Bleacher Report - Articles by Bond J Bond

From Bye Week to Buy Game?

Bond J Bond — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 19:36:00 -0400

"Have I got a deal for you!"

Well, the big showdown in Austin will be taking place in a few days. I wish I could sound more enthused, but it’s hard to. See, I have a sneaking suspicion bad things might happen. Believe me, I want to be wrong, I need to be wrong…Lord, let me be wrong. But I have this terrible sense of foreboding, and here’s why:

This week was, as we all know, originally supposed to be a bye week for Tech. It was only after some flummox occurred in UT’s schedule that DeLoss Dodds phoned up Gerald Myers and asked if Tech would be interested in moving the game up to September 19, rather than its original date in late October.

Now, seeing as how I hate UT more than a Baptist preacher hates sin, I’d have told Dodds to pound sand, but that’s just me. Instead, the crafty (ahem) Myers then supposedly wrangled Tech a great deal, not only allowing Tech to take part in a nationally televised game at prime time with UT, but also securing television coverage of the U of H game thereafter.

I’ve read that the rationale for agreeing to this was the television exposure, which would be good for recruiting. Effectively, UT filled up a week for one of its “buy games” with Tech’s bye week. Considering a few things, I wonder if this was such a good idea.

Most agree that Tech is a team that tends to start slow. As I watched Tech’s finely tuned machine literally dismantle Oklahoma State last November, I had a hard time reconciling that with the stumbling, sputtering Tech team I witnessed just two months prior scrape out an ugly win against Nevada.

Because of its many moving parts, this is an offense that takes time to gel. I suspect practice can only go so far…true game conditions are needed to hone it to sharpness.

Consider the fact that Taylor Potts has had only two games, against opponents far inferior to UT, to experience running this offense. Having witnessed Potts against Rice, I can say he has a much stronger arm than Harrell, but is nowhere near as accurate. He seemed a little unsure at times (having to call a time out before the very first snap of the game is a bit of a “tell” I think), he didn’t check off to the run as I recall Harrell doing, and overall, he just seemed to be a indecisive; all completely unstandable, given his level of experience.

Don’t get me wrong; I think he has a great deal of talent, and provides weapons Harrell just didn’t have. I mean, this dude can chunk that ball a long way. I just think he would benefit from more time and experience before going up against the Number 2 team in the country, on enemy turf, no less.

Tech also seemed to be playing musical chairs with its offensive linemen, indicating more fine tuning was needed.

The defense looked pretty decent, allowing only one touchdown (heavily aided by flags at that), but come on, it was Rice for God’s sake. I mean, I wouldn’t want our guys to have to take them on in a slide rule contest, but face it, but this is football, and they ain’t UT. Thinking about all of this, well, I get a little squeamish.

I’ve had people who know football much better than I do tell me that Tech’s best chance of winning against UT is early in the season, rather than later. Moreover, I’ve even had UT fans tell me now is the most opportune time for a Tech win because their running game stinks, their defensive line is weak, etc. I just don’t find much solace in these beliefs. I don’t know what to say other than this arrangement just doesn’t feel right.

But, here’s the thing I have to keep in mind: how likely is it that Myers would have agreed to this deal without the countenance of Coach Leach? Not likely at all. Leach is too smart, and certainly is desirous of a win, to risk a loss for some of the exposure and extra scratch a prime time game might bring. This man has taken us a long way, so I’ll trust his judgment. I just hope Mike is as smart as I think he is…a nationally televised butt whipping sure won’t help recruiting much, at least not for Tech.

4th-and-Long Week One

Bond J Bond — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 13:31:00 -0400

Okay ladies and gentlemen, it’s about time the most wonderful time of the year got here! After a long, hot summer that’s burned about half of Texas up, it’s time for some football!

****THURSDAY****

No. 16 Oregon at No. 14 Boise State (-4) – ESPN – The college football season gets started off with a bang in this matchup. Expect Oregon to pick up right where they left off under new coach Chip Kelly, and Boise State should have their usual high flying attack. Expect a wild, high-scoring affair in this game.
Boise State….49-45

****SATURDAY****

LA-Monroe at No. 2 Texas (-40.5) – FSN PPV – Colt McCoy and the Longhorns should have no problem with LA-Monroe, but ask Alabama how that turned out a couple of years ago.
Texas….48-17

No. 20 BYU vs. No. 3 Oklahoma (-22) (Arlington) – ESPN – The first college game in JerryWorld should be a decent matchup of two teams with very good offenses. Expect OU’s defense to slow down BYU’s passing attack quite a bit, and BYU’s defense shouldn’t pose too much of a challenge to OU’s offense.
Oklahoma….56-27

No. 5 Alabama (-7) vs. No. 7 Virginia Tech (Atlanta) – ABC – The marquee game of Week One should be close, although I expect that Virginia Tech’s tailback depth (or lack thereof) will be the deciding factor in this one.
Alabama….27-10

Navy @ No. 6 Ohio State (-21.5) – ESPN – The home opener for Captain Sweatervest and his team should be pretty uneventful (aren’t most games in the Big 11?), and Navy might scare them for a quarter, but that’s about it.
Ohio State….35-17

No. 13 Georgia @ No. 9 Oklahoma State (-5.5) – ABC – Ah, yes…it’s finally time to figure out if Okie Lite is for real. We’ll finally get the answer to the question of whether the Cowboys are pretenders or contenders, even though Georgia has a new starting quarterback and running backs. Expect Georgia’s defense to take away Dez Bryant with no solid No. 2 receiver on this team and no Brandon Pettigrew to keep them honest over the middle. And as we saw last year in the Holiday Bowl, no Dez Bryant means the Cowboys’ offense sputters.
Georgia….38-27

No. 11 LSU (-17) @ Washington – ESPN – A new coach won’t save the Huskies in this one, even if Les Miles does make a couple of boneheaded coaching moves.
LSU….52-21

Maryland @ No. 12 Cal (-21.5) – ESPN2 – Cal has a lot of talent returning this year…expect Maryland to hang close for the first half, but they won’t have the horses to keep up with Cal down the stretch.
Cal….42-24

Nevada @ No. 23 Notre Dame (-14.5) – NBC – As much as I would like to see the Irish fall flat on their faces against the Pistol offense, it won’t happen in this one. Too bad Nevada isn’t playing at home, their thug fans would enjoy taunting the Notre Dame players and fans.
Notre Dame….35-21

Florida Atlantic @ No. 24 Nebraska (-21.5) – FSN PPV – Nebraska should have a fairly easy time in this one, even if they are breaking in Zac Lee at quarterback.
Nebraska….45-18

Northern Colorado @ No. 25 Kansas (NL) – FCS Central – Looks like Mark Mangino went back to the cupcake schedule philosophy that served them well in 2007.
Kansas….56-7

Baylor @ Wake Forest (-2.5) – ABC/ESPN2 – Baylor gets the chance to show the country they are for real, and beating the Demon Deacons on their home field would give a tremendous boost to the Bears’ confidence early in the season.
Baylor….28-24

Missouri vs. Illinois (-7) (St. Louis) – ESPN – While this game has been quite entertaining the last couple of years, expect this game to go in the Illini’s favor early and stay that way.
Illinois….38-24

New Mexico @ Texas A&M (-14) – Although I don’t expect A&M to be very good again this year, the home crowd and the fact that they’re playing New Mexico should be enough to propel them to a season opening victory, unlike last year.
Texas A&M….24-17

North Dakota @ Texas Tech (NL) – Taylor Potts introduces himself to the Big 12 and the rest of the country with a huge first game performance against the hapless Fighting Sioux.
Texas Tech….66-14

UMass @ Kansas State (NL) – The return of Bill Snyder should be an easy W for the Wildcats.
Kansas State….45-14

****SUNDAY****

No. 8 Ole Miss (-16.5) @ Memphis – ESPN – Ole Miss returns just about everybody from last year, and I don’t see any way that Memphis will hang with them in this one.
Ole Miss….48-17

Colorado State @ Colorado (-10.5) – FSN – Colorado is the enigma of the Big 12 North. Who knows how good/bad they’ll be this year. Colorado State shouldn’t put up much of a fight in the first game since the school has decided to ditch playing in Denver and going back to home-and-home.
Colorado….31-10

****MONDAY****

Miami @ No. 18 Florida State (-5.5) – ESPN – This game isn’t what it used to be, but Miami should be improved enough to hang with the Seminoles for at least a half.
Florida State….34-21

Fourth and Long's 2009 NCAA Football Top 25

Bond J Bond — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 12:30:00 -0400

1. Florida: With Saint Tebow himself at quarterback, there’s no reason not to have the Gators at No. 1 to start off the year.

2. Oklahoma: The return of Sam Bradford, Jermaine Gresham, and Gerald McCoy, who all would’ve been top 50 picks in April’s draft, helps anchor this OU team that should pick up right where they left off last season.

3. USC: I know, I know…I hate USC as much as the next fan, but they get ranked here by virtue of playing in the Slack 10.

4. Ole Miss: Ole Miss returns most of their key guys from last year, and after the whooping they put on us in the Cotton Bowl, I’m a believer.

5. Texas: Even though the Horns have Colt McCoy and his favorite fishing buddy Jordan Shipley on offense, the lack of a dominant running back and the graduation of Quan Cosby are going to have more of an effect than most of the orangebloods think.

6. Alabama: I know they’re breaking in a new quarterback, but Bama’s still one of the best teams in the country…even if their fans are a bunch of unrealistic lunatics.

7. Ohio State: The Big 10+1 should be fairly weak again this year, so the team lead by Captain Sweatervest shouldn’t have a problem rolling up a lot of wins.

8. Penn State: See comment above about the Big 10+1…hopefully we won’t be subjected to another 13-6 pillow fight with Ohio State this year.

9. Virginia Tech: The ACC is looking nice and weak this year as well, so the Beamer Ballers shouldn’t have too much of a tough road in conference play…watch out for the game with Bama though.

10. LSU: Maybe, just maybe, the Bayou Bengals can find a decent starting quarterback somewhere on that roster. Too bad Mike Leach isn’t the coach there, or he could just go around the corner to the 7-11 and find one.

Les Miles ought to look into wearing a hat that’s actually the right size instead of one that’s about three sizes too small, it might save him from some of his typical bonehead coaching decisions…or not.

11. Oregon: Oregon’s favorable schedule and God-awful uniforms (duck wings, anyone?) should allow them to challenge for the Slack 10 title and possibly even run the table in conference play.

12. Georgia: Although they lost Matthew Stafford and Knowshon Moreno to the NFL, the Bulldogs and Mark Richt (who I think is one of the top three or four coaches in college football) should be able to reload.

13. Oklahoma State: Ah yes, Okie Lite is this year’s media darling, and for good reason too with everybody they have coming back.

The loss of Brandon Pettigrew will hurt more than everyone expects, and without a legitimate No. 2 receiver to take the heat off of Dez Bryant (hope you like being double teamed for the entire game, Dez!), I think the Cowboys will stumble. If they lose that first game to Georgia, sit back and get ready for the tailspin.

