Bleacher Report - Articles by Tosten Burks

Eye-Black Messages Must Not Be Blacked Out

Tosten Burks — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 01:24:47 -0400

Scientifically speaking, eye black is a tool used to improve eye contrast sensitivity. Traditional eye black is a dark grease commonly consisting of beeswax, paraffin, and carbon. All this works together to reduce glare from the sun.

If only it could reduce glare from the spotlight...

You see, throughout the evolution of sports and time, a few more ingredients have been added to the sacred recipe: principle, protest, and passion.

Figures from throughout the broad spectrum of the sporting hemisphere have taken this stripe of black, and molded it into their own personal banner of inner expression. This badge of fierceness, of protection, has evolved into a symbol of vulnerability, of freedom.

Eye black has become a physical, visible blog for the biggest athletic superstars of our time, a platform for personal ministry and expression.

Tim Tebow, University of Florida quarterback and college football wonderboy, writes bible verses such as “John 3:16” in his eye black. Tebow’s black stripes are his pulpit.

New Orleans Saints running back, Reggie Bush places area code “619” on his black stripes. Eye black is Bush’s connection to home. Whereas Tebow’s grease is for the masses, Bush’s grease is personal.

Ohio State quarterback Terrelle Pryor’s grease...That’s a completely different story.

Two Saturdays ago, Pryor, only yet a 20-year-old sophomore in college, wrote “Vick” under each eye, a tribute to Michael Vick, formerly a pro-bowl quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons who was just recently released from prison after famously serving 18 months for dogfighting.

This wasn’t a representation of a player’s faith, or a symbol of a player’s childhood, it was a blatant, public backing of a media villain. Vick is an emblem for all things evil about the modern athlete, and Pryor was supporting him in the way media hero Tim Tebow supports his holy book.

They called it despicable. Columnists dubbed Pryor immature and grouped him in the same corrupt clique of spoiled, immoral star athletes as the Vick he endorses. Pryor was torn to shreds.

They ripped him for speaking his mind. For publicly voicing support for a recovering idol who could find a whole lot less useful things right now than support. For exercising the first amendment.

This is like bashing Jay-Z for opening a show and closing it. Or criticizing Mickey Mouse for doing back flips. It’s not totally in the job description, and may be an overextension, but it’s allowed. And it’s fresh.

And frankly, it’s enjoyable.

Terrelle Pryor is not a thoughtless young seedling who made a thoughtless young decision.

And if he is, so are the families who wait in airports for hours with posters adorned with glittering love and support for their family members coming back from tours abroad.

And if he is, so is Tony Dungy, most well known for coaching the Colts to a Super Bowl victory, writing a biography about his relationship with God, and most relevantly, supporting Vick on his path out of prison as the fallen star's spiritual counselor.

Perhaps controversy was most stirred up when Pryor defended his decision to support Vick via eye black by saying, “Not everybody’s the perfect person in the world, I mean everyone kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me, whatever. I think that people need a second chance.”

Preaching the truth that everyone sins is honesty that can’t be ignored.

Nothing and no one should ever reduce the glare of free speech.

Buffalo Better Hope Terrell Owens Isn't Just Looking For Bills

Tosten Burks — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 00:51:39 -0400

Watching "The T.O. Show," one overwhelming thought surfaces: Terrell Owens needs to get in touch with reality.

Watching the Buffalo Bills training camp open, one overwhelming thought rises above all else as well: so do his new team.

The eastern New York metropolitan area has become infatuated with the pro bowl wide receiver in less time than it takes to change the channel from his VH1 program. Jesus had to bust out a miracle or two to gather this type of following. All that was necessary from TO was to walk onto the practice field in August.

Hype and positive energy is literally smothering the city, like sauce on its famous wings.

During a typical Dick Jauron training camp press conference, half of the questions are muted by fans in the background yelling for an Owens' autograph. A number in the territory of 5,000 people attended Day One, otherwise known as TO's inauguration.

Jauron himself notes that the excitement level surrounding the team and created by Owens is comparable only to his coaching experience in Green Bay in the early 90s, when a young quarterback named Brett Favre was rising to fame.

Vice president of pro personnel John Guy tells SI's Damon Hack that the acquisition of Owens "gives us something to believe in. He's given us a weapon, and he's given us a mental edge...The players think it, the coaches think it, and the fans think it."

That will make a pretty lofty sum of disappointed people. Belief is dandy and all, but the problem is, Terrell Owens is not someone to believe in.

Reexamine the conditions upon which Owens was brought to the Bills in the first place. Banished from Dallas, shunned by the rest of the league because of his team-killing history, signed to a one year, temporary stop-gap contract to play in Buffalo for a season and rebuild his reputation in order to move back to a big money team.

This is the guy being counted on to be the team leader?

Terrell Owens is the new sideline savior? He's the franchise messiah? The prophet to pull the Bills out of their enslavement in mediocrity?

The fact that it's almost cliche and tired to call Owens a locker room killer is what makes his reception in Buffalo so surprising. Apparently, his reputation did not precede him.

Just as an update, that reputation is one of a player who bats down rumors of a suicide attempt by quoting the amount of money in his Cowboys contract. According to his publicist, TO has 25 million reasons to live.

According to anyone with sense, TO has 25 million reasons not to be counted on by the Bills.

Owens and his agent Drew Rosenhaus are a tag team in greed. Not necessarily of the money craving variety, but both crave attention. Both are disciples of the god known as Limelight.

That idol does not own a home in Buffalo, New York. And more likely than not, neither will Terrell Owens when the 2010 training camps begin.

He knows it too. The 64 thousand dollar question, or to go with the theme, the 25 million dollar question is whether that's what Owens wants.

Does he want to plug into Buffalo? Do you want to bring a championship to your current employer Terrell?

Somewhere around 290,000 people in Bills' county sure hope so. 290,000 people are smothered in Buffalo excitement based upon the notion that you are here to stay, here to win.

Are you?

Federer Wins Wimbledon, Roddick Anything but a Loser

Tosten Burks — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 12:56:59 -0400

Andy Roddick has the easiest role in sports.

He just needs to sit back, relax, and let Roger Federer beat him.

He never fails to meet expectations because no one expects him to win.

In fact, he has every excuse in the world to lose. He had every excuse in the world to lose on Sunday. He has every excuse in the world to lose every time he plays the man who now owns the record for most Grand Slam titles won.

Andy Roddick lost in the 2009 Wimbledon Finals at the All England Club on Sunday. But he has no reason to make excuses.

His chances at victory over Federer are usually deader than the grass at the hash mark on Centre Court. On Sunday, they were alive and well like a new born baby. Which makes sense because, on Sunday, Roddick was reborn.

Normally, Roddick doesn't deserve to shine Federer's shoes. In the 2009 Wimbledon Final, he gave him a full-body wash.

There wasn't necessarily an aura of overwhelming confidence around the 26-year-old from Austin, but at the least, Roddick played with self-assuredness. And from a man who has perennially doubted his own place among the game's greats, this sentiment is monumental.

There was a level of comfort from Roddick never before seen from any challenger to Federer's throne apart from the one person who actually is a true challenger: Rafael Nadal.

Roddick served with dominance, even more so than usual.

He owned the T and ruled out wide, and Federer never really stood a chance. While tennis's Mt. Rushmore of Rod Laver, Pete Sampras, and Bjorn Borg looked down from the grandstands and while Federer made history, Roddick served like an all-time great. Federer broke him once in 77 games.

He hit forehands with the stature of a champion, which is essentially remarkable because Roddick is not a champion. He is the No. 6 player in the world.

Yet, he catapulted heavy inside-outers to the corner of Federer's fabled one-handed backhand with the poise of Daniel in the lion's den, irrationally, supernaturally perhaps, knowing that he could compete.

He pulled out backhands that were breathtakingly brilliant in the way that dynamite is breathtakingly brilliant. Roddick passed Federer up the line with two-handers that exploded off the racket not just with power but with defiance.

He crawled the net with passion. Volleying has never been Roddick's strength, but on Sunday, it wasn't his strength along the same lines that Michelangelo's self-proclaimed weakness was painting. Nobody noticed, and nobody cared. Roddick's net game was his Sistine Chapel.

To more accurately describe Roddick's performance, just relive the second set tiebreaker.

There was genuine surprise when he lost after being up six to two. Folks, there is genuine surprise when Beethoven misses a note, when Jordan misses a buzzer beater, or when Federer misses an overhead. Not when a scrappy World No. 6 drops a set to the best man to ever play the game.

This is mere evidence to Roddick's greatness.

The analysts call him a victim of circumstance. The fans call him a lovable loser. On Sunday, July 5, Andy Roddick was neither a victim nor a loser.

Well done to Roger as you earned your 15^thwin, but congratulations are in order for Roddick as you received your 19^th loss. Let this serve as a prediction that you won't reach 20.

The Queen missed a good one.

Jay Cutler's Tragic Flaw

Tosten Burks — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 02:42:54 -0400

Creon ignored the gods. Oedipus ignored fate. Jay Cutler ignored a text message.

The Denver Broncos decided Tuesday that they would trade their disgruntled franchise quarterback after ten days of failed attempts to communicate with Cutler.

"A conversation with his agent earlier [Tuesday] clearly communicated and confirmed to us that Jay no longer has any desire to play for the Denver Broncos. We will begin discussions with other teams in an effort to accommodate his request to be traded," Broncos owner Pat Bowlen said.

It's called a tragic flaw.

Ignorance is bliss? Ignorance is bane.

A 25-year-old pro bowl quarterback coming off the best season of his career could not come to terms with the idea that his team does not view him as hero. Which is the exact reason why his character is so tragic.

Amid rumors of a possible trade that would bring to Denver's new coach Josh McDaniels his old quarterback Matt Cassel as a replacement for Cutler, the Broncos quarterback was outraged.

Cassel is in Kansas City now, but a bruised ego is a bruised ego. Cutler's feelings are hurt.

Can you blame him? He's a rising star. Can you sympathize?

But can you also see how that's irrelevant? The real question is, can you justify his actions?

He ignored his coach. He ignored his management. He ignored his team.

And so goes a prideful man. It wasn't from a Shawne Merriman sack, or a Nnamdi Asomugha interception, or a blown division lead, but Cutler armor has been chinked—by friendly fire. He feels betrayed by his own organization.

So, he blocked phone calls from Bowlen, and didn't repsond to text messages from McDaniels. Does that sound like a man on the verge of catharsis?

No. That is why this is a man on the verge of being traded.

It's the same reason Fred Taylor was released, the same reason behind the release of Torry Holt and near-release of LaDainian Tomlinson.

The face of a franchise is the franchise—in their eyes. Unfortunately, in reality, that's not quite how it works.

No player is bigger than his team. If a franchise seeks to improve, or in terms more relevant to this case, if a franchise seeks a quarterback that the head coach views as a better fit, no pro bowler has veto power. Jay Cutler, Marvin Harrison, they aren't Presidents.

When a team wants change, they get change. Cutler and company owe loyalty to their franchises by not expecting a franchise's loyalty to them to outweigh a franchise's commitment to success.

Cutler couldn't accept this, even when all it meant was casting aside mere trade whispers. Now the Broncos are about to cast aside him. And really, should any coach accept such arrogance?

Blindside or not, it is cockiness and nothing less that caused Cutler to believe that he, as a two year starter, was above being dealt.

And cockiness was his downfall. It was not that he loved Denver less, but that Jay Cutler loved himself more.

