Bleacher Report - Articles by Danny Carberry

You Think the Yankees Are All Fur Coat and No Knickers?

Danny Carberry — Mon, 18 May 2009 09:55:14 -0400

Oh my dear, where are those Alan Wickers now? Perhaps sipping on some of that Amber nectar?

A third walk off in a row for the good guys as the Yankees conquered the Minnesota Twins. Not that I would call the twins ankle-biters, but they had trouble dealing with the wonderful skill sets of these New York gentlemen.

You, my fair Midwest based troupe can smuggle my arse. You are truly arse-bandits.

These last-inning victories and whipped-cream pies to the face from A.J. Burnett quickly have become old hat at the new glorious Yankee stadium.

As the actress said to the bishop, "You will behold the power of one man's loins in times of despair."

These chaps will not quit and are ready for a triumphant return to the former years of the finest Middlebury 20-year Bourbon.

This mantra has surely been welcomed by the Yankees and will hopefully spur them past those evil doers, the Red Men of Boston. A truly American sentiment recognizes the dignity of a good ball club and the fact that honor lies in honest toil. Will we see a fourth?

I know there is a Supreme Being who rules the affairs on the baseball field and whose goodness and mercy have always followed the Yankees. I know He will not turn from us now if we humbly and reverently seek His powerful aid.

But, in no way will He ever be a Mets fan.

Greg Paulus Made a Good Decision for Syracuse (and His Loins)

Danny Carberry — Sun, 17 May 2009 12:32:37 -0400

As everyone connected to Syracuse wrangles whether or not the Paulus decision to play football at Syracuse was a good one or not, we like to think of the reasons why he chose to stay in school and return back to Syracuse to participate in the struggling tackle football program.

For those of you that didn't get to appreciate the college experience, it's pretty kind to young, attractive college athletes and their loin area. It really is a clean sweep for both parties here, and will eventually be great public relations for the University and football program.

While you will hear the reasoning from the experts and talking points around why he returned to Syracuse and decided to play football in college, we like to think it was more of a chauvinistic and sophomoric college mindset that brought this triumphal return.

College Chicks are nice

You were once the starting point guard for one of the most prolific college basketball programs in the country. Translation, you probably enjoyed some nice southern poon.

How do you top that? Why not become a Division I college quarterback as well? Why can't we admit that you will never be in this Poon arena again after graduating college? Period.

Enjoy it while you can, Greg, and make the most of those co-eds that will be coming up to you at Parties and saying, "I have never been with a former Duke point guard before?"

College girls often make bad decisions. You could be at the maundering intersection of the bad decision trivet. For the rest of us, Greg, take advantage of this. Don't let us down and partake in this hot mess that is college women decisionmaking skills after drinking.

We all would have loved to entwine ourselves in this predicament and can now live this through you.

Why work now, just play football.

Jesus Effin Christ. You can toss the pigskin around on the weekend, and we have to live the daily grind during the week. College football is better than the real world, Greg, take advantage.

It's a shitty economy, time are tough for thousands, and not many people are hiring right now. Just complete five and outs to your boy from CBA and make us think it was worth paying over $5 for a shitty, watered-down beer.

Good luck at Syracuse and for all the bashers out there, tell them to suck it. You are living every young man's fantasy right now. *We are all jealous, Greg*

Asher Roth may have compiled a calamity of a music piece, but you have to appreciate the honesty and the smirk you get when hearing this horrible snip of noise...

How Would Coach Marrone Handle Somali Pirates?

Danny Carberry — Wed, 06 May 2009 14:24:59 -0400

How many times have you asked yourself, "How would Coach Marrone handle the Somali Pirate situation?"

If you're like everyone else, you have probably woke up many a mornings with a clear, vivid picture of Coach yelping at these pirate thugs. Well, we thought we would devise a clear portrayal of Coach M in action, verbally assaulting these Oceanic thugs with his message of passion, integrity and vengeance.

With that being said, we would like you to study the Hump rendition of the verbal assault that would be unleashed in the pirate haven off the West Coast of Somalia.

Let's set the scene:

It was a chilly morning with a glossing speckle of red rising from the sea. Somali pirates continue their attacks against international ships in and around the Gulf of Aden, despite the deterrent of stepped-up international naval escorts and patrols—and the increased failure rate of their attacks.

This morning Syracuse head football coach, Doug Marrone, happens to be doing some deep sea fishing with some old football buddies during an extended recruiting trip to the wonderful continent that is Africa. All of a sudden their boat was approached by suspected pirates and entails is how Coach Marrone handled the situation....

Situation One:

Ok guys, pirates are getting ready to take over the boat. These pirates are criminals. They are armed gangs on the sea. And those plotting attacks must be stopped, and those who have carried them out must be brought to justice. Give me the anchor and I will board the ship and chop block them with one big swoop of a move.

Jimmy, rub my thighs and make sure I am limber. If I don't make it back, tell Van Chew he was going to be the third wide out. God bless the Orange! (Coach then jumps in the water with the anchor and swims towards the boat)

Situation Two:

Damn, pirates are coming towards us. The modus operandi for a lot of countries and shipping companies up until now has been, OK, they hijacked the ship. They get it into port. Nobody's harmed. We pay a ransom. We've done a business calculation. so that's the way it is.

I have a football team to coach and don't want to risk turning this program around. Too bad Greg Robinson wasn't out here with us. They could have taken him ransom and we could have got the F$^$ out of here. (Coach yells to the Captain to get this boat out of here and head for land, while flipping the bird towards the pirates)

Situation Three:

As the Pirates get close to the boat carrying Coach Doug Marrone. (A close friend of Coach stands up to talk to the group)

Pressure? Let me just say that Marrone is the best football coach I've ever seen. A pure fighting machine with only a desire—to win a war that someone else lost. And if winning means he has to die—he'll die. No fear, no regrets. And one more thing, what you choose to call hell, he calls home. (The whole boat high fives each other and jumps into the ocean and boards the pirate ship. Nobody knows what happened after this since no one was seen again)

Coach Marrone: A true man of honor

Sports Blogging Cliques And Neil Lomax

Danny Carberry — Fri, 01 May 2009 06:16:32 -0400

Sports Blogging Cliques and Neil Lomax

As I spend about 75 percent of my time elsewhere from my home in Syracuse, I have a lot of time to skim the world of sports blogs that are extremely prevalent on the fad that is, gleaming the sports blog.

I am often thunderstruck by the amount of homers that have the time to write about their favorite sports teams, Pro wrestling stars, scandalous athletes and Dirt track racing (Yep, Dirt Track Racing). But, as I write this I seem to find my own time to blab about everything and anything.

I don't read many sports blogs, but always get my daily Syracuse fix from the likes of Nunes Magician, Three Idiots on Sports, Orange44, and a few of the other nice local reads. After reading some of the blogging elite, I have noticed a few cliques that every good sports blogger must follow to be in flophouse of the online top drawer.

*Note, we don't really consider ourselves sports bloggers for a variety of reasons. First, we have horrible writing skills and often forget to use spellcheck. Second, we have writing ADD and get extremely inattentive of writing about a single topic. Third, we don't actually read Box Scores. Nuf-Nuf.*

In Hump fashion, here are the Top Five Sports Cliques in creating a fruitful sports blog:

1. Recap, Recap, Recap

Sports Bloggers LOVE to recap. They will often recap, recaps and their readers will summarize the recap in a post. They will read summaries from the AP, ESPN, CNNSI, and other sports blogs and put together a nappy opinion piece. You can pull a paragraph from the original piece and add your creative slant with a pinch of contempt. This is a great way to pull your "unique" thoughts into a template of blogging unity on your site.

ESPN - Alex Rodriquez goes 3-4 with 5 RBI's as the Yankees roll past the Indians.

