Bleacher Report - Articles by Cas Heilman

Dr. Lou Responds to America for His Thoughts on Global Warming

Cas Heilman — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 12:08:00 -0500

Last weekend Lou Holtz was a member of a guest panel on Fox News' Hannity Show in which the topic of global warming was brought up. Similar to the other program Dr. Lou is a guest panel member of, he proved to be the dimmest fluorescent light bulb at the table. His performance earned him "Worst person of the world" status on Countdown with Keith Olbermann.

(In case you missed all of this, click here to get caught up.)

Today Lou issued the following statement about his remarks. Well not really, but if he had, the following is probably what they would have looked like.

"Many people have asth me this week, 'What qualifications do you have to speak on global warming?' To them I say, I graduated in the lower half of my high school class - and it was a rather stupid class overall. I have written three New York Times Best Sellers - the only person in the world that has written more books than he has read. I coached for the New York Jets for a whole 13 games - the same number of games the great Bobby Petrino coached for the Atlanta Falcons. I have four honorary doctorate degrees and my mother loves me.

Now about global warming, the good Lord put eyesth in the front of your head instead of the back so you can see where you are going and not where you have been. Therefore if I see it snowing today in New York, there is no chance of the existhence of global warming.

There is a rule in life, your either growin' or your dyin'. A tree'th grown' or it'th dyin'. The world's growin' or it's dyin'. It has everything to do with, are you content where you are or are you trying to get better? Ladies and gentlemen, I'd say we are content with where we are.

Global warming isth alot like the bubble bee. Everyone says the bubble bee can't fly. By all aeronautical principles it can't because it'sth body is too big and it'sth wing span isth too short. But fortunately the bubble bee can't read, so it flies all over. People are saying that global warming is real and it'sth happening here on earth, but fortunately I don't read so I know that global warming doesn'th exist.

Friends, don't listhen to the hypocrites! How do we know they are hypocrites? Because a hypocrite is someone that complains about the amount of sex and violence on their VCR.

And now my closing thought for you. If you want some great advise, don't ask Dr. Lou. Ask your spouse. Maybe that is what Hannity should have done. Because, there is no one that loves you more, wants to see you succeed anymore, or will be more honest with you. Remember that behind every successful person stands a very surprised mother-in-law."

A surprised mother-in-law indeed! But in all fairness should we really be that surprised since our most relevant voice for global warming is a man who claimed he "invented the Internet?"

Andrew Hatch: A College Quarterback Who Dares Us To Dream

Cas Heilman — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 00:10:00 -0500

All the news in college football last week was focused on one quarterback and one coach. At a press conference in Los Angeles, Pete Carroll looked like the coach of the University of Spoiled Children after his stud quarterback Mark Sanchez announced his departure to the NFL.

Sanchez's decision was the last of several highly publicized announcements of quarterbacks staying and leaving college football.

The publicity and fanfare of these decisions drown out a decision that was made in Baton Rouge, LA Thursday. Andrew Hatch, the man that entered this year as LSU's starting quarterback chose to transfer back to Harvard and finish his degree in Cambridge.

Why is this news of any significance?

Lets start with a couple questions for you.

Have you ever had a dream that you never achieved, or better yet, you never even tried?

Is there something that you want to accomplish today but fear of failure is keeping you from acting?

Andrew Hatch had a dream and now he leaves Baton Rouge behind with no regrets, no "what-if's," or "could I have's?"

He accomplished his dream. To play quarterback at a Division I-A program. He now leaves to accomplish another goal: to earn a degree from Harvard.

Sure, Hatch may have underestimated the impact of the hits he would receive in the SEC. He may not have led the Tigers to an SEC Championship, or even complete an entire season.

He wasn't on the podium with Bradford, Tebow and McCoy. He didn't have a press conference to declare himself eligible for the NFL draft. But he was still a success. He started at quarterback for a SEC program! The defending National Champions none the less!

What about you?

Do you sleep well at night knowing you have at least tried to accomplish your goals and dreams?

Andrew Hatch has no problem sleeping tonight. He achieved the improbable.

Yesterday, an African-American officially become President of the United States. A few months ago, a skinny, Morman, Harvard quarterback from Utah! started for the LSU Tigers!

What steps will you take today to sleep better tonight?

Big 12 South: Best Division in College Football—Oops!

Cas Heilman — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 00:07:00 -0500

They had us fooled.

It seemed too true to be a lie.

How could high scoring offenses and great quarterback duels be wrong?

The Big 12 South HAD to be the best division in college football! Most of us thought the Big 12 North should be abandoned and Texas and OU should rematch for the Big 12 title.

You might be reading this and saying out loud, "But Texas won last night!"

You would be correct. The score in the paper this morning and on the University of Phoenix Stadium scoreboard clearly shows UT the winner.

However, the game didn't. It took an early missed field goal and a last second touchdown for Texas to defeat an Ohio State team that has been destroyed in every big game it has played since the last time the Buckeyes played in Glendale.

Still claiming to be the best team in the land, it is obvious that Longhorn players, coaches, and fans didn't get a chance to check out the other bowl games this year or even their own game. Texas' "No. 2 Rush Defense" allowed the Buckeyes to scamper for 203 yards.

The rest of the amazing Big 12 South has fared even worse this bowl season. Texas Tech and Oklahoma State ran into buzzsaws from the number three team in the SEC and the second-best team in the Pac-10!

So just how good was the Big 12 South this year? Who really knows?

The top four teams in the division have defeated exactly TWO top 25 schools outside the Big 12, and both of those schools happen to be on OU's schedule—Cincinnati and TCU. A selection of the other powerhouse schools these "vaunted Big 12 programs" have defeated: Washington State, Washington, UTEP, UMass, SMU, FAU, Eastern Washington, Chattanooga, and Houston.

Don't feel too bad. We have been fooled in college football before.

In fact, it wasn't that long ago.

Think back with me if you will.

The year was 2006.

The day, November 18.

The place: Ohio Stadium, Columbus, OH.

Is it all starting to come back to you? Remember that day, when we thought Ohio State and Michigan were the No. 1 and No. 2 teams in the country? When we still thought the Big Ten was a great conference? Heck, Wisconsin was a top eight team! People were yelling for a Michigan-Ohio State BCS Championship rematch.

You remember now, don't you? Do you remember what happened after that day? Of course you do! Wolverine and Buckeye fans paid me too much to repeat what happened in the weeks, months, and years that followed that fateful evening. However, some of the mess had something to do with Urban Meyer's Florida Gators.

Is the Big 12 South the best "conference" in college football? Doesn't look like it.

Maybe in the future we shouldn't be so quick to pass judgment—and someone should warn the Sooners!

Emerald Bowl Preview

Cas Heilman — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 00:08:00 -0500

Its here!

Today is the day!

The Emerald Nuts Bowl is tonight! While Cal and Miami might be playing football in a baseball stadium on a field that is only big enough for one side line, the real excitement lies in the EN commercials. Just to get you in the mood for tonight's festivities we thought we would give you a taste of some of the EN classics.

Enjoy the game. Enjoy the commercials more!

Every
Miami
Enthusiast
Rallies
Around
Lost
Dynasty

Not
Unlike (Berkeley)
Tree
Sitters

Oh and we can't forget this one. It's an ad for ACC football and Lemon Lime Gatorade shot the last time Cal played a Big East team. (Good stuff at 1:00)

College Football Holiday Gifts

Cas Heilman — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 00:07:00 -0500

The holidays are here, and with them come goodwill, gifts, and well wishes! With this in mind we here at the College Football Guys wish to give a load of gifts away this season.

We extend the following gifts and wishes to these college football programs.

Texas and freshman safety Blake Gideon—A second chance at an interception that would have ended the "Miracle in Lubbock" and given the 'Horns a January trip to Miami, Fla., over Glendale, Ariz.

Miami of Ohio—Mike Haywood without his great offensive play calling skills.

Arizona Wildcat Fans—The three year extension you just gave Mike Stoops. Trust us, you will want it back after next year. Seems Wildcat fans have forgotten this Stoops isn't Bob.

USC and Pete Carroll—Independence from the Pac-10. As an independent, the Trojans would enjoy a schedule without 0-12 Washington and 2-10 WAZZU.

The State of Washington—A victory against a FBS school located outside the borders of the Evergreen State.

Ohio State—A BCS game against a team outside of the SEC. Done! Maybe you won't have to change the locker room combination this year.

Auburn—Like the sibling that can't compete for his parent's affection, our gift to the Tigers is self confidence, not a new coach. Just because your brother isn't sickly anymore and is starting to beat you up again doesn't mean you suck! Just means you were never as good as him.

