Bleacher Report - Articles by Double K

Step Off the Bus, Gus: Malzahn Returns to Fayetteville with Tulsa

Double K — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 08:57:00 -0400

(What a strange and long trip it has been since this picture was taken)

Well, the main event happened on Saturday night at Razorback Stadium, when The Nutt came into Fayetteville and stole a win. The matchup with Tulsa this Saturday at 1 p.m. is more like an undercard bout that still holds considerable interest.

Former Arkansas offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn, who lasted one tumultuous season under Houston Nutt at Arkansas, brings his wing-ding Tulsa Golden Shower offense to Fayetteville to take on the Hogs.

Tulsa is 7-0, ranked 19th in the AP poll and 18th in the BCS, and is in that "BCS buster" class of teams with the likes of Utah, Ball State, and Boise State.

Saturday is Homecoming for the Hogs, who are coming off of two winnable games that could have them 5-3 instead of the 3-5 record they currently hold. Should be an interesting matchup. Tulsa is an early 6.5-point favorite. Me thinks that is too much.

The 1 p.m. matchup is once again available on pay-per-view.

It's Not Just "Another" SEC Game: The Arkansas - Ole Miss Preview

Double K — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 12:52:00 -0400

Arkansas 3-4 (1-3) vs. Ole Miss 3-4 (1-3)
at: Reynolds Razorback Stadium
kickoff: 6 pm
TV: pay-per-view

Was it just another SEC game when Spurrier made his first trip back to Florida? Will it be just another SEC game when Saban goes back to LSU? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? No. No. And, hell, no.

(Just a quick thought about the game being on pay-per-view: I think there is something inherently wrong with charging tv viewers to watch two sub-.500 teams play. I could understand if the SEC title were on the line or they were two Top 25 teams, but not only do fans have to suffer through a losing season, they have to shell out some bones to watch them on TV? I would like to bring this issue before the next President of the U.S. in hopes of reform.)

Back to the game...

You're going or have seen all kinds of quotes from players and coaches this week with a common theme of "it's an important SEC game" and "none of the other stuff matters. We're just trying to win another football game." "It's just another important SEC game."

Like Hell, I say to all.

This game is not just another SEC game. It's not just another one on the schedule that both teams are trying to win.

Think of it this way for you rock n' roll fans. Houston Nutt is David Lee Roth. He was the lead singer and a popular figure for many years in Arkansas. Then, he went a little nutty (no pun intended). Crazy things happened and were said. He wore out his welcome, much like Diamond Dave.

Next thing you know, he is sort of forced out/fired. In comes Sammy Hagar (Petrino) and the band moves on and publicly wishes Houston well. Privately, the old band members hope Roth fails miserably, sells no albums, ends up in drug rehab, and is broke in six months.

You're either with Sammy or Dave. There is no in between, really. There is no best of both worlds. You choose a side. You stick with it, and you argue vehemently for it. Pretty plain and simple.

The Final Analysis:

Houston Nutt emerges to a mixed chorus of boos and cheers minus the cheers. The classy Nutt flips off the crowd and pulls on his Ole Miss shirt like football players do when they are showing off their team name.

He refuses to shake Petrino's hand before the game and orders their special teams unit to take out Arkansas kicker Alex Tejada on the opening kickoff. Ole Miss QB Jevan Snead tries his best to play like a legit SEC quarterback, but it's just not there as he throws six picks on his first seven passes and the Razorbacks are off and running. Michael Smith is healthy and shreds the Ole Miss defense for about 350 yards.

(I h8 r can saw. B home soon.)

The Hogs just dominate poor Houston and Ole Miss. Petrino lets up in the fourth quarter and in sticking with my pre-season prediction, Arkansas cruises to a 108-0 win.

Thanks to the gurus at Woopig.net for the above pics (more specifically as far as I can tell: Porkus, DRod70, and TravelHog)

It's My Prerogative: Understanding the Houston Nutt-Arkansas Dynamic

Double K — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 08:59:00 -0400

They say I'm crazy. I really don't care.

Tomorrow will be my usual game preview in which I'm rarely ever wrong. But first, I just thought I'd set a few ground rules about where Arkansas fans are coming from to help those people across the country that really didn't or don't understand the dynamics that have happened around here during Houston Nutt's last few seasons.

I can't speak for all, but hopefully the following will cover most of the bases. (Take note, Ole Miss fans.)

It is our prerogative to now refer to Houston Nutt as a horrible football coach even though we might have liked him and thought he was a very good coach at one time.

It is our prerogative to say he couldn't recruit worth a damn and that's why our team is struggling this season, even though there are many highly recruited players on the Razorback sidelines.

It is our prerogative to laugh at Ole Miss for hiring sloppy seconds, even if we are secretly scared that he will dominate Arkansas and we will never hear the end of it from Ole Miss or the media.

(Side note: This would be the equivalent of you running into your ex-girlfriend that you broke up with because you thought you could do better. Only you realize upon seeing her that she dropped about 20 pounds, got a great boob job, and landed a job raking in a six-figure salary working for a professional sports organization.)

It is our prerogative to say Karma sucks and I told you this would happen if Ole Miss beats Arkansas on Saturday and makes everyone nauseous in the process.

It is our prerogative to boo Coach Nutt relentlessly, even though we stood up and applauded him hundreds of times over 10 years.

It is our prerogative to continue to photoshop his picture into unflattering, compromising positions to both entertain and piss off people.

It is our prerogative to continue to hold Coach Nutt solely responsible for the embarrassment that has plagued the University of Arkansas over the last 24 months, even though many other coaches, players, parents, boosters, and/or administrators may have been equally at fault.

It is our prerogative to "go Peter" and deny three times (or even more) that we ever supported or ever thought Coach Nutt was a good football coach.

It is also our prerogative to stand up and say that we liked Coach Nutt and wish he was still here.

For the people who have no idea of what happened the last few years here, we can play either side of the fence here and get away with it for the most part. Many around the country refer to Arkansas fans as "crazy" and "delusional." Well, I tend to prefer passionate and optimistic instead.

Now that you understand the above aforementioned prerogatives, this will allow the Hog Tale to bring down the hate on Ole Miss in tomorrow's preview of the game.

After all, it's my prerogative. I can do what I want to do. (Yes, I really did just bring down a lame, late '80s reference down on your head today. Get over it.)

Nuttcoming Week: Honoring Houston's Return to Arkansas

Double K — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 14:00:00 -0400

The most anticipated game on the schedule is just days away. Ask most Hog fans before the season started which one game they wanted to win most—Ole Miss in a landslide.

If Houston Nutt comes into Fayetteville and hands it to the Hogs and Hog faithful, there will be some bitter people and a lot of Houston lovers coming out of the woodwork next week.

On the other hand, if the Razorbacks pull out a win against their former coach, Coach Petrino could get blown out by 100 points in every remaining game and still be in good graces with the Hog faithful.

Here's the one thing we'll all miss about Nutt: Has any coach been photoshopped and/or made fun of more than Coach Nutt in his final few seasons as head Hog? I don't think so.

Thus, in honor of Coach Nutt's return to the great state of Arkansas, and after much research, The Hog Tale proudly brings you our favorite 15 photoshopped photos of one Houston Dale Nutt.

No. 15

In honor of AC/DC's first studio album in eight years, "Black Ice" (released at Wal-Mart today), here is Angus Houston Nutt Young...

