Bleacher Report - Articles by Alex Ferguson

Chomp! Chomp! Florida Batters Florida State in Tim Tebow's Finale

Alex Ferguson — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 20:00:22 -0500

On weekend that saw Florida's BCS rivals Texas and Alabama (nearly) fall to in-state rivals, Florida showed how it was done against Florida State, hammering the Seminoles by the 'close' score of 37-10.

Yesterday we at the VFA made the point that winning rivalry games was often a question of who 'wanted it more'.

Now, we'd like to correct ourselves. We're quite aware that both sides 'want' to win. It's obvious—college football players don't exactly go out to lose, do they?

But get this: If you impress during a rivalry game, then everyone gives you the thumbs up on Thanksgiving Weekend, even if you were playing a defense as horrific as Florida State.

Florida State's problem isn't about speed. The speed that Florida State (as a team) has—in our view from watching an awful lot of teams this season—is second to none in the country.

But defense-wise, it's second to about everybody. I think that even Indiana would be disappointed with scoring under 30 against the 'Noles if the two met up. That is the poverty of FSU's defense.

Mind you, Texas A&M and Auburn's weren't great either. But it was Florida who exploited the weaknesses of Florida State's—as they did last year—and you have the feeling that had the 2009 matchup been in Doak Campbell, the result would have been exactly the same.

And to make matters worse for the Bowden-ers, Florida's defense was so dominant that the touchdown in garbage time late on in the game was a little bit on unjust side. Still, it was one heck of a catch, and well worth Youtubing!

And Tim Tebow, was, well, Tim Tebow. There was one horrible fumble late on in the game that the Tebow-haters enjoyed (and we still can't believe that the SEC officials didn't call him for an offensive facemask too), but otherwise, you can hardly complain with 17-21, 221 yard, 3-touchdown effort, could you?

We doubt that he'll put up the same gaudy numbers against Alabama going against a fearsome defensive front, but we think he'll do pretty well.

Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer: You Survived, Alabama

Alex Ferguson — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 18:56:00 -0500

Alabama scored their first win in Auburn since God was a boy. We saw no toilet paper on trees. No screams of "Go To Hell, Alabama!" after the game, and everyone (apart from 10,000-20,000 Alabama fans who made the trip to Jordan Hare Stadium) went home a little bit sad.

In fact, it wouldn't have been easy to sort out this BCS mess if Alabama had lost, because then if they beat Florida (who we can confidently predict won't play as badly as Texas or Alabama did over the last two days), who would face Texas (who we confidently predict will hammer Nebraska next week) in the National Title game? Would Boise or TCU have their wish? Or would it be Cincinnati? Or...? Or....?

Anyway, we know about rivalry games that they are always going to be battles. They generally aren't won by 400 points by either side, and it's all about passion and, as we Brits say, "wanting it more."

There's no question that both teams wanted it more. The tackles were flying from all directions.

The problem with Auburn is that they couldn't stop Alabama's final drive, and quarterback Chris Todd, who had played very well up to around the second quarter, finally ran out of "playing well" gas.

But let's get this straight: did ANYONE see an Alabama team that might beat Florida in the SEC game?

Alabama was held to just 73 yards rushing by the Tigers, with fairy dust around Mark Ingram suddenly eliminated in the game that really counted. Ingram looked second class against a distinctly second-class (for most of the year, anyway) Auburn front.

Auburn battled like Tigers, but it was not to be. But does anyone seriously think that Alabama's going to win the SEC Championship Game after this performance?

Texas Wins, but Have the Longhorns Shot Themselves in the Foot?

Alex Ferguson — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 07:03:11 -0500

Thursday night's Texas-Texas A&M game was a Texas-style shoot-out, complete with drama, fat women in the stands, and noise.

But, while Texas A&M will feel once again disheartened by losing to Texas, Texas will also be disheartened.

Make no mistake about it, folks, that sort of defensive performance can work against lousy Big XII teams—and there were a number UT has faced this season (we won't talk about the laughable non-conference schedule)—but, it won't wash against the Longhorns' likely Bowl opponents, Florida or Alabama.

The Longhorns couldn't stop the throw all night. Think Blake Gideon & Co are going to deal with Riley Cooper better than he did with the Aggies? Or think they'll cope against Julio Jones?

They weren't great against the run either. Early on, it looked as though the Aggies would get roasted on the line of scrimmage. The 'Horns were awesome. But, as is the case in college football, the game rolled on, and the D tired.

By the end of the game, Christine Michael (we only wish we were joking about his first name, but seriously—he's called Christine. Parents wanted a girl apparently), had 83 yards to his name, and the runs were getting bigger each time. They also had trouble stopping Aggies QB Jerrod Johnson. While Texas will have fun against Greg McElroy, think Tebow won't barge them out of the way?

On the good side: Colt McCoy was a star for the Longhorns, and he's playing the best 'ball of his career. Jordan Shipley will be a thorn in anyone's side for the last two games of his college career (he's not coming back for a seventh year is he? IS he?). Kickers against Texas will have to "pick their poison" against Jordan Shipley or Marquise Goodwin, who can both fly.

Look, we know it was a rivalry game.

But rivalry games probably come second to National Championships in terms of games everyone will talk about when careers are done and dusted. No-one wants to be known as the team who went unbeaten during the regular season and then got smacked about during the National Championship Game.

Here's a bit of "Midnight Yell" for y'all. Ignore the first 47 seconds of introduction...

Texas Wins, but Might Give Florida or Alabama a Blueprint for Victory

Alex Ferguson — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 06:23:00 -0500

Make no mistake about it folks, Thursday night's Texas-Texas A&M game was a Texas-style shoot-out complete with drama, fat women in the stands, and noise.

But while Texas A&M will feel once again disheartened by losing to Texas, the Longhorns will be too.

Because while that sort of defensive performance can work against a Big XII team—including Big XII North opponent Nebraska a week from Saturday (are we being a little unfair?)—it won't wash against Florida or Alabama.

The Longhorns couldn't stop the throwing game all night. Do you think Blake Gideon & Co. are going to deal with Riley Cooper or Julio Jones better than they did with the Aggies?

Texas wasn't great against the run either. Early on, it looked as though the Aggies would get roasted on the line of scrimmage. The 'horns were awesome. But, as is often the case in college football, the game rolled on, and the "D" tired.

By the end of the game, Christine Michael—we only wish we were joking about his first name, but seriously, he's called Christine (parents wanted a girl apparently)—had 83 yards to his name, and the runs were getting bigger each time. They also had trouble stopping Aggies' QB Jerrod Johnson.

While Texas will have fun against Greg McElroy, do you think Tebow won't barge them out of the way?

On the good side...Colt McCoy was a star for the Longhorns, and he's playing the best ball of his career...Jordan Shipley will be a thorn in anyone's side for the last two games of his college career (he's not coming back for a seventh year is he? Is he?)...kickers against Texas will have to "pick their poison" on kickoffs against Jordan Shipley or Marquise Goodwin, who can both fly.

Look, we know it was a rivalry game. But rivalry games probably come second to national championships in terms of games everyone will talk about when careers are done and dusted.

No one wants to be known as part of the team that went unbeaten during the regular season, but then got smacked about during the National Championship Game.

It's Hate Week!: Week 13 College Football Predictions

Alex Ferguson — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 05:16:00 -0500

It's always a bummer for us at the VFA that Penn State really has no natural rivals. Sure, the Lions played Pitt, USC, and Notre Dame a bunch of times back in the "independent days," but now that the Big Ten's here, Penn State have got nobody they can truly lift the finger to.

If I was Penn State AD Tim Curley, I'd stop scheduling trash and go for a 30-year home and home series against Pitt or Notre Dame. Penn State Nation needs it.

Anyway, back from all that talk, because it's Thanksgiving Weekend, which means that we're all getting our hate on this weekend (and the weekend after, if you're an Oregon or Oregon State fan, who battle it for the Pac-10 title in a week's time).

So here we go.

The "Saw Varsity's Horns Off" Game: Texas vs. Texas A&M

Texas is going to walking into a world of hate at Kyle Field. Aggies fans have had this pencilled in since January, and the Longhorns, who are playing as well as anyone this year, have to come to play a Texas A&M which has been fun to watch AND inconsistent this year. How else do you explain dumping 50 on Texas Tech on the road? We watch with bated breath while munching turkey.

Prediction: Texas wins, but in a squeaker.

Bedlam: Pittsburgh vs. West Virginia

Stoke up the coal and get the couches ready, people, because Pittsburgh's coming into Morgantown. These two Big East rivals really, really dislike each other, and this should be Friday fun for all.

Prediction: Go to Ikea and get a couch! West Virginia in the upset.

"Good Ole Fashioned Hate": Georgia vs. Georgia Tech

Georgia can't stop the run, and Georgia Tech are run specialists. Sound like a recipe for disaster for Bulldogs fans? Does to us. The "high school stadium," as Georgia fans rudely—and rightly—refer to Bobby Dodd Stadium, will be rocking.

Prediction: Georgia Tech. By 21.

The Baja Georgia Game: Florida State vs. Florida

Now that the 'Noles are bowl eligible for 27 straight years, Bobby Bowden's shut up the critics yet again. Greg Reid is an incredible defensive back/punt returner and could cause trouble for the Gators on Saturday. But really, this one's about Tim Tebow and running through a Florida State defense that's not a lot better than Florida International's.

Prediction: Good job you beat Maryland, Bobby, because you ain't beatin' the Gators, dadgummit! Florida by 28.

The "Go to Hell" Bowl: Alabama vs. Auburn

"Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer Let's Go Alabama/ Go to Hell Alabama!" If anyone's dumb enough to get married in the State of Alabama this Friday, then don't expect many people to be attending. Even the groom. Or the bride. Or the priest. Game-wise, Mark Ingram and the Crimson Tide defense should shut down Auburn, but Auburn can pride themselves on a pretty good season.

Prediction: Alabama wins by 10 and starts chanting their version of the song. Which I'm not going to go into.

The "Hot Bowl": Arizona vs. Arizona State

We've renamed this epic desert classic because there's so much eye candy on show in this one. Arizona and Arizona State constantly battle each other to be Playboy's top party/co-ed/Pac-10/cheerleaders school (Arizona won the cheerleader battle last week, we'd like to note), and the Tempe-Phoenix-Scottsdale area is going to be jumping. We can't wait. Oh, and there's a football game on too, which has been great over the past few years.

Prediction: Arizona wins by seven in a classic.