Enjoy Detroit.

Fantasy Double Coverage: Kurt Warner vs. Matt Cassel

Tosten Burks — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 00:06:41 -0400

The two biggest stories at the quarterback position this off-season have revolved around Kurt Warner and Matt Cassel.

After a few weeks of trickery, lies, and deceit, otherwise known as negotiation, Warner re-signed with the Arizona Cardinals. After a little bit of, uh, probably blackmail, Matt Cassel was traded from the Patriots to the Chiefs.

Both had tremendously productive 2008 seasons, and both will be highly touted for 2009.

But who would win in a caged, jitsu gladiator, snowball-fight, death match? Or, interpreted, who do we think is more valuable? Ya trip ya!

Alex Kozora:		Tosten Burks:
Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Warner is clearly the superior quarterback. Even with Randy Moss, Wes Welker, and a great coaching staff, Warner blew Cassel's numbers out of the water. The veteran threw nine more touchdown passes and nearly 1,000 more yards than did his New England counterpart. That goes along with Warner's 67.1 completion percentage and 7.7 YPA, both of which were better than Cassel's 63.4 and 7.2 in respective categories. Remember, that was last year with New England. And while the Chiefs have a few decent paintings in the museum, Cassel's downgrading. On the other hand, Warner's staying in Arizona to the delight of all Cardinals fans. Anquan Boldin doesn't appear to be on the verge of being traded, and Steve Breaston really emerged last year, catching 77 passes for just over 1,000 yards. 'Zona is still lacking a running game, and it's likely not to get much better with the likely departure of Edge James. Another thing to consider: Chan Gailey is still in Kansas City as the offensive coordinator. And while the Chiefs got away from the running game last year, mostly due to necessity, he's still a run-minded coach. It'll also be interesting to see how Cassel adjusts to a new offensive coordinator and coaching staff as a whole. Bear in mind he's always been with Josh McDaniels and the group in New England. Perhaps you had to sell your soul to the Devil in some sort of fiddle playing contest, Mr. Burks. Because all things considered, I don't see how you can rank Cassel over Warner.		I'll make this clear. Kurt Warner is a great guy. He had a great season. He's a great story. Those e-mails about him and his wife are just dandy. But it's only going down from here. The guy will be 38 next year. The incessant Anquan Boldin trade rumors are the plague to Warner's value. Dude threw 30 touchdowns with the best wide receiver corps in the National Football League. And it doesn't really look like he'll have that same wide receiver corps in 2009. To continue, Todd Haley is gone. The pass happy mastermind behind Arizona's offensive success is not in Arizona anymore. You know where he went? Kansas City. You know who else went there? Matt Cassel. Mancrush or not, I don't see how Cassel's '09-and-onward prospects can't be viewed with overflowing optimism. Haley is a genius. Warner loved him. Like teenage-girl-B.F.F. loved him. And now he is gone. He has moved on to the next QB that he will take and turn into a star. The best part is that it won't be a revitalization. Cassel is 26. Last season was virtually his rookie year, his first time starting since high school. And in it, Cassel dropped 23 scores and 3,900 yards. Matt Ryan didn't touch that. Under Haley, with the rising Dwayne Bowe and the ever studly Tony Gonzalez, along with the opportunity to be the face of a franchise, Warner won't be able to touch him either.

The manna you just downed comes from FFWritersWithHair.com

LOCAL: Battered CIF Champions Bow Early In Boys Soccer Playoffs

Tosten Burks — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 04:43:16 -0500

Eight minutes into the Feb. 27 Poway High boys soccer game against Westview High in the second round of CIF playoffs, Zach Olow screamed.

After the senior’s foot got caught in the turf and bent gruesomely in a direction that can only be described as not normal, Olow collapsed. Writhing on the ground as the crowd lay stunned and silent, he screamed.

“I saw his foot snap,” head coach Gene Morris said. “When I heard him, I knew something was really wrong.”

There was. The star player, the Palomar League player of the year runner up, was sitting on the trainer’s cart. And after Olow went down early in the first half, the defending CIF champions were out of sync, inconsistent, choppy—wrong.

Poway only had three shots the entire first half. In an opening 35 minutes characterized by turnovers, missed opportunities, and Westview domination in the middle of the field, simply nothing was there.

“I think the team, the boys themselves, lost confidence when Zach went down,” Morris said.

This is not to say that everything was going great before the injury. On Westview’s first possession of the game, as people laid out their blankets and opened their snacks and sat down for a seemingly easy second round playoff matchup, a shot off of a header off of a throw-in bounced into the goal. Westview - 1, Poway - 0.

Just in this opening minute, these opening seconds, you could sense that this would not be a cake walk on the way to another state finals. “After they got their first goal in the first minute of the game, it sucked the life out of us. We weren’t the same team,” junior, and First Team All-Palomar League player, Alex Henry said.

Later in the first half, Westview scored off a rebound. Going into the intermission, Poway was down two goals to none.

Then, Zach Olow stood up. After icing his ankle for 20 minutes, he began to walk around. And then run up and down the sideline. And then, hearing the opinion of the trainer who said that Olow would not play the rest of the game, he entered the halftime huddle.

Morris was pumping up his team. Players began to shout. They broke. Olow walked onto the field.

It was hopeless.

After one run, Olow tripped over a Westview player’s leg and fell. Back to the cart, with junior starter Dan Rakers, who also left the game in the first half with a torn MCL.

From then on out, it was a stalemate. Neither side did much. A yellow card and subsequent ejection for Sean Gallagher after he tackled/flew into a Westview player emerged as the highlight. Look for something to cheer about, the crowd erupted.

“He (Gallagher) played amazing. That showed me something for next year,” Morris said of the freshman playing in the first varsity game of his career.

The week following the Westview match up was not meant for thoughts of next year though.

Sure, Henry can say that “the younger guys really stepped up,” and that with only five seniors leaving, “we will be set for another good run,” but none of that really matters. Morris can say that he sees the team “going right back out and winning league next year,” but it is obvious what everyone really wants to do after the missed opportunity in the 2008-2009 season.

Scream.

Tom Cable: Exactly What the Oakland Raiders Need

Tosten Burks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 23:39:48 -0500

In McAfee Coliseum, on 7000 Coliseum Way in Oakland, CA, nothing is more needed than what the Raiders organization got this past Wednesday.

A repairman.

Not a plumber, nor an electrician—a cable guy. The Cable Guy.

Tom Cable begins his regime as head of what he feels is a storied franchise with a smile on his face. And that is exactly why he is perfect for the job.

"This is a dream come true," says the offensive lines coach turned interim head coach turned head coach. Those words are echoed by anyone associated with the Oakland organization.

A coach who is tickled pink to be there, but of greater significance: a coach who is proud to be there. Raider Nation couldn't ask for more.

This is a team that has not had more than five wins since 2002. Pierce Brosnan was still James Bond, the Dixie Chicks were still country, and the majority of America still liked George Walker Bush.

Seventy-two months later, when facing a head-coaching vacancy, the Al Davis administration had the following as candidates: Winston Moss, Kevin Gilbride, and Cable.

Moss is the inside linebackers coach for a Green Bay Packers team that was 26th against the run. Positives? He was the only major defensive assistant to not get fired.

Gilbride is the offensive coordinator for the New York Giants, and less than a month ago faced the type of fury that only Hell and New Yorkers hath. Players bashed him. Fans bashed him. And Davis interviewed him to lead the Oakland Raiders.

Lastly, Cable.

He parallels the Raiders to the Yankees and the Celtics. Except when Boston and New York have a head coaching vacancy, their candidate list doesn't read like a cancelling season ticket holder's complaint list.

The pickings were slim. In the mix were not offensive masterminds or hard nosed legends. Which is why the key trait possessed by Cable makes him a perfect fit.

He wants more than anything to coach Oakland. He wants more than anything to resurrect Oakland.

Attributes do not include humor or a hot wife. Just reverence, ardor.

As Cable most eloquently and directly states when responding to a reporter questioning why he feels it is the Raiders' time now. "You ask me why? It's because I believe in this team."

No virtue is more perfect for a head coach. And despite all the criticism, this is one thing that Al Davis clearly succeeded in finding, recognizing, and acquiring.

Says the owner: "He was steadfast in his belief in the Raiders, steadfast in his passion."

Passion. It's what makes love and hedonism go round. And hopefully for every man ever to don a Darth Vader mask and spiked shoulder pads, also the Oakland Raiders.

Super Bowl XLIII Preview: Has It Reached Midnight for Cinderella?

Tosten Burks — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 17:24:00 -0500

Apparently, only one of us believes so.

And it's not whom you may think.

The 12-7 Arizona Cardinals are seven-point dogs to the 14-4 Pittsburgh Steelers, owners of the league's No. 1-ranked defense. After two weeks of waiting, the teams are 48 hours away from kickoff in Tampa Bay.

Vegas bookies are predicting a final score of 27-20 in favor of the Steelers, based on the spread and over/under. We like the—well, just read on to see our picks.

Jump To...

• Zach Fein

• Tosten Burks

• Gage Arnold

• Alex Kozora

Zach Fein

For Arizona, the key will be to maintain a quick-strike offense. On their first possession, Arizona must play as if they are in a two-minute offense, throwing quick, 10-yard passes (with runs mixed in). The Cardinals must set an up-tempo pace. This will prevent the Steelers from putting pressure on Warner, who will get rid of the ball before a blitzer arrives.

Knowing that the Steelers cannot compete with them on the offensive side of the ball, Arizona must hope for a shootout—that is their only chance of staying in this game. If it turns into an old-school, time-of-possession battle, the Steelers’ specialty, Arizona can say goodbye to their Super Bowl chances.

Kurt Warner was the best quarterback when facing the blitz all year (a passer rating of 103.8 on 197 attempts). If the Steelers go to their blitz-happy ways, Warner will destroy them. Instead, Pittsburgh must drop back into coverage more often than not, and be aware of when to and from where to blitz.

One way to do this is to let Troy Polamalu take care of the short, middle routes and check downs. This way, Polamalu will be near the line on each and every play, so his distance to Warner will not be as much as if he were in his normal position. When he is rushing the passer, Pittsburgh can single-cover Larry Fitzgerald, and put another man in the middle or in position to cover the running back.

In this defensive formation, Warner will not have time to throw to Fitzgerald, who is single-covered, and must throw to Anquan Boldin in the middle or check down to Tim Hightower or Edgerrin James in the flat. Each of them will be covered by the man taking over for Polamalu. Using Polamalu as bait for Warner to throw to the flat could provide Pittsburgh with key stops, especially if the Cardinals are faced with third-and-short.

But in my opinion, it won't be enough. Arizona should control the tempo of the game and make the score go into the 30s. The Steelers will not be able to stop Larry Fitzgerald, who will once again gain over 100 yards receiving.

In the end, the final scoreboard will read 31-27, Arizona.

Tosten Burks

To start, let me establish that I don't really have a connection to either team in this game. I have a great uncle who farms alfalfa in Yuma. That's the closest I am to either franchise. I'll be cheering for the 7-0 box and Danica Patrick GoDaddy commercials.

But I'll also be cheering for the Arizona Cardinals. I like offense. I like underdogs. I like Edgerrin James's mini-comeback mini-story. And hey, Yuma's dry heat is pretty nice on winter nights.

And that's the reason I'm picking Arizona. Because I'm rooting for them. And I don't want to be bummed when the team I like wins because I picked against them on a fantasy football blog. That's just perplexing, paradoxical poop.