14. Georgia Tech: The weak ACC coupled with Georgia Tech’s option attack should allow the Yellow Jackets to have a great year and challenge for the ACC title.

15. Cal: Somehow, Jeff Tedford does it again…but don’t be surprised if the Bears slip a little bit with USC, Oregon, and Oregon State expected to be strong this season.

16. Boise State: We’ll know what Boise’s made of in their season opener against Oregon. They’re a slam dunk to win the WAC, so they could possibly run the table if they pull off the upset against Oregon in Week One.

17. North Carolina: Butch Davis has been quietly building a solid team in Chapel Hill, and with what should be a fairly weak ACC this year, the Tar Heels should easily put up eight or more wins.

18. TCU: Even though the Froggies return a lot of their key guys, I still don’t think they can keep it together for a full season and bust the BCS. I just wonder if Gary “Speed Baby” Patterson will go on another press conference rampage about how they get no respect if the Froggies do manage to beat both Virginia and Clemson on the road.

19. Florida State: The ‘Noles always have talent, but putting it together (and keeping some of that talent out of jail) has been the tricky part for Bobby “Diddy” Bowden here lately.

20. Utah: Utah lost a lot of key players from last season’s Sugar Bowl champion team, but Kyle Whittingham should keep them going strong.

21. Texas Tech: I would have us ranked higher were it not for our conference road schedule. That being said, I expect Taylor Potts to have a good yea, and if the defense steps it up from the level they played at last year (minus the OU and Ole Miss games), we could easily be in the top 15.

22. Iowa: Iowa should reap the benefits of a weak Big 10+1, although the loss of Shonn Greene will sting for a bit.

23. Nebraska: Who knows what Bo Pelini’s team will do in 2009? Sure, they should have a good defense, but with the quarterback question up in the air, that could hamper Nebraska in 2009.

24. Oregon State: With the Slack 10 only having four decent or strong teams (USC, Oregon, Cal, Oregon State), the Beavers should rack up enough wins to stay in the top 25 for most of the season.

25. Kansas: The Jayhawks are loaded on offense, but if their porous defense doesn’t improve, they won’t win the Big 12 North. Their cross-division schedule against Big 12 South foes Texas, Oklahoma, and Texas Tech doesn’t help either.

Riding the Moustache to Victory!

Bond J Bond — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 12:47:00 -0400

Recently, photos of Taylor Potts surfaced with him sporting a new look. Gone is the wooly-man lumberjack look. Say "hello" to the 70's style, funk-a-matic, porn-a-riffic moustache wearing badass! This was a very good move on Potts' part, for reasons I will detail below.

I've heard many people describe Potts' lip adornment as a "Handlebar" moustache.

Wrong.

As a product of the 60's and a child of the 70's (when the moustache reigned supreme), I feel it is my solemn duty to straighten you youngsters out a little. In general, let me first say that the moustache is greatness. Potts' stache' is greatness. Wilfred Brimley's stache' is uber greatness; it has a mind of its own. Chuck Norris would just be a TV assclown with a bad toupee were it not for his stache', which gives him his power. Know the stache'. Respect the stache'. Fear the stache'.

But too many people are mislabeling the stache' now sported by Potts. What Potts is wearing is not a handlebar moustache. A handlebar moustache turns at the edge of the mouth and curls up, and is usually twisted into a point, and sometimes waxed. This is a handlebar moustache (and a damned fine example of one too):

Obviously, the baddest Handlebar ever was worn by the great Rollie Fingers:

What Potts is wearing is a "Fu Manchu." A Fu Manchu turns down at the end of the mouth, and, if seen fit by the wearer, continues down. How far down is discretionary, but the farther down, the more of a bad dude is its wearer. I am eminently qualified to assess and categorize this stache' due to my existence during the 1970's, when this style of moustache was at its height of popularity. Dudes sporting the Fu Manchu were badasses. It was a way to tell off "the Man" without saying a word. A Fu Manchu didn't have to spring for dinner to get laid. A Fu Manchu said to the women "Hey, baby" and it didn't sound corny. To the guys, it just said "F**k you", and, it meant it.

Some fine examples of the 70's Fu Manchu were:

Baseball pitcher Al Hrabosky, the "Mad Hungarian" was a dude you didn't jack with.

Anybody cooler than this guy? (don't bother, your answer is irrelevent):

The awesome power of the Fu' carried over into the 80's. Lemme tell ya somethin', brotha, you didn't screw with a guy sporting one of these:

See? Hogan's stache' transcended time and easily carried over into the 80's. It's not a question of keeping it too long, it's really more an issue of not getting one early enough. Timing is everything, my friends. Case in point:

C'mon...you think anybody would have given a damn about a little bong hit if he'd been sporting this bad boy in Beijing? Forget about it! Hell, those self-righteous dorks who were pulling their endorsement contracts would have been lining up for a little toke themselves if this was the guy they'd signed with.

The power of the moustache does not just pertain to sports...it crosses all fields of human endeavor. Let's consider the arts. Who would buy this guy's psychotic sketches were it not for the badness of his stache'?:

Want some more? Ok: get a load of this crap. Let's face it, my 12 year old can paint circles around this dude's primitive scribbles:

What makes it sell? Yep, the stache': (It should be noted that Neiman's badass stache' not only helps him peddle substandard art, it also got him a gig in Rocky III, along with our friend Hogan discussed above. All such fortuitous casting decisions were cleary attributable to some cool as hell facial hair).

Certainly, the world of politics is no stranger to the power of the stache'. You want examples? Well, fair enough. This guy was a bedwetting, asthmatic, nearsighted mama's boy, and, it's rumored, maybe even a closet homo (not that's there's anything wrong with that). Yet, he grew up to be President of these fine United States:
Do we even need to ask how? No, we don't. (Collar stays were optional back then).

Of course, you recognize this little teutonic troublemaker. Can you imagine how bad it could have gotten had he let that abomination under his nose actually grow into a full-fledged Fu Manchu?

Not to worry, though. Many of you don't know this, but much like the Manhatten Project, we had a team of top scientists and barbers locked away in a bunker devising a counter weapon to Hitler's formidable semi-stache' power. This was the result:Thankfully, we managed to beat the Hun conventionally before we had to unleash the awesome power of this magnificent development upon the world.

The power of the moustache transcends man, and pervades the animal kingdon as a whole. This little dude weighs only 2.3 pounds, but he could really mess you up, and he gets all the females in the troop. One guess why:

The power of the Fu or the Handlebar in sports is inarguable. Many sports badasses, across all athletic disciplines, have invoked the power of the Fu or HB to their gain: Thurmon Munson, Catfish Hunter, Randy Johnson, Rollie Fingers, Reggie Jackson, Dennis Eckersley (See? They didn't need no stinkin' steriods, they had the stache'), John Newcomb, Dr. J, Dale Earnhart, Joe Namath, Randy White, Kenny Stabler, Ben Davidson (one of my all time favorite football badasses). I could go on and on, but you get the point. Potts was correct to rid himslf of the full-blown beard. Some cool QB's have had beards (Dan Fouts, for example). But the moustache is far preferable as a statement of Potts' "badassedness."

So, there you have it my friends. I was buying into all the preseason predictions that had Tech with an 8 win season, until I saw this:

Again, let me reemphasize, while UT has this:

... Tech has this:

Now I know, a National Championship is all but assured. I can't wait for the season to start.

Enough Already! Why Mike Leach Needs to Resolve His Contract Dispute Now

Bond J Bond — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 13:32:00 -0500

We've all experienced things that start off being kind of amusing but then become old. Examples include that good looking girl you really want to nail but who talks nonstop, or the toddler in the airline seat in front of you who reacts in a funny way when you make the ubiquitous "a-boo" face at him. Know what I mean?

After about 10 times, the kid's reaction isn't amusing enough to make you want to keep making a fool of yourself. Nevertheless, the little turd won't stop standing in his seat looking backwards at you. It gets old, real fast.

Well, Mike Leach's zany antics are becoming somewhat tiresome to the Spudster.

This "negotiating" crapola has gone on far too long, and I'm leaning toward placing the blame on Leach for the delay. At first, I tended to believe the pro-Leach blather from such reliable sources of information as the Football Board on Scout (yes...that's a joke).

What I've heard is that Leach's agent contacted Gerald Myers way back in April seeking to renegotiate and that Myers did not respond at first (bad move), and some time later, when he did respond, he supposedly told the agent, "Sorry, but no more money. If he has a better offer elsewhere, well, bye" (worse move).

Because I liked Leach, I tended to think any fault was with the administration, whom I figured was trying to be cheapskates in the situation. Now, I'm not so sure. Some of Leach's recent statements to the media, which he claims he does not want involved in the negotiations, but who he still comments to, have me doing a 180.

Right now, I'm pretty pissed at Leach. Of course, I love Tech winning more games than in the past. The fact that he didn't fit the good ol' boy mold was a big plus to me.

I thought it was funny when he started the pirate thing. I guffawed (only people over 40 can "guffaw") when he did the TV weatherman bit. His off-the-wall disposition during interviews would sometimes make me cringe a little, but I still snickered. Now, I'm not quite so amused.

You'd think after an 11-2 season, I'd be a little more grateful. But here's my problem: My alma mater's team got the crap beat out of them twice on national television. The OU loss, I won't necessarily lay at his feet. But Ole Miss? That just looked like a situation where the team wasn't ready and Leach just got flat outcoached.

What went wrong? I don't know, but maybe Ole Coach Funnybritches should have been more focused on trying to beat a very good SEC team rather than placing his grill on 60 Minutes or embarking on his annual job hunt. I'm just sayin'.

It's the yearly job hunt that irks me the most. His looking around is as much a surprise as finding a boll weevil in a cotton field. If it's December, Mike's sure to be on the road, seeking another gig.

I really can't blame anybody for wanting to improve his lot in life. Who is the Spud to say Mikie shouldn't reach as high as possible in getting his piece of the American dream? But hey, don't screw my school over while doing it.

Tech already has to deal with the problem of being behind UT and A&M in several ways, some real and others only perceived. But Leach's yearly cheatin' heart act only serves to advance the concept that Lubbock is only a place you want to be from. It makes Tech look bad.

Moreover, it can't help recruiting. At least one kid decided on another school over Tech citing his concern over whether Leach would be there next year. Thanks, Coach.

I'm well aware of all the arguments that can be made for him going to some bigger, fancier program. But when one considers Leach and his idiosyncrasies, the conclusion might be reached that he is in the best place possible for him. Leach is unconventional, and Tech pretty much lets him be so.

Case in point: Leach reportedly hates alumni relations and fundraising. These are expected duties of a head coach at any big time program. Leach isn't required to do them.

It was amusing to hear Leach's name bandied about when the job at Tennessee was open. It is difficult to imagine Leach at a Knoxville fundraiser, allowing himself to be grappled about the shoulders by some big Southern dummy while hearing "This here's gooood people!" I figure Ol' Mike would last about two years in that environment.

