Bleacher Report - Articles by Ben White

Could Peyton Manning, Al Wilson Be the Next Great Tennessee Coaches?

Ben White — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:53:33 -0400

I am a realist, first and foremost...but I cannot resist engaging in a little wishful thinking.

Several things are happening now in the football world, and they're happening in such a way that tantalizes my mind about the future of Tennessee football. I'll explain.

First we have, as Gate 21 refers to him, "The Great Punkin"—our own Phillip Fulmer.

I've always been a Fulmer supporter. Even when things got a little dicey for both him and the program, I've always believed he'd see us through...and he has. But Coach Fulmer is now in his 16th full season as head coach, and in all honesty, the clock is ticking.

This is not an attack on him—it is merely a fact due to Fulmer's age. There is simply no way to mute the increasingly percussive drumbeat of time. Coach is nearing 60 now, and sooner rather than later, he's going to retire.

My guess: somewhere in the three to six-year range or when Tennessee wins its next championship—whichever comes first.

Second, we have the retirement of Al Wilson.

Al Wilson was the heart of the 1998 National Championship team. He gave everything of himself to that team and was as dominant a defense player as Tennessee has ever had. Now, after a distinguished NFL career, he is calling it quits after being sidelined for two years by injury.

Al Wilson has brought emotion, intensity, and heart to every team he has ever played on...and now he is on the open market. Tennessee would be foolish to not bring him back into the program, in any capacity. He would be a great role model and motivator to the players and would deliver a huge injection of vitality back into Tennessee football.

Anyone remember seeing the defense warm up before games in '98? Al got those boys fired up like none other. Wouldn't it be nice to have that enthusiasm once again?

Third, we have Peyton Manning.

I still remember Peyton's rookie season with the Colts like it was yesterday. His head was too big for his helmet, and he looked terrible. This was simply because the Colts sucked...bad.

That was 10 years ago.

Peyton is now a seasoned, Super Bowl-winning quarterback who will undoubtedly go down as one of the best to ever play the game.

However, there are signs that the NFL is taking a toll on his body. That old bursa sac problem he had at Tennessee has resurfaced, and game after game, he takes hard hits—the kind of hits reserved by defenses for their very best opponents.

The cold hard fact is, you can't play in the NFL for very long. This is true even for an iron man like Peyton Manning. I see him winning another Super Bowl and shattering more records, but like Phillip Fulmer at Tennessee, I think Peyton's NFL days are numbered.

If his career were likened to a round of golf, he would probably be teeing off at 13 having shot 12 under par.

Not now, not next year, probably not even the year after that—but in a relatively short period of time, Peyton will retire.

So I present this little morsel for you to munch on: What if around the same time Coach Fulmer decides to step down, UT hires Peyton Manning as head coach?

Peyton Manning is a commander and master of the game of football. His knowledge, instinct, and football savvy are on display every Sunday.

He is methodical and precise to the extreme. He practically lives in the film room and constantly works on his own fundamentals technique. No detail is left unchecked. His work ethic and constant drive to improve are what make him, and everyone around him, better.

Plus, the guy is a natural winner. He expects to win every single game he competes in, whether it be the preseason or the Super Bowl. He absolutely cannot stand to lose.

You are probably thinking, "Well, everyone hates losing."

No one hates losing like Peyton Manning. It's disgraceful to him. It hurts him to his core to lose.

That is exactly the kind of attitude I want to see back at Tennessee: the feeling that fans, coaches, and players alike honestly expect to win every single time the Vols step foot on the gridiron.

I know that Peyton would bring that to Tennessee. I don't have a doubt in my mind he could be as successful on the sidelines as he is and has been on the field.

Imagine a Tennessee coaching staff with Al Wilson and Peyton Manning. The potential for greatness there is simply beyond my powers of description.

This and more at The Pigskin Pathos.

Ode to Delusional College Football Fans

Ben White — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 06:36:47 -0400

The longest week a college football fanatic can experience has arrived.

Months of research and speculation have come to an end. The depth chart has been thoroughly analyzed. The schedule has been reviewed.