Blogger - The Steroid-infested latin hero goes balls deep as the Bombers scalp the Redmen from O-hio.

2. Rarefied Stats for your readers

Oh Nelly, if you can grab your Texas Instrument calculator and do some basic algebra to find the "Holy Grail" of stats that hasn't been presented to the masses by the media, you're Golden bro.

It takes a lot of time to put this research together and TheSportHump would recommend getting out and meeting the ladies instead of doing this research. I'm always ~~impressed~~worried about these types, but you can make those who may check out your nook of the intertube, feel inspired that Syracuse has only one three games in February during a Democratically controlled congress.

Again, we recommend getting laid, not pulling stats.

ESPN - Last night, Zack Grienke won his fifth game of the year in his fifth start, but he broke his string of starts allowing no earned runs. Turns out he set the record for most starts allowing no runs and getting the win from the start of a season (1954 to present)

Blogger - Last night, Zack Grienke won his fifth game of the year in his fifth start, but he broke his string of starts allowing no earned runs. At the same time, Sting of TNA wrestling won the TNA World Championship, which turns out he set the record for most starts and Wrestling titles to switch hands since 1972 when Bruno Samartino beat Rene Goulet Sr. in Omaha for the vacant AWA title.

3. You are one clever Sonafa

Clever nicknames? Check. Witty Banter? Check. Caption contests? Check. These bloggers are Tip-Top of the Aristocratic world of Sports Bloggers. It started with Deadspin and Sports By Brooks and all of a sudden, everyone is an online sports comedian getting more ~~Poon~~commenter's than Vanilla Ice at an Elks Club in Sandy Creek this past summer.

They are loving this blogging life and getting "LOL's" and "LMFAO's" from their followers that love to send some quick comments to show the writer, " I fucking hear you and right back at you, King Clever."

ESPN - Former Sixer Armen Gilliam has just been arrested for soliciting an off duty police officer in Arizona.

Blogger - Charmin' Armen Gilliam requests that some bitch should "Squeeze his Charmin'"

4. Link Me And I'll Link You Back

I will suck your D*&! for a link! Even though you haven't met most of the people you have linked, they are all of a sudden your "Online Friends."

Sports blogging is the Second Life or JDate of online Sportsery. By the writing style and interests of your friends, you have developed this unique accord that you probably shouldn't tell the person that is having sex with you.

*I repeat, do not tell anyone you care about, or that gives you frequent HJ's that you have online friends that you haven't met.*

You will bait your newly found pals by linking them time and time again until you can rabblersouse an online conversation via commenting. You will catch yourself saying things like, "My good friends over at Blacksonblondes.com"......

5. Playa Hate the Traditional Media

Fuck Bud Poliquin!

Since you probably don't have credentials to ask coaches and athletes nonsensical questions, you can poke fun at these bastards for asking the coach how he feels after losing a game. You can be the Fox News of sports outlets and always blame the mainstream media for all of sports wrongdoings.

You must hate on ESPN favorites, Woody Paige, Skip Bayless, Jim Rome and Colin Cowherd. These guys will become your mortal enemy and you will then post often about the absurdity of their rants.

*Our shitty little site often participates in these activities and has surrendered all time and effort to build a credible sports related blog. We are just a couple of schmucks that enjoy fast women, cold beer, Burt Reynolds and the whereabouts of former Cardinals quarterback Neil Lomax.*

Until then, enjoy Sports Blogging~

Lou and Poncho

P.S.~ Fuck Skip Bayless

Six Degrees of Penetration: A Syracuse Football Experiment

Danny Carberry — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 11:16:12 -0400

The Syracuse Football campaign got off to a curious start this past Saturday on a beautiful 70 degree, low humidity day inside a giant white bubble perched on a hill high above the city of Syracuse.

I didn't have the opportunity to be in attendance, nor would I ever really go to watch spring football, since it's, well, spring football. I did have a few hombres from E-Town make the trip and had the chance to sit behind the SU Bench and listen to the ramblings of the days festivities.

From what I was told, it was a complete cluster of choice words, dance moves, and Coach Marrone dropping F-Bombs like he was auditioning for New Jack City II. Donnie Webb and Dave Rahme did a nice but PC summary of the game, which, as I heard, was pretty difficult to witness in person.

Outside of the penalties, poor executed plays, guys on the sidelines not watching the game, classic F-bombs from Coach Marrone, Mike Williams rapping, and an attendance that would of been embarrassing even to the SU lacrosse team, everything seemed pretty tight.

F-Bombs

Coach Marrone must have been a sailor in his previous life. The Bronx native apparently has no censor on the field, and my one buddy heard him tell the offensive line that they are "playing like a f***ing D3 state school." Ouch.

I don't mind a few F-Bombs, especially if it refers to a sloppy play that mimics the SUNY Brockport practice squad. Give 'em hell, Doug, and get that offensive line in ship-shape.

Mike Williams

He had a play where he literally jumped through the ceiling of the Dome to make a catch over Kevyn Scott. My boys said that he was far and above the only premier athlete that Syracuse has on their squad.

This is both good and scary. Mike also likes to rap on the sideline. He was treating a few young coeds to some of his skills while slugging down some "G" after that play.

Penalty flags

The whole scrimmage was stopped every few minutes because of flags being thrown. I was told it was like watching a group of sixth graders playing Red Light-Green light. Again, Coach was so fired up that he started grabbing face masks and telling them that they were f***ing, f***ed, f****ed.

F***ed up scoring method

This is a scoring system that produced a final score of 134-95 in favor of the offense. What the hell does that mean? It sounds like Bo Kimble played for the SU offense against Santa Clara back in 1989. That offense wouldn't have put up a touchdown against the North Division small fry champions, Clay Panthers. Why don't we just count touchdowns instead of going A Beautiful Mind at a spring scrimmage?

Andrew Robinson is the new Hulk

Does Andrew Robinson spell Mr. Olympia? My friends said that he must have gained at least 10 to 15 pounds of muscle. This guy is getting ready to steamroll some outside linebackers. Apparently, he was by far the most aggressive offensive player on the few plays he got in, and during warm ups.

Summary

It was a spring game, so what did we get out of this? Nothing. Spring games are hyped up during offseason practices. They are made for the media, community, and players. You will never be able to dial in on anything during these scrimmages. The bad part is that you can immediately point out the issues, and we had a lot of them on Saturday.

As a die hard Syracuse football season ticket holder, I am preparing for a tough next couple of years. Did I just say that? Is it 2005 right now?

Max Suter Enjoys His Midriff and the End of the Round Ball Thingy

Danny Carberry — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 11:45:00 -0400

Hey Max~When is the team going full monty?

Well another season has ended for the Gentlemen Orange. Although I am a bit sad over the pillage by those Midwesterners, I am having a gleeful outlook to the upcoming Orange Football campaign. We can only hope!

I had the opportunity to watch the game in Clifton Park, NY at the lovely Tailgators and say hello to Idiot extraordinaire, Russianator and chat some Syracuse basketball while pounding down some Cheap beer and wings.

If you are ever in the Clifton Park area and are with a few of your buddies, stop by Tailgators. If you could picture a Hooters gone local, you have Tailgators my friends.

And...with better wings!

Why don't we check out the blabber from the people who do it best...

(Three Idiots On Sports) Russianator gives a reflection, Idiot style.

(Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician) The Orange get juiced. Where is the Sham Wow guy?

(Axeman) The Recap

(Orange Hoops) Thanks for the season

(Orange44) Brian Cue's another Youngling.

(Nick's 2 Cents) Cat Tippin'

(Big Orange Bloggin Chuck) How do you really fee about Tully's Tenders?

Where The Down Boys Go....