No. 14

Hey Houston, why so serious?

No. 13

The caption says it all...

No. 12

A Tecmo Bowl mind at its best...

No. 11

Baby Nutt on papa Broyles' shoulders.

No. 10

Pez anyone?

No. 9

Nutt and spin.

No. 8

Best buds, Nutt and Nolan.

No. 7

Riding the man who should have won the Heisman trophy last year.

No. 6

Hey ladies! Free mammograms for all!

No. 5

Coach B and Mini B.

No. 4

Loved it when Coach Nutt used to join the fans in the stands...

No. 3

Temporary employment before Ole Miss came calling...

No. 2

Broyles and Nutt have taken many classic photos over the years—none better than this one...

No. 1

And finally, there's just something about Houston.

Many thanks to the likes of BSticks, Chortle, DEVICEHIGH and others over at Hogville and around the internets for the images above. If you have some time, you can check out hundreds more over at Hogville.net

They Believe: The Arkansas - Kentucky Preview

Double K — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 08:25:00 -0400

Arkansas 3-3 (1-2) at Kentucky 4-2 (0-2)

Kickoff: 6 pm
TV: ESPNU
Line: UK favored by 8

The Wildcat faithful believe. They believe in blue.

Belief can be defined as having confidence, faith, or trust in something. Unfortunately, just because you believe in something, that doesn't necessarily mean it will ever be true.

Personally, I believe the children are our future. Teach them well, and let them lead the way. Some other important beliefs from Razorback fans include:

Ron White: I Believe, that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.

Larry The Cable Guy: I believe that sometimes you gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the truck payment.

Belief is a funny thing, because you can believe in the craziest things (like Kentucky football winning the SEC), and they may never come to fruition (see also: Cubs' fans for the last 100 years).

The only thing I know about the upcoming game is that the last time the Razorbacks invaded Lexington, Kentucky, it resulted in a 7 OT 71-63 win in 2003. The game featured 605 yards in total offense by Arkansas which was led by QB Matt Jones. Kentucky garnered 506 yards in total offense that day led by 475 pound QB Jared Lorenzen.

Times have changed as neither team enters the contest with a NFL caliber QB. The Hogs are led by senior Casey Dick who is averaging 235 yards per game through the air and is completing 58 percent of his passes. RB Michael Smith is averaging 119 yards per game on the ground for the Hogs.

Their counterparts will be Mike Hartline at QB (171 yds. per game) and RB Derrick Locke who leads the Cats with 269 yards rushing... total.

The Final Analysis:

Petrino was 4-0 against the Cats while he was head coach at Louisville. Expect that dominance to carry over to Arkansas and to continue Saturday night. Petrino has the Cats' number and will call all the right plays tomorrow night at Commonwealth Stadium.

Last season, D-Mac and Felix Jones rumbled for a combined 300 yards approximately and somehow lost that game. I still am shaking my head over that one. Watch for Michael Smith to run for about 400 yards tomorrow. Basketball practice is already underway so don't expect too much outrage over the Hogs' win tomorrow from UK fans. I think Kentucky keeps it close for a while, and then the Hogs pull away to win 71-6. I believe.

From the UK side of things, Sasha Baron Cohen helps the Fake Gimel Martinez with his "Fake Strategery" for tomorrow over at KentuckySportsRadio.com.

Tired of Losing, Kentucky Football Makes Plans to Switch Conferences (Humor)

Double K — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 08:49:00 -0400

With Arkansas' impending domination of Kentucky looming around the corner, I bring you the latest on Kentucky football today, hot off of The Hog Tale's AP wire...

AP report

"We hates losing! Joining the Ivy League would be a pretty good call right about now."—Kentucky coach Rich Brooks.

The year was 1976 and Jimmy Carter was the newly elected President of the United States. The median household income was $12,686 per year and Rocky was landing big blows at the movie theatres.

This was also the last time Kentucky shared the SEC title in football, and it was actually 1950 under Bear Bryant the last time the Mildcats won an SEC title outright.

Depressing? It should be. I mean, it's not Vanderbilt-depressing, but hey, Vandy doesn't actually count as an athletic institution yet, does it?

The Captain and Tenille won Record of the Year for "Love Will Keep Us Together." What is that song, you ask? It's my pleasure to bring it to you today via the power of YouTube.

Sidenote: The great thing about this video is that they don't even pretend to try and hide the fact that they are lip-syncing. Notice there are no microphones anywhere in sight. Enjoy (I know I did)!

(Just goes to show that you never know what you're going to get here at The Hog Tale. Also, I'm getting myself one of those hats and calling myself "The Double K.")

"We will never win the SEC," said Brooks, "I tell my players that all the time. I say: 'Players, we are never winning the SEC, so get your damn education and get ready for the real world, because, like Kentucky football, there is a lot of losing in the real world. Get used to it.'"

When reminded that his team is 4-2 and has had a pretty decent run the past few years with the likes of Andre Woodson, Brooks said, "Winning is fleeting here. It's only a temporary Band-Aid that will eventually come off of a nasty cut that we like to refer to as losing!"

Rumors have swirled at the University the past few years that the football team is looking for a new conference—preferably the Ivy League or the Sun Belt Conference.

When asked about the possibility of UK jumping to a different conference in football, UK Athletic Director Mitch Barnhart had this to say:

"We think we can win conference championships. Just not in the SEC. We've been scouting the Ivy League, the Sunbelt, and the Big East. These are the three conferences where we think we can dominate in the future."

Coach Brooks, in his fifth year at Kentucky, says change will come, but the consistent winning will only happen when they switch conferences.

"Look. We don't have the brightest or the best here in our football program, and we never will," he said. "I know what's important and I keep it simple for my boys. I only have three rules for my players. One, wear a cup. Two, wear a helmet when you check into the game. And three, wear a condom when sleeping with your cousin. Most of 'em get two out of three."

(It may take another cinematic miracle for Kentucky to ever win another SEC football title)

Wanted: New Coaching Staff at Auburn After Dismantling By Arkansas

Double K — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 11:47:00 -0400

For some reason, there were a lot of people that thought Auburn could and would win the SEC West when the season started. Absolute foolishness.

All you had to do was look at their quarterback situation and it was easy to see that this was not a conference championship team. An untested Chris Todd in a new offense and a non-throwing threat in Kodi Burns. Dual quarterback systems never work very well. I don't know what people were thinking.

Anyway, the complete chaos that is currently Auburn football is of no concern to me anymore because the Hogs got their first of many big wins to come under coach Bobby Petrino with their impressive 25-22 win at Auburn on Saturday. And, make no mistake, it was impressive.

Arkansas outgained Auburn in yardage, 416-193. Michael Smith broke free for 176 yards on the ground. Casey Dick threw for 222 yards, and if it hadn't been for his two interceptions that nearly resulted in two touchdowns for Auburn, the score might have even reflected a more lopsided total than just three points.

The much-maligned defense came up with a big goal-line stand at the end of the game, and the Razorbacks just plain outmanned the Tigers in the trenches.

Dick: Must suck to be Auburn right now, huh coach? Petrino: Yeah, glad I left this dump when I had the chance.

Chalk one up for the Petrino era, and if you need a job, be sure to check the local want ads in Auburn, craigslist, Monster.com, and Google, among other places, for postings out of Auburn this week trying to attract new coaches and better players.

Next up for the Hogs: this Saturday at Kentucky, where the Arkansas will look to avenge another home loss from last season.

