Bleacher Report - Articles by Isaac Elyacharshuster

Patrick Kane and Aqib Talib: A Scary Time To Be a Cab Driver

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:04:00 -0400

It now seems like everyday,

A professional athlete does not want to pay.

Patrick Kane and Aqib Talib,

Both just wanted to go back to their crib.

Take the cab, too drunk to drive,

Did the driver eat too much chive?

It just doesn't make sense, that millionaire professional athletes,

Would commit such a misdemeanor offence.

Just pay someone to sober drive you,

A friend would do it even if they had the flu.

Be a man, pay your dues, and say at next years draft seminar,

"You can party and drink booze, but be nice to the driver of your cab car!"

Franck Ribery: €100m and It Was Still Not Meant to Be

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 22:49:40 -0400

Franck Ribery.

A huge spending spree,

For Franck Ribery.

100 Million Euros, Could it be?

For Franck Ribery?

The banks of Bayern would scream with glee,

If only Real Madrid could have Franck Ribery.

Some would say that he looks like he has been hit by a tree.

But no matter, the women still love Franck Ribery.

Real Madrid boss, Manuel Pellegrini...was confused by many...as a Banshee.

Screaming, "We could not lose if only we had, Franck Ribery!"

In his mind, he could see,

The fourth galaticos: Kaka, Ronaldo, Benzema, and Franck Ribery.

But it was not meant to be, For now it will have to be El Tri.

All the money in the world could be the fee,

To acquire Franck Ribery.

Because Bayern Munich knows the secret, the key.

That there is only one,

Franck Ribery.

Brett Favre: A Midsummer's Night Dream

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 02:46:20 -0400

Oh Brett Favre...

The long summer nights you carve,

Your story is much more interesting than Robert Marve's.

From the beginning I did not care,

I would much rather be at the county fair,

But yet you are the only subject of all my nightmare's.

Once you were a Packer of the city of Green Bay,

The Vikings wanted you but there was nothing they could pay,

So the Jets swooped you up at their own dismay.

Another retirement fell upon us,

You could have been on a safari with a rhinoceros,

But in the end the Vikings only had Tarvaris.

ESPN said the deadline had passed and you were going to be staying home for the season.

The coverage of your decision was all without rhyme or reason,

But in the end you had made up your mind to commit the greatest treason.

Retired, still retired, then unretired,

What have you really desired?

Are two more seasons of contracted football really worth all that transpired?

Now you have even more money than you already had,

And in the end you are the only one glad.

For the whole country has forgotten all the great things you have done, and unless you win a Super Bowl in Minnesota you will be remembered as the guy with the most career interceptions who did not know when to stay retired...and no one will be sad.

Oakland Athletics vs. Tampa Bay Rays: The Daily Box Score May 18, 2009

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Tue, 19 May 2009 02:09:15 -0400

This article is a game recap based solely on what the author has read in the game's box score. If you want to know what really happened, you can go watch SportsCenter and pray that you don't change the channel before they put on the 30 second segment of the game. One game per night selected at random, this is the Daily Box Score.

Tampa Bay Rays 13, Oakland Athletics 4

It's hard to say it any other way, but Oakland starter, Sean Gallagher gave this game away.

In the first inning he walked a batter and hit one with the bases loaded, gave up a two-run single, and to make matters worse, his catcher, Kurt Suzuki gave up a passed ball that let in two runners.

This game was virtually done only after six outs.

"You know, we had a great first inning," said Suzuki, "I got scored off of Jay(son Giambi)'s sac fly. Things were looking good. And then all hell broke loose."

Suzuki went on to describe the events using such words as, confusing, forget, lapse, blackout, and straightupembarrassing. And even though that last one really isn't only one word, coming from Suzuki it might as well have been.

All was not as depressing to the home team as they were sucking on the celebratory Orange Juice by the second at Tropicana Field.

"I personally want to thank Oakland for making it so easy, but I also want to my boy Jeff Niemann out on the mound for not being as bad as the other pitcher," said BJ Upton in center field with two outs in the third inning in an on the field during the game interview.

"These are one of those games where you can try to impress the crowds with fancy catches and long shot big throws." Upton said right before making a crowd pleasing catch in the field.

Niemann who has been called out by his below average start, went eight strong innings getting three strikeouts and lowering his season era to below five.

"I was happy that I went this far to give the bullpen a rest, and I am sure that it was nice for 'Issy' (Jason Isringhausen) to be in a no pressure situation to work on his control against big league hitters," said Neimann to a retired home newspaper reporter.

Game Notes: 11,000 people made it out to the Trop, which continues a streak of proving that being in the world series ain't the same as winning it...Fantasy baseball fans will notice that Orlando Cabrera and Jack Buck homered, in an otherwise terrible performance for the Athletics...A's utility speedman, Rajai Davis, pinch hit for center fielder, Ryan Sweeney, to only foul pop out to the catcher, and then did ten push ups in homage to Willy Mays Hayes...

Colorado Rockies Vs. Pittsburgh Pirates: The Daily Box Score May 15, 2009

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Sat, 16 May 2009 00:25:16 -0400

Colorado Rockies 3, Pittsburgh Pirates 1

Brad Hawpe had the decisive swing of the bat, as he hit a homer, with Ian Stewart on, in the top of the ninth against Pirates closer, Matt Capps, to put the Rockies up 2-1.

As if that wasn't enough Matt Murton got a pinch hit single scoring Ryan Spilborghs to put the game out of reach at 3-1.

"I got to give some props to my boy 'Hawpsey' for hitting that homer to put us up in a pressure situation," said Murton, "but where is all the praise for what I did? What if the new kid, Hudson or whatever his name is, gave up a run? Even though he didn't what if he did, we all know there is a lot of pressure on him..."

And what Murton said is right, Huston has been brought in to basically replace Matt Holliday.

"Holliday was a hero here," said Street who was sitting in a locker with both surrounding lockers empty, "and I am all they got left to remind them of him. The other two guys that got traded with me aren't in the majors yet, so all the things that Holliday did for the team I am expected did, and off the record, its total b.s."

"I mean look around, no one is even looking at me. I got the save, where is the respect. Look at Murton he did nothing, the guy think he won the game, and he got a couple of guys in here believing what he did was more important than what I did. I got the save! Since when is the save not important!"

And this is something common in locker rooms across the league where former Athletic's have been traded to.

"The Be The Beane system is all he knows," said teammate for the past two seasons, Alan Embree, who also got the win for pitching the ninth, "I have been around the league a while so not only do I get respect because I am veteran, but I understand the dynamics of different types of clubhouses. And I will tell you what, Billy builds something that is totally unique."

So not only has Street had to recover from the Be The Beane Brainwash, but also the pressure as the teams new savior has made it a rough start for the once heralded rookie phenom.

Street stuck out the side in order to earn his fifth save of the season and lower his season era to 4.11.

Street came to the conclusion that, "Really the only thing holding me back is me. Though if I had to blame something for my poor start it would definitely be the fact that we are a mile high, the balls just fly out of this park."

Game Notes: The other team the Rockies were playing was the Pittsburgh Pirates...Rockies starter Jorge De La Rosa struck out ten after seven strong innings that were surely his best in a while...Adam and Andy LaRoche both got a hit which is a rare occasion seeing as how their averages are .234 and .245, respectively...Paul Maholm pitched seven shutout innings and his team lost, his team being the Prates and all...

Florida Marlins vs. Milwaukee Brewers: The Daily Box Score May 13, 2009

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Thu, 14 May 2009 01:11:19 -0400

Milwaukee Brewers 8, Florida Marlins 6

Braden Looper is not usually known for being that great of a pitcher, comparably he is also not that great of a batter.

Tonight he proved half of his critics wrong by having what many are calling a respectable night at the dish going 1-2 with an RBI and a run scored before getting pulled after six innings.

On the other hand he was only good enough in those six innings to get a win behind his offense tacking on eight earned on Marlins start Ricky Nolasco who got pulled after only 3.2 innings.

"Didn't Tom Glavine and John Smoltz say that chicks dig the long ball? Well I am going to try and get my own commercial saying, 'Screw the long ball, chicks really dig gap power!" Said Looper as he was still caressing his bat.

"People don't really give me credit for being an all around NL pitcher. I mean coming out of high school they called me a three tool athlete. Now, I can't really remember what those tools were I would say they were having an arm, a bat, and a Cadillac. Yeah my old Deville was sweet back in the day."

One player that took advantage of Looper's average night with his second or third best tool, his arm, was Marlins center fielder Alfredo Amezaga.

But it was a night where going 3-4 would not be enough as his teammates could only drive in the eight hole hitter once.

"I guess this really just sums up my career. I get on base, I don't get the red light for stealing a base. I go three for four, and no one is on base so I can get an RBI. How am I ever going to reach any incentive in my contract?" Said a saddened Amezaga.

"Sure losing hurts, but I wish sometimes that some of the guys would help me pad my stats every now and then."