Your knowledge is supreme. The games are just a formality. You know what is going to happen. The opposing players and their tendencies are now second nature. You would be the best coach in the SEC.

Well, you would be a better coach than Les Miles, that talentless, tall-hatted windbag.

One final week to declare your knowledge from the mountaintop. One week to intimidate all you meet with your immense knowledge and rapier wit. Your outlandish predictions start to sound possible.

The more you say, "Dude, I know this sounds crazy, but Jacksonville State is going to kill Georgia Tech. They've got Ryan Perrilloux! Plus, Georgia Tech's coach was at Army or the Coast Guard or something last year. He totally sucks"—the more likely it seems.

You are still unconvinced of Tim Tebow's throwing abilities: "Sure, he threw the occasional good pass last year, but can he take another pounding? I don't think so! South Carolina: SEC East champs!"

Your predicted BCS championship game—BYU vs. Wake Forest—was deduced by a complex equation of your own creation.

You would explain, but it would take too long.

The tailgate leading up to the game is where you really shine. You down warm Coronas and loudly proclaim yourself to be the "greatest college football strategist of all time. My football knowledge is untouched, and I will one day rain fire and brimstone upon the uncovered heads of the nonbelievers!"

Your girlfriend Alice and your three-legged dog Steve are not amused.

Who are you? No one. Everyone.

Every college football fan-base contains one of you. For better or worse, you are the one most recognized: the one that opposing fans and media grasp and refuse to let go.

You come in many different forms.

You might like large murals of long-dead coaches on your back.

Or perhaps you like to paint purple and gold tiger stripes all over your body.

Or maybe you don your Wal-Mart jersey and hold high your shag rug pennant for all to see.

You may even like running onto the playing field wearing nothing but a plastic hog's head and what appears to be a G-string.

I am not here to judge you, megalomanic college football guy. I love you.

You are one of the most entertaining and interesting sub-species of human. I want to study you. I want to mate with your females and produce beautiful hybrid children.

Only 3 more days. See you soon, that guy.

Full article, with pictures, can be found here.

Why Mark May Is Dashing Tennessee Fans' Well-Laid Plans

Ben White — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 14:56:45 -0400

Dear Mark May,

What the hell? And to think I was beginning to respect you again. Then you just had to do it, didn't you, Mark May?

You just HAD to do it.

"Tennessee is my dark horse team to win the BCS National Championship in 2008 because of their offensive line." Thanks a whole effing lot for the pseudo-praise, Mark May, but you totally effed-up our effing plan.

Did you not see what happened last year when someone with a microphone and the slightest bit of credibility gave our team a compliment?

That's right, Mark May: We got our ass kicked.

We just can't deal with that kind of praise, Mark May. Not yet, anyway.

I'm not really that mad at you, Mark May. I just feel a little like the Army brigade Geraldo Rivera was embedded with felt when he drew their entire battle plan and troop movements in the sand on international TV.

Let me explain this to you.

We've got some weird, convoluted logic going on here in Knoxville. You may think your prediction helped bolster our team's psyche. Well, you're wrong.

Basically, what we Tennessee fans have learned to do to best help our team is as follows.

We spend the entire week before Saturday paying an obscene amount of verbal respect toward whoever the opponent is for the upcoming week while simultaneously unleashing the swarm of Fulmer haters and "Negative Nancies" that infest our Big Orange ranks.

These folks diss our team and flood sports talk shows with overwhelming negativity about how impending our doom is on Saturday and how Fulmer needs to go.

In short, Mark May, we have the illogical, irrational side of our fanbase treat our coaches and team like crap for six days, and then we all get together and cheer like hell for them on Saturday to remind them that we still love them and we're behind them.

I know what you're thinking, Mark May: "stupid firebrand hillbillies and their reverse psychology mind games." I couldn't agree more...but it has worked.

We were a breath away from disaster after Florida. Nobody thought the Vols would beat Georgia. They slaughtered Georgia.

"South Carolina was number six a week ago!" Daniel Lincoln nailed the game winner.

Nobody thought the Vols could get to the SEC Championship. They won when it mattered most and got to Atlanta.