Besides, Leach doesn't even look "corporate" enough for some big time program. Leach appears like he just got dragged behind a truck driving to the Goodwill. Can you imagine Pete Carroll walking around his office wearing flip-flops? The tobacco road BS artist down in Austin may have yellow teeth, but he doesn't walk around looking like a pile of dirty laundry.

But Leach gets a pass. He is the King of Lubbock. OK, there are certainly more prestigious kingdoms, but not many others where there's such a low risk of forced abdication. Leach probably never has to buy a meal, wait in line, or fear a DWI. He can say what he wants, do what he wants, dress like he wants, tell the media to pound sand, blow off boosters, whatever suits him. Hell, they don't even make him play defense. Not a bad deal.

One thing that hasn't helped is that Leach employs the services of IMG as his agent. IMG is the Kimbo Slice of sports agencies. This is the same agency that represents such luminaries as Tiger Woods. And reportedly, they've been dealing with Tech as if Leach is Tiger Woods.

Seems like you should have to win at least one championship before you get to retain the most obnoxious agents and have them big time people. But hey, as the old punch line goes: "Baby, the doctor say I'm impotent. Well, if you's impotent, you gotta act impotent and look impotent."

IMG has done such swell things as contract Tech's Regents directly with offers and counter-proposals, intentionally circumventing Kent Hance, Gerald Myers, and Guy Bailey in the process. Nice. Of course, that galled Myers to no end. The relationship between Myers and Leach has dissolved into something akin to two old ladies swatting each other with their purses in a fight over the contents of the bargain bin.

"How bad you want that buyout now, Mother *#@&er?!?!"

Of course, it's always about money. Reportedly, the school has offered in the neighborhood of $12.7 million over five years. The negotiations are allegedly bogged down over such terms as the buyout provision of the contract and the school's desire to terminate for cause if Leach interviews without permission during the life of the contract.

The buyout provision is not abnormal, something like $300k per year for any remaining contract year...not particularly onerous. Given Leach's track record of looking around, one can hardly blame the Athletic Office for this figure. The termination for cause for interviewing is pretty harsh and not at all normal. But again, given that Leach is apparently as loyal as a tomcat, I'm not sure I can blame Myers for asking.

There's supposedly also some impasse over Leach not wanting to have to answer to Myers, which of course, is downright childish; Myers is the AD, for Christsakes. Similarly goofy have been Gerald's "hardball" tactics, which would tend to piss off anyone with a modicum of ego. To me, all of this just stinks.

What really hacks me off is that because of the delay, if Leach leaves now, our chance of getting a quality replacement is about as good as beating Mark Mangino to the last slice of pie. Thanks again, guys.

Leach has done much for Tech's program. He's brought unprecedented publicity to the school, some of it even good. But he's now doing harm. It may be asking a little too much, but I'd like to see a little loyalty here, or at least concern from the man for what he's doing to the program and the school as a whole.

If he wants to be here, great. Let's get the differences hammered out and the agreement executed.

If he doesn't want to be at Tech, he should move it on down the line. Maybe his shtick will play as well elsewhere as it does in Lubbock. Maybe not.

Mike Leach Petition

Bond J Bond — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 20:42:00 -0500

(5:45 pm)

Coach,

Why the constant "keeping my options open" behavior? You have repeatedly indicated you want to stay in Lubbock, but hop the next flight to Seattle?

I get the whole "I'm a lawyer and this is just part of the business of coaching and negotiations" thing, but it seems like you enjoy twisting our nips a little too much and they're starting to get a little sore and it ain't exciting like it used to be...

I'm in position No.1 on the bandwagon—always have been—but for all that is still holy, could you please turn on your freaking cell phone?

Seems like we're always negotiating in good faith while our partner keeps jerking it to every single December issue of Hustler ever since we got married...it's not helping our already shitty self esteem one single bit.

Now, please stay.

Because we love you.

And we know you beat the shit out of us occasionally, but you make us feel safe...and the offensive explosions are out of this world—occasionally you aren't that into it—but for the most part, I look forward to our Saturday nights with lustful abandon...you take us into your arms and tell us how wonderful we are and then you do that thing you do where you throw me all over the place...

Nobody does it just the way you do...

Come back.

I suppose these bruises will heal just like they did last time...

(8:39 pm)

(note: my frustration has led to foul language in this post, if you're up past your bedtime, call your mommy and tell them a bad man on the computer has spoken inappropriately toward you. For our regular readers who may be slightly appalled, I promise I'll go buy Hillsong's new CD right away and repent soon after)

I propose a resolution/petition—sign it if you'd like...

Resolved,

We the People of Raiderland, in order to form a more perfect fan base, establish 1st tier-e-ness, insure collegiate tranquility, provide for a better defense, promote the genital welfare, and secure the blessings of ftwinity to ourselves and our...well mostly ourselves, do ordain and establish this Petition for the United Commuter Lots of Raiderville...

A petition for Mike Leach to go freeze his balls off in Washington...where it rains all the fucking time and Grey's Anatomy isn't really filmed there.

Or to go to Mississippi State where you can smell the chicken shit all the live long day...cause I don't care what you say that is far more disgusting than the feedlots of Hereford...

And finally, if you're stupid enough to go to Auburn and risk being the next guy on their stupid gay orange and blue carousel, then go be Nick Saban's bitch because I'm sure that will taste so much better than Stoops' ass...

Signed,

Aphrodisiac Jackson, Texas

"Step Away From the Ledge, Mr. Collier."

Bond J Bond — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 11:48:00 -0500

Wow. That really sucked. To be honest, I am not all that surprised that Tech lost. I am surprised by the margin, however. I really thought our boys would give a better accounting of themselves. But hey, anything worth doing is worth doing all the way—if you are going to drop a stink bomb like that, you might as well do it before a nationwide audience on Saturday night. Yep, that was great.

Why was I not all that surprised? Because I am a pessimist by nature. This tendency doesn't serve me well most of the time, but, when things go bad, I am usually less taken aback than the people who always walk around on happy feet. But I must admit, this one hit me hard.

I had really started to buy into the hype, feeling like Tech had a legitimate shot at the Big XII title, and who knows, maybe more. I know a Big XII title shot is still theoretically possible, but c’mon: who really believes Okie State will beat the unofficial NFL franchise of Oklahoma?

Because of my pessimistic nature, I prepared for this loss by deciding to avoid watching the game in the company of others, and instead, opted to go it alone. I could tell by the end of the first quarter that it was not going to go well. By the middle of the second quarter, I became so distraught, I turned the TV off and retreated outside, where I cracked open a bottle of wine.

I dispensed with the fancy glass and, in a scene reminiscent of a 1950s western, where the bad guys trade whiskey with the Indians, began chugging it straight out of the bottle. But this was a pretty good cabernet, not rotgut. “Hmmm… An amusing little firewater. Presumptuous, yet eminently palatable.” I drank myself into a stupor and quickly fell asleep.

I awoke the next morning with a sense of dread and a terrible hangover. People around me acted as if somebody had died. All the sharp objects had been removed from their usual places of storage. My firearms were hidden away. People kept their distance. I avoided watching any sports-related reporting on television. I didn’t look at the newspaper. I went to the office and logged into the computer, and in a blurb on the MSN web browser, I saw the score. Holy shit.

My mind sort of went haywire. This couldn’t be. How could they blow it that badly? I ran into some doofus later, one of those “zippiddy do dah” sunshine pumpers. He is the type who, even under normal circumstances, makes me want to kick the stuffing out of him. He wanted to talk with me about the game. He tried to convince me that it wasn’t all that bad. He is now buried beneath the floor in my onion cellar.

However, time does heal all wounds. Well, at least it helps abate the hangover from drinking a full bottle of Franciscan. Discussions with people much better adjusted than I am (that covers pretty much everybody), including my fellow scribes on this blog, have helped me see that it’s not the end of the world. I’ve managed to cobble together a few seemingly healthy rationalizations why:

1. I can quit sweating it. I’ve been fretting this all season—this game I mean. At the beginning, I said if we could go 10-2, I’d be pretty happy. I always figured the game in Norman would be one of those losses, with another thrown in just to satisfy my pessimistic side. Now I can quit worrying about it.

2. We’re 10-1, with a decent shot at going 11-1. If you’d told me that at the beginning of the season, I’d have been thrilled.

3. Just a bad day? I’m still convinced that Tech is not as bad as they looked on Saturday. This was, as I see it, one of those “perfect storm” things. There were a lot of things lining up that made this outcome occur. It was in Norman, always a tough place to play. Stoops may be a turd, but he can coach and he can damned sure motivate his players. He knew he’d need to turn Tech into a greasy spot to make a statement for the pollsters. His players were still pissed from last year. Plus, our guys just did not seem to have the intensity they had against UT or OSU. I’m not sure any level of play by Tech could have overcome the OU steamroller last Saturday, but I suspect the lopsided score wouldn’t have been quite so, well, lopsided, had Tech not been flat.

4. Hey, blowouts can happen to anybody. Tech did it to Kansas this year. To OSU, too. UT got blown out by OU by 52 points just five years ago, and by 49 points a few years before that. The folks who dealt Tech this butt-kicking got beat pretty bad by USC in the Orange Bowl a few years back. It happens. It sucks when it does, but, it happens.

5. Maybe we get to keep Cap’n Mike. One of my other things to sweat was, and is, Coach Leach leaving us for another, bigger school. Face it, before this loss, most of the talk was about him hauling ass. The humble folks from Tennessee kept posting on their Scout board that Leach was already as good as there, that they “could have him if they want him” and that nobody would choose Lubbock over Knoxville. I never really thought Leach would be a good fit there, if, for no other reason, that I don’t think he’d want to be at a school with a double negative in its fight song. Still, the talk caused such trepidation that people started websites to collect funds to bribe him to stay. I hear somebody started trying to erect a faux mountain near his home to try to combat the “flat Lubbock" vs. “we got mountains” swill the Tennessee people kept spouting. To this end, somebody managed to pile up 30 feet of cottonseed hulls in his backyard by the time of Saturday’s whoopin'. Now, it’s not that I think Coach Leach isn’t going to be sought after anymore, because I know better. He’s the most innovative coach in the country, and he will surely still be wooed. However, he may not seem quite so bootylicious now. Let’s face it: all the Simonize, buffing and elbow grease in the world can’t put a shine on the turd Mike’s team laid in Norman last Saturday. Maybe he’s less of a hot commodity now. More importantly, however, maybe this will make him want to stay and prove this blowout was a fluke.

6. At least the Tech game had implications. Not all that long ago, we’d have been at 5-5 and coming down to the wire needing a win just to get into some crappy bowl. The fact that Tech was in a game of this magnitude means that the program is progressing. You’ve got to go through stuff like this to get to the promised land. As I’ve heard a lot of people who should know say, it takes a lot of talent and more than a little luck to get to a national championship. Any good team can have setbacks (see above). Tech now has to show it has the character to put this loss behind them and keep moving on. I think they can, and I think there is nobody better situated to do this than Coach Leach.

