Bleacher Report - Articles by Matt Thiel

Week 11- K-State

Matt Thiel — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 20:26:00 -0500

It's finally here. The day that seemed far off in 2005. Senior Day 2008, where we see off Mizzou's best class of seniors. The Zou will be jumping, Aaron O'Neal's parents will be around, and Chase, Chase, and Chase will all get some serious PT. I highly suggest you poke over to RMN for their Senior class takes. But the main question is, how to the Tigers win?

-The big news of the week was Ron Prince deep-sixing his Mildcat coaching career. Sure, he sucked, but I was hoping to pound at least a couple more years out of him. Then, Gary Patterson from TCU reportedly took the job only to say no he didn't. This is becoming a clusterf*ck, and it only happened two days ago. I don't see the Cats reacting well to the drama.

-Josh Freeman has the attention span of a three year old. When he's on, he's on...for all two minutes (that's what she said!). The guy has an NFL possibility, but he's scatterbrained. With everything going on (coaching change, Mizzou's Senior Day), JF will never get into a rhythm.

-K-State's defense has been shredded like a bag of cheese lately. You know what that mean? Handshakes until your hand cramps.

-At least the Mildcats still have Jordy Nelson...oh, they don't? That's right, he's a Packer. Official word: The Mildcat's have nothing on offense.

-Chase Daniel, Jeremy Maclin, and Chase Coffman should all expect to have HUGE days. Derrick Washington should expect to show off his dice shoes against the Mildcat D.

This one shouldn't even be close, and Vegas is agreeing with a 27 point spread. Tigers roll with a 52-13 win in the last game of '08 at Faurot.

You can watch the game HERE, listen HERE, and peep Rock M Nation's open thread of hatred HERE. Victory Whiskey all day long kids.

Hot Chicks with k.u.chebags

Matt Thiel — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 01:05:00 -0500

We've got a special double dose of k.u.chebags this week. We'll start out with a little "hating-outside-the-box" by showing you what kind of k.s.u.chebag you should be expecting in the stands at Faurot on Saturday:

I thought fat guys painting their bodies was a thing of the '80s, but, then again, these fashion trends don't travel into Manhattan, Kansas, very quickly.

It's one thing to have a meeting with your boys on Monday night and talk about painting K-S-U on your fat stomachs for the big game, but adding whiskers to your face and kitty cat paw prints on your nipples is a little flamboyant. Even worse, painting himself up like a cat is a sad reminder of the lack of pussy he's experienced in his 30 years on Earth.

We now move on to our fine friends in Lawrence—where kU will be playing Nebraska in a fierce battle of our hated rivals.

Underscoring the bitterness of the rivalry, however, is the mutual love in this picture. It appears these three have put their petty differences aside long enough to engage in a friendly game of "lick the retard."

It looks like the girl on the left is a couple of centimeters away from victory, with the one on the right finishing a close second. A side note: Be on the lookout for Mizzourah's fall fundraiser, a "Lick the Retard" drive on PBS.

Obviously, the kU fan thinks he's the man because two girls are showering him with attention (And why wouldn't they? He is wearing the Jeff Gordon wraparound sunglasses that everyone had back in 1997). We're not sure how all this kU/Nebraska friendliness came about, but it should be noted this photo popped up when google searching "incest"—draw your own conclusions.

About them, not me. Shit.

Feel free to leave your thoughts and rip these miserable fans apart in the comments section. If you—yeah, you—would like to submit your own k.u.chebag photo for us to share with the world, email us at bullyforoldmizzou@gmail.com

Big 12 Genie: Week 11

Matt Thiel — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 14:20:00 -0500

Texas 66, Baylor 7

Texas comes out fighting like a violated girl and kills Baylor. Robert Griffin can't even begin to trash talk the Horns' D, and this one will be done by the time you grab your first pulled pork sandwich.

Colorado 21, Iowa State 17

This could be one of the more entertaining games of the week not involving Okie Light or Texas Tech. Chizik's tired of losing, and Darrell Scott is ready to run through the paper bag known as the 'Clone defense. Something's gotta give, and someone has to win! Colorado has more talent.

Nebraska 28, kU 21

This matchup a few years ago was my first game in Lincoln. The game was interesting, especially since I completely hate both teams. It's in Frankenstein's house again this year. Here are the guarantees: Bo Pelini will blow a gasket, and Mark Mangino will destroy Misti's Steakhouse on Saturday.

kU has looked crappy the past few weeks minus kicking the blind dog known as K-Lame last week. Nubs have looked better, and I'm leaning that way. The Huskers will have to have a better defense than an eight-year-old at Neverland Ranch to win against the buckleshoes though.

Texas Tech 55, Okie State 48

The best game of the weekend. Tech's looked great for most of the year and earned their No. 2 ranking. Okie State wasn't intimidated by Texas IN AUSTIN. Your Xbox 360 can't put up numbers like you'll see in this game. Tech wins in another close one, and Crabtree can keep dreaming.

Oklahoma 72, Texas A&M 0

Damn, ATM is bad. If Bradford ends up with less than 450 yards passing, Stoops should go apesh*t and jump off a bridge. CSI will be called in to solve the murder in College Station after this homicide.

Oddsmakers: Gary Pinkel's Future Possibilities

Matt Thiel — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0500

Does Gary Pinkel stay or does he roll his Harley out of CoMo? We probably won't find out until mid-December at the earliest, but that doesn't matter. We can gamble on what will happen!

Stays with Mizzou: 92 percent

The easiest choice, and you'd probably have to be retarded to think otherwise. Hell, GP's mentor Don James thinks he'd be an idiot to move on! It will take a new contract and a Brinks truck full of dead guys from the 1800s, but a smart bet would be that he's rolling around in gold coins like Scrooge McDuck from DuckTales by January.

Heads to Washington: 6 percent

GP sucked on the coaching teat of Don James in Seattle and could be somewhat interested. On the flip, the program is in worse shape than Glass Joe's jaw and needs to be rebuilt from the ground up. Lane Kiffin or Steve Sarkisian from USC would be perfect. And, shit, have you seen Deadliest Catch? Every season starts in the Pudget Sound.

Goes back to Toledo: 1 percent

Tom Amstutz, a Mark Mangino ringer, is out in Toledo. GP was the head coach of Toledo before heading to Columbia, and...he...Seriously, there's no way he's going to Toledo. Amstutz has better odds of finishing 10 Hardees Thickburgers in a half hour while riding a unicycle than GP heading back to Toledo.

Better odds: Matt Ebuflus heads east and Amstutz takes over as GP's defensive coordinator, you know, like he did for a few days when GP quit and took Amstutz to CoMo with him. You remember, right?

Heads to Rocky Top: 1 percent

Since I just moved to Knoxvegas, I get the full on of Vols football. I don't really have pro/con feelings toward the Vols, but I did get to see Phil Fulmer get the walking papers and had some ass clown ask me how much it would take to get Pinkel to Knoxville. Great city, but I will say there is no way in hell he'd go to an SEC school.

UT would have a ton of money, and that whole spread offense thing works pretty well in the SEC, but after looking at Rich Rod at Michigan trying to turn an offense into a spread offense, I don't see why GP would want to give Tennessee a thought. There's no way the Michigan thing will end pretty over the next couple of years.