Michigan—A historic season. Wait, that was 2008! OK, how about a Sheraton Hawaii Bowl invitation for '09 and a QB that can run the spread option.

Baylor—A transfer from the Big 12 South to the Big 12 North. The Bears will shine with freshman QB Robert Griffin but not as brightly as they would playing the foes in the Big 12's northland.

Texas A&M—A formation that allows an eligible 12th man. Maybe they can sneak one in on the Piedmont A11 offense.

Arizona State—An offensive line that can protect a QB and the ability to win ANY big game. Littl' Elway better have his pop's legs.

Indiana—A 2009 schedule packed full of Northwestern and FCS programs.

UCLA and Rick Neuheisel—About 14, 15, maybe 16 fewer interceptions from a starting quarterback.

Vanderbilt—Knowledge that the season is 12 games long, not six. Season ending losses to Mississippi State, Tennessee, and Duke left a gash on a great start to the season.

Kansas State—A spring recruiting class full of freshmen. Ron Prince's experiment to sign 19 JC transfers this year reeked of desperation and didn't turn out so well.

West Virginia—Four more years of Pat White.

Notre Dame—A victory in a bowl for the first time since 1993.

Merry Christmas to all...

...and to the Irish a good night.

Our Bowl Picks Podcast Is HERE!

Cas Heilman — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 00:04:00 -0500

It is indeed the MOST wonderful time of the year!

Bowl season is here!

Our College Football Bowl Picks Show is here too!

Listen to our latest podcast to find out who we picked in this year's bowl games.

Click here. Press play and enjoy. We know this one is long, but once you press play, we guarantee you won't want to push stop!

REMEMBER, if you think our picks are crazy, you can challenge us in the College Football Guys ESPN Bowl Mania group!

How? Easy. 1) Create an entry. 2) Go to our group here and add your entry. 3) Sit back and enjoy the games.

A Saturday with No Football: What to Watch Instead

Cas Heilman — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:41:00 -0500

We knew Aug. 28, the day the season started, that this day would come.

Alas, it is on the horizon. A Saturday with no football!

No more tailgates. No ESPN College GameDay. No beautiful coeds. No band playing our favorite song! It is all gone.

What to do? It has been over three months since we have been without. We are all at a bit of a loss here. How is a man to fill his Saturday without college football?

Let us help you out and offer a few suggestions.

First and most important, if you value your companionship with your significant other, do something with your wife, girlfriend, fiancé! Who is that, you ask? That is the cute little thing (way too cute for you, we might add) that has been patiently waiting to get you back on Saturdays.

She has listened to you yell at the TV. Put up with your drunkenness at all the tailgates. Limited her comments when she caught you drooling over a young coed, and even fixed you dinner a time or two.

TAKE HER OUT!

Now if you don't have a "significant other" and you:

a. Don't have finals to study for.
b. Live in an area of the country where it is too cold to do anything outside.
c. Believe the only joy that comes from the holiday season is shopping on Christmas Eve.
d. Have already defended your favorite program's NCAA 09 National Title 10 times.
e. Live in a spotlessly clean home.

and

f. Are hopelessly addicted to your 47" flat screen HDTV.

Here is some TV programming that might cure your withdrawal symptoms. Please check your local listings for times in your area.

Are you an ACC fan? Now is your chance to scout next year's schedule. This weekend is the semifinals for the FCS championship. Richmond plays at Northern Iowa, 4pm EST on ESPN. Just in case you are lost Friday night, Montana plays at JMU, 8pm EST on the "Deuce."

Big 12 fans—Storm Chasers: "Sean and Reed bring their teams closer to tornadoes than ever before," 2pm CST on Discovery, and we must never forget King of the Hill, 3pm CST on FX.

For SEC fans, CMT has you covered with the 12 Days of Redneck Christmas, 5pm EST.

CMT is also helping West Virginia fans with Larry the Cable Guy's Star-Studded Christmas Extravaganza at 9:30pm EST. It is rumored that Mountaineer head coach Bill Stewart is co-hosting.

Bill Dance Outdoors on Versus at 1:00pm EST gives us a nice example of Tennessee football.

Kind of reminds you of Ol' Phil, don't it?

Layla Kiffin says goodbye on Bravo's 7pm PST airing of Real Housewives of Orange County.

Auburn boosters call in to CNBC's 8pm EST showing of the Suze Orman show to ask if paying $5.1 million to buy out one of the most successful coaches in the SEC is a sound financial decision. Suze's reaction is priceless.

Cal fans will find An Inconvenient Truth airing on Discovery at 1pm PST.

For those Notre Dame, Washington, WAZZU, Syracuse, Iowa State, Michigan, SMU, and North Texas fans, Trainwrecks is on Spike at noon EST. If you need something in prime time, Mission Impossible III is on TNT at 11pm EST.

For Oregon, Cal, Missouri, Army, Central Michigan, and every other program that donned ugly unis this year, What Not to Wear is on TLC at 4, 5, and 6pm EST.

Bottom line: Whatever you do, don't forget the Heisman Trophy Presentation is at 8pm EST on (where do you think?) ESPN.

Don't worry. This weekend is just a practice for January as Bowl Season begins bright and early at 11am EST, Saturday, Dec. 20!

Free Swag! Bowl Game Gifts Announced

Cas Heilman — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 15:20:00 -0500

The formula is fairly easy. Sixty-eight FBS programs figured it out in 2008.

Go 6-6 or better. Accept bowl invite and get free goodies!

The list of goodies that players are getting to attend bowl games this year came out this week and can be found here.

Best reward for going 7-5 on the season: Insight Bowl is giving players 26" Vizio LCDs and Bulova watches.

Worst gift package: Watch from the Cotton Bowl. Really? That's it? To think this bowl wants to be a BCS bowl.

Most interesting gift: How about a "custom-woven" afghan from the EagleBank Bowl, or a "commemorative belt buckle" from the Texas Bowl?

You think this stuff is good—remember that each program is allowed to match the gifts in dollar value, and the athletes get to pick those!

What is this Year's Worst College Bowl Game?

Cas Heilman — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 01:39:00 -0500

It's that time of year again!

Bowl season is upon us! Thirty-four bowl games have been slated, and 68 teams begin preparations for the postseason. Athletic departments are busy buying "gifts" for their players, and fans are excitedly booking trips and packing for vacation hot spots of El Paso, Boise, and Shreveport!

Excitement is in the air!

However, we here at the College Football Guys objectively looked at the slate of bowl games and notice that there are a lot of games that you should probably avoid watching. The advent of three MORE bowl games this year gives teams that are 2-5 in conference (USF) a chance to go bowling and also brings us some terrible and unappealing matchups.

Since we all clamor for a playoff in college football, we have devised our own "College Bowl Playoff Bracket" to determine the worst bowl in college football this postseason.

We have decided to break this down into four regions with four games each: the "Sleeper 16 of College Bowls."

Join us as we set our brackets up and take the time to vote for which matchup/bowl you find the least attractive in each region. Next week we will narrow it down to the final four! Click here to vote now!

West Region

Texas Bowl

Rice vs. Western Michigan. Luckily this matchup is on the NFL Network, so it won't interrupt actual sports programming on your basic cable provider.

New Mexico Bowl

Nothing says excitement more than No. 5 WAC, Colorado State vs. No. 5 MWC, Fresno State in cold Albuquerque, NM. Could be worse. Imagine New Mexico-New Mexico State.

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl

Rematch of a Hurricane Ike-displaced game played Sept. 13 between Air Force and Houston in rainy Dallas—a game that included ZERO pass completions for Air Force.

Insight.com Bowl

(7-5) Kansas vs. (7-5) Minnesota. The Golden Gophers finished the season 0 for 4, including embarrassing home losses to Michigan (29-6) and Iowa (55-0).

South Region

R + L Carriers New Orleans Bowl

(6-6) Southern Miss. vs. (8-4) Troy. The victor gets the "Best SEC Cupcake Trophy."

Independence Bowl

(6-6) Northern Illinois vs. (7-5) La Tech in Shreveport, LA. Writing more would be a waste of characters. Definitely the number one seed in our books.

PapaJohns.com Bowl

(6-6) NC State vs. (7-5) Rutgers. The Bracket's 16 seed. Birmingham, AL gave this one a line.

AutoZone Liberty Bowl

No matter how much AutoZone and the Liberty Bowl Committee have paid "The Worldwide Leader" to shill the game this year, (6-6) Kentucky isn't turning on any dials outside of Lexington.

North Region

EagleBank Bowl

The Nation's Capital kicks off bowl season at 11:00am EST on the 20th. That's right 11am! That is 8am PST! Whoever talked Navy into trading sunny San Diego for this bowl tie-in should be given the award for "Salesman of the Year."