I like the Cards, and am going to be cheering for the Cards, so I'm picking the Cards. I have no idea what affect Larry Fitzgerald's match up against the Pittsburgh secondary will have on the outcome or an estimate as to the impact of Ben Roethlisberger's injury situation, or how much of a factor Arizona being an underdog yet again will be. But I like Arizona.

For Yuma. Cards win.

Gage Arnold

As the Super Bowl is upon us again this year, let's recap to see how we reached this point. The Steelers faced the top-ranked schedule, rose to the challenge, and gave NFL fans another typical Steelers team: strong defense, smart signal caller, and a heavy dose of the running game. That has essentially led the Men of Steel to their route so far.

I really see the Steelers' defense being the MVP of this game. If their top ranked unit can step up in crunch time and do what they have basically done all year, then I think the Steelers sit completely in the driver's seat. If the defense gets out to a fast start, then expect a heavy dose of Willie Parker mixed in with a few Ben Roethlisberger play-action passes across the middle. So essentially, the defense decides the Steelers fate.

Now, as we backtrack, I have to tell you that the NFC West was completely horrid. I mean, Arizona winning with the division with a three-game lead at 9-7? That record along proves how, eh, stunningly awful these teams in their conference were.

But this year proved to be the resurgence of Kurt Warner. The "old man" came out firing and finished as a top-five quarterback. Anquan Boldin, as well as Larry Fitzgerald, stepped up their games even more, and showed they were the best receiver tandem in the league.

The Cards' defense was not terribly bad either. They ranked in the middle of the pack in total defense, but many studs stepped up, like rookie Dominique Rodgers Cromartie, Darnell Dockett, and Karlos Dansby.

The key here lies in the Cardinals passing game: If they are in fact able to control the airways and score quickly, then I see a huge upset in the making in Tampa on Sunday. If this does happen, I would expect to see a heavy dose of Edgerrin James as well. Offense is the key here, folks.

My final verdict: I am going to side with the Pittsburgh Steelers to take home the Super Bowl this season in a 28-13 score. I think the Cardinals will remain in this game early, but I think that the Steelers are just too strong of a defensive unit to be beaten. I feel that they will control the passing game and force Arizona to win it on the ground, which they have proven they struggle doing.

Expect a good game, though. It should remain fairly even throughout, with Pittsburgh taking a long drive for a score in the final minutes to solidify themselves as champions.

Alex Kozora (the Steelers fan)

The game plans for both teams shouldn't change drastically. Both teams have to treat this like any other game and your game plan and style of play is what got you to this point. Having said that, those of us watching the Super Bowl can expect two totally different game plans.

Arizona's pass offense is the staple of the team. That won't be any different here. Create as many mismatches as possible, and take what the defense gives you. The Steelers' cornerbacks usually play with a cushion; a lot of slants and crossing routes is the best counter. However, they can't stray from the running game.

Balance is key. The Cardinals can't become one-dimensional against a team like the Steelers. Arizona can't expect Edge to gain 150 yards. That's just plain unrealistic against the best run defense in the league. But they need to stay committed.

The key is to run the ball 25-30 times to make the defense respect the running game and force them to cheat up from time to time. When that happens, you can then stretch the field with studs like Larry Fitzgerald or Anquan Boldin.

While it will be just about attempts for the Cardinals' rushing attack, it's a different case for the Steelers. They want to run the ball a lot, but they also want success. Unlike Arizona, the Steelers use the running game to set up the pass. Willie Parker has to be successful in order for Pittsburgh to win.

In regards to the passing game, the key is protecting Ben. Nothings changed in that department. Give him time, and he'll make plays. Granted, that's easier said than done.

Putting my Steelers bias aside the best I can, I'm going with the underdog, Arizona. They've shown a commitment to the running game in the postseason. 37 percent of the Cardinals' first downs have come from the running game in the postseason, compared to just a 24 percent in the regular season. Their attempts and yards have gone up too, from 21 carries and 74 yards per game to 33 carries and 111 yards per game in the postseason.

I can't see the Steelers being able to slow down the Cardinals' offense. Blitzing helps, but the best counter for a blitzing defense is a QB with a quick release. Arizona has that in Kurt Warner. Just look at what a quarterback with a similar throwing style did against the Steelers in the regular season.

One other tidbit of information to leave you with: Pittsburgh has struggled against quality teams that run a 4-3. All of their losses have been handed down by 4-3 teams (the Eagles, Giants, Colts, and Titans). Yeah, you guessed it, 'Zona runs the 4-3.

Stupid, Absurdly Early 2009 Fantasy Football Rankings: Wide Receivers

Tosten Burks — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 04:08:49 -0500

The 2008 NFL season was supposed to be the official death of the running back position. Wide receivers and quarterbacks were taking over the game, re-shaping the way owners draft, strategize, and in the simplest form, play fantasy football. If there was a sign that this would not be the case, it came seven minutes into the second round of games on the first Sunday of the season. Tom Brady dropped back in Gillette Stadium, threw a ball up, took a hit, and went down. On the other end of the play, Randy Moss caught the ball, just his third reception of the season, and fumbled it away. Back at the line of scrimmage, Tom Brady lay on the ground, writhing in the pain of a knee injury that would end his season. The leaders of the revolution shot down any thoughts of a new era with one play, showing but a glimpse of the season that was to come. Seventeen weeks later, three pass catchers sat among the top 15 fantasy players at the running back and wide receiver position. A year ago, there were eight. Not one wide receiver scored top five RB/WR fantasy points. While 2007's top overall position player, Moss, broke records, 2008's leader of the pack at wideout, Larry Fitzgerald, averaged 4.7 points per game less than the top tailback, DeAngelo Williams. There was nothing French or American about it -- and certainly no one saw anything Glorious. But what now? Are pass catchers just biding their time? That remains to be seen. However, whether it be for a Napoleonic take over or simply another Off-Broadway production ala '08, the following will be the headliners.

Begin Slideshow

Stupid, Absurdly Early 2009 Fantasy Football Rankings: Running Backs

Tosten Burks — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 17:39:56 -0500

Preseason rankings, along with conventional wisdom, was gone with the wind in the 2008 fantasy football season. Nowhere was this more apparent than at the running back position. The number one overall back was DeAngelo Williams out of Carolina, a team that just drafted a halfback in the first round of the draft back last April. A first year starter was number two. A starter who made it into the end zone once last season scored 13 touchdowns this year. There were three rookies in the top 10. The perennial number one ended up at seven. Nobody has any idea what they're doing with these. It's unpredictable, a crap shoot. Now let me polish off my rifle...

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Stupid, Absurdly Early 2009 Fantasy Football Rankings: Quarterbacks

Tosten Burks — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 13:00:41 -0500

At this point of the National Football League season, most of the fantasy nation is either fresh off a champion and flying high or weeks removed from a playoff exit/snub that they really would like to leave in the past. Everyone is looking ahead to the playoffs. People are planning Super Bowl parties, watching college bowl games. Well, I'm in the minority. I'm already negotiating trades in keeper leagues. I'm scouting my draft picks. And now, because I'm an idiot, I'm ranking guys for next season. Read on for the top 10 fantasy QB's for 2009, if you're as dumb as me.

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LOCAL: Sophomore Stud Kuklok Leads Defending Champs

Tosten Burks — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 11:36:01 -0500

Could there be a more perfect nickname?

For someone who leads a defending CIF Championship team in points per game—as a sophomore; for someone who as a freshman led that same team in scoring during that CIF run; for someone who made the Second Team All-Palomar League being what the San Diego Union Tribune described as the team leader who “can do it all” (this is a 15 year old tenth grader we’re talking about here); it fits her to a T.

Or more appropriately, to a three. She has made 10 already this year, five in one game during a 70-28 blowout against King Drew.

Katie Kuklok is Kook. As in crazy, an anomaly, one who stands out from a group.

In the semifinals of last season’s CIF Championship, it was a Kuklok free throw that sealed the win for Poway.

In the ensuing finals, it was the same story. Kuklok sunk one from the free throw line in the final seconds to keep Poway on top.

In the first game of the 2008-2009 season against Francis Parker, Poway won 72-25. Kuklok scored 25 on her own.

It has been this way for as long as anyone can remember. Kuklok started playing basketball in first grade. Her mom got her into the sport. Her brother Brian Kuklok, a senior who leads Poway’s boy’s varsity team in scoring, kept her interested.

Everyone else just spectated, watching Kuklok’s spectacular career develop, awestruck.

Rancho Bernardo Varsity Basketball player Andrew Daniel remembers. “Everyone always talked about the Poway girl who played with the guys,” the sophomore said. He is referring to the travel team days of the past in which Kuklok would suit up for Titan travel ball, on the boys teams. Kooky.

From elementary school travel teams to CIF champion high school squads, Kuklok got to where she is because of her worth ethic. And others have noticed.

“Probably the main word to describe her would be dedicated. She works extremely hard. She puts a lot of time and effort into basketball,” sophomore Taylor Carter, who has played with Kuklok since middle school, said.

Carter has not just been anther spectator to Kuklok’s basketball though; she has been a student, as have many.

“She definitely motivates us. She encourages me and is a big inspiration for me and others too.”

All the backdrop would seem to make Kuklok out as a prodigy, a phenom. In reality, she is just a high schooler doing with a hobby.

“I love basketball. I want to play it the rest of my life,” she said.

She is wearing sweat pants. Of course.

“My goal with it is to just be able to play division one basketball (in college).”

Further down is a pair of high tops.

“I’ve already started getting letters from colleges like UCLA, but they can’t actually contact me because I’m only a sophomore.”

And, that is it. Kuklok has to go. Unsurprisingly, she has to go to practice. And after that, probably one of her hour long shooting sessions that she does every day, all year round.

And after that... the sky is the limit.

Sandy Alderson and the Padres Need To Dust Off Their Originality

Tosten Burks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 18:05:45 -0400

Sandy Alderson probably doesn't own a Bible. He has Moneyball.

He has no need for God. The Padres' CEO is polytheistic. Billy Beane and Andrew Friedman shrines rest near a copy of The Bill James Handbook.

Take a look around though, and you'll realize that other than that, there really is nothing else to see. No traces of original thought to speak of. Not one fingerprint from creativity left in the whole place.

Reports whisper that one time, back in 1989, Alderson contributed an opinion to an Athletics meeting. It was followed by a gasps, snaps for Sandy, and frantic journalists recording down history.

You see, Mr. Alderson is a copycat.

It's a great attribute to have in a front office guy, is it not? Applying the tried and true methods of other successful front-office guys to one's own franchise? Kevin Towers and Alderson's other henchmen are obviously on the bandwagon.

Trading your best players, keeping budgets low, constantly investing in young players; that's what success is made of right? It's worked for the A's and the Rays...

Here is the problem. It's not working for the Pads. The Moores have become poor. Fan interest has lessened.

No amount of Paul DePodesta blogging will fix the current fan relations.

Support comes with success. And as businessman William Pollard once said, "The arrogance of success is to think that what you did yesterday will be sufficient for tomorrow."

Winning comes from innovation. Billy Beane proved that. But using someone else's new ideas of yesterday is not a new idea.

Evolve. Invent. Create.

The San Diego front office won't accomplish this by reading five-year-old copies of Michael Lewis's The Art of Winning An Unfair Game (Now a feature length film!).

