Bleacher Report - Articles by General Peppers

The NFL's Good, Bad, and Ugly: Week Nine

General Peppers — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:57:21 -0500

As sports fans, we are prone to bursts of emotional rampage.

We are allowed to let a big loss ruin our entire weekend and have our significant others understand. We are allowed to bet on a football game and then cheer against our bet because our fantasy stud is on the other team—the one win-win situation in life.

Most importantly, we are allowed to find something negative even in the brightest of moments, because it's our job as fans.

That is why I just couldn't muster any excitement over the Vikings' 27-10 stomping of the Lions; something just didn't sit right. I spent the rest of the day writing down what bothered me about the game. I had it DVR'd so I could re-watch it to find any mistakes I missed. I felt like Ron Jaworski for a solid two hours.

When all was said and done, when all the mistakes were calculated, there was only one conclusive answer:

Brad Childress is going to cost us the Super Bowl.

After he brought us Brett Favre, the Vikings Collective forgot that we had the worst head coach in the league this side of whomever the Raiders hire. We forgot that we had the Mike Dunleavy of the NFL. The guy who didn't know how to use his stars. The guy with no sense of desperation or timing.

The guy who didn't think of letting Adrian Peterson return kickoffs until the 2008 playoff game against the Eagles was nearly over.

The guy who had Chester Taylor in the game in the fourth quarter loss to the Steelers even though Peterson was on fire.

The guy who is STILL starting Bernard Berrian even though Percy Harvin and Sidney Rice would give us one of the top five best receiving corps in the league.

We forgot because we had Favre.

We forgot because this defensive line is better than the Purple People Eaters.

We forgot because this offense is better than the '98 offense that held the record for most points in a season.

We forgot because we were winning.

But Childress has a way of reminding you just how poor he is. Let me give you some examples from Sunday's win:

1. After a 60-yard drive featuring a steady dose of big runs from Peterson, Childress decides that a Shotgun Wide Receiver Reverse to Harvin would be the best course of action against the 1-7 Lions who couldn't stop the run. The result? A fumble and giving away a great gadget play for the future.

2. After two terrible drops from Berrian, he wasn't pulled for Harvin. The faster, stronger, more physical, more reliable Harvin. The same Harvin who has returned two kicks for touchdowns but doesn't return punts.

3. The final one is the most important and the one that will end up losing us the Super Bowl. On fourth and inches, down in the red zone, he doesn't hand the ball to the league's best running back and let him run to the left side of the line fitted with All-Pro Steve Hutchinson. Instead, Childress calls a fullback dive to the right side stuffed by the 900-pound Grady Jackson.

Childress doesn't know how to use his stars.

Childress managed to turn something positive into something negative, which happens to be the theme for this week's Good/Bad/Ugly.

The Good: Bill Belichick Going for It on 4th-and-2

This has been the topic of debate today, and I feel that it needs to be touched on. The Patriots will win the AFC this year because of calls like this.

Because Bill Belichick knows you don't play to lose.

We have spent the past eight weeks watching Peyton Manning beat players all by himself. The Dolphins controlled the clock and pressured Manning; you know, the things people say you need to do to beat the Colts. Well, guess what: He outscored them in 15 minutes.

In the fourth quarter alone, Manning managed to go 79 yards twice in under two minutes. If Belichick punted it away and Manning had done what he has all season and scored quickly, we would now be discussing the greatness of Peyton Manning.

Lost behind that sentiment would be a Patriots loss. Belichick doesn't play to lose.

If Belichick makes that 4th-and-2 and runs out the clock, we continue to label him a genius, and none of this discussion exists. As sports fans we are supposed to be subjective and give our opinions. But sometimes, pretentious hindsight needs to dissipate and make room for objectivity.

Runner-Up: Chris Johnson and his MVP Campaign

While Bud Adams' middle fingers pointed upward after Sunday's win over the Buffalo Bills (their third in a row after an 0-6 start, symbolically vindicating his decision to reinstate Vince Young into the starting quarterback position), the real reason for Tennessee's titanic resurgence was giving an interview to ESPN.

Check Chris Johnson's stat line since the Week Seven bye:

Week 8 @ Jacksonville: 24 carries, 228 yards, two receptions, 11 yards, two touchdowns.

Week 9 @ San Francisco: 25 carries, 135 yards, three receptions, 25 yards, two touchdowns

Week 10 @ Buffalo: 26 carries, 132 yards, nine receptions, 100 yards, two touchdowns.

It's not just fantasy owners who are taking notice anymore; Shannon Sharpe called him the league's best running back. Others are hailing him as the next Barry Sanders.

Who can blame them?

With five plays from the line of scrimmage going over 50 yards, Chris Johnson is the league's most explosive player. He also might be its most consistent.

The Bad: Maurice Jones-Drew's Goal-Line Kneeldown

Not even a sincere apology from MJD could fix this mistake.

How dare you, Jack Del Rio? How dare you ruin so many fantasy teams on purpose?

Brian Westbrook's 2008 kneeldown was spontaneous.

Del Rio's was planned, orthodox, and malicious—like the Madden guy who breaks a long run in the fourth quarter and dives on the ground right at the one.

For the rest of this season I will not mention the Jaguars. They are on my fantasy blacklist.

The Ugly: The New England Patriots Defense

Listen, I know it's Peyton Manning. I know he has spent the 2009 NFL season cementing himself as the best player of the decade. I know he's got a laser, rocket cannon arm.

But allowing two 79-yard drives in under two minutes IN THE FOURTH QUARTER ALONE is utterly ridiculous and the reason your coach doesn't trust you.

It's the reason 4th-and-2 looks better than a punt—even when you're on your own 30.

Check back in tomorrow for my Mid-Season Review and Power Rankings.

The Weekly Pepper Doubleheader: Week One Fantasy Pickups

General Peppers — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 18:03:44 -0400

Welcome to part two of my fantasy doubleheader.

Yesterday, we discussed the untradeable players of the 2009 fantasy season.

Today, I'll kick some knowledge on the Week One pickups that could change your team.

1. Louis Murphy

Oh yes, I'm advising a Raider. The forgotten receiver from the Florida Gators' powerhouse. If not for what could only described as a deplorable referee decision, Louis Murphy would have finished the Monday Night game with two touchdowns and nearly 100 yards. He was targeted all game and even made plays against the incredible Cromartie.

With Chaz Schilens out with an injury for up to two more weeks, with Javon Walker still out, and with Heyward-Bey being, well, Heyward-Bey, Louis Murphy will be getting quite a few looks.

Add in the fact that he plays the Chiefs/Broncos/Chargers a combined five more times this year and you have a fantasy sleeper in the wings.

2. Michael Bush

The Chargers have a top run defense and the Raiders pounded them for 105 yards in a half.

The Raiders can run the ball, and the Raiders will run the ball. Michael Bush will be getting the goal line carries.

Oh by the way, they play the Chiefs this weekend. The same Chiefs who gave the inept Ravens' offense 500+ yards.

Start all Raiders. All of them. ALL OF THEM.

3. Oakland Defense

They held the Chargers to 77 yards rushing, and other than two great fourth quarter drives, they held the masterful Chargers' offense to a minimum.

They play the Chiefs and Broncos four more times. Great spot defense if your defense is playing the Saints.

4.Hank Baskett

With Anthony Gonzalez going out for eight weeks with an ACL injury, Hank Baskett was recently picked up by the Colts.

Reggie Wayne will be getting all the looks, but Baskett could be a fantastic flex option for 12 team leagues.

5.Trent Edwards

The Weekly Pepper Doubleheader: The Fantasy Untradeables

General Peppers — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 19:01:43 -0400

I'll be conducting a fantasy doubleheader this week due to the importance of Week One.

You ever have a group of friends, perhaps seven or eight guys? This is your crew. You guys do everything together: Football games, trips to Vegas, drinking nights, etc.

You consider them all really solid friends but there's a special two or three guys who you are exceptionally tight with.

If there was a best friend draft, these guys would be your running backs. They're dependable, consistent, rarely get sick on big drinking nights, and are just overall the best things to happen to you.

That is what my untradeables list is.

If you were forced to only keep one player and start all over again, and one of these guys isn't on your team, I would advise you to throw your whole team in and start over.

As someone who believes that nearly everyone is tradeable, the exclusions from this list might come off as striking to a few of you.

For instance: Michael Turner is completely tradeable. You hoard him until he has one big week and then you pitch him for two players who's numbers will supercede his own.

My untradeable list consists of guys whose points are irreplaceable or who have the potential to single-handedly win you a fantasy game. With no further ado, I present the untradeables.

1. Drew Brees

Could there have been a more obvious opening pick. No quaterback this year will put up these kind of yards and touchdowns. I usually advise trading QBs after one big week due to the amount of QBs with decent numbers available.

No one is coming close to Brees this year. Their defense is so bad that there will be no running the clock out fourth quarters. Brees can and will be throwing it 40+ times a game and will go for the end zone more times than not.

If you trade Drew Brees you have to know that you've lost, no matter who you get, beause he's the significant No. 1 in his field.

2. Wes Welker/Randy Moss in a PPR league

100 yards and 10 catches. This is what you can expect from both of these men every game. That's 20 points a game not counting touchdowns, and trust me when I say those will be coming as well.

With the youth of the defense, the Patriots will be in the game throughout and will not stop throwing. While the Saints throw it more, they share the wealth with too many players for any of them to be untradeable outside of Brees.

3.Adrian Peterson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrhBXbVmrWc

There's all the reason you need.

4.Reggie Wayne

I will be writing an article dedicated solely on his fantasy potential tomorrow so I can't give away too much here.

Let me just say that you should do everything in your power to get Reggie Wayne. 15 TDs looks very accomplishable this year.

5.Calvin Johnson

Have you ever dated a girl you hated, but she was so good in bed that you just couldn't break up with her? You guys fought and fought and fought but that only led to more sex and more reasons to stay with her.

That's Calvin Johnson and Matt Stafford. Matt can't do anything correct right now except throw the deep ball. It just so happens that he has the greatest deep ball WR we have ever seen.

The Lions will be losing. The Lions will be throwing. Matt Stafford will be throwing deep. Calvin Johnson will be getting 100 yards and a TD often.

And there you have it. Five guys, no more, no less. With the right package, you can swivel Michael Turner from me in a heartbeat. Tom Brady is tossable if I have a solid backup. Maurice Jones Drew and Matt Forte can take a hike with the right deal.

But if you have one of these five (technically six for Welker/Moss combo) do not release them for any reason what so ever.

Not even if you're in a fantasy league with Kanye West and he's telling you he's sorry but he's got the best player of all time.

Monday Night Lights: Raiders, Bills Gain from Loss

General Peppers — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:40:20 -0400

Buffalo fans and Oakland fans don't have much in common.

One's East Coast, the other West Coast.

Buffalo fans carry an innocuous blue collar sentimentality to them, while the Oakland fan base is concocted of a more dubious dichotomy: The wild and clinically insane.

But outside of Lambeau Field, no fans in the NFL care more, and thus, seeing both teams put on stellar efforts on Monday Night Football's opening slate was a refreshing sight to behold.

Buffalo, fresh from firing offensive coordinator Turk Schonert, were facing heated AFC East rival, the New England Patriots. Tom Brady was returning to captain the same offense that shattered offensive records just two seasons ago.

The Oakland Raiders, fresh from having assistant Randy Hanson put in a hospital by their head coach Tom Cable, were up against AFC West rivals, the San Diego Chargers.

The Patriots and Chargers are the consensus pick for this year's AFC Championship.

The Patriots and Chargers have two of the NFL's most potent offenses.

The Patriots and Chargers came into the game with 11 straight wins over their respective opponents.

To say that Buffalo and Oakland were underdogs would be a gross understatement to say the least; Vegas had both teams scheduled to lose by double digit margins.

Monday Night proved the old axiom, "that's why the game's played on the field and not paper", still holds true.

With the aid of an Aaron Schobel interception for a touchdown, the Buffalo Bills stifled the high powered Patriots offense and took a 14-10 lead into half time.

With the aid of a stifling defense, headed by the league's best defensive player Nnamde Asomugha, and a powerful 105 yards rushing, the Oakland Raiders had confidence heading into halftime with a 10-10 tie.

In a weird twist that would have bad luck chuckling along side coincidence, both teams saw a incredulous decision decide the outcome of their games.

For the Bills, it was Pro Bowl returner Leodis Mckelvin taking the ball from deep in the end zone and fumbling it back to the newly powered Patriots offense.

For the Raiders, it was when the referees overturned a dazzling catch before halftime from rookie Lois Murphy and ruled it a drop. Replay showed Murphy caught the ball, landed with two feet planted, and only released the ball once he was certain he had scored. This four point differential is what the Raiders inevitably lost by, making it even more heart-breaking.

