Bleacher Report - Articles by Jon Grilz

A Moment of Silence for the Passing of BJJ Grand Master Helio Gracie

Jon Grilz — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 22:38:57 -0500

Today, the world of mixed martial arts and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu mourns the loss of Grand Master Helio Gracie.

There wouldn't be any point in telling the exploits or life tale of Helio Gracie. For those who know it, it is legend. For those who do not, it is not a tale to be told today. Today is a day that for even the briefest of moments, fighters and fans around the world should pay tribute.

It doesn't have to be a prayer; It isn't about religion. It doesn't have to be condolences; Most of us have never met the man. Instead it should just be a moment of respect for the influence that one man has had on the world.

They say that fists can't change the world, but maybe the guard can.

Those who read my articles know that I don't use the first person. Sporting events aren't about me. However, in this article I can't help but to be selfish for a moment as I sit in reverence to a man I never met, who changed my life.

Like most anyone reading this article on this page of this site, I am an MMA fan. I was an MMA fan before I started practicing and competing in kickboxing. I was an MMA fan before I started practicing and competing in BJJ.

I am an MMA fan because the legacy of Helio Gracie made MMA what it is. Without BJJ, what would MMA be? Probably a bunch of wrestlers and boxers. Submissions would be minimal, perhaps neck cranks or twisters.

The guard game would not exist. We would not have the likes of BJ Penn, Frank Mir, Big Nog and a near endless list of submission fighters who made the ground game about more than just elbow strikes against a cage.

Helio Gracie's influence on jujitsu changed the face of combat.

Not just that, he gave the world Gracie Jiu-Jitsu. BJJ isn't just about getting into the cage or ring. There are thousands of grapplers out there whom you have never heard of. Fighters who have no desire to step foot into a cage. Fighters who leave it all on a mat. Fighters who wear a gi.

Maybe this article is selfish. Maybe at the moment I can't express how I feel about life with BJJ versus life without it, let alone the world of MMA without it.

However, as a blogger who spends as much time on the computer as in the gym, this is my outlet. This is my means to pay my respects to a man I never met who gave me a gift that I love.

Rest in peace, Grand Master. You will be missed.

Helio Gracie: Oct. 1, 1913—Jan. 29, 2009

The 10 Most Over-Publicized Athletes

Jon Grilz — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 10:29:18 -0500

Athletes are in the public eye. That is all well and good, but some are being shoved into our eye-sockets. There are great athletes out there that deserve some focus in-season. Then it gets dragged out into post-season, off-season and the following pointless pre-seasons. Which players are getting too much attention?

Begin Slideshow

Donald Cerrone: Under the Radar and Dangerous

Jon Grilz — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 10:11:34 -0500

Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone is about to fight Jamie Varner for the WEC lightweight championship, but many MMA fans still don’t seem to know who he is.

Perhaps if he hadn’t been spotlighted on the Versus Network’s “Tapout” series, even fewer people would know who he is. For those in the dark about one of the best fighters the WEC has to offer, he is all you need to know:

Cerrone was an undefeated muay thai kickboxer before making the transition to mixed martial arts competition.

His professional MMA record is 8-1. The one loss was a win that he actual earned, but was stripped when his urine test came back positive for a diuretic. According to Cerrone, the diuretic was used when he was fighting a staph infection.

Despite being a vicious kickboxer, seven of Cerrone’s eight wins are via submission, with the eighth win coming via unanimous decision over world-class kickboxer and former WEC lightweight champ “Razor” Rob McCullough.

That’s really all you need to know. Watching Cerrone’s fights is a treat in itself. His composure is that of a seasoned veteran. His transition from being a stand-up fighter to being a mixed martial artist was very smooth, especially when you take his dangerous submission game into account.

Fighting from his back Cerrone has shown one of the most impressive examples of transitioning from arm bar to triangle to arm bar that has been seen inside any cage.

Now he has a shot at the title against the always dangerous Jamie Varner. This couldn’t look like a better fight on paper. Both fighters are explosive. Varner has shown his stand-up prowess with a KO win over McCullough. Now he will have to face another stand-up talent in Cerrone. However, Varner didn’t have to worry about submissions against McCullough.

Cerrone has a lot of options, which makes him even more dangerous. He is along side Miguel Torres and Carlos Conduit as one of the most complete fighters in the WEC and a win over Varner might solidify his as second only to Torres in many fans eyes.

Cerrone can finish this fight anywhere, and seems to be level-headed and calm enough not to get impetuous inside the cage. He has everything to gain and little to lose at this early point in his career. He is not one to rush out and make poor judgements inside the cage and will present and clear and present danger to any fight, let alone a champion the likes of Varner.

Look for Cerrone to finish this fight in the second or third round via submission.

10 Greatest Rickey Henderson Moments

Jon Grilz — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 10:10:29 -0500

On Monday, Jan. 12, 2009, former Oakland A's all-star Rickey Henderson became just the 44th player to get inducted into the MLB Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility.

Henderson is widely considered to be the greatest leadoff batter of all time. He has the single-season record for stolen bases with 130. He has the career stolen base record of 1,406. He has the record for most runs scored across a career with 2,295. He is also the only batter in MLB history with 3,000 hits and 2,000 walks across a career.

Yet, none of these even come close to being amongst the greatest moments in the career of Ricky Henderson. Here is a list of the greatest and funniest moments in the career of the legend Ricky Henderson in no particular order.

10) In the early 1980s, the Oakland A’s accounting department couldn't figure out why their books were off $1 million. An investigation lead to Henderson. When asked about a $1 million bonus he had received, Rickey said instead of cashing it, he framed it and hung it on a wall at his house.

- Nestled between "Dogs Playing Poker" and several framed autographed pictures of himself.

9) Henderson once called San Diego GM Kevin Towers before a game and left the following message: “This is Rickey calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.”

- To his credit, there were four Rickey's on the roster at the time.

8) During a game in Seattle an on-deck batter overheard Rickey muttering to himself after he struck out. As the next batter was walking past him, he heard Henderson say, “Don’t worry, Rickey, you’re still the best.”

- Rumor has it that he says the same thing to Little Rickey when he can't "rise to the occasion".

7) Henderson once asked a teammate how long it would take him to drive to the Dominican Republic.

- Evidently he thought that the Dominican Republic was a sisters store of the Banana Republic.

6) Henderson once fell asleep on an ice pack and got frostbite—which forced him to miss three games—in mid-August.

- For three days straight Henderson was heard saying, "Don't worry, Little Rickey, you're still the best."

5) In the last week of his lone season with the Red Sox, Chairman Tom Werner asked Henderson what he would like for his ‘going-away’ gift. Henderson said he wasn’t going anywhere, but he would like owner John Henry’s Mercedes.

Werner said it would be tough to get the same make and model in less than a week and Henderson said, “No, I want his car.” Turns out the Sox got Henderson a Red Thunderbird and when he saw it on the field before the last game of the season, Rickey said, “Whose ugly car is on the field?”

- What? It was a red thunderbird. Did they think he was a mid 1980s Brooklyn-born Italian?

4) A reporter once asked Rickey if he talked to himself, “Do I talk to myself? No, I just remind myself of what I’m trying to do. You know, I never answer myself so how can I be talking to myself?”

- You try and argue with that logic.

3) Rickey was asked if he had the Garth Brooks album "With Friends in Low Places" and Henderson said, “Rickey doesn’t have albums. Rickey has CDs.”

- When asked if he invests any of his money in CDs, Henderson responded, "No, I like iTunes."

2) When he was on the Yankees in the mid-1980s, Henderson told teammates that his condo had such a great view that he could see, “The Entire State Building.”

- He could see the whole thing, so what?

1) To this day and dating back 25 years, before every game he plays, Henderson stands completely naked in front of a full length locker room mirror and says, “Ricky’s the best,” for several minutes.

- Who was the guy that kept track of that streak?

Faber vs. Pulver II: Does Anyone Seriously Care?

Jon Grilz — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 20:07:07 -0500

Seven months ago, former WEC featherweight champ Urijah Faber worked over Jens Pulver for five rounds to take home a decisive 50-45 on all cards victory.

At the time, it was called an incredible fight. Now the WEC is looking for a repeat. How many things are wrong with this picture?

First of all, why is this fight getting top billing? On the same card there is the lightweight championship fight between James Varner and Donald Cerrone.

Varner dismantled former champ Rob McCullough at a kickboxing game (Razor Rob's bread and butter), and Donald Cerrone is a former undefeated Muay Thai fighter with seven of his eight wins via submission.

Are people seriously supposed to expect that a championship match deserves less attention than an non-title fight where the odds are that neither fighter will earn a No. 1 contender slot? The WEC seems to think so.

Second, their first fight wasn't that great. Unless you think that watching Jens Pulver getting punched in the face for five rounds is great. And the odds that your name is BJ Penn is slight, so it is doubtful that this fight was that much fun to watch.

Third, this fight shouldn't even be happening. Faber just lost his belt to Brown for being stupid and trying a desperation move for no reason. Pulver has lost two in a row.

If this is supposed to be Faber's chance to get number one contender status again, possibly behind Leonard Garcia, why is he fighting a guy that he has already worked over just two fights prior?

Nothing about this fight makes any sense. It should not be billed above the Varner/Cerrone fight.

It should not be talked about as though it could even contend with the last two Miguel Torres fights in terms of skill and entertainment. It should not be happening if this is setting up a potential contender. It should not be happening.

So, then why is the WEC advertising it as a main event? It would seem that they don't think too highly of the average WEC fan.

Perhaps WEC officials are hoping or thinking that fans are more likely drawn to a one-sided beatdown vs. a technically and equally aggressive fight. For the sake of argument, let us hope not.

Regardless of the reason, people will watch. Why? Because it is free. Because it is advertised on Spike along with the all the UFC Unleashed episodes that get released over and over, regardless of whether or not people actually want to keep being reminded of the snooze-fest that was the Ortiz/Machida fight at UFC 84.

It doesn't matter who wins this fight, we all lose for the simple fact that the WEC seems more inclined to talk down to the viewership than to promote the fighters that have earned their chance in the spotlight.

Minnesota Vikings Punter Chris Kluwe To Change Name to Chris Warcraft?

Jon Grilz — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 01:18:20 -0500

Ocho Cinco’s got nothing on Chris Kluwe. In a recent article in a Minneapolis newspaper, Vikings punter Chris Kluwe joked that because he is more known for his video game skills than for his punting, he should change his name to Chris Warcraft.

Kluwe, a regular guest on the Twin Cities hard rock morning show- 93X’s Half-Assed Morning Show- has fully admitted that he spends more time at his video game console than in the gym. One particular show revealed that Kluwe knows almost nothing about the game of football but almost everything about the game World of Warcraft.