The swirling rumors of a probable Jake Peavy trade are what make this piece timely, but they aren't necessarily what make it correct. In no way is that for sure a terrible idea. Immediate condemnation won't come from me on that matter.

I'm all for snagging three young studs in exchange for one. The Padres certainly haven't been getting those players from the draft.

In all honesty, Tommy Hanson sounds like a cornerstone ace in the making. Yunel Escobar would come into the Padres' system as the best infield prospect they've seen in years. Jordan Schaefer has huge potential and would definitely fill the center-field gash in San Diego. Jair Jurrjens and Jason Heyward both would be exciting minor leaguers to develop.

If Towers negotiates well, a Peavy deal could work out amazingly well in the Padres' favor, a team that isn't winning anytime soon, so they might as well load up on future studs.

But is it pure coincidence that these trade talks arise just a year following the Johan Santana sweepstakes?

Some freshness would be nice—and not in the form of a shiny new Michael Lewis hardback.

Someone get Sandy Alderson a New Testament.

Monday Night Kicker: Week Seven

Tosten Burks — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 12:59:24 -0400

Curing the world of uninsightful, uninteresting, day after Ante Meridiem armchair quarterbacks.

During the final seconds of the 71.5-minute epic in Oakland, Sebastian Janikowski kicked the ball farther than star child Darren McFadden had run all game. Justin Fargas could have gone three yards and a cloud of dust 19 times over the course of the ball's flight. It accounted for more points than Brett Favre scored on the other side of the ball.

It equaled the Raiders' second win of the season.

"As soon as I hit it, I started celebrating," Janikowski said. "Laughing and smiling feels good."

For suffering Raider fans, that's an enormous understatement.

"What is this feeling? I love it! We should do this more often!" one bleacher creature said. A tailgater was overheard shouting, "Raiders win? Raiders win!"

Can you blame them? No one expected an interim head coach leading an intermediate-at-best team to come out victorious against the hot New York Jets, coming into the bay on a two game winning streak.

But it seems the lack of confidence was also only interim. "We believe now, whereas before, we would get in the fourth quarter and it would kind of fall apart on us," cornerback Nnamdi Asomugha said. "We needed this."

Did they ever.

Oakland had dropped four of their first five, the only win coming against the even worse off Kansas City Chiefs. The are being run by a rookie quarterback in need of momentum to build a career on. The steering wheel has been passed to Tom Cable by a 79-year-old owner, both in need of success and support. And the fanbase? Their needs need not even be asked.

Sunday's win was a solid building block. "The way we won it today, it brings us closer together as a team," Russel said. "We just kept fighting."

His words are a solid mantra.

Janikowski's kick was solid, period. During its flight, that 171 foot bomb that Chris Mortenson says could have easily made it from five yards deeper, a game was pulled out of a hat.

Here's the kicker. A franchise might also have been pulled out of a crater.

Extra Points

Oakland wasn't the only team to come out of a slump this past weekend. The St. Louis Rams, also coming off a coaching change, pulled off a 34-14 romp in the Edwards Jones Dome. Tony Romo did not play during the game—based on a Brett Favre-free choice. Said Jerry Jones, "He ended up making that decision for us. He just felt like he couldn't help us." Good to see Favre doesn't have everyone following his every word.

After leading his Bills to 24-13 win over the San Diego Chargers and to a 5-1 record, Trent Edwards has vaulted into the MVP conversation. On Monday's Pardon the Interruption, Michael Wilbon said Edwards is No. 2 in the race. His top choice? Kerry Collins.

Cincinnati must be a sad, sad place right now. After a four-yard run by Cedric Benson that gave the Bengals, the only NFL team yet to win a game, their first first down of the game, the fans erupted into a standing ovation.

1,000 Words From Week Seven

Matt Bryant Overcomes Tragedy For Tampa Bay Win

Tosten Burks — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 12:24:14 -0400

Yes, it sounds like a movie. It does seem to be styled for the silver screen. David Anspaugh would dramatize it.

But movie analogies just do not do the story of Matt Bryant justice.

Of course, that image of Bryant blowing a kiss to the heavens would look great on a film poster above the words, "Based on a True Story." There is no question that it would pull in a solid opening weekend.

The emblem is beautifully, tear-jerkingly stunning; I understand. Heck, Leonardo would paint it. Smack it up on a fresco, and it would make the Mona Lisa cry.

But is that really enough?

True, Bryant's chronicle reads like a parable. Sophocles would characterize him; although it might not fit in with Greek drama; to call it a tragedy would be an understatement.

No matter though, this is not reel. It is real.

Matt Bryant buried his three-month-old son Saturday. His child died. No one is aware of how. Everyone is trying to understand why.

Matt Bryant buried the Green Bay Packers Sunday. He contributed 12 points to Tampa Bay's third win. No one is aware of how Bryant overcame such emotion to perform. Everyone understands why.

"I wanted to honor Tryson's name," Bryant said.

There is no question that he did that and more. As Tryson lay six feet under in peace, his father was kicking 83 yards in field goals, attempting to reach that same state.

Is a shiny new three-and-one record sufficient to accomplish this? "It worked out OK. Could've been better. I don't know what I needed."

Jon Gruden has a good start. "You have to pray for him."

Needing divine intervention? Again, this is sounding like a Greek trilogy.

"I think he needed the game. He needed football," Gruden said. Isn't that the lesson from Rudy?

I think it is clear how Hollywood, or Athens, or the Vatican, for that matter, Matt Bryant's plot is. Are you ready to buy your ticket?

That is, if you think a man who just lost his child needs to see his face in a theater near you.

Bolts and Briefs From the Second Day of Chargers Training Camp

Tosten Burks — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 19:34:30 -0400

The following bit of Pulitzer-Prize worthy investigative reporting comes directly to you from ChargersBeat.com, your home for completely unboring, unbiased, and unRaiderish (best part huh) Chargers talk.

I checked out the Chargers today, watched some training camp and all that jazz. Because, you know, the second day of camp is supposed to be the most important practice of the whole offseason. Seriously. So you know I had to be there.

First off, let me say that Antonio Cromartie is the best athlete on the team. The entire team. He's tall, lean, and ripped. Guy ran down Darren Sproles from like 10 yards back in about two strides during one play today. Sproles himself runs a 4.4 40! Randy Moss, you better brace yourself for a Week Six pummeling.

Second off, let me say that Marcus McNeil is one big man. He's like four Darren Sproles's. Plus a foot. Both directions.

Thirdly, one Chargers linebacker, I believe it was Tim Dobbins, got nailed in the head by a pass when he messed up on a drill. I don't know how to tie that to anything, but I just had to mention that somehow.

Overall, the team looked great. Energy was high, chemistry seemed strong, and physically, guys looked solid. There's no way you could leave that practice and not be excited. And to get you on the train too...

Bolts and Briefs

Jamal Williams was on the field, in jersey, but didn't practice. He didn't wear cleats or a helmet. It's a good sign that he didn't start camp on the PUP list, but it seems that he's still not fully recovered from the two knee surgeries he had this offseason.

Ryon Bingham took Jamal's place on the first-team squad the whole time during full team offense vs. defense practice.

Antonio Gates was in street clothes, along with Nick Hardwick, Andrew Pinnock, and Anthony Waters, all of whom were Active-PUP.

Chris Chambers, Vincent Jackson, and Buster Davis were the only three wideouts to line up for the first team during practice. Chambers was always split out wide, while Jackson and Davis both had some snaps in the slot and on the other side of Chambers. It should be interesting to see who steps up and takes over the possession WR gap left by Eric Parker and an injured Gates.

Legedu Naanee was nowhere to be found. I didn't see him in a jersey at all today, and I don't know what he looks like, so I couldn't tell you if he was even at practice. I wasn't able to grab a coach to find out what was up, but there may be some off-field or injury issue that's being covered up.

That's bad for Naanee, who supposedly will have a bigger role this season, possibly being that missing possession, slot receiver. He needs to be practicing with the team as much as possible.

Kassim Osgood—Special Teams Stud/Playing Time Complainer was moved around quite a bit. He took snaps with the second and third teams during practice today, getting time in with both Volek and Whitehurst. He's always wanting more opportunities at wide receiver, but he's going to have to prove himself. Kassim didn't do anything special today.

Supposed soon-to-be middle linebacker stud Brandon Siler wasn't lined up with the first team on defense at all today. Wilhelm and Cooper were the only guys to play in the middle for the top squad. If the Chargers' positivity is genuine about him, that will change down the road this training camp, especially as Cooper's four-game suspension looms closer.

Now-safety Paul Oliver was targeted a ton today. He played on the second and third squads at different parts of the practice, and it seems that the coaches are trying to work him as much as possible to quicken the learning curve for his position change.

Presumably he'll easily be a second-string safety, but he'll have to work a bit to lock up the fourth cornerback spot over Cletis Gordon. For the record, Gordon looked better than Oliver today.

Finally, today's Zeus Award for the biggest and best Bolt (I just made that up, but I like it) goes to Marco Thomas. Second-year player out of Western Illinois. Signed this offseason. Got shuffled around from the Giants to the Raiders to the Jets during his rookie year and earlier in 2008. I didn't know any of that until I Googled his name.

Don't feel bad, I had no idea who he was either.

But he had two awesome catches today. The first one was a tiptoe, over-the-head bomb down the sideline during a QBs-WRs drill that he caught in stride, and the second play was a diving snag underneath and through two or three cornerbacks during seven-on-seven work. Here's to hoping he gets to stick around long enough to give spectators more highlights like today.

I'll be going back to the training camp practices as much as possible to keep you in the know. If you have any feedback, comments, or experienced/know someone who has experienced a Legedu Naanee sighting, email me at ChargersBeatBlog@gmail.com.

Luis Castillo's Paycheck, Antonio Gates's Toe, and Other San Diego Chargers News

Tosten Burks — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 14:24:12 -0400

Luis Castillo is now the sixth-highest paid defensive lineman in the NFL.

According to nfl.com junkie Adam Schefter, Castillo signed a five-year contract extension that will pay him up to $43 million, with $17.5 million guaranteed. This will keep him in San Diego until 2014.

That's all good and dandy, but I think there's a lot of interest stuff possibly behind this signing.

Castillo got a new contract before Shawne Merriman. Does that seem odd to you? They both were from the same draft class and both have become studs, but Merriman, possibly the best player on the whole team, is still on his rookie deal, while Castillo is getting paid $40 million.

Why would the front office choose to update Castillo's contract before Merriman's? It's not like Castillo was demanding a pay increase.

I have a feeling that the Bolts see the end coming for Jamal Williams and want to make sure they will have Castillo in town to anchor that defensive line when Jamal is gone.

Maybe Williams's knee injury isn't coming along like they had hoped. Maybe he's wearing down; I wouldn't be surprised, he's a 350-pound man who's played 10 seasons in this league.

His whole rehab situation has been a bit hush-hush all offseason, though that could be attributed to Gates, Rivers, and Tomlinson being three bigger names coming off injuries as well. Whatever the reason, Castillo's signing makes me a little nervous about Jamal Williams's future.

Rookies reported to training camp on Monday and Antoine Cason was a no-show.

A.J. Smith is optimistic, saying, "Talks have been great; (the) relationship is great," but he indicated that the current offer proposed by the organization is the team's final one.

Smith supposedly drafted Cason specifically to stop Wes Welker, in a move to satisfy A.J.'s alleged obsession with beating the Patriots, so I don't doubt that a deal will get done soon.