Danny Carberry — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 10:24:00 -0400

A friend of mine this weekend asked me, "where are all the hot chicks in Syracuse tonight?" I paused, then remembered what was happening at the Palace Theatre in Eastwood. I recall talking to a lot of fast women, that they were going to be there and hopefully have the opportunity to jump into some speed dating at the event with all the participants.

Glorious!

Here is what happened~

Via:(Syracuse.com)

Group in Syracuse reads "The Hobbit" out loud in less than 10 hours

by The Post-Standard

More than 40 J.R.R. Tolkien enthusiasts from Central New York celebrated international Tolkien Reading Day Sunday by reading "The Hobbit" out loud, from beginning to end.

The group assembled on the second floor of The Palace Theatre in Eastwood, where it took about nine and a half hours to read the 305-page book. The size of the gathering fluctuated as people came and went throughout the day. Onondaga County Executive Joanie Mahoney, whose office supports several literacy initiatives, was among the readers.

By 10:30 p.m., for the last pages of the book, the group was down to six. The final paragraph was read by Alex Madden, 15, of Syracuse.

Admission was free, but organizers raised about $150 in donations for several local literacy projects.

The event was put together by John Mariani and Sean Kirst of The Post-Standard, with the support of executive editor Mike Connor. The international Tolkien Society credits Kirst with coming up for the idea for a reading day, which is officially held on March 25 -- the date in the books on which Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee, two hobbits, begin their climactic ascent of Mount Doom.

How does one join the international Tolkien Society? If you do know, contact my people so I can quit my job and move to New Zealand.

They like to party.

Soccer = Bad

Danny Carberry — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 20:34:00 -0400

We are not big soccer fans over here in the world of Sport Humping. I did have the opportunity to play in Costa Rica and actually enjoyed it, although I believe it will never resonate in the American Psyche.

I was reading the Wall Street Journal the other day and came across an article about how much this particular columnist denounces the game of millions. This guy actually believes that soccer is ruining America? Not drugs, Not debt, not morality, but soccer?

So, with a headline like that, how can you not read this!

Soccer Is Ruining America, and we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Soccer is running America into the ground, and there is very little anyone can do about it. Social critics have long observed that we live in a therapeutic society that treats young people as if they can do no wrong.

Every kid is a winner, and nobody is ever left behind, no matter how many times they watch the ball going the other way. Whether the dumbing down of America or soccer came first is hard to say, but soccer is clearly an important means by which American energy, drive and competitiveness are being undermined to the point of no return.

What other game, to put it bluntly, is so boring to watch? Bowling and golf come to mind, but the sound of crashing pins and the sight of the well-attired strolling on perfectly kept greens are at least inherently pleasurable activities.

The linear, two-dimensional action of soccer is like the rocking of a boat but without any storm and while the boat has not even left the dock. Think of two posses pursuing their prey in opposite directions without any bullets in their guns. Soccer is the fluoridation of the American sporting scene.

For those who think I jest, let me put forth four points, which is more points than most fans will see in a week of games—and more points than most soccer players have scored since their pee-wee days.

1) Any sport that limits you to using your feet, with the occasional bang of the head, has something very wrong with it. Indeed, soccer is a liberal's dream of tragedy: It creates an egalitarian playing field by rigorously enforcing a uniform disability.

Anthropologists commonly define man according to his use of hands. We have the thumb, an opposable digit that God gave us to distinguish us from animals that walk on all fours. The thumb lets us do things like throw baseballs and fold our hands in prayer.

We can even talk with our hands. Have you ever seen a deaf person trying to talk with his feet?

When you are really angry and acting like an animal, you kick out with your feet. Only fools punch a wall with their hands. The Iraqi who threw his shoes at President Bush was following his primordial instincts. Showing someone your feet, or sticking your shoes in someones face, is the ultimate sign of disrespect.

Do kids ever say, "Trick or Treat, smell my hands"? Did Jesus wash his disciples' hands at the Last Supper? No, hands are divine (they are one of the body parts most frequently attributed to God), while feet are in need of redemption.

In all the portraits of God's wrath, never once is he pictured as wanting to step on us or kick us; he does not stoop that low.

2) Sporting should be about breaking kids down before you start building them up. Take baseball, for example. When I was a kid, baseball was the most popular sport precisely because it was so demanding. Even its language was intimidating, with bases, bats, strikes, and outs.

Striding up to the plate gave each of us a chance to act like we were starring in a Western movie, and tapping the bat to the plate gave us our first experience with inventing self-indulgent personal rituals. The boy chosen to be the pitcher was inevitably the first kid on the team to reach puberty, and he threw a hard ball right at you.

Thus, you had to face the fear of disfigurement as well as the statistical probability of striking out. The spectacle of your failure was so public that it was like having all of your friends invited to your home to watch your dad forcing you to eat your vegetables.

We also spent a lot of time in the outfield chanting, "Hey batter batter!" as if we were Buddhist monks on steroids. Our chanting was compensatory behavior, a way of making the time go by, which is surely why at soccer games today it is the parents who do all of the yelling.

3) Everyone knows that soccer is a foreign invasion, but few people know exactly what is wrong with that. More than having to do with its origin, soccer is a European sport because it is all about death and despair.

Americans would never invent a sport where the better you get the less you score. Even the way most games end, in sudden death, suggests something of an old-fashioned duel.

How could anyone enjoy a game where so much energy results in so little advantage, and which typically ends with a penalty kick out, as if it is the audience that needs to be put out of its misery?

Shootouts are such an anticlimax to the game and are so unpredictable that the teams might as well flip a coin to see who wins—indeed, they might as well flip the coin before the game, and not play at all.

4) And then there is the question of sex. I know my daughter will kick me when she reads this, but soccer is a game for girls. Girls are too smart to waste an entire day playing baseball, and they do not have the bloodlust for football.

Soccer penalizes shoving and burns countless calories, and the margins of victory are almost always too narrow to afford any gloating.

As a display of nearly death-defying stamina, soccer mimics the paradigmatic feminine experience of childbirth more than the masculine business of destroying your opponent with insurmountable power.

Continue Reading here....

Even Tom Cruise Agrees

To Be the Stache, You Have To Walk in It's Shoes

Danny Carberry — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 09:41:00 -0400

Follow the arrow to the Stache.

This past weekend Katie and I had the opportunity to hit the slopes "Hot Dog The Movie" style up at Whiteface Mountain in Lake Placid. Although conditions were not that great, it was still fun to get out on the mountain after a long winter of traveling and no skiing.

If you noticed in the picture, I decided not to shave for awhile and the rudiment of a Poncho stache was being emancipated. Katie was nice enough to point that out, so I figured where better to post a picture than on my shitty little blog.

If you have never been to Lake Placid, we highly recommend this lil' gem up in the Great White North of Upstate New York. The town has a great brewery, abundance of horrible beers on tap and great food. We also had the opportunity to sit next to some douchebagery at the bar at the Interlaken Inn and hear such choice words as:

~We just made Partner at our firm.
~I used to be a Tennis Pro
~You must love to hunt quail
~I just put $100,000 into my house recently
~When we pop him out. (Douche husband talking about his future son "Finn")

We had the opportunity to watch 'Cuse Sharla the Sun Devils on Saturday while taking a break from skiing the slush. They definitely turned it on during the right time of year and have some momentum heading into the Sweet Sixteen.

Here are some thoughts on the game by our conundrum of Syracuse blogs with much more sophisticated writing talent than myself.

(The Orange Report) Sweet like bear meat

(The Axeman) Sweet sixteen interview

(Big Orange Bloggin Chuck) Video footage of 'Cuse dominance

(Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician) His witty and always insightful recap of Orange doings.

(Daily Orange) Game summary that's always very PC

A week out, but the sensational Kenny with a Dewey's plug and High Brow dialogue.

