Bleacher Report - Articles by Michael Bergman

USC-Oregon State: As My Good Friend Nelson Would Say, "HA-HAAA!"

Michael Bergman — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 03:08:25 -0400

Now the College Football season can actually begin, unimpeded by the coddling and bias of the national media.

College Football Week 2: 25 Thoughts

Michael Bergman — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 07:59:05 -0400

1. What?!?!?! The media can't vote USC any higher than No. 1? I want a recount!

2. How did UGA do that? I'm at a cookout, I check the score and UGA isn't up by very much and I think to myself "what a wonderful world," no just kidding. I think "wow, they might drop a little more after this lackluster performance." Then the next time I walk by, they have like 56 points! Nice work.

3. Knowshon pole vaulted a dude. Very very cool.

4. Matthew Stafford had a career high and it was under 300 yards?!?!?! Ladies and gentlemen, meet the new Ryan Leaf. Florida fans might have a hard time deciding when NOT to use the "OVER-RATED" chant during the game.

5. Okay, ECU is 4-REAL! I thought WVU looked superb in Week 1, and they got dominated. Bye bye to White's Heisman hopes.

6. OSU will get romped by USC, leading to more This-is-the-greatest-team-of-all-time talk from ESPN, even though it's three games into the season. Seriously, what is it with these guys? Sanchez has a good game against a horrible Virginia team and Mel Kiper moves him to No. 2 on his QBs list behind, Stafford, the other Hype Poster Boy. I mean I like Sanchez, but calm the funk down.

7. The Ol' Ball Coach just can't sustain anything, can he? It's sad, really. His wife seems nice. Jesse Palmer is a bag-o-greased-up-douche.

8. I think Vandy's logo is classy. I like it. However...

9. I think there are too many gold teams. Gold's just not a good color to me. It's not easy to reproduce. Sometimes it looks like someone spilled urine on your jersey. Sometimes you look like a really big advocate of mustard. Sometimes you look like you belong in the mouth or on the cup of a rap supah-star. It's just kinda ugly to me.

10. The Big 12 was undefeated. Although it was against crappy competition, that's impressive when even Baylor and Iowa State win. Give it up! Fear us, SEC! I think the deciding factor will be when Alabama plays SE Mizzou State. Mizzou beat them by 49, whoever kills them by more has automatically decided the conference debate once and for all. Agreed? Good!

11. Speaking of conference strength, could the Big East or ACC be any more embarrassing? Seriously, do we have to watch you? I haven't completely thought this through, but maybe each year BCS slots should be awarded to conferences based on the strength of that conference. Right now this is the breakdown:

SEC: 3

Big 12: 3

Pac 10: 2

Big 10: 1

one up for grabs.

12. Another couple of outings like that, and I might develop some thoughts on you, Wisconsin. Sending me a couple brats wouldn't hurt your chances either.

13. Oregon and Penn State are 4-Real. Especially PSU. Go Joe! Please tell me there were t-shirts made in the 80's with a G.I. Joe/JoPa connection.

14. Is Nevada really a quality opponent? I mean, I think we're just searching for reasons to believe Texas Tech is legit. Gimme a break.

15. How did the NCAA have an opportunity (reaction to the celebration call) to look down upon the little guy (BYU) and not do it? I guess I agree that the real person to blame here is the idiot who created the rule, not the guy who did what he was told to.

Seriously though, you can't make that call. He technically broke the rule, but you can't punish them for that. It wasn't excessive. Gah, I hate rules! I hate them so much I might just start ignoring all grammar rules... Me! tinks? rools) * iz dum$

16. For some reason I'm beginning to hate USF. I wanna fight them. All. Individually.

17. I'm really tired of assuming that we're (Texas Longhorns if you don't know me) gonna lose to OU. You're not elite if you look at your schedule and have to devise a way to be the best while losing to one team. I mean we own the all time series, but it's gotten really annoying the last eight years or so.