Norv Turner thinks Antonio Gates has a good chance of playing in Week One. Oh wait, he also considers Gates a possible option to start the year on the PUP list.

Why so mysterious, Norv? Yesterday, Turner was quoted as being optimistic about Gates's health, saying that he's right on schedule, yet today he thinks he could start the season Physically Unable to Perform list.

What I think?

Norv Turner has no clue. When a doctor or a trainer comes out and says something about Antonio's situation, I'll listen up. Turner though, is just spurting things that sound good to the media, and in reality, Gates's toe is still untested and up in the air.

Other Bolts Briefs:

Eric Parker didn't show up to camp. So basically he just did nothing on his banged-up calf at home rather than doing nothing on his banged-up calf at practice.

Nick Hardwick is expected to miss at least the first month. I know realize that the "super" in Super Chargers means super unhealthy.

Charlie Whitehurst will not be traded, says A.J. Smith. Why? You just re-signed Billy Volek. Do you just like Charlie's last name? Ok, that's valid.

NFL News Wire Rundown: July 21st

Tosten Burks — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 20:32:00 -0400

I haven't done one of these since Monday. No, I wasn't curing AIDS or financing homeless people. I was doing something better: Working on the Fantasy Football Writers With Hair 2008 Draft Kit.

It's coming. This Friday. Get your camping gear ready for those lines—the FFWWHDK (oh man that's catchy, but if you can somehow come up with something better, I'd love to hear it, FFWritersWithHair@gmail.com) is faster than the iPhone 3G and has better graphics than the PS3. Things could get hectic.

But alas, I have returned home my friends. And boy I chose a good day to do it. At the moment, there are over four pages worth of Rotoworld news reports. I am salivating.

Lewis Is A Monster

Ray Lewis' offseason workout regimen allowed him to gain five pounds and reduce his body fat to six percent.

He's up to 6'1"/255. Lewis remains a top-five middle linebacker when healthy, but barely made it through last season playing with a torn triceps, an ankle sprain, and a broken hand. Don't bet on him making it 16 games this year.

He played through a sprained ankle, a broken hand, and (plural!) torn triceps. That is a dude who PROTECTS THIS HOUSE!

Sorry for that.

Lions Don't Want The Other LJ

Booth Newspapers' Tom Kowalski confirms that the Lions are not interested in dealing for LaMont Jordan.

Jordan visited the Lions a few weeks ago, but acquiring him was never a high priority. We expect Jordan to be cut by Oakland as soon as Wednesday. Kowalski also calls rumors of Detroit's interest in Chris Simms "baseless."

You know your days are numbered when the Detroit Lions don't want you. Start looking for a house in Florida, Lamont. Enjoy your retirement.

*Actual Fantasy Analysis*

The Giants have agreed to trade Jeremy Shockey to the Saints in exchange for second- and fifth-round picks in 2009. Shockey still must pass a physical.

It's a risky trade for the Saints, but the perfect place for Shockey to improve his fantasy value. New Orleans desperately needs a second receiver to catch passes over the middle, and Shockey can top his career high in receptions (74) if he stays healthy for once.

That would make him a top-six TE again, albeit one with huge injury risk. It's unclear if Shockey will even be ready for camp. The Giants turned down the same offer in April, but they got plenty of value to eliminate a distraction. Kevin Boss should take over at tight end.

I love this move fantasy-wise. Shockey has fallen out of favor in fantasy circles, but going to New Orleans—who has no receiving threats aside from Marques Colston (and Reggie Bush I guess) helps him enormously.

He'll be the second biggest threat in the passing game. He'll have Drew Brees throwing to him, who seriously crushes on good tight ends (look at Antonio Gates' numbers with Brees compared to Philip Rivers). The tight end position just got deeper.

Slaton Is Signed

The Houston Texans agreed to terms with third-round RB Steve Slaton on a multi-year contract.

Slaton has Warrick Dunn-like potential in Houston's zone-blocking scheme, but must overcome his ball security woes. He put the ball on the ground a few times during OTAs. Slaton's rookie ceiling is as a third-down back.

Warrick Dunn-like potential. Oh boy!

Drew Rosenhaus Thinks Holding Out Is Unprincipled

Agent Drew Rosenhaus confirmed that his clients Anquan Boldin and Darnell Dockett will both be at Cardinals training camp on time.

The players want new deals, but are willing to suck it up for now. "Anquan is not the type of guy to hold out," said Rosenhaus. "He’s a very principled guy." The Cards may continue to negotiate with Boldin into the season, but Dockett is signed through 2011 and unlikely to get a raise before next winter.

Oh yes Drew. Doing what you agreed to do in a contract means you are very principled.

Andy Reid Thinks Brian Westbrook Will Report To Camp

Eagles coach Andy Reid said Monday that he believes Brian Westbrook will not hold out of training camp.

Westbrook is hiring a new agent as he seeks an overdue pay raise. "Brian's obviously one of the leaders of this football team, so I would expect that he would be here," Reid said. Westbrook is due $4.5 million in 2008.

Drew Rosenhaus thinks Brian Westbrook is very principled.

Adam Schefter Thinks Terrell Suggs Won't Report

NFL Network's Adam Schefter reports that franchise player Terrell Suggs does not plan to report to the Ravens until after their final exhibition game on August 24.

Suggs has hired a personal defensive line technique coach and will stay in shape on his own. While the Ravens would naturally like Suggs around, it's not that big a deal because he's a seasoned veteran. Suggs is doing what he has to do: avoiding potential injury.

Drew Rosenhaus thinks Terrell Suggs is very low...

MLB All-Star Game 2008: So Many Things To Make Fun of, So Little Time

Tosten Burks — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:43:19 -0400

During the ninth inning of the All-Star Game yesterday, I planned to write this article about how pathetic Fox Sports' performance was in covering Mariano Rivera's entrance at Yankees Stadium.

The moment was excitedly anticipated all week, and then was pushed out of the way for some animated lizards advertising an energy drink.

A few innings later, I realized that, in the end, that moment meant nothing anyway, because the batting was so porous that Rivera's appearance ended up being meaningless.

It was then that I changed my game plan to a breakdown of how bad Dan Uggla's night was. But then the alleged best baseball players the American League has to offer hit into three straight groundouts with the bases loaded and let him off the hook.

By the end of the game, I was all set to discuss how much I wanted to light Frank Sinatra's music on fire by the end of the night.

It was at this point in time that I realized that there were so many cringe-worthy, craptastic aspects of this year's MLB All-Star Game that I might as well combine them into one nirvanical blog post.

This time it counts...

The pregame show was possibly the worst piece of television programming I have ever seen. I do not consider the coverage of a parade where pitchers and their wives get threatened and legendary old timers get interviewed a "show".

The player introductions were complete shenanigans. Do these old, all-timers really enjoy having to stand out on a field for an hour while their names get called and cheered? We already respect them. They get enough honor.

Yes, I understand that it is Yankee Stadium, and it is historical, and all that jazz, but seriously—these dudes are like 70-years old. You're gonna hurt their backs making them stand out their for such a long time just for a meaningless ceremony.

This crap about the starting pitchers only throwing two innings is nonsense. You complain about having to put guys in the game that just pitched on Sunday, but then you pull starting pitchers who consistently go seven or eight innings just because you want to let everyone play.

This isn't Little League. The honor of the All-Star Game is to be selected for it, not to play in it.

*Positivity Alert* Yogi Berra is hilarious. People have fallen in love with Charles Barkley lately. Yogi blesses the world with 10 times more funny quotes than Barkley does. Plus, he's unbelievably short. That alone is just comedic gold.

Are the best pitchers in baseball that much better than the best hitters? Seven runs in 15 innings. That's embarrassing.

How in the heck did America vote Corey Hart into the game over Ryan Howard, who leads baseball in home runs and leads the NL in RBI? Hart swings like a stinking pitcher. Actually, most pitchers' swings look better. He was horrible.

Guess what else is horrible? Dan Uggla's game. Three strikeouts. Three errors. A double play in the 10th with runners on first and third and only one out. Aaron Cook probably wanted to drop kick Uggla when he almost blew the game for him with two errors behind Cook's pitching.

The coaches probably wanted to drop kick the hitters too. Three for 28 with runners in scoring position. From All-Stars. Apparently they just didn't think, "This time it counts," on the 25 other opportunities.

Russell Martin should have been the MVP. He was a part of the two most memorable plays in the game with two of his scoops and tags at home plate.

Bud Selig should have called the game a tie in the 10th or whenever like he did in 2002. I can't believe I just said that.

Yankee fans are ridiculous. I have a feeling that they would have rather had Papelbon blow the save than the AL win the game. Actually, then they would have realized what happened and started to boo Paps.

They just seemed so confused on whether to boo people because they weren't Yankees (e.g. racial slurs at Ichiro, threats at Papelbon's pregnant wife) or cheer them because they were on the team that could get the Yanks home-field advantage in the World Series.

Just look at this clip of how they reacted after J.D. Drew's home run: first cheers, then jeers.

Props to Tim McCarver, for once. You stayed awake the whole game. I predicted you'd be out in the 12th.

Joe Buck, after watching that game on Tuesday, I now understand why you don't like or care about baseball anymore.

Finally, the commercial breaks went as long as this blog post has run. The broadcast was coming back on right before pitchers were releasing the ball. Absurdity.

I don't care if it counts. Make it entertaining next year, MLB people.

Tour de France: I'm Here To Help

Tosten Burks — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 12:00:33 -0400

The following is from the critically acclaimed (if everyone's a critic, then my dad counts) sports blog The Love Boat. For more amazing writing like this, go check out the site.

Hey Cycling, 93 percent of ESPN's sportsnation says they don't care about your largest event.
89 percent of the international voters said they don't give a crap about your super bowl.
There were more Josh Hamilton bombs on Monday night than people I know who have watched one bit of cycling since the race started on the July 5.

You need some support. I'm here to give it. In cute, nicely organized list form.

1. Get rid of the yellow jersey. That's right, get rid of the yellow. When a cyclist wins a stage, they should be given a challenge not a bright piece of fabric. Stage winners should have to wear pads. Full on football pads. Football is America's favorite sport. America is the biggest market. Please the customers.

2. Put the biggest stars in the tabloids. Look around. Tom Brady and Tony Romo are on newsstands. A-Rod is causing a media frenzy.

Christiano Ronaldo is always a tabloid target. The biggest stars of the biggest sports get followed by the paparazzi, cycling needs to jump on board.

Perhaps the difficult part of this plan would be to find someone in the sport who actually could be considered a "star." Can you even name the best professional cyclist in the world? Can you even name a professional cyclist in the world?

3. Make it a contact sport. Remember this? Ya, it was on SportsCenter last December. Now tell me what other cycling picture you have ever seen on the World Wide Leader.

I hear those crickets. NASCAR allows bumping. And it's the fastest growing sport in the country.

Accidents draw viewers. People can't turn away from train crashes. They can turn away from the current cycling races...

4. Get Chris Berman on the broadcasts. Oh my bad. Attract fans to the sport not away from.

5. Get Erin Andrews on the broadcasts. Awww, this is better.

What you just read is from the critically acclaimed (if everyone's a critic, then my dad counts) sports blog The Love Boat. For more amazing writing like this, go check out the site.

Fantasy Football: Man Crush Monday!

Tosten Burks — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:41:00 -0400

Ha.

