Bleacher Report - Articles by Odin Gunderson

Big Picture: Miami Dolphins Built for 2010

Odin Gunderson — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 01:53:00 -0400

After every loss, we Dolphin fans begin to feel like the Balloon Boy hiding in the basement as the season floats away - waiting for the embarrassing spectacle to cease. Like little Falcon Heene, some might vomit in disgust. Twice.

On national television—all over one of Stephen Ross's newest celebrity owners. However, It is important to remember that nothing is ever as bad as it seems after a loss. And nothing is ever as good as it seems after a win.

The truth is, this team wasn't designed to make a huge playoff push this season. Yes, we all had high hopes coming off one of the best turnaround seasons in NFL history, but the original plan did not include a Super Bowl run this soon after the mess that was inherited.

The original plan consisted of earning the title of "Contender" in 2010, not 2009. From much of what the team has displayed this season, it surely feels like they are on the way to accomplishing just that.

As evidenced by the losses this season, the Dolphins are not yet ready to hang with the elite. However, they are pretty damn close. A few Ted Ginn bobbled non-catches close. When you examine the tape, the 2-4 Dolphins were probably the most difficult wins for two currently undefeated teams.

Remember, Bill Parcells even mentioned during the offseason that the 2009 Dolphins would be better than 2008's squad, but would likely have a worse record. I think we all braced ourselves for that reality prior to the season, but of course, with every win and loss our perspective of expectations change. In all likelihood, this is a 7-9, 8-8 or 9-7 team with the schedule that they were handed.

However, all is not lost for this season. If the Dolphins manage to win the next two games—gargantuan divisional games—they have a real good shot at the playoffs. Even if they do get in, don't expect much. This team isn't ready yet.

Thank you Captain Obvious!

Good news? The plan is being fulfilled. Most of the major pieces that were needed during the post-Cameron overhaul of the Dolphins have been filled, and with a year of seasoning, they should be in prime position for a dominant season in 2010.

There are only a few pieces that need to be added in order for this to be accomplished, and most are glaringly obvious.

- A starting wide receiver (that has hands, or some appendages capable of holding onto an oval object).

- A safety (that can tackleand not get abused by tight ends).

- A pass catching TE (that doesn't fumble incessantly).

- An inside linebacker (that can actually touch the football once in his lifetime and that can cover a tight end).

- A nose tackle (to take over for Big Ferg).

Other than those positions listed above, only depth is truly needed to complete the team. With a very deep draft, this list can quite easily be fulfilled.

Even without the upgrades, there should be some addition by subtraction. You must consider that a Dolphins team without Ted Ginn on the roster is good for at least two more wins a year.

So, Dolphin fans, before you try to run the best thing to happen to this franchise since Shula out of town, please consider the plan and take note of the positive direction the team is taking toward fulfilling the plan.

As for this season?

SWEEP THE JETS!

And enjoy the ride...

Fins Bits: How the Miami Dolphins Performed Against the Carolina Panthers

Odin Gunderson — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 23:30:00 -0400

Talk of plagues, sporadic storms, fallen heroes, and muffed punts made tonight's game a most apocalyptic affair. Thankfully, the second coming of the Wildcat staved off the locusts. Overall, it was a pretty decent showing for the Dolphins. Both the first team offense and defense looked solid. Even their understudies looked sharp. However, the special teams unit appeared to be the antithesis of its name.

Quick Hits:

The Second Coming

The wildcat is back to its old tricks. A year later, and the same old "gimmick" plays still appear to be as effective as ever - during preseason at least. As Bob Griese pointed out, the Dolphins reenacted a highlight reel of last year's most successful wildcat plays. There are sure to be some new 'Cat plays in the bag just waiting to be released once the games count for real. Now, can they gain more than -2 yards against a fast, heavy pressure defense like the Ravens? That's the real question.

The Fall of Return Man

Chris Williams went from hero to zero. When your only gig on the team is to catch kicks and run with them; it doesn't bode well for your job prospects when you try to catch the ball with your face mask. Williams muffed, Sparano got miffed, and for that, he may get whacked.

I think Williams has some talent as a returner. He definitely has the quickness and moves to weave his way through the chaos, but the most important aspect of the position is to ensure that the ball never ends up in the opponent's hands. Unfortunately for Williams, he failed on that count. Williams has muffed the ball in each of his preseason auditions. He might be receiving the Eric Green treatment soon to send yet another message to the team.

P-P-Pressure

I'm not sure if quarterbacks get to listen to music through the fancy radio equipment in their helmets, but tonight the Carolina Panthers' QBs could hear Freddie Mercury blaring through their head set loud in clear: UNDER PRESSURE! While there may not have been any sacks listed on the stat sheet, the dolphins were applying heavy pressure throughout the game causing the Panthers to make errant throws on several occasions. Jason Taylor, Channing Crowder, Joey Porter, Cameron Wake, Phillip Merling, Quentin Moses, Jason Ferguson, and others were constantly in the backfield.

Vontae's Redemption

Looks like Vontae Davis and Chris Williams having been playing on the preseason see-saw. Gravity was kinder to Davis on this night. Davis recovered from a mistake-prone showing last Monday to redeem himself and show the promise that everyone expected of him. He made several solid one-on-one tackles on receivers in the flat and he covered his man well, not giving up any large gains that I recall. In Sean Smith's absence, Davis was able to possibly gain some ground on the competition for the starting spot. However, at this juncture, Smith still has the edge in the competition in my opinion.

BTW, Mr. Griese, with all due respect, let the kid celebrate his success. Griese was beginning to sound like Dennis the Menace's neighbor out there. As long as Davis isn't starting a Conga line and hiding Landshark beers in his pants to chug after each play, I am cool with a little bit of enthusiasm from the rookie.

Wide Receivers Immune to Swine Flu?

The cornerbacks should hang out with the wide receivers more often... Because they can't catch a cold! Ba Dum Dum! Ok, my jokes suck. But so did the receivers tonight. Almost every receiver had a drop— even the sure-handed Davone Bess. In fact, the running backs were the best pass catchers on the field. This unit has a lot of work to do this week.

Ronnie Brown Getting in Gear

Ronnie Brown looked in mid-season form. He was carving up the Panthers defense out of traditional formations and got some good work in orchestrating his patented wildcat offense. He also made a beauty of a reception and punched it in for the only touchdown of the Chad Pennington-led Dolphins. I am excited to see what Ronnie can do in his second year of this system. I just hope the front office locks him up for a few more years.

