Bleacher Report - Articles by Ctrl-Alt-Del

Lane Kiffin and Archie Bunker

Ctrl-Alt-Del — Tue, 12 May 2009 19:37:52 -0400

Lane Kiffin is successful. He is smart, young, and has what appears to be a great family.

He isn't stupid. His problem is an acquired sense of superiority over Southern folk. Minnesotans, as do the great majority of residents from other areas of the nation, consider themselves better than Southerners.

It is what I can only define, in my limited knowledge of human nature, as an arrogant and ultimately harmful state of being. It harms them more than it does us. They don't have the ability to relate to us as we are and accept us for who we are. What a waste.

We are a proud people and we aren't stupid, we aren't uneducated, and we do have electricity and plumbing. I used to regularly visit my cousin in Brooklyn back in the early 90's. This is before I started college, I took about six months off after HS.

It would floor you to really realize the amount of contempt and bigoted ideas many of these so called advanced cultures of the United States have about us. On the whole, their ideas and their cultural bias reveals much more about their innate ignorance than it does anything.

There are millions upon millions of so called educated individuals who judge and condemn human beings without ever having visited their area of the country. Their knowledge of us consists of what their parents, friends, relatives, etc. have told them to believe and what they view on the tube.

I feel sorry for them in many ways. They are not whole; they are consumed by venomous anger that has no grounding in reality or tangible experiences. When they go off discussing their distaste for anything or anyone from the South, I have many times felt it would do them good to maybe have their knuckles thumped or something.

Knuckle draggers are from all areas of the nation, believe me. Kiffin is a knuckle dragging bufoon when it comes to common, humane decency.

That is why Lane Kiffin didn't blink an eyelash when he ravaged the tiny, poverty stricken Florida city of Pahokee that sits on Lake Okeechobee. He considered it his right as an elevated person, from a more advanced part of the nation, to ridicule and shame the people that live there. We are seen as droopy eyed morons that need to be guided and taught.

So many generations of them have had these ideas about Southerners fed to them from the day they were born by their Archie Bunkeresque parents who are just as ill-informed as their parents before them were.

Alabama Rips Them to Shreds

Ctrl-Alt-Del — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 18:02:28 -0500

---Due to concern over originality of this Bleacher Report article, I wish to let everyone know that this is in no way an article that I personally created. Rather, it is more of a collection of varied data which has been gathered into one document.---

Overall, the Alabama Crimson Tide is the second best team to ever put
on helmets and cleats in the history of American Collegiate Div. 1-A Football.

The Second Most Successful Div. 1-A Football Team.

12 National Championships - Second Best, not counting Ivy League teams

31 Bowl Wins- Best in the nation.
56 Bowl Games - Best in the nation.

29 Ten Win Seasons - second in nation.
13 Eleven Win Seasons - fifth in nation.

21 SEC Championship Titles - More than any team in the SEC.
4 Southern Conference Championships
25 Total Conference Championships

47 Top 25 Finishes

35 Top 10 Finishes

90 Winning Seasons

9 Undefeated Seasons

799 Total Wins.
7th All-Time In The Nation in outright wins. 0.709
6th All-Time in winning percentage at 0.70855

(This total does not include 10 wins nullified by the NCAA)

Alabama has 22 double-digit winning streaks. Best in the nation.

From 1963-'82, Alabama posted an NCAA record 57-game home winning streak. Miami has since beaten this record, with 58 straight home wins, but three of their wins came in bowl games at their home stadium, all of 'Bama's wins were during the regular season.

All Time Record at Bryant-Denny Stadium
214-46-3

All-Time Record at Legion Field
160-52-12

All-Time Record at Rickwood Field
23-12-5

All Time Record at Denny Field
43-3

All-Time Record at The Quad
42-11

Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant posted a remarkable 72-2 (.973) record in Tuscaloosa, losing only to Florida (1963) and Southern Miss (1982).

During the decade of the '60s Alabama compiled a record of 90-16-5 with eight of those
losses coming in the final two years of the 1960s.

During the decade of the 1970s, 'Bama compiled a 103-16-1 record. Five of
these losses coming in the year 1970, alone.

Overall, from the year 1960 through the year 1979 the Crimson Tide managed a staggering 193-32-5 (0.850) record. During this same time span, the Crimson Tide was 59-1 (0.983) at home.