Motor City Bowl

FAU vs. Central Michigan. Since when did a 6-6 record in the Sun Belt become good enough to be bowl eligible?

International Bowl

Buffalo vs. UConn. Yeah Buffalo is a cute story this year, but who cares about a bowl played in Canada, AFTER New Year's Day?

Roady's Humanitarian Bowl

(7-5) Maryland vs. (7-5) Nevada. Four words: Boise. December. Smurf Turf. Plus we guess the selection committee forgot that Maryland lost to Middle Tenn State and Nevada was defeated by the Aggies of New Mexico State.

East Region

magicJack St. Petersburg Bowl

(6-6) Memphis vs. (7-5) USF. Does anyone know anyone who plays for Memphis? USF is an impressive 2-5 in Big East play.

Outback Bowl

South Carolina vs. Iowa. Doesn't quite scream Tennessee-Wisconsin of years past.

Champs Sports Bowl

It took Wisconsin three missed extra point tries and overtime to defeat FCS Cal Poly at home. Florida State is 6-4 without its two FCS victories.

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl

Boston College vs. (6-6) Vanderbilt. This is interesting if you like to watch Vanderbilt continue to drive its season off a cliff. The Commodores are 0-2 vs. the ACC. BC should present a bigger challenge than Duke and Wake.

Editor's note: The Sheraton Hawaii and Pioneer Las Vegas Bowls just missed this list only because they are played in actual tourist destinations. Look for NBC to make a run at ESPN for broadcast rights to another Notre Dame defeat.

Week 16 Podcast for TCFGs

Cas Heilman — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 13:38:00 -0500

The regular season has come to an end and the BCS games have been slated!

In this week's podcast, find out what the College Football Guys think about the BCS lineup. Did the BCS get the championship right? Why does "Dr. Dorf" think Utah and Boise State should play for the national title? What are TCFG's thoughts on the coaching moves throughout the country?

Unlike the shows on TV we will give you our Heisman Trophy selections.

All this and much more on this week's edition! Click here. Press play and enjoy!

Don't forget! Next week will be our annual Bowl Preview Show!

What We Learned in College Football: Final Week

Cas Heilman — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 00:01:00 -0500

This weekend we learned that the BCS has deemed Florida and Oklahoma good enough to play in the BCS championship game. There were a couple other nuggets of knowledge that the College Football Guys picked up this weekend, and we wish to pass them on to you.

The ACC should find a Florida high school football stadium to host its championship game in. The game's move from Jacksonville to Tampa this year produced an attendance of which only a minor league baseball team could be proud. That's pretty handy, considering it might want to consult some minor league teams for promotional ideas to attract more fans through the gates. Here are our thoughts:

10. Dollar beer.
9. "Free Frank Beamer" bobble head dolls to the first 8,000 fans.
8. "Michael Vick Bring Your Dog to the Game Day."
7. Schedule an FCS program.
6. Collectible "Bowden Bowl" T-shirts from the early 2000s. Limited quantity. When they'e gone they're gone!
5. Option to buy two tickets to the ACC Basketball championship game to the fan that wears the best Mike K. costume to the game.
4. Chance for a fan to win a $100,000 scholarship from Dr. Pepper. Wait. Scratch that. Already tried it.
3. Parachutists that land in Orlando instead of Raymond James Stadium.
2. Doug Flutie No. 22 Rosaries given to the first 2,222 fans.
1. Winning team splits the ACC conference's share of the $17 million BCS payout with any fan that turns in their used ticket stub.

Auburn showed the world this week how much of an attention seeking, step-brother they are to Alabama. Why would you fire a coach with eight winning seasons, one 13-0 season, and six straight victories against your rival?

The decision seems obvious. Auburn fans don't want the world to think that Arkansas has the SEC's most juvenile and obnoxious fans. It looks as though the lunacy of two programs is Mississippi's gain.

Alabama coach Nick Saban spoke of loyalty this week. Yes, you read that right! Nick Saban, "The King of Loyalty," criticized SEC football programs for being too quick to jump ship. Don't believe us? Here (at 1:35) is the video to prove it.

Rudy Carpenter taught us that getting thrown out of a girl's high school basketball game is no way to prepare for a rivalry game. However, Rudy's lack of focus may have allowed Mike Stoops to take his home off the market.

Steve Sarkisian was named the next coach of the University of Washington. We will see if Husky fans find him an offensive genius when calling the plays for a team that had no player find the end zone more than four times this year.

Best use of a white out

West Virginia players and fans' choice to honor Pat White with a "White Out" showed the nation what college football should be about.

Best revival of a uniform tradition

Pete Carroll's decision to bring the crimson uniforms to Pasadena for a UCLA home game. While some schools try so hard to find the next "hot" thing (Oregon), sometimes all you have to do is reach back in the closet.

Worst new uniform of the weekend

One advantage to the new camouflage and black uniforms Army broke out this weekend is that dirt and grass stains are less obvious. The equipment managers for Army found this particularly helpful this weekend after Navy plowed the field with the Black Knights.

Go NAVY! Beat ARMY!

Why Not USC in BCS?

Cas Heilman — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:30:00 -0500

It's that time of year again! Time to start stumping for your favorite team to make it into the BCS Championship.

This year it seems the decision has already been made. The reservations are booked. The BCS will select Oklahoma (provided it takes care of the Tigers this weekend in cold KC) to play the winner of the SEC Championship Game to battle for the title.

Is this the correct decision?

Last we checked, there are three other one loss BCS programs which have been left out of the equation here.

Texas and coach Mack Brown have used every media outlet they could find to plead their case to the nation and the voters. Big Mack has been on every sports show on the "World Wide Leader." A banner, provided by Texas boosters, was flown around the campus of Oklahoma State on Saturday.

Texas has done everything short of interviewing with "60 Minutes," and making a guest appearance on "The View." (It is rumored that Elizabeth Hasselbeck has a HUGE crush on Colt McCoy.)

While we recognize we do not possibly carry the same influence, it is time someone attempts to make a case for USC.

Today we will look at why the University of Southern California (every time I read that I break into a Keith Jackson voice) deserves a shot at the BCS Championship Game.

The Trojans are a team built to make any SEC fan proud. Their "defense first" mentality this season has made them THE defense in college football. The Trojans' defense has first-round NFL talent at nearly every position, and might just shut out Daunte Culpepper and the mighty Detroit Lions.

The Trojans rank No. 1 in every major statistical defensive category. They have allowed only 10 touchdowns all season! Seven of which were scored in two games. USC has held nine opponents to 10 points or less, including three shut outs. They are giving up a mere 3.4 yards per play.

The Men of Troy traveled over 2,200 miles to hand Virginia a 52-7 home opening whoopin'.

The Trojan's turned around and dominated, now 10-2, Ohio State, 35-3. The Buckeyes returned 19 starters from a team which played in the 2008 BCS Championship Game.

USC's annual rivalry game against Notre Dame resulted in a complete embarrassment for a once proud Irish program. USC held ND without a first down until the final play of the third quarter.

USC's collection of non-conference victories is more impressive than Alabama's, which includes Clemson, Tulane, Arkansas State, and Western Kentucky.

SEC fans will scream "The Tide defeated Arkansas, Georgia, Tennessee, and LSU all on the road!"

How great was that home advantage this year? Lets not forget Wyoming and Georgia Tech took care of business in Knoxville and Athens, and it took LSU the largest comeback in school history to overcome Troy in Baton Rouge. Remember, the mighty SEC is only 6-10 against BCS programs this year.

Finally, lets look at everyone's favorite barometer when judging the beauty pageant that is college football, "Who did you lose to?"

Everyone knows this answer. We even warned of it! USC lost at Oregon State 27-21. A game where the Trojans were listless and outplayed in the first half, taking a 21-0 deficit to the locker room. They outscored the Beavers 21-6 in the second half but it wasn't enough.

Oregon State used this victory as a spring board to its season as it came one game shy of reaching the Rose Bowl and a Pac-10 Championship. Are college football teams allowed to have bad days?

Absolutely!

Ask Florida if it played its best at home against Ole' Miss this year. The Gators' complete third quarter meltdown led to a Rebel victory, yet the Gators still play on.

USC did what it could to make it to the BCS Championship Game. If not for a first half meltdown in Corvalis, USC would be smelling more than roses this year.

What We Learned In College Football: Week 14

Cas Heilman — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:09:00 -0500

While the College Football Guys may not have figured out if the BCS got the Big 12 South tie breaker right (find out what we think in this week's podcast tonight!). We still learned an awful lot this weekend in college football. Below is just a sample.

It is no wonder the Big 12 conference is getting so much love this year.