Kluwe, who has quickly proven to be the Vikings’ best all-time punter, as well as being one of the best in the NFL—if you don’t include his game against the Saints—seems to be more inclined to spending a night playing Rock Band than playing a Monday Night Football game.

Before readers get too excited, the name changed probably won’t happen. Though it would be awesome if it did. Kluwe is perhaps on of the most laid-back and unassuming player in the league and is quick to make fun of himself. The idea that he would change his name is more a mockery of the current state of things in professional sports than a serious proposal.

However, what if he did change his name? What kinds of repercussions could arise from Chris Warcraft taking the field:

1- Kluwe jersey sales that currently stand somewhere between 0-10 total would quickly skyrocket in excess of 30 million jerseys sold because a jersey that says Warcraft is f***ing awesome!

2- 10 million virgins/WOW users would turn on football, for the first time since their fathers tried to force them into athletics, just so they could support their grandmaster dork.

3- Other Vikings would follow suit and change their last names into their favorite hobbies (i.e. Pat Williams becomes Pat Old Country Buffet)

4- The league would finally allow punters to be assisted in their tackling attempts by a +10 battle axe.

5- New corporate sponsors: Game Informant Magazine, Mountain Dew, and Clearasil.

While the day will probably never come that Kluwe will actually change his name to Warcraft, true fans can hold onto the realization that there is at least one player in the league that will never shoot himself in the crotch since Nintendo’s Duck Hunter doesn’t require real bullets.

Though, admittedly, the idea of Kluwe walking into a club with a light gun tucked into his waistband might be the coolest thing a punter has ever done.

Detroit Goes 0-16; Jim Rome Now Believes In God

Jon Grilz — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 08:25:59 -0500

In a time of economic struggle, war, oppression and racism, there isn't much that people have to hold onto in terms of faith. Unless of course, you are Jim Rome. All Jim Rome wanted for Christmas was an NFL team to go 0-16 for the season. Enter the Detroit Lions.

While what goes on inside Jim Rome's bedroom is only known to Jim Rome and what can only be described as a never-ending stream of high class escorts and deliveries of case after case of Cristal champagne, a person can guess at least one bedtime routine.

The following is a reenactment of every night that Jim Rome has lived for the last decade.

After leaving a considerable tip on his dresser along with the instructions to never talk about what just happened, Jim slips into his silk pajamas, sets his pimp cup filled with Henessey Paradise on his nightstand and kneels quietly at his bed.

His hands folded and head bowed Jim says the Lord's Prayer, at least as much as he can remember. Before saying Amen, Jim sends a special message to God:

"And bless Mom and Dad and all the little orphan babies and puppies and kitties. Thank you for Kimbo Slice and TO and Ocho Cinco and Barry Bonds. And God, if you could, do you think that you could ignore all the prayers of Lion's fans and just this once give me an 0-16 season. We've come close with the Lions and Dolphins and Raiders, but it just isn't the same without the big goose-egg.

"If you do I promise to stop sending Frank Caliendo threatening messages, even though his impressions of me suck. Thanks God, your friend, Jimmy. Amen"

Now, it seems that Jim Rome has proved God's existence. Losing 31-21 to the Green Bay Packers, the Detroit Lions are arguably the worst team to ever play in the NFL. And, by proxy, hated by God.

And while the Motor City weeps and still burn the likeness of Matt Millen in effigy, Jim Rome is getting drunk. The awesome kind of happy drunk that only comes when a person realizes that we are not alone in existence, and that God is on our side.

Cheick Kongo to Mostapha Al Turk: A Ball for a Ball

Jon Grilz — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 03:55:40 -0500

It takes something special for a grown man to yell out the phrase, "Oh momma!" to his television screen. The annual Victoria Secret fashion show is one. The annual Lingerie Bowl is another. A man receiving a vicious knee strike to the testicles the other.

Just under three minutes into the first round of fight against Mostapha Al Turk at UFC 92, Kongo received an unintentional knee strike to the groin. A strike sufficient enough for the heavyweight to take some of his allowed five minutes to regain his composure, and for his testicle to drop out of his abdomen.

Fight again began, the slightest high pitched sigh could be heard from the newly crowned soprano Kongo, who avoided going for the clinch in favor of protecting his reason for living.

The two fighters pawed at each other as Al Turk seemed to be having no success at taking Kongo to the ground.

About a minute later, Al Turk found himself on the receiving end of an "unintentional" knee strike right to his goodie bag. Referee Steve Mazzagati separated the two fighters and could be heard saying, "I hope that was an accident."

Al Turk too took a bit of time to get the taste of his own ball out of his mouth before fighting resumed. Kongo eventually won the fight at 4:37 of the first round, which made for one of the longest first rounds, just over seven minutes, in modern UFC history.

There is no doubt that there was some extra ice needed by both fighters in the locker room after the fight.

So, was either knee intentional? You be the judge; see the video here.

What If Mike Tyson Fought Muhammad Ali in 2008? (HUMOR)

Jon Grilz — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 00:15:25 -0500

The recent appearance of Mike Tyson at the 2008 Video Game Awards on Spike TV has prompted many to wonder what exactly happened to the former champ, more recent felon.

Walking on stage in a less than flattering button down white shirt, fashion critics were first to comment that black would have been far more slimming. However, with the size of the gut on the champ, that would have to be a very black shirt. A shirt so black that light could not escape it.

It was obvious that a life that no longer consisted of the rigorous training regime and strict diet of a professional boxer revealed exactly what can happen to a fighter that has way too much time and money on his hands.

The appearance of the former champ did raise some questions in at least one sports writer’s mind. What if two champions were to meet now? What if the greatest were to fight the meanest?

What if Muhammad Ali stepped into the ring against Mike Tyson, right now, in 2008?

Typically, for these kinds of questions, the Bleacher Report Crystal Ball of Future Sporting Disasters would be used. However, in this case, the BRCBofFSD seemed hesitant to reveal the future. Only after much assurance that this is only a satire and that formal charges would not be raised would the results be revealed.

Disclaimer: If you don’t have a sense of humor and can't comprehend that his articles is purely a work of satire, stop reading now. If you keep reading you forfeit your chances to point that stick you have lodged in your butt at the writer or this website.

Results are in the form of commentary by ring announcers Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano of MXC fame.

Vic: Welcome everybody to FOX and what is sure to be a historic fight at the airport Hilton convention room B in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Kenny: Hey Vic, why are we announcing a boxing match?

Vic: You see Kenny, due to the controversy of this fight, legitimate announcers would have nothing to do with this spectacle.

Kenny: Why couldn't FOX just use that guy that does all the voices on Family Guy?

Vic: He was approached Kenny, but he said he was too busy counting his money and doing funny things to be a part of this.

Kenny: I love that British baby (poor British accent) Victory is going to be mine! (laughs)

Vic: Right you are Kenny. And here come the fighters. First out is former heavyweight champion "Iron" Mike Tyson.

Kenny: Whoa, look at the gut on him. He looks more like "Cookie Dough" Mike Tyson.

Vic: Right you are Ken. Tyson weighed in at a staggering 312 pounds, well over any weight he has ever fought at. Still Kenny, you have to admit he is still possessed of one of the iciest stares in boxing.

Kenny: It looks more like he has the "icing-est" bellies in boxing.

Vic: Right you are, Ken. Tyson's pre-fight diet consisted largely of jelly beans, cake frosting straight from the can and that spray cheese that tastes awesome on Buggles.

Kenny: Hey look, he can’t get through the ropes!

Vic: Not a great way to start of, wouldn’t you say Kenny?

Kenny: There he goes! They had to grease up the ropes, that could be dangerous when the fight starts. No one wants to slip and twist their ankles on lube.

Vic: Ah, it reminds me of my times in Thailand.

Kenny: Gross.

Vic: And here comes The Great One!

Kenny: Wow, Will Smith has lost weight.

Vic: That’s not Will Smith Kenny, that’s Muhammad Ali. Will Smith only played him in a movie. If you will notice, he is being escorted out by his daughter, boxing champion and one spicy dancer, Leila Ali.

Kenny: She’s hot! I’d let her smack my junk around anytime.

Vic: My money is on the table as we speak, Ken. The fans at home might notice the lack of spectators, this 150 person capacity room has been semi-filled with people straight off the Las Vegas strip.

Kenny: They look drunk, dumb, and blood-thirsty.

Vic: Well, that is probably because we got them from the UFC event overflow and got them drunk enough to feel comfortable being a part of this.

(Fight announcements made, referee has both fighters touch gloves, touch gloves, touch gloves, fighters return to corners waiting for fight to begin)

Vic: We are just about underway of the most disgusting financial exploitation in recent memory.

Kenny: You mean outside of Christmas and Valentine’s Day?

Vic: Right you are, Ken. And here we go! Both men are slow out of their corners. Ali, diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease is staring down Tyson. Tyson seems to be having a mild asthma attack two steps out of his corner.

Kenny: There is nothing right about any of this.

Vic: Right you are, Ken. Tyson finally makes it over to Ali. Ali starts working Tyson with his jab. It is not clear at this time if the jabs are intentional or if they are muscle spasms caused by the Parkinson’s, regardless, Tyson seems unable to move his head or torso enough from side to side to avoid any of the blows.

Kenny: Wow, I haven't seen someone's hand move that fast since mine about 15 minutes ago in the bathroom.

Vic: Kenny! (sound of a folding fan hitting Kenny's head is heard)

Kenny: You know, I’ll bet if someone said Ali was made of chocolate, Tyson would fight harder.

Vic: I think you mean bite harder, Kenny. Ali has not yet left his corner and has already landed over 100 jabs to the face of Tyson, who is yet to raise his hands past his waist. In fact... wait, I think that Tyson might be knocked out on his feet.

Kenny: No, he’s just taking a nap. He’s a big guy, they need extra rest.

Vic: Right you are, Ken. Oh, it looks like Ali is winding up for a big right cross... here it comes... here it comes... it is almost there... about an inch away now... it connected!

Kenny: Oh my God! I think that Tyson just took a dump in his pants!

Vic: Right you are, Ken. The massively overweight Tyson has become excessively flatulent. Enough so that even his own corner has elected to talk to Tyson via blue-tooth headset from no less than 15 feet away.

Kenny: Hey, I think that the ref is calling the fight!

Vic: Right you are, Ken. The referee has called a stop to this fight! Evidently, due to his weight gain, his increased chances of diabetes, coronary artery disease and sleep apnea may have gotten the better of him. In just under three minutes of fighting, Ali landed nearing 200 (un)intentional punches to the head of Tyson, who wasn’t able to return even one before soiling himself.

Kenny: I don’t feel so good, Vic. And it isn’t from that smell coming from Tyson.