Now We're Talking Women's Basketball

Danny Carberry — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 08:48:00 -0500

Before I go into a rant, I have never attended a Division I women's college basketball game, nor do I ever care to. It's just not my thing. I am not sure who's thing it is? Maybe if I had a daughter, sister, girlfriend playing I would consider going?

First off, watching women's basketball is like watching two squads filled with Steve Kerr's hitting jump shot after jump shot and then sneaking in a left handed layup Ala Mark Price. It is like watching the movie Hoosiers with the mute button on. I play horse a lot with my friends, but wouldn't expect people to watch me play it.

Women's basketball is like having someone tell you about their dream (dude, let me tell you about this insane dream I had last night, I was falling off a cliff and then I...blablalblalbllabl, snnnnnnnoooooorrrrreeeeee).

They wear baggy shorts and jerseys, so they don't really look like women at all. They look like lumpen bottom-heavy boys who are shorter and can't jump as high. *Although they seem to be catching up to the College Softball vibe with some Sexy Dames making their way on to the hardwoods. The only real tell-tale sign of femininity is the pony-tail. It's like watching a bunch of chubby 13 year old junior high kids with surfer hair playing CYO Ball.

But...

That little skirmish between the Coach of UConn, Geno Auriemma and Syracuse player Nicole Michael was legendary. How much would you have given to see Auriemma take a shot at Michael? A left ~~Houston~~ Nutt maybe?

Michael was ready to take the Lil' Italian Stallion out. She had her game face on, laughing at him with beguilement and waiting for Auriemma to cross the line.

Oh, good god I love women's college basketball now.

Arizona Cardinals Are Going To The Superbowl And Jesus Is Happy

Danny Carberry — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 07:17:00 -0500

Of course I had the Arizona Cardinals as my preseason pick to go to the Super Bowl.

With the help of Kurt Warner's favorite drinking buddy, The Lord, the Cardinals were able to hold off a late Eagles surge and pave their way to the Home of Hooters, Tampa, FL.

I am truly believing that Kurt Warner has been given the green light from Jesus Christ to maneuver his way into yet another Super Bowl.

Warner, who will be making his first appearance in the Super Bowl since February 2002, when his St. Louis Rams were upset by New England and Stetson Man, Tom Brady in New Orleans.

They will face the Pittsburgh Steelers and their vaunted faithful allegiance of Thousands of Pittsburgh fans nationwide who will be annoying as hell wearing that damn Yellow and Black, whom they ripped off of the great Tag Team duo, The Killer Bee's.

Some Hump Musings~

Larry Fitzgerald

We officially have a Man Crush on this dude. He is an absolute beast. Fitzgerald's 419 yards receiving broke Jerry Rice's one-year playoff record of 408 yards, set in 1988 (The same year that Cameo's Hit Single, Word Up was rocking the charts).

And his three-touchdown catches against the Eagles tied another playoff record, and set the mark for most receiving scores in one half.

Larry is Legend.

Pittsburgh Defense

These guys are a wrecking Ball of a crew. Troy Polamalu is a video game character. This guy throws his body around like a rag doll. (*Note~I never knew what a rag doll was and why it has been consistently being tossed around?) The only way to contain Mr. Polamalu is to yank on those locks of hair dude.

Neil Lomax

Somewhere, Somehow, Neil Lomax is going to be interviewed about the stretch of Cardinals mediocrity over the past 30 years. I am sure Mr. Lomax is somewhere playing golf wishing that he had one crack at a Super Bowl ring.

He is a pretty bad ass golfer on that Celebrity/Pro-Athlete golf tour. Lomax is the president of ProMax Event Management and is an avid golfer and a devout Christian (see-Kurt Warner).

For the 2005 OSAA Football season, Lomax served as offensive coordinator and quarterback coach for the Tigard High School Tigers in Tigard, Oregon. He was inducted into the Oregon Sports Hall of Fame in 1993 and into the College Football Hall of Fame in 1996. Thanks Wikipedia!

The Mentalist

I wasn't sure if you caught it, but apparently a show called The Mentalist was playing after the Ravens/Steelers game? Jesus Effen Christ did they run that commercial about 974 times last night. Well, it worked, because I tuned in and sat through an episode. Damn them Mainstream media outlets for making me watch these lame duck Crime drama's.

Simon Baker is the lead and stars as Patrick Jane, an independent consultant with the California Bureau of Investigation (CBI), who has a remarkable track record for solving serious crimes by using his razor sharp skills of observation.

He also makes frequent use of his mentalist abilities to lead witnesses or offenders into offering the actual facts of the case, as known only to them. Clever CBS, and pretty sneaky sis.

Suburban White Irish Dudes Lose to Athletic Black Urban Fellas

Danny Carberry — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 19:23:00 -0500

Poncho trying to squish the enormous head of Notre Dame forward, Luke Harangody.

Well, after a freezing walk to the Short Yellow bus on Marshall street that brought me and my boyz back to Syracuse Suds, I have developed a numbness in my right toe that leads me to believe the onset of frostbite has taken over my fragile extremities.

It's so freaking cold in Syracuse.

That sure was a thought-provoking game. It had all the elements of a Huge Big East match up and at times, it was one of those games that had you kicking over your beer into the little boy in front of you, pissing off his dad. AO matched his season high with 19 points, Action "Rick" Jackson had 14 points and 10 rebounds, and the Orange held off Notre Dame 93-74 on a freaking freezing day in Central New York.

Enjoying a warm, settled draft delight prior to the Orange getting all "Gangs of New York" on Notre Dame.

Some Hump Thoughts:

Foul Shots

We are absolutely ridiculous. If I played against Syracuse I would "Hak a' Shaq" AO the entire game. He cannot make a free throw in NBA Jams '94. This team reminds me of those eerie late '80s early '90s teams who were consistently in the basement of Big East free throw percentage perennially.

Luke Harangody's Gigantic head

Stuart Mackenzie: Look at the size of that Luke's heed.
Tony Giardino: Shhh!
Stuart Mackenzie: I'm not kidding, it's like an orange on a toothpick.
Tony Giardino: Shhh, you're going to give the boy a complex.
Stuart Mackenzie: Well, that's a huge noggin. That's a virtual planetoid.
Tony Giardino: Shh!
Stuart Mackenzie: Has it's own weather system.
Tony Giardino: Sh, sh, shh.
Stuart Mackenzie: HEAD! MOVE!

Hot College Coeds

I had to give it to those sexy college dames today. Scantily clad on such a cold winter's day, does not make Poncho a dull boy. Good job ladies! As someone who went to a State University about 40 minutes from the beach where my days of college were like the movie Hardbodies, these Long Island princess's were looking grande today.

I will continue to say Hot College Coeds until I turn 40. I will then talk about how I used to say Hot College Coeds when I was in my 20s and 30s.

Doug Marrone

This guy has some enthusiasm. He gave a rabble rousing speech at halftime and I am starting to like his vibe. He took off the jacket, through it on Jim Boeheim court and got a little riled up about football. F*** Yeah Doug!

Their Thug versus our Thug

Well, Kyle McAlarney won the battle of BBall thugs today. Devo had times, but this guy from Notre Dame is lights out when he is in the Zone. Devo has more "Tats" and probably has hit more bitches, but Kyle has got the stroke and can bang it in from almost half court.

We will take that win and move on to Pitt on Monday. If someone said we would be 17-2 and 5-1 in the Big East on January 17th, I would have said go suck a "D". Good job playas and Jim Boeheim better crack a smile at the presser or someone needs to give him a nice postehaste jab to the solarplexis.

The Jim Boeheim Comedy Hour—Coppin State Comedy Zone With The Iron Sheik

Danny Carberry — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 11:36:00 -0500

Well, they were worried about our inside guys. They can't stop us inside. Every time we got it inside, we scored. Arinze is 6 out of 8, Paul is 6 out of 8, and Ricky is 5 out of 7. They are playing a zone, they have got to go back in there. We were pretty good at looking in there but still looking back out, finding Andy.