I'm doubting UT would go after Pinkel, but, then again, I saw Brian Kelly from Cincy's name show up and Pinkel is a better coach. Look up hype in the dictionary and you may see a picture of Will Muschamp and Brian Kelly eating puppies at a Shoney's with their DeLorean outside.

Missouri-Kansas State: Good, Bad, and Sleezy

Matt Thiel — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 13:00:00 -0500

So, we went down to Waco and kicked some ass. OK, not really. We got away with a win, and it was a steal.

Do we have a defense? Baylor's offense ran all over us, and our D stunk worse then a carney. Baylor. Seriously, effing Baylor.

We better get it together or we will be settling for the Double Dave's Pepperoni Bowl. I know it doesn't exist, but God, I wish it did. Mmm, pepperoni rolls. Contract Fan Mackey would be tailgating there for a month straight.

Now that this week is behind us, let us now focus on K State and another Good, Bad, and Sleezy.

Good

K State is garbage. We should be all over this team like ugly on a baboon's ass. K State is 1-4 in the conference and has only one win on the road all season. Mizzou needs to have a great showing and establish dominance .

Chase Daniel should throw about 10 TDs and the defense should shut them out. So the Mizzou win should be right around, ohhhh, 91-0.

Bad

We need a lot of help to get into the BCS Championship game—so much so that it there is a better chance of Big Head seeing his penis for the first time in seven years than we do making the National Title game. But hey, stranger things have happened.

K State is one of those teams that can never get it together. They always have one great player, but that is about it.

Sleezy

Just like with Baylor, I am having a hard time finding material on K State. Even Baylor, which is a Baptist university, had more eye candy than this place.

So since K State sucks major balls and is full of prudes, the only thing that I could find is this one party with K State girls. These dumb broads can't even work the camera right...The one in yellow is kinda hot...

Miss Ouri- Mizzou From a Lady POV

Matt Thiel — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 08:00:00 -0500

A few weeks back, Miss Head dropped a bombshell on me. "Chase Daniel is effing hot".

I'm comfortable enough with myself as a guy to realize things from a lady's point-of-view sometimes, but that one statement damn near floored me. I just don't see it.

For reasons far beyond my knowledge, we here at the Mizzourah offices have realized that we actually have women readers! No, we don't stalk them by leaving mix tapes of Marching Mizzou on their doorsteps, but instead embrace it by giving the women what they want; Tiger football from a woman's POV.

1). You can give Chase Coffman a makeover. What do you do?
I dunno dude. Give him the sexy hair he had in high school. He looks pretty damn hot to me. He needs to get into some polos though. His scraggly t-shirts are driving me nuts:

2). Is Gary Pinkel a D.I.L.F.? (that looks so dirty on my computer screen)
After looking at some google pictures, I'm inclined to say yes. Don't judge me.

3). Chase Daniel- yes or no?
I want to rub his little budda budda tummy. Not a huge fan of the butt chin though, but if his face is where its supposed to be, it won't matter anyway. (Ed note—Mary may have just gotten this post flagged with the last line. That's the dirtiest line ever to hit Mizzourah. Congrats are definitely in order.)

4). Multiple choice- Kurtis Gregory's beard and 'stache
a). Kick ass
b). Not so much
c). Women don't understand the dedication it takes to grow a kick ass beard and 'stache
d). Ginger kids should avoid any facial hair.

b. Too scraggly. He looks like a 13 year old with spray paint on his face.

BlogPoll Week 11

Matt Thiel — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 01:30:00 -0500

Last November was a wild ride. Well, welcome to November 2008. Figures the three teams I dropped off last week (Pitt, Northwestern, kU) all would impress enough to get back in and knock Michigan Lite down a couple of notches.

Rank	Team	Delta

1	Oklahoma	1
2	Alabama	3
3	Texas Tech	4
4	Florida	1
5	Southern Cal	1
6	Penn State	--
7	Texas	6
8	Oklahoma State	2
9	Utah	--
10	Boise State	1
11	Missouri	1
12	Georgia	4
13	Brigham Young	--
14	TCU	--
15	Ohio State	--
16	Ball State	--
17	Georgia Tech	--
18	LSU	--
19	Connecticut	4
20	Iowa	4
21	Kansas	5
22	Northwestern	4
23	Pittsburgh	3
24	Michigan State	2
25	West Virginia	1

Dropped Out: Florida State (#19), Tulsa (#20), Minnesota (#21), South Florida (#25).

Radio Frustrations with No TV Made Missouri Defensive Woes Visible

Matt Thiel — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 14:34:00 -0500

I love Mizzou radio play-by-play men Mike Kelly and John Kadlec. I think MU has one of the best radio teams in the country. That said, I would rather pour hot sand in my eyes than listen to them call a close game.

The Tigers’ game against Baylor on Saturday wasn’t televised, which was a real shame. In the final weeks of the Daniel/Coffman/Moore era, it isn’t fair to have a game that Mizzou fans can’t actually see. This is 2008, and you’re trying to tell me there isn’t some way to get that game on TV? Really?

But, for whatever reason, it wasn’t. So instead we gathered around a clock radio and listened to the radio broadcast. We’re also now lighting our house by candlelight and only communicating with our families through snail mail to protest college football’s refusal to implement this crazy thing called technology.

But anyway, like I was saying, listening to a close game on the radio is one of the most excruciating experiences imaginable. It’s like expecting to go on a carriage ride but instead stepping onto a roller coaster only you don’t know it because you’re blindfolded the whole time.

Without being able to actually see what happened, I’m going to be limited in the kind of analysis I can give. But I will say this: This defense is garbage. I didn’t need to see the game to come to that conclusion.

All season long I’ve tried to rationalize why this unit has underperformed. At first I said they just needed time to gel. Then I argued they were going to give up more because it’s the nature of the offense to put them on the field more than most defenses. Then last week I hoped the coaching staff’s efforts to simplify the game plan would cure the Tigers’ defensive ailments.

But now I’ve come to grips with reality. This defense, despite being loaded with playmakers and great individual players, is just not very good. It should be good. But it’s not. And I think most of the blame should fall on defensive coordinator Matt Eberflus.

Lets face it, Mizzou has never had a championship-caliber defense under Eberflus. He got a lot of credit for the unit’s performance last season, but even that group gave up close to 400 yards against Oklahoma in the Big 12 championship. Texas coach Mack Brown totally rejuvenated the Longhorns defense in the offseason by bringing in new coordinator Will Muschamp. Gary Pinkel might want to try to do the same come January.

But just because I’ve essentially given up on the defense doesn’t mean I’m giving up on the season. Yeah, Saturday was a little discouraging. It reminded me a lot of when the Tigers went Ames, Iowa a couple years ago and handed Iowa State their only conference win of the season.

Both times the Tigers failed to put their opponent away when they had the chance. The only difference? In '06 the Tigers played like crap and lost. This time around they played like crap and found a way to win.

All this defense has to do is play well enough to win the next three games against inferior Big 12 North teams and then play over its head for 60 minutes in the Big 12 championship. Then we’ll be talking about the best season in school history. Stranger things have happened.

Big 12 Genie: Week 10

Matt Thiel — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 16:07:00 -0400

Last week saw a series of great games for the Big 12 Genie. Now, its time to whip it out again...no not that! That's always whipped out. I'm talking about my Magic 8-Ball. Here's my look into the future for week 10.