But all tomfoolery aside, the Brewers bullpen pulled off another historic feat as the three relievers, Todd Coffey, Mitch Stetter, and Carlos Villanueva, between starter Looper and closer Trevor Hoffman became the first ever set of Brewers pitchers to each only pitch two outs in front of an all-time leader of saves.

Coffey said after the game about the achievement, "I didn't know they kept record of that thing, which makes me wonder how many historical firsts I have as a pitcher. If I had a guess probably it's in triple digits."

Game notes: The Italian Sausage won the Sausage race unharmed...Craig Counsell started at third and was moved to short because of a JJ Hardy head, yeah that Craig Counsell...Marlins reliever, Kiko Calero, continued his streak of six road appearances with someone making fun of his name, his personal best is eleven...To the surprise of many Brewers fans Marlins reliever, Renyel Pinto, did not come to the mound in his customary, Pinto...

The Daily Box Score May 12, 2009: New York Yankees Vs. Toronto Blue Jays

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:23:57 -0400

Toronto Blue jays 5, New York Yankees 1

In what was claimed to be a regular off day for New York Yankee captain, Derek Jeter, 43,000-plus Canadian conspiracy theorists at the Roger's Center weren't having any of it.

"That Jeter thinks he is sooo great, eh? Well, I suppose that he took a day off so he wouldn't embarrass himself against the best thing that has happened to Toronto since Mitch Williams, our national hero, Roy Halladay. That's what I think about that, eh," said a truly drunk Blue Jays fan being escorted out of the ballpark for peeing in his ball cap so he wouldn't miss a play.

Though this man may have been highly intoxicated, his theory has some backing to it.

Jeter has not had a great history against the Cy Young winning Halladay. It has even leaked that he has nightmares about Halladays ability to command the strike zone.

"People don't usually remember dreams, but sometimes when they turn into nightmares they are more likely to remember details. Well, let me tell you Jeter's nightmares about Halladay," said the Yankees team psychiatrist who got fired after completing that sentence. "Well, I guess I should try to get my job back, but let's just say that it something that gave me the shivers just listening to."

And Halladay lived up to all the hype tossing a complete game giving up five hits and only one earned run to Alex Rodriguez in the top of the seventh.

"Eh-Rod" as Rodriguez is called in Canada is much more popular north of the border than he is in the states.

"We don't really care about Alex Rodriguez per say, but Eh-Rod has shown that it is not embarrassing to say eh after every sentence. The kids have really taken to him and are using 'eh' more than ever," said the Mayor of Toronto, who personally talked with Rodriguez before the game, discussing a possible public service announcement commercial for the greater Toronto area.

"I don't really get it, but any publicity is good publicity, right, eh?" said a somewhat confused Eh-Rod.

This goodwill did not last long as is such with Rodriguez as of late. He was seen on the jumbotron laughing his ass off during the Blue Jays, "Let's go, EH!" during the fourth inning.

The Mayor's only words that reporter's could get out of him were, "I will show him, eh! No one will call him Eh-Rod ever again!"

Game Notes: The zero MPH wind proved to have no affect on the game, as it always does...Hideki Matsui left the game in the fifth with a sore hamstring, and Yankees staff were happy to send him to the free health clinics instead of working on him themselves...Aaron Hill hit his ninth home run of the season, surely surpassing any expectation that even he had for this season...Mark Teixeira went 0-4, keeping his average below the Mendoza line, and assuring that he will be on the cover of all sports sections in the morning with articles about how much of a bust he is.

The Daily Box Score May 11: Washington Nats Vs. San Francisco Giants

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Tue, 12 May 2009 02:12:26 -0400

This game recap is based solely on the what the writer has seen in the final box score.

San Francisco Giants 11, Washington Nationals 7

It was a historic day at AT&T Park as Randy Johnson record his 298th win, and Ryan Zimmerman continued his hitting streak to 29 games.

These might not seem that important, but this is the first time in the long history of the game that a pitcher has reached such a high number of wins while giving up a hit to continue such a long hitting streak on the second Monday in an odd numbered month.

Both Johnson and Zimmerman, who had discussed the importance of the event during batting practice before the game, were happy to have their names written down in the history books.

"Some may call me a historian of the game, and not only because I have played for a large chunk of the history," said Johnson in a post-game interview.

"So I was happy to accomplish this feat along with Zimmy. One of my first teammates years back had done the same thing in an even numbered month, which makes this even more important to me because he was the one who originally gave me the idea of growing that mullet, and if it weren't for that mullet the world may have never known the Randy Johnson we all know and love now."

Zimmerman not only continued his hit streak, but also continued another streak with a two home run performance.

With the two homers—his total for the season went up to eight, which extends his streak of eight or more homers in every season since his first full one.

"Sure I was happy to get that whole odd number month historical thing with Randy, but the home run streak was the one I was really looking to get accomplished," said an ecstatic Zimmerman after the game.

"The past couple of years I have gotten stuck on seven, which has proven my theory that it really is not a lucky number. Now, that I got past the seven homer mark, I think I can finally continue my life not in fear of that number."

Yes, some baseball superstitions are ridiculous, but none more absurd than Johnson's counterpart's, Daniel Cabrera.

Ever since Cabrera has joined the National League after a long stint with the Orioles in the DH realm of the American League, Cabrera has set out to try and walk every opposing pitcher he faces.

"I have tried to talk him out of it, but he thinks it's a mutual respect type thing," said the despondent Nationals pitching coach.

"He really takes a lot of pride in his offensive game, so he has this superstition, or maybe it's better to call it a theory, that if he walks the other pitcher, he will see better pitches when he walks in the batter's box."

"Of course he is just really fooling himself, the kid hasn't got a hit all season, and struck out in both at bats tonight. If it was up to me, I would send him to the loony bin, but I'm not on the Nationals payroll, so I guess I don't really have much of a say," said the only Nationals fan in the nearly 30,000 attendees.

This man of course is not much of an oddity because, as he plans to go to all 162 Nats games this season, he claims that—for the most part—he is the only fan of his kind at every game he has gone to, even the home ones.

Game Notes: Travis Ishikawa's surprising 3-4 night was such as it only raised his batting average to just above the mendoza line at .219... Remember Aaron Rowand?

He still plays for the Giants, and proved it with a three run performance...

The wind was at a blistering 16 MPH, which proved to be more than Washington's LF Josh Willingham could handle as he recorded his first error of the season on a botched catch...

San Francisco Closer Brian Wilson recorded what must be one of the easiest saves of his career, pitching three pitches to get a strikeout to close out the game.

Wilson fantasy owners worldwide gave themselves a collective pat on the back after the event.

The Daily Box Score May 10, 2009: St. Louis Cardinals Vs. Cincinnati Reds

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Mon, 11 May 2009 03:35:41 -0400

This article is purely based off the assumption of what happened in the game by the writers reading of the games box score.

Cardinals 8, Reds 7

In one of the closest games the St. Louis Cardinals and Cincinnati Reds have played in years, the Cardinals eventually beat the Reds in extra innings by a final score of 8-7.

Chris Duncan proved to be the fantasy hero of the game going 2-5 with a total of three RBI.

"People questioned my ability to be a viable fantasy player, but I think I have proved today, along with the rest of my performance to date, that I am more than a waiver wire player."

Duncan said in a post game interview.

His performance adds to his repertoire of performances that have made him not only an everyday player in fantasy leagues, but also a hole that is being punched on all star ballots outside of Busch Stadium.

While both pitchers went at least six innings, Adam Wainwright 6.0 and Edison Volquez 6.2, this game did not belong to the men who make a living throwing the ball.

Wainwright gave up four runs, which evidently in this game, was good enough to qualify him for the win, but with his counterpart, Volquez, giving up more a run per inning with a total of seven earned; he proved to do his part for Tony LaRussa's club.

The win eventually went to Ryan Franklin who dedicated the game to his mom on Mother's Day.

"There is nothing more that I wanted to do than win a game for my mom on Mother's Day. I gave her a call this morning and told her that I would win one for her, and you know what, I did." Franklin told the only reporter that would listen to the veteran reliever.

Dusty Baker's squad made a late run for the Mother's Day win with a two run ninth inning, including a home run by pinch hitter/pitcher/mutant super hero, Micah Owings, that lead the game to extra innings.

"We really wanted his. In fact, I talked to my mom this morning who told me, 'Dusty you broke my heart in 2003 with the Cubs, why don't you make it up for me with a win for your mama?' But what's great about baseball," Baker said after the game, "is that we still got another 100 games to prove that we love our moms!"

Happy Mother's Day!

The Daily Box Score May 9, 2009: Texas Rangers vs Chicago White Sox

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Sat, 09 May 2009 23:12:40 -0400

This is a new concept that I have been thinking about doing for a long time, that being the past couple minutes. Personally I am a fan of baseball, but I can barely stand watching it for there is more crotch readjusting than actual action, and if I wanted that, well lets just say that's what the Internet is for.

