Bleacher Report - Articles by Amy Lamare

It's Troy Week and UCLA STILL SUCKS

Amy Lamare — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 02:01:06 -0500

In 1979, the Trojan Marching Band played on the Fleetwood Mac recording of Tusk. Football Fiends, thanks to the wonders of YouTube I bring you the USC Trojan Marching Band after beating Cal:

And some more scrumpdiliciousness "U-C-L-A Sucks" goodness—see it doesn’t matter whom or where we are playing. The answer to the Trojan Marching band playing Tusk is always "U-C-L-A SUCKS." In fact, whenever, wherever, however, I hear Tusk, the answer is always "U-C-L-A SUCKS."

Here’s the rally in Lincoln, NE in 2007 before the Cornhuskers game, U-C-L-A still sucks:

And here’s the TMB and Song Girls in Arkansas Stadium, still "U-C-L-A SUCKS."

It doesn’t matter. NO ONE IS AS GOOD A VICTORY FOR THE TROJANS AS UCLA.

Remember, U-C-L-A SUCKS!

-Your Gridiron Goddess

It's Troy Week—USC Band Alternate Lyrics for UCLA Fight Song!

Amy Lamare — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:52:48 -0500

Trojan faithful learn the lyrics to this spoof on the UCLA fight song practically before we learn FIGHT ON!

Westwood High
lyrics by the USC Marching Band

High up in the hills of Westwood
Sprawled offensive to the eye
Lies a Cal extension campus
Known as Westwood High. (high, high, high)
Home of all the Bruin bearcubs
UGLY is its name,
The student body’s vile,
The football team’s a pile,
And the campus is a shame.

U clap, clap, clap
G clap, clap, clap
L clap, clap, clap
Y clap, clap, clap

U—G—L—Y

EAT MY SHORTS!

NCAA: R.I.P. UGA VII

Amy Lamare — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:38:17 -0500

Football Fiends,

It is with a heavy heart that I pass on the news that the adorable four-year-old bulldog mascot for the University of Georgia "UGA VII" has died today.

His handsome wrinkley face has been a fixture at the school for more than a year. He died early Thursday of heart-related causes in Savannah, GA, according to its owner, Frank “Sonny” Seiler.

My heart goes out, once again , to the Bulldog Nation on this very sad day. My dear sweet Sally Bananas passed away in September, so I know how it feels.

He will be buried in a vault at Sanford Stadium with UGA's I-VI. I am heartbroken, y’all.

UGA's I-VI will be in heaven to welcome UGA VII with open paws.

Your Gridiron Goddess

USC Football: Bandwagon Now Departing at Fig & Jefferson

Amy Lamare — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 04:14:14 -0500

Football Fiends,

In some circles, I’ve been called a Bandwagon Fan. This post is in answer to those charges. (Which were obviously made by people who do not know me very well, nor have they spent much time reading my posts.)

I am not just a sports blogger, or a football blogger, I am primarily a USC Blogger. I’ve been a huge fan of the University of Southern California since I was a kid. I grew up in a family with many ties to Notre Dame and choosing USC as a kid was a way to be ornery and annoy my older relatives.

Choosing USC as my college had everything to do with falling in love with the campus and the Dean’s Scholarship I was awarded. Let’s just guesstimate my fandom started around 1978.

That’s not a bandwagon fan, folks. A bandwagon fan is well, any of the number of unwashed, uneducated masses that have adopted USC as their own simply due to our recent success. And trust me, I don’t want to see them in my cardinal and gold any more than you do.

By definition a Bandwagon fan is someone who adopts a popular point of view for the primary purpose of recognition and/or acceptance by others. USC has more than its share of bandwagon fans. I am happy to announce that their particular bandwagon is departing now every hour on the hour from Downtown LA. They are bound for Palo Alto. Congratulations Stanford, you can have ‘em!

True USC fans are THRILLED to see the bandwagon fans jump off our cart. Bandwagon fans are the most annoying thing in sports.

So while my non-USC Pac-10 brethren laugh at USC’s humiliation at the hands of Stanford, the one thing we have in common is our glee at waving “Buh-Bye Now” to the legions of Bandwagon USC fans.

Try not to twist your ankle as you jump off our bandwagon in favor of the latest flavor of the week. Fickle fans we do not need.

I write about USC because it is a school that I love to a ridiculous degree.

I am, and remain always, Extremely Proud to be a USC Trojan. Even if we never win another football game again. Which, you know, will not be the case.

-Your Gridiron Goddess

In Pete Carroll We Trust: Why USC's Dynasty Isn't Dead

Amy Lamare — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:41:44 -0500

Hello Football Fiends!

Did you know Stanford’s Jim Harbaugh is a giant flaming stinking pile of isht? You didn’t? Well, now you do, and trust me, I’ll remind you again and again.

Look, I give the guy all the credit in the world for the coaching job he’s done at Stanford over the past three seasons. Stanford is a difficult program to get to succeed what with the school’s pesky academic requirements, yet Harbaugh took a 1-11 team and three seasons later had them pull off back-to-back upsets of top 10 ranked teams. Impressive.

However, the man needs a giant personality transplant. What a nasty piece of work he is. He seems to have a giant chip on his shoulder where USC football and Pete Carroll are concerned.

Well, his sh*t talking, rudeness, and mocking will be tolerated no longer. The USC Mafia will call him out, and He. Will. Pay.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s address all these ridiculous “The Fall of Troy: The Dynasty is Dead” statements the press has been screaming from their pulpits.

People. Let’s get real. USC has the talent, it has the depth, it has Pete Carroll. After seven years at the top of the Pac-10 pile, and with coaching attrition the likes of which no other major collegiate program has (a whole post dedicated to that will go up this week), Carroll’s Trojans were due a rebuilding year.