The "Disappointing Bowl": Oklahoma State vs. Oklahoma

Both teams have been disappointing this year. The Sooners have been plagued by injury and horrible defense, while the Cowboys have been plagued by Dez Bryant and his ghost. The Sooners will be coming off an ass-handing by Texas Tech, while O-State has got to stop laughing and reload.

Prediction: Oklahoma State in a high-scoring, Oklahoma-style shootout.

The "Al Just Go" Bowl: Virginia Tech vs Virginia

If all things are right, this should be Al Groh's last game in charge of the Cavaliers after an undistinguished tenure. We don't see a lot of hope for his Virginia side - even if they are at home in front of the UVA hotties in Charlottesville, although if we're honest and thinking of Penn State's BCS chances, we're hoping for a UVA victory.

Prediction: Virginia Tech by 31.

The "Cockfight": Clemson vs. South Carolina

This deeply felt South Carolina rivalry is a throwdown every year—including the game where both sets of players brawled it out! South Carolina haven't been bad this year, but will they be able to deal with C.J. Spiller?

Prediction: South Carolina in a monster upset.

The "Hollywood Bowl": USC vs. UCLA

With USC on its knees, the time could not be riper for UCLA to score an upset on their Los Angeles neighbours. It's strange, because at the VFA we've hardly mentioned Rick Neuheisel's side this season apart from the (still laughing!) win over Tennessee this year.

Prediction: USC gets it done.

The "Hate Bowl": Missouri vs. Kansas

Missouri HATES Kansas, and Kansas HATES Missouri. Mark Mangino might be the inspiration , but a loss to the Jayhawks' biggest rival might be inspiration enough for the Jayhawks administration to boot Mangino's rotund behind out of Lawrence.

Prediction: Roll out, Mike. Missouri by 14.

The "Charlie Weis Bowl": Notre Dame vs. Stanford

No game will be more intriguing than this one, people. The Irish are on their knees. Jimmy Clausen was cold-cocked after the Irish lost to UConn. Charlie Weis will probably get fired on Monday.

Stanford needs to win to have any hope of a BCS/high Jan. 1 bowl/high ranking after losing "The Big Game" to California in a loss that was basically their fault. Toby Gerhart is the best running back in college football (we think he's better than Alabama's Mark Ingram), and Notre Dame is poor at stopping the run. Oh dear Charlie?

Prediction: Stanford wins by 10. And Charlie Weis hands in his notice. With a little shove from "Irish Universe."

And very quickly...Ole Miss will beat Mississippi State; BYU will win a tight one against Utah; Cincy will thrash Illinois; LSU will beat Arkansas in a track meet; North Carolina will win the battle of Tobacco Road against North Carolina State; and if Miami lost to South Florida we'd laugh, and then laugh some more.

If you didn't think Rammer was loud...

And the Auburn version:

Charlie Weis and Al Groh - Pink Slips Ahead?: The VFA Week 12 Awards

Alex Ferguson — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:43:00 -0500

It's Thanksgiving out there people, and most of us are already thinking about turkey rather than football. Actually, that's not true...we're all thinking about turkey. AND football.

For Penn State Nation, the [add word here] 10-2 season is over, with the good hammerin' of Michigan State. Gosh we played well. Life is good at last. We'll take the Land Grant Trophy. Thanks, Staters!!

Anyway, here are some awards we are handin' out.

The Pink Slip Award for Hapless Coaching

1. Charlie Weis (Notre Dame): Cry all you want Charlie, it probably won't save your job. If you do stay another year, it'll be the greatest resurrection since (Touchdown) Jesus.

2. Al Groh (Virginia): Goodbye already!

3. Mark Mangino (Kansas): If the racist remarks are worse than they appear, then it won't matter what we think. Big man is going to get his butt kicked out of hippieville.

4. Mark Richt (Georgia): We know the fate of Georgia's defensive coordinator Willie Martinez, but after the Kentucky game, could we be saying goodbye to Richt in the shock firing of the year? If we do, you heard it here first!

5. Joe Paterno (Penn State): Just joking. Really—he'll leave when he wants to.

Games Of The Week

1. Oregon 44, Arizona 41: What an atmosphere and what a game. Oregon wasn't at its best, but it survived. Oh, but Arizona won the best cheerleader award. Sorry Ducks.

2. UConn 33, Notre Dame 30: It wasn't the win that moved us, it was the tears of both Weis and Randy Edsall. Football's about emotion, and regardless of the result, this was pretty emotional.

3. Ole Miss 25, LSU 23: Late LSU comeback fails. We're still exhausted watching this one.

4. Penn State 42, Michigan State 14: Because at last the Nittany Lions brought the wood out. A great performance on both sides of the ball.

5. Northwestern 33, Wisconsin 31: After getting their Big 10 hopes shredded last week, Wisconsin then loses to a loser-ish team (sorry Wildcats!). But we're all sad it's over.

Best Two-Tool Player in the Nation

1. CJ Spiller (Clemson): Can run, throw, and catch. The kid's the real deal.

2. Jordan Shipley (Texas): He might be 85, but his punt returns are second to none and we love his wide receiving skills.

3. Tim Tebow (Florida): He's Superman. He's Jesus. He's Florida's quarterback. His walking on water skills might be needed if the FSU game on Saturday is as wet as last week's.

The Unexpected Award for Stunning Results, Turnarounds and Events

1. Northwestern beating Wisconsin. Mike Kafka. Future Big Ten legend. You heard it here, er, third.

2. Cal beating Stanford. We know it's 'The Game' and all that, but after Stanford savaged Oregon AND USC, we expected Cal to take a beating. Maybe Jeff Tedford can coach.

3. Georgia blowing a monster lead and losing to Kentucky. It's not even getting funny now.

4. Florida State going bowling. Didn't expect this after a string of horrible performances. The last-ditch win over Maryland was exciting - but who holds hope for them against the GateShow? Not us!

And the Richard Fuld Award for Bad Management goes to....

1. LSU's Les Miles. A lot of Tigers fans want 17 seconds back.

2. Stanford's Jim Harbaugh. Going for it with three minutes to go. The throws from Andrew Luck - the so-called best quarterback in the Pac-10 - weren't much better. Both will have better days. But not on Week 12 of the 2009 season.

3. Georgia and it's defensive co-ordination team. Goodbye, and thanks for nothing.

4. Charlie Weis' defensive co-ordinators John Tenuta and Corwin Brown both deserve to be fired after the Irish's defensive efforts. Can't tackle a UConn running back? Not going to be easy against Toby Gerhardt of Stanford, either.

5. Rich Rodriguez. Should have pulled Tate Forcier earlier in the game. Four interceptions? We think Denard Robinson could have done better.

Congratulations to...

1. Connecticut's Randy Edsall: Finally gets a win for Jasper Howard, who passed away earlier in the season. Not a dry eye in the house.

2. The College Gameday guys: They finally picked a game that they would actually show. And boy, was it great. The "student shots" made you want to sign up and take another four years of college in Tuscon...Mama! I'm comin' home!

3. Nebraska (Big XII North Champs): The title's coming home to Lincoln. Children of the Corn, it's coming home!

4. Clemson (ACC Coastal Champs): We have to say that after the Georgia Tech game it all looked a little unlikely, but well done!

5. Florida and Alabama: Because one of you will end up in the National Championship. And one of you will end up in the Sugar Bowl. And you'll win both games.

Quote of the day

"Jordan Shipley had a senior day with Tommy Nobis," Rece Davis, College Football Final. We laughed anyway. By the way, CFF had a picture of Colt McCoy hugging his family on Senior Day. Did anyone else noticed that his mother is smoking hot? How did he come to look like such a, well, alien?

Wish we were...

In Tuscon last week for the Arizona game. Hot girls, lovely temperatures, and an atmosphere in Arizona Stadium that was to die for. We ask you to go to your recording of the U of A game and watch for the crowd shots in the fourth quarter for the reasons why.

And finally...

Best Cheerleaders

1. Arizona
2. Oregon
3. Ole Miss
4. Florida
5. Arizona State (We can't WAIT until the Arizona-Arizona State game)

Had this song in my head...

Week 12 Predictions: Anyone Give a Damn for the Whole State of Michigan?

Alex Ferguson — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:59:00 -0500

Listen up boys and girls; the biggest game of the week is not Arizona at Oregon, Ohio State at Michigan, Cal against Stanford, LSU and Mississippi, or even that barn-burner you can't get enough of: Harvard and Yale.

It's the Land Grant Trophy, given out to the winner of the Penn State and Michigan State game.

The Penn State fans love playing Michigan State for one reason: it's not a bad rivalry (i.e. Michigan or Ohio State), and Penn State has a pretty good record against the Spartans.

Since it's the last day of Penn State's season, a time when I can cry slowly as I pack up my Penn State gear till next year and thank Jesus it's all over for one more season (I can't deal with the heartache), I'll made a prediction.

Penn State by 14. Now...

Yale vs. Harvard

The Geek squad will be out in force for this one, working out how to make the next dumb ass business decision that will cost millions of people their jobs, homes, and incomes—over an expensive cocktail.

Prediction: Harvard by 10. Why? My cousins went to Harvard. My aunt and uncle live near Harvard. My father went to Harvard Business School. I'm not bright enough.

Cal vs. Stanford

It's the Geeks vs. the Hippies. And guess what? The Geeks are playing pretty darned well at the moment.

Jim Harbaugh's team beat the crap out of USC and Oregon, and (I dare to say it) deserve a Rose Bowl spot. It's do or die for the Cardinal, against a Bears team trying to work out if Jeff Tedford should really get fired.

Prediction: Go computer buffs and Tiger Woods lovers. Stanford wins by 21.

Virginia vs. Clemson

Clemson's knack of self-implosion couldn't possibly happen against Al Groan and his Cavaliers, could they?

Prediction: No. Clemson in a laugher.

Connecticut vs. Notre Dame

If Notre Dame loses to Connecticut, Charlie Weis won't be fired. He'll be shot outside Touchdown Jesus.

Prediction: Weis wins...finally. Notre Dame by 10.

Oregon vs. Arizona

Personally, we at the VFA are pretty glad Oregon and Arizona are getting together. Great cheerleaders on both sides? Check. Great co-eds? Check. Great teams? Maybe.

Prediction: Who cares? I'm hoping for great sideline shots! Oregon in a thriller, by three.

Texas vs. Kansas

If there's ever a game which should show the gulf between the Big XII North and Big XII South, it'll be this one.