7. This loss can be liberating. A guy I sort of know suggested this, and he’s smarter than me (that’s damning him with faint praise, but he really does know something). He’s right: I can have my life back. I gotta be honest…I was getting a little obsessed there. As each win was amassed, I’d get more and more wound up. I kept bargaining, making all sorts of crazy deals. Heck, I even promised to get my tax returns done “early” if we could just win the Nebraska game. Tech won, and a deal is a deal-I got them in on October 14, a full day early. It was unprecedented. The cost of these bargains kept going up. At one point, I almost said “If we can just beat Texas, I’ll…I’ll, well…I’ll stop drinking!” Note that I wrote “almost.” Come on, who are we kidding here? I love Tech and all, but let’s be reasonable. I offered up a garage cleaning instead. As the season progressed, thing started getting downright scary. I even said I’d be willing to give up some somewhat unnecessary bodily appendage if Tech could just beat OU in Norman. I settled on my pinkie toe. I guess it’s a good thing we lost. I need that pinkie toe for balance on my follow through. Now that we’ve lost, life can settle down a bit. I can quit playing The Matador Song on my ipod, my dog can take off the little TT T-shirt I’ve been making him wear, and I get to keep my body parts. It’s all good.

8. There’s still some ball left to play. Tech can still make a good showing against Baylor, I hope, and maybe go to a decent bowl game and do well. It’s looking like the Cotton Bowl, which is a bit of a disappointment given our earlier ambitions. But hey, at least it’s a New Year’s Day Bowl, and moreover, I’ll save on travel costs. Sure would have liked to see Miami or Phoenix, though. However, in the back of my mind, I’m still hoping for a minor miracle in Stillwater (See? I’m not a complete pessimist.)

So, you see, it’s not the end of the world. Things could be worse. Life has its setbacks. We all have them, and this is how it goes. If these reasons aren’t good enough for you, there is always one more thing you can consider. The one thing that I always find consoling, and I bet it works for you, too: At least we’re not Aggy.

5th and Inches: College Football Picks Week 13

Bond J Bond — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 16:08:00 -0500

A 6-5 week ATS last week, 11-1 straight up winners/losers. For the year now, 83-56-1 ATS and 122-33 straight up. It's a huge week in the Big 12. Here's hoping we can all make it the last 48 hours to kickoff.

**Thursday**

No. 23 Miami (ESPN HD) @ Georgia Tech (3')

Miami takes to the Thursday night air for the second straight week in pursuit of the conference that no one really seems to want.

Carolina's had the inside track in their division but can't close the deal. Virginia Tech's faltered when they had a chance to grab control. Now there's Miami, with a loss to Carolina, but a win last week over Va. Tech, and now they hit the road to Ga. Tech, which may throw the ball 10 times a game.

I think it's another low-scoring game with lots of defense, which makes covering more than a field goal tough to do. Somewhere in there, someone has to wrap up their spot in the ACC, and I think Miami can take a big step to that tonight.

Miami...18-14

**Saturday**

No. 2 Texas Tech (ABC HD) @ No. 5 Oklahoma (7)

I heard somewhere that this game is important. Frankly, I needed the off week last week as much as either team did. Both offenses are flying, and both defenses a little bit suspect, in so much as neither fan base thinks the opposing defense will stop their aforementioned flying offense.

What Sooner fans don't want you to know is that they haven't really been able to beat Tech the way they want to. After Taurean Henderson scored to beat OU on the final play of the game in '05, SoonerFan promised that Tech would be beaten so badly in Norman the next year that they might actually be killed. Instead, OU found themselves down at the half and had to survive with a late TD to win 34-24.

Hell, even the goofy Sonny Cumbie team lost 28-13 in Norman—hardly the zillion-to-3 score that's predicted North of the Red River.

Look, bottom line is this. Both teams will move the ball, and both teams will score. Can Tech win in Norman? Sure. Could they lose by three TDs? Sure. That's just kinda how this football game is. But I don't see the latter happening. If it's going to be close, as I said for the Texas game, may as well take Tech to win it outright.

Tech...41-38

Iowa State @ Kansas State (10)

Ron Prince is on his way out. Iowa State is playing better. I wouldn't be surprised if the 'Clones can find a way to win here.

KState...38-30

Syracuse (NBC HD) @ Notre Dame (20)

Greg Robinson is out at Syracuse, and Charlie Weis is on various hot seats, while others claim that's not true. Regardless, it'd better be a big seat.

Notre Dame...34-10

NC State (Raycom HD) @ No. 22 N. Carolina (11)

It's Rivalry Week—at least that's what ESPN keeps telling me. This is usually a good candidate for a real brawl of a game, but State's been hard to figure out this year. Carolina, home after a tough loss @ Maryland, can keep themselves in the ACC mix with a win, which I think they will.

Carolina...27-17

Michigan (ABC HD) @ No. 10 Ohio State (20')

Never thought I'd see this game with a three-TD line on it. Never thought I'd take it, either.

Ohio State...35-14

No. 15 Michigan State (ABC/ESPN2) @ No. 8 Penn State (14')

The Sparties are hard to figure, beating a bad Michigan team in the closing minutes, getting bombed by Ohio State at home, and trouncing Northwestern at NW. Here, they get Penn State to close Penn State's season.

Penn State...31-13

No. 14 BYU (The Mountain HD) @ No. 7 Utah (6')

Utah tries to keep their BCS hopes alive. Should be a pretty entertaining game, if you can see it.

BYU...34-31

No. 20 Pitt (ESPN2 HD) @ NO. 19 Cincinnati (5')

Another Top 25 matchup here. I think it's close and decided late.

Cincinnati...31-24

Florida State (ESPN HD) @ No. 25 Maryland (1')

Florida State is a bit dinged on defense after losing a player after Darius McClure hurt himself while celebrating an interception. I like the speed of FSU here, even if they're not in warm Florida.

FSU...23-20

Boston College (ABC/ESPN2) @ Wake Forest (2)

The BC "D" is the difference here.

Boston College...19-17

Army (ESPN Plus) @ Rutgers (17')

Tough to like anyone by more than three scores against Army.

Rutgers...27-20

Texas Tech-Oklahoma Football: The Hype is Killing Me

Bond J Bond — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:17:00 -0500

OMG.

ESPN, please stop it already. My stomach already churns all day. And the work is piling up on my desk because every time I turn around I get an e-mail from a Tech buddy that has a link to a story or a video that I've already read or seen about four times.

Did you know Mike Leach was the subject of an article in The New York Times Magazine by Michael Lewis? And then the NYTM did a follow-up interview with Lewis and Lewis still thinks we're David and UT and OU are Goliath? And that OU is favored by 6.5 to 7 and that Bob Stoops never loses in Norman, unless you count all the times he's lost to UT in Dallas?

I'm terribly grateful for all of the great pub TTU is getting, though—for years we've strolled along in relative anonymity—and so it's cool to see Tom Rinaldi reporting from AT&T Jones Stadium like he's doing pregame for the next Indy at New England showdown. I'm like a kid in a candy store here.

To be able to have conversations with fellow college football fans and have them congratulate me on a great season, like I did anything to contribute to it....well....there was that time I puked in the bushes outside the auditorium after the Nebraska game, but I'm betting that doesn't count.

So for all of you struggling to make time go by a little quicker, a prayer...

God grant me the serenity
to reject the fact that ESPN is attempting to control my mind and wallet;
the courage to tell that OU alumnus that he's a dickweed;
and the wisdom to go to Baylor.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time until kickoff, so I can start binge drinking again;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to onesinglesolitarybig12titleisthattoofreakingmuchtoask;
Taking as He did, this world full of Colorado fans
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to Erin Andrews;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with a BCS title
Forever and ever,

Amen.

All apologies to Jesus and such...

but can we get to kickoff already?

Breaking News Out of Lubbock: Mike Leach's Replacement! (Humor)

Bond J Bond — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 11:16:00 -0500

(Lubbock, TX) Sources close to the Texas Tech Athletic Department said Wednesday that Mike Leach has been named as the replacement for Mike Leach when he inevitably leaves the program.

This news comes before the biggest game in the history of this year as the 10-0 Red Raiders get ready for a showdown with 9-1 Oklahoma in Norman Saturday.

"Well, we just want to make sure no stone is left unturned," Gerald Myers, Texas Tech Athletic Director said. "We all know Mike, and Mike is going to do what Mike is going to do. So we thought it best that he replaces himself at some point."

Speculation across the nation is that some top programs like Tennesssee, Washington, and Syracuse are all interested in the Texas Tech coach to come lead their program and not be too weird, an unnamed source said.

"Well, I'm just focused on us getting better each week and getting ready for OU," Leach said. "It's an honor to be named the head coach designate here, and I just saw in the news that a baby hippopotamus was born at a zoo in Switzerland.

"I was at a zoo in Switzerland this summer. You know the interesting deal about hippopotami and whales evolved from the same prehistoric animal. It's, uh, kind of a neat deal though that they just like to spend their days wallowing around in the mud, which doesn't make them much different than some other animal characters you'll find. Like a pig."

Smack Attack

Bond J Bond — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 11:16:00 -0500

These are the salad days my friends. Actually, they’re more like the strip steak at Ruth’s Chris days. After years of hitting the buffet at Sizzler, we finally have a shot at the big time (the theme song from The Jeffersons just popped into my head). This is uncharted territory for many of us old timers, who suffered through years of 6&6 or 7&5 seasons, just hoping for an invitation to the Odoreaters Bowl in Paducah, Ky. on Dec. 10th. ( “Hey, are you going to the bowl game?” “Naw, I gotta clean the gutters.” "Going to watch it on tv? It's going to be on channel 87 at 2:00 a.m.?" "Nope. Gutters." ).

These unusual times have resulted in some unusual behavior for me. I find myself lingering around the doors of my fellow office workers who are UT grads talking college football. I no longer have to endure listening to them drone on and on about their wealth of talent and the all but assured shot they will have at the National Championship, with their occasional condescending acknowledgement of Tech’s good performance on Saturday against Northbynorthwest Polytech and Tech’s “spunky little running back who we looked at but passed up for Ricky Williams/Earl Campbell/Vince Young/Superman.” Even those arrogant clowns are having to acknowledge Tech as a legitimate contender. Scoreboard, baby. I find myself buying more and more stuff with a double T on it (I even bought my schnauzer a TT t shirt-don’t worry, he smells better than most t shirt fans).

One thing that is unusual for me is the fact I am spending more time on college football message boards. It's not that I haven't spent any time on them, because I have. But I am spending more and more time reading them, when I should be doing important stuff like billing hours and representing my client's interests and important crap like that (“Sorry Mr. Nusbaum, that $2,200,000.00 lawsuit will have to wait.”). I can’t help myself. Since I have been reading them so much throughout this season, I have detected certain patterns in the posts from our opponents that is growing rather tiresome. As a public service and a courtesy to our opponents, I thought I might summarize and categorize the aforementioned tiresome smack, and hopefully, save the folks at OU and Baylor the trouble.