I hate those motherless dogs. We're good enough to beat them, we just find a way to lose unless we're heavily favored. They make the Big 12 look bad. I seriously have to contain myself whenever I see one of them. There's this girl at the gym that keeps wearing a Sooner shirt and I want to make a comment about her hygiene or kick her in the nipple or something. Gah, I hate them.

18. FSU. 69-0? I don't care who you are, that's impressive. I'm surprised Bobby let them stay at that number though. I thought he was more of a missionary man.

19. OMG! DID YOU GUYS CATCH THAT INTENSE IDAHO/IDAHO STATE GAME!?!?!? Yeah, me neither.

20. Things do not look good for: Michigan, Syracuse (not news), Pitt, and Arkansas (YAY!!) among many others.

21. Matthew McConaughey (who's name is extremely hard to spell by memory. seriously, try it sometime), is still a cool-arse Longhorn fan. He does narration/voice overs for this Baby Longhorns DVD (which is a whole other story). Check out this link here:

http://www.aolcdn.com/tmz_audio/090308_mcconaughey.mp3

It's pretty hilarious. This guy always sounds philosophically stoned without anything to say. My favorite part is when he laughs and then says "laughter."

22. The Horns were disappointing in their UTEP performance, but I can't quite put my finger on what they did wrong. Did anyone watch? Do you know? I was happy that: A. we finally got some sacks, B. Colt looked pretty good and had decent numbers, and C. Fozzy got in the game and looks like he has some serious potential. I was a little disturbed by: A. We didn't get more sacks, B. Our offense looked sluggish at times, and C. We weren't completely dominant against a HORRIBLE UTEP team.

23. Congrats again GTech. I was really concerned about the PJ hire, but I guess he knows what he's doing. P.S.: I know this isn't relevant anywhere else, but I live in Atlanta and I have lots of friends here who went to school there. I apologize to fans of real teams. Just Kidding Techies!

24. Persian food is good as hay-ell! Although there isn't much variety. Everything seems to be some kind variation of a kabob. But hey, who am I to complain about roasted meat?

25. Have there ever been a pair of human ears larger than Tommy Tuberville's? I mean that guy must save a ton on airfare. DumboAir shall be his new nickname. The team better get its offense figured out completely before SEC play, or they're going down.

25 Thoughts on College Football's First Weekend

Michael Bergman — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 05:19:05 -0400

Here are some things I think/thought about the first weekend of the college football season.

1. OK, I should've done some research on VT. I mean, I didn't bet on them or make any real predictions, but when you lose that many players of that quality, how in the world are you ranked in the top 25?! This one should've been seen a mile away.

2. I'm not sure why, but I found myself gloating over the Pitt loss. I don't really have anything against the school, coach, or players, but I'm just kind of happy they lost. I guess I just like it when someone who gets undeserved hype and respect is brought back down to earth (same reason I was happy that TTech wasn't that impressive).

Or maybe I'm just excited that Pitt might give my Tom Selleck idea a chance.

3. Dang, I wish I would've watched the second half of the UCLA vs. Tenn. game. Darn my girlfriend! How does a guy throw FOUR HORRIBLE INTs in the first half and then win the game? If only Chris Simms could've pulled that trick.

I missed out on a chance to see the Fake UT get beaten and to see more shots of the cheerleader above?! Big mistake.

4. Clemson, Clemson, Clemson. I don't wanna pour salt on the wounds, but it's really gotta sting that not only did you lose (which admit it, you knew, deep down you would), you just got destroyed. The hype machine claims another victim. You would've thought people would be used to this with them, but I guess not.

Here's a hint: FIRE BOWDEN! I mean, I had a feeling Bama would win, but I had no idea that they would dominate like this. Yeesh. I'll take the SEC over the ACC any day.

5. USC looks good. Really good. Crap.

6. The Pac-10 looked pretty darn good. When a team like UCLA, who many predicted to have no more than four wins, beats one of the supposedly better teams in the SEC, you've got to be pretty proud. Cal beat MSU. Pretty good weekend.

