Bleacher Report - Articles by Danny Ford is God

Rare eBay Opportunity: South Carolina Gamecocks Fans Take Note

Danny Ford is God — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 15:07:00 -0400

If you're mulling over the pages of eBay and happen to be checking out South Carolina Gamecock souvenirs and apparel, you might find the following: RARE GAMECOCK "BOWL BOUND" COOZIE!!!

Yes, this is an actual coozie.

The description reads:

"Tired of staying at home for the holidays? What a great way to spend it by drowning your sorrows in alcohol because your team went from #6 in the AP poll to 6 - 6 and without a bowl bid at the end of the year! And what's more perfect to keep your drink cold than an ironic coozie that was made just a little too soon? What makes it better is that this coozie is as rare as the Gamecock's postseason appearances (13 overall, 4-9-0 record). Seeing as the Gamecocks have a 521-523-44 (.479 winning percentage) record in their storied 116 years of football, you're going to have to drink to watch them play so why not keep it cold?"

I can't wait until someone actually bids on this item. Check the seller name. Yeah, I did it. No, I'm not sorry. Why did I kick someone while they were down? They'd do the same to us.

Clemson Football Notes from the "Friday News-Amine"

Danny Ford is God — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 08:45:00 -0400

TWO FRESHMEN TO REDSHIRT
Safety Spencer Adams and middle linebacker Jonathan Willard have been informed that coaches plan to redshirt them this season. Both will be chained to weightstacks, tossed raw steaks three times a day, and poked with sticks 'till they're ornery enough. Bulkier freshman Rashad Hall will not be redshirted, however, and should see some time at the safety position.

BOWERS MAY START VERSUS BAMA
Freshman phenom Da'Quan Bowers looks to have cracked the starting lineup. He had been in a near deadlock with Kevin Alexander, but a stomach bug caused Alexander to miss some practices and paved the way for Bowers. Upstate Today has the story.

LINTHICUM MAKING AN IMPACT
Sophomore tight end Brian Linthicum has added muscle this off season and rededicated himself to the game. It seems to be paying off. More weapons for Cullen Harper is always a good thing.

Taa-daa!

TRAFFIC TRICKS
CSTV has some common sense tips to avoid the massive traffic and construction delays that will no doubt plague Atlanta next week.

MOVIN' ON UP
Clemson continues to move up the list of top public universities in the latest US News & World Report. Clemson moves to #22 up from #27 and is listed as a "school to watch" for the improvements and changes the school has undertaken.

DEADSPIN SHITS THE BED
I have to preface this by saying I am an avid Deadspin reader and they've earned their rep as one of the best sports blogs out there (splogs?). We've got a little bone to pick with them on one issue, however.

This preseason they are allowing bloggers from various schools to present a brief preview of their team leading up to the opening weekend. We submitted a request to do the Clemson preview to Deadspin's Clay Travis.

We received a very polite response that he had previously chosen another writer. We certainly appreciate the work he's undertaken to provide us with myriad previews for the upcoming season.

Understandably deluged with requests, he somehow decided to pick some Canadian motherfucker with zero connection whatsoever to Clemson to write a half-assed preview clearly strung together from a couple Google searches for the Tigers.

Read the preview here.

It consists of a brief mention of the more known faces of the program, requisite shots at Bowden, almost as much space devoted to DeAndre McDaniel as to any other aspect of the preview, and other information sprinkled about that could be easily gleaned from a College Football Live segment.

The things that probably piss me off as much as Clemson being (I think) the only school previewed thus far by a third party (wasn't the fucking point of the gimmick supposed to be getting insiders' take on their programs?) is a brief mention of the fact that both Clemson and LSU having identically named stadiums, and the obvious fact that the writer is too lazy or ignorant to do a bit of research and find out that Clemson had the name Death Valley first, while LSU used to call their stadium Deaf Valley.

Rant over. Anyway, next year maybe pick someone who's actually been to the fucking campus, eh, Deadspin? At least go with a good Clemson blog like The Sporting Gnomes. Seriously.

Please feel free to email Clay Travis and tell him what a fucking load of buffalo diarrhea his choice for the Clemson segment was.

THIS VIDEO MAKES ME HAPPY
In a different way than RedTube videos, though. Check it out.

COPS: MEN DRESSED LIKE NINJAS TARGETED DRUG DEALERS
Don't fuck with the "Shinobi Warriors." Unless, of course, you have guns to counter their "throwing stars, swords, and nunchucks," which if you're a drug dealer, you probably do.