If KU actually wins this game—and saves the job of Fattest-Coach-In-The-League Mark Mangino—and stops Colt McCoy from becoming the winningest quarterback in NCAA history—not hard, if you consider Texas' non-conference competition through that time—we'll run naked down the Streets of Austin screamin' "I've got a critter in my butt!"

Betcha rootin' for Kansas, ain't ya?

Prediction: Texas bludgeons Kansas. Mangino pokes someone else. We all get excited, too excited.

Minnesota vs. Iowa

Iowa can perhaps blame themselves for the loss at Ohio State. They played well—much like Wisconsin did in the 'Shoe a few weeks back—but shot themselves in the foot at important times. But Iowa's a Big Ten powerhouse that's here to stay beyond 2009, folks.

Prediction: Iowa. By 21.

Mississippi vs. LSU

If LSU plays as poorly as they did in the "emotional" victory against Louisiana Tech, they'll lose. If Jevan Snead continues to disappoint as he has for most of the year, Ole Miss will lose. Regardless of the result, these teams are a lot worse than Alabama.

Prediction: Ole Miss, by damn!

Ohio State vs. Michigan

Michigan is awful and Ohio State is not great but good enough to win Big Ten. Is it time for Rich Rodriguez to go? The boots will start to get warmed up if he loses this one.

Prediction: Closer than people think, but Ohio State still wins.

Cardinal Beats Trojans While Catholics Fall to Panthers: Week 11 Thoughts

Alex Ferguson — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 06:29:00 -0500

A monster of a weekend it was in the world of college football. The Stanford Cardinal trashed USC, while Charlie Weis' job prospects are looking increasingly dark after a loss against Pitt. Ohio State won the Big Ten title, while doing some favors for Penn State's BCS chances (not that they should have any mind...but we'll take it!). Oh, and the Nittany Lions won 31-20, despite a first half that was more 2004 than 2009.

The Fun Award for Great Games

1. Georgia 31, Auburn 24. A ballsy, exciting that changed momentum every time. A superb atmosphere played in great spirit.

2. Ohio State 27, Iowa 24. Usually we'd have an OT game at the top, but both sides displaying stunning decisions NOT to go for it in FT.

3. Pittsburgh 27, Notre Dame 22. Watch to see how a chop block, and a terrible fumble call changes momentum. And may provide pink slips.

4. Stanford 55, USC 21. Because we didn't see the bloodbath happening. The hottie co-eds will be upset.

5. Cincy 24, West Virginia 21. Provided a ton of Friday Night highlights. The heart attack Bearcats continue on.

6. Michigan State 40, Purdue 37. If you get the chance, watch it again. An absolute cracker

The Appalachian State 2007 Award for Unexpected Results

1. Cardinal hammering Trojans.

2. UCF 37, Houston 32- Case Keenum for Heisman?

3. TCU battering Utah 55-28. We thought it would be closer. Hello BCS!

4. Penn State to be so incredibly awful in the first quarter of the Indiana game. The special teams were, er, special.

5. Florida State beating the crap out of Wake Forest. From the way College Gameday was talking, you'd have thought Bobby Bowden was dead.

The Mark Ingram Players of the Week Award

1. Dexter McCluster - Over 300 all-purpose yards and FOUR TDs in a win over Tennessee. Wow.

2. Toby Gerhart - 178 yards rushing all over USC. He's a big boy

3. Ingram - We're bored of the Heisman chat. Give it to him already!

4. TCU's offense - 549 yard put up in woodshedding of Utah

The Al Groh Pink Slip Award for Those Coaches in Trouble

1. Al Groh (Virginia) - End his tenure already!

2.Weis - Great comeback, Charlie, but you still lost.

3. Rich Rodriguez (Michigan) - Suddenly the locals are getting very unhappy. We are though!

The SEC Officials Award for Crap Refereeing

1. "The fumble" at the end of the Notre Dame game. Turned the ball over to Pitt and effectively won the game for the Irish. Problem was, Clausen's arm was going forward. After replay, a terrible turnaround call.

2. Wisconsin's John Clay getting the TD call in Wisconsin's beat-down of Michigan. Completely changed the game. On a replay, the ball didn't cross the plane. Awful

The Lee Corso Best College Gameday Moment Award

Chris Fowler on the Tennessee Situation: "Tennessee players...holding up a convenience store...one wearing team gear...". Everyone laughs. So do we.

The Penn State Award for Good Fans

The silence when Georgia player Dacarri Rambo was hit and lay on the ground motionless in the Auburn game at Sanford was deafening. No-one—not even the ESPN commentators—said a damned thing. In other countries, you would probably have heard cheering, or talking as the player lay on the ground. But on this night, you heard nothing. A pin dropped, and I'm sure we heard it. Both Georgia and Auburn fans get a standing ovation for both sets of fans from the VFA. Makes you realise why you love college football. The game wasn't bad either.

The Michigan 2008 Award for Terrible Performances

1. Syracuse 10, Louisville 9. I'm asleep. Seriously. To the tune of the punter's boot.

2. Penn State's first half against Indiana. Truly. Sucked. On. Senior. Day.

3. Almost all 60 minutes of LSU's tight win over mighty Louisiana Tech. Jarrett Lee should never quarterback again. Seriously.

4. Utah's first half against TCU, when they were 38-14 down at the break. Thanks for showing up Utes.

5. USC. We've said everything, right?

By the numbers

0. How many Penn State fans bothered to show up to the student section for Seniors Day against Indiana (not really zero, but you get my sentiment).

1. Alabama

2. Texas

3 . Florida

4. TCU

5. Cincinnati

42 . Colt McCoy has evened David Greene's NCAA record for wins after slapping Baylor. After the Longhorns slap A&M, the record will be all his.

55. Points "That" USC defense gave up. Giggles.

10. Florida has now gone PERFECT in SEC play for the first times since 1996. Pretty impressive huh?

80. Tons of trash they probably picked up on the North Campus at Georgia from tailgaters at the Auburn game (maybe that's a little high!)

$3 Probably the price of a 50-yard line ticket to the USC-UCLA game now that both teams suck.

$300 Suddenly a terrible seat for the SEC Championship Game's looking pricey

$3,000 As is the weekend in LA with flights, booze, tickets and gear for the National Championship Game

103,000 How many showed up—and bribed their way—into the Horseshoe again for the Big Ten title game.

The Loving the Southland Cheerleaders of the Week

1. TCU

2. Georgia

3. Mississippi State

4. Ole Miss

5. Pitt (I'd never normally, but did well this week)

Next week, we're looking forward to

1. Oregon vs Arizona. Oregon loses, then it'll be Stanford stepping up to the Rose Bowl. Wow.

2. Penn State vs Michigan State. Sniff! Sniff! Last game of the regular season

3. Virginia vs Clemson. Tigers can wrap up spot in ACC title game. They'll make it look tough. They always do.

4. Cal at Stanford. Suddenly the hippies are out in force again. A Stanford win could get them into the Rose Bowl if Oregon loses to Arizona. Let's hope Gameday's in Tuscon.

And in Two Weeks....

Penn State's Fans: The Worst in College Football?

Alex Ferguson — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 19:25:00 -0500

I've just been reading an intriguing piece about crowd trouble at football games that was highlighted by a front page picture of fans tearing down goalposts, which everyone else thinks is a pretty romantic notion. That includes ESPN, which see rushing the field as something romantic.

But now, that sort of outpouring of delirium is seen as trouble.

Before I get to the Penn State bit of this article, I was pretty stunned to find out that a Red Sox fan had been reprimanded for using the "S" word when his beloved pitcher gave up a dinger at Fenway Park.

What is the world coming to when you can't use the odd epithet when being at a game. In the UK, it's all part of the chanting! OK, there are some people who go over the top (nobody's perfect when it comes to bad language—particularly at a sports event in which you are passionately involved in), but isn't that part of the game.

It shouldn't be, but isn't it?

Anyway, back to the boys at State College. According to ESPN, Penn State police reported 397 incidents in 2008, 62 percent of which involved alcohol. That's more than double the estimated 177 incidents in 2006. Over those three years, the highest number, 101 incidents, came on Oct. 27, 2007, during a game against Ohio State.

Behavior at the 2005 game wasn't great either. And we're certainly not proud of the behavior outside the frat house in 2007 , which saw OSU fans bombarded with cans.

Those are the sort of things which let us down, Nittany Nation.

Stunningly, the ESPN report paints the Buckeyes fans as whiter than the driven snow with fewer than five arrests per year and five ejections per game. Obviously, they didn't catch the Buckeyes fans who threw buckeye nuts at a friend of mine who went to the Illinois against OSU game in 2007, and the Penn State fan who had their car smashed up at the Horseshoe.

Having said that, the Buckeyes HAVE been cleaning up their image with the Good Sportsmanship Program—something that ought to be encouraged across every single NCAA campus.

Georgia fans are pretty awful too, according to ESPN, with 300 people ejected per game. One can suspect most of that is for bringing illegal booze into games (not that that would ever happen in a college football game), because I've been to Athens twice and both times the language certainly hasn't been poor (unless you count the screams of rage after the SEC official call in 2009!).

Listen, bad language is always going to be a part of the game. It shouldn't be, but it is.

Unfortunately, we, at the VFA, can understand the authorities if they boot fans out for bringing booze into games, because it's their fault. Fighting should end up in a lifetime ban. But swearing? Can they not turn a blind eye like the UK stewards and police do every Saturday because they are happier that there's no crowd trouble if fans can blow off steam a little?

And West Virginia fans? Apparently couch burnings are in with a victory.

And being an away player and getting whiskey bottles thrown at you? Christ, how about being a home player for Notre Dame, when the student section threw snowballs at you during the Syracuse game last year (giggle!). Snowballs are one thing (Penn State nearly got a penalty for throwing snowballs at Minnesota players in the 2009 game), but marshmallows (the world's best idea at a Penn State game)? Shut up!

We could go on and on, but let's face the facts. If you're an away fan, it's never going to be fun rooting for your team in the home stand.

To be fair, you shouldn't really be there in the first place. You should be with your own fans. But if you are an away fan sitting in a home end, then expect to get heckled. After all, you're not just stupid for wearing your team's clothes in another's section, you're reckless.

But if someone throws a missile—be it a bottle or anything else—then make sure he or she gets their butt thrown out of the game.

That is being out of order. But consistent and funny heckling? That should only be admired. And you should leave sharpish if your team wins on a last second, B.S. call. You can always go and find your fellow away fans by darting over to their end when the stadium empties.