SEC Titles - 21

1933–'34–'37–'45–'53–'61-'64–'65–'66–'71–'72–'73–
'74–'75–'77–'78–'79–'81–'89–'92–'99

Southern Conference Championships - 4

1924, '25, '26 & '30.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
"Alabama vs. SEC Opponents" All-Time

Winning % - 0.673
Games Played - 626
Won - 408
Lost -191
Tied - 27

Zero(0)teams in the SEC have an overall winning record vs. Alabama.

All Time Record vs. Conference Opponents:

Alabama - 10 Wins     Arkansas -       8 Wins     Ties - 0
Alabama - 38 Wins     Auburn   -      33 Wins     Ties - 1
Alabama - 45 Wins     Tennessee -     38 Wins     Ties - 8
Alabama - 10 Wins     S. Caro. -      3 Wins     Ties - 0
Alabama - 21 Wins     Florida    -    13 Wins     Ties - 0
Alabama - 35 Wins     Georgia    -    25 Wins     Ties - 4
Alabama - 43 Wins     LSU        -    23 Wins     Ties - 5
Alabama - 33 Wins     Kentucky-        2 Wins     Ties - 1
Alabama - 44 Wins     Mississippi-     9 Wins     Ties - 2
Alabama - 58 Wins     Vanderbilt -    19 Wins     Ties - 4
Alabama - 71 Wins     Ms. State-      18 Wins     Ties - 3
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Best Defense To Ever Exist:

The Alabama Crimson Tide's 1961 defense allowed a mere 25 points all season, compiling six shutouts, five of them coming consecutively. No defense, in collegiate 1-A football, has fared better on paper than the 1961 Crimson Tide defense led by Leroy Jordan.

While the defense held opponents to a combined total of 25 points, the Tide's offense scored 297 points throughout the season.

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18 Major Bowl Victories & 1 Tie

'26 Rose - Won
'27 Rose - Tie
'31 Rose - Won
'35 Rose - Won
'42 Cotton - Won
'43 Orange - Won
'46 Rose - Won
'53 Orange - Won
'62 Sugar - Won
'63 Orange - Won
'64 Sugar - Won
'66 Orange - Won
'67 Sugar - Won
'75 Sugar - Won
'78 Sugar - Won
'79 Sugar - Won
'80 Sugar - Won
'81 Cotton - Won
'93 Sugar - Won

Record vs. Southeastern Conference and All Other Div.1-A Conferences.
Alabama holds a winning record against all current 1-A Conferences except the Big 12.
____________________________________________________________________
Southeastern Conference
406 Wins
190 Losses
27 Ties

Pacific-10 Conference
13 Wins
5 Losses
1 Tie

Big Ten Conference
13 Wins
9 Losses
0 Ties

Atlantic Coast Conference
76 Wins
34 Losses
4 Ties

Big East Conference
11 Wins
2 Losses
0 Ties

Conference USA
83 Wins
22 Losses
5 Ties

Sun Belt Conference
15 Wins
0 Wins
1 Loss

Western Athletic Conference
6 Wins
4 Losses
0 Ties

Division I-A Independent
5 Wins
5 Losses
0 Ties

Mid-American Athletic Conference
1 Win
1 Loss
0 Ties

Mountain West Conference
3 Wins
3 Losses
0 Ties

Big 12 Conference
13 Wins
16 Losses
2 Ties

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Very few institutions in American sports can match the enduring excellence of the
University of Alabama football program. Across a wide swath of the last century, the
tradition-rich Crimson Tide has claimed 12 national championships, captured
25 conference titles, finished 34 times among the country’s top 10, and
played in 56 bowl games. (Updated)

The team has played in 56 bowl games, the most of any college team (31 wins, 22 losses, and 3 ties), has 17 hall-of-famers, and 94 All-Americans honored 101 times. (Updated)

In 2007, Alabama defeated Colorado in the Independence Bowl for their 31st Bowl Win, an NCAA record. They have played in more bowl games than any other team and also won more bowl games than any other team.

The Crimson Tide has played in 16 different bowl games.

Alabama has played in one out of every 10 Cotton Bowl games.

Bama has won more Sugar Bowls than any other team with 13
appearances and eight wins. (Updated)

The Tide has played in eight Orange Bowls.

The Crimson Tide has participated in six Rose Bowls. Out of these, they won four, lost one, and tied one.

That means that 34 of Alabama's bowl appearances have
been in the traditional Big Four.

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Alabama quarterbacks won the first three Super Bowls.

