Bleacher Report - Articles by David Maystrovsky

Big Papi Did Roids? Tell Me It Ain't So?!

David Maystrovsky — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 18:31:24 -0400

With the news that Big Papi tested positive for PED's in the infamous 2003 "secret test" the MLB has to officially go into damage control. Someone needs to get a hold of that list (perhaps by illegal means) and just publish it, for everyone to see.

One could express shock at the fact that Daivd Ortiz was named, and certainly he has some explaining to do. But perhaps a bigger question is how dumb is Manny? Is he officially the stupidest athlete we've ever seen?

Surely someone must've told him that he was on that list. Even if they didn't, once the "strict" testing policy was enforced, he must've felt some pause. Doesn't ring a bell, Manny?

In addition to the 50-game ban (really only a 40-game ban because he got to play in the minors) and now this news coming out about him testing positive, I'm almost certain that Manny Ramirez will not be voted into the Hall of Fame.

And Ortiz?

Even before this fiasco, he was a borderline candidate at best, needing at least three more years of 30+ home run production to be in the conversation. Now there's a better chance of me stealing Gisele from Brady than Ortiz being a member of Cooperstown.

Whoever has the list of names is making sure that each released name is causing a big reaction, although over time the reaction will grow smaller.

Plus, how many more superstars are on that list?

Can someone test Pujols tonight just to make sure we have one clean superstar?

In fact, test Jeter while you're at it.

What a pathetic situation this has turned into. Baseball is the one sport that cannot allow outside distractions to mar the sport.

One-hundred-and-sixty-two games is a long season and sometimes people will gravitate towards the scandals rather than the play on the field.

Selig, you are screwed.

Does Eliot Spitzer Have an STD? NFL Picks That Are Sure to Enflame

David Maystrovsky — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 17:17:47 -0400

As shown by my shameless campaign for readers with my headline, the NFL draft is less than two weeks away. What does this mean? Someone is going to draft a player way too high. Some big-name players are going to be big time busts, someone's fan base is going to be booing heavily throughout the draft and some GM is going to be out of a job this time next year.

In my mind there are three fan bases that you don't mess with: the guys from New York, for obvious reasons (they would boo anyone), the fans from Philly (See McNabb, Donovan) and the nut jobs from New England (because winning gets to people's heads).

Realistically, the Jets need some defense or a quarterback. Frankly, allowing 38 points to the Patriots is a bigger concern in my mind than Pennington's noodle arm. After all, anyone can disguise the noodle arm, but disguising a pathetic defense is a tough job.

Now wouldn't it be freaking hilarious if Eric "I'm a dirt bag rat and tattletale" Mangini decided to draft Doug Legursky of Marshall? If you're wondering "who the hell is Doug Legursky?" you're not alone. In fact, I had no idea who he was until I found him on NFL.com. Apparently he's a three year starter on the offensive line at Marshall, playing primarily center. Can you imagine the boos if this happened? I would probably die laughing. Also, this would serve Mangini right for being such a dirt bag rat bastard.

As for the Philadelphia Eagles, they need a receiver as badly as Eliot Spitzer needs an STD test. Most "experts" recommend someone like Malcolm Kelly. But I say, go for the diamond in the rough, pick someone no one is really sure of. After all, isn't that how Jerry Rice got his big break? So if I was the GM of the Eagles, I would take Travis Brown out of the University of New Mexico. Sure he's a little raw, but he's got more upside than anyone in the draft today. I like how he looks. He looks good, real good.

Many a person will say that the Patriots cheated last year. My response, "if you ain't cheatin' you probably aren't tryin' all that hard." In their defense, how could the Pats have won the Super Bowl in 2001 without cheating? Seriously, tell me. The Rams were really good. And no one on that Patriot team was even decent, besides maybe Tom Brady. I mean Jermaine Wiggins? Really? As my ol' grandpa used to say if you can't win with garbage, use some crafty camera angles.

But back to the draft needs, the Patriots really need a linebacker. Like imagine if you were in the desert for three years and there was no food or water. Now imagine not having any chicks there with you. How lonely would you get? Imagine that loneliness times 100. That's how badly the Patriots need a linebacker.

