Bleacher Report - Articles by Dan Barton

The Good, The Bad and The Unbearable That Is Chicago Sports Broadcasting

Dan Barton — Fri, 01 May 2009 13:25:59 -0400

Living in one of the biggest cities in the country (referring to sports passion, of course), I can say there is no shortage on where anybody can go to get their fix on sports:

Information, Analysis, Opinion, Discussion, Argument, Agreement, Humor...

Really, whatever you want, it's there. In a lot of ways, actually, it has a strong comparison to something else that many love this city for:

The Food!

So I've decided to randomly compare a few of the TV and Radio personalities in this city to a few grub houses we all love (or at least know about!) We’ll go with one from Radio, one from TV, and one from the Web.

Boers and Bernstein – Afternoons on WSCR 670 the Score –

I’ve never heard anything quite like them… ever… and that’s a good thing. Listening in from the hours of 2-7 will leave your stomach aching from laughter – especially on Thursdays or Fridays during the famous “Who Ya Crappin’ and Friday Fung” (dates respective) segments.

These guys aren’t afraid to call listeners out on their stupidity, and they do it often – making for great radio. Listen to a couple of episodes, and you’ll be incorporating “Bye Cracky!” into everyday conversation.

My Comparison: Ed Debevics Restaurant. Where else do people want to go to be entertained non-stop while they eat – and listen to someone tear the idiot sitting behind you out for wearing socks with sandals, or ordering a hot dog with ketchup.

Mike North and Dan Jiggets – Mornings on CSN and ChicagoSportsWebio.com –

I really thought this city was going to be able to breathe a sigh of relief after the Score announced they would not renew North’s contract. We suffered through years of his tasteless jokes and comments, not to mention the constant references to his dropping high school and selling hot-dogs (Great role model for the kids!).

Now, he’s paired with Dan Jiggets – and let’s just say the two of them finally have the IQ level combined to challenge a cinder block to a game of Jeopardy. After all, it was Jiggets who recently laid claim that Vinnie Del Negro was the best coach of all the teams in Chicago.

But hey, he HAS to be right! I mean, he went to Harvard! That’s Ivy League!

On second thought, our 43^rd President was Ivy League educated – so there may be a few holes in the system. The sole bright spot to this show (if you can catch it on TV in the morning) is the limited camera time Jen Patterson has. She makes things just a little more bearable.

My Comparison: White Castle. Everyone always sees them, and everyone always talks about them. You always end up with a craving for them every once and a while, and you can’t help but sacrifice your time to put down a sack of ten with some fries and a grape soda. Then, after a little while, you find yourself in the bathroom sitting so long your legs fall asleep while cursing profusely saying it was the dumbest thing you could have done – only to get out and do it again a month later, simply because you felt the urge to.

Neil Funk and Stacey King – Chicago Bulls Play by Play (CSN TV) –

I’d like to start off by saying that I miss Johnny “Red” Kerr.

With that being said, we can move on.

I really thought it would be hard to adjust to Neil Funk being the TV guy. I had grown accustomed to his detailed analysis and picture painting of the game – not to mention (in my opinion) the world’s best radio call in 1993 when Pax buried the Suns with a single 3 point shot.

Pairing him with Stacey King was one of the most brilliant things done in recent years. Taking Kerr off the air was necessary due to his declining health.

Tom Dore, on the other hand, was just bad. I guess the executives finally got tired of him repeating “Listen to this crowd!” 25 times a game.

Getting back on track – Funk and King are brilliant in their own ways. King has a knack for the game (He’s got a number of rings, so I’d hope so!).

His analysis is top notch, and I can’t think of anyone I’ve talked to that hates his ‘slang’ and humor that makes its way into things. “Get out the way boy”, “Don’t do him like that”, ”He couldn’t jump over a ‘dolla bill!” and “If you’re afraid, go buy a dog” to get specific.

My Comparison: Benihana. There’s a constant entertainment factor while dining here. Things never stop happening, and you can’t help but laugh at some of the crazy things your table chef does with the food. If you sit with total strangers at your table, you soon have something to talk about, and leave like you’ve known each other for a while – and it always keeps you coming back, even if you’re not a fan of Japanese food!