Anyways, what I do enjoy the most about baseball are the stats. Baseball is known for its stats, and one of the most important parts of the stat keeping process is the box score.

So, I have decided to write a daily column, and by daily I mean whenever I remember/motivated to do it, dedicated to the box score of a random game, and by random I mean one that's final score seems interesting to write about.

Now here comes the meat of this new concept, and that is I am going to write a recap of the random game of choice based solely on what is in the boxscore. If you want to know what really happened you can tensely watch SportsCenter or Baseball Tonight, and pray that they actually cover the game of choice for more than half a minute.

So here we go, if you like this concept please write kindly comments, and if you don't, also please write kindly comments.

May 9, 2009 White Sox 3, Texas Rangers 2

A pitching duel between two teams that have never been considered rivals saw John Danks of the Chicago White Sox beat the team that used to have the rights to his right (and left) arm, the Texas Rangers.

Danks came into the game with his eyes set on getting triple digit strike outs, but only ended up with double digits, with a total of ten.

"I had circled this series ever since the Rangers traded me for McCarthy a couple years back, and I told my mom, 'if there is one thing I am going to do before I die, it is going to be to strike out at least a hundred Rangers in one game'. Of course my mom had to explain to me that was virtually impossible, but I didn't care and I still don't." Danks said in a post-game interview.

Pitching six innings and lined up for the win, Danks was relieved by Matt Thornton who temporarily dashed Danks dreams of revenge by giving up a run to tie the game and making Danks ineligible for the win.

But in the bottom of the seventh, opposing pitcher Kevin Millwood gave up what would become the game winning run, ultimately giving Scott Linebrink the win.

"We all knew how much 'Danksy' wanted this one", a remorseful Linebrink said while scrubbing the last soap suds off himself, "so I am going to personally appeal to the MLB to give Danks the win."

This of course is impossible to do, and when White Sox Manager, Ozzie Guillen, was asked about how much of a positive impact Linebrink's words and what will be failed appeal to the MLB, would have on the teams moral, Guillen replied with, "What the F*** is a moral? I'm Ozzie Guillen, I run this B****."

Other news: Andruw Jones who once was known as the best defensive CF is now almost a permanent DH, I wonder if they give out Gold Gloves for DH's?... Chris Getz was the starting 2B of the White Sox, that's news in itself... Ian Kinsler was the opposite of being a fantasy stud going only 1-5, lowering his average to a mortal .320... And finally, the best name in baseball, Jarrod Saltalamacchia, well I got nothing here, just love the great name, and even better nickname of "Salty".

My Top Twelve-and-a-Half New Years Resolutions

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 12:11:01 -0500

Besides losing weight and finding eternal love, I have other more accomplishable (if that is even a real word) New Years resolutions that deal with sports.

Sports have been good to me, but I have not really been that great back over the past year or so. Sports have given me entertainment, and all I have given back is...well nothing really besides writing satire articles that all consistently have been low blows to sports.

So here are my resolutions this year in an attempt to be a better overall fan:

1. Actually pay more attention to the Super Bowl game rather than the commercials (the top reason being the article picture, don't want to miss anything like that).

2. In accordance with No. 1, promise not to watch whatever terrible over-the-hill performer during the Super Bowl half time show.

3. For probably the first time ever research the teams in the March Madness bracket before picking my games. This is instead of my old methods of picking all 5-12 games as upsets and not having any No. 1 seeds in the Final Four.

4. Watch all Final Four games...I only say this because for the most part I only care about watching the actual championship game.

5. Give Jay Mariotti one more try (this is definitely going to be the first resolution I am going to break, but I will try).

6. Watch a full NHL game that is not a playoff game, or a Bridgestone Winter Classic.

7. Watch a full NBA game that is not a playoff game.

8. Stay up for all seven rounds of the NFL draft and not want to kill Chris Berman by round five.

9. Actually believe "There is always next year" when I am talking about the Cubs, because there is always 2010.

10. Not miss my fantasy football draft and if I do, then I will not claim that I am genius at fantasy football when the computer picked the base of my championship team.

11. Not watch a NFL preseason game because it is immoral to charge regular season prices for an exhibition game.

12. Go to more live sporting events

12.5. And finally this one is in conjunction with No. 12, hence it only counts as half a resolution. This is one resolution that I have said I would do and never gone through with ever since I can remember: Actually go streaking during a live TV game. Just kidding...but I really want to do that.

I am sure there are some other ones that I am missing, but for now this is a good starting list. Happy New Years everyone!

And as an added bonus resolution I will post on The Skip Bayless Report as often as I can, so all you loyal fans can continue to get the highest quality of sports non-news out there.

The Distant Future: 2009 NBA Year in Review

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 12:57:49 -0500

Season Greetings 2008! It is the distant future, December 2009! I come to tell you what has happen in this glorious year of the NBA that was way better than 2008. If you do not want all the surprises of the upcoming year in the NBA then stop reading now. We will have the MVP, Comeback Player of the Year, and Rookie of the Year all revealed to you in the far a way past. If you thought the Celtics vs. the Lakers is a good final, just wait to hear what happens in 2009...All the surprises come in the upcoming slides. As the great Rick James would say: "It's a celebration! Enjoy Yoself!"

Begin Slideshow

The Legend of Mike Vanderjagt: Best Kicker Ever or Drunken Fool

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 11:18:47 -0500

Who is the best place kicker to ever play in the NFL? This question can not be answered without deciding which qualities determine who is the best to ever kick an oblong ball through two sticks.

One important factor must be about being the best to play during your time period and also being innovative while your at it. If you want to use those qualities, Lou Groza is the best ever.

It seems as though the place kicker is only in the game when the game is on the line, so the ideal kicker would have to be Adam Vinateri.

Maybe the "athlete" who had a very long career and was reliable enough to score the most points ever, and then the best ever would have to be one of the un-biological brother Anderso(e)n: Morten Andersen or Gary Anderson.

If you happen to be Al Davis then all you must care about is pure power, and then there is no question that Sebastian Janikowski takes the cake.

But when it comes down to it, you want a kicker that is going to get the ball through the uprights the highest percentage of times possible, and then, and only then may I add, is Mike Vanderjagt the best kicker ever.

Vanderjagt's humble beginnings started in Oakville, Ontario, Canada. His parents did not know it yet, but their son would become the greatest to ever play his position in a league they had never heard of, the NFL.

Vanderjagt's youth was a rough one. While all the boys at school where playing hockey, Mikey (as my sources say he liked to be called at the time), would be kicking a deformed rugby ball over and over in the alley's of Oakville. This of course led to him being called terrible names that an American like myself, has no use in saying and even trying to understand. But, to prove himself worthy, Mikey would kick his deformed rugby balls on ice during intermission periods of any local hockey games he could find.

Mikey would set up the ball at the middle of the ice and the people in the stands would of course start mocking him. Mikey would then go on to kick the ball at the heads of all his mockers with each them throwing the ball back at him, so he could continue his act until the Zamboni would almost run him over.

This hard work of kicking people in the head, developed immense accuracy for Mikey, now known just as "Jagt". Jagt acquired many fans, and by the time that he reached high school, he was now the main attraction for all his schools hockey games.

In a recruiting trip to Canada, the hockey coach for Michigan State University had come to Jagt's high school and was so impressed by getting kicked in the head from such a distance, he gave Jagt a scholarship for the football team on the spot...to play quarterback.

Jagt did not do so well playing QB seeing as how he had no experience so he went to Community College for a year and then eventually found his calling as the punter and place kicker for West Virginia.

Jagt was so impressive that the Canadian Football gave him a call up immediately after his graduation. He was not that great in his first couple seasons in Canada, but this young man would not let pure stats hold him down. After four seasons in the CFL he was picked up by the Indiapolis Colts as a free agent.

The odds were against him to do well, but undettered as he always was, he went on to become one of the most accurate kickers the league had ever seen. In 2003, he made all 37 field goals that he attempted, and made the All-Pro team.

Peyton Manning once called called Jagt "our drunk idiot kicker" after Jagt said that Peyton was, in short, soft. But the fact was that Jagt was good enough to get away with saying that kind of stuff because of his performance. Unfortunately for him, once his performance started to decline, no team wanted him, not even the Cowboys, well not more than three years. Jagt's career ended in 2006 after a debacle of a season with the Cowboys.

To be totally serious though, Vanderjagt has to be considered one of the best of all time. There is no doubting that his 88.5 career field goals percentage is the best the NFL has ever seen. No matter how you look at it, you want a kicker that is going to put the ball through the uprights at the highest percentage.

Jagt's performance on the field, even though mostly in a dome, gives him a good argument as being the best ever. Well, best ever if we forget the fact that he missed a lot of important kicks...

If you liked this then treat yourself to The Skip Bayless Report

From West to East: An Explanation for the Transition of Power in the NBA

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 08:34:53 -0500

It seems as though that every professional league here goes through a pendulum swing of power, from one conference to another.

