Bleacher Report - Articles by Richard Zowie

Houston Astros Should Sign Jose Valverde, Let Miguel Tejada Go

Richard Zowie — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 19:42:33 -0500

It looks like the Houston Astros have come to a crossroads of sort. During this offseason they have to decide on which players to keep, which to acquire, which to let go, and which not to pursue.

Think of it as a poker game, minus the cheesy sunglasses and ESPN's inexplicable decision to put this cure-for-insomnia "sport" on its airwaves.

Or, think of it like that line from Kenny Rogers' song "The Gambler":

"You have to know when to hold them, fold them, walk away, run", etc.

Houston offered closer Jose Valverde salary arbitration. They say he's looking for a multi-year deal worth lots of dough. If Houston fails to sign him, they'll get a draft pick as compensation.

Whoop-dee do.

It will probably end up being another draft pick who'll be a bust, and may not even get signed.

Hey, Houston, Valverde's turning into a good closer, something that seems rare these days. Do what it takes to sign him.

In the past 15 years or so, I think I can count all of Houston's good closers on one hand: John Hudek, Billy Wagner, Octavio Dotel, Brad Lidge, and Valverde.

Valverde was 4-2 with a 2.33 ERA and 25 saves last season. Please don't let him leave just because some team offers him more money.

Meanwhile, Miguel Tejada has great qualities, but he's aging and has lost his range. Don't overpay him. If you do that, you'll have no money to acquire other players Houston desperately needs.

Like another starting pitcher, or perhaps another lefthander in the bullpen. Maybe someone who can get clutch hits.

And perhaps a Kirk Gibson-type who wants to win and expects nothing less from his teammates.

And, of course, if you do get a Gibson-type, try to avoid coaxing Jesse Orosco out of retirement.

The Houston Astros and Free Agency

Richard Zowie — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 12:15:17 -0500

Now that the World Series is over, we are now in the free agency period of baseball. It reminds me a little of the climax of Christmas and the letdown of the "After Christmas" sales that tell us that the season of excitement is all over. (Granted, there are those who will use the huge After Christmas discounts this year to do their Christmas 2010 shopping).

Several names have come up with the Houston Astros of those filing for free agency: Darin Erstad, Mike Hampton, Jason Michaels, Jose Valverde, Miguel Tejada and reliever LaTroy Hawkins. Also filing are Doug Brocail and Aaron Boone.

Boone might possibly retire, Brocail was not offered an option for 2010, and Hampton will be out all of next season with an arm injury, so most likely they won't be in an Astros uniform next season.

My understanding is Houston's talking to Hawkins and Michaels. It would be smart to bring back Hawkins, who was 1-4 with a 2.13 ERA and 11 saves in 63.1 innings pitched. He also had an excellent 45-16 strikeouts to walks ratio.

Michaels? He had a light year with the bat. Maybe if Houston really needs a utility player they should keep him.

I know I'll anger some Astros fans, but I think the team should consider letting go of Tejada. Yes, he hit .313, but his 14 home runs in a ballpark that makes right-handed hitters salivate seems a bit few. Besides, Tejada's range isn't what it used to be. Unless he's willing to take a pay cut, I think Houston should let someone else take him.

Valverde had a great season as the closer, going 4-2 with a 2.33 ERA and saving 25 games out of 29 chances. I'm worried about this one: Valverde made $8 million this past season: good Astros players that start to get noticed tend to get higher offers to leave Houston, and owners like Drayton McLane and John McMullen will often talk about saving on payroll.

Let's hope Valverde wants to return to Houston. If another club needs a closer and is willing to pay him $10 million or so, chances are he'll be gone.

Houston's $107 million payroll for 2009, I understand, was the largest the team's ever had. What's more, Lance Berkman, Kaz Matsui, Carlos Lee and Roy Oswalt all have no-trade clauses and will make $54.5 million combined in 2010.

Matsui has been a disappointment, but with a no-trade clause, how do you get rid of him? What team would want to pay his salary?

I'm suspecting Houston won't go after any significant starting pitchers or great hitters in free agency, not with Hunter Pence, Michael Bourn and Wandy Rodriguez likely getting pay raises.

That's not going to leave a lot of money left over. True, McLane's a billionaire, but when you overpay players or pay players who don't pan out, you're restricted on what you can do.

New Astros Coach Bobby Meacham Victim of Memorable Base-Running Blunder

Richard Zowie — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:48:53 -0500

Let me preface this piece by saying that Bobby Meacham, the new Houston Astros first-base coach, is described as a very classy guy and a respected coach. They say that those who can, do and those who can't, teach. Baseball's filled with successful managers who were mediocre players (Tommy Lasorada had a lifetime pitching record of 0-4 while Earl Weaver never even made it to the big leagues).