I mean, WSU didn't beat my Big 12 brothers from Stillwater, but hey, you've gotta take baby steps. First get better than the Big Ten and SEC, and then when you wear big boy pants, maybe you can talk about challenging the Big 12. All I'm saying is, my UT beat a team in Los Angeles. Bring it on Snobs!

7. The Big East looked really bad, except for Pat White.

8. The Big 12 looked pretty good, except for A&M. HA HA! Poor Aggies.

9. Way to go Georgia Tech! Karma's a bee-yotch, isn't it Perrilloux?

10. Mizzou, rest Maclin! Or don't—get him hurt for the entire season. It would help my Horns out.

11. I wish Indian food was easier to get. Why are all the Indian restaurants like sit-down places or buffets? You can order Chinese by number and get it delivered. I have to put on pants and go halfway across Atlanta and then navigate my way through the Malayalam language just to get some good paneer.

Hey, I said thoughts on the weekend, not exclusively college football. It was an issue I dealt with this weekend.

12. Did the GameDay guys curse Beanie Wells, whose name reminds me of Beenie Weenies and kinda makes me sick to my stomach...? Run-on sentence. Either they jinxed him with the "He's gotta stay healthy" speech, or that dude really is injury-prone.

I hate to break it to ya, OSU fans, but it sounds serious. He's not gonna be the same player for at least a month. Which brings me to my next point...

13. Although they won, I think at least three National Championship hopefuls are out of the picture now.

A. OSU loses Wells and will probably lose to USC. They can't recover from that loss and the national perception (voters) to make it to the championship game.

B. Mizzou didn't look dominant enough to convince me that they would be in the NC game. Add a gimpy Jeremy Maclin, and their chances seem even slimmer.

C. Georgia lost another player to injury and already had the toughest schedule in college football. Many people weren't picking them to make it all the way through that schedule even before all the injuries and arrests.

I could make cases against OU and Florida too, but I'll chill. LSU and WVU still look pretty solid.

THOUGHTS on the Longhorns' first game.

14. Is Howard Schnellendork even the coach at FAU? I mean, the guy never had any assistants or players near him, and he didn't wear a headset. He just seemed to be mumbling like a crazy old angry Colonel Sanders. Anyways, we shut him up—him and his suspenders.

15. Colt looked good. Real good. Maybe it will silence all the haters.

16. The defense was disappointing to me. I know FAU only scored 10, but they should've had more. We were very fortunate to get a couple red zone turnovers. I don't think we got a single sack, which is very unsettling considering how we were supposed to be better in that area.

However, it does appear that Will Muschamp made some good adjustments, or maybe our players got smarter as the game went on. I think the secondary will be OK, but I'm not sure.

17. The offense looked really good in all aspects.

18. Matthew McConaughey might not be a great actor, but he is a cool-@$$ dude.

19. I love Vince Young.

THIS CONCLUDES THE LONGHORN PORTION OF YOUR BROADCAST

20. I really thought LSU might struggle, especially with the early start, but they played well. Maybe they just partied all night, so they were still awake. Glad Gustav was merciful.

21. I still have no thoughts on the Wisconsin football team. But I could go for a cheese-covered brat.

22. I think Gustav and Penn State switched places this weekend, cuz PSU beat that coastal azz!

23. After that win, I don't think Bama fans have any problems with the Dark Lord of the Underworld being their coach. Sellouts!

24. I think that if you want your rival to win, for any reason, then they're not your rival. Screw how their success might help you if you beat them. Screw conference allegiance. If you hate someone, you better darn well hate them! Georgia fans, you should've been cheering for UCLA last night.

25. I can't wait for next weekend!

HOOK'EM!

Hope in College Football Longhorn Edition

Michael Bergman — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 09:41:53 -0400

So here are my top ten hopes for the upcoming Longhorn Football season. Please read my other article: Hope in College Football: The Top 25 Edition.

10. I hope we develop a homefield advantage. With the added seats, their closer proximity to the field and a lot of enthusiasm regarding change in the stadium over the last 2 years, I hope the fans finally get loud and crazy enough to actually make a difference.