1. “Tech Sucks”: We know, we know, you hate us, don’t respect us, etc. Fine by us…we’ll live. This category of smack ranges from the incredibly astute observation that Lubbock is flat (it is), to the claim that all of our coeds have sexually transmitted diseases (they don’t, at least not before I met them). Probably the most tiresome smack of this genre involves the fiction that people only go to Tech because they couldn’t gain admission to UT or A&M. This is a waste of time, fellow opponents, because it is not the truth. In fact, most of us never even applied to UT or A&M. In fact, we didn’t even “apply” to Tech. Most of us were actually given a choice by the tribunal of the relevant jurisdiction between going to prison, joining the Merchant Marine, or enrolling at Tech. I really thought about the Merchant Marine because I wanted to “see the World,” but Tech had better weed. Seriously, though, these claims don’t bother me. Hinging your self- worth on the approval of an Aggie or a Longhorn is a risky proposition, and is akin to a wino seeking the approval of a crack whore.
2. “Tech Fans Are Thugs”: I never realized I was such a badass. Sure, I’ll knock a grandmother out of her wheelchair to steal her Social Security check, but let’s not get judgmental here. Our opponents have us doing all types of deviltry to them when they visit the Jones, with our hurling all manner of objects at them: batteries, foodstuffs, goalposts, pit bulls, nuclear waste, etc. You name it, we throw it. I really didn’t think these claims were true, because I haven’t witnessed this kind of stuff. But that’s probably because I’m busy outside the stadium selling government secrets to terrorists or ramming my heavy toed jackboot into the ribs of a third grader. So, I looked it up, and you know what? They’re right! I found that our not-so-esteemed alumni include Al Capone, Adolph Eichmann (he was low grade Tech scum, but Hitler was able to get into UT because he was smart and all), Jeffrey Dahmer, Pol Pot (M.Ed.), John Hinkley (for reals), Rosie Ruiz, and the guy who invented “Clackers.” Worst of all, John Denver went there. Given this, we’ll save you OU and Baylor folks the trouble and admit that we’re trash. Just plain old trash. Plain old 10-0 trash. Go tell somebody who gives a damn.

Note the color he's wearing. He looked better in scarlet. WRECK EM'!

3. “Tech’s ‘Gimmicky’ Offense”: Ok by me. It’s different, that’s for sure. The main difference? We’re winning. We finally have some semblance of a running game to help balance things out and we’re playing some defense, so we’re not losing the games we typically would in the pure “shoot out” days. Call it gimmicky if you like, but it’s fun to watch. You know, a few weeks ago, I tried to watch Penn State play Ohio State. I thought to myself “Let me see some real football. Some of that smash mouth, 3 plays and 9 yards and a cloud of dust stuff from the leather helmet days.” I switched the tv to some shopping channel after 30 minutes. I kept getting distracted by the lint in my belly button. By the way, I got a great deal on a blackjack and a pair of brass knuckles on QVC.
4. “Tech has no National Championships.” Our opponents like to remind us of this. A lot. Well, the UT ones like to, because they have several. I figure the OU folks might be laying this one on us soon, because they have a stinkload of them. Acknowledged. But, don’t waste your time. This is a little like telling me your triple great grandmother came over on the Mayflower. What good is that going to do you now? I will admit, however, the Aggie smack in this regard is amusing, because they like to tell us about their National Championship. A long time ago. A very long time ago. Given the lack of temporal relevancy, this reminds me of my grandfather telling me about how, in his day, for just a nickel, you could get a hamburger, a “malted milk,” and a big house in Highland Park.
So, there you have it. Look what I’ve done for you! I’ve saved you time and innumerable keystrokes. We’ve heard it all, so don’t bother. Is there a way I can bill for this? I thought not.

Texas Tech-Texas: I'll Be There

Bond J Bond — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 22:24:00 -0400

So you know—Bond J Bond/Aphrodisiac Jackson will be in the LBK for "the" game.

It's the first game I've attended in Lubbock (that's a qualifier because I've been to a few bowl games) since I GRADUATED! Holy crap, that's a long time.

I bought the tickets before the season started (thank you, Red Raider Club) because I also have a family function on Friday night. I had no idea that the value of my tickets would appreciate FAR faster than any stock I've ever owned...geez.

The Head Coach was on Dan Patrick's radio program today, by the way...pretty awesome interview.

So if you see a great lookin' drunk white guy wearing a black T-Shirt that says "Texas Tech" emblazoned across the front—well, that could be me!

A Few Thoughts from a Texas Tech Fan on Saturday's Showdown

Bond J Bond — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 20:31:00 -0400

I've waited 35 years for Saturday night.

To put that in a little perspective...

I only had to wait 22 years to meet the woman I would marry and have a child with.

I'm pretty sure there's a large group of folks that can say they've waited a hell of a lot longer for their spouse and for this weekend's football dream matchup. So let's just say that this weekend is big. Really big.

If Tech were somehow to lose the game, I just want all of y'all to remember that the season isn't over—that group of guys has more than delivered for us already this year.

Enough of that negative talk, though...

I'm comforted that the Austin sports radio stations and national media have revealed unintentionally that they haven't watched a single Tech Football game this season.

This team is different, so all of those folks who keep spouting off the same old Tech clichés (no running game, no defense, weak schedule, gimmick offense, system quarterback, treeless sand dune landscape, etc., etc.) are only making themselves to look ignorant to the truth.

Regarding the defense:

Spare me your "Tech is only the 58th-best defense in the country," because I'll note that UT is ranked No. 44 and gives up only 12 yards fewer per game than does TTU. Please.

Tech is 10th in turnover margin @ +9. (So is OU—see how that helped them in their big game against the Longhorns?)

Tech is 21st in third down conversions allowed, only allowing 32 percent. Texas is WAY down the list at 47th —but only allow 36 percent.

Pass defenses between the two units are slight as well, btw: UT allows 265 ypg via the air and Tech 245 ypg.

Texas is so AWESOME on the ground! 183 ypg! Let me tell you what: You'd better be—if you're not going to throw the ball as much as Tech is—you'd better run the ball well. In fact, I'd venture to guess you'd want more than a 45-yard per game difference on the ground (Tech runs at 138 ypg).

So spare me your weak stats comparisons—the differences are slight at best.

Coming into the season, Tech fans were hungry to play UT because "this could be the year" we could beat them. After all, they had to come to our place, and in the preseason even UT was worried about their young secondary and a lack of a pure RB.

And so, of course, UT is ranked No. 1 in the country...lol...once again, college football demonstrates its singular awesomeness through its sheer lack of predictability.

Tech is not at all unlike the black sheep of the big state university systems (although the U of H system would quickly disagree), so having ESPN College GameDay come to Lubbock is not at all unlike having the Griswolds come to Cousin Eddie's for the holidays.

Except that we live in a pretty nice subdivision—and we're going to get to show off our version of how the other side lives on Saturday.

We hope you enjoy our company this weekend. We'll likely only remember parts of your visit. But I can assure you we'll remember the part where we light up the Christmas tree with TDs.

Texas Tech-Kansas: Raiders Give Jayhawks the Ruff Treatment

Bond J Bond — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 18:03:00 -0400

Well, well, well...that was fun, wasn’t it? That’s what I’ve been waiting for all year—a good ol’ Tech butt whuppin’.

While I was happy for it, I’m kind of sad it came at the expense of Kansas. I’d have much rather seen this come at the expense of Aggy or you know who down in Austin. I just don’t have anything against Kansas or its fans.

I’ve had to travel to Kansas a lot and spent a good deal of time there in my work, and I’ve never failed to find the people up there to be anything but friendly and good-natured folks—except for this one plaintiff I went up there to depose who threatened to throw me down a flight of stairs. But he was from Missouri anyway.

What made this game so fun were the facts that the outcome didn’t ever really seem in doubt and our defense played well throughout the game. It was just “fun,” and I wasn’t kicked out of the family room for having angst-induced grand mals in front of the kids (my anxiety sometimes gets the better of me, manifesting itself in shrieking, beer spitting, and inanimate object kicking).

But you have to cut me some slack—I’m a product of Texas Tech football circa 1979 through 1983. You know: the "12,000 in the stands, "Rocket" Ron Reeves turf-skipping incomplete pass, couldn’t beat Rice, Rex got on the wrong plane, gawddamned SMU lateral on the kickoff" era of Texas Tech football.

While I may not agree with all the observations of my esteemed fellow scribes on this blog when it comes to Spike Dykes, I’ll be the first to say that Leach is a Godsend. Crazy? Well, maybe so...give me crazy over a sane loser any day. A drunk? Fine by me...drinks are on us, Mike. A lawyer?...Well, what can I say?

But one of the things I love about Leach is that he put Ruffin McNeil in charge of the defense. I love this guy! At one point relatively late in the game, when the win was well in hand, Kansas began moving the ball. Ruff calls the guys over during a timeout and he’s so worked up, HE’S SPITTING WHEN HE’S YELLING AT THEM! You gotta love a spitter!

That’s what I wanna see...a guy who doesn’t want the other team to score even if the game is in the bag. Beats that “bend but don’t break” crap an day. "Patooey! Get yo' butt out there and tackle!"

Of course, our happiness must be tempered by what’s to come. Tech now has to face the Evil Empire. I really don’t hate UT like I do Aggy. I know a lot of UT grads who are decent guys to have a beer with. But that arrogance is always there—you can just sense it.

Well, I suppose they have the right to be arrogant: They have several national championships, as compared to our, well...zero national championships. And unlike our insane, delusional, Maroon-wearing friends, their last NC didn’t come from the leather helmet wearing “24...87...36...hike, hike, hike!” days.

Face it, we'll probably always be in their shadow. Their coach is a grandfatherly good ol' boy. Tech's coach is a loco, pirate-loving lawyer. They play in a 100,000-seat stadium. Tech is hoping to get the Jones to 65,000 with a planned addition.

They have so many blue-chip recruits, they don't know what to do with them all. Tech has a kicker recruited from the Lynnewood apartment complex halftime kick-o-rama. So what? He did go 9-for-9.

I don't care about any of it...it's part of being a Tech alum. We're strange, but hey, we're fun to be around.

Tech's offense is firing on all cylinders now, so it should be able to score. It’s Coach Ruff and his slobber-inducing D we need.

The Furby-resembling quarterback for UT is completing passes at a percentage that is simply too good to believe. Shipley and Cosby are running wild. UT is playing scary good right now. Texas is supremely confident they will beat Tech.

When UT defensive tackle Roy Miller heard about the 63 points Tech hung on Kansas, he only said, “Well, we’re not Kansas.” Of course you’re not, Roy. People in Kansas aren’t arrogant turds.

OU felt pretty confident coming into Lubbock last year. I am hoping Coach Ruff and his boys can administer a dose of humility.

P.S. What say we all chip in and buy Jon Bible a two-week ticket to Hawaii or someplace?