Three losses is not the end of the freaking world, folks. Nor is it the end of the elite status of USC football. Let’s take a look at what Carroll has accomplished in his years at USC:

2001: 6-6-0 (5-3-0 Pac-10) Loss in the Las Vegas Bowl to the University of Utah, Not Ranked

2002: 11-2 (7-1 Pac-10) Pac-10 Champs, finished the season No. 4, Carson Palmer Heisman, beat Iowa in the Orange Bowl, lost to Kansas State and Washington State

2003: 12-1 (7-1 Pac-10) Pac-10 Champions, AP National Champions, beat Michigan in the Rose Bowl, finished season ranked No. 1 AP No. 2 BCS, only loss was to Cal by three in triple overtime

2004: 13-0 (8-0 Pac-10) Pac-10 Champions, AP and BCS National Champions, Matt Leinart Heisman, beat Oklahoma in the Orange Bowl for the BCS Nat’l Championship, wire to wire AP No. 1

2005: 12-1 (8-0 Pac 10) Pac-10 Champions, Reggie Bush Heisman, played Texas in the Rose Bowl for National Championship and lost, end season ranked No. 2, only loss of season to Texas in Nat’l Championship game

2006: 11-2 (7-2 Pac-10) Pac-10 Champions, beat Michigan in the Rose Bowl, finished season No. 4, lost to Oregon State and UCLA

2007: 11-2 (7-2 Pac-10) Pac-10 Champions, beat Illinois in the Rose Bowl, finished season ranked No. 2 in the Coaches' Poll, No. 3 in the AP, lost to Stanford and Oregon

2008: 12-1 (8-1 Pac-10) Pac-10 Champions, beat Penn State in the Rose Bowl, finished season ranked No. 2 in the Coaches' Poll and No. 3 in the AP, lost to Oregon State

Folks, those are some pretty consistent numbers. So we have three losses so far this season—so what?

Consider the case of the University of Florida football program. Urban Meyer took over the Gator football program at the start of the 2005 season. They went 9-3. The following year, in 2006, Florida won the SEC and the BCS National Championship game.

Then 2007 rolled around, and the Gators lost four games. They lost to Auburn, LSU, Georgia, and Michigan (in the Capital One Bowl) and ended the season ranked No. 13. Tim Tebow won his Heisman that year.

Did anyone cry “end of an era,” “the dynasty is over” back then? Hell no.

In fact, for years after the Miami Hurricanes and Florida Seminoles started dropping off the national radar, they were also still given the benefit of the doubt. Words like rebuilding and phrases like “a down year” were bandied about. The media stressed the rich recruiting in the state of Florida and stated that the Gators (or Hurricanes or ‘Noles depending on the year) would be back.

So why not cut USC some of that same slack, folks? We’ve got a true freshman at QB who has a bad habit of throwing balls into coverage. We’ve got a new offensive coordinator who has shown some of the worst play calling in FBS football. Our defense is...bizarrely slow and out of position most of the time. We’ve got discipline and chemistry problems. Sometimes those things take a season to work out.

Sure, that hasn’t really happened in the Pete Carroll era of USC football yet—but let’s face it, all those John David Booty-led teams, while successful, didn’t really set the world on fire. Matt Barkley will mature, and with that maturity he will become a stronger player, and USC will rise to the top of the Pac-10 and BCS once again.

And you know what? It’s just one season. So stop rubbing your hands together in glee celebrating USC’s fall from grace. While many streaks do die this year (seven straight Pac-10 championships, seven straight BCS bowls, seven straight 11-win seasons, etc), this is no cause for true alarm. Carroll and the Men of Troy will work the kinks out.

When they do, boy, I wouldn’t want to be Jim Harbaugh or the Stanford Cardinal. The complete lack of class they showed on Saturday will be paid back to them. You can’t keep USC down for long, especially not with Big Balls Pete at the helm.

USC vs Stanford: Well That Was Depressing

Amy Lamare — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 21:28:54 -0500

I am sure, Football Fiends, that I will have a whole lot to say about tonight’s loss to Stanford tomorrow. Right now, well, Jim Harbaugh is a big fat steaming pile of...well you get the idea. Going for a two point conversion when up by 27? Way to show good sportsmanship.

See? This is why I need a little distance from tonight’s debacle before I can write about it.

We’re 4-3 in the Pac-10. Gah!

Am going to go watch bad romantic comedies now. Then I can convince myself the tears are for the shmaltzy movie, not my beloved Trojans’ third loss of the season.

Reports of the dynasty being over are greatly exagerrated. More on that later. But hello, Florida lost three games in 2005 and no one crowed about the crumbling of their program.

OK, really I need to not think about this right now.

-Your Gridiron Goddess

USC vs. Stanford: Keys to the Game

Amy Lamare — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:20:47 -0500

So yeah, USC vs. Stanford. I can’t say I’m looking forward to this game. In fact, I dread it.

I am about as big a Trojan fan as they come. My car’s license plates are LOVSCFB (Love SC football). I passionately rooted for my team throughout the dark days known as the 1990s. I plotted ways to take Paul Hackett out. Anything to help my Trojans. So it pains me to say this, but: We very well could lose this game. I would not be surprised if we do.

We’ve been riddled with injuries. We have no true team leadership. We’ve played six of our nine games on the road. We’ve played five ranked opponents. We now come home to the Coliseum to face Stanford. And we’re beaten up. And the rose colored glasses have been ripped from the eyes of both fans and players alike.

We face Stanford, who has handed USC its last three losses in the Coliseum and is coming off a big win over Oregon. However, we have one big fat advantage going into this game: Some of the key injuries that have hampered the Trojans all season are healing. The biggest advantage for the Trojans is the return of the powerful and dynamic fullback Stanley Havili.

Havili gives the offense a big boost in firepower and playmaking. Tight end Anthony McCoy is expected to play this weekend. Linebacker Malcolm Smith and defensive end Everson Griffin return and look to restore some of the power to their Trojan team that was lacking last week against ASU.

WR Damian Williams is still doubtful for Saturday, which could present an issue for this young offense. Center Kristofer O’Dowd is still out. USC is starting true freshman Devon Kennard at strongside linebacker. You can’t underestimate the loss of Williams, as he’s been the most consistent play maker for Matt Barkley. The biggest evidence of chemistry on this Trojan team is between Barkley and Williams.

The Trojans are not lacking in talent or depth. They never are. But where this 2009 team differs from other Trojan teams of the Pete Carroll era is in discipline and chemistry. Last week at ASU the Trojans had nine penalties for 98 yards. That’s inexcusable. Where is the leadership on this team? Surely the revolving door on the coaching staff can’t help (and will be addressed in a future post). QB Matt Barkley is 19 years old. Basically, Trojan fans are spoiled and this is a rebuilding year that has been nearly a decade in the making.