We've always been one of the quieter crowds in CFB relative to our size. There are a lot of things that the SEC tries to hold over our head, but the only one that I'm truly envious of is their stadium atmosphere. Get up fans and don't sit until at least halftime! Make some noise!

9. I hope Colt McCoy returns to freshman form at the very least. I really feel like this guy could be a Heisman finalist with some protection from the O-line, a commitment to play within himself, and a little help from some talented yet untested skill players (minus Quan, and Jordan).

Colt's received a lot of flack from haters on message boards and here on B/R about a season that was actually pretty good. Yes he had a lot of INTs, but the rest was pretty excellent.

8. I hope we beat the crap out of Texas Tech. Call me a traditionalist or whatever, but I like it when the big boys get the hype, not no-name teams who've done very little in the way of real accomplishments.

Do I enjoy watching Tech's style of offense? Yes. Do I hope they beat OU and any non-conference opponent therefore making the Big 12 and the state of Texas look good? Yes. But are they the 2nd best team in the South or top 10 material? Hell, no! I hate undeserved hype and Tech is getting loads of it this offseason. Plus I think they have the worst group of Big 12 fans outside of Norman.

7. I hope the D-line lives up to it's hype. Yeah I know I just complained about hype, but all of the hype the Texas D-line has received has been coming out of Austin, so it's not like ESPN is force-feeding you. Roy Miller, Brian Orakpo, and the boys have been getting a lot of praise about how nasty and unstoppable they've been in practice.

This excites me for a couple of reasons. A. We haven't had a great pass rush in a long time. B. Their success will be critical to a better pass defense and the development of the secondary C. I don't know that we've ever been described as nasty, since I've been following the team.

6. I hope the WRs are spectacular. I have to admit that even though they may be the prima-donnas of the football world, WR is my favorite position. My all-time favorite player is Roy Williams, and I look for the new one each year. Limas was good, but really only dominant for one full season, and never had the flare that Roy had.

I hear a lot of good things about three or four of of the young WRs and it has me pumped. I'm also rooting heavily for the vet, Jordan Shipley. He's had so many injuries and setbacks. He's a great guy and deserves success. I hope he has an All-American type season, or at least All Big 12.

5. I hope the secondary can grow up fast, and that their play catches up with their talent very quickly. For the past two seasons our secondary has been completely nightmare-ish. It's the sole reason we lost a couple of big games, and is the most important thing to fix in order for us to succeed in the pass-heavy Big 12 this season.

4. I hope Muschamp stays at least one more year. He's such a star, and you know he almost had a couple of big time head coaching jobs. This is a grooming/wait and see kind of position right now. I don't really think we're ready this season, but next we will be. If Will leaves this season, it may retard our progress on D.

3. I hope we beat A&M. They had no business beating us the last two years. They're horrible and I'm tired of losing to both of our rivals. If we don't reestablish our dominance, their new coach might start stealing some more high-profile recruits. Plus their fans are so ridiculous. I don't need ammo to show that we're better, but I would prefer if they didn't have anything to brag about.

2. I hope we beat OU. I am filled with hate for them. Please read my other Hope article.

1. I hope we win the National Championship (duh!), the Big 12, and Mack finally puts the can't-win-the-big-one argument to rest because there are no GREAT/transcendent players on the team currently.

What do you guys hope?

Hope in College Football: The Top 25 Edition

Michael Bergman — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 03:52:05 -0400

As of right now, college football has not started yet, and therefore we are in the waning moments of a hope-filled season. It is the time of year when everyone's team is undefeated, and they all have a chance. Some of those hopes and dreams are unrealistic, but we have them nonetheless.

So before most of our dreams are destroyed by reality, let's take a little time out to hope. Like Andy Dufresne said, "Hope is a good thing—maybe the best of things."

I have listed 25 things I hope for this upcoming season. It is loosely based on the top 25 rankings. If I don't mention your team, don't hate because I said LOOSELY.

As many of you know, I am a huge Longhorn fan, but in the interest of solidarity or unbiased...ness (?) or something, I'll try to keep that out of the top 25.

