Bleacher Report - Articles by Ben Terrett

A Lighter Look At The Summer Transfer Market

Ben Terrett — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 07:39:35 -0400

With the summer transfer market in full flow, made only more significant by the happenings of Euro 2008, I decided to take a "lighter look" at the transfers that may take place this summer.

DISCLAIMER: I stress that these transfers may take place (not will), and I will not be held responsible for any money lost while placing bets on the following predictions. However, any money won, I expect a 40% fee.

An unexpected first move is made by Zenit St. Petersburg. Acknowledging the fact that Andrei Arshavin will soon be leaving, the Russian league champions make a swoop for Cristiano Ronaldo, landing the winger for £250 million.

A statement released by club sponsor’s Gazprom states, "We just couldn't help ourselves, we make that much profit in a day, it was too tempting not too. Thanks Georgia!"

Following Zenit's purchase, Manchester United officially becomes the first ever European club to be out of debt. Alex Ferguson goes money crazy and spends £100 million on Ronaldinho to piss off local rivals Man City. In the dying hours of August 31st, Ferguson re-signs David Beckham for £75 million "just for shits and giggles" (at least this is what the journalist thinks he said).

The club is in debt again, and finishes 14th in the league.

Having been replaced at Zenit, Andrei Arshavin is wooed by fellow Russian Roman Abramovich into a move to Chelsea. Earning £75,000 a week, he becomes best buddies with Steve Sidwell on the bench, effectively ending his career. He is sold at a knock-off price the following summer to newly promoted Derby.

Feeling a little left out of the action, José Mourinho and his new side Inter Milan, announce the signing of Frank Lampard from Chelsea for an estimated £30 million.

Two days later, Italian press photograph John Terry in Milan with a lost look on his face. He tells reporters, "I'm trying to find Frank, I don't know what to do without him. The new Portuguese man is mean to me in training."

After being informed that "Big Phil" is actually Brazilian, Terry is too embarrassed to return home and signs for Inter on a free.

Losing out in the race to sign Ronaldo, Real Madrid president Ramón Calderón decides to follow the route of his predecessors. Calderón is quoted as saying, "Some of the best signings this club has ever made were those of Steve McManaman, Michael Owen, and of course David Beckham."

"For this reason, I have no doubt that new signing David Bentley will take our club to the next level." Following the announcement, Raúl is pictured leaving the Bernabéu in tears.

Barcelona and new coach Josep Guardiola set about rebuilding the team, and say goodbye to Deco, Samuel Eto'o, Ronaldinho, Thierry Henry, and many others.

Guardiola's inexperience in management, though, catches him out, as he inadvertently fails to sign any new players, leaving Barcelona unable to field a starting eleven. Despite this setback, Barcleona finish second in the league thanks to a record season from Lionel Messi—scoring 53 goals in all competitions.

It is reported that in the days following the make-up of Liverpool co-owners Tom Hicks and George Gillett, the two are spotted leaving a pub in downtown Liverpool in the early hours of the morning.

One eyewitness told reporters, "They were absolutely trollied. It reminded me of the last time Joey Barton was in town."

The following morning Liverpool announces the signing of the entire starting eleven USA national team.

Reporters track down Gillett for a statement and find him in the local hospital, recovering from a head wound. When asked for a statement on the signings, Gillett responds "I don't remember anything that happened last night. Hicks tells me this (points to head) is from a keg stand.

"Apparently some scouser in a blue shirt shouting 'you dirty red' shoved me while I was upside down."

Rafa Benitez was not available for comment, and unconfirmed reports claim he was seen speeding down the M6 with Pepe Reina and Fernando Torres in the back seat of his car.

*Everything in this article is completely FICTIONAL, and very unlikely to ever happen, unfortunately.

Tough Times Ahead Unless Everton Buy Big

Ben Terrett — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 13:41:47 -0400

Coming off what has been one of the best season's in recent times for Everton, and Moyes most successful one since being at the helm, the Toffees must now show their credibility and strength in the transfer market to truly earn their place among the top English clubs.

In Everton's run for fourth in the league, only to lose out in the last month of the season, it became more apparent than ever that the squad lacks the depth to compete with the top four. This aside, it will take a signing of significant notability to really stamp their mark in the league.

Moyes has been no stranger to big money purchases, breaking the club transfer record several seasons in succession, first with Andrew Johnson for £8.6 million two summers ago, and then Yakubu for £11.25 million last summer.