On Twitter last night, a friend asked me if Carroll has hit the end of his prime. I don’t believe he has. He’s only been at USC since 2001. I believe the true problem lies in the new coaching staff. Offensive coordinator Jeremy Bates is an NFL guy and has sucked calling plays for the Trojans. It makes one wonder if he’s reviewed the tapes from 2001-2008. Because this 2009 offense is not a Trojan offense. Rocky Seto, the defensive coordinator, has some truly odd schemes going this year. Odd and ineffective.

I said last week that this Trojan team bore an eerie resemblance to the Paul Hackett teams of a decade ago. And for any Trojan fan that lived through that dark era in history, it was enough to make you sick. But this isn’t a Paul Hackett coached team. It’s a Pete Carroll team. We don’t call him Big Balls Pete for nothing.

Can we win this game? Of Course We Can. The only thing beating the Trojans right now is themselves. The penalties, the lack of chemistry and discipline, the anemic play calling, and the injuries. We have the talent. We’re just lacking in experience.

I predict it will be a close one in the Coliseum on Saturday. It’s Homecoming for USC, and I really don’t see this team dropping a game at home especially on Homecoming. Look for another ugly win by the Trojans.

Follow me on Twitter @GridironGoddess

(This post was originally posted to Buster Sports )

-Your Gridiron Goddess

College Football Picks Week 11: Week 11?!!

Amy Lamare — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:10:18 -0500

Hey Football Fiends!!!

So you will notice that I am not picking the USC-Stanford game. I just can’t. I am not at all certain that we will win (we won’t cover the 10.5 spread for sure), and I have a strict policy of never picking against my team.

Iowa over Ohio State

BC over UVA

Northwestern over Illinois

Louisville over Syracuse

Wisconsin over Michigan

Clemson over NCSU

GA Tech over Duke

VA Tech over Maryland

UCLA over Wazzou

Pitt over ND

Arizona over Cal

Oregon over ASU

Oklahoma over Texas A&M

Air Force over UNLV

Oregon State over Washington

Miami (FL) over UNC

-Your Gridiron Goddess

From the Archives: Delhomme and Carr Fight Back in Carolina

Amy Lamare — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:30:09 -0500

Football Fiends-

Today we conclude our trip through the archives with the final “Press Conference” in the Vinny Testaverde series. My NFL picks (ugh. this has not been my season at ALL) will go up tomorrow before the Bears and 49ers kick off in San Francisco. Fresh USC content will go up on Buster Sports tomorrow.

But now, without further ado: I present the 4th installment in the Carolina Panthers Bon Jovi Press Conferences.

October 24, 2007 – Charlotte, North Carolina – Panthers facilities

In response to recent press conferences called by Vinny Testaverde, QBs Jake Delhomme and David Carr called a press conference of their own tonight.

At precisely two minutes past midnight, the Panthers QBs entered the room decked out like Bon Jovi groupies circa 1986. The room of reporters stifled laughs. This ought to be good, I thought to myself.

As the familiar sounds of Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer” began to play, Delhomme informed us they had something to say in response to Testaverde’s recent press conferences.

Full transcript of Carr and Delhomme’s Press Conference follows:

Carr: “Jakey used to play first string
His elbow went on strike
He’s down on his luck…it’s tough, so tough
Delhomme: David cleans his gloves all day
With a sore back, tryin’ to keep the pain at bay
For glove – for glove

Delhomme and Carr: He says we’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got
cause it doesn’t make a difference
If we make it or not
We’ve got each other and that’s a lot
For glove – we’ll give it a shot

Chorus:
Whooah, were half way there
Vinny hasn’t got a prayer
Take my hand and we’ll make it – I swear
Vinny hasn’t got a prayer

Delhomme: Vinny’s got his Heisman in hock
Now he’s holding in what he used
To make it talk – so tough, it’s tough
Carr: Vinny dreams of starting on gameday
When we challenge Vinny to fight,
He tells us we’ll regret this, someday

Delhomme and Carr: We’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got
cause it doesn’t make a difference
If we make it or not
We’ve got each other and that’s a lot
For glove – we’ll give it a shot

We’ve got to hold on ready or not
Our spots on the team, its all that we’ve got.”

-Your Gridiron Goddess

From the Archives: You Give Glove a Bad Name (Satire)

Amy Lamare — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:15:46 -0500

Football Fiends,

It’s Tuesday and once again we’re delving into the archives to bring you some laughs. Below is the third “press conference” in my 2007 Satire series about Carolina signing Vinny Testaverde.

October 17, 2007 Charlotte, North Carolina —Panthers Practice Facilities

Blogs and sports media are calling for Coach John Fox to name David Carr the starting QB for next weekend’s home game against the Indianapolis Colts. Citing his age, sports writers and bloggers dismiss the Vinny-mania currently hitting North Cakalak by pointing out the fact that Testaverde turns 44 next month.

Reporters got the call from Testaverde this evening, another midnight press conference has been called. We can only wonder what he’s going to do this time. Will he point out that Carr has not provided evidence to back up sports writers claims that he is the starting QB? And what about those gloves?

Testaverde, as usual, made his entrance at precisely two minutes after midnight wearing skin tight torn jeans and a vintage Bon Jovi Slippery When Wet concert t-shirt. He placed the boom box on the podium and hit play.

The familiar notes of the hit Bon Jovi song “You Give Love a Bad Name” started to play he turned around with his wireless microphone and…

Full Testaverde coverage follows.

Testaverde: “First I just want to say to all of you, thank you for coming out. I’d like to make you all, the fans, and the Panthers management aware of the following statistic. I have 6,562 career pass attempts. The Panthers have 6,412 pass attempts in their entire history. I ask you now, who should be starting? Me or the gloved one?

Will I be under center please do tell
You signed me to save you, and I did it so well
Who will be the starting QB?
Is it David Carr or Testaverde?