However, you know I can't write an article and not talk some Longhorn football, so soon to follow this article will be another about the top 10 things I hope for the Longhorns this season.

Enjoy.

1. I hope UGA does not make the BCS title game. I never really liked the Dawgs, and now that I live here in Atlanta, I like them even less. Now I know a lot of grads and I'm actually dating one, so it's not a personal thing—I just don't like them. It's my list! Feel free to comment or come back with your own.

2. I hope that somehow the Buckeyes redeem themselves without winning the National Championship. They have enough of them and are super cocky, but man they have a received a lot of crap from everyone.

3. I hope that Mark Sanchez is the real deal (he seems like a really good kid), but that USC loses to Stanford AGAIN! Wouldn't that be so fun, and such a head scratcher? Maybe a loss to UCLA would be cool too.

4. I hope that the Chokelahoma Sooners lose every single game they participate in. I hope they somehow lose practices too! I hope that Sam Bradford rebounds with THE WORST QB efficiency rating ever.

I hope that the entire Oklahoma Sooner athletic department is involved in a scandal of epic proportions that involves cheating (naturally), gambling, inbreeding, and beastiality. The NCAA would be forced to hand out the death penalty, but due to its hypocritical nature could not enforce it for very long. However, all sports teams would be dismantled and the athletic director sent to prison.

In an extremely ironic turn of events, Oklahoma would turn to the last football player to not actually be convicted of a crime while wearing an OU uniform. That's right—Josh Jarboe will become the new AD. He would then establish "Lollipop" by Lil' Wayne as the new fight song and hire his posse as "consultants."

The chants of 80,000 rednecks singing about licking a (w)rapper would fill the air in Norman, Oklahoma on every Saturday afternoon in the fall. A boy can dream, can't he?

5. I hope Florida does better but doesn't win it all. I hope that Tim Tebow does well but doesn't win another Heisman. I hope they cure ACL tears for all mankind.

6. I hope Mizzou is very good but loses mizzou-erably (sorry) to Texas in the regular season and in the Big 12 championship. Then I would like Chase Daniels to break down over his failure and apologize to Texas for not going there, even if he wasn't their first choice. I would also like him to apologize for beating my Lufkin Panthers in the Texas state playoffs when he was the QB for Southlake Carroll.

7. I hope LSU is very good, but not great. I hope that Les Miles says something that even LSU fans are like, "That mofo is crazy as shiznit!" I hope that Andrew Hatch is good, because let's face it—if you transfer from Harvard to LSU, it better be for football...and if you fail at football after that transfer, then you've made a baaaaaad decision. I hope that Justin Goar still lets me tailgate with him after this.

8. I hope WVU moves on from RichRod. Seriously, stop crying.

9. I hope Clemson picks a direction: Either dominate with all that talent you have, or fail and actually fire Bowden this time. Also, I hope a number of HD TVs explode when trying to reproduce that color combo.

10. I hope Auburn develops another stellar D-coordinator for Texas to lure away whenever Will Muschamp decides to move on.

11. Texas hopes later... Non-top 25 hopes now.

A. A&M sucks hard.

B. Mike Gundy gives us more criteria on manhood worthy of soundbites. I would love to have one of those keychain things with the buttons that play little sound clips, and they're all crazy things on manhood from Mike Gundy.

C. I hope Ty Will and UW succeed. I like him, I like the state of Washington, I like UW, I like the color purple, I like the movie The Color Purple but not as much as Purple Rain, and I hope some writer critical of Ty receives a purple nurple from Ty as punishment.

D. I hope South Carolina is really good, goes to a BCS game vs. Southern Cal, and then the winner gets naming rights to USC. As a pregame pep talk, Christopher Walken would come in dressed as Bruce Dickinson and tell them that Carolina is the Cock of the Walk!

12. I hope Texas Tech wins every big game (except vs. Texas) and loses every easy game and ends up something like 6-6 and confuses the hell out of everyone, causing them to never hype them again. Then Michael Crabtree transfers to Texas. Ha ha.