Watching the end of a Big 12 game is like watching the end of a March Madness game. Both Kansas/Missouri and Nebraska/Colorado games were decided in the final minute. Kansas with a play from Todd Reesing that would make Flutie proud and Nebraska with a 57 yard field goal! One can only hope the Dr. Pepper Big 12 Championship Game brings as much excitement.

How fast has the luster faded from the MIGHTY SEC?

With a victory over rival FSU, Florida avoided an "Almost College football Conference weekend sweep of the SEC". South Carolina, Georgia and the former darlings of Vanderbilt each lost their regular season finales. Their defeats brought the SEC's record to 6-10 vs. BCS programs this year and 4-6 vs. the ACC.

Before Florida's victory on Saturday night, the last BCS program the SEC defeated was at Arizona State on September 20th! Since that game the SEC has lost to Texas, Wake (twice), West Virginia, Duke, Georgia Tech, Clemson as well as non-BCS "powerhouse" Wyoming.

Notre Dame found out Saturday night who the true five star athletes are.

USC's dominance of the Irish was not defined enough in the 38-3 score. The true stat is the 91 yards of total offense the Trojans held the Irish to. Notre Dame could muster only nine yards in the first half and achieved their first 1st down on the last play of the third quarter.

Nobody can argue that recruiting web sites and magazines have been inflating Notre Dame classes for years in an attempt to sell subscriptions and memberships. There isn't a single player on ND's roster that would start for USC.

The "Mad Hatter," Les Miles at LSU, was out "Hatted" this weekend by Arkansas.

Razorback QB Casey Dicks threw a 24 yard TD pass with 22 seconds remaining to win the game for the Hogs. It is safe to say that the luck, er "great calls," of 2007 just weren't there for the Tigers in 2008.

Who says that Houston Nutt is the only "Right Reverend" in the SEC?

Georgia coach Mark Richt sure looked like he was doing plenty of preaching on Saturday when he made his team take a knee and gather 'round after the third quarter. We all know the only reason teams go into the locker room at halftime is so the band can use the field.

Rick Neuheisel will start winning at UCLA when he finds a QB that throws more touchdowns to players in powder blue and gold than the opposition.

Arizona State returned three Kevin Craft interceptions for touchdowns on Friday night (Craft's 17th, 18th, and 19th INT for the year to 7 TD's). Add the 71 yard fumble return for a touchdown you have an NCAA record for four defensive scores in one game. Remove the mistakes? UCLA wins 9-6.

Several uniform issues that came up this weekend.

Since when did it become popular for kickers to color coordinate their shoes with their uniforms? Just goes to show that flipping through Eastbay catalogs takes up a majority of a kicker's practice/film study time. We wonder if these kickers ever get jealous of their girlfriends' shoe collection.

Seems that University of Missouri/Columbia researcher, David Brunsma findings were true in "that student uniforms have no direct effect on substance use, behavioral problems, or attendance."

While he was talking about uniforms in the classroom of K-12 students he could have easily done his research on the results of college football programs wearing alternative uniforms. Especially ones that are piss yellow.

TCFGs' Tenth Poll of the Season

Cas Heilman — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 21:14:00 -0500

In a week where the BCS has been asked to break a three way tie in the Big 12 South, The College Football Guys poll has the closest margin of all the polls/BCS and fittingly it is a tie. We are not sure what our tie breaker is, but maybe it is the number of first place votes. In that case Oklahoma would move on to the Big 12 Championship Game.

I know that two of our voters/hosts would adamantly disagree with OU moving on and they will argue their case on our Week 15 podcast.

1. Alabama 73 (2)
2. Florida 69
3. Oklahoma 65 (1)
3. Texas 65
5. USC 61
6. Utah 60
7. Boise State 57
8. Penn State 56
9. Texas Tech 55
10. Ball State 52
11. Ohio State 47
12. TCU 40
13. Oklahoma State 37
14. Cincinnati 35
15. Missouri 31
16. BYU 29
17. Georgia Tech 25
17. Oregon 25
17. Georgia 25
20. Pittsburgh 15
20. Boston College 15
22. Mississippi 14
23. Virginia Tech 9
23. Michigan State 9

Others receiving votes - Northwestern 2, Tulsa 2, West Virginia 1, Troy 1

Oklahoma-Oklahoma State: Why Should You Care If Cowboys Win?

Cas Heilman — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 01:14:00 -0500

Bedlam.

How can one word have so much meaning?

To the college football fan, bedlam is a rivalry game played between two schools from the plains of Oklahoma.

However, according to Webster's Dictionary bedlam is "a place, scene, or state of uproar and confusion."

Saturday night in Stillwater, Okla. the Cowboys of Oklahoma State have the chance to truly release bedlam on college football and unleash a storm on the BCS.

How is this possible, you ask? If OSU is victorious, Texas Tech will represent the Big 12 South in the conference championship game next weekend in Kansas City. That's right, folks, Texas Tech would finish the season 11-1, the same record as Texas. Thanks to a last-second touchdown by Michael Crabtree a couple weeks ago, the Red Raiders have a tie-breaker advantage.

With a victory Saturday night, OSU leaves title contenders Texas and Oklahoma sitting on the sidelines, unable to play for their own conference title, and essentially locked out of the BCS championship game.

Who then is your national title match up? Until now it has been assumed that the BCS championship game would come down to the champions of the SEC and Big 12, this year's best conferences. But, lets assume Texas Tech defeats Missouri in the Big 12 Championship, would the BCS really accept a team that lost by 43 just last week? We think not.

Bedlam.

What match up then, in this new "Big 12 champion free world," makes the BCS championship game legit?

Assuming Alabama and Florida make it into the SEC championship without incurring any other loses this weekend, the BCS will place them as one participant, but who shall they play?

If Oregon State defeats Oregon, USC experiences the same fate as Oklahoma and Texas, no conference championship.

This leaves us with just one option, Penn State. Another one loss Big Ten team sitting in the clubhouse watching and waiting for someone to pull a "Greg Norman" as the leaders finish.

Deja vu all over again! A slow, Big Ten team that most will say an undefeated Utah and Boise State stand a better chance against the SEC foe. How much more of this can we take as college football fans?

The choice is yours this weekend. If you are a fan of a college football playoff, then you need to see the Cowboys set bedlam loose this weekend by defeating Oklahoma. If you love your BCS then a Sooner victory allows for the perpetuation of the system with minimal damage.

Will "uproar and confusion" prevail late Saturday night in Stillwater, or will the BCS bring "clarity" to the outcome of college football?

What We Learned in College Football: Week 13

Cas Heilman — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 00:08:00 -0500

Oklahoma's destruction of Texas Tech on Saturday didn't help the College Football Guys figure out the best team in the Big 12 South, or the country, for that matter. However, we did learn something this week, and we feel that it is our duty to pass the knowledge on to you.

FSN's national broadcast of the Apple Cup, a battle of two teams with a combined 1-20 record, confirmed what your local news already knows—Americans LOVE train wrecks!

NBC knows this too! That's why they continue to renew their TV contract with Notre Dame. What is still unknown is which Notre Dame contract will last longer—Charlie's or NBC's?

Even though San Diego State fired head coach Chuck Long, his words from the beginning of the year may have served as prophesy. Wisconsin, playing at home, on Senior Day, needed a missed extra point attempt to beat Cal Poly in OT, 36-35. This begs the question, "Is Cal Poly better than Notre Dame?"

This weekend we figured out how the ACC should crown their champion.

1. Write the name of each program mathematically alive for an ACC division title on separate pieces of paper.

2. Fold them up and place them in a hat.

3. Have Doug Flutie draw a single piece of paper out.

4. The name of the program revealed will represent the ACC in a BCS game. No need for an ACC championship. It would muddy the water further, and it doesn't make money anyway.

5. Then it is up to the chosen program to beg for mercy from the BCS bowl selection committee to be matched against the Big East champ. This will be the ONLY way to prevent the ACC from losing another BCS game (1-9 since the BCS was created).

Not even the meteorologist in Mike Leach could predict the storm that hit the Red Raiders in Norman.

Did you know Joe Pa is getting hip replacement? Didn't know if you knew since it was only mentioned 412 times before, during, and after the Penn State/Michigan State game.

Minnesota showed us that the only way to close a stadium is the "Golden Gopher Way." After starting the season 7-1, Minnesota has dropped their last four games, three of which were played in the Metrodome—a stadium that will no longer be the home of the mighty Golden Gophers as they move into their new digs on campus in '09.

Iowa's 55-0 victory in Minneapolis on Saturday was a COLD reminder of the team Gopher fans want to leave behind as fast as the empty Metrodome.

Andrew Aguila, kicker for the CMU Chippewas, is really Inigo Montoya. All six-fingered men should be on high alert!