For other teams these sorts of incidents would be unbelievably devastating. For the Raiders and Bills, it's just another Monday Night.

(Somewhere in the Midwest, the five Bengals fans remaining are nodding their heads sullenly.)

But in the loss, both teams found themselves in a better position then when the game first began. Trent Edwards moved the ball with relative skill and poise and the loss of Marshawn Lynch wasn't as devastating as once believed.

The addition of Richard Seymour (two sacks, six tackles) has turned the Raiders defense into one of the league's best. Removing the final drive of the game, the Raiders defense stifled the high-powered Chargers offense. LaDainian Tomlinson's best games have usually come against the notoriously porous Raiders run defense, leading to an average of nearly 120 yards per game. On Monday night, he was held to half of that and was even replaced in favor of Darren Sproles.

While it is very likely that neither of these teams makes the playoffs this year, there is a bright spot submerged beneath all the flaws:

Their tremendous fans can laugh at the Bengals all season.

(Somewhere in the Midwest, the five remaining Bengals fans are nodding their heads again.)

Bleacher Report Debate: Brady Quinn vs. Derek Anderson

General Peppers — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 00:34:48 -0400

This debate between myself and The Long Island Sound will be featured on InsidetheGridiron.com. A football website brought to you by Bleacher Report's own "The Rant."

With the Browns seemingly in rebuilding mode, what makes Derek Anderson the right QB for the job?

8:42pm Kevin

Some may argue that they are in the rebuilding mode, but this is the same team minus the good driver, Dante Stallworth, and the Kellen "I'm a Soldier" Winslow. Also, this is the same team that Derek Anderson propelled with his Pro Bowl year throwing 29 touchdowns. Last year the Browns were plagued with offensive line injuries, and the line has been enhanced with the addition of center Alex Mack. With number wide receiver Braylon Edwards, who forgot to tak his 5 Hr. Energy last season, who thrives on the deep ball is best suited for the team to maximize the offense. This is not a rebuilding team, but a team that can regain it's 2007 form, which Derek Anderson excelled to the playoffs.

8:43pm Kevin

With the Browns seemingly in rebuilding mode, what makes Brady Quinn the right QB for the job?

8:50pm Brandon

What makes Brady Quinn the right man for the job is a tale of two stories. On one hand, potential leads the way for a team rebuilding. As we've seen this pre-season, not only has Quinn put up better numbers, but the team rallies around him more potently. He's someone the team can grow with. We haven't seen his max potential while we've seen the limit of Derek Anderson's ability. If you're going to keep both QBs, the Browns fans and organization need to see what he can do.

Secondly, without Dante Stallowrth, this is no longer a deep ball team. Braylon Edwards has deep ball capability but this offense is based off the run and playaction pass. With the addition of possession WRs such as Mossaquai and Robiskie, this team is not looking to score quickly, but instead, they plan on driving down the field and wearing down on defenses. The routes for this type of offense require quick passes and mid range accuracy off of playaction. Both of these throws favor the talents Brady Quinn showed off with his time at Notre Dame.

8:52pmBrandon

With Browns fans clamoring for hometown hero Quinn to win the job, and with ticket sales down across the country, what benefits does Derek Anderson bring to a team that has seemingly no shot at playoff contention this year?

9:02pm Kevin

True, fans do want to give the first round selection, Brady Quinn, a full shot and the fans do still have the bitter taste of what Derek Anderson left them with in 2008. How do you boost ticket sales and regain the fans faith? Winning. What quarterback gives them the best chance to win, Derek Anderson. Mangini will look to utilize the same style of play as he did in New York: grind the defense down and hit them hard with playaction, which Derek Anderson can maximize with his arm. How many Pro Bowls has Brady Quinn gone to? How many 200 plus yard games has he thrown against teams not named the Broncos? This team can battle for the wild card as long as the offensive line stays healthy and the defense anchored by Shaun Rogers and Eric Wright in the secondary remains consistent.

9:03pm Kevin

With Derek Anderson's draft stock only plummeting, why should he not start to potentially raise his value and give the Browns draft options and open up their team to the "future" in Quinn?

9:05pm Brandon

Well this is a major problem for the Browns organization. In 2007, after Derek Anderson's stellar breakout season, the Browns had offers for both Quinn and Anderson and could have packaged either one for draft picks to further build their fledgling team. Alas, they royally screwed it up by keeping both. But now is not the time to try and remedy such a malady.

9:08pm Brandon

As we discussed earlier, they are in a rebuilding mindset. Rebuilding teams rarely make it into the playoffs without serious help as we saw with the Falcons and the Dolphins last year. The Browns have neither a powerful running back, a dominating offense line, a swarming defense, nor the requisite coaching staff required for such a turn around. Derek Anderson's abilities were favorable for the previous offense. But as we've seen with the rest of the Belichick offspring, they do not follow his coaching tendencies nor do they possess his coaching prowess.

9:10pm Brandon

Last Question

9:11pm Brandon

With Brady Quinn's superior preseason and an Ohio fanbase larger than former mentor Charlies Weis' ever-growing gullet, what has Derek Anderson done to prove to new head coach Eric Mangini that he deserves the spot?

9:18pm Kevin

Outside of Mangini witnessing Anderson raise his team to a win over his Jets in 2007, which happened to be his Pro Bowl year, he has not done much to separate himself from Mr. EAS Myoplex this preseason. As you previously alluded to about the Belichick tree, Weis finely tuned Quinn to every pass under 2.5 yeards from bubble screens to slip screens. Mangini has never trusted proven Quarterbacks as he did not with Chad Pennington, and she should learn from his previous mistake and take the proven Pro Bowler over the limited Quinn.

9:21pm Kevin

last question

9:22pm Kevin

6. The Browns granted Derek Anderson a substantial contract, so why should he not be allowed to maximize the Pro Bowl abilities he has previously shown?

9:23pmBrandon

Ah, you once again show your lack of knowledge towards God's team. You don't break every Notre Dame record with only screens. You also seem to forget that screens involve speedy WR who can turn the short pass into long gains. Jeff Samardzija is a pitcher. Those guys are like the anti-Usain Bolt

But moving on...

9:27pm Brandon

The Browns have buried themselves. Deeply. Not giving Quinn a time to shine now would simply dig their hole deep enough to fit Charlies Weis into it. You can't let potential go without letting it spread it's wings. We've seen Derek Anderson's best. It wasn't enough. Derek Anderson is the once hot girlfriend who's given up wearing makeup and lost most of her luster. Brady Quinn is the artsy chick with paint stains and fantastic features. You don't lead the pretty girl on and then punch the pretty girl in the face...unless you're Shawne Merriman that is...or Chris Brown.

I could do this all day but alas we must keep this brief.

The Weekly Pepper: How to Manage the Early Weeks of the Fantasy Season

General Peppers — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 22:14:51 -0400

It's been nearly seven months since the end of the Super Bowl and an even longer wait since the more important championship game.

Your fantasy league's.

If you were the fortunate victor of your league, you have spent the past seven months ridiculing your league mercilessly about just how useless and impotent they are.

If you were the unfortunate loser, you have spent the same seven months planning a plot of vengeance so menacing that Indigo Montaya felt you took it to far.

Winner or loser, you have spent the past seven months reading every single fantasy article you could get your hands on.

You bought magazines.

You checked out all your sleeper websites.

You mock drafted until your eyeballs looked like Anton Chigur at the end of No Country for Old Men.

Then...well...there was still three months until the season starts.

Every day you would come to Bleacher Report and see a veretable crop of articles ranking everything from wide receivers to assistants to the assistant trainer's assistant. You heard people say Adrian Peterson was over-rated only to turn around and find out he was going to run for 8,000 yards and 143 touchdowns.

You watched as Maurice Jones-Drew was the sleeper of the draft and then were told how over-rated he was.

Running backs were down and receivers were up.

And now, with the season starting next Sunday, you realize you know less about your team than Al Davis does about drafting in the 1st round.

Don't worry, you're in the same boat as millions.

But there are four simple techniques you can follow to keep your season afloat no matter what your early turnout may be.

1. Do not, I repeat, do NOT sell away your team.

There are two reasons for this:

A. Your league will despise you for stacking up a superior team. This will hurt the league as everyone will be in a rush to play catch up. Sorta like the 2009-2010 NBA season.

B. This is the NFL you are playing with. Anything can happen. People get hurt and backups become heroes. Some unknown free agent can become a superstar. And you know what? Those backups and free agents are lying on the waiver wire waiting for you. Steve Slaton, Ryan Grant, Maurice Jones Drew, the list goes on and on. If your team is near the bottom you will be high on the waiver wire, allowing you first choice at premium free agents.

Which leads to number two.

2.Do not, I repeat, do NOT waste your waiver wire slot.

Sure, your 4th wide receiver just went down and someone dropped Deion Branch and this might be the week he remembers he was once a Super Bowl MVP.

Or he might just remember that he's third string and getting older by the minute.

If you are high on the waiver wire (numbers one or two) save it for that breakout player who can turn around your season. If you're low on the wire just save it for when everyone panics and starts talking themselves into newly signed T.J Duckett. Eventually, and trust me on this, your #11 slot will turn into a #1.

3.The Jennifer Aniston Rule

You are 4-0 and winning games by 40-50 points average. You wisely chose Steve Slaton early and traded up to grab Pierre Thomas before he was stolen. You drafted one of the big four wide receivers and took Tony Romo while everyone shied away from him.

What to do now?

Steal, plunder, and pillage every team panicking at 0-4 or 1-3. Send them bloated trades with promise. Offer them your potential for their certainties.

"Darren McFadden and Bernard Berrian for Maurice Jones-Drew. Hell yeah that's a good trade, man. McFadden blew up big (against the Chiefs but you needn't mention that) and Bernard Berrian is a deep ball machine with Favre (against the Lions). Maurice Jones-Drew has been average lately (against the Titans) and now you're adding to your team."

These conversations MUST happen. Send out terrible trades to the entire league. Remember the most important rule of fantasy football: E.L.L.S-Every Loss Lowers Standards.

Basically, an 0-4 record will have the bottom team more desperate than Jennifer Aniston edging in on a Midlife Crisis.

Which leads into the final rule of early season management.

4.Never Be Satisfied

Back to the team that's 4-0.

You are destroying your opponents with ravenous fury.

You are the envy of the league and your league smack talk improves with each win.

People are sending you trades but you find yourself content with your undefeated team.

WRONG.

This is how you lose fantasy titles.

Never be satisfied. If you're 4-0, think of ways to make it to 5-0. Go back and see HOW you won. Did your opponent have a bad week? Did your running backs have easy matchups? Have you been playing the dregs of the league?

Find holes in your team and fill them. If you have the 3rd best TE try and get the 1st. If you have a running back on your bench who is putting up big points but can't get into your lineup due to you having Adrian Peterson and Thomas Jones, trade someone.

Points on the bench are pointless ones.

All of these rules are simple enough that you would assume them to be well known. Yet every year, in every draft, there's that guy who goes 0-4 and sends Andre Johnson to the league's top team for a poo poo platter.

Your goal is to be the guy getting Andre Johnson.

Best of luck to you fantasy studs and tune in for my next installment:

The Lost Art of the Fantasy Football Midrange Jumper

This and all subsequent articles will be located on BleacherReport's own TheRant's website InsideTheGridiron.com.

The Future of An Ideal World: 2009 NFL Quarterback Battles

General Peppers — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:48:07 -0400

Sitting in front of you are two girls.

One was salacious and good-looking. She might have been beautiful once, but age and gravity have come into play and she is showing signs of wear and tear.

Your friends think she's hot, so she's forever date-able, but you could never see yourself marrying her.

The other girl had astounding features: pale blue eyes, bordering on grey, flowing strands of blonde hair, highlighted in all the right spots, long, toned legs leading to a perfect bottom...only problem is she's wearing overalls with paint on them.

Rough around the edges would leave hyperbole chuckling at understatement, yet, there's just something special about this one. With a change of style and a little bit of time, this one could be the keeper.

For the San Francisco 49ers, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and the Cleveland Browns this is the situation they are looking at.

Each team has a quarterback in place; Shaun Hill for the 49ers, Byron Leftiwch for the Bucs, and Derek Anderson for the Browns. Each of these quarterbacks is tested on the NFL battlegrounds, and each one has shown the ability to manage games for wins.

What they haven't shown is the ability to win in the playoffs; Ravens rookie QB Joe Flacco has twice as many playoff wins in one year than all three of these QBs combined.

While these three quarterbacks might have been beautiful once, in their current states, they're simply future ex-girlfriends.

Standing behind these three dilapidated beauties are the paint-stained runners-up, brimming with promise.

Brady Quinn, Josh Freeman, and Alex Smith are all former first-round draft picks loaded with talent. Statuesque as they may be, they are still a few shadows short of a perfect silhouette.

