Favre and the Packers on Opposite Ends (humor)

Paul Germer — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:21:57 -0400

You got Brett saying he was going to retire back in March and didn’t want to play anymore.

I mean you got Brett's heart, which is about the size of a wheel of cheese, that they got up there in Wisconsin— they can melt it and put it on a sandwich or a brat or some kind of shaved meat with gravy on a big whole-wheat bun with the drippings going right down your arm.

Man that is good.

Almost as good as a Brett Favre passes, which when he throws, the ball where he wants to throw it is as good as Brett Favre can possibly be.

I mean the Pack without Brett Favre is kind of like cheese without meat or on an empty bun with a side of fries— and more cheese.

Brett Favre is like that cheese, because he melts over the entire offense, but also covers the fries.

You got Brett over here in LA and the Pack General Manager is over here on the phone calling Brett and making reservations to come talk to him, but cancels the plane

Then you got Brett throwing passes to some high school kids.

In between that and doing some hunting down there, he’s makin’ “Turducken,” and is delicious—a mix of hunted duck and chicken!

You got Fox news doing SportsCenter and the Vikings are “crank calling” the Packers offices asking for the rights to Brett.

Which brings the training camp, and us to July, which is what football is all about.

Anyway, Brett kept saying since March he didn't want to come back, but sent a letter to the Packers last week saying he wanted to come back.

Contradicting?

Yes!

They said he had the itch— boom, tough acting Tinactin.

I mean you got Brett Favre over here with his huge cheese heart and arm that can throw.

Well, what is the Pack waiting for?

I mean when you think about it, if you are a GM this makes the most sense.

Only Brett Favre could replace Brett Favre.

If you were going to replace Brett Favre why not go out and get a player that can do exactly what Brett Favre can do.

Only Brett Favre could possibly replace Brett Favre in Green Bay and if they could bring Brett Favre in to replace the retired Brett Favre that would be… like as good as cheese with meat or a brat or on a sandwich with a big whole-wheat bun or a turkey leg.

Summer Olympics: It's Hyleas Fountain and Jacquelyn Johnson Time!

Paul Germer — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 16:02:52 -0400

One of the most anticipated non-conference matchups early this college football season will take place on Sep. 20 between Arizona State and Georgia.

However, what most fans don’t know is that there is an ASU-UGA showdown happening almost a month earlier halfway around the world.

On August 15-16 in Beijing, China, you will see the duel of Hyleas & Jacquelyn. You know, the big heptathlon showdown.

Huh?

Doesn’t ring a bell? You may be old enough to remember the overhyped decathlete duel of Dan and Dave back in 1992 that ultimately fizzled. There was an extensive but doomed Reebok campaign involving Dan O’Brien and Dave Johnson.

The problem was that Dan O’Brien didn’t make it past the Olympic trials, despite being the world record holder in the event, and Dave Johnson finished third in Barcelona. Most people may not remember or have forgotten that Dan came back and won the decathlon at the Atlanta Olympics in ’96.

An interesting tidbit is that Dan O’Brien actually is a coach for Jacquelyn and has likened her talent to another Jackie—the athlete that SI called the No. 1 female athlete of the 20th century, Jackie Joyner-Kersee.

OK, we know who Dan and Dave are. Who are Hyleas and Jacquelyn?

Hyleas Fountain, who hails from Columbus, GA and attended Georgia, came in first in the heptathlon over the weekend at the 2008 Olympic Trials. Jacquelyn Johnson is from Yuma, AZ, attended Arizona State and finished second at the trials.

Hyleas was the 2007 USATF champion, and on June 28 she set a personal record at the trials, blowing away her previous best by 165 points. Jacquelyn just completed her college career on June 14 with her fourth straight NCAA outdoor heptathlon title. Jacquelyn won her first NCAA outdoor title in 2004, edging out Hyleas, who had won the outdoor title from 2001-2003.

Who are their main competitors in Beijing? Caroline Kluft of Sweden, the last Olympic champion, will not be returning to defend her title in the heptathlon since she will be concentrating on the long and triple jump.

Two athletes from England are listed as favorites to get the gold and silver in Beijing. However, both Kelly Sotherton and Jessica Ennis' personal bests are not as strong as what Hyleas scored in the Olympic trials last weekend in Oregon. The Brits have personal bests of 6,547 and 6,469 respectively, compared with Fountain’s 6,667.

Jacquelyn scored a 6,347 in Oregon, even though she had just won the NCAA championships two weeks earlier.

With the end of college baseball last week and college football still almost two months away, we all need something to get us through until the end of August. The Olympics will help keep us busy for two weeks in August as we try to keep from going crazy.

Here is hoping that we get to see a Bulldog and Sun Devil bring home the gold and silver in the heptathlon for the USA.

Bleacher Report - Articles by Paul Germer

Favre and the Packers on Opposite Ends (humor)

Summer Olympics: It's Hyleas Fountain and Jacquelyn Johnson Time!