It is official: With a two-OT loss to the Washington State Cougars, the Washington Huskies became the WORST 2008 team in NCAA Division I-A (FBS) football!

Speaking of NCAA worsts: Another week, another terrible uniform in college football. Vegas Gold? Can anyone tell us why?

TCFGs Ninth Poll of the Season

Cas Heilman — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 18:49:00 -0500

Here is The College Football Guys poll for the 13th week of the season. Oklahoma made a big impression on us all with their huge victory over Texas Tech, vaulting to number two in our poll. Dorf's heavy emphasis on undefeated teams puts Utah at No. 5 and Boise State No. 7.

The bottom of the poll is all over the place. It has been extremely difficult to rate 20-25. Cas' ballot puts Ol' Miss at No. 22 and LSU at No. 25 and NO ACC teams in the top 25.

1. Alabama 73 (2)
2. Oklahoma 69 (1)
3. Florida 68
4. Texas 62
5. Utah 60
6. USC 59
7. Boise State 58
8. Texas Tech 57
9. Penn State 54
10. Oklahoma State 46
11. Ball State 45
12. Missouri 44
13. Georgia 40
14. Ohio State 39
15. TCU 34
16. Cincinnati 32
17. BYU 26
18. Oregon State 20
19. Michigan State 15
20. Georgia Tech 12
21. Oregon 9
21. Northwestern 9
23. Western Michigan 8
24. West Virginia 7
24. Florida State 7

Others receiving votes: Tulsa (6), Pittsburgh (6), Ol' Miss (5), Boston College (3), LSU (1).

Ty vs. Chuck Update!

Cas Heilman — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 00:14:00 -0500

It seems the warm winds of autumn have changed to bitter cold in South Bend. Discontent among Irish fans has spurred several reports and rumors about the possible dismissal of the offensive genius and head coach Charlie Weis.

This, coupled with the "resignation" of Tyrone Willingham, gives us the opportunity to update an article we published a couple weeks ago relating fan enthusiasm in Seattle and South Bend to the time each coach has spent with their programs.

Here is your updated graph:

i. Notre Dame hasn't beat a winning program in almost two years. They are 1-15 in the last 16 games against top 25 teams. Fans are getting worried that things might not be headed in the right direction. Can you imagine what the above graph will look like if the Irish lose to Navy, AGAIN!

On the opposite end of the country, Washington fans have breathed a sigh of relief as they begin the process of moving forward without Ty. Optimism is high as the chance to start over again is now a reality.

What We Learned in College Football: Week 11

Cas Heilman — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 00:12:00 -0500

We here at the College Football Guys learned many things this weekend in college football. Chief among them was the odds of seeing ANOTHER Big Ten team in the BCS Championship game dropped to almost zero! The nation, including FOX executives, BCS Sponsors/Advertisers, and anyone who enjoys watching a competitive football game, rejoiced!

This week we learned that Joe Pa can't figure out the BCS. We think he solved the puzzle on Saturday. It's real simple, Joe—JUST WIN!

After John Parker Wilson scored Alabama's first touchdown Saturday in "Death Valley" against LSU, he earned a "celebration penalty" for making the "Call me" motion with his hand. It appears that LSU idiots, er, fans, once again found the cell phone number of an opposing SEC player, posted it on the Internet, and called repeatedly.

That made us wonder what Tiger fans had to say to JPW that was so important. The following are the 10 most creative messages left by genius Tiger fans.

10. "Is Mike Hunt there?"
9. "Parker, is your refrigerator running? Better go catch it."
8. "John Parker Wilson? More like Sara Jessica Parker."
7. "This is Nicolas Sarkozy, and I love that Sarah Palin!"
6. "Do you have Fat Albert in a can?"
5. "You wouldn't happen to have a spare roll of toilet paper, would you?"
4. "Hi. This is Jeni. You remember me from this weekend, right? You don't?! (sniffle) Well, I went to the doctor today (sob), and he ran a bunch of tests and said I am (bawl) pregnant, and it's (weep) yours."
3. (Deep breaths) "Luke, I am your father! Luke!"
2. "Why do you keep calling me! You called me! What do you want!"
1. (After one bottle of bourbon) "John Parker Wilson, you ain't nuttin' but a bunch of Tiga' Bait! We goin' beat that Tide A** on Sata'day!"

Speaking of smart people from Louisiana, did anyone else find it interesting that Brett Helms (Center for LSU) was CBS' Scholar of the Game with a whopping 3.0 GPA? Seriously? There was no other player on either the Alabama or LSU sidelines with a higher GPA?

We still haven't learned why the SEC hates USC so much. This year the Trojans show the classic sign of an SEC team: great defense. Minus the "Fluke in Corvallis," USC has allowed opposing offenses to score ONLY 33 points!

The Trojan defense ranks first in the nation in Passing Defense, Total Defense, and Scoring Defense, allowing less than a touchdown a game (6.67)! If that doesn't scream SEC football, we will never know what does.

We learned last week that beating Michigan in "The Big House," was no longer enough to keep Toledo Tom's job. Now we wonder if beating Tennessee in Neyland Stadium is going to be enough to save Wyoming Coach Joe Glenn's job? Maybe his Cowboys' performance is just expected these days in Laramie, as Coach Glenn is 3-1 versus the mighty SEC in his tenure at Wyoming.

Will someone please inform Mountaineer fans that the game of football is 60 minutes long! With Cincinnati leading 20-7 and less than four minutes remaining in the game, WVU turned the ball over on downs inside the Cincinnati 10-yard line. Mountaineer fans hit the exits. They didn't get far.

When the Mountaineers scored 13 points in the final 1:11 of the game, fans began pouring back into the stands for overtime. Remember, WVU fans, "It ain't over until the fat lady sings!"

Whoever still believes that recruiting magazines and web sites don't embellish Notre Dame's prospects and national rankings to sell subscriptions to rabid Irish fans hasn't watched a game of college football lately.

We think Wake Forest's gold unis should've stayed back in 1956, but we will let you decide.

TCFGs Seventh Poll of the Season (Nov. 9, 2008)

Cas Heilman — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 19:59:00 -0500

This week our poll might look a little strange. The reason it does is because one of our hosts, Jon Mundorf, spent the weekend in the hospital awaiting the birth of his little girl. Therefore, he didn't get a lot of time to watch college football this weekend.

Seriously, where are your priorities?

Just kidding! CONGRATULATIONS and hurry back!

1. Texas Tech 50 (2)
2. Florida 47
2. Alabama 47
4. Texas 44
5. Oklahoma 42
6. USC 40
7. Penn State 36
8. Oklahoma State 34
9. Boise State 34
10. Utah 34
11. Georgia 31
12. Ohio State 28
13. Missouri 27
14. Ball State 23
15. Michigan State 22
16. TCU 20
17. BYU 19
18. UNC 14
19. Cincinnati 13
20. LSU 12
21. Pitt 10
21. Florida State 10
23. South Carolina 5
24. WVU 4
25. Georgia Tech 2

Other receiving votes: Tulsa 1, Cal 1

What We Learned in College Football: Week 10

Cas Heilman — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 00:51:00 -0500

What another crazy weekend in college football! Just when you think you have everything figured out, Michael Crabtree went and turned the college football world upside down with the most electrifying play of the year.

While America is having a hard time figuring out who is the best team in college football after Crab's last-second stunt, there are some things we learned this weekend in college football.

It seems that USC bores easily when preparing for a 46-point conference underdog. But never fear, Captain Compete was there to save the day and help the Cardinal and Gold maintain their focus. Gamblers rejoice! Trojans cover!

We didn't believe it at first. It was too crazy to be true! Are those really sections of bleachers coming down from the student section?

Yahoo! confirms what our eyes did see! The student section in Lubbock was passing their bleachers forward during the fourth quarter of the Texas Tech-Texas game. Bobby Knight must be so proud! Who needs tortillas when bleachers work just fine, thank you very much!

Overtime of the Pitt/Notre Dame game brought an unwelcome event: Sprinklers that were timed to go off at the end of regulation began to soak the field at Notre Dame Stadium. Assistant groundskeeper Daniel Ruettiger would NEVER have let this happen! What is going on at Notre Dame these days?

What is going on at Michigan these days? After losing on a hook and lateral play to Purdue on Saturday, the Wolverines are guaranteed their first losing season since 1967. Stop making winter travel plans, Michigan fans—the Wolverines will miss a bowl game for the first time in 33 years!

A win against Michigan, in the Big House, isn't even enough to keep a coach's job these days. Toledo coach Tom Amstutz is stepping down after a 2-6 start to the '08 season—a season that includes leading the Rockets to the first MAC victory ever over the once-storied Michigan program.