Arkansas-Auburn: A Gunslinger's Shootout

Double K — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 08:30:00 -0400

Arkansas 2-3 (0-2 SEC) at No. 20 Auburn 4-2 (2-2 SEC)
Kickoff: 4pm CST
TV: ESPN Gameplan, ESPN360.com , and on Pay-per-view on RazorVision for $34.95.

(Two ferocious offenses will be having a shootout at Jordan-Hare Stadium Saturday)

Who needs the OU-Texas Red River Rivalry this weekend with their gazillion points per game and their two Heisman Trophy candidates when you've got Arkansas at Auburn tomorrow? That's right, baby! Arkansas and Auburn are coming in guns a-blazing with their high-octane offenses (see the offensive breakdown below).

Forget about Bradford-McCoy. Arkansas-Auburn will feature the Todd-Burns-Dick trio (that's a photo op waiting to happen).

The Tiggers have been so potent with their new spread offense that Tubsey fired offensive coordinator Tony Franklin six games into the season and replaced him temporarily with assistant coach Steve Ensminger. All that is to the major enjoyment of Bama fans, who could be saddled with the "country's No. 1 team" designation after this weekend.

Arkansas has been so dynamic that the Hogs have scored 31 points the last three games. But that's all about to change on Saturday. The mighty Razorbacks are tired of being the butt of jokes around the SEC, and I have lost no faith in the ability of the Arkansas offense despite the following numbers:

How the offenses break down in the SEC:

Arkansas:
#11 in Points Per Game (17.4)
#7 in Yards Per Game
#12 in Rushing Yards Per Game
#2 in Passing Yards Per Game

Auburn:
#9 in Points Per Game (18.7)
#11 in Yards Per Game
#7 in Rushing Yards Per Game
#10 in Passing Yards Per Game

The Final Analysis:

I'm sticking with my original pre-season prediction. I've only missed three games so far this season, so it's not panic time for Double K.
Where's Will Muschamp when you really need him, Auburn fans will be asking? Will Muschamp will be getting his ass kicked in Dallas by the Sooners and you're getting it too, Tuberville! Kodi Burns fumbles six times and the Razorbacks romp 63-10 over the Tiggers.
Woo to the Pig, Sooie!

(Try and hit us, Auburn. (What?) I said we're coming down there and see what happens if you try and hit us.)

Bobby Petrino to Sue Houston Nutt for Negligence (Humor)

Double K — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 14:46:00 -0400

In a suit filed today in Washington County, Razorbacks head football coach Bobby Petrino is suing ex-Razorback and current Ole Miss coach Houston Nutt, claiming Nutt left him with the "worst-coached players in America." When asked about the suit, a University spokesman had this to say:

"Coach Petrino took this job with the understanding that the current group of Razorbacks may be a little thin on talent compared to the rest of the SEC, but had at least been coached well. Upon his arrival and his observations over the first month of the season, coach Petrino has decided that Houston Nutt and his ex-staff members did no coaching whatsoever, and the current group of Razorbacks is not only poorly coached, but the worst-coached players in America. With every game, we are witnessing Houston's negligence of this great program."

Anonymous players not wishing to be identified supported this theory and plan on testifying once the case goes to trial.

"Coach Nutt spent a good 45 minutes to one hour every practice showing us how to celebrate, call the Hogs, and just act crazy. I didn't even know what a three-point stance was when I got here. Now I do. Just barely," said one player.

"I didn't know I was supposed to fight off blocks," said one defensive player. "Coach Nutt just taught us to stay with the offensive player and hold our ground. Tackling was head down, lead with the helmet, and close your eyes. I'm lucky I'm still alive."

"I didn't know you were supposed to turn and find the ball in flight," said one defensive back. "We were taught to just try and keep up with the receiver. And if we couldn't, we were supposed to blame the safeties and/or linebackers."

"I was taught to catch the ball up against my body and round off my cuts on all my patterns," said one receiver. "Coach Nutt said that it was the quarterback's job to get the ball to me regardless of where I ended up."

"We were told that D-Mac and Felix would win games for us because they couldn't be stopped. He told the rest of us that they could run forever even without any blocking or help from the offensive line."

Coach Petrino is citing the recent games against Texas and Alabama as overwhelming evidence of the poorly coached players he inherited from Nutt. Testimony from players and film from this year's games will be submitted as evidence against Nutt. Jury selection could begin as early as next week.

("If they kick your butt, you must, must sue Nutt!")

Oddsmakers On Crack: The Arkansas-Texas Preview

Double K — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 07:45:00 -0400

Arkansas (2-1) vs. Texas (3-0)

Kickoff: 2:30 CST in Austin
TV: Of course
Line: Texas -27.5

The Longhorns enter the contest a 27.5 point favorite against the SEC's top passing team (when was the last time you could say that Arkansas was the SEC's top passing team?). Mistake #1 is underestimating these Razorbacks. The first two games, maybe Arkansas was overestimating its' opponent. Against Alabama? Probably looking past the Tide to this matchup.

QB Comparison:
Casey Dick enters the contest as the top passing QB in the SEC in yardage per game with 831 yards passing in three games including five touchdowns. Texass' Colt McCoy has 833 yards and 11 touchdowns already this season. Colt McCoy sucks.

Huge Advantage: Arkansas

The only Colts I like are these...

(Me and Billy Dee like to pour out a little liquor for our fallen homies...)

(and if I find out that you took out one of my homies, I will cap your ass with one of these and then your homies will be pouring out liquor to honor you... that's just how I roll in Fayetteville...)

I got skillz position players:
With only two games under his belt this season, Michael Smith (who was suspended for the first game of the year) has the most rushing yardage of any back on either team with the 248 yards he's picked up in two weeks in a win over the most underrated all gay team in the nation, UL Monroe, and against Alabama. Texas' leading rusher? QB Colt McCoy with 194 yds. Whaaat?

Arkansas Tight End D.J. Williams and super frosh Joe Adams have 345 yards and three TDs between them. Texas' receiving duo of Quan Crosby and Jordan Shipley have six TDs and just over 500 yards receiving.

(SuperFrosh, SuperFrosh, he's SuperFroshey, yeaooowww!)

Huge Advantage: Arkansas

The rest of the positions and stuff like defense and special teams and coaches and cheerleaders:

Advantage: Arkansas

(Longhorn cheerleaders will be disgusted by the end of the game on Saturday)

The Final Analysis:

The Razorbacks appeared to be struggling winning both games by a combined five points and losing by a small margin against Alabama last week. But, I say that looks can be deceiving!

Without the threat of a real running game, the Hogs will only have to focus on containing poor Colt McCoy and the Horns' passing game. I say they do it and Casey Dick rebounds to have his best game of the year throwing for about 800 yards.

The Razorbacks are playing opossum and the Longhorns will get the shock of this young season when Arkansas steamrolls the Horns, 44-24.

(How the Horns keep winning with fans like these is still a mystery to me.)

Arkansas-Alabama: No One Wants To Mount Cody

Double K — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 11:24:00 -0400

Arkansas 2-0 vs. Alabama 3-0
Kickoff: 11:30 am CST
Odds: Alabama favored by 9
TV: Raycom Sports

Oh, that's his nickname? I thought that's what Terrence Cody's homeboys wanted to do to him. Everything makes more sense now.
I am, of course, referring to Alabama's one big, scary looking dude of a noseguard by the name of Terrence Cody, also known as "Mount Cody" because of his excessive hugeness. His Enormousness is about seven-feet, six inches tall, weighs 600 pounds, and still runs a 4.6 40 according to many Alabama bloggers who know way more than me about this beast of a lineman.