Kansas 35 Kansas State 10
It's like your two gay uncles fighting over who could down a hot dog quicker. From a Mizzou standpoint, I find myself rooting for the Mildcats, but they really shouldn't have a chance. This is the fight over the Sunflower State, and the winner should receive a trophy of rainbows and Cher posters. Reesing gets back on track after his showing against Texas Tech, when he threw the skin like Smalls did in the beginning of Sandlot.

Colorado 24 Texas A&M 7
Texas A&M is showing some promise after finally ditched perennial slow white dude, Stephen McGee. If Colorado is going to a bowl, they have to win in College Station. Oh, and they have to score a few more points than they did last week. The Buffs are a solid team and on the rise and with Darrell Scott. They should be fine. Texas A&M can't stop a fart from squeaking through. Watch for a breakout party for the Buffs.

Oklahoma State 56 Iowa State 3
Dear Mike Gundy,

Please don't hurt my team.

Signed,
Gene Chizik.

Seriously, why?

Texas Tech 28 Texas 24
Along with Florida/Gawwwgia, this is the game of the week. While Texas should win, for some reason, my gut full of Krystal burgers is calling for an upset. Mike Leach has the pirates on a roll, and they looked good against KU last week. Texas struggled at times against the Pokes. Plus, Will Muschamp may be Jesus' right hand man, but even he hasn't seen an offense like the Raiders'. Graham Harrell must be on, which he usually is.

Oklahoma 48 Nebraska 10
I've actually received emails from my Nebraska friends wanting to bet me that the Big Dead would roll in Norman...straight up (no spread!). I had a bigger chub than the first time I found a Playboy. I'm already planning on buying a huge Dig 'Em statue for the front of the house. The black shirts get exposed again. Sounds pretty redundant. Sam Bradford should have stats that not even Stephen Hawking can compute.

Excuse Me—It's Me, Basketball: Previewing NCAA Basketball 09

Matt Thiel — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 02:50:00 -0400

Sorry to interrupt your séance to talk to Al Onofrio (too soon?). We take this time-out to let EA Sports remind you that some orange ball sport is right around the corner.

Count me as semi-excited about NCAA Basketball 09. Finally, Mizzou has a decent team of youngins and no shotgun-toting, getting jaw broken jagoffs.

Mike Anderson has HIS players and not some greasy-weirdo-that-looks-like-he-lives-in-the-strip-club-on-a-Tuesday-around-2p's players. That's another post for another probably snowy day in mid-January.

Here's what you need to know about NCAA BB 09. Kevin Love is the coverboy, and the game got its release date bumped up to Nov. 17. EA got the exclusive rights to NCAA basketball, and according to what I've seen and heard, the game is pretty tits (I'm dusting off old '80s terms, so yes, I dropped tits. Pretty boss, eh?).

If you're an Xbox 360 nerd, you may want to add some jerk with the tag Thiel82. I heard he knows his nerd knowledge.

And if you're really into the game, here's the Top 25 for the game.

BlogPoll: Week 10's Problem Solver

Matt Thiel — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 01:00:00 -0400

Damn, it's becoming a pain to figure out who's real and who's not in the bottom-eight or so. I wish I could eliminate every ACC or Big Least team and roll that way. If you've got a problem, let me know. I'm up for debate.

Rank	Team	Delta

1	Texas	--
2	Oklahoma	--
3	Florida	--
4	Southern Cal	--
5	Alabama	--
6	Penn State	--
7	Texas Tech	--
8	Georgia	1
9	Utah	2
10	Oklahoma State	2
11	Boise State	2
12	Missouri	2
13	Brigham Young	2
14	TCU	3
15	Ohio State	5
16	Ball State	4
17	Georgia Tech	4
18	LSU	6
19	Florida State	3
20	Tulsa	3
21	Minnesota	3
22	Michigan State	4
23	Connecticut	3
24	Iowa	2
25	South Florida	9

Dropped Out: Pittsburgh (No. 18), Kansas (No. 19), Northwestern (No. 25).

Big 12 Genie: Week 9

Matt Thiel — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 11:07:00 -0400

Friday means it's time to grab my cape and Magic-8 ball. Not a Robert Downey Jr 8-ball, numb nuts. Hell, I'll throw a bonus SEC pick at you right now. In a huge upset, Tennessee beats Alabama. Bama's played like crap the past few weeks, and the Vols may have finally gotten out of neutral with Nick Stephens at QB. No score from me, just the upset call. Let's get to my favorite conference, the Big 12.

Texas Tech 42 Kansas 28
kU is like my brother, and has done just enough to sustain life at this point. I'm waiting for the downturn of both into an oblivion, or to Boliva for Mike Tyson fans. Texas Tech hasn't done much to impress over the past few week. With TT's offense, I'm calling a pirates win, but kU is favored. Does this count as an upset?

Oklahoma 60 Kansas State 10
The Sooners are happier than a child molester on Halloween to see the Mildcats. K-State is horrendous, and Bradford, Murray, & Co. should have a huge day. Drinking in Aggieville will be at a lifetime high after this beatdown.

Nebraska 38 Baylor 14
Baylor is a fun team to watch, and Robert Griffin III is the most athletic QB, along with Tirerod Taylor, that the Huskers will face. How did the Huskers fare against VTech? Baylor's no VTech, but one athletic player like RGIII could throw some serious headaches Lincoln's way. Unfortunately, the Bears have the defense of a Cici's buffet when Sleezy throws down.

Texas 38 Oklahoma State 17
The game of the week. Okie State has what it takes to beat Texas, but Texas is a great team. Okie State wasn't challenged last week with Baylor, and Texas steamrolled Mizzou and Oklahoma in the past two weeks. If this one was in Stillwater, Okie Light would have a better shot. It's in Austin. I

'm rooting for the Pokes, but Colt McCoy hasn't been stopped by anyone (could have said the same about Chase Daniel and the Pokes D), and the Texas defense is stout minus the passing D (again, same thing as Mizzou). When the cards are played, Horns still win.

Iowa State 21 Texas A&M 10
Why am I wasting your time by having you read an ATM/ISU preview. Here's a funny video of a guy getting kicked in the nuts by a midget instead.

Let the Martin Rucker Era Begin in Cleveland

Matt Thiel — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 18:35:00 -0400

According to the News-Herald, the Cleveland Browns might activate Martin Rucker for Sunday's game against the Jacksonville Jaguars. T. Ruck has been MIA since injuring his knee early in the preseason. I'd be a lot more thrilled about this if Kellen Winslow Jr. (don't forget the Jr. because we don't want to associate him with his father more than we have to) wasn't the starting tight end on my fantasy team.

The other Tiger from the class of '07 playing on Sundays, Will Franklin, still only has one catch for eight yards and no touchdowns. Helicopter probably won't have a chance to improve on those numbers anytime soon considering he'll have Tyler Thigpen throwing him passes on Sundays.

Unless, of course, the Chiefs bench Thigpen. Then he'll have...Ingle Martin or Quinn Gray. It's a great time to be a Chiefs fan.

To Stay or Not to Stay: The Jeremy Maclin Conundrum

Matt Thiel — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 04:45:00 -0400

Mizzou still has a handful of games left before a bowl game, possibly the Fiesta if everything plays out. But the question has been batted around like a piñata in Mexico City: Does Jeremy Maclin stay or leave after '08?

Simple. He stays.