Tyrannosaurus Lex

Like the giant reptiles that once roamed in his home of Montana, Lex Hilliard was a force to be reckoned with. The former Montana Grizzly showed a surprising combination of grit, power and speed that could make it difficult for the Dolphins to stash him on the practice squad for the second year in a row. There will be some tough decisions to make in a few weeks. If Hilliard continues to impress, the Dolphins may opt to keep four running backs on the roster. Considering the fact that the Dolphins are a run-heavy team, especially with their wildcat packages, it may be in their best interests to keep the young back on the squad in favor of a fifth or sixth wide receiver.

Chad Henne Passed the Test

Coach Sparano swapped Pat White and Chad Henne to see if Henne could close out a game. Henne not only secured the victory, he did it in a precise and efficient manner that would make Chad Pennington proud. He wasn't perfect, putting two balls on the ground (which were thankfully recovered by the Dolphins), but he lead the team down the field for several scoring drives throughout the second half. He picked apart the field in the same surgical manner that Dr. Pennington often does. There is still definitely some work to do, especially that quarterback/center exchange, but Henne looks very comfortable in the offense and should function efficiently should the Dolphins need his services at any point this season.

Next Week: @ Tampa Bay

Fins Bits: Jacksonville Jaguars at Miami Dolphins

Odin Gunderson — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 23:46:00 -0400

The first faux game of the season is in the books and the Dolphins have a lot of work ahead of them. Even though they did have some success on the field and came away with a much coveted W, there was still plenty of slop on the field—and I'm not just talking about the pigpen formerly known as the Marlin's infield.

I will have some more in-depth analysis later in the week, but for now, these little nuggets will have to suffice.

Quick Hits:

Remember when I said that whoever made Troy "No Hands" Williamson look good during this game would be facing a demotion? Vontae, I'm looking at you...Good thing there are still three more faux games to redeem yourself. Unfortunately, VD2 isn't around any more to help you.

Ricky was looking like Rikki-Tikki-Tavi out there slithering through defenders. Yoga does a body good.

I have a feeling that millions of Dolphins fans will suffer from post traumatic stress disorder following the aural assault that will be unleashed upon them throughout the season...Fins to the left, Fins to the right...It's been ONE game and I am almost going mad with this tune bouncing around my cranium.

Throw in an auto-tuned version of one of the hokiest songs of all time, and its enough to drive any sane man absolutely bat**** crazy.

Fear the Reaper...and the red zone, too. The Dolphins killed a few impressive drives with stupidity, miscues, and missed opportunities. You know Sparano won't stand for this kind of crap in such a crucial situation. Look for a ton of redzone work as they prepare for the Panthers next Saturday.

Sean Smith, Mr. Fantastic. My pick for NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year. Yeah, it is probably the homer in me talking, but this guy looks good. He looked like the intended receiver during his picturesque pick in the end zone.

One thing is for sure—he has put a super-sized stranglehold on the starting cornerback spot opposite Will Allen. It will take some pretty crummy performances going forward for him to lose it now.

Chris Williams looked Looney Tunes out there on special teams. Roadrunner. Speedy Gonzalez. Take your pick. Anything but Pepe Le Pew. Kid's got wheels. But does he have enough to stick on as WR given the competition? Which brings me too...

The wide receiver competition is going to resemble an all-out MMA brawl pretty soon as guys near the bottom half begin to scramble for their lives. There will probably only be five spots for receivers on this roster.

Ted Ginn, Davone Bess, and Greg Camarillo should be safe. But that leaves Patrick Turner, Brian Hartline, Chris Williams, and Brandon London battling out for the last two spots. That's some tough competition as each of them has been showing a lot of promise throughout camp and during the Jags game.

Ernest Wilford goes to...the end zone? Yes, it happened. Your eyes did not deceive you. Bad news? IT'S FARKING PRESEASON! Don't expect this to save his job...

Not bad Chad Henne. He put together some nice little drives in there, although he did make his share of dumb plays too. But overall, he looked a lot more poised, even by preseason standards, than some of the turds the Dolphins have trotted out there in years past.

Pat White needs to bulk up. While he is as quick as a cat, he is as scrawny as one, too. Like Mr. Bigglesworth of Austin Powers' fame scrawny...He will have to add a few pounds of muscle to that frame if he ever hopes to become a viable NFL quarterback.

Overall, it was a decent first showing from the defending AFC East champs. Now, they must work on cleaning up some of their sloppy penalties and improve upon the strides they made in this game for their next faux matchup against the Carolina Panthers on Saturday.

[You can download a free Jason Taylor wallpaper at my blog. Also be sure to add me on Twitter.]

Three Things for Miami Dolphins to Look for vs. Jaguars in First Preseason Game

Odin Gunderson — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 22:09:00 -0400

As the Dolphins take the field for the first time in seven months and 13 days (Hmm, any significance in those numbers, superstitious fans?), there are several storylines and positions worth monitoring as they gear up for the real games starting September 10th in Atlanta.

1. Which player will rise up to claim the starting cornerback position opposite Will Allen?

Head Coach Tony Sparano has made it no secret that the "So You Think You Can Start?" sweepstakes is about to make its television debut and features a battle between highly-drafted rookies Vontae Davis, Sean Smith and veteran free agent acquisition Eric Green.

Unlike a largely scripted reality TV show, this competition will be won simply by the man who makes the most plays on the field and in camp during the next several weeks.

The competition begins in earnest tomorrow night, when each player will be given the opportunity to show their wares against opponents in a live game situation for the first time.

Outside of veteran Torry Holt, the Jags don't have many receiving weapons, unless you consider Troy "No Hands" Williamson a receiving threat, which this video surely proves otherwise. So this should not be much of a test for the trio of CB contestants.

If any of them allow for a big play by catch-challenged Williamson, they will face humiliation at the hands of a despondent British has-been on the judging panel. Wait, wrong show.

They will feel the wrath of someone much more fearsome—Coach Tony Sparano. And likely a demotion as well.

2. Is there depth at Nose Tackle?

In my opinion, this position holds the key to the entire season. If Jason Ferguson can remain healthy and effective, the defensive unit should be able to improve from last year's largely impressive performance to become one of the league's best.

However, if anything should happen to Big Ferg, and no man is able to fill his massive shoes, the Dolphins defense could turn into a leaky spaghetti strainer overnight.

The only insurance policy that the Dolphins really have on the dogged old vet is one of the last remaining artifacts of the Cam Cameron regime—Paul Soliai.

At 6'4'' and weighing in at an impressive 355 lbs., Soliai has the build necessary to man the keystone position on the defense.

However, throughout his career in Miami, Soliai has remained an enigmatic presence. The coaches tend to break into song, performing a stirring rendition of Katy Perry's "Hot n' Cold," whenever they speak about the Samoan defensive tackle.