My colleague Alex Kozora has had to write every Man Crush on this site so far. That means he's gayer than I am. Ha.

And I watch Top Chef, so that's saying something. But because it's in the job description, here we go with my weird, unsafe love for an NFL player.

Jonathan Stewart

What? Tosten! You know better than to advocate a rookie running back. Adrian Peterson was a fluke remember? That stuff doesn't happen! I know, I know, I know. I don't care.

John Fox hates DeAngelo Williams. Absolutely hates him with a deep, burning passion. He hates him so much that he gave DeShaun Foster over 100 more carries than him last year. Deshaun Foster. That guy is looking like he'll be behind Michael Robinson on the 49ers depth chart!

And Jonathan Stewart is way better than DeShaun Foster. He weighs 235 pounds and runs a 4.38. That's beastly. The Panthers took him 13th overall with a jacked up toe. That was substantially higher than anyone projected. What does that mean? Fox and the rest of the Panthers staff love him.

So here's JStew, a guy that Carolina loves, and there's DeWill, a guy that Carolina hates. Who do you think will get the majority of the carries? And if Foster (DeShaun Foster! I keep saying it because it's just unbelievable) gets 247 rushes as the main back, then just imagine how many Stewart will end up with. 300 touches isn't out of the question.

I'd take a 300 touch, 4.38 running, 235-pound monster in a rush-first offense with a young, developing offensive line as a high No. 3 running back and maybe even a low No. 2 in a 12- or 14-team league. He's a solid fifth round pick in non-keeper leagues.

Wow this post ended up getting posted really late. Stinking Josh Hamilton and his distracting ways. Actually, I'm gonna blame it on Bud Selig. He's my favorite All-Star Weekend scapegoat.

NFL News Wire Rundown, July 14th

Tosten Burks — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 18:32:00 -0400

Here I am again, on the other side of a five-day hiatus in which I slacked off and didn't post a thing. I'll just say I spent that time doing charity work.

I'm once again scanning the news wire for NFL whisperings and reports because that's just the type of wire whore I am. All I'm seeing is Brett Favre this, Brett Favre that.

I am happy, though, to see that old Bretty is in the news for an actual public statement rather than for a reported phone call or his sister's aunt's cousin talking to a reporter. He must have run out of texts on his T-Mobile plan...

But everything seems to be normal here in the sporting blogosphere from which my charity work recently pulled me away. Everything is about No. 4, Chris Mortenson is still introduced on ESPN as "the man who originally broke the Brett Favre story," and Peter King and John Madden are both still partying knowing that their loverboy is coming back.

Only one thing was missing over this period of time: me making you laugh. I mean, hopefully that happens when I'm around. So let's get on with this thing!

Childress Says Watching Favre Is Like Watching a Soap Opera

Coach Brad Childress refused to comment when asked Sunday if the Vikings would be interested in acquiring Brett Favre.

Favre is under contract, so Childress commenting on him would've been against league policy. "It really is an interesting soap opera to watch from the hinterland up here and watch transpire down south," the coach allowed.

Wait, Childress thinks soap operas are "interesting?" Okay, dude, turn in your mancard. As a football coach no less...how can his players respect him knowing that?

King Thinks Favre Will End Up in Tampa

SI.com's Peter King says his money is on Brett Favre being in the Tampa Bay Bucs' training camp at some point this summer.

King doesn't expect Favre to be at Packers camp in two weeks, even if Favre still hasn't been traded. King believes Favre's ideal destination is Minnesota, but getting there would require Green Bay releasing Favre, which is highly unlikely. King calls the Redskins and Ravens other possibilities.

Oh yes, Peter, we already know that you throw money on your boy Brett. I'm just surprised Favre's wife is fine with the whole situation.

Seahawks Will Wait Till Next Year to Negotiate a Contract with Engram

The Seahawks have told Bobby Engram that they will not negotiate a new contract with him until after the season, but he doesn't plan to hold out of training camp.

Engram, who set a franchise record with 94 catches in 2007 and is far and away the most proven wideout on Seattle's 2008 roster, is currently somewhere between 75th and 80th on the league's receiver pay scale. It's hard not to side with the trusty vet on this one, but Engram isn't the type to follow through and hold out.

What kind of extension do you give to a guy who will be 36 at the end of next season? Bobby, I'm sorry, but it looks like they're just putting it off, waiting for you to die. Kind of like giving an I.O.U. to a great grandpa when he's in the car on the way to the emergency room.

Hamlin and Cowboys Hoping to Get a Contract Signed Soon

The Cowboys remain in contract negotiations with franchise player Ken Hamlin and hope to have him signed by Tuesday's deadline.

Hamlin would have to play on his one-year tender if no deal is struck. The deadline for franchise players to sign long-term deals is exactly 3:00 PM ET Tuesday.

Hamlin's agent was reportedly in contact with owner Jerry Jones' son Stephen all last week, so there's a decent chance this will get done.

Did anyone see Ken on Jim Rome's show today? White shirt with a white v-neck sweater vest? Dallas, give this guy his money so he can get himself a stylist.

Brennan Gets Paid

Redskins agreed to terms with sixth-round QB Colt Brennan on a four-year, $1.8 million contract. The signing bonus is just under $100,000.

Brennan threw 58 TD passes as a junior and completed 72.6 percent of his attempts. As a senior, he tossed 38 TDs with a 70.4 percent completion rate.

Brennan is often compared to Timmy Chang as an undersized Hawaii QB with a modest arm. But Chang completed only 57 percent of his throws at UH. If Brennan had enjoyed a better offseason, he may have been a third round pick.

ESPN's John Clayton reports that Brennan has been medically cleared after undergoing hip surgery and is up to 220 pounds.

Thank goodness Washington gave Colt a check. Have you seen his hair? He needs the cash to get a decent haircut. Take notes Dallas.

Old Bretty Boy Explains Himself

Brett Favre was interviewed by FOXNews' Greta Van Susteren in Mississippi on Monday. The interview will air on Monday night.

"I am guilty of retiring early and there is a reason for that," Favre states. "If I'm going to play it's going to be 100 percent commitment. The (term) 'itch' has been used. That is the word that has been used if you want to say itch, or the fire is coming back, or whatever." Greta's On the Record program starts at 10:00 PM ET.

Hey, Mr. Four, I live in San Diego. Whenever I turned on the news last October, I didn't keep saying, "I have an itch! I have an itch!"

Kevin Jones Is Waiting

Free agent Kevin Jones said on Sirius NFL Radio Monday that he'll wait for the "right situation" before signing with a team.

It sounds like Jones might wait a few weeks into camp and sign with a team that incurs an injury at tailback. Since he's coming off reconstructive knee surgery, it wouldn't be a bad idea for Jones to wait and heal a while longer.

Kevin defined "right situation" as a scenario in which a team offered him a contract.

NFL News Wire Rundown, 7/9

Tosten Burks — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 20:37:00 -0400

I was scanning YouTube today and found a great clip that I had never seen before.

Dave Dameshek, an ESPN radio personality in Los Angeles, with guests Jimmy Kimmel, Jeff Ross, (Cousin) Sal Iacono, and Bill Simmons. During the course of watching this, I realized a couple things.

1. Bill Simmons is not very funny when surrounded by real, funny people. and...

2. Making fun of people is even funnier and more successful at entertaining people than I originally thought.

This makes me very depressed. First off, the fact that a decently funny at best sports writer is ESPN's golden boy really makes me wonder how another sports media company can't compete with the WWL.

Secondly, and a whole lot more relevant to what I'm getting at, if people love when others are made fun of in a comedic manner, why do I have approximately 12 readers here? Am I really not that funny?

This turned my depression into happiness and joy. I'm just like Bill Simmons! Except with about 12 million fewer readers.

This made me depressed again. It also made me realize that this pathetic excuse for an introduction has made me bipolar and made you very, very bored. Moving on...

Legedu Naanee: Do I Need to Say Anything Other Than His Name?

Chargers WR Legedu Naanee is expected to see his role increased this season.

He caught everything thrown his way during OTAs and impressed the coaching staff with his grasp of the playbook. Now that Eric Parker has nary a role, Naanee has a chance to unseat Craig Davis as the team's third receiver. Dynasty leaguers should keep an eye on his progress this summer.

No wonder San Diego is just fine with trading Eric Parker or letting him walk. They have a replacement named Legedu! This guy is obviously going to jump boring old Craig Davis on the depth chart.

The only successful Craig I know is this dude who has a famous online list. How many unsuccessful Legedu's do you know?

Dynasty leaguers, definitely keep an eye on Naanee.

Dilfer Out for Four Months

Free agent QB Trent Dilfer suffered an Achilles tendon injury recently while playing basketball.

Dilfer, whose season ended early last year following a serious concussion, tore his right Achilles tendon back in 2002. He was recently forced to drop out of the American Century Championship golf tournament and won't be able to golf for four months.

When time frames are measured in terms of golf rather than football, it's probably time to call it a career and start lining up as one of the better analysts around.

Well this just sucks. I drafted him in my fantasy golf league.

Rodgers Refrains from Bashing the Media That Is Bashing Him

Aaron Rodgers says he isn't letting talk of Brett Favre coming out of retirement affect his preparation.

"I’ve been up in the mountains hanging out with my family, so I’ve been pretty immune to any media reports out there," Rodgers said. "The media has a job to do, so they’re reporting the information they get. But other than that, I’m not really going to speculate on any rumors that are out there."

So Aaron tells fans to shut up when they say that Favre is coming back, that Rodgers stinks, and that Favre is way better. But when the media does it, he says it's their job?

Aaron, you want the fans to love you, not the newspaper writers. Also, how is that preparation coming really? You're just chilling in the mountains? Make sure that those Favre rumors don't affect your hiking skills.

SJax Is Fully Healthy and Fully Motivated

Steven Jackson says he is "100 percent" healthy after nursing minor groin and ankle injuries during OTA season.

We wouldn't even know if he practiced in seven-on-sevens because Rams reporters took the spring off. Jackson, who's in a contract year, says he's "looking to...lengthen my career with St. Louis. Hopefully, I’ll retire as a Ram." There shouldn't be a more motivated running back in the league this season.

Because he's pushed by the hope of lengthening his career, he's the most motivated running back in the league this season? I agree. Those guys who want MVP awards and Super Bowl trophies don't have anything to play for.

Jordan Not Wanted in Detroit

LaMont Jordan recently paid the Lions a visit, according to his agent.

Oakland has given Jordan permission to seek a trade and held him out of June camps. However, the agent says he's had little contact with Detroit since the visit, indicating the team may not have been impressed. Jordan will turn 30 this season and has dealt with chronic back problems.

Don't worry, Lamont. The last big name that the Lions avoided became Chief of Governors and was known for his wisdom.

Dilfer Retires

Trent Dilfer announced his retirement from football. Dilfer says he planned to retire before injuring his Achilles playing basketball recently. He had a reputation as a "game manager" but he played excellent football throughout Baltimore's Super Bowl run in 2000.

Dilfer finished his career with a 113:129 TD to INT ratio. He was the No. 6 overall pick in 1994 and threw 21 touchdowns in back-to-back years in 1997 and 1998, but ultimately had a journeyman career. Dilfer will likely move onto an analyst role and excel at it.

Well this just gets worse and worse, doesn't it? I took him in the first round, too.

NFL News Wire Rundown, 7/8

Tosten Burks — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:26:00 -0400

Alex Rodriguez is getting a divorce. He's all over the news.