Clemson Is Bound for ACC Title and BCS Bowl in 2008

Danny Ford is God — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 18:45:00 -0400

THE SCHEDULE

8/30 vs. Alabama (Georgia Dome)
9/06 vs. The Citadel
9/13 vs. NC State
9/20 vs. SC State
9/27 vs. Maryland
10/09 @ Wake Forest (Thursday)
10/18 vs. Georgia Tech
11/1 @ Boston College (DFIG road trip)
11/08 @ FSU (DFIG road trip)
11/15 Duke
11/22 @ UVA
11/29 vs. Sakerlina

SUMMARY

Cullen Harper is in fantastic form this preseason and has an excellent cadre of backups behind him (WILLY KORNNNNNNNN) in case something was to happen to him. Our backfield is arguably the best in the nation, with C.J. Spiller and James Davis backed up by star freshmen Andre Ellington and Jamie Harper.

Aaron Kelly leads a good receiver corps that includes Xavier Dye, Jacoby Ford, Tyler Grisham, and heralded frosh Marquan Jones.

The offensive line has been described politely as “talented but inexperienced” and has been the topic of much discussion. Our season largely hinges on how well they perform this year (NEWSFLASH!), and stout run defenses could cause similar problems to some of last year’s crappy rushing performances (see: GT).

The starting five look to be Chris Hairston at left tackle, Cory Lambert at right tackle, Jamarcus Grant and Barry Humphries as the guards, and returning starter Thomas Austin at center. If the OL stays healthy, the offense should be among the most productive in the nation (outside of those gimmicky Texas Tech bastards).

Defensively, safety Michael Hamlin and DE Ricky Sapp anchor a defense that lost its top four linebackers from last year. Da'Quan Bowers, the No. 1-ranked recruit in the country according to ESPN, has proven explosive in practice thus far and is fighting for a starting spot. Stanley Hunter, Brandon Maye, and Josh Miller are currently battling for the middle linebacker spot.

Defensive coordinator Vic Koenning has expressed some reservations about his defensive unit (LOL, unit), but he’s rarely been overly positive in describing his squad in preseason.

Dawson Zimmerman is believed to be the leading candidate for starting punter after separating himself from the pack during scrimmages. We don’t have much to say about our special teams, other than they’ll probably continue to be average.

CHILI

Mainstream perception of Clemson this year is generally positive, if not a little misinformed. Admittedly we here at DFIG are perhaps too biased to judge whether another outlet is objective or not, but we try to keep a level head about us (thanks for the advice, Kipling) and not look at everything through orange-colored glasses.

Tommy Bowden has certainly had a rollercoaster ride of a tenure at Clemson, but I think that recruiting and facilities are finally starting to overcome some of the deficiencies we've faced in the past. I don't think it's fair for the punditry to say that Clemson ALWAYS craps the bed.

Speaking of media, some asshat from the NFL Network predicted Wake Forest to win the division and backed it up by trying to rattle off all the talent they have at various positions. There is no team in the league with the level of talent Clemson boasts this year. Period.

See what I did there? I typed out the word "period" to emphasize how super serious I am. Whammy. There? I lightened the mood with some onomatopoeia.

Of course Clemson can catch their proverbial nutsack on the unforgiving 10 penny nail of failure, but I think that any losses the Tigers will incur this year will be in some of the tougher road games. Legitimate losses, if you will.

All the puzzle pieces are in place for this to be a very special season for Clemson. I normally tend to be a realist, but I can't help but be a little optimistic about the upcoming season.

PREDICTION

10-2 regular season plus ACCCG victory over VT, loss in BCS game. Man, this is way too optimistic for me. My only caveat is that obviously the OL is flimsy with some injuries, so beware of that.

I can see us losing to Bama, Wake, FSU, and/or BC. Sakerlina could be a loss, depending on how they improve over the season. Certainly their defense will be disgustingly good, but the offense looks to again be a bunch of limpdicks.

In conclusion, scuppernongs are tasty and don't ever try to snort BC powder. Just don't do it. *points at you and winks* Also, I don't buy the UNC as dark horse ACC champion thing for one minute. Butchie's gonna need more than a year to turn that ship around that much.

WILLY MAC

Stage door left blasts open and slams against the wall as the hinge breaks. A hearty and ear-piercing metal-slamming sound reverberates in the auditorium. The door begins to sway closed as a foot barely manages to block it open at the last second, creating a sack-of-potatoes-thud.