Brady Quinn has upper-body strength rivaling some linebackers, but his touch and ability to read NFL defenses is still lacking.

At 6'5", 250-pounds, Josh Freeman is built like a larger Peyton Manning with a cannon arm to boot. But his accuracy in the intermediate range that wide receivers frequent so often is severely lacking.

Last and quite possibly least is one Alex Smith. Entering his fifth year in the league after being drafted first overall, Alex Smith has shown little to no signs of improvement. To his defense, non-existent wide receivers, constant coaching changes, and an unstable offense haven't really given him much to work with.

Going with the wily veterans would most likely, if we head back to that ideal world, lead to more wins, and in the NFL winning is all that matters, right?

The answer is yes, but it's not as black and white as the answer may seem.

Winning right now leads the way to losing in the future and vice versa; losing now could lead to winning in the future, you know, in that ideal world we're living in.

So, which is the right path to choose?

It is these questions that keep NFL General Managers up at night.The right choice could lead to a serious extension and pay raise. The wrong one could have you working as a broadcaster for NFL Sundays on Fox.

In the case of these three teams, you need to look at both their present and their future.

The Browns are stuck in a division behind the Ravens and the Steelers; a.k.a. the 2008 AFC Championship game. Their second to last ranked offense lost its number two receiver Dante Stallworth to the stiff right hand of Roger Goodell. Their 26th ranked swiss cheese defense didn't find any filling for any of its numerous holes.

In other words, Browns fans can expect the same results as last year.The 2007 season showed Derek Anderson's peak. Browns fans are still waiting to see Quinn for an entire season. In situations such as these, with no bright future in sight, why not try and create one?

The Buccaneers are trapped in one of the NFL's toughest divisions: the NFC South. The Falcons were the league's biggest surprise last year and only improved this offseason with the addition of All-World Tony Gonzalez. The Panthers were one of the league's top running teams, with the Saints being the league's best passing offense.

With a complete rehaul of the entire team, from coaching staff to veteran greats like Derrick Brooks, the Buccaneers are clearly in their rebuilding phase after winning a Super Bowl in 2003. Why not let the team build around Josh Freeman?

The 49ers have the best situation of the entire three. They aren't stuck in a great division. For them it is the exact opposite; they are pitted in one of the NFL's worst, where an 8-8 record nearly won the division.

If they can finally sign star wideout Michael Crabtree, they could have a potent offense featuring Frank Gore, Isaac Bruce, Josh Morgan, Michael Crabtree, and Vernon Davis.

Their head coach Mike Singeltary is a hard-nosed former player who is bringing his ideals to the often soft 49ers.

Their sole problem is mediocre quarterback play. Their future was banked on first overall pick Alex Smith, and so far he hasn't panned out. They say when you draft a QB early in the first-round and he doesn't work out, it sets your team back nearly five years.

Well, welcome to year five Alex Smith.

This is Alex Smith's last chance to earn the monster contract he received in 2005. For the 49ers they either start Alex Smith or admit he was a bust and draft a quarterback in 2010.

Each of these teams have tough decisions to make this year and depending on their choices, some players and management could be finding new places of work this offseason.

For each team, a chance at turning life around is possible with their young quarterbacks of the future.

In an ideal world, that is.

For these three teams, it's a shame this is the NFL instead.

My Bleacher Report Pact: No More NFL Offseason

General Peppers — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:31:02 -0400

The NFL is a crazy place. This much we know. The 2009 off-season tells us as much.

We've had a Falcon escaping jail, this time without his snowman. We've had a Titan taken before his time. A Giant turned into Cheddar Bob and found himself with two years of prison time. And last but not least, we've seen the "King of Cheese"-cum-"King of New York" become the most hated man in any state dealing primarily in dairy products.

This is what happens when you take the most physically dominating men on the planet, train them for destruction, and then tell them to take some time off.

To keep up with the all too tired war metaphor, it would be Caesar training gladiators and then telling them to work the night shift at Dairy Queen.

The most savagely glorious part of this inglorious mess is that none of this matters once the season begins.

So in keeping up with the nature of things, from this point on, I propose a pact with my esteemed colleagues of B/R. It's guidelines are simple:

Henceforth, unless your article is a partaking endeavor centering around trades,trade rumors, position battles, or things of the ilk, all discussion of the NFL Off-Season shall be punishable by death.

That's right, death.

So if your life's mission is to be as dedicated a writer as you are a football fan, if you wake up two hours early before games to get " mentally prepared", if you sweet smell of opening day has become saccharin due to the media slandering of athletes, if you believe losing 130 million dollars is suffering enough, then please...

Join me.

Savior: The Minnesota Vikings and Brett Favre Saga's Happy Ending

General Peppers — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 16:43:50 -0400

sav⋅ior (n.)—1. A person who saves, rescues or delivers.

The word savior has become common hyperbole in sports circles, right up there with war metaphors and pop culture references.

Anytime one man improves a team, we grant him the title of a savior and heap praise upon him like a Meryl Streep movie at the Academy Awards.

Matt Ryan was not a savior. The Atlanta Falcons reconstructed the entire coaching staff and management, signed a great running back, upgraded the offensive line, and Matt Ryan being a great quarterback became icing on the red and black cake.

Ghandi was a savior.

Heracles was a savior.

The guy who simultaneously convinces Al Davis and David Sterling to retire is a savior.

Brett Favre is not a savior, and that is why Vikings fans should be thankful we have him on our roster.

If your team requires a savior, then you are most likely not ready for the Super Bowl. This is not the case for the Vikings.

Being an idealist is not favorable for Vikings fans in 2009-2010. This isn't the Brett Favre of lore. This isn't the old gunslinger whose great plays made up for his bonehead mistakes.

What Favre is is a quarterback who knows how to win games and can do something Vikings quarterbacks post-Culpepper couldn't do: throw the ball 15 yards down the field accurately.

When you look at the building blocks for a great team you will continuously come across the same three key factors:

1. Can they run the ball? Check. Adrian Peterson is arguably the league's best running back and the Vikings proudly march out one of the league's top offensive lines.

2. Can they stop the run? The best run defense five years running says yes.

3. Can they convert third downs into first downs? Only when Purple Jesus feels like breaking four tackles and juking another 11.

What the Vikings have been missing since the emergence of Adrian Peterson is a quarterback who can convert first downs when the opposing team stacks the line on 3rd down.

Brett Favre is not a savior, but if we look at the definition of a savior—to save, to deliver, to rescue—Brett Favre certainly has the qualities.

The Vikings' two biggest weaknesses last year were put on full display in a playoff game against the Eagles: slow linebackers and a zone blitz. The Vikings' QBs just couldn't beat a zone blitz and the Eagles used it like they patented it.

While Brett Favre can't bring down speedy running backs, he can beat a zone blitz with relative ease.

He can rescue the purple and gold "damsel in distress" from her tragic flaw.

The Vikings have the team capable of making it deep into the playoffs. They want a championship game of some sort and everyone knows it. They have the team to make the pizza, but haven't had the man to deliver it.

Until now.

The final quality of a savior is found in its name, to save something. As stated earlier, the Vikings don't need saving. Throughout this entire saga, only one fatal truth held true. Only one facet seemed so sweet that it slowly became saccharine. The Vikings are not a franchise known for Super Bowls and so you slowly realize that winning it all would only save one thing...

and that's Brett Favre.

Opening Day In The Premiership:The Good,The Bad, and Aston Villa

General Peppers — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 14:45:37 -0400

The Good

To anyone doubting the validity of Arsenal...Thomas Vermaelen says "hello."

Even without his stellar header in the latter portions of the first half, Thomas Vermaelen was the man of the match. Every ball was cleared, every run was stifled, and outside of a mistep leading to a Cahill free run, Thomas Vermaelen looked like the steal of the transfer season.

The biggest worry for Arsenal fans coming into the season was the hole at defensive midfield.

Denilson silenced critics with a cracking goal in the 30th minute.

For the first time in too long, the boys of Arsenal actually finished all the great passing into the opponent's third.

Placing six goals on the ever stout Tim Howard was an amazing showing by the most maligned Gunners and if this offensive prowess keeps up Manchester City will be waiting another year to crack that elusive top four.

Runners Up: Didier Drogba with two stellar goals and Wigan striker Rodallega with a Goal of the Year candidate in the opening week.

The Bad

Everton's midfield.

Perhaps Bendtner has finally found his position.

Perhaps Cesc Fabregas is just that good.

Perhaps Song/Denilson have finally reached potential.

No matter, there is no reason for a group to perform so poorly.

They couldn't control the ball, they couldn't get it back, they couldn't link up with waiting strikers, and they most certainly didn't make Everton's loyal supporters grow any fonder.

Total embarrassment from a group hoping to finally crack the top 10 this year. Tim Howard should wrangle the necks of this entire group for letting him get embarrassed.

Runner Up: Jo. He just didn't seem to want to play today.

The Ugly

The Villians lost the fight today.

Wigan Athletic withstood the early barrage and came out on top when Aston Villa ran out of gas.

Ashley Young dribbled into three defenders like he was Lebron James on a breakaway.

Petrov seemed adamant against making precise passes or playing defense.

Milner's dribbling and passing went to waste on strikers not on the same page.

And that back line.

Aston Villa might have the worst back four in the league and I mean that with honesty sincerity.

They were cut up on long balls constantly. Every lob pass into the box was won by Wigan players. Rodallega and Figuero played one-two all day across the field.

The loss of Barry showed greatly here and several signings need to be made before the transfer window closes.

Runner Up:Ashley Young. Pitiful today.

Eagles Flying Higher: Sign Michael Vick To Two-Year Deal.

General Peppers — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 20:44:33 -0400

CBS has confirmed that the much talked about Michael Vick saga has come to an end.

Minutes ago, the Philadelphia Eagles signed the mercurial superstar to a two-year deal; one that lasts just as long as starting quarterback Donovan Mcnabb's.

While most projected Vick to go to a team utilizing the now famous "Wildcat" offense, teams like the Patriots or the Raiders, he was instead signed by a team running the very precise West Coast offense, one that requires precision and accuracy.

Both things Vick has never been known for.

With a draft including LeSean McCoy and Jeremy Maclin, the signing of Peters on the offensive line and now Michael Vick, the big question now is:

Are the Eagles the team to beat in the NFC?

The Red Sox Have The Green Monster; The Yankees Have The Blue Midget

General Peppers — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 15:11:11 -0400

Forget PEDs.

Forget steroids, and hormoned accelerated, testosterone boosted, pregnancy pausing athletes.

There is a bigger advantage throughout sports, and that is because only a select few teams are allowed to have it.

Ask any NBA team, past or present, about playing in the old Boston Garden.

Some would say the place had an aura about it, others would call it the best fans in basketball affecting the game. No matter the cause, the old Boston Garden provided a sacred homestand for Celtics teams; including the 1986 Celtics who set the record for best winning percentage at home with a 40-1 record at the Garden.

Question any NFL team about playing in Lambeau. In the snow. In the playoffs. Until a miraculous performance by Michael Vick in 2003 shocked the world, the Packers had never lost on Lambeau Field in the playoffs.

Swing by England at some point and ask a Premier League side about playing football in The Theater of Dreams, also known as Old Trafford, the home of Manchester United. Over the past five years, the Red Devils have only lost six times at home.

A home stadium for some teams really is an extra man on the field/court/diamond.

Mid-May, 2009

With the creation of the new Yankee Stadium, long time fans have been searching for a piece of the magic the old stadium held.

They searched for the ghosts of Ruth, Mantle, Yogi, and the rest of the All-Time legends whose footsteps traced the outline of the old Yankees Stadium.

Alas, these ghosts were buried in the gravel of the old stadium, and now lived on through baseball lore and the hearts of all Yankees fan.

All the new stadium had was a short porch out right that saw 82 home runs sail out of the stadium, and in the first 21 home games!

To say outlooks were bleak would be the understatement of a lifetime.

Mid-August, 2009

Tied 1-1 to the sedulously mediocre Blue Jays, Jorge Posada hits a routine pop fly off Blue Jays reliever Jesse Carlson.

Perhaps it was the recent sweep of the Red Sox that did it. Perhaps it was the rush of once again being the best team in baseball, like many Yankees fans feel is their civil right. Or perhaps the spirits of Yankees lore struck a deal with some ethereal presence and exchanged signed photos for one of his gifts.

Whatever the case, instead of stopping short of the warning tracks, the ball flew into the loyal hands of Yankees fan and was declared a home run.

The biggest surprise was that everyone in the stadium knew it would happen.

While discussing the benefits and detriments of the short porch with Bleacher Report's Heartbeat of the Bronx, I dubbed the short wall "The Blue Midget," a stark contrast of the Green Monster, beloved by New York's eternal arch-nemesis.