Vic: And rightly so, Ken. We have just become a part of the downward spiral of financial gain that combat sports seems to be involved in, from the ridiculous matchups in boxing to the over-the-top spectacles in mixed martial arts (such as EliteXC). I think it is pretty safe to say that we are all going to hell for this one.

Kenny: Yeah, I was pretty sure I was anyway, but this kind of clinched it. Hey, at least Ali showed he’s still got it.

Vic: Right you are, Ken. He truly is the Great One. Alright Kenny, it our tradtion of signoffs with MXC, what do we say?

Both: Please don't send us death threats!

O.J. Simpson and Michael Vick Become Cellmates, Form A Knitting Circle (humor)

Jon Grilz — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 10:25:06 -0500

In a surprise move on Saturday, the United States Department of Justice has sentenced Hall-of-Fame murderer O.J. Simpson to serve his 9- to 33-year prison term in the same cell as dog enthusiast Michael Vick.

Reports are that the psychiatrist involved in the transfer as quantifiable evidence that the two men will actually have a positive affect on one and other. And, not less than two days after the cell door was closed, the two men were witnessed crocheting an afghan.

Vick, who is serving the tail end of his 23-month sentence for his involvement in a dog fighting ring, seemed to have been hesitant to share the jail cell with Simpson.

Perhaps because of Simpson's success as a running back in the NFL, perhaps because he was afraid to be shanked in the night.

However, the two seemed to bond quickly as Vick admitted that The Naked Gun was one of his favorite movies of all time, and the scene at the beginning where all the goofy sh*t happens to Nordberg (played by Simpson) always makes him "laugh my f***ing ass off."

Not long after, the two were seen having long conversations that ranged from dog grooming tips to how to find a really good fitting pair of leather gloves. The two seemed to be becoming the best of friends.

Then, early Saturday, guards were called to break up a fight between the two men. Five prison guards in full riot gear and equipped with tear gas were needed to pry the two men apart after an argument began as to whether knitting or sewing was a more "manly" endeavor. It is not known at this time which man supported which craft.

Though some experts speculate that due to a knitting needles smooth and graceful stabbing motion, perhaps Simpson was in favor of making sweaters.

The two men have since resolved their differences and reached out to other inmates, forming a knitting circle that they have named COCKS or "Cons Organized to Crochet and Knit Sh*t".

The circle seems to be an early success. So much so that Vick seems to be a bit remorseful that he will not be able to spend more time in prison.

In fact, there seem to be a lot of people out there that wish Vick would be spending more time in prison.

However, it is more likely that people are still pissed about the killing and rape cages versus being happy that Vick likes to sew.

MMA Is Getting Bigger, But Is It Getting Better?

Jon Grilz — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 04:09:17 -0500

On Nov. 12, 1993, at the inaugural Ultimate Fighting Championship event, fans watched as future UFC hall of fame inductee Royce Gracie defeated boxer Art Jimmerson by verbal submission.

Through what was no more than total frustration, Jimmerson had no recourse but to tap out once he had been mounted by Gracie.

Even after the initial tap out, the ref didn't end the fight. The announcers seemed confused as to what was happening. The fans were not happy.

The idea of a tap out seemed abstract, but became an essential part of that night not only for Gracie, but also for Ken Shamrock who also had a victory due to anklelock over Patrick Smith.

The first generation of MMA in the United States was not pretty. It was intended to find out which martial art or self-defense form was supreme, yet most fighters seem to resort to windmill punches and ill-timed kicks. The brutality was obvious, the skill was lacking.

Once the UFC adopted rules and weight classes the game began to change. The fighters had to become more technical as their options dwindled (i.e. no eye gouging, groin punches or hair pulling).

The fighters became more well rounded, possessed better cardiovascular endurance and put on a better show.

Today, there are over 10,000 men and women in the United States alone that participate in mixed martial arts events from the local to the international level.

MMA is the fasting growing sport in America and the biggest names are as well known as the biggest names in the NBA, MLB, or NFL.

MMA, and the UFC for that matter, have come a long way in 15 years...but has it really become that much better?

Take UFC Fight Night: Fight for the Troops. These were some of the most lopsided fights in recent time. So much so that some states have shown interest in litigation to once again ban the showing of MMA events.

Enter Razak Al-Hassan. He was 7-0 (five by way of submission, mind you) going into his first fight in the UFC. His opponent was former WEC light heavyweight champion Steven Cantwell.

Late in the first round, Cantwell secured an armbar. Al-Hassan refused to tap. The fight ended in what looked like a broken arm for Al-Hassan.

A man that has five of his seven wins via submission refused to tap. He knew what was happening, but he let it happen anyway.

Why?

With all the competitors out there, is it that hard to set-up even matches? With all the fighters out there, is the talent pool so shallow that the UFC can't find fighters that are willing to put self-preservation a little higher on their lists?

Sadly, no.

Unless a fighter has made a name for themselves in the UFC, a single loss can mean that they will never again get a chance to fight on the biggest stage in MMA. The idea of a loss becomes unacceptable. Fighters refuse to tap. Their well-being ceases to matter.

With the level of competition to get to the larger MMA shows, is it that more fans are watching because the fights are better, or just because the fights are getting easier to see?

A lot of men and women out there want to be professional fighters. They dream of the day when they don't need another job and that sponsors and fight purses can pay for them to train everyday. They dream of wearing a championship belt.

That dream forces bad decisions. The competition makes their choices harder and harder.

Ask most fighters, and they will say that they have fought with injuries, some even so far as to say it would be weird to fight without an injury. Their bodies are taking a back seat to their hopes and dreams.

With the rate at which MMA is growing, and the knowledge that literally anyone can begin training MMA and get a chance to at least begin fighting locally, are things going to get better or worse for the sport in terms of brutality and injuries.

For no better reason than the idea of losing will carry with it the idea that a fighter can't take care of themselves financially?

Did MMA get too big, too fast? Will it be its own demise?

UFC Fight for the Troops—Razak Al-Hassan: AAAAAHHHHH!

Jon Grilz — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 23:29:01 -0500

Razak Al-Hassan‘s career in the UFC began with a few cheers from the military personal that filled the Fort Bragg complex to watch the UFC Fight Night. It ended with everyone in attendance yelling, “AAAAHHHHH!”

Here is a little geometry of anatomy lesson: the human arm isn’t meant to bend past 180 degrees. Sure, there are a few people that have something called hyper-flexibility which allows their joints to bend far past the average person, of course most of these people are in Cirque de Soleil.

Opponent Steve Cantwell mounted Al-Hassan late in the first round. Al-Hassan raised his arms to defend the strikes that were raining down on him. Cantwell isolated the arm, rotated to an arm bar and dropped. The arm bar was solid and deep, but Al-Hassan didn't tap.

Instead Al-Hassan rotated and tried to spin out of the armbar, Cantwell stayed with it and rolled back to his own back, pulling harder. The image was enough to create a sound in the head of all spectators as Al-Hassan's arm popped past 180 degrees, ending closer to 270 degrees.

The ref broke the fighters up (no pun intended). Al-Hassan had a confused look as though he were fine. He was not. The instant replay revealed the arm popping backwards. For those that saw Frank Mir break Tim Sylvia's arm: it was not that subtle. It wasn't just a little pop. Al-Hassan's arm swung backwards like a saloon door.

Got the stomach to see the arm bar? View it here. The angle isn't as good as the replay, but that might spare some nightmares.

Fans nation wide that have basis submission, or human anatomy, understanding reacted something like this: "Nice arm bar, this should be over...wait, he isn't tapping...oh god, oh jesus...what the...AAAAAHHHHH!!! TAP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"

Message to Al-Hassan: TAP G** D*** IT! There is no pride in breaking your arm! Don't be stupid. That goes for all fighters that think there is shame in tapping out. Just f***ing tap!

While the official results of the injury haven't been released yet, it doesn't look like Al-Hassan will be fighting in the UFC (or anywhere else) for quite a while.

The UFC Needs a Hispanic Champion

Jon Grilz — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 09:05:42 -0500

Manny Pacquiao is the Beatles. Oscar De La Hoya is Brad Pitt. Two of the biggest names in boxing today will enter the ring in what is sure to be a huge pay-per-view sell. This is what the UFC, and MMA in general, is missing.

Just a few days ago, the WEC's Miguel Torres demolished No. 1 contender Manny Tapia to retain his bantamweight belt. The fight was another example not only of Torres' dominance at the weight, but also how impressive the lighter (and underrepresented) fighters can perform.

The WEC is the largest fight organization to have fighters under the 155-lightweight limit. They have champions in both the featherweight (145) and bantamweight (135) divisions. They also have some of the most impressive athletes in MMA. So why don't people seem to care?

The answer: people care, many current MMA fans do not. One of the reasons that boxing is still making such huge pay-per-view events is thanks to fighters like Pacquiao and De La Hoya. Excellent fighters who have a fan base of most (if not all) Hispanic countries.

They are rock stars who get mobbed in the street. They represent a nationalism that is rarely seen in MMA (unless you count the drunk idiots who feel the need to chant "USA, USA" even when both or neither fighter is American).

By establishing, or at least promoting, the better Hispanic contenders, the UFC would be able to increase the viewership of millions of fans who might not view for any other reason than national pride and support.

As is, the talent pool for Hispanic fighters in the major organizations is limited. Some of the top Hispanic fighters in the UFC are/were as follows:

Tito Ortiz: the first UFC fighter to really embrace his Hispanic heritage by carrying both the US and Mexican flags into the Octagon with him prior to every fight. Unfortunately, Tito is past his prime and gone from the UFC.

Roger Huerta: the first MMA fighter to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated, it seemed that Huerta's impressive record and aggressive fighting style were perfect for the UFC to market across borders. Sadly, his recent loss to Ken Florian puts his future in limbo.

Diego Sanchez: Sanchez's nationality rarely gets brought up in advertising or articles. This is neither or good nor bad thing, as it doesn't play into the idea of supporting a fighter simply due to his nationality. However, it isn't helping. Diego's recent injury and mediocre performances as of late have put him lower on the welterweight totem pole and often stuck being on the undercard.

Manny Tapia: Undefeated going into his fight with Miguel Torres, Tapia was one of the most feared bantamweights the WEC had to offer. Too bad Torres wasn't intimidated by his striking or record. Tapia got TKO'd in the second round.

Leonard Garcia: With hands of stone, Garcia is making a powerful play for a shot at the WEC's featherweight belt. His lightning-fast knockout of MMA "legend" Jens Pulver has situated him high on a lot of Top 10 lists and makes him a danger to any opponent he faces. Garcia is an excellent candidate to be marketed, but is in the WEC (more on that later).