13. No thoughts on Wisconsin, so...

A. I hope FSU and Miami come back to glory...sorta. I mean, I don't want them perennial top five, but it feels weird with them being so bad. Plus it gives UF too many recruits. Bobby Bowden is a great guy, even if he needs to go. As much as I hate Miami, Randy Shannon has an amazing story and deserves some success.

B. I hope that Bobby Petrino fails...at life...and that Arkansas joins the Big 12.

C. I hope that they replace Dave Wannstedt with Tom Selleck during the middle of a game and no one notices. Then like three games later, some reporter says, "Hey aren't you that guy from 3 Men and a Baby?" and he replies "Yeah. So what? No more questions for me, from now on direct your questions to assistant coach Guttenberg."

14. I hope Kansas stays pretty good—it helps the Big 12. I also hope that Mark Mangino loses a lot of weight. I mean, I love to make fun of the great Mangina as much as anyone, but seriously, that's unhealthy and he could die very easily. I'm completely serious when I say I hope he gets some help.

15. I hope ASU's Rudy Carpenter talks trash about Texas before every game. We saw how well that worked out for us. Plus I hope someone actually challenges USC for the conference.

16. I hope BYU doesn't crash the party.

17. I hope Sean Glennon and VT are very successful. Embattled, criticized QBs make me sad. I like a lot of things about people involved with the VT program. I wish them success. I also think that even though the shooting was a couple years ago, the VT fans deserve good feelings—and if football can provide that, more power to them!

18. I hope Tennessee gets sued by the makers of the Dreamsicle for using their colors. After losing that part of their identity, they also make the decision to no longer be referred to as UT, because of the confusion with Texas and the fear that Texas might female-dog-slap them too. On a positive note, I hope Phil Fulmer sues the state of Alabama and wins. SEC media day was bush league, 'Bama.

19. I hope USF's fans realize they haven't actually had that much success on the field yet and decide to shut up until then.

20. I hope that there's a limit on how many times an announcer can say "The Juice is loose" during an Illinois game.

I mean, I hope it's said at least once, but after that the co-anchor or whatever they're called should just be really disgusted and say something like, "Seriously? You're gonna go there? All that education and that's what you come up with? You're so white." "What? I'm not white! Mike Tirico knows no racial boundaries! Mike Tirico is a sports phenomenon, and you will recognize his superior wit and non-regional dialect!"

21. I hope that Phil Knight brings back the Nike Air Zoom RS+ and gives me a free pair because I love the Ducks soooo much! Go Ducks!

22. I hope that Penn State is really good, and that Joe Pa finds a suitable host to transplant his brain into, therefore completing the next step in his quest for literal college football immortality! Muahhahahahahaha Muah hahahaha!

23. I hope that Wake Forest loses to Baylor. It would be good for the Big 12, and those guys need something good to happen on the field.

24. I hope that Nick Saban forgets to put on his mask before coming out for a game and the largely Southern Evangelical Christian fanbase at 'Bama gets extremely conflicted when they realize Beelzebub is coaching their football team. I HOPE that they choose Jesus over football, but I wouldn't put any money on it.

25. OK, so I didn't realize that Pitt could actually be in the top 25 despite their lack of success, so I talked about them earlier. So I'll look at the USA Today poll and go with...Michigan.

I hope that Michigan goes like 4-8 or something and is horrible. I like Michigan and I know RichRod will make them really good, but I think it would be fun and bizarro to see them horrible. Plus it might make pollsters stop slurping them unnecessarily.

College Football Celebrity Death-Match

Michael Bergman — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 06:49:17 -0400

Alright, so this was written a while back, but I've revisted it because I thought it was a fun interesting idea and while the constant updates on (Practice!?!? we talkin' 'bout Practice?!?!?), are fun and all, it's nice to shake it up a bit.

So remember when Herschel* Walker challenged Steve Spurrier to a fight after some questionable comments by the Old Ball Coach a few months back?