Before we sign off, remember one thing:

If you're a visiting fan in a home section, you're lucky if you get away with the odd "***hole" chant or a finger or 10 thrown in your direction. In the some UK soccer grounds, your butt would be booted out of the stadium, and secondly, the actual percentages of those getting thrown out to those who attend the games week in and week out are comparatively low (Penn State's 397 compared to an attendance of around 800,000 for the year? I'd say college football has it pretty good).

The question is: Who do you think are the worst fans in college football?

If you want to know what bad is, can I suggest you YouTube the West Ham against Millwall riots from earlier this soccer season?

Now, back to Penn State. This amused me, anyway.

Charlie Weis a Winner Against Pitt? Week 11 College Football Predictions

Alex Ferguson — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:45:00 -0500

Right, it's Week 11 of the college football season, and I'm still trying to work who's better: Texas, Florida, or Alabama (not necessarily in that order).

I've got friends who are Texas and Alabama fans, but I haven't found a UF fan who doesn't say in conversation, "But you don't understand, do you? Tim Tebow is TRULY the Son of God."

I would get into a longer religious debate about this, but if I piss off half the people I did when I wrote quasi-inflammatory/very jokey/not to be taken too seriously things about Joseph Smith and BYU-TCU, I'll probably get closed down.

Anyway—my Week 11 predictions:

FRIDAY NIGHT

West Virginia vs. Cincinnati

Over the years, it would have been an easy prediction: West Virginia by 14 or more.

But now, Cincinnati's got an offense to die for, and they're scoring points like it's going out of fashion. West Virginia haven't been brilliant this year, but they've got a game changer in the speedy superfreak Noel Devine.

This is going to be fun.

Prediction: Cincy wins by 14 in a high-scoring game that puts the Saturday schedule to shame.

SATURDAY

Utah vs. TCU

Utah was the non-BCS team of 2008; TCU is the non-BCS team of 2009. They've got a better schedule than Boise State—and the road wins at Clemson and BYU are pretty impressive.

In front of a College GameDay crowd (they probably want to see how Christian the Horned Frogs actually are), TCU is going to be on the map.

Prediction: TCU win in a tight one.

Indiana vs. Penn State

Indiana were unlucky to lose to Michigan and Iowa, and despite what the bookies think, they will give Penn State a real battle this weekend.

I expect the Nittany Lions to overcome the problems of last week—i.e. lack of scoring due to an ineffective offensive line—and I'd like to see a little more Kevin Newsome.

There are also worries that Evan Royster could skip to the NFL. Here's the VFA's take on that: Evan! Horrible, horrible idea!

Prediction: Penn State doesn't excite, but they win by 21. Shame that it'll be on the Big Ten Network.

Iowa vs. Ohio State

If College GameDay hadn't been to Columbus for the USC game, they probably would be in the center of things for this one.

It's going to be a doozy.

With Ricky Stanzi out, the Hawkeyes are going to have to go into the cauldron of hate known as The Horseshoe—not easy.

Prediction: Even if Stanzi was still in, I'd call an Iowa loss. This makes it easier. Ohio State by 14.

Stanford vs. USC

If there's a mouthier coach than Jim Harbaugh outside of the SEC, we'd like to see him.

But you know what? He's been spot-on with his recruiting.

The Cardinal dumped on Oregon last week, and how sweet would a victory be in the Coliseum? Probably not very to the USC home crowd!

Prediction: USC win, but it's going to be as tight as those Song Girls' tops.

Alabama vs. Mississippi State

The romantic in me is calling for a win for MSU, but my head says that they can't play nearly as well as they did against LSU and Florida. Mark Ingram's looking all the way a Heisman winner, and yes, Alabama is rollin'.

Prediction: Alabama win. But it's going to be close.

Florida vs. South Carolina

South Carolina shocked anyone who didn't think Ole Miss was totally overrated when they beat the Rebels on Thursday night, and they were unlucky not to knock off Georgia.

The "Cocks" erratic offense hasn't been that fun to watch, but defensive future Colombian-shirt retiree Eric Norwood may still eat Tim Tebow alive on Saturday.

Will that stop the Gators?

Prediction. No. Florida has too much damned talent.

Auburn vs. Georgia

Another night game in Athens, and my buddies won't be complaining.

For these Dawg fans, it'll be Jack Daniels from the early hours and a lot of cheering, using the words "War Tiger!" to confuse the Auburnites.

This game is going to be hellish entertaining because a) UGA vs. AU games always are, b) the two teams hate each other, and c) both teams can't defend worth ****, to use a Southern colloquial term, y'all.

Prediction: Georgia! Bulldogs! Win by 14.

Miami vs. North Carolina

Ever since they lost to Virginia Tech, the Hurricanes have been somewhat under the radar.

So get this: Jacory Harris can play.

Miami has a ton of speed. But Butch Davis, the UNC coach, is a good coach—and the last time the Heels played a ranked opponent, they beat 'em.

Prediction: All signs point to Davis...and a classic. Miami on a last-second field goal.

Georgia Tech vs. Duke

Great opportunity for the BSC-ers to watch the option at play, which we've renamed the 911 Option. Why?

Because the triple option has broken so many freaking hearts this year, we're calling the police for murder, and the ambulance to help mend.

Prediction: Dial 1-800-TECH-WIN-BY-21

Texas vs. Baylor

Jordan. Shipley. Heisman. Colt McCoy. NFL?

Prediction: Texas by 31. This team's playing well, kids.

And the Game of the Week...Notre Dame vs. Pittsburgh

If there's one team fighting for its life at the moment, it's Notre Dame.

If the Irish ***-up, then Charlie Weis is out of a job. Period.

But if the Irish win, Fat Charlie and the Archangel won't be filing for a divorce (it's a Paul Simon reference, people!), because they've beaten a top 10 team.

If they do, they'll have to stop Pitt RB Dion Lewis, who's sharp.

Prediction: Weis in Wintry Upset. Irish by 10.

Now back to that Paul Simon song...it's fan-freakin'-tastic!

Gators, Longhorns, and Tide Win; Nittany Lions Don't: Week 10 Awards

Alex Ferguson — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 04:12:00 -0500

Yes, we know. Penn State lost. And yes, we at the VFA are pretty pissed off about it. At least, we were, until we reminded ourselves that Penn State had waxed Michigan on their own turf earlier in the season, and life was feeling a little better. We also reminded ourselves that Penn State didn't have much of an offensive line either, so that wasn't surprising.

Anyway, there were plenty of surprising things:

Surprising Scorelines

1. Stanford 51, Oregon 42—Some picked Stanford, but not by nine for crying out loud.
2. Ohio State 24, Penn State 7—Penn State fails to show up. Some say it was over at 10-7.
3. Florida 27, Vanderbilt 3—It wasn't the Gators win, it was the struggles.
4. Boise State 45, La.Tech 35—Entertaining, wasn't it?
5. Cincinnati 47, UConn 45—Wow. Anyone want to play any "D?"

Now onto the awards:

"You Should Be Ranked Lower" Award

1. Florida (Should be ranked second.)
2. Penn State (Shouldn't be ranked at all.)
3. USC (Oregon BEAT them and they are ranked above Oregon??? What??)
4. Ohio State (OSU above USC but lost to the Trojans at home. More head-scratching.)

"Everybody Hates Me, but I Don't Care" Award

Terrelle Pryor (Ohio State). No one likes you in the state of Pennsylvania. Maybe the people you're related to. But you came to Penn State and played brilliantly. Respect, you ****head.

"Didn't Show Up" Award

1. Oklahoma's offense in the loss to Nebraska.
2. Florida State's defense for the 75th time running.
3. Some team from State College, Pennsylvania. Their offense, anyway.
4. LSU's ability to win close games against Nick Saban (in the last two years).
5. Oregon's defense. I don't care if Jim Harbaugh reckons Stanford's QB's is the best in the country, you've gotta stop him!

"No Defense" Award

1. Florida State gives up 40. Again.
2. Notre Dame can't stop Navy.
3. UConn (vs. Cincinnati).
4. Cincinnati (vs. UConn).
5. Boise State (giving up 35 points at La Tech doesn't help the voters love you).

Let's Talk Heisman

1. If C.J. Spiller ISN'T invited to New York, it's a tragedy.
2. Jimmy Clausen's got a fantastic arm, and if wasn't for him, Charlie Weis would get a pink slip.
3. Mark Ingram is still carrying the Alabama Crimson Tide...
4. Rather like Jordan Shipley (253 all-purpose yards? Are you kidding?) for Texas...
5. Some guy called Tebow knows how to win.

Let's talk pink slips

1. Al Groh (Virginia). Sorry Mr Groh, for you this Charlottesville thing should be over.
2. Bobby Bowden (FSU). The pressure's back on. Need. Some. Defense. Fast.
3. Charlie Weis (Notre Dame). Because a win against Washington State is NOT a marquee win.
4. SEC Officials. The fact that the replay official in the LSU vs Alabama game is from Birmingham, Alabama is ASKING for trouble. And was there trouble? Boy, was there ...
5. Jeff Tedford (California). Producing wonderful running backs and receivers year after year is great. Falling apart in the second half of the season? Perhaps not.

What We're Looking Forward to this Saturday

1. West Virginia vs. Cincinnati. Has big implications in the Big East. Pittsburgh will be rooting for WVU. Who would have thunk it?
2. Notre Dame vs. Pittsburgh. Dion Lewis could put another nail into Fat Charlie's coffin.
3. Iowa vs. Ohio State. If Iowa wins, it's game on again. Unlikely though.
4. Auburn vs. Georgia. The pick of the unranked games. These two hate each other—even if it won't have SEC implications.
5. Utah vs. TCU. If TCU wins this one, they'll be unbeaten for the rest of the year.

Somewhere in the Future We're Looking Forward To

1. Some sun when Penn State plays in the Outback Bowl on New Year's Day. LSU would be nice. Pitt would be nicer.
2. Penn State at Alabama in the second week of the 2010 season. Not that I think the Lions will win, mind you.
3. A year when Penn State's offensive line shows up against a top-15 opponent.
4. More heartbreak involving the Nittany Lions. Last year Iowa, this year Iowa. 2010? Probably Iowa.
5. Kevin Newsome as a junior. The kid's quick, boys and girls.

Quickly: Is this an interception? You decide!

Penn State's Offensive Line Needs To Improve

Alex Ferguson — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 17:08:00 -0500

With no marquee wins to its name in 2009 thus far, Penn State fans can hardly go crazy about this season.