Willy Mac drags a very basic steel soap box across the floor to center stage, making not only terrible screeching noises, but pausing every so often for you to hear him gasp for breath in a half "way-too-excited-about-this-season," half needs to get his fat ass on a treadmill sort of fashion.

Finally, the unnecessary noises cease as he brings the box to a dead halt at center stage. Willy Mac steps up onto the box, clears his throat, and proceeds in his best possible "Resident of Honea Path" accent.

WE GON WIN IT. WE GON WIN IT ALL. ALL DEH WAY BABY. TAKE AT SHYIT TO DUH BANK! OH YOU KNOW IT, SON! HELL, I'D PUT MY DOG AND ALL FOUR TIRES OFF MY TRUCK ON THIS BEYAT. CLAMPSON OVER JEEYORJUH IN DEH BEE-CEE-EYASS DIS YERR!

On a serious note, I worried myself to death starting in July about the coming season. Then all of a sudden, last week I became extremely comfortable and confident. I can't tell at this point whether all the sunshine blown up my ass has gotten to me, or if I can trust my instinct. I'd say it's about 20 percent sunshine at this point, but who knows.

As Chili stated, we've got some glaring holes, and if the injury bug from 2006 comes around, we might be screwed. Really, I trust Vic Koenning to take care of the linebackers, and I trust Brad Scott to take care of the line. I feel we finally have enough talent to overcome inexperience.

Also, I feel that the whole Bowden fight policy put me in a good mood as well. It was pretty obvious that as of the VT game last year, we were as fake as a bad horror film, as well as unbearable to watch. We'll do fine, I promise. Woooooosssahhh. Goose-frabas.

PREDICTION

An 11-2 season is most probable as well with a win over UNC (yeah, I said it, let's see what happens—VT is not looking hot right now) in the ACCCG and either a BCS win over Louisville or a BCS loss to WVU.

Either way, we lose two games later in the season, not earlier. We've got too much talent. Also, if we lose to BC, you can count on me getting time-traveling drunk, pants optional.

You see that? That's right—the glory days are back.

Clemson Football: Pertinent Notes and Newsification

Danny Ford is God — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 13:59:00 -0400

The Sporting Gnomes stumbled upon an article stating that the coaching staff is thinking about redshirting Rendrick Taylor (who is now a senior) so that he can get better acquainted with the running back position he was moved to during the spring. Another main reason for the debate is that they also want to get Andre Ellington and Jamie Harper some experience as true freshmen.

I've been getting a lot of questions and comments from friends, readers, etc. IPTAY released two major updates of information on the matter. The first was just a general Seat Equity Plan update and the latter was an update concerning the parking issues for next year.

Cullen Harper has been put on the preseason 2008 Davey O'Brien QB Award watch list as per the article listed on the CUAD website.

As you know, ESPN pulled a little trick last year that most like to call "biased journalism" as they practically ran the Heisman campaign push for Matt Ryan, the dark horse QB candidate out of Boston College, even though statistically Harper was as good as Ryan, arguably holding better numbers in more categories given the different styles of offense each respective QB played in (OK, OK, that comeback at Virginia Tech was ridiculous, but facts are facts).

There are others who speculate that Harper could be a dark horse as well. Unfortunately, as always dark horses are just that...and they never win.

The WestZone phase II is well underway, and IPTAY has been nice enough to set up a webcam for the construction site that you can find here. All kinds of options from live streaming down to refreshing every two minutes. Construction will continue through the season but shouldn't hamper any parking or pedestrian traffic.

The CUAD states, "Phase II of the WestZone will include the coaches' offices, new strength and conditioning area, administrative offices, a large team room and expanded equipment room. This component of the WestZone will enable the football staff and support personnel to relocate into the WestZone and free up valuable space in McFadden for our Olympic Sports. Phase II will make a profound impact on our Total Sports Program, as the WestZone will be beneficial not only to football but to the entire department."

Cortney Vincent to transfer to Tarleton State after being dismissed for several reasons. Can you say DII Preseason All-American?

I've been getting anxious about the upcoming season. Actually, I've been getting anxious about thinking about getting excited about the upcoming schedule...in the future...at a later date...on which I'm sure that my stomach will hurt.

With that, I've found the 2008 Clemson Schedule widget for the Mac. Couldn't find anything for Vista that didn't look completely sketched out.

I did, however, go online and work out a pitiful little "counter until the kickoff of the Clemson/Bama game in Atlanta" that looks as if your mom or dad forwarded it to you (as well as everyone else in their address book, judging from the header) in an e-mail. Enjoy.