He's hot and he's cold, he's up and he's down, he's in and he's out. If Soliai had wondrous cleavage like Ms. Perry, I might be more forgiving of his inconsistent performance, but alas, he does not.

In addition to Soliai, the Dolphins hope that Randy Starks might be able to help fill the important role. Unfortunately, large sports utility vehicles filled to capacity with scantily clad women are not eligible to assist him on the field of play.

Look for Soliai and Starks to get plenty of work tomorrow and throughout the preseason, as they will try to save the elder Ferguson for the regular season.

3. The future of the Dolphins on display

Monday night might be our first real glimpse at the future of the Miami Dolphins—2010 and beyond. Perhaps there is no more important piece of that promising future than Chad Henne.

Sparano has stated several times that Henne will receive quite a bit of work during the preseason, in order to see how he handles things such as halftime adjustments and other dramatic scenarios that arise during an entire NFL game.

Henne will receive plenty of work with the first team offense, allowing Dolphins fans to get their first real look at the offense of the future.

In addition to Chad Henne, the Dolphins faithful might also catch a sneak peak of Wildcat 2.0 or the WildPat/WhiteCat offense.

It will be interesting to see if the Dolphins coaching staff will tip their hand during the preseason on how they might utilize their multi-purpose player, but the fans and media will be craving some kind of White Wildcat action.

Even if he doesn't make his debut in the Dolphins' signature offensive set on Monday, White will see plenty of action at QB, where he will likely play during the entire fourth quarter.

There will be a variety of rookies and young players making major contributions versus the Jaguars. It will be our first real look at players we all hope will become stars and major contributors for the Dolphins in the next few years.

With exciting new players like Vontae Davis, Sean Smith, Pat Turner, and Cameron Wake to look out for, this should be quite an entertaining game for those hoping to see what the future has in store for the Miami Dolphins.

Who knows, maybe VD2 might even make an appearance...

[Like Fantasy Football? Join the FinsFTW Fantasy Football League]

Salvation from a Glove: Remembering Oronde Gadsden's Epic Catch

Odin Gunderson — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 04:45:39 -0400

Remember Oronde Gadsden?

If you don't, here's a refresher: 6'2", 215 lbs, bald and all hands.

The man had hands about the size of baseball mitts. In fact, I think the MLB might use his hands as the prototype for all of their current gloves.

Which makes sense, since when you are a wide receiver trying to catch balls from Jay Fiedler, you might as well be an outfielder trying to catch a pop fly or an errant ball.

OG's mitts came in handy on one monumental catch that even landed him in the Hall of Fame (if only as a still photograph, and not as a bronze bust).

The year was 2002, and this was the Dolphins' chance to break the dreadful curse of the New York Jets.

For those who don't remember, the Jets had mounted an impressive win streak against the Dolphins spanning several seasons. Dolphins players at the time came to view the Jets as a sort of boogie man which came to snatch victory away from them in the most crushing of ways.

Perhaps the best known example of the curse and the enduring legacy of the streak is the infamous "Miracle in the Meadowlands."

The Dolphins just couldn't seem to figure them out. Even with the newly acquired Ricky Williams to trample all over the gang green, the Dolphins still could count on much-maligned quarterback, and often deservedly so, Jay Fiedler to botch the game for them.

And he came damn close on this day...

Things began as most Jets/Dolphins matchups began—hard fought and competitive. The Dolphins fans believed this was their day, and things were looking up. Williams was running scatter-shot, and Fiedler wasn't throwing pick sixes for once.

But then, Fiedler, Dave Wannstedt's favorite son, went back for a pass and heaved the ball right into the awaiting arms of a NY Jets' defensive back.

Mouths dropped agape across the orange-hued stadium. It was happening again. The boogie man hath returned.

But suddenly, a gargantuan arachnid-like appendage sprung forth and snatched the football from the clutches of certain tragedy. A single hand had spanned a seemingly impossible distance from its owner's torso to bring overwhelming joy to thousands who had gathered in the stadium that day.

Oronde Gadsden: Hero.

The Miami Dolphins went on to win the game and finally break the curse of the New York Jets.

While Gadsden's catch was not the sole reason for the Dolphins' victory that day, it was one of the major turning points. As was customary in the Wannstedt Era, the Dolphins tended to fall apart before your eyes in the face of any form of adversity.

A psychological block would filter out from the coach and onto the players, making any mishap almost impossible to overcome.

If it were not for Gadsden's incredible reception, the curse might have lived on for another day.

[To see an animated gif of Gadsden's catch, click here]

Can Ted Ginn Become a True No. 1 Receiver for the Miami Dolphins in 2009?

Odin Gunderson — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 01:10:00 -0400

In my opinion, the litmus test for a starting wide receiver in the NFL is his ability to surpass 1,000 yards in a season. Of course, this is often dependent on factors outside of a receiver's control, such as having a QB hand-selected by Dave Wannstedt or Cam Cameron throwing them the ball.

Fortunately for Ted Ginn, this is no longer a problem, as Chad Pennington is in the upper-echelon of NFL quarterbacks. Although, Pennington's lack of superior arm strength could hinder Ginn from truly using his greatest asset, his speed.

However, that shouldn't serve as an excuse this season.

Blazing speed alone does not make a No. 1 receiver. Superior route-running and the ability to rack up YAK..err...YAC (Yards After Catch) do.

Ginn almost doubled his rookie yardage last year ending with 790 yards receiving, up from 420 in 2007. However, he finished with the same meager amount of touchdowns—two.

If Ginn can double his 2008 stats for 2009, I think we can finally consider him a true No. 1.

So what do you think? Will Ginn show enough in 2009 to entrench himself atop the Miami Dolphins roster?

Miami Dolphins Approach Ronnie Brown about Contract Extension

Odin Gunderson — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 23:53:00 -0400

According to the Miami Herald, the Miami Dolphins have approached Ronnie Brown's agent Todd France in an attempt to get the Pro Bowl running back and wildcat specialist signed to a contract extension, which would keep him in the aqua and orange for several more years.

As mentioned previously, Brown's rookie contract expires at the conclusion of the 2009 season.

Getting Brown signed to an extension before the season makes sense on a couple of levels.

For one, he would likely come at a cheaper price now than he would after the season. All signs point to him building upon the Pro Bowl season he had last year, now that he is two seasons removed from ACL surgery and is more comfortable with the current offensive scheme.

If Brown mounted yet another Pro Bowl effort this season, he would automatically become the No. 1 target by teams looking for help in their backfield via free agency.