Whether the laterally hindered wall will provide as many wins as it's gargantuan rival is still up in the air.

But what is known is that the new Yankee Stadium finally has a piece of magic to call its own.

Weekly Pepper: Steve Slaton Is 2009's Fantasy Steal

General Peppers — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 16:56:14 -0400

Welcome to the Weekly Pepper: A weekly, sometimes daily breakdown of the coming year in fantasy football.

In today's edition, I will be documenting the biggest steal of this year's fantasy football season.

192/203/190/175/173.

These are the fantasy numbers of Chris Johnson, Maurice Jones-Drew, Brandon Jacobs, Steven Jackson, and Frank Gore: five running backs ranked ahead of Steve Slaton in 2009 who scored less than his amazing 210 point rookie campaign.

Chris Johnson has a well known handcuff named LenDale White. The only thing LenDale wolfs down quicker than the spaghetti at the $2.99 buffet is touchdowns near the goal line.

Maurice Jones-Drew supporters are suffering from the optimist's paradigm without looking at the actualities. It's quite similar to those who play blackjack and don't assume the dealer's card you can't see isn't a 10. These guys lose a lot.

We all know his upside but for once let's take a look at the downside:

1. Maurice Jones-Drew was a change of pace back. Defenses prepare for the starter not his backup. Now teams are coming into the game preparing for Jones-Drew.

2. He no longer gets extended breathers. He will be the man all game.

3. He will most likely stop returning kicks. No team wants to risk their starting running back getting injured on a kickoff.

Add in the fact that Slaton averaged nearly five yards a carry to Maurice Jones-Drew's four yards per carry and things start to seem a bit off.

Steven Jackson and Frank Gore were both outscored nearly 50 points by Steve Slaton. When you compare their meager offenses to Slaton's explosive juggernaut, things don't seem like they will change.

So why are all these running backs ranked so much higher than Slaton? Why is Steve Slaton routinely going in the middle second round? Why can't anybody seem to realize he was the best rookie running back of 2008?

The answer isn't important.

What is important is the result of people's mistake: Steve Slaton is a bigger steal in this year's draft than he was in the last.

Last year, only the most die-hard of Texans fans or ingenious of fantasy drafters found Slaton in the draft. He was most often grabbed in the waiver wire by the last place team; making him less a steal and more a payment for destitution.

Steve Slaton will essentially grant you the most valuable of all picks, one in the top three, with an average draft position of 16th.

For those that believe my theory is audacious, which all in all it might be, since fantasy is all one big guessing game, let me direct you to this quaint, yet precise list:

1. Steve Slaton's toughest matchups come from Jacksonville and the Titans. Jacksonville saw Slaton average over 120 total yards and a TD against their vaunted defense last year. The Titans saw Slaton average over a 100 yards rushing per game against their stifling run defense.

2. Slaton didn't get starting running back carries until the second half of the season. The last seven game saw averages of 120+ yards a game on 20+ carries.

3. Steve Slaton has no handcuff. The reason I drafted Slaton last year in every single draft was for this same reason. Competing with Chris Brown and Ahman Green for a starting spot is like competing with Ms. South Carolina in geography exam.

4. The Texans offense might be the league's most explosive and Slaton won't get any worse in his second year.

I'm not one for statistic projections, but I can say with full confidence that barring injury, Steve Slaton will finish as one of fantasy football's top three running backs.

The Weekly Pepper: Larry Fitzgerald is 2009's Biggest Fantasy Bust

General Peppers — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 22:13:52 -0400

Welcome to the Weekly Pepper: A daily breakdown of the coming year in fantasy football.

In today's edition, I will be documenting the biggest bust of this year's fantasy football season.

When fantasy pundits speak of "busts," they mean a player who will be drafted in the prominent position of a fantasy prince and finish the season in the position of a pauper compared to others drafted as high.

Finding these busts is nearly as important as finding the steals of the draft—steals get the nod because a great steal can make up for a bad bust.

When I originally thought of writing this piece, my top three busts looked as such:

1. Ronnie Brown

2. D'Angelo Williams

3. Wes Welker

Then mock drafts started and one trend stood out from the rest of them: Larry Fitzgerald is going in the top seven of nearly 78 percent of fantasy drafts.

This set my fantasy bust radar to red alert. Thoughts began popping in my head.

Things like, "When has a receiver ever posted back-to-back 200-point seasons? When has a wide receiver ever finished No. 1 back-to-back? When did the best wide receiver score more points than the top quarterback?"

Then I realized Larry Fitzgerald has become the equivalent of fantasy football's LeBron James.

We now expect far too much from him.

No one is mentioning the loss of Arizona's only running back who knew how to pass block.

No one is mentioning the loss of one of the NFL's best offensive coordinators.

No one is mentioning that Kurt Warner playing all 16 games was quite the rarity.

No one is mentioning his seven games against the league's worst pass defenses of 2008 or his increasingly difficult schedule this year.

Most importantly, no one is mentioning that to make his (secretly creeping to seventh) Average Draft Position worth it he will have to put up numbers only Randy Moss' record breaking season scored.

When discussing this subject with fellow BleacherReport writers, Long Island Sound and The Rant, the reasons for his positions were the following:

1. The lack of top-tier wide receivers.

2. The inconsistency with the top tier running backs.

3. The abundance of quarterbacks.

While all of these are true it is important to remember that not only is wide receiver the most wildly inconsistent position but it is much safer to gamble on a top running back than a top wide receiver.

Will Fitzgerald finish in the top seven for wide receivers in the year 2009? Most likely, yes.

Will a wide receiver ever be worth a top seven pick in a fantasy draft? Most likely, no.

Favre Says No, But If Vick Says Yes:The Greatest Madden Team Ever

General Peppers — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 18:44:45 -0400

Like it or not, this is the summer of Michael Vick.

If you are a member of P.E.T.A, then you will be spending the upcoming football season petitioning and protesting outside of an NFL stadium—better pray he doesn't go to Buffalo fellas.

If you are a fan of an NFL team with a weak quarterback or Wildcat offense potential, then prepare for the media storm coming your way.

No matter who you are you need to know one thing:

Michael Vick will play football in the NFL this year.The NFL just works that way.

But since I'm sure everyone has already had ESPN jam this story down his or her throat more frequently than an organic object in a Jenna Jameson flick, I'll discuss the more important aspect of the upcoming football season:

Madden 2010 comes out on Aug. 15.

Oh, and there is a possibility that Michael Vick and Adrian Peterson could play on the same Madden team now that Brett Favre declined the offer.

I'll let that sink in for a second...

Good?

For the inexperienced Madden player, I shall take a break from the confines of this literary wunderkind, this existentialist mind-blower, and delve into hardcore video game knowledge.

Michael Vick is the greatest Madden character ever. He's faster then most defensive players. He can break tackles from the only players faster than him, which are cornerbacks. He isn't accurate, but it doesn't really matter. Someone will always be wide open—this is Madden after all. All he needed was a "burner" or speed receiver, and someone tall he could throw to over the middle.

Minnesota has Berrian to fit the speed role, and Sidney Rice can be that leaping, taller guy.

His only true downfall comes from the ability to "hot route" the QB contain, which means placing a defensive player in to contain after the defensive play is selected and forcing Vick to throw against a defense with 7-8 defenders dropped back.

The weakness in such a defensive strategy comes from having to spread your defensive line outward to make it work. This would leave huge running lanes, only, the Falcons never had anyone capable of making people pay.

Enter Purple Jesus.

Adrian Peterson has secretly become the best Madden running back ever. He's faster than anybody, stronger than anybody, and can run your defensive linemen over like Pete Rose in the All-Star game.

Dropping 7-8 guys against Adrian Peterson is video game suicide.

This combo would force opposing teams into terrible situations on every down.

If you stack the line, audible into a roll-out.

If they spread the line out, call the draw.

The possibilities are endless.

Is Vick going to be a great quarterback this year or ever?

Most likely, no.

But when has real life ever affected how Madden works. In Madden, the Raiders are really good. In Madden, L.T never gets injured in important playoff games. In Madden, "Mrs. Chicken of the Sea" never derails my quarterback's season. There are no mentally infantile girlfriends, no Cheddar Bob moments, and most importantly...

There are no dogs.

So please Minnesota, placate me and all the Madden fans around the globe with the single greatest Madden team that we don't have to cheat the computer to create.

Mock Draft Day Two: Searching the Fantasy Football Metagame

General Peppers — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 03:14:52 -0400

In my last Mock Draft article I took a look at popular going-ons in the fantasy football world, and gave advice about why doing as many mock drafts as humanly possible is a fantastic thing.

I am back, once again, to give invaluable details about the upcoming fantasy football season.

My never-ending obsession with fantasy football has led to a sedulous effort on my part; using dozens—the count is now at 62—mock drafts to find average draft positions and trends.

The metagame of fantasy football. What I found is that no one has a clue.

Due to the immense popularity of fantasy football, everyone and their granddad are doing it. The talent level of random leagues has become watered down the point of audible frustration—Tom Brady is going 1st round in 47 percent of drafts.

The cluelessness doesn't end there—not by a long shot.

Even in drafts with friends, even if all your friends are fantasy football geniuses, no one has any clue who to draft. The reason is that this is a transition year.

The running back crisis has finally hit. For the past four years we've had Ladainian Tomlinson. He was flawless.

The number one pick was easy and without discussion, and even after the number one pick, the list right behind LT was mapped out with perfect precision: Brian Westbrook, Larry Johnson, Adrian Peterson, Steven Jackson, and other big names have had their time at the top.

LT is no more, and neither is his merry band of second tiers. 2009 is the year where the old guard gives way to the new, which causes two significant problems:

1. No one is ready to trust the new guys: Steve Slaton is too small and won't see the goalline, Chris Johnson loses touches to Lendale White, Jay Cutler will take away Matt Forte's carries in the stagnant Bears' offense, Maurice Jones-Drew has never carried the load himself, Adrian Peterson is injury prone, Michael Turner has too many carries, etc.

2. No one wants to trust the old guys and lose out on great potential.

In what is usually the easiest, and most redundantly similar portion of the draft, the first round running back selection has now become murky.

Is Frank Gore ever going to put it together? Are the Rams just too poor of a team for Steven Jackson to shine?

Now, the easiest portion of the draft has become painstakingly difficult. I'm here once again in an attempt to use my utter fantasy football "nerd-dome" to shine a much needed light on this now nightmarish, fantasy season.

The first page will take a look at my "Things to Watch" list I created in the last article.

The second page will take a look at my most recent draft, with notes as to why I made each selection

Finally, the last page will take a look at common trends in fantasy drafts this year.

Enjoy!

Things to Watch:

Donovan McNabb's position

Steve Slaton's status as a second round steal

People reaching for Drew Brees

Tony Romo's fall from grace

These were my biggest surprises when I began my mock draft odyssey and I vowed to keep watch over their percentages.

I wasn't disappointed.

In 12-man leagues, McNabb's Average Draft Position (ADP) was an eye-raising 71.4. You can usually get him in the later stages of the sixth round. Depending on your league and how quickly quarterbacks get taken, you may even be able to grab him in the seventh.

Remarkable for the man I am picking as my sleeper QB of the year.

Tony Romo will be taken in the fifth round. In 93.7 percent of my mock draft test samples, Romo was taken somewhere in the 5th round. As you will see on the next page, I attempt to get Romo/Mcnabb back-to-back on every team.

Remember the power of trade bait, and QBs always garner the most.

The reach for Drew Brees wasn't what I thought it would be. He only went in 17 percent of first rounds. I'm still not sure how early in the second to grab him, but most people saw him as the top pick in the second round.

An interesting note is that in drafts where Brees went early, a domino effect on quarterbacks started.

The most important of my 'things to watch' was the selection of Steve Slaton. In a whopping 97 percent of drafts, Steve Slaton was taken in the 2nd round. I have him as the 3rd best running back of 2009. That's called a steal.

The 'Too Long, Didn't Read' Version:

Get Slaton second round and smile.

Aim for Romo in the fifth and Mcnabb in the sixth.

The above statement rings true if someone reaches for Brees early and starts the QB domino.

In my first mock draft diary, I was granted the third pick. While I missed out on Turner/Peterson, I still got Steven Jackson.

This time around I wasn't so lucky, and I landed the 10th pick .

This was also my first mock draft utilizing 10 man leagues. I was actually happy to get the last pick because it is a very fun and informational position for the sake of writing an article.

A few notes before the draft results:

1. I will attempt to get Steve Slaton in every draft. I've said it before and will say it again, he is my number three running back and is going in the mid second round.

2. Always grab the best player. Fill in your team later. One of my teams finished the draft with four quarterbacks because they were the best guys there and I can trade them later.

On to the list...