He gets that many good looks, I think he is a 50 percent shooter if he gets those kind of looks from the three. They just couldn't do anything with our big guys inside. We couldn't do anything with their guard. We weren't helping Jonny on the screens. He is a really good player. He is one of the better point guards that I have seen. He had 31, 9 rebounds, 5 assists. He is a really good player.

Iron Sheik:

Im going to suplex you and then do the camel clutch and then break your back, fuck you in the ass, and make you humble. You are worse then Michael Jackson. You ask me excellent excellent question. I never respect gay I never respect faggot. They just couldn't do anything with our big guys inside, so fuck them gays.

We couldn't do anything with their guard. We weren't helping Jonny on the screens and I should bring them back To Iran to show them real torture. He is a really good player. He is one of the better point guards that I have seen. He had 31, 9 rebounds, 5 assists and shots to the solarplexis.

Coach Boeheim:

Andy is not going to get those shots. The only time he is going to get those shots is when he is warming up. He is never going to get those shots he got tonight. Ever. Period.

Iron Sheik:

When I lose World Title to Hogan at Madison Square Garden I vow Sheik will return with vengeance. I don't care if Andy makes those shots. Fuck Brian Blair, that asshole sucker. I am Iron Sheik. (cough, cough)

The Iron Sheik at his finest...

New Dome Entrance Jams for 2009...The Top Five Entries

Danny Carberry — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 19:19:00 -0500

As everyone anticipates the new season sans Greg Robinson as Head Coach of The Syracuse University Orange, I thought maybe we could also change some of the entrance music when the team promenades into the Big White Top.

If I had my choice, this would be my Top Five~

5~Loverboy-Loving Every Minute Of It

Why It Works

It's fucking Loverboy and everyone loves Loverboy. Woot Canada. Woot Spandex. Woot All things wristbands/headbands.

Why it doesn't work

It's Loverboy

4~Danger Danger-Naughty, Naughty

Why It Works

What's wrong with getting a little Dirty, Dirty, Naughty, Naughty at the Dome? This might get a few college ladies to flash and show some boobage to pep up the Good Ole Orange faithful. Imagine a Dome filled Air Guitar session with Upstate New York's finest celebrating a win over Buffalo? Are you ready to rock Syracuse? I have been all over the country and nobody rocks like Syracuse NY!

Why It Doesn't Work

Umm, first of all it is Danger Danger. This band didn't crack the Top Twenty with this song and they got booted off the 1987 Winger tour for sucking really bad.

3~Single Ladies-Beyonce

Why It Works

Beyonce knows how to get a crowd bumping. All the single ladies would rise up in the Dome and all the single, chubby, drunk men would be able to sport the prey and move in on the targets. It really is a Win Win for everyone.

Why It Doesn't Work

It really does work. Trust me.

2~Asia-Sole Survivor

Why It Works

I will figure out why this would work. I am not sure right now after listening to this a few times. It could potentially create an awkward situation in the Dome and it is not very "Hip" in today's youth culture. Asia was your smart cousin that went to MIT, favorite band. These guys got laid because of their skill sets and those funky bass lines and transitions because they are studio musicians.

Why It Doesn't Work

You know how I know you're gay? You like Asia (See the Movie: 40 Year Old Virgin)

1~Vanilla Ice-Ninja Rap

Why It Works

Ninjas always kick ass. If our team could come out onto the field with a Ninja mindset, nobody could stop the Orange wave of destruction.

Why It wouldn't work

Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go. That's why

TheSportHump and Keith Hernandez Wish You And Yours, A Merry Christmas

Danny Carberry — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 11:48:00 -0500

I sit atop your Christmas tree,
All clad in pink, a real fairy.
The reason I appear to smirk,
The sprig of spruce stuck up my skirt with a six-pack of Piels.

There was an old fellow named Claus
With a case of the mid-winter blahs.
Taught his reindeer to fly
So they took to the sky with a 40 oz of St. Ides.

Now I've tried all the normal approaches by drinking Busch Light
All the pick-ups an' chat-ups an' stuff
Tried mi hand at so-phistication
Wi' some girls who were nowt if not rough

Christmas may be cancelled, so I grew out my stache.
The reindeer are on strike
Santa's stuck in Lapland
Forget your brand new bike

It's Christmas time, and attention goes
To the funny guy with his ho, ho, ho's.
Yes, we all know the reindeer story
And hear the tales of Santa's glory.

And the Yankees just signed Mark Teixeira. God Bless

TheSportHump Is Officially a San Francisco 49ers Mustache Fan

Danny Carberry — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 21:02:00 -0500

49ers Growing Mustaches

In a tribute to the facial fuzz that was, members of the San Francisco 49ers are growing mustaches for Sunday's season finale against the Washington Redskins.

The Niners will be wearing their throwback uniforms on Sunday, and members of the team have been inspired by photos of the team's greats—many of them sporting facial hair—displayed at the team's facility in Santa Clara, Calif.

The offensive line initiated the effort, and quarterback Shaun Hill has joined in.

"Today is Mustache Monday," Hill said of the effort, according to the San Francisco Chronicle. "It's for the throwback game. Every day we go to meetings and we go by these beautiful pictures and we admire these guys' mustaches."

According to the report, the team's facial hair gallery of greatness includes Kevin Fagan, Mel Phillips, Roger Craig, Ray Wersching, Keith Fahnhorst, Jerry Rice, Jimmy Johnson, the late John Ayers, and Randy Cross.

Continue Reading Here....

Absolutely Amazing!

Please Take Time To Meet Ernie Brown Jr.

Danny Carberry — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 21:54:00 -0500

Kentucky's Famous Turtle Catcher - Watch more Free Videos

Ernie Brown Jr. is by far, Kentucky's most famous turtle catcher. The No. 2 turtle catcher, Tye Bumley, isn't even close to Ernie. Check out his skills in the video and how he is able to talk to the camera and spot those "Turts" out of the corner of his eye. Brilliant.

During his off days Ernie enjoys drinking moonshine and watching Dirt Track racing down at Old Ned's track behind the Dixie Land Motor Inn. He sometimes is able to fish over at his cousin Bobby's when his wife isn't there to make him skin those coons that she eventually turns into doormats.

Well, Ernie is one gentlemen that I wouldn't want to cross while I am trolling around in shallow water down in Kentucky.

Countin Them Down...The Top Ten Frozen Pizzas With Mel Kiper

Danny Carberry — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 09:44:00 -0500

Nobody on Television is more annoying than Mel Kiper. He is a guy ranting about football that never played the game at any level. Frozen pizza is the ultimate Speed Supper and when you're broke, or lazy, you can always depend on that cardboard frozen thingy in your freezer to fill your belly while watching your favorite team.

So, in the words of Mel Kiper, here is Number 10 of TheSportHump Top Ten Frozen Pizzas.

Number 7~American Flatbread Tomato Sauce And Three Cheese

Coming in at Number 7 on our Top Ten is a real performer. None of the testers could believe this pizza came from the freezer. I like what I ate when I first bit into this pie. Partially baked in a wood-fired oven, it has an “enticing garlicky aroma,” an “artisan look,” a “perfectly crisp crust,” and an “amazing real-cheese and fresh-herb taste” that had many tasters asking for seconds.

When you talk about this pick, I really like the hand-made Flatbreads with the homemade organic tomato sauce fresh from the wood-fired cauldron, organic and locally grown in-season produce, and a variety of fresh sea foods, locally raised chicken or house-made sausage.

The Top Ten~

10-Tombstone Pepperoni
9~Stouffers French Bread Deluxe
8~Red Baron Sausage
7~American Flatbread Tomato Sauce Three Cheese

Apparently Andy Kennedy Didn't Realize We Were Living In Post 9/11

Danny Carberry — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 11:24:00 -0500

Whether or not Andy Kennedy just arrived in 2008 via Delorean or transporter, he didn't realize the name Bin Laden was perched with the "Whole Terrorism thingy".

