Manchester United Prevail In Men Vs. Babies Rematch

Austin — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 14:30:14 -0400

Manchester United 2, Arsenal 1: That’s how it ended yesterday at Old Trafford as Arsenal put on a disgusting performance that spits in the face of football.

Arsene Wenger’s antics at the end of the match were absolutely uncalled for. After Van Persies’ goal was called off (and rightfully so), Wenger decided to act like a prepubescent child, kicking a water bottle. This action undoubtedly had him sent off by official Mike Dean with help from the fourth official.

But Wenger wasn’t done. He decided that he was going to continue his drama queen parade and headed back to the bench. He then placed himself amongst the Manchester United fans whilst waving his arms as if asking, “Is this not far away enough?”

No, Arsene. You have to leave the field and the dugout when you’re sent off. Show some class. Wenger could learn a thing or two from Sir Alex Ferguson.

Wenger wasn’t the only bad representation of Arsenal on Saturday. The players were poor too. When they were losing and desperate to earn a point from the game, Emmanuel Eboue went to the ground way too easily and earned a yellow card. All credit to Mike Dean for that. After Eduardo’s dive against Celtic, you would think Wenger would send a message to his players that discourages diving. Arsenal seem to be asking for negative headlines.

Besides the card Dean gave to Eboue, it seemed that Dean had some type of deal with Arsenal. Dean gave ample stoppage time for Arsenal to earn a draw, which they almost did. At least the sideline official was fair. Was the five minutes of stoppage time necessary? Apparently not because the allotted five ended up being seven minutes of stoppage time.

On the other side of the pitch, Manchester United showed us why they are the classy champions they are. Arsenal, no doubt, had the better play. I’ve heard people say they “dominated” United, but that just makes United’s win that much more impressive.

Even when they are playing poorly, they can still beat Arsenal. That’s right, Manchester United can beat Arsenal on a bad day. Imagine what United would have done if they were playing in form. Champions find a way to win matches even when they’re not at their best.

Arsenal should have been honored to play at Old Trafford. They should have shown respect. Instead, they kicked water bottles and tried to win Oscar’s with their theatrical dives. The Theatre of Dreams is not for acting -- it’s for playing world-class football.

I suggest Arsenal change their attitude the next time they play at Old Trafford. Last season, Patrice Evra said that playing Arsenal was like “men vs. babies.” I couldn’t agree more. Arsenal’s immaturity is baffling.

If Arsenal have any decency, they’ll publicly apologize for their behavior. At the very least, they need to personally apologize to each Manchester United player and staff member.

To Arsenal fans: Continue your Arsene Wenger worshipping. What has that gotten you? It hasn’t gotten you anything but negative publicity since 2005 and that’s a fact.

You say, “In Arsene, we trust.” I say, “That’s hilarious.”

My man of the match: Abou Diaby.

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Joke Of The Day: USA Soccer

Austin — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 13:27:36 -0400

A message to USA soccer: you don’t get participation trophies in international competition. This is not a girl’s Junior Varsity soccer program even though you play like it is.

You can’t cover your chest like the girls do when you go to chest a ball.

This isn’t like the recreational league you used to play in when you were eight. There are no halftime snacks and offsides is a rule now. You can’t wear long pants over your shin guards even if it is cold outside.

After a 3-1 loss to Costa Rica, a 2-1 win over Honduras, and another 3-1 loss to Italy, it is now clear to me what the US’s game plan is: draw a penalty and hope for the best. In its last three games, the US has been able to score on a penalty. This is great if you are Landon Donovan because that is the only way he can get his goals.

Donovan needs to quit gelling his hair and spend that time practicing. That little hobbit is about as useful as a penny. He’s shaped like a duck, which makes it look like he wobbles instead of runs. He needs to get off my field and out of my sight. He should seriously consider changing his name, quitting and then moving to Canada.

Random fact: Michael Bradley only plays because his dad is the coach.

Another random fact: Frankie Hejduk looks like a caveman.

“USA! USA! USA!” Wow, what a stupid cheer. Never heard that one before. How original.

Does anybody know why Marvel Wynne is even on the team? I don’t. I don’t even know who he plays for. Watch the replay of him against Costa Rica if you want a good laugh.

It’s hilarious. He’s not even good. Even by girls JV soccer standard he is still only average.

Why haven’t I heard of half of our team? Does Bob Bradley go to a recreational league and recruit? Oh wait…yes he does. It’s called the MLS. He might as well hold an open tryout for our national team.

Here are our only good players: Clint Dempsey (Fulham), Tim Howard (Everton), Jozy Altidore (Villarreal). Three players only make a homosexual threesome, not a soccer team.

I can’t wait until Thursday when we play Brazil. I think we have a fighting chance of beating Brazil. Did I say, “we have a fighting chance of beating Brazil”?

Whoops, what I meant to say is that we have a fighting chance of crossing the midfield line and we have a decent chance of limiting Brazil to 10 goals, but I wouldn’t count on it.

Our women’s team is better than our men’s...there is no joke there, so don't laugh.

I would have put a humor tag on this, but since I’m dead serious—I chose not to.

USA! USA! USA!

Bleacher Report - Articles by Austin

Manchester United Prevail In Men Vs. Babies Rematch

Joke Of The Day: USA Soccer