Michael Vick is going bankrupt. He made it onto perezhilton.com. (I was linked there. I didn't visit the site on my own. Don't worry.)

Tony Gonzalez is being covered on FOXNews.com because he saved a man from choking to death. (Choking to death? Really? That still happens? What a way to go out. I wasn't able to swallow a bite of top sirloin...)

All this left me wondering, why are people so infatuated with athletes being involved in stuff other than sports? Does the fact that they have lives other than playing with a prolate spheroid (oh wow, that sounds dirty) on Sundays excite people that much?

I am a member of the media—barely—and I am—desperately—trying to gain a large readership here. If I talk about Eli Manning having a cavity, could that help me accomplish my goal?

You tell me, after reading what I have to say on today's set of NFL news, none of which will have anything to do with football, and everything to do with what players do when they're off the gridiron. Enjoy (hopefully).

Darrion Scott Has Interesting Ways of Having Fun with His Kids

Free agent DL Darrion Scott pleaded guilty to child endangerment Monday for putting a plastic bag over the head of his two-year-old son.

The charge is considered a "gross misdemeanor." Scott claims he had no intention of hurting the boy and was just fooling around. Scott's lawyer says two felony charges of assault will be dismissed on July 24.

Darrion stated that he was simply using the bag to make sure his child would cover his eyes during a game of hide and go seek. The boy allegedly has a bad habit of peeking before he gets to 50.

Scott did mention that it might be because the kid can't count that high and acknowledged the possible stupidity of his action. "Teaching him to count would probably have been a wiser thing to do."

Breaking News: Favre Texts Ted Thompson!

Brett Favre reportedly sent Packers GM Ted Thompson a text message over the weekend.

The text's content is unknown, but Thompson replied that he is on vacation and the two could speak later, according to WTMJ-Milwaukee. Thompson has also ignored calls from Favre's agent and sent an intermediary to talk to Favre at his Mississippi home.

Thompson can avoid Favre all he wants, but if Brett requests to be taken off the retired list, Thompson must grant his wish.

Oh the intrigue! What if he was just seeing if Ted wanted to fill out a foursome? Maybe he was just wondering if Thompson wanted to go see Hancock when he gets back from Hawaii?

Find me a professional athlete who doesn't ever send text messages. Then tell me how this is the most important news story of the day. Ridiculous.

The thing I don't get about this though is how the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel found out about this text message.

Do they have sources who work for T-Mobile? And how do you know what Thompson's response was but have no idea what Favre sent to him? Did the wireless worker look in on the text conversation just a few seconds too late to catch what Brett said?

Biggest Non-Story of the year. Actually, of my life. And my parents' lives.

DA Tries to Enhance His Mobility

Derek Anderson worked out at the SPARQ training facility this offseason in an attempt to enhance his mobility.

SPARQ stands for Speed, Power, Agility, Reaction, Quickness. Browns OC Rob Chudzinski has added more rollouts to the playbook this season, so perhaps this will help Anderson improve on those. You can bet that Brady Quinn would still whoop him in a foot race.

This may be somewhat related to football, but I just had to get my two cents in. SPARQ training, from what I know, goes around the nation testing and training high schoolers at schools and camps.

Is Derek Anderson really that unathletic? Just picture him doing the 40-yard dash alongside some pimple faced 16-year-old. I would hesitate to draft a player like this.

Another Brush with the Law for Brandon Marshall

Brandon Marshall was ticketed by Denver police for more traffic violations in June.

He was pulled over for an illegal lane change, then found to be without his license or proof of insurance. These sound like minor and routine traffic violations, but they can't help if Marshall plans to plead not guilty to DUI on September 16. He'll be in court July 24 for these new infractions.

Marshall, Marshall, Marshall. I'm trying to decide if Brandon is a better driver when he's drunk or sober.

Con-Vick Goes Bankrupt

Michael Vick filed for bankruptcy protection Tuesday.

Vick owes between $12.8 million to his seven largest creditors, and probably much more to smaller creditors. The court papers suggest that Vick wants to resume his career after he is out of prison. Some of the money owed is to the Atlanta Falcons.

Holy crap that's a lot of debt. Mike must have been a really crappy dog fighter...Oh well, he can always ask his NFL playing brother to help him out financially. Oh wait, he's in prison, too?

Henry's Court Case Will Start Again Next Week

Chris Henry will face a retrial next week in his assault case.

The original case ended in a hung jury. Profootballtalk believes Henry may be reinstated to the league right away if he's proven innocent. Two of eight jurors on Henry's last trial wanted him found guilty.

Another court case, another opportunity to illegally park your car outside the court and have it towed. I almost feel sorry for this guy.

NFL News Wire Rundown: July 7th

Tosten Burks — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:35:00 -0400

Holy crap am I having writer's block right now. It's either the 17 hot dogs I ate on the fourth or the massive nirvanical (shut up that's a word now) breakdown I had yesterday watching the Nadal-Federer match, the best tennis match of my lifetime, but whatever the case, I can not think of a good way to introduce today's Rundown for the life of me. So I'm just gonna boast about being published on Fox Sports here, and get on with the news.

Seahawks Starter Still In the Air

Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren doesn't plan to name a starting tailback until late in training camp.

"You know Mo (Morris) and Julius (Jones) are going to carry the ball a good portion of the time," Holmgren said. "Leonard (Weaver) is going to be our starting fullback. The one I have to figure out a little bit is how we are going to use (T.J.) Duckett." Holmgren has stated that he wants to use a committee and doesn't plan on giving one primary back 25 carries in any game. We wouldn't use a top-fifty fantasy pick on any member.

When your choices are Julius Jones, Maurice Morris, and TJ Duckett, you would put off facing the issue and making a decision for as long as possible too.

No One Will Take Brad Johnson's Role as the Crappy Backup In Dallas

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says the team has no interest in bringing competition for Brad Johnson to training camp.

"All the confidence," Jones said. "A lot of confidence in Brad. Had real good camps and real good work." A Fort Worth Star-Telegram report just after last season indicated Johnson would not be back in 2008, but he has two years left on his deal and will remain Tony Romo's clipboard holder. If Romo gets hurt, the weapons in Dallas could allow Johnson to approach QB1 numbers.

Jerry told the paper that he is sure that Brad is the best man for the job, saying that he has the strongest forearms he's seen in a long while, and, when paired with his extremely neat handwriting, there's no reason for him to bring in anyone else to hold the clipboard.

Cleveland to Jurevicius: Don't Come Back Anytime Soon

The Browns have told Joe Jurevicius to not try to rush back from knee surgeries.

Jurevicius is 33 and does not figure to heal quickly. Cleveland Plain Dealer reporter Terry Pluto says the Browns don't plan to add a veteran wide receiver as insurance. Still, Eric Parker would seemingly make too much sense for the Browns to pass if he's released.

Translation: You pretty much suck, and we don't really want or need you to return. Despite your super cool name, we're going to acquire someone to replace you and push you out of the picture, but make it seem casual and nice by giving the idea that we are sincerely concerned with the health of your knee and want you to make sure it fully recovers.

Oh by the way, Terry Pluto goes in the category with Bucky Brooks of journalists who will have every single report they make discussed in this column because of their incredibly nirvanical names.

Whitner Guarantees a 2008 Playoff Berth For the Bills

Donte Whitner says he is "guaranteeing" that the Bills will make the playoffs this season.

It would be Buffalo's first postseason appearance this decade; a winning record would mark the Bills' second since 1999. The Bills need to stay healthy, but they have enough nice young pieces in place to make a run at a Wild Card spot.

Donte graduated college with a 3.7 GPA. I may actually believe this guarantee. When I evaluate the legitimacy of guarantees, I expect the guarantor (that's really a word, I swear) to at least have had a C average. You hear that Anthony Smith?

Martz To Not Utilize Three Receiver Packages?

"Early indications" are that the 49ers will not feature their third wide receiver in the passing game, according to the Sacramento Bee.

This could be speculative since the 49ers haven't even decided on a QB yet, let alone a receiver depth chart. Arnaz Battle is San Francisco's presumptive third receiver at the moment, but the team may go with two tight ends or running backs more often than most Martz teams, which will limit the chance of a Shaun McDonald-like explosion from Battle.

I don't really have anything to say here, there are very few fantasy players in San Fran that have any value anyway, but I just wanted to let it be known that "The Sacramento Bee" is the worst titled newspaper I've ever seen. That's more like the name of a cartoon, not a major journalistic venue.

Tatupu Gets a DUI

Lofa Tatupu pleaded guilty to a charge of driving under the influence Monday.

Tatupu initially pled not guilty, but changed his plea. He was sentenced to one day in jail and fined $1,255. If Tatupu gets another DUI, he'd probably be suspended. But he should be fine to play 16 games this season.

Another NFL alcoholic. My guess is that he inherited this. There is no possible way that his parents were sober when they named him Lofa. They had to have been drunks too.

McKelvin To Be Sprinkled On Returns

Bills.com writer Chris Brown believes that first-round pick Leodis McKelvin will only be "sprinkled in" on returns as a rookie.

McKelvin, a prolific college returner, may only be used to give PR Roscoe Parrish and KR Terrence McGee breathers. Brown suggests that the Bills could use a "double return" look on punts to exploit mismatches in certain instances.

Brown also reported that wide receiver Lee Evans will be salted in the passing game and that quarterback JP Losman is going to be cheese grated off the roster.

Nadal Beats Federer in the Greatest Four Hours and 48 Minutes of the Year

Tosten Burks — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 12:55:35 -0400

It was legendary. It was classic. It turned around the future of a sport. It unseated the best in the game. It made history.

It was the greatest piece of competition all year.

Tiger Woods beat the 158th-best golfer in the world. Kansas only needed one overtime to pull off the win. The Lakers didn't give Boston any competition in the first place. The Giants' win was about 60 percent luck. Big whoop.

Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer butted horns for almost five hours. Five long sets of arguably the greatest player of all time battling arguably the greatest clay-court player of all time. It captivated the world.

Even Mother Nature didn't want it to end. Her feeble attempts to keep the greatness going on Sunday only added to the lore of the match.

The first rain delay was Federer's perfect storm. It gave him the time to compose himself and make one of the greatest comebacks in recent memory.

The second rain delay was just an annoyance.

The darkness at the end was simply comical. Had it not been for the All England Lawn Tennis Club's white dress code, you wouldn't have been able to see the players. Which is funny, because even with the pearly clothes shining vaguely through the night, you still couldn't believe your eyes.

Was Federer actually about to lose? At Wimbledon? To a clay-court player?

Who was this sweaty, stringy haired Spaniard about to stop Roger from doing something no one had seen since the 1880s? This Rafa fellow was only supposed to be good on the red surface!

A day later and questions are still flying.

Is Federer done? Is Nadal now the best in the game? How does this affect Roger's place among the all-time greats?

Questions keep coming in from fans, and what Federer and Nadal did Sunday night in London gave tennis a whole lot more of them. Whether the match was the greatest or not is debatable, but what's not is the fact that it helped out a sport more than any other athletic event in years.

Federer may or may not be on the decline, but a rivalry is definitely on the rise.

And so is tennis.

NFL Newswire Rundown: July 3

Tosten Burks — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 18:16:00 -0400

Two days ago, the biggest NFL news story was that Chris Henry's assault case was granted a mistrial. That was before Al Harris said the word "itch" on NFL Live. Now you can't go anywhere without hearing the words Brett Favre.