I'd say 99.9 percent of us believed before the season that J-Mac, his 4.2 speed, and his effectiveness of a Chuck Norris-like roundhouse to the face in kick returns would be suiting up for an NFL team in 2009.

However, with the year that the Tigers have had, along with a few minor injuries that killed his prime time opportunities (Illannoy and Okie State), and the fact that he's been overshadowed by Chase Daniel, Derrick Washington, and Chase Coffman, I'd go on to believe that he'll be back in CoMo next year to be the stud and "The Man" that right now he's not when we are talking Mizzou football.

When everyone thinks of current Tiger players, Maclin is a distant second or third behind Chase Daniel and Coffman or 'Spoon.

Points to consider: Maclin seems like a cool guy, and from what I've seen and heard, he thoroughly enjoys Columbia. If he is back in '09, Maclin would be BMOC. Along with 'Spoon, who said he'd be back for his senior year in '09 before the season began (automatically making him one of my favorite Tigers), Maclin would be Tiger football.

It doesn't seem like J-Mac needs the money for the family or anything like that. The guy grew up with a friend's family in Kirkwood. The guy knows money, so he can wait an extra year.

The receiving corps of '09 would shape up nicely for a new QB: Maclin, Wes Kemp, DaNario Alexander, Jerrell Jackson, INSERT STUD KICKASS RECRUIT HERE, along with Andrew Jones at tight end, and the offense would rotate around Maclin.

Maclin's stats from last year were phenomenal. The guy is a great player and deserves the accolades that he receives, so don't take the "He'll be back in '09" as a slap in the face. Hell, his stats this year are comparable to last year, even being banged up.

The fact is, Maclin needs another year to work on the receiving skills. He is the most exciting player in the B12, and one of the top three in the country, but he's probably the third best pure receiver in the Big 12 after Michael Crabtree and Dez Bryant.

NFL teams usually don't spend a high draft pick just to have a player return punts or kicks (minus Devin Hester and my Chicago Bears. Hester is working on being the Bears' No. 1 receiver for '09, by the way).

Maclin has shown the potential to be better than Crabtree and Bryant. With another year, I believe it won't be a contest: Jeremy Maclin will be the best wide receiver in the country.

It's scary to think he could get any better, but he's only shown improvement. If you're a first round talent, but are stuck around the second or third with the option to come back and improve the stock, you stay.

I get what you're thinking right now: "But he's on pace to have a better season than his '07 year!" I get that. But remember the reason we are talking about him leaving after his sophomore year. He blew out his knee in '06, needing to have it surgically repaired, which held him back from any football in '06.

The team that drafts Maclin will probably be a little more comfortable picking him with a high pick with another year away from that surgery in '06.

One thing to think about though: Where will the Rams pick in the draft? Maclin is a Kirkwood kid and would probably love to throw a blue and gold jersey on.

Another great J-Mac year in '09 (80 rec, 1,000+ yd, 10 TDs...aka '07 season and similarly projected for '08), and he and the blur he creates down the sideline will be in the NFL for '10.

Am I dreaming, or does he come back?

College Football BlogPoll: Week Nine's Pile of Teams

Matt Thiel — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 03:00:00 -0400

Right off the bat, I'll answer your "Why the hell did Bama drop three spots without losing?" question. The Tide have been about as uninspiring as Mac's mom from Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I'm calling a bold prediction: Bama loses to the Vols this week in Knoxville.

Plus, I didn't drop Mizzou too much because ANYONE would have gotten waxed in Austin last week.

Now that I have that off my chest, here's a bunch of good teams in numerical order.

Rank	Team	Delta

1	Texas	--
2	Oklahoma	1
3	Florida	1
4	Southern Cal	1
5	Alabama	3
6	Penn State	--
7	Texas Tech	--
8	Oklahoma State	--
9	Georgia	2
10	Ohio State	2
11	Utah	2
12	LSU	2
13	Boise State	2
14	Missouri	4
15	Brigham Young	6
16	South Florida	4
17	TCU	6
18	Pittsburgh	8
19	Kansas	3
20	Ball State	1
21	Georgia Tech	5
22	Florida State	4
23	Tulsa	3
24	Minnesota	1
25	Northwestern	1

Dropped Out: North Carolina (No. 17), Virginia Tech (No. 18), Michigan State (No. 19), California (No. 22), Vanderbilt (No. 24).

BlogPoll: Week Nine's Pile of Teams

Matt Thiel — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 03:00:00 -0400

Right off the bat, I'll answer your "Why the hell did 'Bama drop three spots without losing?" question. The Tide have been about as uninspiring as Mac's mom from Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

I'm calling a bold prediction: Alabama loses to the Vols this week in Knoxville. Plus, I didn't drop Missouri too much because anyone would have gotten waxed in Austin last week. Now that I have that off my chest, here's a bunch of good teams in numerical order.

Rank	Team	Delta

1	Texas	--
2	Oklahoma	1
3	Florida	1
4	Southern Cal	1
5	Alabama	3
6	Penn State	--
7	Texas Tech	--
8	Oklahoma State	--
9	Georgia	2
10	Ohio State	2
11	Utah	2
12	LSU	2
13	Boise State	2
14	Missouri	4
15	Brigham Young	6
16	South Florida	4
17	TCU	6
18	Pittsburgh	8
19	Kansas	3
20	Ball State	1
21	Georgia Tech	5
22	Florida State	4
23	Tulsa	3
24	Minnesota	1
25	Northwestern	1

Dropped Out: North Carolina (#17), Virginia Tech (#18), Michigan State (#19), California (#22), Vanderbilt (#24).

Missouri Picks up the Pieces After Losing to Texas

Matt Thiel — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 17:52:00 -0400

I’ve been thinking about following hockey. It’s a sport I always thought was kind of cool but never put in the necessary effort to learn all its intricacies. I’m sure I’d enjoy it. I’ve heard it’s by far the coolest sport to see in person.

I say this because I have to find something to numb the pain that the last two weeks have inflicted on me. Oklahoma State was shocking, because it’s a game everyone knows we should have won. But at least we thought we had an instant date with redemption the following Saturday.

Well, redemption didn’t leave us at the altar. Redemption didn’t even make it into the chapel. If the OSU game was a disaster, then what happened Saturday night against No. 1 ranked Texas was a bloody massacre.

I honestly haven’t seen a Missouri Tiger football team that overmatched since I’ve been in college.

Texas sent a three-man pass rush most of the night and was somehow able to put constant pressure on Chase Daniel. Unacceptable.

Texas averaged over eight yards per play on offense and Colt McCoy completed all but three of his passes. Pathetic.

This season is dangerously close to falling apart and our memories of the Chase Daniel era being tarnished.

Next week, the Tigers play Colorado—a game they should not lose under any circumstances. Unfortunately, it’s a game they absolutely can lose and a loss would be beyond devastating to the program.

Most MU students arrived on campus after this football revival occurred. Their idea of a bad season is winning eight games and going to the Sun Bowl.

They weren’t here in 2005, when it took us until the last home game of the year just to secure bowl eligibility.

They weren’t here when only 46,000 people made it out to see Brad Smith’s last game on Faurot Field and pay respects to a player who, at that time, was considered to be the best quarterback in the program’s history.

They weren’t here when that was actually considered a good season. The thought of returning to those days is utterly horrifying.

But I don’t really think we’re going back to that. What I think will happen is Daniel and Gary Pinkel will rally the troops this week and come back with a strong effort against Colorado on Saturday.