Police arrested Mississippi men's basketball coach Andy Kennedy early Thursday after a cab driver said the coach punched him while calling him "bin Laden" and other racial insults.

A pretrial hearing has been set for Jan. 16. Kennedy was charged with a first-degree misdemeanor count of assault, which would carry a maximum sentence of six months in jail if he is convicted.

Kennedy stated,

I didn't realize someone calling a guy Bin Laden mean't I was making a racial slant. I call my guys Pol Pot's all the time and I don't think they are Khmer Rouge leaders. It's just crazy when you call someone a name and they immediately think you're a racist hick. Who hasn't punched a cabbie in his/her life. Seriously, If I had a nickel.

I just want to get back to coaching basketball and put this whole incident behind me. All the people at the University know that I am no longer affiliated with the Klan or any white power organizations since early 2003. It's not like I am being a Jew or something.

The man Kennedy Allegedly punched, Jiddou, a 25-year-old native of the northwest Africa country of Mauritania, told reporters that the altercation broke out after Kennedy hailed him and then asked him to pick up his friends. When four other people tried to get in, Jiddou said, he told them he couldn't take that many because he only had four seat belts.

Jiddou said Kennedy then began yelling, cussing him and calling him "bin Laden, Saddam Hussein," and hit him in the face. Police said the left side of Jiddou's face was swollen; at his northern Kentucky home more than 12 hours later, he had no apparent injuries and said he wasn't hurt physically but was upset to be compared to the terrorist leader.

A friend of Jiddou explains what happens here~

Jim Rome and Jay Glazer Trade Blows Over Goatee Relevance

Danny Carberry — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 14:13:00 -0500

The two biggest Goatees in the business have finally collided. The two furry bloviators had an altercation at an Applebees in Walnut, California last week during a meeting only described by restaurant patrons as, Amazing. Brilliant. Unbelievable.

Rome was dining with a couple friends when Jay Glazer approached the table. Witnesses stated that Jay rubbed his lower stache and pointed to Rome and stated that he should Stop by my jungle outside.

Apparently the Applebee's Manager stepped in to break up the altercation when Rome preceded to ask for the check and push Glazer out of the way and state how he stole his goutee and that he is a hack. Glazer then grabbed Rome's fur and yanked a piece and threw it at him and stated that he should Come hard, or don't come at all.

When police arrived at Applebees on Newport Boulevard they also asked Rome to leave. But Rome, who lives nearby, became agitated and began jumping up and down, hitting his head against the ceiling, a waitress said.

After Rome declined a cab ride and refused to find someone sober to drive him home, police said, officers had no choice but to take him into custody and lay the smackdown.

Marty Ortegon, a waitress at Applebees, said Rome is a regular at the restaurant and “never gives anybody any trouble.”

Ortegon, who witnessed the altercation, said the incident began when Rome was verbally harassed about his goutee from Glazer.

Restaurant franchisee Ralph Furra said he believed that Glazer was insulting Rome. When the flamboyant radio personality responded, his companion allegedly grabbed Rome, Furra said.

Rome then reportedly slapped the Glazer, police said.

Rome was booked into the Newport Beach City Jail on suspicion of being a douche in a public place, a misdemeanor, and was released on his own recognizance about 3 a.m.

Goatee 101

Goatees need to be cultivated, not ignored, for a successful effect. Don’t just let your facial hair go untamed and think that your goatee is an end result. Even knowing how to grow a goatee sometimes isn’t enough. Some men may be unable to grow one. It’s the first few days after you stop shaving that will really determine if you can grow it and also if it will suit you. After a few days of facial hair growth, you’ll have a much better idea about the type you want—if it suits you after all.

Avoid the temptation to grow a little extra stubble. While it’s good on its own, when it’s next to a goatee, it just looks messy. For weekly upkeep, it’s best to find a professional in your area to keep you looking sharp.

To shape your goatee, keep in mind that the outer edges should never extend past the smile lines of your face. Avant garde goatees are, well, rather disconcerting, so aim for symmetry. Make clean corners at the jawline. Try a trimming tool to keep everything neat, usually from 3/8ths to 3/16ths. Remember to move the razors or clippers every which way—hair grows in every direction and you want to catch all of the strays. If you’re going after loose stubble, try a Wahl’s Groomsman XL.

Finishing Touches

Now you’ve got the style, but perhaps you’re not completely convinced with your density or overall look. If your goatee is a bit sparse but the look suits you, there are some techniques to try, but the bad news is that there’s no way to make your goatee grow thicker. Hair density is genetic, but there are some hair products will help your goatee look full, such as a tiny dab of American Crew Thickening Lotion or Oomf Booster by Fudge.

Perhaps you’ve also heard that shaving your goatee more regularly will result in thicker hair. Wondering if it’s true? Sadly, not quite, but this could help: hair doesn’t grow in denser, but it could grow in coarser, which is a plus for thinner goatees.

The NASCAR Elite Don't Like John Legend

Danny Carberry — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 09:09:00 -0500

If you know a "shortcut" to Talledega, you probably don't listen to Kanye West. NASCAR has recently settled a $225 million lawsuit filed by a former official who said she was subjected to racial discrimination and sexual harassment during her two-plus years working for the stock car organization.

Those Good Ol' Boys.

She said she was referred to as "Nappy Headed Mo" and "Queen Sheba," by co-workers, was often told she worked on "colored people time," and was frightened by one official who routinely made Ku Klux Klan references.

Uh-oh.

Apparently a guy named Lugnut who currently has a house that spells out NASCAR in Christmas lights and has continually written Richard Petty's name on a Presidential ballot the last 16 years, was a little perturbed by this lady working for the "Organization."

Whether or not Lugnut thinks of baby Jesus as a mischievous badger is unknown. I am sure he wanted to go after her like a spider monkey and make sure her caboose doesn't get a little loose in turn two.

NASCAR holds end of the year banquet in New York. Other than the fact that a lot of sponsors are located there, there is no reason whatsoever to celebrate the season in a city where an attempt to build a track was corrupted by the Mafia and a boycott of Ford Trucks. A Walmart parking lot in Charlotte would make more sense than the Waldorf Astoria in a city where nobody cares.

I'm happy that Waffle House was okay with me coming here to talk to y'all about my day-to-day. And, y'all, that's pretty much, in a shell what it's like to manage a Waffle House. Ma'am, I don't know what else you want me to say to them. And I'm also gonna need to know where your commode's at.

I know the majority of NASCAR fans don't lynch black people, dress in Dixie Outfitters and shoot people dead on their lawn. I also know that most don't have intolerant attitudes or drive shitty, beat-up pickup trucks. I think?

I do know that Nascar is the only sport in the world that can completely empty out a Wal-Mart store of all kindred folk on every weekend. I will often venture over there during the Daytona 500 to feel free from the trudge that usually rampant the store. Interesting enough, Walmart is a store where you can buy a shot gun, ammunition, ski mask, A large sharp knife and chainsaw. But, you cannot buy a CD that has a "Parental Advisory" sticker. Interesting.

Also, if you don't like NASCAR you don't like America.

So, you can GIT OUT!

Never forget

TheSportHump On The Road: Bahston

Danny Carberry — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 00:29:00 -0500

Poncho made his way to Boston this week to bake Bobka, Apple Strudel, Challah, and French Baguettes. It was literally a fuhckin Pissah.

I had the opportunity to watch the Cleveland State debacle from the Local in Saratoga Springs with partner in Crime Lou Score. Bleech. One of Lou's buddies opened it up last year and they have stupendous food and magnanimous selections of local brews and wines...