Pick 1—No. 10—Steve Slaton: RB, Houston Texans

The worst part of getting the last pick means I don't get any second round steals. I knew I had to take Slaton now or never. I decided then that I would take Slaton as high as pick five.

One of the best parts of picking at the end is mopping up bad mistakes of other players and getting to see trends. This draft has Fitzgerald going seventh and Andre Johnson going ninth. Thus with my turn-around pick at 11, I chose...

Pick 2—No. 11—Randy Moss: WR, New England Patriots

With 19 picks between this pick and the next I decided I had to take a wide receiver now. My two quarterbacks, Romo and Mcnabb, will be there later, the running back pool runs a bit dry in the second round, and elite wideouts would be gone soon.

Calvin Johnson plays for the Lions and Moss for the Patriots, so that made my decision.

Pick 3—No. 30—Terrell Owens: WR, Buffalo Bills

This league found itself obsessed with wideouts. Terrell Owens was my last "safe" wide receiver, and I had to take him.

Pick 4—Number 31—Pierre Thomas: RB, New Orleans Saints

With Deuce McAllister gone and Bush unable to play "real" running back, someone needs to score the easy goal line touchdowns that the Saints' high powered offense provides.

Pierre Thomas is that man, and you can grab him in the fourth round. Steal him and run.

The first four picks are your team's base, and you need to feel good about them. Looking back, I had two consistent receivers and two running backs with high potential. I was satisfied, especially with such a poor pick.

Pick 5—No. 50—Tony Romo: QB, Dallas Cowboys

Pick 6-Number 51-Donovan Mcnabb: QB Philadelphia Eagles

And I smiled as the mouths of men who didn't get Warner/Manning/Brees/Brady dropped through their computer screen.

Due to graphic language, I can't repost their comments.

Let it suffice to say that all I heard was, "I can't wait to give up the farm for one of these guys. You're going to rip me off so badly and I can't wait."

To keep this from dragging on and saving your valuable time, I shall give an abridged version of the rest of the picks I deem important enough to mention:

Visanthe Shiancoe in the 14th round—The 5th best Tight End in 2008. Taken right before defenses and kickers. He's always here. Take him.

Picks 7-12 were all Wide Receivers

Yes, you heard that correctly, six straight receivers. Running back depth dies off and there is only one rookie RB from this class I have faith in, Shonn Greene, whom I got in the 13th round anyway.

Kevin Walter, Mark Bradley, Deion Branch, Lance Moore, Donnie Avery, and DeSean Jackson.

I always look for three things in late round receivers:

1. Is he the number one guy?

For Bradley/Branch/Jackson/Avery, this holds true. This is key—being the No. 1 receiver guarantees lots of looks.

2.Does he reside in a pass happy offense?

For Branch/Jackson/Moore/Walter, this is the case.

3.Does he have a quarterback who can get him the rock constantly?

Each of these guys has a solid or great quarterback who has proven his worth, with Cassel getting the short end of the stick between the group.

In short, I consider all these men steals for all how late you can get them.

Walter gives fourth-round production in an eighth-round pick. Bradley is the No. 1 guy in a now pass-happy offense. Branch also plays in a pass-orientated system.

Brees just threw for nearly 5,000 yards—Moore will get his. Avery is the only guy in St. Louis. And DeSean Jackson has already proven his worth with a stellar rookie campaign.

I've gotten most of these guys in every draft and you should attempt to grab at least one or two.

Trends for 2009

Wide. Receivers. Early.

The RB/RB combo you've become accustomed to is flailing. There just aren't that many top tier RBs anymore.

No one is putting faith in this rookie class. Quarterbacks are way down. People like Larry Fitzgerald a lot, but not Calvin Johnson.

In short, this is the year where gambling and taking risks will pay dividends. If you're not in the top two, then where you pick is meaningless.

You could easily see the auto-draft guy win your league.

The teenage kid who picks Fitzgerald with the fourth pick because "he saw him in the Super Bowl" could kick your teeth in.

So to all fantasy football devotees: get ready for a one crazy year!

Five Steps To Becoming The "Heel" of Your Fantasy League

General Peppers — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 20:45:52 -0400

I have spent my entire life a die-hard fan of wrestling. I can't help it. While my friends have "grown out of it", I stay a faithful and utterly engaged smark. (For non wrestling fans, a mark is someone who goes along with the story lines and cheers for what the company feeds you.) For some reason though I could never cheer on the good guy. The Rock was at his best when demeaning the good guy and handcuffing Mankind while simultaneously delivering the greatest chair shots in pay per view history. Stone Cold's best years were his heel years of 2001. When the WWF title mattered so much that he began working with his long time nemesis, Vince Macmahon, just to keep it. In wrestling lingo, the heel is the bad guy and the "face" or "baby face" is the good guy. I was always fascinated by the heel. There are many reasons to dislike this guy. He's insatiably flamboyant about your lack of significance. He never seems to recall losses. He will do whatever it takes to win. There is no level he will not sink to---chair-shots and kicking partners through barbershop windows spring to mind. Amidst the myriad of reasons for your disdain, reaching out like fingertips ripe with a sense of God given moral righteousness, two of them stand out amongst the belated crowd: 1. The great heel wins. A lot 2. Secretly you want to be just like him. Jealously inspires spite. Spite lays way to rumor. Rumor leads way to anger, and somewhere along the line a great bad guy is born. The greatest bad guys have always been the ones involved in competition; when emotions and hormones are at their enraged epicenter. (See Brock Lesnar at UFC 100 for more details.) What better "heel" than the one involved in the manliest competition known to mortal man, fantasy football. And with that, I present to you my Top Five methods of becoming the heel of your fantasy league.

Begin Slideshow

Coincidence: The Mysticism of Terrell Owens

General Peppers — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 06:41:19 -0400

co⋅in⋅ci⋅dence [koh-in-si-duhns]

NOUN

1. a striking occurrence of two or more events at one time apparently by mere chance: Our meeting in Venice was pure coincidence.

Synonyms: accident, luck, fate.

What do the following numbers mean to you: 104.7 and 97.6.

For Las Vegas residents like myself, regrettably, it's the week's high and low.

For Raiders fans, it's the temperature of Al Davis' heart depending on how many virgins have been sacrificed on the given day.

For Clippers fans, it's the average amount of bad decisions Mike Dunleavy has made in the past two days.

For Donovan McNabb and Jeff Garcia, it's their highest quarterback rating in a single year. These were the years that these quarterbacks established themselves within the top tier of the NFL's elite position.

Maybe it's an accident that in each of these years, McNabb and Garcia's teams had their best finishes this decade. Perhaps it's luck that these were the years that both of these quarterbacks set career highs in passing yards and touchdowns.

A coincidence insinuates coinciding outcomes between different variations of a similar situation, involving a change in variables and constants. While the variable (teams) differentiates between each quarterback the constant is the same: Terrell Owens.

Terrell Owens, also known as the "Man You Love to Hate".

Owens, also known as the the Sugarhill Gang of the elaborate wide receiver touchdown celebration—Chad Johnson obviously being Jay-Z in this rap metaphor.

Owens should also be known as the "Quarterback's Ghandi".

He saved McNabb from the Philadelphia critics. After three consecutive NFC Conference Championship losses, the Philly fans were once again ready to kick McNabb and his Chunky soup-promoting mother right out of Philadelphia.

Enter Terrell Owens, and a Super Bowl birth.

He saved Jeff Garcia's back from the 900-pound gorilla that is quarterbacking in San Francisco after the eras of the great Joe Montana and Steve Young.

Enter Terrell Owens, and the highest career quarterback rating that a 49ers quarterback ever had. Yes, higher than Montana's and Young's.

Deciding to save his greatest miracle for last, Terrell Owens helped a second-string, undrafted rookie from Division 1-AA Eastern Illinois secure the starting quarterback spot for America's Team.

This led to Jessica Simpson, and we still aren't sure which is the greater accomplishment.

In each of these quarterback's best years, Terrell Owens had his best year with each team. In each of these quarterback's first full year with Owens, their quarterback ratings, yards thrown for, passing touchdowns, and wins dramatically improved.

Coincidence?

Accident?

Luck?

Somewhere in Upstate New York, donning the pungent aroma of wing sauce cologne, Trent Edwards is wearing his dreams of a 4,000 yard season like pajamas.

In an interview with Playboy magazine that hits newsstands Friday, Owens was asked if he thinks Garcia is gay. Owens responded: "Like my boy tells me: 'If it looks like a rat and smells like a rat, by golly, it is a rat.' "

Owens also said the Eagles would be undefeated with Green Bay's Brett Favre at quarterback.

"A number of commentators will say he's a warrior, he's played with injuries," Owens said, referring to Favre. "I feel like him being knowledgeable about the quarterback position, I feel like we'd probably be in a better situation."

"Answering a fan who said he was unhappy that T.O. left Dallas, Owens tweeted: 'Neither ws i, blame the OC & romo!! but i’m happy 2 b where i am but i miss the other guys tht were & r true teammates!!'"

Owens, who should be known as the NFL's "Bizarro Santa Claus"

Jeff Garcia is gay.

Donovan McNabb can't win like Brett Favre can.

Tony Romo drove me out of Dallas.

Terrell Owens can't help but ensure his quarterbacks don't leave empty handed. While the media will always remember the vocal presents wrapped in paper sheets of disdain, topped with a mercurially malicious bow, McNabb and Garcia will remember gifts of a different kind.

In their first respective seasons without Terrell Owens, McNabb's Eagles went 6-10 and Jeff Garcia had one of his worst seasons to date after signing with the Cleveland Browns. Another coincidence?

Accident?

Luck?

In a world raised to be humble and modest , Terrell Owens has an ego that Kanye West and Beyonce couldn't fathom in a studio together.

Flamboyant is the paper mache he uses to create the facade he wears. Ostentatious is the glue that holds it together. It is crafted finely, much like his skillset as a wide receiver.

The more you look into the variables, the more you come to realize this translucent veneer of feigned humility serves a pertinent purpose.

Fuel.

Each time the world has proclaimed him finished, too old, too slow, too egotistical, too selfish, too ANYTHING with a negative connotation attached, Terrell Owens has used it as a launching-pad into the stars—be it centerfield of Texas Stadium or the television show.

So, if you dislike Terrell Owens, by all means, you have a reason to. It's not a coincidence.

No accident.

No luck.

Try option C: Fate.

Mock Fantasy Draft: Day 1

General Peppers — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 19:45:07 -0400

It's official.

I'm in full on fantasy football mode.

I can't eat, sleep, or write articles without thinking about fantasy football.

I've created a league for my fraternity.

I've created a league for some online friends.

I've spent every hour upon the hour doing research upon schedules, depth charts, and the most trivial stats the internet can offer; all in the name of getting that extra "umph".

I also know that I'm not the only one.

I've stated many times that true fantasy football knowledge comes from admitting you know nothing and can not predict the future.

You can only make predictions based on the present.

So my ultimate goal is to scour the present for enough information to make it my own fantasy football gift of knowledge.

If there is one thing I do in fantasy football better than most, it's drafting players.

I never reach for players to early, I make the right reaches when I need to, I gamble on the right rookies, etc.

One of the most under-rated facets of preparation for fantasy football are mock drafts.

Every year, ESPN runs mock drafts up until seasons beginning.

I go through nearly a 100 mock drafts per fantasy preseason in an attempt to gain knowledge as to how the rest of my drafts will play out.

My preseason chart looks like an NFL playbook.

These mock drafts provide solid intel as to how people around you feel about certain players. They let you know if the general public thinks a certain guy is over-rated or under-rated. They let you know how early you're going to have to reach for a guy.

All of this is vital information.

My goal is to chronicle one mock draft a day and jot down my inner monologue, allowing you, the reader, and insight to the mind of a guy who cares way too much about fantasy football.

Before I start this journal of sorts, let me give you a few draft trends that I live by when it comes to fantasy football:

1.Never trust a Vikings receiver. Ever.

2. Packers and Lions players should be taken with a grain of salt. These players have four games against the Vikings and Bears.

3. Taking too many rookies leads to bad teams. Taking the wrong rookies leads to average teams. Taking the right rookies leads to titles.

4. If a Quarterback or Wide Receiver is in the AFC West, take them. All four teams have porous pass defenses.

5. Your first two picks are your rocks. These are the consistent guys. Don't take risks here. Don't get cute. Take the best player but don't get fancy. After that, the rest of your draft should be a balance of risk and consistency.

6.Players are ranked on a bang vs. buck theory. If I can get Brian Westbrook in the 3rd round, he is a top 3 RB for the price you paid for him.

And with that, we are ready to go!

DAY 1.

3rd Pick-Steven Jackson RB-St. Louis

I enter the draft with the 3rd pick. Not bad. If this was a real draft I would do everything I could to trade down. The top two picks are a tier above everyone else.