Miguel Torres: He is arguably in the Top 5 best pound-per-pound fighters in the world. And if his record (35-1, no losses in the last five years) has anything to do with it, he might just be the best. His dominant reach, impressive octagon control, superior jiu-jitsu skills and iron will make Torres a poster boy for the WEC and the best candidate to draw in Hispanic fans. Again, he is in the WEC.

Why does being in the WEC matter? Well, the WEC pretty much only gets advertised on Versus and evidently doesn't yet warrant a pay-per-view. There is little if any tension coming into title fights and it often gets overshadowed by its big brother, the UFC.

Fight fans who don't have cable can still see the UFC pay-per-views at bars; however, WEC events might be hit or miss, if people even know about them at all.

So then, what is the solution? The UFC could easily fold in the WEC, perhaps even making it open to having fighters compete on either or both cards. The lighter fighters (bantam and feather) having their title matches on PPV could increase revenue and benefit from the increased advertising.

The No. 1 contender matches and regular matches could still be shown on Versus to given MMA fans a chance to see the fighters without dishing out $50.

If the UFC really wanted to gain the kinds of pay-per-view numbers that boxing has gotten and still gets from the big-name fighters, they are going to have to stop assuming that the USA is the only market that really matters and start showing the world exactly how impressive the Hispanic fighters of the WEC are.

Should MMA Be Offered As a College Degree?

Jon Grilz — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 00:58:03 -0500

Mixed Martial Arts is the fastest growing sport in the United States. There are over 10,000 active participants in events that range from the local to the international level in the USA alone. MMA fighters pay can range from $100 or so for a local fight to literally millions when combining large venues and endorsement deals.

So, then, why can’t it be offered as a college degree?

There are a lot of worthless majors out there: communications, philosophy, art history, jazz studies, English literature (f***!). There are degrees that sound interesting in theory and have fun classes, but are lacking in real world application.

Bear in mind that there are professional fighters with advanced levels of education. Rich Franklin has a Masters degree in Math. Rosi Sexton has a PH.D. in Math. Both Rashad Evans and Jeff Monson have Masters in Psychology.

Forget for a moment that no professional sport is offered as a degree (that is a different, however connected subject, see the article: Open Mic: They're Athletes and the NCAA Should Pay Them) and look at the facts and potential that lay in legitimizing MMA as a field of study.

MMA is fighting (no pun intended) for legitimacy in the world of professional sports. It is a sport still relatively new to the United States, so there is still a very large talent pool of varying levels of skill.

Here is what an MMA degree would help to create: fewer and better fighters. Going to any local MMA event will typically reveal exactly how bad some fighters can be. There are often at least a few fighters in the ring or cage that look as though they have never taken a single martial arts class or spent a minute in a gym.

An MMA degree would help to broaden the knowledge of fighters, creating an even wider gap between the amateur armchair fighter and the fighter that is destined for a successful career.

By studying subjects that would vary from international studies to sport specific training to the history of fighting and warfare, the average meat head that thinks he is a good fighter might think twice before stepping into a cage against opponents that have spent two to four years of intensive training preparing to throw leather.

It would have the potential to create more well rounded fighters by having sport specific classes that deal with BJJ, wrestling, kickboxing, boxing, sambo, judo and other arts. Not only the actual practice of the arts, but also the study of the history of these arts will broaden knowledge and help the fighter to find the techniques that most effectively mesh to the individual.

This would also serve to legitimize the major by having classes like Brazilian, Russian and Asian studies to take an in-depth look at the history of the arts. Even physics, physiology and anatomy classes could be involved to make the fighters more effective.

Students taking these classes could also take a law or business angle to look into the fields of becoming agents and fight organizers. The agents would have a better understanding of skill and set up better fights. The fight organizers could also become better judges of talent and set up the most entertaining fight cards.

Not to mention the potential to get some of these fighters some public speaking and interpersonal communications skills. A little eye contact and a few complete sentences could serve to soften the public’s view of mixed martial artists just being brutes that train to break things.

There is also the coaching aspect. If you really look, there are a lot of gyms that offer MMA training. Very few of these gyms are actually run by professional or highly experienced fighters. Many gyms are run by myopic trainers that are turning out brawlers, not fighters.

By legitimizing the degree, the MMA trainers would become more well rounded and well versed, creating a better generation of fighters through which to pass on their training and knowledge. This would improve fighter safety and fewer fighters would enter the ring ill-prepared.

Trainers would have to complete certification as proof positive of their training skills and knowledge. While the trainers that only claim to have fighting experience still exist, they would largely be lost by the way side thanks to trainers that can prove that they have the knowledge.

Likening it to boxing—many boxing trainers used to box. They may or may not have college level educations and it definitely had nothing to do with pugilism. However, MMA is far too young for many of the trainers that are out there to have actually competed themselves.

These schools could offer financial add to ensure that they are getting the kind of training that they deserve, not just the kinds that they can afford. Many potentially great fighters get lost by the wayside because they can’t afford the bigger and better gyms and instead opt for the cheap gym that is more of a meat grinder than training facility.

Schools could offer a safe training environment and serve to set up amateur fights for students. Instead of participating in illegal “smoker” events, young fighters could be matched up in school regulated matches that pay professional referees to come in and ensure fighter safety, instead of just finding the guy that has seen the most UFC PPVs.

Not to mention that if this were a four year, or even two year degree, it would force the fighters to show a level of dedication to the sport. Instead of people thinking they could compete after doing 30 days of BJJ or muay thai, fighters would think twice before fighting someone with no less than two years of intensive experience.

All of this would actually serve to narrow down the talent pool of fighters. The fighters that train for the degree with have a more well versed knowledge and broader range of training (think about studying abroad for a semester in Sao Paulo), but the fighters that didn’t have the means to go to college could at least get better training.

The more narrow talent pool would increase the pay for fighters as well. Instead of being able to lowball fighters with weak pay, the fewer number of fighters would create a greater need and force promoters to pay more to get the more talented fighters.

Fighters would be able to make better a better living even if they weren’t able to earn contracts in the larger organizations.

For those of you that have made it this far in the article and still aren’t convinced, think about this: physical education is a degree. The people with these degrees become coaches and teachers. Why not specify MMA?

It may be too much to ask to see this at the state level, but community and technical colleges that specify in MMA might not be that much of a long shot. There is a lot of untapped potential and information out there that is not being utilized that could (and should) be put to good use.

The bottom line: MMA is dangerous. The more fighters that are in the sport that have little to no training just adds to the danger of stupid injuries. By giving fighters the opportunity to broaden and refine their knowledge and abilities we would be creating a safer environment to fight in with high caliber fighters that can no longer get by just with one skill set (*cough* wrestlers).

Keep in mind, the degree wouldn’t be necessary. Fighters can still compete and hope for the best, however, if there is anything that we can do to refine the sport, isn’t it an option to look into?

After all, these guys are going to be fighters anyway, why not see exactly how good we can make them?

Message to Plaxico Burress: Buy a Holster

Jon Grilz — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 01:06:01 -0500

There are certain inevitable truths that humanity must come to embrace: 1) Gravity is a fact, not a theory. 2) The game is called "soccer", not "futbol." 3) Putting mayo on a hamburger is a crime against humanity. 4) NFL players players need to carry handguns for protection.

While efforts are being made to implement the first three of these truths into a worldwide understanding, the last on the list is something that NFL players need to come to grips with as much as the fans.

On Saturday, Nov. 29, Plaxico Burress shot himself in the thigh at a nightclub after the handgun that he had in the waistband of his pants slipped down the inside of his pants and discharged as he groped around for it.

Per the Associated Press: "The incident happened at the Latin Quarter nightclub on Manhattan's East Side on Friday night.

"Burress went to the Hospital for Special Surgery in Manhattan, where he stayed overnight. He was released from the hospital Saturday afternoon.

"A league official says the bullet went through the skin and muscle tissue of Burress' right thigh, and did not hit any major arteries, and there were no broken bones."

It happens. NFL players, and wide receivers in particular, live hard lives and are forced to live in a world that protecting one's self isn't an option, it is a fact.

It isn't as easy as not being a douche bag. It isn't as easy as not going to clubs that necessitate bringing a firearm for protection. It isn't as easy as paying someone to carry a gun for you.

Burress is a man. And in being a man, he knows that he is infinitely more powerful and confident when he is carrying a weapon that was created to end life. Plus, it makes up for any "shortcomings" that already exist below his belt line.

Not knowing the model or caliber of handgun that was used in the self-inflicted stupidity makes it difficult to recommend the proper storage accessory or holster for Burress; however, most range from $15.99 to $29.99.

Not only do holsters look cool, especially tactical holsters that hang lower on the thigh for a quicker draw, but they are practical in the regards that you will never have to worry about your side arm falling down your waist band and shooting off your reason for living.

Mr. Burress, Plaxico... please, in the name of all football fans and NRA members, we understand how cool it looks to keep a handgun in your waistband, we have all seen the John Woo classic movies The Killer and Hardboiled, but please, at least during the regular season, strap on a holster.

You might be surprised at how much less people mess with you when they see the SWAT-style tach holster bouncing side to side as you grind up against a walking case of chlamydia in the clubs.

Thanks.

Top 10 Fighters That Have Built the UFC to What It Is Today

Jon Grilz — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 06:18:14 -0500

In the mid '90s, the UFC emerged as the first popularized mixed martial arts events in the United States. It was bloody, messy, and uncoordinated. Bruce Lee versus Jackie Chan it wasn’t. There was a lot of criticism of the sport and the organization in terms of brutality.

Eventually, legislation spearheaded by Senator John McCain fought to ban MMA, as it was known (few if any rules or regulations). After a hiatus, change of ownership, and increased rules, the UFC returned with a vengeance and began their climb to the top of the popularity charts for professional sports.

There were many factors that have contributed to the UFC as we know it and the popularity it holds (how many people think that MMA and UFC are the same thing?). Forgetting the pain and effort that was needed in conference rooms and over the telephone, in the end, it is the fighters that make the UFC what it is.

Here is a list of the Top 10 fighters that have most influenced what the UFC is today:

10. Don Frye

Often forgotten in recent times thanks to his standoffish attitude and belligerent behavior, Don Frye took on some of the best fighters the UFC had to offer and ground them into the mat. Most memorable of all was his enduring and eventually tapping out Tank Abbott when Abbott was at his best.

He was the first and best wrestler the UFC showcased by combining solid strikes to his grappling skills. He set the stage for future champions like Randy Couture, Matt Hughes, and even Brock Lesnar to show how dominate wrestling can be in MMA competition.

