny era, because I don't believe it's all that.

I saw Torre calling Manny one of the best hitters in the game in a postgame interview. Forget that. My question to the Dodger faithful is this: ARE YOU GOING TO REMOVE JUAN PIERRE FROM THE LINEUP FOR THIS LAZY SON OF A GUN?

New York Yankees are Knocking on Boston's Door for a Three Game Rivalry Series

Robert Nelson — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:51:16 -0400

Every spring, I print off copies of the Yankee schedule. I remember performing this task while snow was flying and the deer were invading the yard. As I blew the printer ink dry and hung multiple copies in my closets, I looked at it and said, "July at Boston". That will be cool.

Well it's here folks, and it is ON. ON LIKE DONKEY KONG. The Yanks are coming together, the Red Sox are well...

Let's stop and look at this reasonably. Forget the hate. How about the pitching matchups?

Friday Night in America...

Joba vs. Beckett

How do you make this up? This will draw the line in the sand. A high scoring game would surprise me, hopefully for the better.

My thoughts? Jump on him, score runs, make every pitch count. The bullpen is tan, rested and ready.

Pettitte vs. Wakefield

OH MY! This will be classic baseball.

Sunday Night? Probably Mussina.

Bottom line. Swing the bats. This is real baseball. Make up ground. Grind it out. Rays need to start losing some games.

What's Got Into Mike Mussina and The New York Yankees?

Robert Nelson — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:59:19 -0400

Whazzup? Somethin's up. At the start of the last few seasons, old man Mussina has been written off as over the hill, along with Pettitte, Clemens, even Mariano. The doubters and the haters can't figure it out.

I've worried about Mussina for years. I hear the press. "Can't break an egg, be lucky to hit the gun at 85..." Here's a hint. It's NOT about speed. It's all about things like pitch placement, attitude, mind games, and wanting to win.

Don't believe what you read. Believe what you SEE. Here's the bottom line on the Yankees at this moment............

1) 10 wins in a row at home!

2) Mussina just threw 8 scoreless innings. True. 13 wins at mid season. WOW!

3) Mussina struck out a batter today with a 69 mph changeup. How's that for playing chess?

4) Cano is starting to swing productively. Don't miss his at-bats.

5) The starting pitching is saving the all mighty bullpen.

6) Giambi can be relied upon. He's trying.

7) Pettitte is on fire. Hope you saw the show Sunday. Jeez.

8) We've got two other guys I forgot to mention, Jeter and A-Rod.

9) Who's that new guy Joba?

10) Mariano Rivera (also over the hill?) is still that guy you don't want to meet in an alley late at night.

11) Back to Mussina, the old guy, only 16 walks in 121 1/3 innings. Go find somebody better. You can't.

This is a team that should be in last place when you factor in the disabled list. Start wherever you wish. Wang, Posada, Damon, and Jeter missed time. This should NOT be happening.

What you see is a professional team coming together after the All Star break. Time to get busy. Time to manage the injuries. Time to manage players. Time to win.

This won't be easy. I'm not saying the Yankees will win the division. I am saying they are starting to do the little things they always do to at least make a run for it. Isn't that why we watch baseball anyway?

Say it with me........... "I believe the Yankees can win this whole damn thing."

Yankees-A's: "Dandy" Andy Pettitte Pushes the Broom!

Robert Nelson — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 16:16:53 -0400

Yankee fans will get this. It's Sunday morning, the sun is coming up, and your first thoughts of the day turn to baseball.

Pettitte's on the hill at 1 PM. Tampa Bay needs to lose and the Red Sox are on ESPN tonight. That is your battle plan. You must get through the day.

First things first.

Andy locks into a duel that keeps you on edge 'til Frank is singing "New York, New York". Tampa Bay is losing, and you are equally concerned with that game. It's just as important as the work Andy is doing.

Bang! You get lady luck to swing your way twice. Andy goes eight award-winning innings against the A's, and Mo closes the show 2-1. Tampa Bay can't get anything going late against Toronto. Now, the icing on the cake. The Red Sox get bonked by the Angels.

Long story short: I got to see Manny strikeout and Pettitte put on a gem. NINE strikeouts and ZERO walks in eight innings. Everyone sing the Jefferson's theme song with me, "WE'RE MOVING ON UP"!

Acknowledge this win, Yankee Nation, and then forget about it. There's lots of baseball left to play. We are being blessed now with pitching effort, but we still need run production.

Still, this was not a bad way to spend a Sunday.

Pete Rose vs. Ray Fosse

Robert Nelson — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 16:08:49 -0400

My, how this game has changed. Yankee Stadium is a special place tonight. Lots of showbiz glam, all the biggies, still the same old game, but money has changed it all.

These lineups remind me of taking all the main courses from your favorite meals and throwing them into a food processor for about five seconds. You like pizza, steak, fish, Mexican. You can sense a little bit of the flavor here and there, but it's not like the real deal.

It doesn't mean what it used to. I don't watch the game in the same way I did when I stayed up past my bedtime 38 years ago to watch Rose clobber Fosse to win it in extra innings. THAT was baseball, possibly THE link between the Cobb era and today's megastars.

Fosse's career was never the same after that train wreck. He did go on to catch Dennis Eckersley's no hitter against the Angels in 1977 as an Indian, this after crushing his neck breaking up a locker room brawl between Reggie Jackson and Billy North in 1974 as an Oakland A.

When I think of Rose, possibly the greatest player of all time, I often think of Ray Fosse. I think about getting the paper off mom and dad's porch the next day and going to the sport section to read all about it.

There it was, the picture, the headline. Rose won the game, and I'd played a small part. I'd gone to our minor league ballpark many times, grabbed stacks of ballots, and voted for every Red player on there.

I'm a Yankee fan now. That took a while. It was nice to see Jeter, A-Rod and Rivera go to the show in their backyard. They tried hard, all players did. Even Manny. That's not the point. I didn't see two men collide in the blink of an eye and change their lives forever.