I'm also gonna tinker with an html countdown for the sidebar if I can get one that looks good enough, but don't hold your breath.

42 MORE DAYS

Clemson Tigers Soccer: Dr. I.M. Ibrahim Passes Away

Danny Ford is God — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 22:05:00 -0400

Condolences to the family and friends of Dr. I.M. Ibrahim, as he away passed this past Saturday.

Read the Tigernet write up on him. Good man. Good Clemson man.

Dr. I originally convinced then-Clemson Athletic Director Frank Howard to allow soccer to be a varsity sport.

He became one of the winningest soccer coaches in the country by winning two national championships (Clemson has also won 2003 Golf and 1981 Football) and 11 conference championships.

He also owned the Tiger Sports Shop and The Athletic Department stores. Lastly, he was also a fellow blogger with a Clemson flavor.

Again, condolences.

Clemson Football: Wednesday Newsgasm

Danny Ford is God — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 14:19:00 -0400

ESPN's Heather Dinich has a nice writeup of Cullen Harper on her ACC blog. The post touches on Cullen's dad Jeff's national title with Georgia in 1980 and Cullen's pursuit of a title to call his own.

According to ScoresandOdds.com, Cullen is a 20-1 shot for the Heisman.

DeAndre McDaniel was not punished by the Clemson student judicial review board last week and will remain on the team for the time being. The board did, however, retain the right to revisit his situation if new evidence is provided. His future with the team remains in limbo and will largely rest on his criminal hearing later in the year. Read about it here.

Coach Bowden has shown a willingness to dismiss players who have run-ins with the law. As badly as Clemson needs McDaniel, Bowden will likely stick to form and dismiss McDaniel if he is found guilty. The biggest question mark here is what Bowden will do with McDaniel until trial.

Clemson-Bama is 52 days away, but Deep South Sports proves the tat battle has already begun.

Sakerlina fans have been smearing a nasty little rumor around SC and Clemson boards, as well as whatever other boards they can weasel into. Some mouthbreathers are claiming that someone—fans, boosters, or even coaches—is mailing out negative information about the Gamecocks to potential recruits.

O-kay. What negative mailings are those? The South Carolina media guide? The State newspaper? Clemson needn't spread negative publicity about Sakerlina—they do a damned good job of that themselves.

Witness a fanbase so delusional they must create boogeymen and conspiracy theories to explain to themselves why they're being outrecruited by the Tigers.

Here's the Clemson version of the localized NCAA 09 commercials. Enjoy.

Buy NCAA 09! Now with new...er..rosters.

Clemson Sports: News and Recommendations

Danny Ford is God — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 10:35:00 -0400

NEWS

- RAPE!...AND SODOMY!...IN GEORGIA OF ALL PLACES!

Things have been desperate on their campus for so long that someone finally snapped over at Georgia Tech. Paul Johnson suspended Jerrard Tarrant from the team indefinitely.

Kind of interesting that we're kind of going through the same situation, though this one seems pretty legit. Tarrant was contending for a starting cornerback position as a redshirt freshman coming out of spring ball.

- Four players (Spiller, Davis, Harper, and Kelly) have been named to the Maxwell watch list. Clemson joins Southern Cal and Oklahoma as the top schools with candidates on the list, each having four. Ricky Sapp and Michael Hamlin have been named to the Bednarik preseason list as well.

- All but two Clemson freshman signees have made it to campus and enrolled in a second summer session. The two men down are Xavier Brewer, who still needs to take a summer class back home; and Jarrett Crittenton, who didn't meet our standards and was released from his LOI. He has signed with Memphis.

- Kyle Parker was named to the Freshman All-American team for being a stud with a bat. Now if only he could figure out that whole defense thing, we'd be great. I'm still predicting he never plays a down of football for Clemson.

- The DeAndre McDaniel plot thickens as the woman who filed the charges against him was identified as Ms. Abra Weeks. Good thing that we're not UGA or USC or the like, because her getting killed by psychotic fans right now would not help DeAndre at all. Bowden plays it smart and remains mum on the situation.

- Graduate Assistant Michael Morrell has been hired on as the new director of men's basketball, replacing Josh Posterino, who replaced Shaka Smart, who accepted a job at Florida.

Here's a rundown: Morrell -> Director of Men's Basketball; Posterino -> Assistant Coach; Shaka -> Gonzo to Florida; Clemson Women's Basketball -> Could still get beat by any girls' JV high school team in the upstate.

- The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers tells the residents of Orlando, "Just chill out man, it's not a big deal. Don't worry about it..." regarding bombs that they may miss during a cleanup of a one-time bombing range from WWII turned local neighborhood.