Here is an in depth look into the NFL, MLB, and NBA's history of dominance of conference's with most of the time spent on the NBA.

In the NFL, from 1984-1996 the NFC won every Super Bowl and only lost one from 1981-1996. Then immediately following that stretch from 1997-2006, the AFC won eight out of the 10 Super Bowls.

The MLB, after following a decent amount of research, probably is the most even when it comes to winning streaks for a conference (yes the A.L. and N.L. are no longer real leagues because they both answer to one commissioner).

But going back to 1975, the N.L. won six of the following eight World Series, and then immediately following that streak the A.L. won sixteen titles to the N.L.'s only eight starting with the Baltimore Orioles in 1983 and ending with the Boston Red Sox in 2007.

Once again the MLB was and still is a lot more even the NFL and NBA, but still when you win two-thirds of the time it's a lot more uneven than the ideal winning percentage of one half.

The NBA has the longest history of domination by a conference, and this can largely be explained by the dominance of single teams.

Of the 62 total NBA championships to date, four team, the Celtics, Lakers, Bulls, and Spurs have won 41 times! That is 13 percent of the number of teams in the league today winning 66 percent of every title played for.

To go even further, if you add in the Pistons, Warriors, and 76ers, who all have won three championships, to the Celtics, Lakers, Bulls, and Spurs, you have 23 percent of the teams winning 80 percent of the titles!

These teams have all been a major part of the pendulum of power in the NBA as well. So, let's start and look at the beginnings of the NBA so you can see the true swaying back and forth of power.

In 1947, the first season of the precursor to the NBA, the Basketball Association of America, the Philadelphia Warriors from the Eastern Conference defeated the Western Conference champion Chicago Stags.

The East would not see the title again until 1955. In that seven year stretch, the West won every year highlighted by George Mikan's Minneapolis Lakers winning five of those doing it back to back and then the first three peat in the association's young history.

When the Syracuse Nationals, now known as the 76ers, won in 1955 the pendulum swung back to Eastern Conference. In a stretch of 16 seasons the West only one of the annual contests between the best of the East and West when the St. Louis Hawks defeated the Boston Celtics in 1958.

This then inspired Bill Russell, Red Auerbach, and their Celtics to win eight straight titles, with a total of 11 in that time period of Eastern dominance.

The West did catch up, but did not surpass the East. From 1971 to 1988, the West won ten titles compared to the East's eight. A 56 percent winning percentage by the West can by no means be described as dominant, with neither conference able to have a streak longer than two in a row.

The Pistons and then the Bulls took the pendulum back to the East side from 1989-1998, with the Pistons going back to back, then the Bulls three peated twice with the Houston Rockets from the West winning two title's when Jordan retired for the first time.

From 1999 to the present we have seen a domination by the West, with the Lakers winning three in a row with Shaq and Kobe, and the Spurs winning four in nine years. There was a stretch of five in a row by the Spurs and Lakers from 1999-2003, and from then to now the Larry O'Brien trophy switched hands every year.

There is the argument that since most of these stretches of domination were by single dynasty-esque teams, that the competition in their respective conference was weak. And, this can be a very pressing point especially when you look at the NBA where seven teams have won over 80 percent of the time.

What I have to say against that is that winning begets winning.

There was no question that during this past stretch of domination by the West where only two teams won the title, that the Western Conference was far superior to their eastern counterparts.

During that stretch the Kings, Suns, Mavericks, and even the Timberwolves were all considered not as good as the Lakers and Spurs, but were much better than their Eastern middle of the pack counterparts. The reason that I have found to be most compelling for why one conference dominates the other can be explained by European soccer, surprisingly.

Each country in Europe has a top soccer division, and the top team(s) in the each country gets to play in the Champions League. Now, to win in the Champions League you have to be as better than every other team in Europe.

Unfortunately for the mid-level clubs in each country, there is no way they can compete with the top teams unless they build a team that is comparable with all the top teams from all over Europe.

So, what eventually happens is what has happened in England where there are four teams that are always at the top who are built to compete against the top teams in Europe: Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea, and Liverpool.

Now, take that and compare it to the NBA, where the dominant conference at any given time is the Champions League and the other being the Premier League.

The teams in the Champions League of the NBA have to all build up to play against the prenenial power houses because they have to play them at least four times a year, and they get a shot to knock the better team out in the playoffs.

On the other hand, the teams in the Premier League only have to play the teams in the Champions League twice and they can play each other in the playoffs for a chance to take out the winners of the Champions League in the finals.

The difference between US sports leagues and the European club style is that the Premier Leagues don't have any Champions League teams in their conference. This leads to complacency, and also leads to one conference dominating the other, because you only have to be a little better than your top competitor within your conference.

And if your top competitor is not in the Champions League, you don't have to be a Champions League caliber team for a shot to win the championship because you only have to be as good as the Champions League team for one playoff series.

Another key difference is that US leagues allow for more competitive balance, and this is why there is a pendulum effect of one conference being better than another.

What I am truly saying is that bad teams are rewarded with top talent by means of the draft. In basketball, one player can affect a team's performance more than any other sport. This is because basketball has the smallest amount of players playing at one time, and the top players can play for the whole game, compared to other leagues where the best players only play for about half the game.

So, while the bad teams are getting top pick after top pick, the bad conference will eventually get a lot better because the M.J., Magic, and LeBron's of the world make their teams almost automatic competitors. And the failure rate of the top players in the basketball draft is much lower than the other leagues.

All of this in the end helps the Premier League become the Champions League, because the players in the Champions League get old and retire all the while the top talent for what was the worse conference go into their prime, and the pendulum goes back to the other side.

Now here is the point where I am going to give you, the much respected reader, an opportunity to understand fully why I say that the East has taken over the power in the NBA.

Sure, I could be like all the talking heads on ESPN and talk radio and give you no reasoning and history behind why I say this. But if you actually have read this far, you know that I just gave you the history, and I now going to give you the reasoning.

I can't put a finger on the exact moment when the pendulum started to swing back to the East, but I believe that there was a series of events that happened that caused it to occur in this order: When the Pistons beat the Shaq, Kobe, Karl Malone, and Gary Payton Lakers; Shaq being traded to Heat; and/or when Brian Colangelo took the job in Toronto.

When the Pistons beat the star studded Lakers it was an amazing thing.

Everyone thought that the Lakers could not lose after Derek Fisher's miracle game winning shot with .4 seconds against the Spurs. But the Pistons took it to the Lakers and shocked the whole world.

This gave the East hope, because then they knew it was possible to actually take on the West, but the Pistons way of beating the West was so unique that it really could not be duplicated.

The Pistons created the perfect storm of personnel, coaching, and management to win their last title. The whole concept of amazing defense and tenacity, in a period of time when it was frowned upon by the league office, was revolutionary.

As a side note I say it was frowned upon because of the changes of rules to take down the hardcore Pat Riley Knicks, original Bad Boy Pistons, and Dennis Rodman's of the 1990s, to inspire more points which leads to more fan interest and money.

The Pistons showed that beating the West was possible, and when Shaq was traded to the Heat for Lamar Oden, Caron Butler and Brian Grant, it told the East that it was OK to acquire top talent by other means not called the draft.

I say this because I just can't recall any star players even wanting to play in the East during that time period, because most of the stars in the NBA were playing out West.

Lastly, I really believe that Bryan Colangelo moving to the East was really the catalyst for the change we are about to see the in NBA.

What Brian Colangelo brought to the Phoenix Suns was an extremely innovative style of play that while it was copied from Don Nelson, was perfected in Arizona. Colangelo brought in Mike D'Antoni, who coached a fast paced style that was extremely conducive to winning.

While that style has never won a championship, it allowed lower quality teams to compete with teams like the Lakers and Spurs who were winning championships.

Colangelo resigned from the Suns and signed with the Toronto Raptors to be their GM all in early 2006. When this happened, Mike D'Antoni did not have the proper support system around him, and as we have all seen this season, he left for the Knicks, and the Suns have been what can only be described as ugly without him.

Colangelo also brought the idea of signing players from Europe to the East. This was something that he did amazingly well with the Suns. It can be seen that the foreigners signed/drafted by the West such as Pau Gasol, Manu Ginobli, Tony Parker, Leandro Barbosa, and others were far more successful than the ones in the East; Darko Milicic comes to mind as the prime example.

So now, we are in a state where the Eastern Conference seems to be superior to the West. With the big three in Boston, LeBron in Cleveland, the Pistons being the Pistons, Dwight Howard pulling down everything for the Magic, the Bosh and crew Raptors, and now Derek Rose who is looking like he is going to be a star in Chicago.

All of this is happening while it seems like the only up and coming team in the West are the Trailblazers and Hornets.

So, maybe I am wrong and the West will be able to keep up with the East, but if history has told us anything, the arm of the pendulum seems to be going eastward.