I’ve learned quite a bit about Chase Daniel after watching him for 3½ years. Maybe he’s not capable of winning against some of college football’s elite teams like Texas and Oklahoma, but he would rather die than let himself or his teammates quit on this season.

One thing this team has been able to do with remarkable consistency is beat the teams it's supposed to. If the Tigers do that, then they’ll win the rest of their regular season games and end up back in the Big 12 Championship in Kansas City where they figure to have a strong home field advantage.

They’ll have a shot to accomplish their goals of winning a conference championship and going to a BCS bowl game.

Unfortunately, they’ll likely be playing Texas again—a team I’m completely convinced is going undefeated and winning a National Championship.

Does anyone know how much St. Louis Blues tickets are going for these days?

Missouri-Texas: The Morning After

Matt Thiel — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0400

Too bad this is the first Morning After that MyMissourian.com gets. On our site, Mizzourah.net, we've had many more positive MA's throughout the past year-and-a-half.

Ouch. Pretty much sums it all up. Mizzou drops its second in a row, which seems like for some reason, it hasn't happened in years. Unfortunately, not long enough. It was 2006 when we lost three in a row. 56-31 is a bad loss.

-Texas is for real. Plain and simple. Their schedule is like my grandparents, and they only leave the house (state of Texas) twice the entire year.

They've already gotten Colorado out of the way, and they head to Lawrence for what will probably be a mere speed bump in kU.

-Our defense sucked. Missed tackles all over the place. Before you knew it, 35 points were on the board. Game Over.

You're not coming back from being deep sixed by the No. 1 team by five touchdowns.

-Chase Daniel didn't look comfortable in the pocket, which lead to several third-and-longs. If we can't get some third-and-twos, it's not going to happen every time.

-Dumb penalties all over the place for the Tigers. Some just dumb, and some....well, let's get to the next point.

-The refs didn't cost Mizzou the game, but dammit, they had an effect. Chase Coffman got felt up like a Scores girl on a few no-calls, and the one time he gets tangled up with the defender on a Jeremy Maclin catch (not even coming to CC), Coffman gets called for offensive pass interference. Also, on DaNario Alexander's non-TD catch: if you're going to call it a TD and have a Zapruder film-like evidence of nothing going either way on the replay, you have to keep it a touchdown. If you would have called the catch an incomplete pass to begin with and said there was no evidence either way, I'd be ok with it. But the fact is THERE WAS NO EVIDENCE EITHER WAY. Get the replay correct.

-The rushing game did nothing. You must set up the run to set up the pass. On the flip, when you're down 35-3 at the half, expect a lot of passing in the second half. Deceiving? Maybe a little bit, but lets be honest; the rushing game sucked.

So we can kiss the National Title and Chase Daniel's Heisman hopes goodbye, and the only chance we get to a BCS bowl is winning the B12 title, which is still a possibility.

The good news is, we should win out. Don't expect to feel this crappy again this season.

It's back to CoMo for Homecoming against Colorado, then down to Wacko for Baylor, and back home for K-State.

See what I'm talking about? Don't take down the Mizzou flag just yet, and if you haven't all ready, buy your B12 Championship tickets.

Chicks with k.u.chebags: Just How Enormous is Mark Mangino's Head?

Matt Thiel — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0400

Today we pay tribute to the largest memeber of the illustrious k.u.chebag family, Mark Mangino. Some (me) would say he's like Buddha to k.u.chebags everywhere. But this week's entry is kind of a brain teaser.

I really don't know what's going on in the above picture. Help me figure a few things out...

Is that the real Mangino or a cardboard cut-out? He looks ginormous in real-life and cardboard cut-outs; that's why I'm confused.
Did the girl on the left (the self-proclaimed official kU chick) get shot in the face? It looks like a bullet wound, but feel free to leave your other "shot in the face" theories in the comments section.
Is that Mangino's daughter on the right?

Wait, I know the answer to that last one.

Have fun drowning your sorrows at Waffle House later tonight, coach.

Feel free to leave your thoughts and rip whatever the hell is going on in that picture apart in the comments section. If you—yeah, you—would like to submit your own k.u.chebag photo for us to share with the world, email us at bullyforoldmizzou@gmail.com.

"We Are Mizzou. We Can't Be Stopped. We Won't Be Stopped."

Matt Thiel — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 10:40:00 -0400

An excerpt from Bryan Burwell's column from today's Post-Dispatch:

If Daniel can bounce back and engineer an upset of the No. 1 Longhorns, that changes everything. If he can have the ball in his hands late in the fourth quarter and take the Tigers right down the field every time they need a big score, that will be the first critical step in altering his career legacy from really good to great and iconic.

That throws Mizzou back into the BCS title hunt and thrusts Daniel back into the serious Heisman discussions. Less than 24 hours after the loss to Oklahoma State, Daniel stood in the middle of a giant huddle and led the entire team on a chant of "We are Mizzou. We can't be stopped. We won't be stopped."

In a flash, all the downbeat faces and dispirited emotions of the team rose back to the same confident levels of a few days earlier when they were undefeated, ranked second in the country and feeling fairly invincible.

That is what Daniel has done so well since arriving at Missouri. He changed attitudes. He created a sensation that these Tigers are capable of soaring to championship levels, and altered tired old perceptions that this is a program incapable of living on that narrow shelf at the top of the college football world.

It is because of Daniel that people started to believe in Mizzou. And now he has one more prime-time opportunity to reignite that belief once again.

This is what it's all about. It's Gameday.

Week 8- Texas Preview

Matt Thiel — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 21:21:00 -0400

So it's not the No. 1 vs. No. 2 matchup we all hoped it would be. We've stepped back from the ledge, even though it was just our first-story window here around the Mizzourah office.

Probably wouldn't have done any damage, but definitely would have landed in dog poop that's masquerading as grass in my yard. Son of a bitch...literally.

It comes to this; Mizzou going to Texas to salvage any hopes of getting to the National Championship game. Is it going to happen?

-Chase Daniel will need his A game. I'm not talking about his play in the Nebraska destruction. I'm talking about when we steamrolled Nevada. He'll need to be that on to give it to the Horns. It can happen.

-Jeremy Maclin can't pull a Houdini like he did last week. He just disappeared from the field after Brian Coulter decided to take his knee instead of his soul on a Special Teams play. 100% J-Mac is impossible to contain.

-O-Line will have their biggest test since dominating Illannoy. Okie State's D-Line sucks, but they stunted and called Twists on the line that killed our O-Line. It can't happen this week. If Chase ends up on his back more than Jenna Jameson, it'll be a long day.

-While on pass blocking, Chase Coffman may be lined up tight next to the tackle to help. This could take him out of the play entirely, but it also sets up to see more screens than a Home Depot. Also, play action pass plays should work nicely if CC is lined up tight. This will be a key to watch for!

-On defense, Quan Cosby should probably be pulling a pension check and Medicare as long as he's been in Austin. He, along with Jordan Shipley create a tough WR tandem for the Horns. Our Secondary has had more breakdowns than my old '86 Cutty so far this season (seems like once or twice a game for big plays), and Carl Gettis and Castine Bridges can't have one if we're going to win.

Will Moore will have to be all over the place on passing plays, and if I see Sean Weatherspoon deep in coverage, I may lose my dinner all over the place. Spoon is a great LB, and a strong tackler, but sticking him on a wideout in one-on-one coverage is like bringing a spoon to a knife fight (no pun intended).