Since you can't trade in mock drafts I go with Steven Jackson over Matt Forte and Jones-Drew.

Jones-Drew is an unproven risk and I prefer Jackson over Forte. Very simple.

Brees goes 9th. I have a feeling people will reach for him all day.

I jot this down in my "things to look for" list.

18th Pick-Steve Slaton RB-Houston

I lucked out. Slaton is ranked as the 16th best player. I have him ranked as the 4th. I would have taken him 1st round but I had a feeling I could get him in the 2nd round.

It was a gamble I was willing to take and it paid off. Slaton is going to be a top three running back if you can get him in the 2nd round.

If you get him in the 2nd round you increase the bang for buck theory I live by.

My eyes now set to Roddy White. I have the 23rd pick, five away. Roddy White is 8 spots down and covered up by receivers like Reggie Wayne and Terrell Owens, both huge draws.

23rd Pick-Roddy White WR-Atlanta

Another steal for me. Personally I have him as the 3rd best receiver behind Fitzgerald and Andre Johnson. Megatron is stuck on a horrible team and Roddy has protection in the run game, Tony Gonzalez, and a very good quarterback.

The first three rounds are essential. These are the rounds that will set your team for the first four weeks.

It is around week 4 that people decide to start making trades.

My usual order for this round is: consistency, consistency, potential.

38th Pick-Kurt Warner QB-Arizona

The biggest mistake I see people make is not taking the best player when he is there, and instead try and fill their roster as soon as possible.

Yes, I plan on reaching for McNabb next round but it is always good to

A. Have a superstar backup you can trade

B. Have a back up for risky players with injury histories.

Rounds 1-3 make your team good. Rounds 4-10 make you a champion.

43rd Pick-DeSean Jackson WR-Philadelphia

My big reach of the draft. This is either going to cost me because I passed up on the now under-rated Braylon Edwards, or turn my team into a juggernaut.

I took him now because McNabb, Knowshon Moreno, and DeSean Jackson were on the board.

I didn't think I would be able to get all three and receivers hadn't been taken yet.

Just my luck, someone reaches for Moreno right after I pick.

I jot that into my "things to watch list" as well.

58th Pick-Tony Romo QB-Dallas

Someone unexpectedly reached for McNabb. It's still a win-win. Romo will have a bounce back year and he is going VERY LATE as you can see.

I jot his place into my "things to watch list"

This makes me glad I grabbed Warner earlier.

63rd Pick-Lee Evans WR-Buffalo

I, like many others, have had Lee Evans ruin many a fantasy team over the past three years. His lack of consistency is frustrating.

I think T.O should fix that.

78th Pick-Owen Daniels TE-Houston

Expecting a big year from Owen Daniels this year. He and Cooley are the last bastion of top tight ends.

Don't reach for any TE except Jason Witten. There are lots this year.

I look up and see Beanie Wells is still there with 10 spots between he and the top.

I have the 83rd pick, five away.

This is a good thing.

83rd Pick-Beanie Wells RB-Arizona

Beanie Wells is my first serious risk. Roddy White and DeSean Jackson are potential.

Beanie will be the starter. Downside is the Cardinals have a horrific schedule against top run defenses.

I now go and search for my mid-round steals. They are:

Kevin Walters WR Houston.

Michael Crabtree WR San Francisco.

Donnie Avery WR St. Louis.

Lance Moore WR New Orleans.

They're all there, with Donnie Avery being the lowest rank.

Good.

98th Pick-Kevin Walters WR-Houston

A. Someone jacked Crabtree right before this pick.

B.As you can see, take Houston Texans players

C.Kevin Walters should go in the top 50. He never will. Reach for him.

D.Lance Moore is still here despite Drew Brees passing for 5,000 yards. People are dumb sometimes.

103rd Pick-Donnie Avery

This is called a steal.

With Holt gone Donnie Avery will be the man in St. Louis.

With how bad their defense is, you can expect the Rams to be pass happy.

Thus why I drafted the pass-catching Steven Jackson and the speedy Avery.

This concludes Day One of my Mock Draft Breakdown.

Stay tuned for the next installment when I update the following "Things To Watch":

Donovan McNabb's position.

Steve Slaton's second round steal ability.

People reaching for Drew Brees.

Tony Romo's fall from grace.

I will also be tracking how many wide receivers are drafted in the first three rounds so you know when you pounce.

Until then, happy mock draft hunting!

Oguchi Onyewu to AC Milan: The Steal of the Transfer Season

General Peppers — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 16:41:58 -0400

AC Milan supporters can flip those frowns into smiles.

No, Oguchi Onyewu is no Kaka. But what he is, is a world class defender that the team so desperately needed with the retirement of captain Paulo Maldini.

Largely unknown outside of America, Onyewu made a name for himself with the USA's strong Confederations Cup run.

He, and a vastly underrated Tim Howard, played a key part in keeping America in the tournament much longer than they should have been.

The world watched on as Onyewu put on a man of the match performance in the semifinals against Spain, holding the European giants scoreless and leaving the world's best strikers stunned.

At 6'4", 210 pounds, Onyewu is a perfectly-sized center back capable of taking on even the largest of forwards.

He also possesses an uncanny quickness for a man of his stature and can mark the quicker strikers with relative ease.

His greatest quality might actually be his ability on set pieces. While his placement needs work, his ability to get a head on the ball is top notch.

While he still needs to work on his offsides game and teamwork with other players of his caliber, he should be a welcome addition to the Milan side in serious need of a spark.

Fantasy Breakdown Day Two: The Philadelphia Eagles

General Peppers — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 15:58:09 -0400

Don't take Kickers until the last round. Don't take Minnesota receivers. If a player is in the NFC North and plays the Lions twice, he should be taken a round early. These are a few of fantasy football's "unwritten rules". The most important, and frustratingly confusing, of these rules is the following: Rookies don't make good fantasy players. . . most of the time. If you stay away from rookies and just draft given talent, you will most likely finish in the upper level standings---you just won't win. I shall place this in caps so the message can reach through the forest of words and reach even those readers who are taken easily by sparks. ROOKIES. WIN. CHAMPIONSHIPS. That is the unspoken secret of fantasy football. They are unproven commodities. They are high risk and often return very little reward. But the greatest ventures in capitalist history came from huge risks, and the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. The reward of a good rookie is that it turns a great team into a juggernaut. That rookie gives you extra commodities that you can trade away to further stack your team or fill holes in it. That rookie can replace your struggling starter. No draft in recent memory gave risk takers better rewards than the 2008 one. So without further ado, I present to you the top 10 fantasy rookies of the 2008 draft class.

Begin Slideshow

Calvin Pace: Fall of a Veteran, Rise of a Rookie

General Peppers — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 15:36:19 -0400

Not so much a fall as it was a short stumble.

Calvin Pace was suspended for four games due to breaking the league's substance abuse policy.

A response to the suspension was quickly released(as they always are)by the Jets:

"This is a situation that resulted from an over-the-counter dietary supplement that contained a substance that I did not know violated the league's policy. I am responsible for what I put into my body, and I should have paid closer attention to the league's guidelines.

"I regret that this has happened and apologize to my teammates, the entire Jets organization, as well as the fans. Hopefully, this does not distract from our ultimate goal of winning the Super Bowl."

Dietary supplements?

Again?

Didn't he learn his lesson from last year's debacle between Pat and Kevin Williams, the interior defensive tackles for the Vikings when they nearly missed a playoff game due to diuretics?

With how much money these individuals make and how important their bodies are to their career, you would think they could stop "accidentally" taking illegal substances.

Pace was brought in by the Jets in 2008, signing a six-year, $42 million deal that includes $22 million in guaranteed money.

He was worth nearly every penny in his freshman campaign with the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets.

(I can't help myself. That is hands down the greatest chant in sports.)

He was second on the team in sacks with seven, he lead the team in tackles for a loss with 12, forced five fumbles, and recovered four.

Rex Ryan came to the Jets with lips watering.

Long known for his work with the top notch line backing corps of the Ravens, Ray Lewis and Bart Scott to name a few, Rex Ryan couldn't wait to transform Pace into one of the league's premier outside rushers.

Now he is impatiently searching for ways to transform this defense into one of the league's best without him.

The early replacement candidate for Pace is last year's highly touted rookie, Vernon Gholston.

Ryan has already experienced transforming a college defensive end into a star outside linebacker during his work with Terrell Suggs.

While Gholston lacks Suggs' tremendous pass rushing skill and nose for the ball, he has similar tools to Ryan's former pupil.

It's a shame none of those tools came out of the shed last year.

For the most part, only two other options have arisen from the Jets' mini camp:

Willie McGinest and Pace's depth chart back-up Marques Murrell.

Let's just say Jets fans are not too enthused.

As we've seen over the past years, the NFL isn't too high on letting 1st round picks go to waste; so it is safe to assume Gholston will be getting the nod coming into the season.

Either way, Rex Ryan will be earning his lucrative contract this year.

He just might have to work harder than he intended.

The New York media isn't keen on three-year plans.

2009 NFL Preview: Sophomore Running Backs

General Peppers — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 17:04:32 -0400

(This and all subsequent articles will now be available on InsidetheGridiron.com, a new website created by BleacherReport's own "The Rant")

The year 2008 was a precocious one for professional(and fantasy) football to say the least.

LaDanian Tomlinson and Brian Westbrook found themselves hitting the mythical age of 30; the kryptonite for NFL running backs.

Sean Alexander found himself old.

Ronnie Brown found himself teamed up with King Willie from Predator II.

Adrian Peterson turned into Tracy McGrady.

Mike Shanahan had made it his personal objective to ruin the fantasy football running back; preaching running back by committee over the 300 yard monster.

Worst of all was that it was working and catching on—both Super Bowl teams used a team of running backs over the standard one.

Looking back, the 2008 NFL Draft was the mother of all "slump busters"; the world's sexiest fat chick so to speak.

While Darren McFadden was regarded as the headliner of a mediocre crew of running backs, ironically, he ended up as the least productive of the group.

Today, I will be analyzing each rookie running back from the 2008 Draft who made an impact, and search for chances of a sophomore slump.

(Alright, as of now, I will think of another word for sophomore slump. It has become over-used and I'm officially sick of it. If anyone has any ideas for a new name let me know and I promise you will receive credit every time I use it.)

Tim Hightower

2008 Stats

ATT YDS AVG TD AVG DRAFT

143 399 2.8 10 118.5

2009 Schedule

San Fransisco

@Jacksonville

Indianapolis

Houston

@Seattle

@New York

Carolina

@Chicago

Seattle

@St. Louis

@Tennessee

Minnesota

@San Fransisco

@Detroit

St. Louis

Green Bay

Out: Edgerrin James

In: Beanie Wells; Larod Stephens-Howling

The first time you watched Old School I'm going to guess you or someone you were with said, "Oh man, the cowbell guy is funny. He should get his own movie."

Don't feel bad, we all thought this.

Then Will Ferrell, the cowbell guy, got his own movies and they were good. . .

At first.

Then the next 1,500 movies sucked because everyone had gotten used to his schtick, and we realized he was better used sparingly at certain spots.

That's Tim Hightower in a nutshell. He is the NFL's Will Ferrell.

Throughout the first 7-8 games of the NFL season, we saw Hightower snatch touchdown after touchdown and wished he would just get the start.

Then he finally did and we realized he was only good at the goal line.

Thankfully, the Cardinals coaches did as well and placed Edgerrin James back in the starting lineup.

Good news: Edgerrin James is now gone.

Bad News: The Cardinals spent first and seventh round picks on running backs.

Worse News: The Cardinals schedule. Look at the killer run defenses lined up:

Minnesota Vikings: Rank No. 1, 76.9 rushing yards allowed per game

Chicago Bears: Rank No. 5, 93.5 rushing yards allowed per game

Tennessee Titans: Rank No. 6, 93.9 rushing yards allowed per game

New York Giants: Rank No. 9, 95.8 rushing yards allowed per game

San Fransisco 49ers: Rank No. 13, 106.8 rushing yards allowed per game

Jacksonville Jaguars:Rank No. 13, 106.8 rushing yards allowed per game

If you're keeping count that's six teams in the top 13 of run defense, four in the top 10, two in the top five, and the number one overall run defense.

Toss in the simple fact that no team drafts a running back in the first round if they feel comfortable with the one they've got, and you have a bad situation for Mr. Hightower this season.

Kevin Smith

2008 Stats

ATT YDS TD REC REC-YDS

238 976 8 39 286

2009 Schedule

@New Orleans

Minnesota

Washington

@Chicago

Pittsburgh

@Green Bay

St. Louis

Seattle

@Minnesota

Cleveland

Green Bay

@Cincinnati

@Baltimore

Arizona

@San Fransisco

Chicago

Out: Rudi Johnson

In: Maurice Morris

For those of you who just got done seeing Transformers II, the nickname for the 2009 Lions: Decepticons, go.

