Picking The SEC West Out Of a Hat—Seriously

Wes Howard — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 05:34:31 -0400

If there is one thing that the writers at bleacher report struggle with, it's the art of being unbiased. It really is a tough thing to do. We all love sports and if you are writing on this website, then you really love them. There's even a section for your "favorite" teams.

As we all know, college football is fast approaching and all the predictions are coming out! We love predictions. There's not a better feeling than seeing your team at the top before the season has started.

I have found though that writers on this website struggle with not putting their team at the top. So, when making my own predictions I decided to conduct a science experiment. Would my predictions out of a hat defeat the predictions of many on this site? There's only one way to find out!

So I put all of the SEC West teams in a hat. I didn't stop there though—I also put every final record possible in the hat (I stopped at 3-9...surely we can all win at least three games this season).

So here are the rules: To make everything purely chance, I will draw a team name and then immediately draw a record. That will be that team's final record. Everyone on the same page? Good.

Without further adieu: My "unbiased" prediction

The SEC West Standings

1. Auburn 11-2

2. Ole Miss 10-3

3. Arkansas 9-4

4. LSU 7-6

5. Miss St. 6-6

6. Alabama 5-7

Ok, now I have some explaining to do. Wouldn't you know it...my "unbiased" experiment turned out to look like the most biased thing I could have done as Auburn is in first and Alabama is in last. Unreal. I am going to do this again to make sure that this is the correct prediction.

Second Attempt at the SEC West Standings

1. Auburn 13-0

2. Miss St 10-3

3. Alabama 9-4

4. Ole Miss 7-6

5. LSU 6-6

6. Arkansas 3-9

SIGH...I swear that I am honestly drawing them out of a hat! You can't even look unbiased by pulling teams and records out of a hat! Ok, last time and then I will take the average.

Third and Final Attempt at the SEC West Standings

1. Miss St. 13-0

2. Arkansas 12-1

3. Alabama 9-4

4. Ole Miss 8-5

5. Auburn 6-6

6. LSU 4-8

That's more like it. Ok, now to take an average and this will be my final SEC West Prediction!

The SEC WEST FINAL STANDINGS

1. Auburn - 10-3

1. Miss St - 10-3

3. Arkansas - 8-5

3. Alabama - 8-5

3. Ole Miss - 8-5

6. LSU - 6-7

My hat apparently didn't like LSU. My hat apparently didn't watch last season. My point of this article was to show that you can find bias in anything. I am sure some of you are doubting how Auburn ended up No. 1 and I am an Auburn fan.

Oh well, there's your predictions. I wouldn't take them to the bank.

The Super Drinking Game Bowl!

Wes Howard — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 09:20:53 -0500

I have never had the pleasure of giving a rat's ass who wins the Super Bowl.

You see my favorite team, for reasons only God knows, is the New Orleans Saints. They have never been to the Super Bowl, and in fact they have only won 2 playoff games in their entire existence.

So if you want someone who knows how to enjoy the Super Bowl objectively, I am your man.

For this year's festivities, I decided to create a drinking game. Here are the rules:

1. Every time the word "perfection" is used - 1 drink.

2. Incomplete pass from Tom Brady - 1 drink

3. Archie Manning appears on screen - 1 drink

4. If the weather in Phoenix is compared to the weather in Lambeau last week - 1 drink

5. If someone at the party changes the channel at any point - 1 drink per channel turned

6. Every time the word "walking cast" is used or the picture is shown - 2 drinks

7. Every time that one girl that laughs at everything laughs at an unfunny commercial - 2 drinks

8. If a female at the party pronounces "Osi Umenyiora" correct - 3 drinks

9. Every time the camera just happens to catch the cast of a new show on Fox and the commentator says "Hey, look it's <reads card>" - 3 drinks

10. If Tom Petty shows a boob - 4 drinks

11. If a player tries to "Superman that hoe" - 4 drinks

12. If Bill Belichick is dressed better than you - 5 drinks

13. If Joe Namath asks to kiss you or if Bill Cowher does kiss you - Finish your drink

14. If Tom Coughlin smiles during the game - Finish your drink

15. If Michael Strahan shows up to the Super Bowl with the gap in his teeth fixed - Streak across the yard...sober.

16. If Adam Vinatieri kicks the game winning FG - Take out the Super Bowl XXXVII tape and turn the channel to Fox. Also see #4

17. If the Giants win - Stop drinking...call a cab. You are so drunk that your eyes are playing tricks on you.

There you have it. The best way possible to enjoy the game and the commercials if your team isn't playing the big game.

Got some rules to add? Bring it on! Nothing better than another reason to drink!

Bleacher Report - Articles by Wes Howard

Picking The SEC West Out Of a Hat—Seriously

The Super Drinking Game Bowl!