I had another opportunity to check out the Canisius game out here in Boston at a Vietnamese restaurant in Medford. Drank some fine wine and had some FO soup. Again, Delicious and dignified. Syracuse won this time. So, should I drink beer and eat meatloaf or switch to FO Soup and Chiraz to watch Syracuse on the road...Hmmmm?

Has anyone thought about trying a Christy Lane Christmas this year? Well, if not I think you should reconsider.

You know, her voice has captured the world.

She believes in Angels.

She banged Lee Greenwood behind a Fuddruckers 20 years ago.

She is Christy Lane.

I've Gone Limp, as New York Yankees May "Go Hard" After Manny Ramirez

Danny Carberry — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:41:00 -0500

Ok...well, I may have had a drink or eight as I am writing this, but I cannot wait for the morning delivery of disappointing reality and sobriety, before voicing the overwhelming opinion of Yankee fans (yeah, I know Poncho is a mark, but he'll owe me his vote when my hook up for him in electric blondie-land pulls through).

If the fine young cannibals, aka Hank and Hal Steinbrenner, are going to make all of my heckling efforts from last year worthless (see previously posted articles and video from expensive seats that I had to throw on my credit card)...well, that's bulls**t and I want a refund!

Manny's a douche. No getting around it. We all know that the Red Sux are a "nation" full of (base)ballsuckers...so, when Boston management consulted the team as to whether they should ship his lazy ass off to L.A., and they said, "smell ya' later, on somebody else's finger," the Steinbrenner's should have taken the cue.

(Btw—listening to the B-Boys "Check Your Head" album is lots o' fun when boozin')

Well, I need to get some shut-eye...It's late. I've been working all day and all night (somebody has to give some effort to turn this economy around). So, I finish with this...

I've personally heckled Manny in Yankee Stadium, and pissed him off enough that he gave me the evil eye, while causing Lowell to turn and laugh. While sitting in Fenway Park, I watched his lazy ass take a slow jog over to grab a blooper hit over his head...by a Yankee...should've been a single base hit...which turned into a hustle-double because the loser in left field just didn't care.

I loved it.

The Yankees gained an extra base, even though they didn't really earn it. So...I don't want to see red sux penis-tasters gain the satisfaction of laughing at us for paying top dollar for the headache they voted, as a team, to get rid of.

Be smart Hank and Hal... Like any good New Yorker, I hate Texas, but Teixeira is money! And, Manny is a prima donna...

The Jim Boeheim Comedy Hour: Cleveland State Funnybone

Danny Carberry — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 16:55:00 -0500

What if Jim Boeheim did comedy during the offseason or random Wednesday nights at your favorite local Comedy Club? Think Jimbo isn't a funny guy? Well, we would like to think he could hold his own for 20 or so minutes on the Big Stage.

If this style connoisseur had the gall to get on stage, we think he could throw down with the big boys... So, take a break from your basketball drills and basketball plays and enjoy a few hilarious Boeheim Rhapsodies...

This week, Boeheim is at his Zany and Wacky best at the Cleveland Funnybone alongside the hilarious Ultimate Warrior. Enjoy Idiots~

Coach Boeheim: You can't put yourself in these holes and expect to come out of them. That's just the way it is. We either start playing better early, or we're going to have a very difficult time. That's the bottom line.

We made great shots and great plays to get back in this, forced a turnover at the end. You can't put yourself in that position. We've been making too many turnovers. We had 16 again tonight.

You cannot win against good competition, and Cleveland State is a very good basketball team. You cannot win when you put yourself in that position early in the game.

Ultimate Warrior: I was sent in a capsule from a place long from here and I came here for one reason: to attack and keep coming. We fell into a hole early, not to ask but just to give. Not to want but just to send...send the power of the Warrior down everybody's throat in the Carrier Dome 'til they become sick of it.

Well you're gonna get sick of it because this freak of nature right here is just beginning to swell. And when I get big enough, brother, there ain't gonna be room for anybody else but me and all the Orange Warriors floating through the veins, and the power of the Warriah~!

Coach Boeheim: We had a bigger lineup in there for a lot of the first half, and we just didn't go and get it. I don't think the effort was there. I don't think we went after the loose balls. I just don't think we did. We shot the ball well, and they are a good defensive team. We scored enough points.

We are just not playing well. We are just not getting loose balls, we are not getting rebounds. We started out the game missing three layups, and if you do that against good teams, you get them in position to think they can win.

The Ultimate Warrior: In my final meeting with the gods from the heavens above, as they spoke to me and hit me with the power of the Ultimate Warrior, they told me "Exit stage left! Exit stage right!" There is no place to run; all the fuses in the exit signs have been burned out! We shot the ball well and they are a good defensive team from the hells beneath us. Full of the juice to carry the spaceship as far as it wants to go!

Coach Boeheim: They are going to have a chance to win and tonight that's what happened. We've got to play better. Period. Bottom line. I don't think we can beat a team in our league they way we're playing right now. I don't believe we can. A 6'4" guy took our center and scored four straight baskets in the low post.

The Ultimate Warrior: How must I prepare you must ask yourself. Should I jump off the tallest building in the world? Can we beat one of the beasts in our league right no? Not without the intensity in the low post. Should I lie on the lawn and let it run over me with lawnmowers? Should I go to Africa and let it trample me with raging elephants?

Countin Them Down...The Top 10 Frozen Pizzas With Mel Kiper

Danny Carberry — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:00:00 -0500

This Eight pick has been all over the board, I had the Red Baron Sausage in my Top Five at one point. When you talk about toppings, Red Baron is off the charts. Experience the classic taste that made Red Baron pizzas famous. The pizza begin with crusts made from only the finest ingredients. Each one is then topped off with combinations of the freshest vegetables and meats, flavorful cheese and delicious spices. The result is legendary.

When you talk about a durable, consistent piece of pizza, Red Baron Sausage is your pie. A superior crust flavor and texture that is tender on the inside and crispy on the bottom. Each pizza is topped with combinations of the freshest vegetables and
meats, flavorful cheeses and delicious spices. The result is pure RED BARON quality.

The Top 10:

10: Tombstone Pepperoni
9: Stouffers French Bread Deluxe

The Jim Boeheim Comedy Hour~Long Beach Comedy Works

Danny Carberry — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 15:01:00 -0500

What if Jim Boeheim did comedy during the offseason or random Wednesday nights at your favorite local Comedy Club. Think Jimbo isn't a funny guy? Well, we would like to think he could hold his own for 20 or so minutes on the Big Stage.

If this style connoisseur had the gall to get on stage we think he could throw down with the big boys... So, take a break from your basketball drills and basketball plays and enjoy a few hilarious Boeheim Rhapsody's...

This week, we will again translate the lyrical genius of coach Boeheim through former WWF, NWA, WCW, and AWA Heavyweight Champion The Nature Boy Ric Flair.

Coach Boeheim: Our shooting was off in the first half, in the second half our offense got a little bit smoother since we got the ball into AO better. Defensively we need to set screens better, but they missed some open shots so that helped us out. The had a bad shooting night, which made our defense look better.

The Nature Boy: Whoooooooooh! Our shooting was off in the first half, in the second half our offense got a little bit smoother since we got the ball into AO better. He then began high profiling, styling, and to Johnny Be Bad into the game...Whoooooh! Let me tell you Poncho,defensively we need to set screens better, but they missed some open shots so that helped us out. But, when you're the best of the best and live on the largest house in the best neighborhood, none of that matters. They had a bad shooting night, which made our defense look better. But nobody looks better than the Nature Boy!

Coach Boeheim: In the second half we made them take some tough shots. We didn't do that in the first half and lucky they had an off night. I thought in the first half Kristoph gave us some inside presence and helped freeing up AO and Rick Jackson. We need to be a bit more consistent on the boards though.