If it weren't for Erik Ainge's woeful collapse in the fourth quarter against LSU, our excessive dissing would have yielded an SEC Championship and a Sugar Bowl berth.

I just wish we were all more negative to them early on, or at least not as optimistic. The day I heard Jimmy Hyams say he thought Tennessee could go 10-3 or even 11-2, I should have found a way to force him to retract his prediction and supplant it with an ominous forecast of complete failure.

The day before Mike Strange predicted Tennessee would be tougher than Cal because of their intense practices in one of the hottest summers in recent memory, John Adams should have insisted that he ramble on about how it wasn't really that hot here and/or publicly question the entire team's masculinity.

Had our sports commentators done that beforehand, our group of Tennessee overachievers could likely have won the National Championship and solved the Israeli-Palestinian crisis at the same time.

So you see Mark May, when you butter them up and throw around words like "contender," "underrated," and especially "dark horse," you actually hurt our plan.

Tennessee has to stay under the radar. They need to be perpetually disrespected. They always need to feel like their backs are against the wall, that every time is "do or die time."

Only then can they unleash a deluge of pent-up frustration and shock the hell out of the critics and Sunday morning quarterbacks.

In closing, Mark May, don't respect Tennessee publicly (and tell all your ESPN buddies the same, and I'll forward this to Verne Lundquist), and the chances of your dark horse prediction coming to fruition increase exponentially.

One thing is for sure though, Mark May...I really hope you're right about this one.

A Love Letter to Auburn's HD Jumbotron

Ben White — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 09:03:43 -0400

Dear Shannon,

Is it all right if I call you Shannon? You look like a Shannon. All sleek, sexy, and scandalous with your top-of-the-line Daktonics HD-12 LED technology that delivers life-like video to Auburn fans for eight Saturdays in the fall, along with the occasional movie in the spring that gives students a chance to get frisky on the field.

You knew it was happening. Don't be naive Shannon, you are one now. It is time to grow up.

Before I get too far off track, let me get to the point of this letter. Shannon, I think we are meant to be together. I know you get ignored by a lot of men and that has to sting. But lets be frank, you are plus sized. Actually, that is an insult to plus sized women everywhere. You are gigantic.

But I am not as shallow and self-absorbed as those other guys. Who cares that you are 2,220 square feet and would undoubtedly crush me if I try to catch you when you fall? Catching females when they fall is cliched anyway. Let them fall. It makes them appreciate you more when you are there to pick them up.

(They don't, however, appreciate when you are the one that trips them—not that I would do that. But if I did, it was because she had it coming. Teach her to tell me I couldn't ride the carousel again.) Anyway...

What I am trying to say is that I am OK with your size. Really, it doesn't bother me. In fact, if you were any smaller it would make watching you difficult.

Being able to swivel my head and see instantaneous replays from my seat in the student section is one of the things I love most about you. That and your up to the minute stats that you display alongside the video. I love stats (even though "passing yards" never passed 200 yards last season, change is coming baby, be patient).

So your size isn't the problem. The only foreseeable hiccup is public opinion. People get all self-righteous and judgmental when you fall in love with an "inanimate" object. They throw out words like "pervert" and "freak".

Who is the freak? The guy that has found pure, true love or the guy that makes fun of the other guy that loves an immovable glorified television? (Rhetorical question.)

And I would argue that you are not totally inanimate. You do show live footage. That makes you at least an eighth real. Right? It's not like we are the first pairing of this kind.

Other critics of our love would undoubtedly point out the age difference. Sure, you are one in people years, but in technology years you are 25. Sorry, you will soon be obsolete. Now you see how the last jumbotron, Agnes, felt.

She was 115 and already well into menopause when you replaced her (she was also heavily pixelated, not attractive at all).

Shannon, it is you and me against the world. All the narrow-minded people will ask, "Why is that guy hugging the jumbotron? Is he petting it? Why is he taking off his pants?" But we will know the truth. Our love goes deeper than words or even feelings.

Our love is subterranean. It goes beneath the crust, through the mantle, and into the inner crust. It is some deep, hot shit.

Your soulmate,

Ben

P.S. Look for me at the La-Monroe game. I will be wearing an orange shirt waving a shaker.