NBA: Dear Andris Biedrins, Who Do You Think You Are?

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 15:21:41 -0500

Dear Andris Biedrins,

Who do you think you are? Shaq? Dwight? Kareem? Russell?

I mean, really. You just put up 17 points and 21 boards.

TWENTY-ONE REBOUNDS, I mean, come on!

I know you play for a team that is conducive to nice fantasy stats, but damn, why must you do it against my team?

But what is really scary is that this is the second time you have grabbed 20 rebounds this season.

I remember you as a softy who only put up decent rebound numbers because the rest of your team refused to play defense, but bringing down 20-plus boards not once but twice means you aren't soft.

What confuses me even more is that if you continue to put up the numbers you have so far this season (15 points, 12 rebounds, and 1.5 blocks), then you have to be considered one of the top centers in the league.

I mean, sure, we are in a time when there are no real dominant centers, but to say that you are one of the best big men in the NBA, no matter when, it says something.

I look at the Western Conference and you lead all centers, and every other position now that I actually look into it, in rebounds in a conference that has Yao, Shaq, Al Jefferson (he is good, I promise), Camby, Boozer, Duncan, Oden, and all the other dominant big men in the supposed better conference.

Biedrins, you are second in the league in rebounding to Dwight Howard. I never thought I would say that, except maybe after the first game of the season, in which you had a career game.

They say the numbers don't lie, no matter how much as our soon-to-be-out-of-work-president would like to say otherwise.

So, Andris Biedrins, you are officially a beast on the boards, and have proved no matter how much I would love to say this facetiously, I just can't: You should seriously be considered for MVP.

With Much Love and a Newfound Appreciation,

The Skip Bayless Report Blog

Gary Bettman: What Else Will He Start Suspending Players For Now?

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 05:43:09 -0500

David Stern, Roger Goodell, Bud Selig, and Gary Bettman.

Now ask yourself, who does not belong? And the answer is Bettman.

See, Stern, Goodell, and even Selig all have the respect of the players and coaches in their respective leagues. In every interview that you see a coach go off on a referee you will always say "I don't care if they fine me". This is because they know that their respective commissioner is does not let things like that slide.

Bettman is a whole other story.

He runs a league that basically celebrates fighting. Now, I will be the first one to say that fighting in the NHL is probably the only reason why I would watch a telecast of a game. Fighting is basically the lifeblood that keeps the on the fence fan, on the fence.

The problem is that if you are not going to fine or suspend a player for fighting, then you really have no reason to penalize anyone for anything besides for an illegal hit such as the Marty McSorley and Donald Brashear.

So when Gary Bettman suspended Sean Avery for saying that other players are getting on his sloppy seconds, a known fact, he, being Bettman crossed the line.

I mean really is calling a guy out for taking your sloppy seconds really worse then bashing a guys face in until he is flat on the ice?

This whole Avery thing got us at The Skip Bayless Report thinking about what else the NHL and Bettman is going to start suspended players for. Here are the ten most probable new reasons why a player would get suspended.

1. Not growing a playoff beard even if you are not in the playoffs.
2. Wearing the wrong color skates (I don't know if that's possible but hey, the NFL does it).
3. Being exciting.
4. Being a role model.
5. Getting on the news.
6. Getting on SportsCenter top 10.
7. Getting any publicity at all for a league that doesn't really have any now.
8. Going out in public.
9. Having a personality.
10. Being Sean Avery.

If you like this, you will probably like what you find at The Skip Bayless Report.

An Ode to D.J. Augustin

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 17:09:01 -0500

I just wanted to say how much I have appreciated the fantasy support that D.J. Augustin has provided my team.

The two most important positions on a fantasy basketball team are the center and point guard. These are two positions that specialize in specific categories: rebounds and blocks for centers, and assists for point guards.

I always try to have about four of each on every team. Coming out of the draft this season I only had one real point guard, and that was Andre Miller.

Thanks to an early season waiver pickup in Augustin, I have successfully added another pure point guard to my team that will lead me to the promised land.

Augustin not only led my team in assists this past week, but also in three-pointers. He was only four points from the top in the points category on a team that has Kobe, Andre Iguodala, and Zydrunas Ilgauskas (who led my team in points).

I have been playing fantasy basketball for a while, and I have been successful during that period, winning my leagues three years in a row at one point. During that stretch, I have had two players since their rookie years that have led me to the promised land. They were Josh Smith and Chris Bosh.

I have had Smith and Bosh on my teams every year that I have won the 'chip in my fantasy leagues, and I did so before they were big-time players. (I haven't won for a couple years now.) I got both of those guys off the waiver wire initially and took them in the later rounds after their rookie seasons as they progressed into great fantasy players.

But why I bring this up is because I really think that Augustin can and will be that reliable player that I can pick up off the waiver wire now. It will be possible to pick him up cheaply in the draft over the next couple of years.

So pay attention and make sure you have this guy on your roster for the next couple of years. You heard it here first.

Also, make sure you read my All-Rookie teams for November, where I compare Derrick Rose and Augustin to Chris Paul and Deron Williams.

Jaguars-Texans on MNF: The Untold Story Lines

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 08:40:21 -0500

The Jaguars and Texans...Really Roger Goodell?

I mean could you have thought of a better matchup than these two perennially boring teams? I suppose I can see how this could have been interesting when the game was announced. Houston was an up-and-coming team and Jacksonville was a team a lot of "experts" were picking to go to the Super Bowl.

Besides all of that, this game is going to suck, but as always, we here at The Skip Bayless Report like to give you, the paying consumer, the point of views that the mainstream media does not look at. So here are some untold story lines for this upcoming Monday Night Football game.

Andre Johnson, in the wake of Plaxico Burress shooting himself in a night club, will play for the first time without a gun tucked in the back of pants. How do you think he always gets so open?

On the other hand Matt Jones will continue to be packing because, well he is Matt Jones.

At halftime, Tony Boselli will be put in the middle of the field and have to choose which team he likes more, by going to their respective sidelines.

The Vegas odds are about even right now because of the home field advantage, but Jacksonville is the team that drafted him as a rookie and let his career die with an expansion franchise. Houston is the team that made him the face of the franchise and he repaid the favor by being injured that whole time.

The Jaguars are going to implement their own version of the wildcat offense, but will give defensive tackle John Henderson all the snaps. This is a result of Henderson saying that he could run a better offense than what the Jaguars have now. Did I mention Henderson will also be calling all the offensive plays as well? Expect a lot of running up the gut.

Look out for Kevin Walter, apparently he is the starting wide receiver for the Texans, who knew? I blame the East Coast sports bias.

Listen for Mike Tirico to sling out random stats on every unknown player that gets anywhere close to the ball for the whole first half. In the second half listen for Tony Kornheiser being an old conceited fool.

That's all folks, and as hard as I just tried I don't think I even convinced myself to watch the game. This overall is a terrible matchup and even though it may turn into a good game it won't be because these are two good teams.

Read more non news at skipbaylessreport.blogspot.com

November NBA Eastern and Western Conference All-Rookie Teams

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 16:16:39 -0500

The month of November has passed and the NBA season is still in its beginnings. We can start to see which teams are going to be in contention and in the lottery. We also, can see which rookies are living up to their draft position, and which were overlooked on the night of the draft. Here is a list of the best rookies in the Eastern and Western Conferences for the month of November.

Eastern Conference

Guard: Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls, First overall selection

This may or may not have been a surprise to a lot of people. There was a lot speculation that Rose should not have been the first pick, but has proven those doubters wrong. It is too early to project what type of career he is going to have, but barring injuries, he is playing like an all-star caliber player.

19 pts, four rebs, and six assts per game in November are very LeBron esque, and his 49% FG and 85% FT percentages are higher than LeBron has ever put up. We will see if he can keep this up.

Guard: D.J. Augustin, Charlotte Bobcats, Ninth overall selection

Augustin was my favorite player in college hoops last year because of his pure speed and play making abilities. He was able to dominate against lesser competition at Texas, and it seems like he is having a nice transition to the pro game.

To be honest I thought he was going to struggle against the better talent in the NBA, but he proved me wrong. Starting in just a quarter of his teams games, Augustin has averaged 13 pts and 4.5 assts per game in November are very impressive numbers. If he keeps this up, we may be comparing him and Rose to Deron Williams and Chris Paul in a couple of years; or not.

Forward: Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, Milwaukee Bucks, 37th overall selection

The only non-top ten pick on the list, making him also the only second rounder as well. As I mentioned in my Rookie Watch List, Mbah a Moute is playing like a man possessed. I love the energy and passion this guy plays with. Mbah a Moute is leading all Eastern Conference Rookies in rebounding in November with 7.6 per game, which is even more impressive when you know it comes from a guy who is only 6'8".