The Nature Boy: When your drinking the finest wines and driving up to restaurants in the Big Ole Lincoln Continental, everyone around the block knows who the baddest man in town is. In the second half we made them take some tough shots. We didn't do that in the first half and lucky they had an off night, but sometimes The Nature Boy likes to get his beauty rest. The Nature Boy thought in the first half Kristoph gave us some inside presence and helped freeing up AO and Rick Jackson. We need to be a bit more consistent on the boards though, if I am not 19 time World Heavyweight Champion.............Of The World! Whooooooh!

Coach Boeheim: I haven't seen a lot of Cleveland State. I know Butler had to make a last second shot to remain undefeated. The coach is a great coach and has that team playing very well. At this stage of the year we need to make sure we are playing well and come to play each and every game.

The Nature Boy: I haven't seen a lot of Cleveland State, but I know one thing. Cleveland, Ohio has 100's of ladies that love The Nature Boy.....Whooooh! I know Butler had to make a last second shot to remain undefeated and drink the Bubbly baby. Let me tell you Larry, the coach is a great coach and has that team playing very well and reminds me of my styling partner, Tully Blanchard at Starcade 5. At this stage of the year we need to make sure we are playing well and come to play each and every game to be able to strut around the ring as the Victor. Whooooh!

Additional thoughts from The Nature Boy~

Space Mountain may be the oldest ride in the park, but it has the longest line. Do you get what I am talking about ladies...C'mon and ride the Orange wave right about now.

Paul Harris is a limousine ridin', jet flyin', kiss stealin', wheelin' dealin' son of a gun. Woooh!

Girls, you can't be first, but you can be next.

Don't Be Fooled by the Rocks That I Got, I'm Still Dougy From the Block

Danny Carberry — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:18:00 -0500

Bronx ~~Tale~~ Stache

A few questions from today's presser:

Coach Marrone, how does if feel to be back at Syracuse?

We off the block this year, Went from a low to a lot this year, Everybody mad at the rocks that I wear I know where I'm goin' and I know where I'm from. You hear LOX in the air Yea, we're at the airport out DBlock Where everybody air-forced-out With a new white T.U. fresh Nothin' phony with us, make the money, get the mansion, bring the homeys with us.

Great, what is the first thing you will do when you arrive?

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got I'm still, I'm still Dougy from the block.
Used to coach a little, now I coach a lot. No matter where I go, I know where I came from (South-Side Bronx!) Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got I'm still, I'm still Dougy from the block.

How has this coaching journey been for you?

From Cortland State to New Orleans. To On the Six to J. Marrone to this headline clips. I stayed grounded as the amounts roll in I'm real, I thought I told you I'm real, even on Oprah That's just me Nothin phony, don't hate on me What you get is what you see.

What type of attitude do you want to bring to this team?

I'm down to earth like this Rockin this business. I've grown up so much I'm in control and loving it. Rumors got me laughing, kid Love my life and my public Put God first And can't forget to stay real To me it's like breathing.

Well, it looks like this is going to be NYC's team finally.

A Hello To All Readers: Introducing TheSportHump Extravaganza

Danny Carberry — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 20:22:00 -0500

Just an FYI to all eight readers: Every third Sunday night, we will break down the things that were previously broke down the Sunday before—mostly the things we chatted about online and commented on during the discussion we had during our live blog.

Make sure you come with the topics of the day that were brought up the previous Sunday so I can facilitate during the chat that will be held the following Sunday online.

Topics of Interest for the following Sunday include:

~Your thoughts on the current list of open topics
~Who will be the fastest
~Things that were not brought up during our last "live blog"
~Topics of the day
~Jay Glazer

If you're unable to attend the following week, hit me up on our "Current Events" page, where I will have a Sunday profiler that will give you the password to the chat room.

I believe moving this session will create an open forum for comments and readers that want to evoke opinions about topics we may not have covered in the previous discussions. Since we will be able to stream the blogcast, we will seek out facilitators to lead the open forum topic discussions, which will offer a variety of interests.

Remember, only signed-in members can initiate topic requests that will lead to eventually opening the grid to non signed-in guests. Indeed, we are excited.

It has been a great time blogging together, and as you all know, during those off Sundays, we will introduce the "Chat Live" situation room, where special attendees will receive a six pack of Natural Light.

*If you don't want the six pack of Natural Light, you can send me your link during the live blog, and we will make sure I make a comment about your dislike of light beer.

Thanks~Danny

Due to Financial Pressure, NFC East to Consolidate and Form One Team

Danny Carberry — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:32:00 -0500

A group of investment banks has decided to stop sponsoring The NFL's NFC East Division and focus on 144A securities and instead share the single platform launched by the Nasdaq Stock Market with the disbanded WNBA. Yesterday the banks announced their intention to form The Dalnewdelphia Minotaurs, which is a consolidated version of the NFC East.

This new consolidated team is only open to qualified institutional buyers or QIBs such as mutual funds and hedge funds that manage at least $100 million in assets. The shareholders see total domination after the consolidation.

All of the investment banks joining the Minotaur organization, which will be headed by former Houston Oilers Head Coach, Bum Phillips. The investment group launched or are working on trading platforms for trading unregistered securities, a booming market where an estimated $1 trillion was raised in global fixed income and equity deals through the first half of 2009.

Why NFL football?

The founding members of Portal Alliance include Goldman Sachs, which launched its own brand of clothing line called Over Armour and a Greenland based WNBA team which eventually failed, and created the "Deck the ovens with smart technology" commercial for Dell. This announcement comes after the NFL reported the cut of support staff at the leagues central office.

The N.F.L., widely considered the most successful sports league in North America, will reduce its staff by about 150 employees after the Super Bowl in response to the slumping economy, Commissioner Roger Goodell told staff members in a memo Tuesday. The N.F.L. has a total of 1,100 employees at its New York headquarters, at NFL Films in New Jersey and at the Los Angeles offices of the NFL Network and NFL.com. NFL films guru Steve Sabol will make a bloopers video on the layoffs after the Superbowl.

Although voluntary buyouts are being offered now, the league will not determine the breakdown of cuts until after the championship game on Feb. 1. The Minotaurs will combine teams this spring and will host open tryouts.

In a statement from Team General Manager Bum Phillips, he stated:

You know how Voltron featured a team of five young pilots commanding five robot lions, which could be combined to form Voltron? We are going to be a little like that, sans the machinery and Lion sponsor. In this undefined future era, the Voltron Force was in charge of protecting the planet Arus (ruled by Princess Allura) from the evil King Zarkon (from planet Doom), his son Lotor, and the witch Haggar, who would create huge Robeasts to terrorize the people of Arus. We wil terrorize the NFL with our dominance, like Voltron handled King Zarkon.

John Daly is the Motherflippin'...

Danny Carberry — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 13:50:00 -0500

Holy Christ, I love John Daly.

Apparently someone was bugging John Daly when he was playing his weekly round of drinking, smoking and ummmmm...playing golf.

After pushing his tee shot wide on the ninth hole (his last) Daly walked into a clump of trees, where spectator Brad Clegg tried to take a picture at close range.

Daly snatched the camera and smashed it against the nearest tree, telling the man,

You want it back, I'll buy you a new one.

Classic Daly indeed. Whether he is harassing the waitstaff at Hooters, showing his own man-boobs or yelling at golf patrons, a day in the life of John Daly is never boring.

He should have a "Daly for a Day" contest. I would be the first to sign up.

Wake up, have a few beers. Eat some Moons over My Hammy, kick some random chick out of your hotel room, and show up a few minutes late for your tee time. Maybe punch a guy or two on the course, shoot an 81, get pissed, and head over to Hooters.

I don't know about you, but that sounds like a great day for me. A jubilant day indeed.

John playing with no shirt and being interviewed

How about hitting a ball off a beer can?