My arm is a loaded gun
There’s nowhere to run
No one else can save you
The damage is done

Demoted to second string
And you’re to blame
You give glove a bad name
I play my best and you play pretty lame
You give glove a bad name
You give glove a bad name

Put your gloves on your hands
Mr. Mittens is what you’re called by the fans
You smile so bright, your hair’s just right
One more sack and your back will say goodnight

My arm is a loaded gun
There’s nowhere to run
No one else can save you
The damage is done

Demoted to second string
And you’re to blame
You give glove a bad name
I play my best and you play pretty lame
You give glove a bad name
You give glove a bad name”

-Your Gridiron Goddess

USC vs. ASU, 2009 Analysis: Bad Flashbacks

Amy Lamare — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 02:26:20 -0500

Football Fiends,

If I didn't know better, I’d have sworn we were looking at a Paul Hackett-coached USC team on Saturday in Tempe.

We looked that bad. That undisciplined. That off the mark. Coverages were blown. Our vaunted speed on defense was nowhere to be seen. Our freshman-phenom QB looked like, well, a freshman QB...minus the phenom.

And don’t even get me started on the play calling.

If I were Pete Carroll (or Mike Garrett, as Carroll seems befuddled by this implosion of the mighty Trojans), I’d be taking Offensive Coordinator Jeremy Bates and Defensive Coordinator Rocky Seto out behind the proverbial woodshed.

3rd-and-15 and you call a running play? Are you freaking kidding me?

The USC offense continues to struggle on third downs, something USC fans have not seen in the offenses of the Pete Carroll era. However, in the past we’ve had guys like Norm Chow and Lane Kiffin and Steve Sarkisian calling the plays. Remember? Remember when USC was explosive on offense? Remember when every single play called wasn’t a 2-4 yard running play?

By the way, what’s the deal with the revolving door of offensive coaches for the Trojans? And what the f--- is Bates’ issue? Has he not studied the type of offense the Trojans run?

This is not the NFL, we do not play to tie; This is not the Big Ten, we do not play safe, we do not play conservative.

Do that in the Pac-10 and you end up with two (or more) losses.

Saturday, the Trojans struggled on both sides of the ball.

Our offense has scored one touchdown in six quarters. Matt Barkley was 7-22 for 122 yards with one TD and one INT. USC had 12 first downs compared to ASU’s 23. We had 258 yards of total offense compared to ASU’s 347.

We passed for 122 yards, they passed for 266. We were 0-1 on fourth-down conversions, the Sun Devils were 2-3. ASU coughed up the ball four times and USC only capitalized on that once. Will Harris had an electric 55-yard interception return in the second quarter.

Make no mistake, ASU outplayed USC in just about every way.

In fact, for much of the fourth quarter, USC looked like it was doing its best to give the game away. This team is not hungry. Or it doesn’t have chemistry. Or both.

The Trojans no longer make the great second-half adjustments they’ve become known for. The offense is anemic. The defense is slow and seems to have forgotten how to tackle.

In short, this 2009 Trojan football team looks a whole hell-of-a-lot like 1998-99 Paul Hackett-coached Trojan football team.

Rebuilding is not a bad word. We’re so used to Pete Carroll just reloading year after year. We’re spoiled. We’re possibly the most spoiled fan base in NCAA football. This USC football team is a mystery. They seem to be getting worse as the season goes on, not better.

And next week we get Stanford. The Cardinal completely took apart Oregon on Saturday while we struggled with the Sun Devils.

The Cardinal soundly beat the Ducks 51-42. Maybe Oregon had a USC hangover. But I suspect USC’s defense is just incapable of stopping a mobile QB. We’ve seen it for YEARS. Texas in the 2006 Rose Bowl. Oregon State in 2008. Washington and Oregon this year.

I am really afraid for this Stanford game.

USC is rebuilding. Just keep telling yourself that, Trojan fans. This is not the Hackett era. It just looks and feels a whole lot like it. And those were dark days. Dark days indeed.

-Your Gridiron Goddess

Week 10 College Football Picks: New Drinking Game Edition

Amy Lamare — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:08:45 -0500

I’ve invented a new drinking game that ensures you can responsibly handle the duties of a designated driver. Every time the USC defense makes a tackle, take a shot.

Big announcement coming soon. For now, this broken-hearted Trojan is going to stop sulking over last week’s loss and look ahead to the…Holiday Bowl? Las Vegas Bowl? Fiesta Bowl? Who knows. I am trying to convince myself I don’t care, but that’s not true.

USC over ASU (Look out Sundevils, this is our sixth road game of the season and we’re angry. However, we still do not know how to tackle.)

Minnesota over Illinois

NCSU over Maryland

GA Tech over Wake Forest

Oklahoma State over Iowa State

Alabama over LSU

Oklahoma over Nebraska

Penn State over Ohio State

Oregon State over Cal

Washington over UCLA

Oregon over Stanford

Clemson over FSU

Michigan over Purdue

I’ll be back on Sunday with a USC game recap.

From the Archives: Vinny Testaverde Calls Press Conference (Humor)

Amy Lamare — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:03:21 -0500

Hey Football Fiends!

Did you catch my USC Trojans’ defensive performance on Halloween? You didn’t? Funny, NEITHER DID I. NO TACKLES. NO TACKLES. *&^$^%&%&^%@^&*&(()_

Sorry, apparently I am still twitchy over that 47-20 loss.

Remember back in 2007 when Jake Delhomme went down with injury and David Carr’s glove love wasn’t doing it for the Panthers? John Fox went out and signed a fresh prospect, a Heisman Trophy winner…from 1986.

Vinny Testaverde put aside his AARP materials to don the Panther Blue. I was greatly amused by this turn of events. Today in "From the Archives" we take a look at a “press conference” Vinny called to alert the citizens of North Carolina of his arrival.

Phoenix, Arizona—October 13, 2007—Undisclosed Hotel of the Carolina Panthers

Veteran quarterback Vinny Testeverde recently signed a one-year contract with the Carolina Panthers to shore up their QB situation with Jake Delhomme and David Carr injured. Testaverde called a late-night press conference to address rumors of his AARP eligibility first spread by sportswriter Amy the Gridiron Goddess in her October 12th appearance on Los Angeles radio station KROQ’s Kevin and Bean show.

Full transcript of Testaverde’s speech follows below:

Testaverde: “Ladies and Gentlemen of the press, thanks for coming out and indulging me at this late hour. I just have a few things I need to get off my chest.”

Testaverde then pulled a CD player out from the podium and hit play. As the familiar sound of Bon Jovi’s hit song “It’s My Life” began to play, Vinny grabbed the microphone and moved out in front of the podium. The press was puzzled and intrigued. What was this aging, wily QB from Brooklyn up to? And why was he wearing leather pants?