Forward: Michael Beasley, Miami Heat, Second overall selection

While Beasley has not been as dominant as he was at Kansas State last year, he is still good enough to make this list. Beasley has put up 15 pts and five rebs in the month of November, which are nice numbers for a rookie, but Beasley has way more talent than those numbers show. We will have to see if he can adjust to the pro game better in the upcoming months.

Center: Brook Lopez, New Jersey Nets, 10th overall selection

10 pts, seven rebs, and 1.5 blocks for November will get you on this list, but if JaVale McGee continues to progress like he has, you will be seeing him in this spot for the month of December. McGee is starting to get some serious minutes, and when I watched him play last night, he looked very comfortable in the Wizards system.

I don't know if I can say the same about Lopez, but if progresses positively in the next couple months he may solidify his spot as the best rookie center in the east.

Honorable Mention: JaVale McGee, Mario Chalmers

Western Conference

Guard: OJ Mayo, Memphis Grizzlies, Third overall selection

It seemed like OJ Mayo struggled a little bit at USC last year, but that was all for nothing. Mayo has been the most impressive rookie thus far into the NBA season. He has dropped 23 pts, 4.5 reb, two asst, one steal, and a game in the month of November. Those were the exact numbers that were expected out of him when he was a high school phenom, and with that whole college experience behind him, he can now flourish.

Guard: Rudy Fernandez, Portland Trailblazers, 24th overall (2007)

Oh Rudy, where have you been my whole life? Well, I suppose I can change that to where have you been since Steve Kerr retired? Fernandez is an assassin from behind the three pt line, and his 97 percentage from the FT line in November shows that he is the real deal shooting. Who needs defense when you have a perfect stroke like Rudy?

Guard: Russell Westbrook, Oklahoma City Thunder, Fourth Overall

Westbrook is only added to this list because he is way better than any forward that the Western conference has to offer. Westbrook put up the most assists and third most points per game in the month of November when compared to other West rookies. Plus, he is doing this all on one of the worst teams in the league, and maybe league history.

Forward: Jason Thompson, Sacramento Kings, 12th overall

The best rookie forward in November in the West by a decent margin. The next guy is Kevin Love, and I just can't make myself put Love on this list over a guy like Thompson, Westbrook, or even Anthony Morrow. Thompson has played well in November putting up 10 pts and six reb per game, which are not dominant, but still, somehow, better than any other rookie forward in the West.

Center: Marc Gasol, Memphis Grizzlies, 48th overall selection (2007 draft)

Gasol straight up has outplayed Greg Oden to get this spot as the best rookie center in the Western conference. Oden has put up .5 more reb, and one more block per game in November, but he has less points and is shooting lower percentages from the stripe and field. Gasol has just out preformed Oden, but I suspect once Oden gets his sea legs under him he should be fine.

Honorable Mention: Anthony Morrow, George Hill, Kevin Love, Greg Oden

Overall, in a match-up between the two starting lineups, I would probably go with the East, but the West has a little more depth after the top five, which means in a best of seven series I would maybe give an edge to the West.

Just remember that it's barely the start of December, and everything can change in a month's time.

What Chris Johnson Could Have Been

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 15:42:29 -0500

I think it is a good time right now to reflect on this past years draft and say which players are doing well for themselves and which aren't.

One player I like to think about is Chris Johnson. Coming into the NFL Draft, he was unknown to everyone, besides, he ran the fastest 40 for a RB in the history of the combine.

The Titans select Johnson with the 24th overall pick in the 2008 draft and exactly all of Nashville said a cumulative: "Who the hell is Chris Johnson?" I know because I was with a Titans fan the day of the draft, and in the aftermath he threw a boot at the ceiling, swore off his teams chances in 2008, talking to other Titans fans on the phone and agreeing that he is fast and should be good.

Well all I know is that Johnson has 833 yards with five games left, and if those are not legit numbers for a rookie, I do not know what is.

But, the other side of the story is that Johnson could have been absolutely terrible, and in effect destroying the Titans season. This has happened to a lot of teams, and here are some prime examples of what Chris Johnson could have been.

Rashaan Salaam, 21st overall pick in 1995 draft, Chicago Bears

The man won the Heisman in 1994 with Colorado, and dropped very nicely to the Bears in a time when they were in transition from the Walter Payton days. In five NFL seasons, Salaam had 1,684 yards with most of them being in a 1,000-yard season in the first season.

I think it cool when he was one of the pitch men for the XFL, but seeing as how that is not around anymore, you can image in why Rashaan is on this list.

Curtis Enis, fifth overall pick in 1998 Draft, Chicago Bears

Ok, so another guy that had a very dominate college year, and the Bears were in a time of transition after Rashaan Salaam was deemed a failure. So they pick up Enis to become the next great NFL back. Let's just say that never happened.

The numbers speak for themselves, in three NFL seasons, all with the Bears, he ran for 1497 yards, and not one single 1000 yard season.

Kevin Jones, 30th overall pick 2004 draft, Detroit Lions

Now, this guy was nothing more than a flash in the pan at the combine. For whatever reason, people were rating him a first rounder when he wasn't all that great in college. The Lions picked him up anyways in a post-Barry Sanders rut, and in four-and-a-half years, he is now on the Bears and only has 109 yards. Bust, big time.

Cedric Benson, fourth overall selection 2005 draft, Chicago Bears
We all know this guy sucks. In his fourth year out of Texas, this one time great college running back has proved he was a waste of money. The Bears picked him up to backup Thomas Jones, and he was good at that, and when the Bears put all the chips on the table with Benson when they traded Jones, Benson proved he was a waste of body on the field.

In three-and-a-half seasons, Benson has 1,911 yards, and didn't have a job for a good portion on the season.

So, you may see the pattern right here. It is just basically a jealous Bears fan hating on the success of the Titans running back selections in the draft. I mean, Eddie George, LenDale White, and Chris Johnson are way more legit than these three fools. You should be happy when you continually are able to draft good players.

But back on point, I feel that Chris Johnson would made this list have more symmetry.

More articles at skipbaylessreport.blogspot.com

Top 10 Reasons to Care About the Eagles-Cardinals Thanksgiving Night Game

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 05:17:22 -0500

If you are either a Cardinals or Eagles fan, please stop reading here, and we won't have a problem.

For everyone else, I really ask you why would you want to spend your Thanksgiving watching Donovan McNabb and Kevin Kolb have a quarterback battle? No, one really.

But, here at the Skip Bayless Report, we believe in reporting all sides of the story; so here are 10 reasons why someone would watch the Cardinals vs. Eagles:

1. Your fantasy team not only has Anquan Boldin or Larry Fitzgerald, but you also have Kurt Warner, Tim Hightower, and Kevin Curtis.

2. You revel in the fact you get to see a rare matchup of two bird mascots, and one of them is not a bird of prey.

3. You bet your girl/boyfriend who is from Philly/Arizona, that their team would lose, and you don't want to sound like an idiot.

4. In a post-Thanksgiving coma, you are unable to move from the couch and the game is on the channel that you happen to be watching. But remember you are in a coma, and you can't change the channel.

5. You want to see the Philadelphia fans embarrass themselves, and seeing as how there is a high probability of Santa being there, you may see something good.

6. You're anti-establishment and you like seeing teams break the "two games on Thanksgiving" mold.

7. You have NFL Network and you want to get your money's worth.

8. You have NFL Network and you want to impress your guy friends who don't.

9. Your fantasy team has David Akers or Neil Rackers (but this is a bad excuse, because you will root for the boring).

10. You just saw the Titans blow out the Lions and Cowboys destroy the Seahawks, and you just pray that you can get a good game of football.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Can't get enough? Go to skipbaylessreport.blogspot.com

LeBron James: The Renaissance Man of the Renaissance City

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 02:52:18 -0500

Sure, you may be watching the morning ESPN reports about summer of 2010 in the NBA.

The big names of Bosh, Wade, and LeBron will all be free agents, and everyone is talking about LeBron playing in Madison Square Garden. The ESPN "rumor" being spread around is that LeBron wants to play in New York, with either the Knicks or the Nets.

Well, who cares? We all know the true suitors of King James are the Oklahoma City Thunder.

Yes, that Oklahoma City—the freaking Renaissance City.

What I hear from league sources is that the Commish himself has made backwards deals with LeBron and his major sponsor Nike to convince LeBron to go to OKC in 2010.

But why? Oh, dear god, why would anyone want to go to Oklahoma?

Well, when I sat down with my source, he told me that the Commish doesn't want to look like a fool for actually convincing all of the owners to allow the Seattle to OKC move to happen. The man is never is wrong—and if he were to start now, his power would be in question.

Look at what happened to Gary Bettman. He convinced the owners of some extremely cold-weather hockey teams to move down south to compete for consumers' entertainment money. Well, the NASCAR and different types of animal fights have entrenched themselves as the main attraction for spending money in the likes of Atlanta, Nashville, Carolina, and even Phoenix. Once the novelty of the teams wore off, people stopped caring without a huge-name player for the city to attach to.

Basically, David Stern does not want to look like his now powerless colleague, and he will do that by any means possible.