(Can you guess which one plays noseguard for the Bammer defensive line and which one would eat the defensive line? Think carefully before answering.)

There seems to be a lot being made of the monster in the middle of this Alabama book. Apparently, Clemson and Tulane and Western Kentucky struggled trying to run up the middle past the 800-pounder who bench presses Ford 350s.

I guess it's a good thing we are not predominantly a running team anymore, though I wouldn't be surprised to see Michael Smith break free for some yardage tomorrow around the ends.

But, if we do pound a few up the middle, don't forget that we have the best center in the history of football: Jonathan Luigs. Luigs, who is the current Rimington Award winner for the best center in college football, will have his hands full with the 900-pounder.

It's not too often that your "featured matchup" is a center vs. a noseguard, but that's what a lot of writers have seemed to focus on the past few days.

Let's not forget about the other players, including the two QBs. Bama's Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson is off to a solid start this season with four TD passes and only one pick through three games to go along with his 62 percent completion figure.

Casey Dick, on the other hand, is averaging over 300 yards per game passing and completing his passes also at a 62 percent clip with four TDs and one interception. Last year at this time, did you ever imagine the words 300 yards passing and Casey Dick would be included in the same sentence together?

(Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson is in his 14th season quarterbacking the Crimson Tide and has never looked better.)

The Bama RB duo of Coffee and Ingram have combined for 455 yards on the ground, while Arkansas' Michael Smith has 156 yards in his only appearance so far this season against UL-Monroe.

Oh, and don't forget about the matchup between two of the most vilified coaches in the history of college football: Darth Saban and Bobby Petrino. The defensive genius and the offensive guru have taken their share of criticism for bailing on their pro franchises to jump ship back to the college game.

The Final Analysis:
I'm sticking with my original pre-season prediction, as I like the Hogs to throw for over 300 yards again and win going away in Fayetteville 47-21. Roll Hogs Roll.

This Day in Arkansas-Texas Revisionist History: 1987

Double K — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 08:27:00 -0400

1987's classic matchup at War Memorial Stadium in Little Rock featured a 4-1 Arkansas team taking on a 2-3 Texas team that was limping into the game with some wounded pride.

Texas QB Bret Stafford had completed a mere one touchdown pass on the season to go along with 10 interceptions and would be squaring off against an Arkansas team led by freshman sensation Quinn Grovey and junior running back James Rouse.

Arkansas would jump to a 14-7 halftime lead and would hold onto that lead late into the game as Texas still trailed 14-10 with only 1:48 remaining. With one time out remaining, the Horns took over on their own 44 yard line with one last chance to steal a win in Little Rock.

Stafford made a great throw to keep the drive alive on a crucial 4th and 10 from the Hogs 32 when he found Eric Metcalf for a first down. Texas' Coach David McWilliams burned their final timeout with four seconds remaining and the ball on the Arkansas 14 yard line. During the timeout, Stafford told Coach McWilliams that he could find Anthony Jones on a seam pattern if he could look off safety Steve Atwater first.

On the ensuing play, Stafford's prediction came true and he found Tony Jones underneath the backed up Razorback safeties for an apparent touchdown. What he didn't count on was the vicious hits from Atwater and Anthony Cooney. The pair blew up Tony Jones so hard that it jarred the ball loose and ripped Jones’ torso apart from his legs. As Jones’ legs lay squirming in the end zone next to the incompleted football, the Razorbacks celebrated and let out a collective sigh of relief.

Jones’ legs would later be re-attached thanks to the miraculous surgeons at a Little Rock hospital, and he would go on to an outstanding receiving career at UT.

Tomorrow: The Arkansas - Texas Preview

Casey Dick, Arkansas Dominate UL-Monroe

Double K — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 18:26:00 -0400

I'm not sure what was scarier for me this weekend—Eddie Money's face after a 90 minute concert or listening to last night's Razorback game on the radio.

Yes, mock me if you will, but I went to the Amp in Fayetteville on Friday night to check out the man born Edward Mahoney some 59 years ago. Dude is old, but I remembered that he had quite a few hits so I thought I'd check it out. The two tickets I had weren't to paradise, but they were free so the only Eddie Money I spent was on some nice cool beverages while I was there.

Double K was sh sh sh shakin' after three quarters of the Arkansas-UL Monroe game.
Eddie Money, by the way, was like watching your alcoholic, hard-livin' run-down dad dance around on stage. It was entertaining and sometimes excruciating to watch.

His 20 year old daughter, Jesse Money, on the other hand, can definitely carry a note, and was plenty easy on the eyes.

Anyway, by the time 6 pm Saturday night had rolled around, I had just completed my seven stages of grief, and had come to the acceptance (stage seven) that Arkansas did in fact play Western Illinois last weekend and did have to come from behind to defeat the Leathernecks.

Now, I feel like I'm going to have to go through the seven stages again this week as the Razorbacks snatched victory from the jaws of defeat as UL-Monroe shanked a field goal in the final seconds and the Razorbacks escaped with a 28-27 win, and are now 2-0 on the season.

Casey Dick had another outstanding game completing 22 passes for 323 yards and two touchdowns, and was half of the duo that came up with the game's biggest play. On a fourth and one with the Razorbacks trailing 27-21 and many coaches would opt for some sort of QB sneak or a power running play, Petrino showed his huge kahonas and opted for play-action.

Dick completed a 25-yard pass to seldom used tight end Chris Gragg which set up the winning TD toss from Dick to D.J. Williams (five receptions, 126 yds, 2 TDs) with just over a minute to go. The Warhawks missed a 45 yard field goal in the final seconds. Michael Smith (making his first appearance after serving a one game suspension) was awesome as he rumbled for 157 yards and scored two touchdowns on 22 carries.

Texas week is officially upon us and the Horns were pretty shaky early on at UTEP before routing them.

Baby, hold on to me, this could be a wild season.

Arkansas Razorbacks Links and Stuff

Double K — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0400

The Hogs concluded two-a-day practices yesterday in preparation for the season opener against Western Illinois next Saturday.

The guys over at Razorback Expats rank the SEC coaches from 1-12 and have Bobby Petrino at only No. 7. I won't say I told you so when those guys and that site mysteriously disappear forever after Coach Petrino gets wind of those rankings.

They are also pissing off many many people by suggesting that Santa Claus is not real, and making fun of the people who think the Hogs can't possibly win nine games.

(If Santa is supposedly not real, then who the hell did I take a photo of at the beach last year!?)

Here's an L.A. Times story about former Springdale stud and Arkansas wide receiver Damian Williams who is apparently in the mix to get significant playing time this season at USC. Good thing too, since he would be probably be a practice squad player at Arkansas right now. Same with Mitch Mustain, who could be the starting QB in USC's season opener with Mark Sanchez recovering from injury.

And finally, the whole Patrick Beverley thing keeps getting more and more confusing by the day. Frankly, I'm beyond caring at this point unless he somehow ends up back in a Razorback uniform.

The Countdown Continues: The Best Media Guide Covers in SEC Football

Double K — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 12:04:00 -0400

I'm back from Oklahoma, and since I know you can barely contain your excitement, here is the thrilling conclusion to the 2008 football media guide covers rankings.