A. I would love to see this.

B. I wouldn't count the coach out. I mean, yeah Walker's a super athlete, but there's just something about Spurrier. I have a sneaking suspicion that he's not completely human.

My guess is some sort of mythical jokester god like Loki from Norse mythology, and then maybe mixed with like a raccoon or something.

I dunno, the guy is just crazy and funny and ornery. Admit it, unless you hate Florida for some rivalry reason, you're at least amused by Spurrier. I just imagine him fighting in this totally goofy but effective manner, and maybe even biting Herschel a couple times.

Oh man I can't wait for the video game. Some super nerd please make this. Maybe like a college football legends mortal kombat. I'm pretty sure Bear Bryant would bite off Lou Holtz's head all Ozzy Osbourne style.

Oh man, and maybe there's like a tag team option. I would totally put Ricky Williams and Earl Campbell against anyone. Hook'em!

What matchups would you guys like to see? What kind of super moves/powers would CFB celebrities have? No real constraints on time and reality. I'd love to see where you guys take this.

p.s. - please don't give me guff about how this is "silly" or "retarded" or whatever. It's just a fun topic to break up the monotony.

Who Has Worse Fans: Texas or Ohio State?

Michael Bergman — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 02:51:45 -0400

All right gang, I got into a little bit of an argument with a guy about which fans are worse. I wanted to get your opinion on this.

I won't pretend that I don't have a horse in the race, because I went to Texas, but I will say that OSU used to be my second-favorite school. Therefore I'll resist trying to persuade you in the initial argument.

I really want to know what objective fans think. Please try to be as fair and objective as you can. I know that it might be kind of difficult to have an opinion on which group is horrible while being objective, but I dunno—try.

I guess the ideal person would be someone not from the Big Ten or Big 12 whose team has played both teams, but I want everyone to weigh in.

I would say define worse by a couple of factors.

Criteria

1. Arrogance: Which fan base thinks they're better than you, and lets you know it the most?

2. Lack of Class: Which fan base does things that are unsportsmanlike, immature, rude, and inhumane, if applicable?

Comment on both, then combine them to determine who's worse. If you think other things should be taken into consideration, then feel free.

Have fun with this, and try not to get too angry at one another.

My Top 10 College Football Experiences

Michael Bergman — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 08:34:52 -0400

Here's a list of 10 things related to college football that I think every big fan should experience. Now, I haven't experienced them all and they are all my opinion, but it is what it is. It's kind of a wish list or bucket list if you will. Also, they are in no particular order.

1. Texas vs. OU—It's an amazing sight to see and one that every fan should witness to truly understand. Every October fans of one of the most heated rivalries in college football pile into a historic stadium to watch a game that usually has National Title implications. The Cotton Bowl is split down the 50-yard line with half of the stadium wearing Burnt Orange and half Crimson.

The game takes place during the Texas State Fair and is surrounded by carnival rides, every kind of fried food you could imagine, car shows, and various other attractions, not to mention Dallas itself and the beautiful skyline. The game is more than a game on so many levels, it's an event.

Interesting side note: did you know that the corn dog was invented here? You must get a Fletcher's corn dog if you go to this game. And because I just gave you the insider info, you have to root for Texas. Hook 'em!

2. Michigan vs. OSU (The Game)—Hey, it's called The Game, what more motivation do you need? Two of the most storied programs in history, that just so happen to hate each other (sound familiar?). Like Texas/OU, there are usually conference if not, National Title implications.

I hear the passion and hate have to be experienced to believe. Also if you go to this game, you'll accomplish some another thing on the list by visiting one of the mega stadiums.

3. Visit one, if not all of the Mega Stadiums—In my opinion, the mega stadiums would include all of those with 100,000 capacity or more. That list includes:


Michigan Stadium	Michigan	107,501
Beaver Stadium	Penn State	107,282
Ohio Stadium	Ohio State	102,329
Neyland Stadium	Tennessee	102,038

I hear all of them are pretty amazing, although apparently the acoustics at Michigan make it not as loud as you would expect. I would love to add Texas to this list, since they just added on and are almost at 100k, but I'd be breaking the rules.