I could go through and run comparisons for everyone, but you’d be reading a lot longer… and I’m not Jay Mariotti, so I don’t want you to hate me. That’s his job, wherever he is.

If you don’t think it’s true, look at things a bit closer, or actually try going to these places if you’ve never been. You’ll soon understand the point of view. Matter of fact, try your hand at Hawk and Steve Stone, or Bob Brenly and Kermit…err… Len Kasper.

The short of it is, there is a pantheon of cuisine for your sports-geared mind. Flip on the TV, or turn the dial, or open up your internet browser and dive right in.

Bon Appétit!

Cedric Benson...We Hardly Knew Ye, Thank Goodness

Dan Barton — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 15:26:45 -0400

Honestly, I don't even know where to start with this one...Oh yeah...wait...I just remembered.

When the Bears picked Benson fourth overall back in 2005, I like (most likely) half of Chicago, let out a collective groan—the best way I could express my displeasure for such a waste of a draft pick.

At the time, I questioned Jerry Angelo's motives for such a move, especially after bringing in the shifty veteran RB Thomas Jones, who was set to be the feature back of the "new look" Bears (even though their feature was focused 80 percent on defense. The other 20 percent was just from the meatball fans focusing on Rex Grossman, but that's not what this article is about).

So I'll start off simply by saying that I am a HUGE supporter of the three-strikes-and-you're-out policy. What I don't understand is this policy wasn't enacted on our friend Ced Bed. Three strikes was one year ago. These strikes were like Corey Patterson hitting a sinker in the dirt eight states away—just so blatantly pathetic.

Let me give you my strikes, and then I'll explain why this move by the Bears pleases me, but at the same time, pisses me off.

Strike One: Benson is drafted fourth overall in 2005. Being the fourth pick, he demands a ludicrous amount of money in order to sign with the Bears. The McCaskey family (being notoriously cheap, as they are) was smart in this case, and found themselves in a deadlock with Benson. Cedric says he'll hold out of training camp and all practices 'till he gets what he wants.

The Way I See It: I'm sorry Cedric, but today, you just proved to the league (again) why no rookie deserves the money they get. What have you done yet? For this case, you can also see the following: Ryan Leaf, David Carr, Tim Couch, Michael Vick (not a rookie, just ignorant), Curtis Enis, Cade McNown (Sad thing is, there are three Bears off the top of my head on this list).

Strike Two: When asked by a reporter during this holdout if it will effect his learning of the Bears' offense, and his ability to effectively run the ball, Ceddy responds by saying, "Running the football is instinctual. I know all there is to know about this game, and nobody can teach me anything else."

The Way I See It: Cedric, you did learn something from all this. .08 is the legal limit. See? You learn something new every day. Too damn bad it wasn't on the field.

Strike Three: Ceddy ignites a feud with Thomas Jones in 2006 over who should be the feature back (or the starter for you simpletons) in the offense. This leads to much rhetoric from the Chicago media about starters, and causes quite the distraction in the locker room.

The Way I See It: Mr. Benson—this was actually the best thing you've ever done for the team. You see, it pissed off Thomas Jones and made him have a career year, which in turn, helped propel the Bears to their first Super Bowl since the '85-'86 season.

It also give perennial blockhead/Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti something to write about other than Ozzie Guillen—making him, for at least five months, feel slightly more important and respected in this town than the Chicago Sky of the WNBA.

Your antics this past offseason just added to the irritation. Getting busted for being drunk on a boat in Texas only proved one thing...that law enforcement does not pay attention to football in Texas. Had they known anything, they wouldn't have had to take you down with force. All they needed to do was don a football helmet and run at you—because we know you'd have fallen down on the spot.

The DUI this past week went unknown until you just got cut.

Nobody cared, because they were sick of hearing about it.

It's one thing to hear about Lance Briggs and Brian Urlacher raise a fit about their money situation—because they matter. They make an impact.

Ced, you're a scrub, and you belong in Cincinnati with all the other thugs (Sorry Carson).

Jerry Angleo made this move because there is no room for this kind of behavior on the team. Typically, there are 53 men on any roster that share the common goal of playing football through January for themselves, their team, their family, and their fans.

It's unfortunate the Bears only had 52.