Fifth and Inches: College Football Predictions, Week Eight

Bond J Bond — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 16:35:00 -0400

OK, boys and girls, an 8-8 mark last week against the number, so I didn't lose anything but some juice here and there. 11-5 on straight up winners/losers...yearly totals now are 51-33-1 and 76-23.

Let's roll.

Thursday

No. 9 BYU (2) @ TCU (Versus)

Interesting game here, as BYU has kind of had TCU's number of late, winning five of six in the series over the last 10 years. Last year's game at BYU was a close one, and I suspect this one will be as well.

TCU...23-20.

Saturday

No. 7 Texas Tech (21) @ Texas A&M (FSN HD)

We'd be remiss, of course, if we didn't revisit the last time these two played at Kyle Field...

...with that said, Jerrod Johnson could be a real difference maker in this one, depending on if he gets to play and how they use him. He had a big day last week vs. K-State, but got behind early and had to try to rally all day.

If Tech can get the pressure going with an early score, it's a game they should win comfortably. I still don't know about three TDs, though.

Tech...41-27.

No. 11 Mizzou (ABC HD) @ No. 1 Texas (7)

Coming off the big emotional win over OU, it'd be easy for Texas to be flat and for Mizzou to be refocused after losing to OK State. I suspect Texas won't be flat, however, and it should be a tight ballgame. A late score makes the difference here.

Texas...37-27.

Baylor @ No. 8 OK State (17)

After the big win in Columbia, it would be easy to expect a letdown from the Cowboys this week. I don't see it, though. Robert Griffin is a good one for the Bears and will be for a long time to come, but there's still a long way to go.

OSU...45-21.

No. 16 Kansas (ABC) @ No. 4 Oklahoma (17')

Kansas was much better last week than they'd been at Iowa State. OU was good, just got beat.

Oklahoma...38-17.

Kansas State (FSN) @ Colorado (3)

Big road win for the 'Cats last week...'Buffs still looking for their first Big 12 win of the year.

Colorado...27-21.

Nebraska (5') @ Iowa State (Versus)

I told you last week Nebraska was a better team than folks gave them credit for. ISU is coming home after the Baylor trouncing. I look for them to get dominated up front.

Nebraska...31-17.

No. 18 North Carolina (5') @ Virginia (ABC/ESPN2)

Suddenly, Virginia has found some life with wins over Maryland and East Carolina. Carolina has been winning as well but has now lost their best playmaker to a knee injury. Add to it that they haven't won at Virginia since 1981, and this will be a trendy upset pick this week.

Virginia...19-17.

Houston (13') @ SMU

The Ponies found something last week in pushing Tulsa. I think they'll just find themselves behind this week.

Houston...40-27.

Army (TW-Buffalo) @ Buffalo (10')

I'm squarely on the Army bandwagon now. I think if you live in Buffalo, you can get this on Time Warner Cable. Also, I think you should move.

Buffalo...24-20.

Miami (5') @ Duke (ESPN U HD)

Miami...versus Duke...only a five-point favorite...and not the Miami from Ohio? Never thought I'd see it.

Miami...27-13.

Michigan (ESPN HD) @ No. 3 Penn State (24)

There's nothing here that doesn't say, "Take Penn State."

PSU...38-13.

No. 22 Vandy (Raycom) @ No. 10 Georgia (15)

I think the Vanderbilt Reality Tour continues for a second straight week.

Georgia...35-14.

No. 12 Ohio State (3) @ No. 20 Michigan State (ABC/ESPN2)

Wow. This is a tough one. Michigan State hasn't won in this series since '99. Ohio State is better with Pryor at QB. I might feel different if this were a night game.

Ohio State...20-10.

No. 13 LSU (3') @ South Carolina (ESPN HD)

Something's bugging me about this game, and I think it could eventually turn weird.

LSU...21-20.

5th and Inches (Week 7)

Bond J Bond — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 16:11:00 -0400

I own this blog, apparently. Sorry for no update last week. Had real stuff to do for a change.

Dammit.

43-25-1 now ATS...65-18 SU. Here we go.

==================================================================

**Thursday**

Clemson (ESPN HD) @ No. 21 Wake Forest (3)

The "Oregon State on Thursday night" show is finally over after two weeks, and we're back in the ACC. Clemson is definitely one of the bigger disappointments of the year thus far, despite the fact that they wear purple pants.

Wake, meanwhile, followed up a big win at Florida State with an egg against Navy, ruining a perfect season.

Clemson won the last four in this series, but I've got a couple of trends that go 23-7 in Wake's favor tonight. And since that's really all I know about it, I'm going with it. Wake...30-24.

**Saturday**

Nebraska (FSN HD) @ No. 7 Texas Tech (21)

Ya know, I've been to Tech/Nebraska games in Lubbock where there was a 21-point line, only it was the other way around. My, how times have changed.

The Huskerdoodles are fresh off a pounding at home by Mizzou; Tech is fresh off a road pasting of KState.

The last time the Kids in the Corn visited Lubbock, they left with the worst loss in school history at 70-10. But I've seen Nebraska come south and play well, and I expect Tech to win here, but I suspect it won't cover the number. Tech...38-20.

No. 5 Texas (ABC) @ No. 1 Oklahoma (7)

Easily the game of the day...I even think College Gameday will be at the Fair for the 11 a.m. kickoff...which is a terrible time slot, by the way. With an 11 a.m. kick, the pregame on Austin radio starts at 11:30 Friday night.

The newly revamped Cotton Bowl will be rockin', and it should be a helluva game. As for the game itself...OU has blitzkrieged each opponent thus far with their no-huddle offense.

Texas has started pretty well, too, but for each, it will be the best opponent to date. With Colt McCoy being the leading rusher for Texas, I don't think that bodes well in this one. OU...31-21.

No. 17 OK State (ESPN2 HD) @ No. 3 Mizzou (13')

The Cowboys go north to Columbia, where teams have really struggled in recent years. I think this one's a lot closer than the Vegas boys wanna tout it.

OSU can move the ball, probably better than anyone Mizzou has seen yet. There are still questions about Mizzou's defense, though I think they'll be fine.

Still, should be entertaining and close in the fourth....but I like the Tigers at home. Mizzou...34-26.

Kansas State (3') @ Texas A&M

Could be a real arrival moment for one coach, well...forget that. Sherman's going to take his lumps this year at A&M, there's no doubt.

Meanwhile, should K-State lose this one, I think Ron Prince is a definite candidate to have "For Sale" signs in his OFFICE come Monday morning. Somehow...I'll take the Aggies. A&M...27-26.

Colorado (ESPN2 HD) @ No. 14 Kansas (14)

A week from scraping by Iowa State, Colorado comes in licking its wounds...assuming buffalo do that sorta thing...after Texas came calling.

KU has kinda followed the road many thought they might, coming back down to earth a little after last year's BCS run. But I think they're still better than Colorado...but I don't know about 14. Kansas....28-23.

Iowa State (FCS Central) @ Baylor (4)

The Bears are playing well in spurts, as are the Cyclones. That kinda thing usually goes over better at home. Baylor...31-24.

Notre Dame (ABC/ESPN) @ No. 22 North Carolina (7) -

One guy for Carolina blocked three punts last Saturday and should have had four. That doesn't have anything to do with this weekend, but you just don't see that too often.

Hard to really like either one here, because the 'Heels offense did nothing last week, and Notre Dame outlasted Stanford...again. I'll take Carolina to win, but not by much. UNC...19-16.

No. 4 LSU (CBS HD) @ No. 11 Florida (4)

Another great one in the SEC...there's even been trash talk this week from the LSU side. I'm smelling a wild finish in this one and it's really too close to call. Florida...23-21.

Tennessee (CBS HD) @ No. 10 Georgia (13)

Georgia healed up for a week after getting blasted by 'Bama...Tennessee feasted on Northern Illinois. If, by feasting, one's talking about getting fat on Jenny Craig.

Tennessee outlasted Northern Illinois, in Knoxville, 13-9. That's not a good setup for going to Georgia. Georgia...28-10.

Eastern Michigan (ESPN Classic) @ Army (1')

Army appears to have found something, with a tough loss at A&M and a blowout win over heavily favored Tulane. Army...30-20.

Tulsa (25) @ SMU -

There will be lots of the forward passing of the footballs in Dallas Saturday. Tulsa...52-24.

Central Florida (ESPNU HD) @ Miami (15

Two tough losses in a row for Miami. Miami...27-17.

Michigan State (3) @ Northwestern (ESPN2 HD)

Did y'all know Northwestern is 5-0? Northwestern...24-20.

No. 6 Penn State (5) @ Wisconsin (ESPN HD)

Not sure why, but I think Wisconsin comes back tough after the Ohio State loss. Penn State...24-21.

Arkansas @ Auburn (18)

I'm sure this is on the MizLou network or something like that, but I can't find it. Lines are hard to find on this game because Auburn fired its offensive coordinator this week, 6 games into his tenure there.

Tough to cover almost three TDs when you do something like that. Auburn...27-13.

Farking Season Arrives at Texas A&M

Bond J Bond — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 17:32:00 -0400

After seeing the pics of the Jones flooded, you had to know the farks wouldn't be far behind. TTURaider, from the raiderpower forums, fired the first volley, and boy, was it a beauty!

Not to be outdone, the super creative and ruggedly handsome mdkimbro added his own touch...the Manginokrakken.

Some of you may not be aware of this, but in the world of farkdom there is a popular phenomenon referred to as the "Tennis Match." Basically, people add more and more images to an original work until it is either flat out stupid or your head explodes at the sight of all the LOLs....or in this example from the shaggybevo forums, both.

This thing has just about every Big 12 cliche you can imagine. From Gap Kid, to Listeater all the way back to the Corps guy pulling his sword on the SMU cheerleaders. Classic! The best actually had the bellringer in the middle, but apparently I can't post .gifs on blogger.
So, here's to another fun fark season getting kicked off right! We look forward to sharing many more with you this year.

5th and Inches (Week 3)

Bond J Bond — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 09:28:00 -0400

So here we are for Week 3 of the college football season. I missed posting last night's Carolina/Rutgers tilt due to a faith healing session that ran long up here in Big Rapids, Mich.

The chicken fried steak at the Interstate Inn is not to be trifled with...and I'm not really sure that was gravy on top of it. Get thee back to Texas for your chicken fried steakness, praise God almighty blessed Jesus Lord, Amen.

A 7-5 week last against the line, 16-4 straight up winners/losers. For the year...15-11 and 33-7 now in those two categories. Special thanks this week to Ryan Hyatt for recognizing that the disco ball is once again spinning around here. I'll show myself out.

**Friday**

No. 13 Kansas (ESPN2 HD) @ No. 19 South Florida (3') - Great Friday night matchup...though it's likely to be over by the time I get back from some local HS Football. South Florida won an OT thriller over Central Florida last weekend. Kansas has squashed their two opponents, La. Tech most recently in the rain. Kansas won this matchup by six in 2006. Both are better now...home game for the Bulls...but I still like Kansas. KU...23-21.