In such a scenario, the Dolphins would be unlikely to outbid other teams for the services of a running back, since history shows that the Parcells regime tends to skimp a bit when it comes to that position.

Secondly, it would allow Brown to play fast and loose right from the start. While often times it is said that players play their best and their hardest in a contract year in order to secure a big pay day in free agency, this might not be the best strategy for a player with a serious injury in his past.

If Brown were to get injured again in 2009 without a long term commitment from the team, it would be a major blow to his chances of securing a lucrative contract during free agency.

Could these kind of thoughts hinder his effort in some circumstances?

It is possible, but Brown doesn't appear to be the kind of player who is thinking of finances first. He appears to be a true team player and gives his best effort on every play.

When you see a man of his size hurdling over defenders and dragging multiple players across the turf for several yards, it is difficult to ever accuse him of not giving it his all.

While this might not have been a problem in any case, a long term commitment by the Dolphins toward Brown would allow him to simply focus on football without the spectre of free agency looming in the distance.

And that is better for everyone.

[NOTE: For all the Ronnie Brown fans out there, celebrate this good news by downloading a new Ronnie Brown Wallpaper and Desktop Schedule!]

Awakening the Beast: Jason Taylor Sees Potential in Cameron Wake

Odin Gunderson — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 14:35:00 -0400

The Dolphins just might have a new Disney tale to tell to follow up last year's Cinderella season. The Beauty and the Beast might be rolling into town in 2009.

Jason Taylor, the Miami Dolphins' resident heart throb and authority on the art of sacking opposing quarterbacks, has been giving much praise to teammate (and hopefully eventual successor) Cameron Wake in recent weeks.

“He’s quick, he’s fast, he’s sudden. He’s a strong guy, so you know the explosiveness is going to be there. It’s just a matter of learning this game and the nuances,” Taylor said.

If there is one thing that Taylor knows (other than the cha-cha), its what it takes to be a successful pass rusher in the NFL. In his opinion, former CFL standout Wake has that ability in spades.

“If anybody looked at me as a 22-year-old kid coming out of Akron and looked at Cameron with where he is right now, they’d say he has a better chance to make it than I did,” Taylor reflected.

Given Wake's current age of 27, it makes sense that he would be ahead of a 22-year-old skinny rookie out of a small school. He is more physically prepared for the rigors of an NFL season given his training and experience running down the fleet-footed signal callers of the NFL's younger, cooler, yet noticeably weaker little brother: the CFL.

At 6'3", and with the physical build that would make a Yeti feel meek in comparison, Wake took the Great White North by storm–amassing an incomparable 39 sacks during his two years with the British Columbia Lions.

He won various honors and awards and became the first player in CFL history to win Rookie of the Year and Defensive Player of the Year in the same season.

But that was the CFL, Wake has already failed to latch onto an NFL gig once before, being cut by the New York Giants during his rookie season.

Can the skills he honed and displayed north of the border translate to the quicker and more brutal version of the game down south?

There is some reason for optimism. Warren Moon, Jeff Garcia, Joe Theismann, and Doug Flutie are just a few of the former CFL standouts to make a name for themselves in the NFL. Of course, they tend to share something that Wake does not. A position on the offensive side of the ball.

Miami fans can even look to their own players for an example of CFL to NFL success. Ricky Williams had a largely forgettable season with the Toronto Argonauts following one of his many NFL suspensions, but came back strong for the Miami Dolphins a season after his Canadian exile.

The CFL is more well known for its wide open offenses than bone crushing defenses, which makes Wake's success and monstrous statistics all the more impressive.

Bill Parcells and GM Jeff Ireland certainly saw enough potential in Wake to give him a contract with the Dolphins. Given their extensive track record of success when it comes to finding and developing pass rushers, I would say that is a glowing endorsement of his potential in the NFL.

However, Ireland and Parcells instituted a backup plan in order to ensure that their investment was in good hands, picking up a giant acorn of pash-rush wisdom in Taylor to provide additional firepower to the defense, and to serve as a mentor to the young guns.

If Taylor can impart even a fraction of the pass-rushing knowledge he has acquired over the years onto Wake, I believe that he can use his abundant physical gifts to finally become the beast in the NFL that he always dreamed he would be.

For Miami Dolphins fans, that would be a thing of beauty.

[Click on the link below to see a great video feature on Cameron Wake]

Dread in Miami?: Mike McKenzie Meets with Dolphins

Odin Gunderson — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:31:00 -0400

Perhaps in an effort to lead the league in players with dreadlocks, the Miami Dolphins have spoken with former Packers and Saints cornerback Mike McKenzie, according to ESPN and the Miami Herald.

McKenzie, a 10-year veteran, had been one of the league's best cornerbacks during his time in Green Bay and New Orleans, but he suffered a devastating knee injury at the end of the 2007 season. He recovered in time for the start of the 2008 season, but he suffered yet another knee injury after seven games.

In 2008, he amassed a grand total of 22 tackles and one INT.

He was released by the Saints in March.

The Dolphins were thought to have solved their troublesome situation in the secondary earlier this year when they signed veteran free agent Eric Green and drafted young cornerbacks Vontae Davis and Sean Smith in the first two rounds of the 2009 NFL Draft.

However, if the Dolphins brain trust is putting a feeler out to McKenzie, it must have seen something during the OTAs that it didn't like in regard to the overall makeup of the group. Bringing in another veteran like McKenzie would appear to be a bad omen for Green, as an older, injury-prone veteran such as McKenzie would likely pose no threat to the two roster spots now occupied by Davis and Smith.

If McKenzie were to sign with the Dolphins, that would bring the total of dreadlocked players on the squad to seven. Davone Bess, Chris Clemons, Ernest Wilford, Channing Crowder, Erik Walden, and Randy Starks are currently Dolphins players sporting the distinctive hairstyle.

It is said that the dreadlock style of hair growth received its name due to the sense of dread that came over those who encountered people wearing them. If this is the case, perhaps the Dolphins' strategy is to fill the roster with dreadlocks in an effort to paralyze the opposing team with fear and awe.

There is a precedent to this.

In 2002, Dolphin fans were witnesses to one of the most prolific seasons in dreadlock history. It was during that season that Ricky Williams' signature dreads wantonly slapped opposing defenders out of his path as he bulldozed his way to 1,853 yards rushing and 16 touchdowns.

In 2003, Ricky shaved his dreads off, and the rest is history. Like Samson before him, Ricky never quite achieved the same level of awe-inducing power as he displayed with the full head of locks churning all about the field.

Then again, Ernest Wilford wears dreads...and the only dread he induced in others in 2008 was in Jeff Ireland for spending millions of dollars on 25 yards of production.