Notable former Alabama players include Joe Namath who was the MVP of Super Bowl III with the New York Jets, Ken Stabler who was the winning quarterback for the Oakland Raiders in Super Bowl XI, Bobby Skelton, Pat Trammell, Steve Sloan, Bart Starr who was a two-time MVP with the Green Bay Packers in the Super Bowl I and Super Bowl II, Johnny Musso, and David Bailey, to name a few.

The '80s brought Walter Lewis, Van Tiffin, Bobby Humphrey, Derrick Thomas and Cornelius Bennett. The NFL's 2005 Most Valuable Player, Shaun Alexander, played for the Crimson Tide from 1996-'99.

There are currently six former Crimson Tide players enshrined in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Only Notre Dame, Southern California, and Michigan have sent more of their players to Canton.

The Crimson Tide is among the elite college football programs, with 20 members enshrined in the College Football Hall of Fame in South Bend, Indiana. There are players and coaches from every single decade from the 1920's forward.

Alabama has had three Hall of Fame coaches.

Bryant Denny Stadium Capacity = 92,138

Individual Awards Earned By Alabama Players:
----------------------------------------------------------
Andre Smith
Outland Trophy Award Winner
2008

DeMeco Ryans - 2005
Lott Trophy -
I.M.P.A.C.T Player = Integrity, Maturity, Performance, Academics, Community, and Tenacity

Chris Samuels - 1999
Outland Trophy - Interior Lineman

Jay Barker - 1994
Johnny Unitas Golden Arm Award

Antonio Langham - 1993
Jim Thorpe Award - Defensive Back

Derrick Thomas - 1988
Dick Butkus Award - Linebacker

Cornelius Bennett - 1986
Lombardi Award - Linebacker or Lineman

Steve Sloan - 1965
Sammy Baugh Trophy - Quarterback

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On Nov. 16, 1968, Alabama defeats Miami, 14-6, in a nationally televised night game from the Orange Bowl Stadium. It is the first ever-prime time regular season game televised. ABC had the rights to the game.

On Oct. 3, 1969, Alabama defeats Ole Miss 33-32 on ABC television in the first ever prime-time telecast of an SEC football game.

ALABAMA’S
10-WIN FOOTBALL
SEASONS
Year Record
1920 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-1
1925 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-0
1930 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-0
1934 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-0
1945 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-0
1952 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-2
1961 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11-0
1962 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-1
1964 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-1
1966 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11-0
1971 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11-1
1972 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-2
1973 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11-1
1974 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11-1
1975 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11-1
1977 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11-1
1978 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11-1
1979 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12-0
1980 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-2
1986 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-3
1989 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-2
1991 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11-1
1992 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13-0
1994 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12-1
1996 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-3
1999 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-3
2002 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-3
2005 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10-2
2008 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12-2

DOMINATING DECADES
School        (Decade)    Overall Record
ALABAMA       (1960s)       90-16-5
ALABAMA    (1970s)    103-16-1
Oklahoma    (1970s)       102-13-3
Nebraska    (1980s)       103-20
BYU        (1980s)        102-26
Florida State    (1990s)    109-13-1
Nebraska    (1990s)    108-16-1
Florida    (1990s)    102-22-1

The USA Today All-USA College Academic Team honors the “best of the best” undergraduate academic all-stars from across the nation. The team recognizes college students who not only excel in scholarship but also extend their intellectual abilities beyond the classroom to benefit society.

With seven team members, UA students account for more than 10 percent of the 60 students nationwide named to USA Today’s First, Second and Third Teams. UA has the most team members of any school. Yale comes in second with five team members.

This year’s team brings UA’s total for the last six years to 31, a figure that tops all other colleges and universities. In addition to this year, UA had the most students on the list in 2006 with six and in 2005 and 2003, both with five.

In 2007, UA tied with Washington University-St. Louis for the most team members with four. In 2004, with four students on the team, UA came in second only to Harvard.

The Stalking of Alabama Fans

Ctrl-Alt-Del — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 07:18:05 -0500

Isn't it ironic how every article created by a 'Bama fan has a flood of miscreants commenting on how "not perfect" Alabama is. Alabama fans never say we are perfect, never say we are the best, never say that other teams or fans are less than, but constantly people remind us that we are not perfect and we are not the best.