Washington State (2') @ Baylor (FSN HD) - **Note, this game has been moved from Saturday to Friday night.** Hmmm...interesting game here. The Bears could get a feather in Art Briles' cap...assuming he spends a lot of time in caps with feathers in them...with a win over a visiting Pac-10 team. They laid an egg against a good Wake Forest team, then bounced back with a win over Northwestern State last weekend. They say you improve the most in football from Week 1 to 2...which was actually last week but gives me a chance to use another cliche in here. Baylor in the upset...23-20.

**Saturday**

SMU (FSN HD) @ #12 Texas Tech (36') - So my father's an SMU guy from long ago, my sister went there and somesuch, so there's some familial rivalry in it. So he says to me, "How is it that Tech is favored by 36' over SMU. They won't win by 36." To which I said "Won't win by 36 touchdowns? Yeah, that is a lot." Texas Tech...52-20.

Arkansas (ABC) @ #8 Texas (23') - This one has been moved to Sept. 27. Take Ike and lay the points.

Nevada (FSN PPV) @ #6 Mizzou (26') - Nevada played pretty well last with Tech, at least between the 20s. But they couldn't score enough...as I had predicted. Mizzou right now is firing on all cylinders, to get all cliche-like on you. Nevada will probably move it some...but Mizzou will move it more. Mizzou...44-17.

#3 Oklahoma (20) @ Washington (ESPN HD) - The Sooners leave the, uh, the Oklahoma is OK state for the first time in 2008. Last year's first trip out of, well, Norman, was a win at Tulsa, though not the prettiest. It will be interesting to see how Washington rebounds from a bonehead penalty last week that resulted in a 35-yard extra point try...that was blocked for all of you who say the penalty cost them the game. The kick was blocked, whether from the 10 or the 25. OU...27-17.

Iowa State (Big 10 HD) @ Iowa (12') - Always a tough one to pick in the big, emotional rivalries. Iowa has shown signs of life in their two ballgames, and ISU is off to a 2-0 start as well. Double-digits is a tough sell here. Iowa...24-20.

New Mexico State (FSN PPV) @ Nebraska (25) - Went with the Huskers and the big number last week...thinking about doing it again here as this is NM State's first game of the year after a hurricane rainout. Nebraska...45-17.

Mizzou State @ Oklahoma State (FCS Central) - OK State....51-13.

#5 Ohio State (ABC HD) @ #1 USC (10') - Sweater Vests on Ice heads West for a classic showdown of smashmouth vs. glitz and glam. Smashmouth has fallen hard on its last couple of big stages against speedy teams. USC...34-17.

Michigan (1) @ Notre Dame (NBC HD) - The Domers struggled with San Diego State last weekend...the Wolverines with Miami (OH). Notre Dame will suit up 11 leprechauns or something crazy and pull the win here. ND...19-16.

#10 Wisconsin (1) @ #21 Fresno State (ESPN2 HD) - Easily a top-5 matchup for the weekend...even though we're really talking about 21 vs. 10. Could be a trap for the Badgers, who split with Fresno in Wisconsin in 01 and 02. Fresno St....22-20.

#2 Georgia (8) @ South Carolina (CBS HD) - The second-ranked Bulldogs hit the road to face South Carolina, fresh off their loss at Vandy. Dawgs trying to keep pace in the polls, after falling from #1 despite winning twice. Georgia....23-10.

Other games of interest...

UCLA (Versus) @ #18 BYU (9) - Can Neuheisel keep the early magic going? BYU...31-21.

#16 Oregon (7) @ Purdue (ABC/ESPN2) - Ducks have proven that Big 10 stadiums don't scare them. Oregon...28-22.

#9 Auburn (10') @ Mississippi State (ESPN2 HD) - Laying 10+ in an SEC game is like hitting on 20 in Reno. Niblets...aka Auburn...24-15.

Reno Failure: A Texas Tech Fan Hits the Road

Bond J Bond — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 04:51:00 -0400

Well, it wasn’t failure, but it got pretty close to it. I just got back from spending a month in Reno, over the course of three days. Felt like a month, anyway.

What a strange trip. I’m glad I made it, I guess. Just a few random thoughts:

The Game

In a word, it sucked. It really sucked. I know: Tech won, so it’s all good. But Jesus, that was ugly. It had to be one of the worst officiated, worst coached and worst played games I’ve witnessed. Seeing as how I used to coach Pee Wee league, that’s saying something.

It seemed like both teams were locked in a mortal contest of “fart and fall down” with the team least consistent in this endeavor the most likely to succeed.

This game had it all. Fumbled snaps, dropped balls, overthrown passes, blocked punts, unsuccessful fourth-down tries from the 29-yard line (on Tech’s side of the field), phantom holding calls. You name it; if it was bad, this game had it. Yeech!

Harrell looked terrible (see what I did there?). So many of his passes were off the mark and so many looked as if they were just lofted up in the air for anybody to grab, it led the Nevada fans around me to begin yelling “He’s just not that good!”

I wanted to argue, but truth is, I couldn’t. It didn’t help that what Nevada’s corners were doing to Tech’s receivers would amount to a Class A misdemeanor for assault in many jurisdictions; the timing of the routes was clearly affected. Still, it stunk on ice.

There were some nice moments, though. You could tell that Morris was going to break that punt return early on, and it was fun to watch.

On one of the few long connections Harrell made to Crabtree, the pass was underthrown. Crabtree had to come back for it, giving the cover guy a chance to grab him. What Crabtree did to him before breaking away was almost violative of the Geneva Convention.

There were some nice runs: all of a sudden, we’re a running team? The defense looked like the defenses of old: “Lyle style.” But, they stiffened several times in the red zone after giving up a lot of yards.

A word about the officiating

When I was waiting to board the plane at DFW, I saw several guys with Big XII luggage entering the waiting area. One of the bags was being pulled by a middle aged, lanky guy, and it had “Jon Bible” embroidered on it. I thought “Oh Sh*t. I thought he only came to screw us when we played UT.”

I will say, fellow Tech fans, that I gave thought to “taking one for the team” and trying to push him out of the hatch once we got to altitude. But he would have just parachuted to safety on the flag he always has at the ready anyway.

At the game, his officiating was up to its usual level of ineptitude, although I must admit, his calls were just as bad for Nevada as they were for Tech. It surpassed the point of ridiculousness when he tried to flag Tech for roughing the kicker on a blocked punt. Even his fellow refs couldn’t take it anymore; they talked him into waving off the flag.

Nevada’s team

By the way, their players have funny names. Lippencott. Kaepernick. Fragger. Sounds like something Jonathan Swift would write as a chapter title: “My Arrival in Lippincott Upon the Fragger.”

Too bad about Lippincott’s knee. He’s a quality guy. Also, their band had a flag dude. You know…where teams have a band with a drill team and they have girls with flags.

They had a dude out there with the girls waving the flags around. As Forrest Gump would say: “They even had a flag dude. That’s all I have to say about that.”

All in all, it was a win, and they covered the 12.5 spread I put $100 on at the casino before leaving for the game. So, it could have been much worse. It’s still early in the season, and there is time to work out the bugs. But if they play like this against UT or OU, it’s going to be ugly.

Their Fans

It’s interesting, being at a college game where they sell beer. I expected it to be pretty rowdy, but it wasn’t that bad. I sat on the north 45 yard line, in a nest of about 10 Tech fans completely surrounded by Nevada fans. No real problems.

One guy in front of me was hammered and spent a lot of time wiggling his butt around when the stadium PA played AC/DC. He flipped off the entire stadium a good bit. But he was nice enough.

A middle-aged goof behind me leaned down and asked “Hey…you own an oil well? Heh, heh. Because all you Texans own oil wells, right? That’s what you’re famous for, ain’t it? Heh, heh.” I just turned around and said “No, I don’t. Do you own a whore house? Because, well, you know…” He didn’t talk to me any more.

There was one retarded kid walking around before the game, totally plastered, wearing a foam rubber wolf head and screaming “AWOOOOOO” in the faces of Tech fans as they walked toward the stands. But he was not drunk enough to be suicidal: he clearly circumvented a 6-foot-3 big ol’ West Texas boy in order to get to me (all 5-foot-8 of me) where he let out a particularly fine “AWOOOOO.”

The students in the north end zone stands had a nice chant of “F*ck you, Texas!” going for much of the first half. It isn’t that they mistook us for UT, I think, so much as they liked the meter of the four-syllable chant. But it was pretty weak compared with an away game at Rice: Rice students can cuss you out in iambic pentameter.

Nevertheless, after the game, several of the fans around us made a point of shaking our hands and saying “good game” or “congratulations” and thanking us for coming. You don’t get that often, anywhere.

So, on the well-recognized “Fayetteville Scale,” rating home fan obnoxiousness, with a “1” being The University of Nebraska and a “10” being The University of Arkansas, Nevada would rate a respectable 4.5. It would be a “4’” were it not for “AWOOOOO Boy.”

Reno

A few thoughts about the town. They have gambling, which I love. I’ve never been to Lake Tahoe, so I took a drive up there. Wow! Now I can see why the Corleones moved there. I wish I was rich.

They have a lot of those ground squirrel/chipmunk looking things. Very cute. One of them borrowed $5 off me. The town of Reno itself is kind of scruffy. I think it had an above average incidence of mattresses laying on the roadside.

Sadly, not all of them were unoccupied. Also, there were a lot of mini-truck punks and guys in low-riding Scions who looked like they would gladly hit you with a long-handled wrench. But, the town has “In-N-Out Burger,” so it’s not all bad.

The Casino

I stayed at the Peppermill. Good buffet. The rooms in the new Tuscany Tower were very nice. Not too bad a casino, although the casino has an abundance of 70’s neon and metal ceiling tiles. Being a degenerate gambler, I go to Vegas a lot.

So, I am familiar with your average “Vegas style” dealers, which generally fall into three categories: the indifferent Asian, the malcontent Slav and the On-The-Lam Canadian (a lot of dealers are foreign, must be something about having grown up in foreign elementary schools, where they are actually taught to count).

The dealers at the Peppermill were truly friendly. It somehow feels better, having a nice person take all your money, don’t you think? My favorite dealer was “Big Sam.” Big Sam would look up at the TV’s on the walls that were showing Christina Aguilera videos and say “Daaaayum. Look at that BOO-TAY!”

Big Sam took a liking to me, and determined to call me “Niblet.” (I don’t know why). Because the cocktail waitresses were pretty good with the free drinks, I got seriously sh*t faced Friday night. So drunk was I, in fact, that the “free drink scheme” worked on the Blackjack table and I actually hit a 20.

You read that right. I hit a gawddamned 20. Big Sam tried to talk me out of it, but as Lincoln said: “I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true.” Besides, Big Sam wouldn’t argue with me too much because my drunkenness also manifested itself in another activity: over tipping. I have to set this up right: my hit on 20 was all the more egregious because I was sitting on third base and Big Sam had a 6 up.