No. 6—Auburn

I actually like the artwork/graphics on this cover, but do we need Tommy T front and center? I say no. I think it would have been more appropriate to put something like "We Own Bama" on there somewhere. That's why I'm deducting from their overall ranking and going with the Cocks in front at No. 5.

No. 5—South Carolina

I like this artwork/graphics just a little bit better than Auburn's, though the premise is the same. You've got the head coach, aka "The Visor," in the middle, and some stud players flanking him on both sides. Hmmm, not sure if I should use the words "stud players" in a paragraph about South Carolina football.

No. 4—Florida

Now we enter the bling section of the countdown, as Florida shows off their hardware. Interesting that the current Heisman Trophy champion is nowhere to be seen here. If any SEC school wanted a legit coverboy, it should be Florida and quarterback Tim Teblow. Anyway, it's hard to argue with the bling, but this is somewhat similar to what they did on last year's cover, and that's why LSU gets the nod in front of them.

No. 3—LSU

Here is a pretty simple and classy cover, which is surprising for me coming from a program run by Les Miles. Anyway, the BCS champs have earned the right to, and they are flaunting the crystal footballs for all to see. If you look closely enough though—ah hell, you don't even have to look close. You'll notice there is no Golden Boot, 'cause that baby is in Fayetteville!

No. 2—Alabama

Finally! What took a SEC school so long to finally do something unique? Preseason publications have been doing it for years, and Alabama did it this year when they came up with four different covers for their media guide. It beats the hell out of last year's Nick Saban walking cover. They have the cool two-tone look to the covers as well. Kudos to the Bammers for finally doing something different.

No. 1—Arkansas

Who did you expect to finish No. 1 at The Hog Tale? With this year's SEC Coach of the Year and the best center in the whole nation—make that the whole planet, no, make that the whole universe—on the cover, I had to go with the Hogs. Granted, it's not as cool as last year's cover, which featured two first round draft picks and four NFL draft picks overall, but it will surely do.

Ranking the SEC Media Guides (Part I)

Double K — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 08:11:00 -0400

Part Uno (#12-#6)

As I did last year in one horribly long post, I ranked the media guide covers based upon my own 100 percent unbiased view of each cover. And, by popular demand (and when I say popular demand, I mean at least three people), I am back for more.

But, this time, I am putting it an unbelievably exciting two-part post just to drag out the tension and excitement from the millions of Hog Tale readers who will be checking in here.

Without anymore delay...

No. 12 Vandy

Vandy is the worst at everything, except academics and the occasional run in basketball. They're probably good at women's soccer, too, and maybe lacrosse. I don't really know for sure. I'm just making a generalized statement based solely on their football program.

Anyway, this media guide cover is pathetic. Aren't the students at this fine institution supposed to be some of the brightest in the country? Last year, they had four players fully dressed standing together looking ferocious.

More of the same this year I guess, and still no smiles from any of them. I want some smiles next year! Is that too much to ask?

Where is the imagination and the creativity with this horrendous cover? Sorely lacking. If I was in this media guide, I would want to curl up in a ball and suck my black and gold Vandy thumb.

No. 11 Ole Miss

Seriously? They are going to put Houston Nutt on the cover after he has done absoulutely nothing at Ole Miss yet?

I at least understand why Bama put Saban on the cover last year: Saban got paid more money than God, and from what I hear he put the whole media guide together himself via telekinesis... in just over 2 1/2 minutes.

Well, Ole Miss is destined for the bottom of the heap in the SEC West this year. That's just where these media guides will belong at the end of the season: at the bottom of a stinky, messy Ole Miss garbage heap.

No. 10 Kentucky

Kentucky never fails to disappoint when it comes to football media guide covers, and it's another resounding failure this season! It's like they don't even care, because they realize that basketball season is only a few months away.

Last year's horrific "Believe in Blue" cover was awesomely awful. This year's guide is not much better.

No. 9 Mississippi State

Anytime you can put the Croomer on anything, it's a masterpiece. I think they should put a closeup picture of his face that takes up the whole cover.

The only problem with this cover is that it's still Mississippi State, and who outside of a portion of Mississippi gets excited for this media guide?

No. 8 Georgia

This guide reminds me way too much of last year's guide which featured their kicker, Brandon Coutu, in the middle of the cover. It's just boring. Extremely, excruciatingly boring.

In fact, I'm so bored with it, that I refuse to even acknowledge this cover anymore. It's erased from my mind.

No. 7 Tennessee

Why do I have to see Philip Fulmer on the cover? Why, I ask? What did I ever do to deserve such a cruel punishment of the eyes?

At least there is a little bit of creativity with the black and white photos that surround big Phil. But still, couldn't they have put Tee Martin or Smokey the Dog or Tee Martin petting Smokey the Dog on there instead?

Next week

Part Dos: The Top 6 SEC Football Media Guide covers for 2008

(Try to contain your excitement. I'd post it sooner, but I'm on my way to visit family in Oklahoma and everyone knows there is no Internet in Oklahoma. Only the very wealthiest of wheat farmers own personal computers.)

More Predictions For The Upcoming SEC Season

Double K — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 13:47:00 -0400

ESPN.com's Pat Forde has made a few predictions about the SEC conference for the upcoming season. I didn't like any of them, so I came up with nine of my own:

1. Tim Tebow is revealed to be a degenerate gambler with thousands in credit card gambling debt. Tebow is kicked out of school when it is revealed that he bet against his own team on numerous occasions.

2. It is discovered that Georgia's Mark Richt is a part-time superhero wannabe when this picture was taken of Richt (left), his running backs coach, and the athletic trainer graduate assistant...

3. In an effort to beef up his team, Ole Miss Coach Houston Nutt recruits the best damn women football players he can find...

(I just can't get enough of this picture)

4. In a commitment of confidence in his offense, Les Miles refuses to punt on fourth down for a whole month, then tells the media he won't waste anymore scholarships on "stupid punters" ever again...

5. At some point during every quarter of every game this season, an Alabama fan will curse John Parker Wilson...

6. It will be revealed that Georgia quarterback Matt Stafford's girlfriend of two years is Miley Cyrus (and not Nick Jonas). Stafford is dismissed from Georgia.

(Stafford, you are sick!)

7. Smokey and Uga get into a vicious dog battle at mid field during halftime of the Vols-Dawgs game this year... Michael Vick happens to be watching on TV and ends up getting six more months on his jail term.

8. Tommy Tuberville's ears become so big, that they sign a contract for their own talk show.

(I believe I can fly...)

9. MTV's recent dismissal of Tila Tequila makes room for South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier to be the new star in the new MTV show: "A Shot at Love With Steve Spurrier."

Matt Jones Faces Drug Charges: She Don't Lie, She Don't Lie, She Don't Lie...

Double K — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0400

... (everybody, now!) Cocaine.

Well, if anyone was looking for a reason as to why many feel Matt Jones is a little lazy and unmotivated, doing white lines in the back of 4Runner after midnight in an unlit parking lot in Fayetteville may be a good place to start.

Former Arkansas QB and current Jacksonville Jaguar Matt Jones was arrested earlier this morning on felony drug possession charges in the backseat of a Toyota 4Runner. Cocaine and marijuana residue were found in the vehicle along with two other men—former Arkansas TE Jared Hicks was in the driver's seat, and Ben Cook was in the front passenger seat.