I wonder why this is? So many of them do this that even other 'Bama fans start to eat their bait and spew the same kind of rhetoric that these clowns do. These so called fans of 'Bama then spend their time preaching to Alabama fans that we are not perfect. 'Bama fans are not that special, that Coach Saban is not a god, not a god, not a god over and over again like magpies.

There is a definite pattern here. You can count on any comments section of any article by any 'Bama fan to be inundated by angry and seemingly hate filled toads telling Alabama fans that we aren't perfect. ???

Seems that so many of the them really have issues with Alabama and her fans; I wonder why? We aren't any different than any other fans in America. Our fans cross all spectrums of economic and social strata and are all different colors and have varying levels of education, you know, like most Americans.

Yet, you can have normal 'Bama fans discussing something mundane and boring, not boasting of anything, and guess what invariably happens? Here come the violent and angry warriors of other teams to call us stupid, ignorant, inbred, classless, living in a dream world, hicks, rednecks, etc...They are really, really angry and it never ends, never subsides.

As they constantly do this, even other 'Bama fans who happen to have weak minds turn against their own kind and they too start preaching that Alabama fans need to change, need to be more like everyone else, whatever the heck that means. If being like every other fan of every other team means that I have to be foul, angry, violent, and develop high blood pressure problems, no thanks. I very much enjoy being a 'Bama fan and don't want to evolve into what some of the other fans have.

'Bama Fans Still Need to Pay

Ctrl-Alt-Del — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 12:51:56 -0400

I understand that the media blitz around Coach Saban was unprecedented in the history of college football, and it swayed a lot of opinions towards the negative concerning 'Bama and her fans.

I remember I couldn't even find out what channel the Sugar Bowl between LSU and ND was on that year. All that was on television was coverage of Coach Saban coming to Alabama. He arrived in Tuscaloosa the same day of the game.

ESPN was having hour after hour after hour of non-stop coverage of it, roundtable discussions with hosts turning beet red and spittle flying out as they screamed that it was wrong for Coach Saban to come to Alabama. ESPN even had a sports psychologist on trying to determine what made men like Coach Saban into liars.

This is the thing: They spent so many weeks explaining why Saban would never, ever, ever come to the squalid pit that they described Tuscaloosa as being, it bruised their pride when he did.

Sportswriters around the country were busy mocking 'Bama fans and explaining, in column after column, why a man in a modern city would never come to a backwater hole filled with toothless rednecks and uneducated, irrational fans.

At ESPN, many times their shows ended with a big, collective chuckle by hosts wearing five thousand dollar suits as they dismissed the has-been program of the Crimson Tide as the last place Coach Saban would ever coach at.

I heard one start grunting in a low guttural groan, saying, "Coach Saban had already said he wasn't going to 'Bama—why do those crazy people still have hope that he is going to come there?"

His advice was for us to move on, accept that we are a has-been program that could never hope to draw a talent such a Coach Saban, get over it, stop being crazy. I think his last brilliant statement before signing off was this: Why would Saban go to a place like Alabama where he can't even recruit top-notch players?

See, there is a lot of regional bias and bigotry directed towards the South, Alabama to a much greater degree, by many in the media and rival fanbases. I feel that this hatred, this true dislike that they hold for Alabama residents, our state, and as a consequence, our team, was the driving force behind the firestorm.

That bitter type of ancient bigotry directed towards us, coupled with their preaching to the nation for over a month or so that Coach Saban had already made his mind up and wasn't coming to Alabama, left them feeling enraged when Saban did agree to become the coach of Alabama.

They felt they had been tricked, and it left them angry and out for vengeance. They had to bash and bash hard to make themselves feel better, to give themselves relief.

LIAR, LIAR, LIAR in bold letters flying off the presses faster than ink could be refilled. LIAR, LIAR, LIAR being spoken a million times by a million different sports talk show hosts on a million different programs.

Sports boards across the nation, from one end to the other, were lit up with ridicule and mocking of 'Bama fans by legions of fans from every team that anyone has ever heard of.

It was, honestly, a modern-day witch hunt—and if it had been legal, I feel some would have burned Coach Saban at the stake. That is just how deep their insanity had reached.

Something was eerily unsettling about what happened just that short while ago, something unprecedented and scary. It ran much, much deeper than just a coach putting out a false trail for the media to follow. That is something coaches have done for over a hundred years.

This was personal for many. Fanbase after fanbase turned against not only Coach Saban, but also against Alabama and her fans.