Calvin Johnson is Megatron—an apt nickname for the physical monstrosity.

This would make Matthew Stafford The Fallen, the leader we just learned about.

Last, but certainly not least, would be the second in command, Starscream, or as he is more commonly known, Kevin Smith.

Behind one of the worst offensive lines in the league Kevin Smith put together a surprisingly efficient campaign.

Good News: With Rudi Johnson gone and Maurice Morris in Kevin Smith should see a lot more carries.

Bad News: The Lions are in the NFC North and forced to play Chicago and Minnesota, two of the league's top 10 run defenses, twice a year.

Worse News: The NFC North's AFC counterpart is the AFC North, featuring the Steelers and the Ravens, the two best run defenses not named the Vikings.

The Lions will be playing four games against the league's top three run defenses.

Add in games against San Francisco and an early matchup with the Redskins, and the outlook for the Lions run game is quite bleak.

Chris Johnson

2008 Stats

Att Yds TD Rec. Rec.Yds. Rec TD

251 1,228 9 43 260 1

2009 Schedule

@Pittsburgh

Houston

@N.Y Jets

@Jacksonville

Indianapolis

@New England

Jacksonville

@San Francisco

Buffalo

@Houston

Arizona

@Indianapolis

St. Louis

Miami

San Diego

@Seattle

Out: Lendale White's eating habits. News out of Tennessee is that he is slimming down.

In: Javon Ringer

Good News: Chris Johnson has stated that he is ready to break loose and do this running back thing solo.

Bad News: Lendale White is still a Titan and they got a steal with Javon Ringer in the fifth round.

Worse News: Five of the first eight games are on the road and those first eight games are loaded with solid run defenses.

This schedule is similar to what the Titans faced last year and we saw how little of a problem that was.

From a fantasy standpoint, Lendale White and Javon Ringer will be snatching touchdowns near the goalline. This isn't good.

On the bright side, if you are in a points per reception league, Chris Johnson will make up for his points by being the only RB on the team with reliable hands.

Matt Forte

2008 Stats

Att Yds TD Rec. Rec.Yds. Rec TD

316 1,238 8 63 477 4

2009 Schedule

@ Green Bay

Pittsburgh

@ Seattle

Detroit

@Atlanta

@Cincinnati

Cleveland

Arizona

@San Francisco

Philadelphia

@Minnesota

St. Louis

Green Bay

@Baltimore

Minnesota

@Detroit

Out: Kyle Orton

In: Jay Cutler

Matt Forte was the steal of the 2008 NFL Draft. He would've been the steal of every fantasy football draft if not for the guy coming up next.

He can do a little bit of everything: run hard, break long runs, catch the pass, and block.

Good News: Jay Cutler means less guys in the box.

Bad News: Four of the first six games are on the road. Thankfully, the news isn't devastating. The four road games are against porous run defenses.

Worse News: Like the rest of the NFC North, the Bears are forced into games against the Ravens and the Steelers. Unlike the Lions and Packers, the Bears don't have to play themselves.

What makes Forte such a great player in both the NFL and fantasy football is his ability to be the best receiver on the field. In points per reception leagues, Matt Forte is an absolute monster and will make up for lost points in the rushing game with receiving touchdowns.

The Bears are still waiting for Hester to become their star receiver and in the mean time have yet to draft a WR in the first round.

Meaning Forte is still the best receiver on the team.

And you don't bring Jay Cutler in to throw less.

Steve Slaton

2008 Stats

Att Yds TD Rec. Rec.Yds. Rec TD

268 1.282 9 50 377 1

2009 Schedule

New York Jets

@ Tennessee

Jacksonville

Oakland

@ Arizona

@ Cincinnati

San Francisco

@ Buffalo

@ Indianapolis

Tennessee

Indianapolis

@ Jacksonville

Seattle

@ St. Louis

@ Miami

New England

Out: Ahman Green

In: Experience for Slaton

If you haven't seen the Real World: Cancun then you need to.

I had a strong feeling it was going to work out based on the sum of its parts; a mix of temperamental hot chicks with boyfriends they couldn't wait to cheat on, standard All-American hot guy, pretentious guitar player, the standard gay guy, and Cancun on Spring Break.

Unsurprisingly, it all worked out.

In 2008, Steve Slaton was the Real World: Cancun.

All the parts were there; a top notch offense missing its essential RB, the two running backs ahead of him being the always injured Ahman Green and Chris Brown, and a speedy college back who fit the Texans blocking scheme to perfection.

Good News: Ahman Green is gone, meaning no more vultured touchdowns. They also play the oft porous Indianapolis defense twice a year.

Bad News: The Titans and Jaguars are on the schedule twice.

Uh. . . More Good News: Slaton played some of his best games against the league's top defenses.

In his two games against Jacksonville, Slaton averaged 70 yards receiving, 80 yards rushing, and a touchdown.

Against the Titans, Slaton averaged a whooping 108 yards rushing against one of the league's top defenses.

Slaton was the consensus RB steal of every fantasy draft. The savvy leagues saw him go in the late 13th to 14th rounds.

Most leagues saw him go un-drafted.

With an easy schedule, no decent backup in sight, and an explosive offense ahead of him, Slaton is lined up for another spectacular season.

Just know he is going in the first round of every draft.

The Others

Darren McFadden. Oakland still has Vargas leading the way. McFadden will have an improved season but nothing to write home about.

Jonathan Stewart. Deangelo Williams will still be getting most of the carries as we saw Stewart fade towards season's end.

Felix Jones. Valued as a return man and thirrd down back. Not worth drafting in fantasy leagues due to the emergence of Tashard Choice

Rashard Mendenhall. Injured most of last season, Mendenhall should make an impact for the champion Steelers, but Willie Parker is still the man.

Ray Rice. The Baltimore backfield is too crowded for Rice to make a fantasy impact. He will still make the Ravens a better team though.

Tashard Choice. With his spectacular performance against the Steelers, Choice has moved himself into the backup behind the Barbarian. That means he's a solid handcuff but won't be seeing many touchdowns.

Ryan Torian/Peyton Hillis. The Broncos drafted Knowshon for a reason.

The rookie running backs of 2008 brought the NFL new life.

They kick started several teams on the way down and elevated a few teams into playoff contention.

The spotlight is now on the Running Back class of 2008 and after analyzing each contender, I'm throwing my hat on Steve Slaton to shine the brightest.

2009: The Greatest Sports Year Ever

General Peppers — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 18:54:12 -0400

(Pictured above are the Arsenal Youth Team celebrating a win over the Liverpool Youth Team. They would go on to win the youth league crown.)

For me, this has been the best year in sports.

Every so often, we as sports fans, are granted a reprieve.

We toil through mediocre seasons from all our teams.

We put up with terrible coaching and general managers, who insult our intelligence with trades we know won't pan out—insert Mike Dunleavy jokes.

To make matters worse, most sports fans have multiple teams sinking into mediocrity.

Then, in one magical year, the sports gods shine down upon us.

Boston got theirs in 2004: The Red Sox coming back from 0-3 to beat the Yankees, and the Patriots cementing themselves as the team of the 21^st century.

In 2009, I received my payment.

The Pittsburgh Penguins, fresh off a Stanley Cup beatdown at the hands of the Red Wings in 2008, returned in 2009 to defeat Detroit and subsequently rubbed karma pie all in Marian Hossa's grill.

The Lakers, fresh off an embarrassing beatdown from the rival Celtics, returned in 2009 to claim their 15^thtitle.

Adding to my joy is recent news that All-Universe defensive stalwart Ron Artest will be taking a paycut to play for the fabled Lakers.

The Arsenal Gunners made it to the semifinals of the Champions League and saw its youth team win yet another crown.

Transfer season has brought the Gunners Ajax captain Thomas Vermaelen and will most likely see A.C Milan pay 25 million to take Emmanuel Adebayor off our hands.

The Minnesota Vikings seem destined to sign the QB we need to take us to the Super Bowl.

Everything just seems to be going right.

If this sounds like gloating, well, it probably is, but it doesn't come without a premise.

What is your greatest year in sports history?

Fantasy Breakdown Day 1: The Dallas Cowboys

General Peppers — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 18:17:35 -0400

Hello, and welcome to Day 1 of my fantasy breakdown. I will be profiling each of the 32 NFL teams based on my personal fantasy projections. The teams will be broken down into 5 categories A.Quarterback B.Running Backs(s) C.Wide Receivers D.That Little Something Special I don't do defenses and kickers because frankly they don't matter. The Ravens, Steelers, Giants are all going to get a lot of points. Every one is else worth drafting is a tie. Kickers are so unimportant that this is the last time I will discuss them, ever. The order that I do these teams is based on ESPN's team order list on the NFL page. So if you only care about your team you know exactly when they are coming up. Today I will be breaking down America's Team, The Dallas Cowboys. Hold onto your billion dollar stadiums.

Begin Slideshow

The Cleveland Cavaliers Need Shawn Marion.

General Peppers — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:40:38 -0400

For those of us who play fantasy sports, the 2009 NBA free agency isn't coming as much of a surprise.

We've all played in a league where thanks to smart drafting, a few guys jumped out to 4-0 while some other guys jumped to 0-4. You knew the panic trade or panic waiver drop was coming.

You knew the 4-0 guys were going to use the fear of the teams going 0-4 to load up their already stacked roster.

Well hold onto your keyboards because fantasy and reality have just met!

Thanks to the recession, every GM has turned into a weird combination of Mike Dunleavy and Chris Wallace; they not only make bad trades that don't help them at all, but they send their best player in the package.

Thanks to the recession, the Magic, Lakers, Celtics and Spurs have turned into Simon Cowell and everyone else is an American Idol contestant.

Yes, even Cleveland.

One 38-year-old center does not a super team make. Don't let Sportscenter confuse you.

Even with Shaq, Cleveland still lacks what the other four teams I mentioned have, and a quick comparison of just the stars will show it.

Lakers-Pau Gasol/Lamar Odom/Ron Artest/Kobe Bryant

Spurs-Tim Duncan/Manu Ginobili/Tony Parker/Richard Jefferson

Magic-Vince Carter/Rashard Lewis/Jameer Nelson/Dwight Howard

Celtics-Kevin Garnett/Paul Pierce/Ray Allen/Rajon Rondo/Rasheed Wallace(most likely)

Cavaliers-Lebron James. . . .

Don't get me wrong, Shaquille O'Neal is still a top five center. But that only goes to show how far that position had degraded. He gets All-Star votes because people love Shaq. It's the Manny Ramirez Corollary if you will.

Mo Williams is a fantastic third fiddle. But that's what he is, a third fiddle. All the guys I mentioned above are star guys or second fiddles who could play the star if need be.

If the Cavaliers want any chance of making another NBA Finals run then they're going to need to pick on the guys going 0-6.

They're going to need to steal Marion from the Raptors; easier said than done since he has proven to care more about money than titles.

He's the last big star left that fits this team perfectly.

He's the last chance the Cavaliers have at showing Lebron James they REALLY, REALLY want to keep him here.

And who knows, maybe Lebron will see Artest's monetary sacrifice and shave some money off his soon to be legendary contract. . . .

Naaaaaaaaaaah.

NBA Free Agency 2009: Sports at Its Best

General Peppers — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 04:53:28 -0400

What makes a sport?

If no one showed up to NFL games, would they mean anything more than the Thanksgiving Day games my family plays in the backyard?

If the gladiators fought in a field instead of the Colosseum, wouldn't it just be murder?

What turns a hobby into a sport is us—the fans.

And when a hobby becomes a sport, it becomes a battle—sometimes hyperbolized by players from Miami University; yeah, you Kellen Winslow.

In a battle, you always have an enemy to compete against, and the greatest victories stem from Goliath obliterating everything in his path or David rising up against him.

As a fan, recall your favorite season in sports.

My personal two are the 2000-2001 NBA seasons and the 2003 NFL season.

What made these seasons stand out were the emergence of a single or a few dominant teams at the top.

(The NBA had the Lakers and the NFL had the Patriots/Steelers/Eagles)

As a Lakers fan, I cheered on my Goliath as they steam-rolled through the playoffs without losing a game until the NBA Finals.

Everyone else subsequently developed an un-Earthly loathing for them that wouldn't allow them to miss a single game.

That is sports at its finest. Three to four teams at the top, most of the league in the middle, and a three to four teams you are just embarrassed to watch.

Baseball is nothing without the Yankees.

Soccer is nothing without the Manchester Uniteds and Real Madrids of the world.

My proudest day of the year came recently when the middle-of-the-road United States defeated the Spanish side that hadn't lost in three years, a world record.

The 2009 NBA Free Agency has brought this joy back into the world of basketball; just take a look at the following:

Vince Carter to the Magic.