Ronnie Brown Packing Up to Leave Miami Dolphins After 2009?

Odin Gunderson — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:55:33 -0400

When Ronnie Brown came into the league back in 2005, the TV airwaves were consumed with ads featuring the ubiquitous question, "What can BROWN do for you?"

While this phrase was originally meant to display how a cargo company with a monotone color scheme could outperform its flashier rivals, the phrase also became a motto of sorts for Brown during the 2005 draft and beyond.

Like UPS, Brown also had to compete to elevate himself above the flashier names of the 2005 draft class. One of those names was none other than his Auburn teammate and close friend who came equipped with a hell of a catchy nickname: Carnell "Cadillac" Williams.

While the Cadillac was consistently spinning his wheels onto the highlight reels, Brown's consistent, workman-like, and oftentimes pounding style of play provided the fuel to a dynamic and dominant rushing attack which helped drive the Auburn Tigers all the way to an undefeated season in 2004.

Brown also had to eclipse the heir to Ricky Williams' Texas throne: Cedric Benson. Although, Dolphin fans wanted no part of any Ricky Williams protege' given the situation at the time.

Brown began to separate himself from the pack at the 2005 NFL combine, where he posted a 4.45 40-yard dash time. His speed along with his size helped push him toward the top of the (at the time) strong running back crop.

Nick Saban (the backstabbing, Lil' Debbie-eating, conniving, lecherous, deceitful, pint-sized control freak from the Boonies that every fan in Miami thought was God incarnated in the flesh at the time) used his extensive knowledge of the SEC to select Brown with the second overall pick in the 2005 NFL draft.

This would be Saban's first decision as head coach of the Dolphins, and it would remain his best following his short-lived, disappointing reign as Miami Dolphins' dictator.

So what did Brown do for the Dolphins? Well, just about everything.

He has conquered the cries of "bust" from the loyal (and sometimes delusional) fans—and not just once, but several times, as the cries of "bust" rear their ugly heads during almost every season.

He has crawled his way out of the early-season doghouse that each coach had placed him in for some mind-numbing reason each preseason.

He has returned punts for Cam Cameron's preseason fail forward fast All-Stars.

He has broken tackle after tackle after tackle after tackle after tackle after tackle after tackle.

He has made safeties wish they were never born to receive the level of national embarrassment that comes with being absolutely demolished and tossed to the ground like Raggedy Andy.

He has racked up astronomical stats and still managed to go winless over a span of several games (Thanks Cam!).

He has at times been the team's best blocker, best runner, and best receiver.

He has torn his ACL, and proceeded to kick rehab's ass into submission, returning to the field at full strength and with no lingering issues in just a few months.

Oh, and he also became the poster boy for the league's hottest new craze in the ferocious Wildcat Formation. He was the first player to actually make Bill Belichick (The New England Variety) look like a chump, and send thousands of Boston fans fleeing in shame out of Gillette Stadium for the first time in a decade.

Four years, 3,433 yards, 23 touchdowns, 137 receptions, 1,151 yards receiving, a Pro Bowl berth, and a whole lot of ass kicking later, Brown might be preparing for his last year as a Miami Dolphin.

Yes, another UPS, the United Parcells Service might be getting ready to send Brown packing at the end of the season.

Brown's contract expires at the conclusion of the 2009 season, and the team might be willing to part with the All-Pro.

It mostly comes down to money. I am sure Sparano and Co. would love to keep a football player of Brown's caliber on the squad, but not at the cost he might come at.

Bill Parcells has always been one to take a blue-light special approach to running backs. He believes that as long as you have the hogs up front to do the dirty work, you can find a serviceable enough running back just about anywhere.

If you look at his history, he never takes running backs in the first round of the draft, nor does he often pursue big name, big money backs in free agency.

He looks for the young and hungry in the later rounds, a la Marion Barber, or the old and forgotten with something to prove in Ottis Anderson.

The lone exception to this rule that I can conjure up at the moment was when he traded for notorious Dolphin-killer Curtis Martin. Parcells sent a third round pick to his former employer in exchange for the services of the future Hall of Famer.

While Jeff Ireland is the real Dolphins' General Manager, one can assume that he shares a similar philosophy with his boss on this matter.

Brown is likely to remain a big ticket name during the 2009 season. With his multi-faceted talents and mastery of the now popular Wildcat Offense, Brown should command big money out in Free Agency in 2010.

Given that the Dolphins are unlikely to want to tie up such a huge sum of money on a running back nearing the end of his 20s, He will probably try to see what kind of value awaits him out on the market.

And if Brown disappoints in 2009 and fails to reach the level of play that fans and the Dolphins expect of him, he will also likely be gone.

As was previously stated, the organization believes they can get solid play at that position at a bargain price, either through the draft or by rummaging through the heaps of discarded backs around the league. Case in point: Patrick Cobbs.

So who will replace the dynamic Ronnie Brown if he leaves in 2010?

Well, there is already a replacement for one of his jobs on the roster: Pat White, Wildcat Specialist.

Perhaps the drafting of White was a sign that the Dolphins have no plans to keep Brown, the current king of the Wildcat, past this season. They will get White prepared to usurp the role by having him become Brown's 2009 Wildcat understudy.

As for who the Dolphins might pick up to take over for Ronnie Brown's other, more important role in the offense? A tandem of Ricky Williams and Patrick Cobbs could be serviceable, but I doubt they would be content with an ancient (yet enlightened, and for once, trustworthy) Williams and a supplementary guy like Cobbs (regardless of the spark he provides to the team in spots) as their only rushing options on what they hope will be their first legit shot at the Super Bowl in 2010.

If you want to find the future of the Dolphins' backfield, start looking at the unheralded, yet tough and consistent, workhorse running backs in the college ranks.

Brown, should he leave after the 2009 season, will have entrenched himself as the best running back that the Miami Dolphins have fielded since the 1970's (Ricky's 2002 masterpiece excluded).

Fortunately, fans still have a full season of Brown's South Beach smack downs to enjoy before he might be off to his next stop on the NFL delivery route.

Originally Featured On Fins FTW - Miami Dolphins Blog

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How Long before the Parcells Regime Puts a Gag on Dolphin Tweeters?

Odin Gunderson — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 15:13:00 -0400

Twitter. By now, you have likely heard of it. By the name of it, you would think it was a hot new toy for toddlers, or a new female pop group. However, names can be deceiving. In actuality, Twitter is a communication platform so powerful that it has the potential to topple kingdoms.

Twitter has been gaining steam for months as a popular way for marketers to reach and interact with their customers, and for news outlets to get an instant pulse on the events of the day, the hour, the second, and the millisecond. Twitter is the world's largest focus group, chat room, news desk, and water cooler wrapped into one incredibly simplistic web platform.