LeBron James, will now be Renaissance Man of the Renaissance city.

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Pierre Thomas For MVP

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 17:06:11 -0500

Stop the presses! You heard it first here at the Skip Bayless Report, Pierre Thomas, RB for the Saints is going to win the NFL MVP.

Kurt Warner? Kerry Collins? I am pretty sure both of those guys lost this week, but guess who didn't; Pierre Thomas.

Pierre Thomas was able to out rush the likes of Reggie Bush and Deuce McAllister, a Heisman Trophy winner and a two time pro bowler respectively, who both combined to have 82 less rushing yards than our man Pierre.

So why am I am making this outlandish prediction of Pierre for MVP when it seems totally absurd to do so? Because I am also predicting that the Saints are going to not only win the rest of their games, but they are also going to do it on the back of Pierre Thomas who will average 357 yards in his remaining five games.

357 does seem like an odd number, but this is the number he IS going to average because it is how many yards he needs per game to break Eric Dickerson's record for rushing yards in a season of 2105. My math would put Pierre at 2110 yards for the season, and making him the savior of the city of New Orleans.

Some other noteworthy accomplishments of Pierre during this streak should include:

Week 13 @ Tampa Bay

Ending Robert Brooks' career.
Dismantling the Pirate Ship in Tampa Bay and taking it to sea.
Beating the Buccaneers so bad their uniforms turn into the classic creamsicle orange.

Week 14 vs. Atlanta

Play linebacker and effectively end Matt Ryan's season.
During half time, convince President Bush to give Michael Vick a pardon...Yes, he's that good.

Week 15 @ Chicago

Make Walter Payton roll over in his grave.
End Brian Urlacher's deal with Old Spice by proving that Old Spice cannot stop the sweat that just the idea of Pierre gives Urlacher.
Inspire Rex Grossman to not suck.

Week 16 @ Detroit

After running for 500 yards in the first half, he will actually switch sides and give the Lions their closest game of the season.

Week 17 vs. Carolina

Actually transform into a Panther and eat Julius Pepper.
Be ordained a Saint by the Pope himself. And by week 17 Pierre Thomas will be the Pope.

Now I am not going to predict anything in the playoffs because as we saw last year in the Super Bowl, anything can happen in the playoffs. Whereas the playoffs are not predictable the regular season is, and this all is going to happen.

Check out more at http://skipbaylessreport.blogspot.com/

NBA Fantasy Rookie Watch List

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 10:57:55 -0500

Everyone knows of the Odens, Roses, and Beasleys of the NBA rookie world, but there are a couple guys that the talking heads do not talk about at every possible chance, who could still impact your fantasy team. So here is a list of rookies that are most likely still available in your fantasy league, and could make an impact on your team like Jamario Moon and Ramon Sessions did last year.

Anthony Morrow, PG/SG, Golden State Warriors, 44 percent Owned in Y! Leagues

Here is a guy that has set the fantasy basketball world a fire. In two games against the Clippers and Blazers, Morrow dropped 62 points, 8 3pts, 15 reb, 72 percent FG, and 100 percent FT. As an undrafted FA out of Georgia Tech Morrow has proven that he is at least worth a look in deep leagues until Monta Ellis comes back.

Marc Gasol, C, Memphis Grizzlies, 68 percent Owned in Y! Leagues

Here is a guy that proved that he was ready for the NBA when he played very nice for Spain in Beijing. It actually came to a surprise to me that he is owned in so many leagues, but with numbers like 12.2 pts, 7.2 reb, and 59 percent FG, it really shouldn't. So, if you are in a league where he is Gasol is available pick him up now, even if you are loaded at center.

Jason Thompson, PF/C, Sacramento Kings, 46 percent Owned in Y! Leagues

Thompson played at Rider, which is definitely not known for putting out good NBA players, but he obviously had NBA talent being selected 12 overall in this past draft. The Kings are getting a great return on their investment with Thompson putting up manly numbers in 11.9 pts, 3.1 reb, 3.9 asst, and 55 percent FG. What really impresses me are the high number of assists that he gives a fantasy team especially from a big man position. I would say if you are lacking consistency at the center position, Thompson is a viable fantasy option.

Ryan Anderson, PF/C, New Jersey Nets, 3 percent Owned in Y! Leagues

This is going to be a harder sell than the other guys on this list, and that probably can seen by his low ownage percentage. Anderson currently ranks fourth among rookies in 3pts per game with 1.1, and he is also putting up other good numbers with only 16.5 minutes per game, 7.6 pts, 3.9 reb, and 50 percent FG. Also keep in mind that he is shooting 55 percent from behind the arc. Anderson should be on people's watch list, because if one of the bigs in New Jersey were to go down or start playing poorly, Anderson's high percentage numbers could translate into him being a viable fantasy option.

Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, SF/PF, Milwaukee Bucks, 37 percent Owned in Y! Leagues

Now, you may remember seeing him play for UCLA over the past years, but it seems as though a lot of NBA GMs forgot about his solid collegiate play. Mbah a Moute was drafted in the second round, and is playing like he was wronged by every team that passed up on him. This man is pulling down rebounds at an impressive of 7.5 per game, more than Oden, Beasley, and Love. His other numbers are good enough for an add if your team is lacking rebounds, with 9.7 pts, 44 percent FG, and 77 percent FT.

The All-Next-Jordan Team

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 08:33:50 -0500

Who is/was the next Michael Jordan?

Ever since I can remember, sportswriters have been looking for the next Jordan, and there have been a lot of them. Here is a team of the best of the best "next MJ's."

Vince Carter - "The Dunks-Just-Like-Him-With-A-Nice-Jump-Shot-Jordan"

VC was and always will be one of the best dunkers of all time.

I would put his winning NBA Dunk Contest performance right up there with what Jordan used to do. The Honey Dip was a rare, "did he just do that?" moment that only the likes of Jordan's free-throw line dunk and Dwight Howard's sticker on the backboard dunks can give us.

The other thing about Air Canada was that he had a sweet jump shot back in his young Toronto Raptor days, that has seemed to disappear right with our comparison with him to Air Jordan.

Tracy McGrady - "The-Can't-Make-It-Out-Of-The-First-Round-Jordan"

Whether you like T-Mac or not, he was, at one point, the best player in the NBA.

He was a prolific scorer who you only see a couple of times per generation, but unfortunately for him, another pseudo-Jordan, Grant Hill, got injured and could not help him get out of the first round when he was with the Orlando Magic.

Once T-Mac got traded to the Houston Rockers and became second fiddle to Yao Ming, it was the end of his era of trying to be the next Jordan—because MJ was never second fiddle to anyone.

Allen Iverson - "The Point-Guard-Who-Scores-Like-Jordan-Jordan"

Initially, Iverson was not given the title of the "next Jordan," but after that infamous crossover he put on M.J., the acclaim started coming in.

At one point it seemed as if A.I. had a chance to be as prolific of a scorer as Jordan was, but it was just not to be. Iverson eventually started to slow down, and if I had to point to a time in his career when he was no longer thought to be the next great one, it would be right when the next-next Jordan beat him in the NBA Finals.

Kobe Bryant - "The Dominant-Like-Jordan-But-Had-A-Big-To-Help-Jordan"

Kobe has it all to be the next Jordan.

He can score at will, and will stop the other teams' best player on defense. He had some off the court issues, likened to MJ's love to gambling. He even won three championships in a row!

But, when it all comes down to it, I believe that in my heart of hearts that the difference is Shaquille O'Neal, and it will always be Shaq, unless Kobe wins a title without him.

If you look at all of the teams that won championships since Jordan's first, they all have one thing in common, all time great big men. Hakeem Olajuwon, David Robinson, Shaq, Tim Duncan, Ben Wallace (he was the best defensive player in the league at the time), and Kevin Garnett.

Sorry Kobe, you just aren't the next M.J., but we can start calling the new generation the next Kobe's if you like.

Lebron James - "The It's-To-Early-To-Tell-Jordan"

Bron Bron really has all the makings of being the next Jordan.

In this early part of his career he is a high flyer, like Mike, signed a huge contract with Nike, like Mike, overachieving with a low talent team around him, like Mike, and he hasn't quite developed a killer jump shot and is overdependent of driving to the hole, like Mike.

I really think he has the highest potential to be the next MJ, but it is still way too early in his career to tell.

Honorary Mentions: Grant Hill, Isaiah Rider, OJ Mayo

Well, I think the closest thing we will ever have to the next Jordan is currently playing college ball for the Illinois Fighting Illini, Jeff Jordan, MJ's son.

Besides, for that we will never have another player that can be "Jordan" on the court, or even more important off the court.

The Bleacher Report Fantasy Baseball All-Star Team

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 14:00:40 -0400

Without further ado, here is your first annual Bleacher Report All-Star Team, compiled by: The Roundtable (RT), Michael Taylor (MT), Jonathan Bentz (JB), and Myself (IE).