The source of the team's problems can be found in its very weak offensive line.

We knew that the offensive line was weak going into the year—Joe Paterno told us that he had worries about the line before a pass was even thrown.

It's plain and simple, people.

Ohio State destroyed the Nittany Lions' offensive line. We found more trouble against Iowa.

But let's not get too upset, Penn State fans. We should see the Nittany Lions play in a January 1 bowl game this year. But after the losses against Ohio State and Iowa, it's hardly been a satisfying season.

But then again, we did beat Michigan! That should make you feel better.

Penn State-Ohio State: PSU's Biggest Game of the Year

Alex Ferguson — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:47:00 -0500

We've talked about "big games" for most of this season, but one game's that's a little under the radar this weekend is the one between Penn State and the devil known as Ohio State this weekend.

If I didn't hate Michigan so much, there wouldn't be a team in the Big Ten I could dislike more than the Buckeyes. Why? Because it's a smashing rivalry and always a competitve and good game between two teams that dislike each other.

The great thing is for Penn State and Ohio State fans is that while people respect Jim Tressel and Coach Paterno, they really, really dislike Penn State and Ohio State fans, basically because they are obnoxious and rude. Which—if you're ever been to a game between the teams—is probably true (the complaints are too big to mention from both sides about the treatment an opposing fan will get in Columbus or State College).

To win, Penn State's going to have to:

1) Keep the Crowd Onside

Easier than you might think. When it became apparent that Iowa wasn't going to defend in the same way as it did in the first PSU offensive play of the game when it let in a touchdown, the crowd was slightly taken out of it. Even if Penn State goes behind early—an easy thing to do against these Buckeyes—they need to keep the roar relentless.

2) Stop Terrelle Pryor

People talk about sputtering offences, but Terrelle Pryor—in his second biggest game of the year—is going to be hard to stop with his legs.

Last time I looked, the Nittany Lions weren't good at stopping a mobile quarterback, and nearly came unstuck against Northwestern before Mike Kafka got injured.

Pryor's better than Kafka. Oh, and there's always the chance that Pryor might get into it with the Penn State crowd, who wants blood .

3) Keep the Defense Scoring Points

The biggest factor of the Nittany Lions' defense has been their ability to score points and stop people. They battle for every minute they are on the field—evidenced by their eagerness to score a shutout against Minnesota a couple weeks ago—and they had unwillingness to let Michigan score another point in the Big House.

Terrelle Pryor is going to make a mistake—the D just needs to capitalize. And with Jack Crawford, Navarro Bowman, and Jared Odrick ready to cause mayhem, you've got three people quite happy to do it.

4) The Offensive Line's Got to Hold up

The offensive line's held up pretty well over the last few weeks, but thenagain, they haven't had a big challenge since Michigan defensive end Brandon Graham tore them apart . The line needs to hold to stop Ohio State, who aren't a poor defensive team.

5) Darryl Clark, Keep on Doing What You're Doing

I haven't a clue what Darryl Clark is doing at the moment, but he's playing pass-and-catch with his receivers rather well, and he's fun out of the pocket.

If he's anything as good as Michael Robinson was in the 2005 game against Ohio State, Penn State's going to have some fun.

Here's what happened Penn State got together with Ohio State in 2008.

Week 10 College Football Predictions

Alex Ferguson — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 05:32:00 -0500

After spending way too much time celebrating the things not college football, the View From America can now truly say that we’re concentrating on Saturdays from now on in.

As usual, we’re not going to make a call about the Ohio State–Penn State game, safe to say that the Lions better stop out-of-the-pocket quarterback Terrelle Pryor, or it’s going to be a long frickin’ day.

Thursday Night

Virginia Tech vs Eastern Carolina

This game’s turning into one of the funner small rivalries in football. Well, we enjoyed 2007 and 2008. 2007 was the iconic game, when we saw college football for the first time after the shootings at Virginia Tech. Chris Fowler made one of the best speeches ever (see below), and we all had a tear in our eye. The next year, East Carolina beat Virginia Tech and shocked the world.

Prediction: Virginia Tech by 21

Friday Night

Boise State vs Louisiana Tech

Boise State is playing brilliantly, and La. Tech just ain’t that good.

Prediction: Broncos buck another victory. Boise by 28

Saturday

Florida vs Vanderbilt

The PTI guys were spot-on when they said that regardless of what Georgia RB Washaun Ealey says, Brandon Spikes should have been suspended for that eye gouge. It’s not cool, ladies. Spikes did the right thing for suspending himself for the Vanderbilt game. It won’t matter. The Gators will kill the Commodores.

Prediction: Gator Bait. Florida by 35

Oregon vs Stanford

Stanford don’t make many mistakes, and Oregon just beat the crap out of USC. This is a better Cardinal than the start of the season—but then again, so are the Ducks. This could go to the wire.

Prediction: Oregon by 7

UCF vs Texas

Texas is playing the best football out all the BCS Contenders right now. Texas defense is absolutely frightening—and so is the Longhorns’ offense.

Prediction: Texas by 41

Northwestern at Iowa

Iowa may go down early in this game, but they won’t after 60 minutes. We all hope they’ll leave the losing to the prime-time game against the Ohio State Buckeyes. As a PSU fan, I’m hoping they lose both. Unlikely, though.

Prediction: Iowa by 21

USC vs Arizona State

After the Sun Devils lost in heartbreaking fashion to Cal last week, a lot of ASU fans are talking about the improvement in this team instead of the big letdown. It’s funny, because they are saying the opposite about Pete Carroll’s boys, who took it to the woodshed against Oregon, and everyone’s talking about how crappy USC is.

Don’t get us wrong, the Trojans aren’t great this year, but ASU are hardly an offensive powerhouse. But they can stop you.

Prediction: Monster upset in Sun Devil Stadium. ASU by 3

Army vs Air Force

It’s great that College Gameday will be saluting the armed services in Colorado Springs, and it's only sad that we're not seeing the Notre Dame vs Navy game. This is going to be a lot of fun.

Prediction: Air Force by 21

Navy vs Notre Dame

The Midshipmen scared the beejesus out of Ohio State with their triple option threat, and we expect them to do the same to Notre Dame in South Bend. But Notre Dame finds ways to win—but don't expect this one to be a walkover.

Prediction: Notre Dame by 4 on a last-ditch drive. Again.

LSU vs Alabama

If there’s two teams that really, really hate each other, it’s Alabama and LSU. To Alabama fans, Nick Saban’s God. To LSU fans, Nick Saban’s The Devil. LSU fans had better get their running game sorted out if they can stop Alabama’s rather brilliant defensive front, and then stop Heisman candidate Mark Ingram on the other side of the ball. This is going to be a war, ladies and gentlemen.

Prediction: Alabama by 3.

Oh, and did I mention the Penn State-Ohio State game?

Which Unbeaten College Football Team Has the Best Chance of Losing?

Alex Ferguson — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 03:54:00 -0500

Once again, it's bloody impossible to work out what's going to happen atop the BCS/AP/BSC standings.

We've still got SEVEN unbeatens, which is almost unheard of going into the final games of the season.

The good news is that one of those unbeatens will definitely be knocked off by season's end; the Florida vs Alabama SEC Championship Game is looming large (although 'Bama still have to play LSU (so let's not count 'em in just yet)), but that still leaves six.

Here are our rankings so far.

1) Florida

Survived against Arkansas and Mississippi State, and then hammered the non-tackling school known as Georgia.

2) Texas

The form team of October, Texas looks unbeatable in the Big XII, which isn't that hard if you consider what that conference is like now (especially the Big XII North, which truly sucks).

3) Alabama

The offense is sputtering. The defense is fantastic. Stop Mark Ingram and you give yourselves a chance, Tide opponents. Look for LSU to allow him three TDs and 700 yards, then.

4) Boise State

They've beaten Oregon, who've beaten USC and Cal.

5) Iowa

Heart attack central every week, but it's a lot of fun. The heart attacks may turn to despair against Ohio State, though. But then again, didn't we say that about the trip to Happy Valley?

6) Cincinnati

It doesn't matter what QB the Bearcats have, they can put up points.

7) TCU

The road victories at Clemson, BYU, and Virginia are beginning to look less and less impressive. But don't get us wrong...these Frogs are GOOD.

Who's Going to Lose First?

Half of me thinks Alabama could lose first this weekend in their monster rivalry game at home to LSU, while the other half thinks Iowa will walk into The Horseshoe and lose.

We'll go with Iowa, simply because we flipped a coin and it came out that way.

But if you aren't keyed up for Alabama and LSU's get-together after this video, you don't have a heart beat.

Brandon Spikes, You Got Out Of Jail

Alex Ferguson — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 09:42:00 -0500

Listen, I'm all for taking teams to the woodshed and brilliant defense, but Brandon Spikes, that eye gouge in the Cocktail Party was bang out of order.

Urban Meyer severely reprimanded someone for this. Wow.

Wait a minute...LaGarrette Blount gets thrown off the team at Oregon.

I haven't finished yet...Dez Bryant gets suspended for the rest of the year at Oklahoma State for lying.

What do you get for seriously trying to injure another player???

Here's what you get, courtesy of the wonderful Florida Gators.

A HALF-GAME SUSPENSION.

You're kidding, right? Urban Meyer looked straight-faced at the camera, bumbled a few excuses, and said, "We're going to suspend Brandon for the first half against Vanderbilt."

And so what if Brandon Spikes does it again in the extra chippy game against Alabama in Atlanta? We can't wait. Sources are already telling us that he'll be suspended for the bit between the end of the regular season and the start of the National Championship game.

College Football: The Controversy List

Alex Ferguson — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 07:50:00 -0500

We at the VFA have seen a lot of lists. In fact, we enjoy doing them. After watching College Football's Final (finally, we had an "ahem" party to get to on Hallowe'en, which disrupted our CFB viewing), we can now make a couple of decisions:

Wardrobe Malfunction of the Day

1. Tennessee Black/Orange - Mmmmm.....
2. Georgia black helmets - Worked out nicely, didn't it?
3. Lee Corso with the Oregon Duck's head - Prettier than right now.
4. Michigan's white uniform - Because it's Michigan.
5. Northwestern and TCU's purple - We know, a blind person picked out the school colors.