Recently, the power of Twitter has even been harnessed for the first time to support an underground movement to defeat fascism and defend Democracy. Iranians have been using Twitter as a means to show the world the injustices they are facing in their land, even after the oppressive government has tried to shut down all communication pathways to the outside world.

When Twitter isn't functioning as the Web 2.0 version of the Underground Railroad, it is often being used by fans to contact and interact with the subject of their fanatical idolatry. It seems that anyone that is anyone is twittering, tweeting, or twitting these days.

Ashton Kutcher (@aplusk for the cool kids!) has set up a micro virtual kingdom on Twitter, being one of the first celebrities to truly use the platform to its potential. When he isn't busy posting pictures of his MILF wife's hindquarters for his adoring fans to see, he is re-tweeting messages concerning social causes, updating fans on his latest projects, and communicating with his fan base.

In recent weeks, we have seen an influx of sports stars enter the world of Twitter. Taking a cue from those who cover them, several well known sports stars have begun using Twitter as a means to reach their fans and further quench their indomitable egos. From Shaq (@The_Real_Shaq) to the NFL's chirpiest WRs Terrell Owens(@TerrellOwens81) and Chad Ochocinco (@OGOchoCinco), Twitter has become a virtual field for trash talking and excessive celebrations.

And best of all, there are no refs to take their fun away.

However, this wild west mentality might soon change.

Social networking sites have already landed several athletes from the sports world into steaming tar pits. A player at the University of Texas got busted for some racist remarks he made on his Facebook status last year. A little-known cornerback for the Philadelphia Eagles also got in a bit of a bind when a photo of himself chortling next to what he would have us believe was a tobacco bong and a line of sugar was posted on Facebook. Just prior to the NFL draft, there was a stir regarding an apparently racist Facebook group that several USC stars joined, but was since deemed to be an inside joke within the team. While several players managed to free themselves from the scorching social tar they found themselves in, others were buried under the pressure.

Twitter, unlike Facebook, poses an even bigger potential pitfall for players since their tweets are not only limited to their close friends. The entire world can read their tweets. From the embarrassing "Bout 2 take a dump." to the "I'm in the OC. Hit me up y'all!", its all there for every fan, reporter, and coach to see.

Be careful what you tweet, or it will be twittering its way onto the next SportsCenter broadcast. Twitter is one little birdie that can't be subdued.

While freedom of speech is the foundation of our Democracy and the right of every free human on the planet, it also poses a dilemma for coaches and organizations that hope to keep their secrets, issues, and strategies in-house.

The Miami Dolphins, under the stewardship of Bill Parcells, has been known for their less-than-democratic policies on the media. Loose lips sink ships, and the Tuna isn't too fond of the water, despite his namesake.

Parcells, Ireland, and Sparano do their best to control the messages and communications coming out of their complex. In the recent war of words between LB Channing Crowder and Rex Ryan, someone made it known that it was time to drop it because the usually talkative Crowder became mute as a mouse within days.

Now, the twittering menace is seeping into their complex like a bad infestation of termites—threatening to take down the restrictive media structure they have so painstakingly built. Yes, some Miami Dolphins have discovered Twitter and now have a direct line to the masses.

While rookie Sean Smith (@SeanSmith4) has mostly just been updating fans on how he is adjusting to the NFL and Miami, WR Davone Bess (@Lambo_Weezy) has taken a far different approach.

[UPDATE: Lambo_Weezy has been confirmed to be a Davone Bess Twitter impostor. Check here for all the details regarding the Davone Bess Twittergate.]

Davone pounced on the Twitter scene like he was orchestrating the Wildcat in Foxborough—pulling no punches. Yesterday, Lambo challenged Titans RB Chris Johnson (@ChrisJohnson28) to a foot race. The Dash of the duo formerly known as Smash and Dash took offense to this challenge, stating, and I RT (RT = ReTweeting which basically means Quote) "Feel insulted because somebody want to race me who ran a 4.64 i ran 4.24 do the math kill me."

Since this exchange, Lambo (Davone) has upped the stakes, saying that they should broadcast the race and the loser must shave their dreads off for charity. OGOchoCinco, the reigning king of NFL Twitterland, appeared to reach out to the NFL Network to air the duel.

But Davone took the social networking thing to the next level when he posted a link to a Ustream feed so that fans and twitter followers could hear him live. While Ustream generally allows video to stream as well, Davone for whatever reason did not make use of this feature, as only his voice could be heard during the broadcast.

Many Dolphin fans took to the message boards to debate whether Lambo_Weezy was the real Davone or not, since some of his antics seemed out of character for the reserved nature of his public persona. However, OGOchoCinco (the verified REAL Chad Ochocinco) seemed to confirm that @LamboWeezy was indeed the real Davone Bess.

A man has every right to spend their free time however they see fit as long as it falls within the realm of legality and social mores, but they must also act in a responsible way if they don't want the authority of their employer to whack them upside the head.

It is for this reason that platforms such as Twitter are so dangerous for young athletes and so threatening to tight-lipped organizations such as the Dolphins.

As an organization, the Miami Dolphins regulate the amount of interaction their players have with the media and with fans. However, Twitter bypasses this control. Through Twitter, players can communicate directly with local reporters, rival players, and fans in Ohio with the click of a button.

How long will the Parcells Regime continue to live with this social infestation in their house before they begin to clean it up? They will likely try to reign it in soon before more players start jumping on the Twitter-wagon.

On a broader note, does an organization have the right or the power to control how their employees leverage these new social technologies?

Or is it their duty as leaders of their organization to keep things like Twitter from toppling their kingdom too?

Until we tweet again, this is @Finstache signing off.

Poo-Tee-Weet?

Are There Any Dolphins Worthy of Being Considered One of the Top 50 Players?

Odin Gunderson — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 17:11:00 -0400

In CBS Sports' Pete Prisco's annual selection of the Top 50 players in the NFL, he again neglected to place a single Miami Dolphins player on the list.

Well, at least he knows we will hate him for it as he placed a disclaimer in the opening paragraph of the article. Good looking out, Pete!

But, that's how it works in the media. Create a controversial list of top whatever-the-****s, omit good players from teams with huge fan bases, and watch thousands of fools like me link to the article in outrage and receive oodles of free traffic. Prisco's got the formula down!

In any case, some Dolphins did make it as "runner-ups." Joey Porter and Jake Long both fell just short of making the highly esteemed list.

So which Dolphins players are worthy of being considered a Top 50 player in the NFL in 2009?