9. Ken Shamrock

Love him or hate him (probably the latter), Ken Shamrock was there from the beginning and brought Pancrase fighting to the UFC. With dangerous ankle locks and a tenacity that was enough to stop the previously unstoppable Royce Gracie (unofficial Super Fight), Ken Shamrock was, at one point, at the top of the UFC food chain.

(Of course, then he fell apart and is yet to realize that he needs to retire)

8. Marco Ruas

Marco Ruas brought Vale Tudo style fighting to the UFC back in 1995. His dismantling of the giant Paul Varelans at UFC Seven exemplified that Brazilian fighters brought more than just BJJ to the mixed martial arts table.

He is the first example of a truly complete fighter to compete in the UFC. All the while showing, before its time, what the future of MMA would become.

7. Frank Shamrock

The UFC’s first middleweight champion, Frank Shamrock was so successful that he left the UFC, retiring, claiming that there was no one left that was any competition. At the time, he was right.

A combination of formidable striking, incredible cardio (one of the first fighters to truly show a high level of conditioning), and top-notch submissions, Frank Shamrock tends to be forgotten in the history of the UFC but still stands as one of the most dominant and complete champions that the UFC has ever seen.

6. (tie) Forrest Griffin/Stephen Bonnar

On Apr. 9, 2005, American’s were treated with a free viewing of one of the most intense mixed martial arts fights of all time. Forrest Griffin and Stephan Bonnar entered the octagon to fight for the first TUF championship.

What they left in the octagon was a higher standard in competition. Now, when most fans think about how they want a fight to go, they think of Griffin/Bonnar. Two fighters that left it all out there.

This event served to launch the popularity of the UFC to new levels with a new, younger fanbase who reveled in the fact that they didn’t have to pay $50 to see a good fight.

5. Matt Hughes

Matt Hughes was the UFC’s first long-time champ. Hughes’ long lasting career and welterweight title run lasted until current champ Georges St. Pierre took his rightful place on the throne, usurping the aging Hughes.

Hughes represented the good-old farm boy with the hardcore work ethic. He was, and still is, as American as apple pie and poorly built cars. He is at the end of his MMA career, but his impact and long tenure in the UFC showed that fighters could last and truly make a career out of being a mixed martial artist...or at least a wrestler that competes in mixed martial arts.

4. Randy Couture

The Natural, Captain America, Randy Couture, whatever name you use for him, they all mean the same thing: perseverance. Randy Couture has left a string of championships that go back to 1997. He has been both heavyweight and light heavyweight champion, and it wasn’t until the age of 45 that he seemed to finally come to his end as a champion.

His story and longevity have done wonders in creating buzz and viewership in the UFC from his immensely popular fights with Chuck Liddell to his ESPN covered fight with Brock Lesnar.

Couture is the model of work ethic and class who will leave a legacy for the future fighters of the UFC to try and live up to for years to come.

3. Royce Gracie

Yes, Royce Grace ranks third on the list. He was the first, second, and forth UFC tournament champion. He introduced BJJ to the majority of US fans. He showed that it isn’t the size of the fighter, it is the skill. His legacy just isn’t as great as people seem to remember.

The Gracie family have a fighting legacy that is long and untouchable, they have impacted the UFC greatly, just not as much as two other fighters. BJJ has it’s place in the UFC, but mostly just the submissions.

To this day, few fighters are able to display true examples of BJJ, often being overshadowed by top level wrestlers who are used to grinding out wins.

It has taken over a decade of fighters like Damian Maia and Nike Diaz to show a BJJ dominant fight plan that can actually produce success in the UFC.

2. Tito Ortiz

Much like Frank Shamrock, Tito is a love-him-or-hate-him fighter. However, regardless of how a person may feel about Tito the person, Tito the fighter was the new face of the UFC’s revolution. He was young, brash, and responsible for the first real drama in the UFC thanks to his feud with Shamrock’s Lion’s Den.

The Huntington Beach Bad Boy has since gone his own way after far too much disputing with Dana White and seems to be up s**t creek with EliteXC folding, but he can always hold onto the memory that he used to be the best and most recognizable fighter the UFC had to offer, not to mention the best fighter you could select on the first UFC video game.

1. Chuck Liddell

The Iceman. Thanks to Juliet Lewis, Chuck had fans before we even knew we were his fans. With his trademark mustache, close-cropped mohawk, and protruding stomach, Liddell long served as one of the best pure strikers in the UFC and MMA in general.

His reign as champ coupled with his explosive knockouts drew more fans to the UFC than any other fighter. He was blunt and easy to watch and love. His popularity brought in advertisers and his endorsements made him the first fighter to earn $1 million in a year.

His face was every any time the UFC was referenced. He was the UFC’s first true international superstar. What the UFC is today is thanks in the greatest part to Chuck Liddell.

All of these fighters had their stake in making the UFC what we see today. Ranks may very depending on the reader’s preference for the fighter; however, one thing is certain, no matter who you think had the biggest impact, if it weren’t for these 10 men, the UFC just wouldn’t be the same.

What Fighter Best Respresents MMA?

Jon Grilz — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 04:22:37 -0500

MMA is brutal, bloody and controversial. While some claim it should be banned, others clamor for more coverage and high profile fights. At a pivotal time in the growth of this sport, which fighter stands out as the best representative of mixed martial arts on the basis of skill, personality and world wide recognition?

Begin Slideshow

Fantasy Fights: Top 10 Ideal UFC Rematches

Jon Grilz — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 03:13:04 -0500

In a perfect world, there is no racism, sexism, or homophobia. In a perfect world, there is no hunger or poverty. In a perfect world, there is no alimony (gold-digging b**ch). In a perfect world, great UFC fights lead to great UFC rematches.

This is not a perfect world.

In this world, Griffin/Bonnar I lead to Griffin/Bonnar II. In this world, Liddell/Couture I lead to Liddell/Couture II & III. In this world, Arlovski/Slyvia I & II lead to Alovski/Silva III.

If this were a perfect world, there would be great rematches that live up to their predecessors. In a perfect world, there would be rematches that could just as easily gone the other way and probably would.

In a perfect world, the following 10 fights would happen and be totally f***ing awesome.

10. UFC 75: Dan Henderson versus Quinton Jackson

- Okay, this wasn’t that great of a fight. Two great fighters came out and pawed at each other like they were jet lagged and hung over. Perhaps the only fight in which a fighter (Jackson) seemed to have more energy at the end of the fight than at the beginning.

Jackson won the first go around, but has been suspect ever since. Both fighters are in desperate need of a win and would be looking to leave it all in the Octagon this go around.

9. UFC 69: Diego Sanchez versus Josh Koscheck

- Another fight that had great potential but couldn’t quite live up to the hype. Neither fighter has been able to make it to the top of the welterweight division, begin forced to be the best of the potential number one contenders.

The first time around, Koscheck worked over the normally intense Sanchez. This would be Sanchez’ chance to show what BJJ can do against wrestling.

8. UFC 64: Kenny Florian versus Sean Sherk

- This one might still happen, unless Florian is inclined to wait nine months for a title shot. Sherk dominated Florian by lying on top of Florian for most of the fight. Since then, Florian has been on a tear displaying one of the most well-round games in the UFC. Sherk’s new found punching ability might be enough to keep the fight standing and far more entertaining.

7. UFC Fight Night TUF 6 Finale: Clay Guida versus Roger Huerta

- Sports Illustrated cover-boy Roger Huerta endured the storm that is Clay Guida to get a submission victory in the third round the first time around in what turned out to be one of the most intense fights of the year.

With Guida on the rise and never lacking intensity, and Huerta’s career frozen after his defeat to Florian, this could set up a rematch between the two that could easily go the other way.

6. UFC 81: Brock Lesnar versus Frank Mir

- Here is another fight that just might happen (if God has a strange sense of humor). Mir showed the world exactly what Lesnar’s Achilles' heel was in the first 90 seconds after it looked like Lesnar would bulldoze the former Heavyweight champ.

One heel hook later, the fight and the initial hype was over. Lesnar holds the gold now and has supposedly been working his BJJ. Could lightning strike twice? Was it lightning at all?

5. UFC 82: Dan Henderson versus Anderson Silva

- Anderson Silva tapped out Henderson on the ground after Henderson seemed to be controlling the stand up fight. The roll reversal confused many MMA fans for a moment until Silva unified the belt and showed how complete of a fighter he truly is.

Henderson is reaching the end of his career but is still one of the best wrestlers in MMA. If he tightens up his submission defense, this could be the toughest fight Silva has had in the UFC.

4. UFC Fight Night 15: Josh Neer versus Nate Diaz

- Yes, Neer and Diaz rank higher than Henderson and Silva. This fight lived up to what has become a very high standard in UFC Fight Night main events. Diaz possesses some of the best BJJ skills in the UFC (as used in actual fights), and Neer was able to survive all submissions and some sick transitions.

“The Dentist” is one of the most tenacious fighters in MMA, and his never-die attitude, coupled with Diaz’ rising star, could make for a fight of the year nomination.

3. UFC 86: Quinton Jackson versus Forrest Griffin

- Up until Lesnar defeated Couture, no fight had made fans more disgruntled than Griffin defeating Jackson via decision to become the first TUF winner to take home the gold.

Griffin put in a plan worthy of coach Randy Couture and avoided the takedown while chipping away at Jackson. Now, if Jackson were at 100 percent or even 90 percent and more inclined to go for the take down, this fight could have ended a lot quicker and entirely differently.

2. UFC 76: Forrest Griffin versus Mauricio Rua

- This should have been a better fight to begin with. Not to discredit Griffin, but Rua’s premiere with the UFC went the way of far too many Pride fighters: pathetic. Griffin controlled the pace and the action against one of the best light heavyweights in the world.

Given the chance to see a healthy (as close as Rua gets) and conditioned Rua against the iron-willed Griffin, this fight could still go either way and make for an undeniable champion.

1. UFC 79: Wanderlei Silva versus Chuck Liddell

- What more could a UFC fan ask for than two legends of striking in a must-win situation? Three rounds of trading shots made for a legendary matchup. Silva has since lit up Keith Jardine while Liddell got KO’d by Rashad Evans.

Should the two still be up for losing a few million more brain-cells, this rematch would be enough to satisfy even the most blood-thirst of one-dimensional UFC fans.

(If I have forgotten any fights, please pardon me. It is nearly noon as I write this and I have been drunk for hours. Please feel free to add any fights that I may have overlooked, and I might just add them to the list. Bare in mind that only currently active fighters apply to this list.)

UFC Fight Night: Fight For The Troops... Don't Our Troops Deserve Better?

Jon Grilz — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 09:47:00 -0500

American Troops need our support. They always have and always will. They need to know that they are not forgotten about, even when it seems that their own government has stopped caring.