"The Eyes of Texas" are indeed upon us! The Mean Green of North Texas find a way to squeak out their first victory of the season against Big Red and the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers. However, more proof might be needed as Missouri sneaks out of Waco with a "W."

At 6'7", 350 lbs., Texas Tech's offensive lineman Brandon Carter, aka Mankind, scares us as much as Lattimer did in "The Program."

At least the USC Song Girls still look good at 40!

Just when we thought Oregon had the ugliest uniforms in college football, Cal had to go and do them one better.

Revenge of the Readers!

Cas Heilman — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 01:04:00 -0400

Halloween is here and in the spirit of Trick or Treat we have let the readers take over the blog! Yeah you read right, we have placed the fate of our blog into your hands for a day. SCARY!!!

"Call the fire department, this one's outta control!"

A UT fan sent us this list of his top concerns fellow Longhorn fans should have this weekend in Lubbock. He seems fairly confident with an impending victory. We'll soon see if he should have legitimate concern...

Ten Reason's Texas Tech Will Beat The Longhorns

Looks like someone is ready for Halloween!

10. If that kicker (Matt Williams) can hit a 30 yard field goal for free rent with no pass rush, I am sure he can make a game winner.

9. Colt McCoy and the Texas offense will get shut down against that juggernaut Red Raider D.

8. Texas will be overwhelmed by the size of that crowd in Lubbock having not played in a stadium of that magnitude since high school.

7. UT should always fear the flying tortillas.

6. If Tech can beat an unranked Nebraska team in overtime and win big against a 23 ranked Kansas surely they can manhandle the #1 team in the nation.

5. All that winning experience of Big 12 titles Tech has could be the difference maker in a close game.

4. Gram Harrell after all he is the QB that UT and Oklahoma both passed on.

3. Colt McCoy gets knocked out of a game not by a crushing blow from the Defensive End, but from a D size battery thrown from the whiskey bent fan sitting four rows up in the student section.

2. Every program in the nation would rather have a Mike Leach instead of a Mac Brown!

1. Longhorns won’t be able to recover from the cloud of marijuana smoke surrounding the stadium.

If you want deliverance scary, an LSU fan revealed to us this Alabama fan. Boy does he make Arkansas fans look normal. Someone should definitely give this guy a show!

Your right, your right, Jerry Springer did in the nineties.

Have something you think is worthy of a post? Email us at email@thecollegefootballguys.com and you too could become a blogging STAR!

Colt McCoy, Texas Ranger

Cas Heilman — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 01:11:00 -0400

Since we have learned that Tim Tebow wears Colt McCoy Pajamas to bed, it does indeed appear that the torch of "awesomeness" has been passed. Here are some facts we found out about Colt McCoy, and we don't believe any of these are Chuck Norris ripoffs. If you think of any we might have missed, please let us know.

Tim Tebow wears Colt McCoy Crocs.

Colt McCoy sure the hell doesn't wear jorts.

When Colt McCoy was born, the Hatfields surrendered.

Everything is bigger in Colt McCoy!

Colt McCoy dug the Red River with his bare hands to keep the riffraff out of the "Republic."

If Colt McCoy had been in San Antonio in 1836, there would be no Alamo.

Colt McCoy has not only solved every puzzle on the caps of Lone Star beer, he has also created the last 114 riddles.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T’s fists collided once in the mid '80s, resulting in the birth of Colt McCoy.

From here on out the month of October will be known in the Gregorian calendar as Coltober. The Eras shall be named the same, BC (Before Colt) and AD (Anno Domini—The year of our Colt). However, they will now be adjusted to reflect the year of Colt's birth. Today's date: Coltober 29, 22 AD.

On the second weekend of Coltober, from here on out, the Oklahoma Sooners will walk from Norman, Oklahoma to Hobbs, New Mexico, the birthplace of our Colt, and then sprint to Dallas for the Red River Shootout. Any Sooner starter who cannot cover the distance in the same time it takes Colt himself to cover it (one hour, 12 minutes, 12 seconds) will be benched.

The draft from Colt's passing arm has been the cause of two of every three trailer-destroying tornadoes that have torn through Norman. With his other arm he writes novels and signs treaties.

Colt McCoy put the Bock in Shiner.

Texas Toast was Colt McCoy’s creation.

Colt McCoy convinced the Aggies that the thumbs-up sign means Gig 'em.

It was Colt McCoy's decision to declare Tim Tebow "the Chosen One."

"Don't Mess with Texas!" were Colt's first words.

Colt McCoy's sweat cures gout, Crohn's disease, avian flu, and the children of Indonesia, saving Tim Tebow's Cancun spring break plans.

At Whataburger, the sandwiches are now referred to as the Coltburger and the Bradfordchicken.

Colt McCoy wasn't named after the gun—the Colt .45 was modeled after his arm.

In order to make things fair and exhibit good sportsmanship, Colt McCoy gives the Texas playbook to Texas A&M every year before the game between the two schools. He also teaches a free reading class to the A&M coaches so that they understand it. Unfortunately for A&M, this olive branch of humanitarianism doesn't always work.

Colt McCoy created Lubbock as a place for the prisoners of the "Republic of Texas." He left one pirate-crazed coach and another who loves chair throwing to run the asylum.

Fiesta Bowl is Spanish for Colt McCoy, which is why the Oklahoma Sooners are destined to lose every time they play in University of Phoenix Stadium.

Colt McCoy knows how to find and capture Osama Bin Laden.

Colt McCoy is the reason a bridge in Alaska goes to nowhere.

Colt tried out for the Olympic track & field team but was disqualified because he threw the shot-put ball out of the stadium. Not having a tape measure long enough to measure his throw, he could not qualify. Upset, he then took a second shot-put ball and threw an out route to himself spiking the ball on the judge's foot. He then crumbled pieces of the earth in his hands and made his own gold medal that read, "There Can Only Be One."

Indeed, there can be only one Colt McCoy.

Know any other interesting facts about Colt McCoy? Comment below, or email us at email@thecollegefootballguys.com, and we will post them later this week!

Colt McCoy: Chuck Norris Has Nothing On This Guy!

Cas Heilman — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 18:27:57 -0400

Since we have learned that Tim Tebow wears Colt McCoy Pajamas to bed, it does indeed appear that the torch of "awesomeness" has been passed. Here are some facts we found out about Colt McCoy and we don't believe any of these are Chuck Norris rip offs. If you think of any we might have missed, please let us know.

Tim Tebow wears Colt McCoy Crocs.

Colt McCoy sure the hell doesn't wear jorts.

When Colt McCoy was born the Hatfield's surrendered.

Everything is bigger in Colt McCoy!

Colt McCoy dug the Red River with his bare hands to keep the riffraff out of the "Republic."

If Colt McCoy had been in San Antonio in 1836 there would be no Alamo.

Colt McCoy has not only solved every puzzle on the caps of Lone Star beer, but he has also created the last 114 riddles.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T’s fists collided once in the mid '80s, resulting in the birth of Colt McCoy.

From here on out the month of October will known in the Gregorian calendar as Coltober. The Eras shall be named the same, BC (Before Colt) and AD (Anno Domini—The year of our Colt), however they will now be adjusted to reflect the year of Colt's birth. Today's date: Coltober 29, 22 AD.

On the second weekend of Coltober, from here on out, the Oklahoma Sooners will walk from Norman, Oklahoma to Hobbs, New Mexico, the birthplace of our Colt, and then sprint to Dallas for the Red River Shootout. Any Sooner starter who cannot cover the distance in the same time it takes Colt himself to cover it (one hour, 12 minutes, 12 seconds) will be benched.

The draft from Colt's passing arm has been the cause of two of every three trailer destroying tornadoes that have torn through Norman. With his other arm he writes novels and signs treaties.

Colt McCoy put the Bock in Shiner.

Texas Toast was Colt McCoy’s creation.

Colt McCoy convinced the Aggies that the thumbs up sign means Gig em'.

It was Colt McCoy's decision to declare Tim Tebow "the Chosen One."

"Don't Mess with Texas!" were Colt's first words.

Colt McCoy's sweat cures gout, crohn's disease, avian flu, and the children of Indonesia, saving Tim Tebow's Cancun spring break plans.

At Whataburger the sandwiches are now referred to as the Coltburger and the Bradfordchicken.

Colt McCoy wasn't named after the gun, the Colt .45 was modeled after his arm.

In order to make things fair and exhibit good sportsmanship, Colt McCoy gives the Texas playbook to Texas A&M every year before the game between the two schools. He also teaches a free reading class to the A&M coaches so that they understand it. Unfortunately for A&M, this olive branch of humanitarianism doesn't always work.