However, his skill at picking players from lower leagues, and seeing them develop over several seasons has also benefited Everton in the long run. It will be no surprise to see both big names and up and coming stars linked with Everton this summer.

Heading Out

Having already lost Lee Carsley to Birmingham on a free, an experienced player has left a crucial role in the squad, which will be one of Moyes' top priorities to address this summer.

Steffan Wessels was also released on a free leaving Tim Howard head and shoulders above any other goalkeepers in the squad. This is a potentially serious gap that could prove very costly if Howard were to be injured during the season.

One of the biggest transfer rumours currently circulating around Goodison Park is where does the future of Mikel Arteta lie. Having constantly been linked with clubs in Spain, most notably cross-town rivals: Real and Atletico Madrid, this summer looks more and more likely to be his last in England.

Arteta's desire to play for the national squad and inconsistent form have built over the last few seasons, and it has reached a "now or never" moment for the winger.

While it will be a huge loss for the Toffees to see him go, it is unrealistic and unbeneficial to keep a player at a club against his will, as Man Utd will soon find out. Transfer is rumoured to be in the £12-15 million range.

Heading In

For a squad notably lacking in depth, hopefully more players will be joining than leaving this summer. With Euros in full flow many names have been thrown about.

Having lost out to sign Aaron Ramsey, Moyes has looked abroad:

One name was that of Orlando Engelaar, a defensive midfielder for FC Twente and the Netherlands. Rumours were circulating of a £6 million offer, however reports suggest that he has signed for Shalke '04. If he is still available he would be a great replacement for Lee Carsley, having shown his ability in defense for the Dutch this tournament.

Another name coming out of Euro 2008, and being linked with many clubs, including the Toffees, is that of Andrei Arshavin of Zenit St. Petersburg and Russia. Having been linked earlier this year with Everton following their defeat in the Uefa Cup group stage, he has now gained much attention for his attacking skill during Euro qualifiers, and Zenit's victory against Rangers to win the UEFA Cup.

While he has been heavily linked with Arsenal, and it would be some coup for Moyes to snag him, he would fit perfectly into the squad, bolstering our thin midfield and providing an attacking style of play that fits perfectly with the likes of Cahill and Arteta. Moyes would have to cough up at least £10 million and a large wage to tempt him to Liverpool.

Another rumour going around has linked Everton to pint sized midfielder João Moutinho, of Sporting and Portugal fame. After a move to a bigger club, he has gained Moyes interest due to lack of action by the larger clubs who he was initially linked with.

If Moyes can steal him from under the noses of Wenger or Ferguson, and for the rumoured £6 million that is being mentioned, then it will be a big big coup for Everton.

If Everton lose Arteta this summer, then one possible replacement will be David Bentley of Blackburn. His desire for European football, and Everton's need for an established winger could land him at Goodison Park.

Whether he would be worth the rumoured £14 million that Blackburn are reportedly asking is tough to predict. Signing Bentley would be a bad move in my view, especially for £14 million. He's not the player to take us to the next level and is severely overpriced.

I hope that Everton do not fall foul to another severely overpriced and overrated Premiership transfer of the Bent or Defoe style.

A couple of other names that have circulated include Riki at Deportivo and Joe Mattock from Leicester. While I know little about either, if Riki can be obtained cheaply then he may be an adequate backup to Johnson and Yakubu up front, while Anichebe and Vaughan continue their development.

Mattock, a defender, has attracted the attention of several Premier League clubs, and again if obtained cheaply could be the next big thing for the club, several years down the road.

Moyes has shown his skill in snapping up players cheaply from the lower leagues and turning them into regular starters (Cahill, Lescott) and so I don't doubt his eye for Mattock.

To sum up; to continue our fight for a top four finish in the league, and really establish ourselves as a "big" club, we must buy big names, and add depth to ensure we stay consistent.

While Liverpool flounders over overrated English talent (Barry), and sell off consistent players for less than their worth (Riise, Alonso), it is Everton's time to strike.

The danger is that once Euro 2008 finishes, and all the top managers around Europe get out their check books to match inflated prices, our limited funds may push us to the side. With the likes of Man City and Tottenham about to spend big, we may have a fight on our hands we can not win.

If Moyes can bring in three or four established players for no more than £20 million total, while bolstering our reserves with a couple of up and coming stars, I think we will stand a chance.

Top tips for Moyes

Do hold onto Arteta and sign Moutinho, and a solid CDM if available.
Don't sign Bentley or enter an inflated bidding war for Arshavin.