Bleacher Report - Articles by Myles Moore

College Football: The Audacity of Hope

Myles Moore — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 10:07:00 -0400

Things are hard now, my fellow Americans. There is no hope on the horizon. The BCS season has left us jaded and angry. Les Miles and his gorillas with chainsaws have pillaged the College Football world and left you with no passion. Ohio State has left you wanting again.

You've been fooled too long by the Hawaii's of this world. All cupcakes and no substance. You've been deceived by SEC speed. You're bitter that you've been left again with a top heavy Big East. You've failed to make a bowl despite the preseason ranking one time to many.

You've been lied to by the BCS and promised a true champion that you can believe in. Instead year in and year out you get controversy at every turn.

Small town colleges like West Virginia are clinging to their couch-burnings, internet fodder, coach suings to ease the pain.

Rules committees have gone on too long taking game time away from you, the deserving fans.

College football fans suffer while the rest of the world sits on their chaise lounges enjoying NBA Playoffs and baseball.

We do not have to live like this.

Where are the people that will stand for the rights of you, college football fans? Where is your champion? Where is your defender?

Let me tell you something, my friends.

Change is coming. Your champion is on his way.

Hope is on the horizon

In less than 130 days I promise you a change. A change we can all believe in.

I promise you that your Saturdays will not be empty voids any more.

I promise you that the fire in your heart that burns will be rekindled. The likes of Pete Carroll will be stoked to be on your screens again soon.

I promise that forty year old men will soon be on the sideline again defending players.

I promise you that Tim Tebow will rock the swamps of Florida and it will be heard throughout all the SEC.

I promise that Joe Paterno will continue to roam to and fro' in Happy Valley.

I promise that you will no longer have to assume what Lou Holtz will say, but that you will in fact hear him in his locker room talks.

I promise that Erin Andrews will be there to bring insight from half-time talks and adjustments.

I promise you that come August 30th we will have sweet victory.

I promise you that these games are coming on that day:

Michigan State at California
Illinois vs. Missouri (St. Louis)
USC at Virginia
Oklahoma State vs. Washington State
Tennessee at UCLA
Utah at Michigan
Kentucky at Louisville
Fresno State at Rutgers
Alabama vs. Clemson
Hawaii at Florida

When we win those games we'll move on to the next week and the next and then on to the next.

Come November the people will have spoken and new hope and change will have arisen.

I can promise that we will work together with ABC, CBS, ESPN, Fox Sports, B10N, VS. and CSTV to bring you the best Saturdays in America that we can bring.

My fellow Americans...

Hope is on the way.

We believe.
We believe.
We believe.

More College Football Mandatorization on Capitol Hill

Myles Moore — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:13:00 -0400

Lawmakers are continuing to press College Football by bringing up more legal issues.

A couple of months ago we reported Georgia getting butthurt about getting left out of the MNC game.

I said something about if a whole group of schools get screwed over the course of a couple of years, government could do something about this. Well, they sped up the process (Thanks SI.com.

The three congressmen involved in the aforementioned SI.com article are Neil Abercrombie, D-Hawaii, Lynn Westmoreland, R-Ga., and Mike Simpson, R-Idaho.

Of course somebody from Hawaii, Georgia, and Idaho have no vested interest in seeing that changed whatsoever.

Westmoreland:

"We shouldn't have to argue about who the champion is," Westmoreland said, citing the excitement and unpredictability of the NCAA college basketball tournament. "That should be decided on the field."

Never mind that Georgia didn't win their conference, nonetheless their division. Give us our shot dangit! Wait... What we did during the season wasn't good enough?

These threats have been going on for a while now and someday they may stick, but till then, Myles Brand, don't worry too much.

Baylor Football: Stuff Green and Gold People Like

Myles Moore — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:15:32 -0400

Stuff Green and Gold People Like

Loafers - Baylor kids like wearing shorts and (but never jorts as Baptist kids are above that) moccasins or loafers without socks. Waco is like one large house where the kids never actually leave their own home. The same loafer wearers also had trouble putting their collars down on their Izod polos. Seeing as how I was in their house, I refrained from letting them know of their slight error in attire.

Not smoking - Green and Gold people don't smoke either it turns out. Baby Jesus doesn't like it. If you ever just want to waste a few hundred square feet, build a smoking area in a restaurant in Waco, TX. For what it's worth. I did see a college-age pipe smoker.

And that's cool.

Jewish and Smoker?
Waco's not for you my friend

Being Skinny - Another thing Green and Gold people don't like is to eat. Despite having more than a few decent restaurants, I felt like my 200 lb frame raised the average of the town by about 5%. Every person in the place walked around with celery and cottage cheese.

Throwing stuff- Things aren't going your way at a Baylor game? Screw sportsmanship. We're going to heaven and you're going to hell. Suck on our Dr. Pepper bottles of wrath, fellow Big XII fans.

Dr. Pepper - speaking of cola, Baylor Fans love Dr. Pepper. The good stuff ( and by that I mean good if you're into cough syrup) is made and brewed an hour away in Dublin, TX. The Dr. Pepper museum is in Waco, TX. As is the Texas Ranger Hall of Fame. And the Texas Sports Hall of Fame. How did Waco get those?

Track - In a school that isn't held down by those goofy "state school regulations." Baylor has had some good track teams. That Michael Johnson kid was half decent. Why they can't find real success in anything but Women's Hoops, I dunno. But Bayfordukeandywestern wouldn't be Bayfordukeandywestern without Baylor. It'd be Fordukeandywestern. Which just doesn't sound nearly as good.

Baby-doll dresses - Green and Gold chicks like Baby-doll dresses. With everything. Going to the club? Hey I should wear a baby doll dress and a(n optional) skirt. Class? Baby-doll dress and jeans. Big game? Baby-doll dress and shorts.

Texas Longhorns and Texas Tech Red Raiders - Why do Baylor fans like two in-state rivals, because it's the closest they can get to beating their true hated rival, the Texas A&M Aggies. Why beat them when you can have others do it for you?