On December 10th, the UFC is putting on UFC Fight Night Fight for the Troops. This is a live event with proceeds going towards the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund. All but 30 tickets are to be given away free of charge to active military personnel. The remaining 30 are to be auctioned off with proceeds going towards the fund.

This sounds like a wonderful concept. In fact it is a wonderful concept; too bad that our troops didn't warrant A-list fighters.

Here is the current scheduled fight card (the fights that are scheduled to air in the time allotted):

Frank Edgar Vs. Matt Wiman

Tim Credeur Vs. Nate Loughran

Steve Cantwell Vs. Razak Al-Hassan

Mike Swick Vs. Jonathan Goulet

With the main event being:

Josh Koscheck Vs. Yoshiyuki Yoshida

All due respect to all of these fighters, but are you people serious? Your idea of really giving to the troops is setting up a fight cards with these guys? Get real.

The only fighter that did not win his last fight was Josh Koscheck, who lost the welterweight No. 1 contender fight to Thiago Alves just a month ago at UFC 90. At least the UFC had enough respect to find fighters that have at least a one-win streak going.

But what does this fight card really say? "We want to support our troops, but don't want to lose out on title-fight PPV revenue." Not to mention that it will be a nice tax break for the UFC.

To their credit, MMA fans don't see the other organizations putting these events on, and the UFC has shown their support by having Fight Night events in the troops honor, but this seems like a half-assed attempt at an incredibly kind gesture.

Let's give the troops a title fight. Let's give the fans a free title-fight. Sure, I know that it is a business, but why not have the event on PPV and give all the PPV money to the fund? That would probably be too generous.

There is nothing wrong with this event or the intent, except that it seems more like another way for the UFC to get viewers without having to do so at the expense of even a No. 1 contender.

Koscheck, Yoshida, Cantwell, Goulet and Edgar are very good in their weight classes, but they will probably never get higher than a No. 1 contender match, and none of these are even that much.

If the UFC really wants to show some support, why not throw in a No. 1 contender fight? Or a title fight? Don't use time as an excuse, this event could be held at any time. Future pay-per-view cards don't even have tickets for sale yet, move could have been made.

Instead, fight fans and soldiers will be treated to fighters that may put on a great show, but in the end, were only good enough to put on a free card, not PPV.

Something about this just doesn't feel right.

Troy Williamson to Fight Brad Childress? Place Your Bets!

Jon Grilz — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 01:33:46 -0500

One of the most difficult parts about writing humor articles is that while most articles are at least based in truth, sometimes people just don’t believe that anything so stupid could actually happen.

Case in point: Jacksonville Jaguar wide receiver Troy Williamson has challenged Minnesota Vikings head coach Brad Childress to a fight on the 50-yard line during their upcoming game this Sunday.

The bad blood, at least on Williamson’s side, came from games that were missed by the butter-fingered receiver while he was an over-hyped and over-paid receiver for the Vikings. Williamson told the Vikings that he would not be at practice for a few days in order to attend his grandmother’s funeral.

The Vikings paid their respects by docking the massive letdown’s pay.

The bad blood on the Viking’s side comes from the fact that Williamson sucked as a player and a person.

In Williamson’s statement, the aspiring pugilist stated that, “We can meet on the 50-yard line and we can go at it.” Williamson even stated that he would fight with both hands tied behind his back. Much like the way his plays wide receiver.

Childress responded with more words and emotion than he has shown in his entire tenure as head coach in the frozen north, “Do you need my reach? I’m not like a woman; I’ll give you my weight. It’s 190-pounds of twisted steel and rompin’, stompin’ dynamite.”

Using the Bleacher Report Crystal Ball of Future Sporting Disasters (a device not used since predicting the outcome in the “Chad Johnson challenges Michael Phelps to a Race; Drowns” article), we can now see how this fight would have turned out:

Going into halftime trailing 14-3, Vikings’ head coach Childress’ blood pressure has begun to soar, raising to an all-time high of 100/20. As the clock ticks down the last two minutes of the half, Childress begins shadow boxing and jumping rope to work up a good sweat, chanting, “Go in cold, get knocked out cold.”

Meanwhile, Williamson is on the opposite sidelines drying off and repeated chalking up his hands in order to counter act the steady flow of butter that oozes from the pores on his hands, the real reason why he can’t catch a pass to save his life.

Vegas odds makers have made this an even money fight, enraging Williamson.

As the final second ticked off the clock to end the half, the two men run at a dead sprint towards one another and collide like Neo versus Agent Smith in the final/crappiest Matrix movie. The shock wave is nearly enough to drown out the obnoxious yelling that is ever present in the big inflatable toilet (the Metrodome).

Williamson begins the punching with several well-aimed shots to the jaw of the older and bespectacled Childress. Sadly, the grease pouring from his palms creates a frictionless surface and all punches slide off Childress’ chin.

Childress responds by calling a quarterback sneak on third-and-12, hoping to fool the opposing defense while his best player, Adrian Peterson, is forced to stand on the sidelines since he is unproven in pivotal situations.

This confusing move momentary trips up Williamson, who literally trips over his own feet, falling forward into Childress’ perfectly manicured mustache which has been waxed to a sharp point, cutting Williamson above the eye and forcing the fight to be ended in a effort to enforce fighter safety.

The completely inebriate crowd erupts with applause, not due to the fight itself, which has gone largely unnoticed, but instead for the Frisbee catching dogs that often put on the most entertaining part of Sunday games at the Metrodome.

The outcome convinces former Minnesota head coach turned line coach for Jacksonville Mike Tice to unwrap the tape from his hands, wipe off the Vaseline from his brow line and slink back into the locker room, to plot an alternate form of revenge for being drummed out of town due to sucking.

The Funniest and Dirtiest Athlete Names in Sports History

Jon Grilz — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 01:42:52 -0500

Children can be very mean. The first thing that they have to look at and pick apart is a person’s name. They will be vicious and make you hate your parents for giving you even the most common of names.

They will call you "toilet" no matter how many times you yell, “That’s John with an "H"! There’s no "H" in my name!”

Sorry...

However, as bad as some people get made fun of for their names, athletes can have a much more difficult time since they are in the public eye.

Here is a list of some of the saddest and, therefore, most wonderful names in professional sports history (in no particular order):

- St. Louis Cardinals star Albert Pujols

His name has the word poo in it. That’s awesome!

- Former Quebec goalie Ron Tugnutt

Famous for his pinch and roll maneuver

- Olympic freestyle skier Assol Slivets

No one streaked down the runs like she did

- Former MLB journeyman Homer Bush

He was no stranger to rounding third

- Florida State receiver De’Cody Fagg

His family is of English decent, where they are known as cigarettes

- Russian figure skater Irina Slutskaya

Her maiden name was Tightknees

- Chicago Bears legend Dick Butkus

The guy is, like, 70 and I’m still scared to make a joke here

- Olympic basketball player Gregor Fucka

Guess what his mom was called...

- Former University of San Francisco standout Chubby Cox

That’s weird, I always thought that was just Wilt Chamberlain’s nickname

- Racing Legend Dick Trickle

The first racer to be sponsored by a colostomy bag manufacturer

- Former MLB outfielder Johnny Dickshot

Actually, a common name in 40s due to the Baby Boom

- Olympic swimmer Misty Hyman

Wife of the lesser known swimmer, Kyle Foreskin

- Former Mariners pitcher Dick Pole

[insert Beavis and Butthead laugh track here]

- Eastern Illinois linebacker Lucious Pusey

Yes, this is real. No joke needed

- Former NFL free safety Harry Colon

No word as to how much truth lies in his name because no one is willing to put in the research

- Former MLB utility player Pete LaCock

Yes, his favorite meal is Le Big Mac

- Former standout Texas Longhorn receiver B.J. Johnson

The first player in NCAA history to get a sexual harassment allegation for introducing himself.

- Former Minnesota Twins outfielder Rusty Kuntz

Oil can...oil can...

Brock Lesnar Tries Out for Manchester United (Humor)

Jon Grilz — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 00:30:41 -0500

In a strange (but not totally unexpected) twist of events, newly crowned UFC heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar has announced his plans to try out for the Manchester United football team.

The former NCAA national heavyweight wrestling champion/WWE heavyweight champion/Minnesota Vikings practice squad member has made another career left turn by pursuing a tryout for the infinitely-more-popular-everywhere-else-in-the-world Manchester United squad.

Lesnar, who has a history of randomly changing his career path, began making phone calls early Sunday morning as his wife Sable lay in a sex-induced coma following Lesnar’s defeat of UFC Hall of Fame journeyman Randy “The Natural” Couture.

MMA analysts believe the move is directly related to Lesnar having to defend his championship belt against either Frank Mir (who submitted Lesnar in his first UFC fight) or former interim heavyweight champ Antonio “Minotauro” Nogueira (who is a lot better than Mir is).

Instead of having his championship belt taken in what can only be described as a ridiculously fast submission loss, Lesnar seems to be inclined to find another professional sport that he once played as a young man to try out for.

Reports are that Lesnar once played soccer in sixth grade gym class. Supposedly, the 6'0", 200-pound, 11-year-old Lesnar scored a goal and dislocated the shoulders of five opposing classmates. This momentary feeling of success seems to be the root of the career move.

Lesnar, who left the WWE at the height of his popularity to try out for the Minnesota Vikings, despite having not played a single down of football since high school, is no stranger to sudden and unexplainable choices.

Reports inside the tryout were vague but mortifying. Ambulances were seen leaving the practice en masse. Rumors are that three players are dead, four more are in comas, and no less than seven have been making snide and sarcastic remarks about America from their hospital beds.

Blurry security camera footage from inside the debacle seems to show a shirtless Lesnar performing double leg drop kicks, his signature F5 slam, and a flurry of hammer fists to anyone with the audacity to steal the ball away from him.

There has been no word from the Manchester United head office as to whether or not Lesnar will make the squad. However, it would seem that there is a good chance that there is at least one professional sport that isn’t willing to accept a resume that includes sports entertainment as a prerequisite for automatic acceptance.

Randy Couture: Are You Buying into the Hype?

Jon Grilz — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 03:01:56 -0500

Randy Couture.

The Natural.

Captain America.

Whatever name you use for him, Randy Couture is an incredible athlete and one of the best representatives to the world of mixed martial arts.

He is polite, even-tempered, perhaps even happy. He is a workhorse even though he is over 40 years old. He is the best in the business when it comes to preparing for an opponent.

And he is overrated.

After your teeth stop grinding and you stop doing a google search on how to find and stage the suicide of a MMA blog writer, keep reading. All the information is there to see. There are no secrets here. Save your opinions for the end.

Couture made his MMA premier at UFC 13. He earned his first of only two submissions in his career in his first fight of the night (back when they still did tournament style to determine the winner).