Candidates

Chad Pennington

Chad Pennington might just have the biggest brain of any QB in the NFL.

Unfortunately, he might also have the smallest arm. No, it's not like he has a gimpy, raptor-like, deformed arm. It's just that he doesn't have that arm strength that allows guys like Manning and Brady to sling the ball for 50 yards on a rope with consistency. In any case, his mental prowess and immense leadership skills helped elevate the play of the entire Miami Dolphins offense in '08, and figures to do the same in '09.

Ronnie Brown

Did you hear? He once scored five touchdowns in a single game! And this wasn't at Polk High either (sorry Al Bundy).

He did it against the "dynasty" New England Patriots. Ronnie Brown sprung the Wildcat on them and mauled them into submission in Week Three of the 2008 season. His unique skill set made the Wildcat a smashing success, but many people seem to forget his stellar performances prior to 2008.

In 2007, while the Dolphins were making their epic run at infamy, Ronnie Brown was tearing up the league, on way to an assured Pro Bowl berth, when unfortunately he ended up tearing up his knee instead. Now a year removed from ACL surgery, Ronnie should once again dominate the AFC East and the NFL in 2009.

Joey Porter

In 2008, Joey Porter finally lived up to his monstrous contract by posting some monstrous stats and contributing to some key victories along the way. Joey was back in a system that suited his style of play, and it showed. Porter finished the season with 47 tackles, four forced fumbles, and 17.5 sacks. Some of those sacks, such as the one against San Fransisco in the waning moments of the game, helped seal the victory.

His fiery attitude and leadership style also added a bit of nastiness and fierceness to the defense that was sorely lacking in previous years.

Porter looks to build upon his stellar 2008 performance and once again harass opposing QBs. Along with Jason Taylor, Porter looks to show that the poor performance by the sackmaster duo in 2007 was a fluke brought about by inept coaching. In 2009, they hope to finally fulfill the dreams and visions that many Dolfans had of J-Peezy and JT ravaging QBs across the league.

Jake Long

"The Pillar of Defense," as I like to refer to him after Jeff Ireland's pre-draft freudian slip, was a critical element in the success of the Dolphins' 2008 offense. Jake Long might as well have been a real pillar entrenched in the ground because opposing defenders rarely were able to garner enough leverage to move him.

He may have let up a sack or two, but I don't recall any. His hard work as Chad Pennington's personal bodyguard paid off in the form of a Pro Bowl selection in his first year of service. Given the amount of hard work Jake puts into learning his craft and honing his statuesque body, I don't see Jake's Pro Bowl level of play dropping any time soon.

Will 2009 bring any new Dolphins into the realm of the Top 50? What are your thoughts, Dolfans?

WR Brandon London: Could Be Modeling His Way Out of Miami

Odin Gunderson — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 14:09:00 -0400

Quick Brandon, strike a pose!

Oops. Wrong pose if you want to make this team buddy. You saw what happened when the "Imperial Tuna" caught wind of Jason Taylor's metro-sexual part-time gig. He got the boot and he was a year removed from NFL Defensive Player of the Year title. As a borderline fourth WR and Special Teams Player, Brandon should be devoting all his time to honing his craft on the field if he doesn't want to be the latest victim of the ruthless Parcells' regime.

All this being said, London will likely stick. I still remember the hustle he showed during the horrific Baltimore meltdown last year in the playoffs when he ran down Ed Reed for almost fifty or sixty yards after one of his multiple INTs to knock the ball out of Reed's hands. Unfortunately, he only knocked the ball out after Ed Reed was a yard past the end zone. However, he displayed heart by never giving up on the play.

I have a feeling Parcells & Sparano noted that inspired play of determination as well. For now though, if he truly wants to remain a part of the Miami Dolphins, London needs to show his skills on the field, not on the catwalk.

Vontae Davis Arrested After Warping the Space-Time Continuum

Odin Gunderson — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 03:28:48 -0400

It's June 9 and the sun is beginning to set over Champaign, Illinois. The faint sounds of birds chirping in the distance, leaves rustling in the brisk Midwestern breeze, and the hypnotizing "whoosh" of far-off traffic cascade through the streets on this beautiful early summer's night. All's well in Champaign.

Suddenly, an insidious reverberation pierces the eardrums of nearby pedestrians.

Weee-O-Weee-O-Weee Wee-O-Weee-O-Weee Wee-O-Weee-O-Weee-O-Weee

Onlookers fall to their knees in despair. A great thunderous tremble accompanies the shrieking sound. A tornado? An Earthquake? A herd of raging rhinos? In Champaign? Couldn't possibly be...

Weee-O-Weee-O-Weee Wee-O-Weee-O-Weee Wee-O-Weee-O-Weee-O-Weee

Passers-by search frantically for the source of the horrific sound. Over the horizon, the sum of all their fears is realized. An SUV with 20 inch rims comes into focus.

The cacophony being emitted from the monstrous vehicle sets off nearby car alarms and shatters windshields and tympanic membranes. Lil Wayne continues his musical onslaught upon the innocent bystanders.

Weee-O-Weee-O-Weee (Yea)
And I know she the law, and she know I'm the boss
And she know I can hide a-bove the law
And she know I'm raw, she know it from the street
And all she want me to do is **** the police
Talkin' bout...

Perched behind the wheel—flat-brimmed hat slightly off-kilter—sits Vontae Davis, former superstar of the Fighting Illini and promising young rookie of the Miami Dolphins.

Pedestrians look on in horror as Vontae unleashes the full power of his subwoofers upon their feeble ears. The pounding bass causes bystanders to shake violently in rhythm—as if shaken by some giant, invisible maraca player. A small dog does back flips involuntarily.

Vontae looks on, unabashed, bouncing his head up and down to the stylings of Mr. Wayne.

Another sound enters the spectrum of sonorous insanity. It is barely audible through the super-sonic wall of sound surrounding the SUV, but this sound is accompanied by flashing lights. Victims stand dazed, wondering to themselves if they had unwittingly ingested hallucinogens and are, in fact, standing on a dance floor.

Weee-O-Weee-O-Weee Wee-O-Weee-O-Weee Wee-O-Weee-O-Weee-O-Weee

The sounds, mercifully, come to an end. Salvation had arrived and it was clad in blue.

After several minutes of Vontae Davis trying to justify his reprehensible behavior to one of Champaign's finest, justice is finally served. Vontae Davis is arrested for driving without a valid license and unnecessary vehicular noise.

Simultaneously, 1,262 miles away, Vontae Davis is in the locker room of the Dolphins' Training Facility in Davie, Florida preparing to head home after a long day of running drills during OTAs.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to enter the Twilight Zone.