Testaverde: “This ain’t a start I don’t deserve
No silent prayer for the injured reserve
I ain’t gonna be just a guy on the sidelines
You’re gonna hear the fans shout
When I cross the goal line

It’s my game
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna play forever
I just want to play while I’m alive
(It’s my game)
The field is like an open highway
Like Vinny said
I did it my way
I just wanna play while I’m alive
It’s my game

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Marino and Favre who never backed down
Tomorrow’s getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain’t even lucky
Got to make your own plays

Better stand tall when they’re calling you out
Don’t bend, don’t break, hell, don’t back down

-Your Gridiron Goddess

From the Archives: Separated at Birth #5: Stanford Edition

Amy Lamare — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 23:05:13 -0500

Hey Football Fiends!

I’ve got some big news potentially to share with you all regarding Your Gridiron Goddess further expanding her internet reach, but I am going to wait until its all official-like, and I can point you to the new digs before I officially announce it. (However, SQUEEE it is exciting!)

In the meantime, I’m going to share some classic funny/snarky/silly posts for the next few days, starting with a Separated At Birth Classic:

Stanford Head Coach Jim Harbaugh:

and Family Guy ’s Quagmire:

-Your Gridiron Goddess

College Football Week Eight: Holy Crap the Season is More Than Half Over

Amy Lamare — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:52:33 -0400

Hey Football Fiends!

Here are my CFB picks for Week Eight. I’ll be back with content OTHER THAN picks next week.

USC over Oregon State (Jacquizz Rodgers be damned)

GA Tech over UVA

Miami (FL) over Clemson

Purdue over Illinois

Ohio State over MN

ND over BC

Bama over TN

Oregon over Washington

Penn State over Michigan

Texas over Mizzou (Come on Mizzou, take care of Texas, will you? They are not NEARLY good enough to be in contention for the BCS Championship)

Arizona over fUCLA

Arkansas over Ole Miss

Cincy over L’Ville

Michigan State over Iowa

TCU over BYU

Stanford over ASU

-Your Gridiron Goddess

NFL Week Seven Picks: In Which I Cry UNCLE

Amy Lamare — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:14:49 -0400

Football Fiends, let’s be frank (Hi Frank!):

I am stinking up the joint with my NFL picks lately. I’m kicking ass in CFB picks, but that’s neither here nor there. I don’t have enough underdogs right now, so I may change a few games before Sunday morning. I can hardly do much worse than last week, right?

So without further ado, your winners this week are:

Green Bay over Cleveland

San Diego over KC

Indianapolis over St. Louis

Minnesota over Pittsburgh

New England over Tampa

San Francisco over Houston

Jets over Oakland

Carolina over Buffalo

Chicago over Cincinnati

Atlanta over Dallas

New Orleans over Miami

Giants over Arizona

Philadelphia over Washington

-Your Gridiron Goddess

College week 7 Picks: Beatdown in Southbend

Amy Lamare — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 19:57:25 -0400

Hey Football Fiends, it’s the big USC v Notre Dame weekend.

The Trojans are favored by 10.5 and this is one game that I do think we will not only win, but cover the spread. Consider the past two contests between USC and the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame—USC has won by a margin of 76-3. Matt Barkley may not yet be Mark Sanchez, but he’s at least as good as the 2007 Trojan QB, John David Booty.

College Football Picks Week 7

USC over Notre Dame

Pitt over Rutgers

BC over NC State

Ohio State over Purdue

Wake Forest over Clemson

Cal over UCLA

Texas Tech over Nebraska

VA Tech over GA Tech

Oklahoma State over Missouri

Arizona over Stanford

ASU over Washington

Miami (FL) over UCF

Florida over Arkansas

Alabama over South Carolina

Penn State over Minnesota

Auburn over Kentucky

Sincerely,

Your Gridiron Goddess

School Spirit: What We Mean When We Say FIGHT ON!

Amy Lamare — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:43:51 -0400

Hey Football Fiends, in honor of USC-Notre Dame I am re-running a classic Gridiron Goddess post this week, so enjoy! The subject is School Spirit—something the Trojans and Fighting Irish have in spades.

What we mean when we say FIGHT ON! or ROLL TIDE! or WAR EAGLE! or HOOK ‘EM HORNS

-By Amy Lamare of The Gridiron Goddess

Some people have a security blanket. Some people have a teddy bear.

I have a security sweatshirt.

On Saturday morning, er, almost afternoon actually, as I crawled out of bed close to noon and grabbed my white hooded USC sweatshirt, it suddenly occurred to me just how many events in my life that particular sweatshirt has been witness to.

In February 1987, my father and I went on a road trip. It was my Senior Year of high school and we were off on the obligatory father-daughter bonding college campus trip. We loaded up the banana mobile (a yellow Oldsmobile station wagon that was the bane of my existence until I embraced it for its gigantic 8 cylinder engine) and set out for Southern California.

On our agenda: University of Southern California, California State University Long Beach, and the University of San Diego, where one of my best friends was a freshman.

First up was USC, being the closest. It was also not a school I intended on attending. We got lost. We got lost in such a bad neighborhood that when we got to USC, its neighborhood seemed good. Anyone who knows about SC knows this is so far from the truth that it is laughable.

I wanted to go to Long Beach and major in Art. LBSU has a great art program. And if not there, to USD where Didi was and Jodi was going to go. USC was a VERY distant third.

Until I stepped foot on campus. Just seeing the carved rock entrance signs that say University of Southern California gave me chills. And they still do. Seeing the red brick campus and all the students and everything going on there— it was what college was supposed to be.

At least to me. So I marched us to the bookstore and bought a sweatshirt. A white hooded sweatshirt with USC on it in Cardinal and Gold.

And it was this moment that I knew this was where I was going to college.

It was this sweatshirt I wore to my Long Beach State visit. It was this sweatshirt I wore to my USD visit. It was this sweatshirt I was wearing on the drive home when we got snowed in at Mountain Pass and had to backtrack to Baker to find a room for the night.

And wore to bed because there was a hole in the window, the heat did not work, and the advertised cable television out front that we were so relieved about—well, every time the lobby TV changed channels, so did the one in our room. My Dad and I laughed and laughed and laughed that night.