To this day, almost two years later, bitter and acrimonious sniping at and baiting of 'Bama fans continues unabated on more message boards and football related sites than can be counted. It is an odd and peculiar phenomenon.

The question that arises out of all of this is simple: Why?

A Look at the Craven Personalities of News Media Cretins and Football Fans

Ctrl-Alt-Del — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 21:23:13 -0400

Let me start off by saying I am a liar, I lied.

During your last job change where you may have been trying to negotiate a package or settle some legal issues or even hold out and play a little cat-and-mouse and try to get more money, didn't you hate it when the media was all up in your grill demanding to know what was going on?

I remember my last job. I am an engineer. The time had come for me to leave my job of four years and move on to another one. I was purposely not wanting my current, at the time, employer to know what I was doing. For one, it is my business if I decide to take a better paying job or even a job I like more, and no one gets to decide when I will do that or if they will allow me to do that.

Now, I realize that sanctimonious fans of other teams, beat reporters for newspapers, and bobble head dolls who yap into the camera at ESPN have a moral superiority over regular folk. They have an inherent right to know, or even determine, if a grown man will take a job or not.

They also have a right to know when it will happen and why it will happen, and that way they can determine if they will allow it or not.

Let me give you a reason for why I lied.

As I almost had my deal done and had just about secured a better job, I was going to give my notice and work out the last week and a half. Well, as I sat on the dock of the company I was employed at eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, up swarmed 19 news vans with lights flashing and people piling out with microphones in hand.

I almost choked. I asked them what the hell was going on, what is happening? They starting shoving microphones in my face, pushing me sideways and denting my lunch bucket. They were screaming at me and demanding to know if it was true that I was in talks with the engineering company on the other side of town.

I didn't know what to say, it happened so quick. Then I started to feel angry because I was hungry, for one, and secondly they didn't have any right to make any decisions for me concerning my job. They had the nerve to be very rude to me, asking why in the hell I would even want another job, was I a money whore, didn't I care about the job I already had, who did I think I was, etc...

That really ticked me off so I started screwing with them, just to get them going. I called them morons and said that I wasn't even thinking about taking another job, I loved my current job, leave me alone, let me eat.

They left after about an hour of just watching me eat. I had quit talking to them and just put my head down and tried to finish my lunch.

Guess what? All of them came back the very next day, and the day after that, and so on, and kept asking me the exact same questions again and again and again and again. I got an ulcer because I was trying to eat my food too fast just so I could run back inside and hide from them.

I just kept lying to them, and it was fun after a bit. Here were these arrogant people demanding to have a say in my future, demanding to be a part of one of my life decisions, demanding to know if I had, in fact, decided to take that other engineering job or not.

That went on for weeks, every single day. I eventually was even too nervous to go out back and eat with my friends; I started losing weight and felt really sick. My name was on every radio station and in every newspaper in the whole country.

"Will Altie take the engineering job on the other side of town?" blared the headlines. "He says he won't. We love Altie and want him to stay at his current job for the rest of his life because he owes us and he told us he would," said the local newscasters.

It all just blew up, it was crazy. Finally, I just said to hell with this, I told them I was outta there, see 'ya. They went bats*it crazy. It was a madhouse.

I was called the worst liar since Hitler, my family was threatened, I felt unsafe in my home. They sabotaged me in any way they could at my new job. I was hounded unmercifully night and day, and taunted and sneered at by creepy looking people that lurked around every corner.

I mean, everyone knows how it is, that happens to everyone a few times in their lives. It is completely normal. I still don't know why they really zeroed in on me though. I mean, there have been lots of engineers who have lied to the media about their job prospects.

I remember one engineer at Ole Miss who told reporters he would only leave there in a pine box. Three days later he took a job in Auburn, Alabama.

They didn't give him a hard time at all though, I guess no one really cared that much about the new job he was taking so it didn't really matter. I can name over 11 engineers, over time, who have lied to the media about their job prospects but it was never jacked out of shape like it was with me.

There have undoubtedly been many more who have "lied," because about 25 years ago it was pretty much just accepted that coaches, sorry, engineers, didn't have an obligation to answer the news media truthfully when they went on their periodic witch hunts.

I just hope that the next time I take a job that my livelihood isn't put on the line by arrogant, pompous, smarmy little men who think it their birthright to dig into another man's business.

I also hope that nitwits on engineering message boards don't continue to call me a liar for the rest of my life; they are a horrid bunch of self-righteous blowhards.