Each person voted for a starting lineup (minus DH), starting pitcher, and a closer. The number next to the name is how many votes the player got, and there will be honorable mention (HM) after each position.

Catcher: Geovany Soto, Chicago Cubs (3)

"No one saw this coming. He was basically the personal catcher for Zambrano last year, and now he’s hitting .293 with 16 home runs. The guy basically was undrafted. I love that kind of story. Brian McCann is right there though." (RT)

Honorable Mention: Brian McCann (1)

First Base: Lance Berkman, Houston Astros (4)

"There are plenty of great first basemen, but Berkman has completely separated himself from the pack. When you are hitting .348, are on pace to hit 40 home runs, 125 RBI, steal 25 bases, and score over 130 runs, you are not only the top at your position, but the top player overall." (MT)

Second Base: Ian Kinsler, Texas Rangers (3)

"In a battle of great seasons, Kinsler just beat out Chase Utley, based on value. Kinsler was chosen more towards the fourth or fifth rounds and is giving top fantasy-player totals as compared to Utley’s first-round status. For the season, Kinsler has not only hit .335 and scored a league-high 82 runs, but he also has 14 homers, 53 RBI, and 23 steals." (MT)

HM: Chase Utley (1)

Third Base: Chipper Jones, Atlanta Braves (4)

"Sure he's injured, and A-Rod was the best player in June. But when you're batting .384, and the next closest batter with over 200 at-bats is 34 points behind you, an All-Star nod is deserved." (JB)

Short Stop: Hanley Ramirez, Florida Marlins (4)

"Hitting .300 with 21 home runs and 22 stolen bases already. He would be the No. 2 pick right now. Edges out Reyes because of the power numbers." (RT)

Outfield: Josh Hamilton, Texas Rangers (4)

"The biggest surprise in all of baseball this season was a popular sleeper pick in March—he has made everyone that drafted him look like a genius." (JB)

Outfield: Nate McLouth, Pittsburgh Pirates (3)

"I had left McLouth for dead before the season, it seemed like he was going to struggle just to get some playing time. I hate to admit when I am wrong, but McLouth's numbers are just undeniable. With 19 HR, 65 R, 68 RBI, and 10 SB you would assume those are end of the season numbers for him." (IE)

Outfield: Matt Holliday, Colorado Rockies (2)

"Holliday may have missed some time on the DL, but he still cracks my outfield. He has continued to smash the ball all over the field hitting .343 with 14 home runs and 51 RBI. He also has some speed with 13 stolen bases." (MT)

HM: J.D. Drew (1), Ryan Braun (1), Grady Sizemore (1)

Starting Pitcher: Roy Halladay, Toronto Blue Jays (2)

"His 5x5 standard fantasy numbers are just as good as anyone else, but he is pitching more innings than anyone else, and though that doesn't count in most league, the mere fact that he has a WHIP below one, which no other top pitcher can claim, gives him this spot for me." (IE)

HM: Justin Duchscherer (1), Cliff Lee (1)

Closer: TIE—Mariano Rivera, New York Yankees (2) Francisco Rodriguez, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (2)

"Tempted to choose Francisco Rodriguez and his league-leading 35 saves, but I decided to go with the best closer in the history of the game. He has a 50 strikeouts to just four walks, 23 saves, and a ridiculous 1.06 ERA. I want my closer not only to get me saves, but help to lower my ratios." (MT)

"I don’t understand how a guy with 35 saves can still be given so little respect. He doesn’t strike out as many hitters, but he’s been utterly dominant in the first half of the season." (RT)

NFL Draft Fantasy Impact

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:41:54 -0400

The NFL draft is over, and fantasy football doesn't even open for—well not soon enough. But never fear, there is always time for fantasy analysis.

Here is a list of the rookies who should be the top fantasy producers per round.

So, sorry to the defense wins championships purists in advance—this is fantasy, defense doesn't matter. Oh yeah, no Darren McFadden here, that is just too obvious.

Round 1:

Felix Jones, RB Cowboys - Jones should be able to produce right off the top, being the lightning to Marion Barber's extreme thunder. Jones may not find the end zone as much as his backfield mate, but should rack up a lot of yards.

Dustin Keller, TE, Jets - Well, the downside to him is that he isn't an accomplished blocker, but this is fantasy football, so who cares? That's right, no one. Think Dallas Clark, without Peyton Manning throwing to him. If they get the ball to him, he will produce.

Round 2:

Ray Rice, RB, Ravens - We all saw this kid in college, and we all know he can run the ball, but because he is a tad small he dropped in the draft. He will put up big numbers, and McGahee is not getting younger or any less injury prone.

Limas Sweed, WR, Steelers - This is the guy Big Ben has been waiting for since Plaxico left for the Giants. A tall athletic WR with good hands, he should be the number 3 guy behind Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes, but expect him to be thrown to in jump ball scenarios situations.

Round 3:

Kevin Smith, RB, Lions - The man led the nation in rushing, and was close to the career mark. The Lions let go of Kevin Jones, and Tatum Bell is definitely not the answer. Expect Smith to get a lot of touches, and a lot of opportunities to get you a lot of fantasy points.

Andre Caldwell WR, Bengals - With the release of Chris Henry and Chad Johnson situation being unknown, the only reliant WR the Bengals have is TJ Housyourmama. If Caldwell can put everything together once the season starts, he has a good chance to rack up some serious numbers.

Round 4:

Lavelle Hawkins, WR, Titans - A lot of people say that the Titans need to put some weapons around VY, and Hawkins may be another piece to that puzzle. One downside to Hawkins and any other WR for the Titans is the fact that VY has yet to prove to be a passing threat with only 12 passing TDs last season.

Round 5:

John David Booty, QB, Vikings - I don't see the Vikings keeping with the Tarvaris Jackson experiment much longer, and Booty is just as good as a replacement than whoever else the Vikings have on their roster.

Dennis Dixon, QB, Steelers - Who needs Antwan Randle El? If Dixon wants to play for the Steelers next season, it will not be at QB. Dixon is a great athlete, and thought the state of his knee is questionable after tearing a ligament, he could prove to be a great Brad Smith like player for the Steelers.

Round 6:

Mike Hart, RB, Colts - Here is a guy who may have a legit shot at being the backup to Addai. I wouldn't advise drafting him unless you are in a deep league, but if Addai goes down, Hart should really help your team out.

Round 7:

Brandon Coutu, K, Seahawks - Big kid with a power leg. Plus, I had to get at least one Special Teamer here.

C.C. Sabathia: Should You Start a Slumping Star?

Isaac Elyacharshuster — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 03:14:54 -0400

In the many years of playing fantasy sports, everyone of us has come to this question: Should I start my best player, even though he is in a slump? I have found that the usual answer is, Yes. The reasoning behind that is that there is a reason he is a star player, and that is because he puts up good stats, so he can only slump for so long, right? Wrong.

I feel that the if you got a guy like Sabathia on your team who has done nothing but hurt your team in every way, you should bench him until he proves that he is worth starting. So, you miss out on one good start, but missing that single win that he produces or the handful of strikeouts that he gets may put you in a not so great position to win that weeks match-up, but think of the opposite. Sabathia last week got rocked, and ended up with a 20.25 era, 3.25 whip (walks plus hits per inning pitched), with only one strikeout in four innings of work. That, not only hurts your teams chance of winning, it basically ends all hope.

There is however a big difference between a slumping pitcher and a slumping hitter. Hitters go through hot and cold streaks all through the sesason, and if your guy is "o" for his last couple of games, you may start thinking that you want to put him on the bench, but that is a mistake. Starting a hitter that goes 0/4 in a game, will not give as much emotional damage as benching a star who goes 3/4, but more importantly has 2 homers and 5 rbi's. The total stats (homers, runs, rbi's) in offensive categories are seemingly more important than the average stats (average, OBP/OPS), because they are much harder to come by. Pitching stats are just the opposite where the total stats (wins, saves, Ks) being easier to come by than the average stats (era, whip). This is mainly because if one pitcher has one bad game, then your chances of winning era and whip are almost hopeless, while if one of your hitters has a bad game you can rebound in all the other stats. All I am saying is that the Pros of starting a slumping star hitter are much, and I mean much better than starting a slumping star pitcher.

Now, I am not telling you by no means to drop Sabathia or another player that is slumping, and I especially am not telling you to trade Sabathia, unless you are getting another top tier player in return. My advice to you is to have your guy ride the pine for a couple starts until he shows signs of improvement, or if you don't have Sabathia and you see a disgruntled manager in your league with him, make a move. Send him a guy like Brian Bannister, who you may have picked up on waivers after what is still a very hot start. This may hurt your team for a couple of head-to-head games, but at the end of the season, during the fantasy playoffs, you will see the return. Bannister's hot start will be talked about as a lucky stretch, and you will be laughing in the rest of the league's fear of your dominant pitching staff headed by CC Sabathia.