That being said, when I read that Meacham will be first-base coach and has even been a baserunning coach , it made me chuckle.

Here's why:

Meacham's in an elite club when it comes to baserunning immortality. He's one of only six pairs of runners in Major League history who were tagged out at home plate on a double play.

Back on August 2, 1985, the New York Yankees were hosting the Chicago White Sox at Yankees Stadium. In the bottom of the seventh inning with the score tied 3-3, Meacham was on second while Dale Berra (Yogi's son) was on first.

Rickey Henderson cracked a 400-foot drive to deep left center. Easy two-run double and a 5-3 lead, right?

Wrong.

It was one of those long drives that looked like it might be caught, so Meacham (understandably) held up to see if it would be caught and prepared to tag up. Berra didn't.

When the ball dropped, Meacham stumbled and raced to third and was waved home by Yankees third-base coach Gene Michael. As the story goes, Berra assumed that if it was good enough for Meacham, it was good enough for him.

On this day, of all days, White Sox outfielder Luis Salazar threw a strike to Ozzie Guillen, who in turn threw a strike to catcher Carlton Fisk. Fisk then tagged out Meacham, then spun around and tagged out Berra.

As The Baseball Hall of Shame described it, "It was your typical 8-6-2-2 play."

Michael reportedly wanted to hold Meacham at third , but with Berra right behind him, had no choice but to send him home.

This is not to conjure up a bad memory or to say that Meacham will be a flop with the Astros. But it is amusing to think of the infamous play and realize that one of its perpetrators is now with Houston.

Will the Houston Astros Drop the Ball on Catchers?

Richard Zowie — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:52:06 -0400

If you're a veteran catcher, have your agent give the Houston Astros a phone call. The 'Stros just might need your services.

That's because 36-year-old Chris Coste, acquired by Houston earlier this year after the Philadelphia Phillies had placed him on waivers, has rejected the team's outright assignment to Triple-A Round Rock and is now a free agent.

Some believe the stat sheets define a player in strictly black-and-white terms, and they'd no doubt think this was a great move: Coste hit .224 this year with two home runs and 18 RBIs. With Houston, he hit .204 with 10 RBIs in 43 games.

Coste is somewhat of a late bloomer to the MLB, having spent four seasons in the bigs. (No, that Disney movie The Rookie wasn't about Coste.)

Let's face it—Coste's no Johnny Bench, but neither are the two catchers currently on Houston's roster: Humberto Quintero (who's 29) and J.R. Towles (who's 25). Neither is particularly great with the bat. Houston must be thinking that a 36-year-old man with four years of major league experience is expendable with these two young bucks.

The Astros, no doubt, are banking on three things.

One, either Quintero or Towles will have a breakout year in 2010. Maybe they will, but they could also turn into never-will-be's.

Two, that minor-league prospect Jason Castro (who went to the baseball powerhouse Stanford University) will become precocious and make lots of noise in training camp and may even be the opening-day starter.

Three, that they'll find a great catcher through free agency.

For reasons I've written about many times, No. 2 is a stretch. Does Castro have talent? Absolutely. He's shown a great bat and a great arm, but he could also become a casualty of being rushed through the system far too quickly. Many brilliant, potential Hall of Fame careers went to waste because they were rushed to the big leagues too quickly.

Case in point: Texas Rangers pitcher and former high school phenomenon David Clyde. Then-Rangers manager Whitey Herzog intended to give Clyde two starts in the majors and then send him to A-Ball, but the team looked at all the tickets they sold with Clyde and had other ideas.

As for No. 3, Houston hasn't exactly impressed me in recent years with their free agency decisions. You know, letting the surprisingly successful Randy Wolf go and bringing in Russ Ortiz.

This is another thing that bothers me, and I hope Brad Mills brings it up with Drayton McLane and Ed Wade: Catchers are vital to a team.

(Yeah, yeah, it's a "duh!" statement, but I haven't seen a lot of evidence of baseball common sense permeating from Houston's front office lately.)

Catchers are leaders, and some of the great pitchers of the game have all but insisted on having one particular catcher in their games. Roy Oswalt was very fond of pitching to Brad Ausmus. What will Houston do if in spring training none of the pitchers feel comfortable with any of these catchers?

I really hope Houston knows what it was doing opting Coste to the minors. Maybe Wade has his eyes on a free agent. We'll see...