Co-Ordinators You Should Think About Firing

1. Willie Martinez, Georgia (D) - He couldn't steal them a tackle against Florida, could he?
2. Mickey Andrews, Florida State (D) - Giving up basketball scores doesn't sit well with the 'Noles faithful.
3. Steve Spurrier, South Carolina (O) - He should hire someone and get rid of himself in a role. Might get him to actually find a quarterback.

Coaches That Feeling The Fire....Or Should Be Booted

1. Al Groh, Virginia - After the Duke loss, the questions are getting asked again.
2. Mark Richt, Georgia - If there's anything Bulldogs fans hate, it's losing football games. And Georgia is losing a bunch of them. Badly.
3. Ron Zook, Illinois - We've got a perfect plan for you, Ron. Come to Penn State as our special teams and recruiting co-ordinator!
4. Ralph Friedgen, Maryland - He may have lost weight, but the Terps have lost their mojo.
5. Charlie Weis, Notre Dame - What's a signature win, Charlie?

Coaches That Deserve a Round of Applause

1. Joe Paterno, Penn State - Year after year, coach, year after year.
2. Bobby Bowden, Florida State - Suddenly FSU has won two on the bounce.
3. Chip Kelly, Oregon - Woodshed, Pete Carroll, Woodshed. Also came along as the Oregon Duck. Wonder if Nick Saban shows up as an elephant.
4. Mack Brown, Texas - Oh God, this Texas team is looking dangerous.
5. Gene Chizik, Auburn - These guys will be good in a couple of years' time.

Overrated Player of the Year

1. Jevan Snead, Ole Miss - That's one ugly season you're having, Jevan.
2. Joe Cox, Georgia - AJ Green might be the best WR in college football, but when there's no-one to throw to him....
3. Georgia's offensive line - We thought they were meant to be good this year.
4. Sam Bradford, Oklahoma - We've seen you play every game this season, Sam. And you either sucked or got injured.
5. The Refs - Talk to fans from USC (vs Notre Dame), Indiana (vs Michigan, Iowa), and most SEC fans whether the refs get too involved with football games

Worst atrocity on the pitch by a player in 2009

1. Brandon Spikes (Florida) - That eye gouge in the Cocktail Party. He should be arrested for deliberately trying to harm someone. If he DOESN'T get suspended for the rest of the season - bowl included - then it'll be a complete injustice.

2. LaGarrette Blount (Oregon) - You don't go around smacking your fellow players in the fact - even if the Boise State player deserved what he got.

ESPN Commentator/Analyst rankings

1. Mike Patrick. Because you're awesome, Mike.
2. Kirk Herbstreit. Because he's just so damned happy to be livin' the dream.
3. Brent Musberger. Because his shirts are horrible, but he loves criticising things, especially hippies.
4. Todd Blackledge - Because he's the better half of the Nessler/Blackledge couple.
5. Rece Davis - Love the in-game recaps. Especially the comment about the Cocktail Party this weekend.
6. Mark May/Lou Holtz - Because my wife and I fight less than this couple.
7. Jesse Palmer- Because he's much better looking than you are.
8. Chris Fowler/Jesse Palmer/Craig James - Thursday night's a blast, isn't it?
9. Lee Corso- Love it that you're coming back from that stroke is such quick fashion, coach.
10. Desmond Howard - Because you played for Michigan.

In honour of Mike Patrick....

Oh, and in honour of Mike Patrick and Alabama.....

Ducks spank Trojans while Longhorns munch Cowboys: Week Nine Awards

Alex Ferguson — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 11:21:00 -0500

It was a weird and wonderful Week Nine. On the good side, Penn State won. On the bad side, referees took the center stage during the Iowa-Indiana game.

Anyway, here's the VFA's Week Nine Awards:

Performances of The Week Award:

1. Oregon steamrolls USC.
2. Oregon's crowd hits over 112 decibels while the Ducks are hammering USC.
3. Texas goes on the road and batters Oregon State.
4. Tennessee thumps South Carolina and proves that Stephen Garcia is a weak quarterback. Like we didn't know that already.
5. Florida puts up 40 on Georgia. My comments about Georgia possibly beating quiet? We'll shut up now!

Games Of The Week Award:

1. Miami 28, Wake Forest 27. Nail-biter until the last
2. Florida State 45, NC State 42. Over 1,000 yards of offense and 87 points scored. Track meet central.
3. California 23, Arizona State 21. A scorcher in the sun.
4. Rutgers 28, UConn 24. We all watched this one with a tear in our eye.
5. North Carolina 20, Virginia Tech 17. We didn't see that happening...

'We Didn't See That Happening' Award:

1. UNC beating Virginia Tech in Blacksburg on Thursday night. Whoa.
2. Oregon hammering USC. We called the upset, not the blowout.
3. Texas mashing Oklahoma State. This is a good Texas team, boys
4. Auburn stopping Ole Miss. Jevan Snead. Overrated or what?
5. The refs in the Iowa vs Indiana game. How many calls can you screw up? We thought that the SEC had cornered the market in crap refereeing this week.

'Best Comment Of The Week' Award:

Rece Davis' comment on the Cocktail Party: "The World's Largest Whinefest About Something Somebody Did Last Year That Aggravated The Other Team".

'We Can't Wait' Award:

1. Ohio State at Penn State. Once again, Buckeye Nation walks into a White Out Wall of Hate. Please God, don't invite College Gameday.
2. LSU at Alabama. Two sides that absolutely hate each other, reunited under the flag of Saban. If 'Bama can't get their offense sorted, they've got problems. This one's for the SEC West title, people.
3. USC at Arizona State. This ones are already pretty fun. We were at the 2005 game between these two at Sun Devil—possibly the best game that season.
4. Navy at Notre Dame. Remember what happened last time these two faced off in South Bend?
5. Florida State at Clemson. Can the Bobby Bowden recovery continue?

And lastly...

Cheerleaders Of the Week:

1. Oregon
2. Florida
3. Georgia
4. Texas
5. USC

Penn State Makes History: Women's Volleyball Team Breaks Record

Alex Ferguson — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:57:00 -0400

John Wooden...Hollywood sign...Jack Nicholson...Bill Walton...You have company!

Actually, that's not exactly true—the Penn State Women's Volleyball team continues to kick ass and take names after posting their 88th straight victory (yes, you read that right!) after whipping the seventh ranked Minnesota Gopherettes (or whatever they are called) 3-0 in State College on Friday night.

That's right—88. Eighty eight games without a loss. That's seriously, seriously good.

It ties UCLA's men's basketball team of the 1971-74 years, and should have draws dropping around the nation. It won't, because women's volleyball doesn't get the love of 'bigger sports', but the VFA knows what good is.....and PSU's team is just that.

Next up in Stanford's women tennis team, who posted 89 wins from 2003-07 and are third on the all-time list.

The top? North Carolina's women's soccer team (92 in the 1990-94 years) and then the ultimate: Miami's men's tennis team, which won an ungodly 137 matches from 1957-64.

Next up for the Nittany Lions is a trip to Mad-town to face Wisconsin, who they beat 3-0 at home. Jump around!

Can Georgia Beat Florida?

Alex Ferguson — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 03:49:20 -0400

Could the Georgia Bulldogs really beat the Florida Gators on Saturday afternoon?

Or has the VFA just been drinking too much moonshine in an effort to pregame for The Cocktail Party That Shall Not Be Named Like That Lest We Encourage Binge Drinking Because God Forbid That Sort Of Thing Would Ever Happen At A College Football Game?

Listen, here's our rationale.

1) Florida Has Been Awful for the Past 120 Minutes

If you haven't seen any of the Florida Gators last two games, where they snuck past the Arkansas Razorbacks thanks to an awful officials' call or two and then beat off the challenge of Mississippi State despite their star quarterback throwing two pick-sixes and playing dreadfully, then do.

And then ask yourself: "Is this really the best team in the Nation?" In fact, Florida hasn't really blown anyone out since they went on the road to Kentucky, and suddenly all the talk—from the romantics—has been about the Alabama Crimson Tide.

2) Tim Tebow Isn't Himself

The hit in the Kentucky game was a fair one, but it wasn't a nice one. We'll throw this one out there. Although he was good-to-great against LSU, he was pretty awful against Arkansas and worse against MSU. Georgia's secondary may not be good, but it's opportunistic.

3) The Dogs Have A.J. Green , Florida Don't

Don't get us wrong. We agree that Florida has the best secondary in the country. We agree that Joe Cox is apt to throw it at them, too, since he can't seem to go a game without throwing at least one to the other team.

But get this: his favorite target is the best wide receiver in college football: A.J. Green. Sorry kids, but he's absolutely filthy. While other teams couldn't punish Florida for their mistakes, Green will.

4) There's the Revenge Factor

OK, so maybe Florida was getting its own back for getting its ass kicked by the Dawgs in 2007 by calling two of the longest timeouts in God's earth in 2008, but Georgia's back in revenge city.

They had to sit there and stew while Urban Meyer called them, and they've had to sit there and stew while the world's talked about alligators and very little about Bulldogs this year. With 40,000 fans cheering them, revenge may be a dish solved hot. And with an umbrella.

5) But to Win...

They have to eliminate mistakes. Because if there's one team that's horrifically mistake-prone in college football, it's the Georgia Bulldogs.

On their day, they can beat anybody. But they make too many mistakes—on both sides of the ball—to be a No.1 team. If they eliminate mistakes on Saturday, they won't be No.1, but they will sure as hell eliminate No. 1 from National Championship contention.

PREDICTION: Florida will win, but they won't cover the spread. So take Georgia (and the points)

The Curse of College Gameday

Alex Ferguson — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 03:44:38 -0400

Boys and Girls, The VFA has realized the pattern for teams this college football season for College Gameday. ESPN comes to town, your team loses.

WEEK 1: Alabama vs. Virginia Tech. Technically, Virginia Tech was wearing home colours. Alabama wins. Home 0, Visitors 1

WEEK 2: USC vs. Ohio State. Matt Barkley and a last-minute drive serve up any memories, Buckeyes faithful? Home 0, Visitors 2

WEEK 3: Texas Tech vs. Texas. OK, the Longhorns win one. At home. No upsets though. Home 1, Visitors 2

WEEK 4: Iowa vs. Penn State. I wonder what happened here, huh? Home 1, Visitors 3

WEEK 5: Florida State vs. Boston College: Boston College squeaks by. We start squeaking about some guy called Bowden. Home 2, Visitors 3

WEEK 6: Florida vs. LSU. Biggest game. Of the Century. LSU lose ANOTHER big one in Death Valley. Yeowch. Home 2, Visitors 4

WEEK 7: OU vs. Texas. Messy, horrible game. So bad we nearly vomited during "TurnoverGate." Home 3, Visitors 4

WEEK 8: TCU vs. BYU. TCU blows out the Cougars at home. It's a shame that the only Cougars we saw cheering were beautiful and blonde and jumping up and down in the stands. Home 3, Visitors 5

WEEK 9: Oregon vs. USC we'll see Oregon trying to pull off a monster Pac-10 upset when No. 5 USC roll into Oregon to face the No. 10 Ducks.