Colt McCoy created Lubbock to place the prisoners of the "Republic of Texas." He left one pirate crazed coach and another who loves chair throwing to run the asylum.

Fiesta Bowl is Spanish for Colt McCoy which is why the Oklahoma Sooners are destined to lose every time they play in University of Phoenix Stadium.

Colt McCoy knows how to find and capture Osama Bin Laden.

Colt McCoy is the reason a bridge in Alaska goes to nowhere.

Colt tried out for the Olympic track & field team, but was disqualified because he threw the shot-put ball out of the stadium. Not having a tape measure long enough to measure his throw he could not qualify. Upset, he then took a second shot-put ball and through an out route to himself spiking the ball on the judge's foot. He then crumbled pieces of the earth in his hands and made his own gold medal that read "There Can Only Be One."

Indeed there can be only one Colt McCoy.

Know any other interesting facts about Colt McCoy? Comment below, or email us at email@thecollegefootballguys.com and we will post them later this week!

Lessons From Week Nine in College Football

Cas Heilman — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 07:55:24 -0400

We learned a great deal about college football this weekend, so without further ado, here are our findings.

This week Tim Tebow gave his full endorsement of Colt McCoy for the Heisman trophy. This raises the obvious question, "If Superman wears Tim Tebow Pajamas to bed, does Tim Tebow wear Colt McCoy PJs to bed?" Next task: finding Colt a cape.

Seems No. 1 Texas vs. No. 6 Oklahoma State was only good enough for regional coverage. Nice work ABC/ESPN. The whole West Coast enjoyed the thrilling UCLA/Cal game. Can't get enough of that Rick Neuheisel...

For those who were lucky enough to get the top 10 matchup, you missed the first quarter trying to adjust your TV screen. Even with the new HDTVs, it is still hard to translate THAT much orange!

While Georgia piled 52 on LSU, the Bayou Bengals realized how much they REALLY missed their 12th man this weekend.

Vanderbilt's Cinderella season officially came to an end with a 10-7 loss to Duke. The loss, combined with Auburn's embarrassing effort at WVU on Thursday night, gives the SEC a 5-6 record against non-conference BCS schools with four matchups remaining. In case you were wondering, the Mountain West is 8-5 vs. non-conference BCS programs.

Went to watch the Ohio State-Penn State game this weekend and an SEC game broke out.

ESPN's College GameDay once again brought us crazy Buckeye fans. Apparently Ohio State's new mantra is, "If you can't beat 'em, boo 'em," as a chorus of boos filled the air every time LSU, Florida, or USC were mentioned on the program. We here at The College Football Guys did a little research and discovered three embarrassing losses by the Buckeyes to these particular programs in the last three years.

We were given this advice once and thought we would pass it on to Buckeye fans: "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt." Just food for thought.

Scholarships for college kickers are overrated. Matt Williams was a normal college kid when he started school this year, but that was before the Red Raiders played the mighty Minutemen of UMass.

During halftime of that game Matt hit a 30-yard field goal for a year of free rent. Mike Leach was in need of a kicker and thought to himself, "I wonder if this kid likes pirates?" Four weeks later Matt connected on 9-of-9 extra point attempts against Kansas. We will soon see if the kid can do it in the clutch.

June Jones brought the "Run and Shoot" to SMU. Unfortunately for the Mustangs, all Navy needed was the run. Navy ran the ball 77 times for 404 yards without even attempting a pass for a 34-7 victory!

The Midshipmen's quarterback carried the ball 41 times for 224 yards and four touchdowns. We are still trying to calculate his QB rating. Georgia Tech coach Paul Johnson is so jealous.

If you think the BCS is confusing, try figuring out the ACC. Maybe instead of a championship game that they can't sell out, the ACC should implement an eight-team playoff. Maybe it will be the model for a real playoff.

Just when we thought Oregon had exhausted their ability to look ugly, they found this combination from their 384 possible uniform choices. And you thought your girlfriend had a lot of clothes.

What We Learned Week Nine

Cas Heilman — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 01:21:00 -0400

We learned a great deal about college football this weekend so without further ado here are our findings.

This week Tim Tebow gave his full endorsement of Colt McCoy for the Heisman trophy. Which raises the obvious question, "If Superman wears Tim Tebow Pajama's to bed, does Tim Tebow wears Colt McCoy PJ's to bed?" Next task: finding Colt a cape.

Seems No. 1 Texas vs. No. 6 Oklahoma State was only good enough for regional coverage. Nice work ABC/ESPN. The whole west coast enjoyed the thrilling UCLA/Cal game. Can't get enough of that Rick Neuheisel...

For those who were lucky enough to get the top ten match up, you missed the first quarter trying to adjust your TV screen. Even with the new HD TV's it is still hard to translate THAT much orange!

While Georgia piled 52 on LSU, the Bayou Bengals realized how much they REALLY missed their 12th man this weekend.

Vanderbilt's Cinderella season officially came to an end with a 10-7 loss to Duke. The loss combined with Auburn's embarrassing effort at WVU, on Thursday night, gives the SEC a 5-6 record against non-conference BCS schools with 4 match ups remaining. In case you were wondering, the Mountain West is 8-5 vs. non-conference BCS programs.

Went to watch the Ohio State/Penn State game this weekend and a SEC game broke out.

ESPN's College Gameday once again brought us crazy Buckeye fans. Apparently Ohio State's new mantra is "If you can't beat 'em, Boo 'em," as a chorus of boos filled the air every time LSU, Florida, or USC were mentioned on the program. We here at The College Football Guys did a little research and discovered three embarrassing losses by the Buckeyes to these particular programs in the last three years. We were given this advise once and thought we would pass it on to Buckeye fans, "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt." Just food for thought.

Scholarships for college kickers are overrated. Matt Williams was a normal college kid when he started school this year, but that was before the Red Raiders played the mighty Minutemen of U Mass. During halftime of that game Matt hit a 30 yard field goal for a year of free rent. Mike Leach was in need of a kicker and thought to himself, "I wonder if this kid likes pirates?" Four weeks later Matt connected on 9 of 9 extra point attempts against Kansas. We will soon see if the kid can do it in a clutch.

June Jones brought the "Run and Shoot" to SMU. Unfortunately for the Mustangs all Navy needed was the run. Navy ran the ball 77 times for 404 yards without even attempting a pass for a 34-7 victory! The Midshipman's quarterback carried the ball 41 times for 224 yards and four touchdowns. We are still trying to calculate his QB rating. Georgia Tech coach Paul Johnson is soo jealous.

If you think the BCS is confusing try figuring out the ACC. Maybe instead of a championship game that they can't sell out, the ACC should implement an 8 team playoff. Maybe it will be the model for a real playoff.

Just when we thought Oregon had exhausted their ability to look ugly they found this combination from their 384 possible uniform choices. And you thought your girlfriend had a lot of clothes.

USC, Don't Say We Didn't Warn You!

Cas Heilman — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 01:03:00 -0400

Penn State heeded the warning of The College Football Guys. Twice.

Missouri and Texas avoided the trap we warned of.

USC, we know that every day is sunshine and babes in Hollywood, but you must take the time to read and heed The College Football Guys' warnings.

On Thursday morning, Sept. 25, if the Trojans would have taken the time to just type in www.thecollegefootballguys.com, they would have seen the warning and avoided ANOTHER upset in Corvallis.

We take the time now to issue yet ANOTHER warning for you. Quit looking at those Song Girls and pay attention! We have even included fantastic grainy YouTube footage to prove it is actually possible.

Since Mike Stoops was hired as head football coach for the Arizona Wildcats, he has made his living slaying top 10 giants in Arizona Stadium. When I say made his living, I really mean it. Each year, when November comes, he has saved his job and paycheck accomplishing the impossible.

Nov. 6, 2005: For homecoming, a 2-6 Wildcat team annihilates No. 7 UCLA, 52-14!

Nov. 11, 2006: A late interception by Antoine Cason gives the 4-5 'Cats a 24-20 homecoming victory over No. 8 Cal.

Nov. 15, 2007: On an ESPN Thursday night, the 4-6 Wildcats plucked the No. 2, Dennis Dixon-free, Oregon Ducks. Antoine Cason returned a punt 56 yards and an interception 42 yards for a pair of touchdowns.

We know it isn't November yet, and Antoine Cason is gone, but it is homecoming, and this year the stakes are even higher. Arizona has its sights set on a Pac-10 title.

USC, you can't say we didn't warn you!

AGAIN!