---

There can be only one conclusion; Vontae Davis has managed to accomplish the seemingly impossible. He has broken the barriers of time and space.

Your guess is as good as mine when it comes to figuring out how Davis managed to pull off something of this magnitude.

It may never be given any satisfactory answer. Scientists will surely examine this case with great curiosity, but they will fail to find any suitable conclusion as to how Vontae Davis managed to be in two places at once. This figures to remain an enduring mystery that will continue to baffle even the most brilliant of minds for years to come.

Even though I cannot hope to conjure up the amount of mental power necessary to tackle this problem satisfactorily, I will put forth my best theories nonetheless.

Theory No. 1: VONTAE DAVIS IS A MUTANT

Vontae is naturally gifted, that much is evident. However, he could be hiding the true extent of his natural gifts. There have long been rumors of men born with incredible powers.

Through the years, some have even been captured and exploited for monetary gain by circuses and reality tv shows. The street magician known as David Blaine is rumored to be one such case.

This being the case, it is reasonable to assume that Vontae only uses a portion of his powers on the field as to not draw attention to himself, lest he be captured and studied in some lab by prodding scientists wishing to unlock the genetic code behind his powers.

Even using but a percentage of his powers, he has been able to outperform even the most talented of athletes. If he is a mutant, he may have been born with a power which gives him the ability to travel at incredible rates of speed or teleport great distances.

Such powers would give him more than enough time to travel from South Florida to Illinois and back in a span of a few hours. However, this would not explain how the Illinois Police Department had another Vontae Davis in custody at the same time that he was in Florida.

My theory: Using his super-speed or teleportation powers, he managed to decrease his mass and slip through the bars of his jail cell, print a life-sized cardboard cut-out of himself at a local Kinkos, and place the cut-out back in his jail cell and escape to Florida undetected.

If Vontae is indeed a super-powered mutant, the Miami Dolphins got a steal with the 25th pick in the 2009 NFL Draft.

Theory No. 2: VONTAE DAVIS IS REALLY, REALLY SMART AND TURNED HIS SUV INTO A TIME MACHINE

GREAT SCOTT! Vontae may have done it. He may have successfully invented the first vehicle capable of traveling through space-time. Kudos to the University of Illinois Physics Department. That "Intro to Physics" class looks like it paid off... BIG TIME!

How did Vontae do it? It could be in the sub-woofers... Perhaps the sub-woofers emit a frequency so powerful that it creates a wormhole, thus allowing Vontae to drive his SUV through two points in the space-time continuum, coming out on the other end at a different place and time.

Perhaps, upon heading home from workouts in Davie, Vontae decided to cruise down A1A to unwind a little. However, upon reaching South Beach, he was confronted by a massive traffic jam. Vontae, undaunted, decided to do some cruising at his old stomping grounds, cranked up the juice, and off he went to Champaign.

Perhaps, this was actually a Vontae Davis from an alternate dimension! That would explain the two Vontaes. The Vontae Davis in the jail cell in Illinois was actually a time-traveling Vontae from an alternate universe.

It has been postulated by physicists that there may be an infinite number of universes with an infinite number of possibilities existing parallel to each other.

Perhaps, in one such alternate dimension, Vontae Davis being a superstar physicist at the University of Illinois instead of a superstar defensive back, modified his SUV to travel through time and ended up in Champaign on another plane of existence.

Unfortunately for Bizarro Vontae, it appears that time-travel is excessively noisy, and thus, against the law in our universe.

Theory No. 3: VONTAE DAVIS IS DIVINE

NFL scouts and amateur NFL draft analysts have long noted that Vontae Davis has the physique of a god. However, none of them might have realized how truly on the mark their observations might have been until now.

Gods are not constrained by the limits of time and space. Perhaps, like the Greek God Zeus, Vontae is actually a divine entity who has come down from the heavens and taken human form in order to embarrass feeble mortals with his immense athletic prowess and copulate with copious amounts of women.

Being the supreme talent evaluator that he is, Bill Parcells might have somehow clued in on the divinity of Vontae Davis. After all, Vontae shares a similar ferocious style of play which was first demonstrated by the demigod Lawrence Taylor.

Perhaps, Bill Parcells himself is the incarnation of an all-powerful, all-knowing god. That would certainly explain his astounding ability to turn feces into gold.

The gods are amongst us, and they are here to judge us in the form of professional athletes. Think twice before you foolishly accuse another one of steroid use, lest you feel the wrath of the gods above.

If Vontae is a god, he likely split himself in two, creating a clone of himself to occupy the jail cell in Illinois, as he ventured back down south to participate at Dolphins camp the following morning.

While we could theorize for days as to how Vontae Davis could accomplish this miraculous feat, we, unlike Vontae, are slaves to time. Time only goes one way for us - quickly forward and unconcerned with our plight. As such, we must move on from this issue, even as we look back in wonder.

---

Although, thinking back on it now, some punk could have snagged Vontae Davis' wallet a few months back and impersonated him when he got pulled over for a noise violation. The Illinois Police Department could have failed to notice the fraudulent act of identity theft and posted it on their website.

Following this blunder, several newspaper journalists in a wild craze to break some news before their competitors beat them to it might have reported that the real Vontae Davis of the Miami Dolphins was arrested without doing their due diligence.

Nah... That's just too unbelievable...

Four Rookie Head Coaches That Are Destined To Fail

Odin Gunderson — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 04:10:47 -0400

You know that old saying about how cream always rises to the top? Well, that isn't always true. Sometimes it transforms into that unsavory gelatinous brown goo which swirls at the bottom of your mug that you never quite manage to shoot down your gullet. Often times, you just let it sit at the bottom of the mug as you finish your term paper or work to meet a deadline on a project, allowing it to fester into a seemingly impenetrable wall of mutant coffee grime. In fact, it can get so bad that no amount of scrubbing manages to free your coffee mug from the grasp of this horrendous mutant sludge. The once sweet and flavorful coffee cream has turned into a yellowish-brown ring of foul-tasting particles at the bottom of your mug which continues to taint your coffee drinking experiences for years to come. A rookie head coach is a lot like cream. When you first open the pack, it looks so fresh and smells so sweet. Likewise, a new head coach almost seems like a breath of fresh milky goodness when they first take over the reigns from the failed regime before them. However, they can either go on to invigorate your franchise and take it to the next level or leave it a wretched, fetid mess in two to three years. And to top it off, it may take several more years until you find some one else to wash away the bitter taste that the last guy left behind. In this article, I will discuss those new rookie head coaches who you will be more likely to find at the bottom of your mug than at the top of the podium hoisting a Lombardi Trophy come 2012.

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