Jesus, Can You Give Penn State a Break?

Alex Ferguson — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 07:06:00 -0400

First of all, give Penn State a break.

From the distance, it looked like a cross. It really did. Up close...unless you're around 20 feet in, it still looks like a cross.

But really, so what? It's 401 times better than the big blue line down a white helmet, which I swear to God looks like a butt.

We realise that you'd had to lay off an old person for about a week because Bobby Bowden actually won a football game this season...against a decent(ish) team in North Carolina. We realise you have nothing else to do. But seriously...shut up.

It doesn't matter. The students could do a "Naked Out" for all we cared...if it meant that Penn State beats Ohio State in November.

Nice work by the Gopher. Next time you pray, can I suggest you do it AFTER a game?

College Football Fearlessness: Who's Haunting Who on All Hallows Eve?

Alex Ferguson — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 12:34:00 -0400

After going 8-3 in Week Eight, the VFA's pretty happy. Actually, check that. Considering one of the predictions we got wrong was Penn State losing in The Big House to Michigan, we're ABSOLUTELY ECSTATIC.

So here we go:

Thursday night

North Carolina at Virginia Tech

We talked about the Heels being overrrated at the start of the season. Add to the VFA's ranting after Thursday's loss at Lane Stadium.

Prediction: Hokies no mood for being Jokey. VT by 21

Saturday

USC vs. Oregon

At last! College Gameday got it right! It's the ultimate matchup for this Saturday: the hippies against the film and rock stars. THOSE Oregon Cheerleaders and THOSE USC Song Girls.

We're half-expecting Will Ferrell to make an appearance on the sideline, and we're fully expecting lots of kids in dreadlocks and the smell of herbal cigarettes drifting across the Atlantic. Oh, and some pretty good football, too. People might be talking about Oregon's form at the moment—and the lack thereof from USC's D—but USC know how to win in a high-pressure, high-volume situation. Remember Ohio State, kids.

Prediction: Upset Central. Oregon by 3

Florida vs. Georgia

It's not going to be much of a game, Georgia and Florida fans, but it'll be a damned fine excuse to drink mounds of cocktails before trying to find your way to the stadium. If you ever make it. Florida has been awful in their last 120 minutes of football—and Georgia is ready to make it three hours of pain.

Prediction: Florida rushes through, unimpressively. Florida by 10

Penn State vs. Northwestern

Penn State was good at Michigan. Northwestern aren't that great. Penn State to win? Let's hope so.

Prediction: Penn State by 21

Texas at Oklahoma State

Round about this time last year the ghouls and goblins saw Texas at their worst when they lost on a last second fright-night to Texas Tech. This time, it's the Cowboys, who last won a big home conference game...when again? Texas is suddenly looking the best team in the country, kids. OSU is simply looking orange.

Prediction: Texas by 7

South Carolina at Tennessee

Speaking of horrible orange kids, the University of Tennessee certainly have 22 horrible ones for their starters, don't they? And to make it worse, over 100,000 people feel that they should wear the same. We won't only wonder what excuse Lane Kiffin will come up if he loses against Spurrier at Neyland.

Prediction: Spurrier loves Neyland. South Carolina by 7

Indiana at Iowa

I'm still not doubting the Hawkeyes!

Prediction: Hawkeyes again unconvincing, but win by 10 anyway.

Georgia Tech vs. Vanderbilt

Vandy won't be able to stop Georgia Tech's running attack, and after they win, they can go and listen to some good ol' fashioned country music there in Nashville. Might drown out that Ramblin' Wreck song.

Prediction: Georgia Tech by 30

Now, back to the matchup of the century...

Nittany Lions Munch Wolverines: Week Eight Awards

Alex Ferguson — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:14:00 -0400

It was a good week from the View From North America. Angels got their wings because Michigan lost—and the fact that it was against Penn State life was so much better.
The VFA gives out our Week Eight Awards. We don't give out helmet stickers—or anything else—by the way.

Performances of the week Award

1. Clemson upsets Miami in an overtime classic.
2. Penn State beating Michigan - And now we're 2-0 against RichRod in the last two years.
3. Tennessee standing up to Alabama - Forget the SEC officials—let's get the kicker!
4. TCU crushing BYU. We'll say no - Like millions of people, we didn't see it.
5. Texas rolling over Missouri - 41 points on the road isn't too shabby, is it?

You can stick your 'Back' Up Your Ass Award

1. Nebraska - Burn the blackshirts after a dreadful loss to Iowa State which conjured up PSU fans memories of losing to Iowa 6-4 a few years ago.
2. Miami - Losing to Clemson proves what might happen if you could stop CJ Spiller
3. Michigan - Getting romped on their own turf isn't a good sign for 2009, is it?
4. UCLA - Norm Chow must be ready to shoot himself after another inept offensive performance.
5. Washington - Getting hammered 43-19 wasn't Mr. Sarkasian's best coaching effort, was it?

'Thanking the Refs' Award

Florida's 29-19 win over Mississippi State was marred by a horrific TD call, which ESPN College Football Final later showed evidence that Dustin Doe dropped the ball.

'God That Was Close' Award

1. Alabama squeaks by Tennessee, mostly thanks to a 500 pound gorilla called Cody, and the ineptitude of the UT offence.
2. Iowa scores on a last second drive to beat Michigan State. The rest of the world wonders if MSU can actually play last quarter defense.
3. USC defence sucks it up against Oregon State, but still prevail 42-36 in a classic.
4. Florida State knocks off North Carolina. What's going on Butch?
5. Notre Dame stops Boston College, giving everyone (including a few priests) a bloody great heart attack. The Irish's season's been nothing if not entertaining, hasn't it?

'We Can't Wait' Award

1. USC vs Oregon. Gameday's there, and the Trojans are going to face a wall of sound in Eugene. Could be the biggest upset of the day.
2. Penn State vs Northwestern. Because this blog loves Penn State.
3. Georgia vs Florida. It's going to be one very, very fun cocktail party, although the smart money's on Georgia losing by 21.
4. Texas vs Oklahoma State. The Longhorns will definitely have something to worry about when playing the Cowboys.
5. Tulane vs LSU. The 'Booze Bowl' - regardless of the result, is always a lot of fun.

The TCU, BYU Game: An Apology

Alex Ferguson — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 10:03:20 -0400

To anyone who read my preview of the BYU - TCU game: I'm sorry.

I wrote the article on my website and it was meant to be amusing. It wasn't meant to offend Mormons or Christians—I'm actually a churchgoer myself.

Every Mormon I've met in real life has a sense of humour and doesn't mind any gentle ribbing from me, but I shouldn't have written it on Bleacher Report.

Eventually I got carried away with something that was meant to be funny and it seemed to have annoyed a number of you.

I'll keep it mind next time I preview a BYU - or TCU game.

Oh, and thanks also to the guy who used a ton of British slang in one of his comments: Cheers mate!!

All I can do is ask for your forgiveness and it won't happen again.

Best wishes,

Alex Ferguson

Why I Hate Michigan

Alex Ferguson — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 10:06:54 -0400

On Facebook, there’s a game where you had to fill in the ‘Top Five’ sports teams you hated, and Michigan was No. 3 behind Chelsea Football Club and the Boston Red Sox.

After Monday night, the VFA’s thinking of adding the Los Angeles Angels of Disney to that list, but that’s another story.

My hatred of Michigan didn’t start until about 2005. Penn State was so awful in the 2003 and 2004, the years I formally got introduced to Joe Paterno and his Nittany Lions (and no, those days weren’t fun). I didn’t particularly hate Michigan.

But in 2005, that all changed.

You know what I’m talking about: One foot on the line that should have been ruled out. An extra two seconds on the clock that meant Mario Manningham caught the winning touchdown. Goodbye, unbeaten record. Goodbye, National Championship.

Suddenly, every time a Michigan shirt or hat reared its head, it got a "Screw You" from yours truly. I was spitting bullets. In fact, I am STILL spitting bullets about the decision, and in London, I'm likely to get in the odd debate about referees, B.S. calls, and 2005.

Sometimes I wish I could be as forgiving as all the schools who have felt hard done by after Joe Paterno's men have got a decision that's gone the way of the Blue and White. Oh well: I'm not.

2006

Michigan had one of the best teams in the country and everyone darned well knew it when they walked into Beaver Stadium. That season, they might have dodged bullets, but this was a great team and it was undeniable.

On a ‘White Out’ night, the 17-10 scoreline was more a demonstration of the defensive skill of Lamar Woodley than anything else. Anthony Morelli and Darryl Clark both came off with head injuries on the same drive, and really, Morelli was never the same.

2007

Earlier in the season, every student section and college football fan celebrated when Appalachian State beat Michigan on their own turf. We laughed. We high-fived. We hugged.

Ohio State fans celebrated the loss with Penn State fans. Texas fans high-fived Oklahoma fans. Florida fans high-fived Tennesse fans. The world rejoiced.

We, especially this writer in the UK, made long-distance phone calls to friends and family round the country celebrating the biggest loss college football had (and ever will) see.

The stars were aligned for Penn State finally getting the monkey off their back and winning in the "Grande Maison."

But we didn’t. Michigan 14, Penn State 9.

Sure, every holding call was always on the men in white, not the maize and blue, and that wasn’t it: we were awful.

Safe to say that the TV and computer screens nearly went out of the window, as well as the wife.

2008

A weird year because we actually felt sorry for Michigan. September had come around and really, the State of Michigan had little to cheer for. The car industry was on life support, and thousands of people, from workers to administrative staff, had lost their jobs.

Springsteen wrote a song called “City of Ruin” about New York after 9/11. The collapse of the financial markets was simply yet another 9/11 for Detroit.

But after nine years of hurt, Penn State fans didn't care about the University of Michigan and the fact that their team sucked. We wanted blood.

Losing 10-0, Nittany Nation must have been wondering what in the hell happened. The rest of the game was a 46-7 rout, and State College could celebrate.