This and more at The Pigskin Pathos! Yeah!

SEC Football: Top Five Uniforms

Ben White — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 16:09:03 -0400

The Top Five Uniforms of SEC Teams:

5. Vanderbilt

Though Vanderbilt traditionally is not very successful on the gridiron, they at least look good in every game.

Black, Gold, and White make a great color combination, and the styling of the uniform is very classy. The redesigning of the logo back to the star with a V in the center was a great move.

Best Uniform Combination—Away: Gold helmet, White jersey, with black numerals and black pants.

4. Georgia

Red and Black are very powerful colors, and Georgia utilizes them well. The Bulldogs also rock the silver britches at home or away.

The power G logo, though stolen from Green Bay, looks good on the red helmet. Even the black jerseys look pretty good. All in all, a very professional-looking uniform.

Best Uniform Combination—Away: Red Helmet, white jerseys with black numerals, and the famous silver britches.

3. LSU

The colors of Mardi Gras look great on the Tigers and seem very appropriate given the carnival atmosphere of Tiger Stadium.

Largely unchanged since...well, forever, LSU has the unique distinction of being able to wear the same uniform pretty much all the time, a good choice given how ugly the purple jerseys are.

The helmet is also a classic and meshes well with the white jerseys.

Best Uniform Combination—Away/Home on most occasions: Golden yellow helmet, white jersey with royal purple numerals, and golden yellow pants.

2. Alabama

The classiest uniforms in the country belong to the Alabama Crimson Tide.

Simplicity in itself is beautiful, and when simple crimson meets simple white with classic styling, it makes a great-looking uniform.

At home or away, Alabama makes old school look good with the numbered crimson helmets.

Best Uniform Combination—Home: Crimson helmet, Crimson jersey with white numerals, and white pants.

1. Auburn

While the classiest uniforms are in Tuscaloosa, head across the state to Auburn to find the best-looking.

Navy blue and orange are tough to match up, but the shade that Auburn uses meshes beautifully.

Shoulder stripes make the jersey brighten up, and the white helmet with the interlocking AU and the stripe arrangement down the center is flawless.

Auburn does it right: clean and classy.

Best Uniform Combination—Home: White helmet, Navy blue jersey with white numerals, and white pants.

Article by Chris—University of Tennessee student and part of the two-headed monster that is Ben White. See the rest of this article and more (you know you want to go look) at The Pigskin Pathos.

Auburn Football: Preview of an Arms Race at Quarterback

Ben White — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 19:23:37 -0400

When I was thinking about how to preview the Auburn quarterback situation I kept coming back to the Cold War.

The battle for the elite position of quarterback at Auburn University is comparable to that of superpowers bent on world domination.

Also, it was fairly easy to fit both Burns and Todd into the stereotypes that surrounded the U.S. and the U.S.S.R.

Kodi Burns (America)

Americans have an obsession with speed and flash, and Kodi Burns has speed and flash in spades (maybe even in diamonds). He ran a sub-4.5 40 coming out of high school and has the shiftiness of a feral cat.

If Kodi were a sports car, he would be the Saleen S7 Twin Turbo, a car that goes from Zero to Mach Dammit in a hurry. He—like middle age American sports car owners going through a mid-life crisis—is sometimes all too happy to show off his speed.

The Tony Franklin system (Buy it now!) should give Burns easier reads and fewer rushing attempts. Of course, 2007 Troy quarterback Omar Haugabook led the team in rushing attempts.

Kodi has an arm comparable to the American AGM-114 Hellfire missile. He's a Hellfire missile with a damaged guidance system maybe, but a missile nonetheless. No one questions the strength of Kodi's arm, only the accuracy.

Last season, Kodi seemed to prefer carpet bombing which forced terrorists into caves. Hopefully this year he will switch over to laser-guided tactical missiles, which would be sent into those caves.

Potentate Franklin's work with Kodi has already paid off, as his accuracy and decision making seemed to be much improved this spring.

Like America—the land of the 44 0z. drink and teenage boob jobs—Kodi Burns is all about speed and flash combined with a big, erratic arm.