I fed the fire yesterday and made 29 percent of yesterdays Rundown about old No. 4. Sorry Smokey, shoot me.

Today, I'm going to attempt to bring you an update of the days' NFL news without any Brett Favre reports. Because I'm sure that Chris Mortensen and his ESPN crew have already invaded your house to let you know that Favre is possibly making a comeback because his mother's sister's aunt's cousin told some Milwaukee radio station that Favre is staying in playing shape.

That may leave me with approximately two news stories to discuss, but I'll persevere. I'm an ESPY nominee remember?

Miami Draft Picks Won't Sign Until The Tuna Is Back

Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland doesn't anticipate any problems getting the team's remaining draft picks under contract.

Ireland originally targeted July 1 to get Chad Henne, Phillip Merling, and Kendall Langford signed, but will wait until Bill Parcells returns from vacation. "As soon as (July) seventh rolls around, it’s going to be business as usual," Ireland said. "And we’ll try to get these guys wrapped up."

In avoiding Brett Favre, I get a Bill Parcells report. Sweet mother of God, is there any newsworthy people in the sports world who haven't retired and unretired?

DeShaun Foster Way Down On San Francisco's Depth Chart

The San Francisco Chronicle believes that DeShaun Foster will struggle for playing time in 2008, barring injury.

Mike Martz has spoken of using Michael Robinson and Frank Gore in the backfield together, but said nothing about Foster. Foster isn't great in short yardage, where perhaps the 49ers could use help, and at this stage of his career is little more than a poor man's Gore. He still isn't a bad handcuff.

So Foster is a poor man's Frank Gore, while Frank Gore is being used as Mike Martz's poor man's Marshall Faulk. In other words, DeShaun Foster is a homeless person's favorite player.

Benchwarmer Clayton Reportedly Looks Good

49ers second-year RB Thomas Clayton reportedly looked "dartingly quick" during organized team activities.

Clayton, who spent his rookie season on the practice squad, struggled to break tackles in the 2007 preseason, which doesn't bode well considering he's 222 pounds and lacks good speed. He's a longshot to make the roster.

This slow, weak, 222-pound back that can't break tackles and hasn't even made it off a practice squad reportedly looks dartingly quick? Who reported that? His Mom?

Arizona Doesn't Want Najeh

Cardinals GM Rod Graves says the team has no interest in free agent Najeh Davenport.

Najeh said he'd target the Lions and Cardinals as suitors, but his off-field past will work against him. The Cards also aren't in position to sign players other than their rookies. It's too bad, because this could've been a nice fit.

The fact that the Steelers gave up on trading Davenport after just three hours should be a sign as to how successful he will be on the free-agent market. Every other Davenport in the world gets taken for free. It's looking like that's the only way Najeh would get snagged right now, too. (He's 247 pounds, so I wouldn't be surprised if he's full of Cheetos as well.)

Goodell Allows Pacman to Attend Training Camp, Only To Have Him Not

Cowboys CB Adam Jones has decided to remain in Dallas for the three weeks of downtime between now and the starting of training camp.

Jones is regularly visiting team headquarters. It's worth noting because he needs to stay out of trouble until September 1 to be reinstated. Jones can practice in camp, but hasn't been fully allowed back in the league yet.

Dallas must have better nightclubs than wherever the Cowboys' practice facility is located.

NFL Supplemental Draft Is No More Due To Fact That No One Cares

The NFL will not hold a supplemental draft in 2008, due to a lack of participants.

There were rumors that USC ILB Rey Maualuga, Oklahoma State TE Brandon Pettigrew, and Mississippi State OT Michael Brown might apply, but they decided against it. Maualuga has a chance to be a top-15 pick in next year's draft. Chargers DB Paul Oliver and Ravens OT Jared Gaither were the only players selected in last year's supplemental draft.

No one would participate in it? Sounds like the commenting section on this blog. Express your opinions people! Tell me you hate me. Make cheesy jokes. Share your one-liners. Comment! (This would make more sense if you were reading this article actually on Tosten's blog, ffwriterswithhair.blogspot.com. It's great. You should check it out. And click on the ads. And comment.)

Brett Favre, You Dog, Don't Tarnish Your Legacy

Tosten Burks — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 08:11:18 -0400

Most everybody has had a dog or pet die. The crying, the memories, the funeral (or flushing). It's emotional; thinking about all the great times you had with old Rusty, how fun it was tossing the football around with Bailey, or jogging with Spot. It lasts for a few weeks, maybe a couple months.

Then you get the new puppy.

And how cute little Duke is. Sure he barks a lot, and he bit your hand when you tried to play fetch for the first time. But when he catches that first Frisbee, it's heaven. By now, you're flying high. You're all set to take him to the beach, to the park, heck, to the world.

And you don't need Rusty back.

Listen. Old pets don't return. The times with them are great. They are loved. But when their time comes and they go, they're gone.

Duke is here now.

Whether Rusty and his fans want to accept it or not, Aaron Rodgers has replaced him.

Brett, you're still loved. You will never be forgotten. Look, you're a legend. But you've run your course.

Leonardo da Vinci didn't try to paint another Mona Lisa. Thomas Jefferson left the White House after eight years, even with people wanting him to stay in office. Beethoven stopped after his ninth symphony.

Brett, you've had your nine Pro Bowls. Your painting is complete. The 422 touchdown masterpiece is finished.

Chris Mortensen can deny the reports that you've asked for a release if Green Bay doesn't want to play you, but the public knows that the Packers don't want you back.

You know it too. You know that maybe, just maybe, you've caught your last Frisbee, or jogged your last lap around the park.

And what a beautiful lap it was. Don't ruin it with a stumbling stint with the Chiefs or the Jets.

Rusty, let Duke shine now.

NFL Newswire Rundown: July 2

Tosten Burks — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 17:23:00 -0400

A few weeks ago, Bill Simmons suggested ways for tennis to become more popular. Many have attempted to do so as well. Ratings aren't great, average Joe sports fans could care less, and for the most part, people just don't really care.

I think I know why.

In America right now, it's summer. People love summer. Summer means warm weather, the beach, and clear skies. Today, Wimbledon got rained out. Who is going to watch television in July to see some rain? The Sports Guy's article on this was a joke. I have the real solution to tennis's popularity problems:

Get rid of weather.

Now get rid of your boredom after reading that weak introduction by reading today's news report from your resident Rotoworld Whore.

Najeh to Detroit or Arizona?

Free agent RB Najeh Davenport is reportedly interested in playing for the Lions or Cardinals.

No word on whether the interest is mutual, but both teams could obviously use a big back with Davenport's skills. The Browns would be another interesting landing spot, but Davenport admitted that it's not an option because of his troublesome relationship with his son's mother in Cleveland.

Somebody actually wants to play for the Lions and Cardinals? Matt Millen or Rod Graves: Sign this guy right now. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Brown Close to 100 Percent

Dolphins RB Ronnie Brown (ACL surgery) expects to be cleared for contact when camp opens July 26.

"I feel good, feel no hesitation," he said. Brown is also optimistic that he will be 100 percent by the start of the season, and that he will quickly return to his pre-injury form. It's an optimistic outlook, but Brown is likely to have an adjustment period, in addition to splitting carries with Ricky Williams.

Cleared for contact? What, has he been in quarantine for six months? Can he hug his wife again? This is good news.

Best Nickname In Sports!

His new Cardinals teammates have given rookie Brandon Keith a new nickname after learning of Keith's arrest for rioting at Northern Iowa.

"Even Leinart was like, 'You really got tasered? Did it hurt?'" said Keith, a 6'5", 343 lb. offensive tackle who got tasered by Iowa police a month before the draft. "They call me 'Taz.' They say its short for Tasmanian devil, but I think it’s short for taser. I tell them, 'Y'all are trying to be funny.' But it’s a rookie thing, so I am down with it."

Good connection Brandon. Sounds like the Cards drafted a real honor student...

Grant About To Get Paid

Free agent Ryan Grant expects to reach an agreement on a multi-year contract with the Packers before training camp begins. Grant says talks have been "positive."

SI.com's Bucky Brooks predicted last month that the deal would span three to four years. Grant actually has less leverage than Earnest Graham, but we'd expect him to get more money.

If a guy named Bucky predicts it, it's going to happen. Grant will get a three or four-year contract.

Real Fantasy Football Analysis

Jerious Norwood was in the mix for punt returns during Falcons minicamps.

He's battling Adam Jennings, who's squarely on the roster bubble, and CB Brent Grimes, who may start on defense. Norwood appears to have a good chance to dominate punts, accentuating his value in return-yard leagues.

If Norwood is going to return punts for Atlanta, that means that the risk of him getting injured on special teams is not a huge concern for the Falcons. Signs are pointing to Michael Turner being a feature back, and not a member of a timeshare.

Favre Has All But Put His Uniform Back On

ESPN's Chris Mortensen reports that Brett Favre has told coach Mike McCarthy that he has thought about playing this year.

Had to know this day was coming. The comeback talk is reportedly only in preliminary stages, but Favre's family is encouraging him to play. Cornerback Al Harris says Favre told him he still "has the itch" to play.

This situation could turn thorny. The Packers own Favre's rights, but we'd guess that the front office would simply rather move forward with Aaron Rodgers. The coaching staff may lean more towards Favre.

Favre could subsequently push for his release, something Mort mentions. "Brett's a high-quality person, and he's not going to push it that far," a team source said. "He'll do the right thing [and stay retired]."

Ever since he announced his retirement, the rumors haven't stopped that he'd be back. From a telling Letterman appearance, to still un-turned-in (shut-up, that's a word) retirement papers, signs have been pointing to this all offseason.

Why did Favre officially come out and say this now? My guess is that he needs something to take up his time, other than shaving. That five o'clock shadow doesn't look as good when you actually have time to shave every day...

More Favre News

Citing a league source, the Wisconsin State Journal reported that Brett Favre requested his release from the Packers "within the past few weeks."

Either Favre or his agent, Bus Cook, reportedly contacted the Packers to inform them of his intent to play again. When the Packers said they've moved on, Favre demanded to be released. The Packers refused.

GM Ted Thompson and coach Mike McCarthy are currently on vacation and unavailable for comment. The Packers hold all the power here, and if they continue to exercise it, the situation could get ugly for the franchise.

Nothing to say here, just wanted to give you loving, ad-clicking readers the very latest news on the story.

A-Rod's Son Cheating With Miley Cyrus?

Tosten Burks — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 13:35:42 -0400

According to sources close to the Rodriguez family, the Yankees starting shortstop's son, Nim, has been photographed at a local movie theater with teenage singing and acting sensation Miley Cyrus.

Nim Rodriguez is currently dating Jenny Smith, who is in his math class. When he was contacted for a comment on the photographs, he denied all allegations, saying, "Jenny has pretty hair. She'll always be my four square partner."

In an interview with his baseball playing father, A-Rod couldn't believe anyone would make such accusations. Rodriguez explained, "Why would he do such a thing? I have no idea where he could have even learned about cheating in the first place."

A child expert weighed in on the situation, "For a child to have relationship issues at such a young age, usually it is caused by some sort of traumatic event occuring during the childhood. Knowing a parent is doing a 50-year-old pop star who's kissed Britney Spears has been known to cause such issues in adolescents."

The pictures of Nim and Miley are set to be released in the August issue of People Magazine.

The name of the movie that Rodriguez and Cyrus attended is unknown at the moment.