Richard Zowie blogs about the Houston Astros at bleacherreport.com. His e-mail address is richardzowie@gmail.com.

Houston Astros Name Brad Mills the New Manager, Assign Fitting Jersey

Richard Zowie — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 19:25:52 -0400

Looking at the press conference photo of Brad Mills being named the new manager of the Houston Astros and watching Ed Wade and Drayton McLane look like they're playing tug-of-war with Wade's jersey, I see something very fitting.

The Terry Francona disciple and former Boston Red Sox bench coach will wear jersey no. 2 with the Astros.

You know: 2, as in second choice.

Mills was named manager after the 'Stros first choice, Manny Acta, decided to take his act to the Cleveland Indians.

One has to wonder how Mills feels being named manager only after the club's first choice nixed the idea.

With Mills, we all will hope he turns into another Ben Roethlisberger. You remember: the Pittsburgh Steelers drafted Ben Roethlisberger after other highly-touted quarterbacks like Eli Manning had already been taken. Big Ben now has two Super Bowl rings. And, if my understanding of cinematic history is right, Ridley Scott was something like the fifth or sixth choice to direct Alien. Well, all Scott did was turn that movie into one of the all-time great sci-fi-horror films.

Hopefully, Mills won't follow Scott in every aspect. I mean, it would be kind of gross if he made an alien pop bloodily out of the chest of an umpire who made a bad call or an Astros player who gets an attitude problem.

Here's what I like about Mills: he's learned under Francona, a man who could easily run for and win public office in Boston on the strength of bringing two World Series championships to Beantown, including the 2004 title that helped end an 86-year drought. Francona strikes me as a great manager. He gets oodles and oodles of respect, and he had the joyful task of working with Manny Ramirez.

Here's what concerns me about Mills: he has his work cut out for him. Houston's an aging team, it has high-priced veterans that should be traded, but probably can't be (Carlos Lee, who I believe has a no-trade clause), a starting pitching rotation that is in major need of assistance. He'll also have to deal with an owner in McLane who might not always listen if and when Mills sees problems that need to be addressed. I can see that now:

Mills: Drayton, I see a problem with the team.

McLane: What is it, Brad?

Mills: You. Sell the team. Now. Gilbert Gottfried could run this team better than you. And he'd certainly be more entertaining as he yells ASSSSSSSTROOOOOOS! the way he yells AAAAAAFLAAAAAC!

McLane: Oh yeah? You're FIRED!

Let's be honest, folks, trying to turn Houston into a winner quickly is a job that would've given Arnold Schwarzenegger a hernia, even in his Mr. Olympia days. Let's hope McLane has patience and understands that.

And, of course, Houston hasn't made the playoffs since 2005, when it made it to the World Series for the first time ever. Houston finished 74-88 and in next-to-last-place in the National League Central; moreover, they really weren't as good as their 14-below-500 record indicated.

Mr. Mills, you have the job. Congrats. Now, please do what you can to do for Houston what Mr. Francona did for Boston.

While you're at it, see if you can talk McLane into ditching the ugly uniforms for the classic blue-and-orange shooting star look. I freaking HATE the current duds and think they're, well, a dud.

Richard Zowie's a bleacherreport.com blogger and can be reached at richardzowie@gmail.com or through a private message or by commenting below.

Houston Astros Owner Drayton McLane Names Himself Manager (Satire)

Richard Zowie — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:27:36 -0400

Saying he wasn't satisfied with any of the candidates the Houston Astros interviewed, owner Drayton McLane will hold a press conference at 10 a.m. CST Wednesday to announce he's hiring himself as the team's manager.

The team reportedly had tried to hire Manny Acta as manager, only for Acta to bolt the 'Stros for the Indians. Fans had also called on McLane to hire Astro greats Craig Biggio or Jeff Bagwell to manage the team.

"After five minutes of careful consideration, I have decided to hire myself as manager," McLane said in a statement that he'll read tomorrow. "I like me, I like baseball, I like being on the field and I think I can do a good job running this team."

McLane plans to try to hire Phil Garner, Dave Clark and Brad Mills as coaches.

At least three other times in Major League Baseball history has an owner tried to manage a team: Judge Emil Fuchs managed the Boston Braves for a season in the late 1920s (they finished last); Chris Von Der Ahe for the Boston Braves (he reportedly instructed his players to hit the balls "on the floor" instead of in the air); and Ted Turner for a single game in 1977. Turner's advice on managing was indeed brilliant: "Managing's easier than trying to have a successful marriage. All you have to do is score more runs than the other guy and learn what the umpire's favorite meals are."