It was this sweatshirt I wore to nearly every football game of my collegiate career. It was this sweatshirt I wore on every break home—just so that everyone knew I no longer lived there, that I’d gotten out and was going to a fabulous school.

It was this sweatshirt that was at the ready when my parents told me they were getting divorced. It was this sweatshirt that was there when nine years later, they remarried each other.

It is this sweatshirt I am wearing in my first ever picture with my newborn niece. She is now 15 and looking at USC in her future.

It was this sweatshirt I wore when I moved to San Diego. It was this sweatshirt I wore when I moved back to LA. And nearly every weekend for 20 years. It’s been to Chicago, to Las Vegas, to New York, to San Francisco, to Phoenix, to Tucson, to D.C., to Orlando, to Hawaii, to Philadelphia, to tiny Ely, NV; to Paris, to Cabo San Lucas, to St. Thomas, Antigua, Anguilla and St. Martin.

It was this sweatshirt that I wore when I went through the not changing my clothes phase of breakups with the most serious and loved of my ex-boyfriends. It was this sweatshirt that I again turned to when I made the difficult choice to leave The Philly Fan because it was healthier for me.

It is this sweatshirt that until recently, I did not even realize had been such a witness to my life. And such a talisman of comfort and home and family. When I chose USC, I took the first step into my adult life. And it is fitting that this first purchase at my school would become my oldest surviving and still in use and most beloved sweatshirt.

Linus ain’t got nothin’ on me with his blanket.

FIGHT ON!

Amy Lamare is The Gridiron Goddess

College Football Picks, Week Six: The Big Florida-LSU Showdown

Amy Lamare — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 00:08:03 -0400

Hey Football Fiends!

But take a closer look folks, they are decidedly mediocre. These are not last year’s Gators and I just have a feeling they are going to be exposed for the weaknesses the team has.

West Virginia over Syracuse

Michigan State over Illinois

VA Tech over BC

Wake Forest over Maryland

Pitt over Connecticut

Alabama over Ole Miss

Florida over LSU (If Tebow doesn’t play, LSU will win)

Washington over Arizona

Stanford over Oregon State

GA Tech over FSU

Ohio State over Wisconsin (tho am contemplating an upset here as well football fiends)

Oregon over UCLA

ASU over Wazzou

Auburn over Arkansas

Fresno State over Hawaii

BYU over UNLV

-Your Gridiron Goddess

College Football Picks—Week Five: The Big Florida-LSU showdown

Amy Lamare — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 00:08:03 -0400

Hey Football Fiends!

I’m sitting here, nursing a bit of the stomach flu and pondering this weekend’s matchups. I’d LOVE to see LSU beat Tim Tebow and company. I’d love to see The Gators take a big ol’ face plant. Why? Because they are overrated. Oh they are good for sure. Possibly even the best college team in the country (ratings be damned and all). But take a closer look folks, they are decidedly mediocre. These are not last year’s Gators and I just have a feeling they are going to be exposed for the weaknesses the team has.

West Virginia over Syracuse

Michigan State over Illinois

VA Tech over BC

Wake Forest over Maryland

Pitt over Connecticut

Alabama over Ole Miss

Florida over LSU

Washington over Arizona

Stanford over Oregon State

GA Tech over FSU

Ohio State over Wisconsin (tho am contemplating an upset here as well football fiends)

Oregon over UCLA

ASU over Wazzou

Auburn over Arkansas

Fresno State over Hawaii

BYU over UNLV

-Your Gridiron Goddess

NFL Picks Week Four: I've got to improve my average

Amy Lamare — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 23:15:21 -0400

Oh Football Fiends,

I don’t know what’s happened this season but my NFL picks are not up to my usual high standards and accuracy. After the past two weeks—where I’ve taken a beating—my confidence is shot. I have a number of games I am still mulling over-these are noted with a (?) after them. Check back Sunday morning for my absolute final NFL picks.

Texans over Raiders

Tennessee over Jacksonville (?) (Can the Titans really start 0-4? I just don’t see that happening. Of course, I said the same thing about 0-3)

New England over Baltimore (?)

Bengals over Browns

Giants over Chiefs

Bears over Lions

Redskins over Bucs

Colts over Seattle (?)

New Orleans over Jets (?) (Yes absolutely. Drew Brees, etc. NO should win. But DAMN the Jets are either really good or have dumb luck in their favor.)

Bills over Miami

49ers over Rams

Dallas over Denver (?)

Pittsburgh over San Diego

Minnesota over Green Bay (???)

-Your confused Gridiron Goddess

Stafon Johnson Update: 10 pm

Amy Lamare — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 01:10:34 -0400

USCRipsit.com is reporting that as of 9 pm tonight USC RB Stafon Johnson is still in surgery for the neck/throat injury he sustained this morning during his weight training. Johnson was working at the bench press when the injury occurred.

ETA: @BrandonJHancock (10pm) Latest word…Stafon in Surgery to reconstruct vocal cords.

ETA 2: From the LA Times…

USC running back Stafon Johnson is still in surgery at California Hospital Medical Center near downtown. His condition was “critical but stable” as of about 7:20 tonight, according to a hospital spokesperson.

Friends and family of Johnson have gathered at the hospital, waiting for him to return from surgery which began about five hours ago.

Johnson was injured this morning while lifting weights at the school.

The senior from Dorsey High was just starting a set of bench press lifts when he apparently lost control of the bar and it landed on his neck. He was reportedly spitting up blood and was taken by ambulance to the hospital, where surgery began sometime around 2 p.m., according to family friend John Eatman, a former high school teammate.

Eatman was among about a dozen friends and family members gathered in hospital waiting room this evening. “Right now we don’t know anything,” Eatman said. “We’re just hoping he’s all right.”

Johnson’s mother, Kim Mallory, was at the hospital but declined comment through a family spokesperson.

ETA 3: 10:30 pm RT @BrandonJHancock Stafon out of surgery now. My thoughts and prayers with No. 13 and family.

ETA 4: 11:07 pm According to ABC7: Stafon Johnson expected to make full recovery and though he will be out all of THIS season, his prognosis says Stafon should be back in the Cardinal and Gold No. 13 next season.

Please keep Stafon and his family in your prayers.

FIGHT ON!