Basically, Mizzou has to play a perfect game. Can it happen? You bet your ass. We've seen it time after time over the past two seasons. The only games we've sucked hind tit have been against Oklahoma both games (remember, we came close IN NORMAN), against Okie State last week, and it wasn't a great showing against Buffalo. If we're on, we win.

Texas is a good team, but is beatable with Mizzou's gameplan of spreading the O-Line, keeping Chase Daniel alive, and strong coverage in the secondary. I'm calling a close one, and yes, I'm a homer; 38-34 Tigers get it done.

It's an ABC game, but you can peep it HERE, listen to it HERE, and head over to Rock M Nation for bold predictions, drinking games, talking about kU getting raped by Oklahoma, and Victory Whiskey.

Big 12 Genie: Week Eight

Matt Thiel — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 18:58:00 -0400

Again, the Genie is out of the bottle. Where's that damn Magic 8-Ball?

Texas Tech 60, Texas A&M 9

I know Texans love their executions, but this one could be pretty gruesome. CSI should probably be called in for this homicide. ATM hates playing offense, and TTech loves to throw the skin around like a mortician. Graham Harrell won't become a Mizzourah MySpace friend, but he will absolutely destroy ATM.

Nebraska 28, Iowa State 17

I'd rather watch two midgets play Wii boxing than this game. Husker fans, enjoy your win this weekend because they are coming at a worse rate than Sleezy losing his hair. Time to hit Husker Hounds and celebrate like it's 1995!

Oklahoma State 35, Baylor 10

Mike Gundy and Okie State are for real. We knew this before last week's debacle. Robert Griffin is the most athletic quarterback in the Big 12 conference. Something's gotta give. If an upset out of these five games is going to happen, it's in this one. Baylor loses, but dammit, it is a fun team to watch suck.

Oklahoma 48, Kansas 14

Hate Sex is about to happen in Norman. KU is the victim. Mark Mangino, feel free to clean up the mess after the 60 minutes are up. Oh, and feel free to grab some Norman BBQ. Plus, picking an OU win means we can stare at those chuckwagons. ------->

Colorado 24, K-State 18

K-State football is like a broken condom—useless with a messy outcome, and, in the end, you're fucked for a long time. Ron Prince has killed Bill Snyder's legacy in Manhattan, and deserves to hit the road...except for that new contract that he signed. Oops! Colorado is on the up-and-up, and should be a fun team to watch in '09 and '10. If Cody Hawkins can stay in this one, Buffs roll.

College Football Blog-Related News from Mizzourah

Matt Thiel — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 03:00:00 -0400

This may come as a surprise, but my world doesn't revolve just around Mizzourah. There are actually other fine blogs out there, and some inspired me to start Mizzourah in August, 2007. Four in particular—Every True Son and Mizzou Sanity (later combined to create Rock M Nation), Black Heart Gold Pants, and Huskerh8er.

News on all of them:

AJ from Huskerh8er has won, and is giving up the battle after the season. The Huskers are in full reverse mode, and AJ has claimed victory. I agree, there's no need to fight a war that's been over for three years, right? (See what I did there?)

I read Huskerh8er because he was basically in the same boat I was for three years—a Mizzou fan living among absolute red retards, and having to put up with the same "Zac Taylor/Sam Keller/Joe Ganz/Marlon Lucky for Heisman" and "Bill Callahan will run the Big 12 Conference" crap. Amazing that he put up with it this long. The invite is always extended for AJ to take a couple of shots at Bo Pelini on Mizzourah.

In good news, if you like to surf the net while you take a dump, you're in luck. Rock M Nation and every other SBN blog, including BHGP, are now conducive to mobile Internet devices—e.g. iPod Touch/Phone, your shitty Verizon phone, any other mobile Internet device. You can look over Beef's Monday Musings, Boy's BTBS, and RPT's...well...everything else, all from the confines of curling one in the white pelican mouth. No need to type anything weird in the URL of your mobile device—just the site name. Technology, you sweet thing, you.

One thing that sucks is you can't leave a comment to tell them how big of a poop you just left in your boss' private crapshack.

Can Missouri Move Past the Loss to Oklahoma State?

Matt Thiel — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 22:04:00 -0400

Saturday and Sunday sucked. It was the worst weekend I've had in a loooong time.

The Oklahoma State loss was nothing short of devastating. It was the toughest loss I've ever seen in person and one of the most disappointing sporting events I've ever witnessed anywhere.

But as Mizzou fans, I think we have a responsibility not to bog down the team with negative residue left over from Oct. 11.

The Tigers have a date with the No. 1-ranked Texas Longhorns on Saturday and this is shaping up to be the biggest game Gary Pinkel has ever coached.

I cannot overstate how important this game is going to be. I don't say that to insinuate that if we lose Saturday, the season's over.

Jason Whitlock wrote a column today comparing the Tigers to the '03 K-State Wildcats, who lost three regular season games but went on to win the Big 12 Championship. They were in great shape heading into the Fiesta Bowl before Ell Roberson ran into legal problems.

But at this point, the season can go one of two ways for the Tigers:

They can rebound and still have arguably the greatest season in school history and possibly compete for a National Championship; or
They can fall apart, starting with a loss to Texas, and we could be left with bitter memories of the greatest class in Missouri Tiger history.

So forget about Oct. 11. It's over, and it's not going to change. But a lot of us have waited for most of our lives for a season like this one. And I'm not going to give up on it before I need to.

If you can afford it, make the 12-hour trek to Austin. And to steal a phrase from HCGP: Come early, stay late, cheer loud, and wear gold.

MIZZOURAH.

When Missouri's Dream Becomes a Nightmare

Matt Thiel — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 15:57:00 -0400

This is my weekly column for the Bolivar Herald-Free Press. It is scheduled to run on Oct. 17. Your loyalty earns you an advance viewing.

People have told me I take sports too seriously. I usually argue with them about that. Sure, sports are my passion. But I’m usually able to keep a level head about things whether my team wins or loses. I’ll be disappointed after a big loss and in a fantastic mood after a huge win, but for the most part I’m able to keep things in perspective.

But every once in a while a game comes along that causes even me to admit that yeah, OK, maybe I do care about sports a little too much. That’s what happened last Saturday.

I don’t know how to analyze what happened. I’m still not sure if this was more a product of the Tigers shooting themselves in the foot (which they did) or Oklahoma State simply outplaying them (which they did). Everything about the game was just weird, from the always reliable Jeff Wolfert missing two field goals to Chase Daniel sporting a ridiculous looking fauxhawk.

Despite all the various miscues—the turnovers, the defensive breakdowns, the mental errors—it was all there for the taking. Down five with our offense driving down the field. Memorial Stadium ready to erupt. These are the moments Heisman quarterbacks live for, right?

Not quite. The final interception Daniel threw on that fateful drive gave me a feeling I never want to feel again. The seconds immediately following the interception were filled with the eeriest of silences I’ve ever heard. We all saw it happen and yet none of us had any idea what happened.

A friend turned to me and calmly said without a hint of emotion, “He picked it. It’s an interception. And that’s the game. The game’s over. That’s it.”

That’s when it sunk in. That’s it.