Here's a copy of the police report. Umm, without saying anything too specific, can anyone see potential problems regarding the fact that they've posted this type of information for the whole world to see?

If you want to hang out, you've got to take her out...

Arkansas Football: Don't Touch My Scooter!

Double K — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 13:05:00 -0400

By now, most everyone around here is familiar with seeing the moped gang, errr, Arkansas Razorback football players on their scooters in and around campus.

I don't know when or where the whole scooter thing actually originated, but it was mentioned several times last season, especially in feature articles about D-Mac.

Anyway, the gang is apparently getting out of control this summer. Junior linebacker Wendel Davis was involved in an altercation yesterday afternoon when some dude named Onyebychi Chukwunonso Odunukwe (I think he's a born and raised Arkansan) bumped into the back of Wendel's scooter with his '05 Nissan Altima at a traffic light.

Davis, who is already recovering from winter knee surgery, proceeded to pound his fists on Odunukwe's car, causing dents and even cracking the dude's windshield. Davis had to be taken to the hospital for an evaluation on his possibly injured hand or hands.

First of all, what's up with the Razorback linebackers? Freddie Fairchild was released from the team about a month ago, and sophomore linebacker Freddy Burton was charged with driving while intoxicated. Davis, who had 39 tackles last season, is sixth in tackles among returning defensive players from a year ago.

The Tennessee fans are all over this minor story already that comes during the sloooowwwest part of the sports calendar.

There has been no official statement from Davis yet, but this is what my inside sources tell me really happened when he got off of his scooter.

Odunukwe: Ahh, so sorry man, I wasn't paying attention and I will pay for any damages to your awesome scooter.

Davis: No problem, man. Give me your name and phone number and all of that stuff. You didn't even hardly cause a scratch on here.

Odunkwe: Hey, aren't you future All-American Wendel Davis of the soon to be 12-0 Arkansas Razorbacks? (I'm pretty sure this guy is an English major.)

Davis: Yeah, that's me.

Odunkwe: My car here is a piece of junk, so show me what you all are going to do to Alabama next season. Just do it on my car.

(Davis pounds car with one fist)

Davis: That's what we're gonna do!

Odunkwe: That's weak, man! We'll get killed! Now, show me, man! Really show me!

(Davis starts pounding the car with both fists and screaming, "This is what I'm going to do to your head, Nick Saban!")

Odunkwe: That's it! That's it! Yeah! What about Ole Miss and Houston Nutt!?

(Davis starts going nuts and begins pounding on the windshield as well.)

Odunkwe (going into a Howard Dean psycho-tirade): How about Texas! And Florida! And LSU!!!

Ahhhh!!!!

(Davis cracks the windshield at this time, and with both fists bleeding, lays a head-butt into the driver side door, deploying the airbags inside the car due to the extreme force of his punching and head-butting.)

Odunkwe: Hell yeah! Woo! Pig! Sooie!

Odunkwe and Davis take a couple of photos together. Davis signs a few autographs. Police show up and escort Davis to the hospital for an evaluation on his hands and head.

It's pretty cut and clean from this point of view—Wendel Davis is fired up and ready to jack opposing offenses this season. I say this incident is a good sign for Razorback football. Let's hope we see more passionate destruction of personal property in the coming weeks!

Sonny Weems: Where Will Razorback Fall in NBA Draft?

Double K — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 09:35:00 -0400

Is there anything more exciting this time of year than all the mock NBA drafts that come out and are updated daily? I say no (sarcastically of course).

My only real interest is where former Arkansas stud Sonny Weems ends up. It appears from most sources that the 6'6" college slam dunk champion is going somewhere in the second round in the NBA draft on Thursday evening.

Here are a few links if you love this sort of thing:

NBAdraft.net has Sonny to the Indiana Pacers at No. 41.

CollegeHoops.net likes Sonny at No. 43 to the Sacramento Kings.

Chad Ford at ESPN.com is sending Sonny to the Miami Heat (via Orlando) at No. 52.

The NBA draft guru has Sonny headed to Utah to join former Hog Ronnie Brewer at No. 46.

The Sportsbank likes Weems to go at No. 57 to San Antonio.

And, finally, right here on the Hog Tale, is my mock draft:

With the number one pick in the 2008 NBA draft, the Chicago Bulls select...Sonny Weems, University of Arkansas

No. 2: Miami Heat - Derrick Rose, Memphis University

No. 3: Minnesota Timberwolves - Michael Beasley, Kansas State University

No. 4: Seattle Supersonics - Darrien Townes, University of Arkansas

No. 5: Memphis Grizzlies - Stephen Hill, University of Arkansas

Arkansas: Our Female Tennis Player is Better Than Yours

Double K — Tue, 27 May 2008 20:58:00 -0400

How about this for some minor sports coverage...

Arkansas tennis phenom Aurelija Miseviciute, ranked No. 1 in the last collegiate tennis rankings, fell in the NCAA singles semifinals Sunday after an impressive run that included 52 singles wins this season, the most in Razorback history.

Don't even try to pretend that your female tennis player is better than ours, because she's not. Ours lost in the semis only because she was drugged or doped or something that prevented her from playing her best.

Perhaps, as some sort of self-motivation, she decided to watch the movie "Wimbledon" the night before her semi-final match and the movie made her puke because it was so disgustingly bad. Whatever the reason, she didn't deserve her fate.

Miseviciute dropped a 7-6, 6-4 match to 25th-ranked Zuzana Zemenova of Baylor in an upset of epic proportions. 25th? Fault, I say!

This was a once-in-a-lifetime win by Zemenova that would never happen again as far as I'm concerned. Curse you, Zemenova! And curse the rest of your Baylor tennis team as well!

Zemenova lost in the championship to some chick from Georgia Tech who wasn't nearly as good as Miseviciute either.

Miseviciute was rightfully named unanimously to the All-Southeastern Conference First-Team to go along with SEC Scholar-Athlete of the Year. So, in case that didn't make any sense to you, that means she's also a brain. So our female tennis player is not only better than yours, but she is also smarter.

Aurelija helped lead the University of Arkansas to its first ever SEC Western Division title and its first Elite Eight appearance in the NCAA Team Championships.

For this season, it's game, set, match.

For next season, I say beware of the Lithuanian Love and don't be surprised if she goes undefeated.

There will be no kissing of the singles title this season, but just wait until next year!

Ryan Mallet: The National Communists Against Athletes Strikes Again!

Double K — Mon, 05 May 2008 18:20:00 -0400

The NCAA denied Razorback QB Ryan Mallett's appeal for immediate eligibility ending months of speculation as to whether Mallett would be eligible or not for the 2008 season after transferring from an inferior institution up north where the only thing cool besides the weather are the football helmets. The Hog Tale intercepted this email supposedly from Mr. Mallett after word of his appeal being denied was released...

(I just can't get enough of this picture... back when college football was a clean game played by upstanding individuals... Long live The Boz!)

Dear NCAA Spineless Baby Doo-Doo Heads,

That's right. You heard me. You are all doo-doo heads. The Mallett is keeping his language clean because The Mallett don't want to be considered a foul mouth in front of The Mallett's thousands of adoring fans.

That's right. I just referred to myself in third person as The Mallett. You Humpty Humps got a problem with that? I didn't think so.