Everyone says Belichick is a draft genius. Would they still say that if the Minutemen of New England picked Kyle Wright, a QB out of Miami with the seventh pick? On the one hand, Wright would probably die of a heart attack if he found out that he was drafted by the Patriots in the first round. On the other hand, millions of fans in New England would probably suffer the same fate. Also, there's a 95 percent chance that Tom Brady would interrupt his honeymoon and go on a rampage across Foxboro.

So if you were to ask me which one I want to happen more, I'd tell you that they would all be great choices and choosing one would be like choosing between the children I'll probably never have (thanks a lot, Courtney Choser of Douglass Elementary). Which one would you like to see happen?

New England Patriots' First Round Draft Plans

David Maystrovsky — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 08:26:32 -0400

The NFL draft is fast approaching and so far the Pats have kept rather mum on their next big pick.

Who will they take? How will Spygate affect them? How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? (Seriously, I want to know.)

For anyone who has followed the team with any sort of regularity, it has become painfully obvious that the back seven of the defense is in dire need of repair.

Two years ago the linebackers led to the Colts’ comeback in the AFC Championship. They were exposed as being perhaps two steps too slow.

Eventually, Bruschi and Vrabel will have to retire and the Pats can't continue to pick up 30-something replacements that last for a couple of years.

It's time for the team to draft several young prospects and slowly work them into the starting lineup. The Colts have been doing this for years, and the reward is that their entire secondary will be making minimum wage for the next couple of seasons.

So what should the Pats do? Here are my thoughts.

First, the Pats should trade the seventh pick. I know that it's a commonly held view, but let's think about the top half of the draft for a second.

You're paying an extreme amount of money for somebody who is expected to eventually become a Pro Bowler. That's my definition of a top-10 pick. And right now, I don't see anyone who will be that kind of talent for the New England team.

Who would the Pats trade with?

The Cowboys are the only team with two picks in the first round, so that would be an obvious choice. With that trade the Patriots would get the 22nd and 28th picks.

With those two picks, the Patriots can plug both holes.

First, they take Aqib Talib, a cornerback out of Kansas. He was rated as the top corner to come into the draft, however he recently admitted to failing drug tests while at Kansas and that sent his stock plummeting.

Remember, the NFL is a character-driven league now with hardly any patience for a player's misbehavior. New England, however, has the biggest collection of previous problem players and I have no doubt that a rookie like Talib would be held accountable by the veteran locker room.

With the 28th pick in the draft, I would go with Dan Connor, a linebacker out of Penn State. For some reason, linebackers out of Penn State have plummeted in drafts even though they've been solid pros.

With this pick, the Pats would be filling a hole in their defense while keeping the fan base happy. In the last several years New England fans have gotten quite antsy with all the near misses.

Boston Red Sox: Can They Bounce Back from a Pointless Trip?

David Maystrovsky — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 08:03:39 -0400

I think everyone can now agree that starting a season with the Oakland Athletics and the Boston Red Sox in Japan is possibly the stupidest idea that MLB came up with.

For the third time, the teams ended up splitting the series.

How was this trip helpful? The Sox already have a presence in Japan, thanks to their two pitchers in Daisuke Matsuzaka and Hideki Okajima, and everyone knows about them.

If MLB wanted to send teams like the Pittsburgh Pirates or Florida Marlins, teams that don’t yet have any ties to the region, that would be fine. But sending a team that has invested millions of dollars into the area already is foolish.

So after the trip, the team had to break with routine, played exhibition games, and head over to Oakland to start up the series once more.

Honestly, I'm worried about the Sox. There's no telling where their minds are right now. If the Red Sox start the season 1-6, there will be some angry people in New England.

And the schedule does the Sox no favors. They start in Oakland, fly to Toronto, then they get the Tigers and Yankees at home followed by the Indians and Yankees on the road.

Seriously? What are the odds that Bud Selig is a Yankee fan? 2-1?
I'll be happy if the Red Sox finish that stretch above .500 and even then we could be staring up at a three or four game deficits to the Yankees. Very depressing stuff.

That being said, I'm very excited to see the Sox play in the US for the first time tonight.