But the worst of the disappointment doesn’t come from the initial shock but the hours and days following. When you wake up in the morning, you’re initially not really aware of what’s going on around you or what’s happened the past few days, but then you come to your senses and are forced to feel that sinking feeling all over again.

In the minutes following the end of the game I sat on the bleachers of Memorial Stadium in complete shock—a shell-shocked look on my face, I’m sure. Someone walked up to me and told me the season isn’t over, that we could bounce right back into the National Championship hunt within a week.

It’s true. This season is a long ways from over. By the time you read this I’ll be as jacked up as ever for the Tigers game against Texas on Saturday—a game that’s shaping up to be the biggest game of the Gary Pinkel era.

But right now I need a good 24 hours to wallow in self-pity and feel sorry for myself.

I’m writing this column the morning after the disaster that was Oct. 11. At least five other Mizzou fans I’ve talked to have described feeling physically sick this afternoon. I’m suffering from that same illness.

I guess all you can say about a game like this is jfdsklajadf

Oops, sorry. I just threw up on my keyboard.

Missouri-Oklahoma State: The Morning After

Matt Thiel — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 13:12:00 -0400

Ironically, this morning I woke up sick to my stomach. It may have been a mixture of the horrific Mizzou outing last night, the twelver of wings I devoured, and the ton of beer I drank throughout the day.

I imagine you may have that same sick feeling yourself. Seems pretty contagious.

- The OSU loss stings a bit more after the huge Texas win over Oklahoma earlier in the day. Texas looked damn good, and the Tigers and Horns had a good shot at a 1-2 matchup next week in Austin. No mas.

- Jeremy Maclin pulled a Houdini and disappeared.

- Was Derrick Washington used enough in the rushing attack? OSU had a lousy rush defense, but it seemed like DW wasn't used enough against their paper bag defense. He was used in the pass attack, but the Pokes weren't terrible against the pass. On the flip...

- The Mizzou secondary got lit up like a joint at a Dave Matthews Band show. Neutralize Dez Bryant. Check. Cover everyone else? Ehhhh. The ball took a couple of good bounces the Pokes way (i.e. that damn touchdown pass. Ridiculous), but when you're the No. 2 team in the nation and AT HOME, you have overcome those. The defense clamped when needed, but the game is 60 minutes, not eight minutes long only in the fourth quarter.

- Goodbye Heisman. Chase had the Heisman-defining drive in motion with time ticking away, and I felt he was going to do it. He felt he was going to do it. Hell, 65k at Faurot thought he was going to do it. Nope. Chase falls back to Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow land, and let's be honest, if Tebow zipped up his pants, Verne Lundquist may fall off.

- National title hopes are still valid if the Tigers can win in Austin on Saturday. Texas looked GREAT on Saturday. The wild season has already taken most undefeated teams, and Okie State is a good team compared to Oregon State (beat USC) or Ole Misstress (beat Florida).

tOSU got embarrassed against USC, so you can see it's a circle jerk of good one-loss teams, but Mizzou has the best loss if there is such a thing. Well, Mizzou and Oklahoma.

The loss may have come at a perfect time for the Tigers. It makes them hungry for the Horns, and the Horns may be on a high after beating OU. Then again, the Horns are very good after the RRR game against Oklahoma.

- Mizzou is down to No. 11 in the AP Poll after the loss. Okie State is validated as a B12 South contender. They were my dark horse in the preseason, so I'll pat myself on the back.

Missouri-Oklahoma State: Tigers Week 7 Preview

Matt Thiel — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:04:00 -0400

The one really big home game is upon us. Okie State rolls into CoMo for a Saturday night tilt on the Deuce. Can Mizzou handle the Pokes? Is Mike Gundy not 40 years old or a man anymore?

There are a lot of numbers floating around, but let's break this thing down for the fifth-grade reading level that you get when you get plowed. Seriously, start tailgating NOW.

-Dez Bryant, blah blah blah, best player ever, blah blah blah, Jesus wears Dez Bryant's jersey, blah blah blah. Like a late night trip to Taco Bell, Dez is the only option. There is nothing on the Poke offense that scares me other than Bryant.

Zac Robinson is an above-average QB, but defending Dez Bryant is like Sleezy's ex-wife, if you double team, you won't hear a peep all night. The Tiger secondary will be tested, but there isn't another option in the pass game, so the focus MUST be on Dez Bryant.

-Mizzou's defense is like Pepto Bismol- it stops runs. On the other hand, Okie State's is like White Castle burgers. Yay! Poop jokes!!! Pokes have a very good rushing attack with Kendall Hunter, but expect it to be neutralized by the Tiger D. Derrick Washington has his second breakout party in two weeks. Need stats to back up the claim?

-Anyone else feeling like this game is like Tech '07? Good offense, one great WR, good QB, crap defense. Crabtree was neutralized, and Tech even had a slew of other good receivers that had the drops. The Tiger defense stepped up to stop TT, and only gave up 10 points on that high scoring offense at home. 41-10 victory ensued.

-Turnovers. Thanks, butterfingers. Even No Hands Ron thinks Okie State will give it up like an Incarnate Word cheerleader after a four-pack of Bartles and Jaymes.Big showcase for the Tigers, and there's no way they overlook Okie State for Texas. Okie State is a very good team, and I wouldn't be surprised if this is a shootout.

It all comes down to who's defense can stop the other offense. Cliche, but whatever.

Chase Daniel has been on fire all season, and won't lose at home in another Heisman pimping game. Mizzou's offensive options are many compared to the Pokes, and the Tigers have a strong rushing defense.

The only question is the passing D, and with no second-half points against Nevada and only 10 given up by the first-stringers against Nebraska, I think the defense may have made that turn. 42-21 Tigers at home.

You can hear Mike Kelly scream about the game HERE, watch it HERE (scroll down, lazy) and make bold predictions on the Open Thread over at Rock M Nation. Victory Whiskey for all, kids.

Big 12 Genie: Week Seven

Matt Thiel — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 01:00:00 -0400

The Genie took a well-deserved week off last week. The Magic 8-Ball got tossed around a bit and was a little shaken. It's back this week for some huge B12 matchups.

Oklahoma 28, Texas 24

This is the best game of the weekend, and like I told RPT from Rock M Nation, I think Mizzou, Oklahoma, and Texas could be argued to be the top three teams in the nation in any order. There won't be a winner in this one, just a survivor.

Oklahoma has looked damn near unstoppable the entire season, and Bradford lit up the 'Horns last year. Coin flip! I don't want to root for injuries, but...

Kansas 38, Colorado 10

If this game was in Boulder, different story. kU is good in Lawrence and sketchier than a soap opera villain on the road. Buffs fans should probably buy the big bag of cheeba for this season and wake up sometime in '09. Good team, just a year or two away.

Texas A&M 17, K-State 7

The stench of used diapers fills out the B12 schedule with this matchup. K-Lame, again, will not win a conference game. This is their best chance, but YOINK! Sherminator pulls it out with Mike Goodson. That naked baby in the corner walking out with the hobo knapsack represents Ron Prince's job status.

Texas Tech 1,729, Nebraska 10
This one will be uglier than your prom date. Period. Graham Harrell could have a handful of TDs and 300 yards...in the first quarter! Oh, how the Cobs have fallen. Should they even show executions on live television?