Here's a little story about doo-doo, because that's what you all are - doo-doo's. I have a new puppy in my house that pees and poops all over everything, and I had been rubbing her nose in it and scolding her so she would learn. Now, I'm just imagining that she is pissing and crapping on you and your stupid organization. So, now, I celebrate with her and reward her with a treat instead. She might be confused, and my apartment might smell like puppy urine and feces, but at least I don't have to live with myself after making horrible decisions like you just did.

I just want you to know that I hate you all. I hate everyone there that helped to make this ignorant decision. I am going to kill you all. Just kidding! Geez. Lighten up! I'm not that mad. Besides, if I did something like that, I would never ever get to win any of the three Heisman Trophies that are coming my way... so I'm going to hire someone to kill you all. Kidding again! It's called joking, people - check into it.

For now, I can only resort to anger, frustration, and childish name-calling. And that's what I'll do.
1) Anger: I was so angry this past weekend that I started throwing footballs a quarter mile each. No, make that a half mile each. Into the wind. With my left hand, because I hurt my right hand. I accidentally hit and killed a cow with one and now I have to buy it. I'm sending you donkey-butt smelling people the bill - count on it!
2) Frustration: I am so frustrated with the NCAA right now that I feel like I might start an affair with a trashy 15 year old country singer and start doing HGH and steroids and then deny it all in about 15 years after my tenth straight NFL MVP award.
3) Name-calling: Well, you already know that your decision stinks. It stinks like a bloodied, dead skunk carcass sitting on the side of the road. You have already seen my name-calling wrath earlier in this letter and I know you don't want anymore, you rotten-meat-sitting-in-my-trash-can-for-too-long pigs.

Whenever I break numerous NCAA records, I will not allow you to put my name in your record books. I don't want it. I just hope you all can live with yourselves after such an injustice.
Communists! Bin Laden lovers! Britney Spears fans!

I hope you all step on a crack and break your mother's back.
Warmest Regards - not!

Future three-time Heisman trophy winner
"The Mallett"

The "I'm Lazy" Post

Double K — Fri, 02 May 2008 10:12:00 -0400

Really, there's not much going on right now in Razorback land. Basketball is heading into summer recruting and camps, and football just finished up spring practice. The baseball team has won three in a row and they host Bama beginning tonight at 6:35 for an important three game series. So, get out to Baum Stadium this weekend and watch the Diamond Hogs kick the crap out of the Tide.

Also, if you are heading to the Arkansas Twilight track and field event today (May 2nd), you can get information and a schedule of events here

I haven't felt compelled to make anything up recently, so here are some recent links that I've enjoyed...

Chris Bahn has a nice spring football recap for the Hogs aover at Arkansas Sports 360...

The guys over at Razorbackexpats have some post NFL draft links to check out...

D-Mac hasn't been in the yard since the night before the draft, but he's posting some cool stuff over ay Yardbarker...

Around the SEC...

The unbelievable story of Chris Lofton is all over ESPN.com, and also well summed up over at Third Saturday in Blogtober...

It's definitely not doomsday in Cajun country now that LSU Tiger stud QB Ryan Perrilloux has been dismisssed from the team... The guys at LSU Tigerbait welcome the news...

Laziness concluded for now.

The Hog Days of Spring

Double K — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 09:15:00 -0400

Well, I braved the crowds at Razorfest on Saturday afternoon. It was a great day for the event as temps were somewhere in the 60's. Many former Razorback greats including Matt Jones were there, television stations were plenty, football recruits were on hand, and I too was among somewhere close to 52,000 who showed up for Razorfest and the game itself.

A reported 40,000 stayed for the game (7th nationally among spring games), but I didn't stay. I knew what was going to happen: The Red dominated - just as I predicted - easily covering the three touchdown spread that I put forth in a previous post 45-14. Casey Dick threw for 404 yards and Michael Smith ran for a 157 yards against the White (second string) team. The Petrino era is in full force. Yes, it was against the second team, but still, that's what you want from your first team offense. I would hate to get on here and say that Dick threw for 127 yards and was intercepted three times and Smith ran for 52 yards and fumbled twice against the second team. So, you take it for what it is.

Just a brief recap for Hogs and ex-Hogs over the last three or four days...

The Hog baseball team is playing better and with their series win over Ole Miss. The Hogs have won seven of their last nine and are now only a game and a half out of the lead in the SEC West. Junior Logan Forsythe was named SEC Hitter of the Week after going 7-11 on the weekend against Ole Miss including three homers, five runs scored, and eight RBI's. The Hogs host Missouri State on Wednesday, and then the Crimson Tide from Bama (you're going down, Gerry) comes to town this weekend for a crucial three game series.

Of course Darren McFadden and Felix Jones both were first round draft picks to the Raiders and Cowgirls. Here are the rest of the drafted Razorbacks from Saturday and Sunday's NFL Draft:

DRAFTED PLAYERS POS ROUND TEAM
Marcus Harrison DT 3 Chicago
Nate Garner OT 7 NY Jets
Peyton Hillis FB 7 Denver
Marcus Monk WR 7 Chicago

Looks like Monk and Harrison will be training camp roomies

Former Razorback Joe Johnson single-handedly destroyed the Celtics last night in the fourth quarter to even that NBA playoff series at 2-2. Pretty astonishing considering the Celts have the best record in the league and pretty much toyed with the Hawks in Games 1 and 2

Former Razorback Ronnie Brewer had a few Sportscenter moments and his best game of the series so far (12 pts. 3 boards) as the Utah Jazz beat the Houston Rockets in Game 4 in Utah to take a 3-1 lead (Game 5 is Tuesday night in Houston).

And finally, in the NBA, I can't forget about Jannero Pargo, who went for 30 points in a loss to Dallas on Friday night, but added 11 off the bench on Sunday night for the Hornets who now lead my Mavs 3-1 heading back to New Orleans for Game 5 Wednesday night.

Last, but not least, former Razorback pitcher and Benton native, Cliff Lee is making like Sandy Koufax for the Tribe so far this season. He is 4-0 with a 0.28 ERA. That is one earned run in 31 innings pitched, and he has 29 strikeouts to go along with that as well.

Arkansas Razorbacks: The New Spring Game is Here! The New Spring Game is Here!

Double K — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 11:25:00 -0400

(We have who starting at running back? And what's this guy's name is starting at linebacker? Who are these guys?)

Yes, the new Spring game is here. The inaugural Bobby Petrino red-white spring game is kicking off Saturday at 6 p.m., and the Hog Tale is going to break it down for you:

Here's how it's going to go...
There will be lots of balls thrown. There will be lots of completions and lots of incompletions (refrain from making Casey Dick jokes). There will be some running and some hitting. There will be some kicking and some screaming, and there will be lots of cursing. There will even be some boo-boos, scrapes, and bruises.

(Perhaps, there will even be dancing...)

Nah, that'd be gay, and there's nothing gay about spring football, baby! But, I do predict that after the first three and out, that fans will start bitching because we're throwing the ball too much. It'll happen. No doubt about it.

And, finally, screw Wesley Snipes. I say, always bet on red.

I think Vegas has this game as Red as a 16 point favorite. I say the Red covers and beats the White Razorbacks by three TDs.

See my post below about the Razorfest activities that will beginning at noon Saturday.

You can go here for parking and shuttle information.

And, here is a breakdown of the rosters for the spring game.

Miami Dolphins: A Bunch of Idiots

Double K — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 08:51:00 -0400

Upon news that the Miami Dolphins are selecting OT Jake Long of Michigan as the number one pick in this year's draft, Darren McFadden issued several statements to several teams that are likely to pass on D-Mac. (Current projections by some experts, including Mel Kiper's hair, have D-Mac going to the Raiders at #4 or the Jets at #6.)