The other players were screaming at me, sure I was going to take the dealer’s bust card. Many of them were sitting on 17’s and 18’s. “Damn you all” I said, and I defiantly tapped the table for my hit. In truth, I was so drunk I had forgotten the “1 or 11” rule for an ace, so I thought I was hitting a 7-2-1 ten rather than a 7-2-11 twenty. My fellow players were, of course, ready to lynch me.

Then, in proof of the old saying that “God looks out for children and idiots,” I drew an ace for a 21! Wait, it gets better. Big Sam then flips his down card and it was a 4. He had a 10! I had taken his ace for what would have been a 21!

He draws a 6, then, draws an 8 to bust. My drunken ass had saved the day! Strangely, none of those ingrates bothered to thank me.

A Sea Of Red

I have to tell you, it was great staying at the Peppermill, because there were so many Tech fans there. Saturday afternoon, the Sports Book was solid red. There were all kinds of Tech fans. Middle aged beer bellies, the twenty-something guys with the obligatory goatees, the little old West Texas ladies with the hair helmets.

It just felt great being around all the Tech fans at an away game. Something about the “herd mentality” I suppose. I want to personally thank the tall, red-headed guy in the black Tech polo shirt. He had an eight-series run on the craps table that won me $250.

The team stayed there as well, although I never saw them. I think I might have seen a few of them at the pool on Saturday morning. There was one guy I thought was Graham Harrell. I wasn’t sure, but when I saw him toss a wadded up napkin at a trash can and miss, I was pretty sure of it.

Gerald Meyers was a regular on the corner Blackjack table. Gerald: always double down on 21. Always. Just don’t hit a 20.

American Airlines

I think I speak for everyone on Flight 2012 when I say: You suck.

Fifth and Inches (Week 2)

Bond J Bond — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 14:21:00 -0400

Howdy boys and girls. Time for week 2's edition of Fifth and Inches, brought to you this week by Dos Equis.

I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. I get nothing for saying that, by the way.

I had an 8-6 week last week against the line, 17-3 on straight up winners and losers.

This week's schedule is kinda devoid of any really sexy matchups. In fact, I don't think there's one game with two teams in the Top 25 going against one another. Regardless...we press on:

**Thursday**

South Carolina (10) @ Vanderbilt (ESPN HD)

Always good to have South Carolina on TV because it gives us free reign to throw around the word Cocks several times in an e-mail. The Gamecocks woke up in the fourth last week to dispatch NC State 34-0, but switched QBs in the late going to do it.

That QB starts this week...and his name is Smelley. He was also the starter last year in a loss to Vandy...the Smelley Cock. South Carolina, 22-16.

**Saturday**

No. 12 Texas Tech (10) @ Nevada

No TV for this one, which is being hyped a little bit as a potential shootout. Tech scores just about everywhere they go, and traditionally, so does everyone else.

Both teams racked up big yardage totals and 49 points last week, but I don't think Nevada can keep pace in this one. Tech, 41-20.

No. 11 Texas (26') @ UTEP (ESPN2 HD)

The last time UTEP hosted a Big 12 school in a late-night start at the Sun Bowl, Tech eked out an OT win. But Johnny Lee Higgins and Jordan Palmer are long-gone off the Miners roster, and there aren't any Tech linebackers trying to cover receivers in this one.

UTEP lost 45-17 at Buffalo last week. FYI...they weren't playing the Bills. Texas, 45-13.

Cincinnati (ABC) @ No. 4 Oklahoma (21)

I have the hardest time remembering if Cincinnati has 2 Ns and 1 T...or vice versa. 21 is a big number to lay here, but playing OU in Norman is never fun. I think this one will be pretty competitive, really, but give OU to edge to pull away in the second half. OU...42-20.

SE Mizzou State (FSN PPV) @ No. 6 Mizzou

Mizzou,52-10.

La. Tech (FSN HD) @ No. 14 Kansas (20')

La. Tech upended Miss. State last weekend at home and hits the road for Kansas this weekend. Again, almost three TDs is a lot to lay in this one,...but I've convinced myself to do it. Kansas...38-16.

Texas A&M (Versus) @ New Mexico (2')

The Lobos were throttled 26-3 at home by TCU. The Aggies were beaten 18-14 by Ark. State at home. Together, it's been a tough week in their respective camps.

Aggie coach Mike Sherman promises things will get better, which is good, because they can't get much worse. New Mexico, 23-20.

Eastern Washington @ Colorado

EWU played well in Lubbock last week, while CU got a big win in the Colorado State game. Too bad there's no line on this one. Colorado, 40-17.

Kent State @ Iowa State (7')

Cyclones looking to jump out to 2-0 start. Iowa State, 27-19.

Northwestern State @ Baylor

Bears looking for first win for Art Briles. Baylor, 38-14.

Montana State (FCS Central) @ Kansas State

Montana State upset Colorado a couple of years ago. Kansas State, 49-14.

Houston @ Oklahoma State (16')

Actually, a pretty entertaining game this should be. Ideas why that came out like Yoda I do not have. Houston will bring athletes. Oklahoma State is coming off a road win to open the year at Washington State. I think this one's pretty tight. Oklahoma State, 27-18.

San Jose State (FSN PPV) @ Nebraska (26)

San Jose got by UC-Davis last week, 13-10. Big stage this weekend for the Spartans. Nebraska, 48-7.

Texas State @ SMU

Hmmm, hate to say it, but the Bobcats could jump up and win this one. But I'll still give the nod to June Jones and the Mustangs. SMU, 34-24.

San Diego State (NBC HD) @ Notre Dame (22)

Because I have a new TV and HD, I might actually watch this long enough to see Touchdown Jesus in high-def. Yeah, it took us about 20 seconds to become HD college football snobs. Oh, and SD State lost last week to Cal-Poly. Ouch. Notre Dame, 39-6.

New Hampshire (ESPN Classic) @ Army

Why is Army on ESPN Classic all the time now? Army, 29-20.

Miami, Fla. (ESPN HD) @ No. 5 Florida (21')

In years' past, this woulda been a sexy non-con game, but now it sets up to be just another Florida blowout with Tim Tebow bulldogging over people. Florida, 31-17.

Miami, Ohio @ Michigan (14')

The RichRod era at Michigan got off to a rocky start last week, as the Wolverines dropped their second straight season opener at "The Big House." Seriously, haven't we used "The Big House" enough? Laying 14-plus this weekend? It's risky. Michigan, 31-14.

Other interesting games
Central Michigan @ No. 1 Georgia (23') - Or are they No. 2 Georgia? Rankings slight might just propel the Dawgs to big-time scoring this weekend. Georgia...45-14.

No. 8 West Virginia (8) @ East Carolina (ESPN HD) - ECU's Pirates looking for second straight upset this weekend. Easier said than done. West Virginia, 34-21

Keep Your Eyes Ahead

Bond J Bond — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 21:44:00 -0400

...is not just the name of the great Helio Sequence LP that I got for my birthday (Thanks Mom and Dad)...it's also quite fitting for this post...

About two years ago my daughter was diagnosed as having Autism.

I can't even describe how that felt. We knew it was true—but when a medical professional looks you in the eye to tell you, that's a whole other matter.

We live in a smallish Texas town—one that relies on the ISD for the education of the community's special needs kids. They do the best they can—and in many cases they exceed expectations. But some kids fall through the cracks—and I wasn't about to let that happen to my child.

Over the last few months I have been hard at work to establish an Autism-only private school here in our community.

Tonight I can report to you that we will be open for classes this Fall.

I should be shot at sunrise if I were to imply that I had somehow done this all on my own. So many have helped out—either with their prayers, thoughts, services or time. Because we make every attempt to maintain privacy, I wish I could name them for you.

Tonight I also spoke with a DiscoTech! contributor, Bob Knight's Eyebrows who has graciously accepted the reins of this blog. I may still drop in a post now and then, but there's just no way I can attempt to keep up with the college football season like I did this past year and simultaneously open a brand new school. (Have I mentioned that I've never opened a school before?)

Thanks to all the readers who have complimented my posts. We do it for free—we do it because we love to talk about Tech, Lubbock and the great State of Texas.

Bye for now...

Rivals.com and Scout.com Might be Corrupt?? No!

Bond J Bond — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 19:15:00 -0400

First of all - a HT to The Wiz for finding an interesting tidbit on the fallibility of recruiting "insider" websites...

First, the LINK from the Daily Herald in "Suburban Chicago"

Then the cut and paste job:

College coaches aren't allowed to meet or talk with potential recruits during this time, but it's a rule that has been fudged and/or flaunted in certain pockets across the country.

That's why head coaches have been banned from the road -- to prevent the rule from being fudged. Zook has at least two problems with this new plan.

"The reason that I was told is because they say when head coaches go out, they talk to the players," Zook said. "And I said, 'That ain't right.' But I will tell you this: If a high school coach is bringing a player in to talk to a head coach, he's bringing in a player to talk to an assistant coach, too.

"So it don't matter. They're talking to the coaches, right, wrong or indifferent."

The other issue grows bigger every day and needs to be addressed soon.

Because operator/writers for Internet sites, such as Rivals.com and Scout.com, are the only ones who have unregulated access to recruits when coaches can't talk to them, it's an area that's ripe for corruption.

Some programs have secretly allied themselves with the Web sites that report on their school as another way to communicate with recruits.

In return, the Web sites get better information, more traffic and make more money.

"We're turning the recruiting over to the so-called recruiting gurus," Zook said. "Now, all of a sudden, just like you've got basketball coaches complaining that it's turning over to the AAU coaches, now we're turning it over to these guys that can call them.

"Well, you know what a lot of them are saying. They're selling their school to these kids, and we're not able to talk to them. To me, we're losing this thing, in my opinion."

Now the insightful commentary:

Wow, it was only two days ago that the ranking of prospects on Rivals was a big topic of conversation on the Rivals boards...they just released their initial "stars" rankings and the inevitable onslaught of complaining began from know-it-all amateur talent scouts across the nation...

"Our guy should be ranked above your guy" - and Tech's favorite - the "Tech effect." That is, when a four-star athlete commits to Tech - despite offers from OU or LSU and the like - he automatically becomes a three-star athlete.

The author of the story, Lindsey Willhite (which is a guy, btw), makes a pretty stunning accusation - that there are Universities that have "secretly" aligned themselves with a particular recruiting company. Interesting - this isn't Watergate or anything - but I wonder what editor would allow that kind of allegation to be published without and supporting evidence.

Because Ron Zook says so?

Ron Zook is on record as saying "It don't matter" so I hope they aren't counting on Ronnie's towering intellect.

The next step would be to investigate the books of Rivals and Scout - their automatic answer would most certainly be a denial - and there would be scarcely any way to prove the allegation to be true.

We know that Rivals and Scout are certainly profit-focused - we enjoy the fruits of their labor every day - it's fun to be in "the know" about your football program - the access they are able to provide is impressive.

Despite the fact the allegation shouldn't have been published...I have no doubt that it's true. So Bleacher Report readers, do we care if Tech is paying money for more and better access?