Baylor 32, Iowa State 24

Typically titled "The Big 12 Sh*tter," both of these teams have suddenly become relevant. Both are fun to watch, and this one could be like a pair of 12-year-olds boxing: interesting, may put some money down, and has potential. Robert Griffin is the most athletic QB in the B12 and will be scary good. Game is in Wacko, so I'll roll with the Bears.

Missouri-Oklahoma State: Pokes Fans May Be Dumber Than Initially Believed

Matt Thiel — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 20:45:00 -0400

Courtesy of Orangepower.com

About OSU wideout Dez Bryant:

"by the end of Saturday night when he has over 300 yards 3-4 TD's there will be no more denying who the best WR in the Nation is. Whenever he leaves school he will be the #1 WR take off the board you can bank on that. Not saying OSU will win, but Mizzou will not have the best player on the field come Saturday so the Cowboys have more then a good shot at winning this."

Thanks for the bulletin board material, and I'm sure Chase Daniel, Jeremy Maclin, (B12's leading scorer) Derrick Washington, Sean Weatherspoon, and Will Moore all agree that Dez Bryant blows everyone out of the water.

Big 12 Teams as Cult Movie Classics

Matt Thiel — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 15:20:00 -0400

Your favorite contract fan is back! In this installment, Mackey compares the Big 12 to cult classic movies. Everyone feels a tie to that favorite movie that no one else has ever seen or heard of, much like the collegiate football fan.

TEXAS – A CLOCKWORK ORANGE

The burnt orange really is a good color for the angry mob and prison-bound fans and players of UT. The locker room is just like the movie: littered with rape, drugs, psychopathic behavior, and a plotline that makes no sense. Earl Campbell, Ricky Williams, Cedric Benson, and Vince Young—This pedigree of Heisman and Award-winning nutcases are about as physiologically stable as Sleezy’s ex-wife.

KANSAS – AIRHEADS

A band known as the Lone Rangers hijacks a radio station and takes the airwaves hostage to have their demo tape recorded, having aspirations of a No. 1 hit. This movie is littered with self-righteous posers and delusions of grandeur, just like kU Football. Kansas took the Big 12 by storm last year, but crumbled like the burnt cookie they are when they played a team with real BCS talent. The funniest moment in the movie comes when the Lone Rangers discover the baddest DJ on the air, Ian the Shark, is short and fat—just like our own big time DJ, Big Head. What a disappointment.

COLORADO – RUDY

It’s hard not to pull for the undersized, underdog, feel-good story that gets us all pumped up and ready to whoop even Ivan Drago’s ass. It’s a feel-good story that makes you believe that any team, at any time can take it all the way to the Rose Bowl and trot off into the sunset victorious on the field of battle.

But the BCS does one thing right, and that keeps no talent ass clowns out of the big games. No matter what the story may be for Colorado this year, in the end the undersized, underweight, red-headed ginger-kid stepchild of the B12 will get red-assed like the problem children they are.

KANSAS STATE – THE BIG LEBOWSKI

Nothing says domination like a purple-suited John Turturro letting you know that “Nobody’s fucks with the Jesus.” This piece of classic cinema is peppered with idiotic characters, drug infused dream sequences, and downright ridiculous dialogue. Between you and me, I’m getting tired of Sean McDonough over at ESPN giving this team a pass as re-building. Shut the fuck up, Donnie! K-State isn’t the rug that pulls the Big 12 together; they’re nihilists who don’t believe in anything, just like winning football games.

OKLAHOMA STATE – NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD

Zombies are terrifying, when you’re six! If you have two working legs, a pistol, shovel, tire iron, or anything that has more reach than a pair of outstretched arms, you can whoop a zombie’s ass. Every now and then a zombie makes a statement and eats a slow fat kid alive. But they falter when they have to face someone with a clear cut advantage, like someone with a brain or a soul. I don’t care who “The Man” is on campus up there, this team is a bunch of deadbeats.

TEXAS TECH – RED DAWN

Crabtree could probably give Swayze a run for his money as the only other man that could take on the whole of the red army in rural America. Yeah, Swayze was bad ass, and we all remember the helicopters, and football players hiding in the woods with hunting rifles. But you only talk about Red Dawn when you hear someone else mention it. This movie was terrible, and you know it. Every now and then you yell WOLVERINES, just to show that you have a sense of cult classic culture, but you really hate this movie, and wish the rest of the world did too. Remember when Robert gets gunned down in a hailstorm of bullets? That’s what Tech is going to look like in the BCS this year. Just like everything else in Sleezy's life, they will come up a bit short.

OKLAHOMA – THE BOONDOCK SAINTS

Ever gotten into a fight defending a movie you love? Ever lose a friend over it? The Boondock Saints' fans have. Two Irish brothers kill bad guys. How is this best movie ever made? Oklahoma fans think their team is some sort of robot hybrid of USC and the old Notre Dame, before Charlie Weis had cheeseburgers hidden in the equipment bag. But we all know that Oklahoma is just another product of a poor schedule. You beat TCU, lah-di-freaking-da! That doesn’t make you the next great collegiate dynasty. The Boondock Saints is a great movie, and the Sooners have an outstanding team, but just because your fans usually are a bunch angry loudmouths, and the media is lapping like dogs that haven’t been fed in six months doesn’t make you the best ever. Get over it!

MIZZOU – PULP FICTION

Mizzou’s offense can strike you down with great vengeance and furious anger if the defense doesn’t do something stupid. This team has tasted the BCS, and hungers for another Big Kahuna Burger that will take them to top of the polls. This team is just like Pulp Fiction—a flash in the pan that no one could have seen coming. You can’t deny it; you love watching Jules Winnfield and Vincent Vega bring the heat and explain the complexities of ordering McDonald’s with the metric system. And you love watching Chase Daniel throw deep to Jeremy Maclin. I assure you though, this is no one-year wonder. The Big 12 can hate, but ask any coach if he wants to play MIZZOU right now. I doubt it.

TEXAS A&M – THE LOST BOYS

Teenage Vampires, a girl named Star, and a rebel cast of unruly misfits...sounds like kick ass fans to me—much like the Lost Boys was more about sex in the 80’s than vampires. However, if you haven’t been to this part of Texas, or had some sort of tie to the Aggies, you just don’t care.

NEBRASKA – WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

There’s a proverbial line in the sand where fanatics meet reality with a dead sounding thud. Telling someone that you loved the oompa loompas? That used to be cute, now it’s just freaky. They are some scary-ass midgets. This movie has history—albeit history that many wish to forget. Nebraska used to be the gold standard that teams were measured up to, just as Gene Wilder used to be the comedian that brought families together. But Nebraska is losing their teeth and Gene Wilder looks like a child molester. Times are changing, and Nebraska is going into the discount bin.

IOWA STATE – GHOST DOG: THE WAY OF THE SAMURAI

You ever heard of Ghost Dog? That’s what the rest of the Big 12 thinks of when they play Iowa State. The film is loaded with dragged-out slow driving scenes that make you fall asleep, a plot line with bigger holes than what's in my underwear, and a best friend that speaks another language. Sound like the Clones' offense yet?

BAYLOR – The Rocky Horror Picture Show

If you pull for the Bears, you're either from Baylor or gay! I have no idea why men in tights and lingerie dress up for a musical. In this fictional world turned upside down where anything goes, transvestites and transsexuals have a cult following that you can’t even begin to understand. That makes no sense to me! Just like I’ll never understand how Baylor fills its own stadium or fits in the Big 12.