Shaquille O'Neal to the Cavaliers.

Richard Jefferson to San Antonio.

Charlie Villenueva and Ben Gordon to the Pistons.

Rasheed Wallace most likely going to the Celtics.

And finally, Ron Artest going to the world-champion Lakers.

I don't know if it is because of the recession or because people finally care more about winning than money, but big-time athletes are actually taking less money to win.

Artest is the league's premiere perimeter defender, with his only competition coming from former teammate Shane Battier.

Toss in his ability to drop 25 points on any given night, and you have a gifted athlete worth three times what the Lakers will be paying him.

He doesn't care. He wants to win.

As fans, we have been clamoring for this from our athletes for years now, and now that we're getting it, I hope we appreciate it.

After the mediocrity we saw from this year's finals—I'll be the first to admit this Lakers team was a dwarf among midgets—I hope we as fans are ready for what the NBA is supposed to look like.

For fans of the 24 "other" teams in the NBA: Don't be disappointed or upset.

Cherish the chances you have at upsetting these teams, even though you know deep down chances of a repeat performance in the playoffs are about as likely as me knowing when to stop rambling and cut my articles short.

Enjoy the Lakers and Spurs banging through the Western Conference like convenience stores, dotted along trucker pit stops like dandelions, on their way to the destiny that is the conference finals.

Enjoy the Celtics, Magic, Cavaliers, and Pistons giving you enough stars to make Florentino Perez jealous.

(If that one slips by you just go to the FIFA section and search his name. He's like the Bizarro World Mike Dunleavy, spending money to make his team better, not worse.)

Enjoy it while it lasts because, soon enough, the recession will be over and athletes will once again clamor for the highest paycheck.

Enjoy it because we thought free agency wouldn't allow such great moments.

Enjoy it because this is what sports is supposed to be like.

The Top 10 Fantasy Football Sleepers

General Peppers — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 19:12:35 -0400

With the conclusion of the NBA draft, basketball season is all but over---well, excluding the inevitable horrendous Mike Dunleavy signing. This can only mean one thing. . . . Criminally audacious fantasy football previews bordering on a ethereal indulgence to stupidity. More bad picks than any Clippers GM could possibly make in a lifetime. (4 sentences and already 2 Clippers references. I still have the magic!) "True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing, that makes you smartest of all"--Socrates It is because of the above quote that I have such a solipsistic outlook on my fantasy knowledge compared to the infinite 20 something college kids who think they know everything. It's all a guessing game. I can't predict a a future that doesn't exist. I don't know who is going to get hurt. I don't know what coach is going to lose his mind and start chucking the ball 40-50 times. I don't know which rookie is going to decide his college days of smoking weed and roping in every freshman blonde with an inferiority complex are behind him. All I can do is make predictions based on current trends. And with that, I bring you my 2009-2010 Sleeper/Busts list. The sleeper category will be filled with upstart rookies, top guys that are going 2-3 spots too low, guys going 2-3 rounds too low, and guys who will break out. I do a lot of research using team websites, looking through countless other fantasy writers previews, and personal knowledge. My goal is to try and bring sleepers everyone else isn't talking about. Last year my big sleepers were Steve Slaton Tim Hightower. Not a bad year. Don't go taking these guys over proven all-stars but make sure you keep an eye on them.

Begin Slideshow

The Top 5 Lottery Era Drafts

General Peppers — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:40:06 -0400

With the 2009 draft only hours away, I thought, "What better way to celebrate the best part of the NBA Off-Season then with a list!?" My first idea was to do my top ten players for this draft. Then I remembered that 11,000 people beat me to the idea. I considered doing my bust of the draft. Then I remember I already did my article on Blake Griffin. Sorry Clippers fans. You are unable to make the best pick in the draft. Dunleavy is completely against winning. I was two clicks away from a "50 best draft steals ever" until I remembered Jon Sally and The Best Damn Sports Show already have a monopoly on crappy 50s lists. Doing a best draft ever would have been pointless; seeing as how the 1984 draft joins Zelda: Ocarina of Time and the number three pick from the 1984 draft as the topper of any and all "greatest of all time" lists. Then it hit me: The best draft of the now famous or infamous---hello rigged 1985 draft---Lottery Era. Ladies and Gentlemen, hold on to your New Era fitted caps!

Begin Slideshow

Orlando Magic Vs. L.A. Lakers: Game Three Running Diary

General Peppers — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 00:01:06 -0400

I enjoy when writers do running diaries of games and add in their own opinion at certain intervals, so I decided to do one myself.

Enjoy!

Quarter One

Kobe Bryant.

That's all that needs to be said.

17 points and three assists, hitting shots from all angles, and was seen getting swatted going to the hole only to execute a picture perfect four point play with the clock winding down.

This feels like a 50 point night. If he keeps this up 3-0 is inevitable.

Quarter Two

11:30—Here come the benches.

Pietrus posts up the much smaller Vujacic and has his way with him. If Stan Van Gundy was smart, he would abuse this for the rest of the quarter. Pietrus can post up Walton or Vujacic with ease.

Stay tuned for more on this.

11:00—Jameer Nelson is called for his second travel. He really shouldn't be seeing too many more minutes. Rafer Alston is playing out of his mind and is a very touchy player. Alston needs his minutes, and Jameer Nelson should play 10-15 minutes a game and that's it.

9:40—Luke Walton seems intent on making up for his three straight poor series by playing rather well against the Magic. Since his entrance, he has made a nice pass to Odom for a three-point play, driven and kicked for easy passes to Farmar, and driven to the basket for easy buckets.

The Lakers bench is strong for this reason; someone always seems to have a great game, whether it's Vujacic heating up from deep, Farmar's flashes of brilliance, or the more recent emergence Shannon Brown.

8:20—With Kobe emerging from the bench, the Magic are going all-out to double-team him the second he touches the ball.

This creates open passes for the now hot Farmar.

If the bench can keep up the good shooting, Kobe can continue to pass.

That's when this team is at it's best.

8:00—Ever play the old NBA Jams?

Ever have both teams catch team fire and watch guys make shots from all angles and do double-dunks where their heads touch the roof?

That is this game right now as the Magic rotate around to a wide open Hedo Turkoglu for three.

7:36—Bynum airballs an open shot.

We just gave him a $60 million extension.

Crap.

6:23—Pietrus with a clear double dribble. He then complains about the refs, which is, at this point, like sleeping with Paris Hilton and then complaining that you got an STD.

Redundant at this point.

6:00—Orlando Magic:19-of-25 shooting. 76 percent from the field. Down by one.

Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare for a classic.

This is what people want to see in an NBA Finals.

For everyone complaining about "No Lebron vs. Kobe," for everyone saying "These Finals will be boring"...politely do as the Rock tells you and, "Shine your shoes up real nice and stick 'em straight up your candy asses!"

5:07—The Magic. Won't. Miss. Forget NBA Jam, this is like Tecmo Bo Jackson vs. QB Eagles.

3:29—The Magic. Won't. Miss.

This Dwight Howard commercial is hilarious.

Best of the playoffs.

Youtube it if you missed it.

It's a weird situation though. On one hand, we have the most charismatic superstar since Shaq, hell, perhaps even more so.

Yet, his childish nature, which most pass of as a mere facade for his hunger to win, seems to truly detour it.

I don't want vanilla superstars like Jordan and Tiger, but I kind of wonder if Dwight will ever be able to balance the two.

2:25—Bad offensive foul call on Rashard Lewis followed by Pietrus biting on the pump fake once again. Pietrus is two years away from a Defensive Player of the Year nomination, but he is still making small mistakes at this point.

(On a side note, Kobe refuses to pass it to Bynum. This is looking like 2007. Lakers gave this guy a $60 million extension. Lakers fans weeping blood continues.)

1:23—The PG situation in this game is remarkable.

Alston comes back from two bad games, in which he didn't get enough time, and plays his butt off. Fisher returns from looking like the PG version of Ilgauskas and hits clutch shots.

Fun stuff.

1:12—The Magic. Won't. Miss.

And by Magic, I mean Rashard Lewis.

Man he's good.

(Several writers have hit on this point, but I feel I must add in: Can Seattle sports fans be any closer to the edge at this point?

The Seahawks watch as their top WR gets injured and their defense drops to one of the league's worst. The Mariners are the MLB's laughing stock and are possibly trading the only saving grace in Ichiro. Washington and Washington St. football were piss poor, and basketball wasn't much improved. One of college football's best prospects in years, Taylor Mays, even left home to go to U.S.C.

And, worst of all, they lose the Sonics and future superstar Kevin Durant. Or so you thought. Former slacker Rashard Lewis has transformed into an unguardable monster. Yikes!)

9.1—The Magic finally expose the poor Pick-and Roll-defense of Bynum.

Ironically, this time, it was a charge.

Again, Paris Hilton.

The Magic go into halftime shooting 75 percent and up five. I don't think they can keep this up, but I'll be damned if it isn't exciting!

Penguins 2-Red Wings 1

The Guins are my hockey team, so I just thought I would take the time to cheer them on here for all the NBA/NHL fans out there.

Quarter Three

10:15-How different are the Finals last year with Trevor Ariza guarding Paul Pierce?

9:29—Pau Gasol is in a fight with Hakeem Olajuwon for the prettiest post moves since Kevin Mchale.

9:01—There needs to be a stat for players who are forced to shoot shots with the clock winding down. Guys like Kobe/Pierce/Durant/Dirk need this stat.

7:32—Defense in my NBA Finals get the hell outta here!

As I write this, Ariza pulls for three and the Magic grab an easy two. This isn't the Suns putting up 125 points kind of offense. This is two good half-court teams just working their systems.

6:10—My biggest problem with these Lakers has and always will be their lack of hustle. Trevor Ariza is the only person out there acting like he cares. He's getting paid this offseason.

Can you say, "Mid Level Exemption"?

Lakers should be thankful he settles for just that.

4:23—I haven't written much about Dwight Howard this game. I'm not sure if Bynum's defense is even that great. He keeps getting great position, but he seems lethargic and lacking energy when he's not getting dunks.

Weird situation.

4:11—Kobe gets a Magic defender to foul him for the 99th time on a pump fake.

Inexperience vs. Experience.

Always fun to watch when you're cheering on the experience.

3:51—Jameer who?

Skip to My Lou (Alston) is out. I always thought he should use more of his streetball handles. They energize the crowd and team and work more than you would expect.

2:21—Rashard Lewis. Won't. Miss.

I hope Kevin Durant is watching what happens when you put on muscle.

He's this with a better shot.

28.3—81-75 Orlando. Shooting 66 percent through three quarters.

This is scary.

I'm expecting a big quarter from Kobe.

This is going to be a great game.

Quarter Four

11:39—When Tony Battie is hitting long jumpers, it does not bode well for teams doubling Howard.

10:33—Hedo hits a sick step back and the Magic are shooting 66 percent still.

Imagine if Hedo was this good when he was on the Kings.

Man that team was loaded.

9:58—Odom gives you his standard "drive to the basket for the pretty bank shot" that you will never see for the rest of the game.

Frustrating to say the least.

8:46—Pietrus with a ridiculous fadeaway.

Have I mentioned the Magic are now shooting 67 percent?

8:12—Odom just realized, "Whoa...I can post up Rashard Lewis whenever I want."

Let's watch him forget in 15 seconds.

7:13—Turkoglu marks up for one of those three-point shots that makes you say "if he hits this, the game is OVER."

He missed.

Collective sighs of relief can he heard along hundreds of thousands of bandwagons everywhere.

Phil Jackson has finally decided to let Farmar run the court late. When Farmar is hot, Fisher can't hope to compete at this age. Fisher will come in after this timeout, but Farmar gave him a much needed rest.

6:00—Lakers down five.

Kobe hasn't started yet.

Magic are still playing NBA Jam.

Cleveland is quickly becoming as irrelevant as Audrina now that she's off the Hills.

(She's five months away from a crappy scary movie ala Wax House, in which people will cheer her gorey death like it was the capture of Osama.)

5:52—Gasol vs. The Defensive Player of the Year in the post is a mismatch for Gasoll. The Lakers are literally trying to get them isolated on the blocks.

I still think Lebron should have won the award.

Battier even.

No one wanted to match up one on one with Mutombo or Wallace.

5:08—Mickael Pietrus will be getting a monster contract from somebody soon. He's the total package. A younger James Posey is what he reminds me of.

3:11—How many times will the referee under the basket not see what's going on under the basket?

—Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton.

1:06—Rashard. Lewis. Won't. Miss.

28.6—Mickael Pietrus will be getting a big contract soon.

I repeat...Big contract soon.

0.05—Pietrus for MVP of this game.

Good win by Orlando.

Nothing to really say.

Orlando Magic kept up the fantastic shooting. They finished the game with 63+ percent shooting.

Very impressive.