His three wins that night earned him a chance to fight Maurice Smith for the heavyweight belt. This was the last time that Randy Couture earned a title shot and later that night, Couture ground out a decision win and took home the gold.

Randy traveled overseas where he lost two and won two fights when he went to fight in Japan. Mixed results between his time in Japan and the UFC eventually landed Randy back in the UFC.

This is where things get a little blurry. Couture believes that he has been the target of intentional set-up fights where the main (if not only) reason that he was in the fight was to serve as a stepping stone for upcoming fighters whom are being groomed for greatness.

He showed them by beating Pedro Rizzo, twice.

Then Couture lost two fights (including his belt) as a heavyweight, so what was next? He got a fight as a new light heavyweight against the current champ Chuck Liddell.

Had he earned it?

No.

Randy claims that he was set up as another stepping stone. Then he won. Congratulations. Opportunity met preparation and he became the first fighter in UFC history to win a belt in two different divisions.

Defeating Mike Van Arsdale by triangle arm choke showed perhaps Couture had expanded his fighting repertoire. The win earned Couture a shot at a rubber match against Liddell, as well as a chance to coach on the first season of "The Ultimate Fighter".

In the rubber match, Liddell once again knocked out Couture. That night, Randy Couture retired, vowing that we would never see him fight in the octagon again.

That lasted about a year.

When the itch struck Randy again he got a heavyweight title shot against Tim Sylvia. Most of the world was confused by this. Not only did it look like Couture was being thrown to the fire, but it had to have enraged the heavyweight division that someone could come out of retirement and automatically get a title shot.

Of course, Randy did what Randy does. He destroyed Tim Sylvia at his own game. Keep in mind that Sylvia only has one game.

Sylvia is only rivaled by training partner Matt Hughes as the most one dimensional UFC champion of all time.

The ultimate strategist didn’t have to think too hard about how to defeat Sylvia.

To his credit, Couture then destroyed Gabriel Gonzaga, even when Gonzaga broke Couture’s arm with a kick.

Then, due to reasons only truly clear to UFC president Dana White and Couture himself, Randy seemed to walk away from the organization that gave him more chances than any other fighter in their history.

When he was ready to come back he was set up against the best of what was left: Brock Lesnar. With interim champ Antonio Nogueira and number one contender Frank Mir tied up with coaching on "The Ultimate Fighter" and their inevitable match thereafter, Lesnar seemed to be the biggest (literally) competition that was left for the title.

At 45 years old, Couture walked into the Octagon against the younger, stronger, faster and much larger former NCAA national heavyweight champion ,Brock Lesnar. And he lost.

The crowd booed, a lot. Couture had come to embody the closest thing to a hero that the UFC can muster and he lost to a fighter that had shown a lot of attitude and had only won a single fight in the octagon.

Nonetheless, he lost. It’s probably over.

Randy Couture took every opportunity that he was given by the UFC and rose to the occasion. He has done more at 45 than most fighters could hope to do at any point in their career. However, Couture has been given a lot of chances, despite the fact that entering his fight with Lesnar, he was 16-8.

After being in mixed martial arts for over a decade, he had 24 fights to show for it. Other top heavyweights include Fedor Emelianenko (30 fights), Antonio Nogueira (35 fights), Josh Barnett (28 fights) and Tim Sylvia (29 fights). All have stayed active (some more than others) and have had to win for their title shots.

Randy Couture is a great strategist with one of the biggest hearts in all of professional sports, but before you burn the image of Lesnar in effigy as you exalt Couture as a fallen hero, look at the facts.

Is he really as great as you think he is?

Or is he just a fighter that at 45 has taken advantage of a sh*t load of generous opportunities?

UFC 91: From WWE to the UFC, Brock Lesnar Is Champion Once Again

Jon Grilz — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 16:19:14 -0500

On paper, it looked as though UFC 91 was going to be the most explosive UFC pay-per-view of all time. The main-event card featured some of the best grapplers, strikers, and wrestlers that the UFC has to offer.

Sometimes what a fight looks like on paper doesn't mean sh*t, then again, sometimes it is dead on. This is one of those times that the paper should be waded up and used to clean last night's remnants of a beer and pizza binge.

Each fight had a moment so stank that it has earned it's own term: TP Moment. Read on and you will understand.

Bare in mind that it isn't to say the winner of the fight or the fight itself wasn't a good one (in fact, they were all very good fights for one reason or another, it is just that there was at least one moment when comic-strip stink lines seemed to emanate from the TV screen).

Here at the under card results (Brown/Thomas and Stephens/dos Anjos and Gurgel/Riley aired due to the other fights being so f***ing short).

Matt Brown (10-7) defeated Ryan Thomas (13-2) via arm bar at :57 in the second round.

Mark Bocek (5-2) defeated Alivin Robinson (10-3) via submission due to rear naked choke at 3:16 in the third round.

Jeremy Stephens (15-3) defeated Rafael dos Anjos (11-2) via Wins by TKO at 0:39 in the third round.

Aaron Riley (26-10-1) defeated Jorge Gurgel (15-4) via Unanimous Decision.

Now, for the main card:

Damien Maia (9-0) defeated Nate Quarry (16-2) via submission due to rear naked choke at 2:13 of the first round.

TP Moment: If Quarry spent his time preparing for an opponent that is a world-class BJJ black belt, it didn't show. Quarry was taken down quickly, gave up his back almost immediately, didn't guard his neck or attack the ankle when the body triangle sunk in.

Gabriel Gonzaga (9-3) defeated Josh Hendricks (18-4) via TKO at 1:01 of the first round.

TP Moment: The moment that Josh Hendricks walked into the octagon. He didn't belong there, at least not against Gonzaga. This looked more like 60 seconds versus a heavy bag instead of a professional MMA fight.

Dustin Hazelett (13-4) defeated Tamdan McCrory (11-1) via arm bar at 3:59 of the first round.

TP Moment: The fact that rubber guard worked. Not that there is anything wrong with that, except for the fact that Joe Rogan had to talk about it for way too long. Yeah Joe, we get it, you and Eddie are friends, we get it.

Kenny Florian (12-3) defeated Joe Stevenson (34-8) via submission due to rear naked choke at 4:03 of the first round.

TP Moment: This was a great fight, for Kenny Florian, so this fight itself has no PU moment. However, it does set up a PU moment in what comes next. Sherk versus Florian, again. (sigh).

With a little luck, we can spray some air-freshener on this one and just give Florian the title shot so we can see a good fight against B.J. Penn for the belt.

And, for the main event of the evening:

Brock Lesnar (2-1) defeated Randy Couture (16-8) via TKO in the second round.

TP Moment: Unfortunately it was the ending. Lesnar knocked Couture down with a glancing right cross, then looked like a masturbating spider-monkey as he pounced on Couture and unleashed a flurry of hammer fists. It didn't look pretty.

Then again, neither was the crowd's reaction. Where people really surprised by this? Odds are, the guy that listed Lesnar as the No. 5 Heavyweight wasn't. Who could that be...

MMA Fans: As One-Dimensional As the Fighters They Are Booing

Jon Grilz — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 07:38:11 -0500

Arguably the toughest obstacle that true mixed-martial-arts fans have to overcome is themselves. Being in attendance at an MMA event from the local to the national or international level means that you will be surrounded by people that will boo the fighters at some point.

These aren't fighters that put on a performance like Starnes versus Quarry, or Filho versus Sonnen II, these are fighters that might not be interested in standing and trading punches for three five-minute rounds.

The first taste that many MMA fans got of the sport was at the Ultimate Fighter I finale, in which current UFC light heavyweight champ Forrest Griffin banged out a three-round slugfest with Stephan Bonnar.

The fight was brutal and intense. Neither fighter seemed interested in going to the ground, even though Bonnar is a black belt in BJJ and Griffin has almost all of his wins via submission.

In the end, fans were treated to more of a muay-thai fight with four-ounce gloves than an MMA fight. It was bloody and memorable. And evidently, that is what American fans have come to expect.

Now, even in title fights with top-level fighters, fans will boo if the fight goes 30-60 seconds without a flurry or haymaker. It has become a world where Chuck Liddell can thrive while Lyoto Machida fades from sight.

Tickets to a UFC pay-per-view usually run between $75 and $500. And for this money, fans seem to think that they need to be treated to blood. Never mind the two guys fighting.

This blood lust has hurt the perception of mixed martial arts. So much so that while the athletes seem to be gaining ground in respect (ESPN has started to include MMA updates on their ticker), the fans seem to be de-evolving to the level of gladiator-games mobs.

As though the fans would be just as happy to see Anderson Silva fight a lion versus having to endure Josh Neer and Nate Diaz display incredible MMA jiu-jitsu skills.

And while MMA is gaining incredible levels of popularity worldwide, it seems that America, the place with the most influence on MMA popularity—thanks to the UFC and WEC—has also done the most to tarnish the image of the sport.

American fans seem more interested in the spectacles (YouTube faces like Kimbo or drama a la Ortiz and Shamrock) than a great matchup in skill, size, and determination.

Japanese fans seem to embody the other end of the spectrum, sitting in near silence, seemingly in awe and reverence of what is taking place before them. Never mind if a fighter is attempting a flying knee or spending four minutes going for a shoulder lock, they are respected equally.

30,000 fans packed into an arena to watch athleticism, skill, and determination of all levels. Blood or no blood.

Versus the guy behind you at a UFC event chanting "USA! USA!" without realizing the guy he is chanting for is Canadian (yes, this did happen at UFC 87, as Canadian Jason MacDonald fended off multiple submission attempts from Brazilian Damian Maia).

MMA fans booed Josh Koscheck when he push Chris Lytle against the fence, calling him "just a wrestler." The same criticisms have fallen before "Rampage" Jackson and Matt Hughes, despite their success in the sport.

The day that mixed martial arts fans show respect for themselves by respecting the athletes of the sport they are attending is the day that MMA will begin to garner the respect it deserves. Until then, spectacle will be the driving force (and ultimate demise) of the sport that is "as real as it gets."

WEC 36 Event Results: Brown Defeats Faber and Other Ugliness

Jon Grilz — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:07:40 -0500

There are a lot of ugly things in mixed marital arts. Fans that boo when fights go to the ground. Fighters that might be functionally retarded being forced to "tell us there thoughts" after a fight. EliteXC. Keith Jardine (physically, I mean).

So many things in MMA from the brutality to the drama could serve to potentially derail fans from watching hour after hour of coverage on Spike and Versus, unless you get to watch something so ugly that it is actually the most beautiful thing you have ever seen.

Enter WEC 36.

Here are some results that weren't shown. It was unknown at printing if these fights were ugly or not.

- Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone defeated “Razor” Rob McCullough via unanimous decision
- Jose Aldo defeated Jonathan Brookins via technical knockout (strikes) in round three
- Carmelo Marrero defeated Steve Steinbeiss by split decision
- Danny Castillo defeated Rafael Dias via technical knockout (strikes) in round one
- Rani Yahya defeated Yoshiro Maeda via submission (guillotine choke) in round one

And now for the ugliness:

Jake Rosholt defeated Nissen Osterneck via technical knockout (strikes) in round two

The ugliness: please turn your attention to Rosholt's face after the savage strikes he weathered. Think of that kid from that 80s movie "Mask".

Leonard Garcia defeated Jens “Little Evil” Pulver via technical knockout (strikes) in round one

The ugliness: it only took about a minute to erase the respect Pulver earned in his last fight against Faber. Oh yeah, and Garcia continued the Jackson camp tradition of the double nipple tweek prior to the fight starting.

Aaron Simpson defeats David Avellan via knockout (punch) in round one

The ugliness: This looked like a battle between two Wooly Willies (those magnet games where you move hair around the guys head). One guy had a shaved head, beard and a sweater on, the other had a full head of hair and that was about it. (Hey, it was a 16 second fight, not all of these can be gold).

Chael Sonnen defeats WEC Middleweight Champion Paulo Filho via unanimous decision

The ugliness: your choice (check out the poll) either the fact that Filho weighed in at 192 and shrugged it off like it didn't matter. Or that Sonnen could go the distance and really get nothing for it (the title wasn't on the line since Filho didn't make weight. It was also only three rounds).

Mike Brown defeats Urijah ” The California Kid” Faber via technical knockout (strikes) in round one for the WEC Featherweight Championship

The ugliness: why do bad things happen to pretty people? Faber's attempt at a spinning elbow won him a hook to the chin and a TKO loss.

John Daly Found Passed Out in Front Of Hooters; Arrested

Jon Grilz — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 01:12:30 -0400

It was just another day that ended in "y" for John Daly as he was found passed out in front of a Winston-Salem Hooters restaurant at 2:17 am Sunday.

According to the local police department, officers were dispatched to the restaurant on a medical call. Upon arriving on the premises the officers were greeted by smiling racks and emergency workers that were tending to an unconscious Daly.

Police said Daly "appeared extremely intoxicated and uncooperative," refused repeatedly to be taken to the hospital and was asked to leave the restaurant by several workers.

Daly was taken to the Forsyth County Law Enforcement Detention Center for a 24-hour stay until he was sober.

Interestingly enough, the sober Daly also seemed to be intoxicated and uncooperative leading investigators to speculate that Daly's lifestyle has finally caught up to him.

Daly can now officially be listed as "fat, drunk party animal" and has been given permission to wear Hawaiian shirts, even when he is not physically in the Aloha state.

Traditionally, the only people that are given permission to wear Hawaiian shirts in public have been men that live alternative lifestyles and big fat party animals. Ironically, both parties seem irritated at being likened with the other.

If it weren't for the fact that Daly was found passed out in front of the Hooters restuarant, Daly might have been the first to bridge that gap between the two groups.

The PGA has been hesitant to respond to the incident since it is getting to be, "old news". One anonymous PGA official said, "The guy is a fat drunk, but he can hit a hell of a long ball. Just think of his like Babe Ruth."

Indeed, Daly's behavior the last decade or so has been much akin to the lifestyle of the Bambino. He is an obese, chain smoking alcoholic that can his the ball as far or further than anyone else. Perhaps it will just take a candy bar being named after him to make him a functioning and acceptable part of society.

Coming Soon: The Jagermeister Bar—chocolate, peanuts, surrounding a jellied jagermeister center that will leave you will impaired judgment and a craving for Krispy Kreme donuts.

Isiah Thomas Blames Daughter for Overdose

Jon Grilz — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 02:19:41 -0400

Talks have begun for the annual Father of the Year award given to the Father that has displayed the most shocking abuse of the title and duties inherent on bringing life into this word. The early front-runner: New York Knicks former head coach Isiah Thomas.

Per the Associated Press: "Authorities were called early Friday to Thomas' Westchester County home, where police said a 47-year-old man was taken to the hospital and treated for an overdose of sleeping pills.

"Several media outlets reported that police confirmed it was Thomas who went to the hospital. But reached on his cellphone Friday, the 47-year-old NBA great told the New York Post he had not been treated for a sleeping pill overdose, and that it was 17-year-old daughter Lauren who had a medical issue.

"It wasn't an overdose," he told the newspaper. "My daughter is very down right now. None of us are OK." Hall forcefully refuted Thomas' statement. "My cops...know the difference between a 47-year-old black male and a young black female," Hall said.

Thomas has a past history of other such inconsistencies and scape-goating. Along with this are the rumors that might as well be true due to Thomas being a total douche bag:

In December of 2003, while attending a Sunday church service, Thomas pretended to put a bill in the collection dish, instead taking out a $20 then pretended to scratch his chest as he dropped the bill back inside his coat pocket. When the man next to him gave him a “what the f*** look” Thomas whispered that it was for his wife’s Methadone prescription.

In April of 2004 Thomas was pulled over for going 85 in a 35 mph zone. Instead of admitting guilt, he stabbed his daughter in the shoulder and when the officer came to his window said that his daughter had been assaulted by a maniac. To his credit, this was not a lie.

In June 2004 Thomas blamed his dog Patches on not one but two farts that Thomas himself had let out, but refused to admit to.

In July of 2005 when having a conversation with a coworker Thomas was asked if he had seen the movie Gladiator. Instead of admitting that he hadn’t he said he had. The coworker caught him in the lie when Thomas said his favorite scene was when “Gladiator shot the bad guy,” Thomas blamed his wife’s constant (and nonexistent) epileptic seizures on his inability to follow the plot line.

In January of 2006 Thomas spilled hot coffee on his crotch, receiving sever burns to his genitals. When he tried to sue the coffee franchise the was shown the label on the lid warning that the coffee was hot. Thomas blamed the public school system on his lack of basic reading skills.

Thomas’ long history of placing blame on everyone from his own family to his employees and players is well documented, leaving just one question: Is anyone really surprised by what this douche bag does anymore?

Beer Sales Enter 14th Hour at Game Five of World Series

Jon Grilz — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:38:01 -0400

Play was suspended at last night’s World Series game between the Philadelphia Phillies and the Tampa Bay Rays in the sixth inning.

Game Five of the World Series was tied 2-2 in the sixth inning due to a steady downpour of rain. Rays third baseman Evan Longoria felt that, “it was the worst conditions I've ever played in.”

As players left the field for the shelter of their respective dugouts, the true diehard fans, the ones that paid a sh**load of money for tickets, were hesitant to leave. Partially due to the fact they were pissed that the weather kept f***ing with them and partially because beer sales continued through the monsoon like conditions.

Official policy is that beer sales are to cease at the end of the seventh inning, however play was suspended in the sixth inning. Stadium management appears to have taken the stipulation literal and continues to sell alcoholic beverages as this story went to print.

As of 8am EST, over 3000 fans still littered the seats of Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia at various levels of consciousness.

One semi-coherent spectator named Adam [series of consonants and belches that are unlikely to be his actual last name] has reportedly spent an estimated $5,700 on rounds of beer for himself and his friends.

At current World Series beer prices the $5,700 has bought Adam and his four friends six beers a piece.

“I say f*** it! If they are going to keep serving I’m not going anywhere. They gotta finish the game sooner or later.

“Think about it [belch, dry heave], I’m tanked. I can try to drive home, but then I might get a DUI. Even if I don’t I still gotta fight traffic to come back, pay for parking again and get drunk all over again. It would take a ton to get me this drunk again. I’ve got a bit of a tolerance going.

“If I get a cab I gotta pay for that. Then I gotta get one on the way back. My car might get ticketed for overnight parking. I’m looking at a lot of money, it’s just cheaper to stay and get... [paused, breaths deeply to hold back vomit] f***ed up. [friends cheer].”

Adam’s dead lifeless gaze initially seemed to be attributed to his frustration with the unfortunately weather pattern as of late coupled with massive amounts to liquor that he has smuggled into the park via regions of his body that shall remain unnamed; unwashed.

However, closer inspection revealed a still polished wedding band, indicating a recent marriage and even more recent loss of his will to function in society.

Some reports seem to suggest that play will not resume today, thus extending beer sales for, possibly, at least 36 more hours. Not since New Year’s Eve in Wisconsin—where bars are permitted to stay open until 7am—have social alcoholics been treated to such an irresponsible exhibition.

Vikings DT Pat Williams Tests Positive for Banned Substance and Fudge

Jon Grilz — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 03:52:20 -0400

It was announced Sunday that several professional football players have tested positive for banned substances. Amongst them are Saints Deuce McAllister, Charles Grant, and Will Smith, as well as Vikings Pro Bowl defensive tackles Kevin Williams and Pat Williams.

They tested positive for water pills. Water pills are a diuretic and are on the list of NFL banned substances, due to their ability to mask positive steroid results.

What is more startling than the results of the testing is the fact that one member of this list showed irregularities in his blood work.

Pat Williams, one of the NFL’s premier run-stoppers has been known for his incredible size, often prompting announcers to laugh at the idea that he actually weighs 317 pounds, the size that he is listed at on the official Vikings’ roster.

Test results came back that Williams has an irregularly high blood-to-fudge ratio. One doctor that wished to remain anonymous revealed that, “well, any fudge in the blood is strange. And not just strange, but lethal. However, in Mr. Williams, there seems to be a blood/fudge level of .30.”

In other words, if it were alcohol instead of fudge he would be sh**faced.

“I didn’t even know what to do when I got the report back from the hematologist. I was like ‘holy f*** the guy’s got fudge in his blood!’”

Williams has had problems in the past with making weight in training camp and has, in the past, found himself on the physically unable to perform (PUP) list. The last couple of seasons, he has seemed to have found a way to keep enough weight off so as to start practice with the entire team.

Medical speculation suggests that in the two issues are actually correlated. One theory is that in order for Williams to avoid the empty calories of eating pounds and pounds of fudge at each sitting, he has been taking the fudge intravenously, thereby being able to satisfy his sweet tooth, experience the sustained energy of the intense sugar rush, and still be able to remain a svelte and streamlined metric ton.

The same doctor speculated, “Well, I suppose he could take it in some sort of IV or syringe form, but you have to realize, fudge isn’t thin. He would have to have been injecting himself with one of those things you decorate a cake with... what’s it called... a pastry bag.”

Investigations into local restaurant supply stores is under way in order to determine if Williams’ source of intravenous fudge and the equipment needed was sold locally or if he has been seeking professional help.