USC RB Stafon Johnson Injured in Weight Lifting Accident

Amy Lamare — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 21:17:48 -0400

Football Fiends:

I hate reporting this kind of stuff but a USC player needs your prayers. Standout RB Stafon Johnson suffered a serious injury today in the weight room. He needs your prayers.

This isn’t about football. This is about the Trojan Family. This is about life. This is about a young man making a full recovery.

From ESPN:

Tailback Stafon Johnson was rushed to the hospital after dropping a weight on his throat in the weight room. The injury caused Johnson to start coughing up blood…He was subsequently rushed to the hospital.

That is all there is right now. When I hear more I will update this story.

Please send your thoughts and prayers his way!

UPDATE: This is from USCRipsIt.

Tailback Stafon Johnson suffered a throat injury while weightlifting Monday morning and is undergoing surgery this afternoon.

Johnson, a senior from Compton, was bench-pressing with a spotter in Heritage Hall’s weight room when the bar slipped out of his right hand and fell at an angle onto his throat. USC’s athletic trainers and emergency personnel rushed to the scene, and Johnson was taken to a local hospital, where he’s currently undergoing surgery on his throat.

“It was an unfortunate accident and Stafon is getting great care right now,” Coach Pete Carroll said. “We don’t have a lot of information at this point and we’ll keep everyone updated, but our thoughts and prayers are with Stafon.”

Head strength and conditioning coach Chris Carlisle, who was within 10 feet of the incident, said he was shocked something like this could happen.

“I’ve seen players have the bar slip and fall onto their chest, but never in my 25 years of coaching have I heard of someone dropping a bar on their throat,” Carlisle said. “We’re fortunate he was being spotted.”

The bench press is commonly regarded as one of the safest exercises in the weight room, especially with a spotter, Carlisle said. An assistant strength and conditioning coach was spotting Johnson this morning.

Johnson’s recovery time from surgery is unknown at this time.

UPDATE 2…check out this post from an ENT Surgeon (Ear Nose and Throat) from WeAreSC.com

Guys-
I’m board certified in Otolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery and also in Facial Plastic Surgery. I’ve seen dozens of these type of injuries over the years.

First of all, we should be grateful he is alive and that apparently there are no neurologic problems (stroke, spinal cord injury). He faces potentially a very long road ahead.

Bleeding indicates a break in the laryngeal or tracheal mucosa, and generally this is due to fracture of the cartilages. In young people, the cartilage isn’t calcified and it gives quite alot. But it can break.

Emergent surgery of this nature is usually due to one of two things—impending airway compromise (due to an expanding hematoma—collection of blood, collapse of airway, or even laryngeal nerve injury, or laryngeal-tracheal separation). In that case they will do a tracheostomy, probably with the patient 100 percent awake (these are not fun for the surgeon or the patient—I did three last month).

The other reason for surgery is to perform laryngofissure. The neck is opened up, and the broken laryngeal cartilage (if fractured) is repaired with sutures and titanium microplates.

Rarely do you know the injury ahead of time, as these patients are in extremis, and a CT scan is risky (loosing an airway and trach’ing a patient in the CT scanner is extremely unpleasant).

Thanks to USCRipsIt, WeAreSC and The Conquest Chronicles

NFL Picks—Week Three: Not Sure about That Indy-AZ Game

Amy Lamare — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 00:54:32 -0400

Hey Football Fiends!

I am so not sure what to do about the Indianapolis-Arizona game. Not sure at all. As of the moment of writing this post, I’m going with AZ. However, I MAY change my mind before game time. It’s only fair to let you know. My Pick Em league lets me change my pick up to five minutes before the start of the game. If I do change my mind I will note it with an asterisk.

TN over Jets—guys, I keep changing this game too. Will decide by Sunday morning. One minute I think Jets, of course. The next—hmm TN has played tough...

Texas over Jax

Eagles over KC

Baltimore over Cleveland

NY Giants over Bucs

Redskins over Lions

Green Bay over Rams

Vikings over San Francisco

New England over Atlanta

Chicago over Seattle

New Orleans over Buffalo

San Diego over Miami

Pittsburgh over Cincinnati

Oakland over Denver

Arizona over Indianapolis

Dallas over Carolina

-Your Gridiron Goddess

College Football Picks, Week Five: USC Will Win but Take Wazzou and the Points

Amy Lamare — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 00:36:28 -0400

Hey Football Fiends-

It’s that time of the week again and this Trojan alum finds herself in a familiar place. Unsure of which USC football team is going to show up to play Saturday night in the Coliseum. USC is a 46.5 favorite over Washington State and as past years have shown—this isn’t a great place to be in.

That said, Matt Barkely is starting and USC will win the game. I just don’t think our offense has gelled enough to beat that point spread.

USC over Washington State

Mizzou over Nevada

Ohio State over Illinois

Wisconsin over Michigan State

LSU over Mississippi State

Alabama over Arkansas

Florida over Kentucky

UGA over ASU (I think the Sundevils have a real shot here and I hope they do win! I just, hmmm, am not sure.)

Cal over Oregon

Florida State over South Florida

GA Tech over UNC

U of Miami over VA Tech

Notre Dame over Purdue

Penn State over Iowa

Oregon State over Arizona

Utah over Louisville

-Your Gridiron Goddess

Initial Thoughts on the USC Loss: Superstitions at Work

Amy Lamare — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 04:13:29 -0400

Football Fiends,

I just don’t have it in me right now to do anything but spew unintelligible expletives towards Aaron Corp and Pete Carroll, question play calling, keep reasserting that this team needs Taylor Mays and Matt Barkley healthy, and Joe McDroppersonKnight needs to stop coughing up the ball and really? Right now? We’re looking at two or three losses by the end of the season and our seven-year reign at the top of the Pac-10 will come to an end. (Wow...how’s that for a run-on sentence?)

See? No perspective, just emotion. I do have to say though, for the record, a loss is a lot easier to take when you’re dating a fellow Trojan. At least I know my guy is not going to be gloating.

So for now, let’s talk superstitions.

As you know I entered the Hershey’s Biggest Fan Contest and I am one of this week’s top five finalists. My video is called USC’s Lucky Charm.

I look like total crap in it, but WHATEVER. I wanted to get it uploaded by the deadline, not spend time doing my hair. Please go vote for me as I could really use the $1,000 prize.