In all fairness, Kodi did as well as most freshman quarterbacks thrown into the fire their first year. He made his share of mistakes but also showed immense potential that will hopefully be tapped this year.

Preposterous Prediction: Kodi goes All-American over everybody's asses and leads Auburn to an undefeated 14-0 season. He is a unanimous 1st team All American and the only player invited to New York for the Heisman presentation.

Realistic Prediction: Burns splits time with Chris Todd and has an above-average year. Auburn finishes the season 10-2 with a trip to the SEC championship game. Kodi is semi-famous and gets free Momma's Loves from Momma Goldberg's for a whole year.

Pessimist's Prediction: Kodi has a horrendous first few games and losses playing time to Todd. Auburn flounders and finishes with a disappointing 7-5 season. No free Momma's Loves.

Chris Todd (Soviet Union)

I am not trying to imply that Chris Todd is the enemy. He is just the Soviet Union to Kodi Burns' America. Todd is relatively slow, older, creaky, sturdy, and reliable.

Well, reliable and sturdy might be a stretch at this point, but he does have more knowledge and experience in the Franklin system and his accuracy appears to be a tad better.

Chris made it to Auburn just in time, as it is rumored that Tony Franklin is drafting a "Franklin Document" based on the famous "Truman Doctrine" that will slow the influx of slow, unathletic quarterbacks to Auburn.

Similar to how the U.S. never really knew the real military capacity of the U.S.S.R., no one really knows the arm strength of Chris Todd. Franklin said his arm was everywhere from 60 percent to below 50 percent this spring and he missed a large chunk of spring action due to arm fatigue.

This could just be Viceroy Franklin protecting his chum, who appeared to have below average arm strength. Hopefully he is packing an ICBM that is aimed at the opponent's end zone.

The big advantage Todd has over Burns is knowledge of the Franklin/spread system. Todd's high school ran Franklin's offense and he also spent a year at spread heaven: Texas Tech.

Franklin really likes Chris' knowledge and pocket presence. He seemed comfortable in the pocket but did not have any better numbers than Burns did this spring. Is that because of his arm troubles or is Kodi's passing ability improving rapidly?

Todd may be slower, a little creaky, and possibly injury-prone, but he has more knowledge of the system and is more accurate. What Todd lacks in skill (technology), he makes up for with reliability.

So Kodi may be driving around in his 2008 Porsche Boxster with its fancy GPS, power locks, and A.C. having a grand time. Chris is more than happy to drive his 1988 turquoise Grand Am with no right rear window, bungee cords holding the trunk closed, and only one headlight. It is reliable.

Preposterous Prediction: Chris Todd completes every pass he attempts for the first five games and leads Auburn to a 14-0 national championship season. Co-eds all over Auburn throw themselves at his feet and he hoists the Heisman bracketed by the two girls Brandon Cox was seen with at the Chick-Fil-A Bowl.

Realistic Prediction: Todd shares time with Burns and has an average season. Auburn finishes the year 10-2 with a trip to the Capital One Bowl. Todd is referred to as the "piece that stopped the puzzle from being completed." Kodi Burns is seen as the hero of Auburn and gets free sandwiches at Momma G's. Chris enters a deep depression that leads to alcohol abuse. He is arrested late one night for burning down the tree at Toomer's Corner while singing "What It's Like" by Everlast.

Pessimists Prediction: Todd's right arm falls off during the game against ULM. He gives up football and becomes infamous as the one-armed scalper. He develops a heroin addiction and dies alone.

To see this article in its complete and unaltered form, visit The Pigskin Pathos.

Auburn Defeated? Who, Us?

Ben White — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 15:37:00 -0400

It seems the pundits (*cough* Paul Finebaum *cough*) that declared Auburn's domination over Alabama ended after their much ballyhooed 2008 recruiting class were a little premature.

Auburn picked up its sixth commitment today from Bessemer wide receiver Brandon Heavens. Heavens picked Auburn over Alabama, Tennessee, Miss. State, and Kentucky.

All six of Auburn's commitments thus far are residents of Alabama. You can take the cyanide pill out of your false tooth. Everything is going to be OK Auburn nation.