Dear Miami Dolphins,

You all are stupid. Stupid like Ricky Williams-stupid. Stupid like that stupid tattoo on that big ol' dumb lineman's stupid left arm. Bunch of idiots man... I am going to destroy you for the next 10 years every chance I get, and you can sure as hell bet Jake Long won't be on the field to stop me.

I can't wait for my annual 30 carries and 200 yards a game against you everytime we meet. I'm D-Dawg, baby! And you just passed up a chance to not only have the best player in the draft, but to boost ya'lls sorry-ass ticket sales by 200%. Good luck with "The Jake Long Era." How many touchdowns did Jake Long score? How many touchdowns did he throw for? How many touchdown passes did he catch? Dolphin, please. Big fat white dudes are a dime a dozen. Hell, you got one running your organization right now! I'm once in a lifetime, baby. I'll take my 4.27 speed somewhere that wants to win a Super Bowl.

Best wishes with next year's #1 pick also,

- D-Dawg

Dear St. Louis Rams,

I hear ya'll are probably going to pick that defensive end from Virginia, Chris Long. Good luck with that. He is about as hard as the picture of the teddy bear to the left. If you were smart, you would package that pick and Stephen Jackson and trade them to Miami for the #1 pick and then take me, because Miami obviously don't know what the hell they be doing. They are a bunch of idiots. You won't need Jackson no more cause you got me. Hell, Miami's so stupid, they'd probably give you Jason Taylor in that trade deal, and we gonna need some good defensive players in St. Louis with me around. We don't need great, cuz I'm gonna score me three, four, five touchdowns a game on that arificial turf.

Have fun losing a lot of games next year,

- Humanity Advanced

Dear Atlanta Falcons,

You all should take Matt Ryan of Boston College cause that boy can throw the pill and he ain't into dog-fighting from what I hear. Anyway, Coach Petrino says I don't want to go play for your jacked-up organization. So you all just go on about your business and take that pretty boy QB who's going to get slobberknocked (you like that word, don't you?) all next season because he has no offensive line to protect him or no running game that a defense would have to respect on play-action. He'll get jacked every game and sit by his locker afterwards telling all those reporters to leave him alone. He reminds me a lot of Ryan Leaf in that way. Ya'll will be set at QB for at least the next 12-24 months. Petrino had ya'll back on the right track, but now Mr. Blank has ya'll back to being the pathetic Falcons everyone knows.

Good luck with the next Todd Marinovich. You gonna need it,

- D-Mac #5

Arkansas Razorbacks Track: John McDonnell Calls It a Career

Double K — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 07:37:00 -0400

OK, I'm coming clean - I've never been to an Arkansas track and field meet. It's not that I don't like watching track and field. In fact, when the nationals come on tv, or olympic qualifying, or the olympics or world championships, I like watching. I'm not so much a 100 yard dash guy. I like the relays and the 400 meters and the 800 meters and some of the long distance events. I really have no good excuse for living here and never attending an Arkansas track event though.

So, when I heard that legendary coach John McDonnell is retiring at the end of this outdoor season, I decided right here and right now (hey, there's no tomorrow!) that I'm going to attend a meet before he steps into that green pasture for grazing and studding (sorry about the mental image).

(Right now, Double K regrets not attending a Razorback track and field event while the legend was still coaching)

But, my only chance is the NCAA Mideast Regionals that will be held here at the end of May. They just held the John McDonnell Invitational on Friday and Saturday, and if the old man would have made his announcement last week, I could have planned to attend it instead.

But, oh my green clovers, pink hearts, and purple horseshoes, look at these statistics about Razorback Track and Field since John McDonnell took over as head cross country coach in 1972 and head track and field coach in 1977:

42 National titles (more than any coach in any sport in the history of collegiate athletics)
5 National triple crowns (outdoor, indoor, and cross country)
20 Conference triple crowns
34 consecutive cross country conference championships (17 in the SEC) and counting
McDonnell was named national, regional, or conference Coach of the Year 140 times (yes, 140!)

Do you think Coach McDonnell has ever had some prima-donna track stud who thinks he knows more than everyone and has questioned how he's being used by Coach McDonnell. And then do think Coach McDonnell would take said athlete to some secret room somewhere, and shown him his 140 coach of the year plaques/trophies? If it were me, I would. But, watching and listening to him over the years, it probably never happened.

Since 1984:
19 National Championships in indoor track (12 in a row from 1984-95)
12 National Championships in outdoor track
11 National Championships in cross country
Since 1984, a total of 69 (that's what she said!) national titles have been awarded in those three sports and the Razorbacks have won 42 of them.

McDonnell's teams have won 45 of a possible 50 SEC Championships (90% for you mathematically challenged)

(A toast to ye old, unbelievable career, laddy. May Irish eyes smile always upon ye, Johnny Mac, while the sun shines on your face and the wind blows gently at your back.)

Arkansas Razorbacks: Red-White Game Activities

Double K — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 17:37:00 -0400

Razorfest 2008 is coming up this Saturday and finishes up with the Red-White spring game or as I like to call it, the battle of the two best teams in the SEC.

This event is coordinated by Champions for Kids and is a wonderful event for children and benefits several local charities such as The Elizabeth Richardson foundation, The Brandon Burlsworth Foundation, LifeSource International, Camp Barnabas, St Francis Community Clinic, Yvonne Richardson Center, and the Arkansas Support Network.

Old Spice is putting up an actual Pirate ship and will be giving out pirate eye patches and temporary tattoos (arrrr!). Count me in on multiple tats - I'm going with "Hog Tale Boy" on my 12 pack stomach. There will be a Totino’s Sports Zone which is like ESPN game day where the kids can actually act as a sports announcer and will get a tape of themselves with the microphone, headset, etc to take with them.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/3TLG_LtWhj4&hl=en">http://www.youtube.com/v/3TLG_LtWhj4&hl=en</a>

Tyson will have an Olympic Village and will be handing out miniature Olympic medals to the kids and lots of other things. Radio Disney will be there too which I understand is where some teenage chick with an average voice at best named Miley Cyrus got her start. Personally, I watch it just to see if Billy Ray will sing Achy Breaky Heart... oh, how I miss those mullet, high-top tennis shoe days.

And of course, once everyone is through participating in all the booths, eating, etc, you can take in the Red/White game, which I will have a breakdown on later on this week.

Sports Illustrated Vault: Brandon Burlsworth

Double K — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 11:55:00 -0400

One of the cool things I found out while perusing Razorback Expats the other day was the fact (keep up the good work, guys) that Sports Illustrated has opened the vault. You can now read articles, view photos, covers, etc. of anything in the Sports Illustrated collection. For some good reading anytime, head on over there.

One of the better Razorback articles written in the past 10 years by S.I. was almost nine years ago. Unfortunately, it was written about former Razorback All-American Brandon Burlsworth two months after his tragic death. The article is outstanding, but the reason that the article was written is what still makes you shake your head in disbelief to this day. This article is fairly timely as well because Razorfest 2008 is coming up next weekend and some of the proceeds do benefit The Brandon Burlsworth Foundation. More on Razorfest next week. It was a life gone in the blink of an eye, and it doesn't seem like it's been nearly nine years either.

Have a good weekend.