What a Ride! Charlie Weis and Ty Willingham's Roller Coaster Tenures

Cas Heilman — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 04:44:36 -0400

This weekend of college football brings us several games that will go a long way toward deciding who will play in the BCS Championship game this January. Hidden in these games is a little ol' show down in Seattle, WA. Charlie Weis brings his Fightin' Irish to Husky Stadium to face former Notre Dame coach Tyrone Willingham.

As Notre Dame continued their historic slide in 2007, the national media, blogs, and fans of ND and U-Dub made comparisons of Ty and Charlie's records in their first three years as Notre Dame's coach.

What a difference a year makes! Today that conversation is null and void. Tyrone's 0-6 Huskies have continued to disappoint fans, while Notre Dame has begun, very slightly, to show signs of improvement.

While last year's popular comparison is moot, the relationship between the coaches' first four years at their respective institutions still merits discussion—not for their specific records on the field, but for the joys and heartache each have brought to their fans.

With this in mind, we have created a graph to relate visually the roller coaster ride Husky and Irish Fans have faced. Enjoy your ride!

Charlie Weis

Coach Weis was welcomed with open arms by Notre Dame fans in 2005! Finally someone from the "Irish family" was taking over the reigns of the fledgling program! Notre Dame had snagged themselves the next Bill Parcells! South Bend erupts!

a. Notre Dame is so giddy with Weis' performance that ONLY seven games into the 2005 season, they ink Chuck to a 10-year contract worth $30-40 million through the 2015 season. Charlie is quoted as saying he will be at Notre Dame until his son graduates from South Bend.

b. The Irish go 9-2 in Charlie's first season and earn a trip to a BCS Bowl. Even though they lose the Fiesta Bowl to Ohio State, 35-20, they still finish 2005 ranked No. 9 in the AP and No. 11 in the Coaches' Poll. Charlie is named Eddie Robinson Coach of the Year. Catholics rejoice!

c. April, 2006—Showing up in a limo, sporting a great-looking suit and spiked hair, the number one recruit in the country, QB Jimmy Clausen, officially commits to Charlie and ND. Fans begin talk of "Christ in Cleats Part II."

d. 2006 brings ND an easy schedule, a 10-2 record, and a second consecutive BCS Bowl game.

e. The Irish are outmatched by a faster, stronger, and more athletic LSU Tiger team in the Sugar Bowl, resulting in 41-14 blowout. Eyebrows are raised at the fact the Irish haven't won a bowl game since 1994.

f. Notre Dame's season is summed up by an overtime loss to Navy, the first since the days of Staubach. Notre Dame faces the first nine-loss season in their history. Irish fans are so embarrassed they volunteer themselves to be buried at sea!

g. Good news from 2007? The Irish beat 1-11 Duke and 4-8 Stanford to avoid the worst season in the history of Notre Dame football. Even with these victories, the BCS still doesn't find a bowl spot for the 3-9 team. America laughs, and laughs, and laughs, and...

h. Another top 10 recruiting class and a new season brings back limited optimism.

This brings us to present day. Though Charlie has been knocked down this year, he has managed to negotiate an easier schedule, and the program is showing signs of improvement. Fans are currently content.

Tyrone Willingham

Ty was hired in much different circumstances. He was hired to do two jobs: improve and clean up a 1-10 team. Washington was still paying for two coaches and was looking to buy low, and no one was cheaper than the media-bashed, ex-Notre Dame coach.

t. Season ends a disappointing 2-9. However, it is twice as many wins as 2004!

u. In 2006 the Dawgs get off to a 4-1 start, with their only loss a close one to No. 15 OU in Norman. Bowl arrangements are beginning to be made!

v. Washington loses its starting QB, blows six in a row, and ends with an embarrassing 20-3 loss to Ty's former team, Stanford—the Cardinal's first victory in one calendar year and first in Seattle since 1975.

w. Quarterback "Montlake Jake" Locker, the "Tim Tebow of the West," makes his much-anticipated Husky debut as the Dawgs race out to a 2-0 start, including a win against BCS spoiler No. 22 Boise State. Tickets sales are through the roof!

x. Season finishes 4-9 when a last-second drive to tie Hawaii falls short. Half the fans want Ty gone, half want him to stay. A $100,000 bounty is placed on Ty's head. After promising the president the "team would be more competitive" in 2008, president allows him to stay. Fans take a collective groan/sigh.

y. Best recruiting class in years. Young talented team with a stud at QB brings more optimism to fans. It is amazing how a long offseason heals wounds.

z. An excessive celebration penalty at the end of regulation against BYU aids a Cougar block of tying extra point attempt. Jake breaks thumb and season spirals out of control. Willingham's remaining time at Washington is about as useless as W's final months in DC.

It has been a long, turbulent four years for both programs. It appears obvious now that Notre Dame made the right move in 2005 and Washington made the wrong one. On Saturday, Ty has at least one opportunity to have a last word.

Unfortunately, it will only be for pride, as a victory won't do much to change the course of this roller coaster for either side.

What We Learned in College Football: Week Eight

Cas Heilman — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 01:57:00 -0400

Another week, another dominating performance from Texas.

Another week of hearing "The Eyes of Texas," that thrilling song set to the tune of "I've been working on the railroad," and whose lyrics are a play on words from a saying of Robert E. Lee: "The eyes of the South are upon you."

Therefore, it is in honor of this lack of originality that we bring you this equally creative blog entry.

Who says Texas A&M is the only program with a 12th man? LSU just strategically places them on the field in spiffy pinstriped suits.

Texas Tech coach Mike Leach didn't feel 36 points against A&M was enough to impress voters this week, so he had QB Graham Harrell sneak it in with 20 seconds left. This is about as classy as Red Raider fans. Think we are being a little hard? Then you haven't seen this video yet.

Virginia Tech might want to rethink its future travel plans to Boston College. Since joining the ACC, the Hokies have won EVERY conference road game EXCEPT the two against the Eagles in Boston.

Rece Davis, we get it! Pittsburgh's LeSean "Shady" McCoy is the real Slim Shady and all other Slim Shadys are just imitating. McCoy has stood up this season and carried the Panthers to a top 20 BCS ranking even after being embarrassed by Bowling Green in Week One.

According to one strategically placed sign that was up for about 10 seconds on ESPN College GameDay before black-clothed security swooped in and confiscated it, Chase Daniel has a FUPA. Who knew?

Tulsa's football team created a bit of Midnight Madness themselves hanging 77 on UTEP Saturday night. Practice should be interesting this week in El Paso with Mike Price carrying around that crazy pickax of his. If we played on the Miners' D we would be a little scared...

At least Mike Price has one thing to be thankful for: He is no longer coaching at Washington State! The Cougars could possibly be the worst team in the HISTORY of NCAA Division I-A football.

Of the Cougars' four Pac-10 games this year, their opponents have scored no less than 63 points. Three of those losses have come at home. Never has this feat been accomplished in NCAA history. Two weeks ago the program held open tryouts for a quarterback! The student body might want to consider changing their mascot to the Piñatas.

Rubbing Howard's Rock and "the most exciting 25 seconds in college football" is no longer enough for Clemson's new coach Dabo Swinney. He added the "Tiger Walk" with players in suits and ties walking to the locker room and "All In," a team walk from the 50-yard line in.

Even with these recently minted traditions, the Tigers couldn't get out of their way against the "Ramblin' Wreck" of GT. It is going to take more than just new traditions to convince some die-hard fans the move was right.

Go to about the :47 mark. Well worth it!

Dr. Lou is wishing he acted a little differently last week when he talked about Colt McCoy's chances of winning the Heisman. Think he has changed his mind after Saturday night's 29-32, 337-yard, two passing/two rushing touchdown performance?

TCFG's Fourth Poll of 2008 (10/20/08)

Cas Heilman — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 00:45:00 -0400

Just in time for the release of the BCS poll, The College Football Guys bring you our fourth poll of the season.

After their performance this weekend, Texas is now the unanimous number one. You might notice a curious logjam at the number four position, as we have some major differences about where Oklahoma State, Alabama, Texas Tech, and USC should be ranked. This argument is covered more in depth in our latest podcast.

1. Texas 75 (3)
2. Penn State 72
3. Oklahoma State 62
4. Alabama 59
4. Texas Tech 59
4. USC 59
7. Florida 57
8. Oklahoma 56
9. Georgia 49
10. Utah 47
11. LSU 46
12. Boise State 43
13. Ohio State 40
14. Tulsa 37
15. USF 35
15. Ball State 35
17. TCU 29
18. Pittsburgh 21
19. BYU 16
20. Missouri 15
20. Georgia Tech 15
22. Florida State 11
23. Kansas 10
24. Northwestern 8
25. Boston College 6

Others receiving votes: Minnesota 4, Michigan State 4, Vanderbilt 3, Cincinnati 2

As always, if you disagree with the poll, comment below!