RECOMMENDATIONS DFIG Recommends: Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka—we're not big fans of the Firefly Muscadine Vodka. Terrible. We wouldn't recommend that to anyone.

We do, however, promote the sweet nectar that they bottle named Sweet Tea Vodka. We've never tasted a better liquor drink in our lives. Here's essentially all you need to do:

- Fill one glass with your preference of cubed ice.

- Fill glass 3/4 full of Firefly Sweet Vodka.

- Fill rest with Minute Maid lemonade.

BEST. DRINK. EVER.

Clemson Football: News on Tiger Alumni in the NFL

Danny Ford is God — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 16:50:00 -0400

Summer boredom has set in, so I did you the favor of catching up with some former Tigers in the NFL and combined some pertinent links to info on each one. As always, there is a brief smattering of videos and pretty pictures to keep you entertained.

It's kinda ironic that Chansi Stuckey and Justin Miller roomed together at Clemson. It's even quirkier that they were both drafted and retained by the New York Jets.

Here's an interesting point to look forward to this season: Both are coming off season-ending injuries that happened around the same time last year. Chansi has made some news, taking every bit of free time he had from the injury to improve his game and strength. It seems he will enter the minicamps slated as the number three receiver for the team.

Miller is also doing well for coming back from a knee injury, as per USA Today. He seems to be earning some favorable light after he clocked some chick in a club fight last year around this time. A site by the name of MVN has listed Justin as a make or break player for this coming year, although I'm not so sure that I'd listen to an author that looks like an internet tough guy.

Tye Hill has been mentioned very little in league news as he was also sidelined with a season-ending injury, but per his website he is making a strong case to turn around a terrible Rams' defensive backfield (yet again, another author who moonlights as a human train wreck working for MVN).

Bernie Miklasz, whose staff picture is worse than his last name, states in what amounted to just a long name-dropping list (so what does that make this post?) that the Rams coaches seem to be pleased with his progress through OTAs. After reading this article, I came to the conclusion that if you don't take a good picture, you should put one on your columns.

Charlie Whitehurst seems to be getting cozy on the Chargers sidelines while Anthony Waters yearns for playing time. In yet another name list from yet another hideous author (this time of the female persuasion), it is stated that Whitehurst's chances at rising through the ranks might have been killed through the signing of a three-year contract extension for Billy Volek, the current No. 2 man at QB for the Chargers.

Coaches are impressed with Waters' hard drive and eagerness to play. Also, a four-game suspension for Scotty Cooper at the beginning of the year could help Anthony get on the field for the first time in his pro career. Shades of Alvin Mack...minus the not going to the pros part.

Pretty much what Anthony Waters's off-season film sessions were like.

Charles "Baby Eater" Bennett hasn't seen and probably won't see playing time...ever. But hey, at least he's in the big show, makin' his money, and had a good college career that he can reminisce about and perhaps parlay into some airtime for Clemson football in an announcing role like Patrick Sapp did.

Also with the Bucs, Gaines Adams continues to be a beast. He has, however, discontinued beasting McDonald's Big Macs for the time being. The Bucs coaches can't wait to get Gaines back on the field, as he apparently went Steve Lattimer (I promise, that's the last Program reference for this post) with his workouts this off-season and did everything short of eating the 45 plates off the weight racks in the Tampa Bay workout room.

I couldn't find anything on Philip Merling besides this sketchy website and the picture of him at an OTA.

This leads me to believe that the Derrick Hamilton theory might be alive and well with a PO Box address in South Beach. Although Jason Taylor heading out of Miami has to be good news for him in some fashion or another.

Nothing new from Leroy Hill, who's playing for the Seattle Seahawks—if by nothing you mean he's still considered to be one cog in the machine of one of the league's nastiest defenses/linebacking corps. Also, apparently the weather in the PAC Northwest is much more forgiving to football players than it is in the South. Who knew, right? And yes, he still looks mean as hell.

I thought that by this point in his career, Brian Dawkins aka minor god of the safety religion, would be thinking about retirement or at least plans after football.

While he is doing great things in the community that some of the league's more established players are known for doing (see his Burn Prevention Golf Tournament as well as his fight to prevent the Beetus), he is ready to go for this upcoming season and is in better shape than he's been in previous years.

B-Dawk, always reppin' Clemson in the best ways.

Lastly, Nick Eason has re-signed with the Steelers, participated in a few Pittsburgh area youth football camps, and has stayed under the radar for the most part.