As some of you know, I’ve been unemployed for two years. SO I REALLY NEED THE MONEY. Voting closes at 11:59pm Eastern time on Monday, Sep. 21st.

In my video I talk about MY superstition. If I don’t watch USC in real time (no Tivo, no watching five, 10, or 30 minutes behind, no missing it) we lose. I watched this one. In real time.

However, my superstitions must directly align with the successful execution of my friend Oakley’s USC football superstitions as well, or all is null and void and USC loses.

You can laugh as hard as you want; it IS funny. But its also a pattern that she and I have seen play out over YEARS of friendship. (What is it now, Oakz? A DECADE?!)

So obviously, I have to be watching the game.

But also I cannot watch it WITH OAKLEY. Not in the same room, not on the same couch, not even in the same bar.

Something about the combination of our combined crazy USC Loyalty sets things all wrong. Also, Oakz has found our team has more success if she is, well, let’s just say sans an undergarment.

Also:

(from Oakley’s blog)

And from Twitter earlier:

So yeah. Not only did USC’s offense look anemic, impotent, and pathetic; not only did the defense sorely miss Taylor Mays; but Oakley’s superstitions and my superstitions did not line up.

Oh and I just got off the phone with my boyfriend, who is in Chicago this weekend and missed the game. He takes responsibility for his part in our loss by not viewing the game as well.

So there you go football fiends. This is how we console ourselves. We look for any silly reason we can to explain why our supposedly elite team keeps losing these games in which they are highly favored.

Right now, well I think a good nap is in order. Maybe I can forget for an hour what just transpired in Seattle.

Also? Jake Locker is a hell of an impressive QB. One wonders what the Huskies’ 2008 season would have been if he had not gotten injured.

One more thing—Pete Carroll just lost to two of his former Assistant Coaches. Steve Sarkisian is UW’s new head coach. Nick Holt is UW’s Defensive Coordinator. It makes one think, doesn’t it?

Oh and BTW, my prediction for the rest of our season? USC will lose two of the following three games: Oregon, Cal, Notre Dame.

ETA: Oakley admits it (via Twitter)

Is it too late to call this year a rebuilding year?

Yours, Gridiron Goddess

Please Vote For Me!

Amy Lamare — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 18:25:15 -0400

Hey Football Fiends I need your help!

I entered the Hershey’s Biggest Fan Contest and I am one of this week’s top 5 finalists. My video is called USC’s Lucky Charm. I look like total crap in it, but WHATEVER. I wanted to get it uploaded by the deadline, not spend time doing my hair. Please go vote for me as I could realllllly use the $1,000 prize. As some of you know, I’ve been unemployed for 2 years. SO I REALLY NEED THE MONEY.

Here’s a direct link to me looking TERRIBLE in my self-shot video: USC’s Lucky Charm

And now, back to my DIET. LOL

Voting closes at 11:59pm Eastern time on Monday, September 21st.

-Your Gridiron Goddess

College Football Picks: Week Three

Amy Lamare — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 18:05:23 -0400

Week 3 Final: 14-2

Week 2 Final: 11 – 4

Week 1 Final: 10 – 4

Hey Football Fiends -

Here are my CFB picks for Week Three. I don’t expect USC to even miss a beat with Aaron Corp in at QB in place of the injured Matt Barkley. Corp is a mobile QB and it will be great to see how our offense operates with him under center.

I’d love to see Florida and Texas lose of course. Texas, especially (old grudges die hard and all). I just don’t think it’s going to happen. The game I am least confident about is Oregon-Utah. Oregon barely squeaked out a win last week vs. Purdue and, of course, lost to Boise State in the season opener. Utah, on the other hand needed until the 4th quarter to pull ahead of San Jose State and win. I’m going with Oregon because all things considered, they’ve played better teams so far this season and will be more prepared for what Utah will bring than Utah’s competition thus far has prepared them for the Ducks at Autzen Stadium.

Boise State over Fresno State

Mississippi State over Vandy

Oregon over Utah

USC over Washington

UCLA over Kansas State

VA Tech over Nebraska

Notre Dame over Michigan State

Florida over Tennessee

Cal over Minnesota

UCF over Buffalo

Oklahoma over Tulsa

Kentucky over Louisville

BYU over FSU

Georgia over Arkansas

Texas over Texas Tech

Stanford over SJSU

-Your Gridiron Goddess

NFL Picks Week 2: Can the Bears Win Without Urlacher?

Amy Lamare — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 17:34:34 -0400

Hey Football Friends

Here are my picks for NFL Week Two. With McNabb and Urlacher and Polamalu out, to name a few—picking was tricky. Especially in the NO-Philly game. And as much as it pains me to pick against my Bears—there is no way Cutler and Company can keep up with even a Polamalu-less Steelers defense.

Oakland over KC

Tennessee over Houston

New England over Jets

Green Bay over Cincinnati

Minnesota over Detroit

New Orleans over Philly

Atlanta over Carolina

Redskins over Rams

Jacksonville over Arizona

Seattle over SF

Buffalo over Tampa Bay

Denver over Cleaveland

San Diego over Baltimore

Pittsburgh over Chicago

Giants over Dallas

Colts over Miami

-Your Gridiron Goddess

The Second Coming of Rex Grossman

Amy Lamare — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 00:16:09 -0400

Actually, I’m not sure I’d give Jay Cutler even that much credit. Four picks? Four?! How is this level of suckitude even possible?!

This is like a bad nightmare that Chicago can’t break out of—inferior QBs. It’s like Jim McMahon and his man fur put a curse on Chicago: "Never again shall you have a QB with my flash and my pizzazz! I shall live on as the punky QB who brought you a Super Bowl victory! Shazam!"

Ever since—well, let’s revisit the list of post-McMahon QBs, shall we?

Tomzack, Harbaugh, Willis, Furrer, Kramer, Walsh, Kreig, Mirer, Stenstrom, Moreno, Matthews, McNown, Miller, Chandler, Burris, Stewart, Quinn, Hutchinson, Griese, Grossman, Orton, and Cutler.

And who would have ever thought that there was anyone out there who could make the Sex Cannon and Neck Beard look good?

Four picks! We traded two first round draft picks for this bozo. Sigh.

Thank God for USC and the Chargers or I’d be one seriously angst-filled football fan.

-Your Gridiron Goddess