2009

Suddenly, it looks as though we’ve another reason to raise the finger to "Hail To The Victors" and anyone wearing the Maize ‘N’ Blue: Michigan may well be back.

Despite close losses to Michigan State and Iowa, it’s obvious to anyone who knows a bit about college football that Rich Rodriguez is putting together a titan again. Tate Forcier’s an excellent quarterback.

Denard Robinson, who won’t start after this year, will be an excellent wide receiver (!). The defense won’t matter because of a high-octane offense. Michigan could be exciting in the future.

But back to 2009. Penn State walks into the Big House after pitching a shut-out against Minnesota. Michigan crushed South Delaware State and put up 63 points and 700 yards of offense.

Darryl Clark is looking poised at quarterback. Forcier and Robinson will share the duties for Michigan.

Penn State has one of the best running backs in the game in Evan Royster, while Michigan can say the same in Brandon Minor.

Michigan's defense is horrible, while Penn State's, well, isn't.

Fellow Penn Staters, the game at Ann Arbor is another reason to unite say those great words: "I. Hate. Michigan. "

Remember, every time Michigan loses, an angel gets its wings. I have a horrible feeling we won't see wings on Saturday. But then again, I always do when we play the maize and blue.

Bleacher Report Editors: Want To Play Tag?

Alex Ferguson — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 17:34:21 -0400

A picture says 100 things, and in the UK, we call what's going on in the above picture "tagging."

I had two replies on my college football story today. I was overjoyed. (Unless you're bitching about Big Ten refs, no-one's usually that keen on the 'Sunday Morning Quarterback' version of events.)

Both of them, however, complained about tags. You see, because I'd mentioned the Yankees game, it came up as a Yankees story.

This is to editors: we, the writers, thank you for editing our stuff. Your remarks and feedback make us better writers—even though the UK/US spelling stuff is something lost on the Atlantic.

Without you, we writers are nothing. No writer should think his copy is clean as a baby's ass after nappy-changing time because here's the fact: the baby's ass isn't 100 percent clean. There's always a little bit of crap you can clear out.

But editors, please finish the great job you do by checking tags and making the requisite changes. We know it's the menial and boring task, and the new tagging system absolutely sucks.

But it helps the Bleacher Report community—and that can only be a good thing.

Start Spreading the News: The VFA Week Seven Awards

Alex Ferguson — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 08:10:00 -0400

Right, it's been an emotionally exhausting Week Seven for the VFA. When we weren't catching breath from swearing at the refs after their performance in the Arkansas vs Florida game, we were jumping up and down, and nearly in tears after the Yankees' 13th inning ALCS win over the Angels.

Come on guys? You didn't just watch college football did you?

"What A Game" Award for keeping us breathless for 60 minutes

1. Florida 23, Arkansas 20. Both sides got out of jail in this one. Florida turned the ball over a lot in the red-zone, and Arkansas couldn't convert more of their chances. Oh, and the SEC officials got in the way, too.

2. Arizona State 24, Washington 17. Arizona State's Danny Sullivan throws a 50-yard TD pass with five seconds to go to win it for the Sun Devils.

3. USC 34, Notre Dame 27. We thought it would be more one-sided than this. Apparently, the Pac-10 officials had other ideas.

4. Texas 16, Oklahoma 13. A ton of turnovers. Messy, but exciting.

5. Purdue 26, Ohio State 18. Purdue speed out to a lead, then nearly contrive to blow it all. They don't, and it's bye, bye Buckeye.

"We Didn't Expect That" Award for eyebrow-raising scorelines

1. Iowa's win over Wisconsin. We thought it MIGHT happen, but didn't think that they'd come from 10-0 down to win 20-10. We'd obviously forgotten about Happy Valley.

2. Florida to play so badly against Arkansas. Seriously—they were awful.

3. Texas Tech—Next time Bo, give the Blackshirts at the end of the season.

4. Colorado beating Kansas—Brilliant game, but CU finally gets the goalposts down. Which they probably deserved last week at Texas, if we're honest.

5. Georgia Tech beating Virginia Tech. To quote ESPN commentary, "Paul Johnson's playing chess, the rest are playing checkers." The Hokies couldn't deal with the triple option.

"You Put Together Some Offense Award" for Basketball Stats

Michigan puts up over 700 yards and 63 points against the mighty South Delaware State (who are SDSU exactly??)...Kansas State drops 62 on Texas A&M...

"I'll Never Doubt You Again" Award for Overcoming A Lack of Faith

Iowa. We thought you'd lose to Mad-town to the Wisconsin Badgers. We also saw you getting beat in Happy Valley. From now on, you're going unbeaten. In our books, anyway.

"Great Cameraman Job" Award for One Man's Work Making Millions Happy

Goes to ESPN. Not only do they give us weekly shots of Erin Andrews (this time at Alabama, kids!), but their efforts to highlight (extreme) hotties at the Penn State-Minnesota game—as well as a darned good snowman—definitely get the thumbs up from us. No points for not getting the future Mrs. Colt McCoy though. Minus points go to ESPN College Gameday, for showing us an interview with Colt McCoy and that horrible moustache. The boy looks like an alien.

"We Love Defense" Award

1. Penn State's shut-out against Minnesota. FYI, watch the fourth-and-goal stuff against Minnesota. We're not expecting the same on Saturday against Michigan, but it would be nice.

2. Alabama (again) against South Carolina. True, Stephen Garcia's not a good quarterback. But he was made to look dreadful against 'Bama's defensive front.

3. Arkansas. Huge turnover day in Florida. Pity Ryan Mallett couldn't turn it into points.

4. Texas-Oklahoma. Both sides beat the crap out of each other, and actually forced most of the turnovers.

5. Clemson beat the crap out of Riley Skinner and only gave up three points en route to a barnstorming 38-3 victory against Wake.

"Get some glasses ref!" Award for Bad Refereeing

A voucher to the local Wal Mart Vision Center goes to SEC officials at the Florida vs Arkansas game, as well as Pac-10 officials at the USC vs Notre Dame game.

And finally....

"Top Cheerleaders" Award

1. Texas wins the coveted trophy yet again. Well done girls, well done. So glad we didn't have to hear them speak. Email the VFA, and come and get the award. Collectively.

2. Arkansas—Their team may not have won, but they won the cheerleader war.

3. Florida—SEC domination continues.

4. Penn State—Back from the dead with good work from the ESPN crew.

5. Arizona State—Their celebration in the clip below makes us all happy. Really happy.

"Top Co-Eds Award" For Lovely Students

1. Sorority girls at Florida. They might have to mix in The Swamp with the whitest of white trash (we saw plenty on view on CBS), but they stand out. And God Bless 'Em for that.

2. Penn State. A few lovelies to keep things warm in a frigid State College this weekend. We wonder if they were throwing snowballs?

3. Texas. Everywhere, friends, everywhere.

4. Arizona State. Wow (More from previous experience than any view on Fox Sports).

And the best moment of the weekend.....

Penn State Pitches a Shutout Against Minnesota

Alex Ferguson — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 20:29:30 -0400

As it's still baseball season (with the weather in State College today, you could have convinced us it was skiing season!), apparently, our title with the ingenious "pitches" bit hopefully will stir up some good memories of summer.

Well, Penn State seems to have come quite a way since the beshorted masses saw the Nittany Lions win their first game of the season against Akron. Because in snowy conditions, the voracious PSU defense dominated the line of scrimmage, holding the Golden Gophers to a paltry 138 yards—including an absolutely brilliant goal-line stand with the Lions already leading 20-0.

The terrific defensive work more than made up for penalty upon penalty committed at the line of scrimmage, which was decently described as 'learning points' for Joe Paterno afterwards.

Here are some other things for the blackboard.

1) Give some love to Royster: 137 yards of power running today. Say prayers for no injuries for the rest of his career—and no decision to leave for the NFL in 2010.

2) Derek Moye: 120 yards receiving including one spectacular TD catch, which was highlight reel good.

3) Student section: ESPN's decision to show the 'Big Uglies' (repeatedly) as well as a number of PSU hotties was a good one. Big Ten officials also reprimanded PSU's student section for throwing snowballs at Gopher players. Three times. You might be disgusted. We here at the VFA actually find it quite amusing.

And some other things on the day.....

1) Colt McCoy looks like an alien. Yes, we're serious. One with a good arm and legs, but he's still an alien. And a happy one at that after the 16-13 win over Oklahoma.

2) Florida + SEC refs + Good kicker = win over Arkansas 23-20. The 'Backs missed their chances to have the game over with by half-time, to be fair. Mallett may have the best arm in the SEC, but directionally, it sucks.

3) USC escapes Notre Dame with a 34-27 win. After being up 34-14, the Trojans conspire to nearly hand it back to the Irish. This was probably another classic though.

4) Boil This, Buckeyes! Purdue knocks off Ohio State in a stunner 26-18. The Boilermakers nearly fell off the boil in a big way, only to come back and win.

5) I'm still furious about the SEC officiating. Almost as much as I was after the 2005 Penn State loss against Michigan. But not quite...(Don't remind me—PSU has got Michigan next week!!!)

SEC Officials, You're Blowing the Game!: A Horrific Encore In The Swamp

Alex Ferguson — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 19:08:00 -0400

The VFA has always said this: "I don't mind if you beat me fair and square, but if you beat me because of [add expletive here] official calls, I'm going to be really, really upset."

Florida's 23-20 comeback win against Arkansas wasn't particularly about the last minute drive that cemented everyone's view that Tim "Son of Christ" Tebow should get the Heisman trophy.

It was the SEC officiating call when the score was Arkansas 20, Florida 13 that did it.

Two straight penalties—one for a pass interference penalty that never was and then a personal foul penalty for a fair block that could only been given if either the referee was:

a.) on crack

b.) on crack

c.) a terrible referee who gave Florida 25 yards, making it easy for Florida to score a touchdown

On the winning drive, there was also a "call-that-never-was" against Riley Cooper, where CBS' Gary Danielson, the VFA, and all of the college football world were shocked when a pass interference call was NOT made by the cats in white stripes.

Don't get us wrong, Arkansas had the chances to make this game a laugher long before the SEC officials got themselves involved, shooting themselves in the foot with red zone offense almost as laughable, as, well, Florida's.

But still, we shouldn't be talking about the officials and SEC football. It's just getting too consistent for something NOT to be done about it. Remember the damage the officials caused in the Georgia-LSU game? Well, these calls were equally awful.

Go on SEC refs, go back to school. Whether it's sight school, officialing school, or special school: I'm sure you'll fit right in.