But there might not be a nicer stadium considering we have the largest HD screen in the world, and almost a shopping mall underneath the new part of the stadium. However, I must admit we're not the loudest fans. Anyway, I digress.

4. Tailgate in the SEC—More specifically, I would suggest going to Ole Miss. Here they take tailgating to a new level; there's simply nothing like it. Its SEC insanity mixed with Southern pageantry and charm and then multiplied by 10. Anyone who would wear slacks and a tie while bbq'ing outside when it's 95 degrees must take this very very seriously.

5. LSU Night Game—Again, I have not actually experienced this but I hear amazing things, and have a trip planned for this year (UGA vs. LSU). So, I hear there is no crazier scene than a night home game at LSU (although Texas Tech might have something to say).

By crazy I mean, fear for your life/this guy's in college!?/hey, that's not very lady-like crazy. The alcohol flows and tempers rage. From seeing them on TV, they sure are creative with the things they wear. I can't wait!

6. Rose Bowl—It's the Granddaddy of them all! This is where everyone would prefer to win the National Championship. It's California, its tradition, it's Keith Jackson, and it's only recently open to teams outside of the Big Ten/Pac Ten, at least as far as a Bowl Game.

I mean this place/event is so cool that I actually get excited about watching a parade with floats made of flowers. My greatest regret in life is that I saw neither of Texas' wins there with Vince's amazing performances.

7. Notre Dame—This is part museum, part religion, part sport, and everything great about college football. I have a trip planned for this season and I'm stoked, even though I would lean towards dislike with the Irish. It's not about the team, it's about the tradition. I mean seriously, football Jesus? That's taking it to a whole new level. Don't just see the game, experience Notre Dame.

8. Go to a BCS Bowl—All bowl games are not created equal. "These ain't no slashies folks, these are the pure breeds." To playoff or not to playoff, whatever. These are the most prestigious, most important games of the season and usually pit two great teams against each other usually resulting in a great game. How can you love CFB and not go to the game's most culminating games?

9. Alabama/Auburn—Another one of CFB's great rivalry games that is fueled by history and hate. They say that when you step in the state of Alabama you have to choose a side, and it's pretty true. I don't think they hate each other quite as much as they lead on, but there's definitely quite a bit of it. Then you think about all the history with Bear, Punt Bama Punt, and all 17 of Auburn's mascots, and you have to go.

10. Florida Road trip—This state is chalk full of football talent, and its college football teams definitely demonstrate that. You have probably three of the 10 most successful programs of the last 25 years all in one state with FSU, Florida, and Miami. There's a unique inter-state triangle kind of rivalry thing going on that's just delicious.

Now you add in the USF success and the UCF, FAU, FIU respectability and it's one powerful state. While you're there, check out some high school football. It's no Texas, but it's hard core.

Honorable mention:

Texas A&M home games when they care—It's sort of like combining the loudness/passion of LSU with the tradition of ND, but not quite as great and way more cultish. Go to a Texas/Texas A&M game there, it's cool.

Oregon—The NFL does college, plus their stadium is super loud.

USC/ND—Pretty cool rivalry, but I kind of mentioned them previously with the Rose Bowl and just going to ND.

Florida/UGA—Neutral site border war rivalry games are extremely cool, and they definitely hate each other. Combine that with the SEC tailgating tradition and you've got the World's Largest Co... oh, they changed the name, you're off the list.

Nebraska—You need a super cold game where everyone is obsessed with the team and cooks large amounts of meat (You could also substitute a Wisconsin game). Nebraska gets the edge because they have more history and the fans are some of the nicest in sports

Boise State—The blue field is pretty cool. Mainly I just want to see a bird fly into it.

Colorado—Great scenery and the coolest live mascot in CFB, gotta go! Air Force is also an option.

Army/Navy—Sorry, I'm too young to get it, but I put it here out of respect. Plus you might get to see the president, which is usually a cool thing but maybe not for some of you.

Any you guys would add? Comments please!