Turner was forced to return to the owner's box after then-National League president Chub Feeney told him managers couldn't own any financial interest in the team.

Will the National League do this?

"I doubt it," said a spokesperson for acting commissioner Bud Selig. "Mr. Selig's involved with the Milwaukee Brewers, so he has a vested interest in the Astros losing."

How well can the 2010 Astros do?

"I think they can do very well," McLane said, sporting a Number 36 jersey in honor of 1936, the year he was born. "They'll do their best and be on their best behavior with the owner in the clubhouse."

McLane added: "Part of Houston's problems is they have had managers who have had too much experience in baseball. They need a manager who offers a fresh perspective, one who does things differently. They need new blood—even if it's coming from a 73-year-old man."

Bleacherreport.com blogger Richard Zowie can be reached at richardzowie@gmail.com , or post a comment below.

Houston Astros Need Much More Than a New Manager

Richard Zowie — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 13:41:29 -0400

We're learning that Manny Acta and Terry Francona's bench coach Brad Mills are among the finalists for the new Houston Astros managerial job.

One has to think that unless these men already live in Houston or would absolutely love to live in Houston despite the extreme heat and humidity along with cockroaches and waterbugs (similar to cockroaches, but bigger and uglier) bigger than the ego of Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, the new manager would be best to rent an apartment with a month-by-month lease. Preferably one with something similar to a "military clause," which allows you to abruptly move if you suddenly get a job elsewhere.

Perhaps I'm the Woody Allen of Astros fans—a man whose glass is so bone-dry it doesn't even qualify to be called half-empty—but it's going to take a lot for me to get excited about anybody the Astros appoint as their new manager.

Yes, even if it's "Scrap Iron" himself, Phil Garner.

Mills has strong ties to general manager Ed Wade, while Acta loves the Astros so much one has to wonder if he has a tattoo of the Astros logo somewhere on his body.

(Preferably the old blue-and-orange one and not the hideous, gosh-awful black-sand-and-brick one they've had to wear for 10 long years).

Right now, when I look at the Astros I am reminded of a lemon of a car I used to own: a 1990 Ford Crown Victoria. The prior owner didn't take good care of it, and we bought it in desperation from a used car lot (long story, don't ask).

In the 14 months we owned it, we had to replace tires, the water pump, the alternator, the power steering hose, and an oil gasket. It had another leaky oil gasket that we couldn't afford to get fixed along with a head gasket that looked like it was slowly about to bite the dust. Once every week or so we had to add a quart of oil to the engine.

It also had a passenger-side door lock that didn't work, a radio that didn't want to work, and on and on and on.

In short, what the car needed was an autopsy. Cash for Clunkers didn't exist in those days. Thankfully, we hit a deer (something that's very common in Michigan) and the car was declared totaled. Hello, insurance money to get another, better car.

Like the Crown Vic that had major problems, the Astros have many problems from years of, frankly, bad decisions. The minor league system has few stars, and I worry that potential Astro greats like Jason Castro will be rushed through the system too quickly. We remember the Astros let Randy Wolf go to free agency and brought in Russ Ortiz.

Then there's the lack of defense and the mental miscues. When I think of a great defense that plays smart, I am reminded of Game Seven of the 1991 World Series between the Atlanta Braves and Minnesota Twins. With the Braves' Lonnie Smith on first base in the top of the eighth with nobody out, he took off on a hit-and-run. Terry Pendleton hit a double.

Smith went hesitantly into second base as Twins shortstop Greg Gagne and second baseman Chuck Knoblauch pantomimed executing a double play. By the time Smith realized the ball had instead been hit for a double, he was only able to advance to third base. (Smith later said he was only waiting to see if the ball would be caught).

Gagne and Knoblauch's actions, it can be argued, prevented Smith from scoring what could've been the World Series-winning run.

Last year, Houston suffered from two chronic problems: shaky starting pitching and no clutch hitting. Outside Roy Oswalt and Wandy Rodriguez and occasionally Brian Moehler, I don't remember any quality starts last year for the Astros. And, frustratingly enough, it seemed like the same pitchers (Chris Carpenter and Carlos Zambrano) consistently took the mound against Houston and limited 'Stros hitters to a few hits and maybe one run over seven innings.

Yes, I know I'm probably going to sound like Dustin Hoffman's character in Rainman , but I have to repeat this—I don't know who's in Drayton McLane's inner circle, but he needs people who will tell him if and when a baseball decision he wants is a bad idea. I worry that maybe he's surrounding himself with too many yes men.

Who would I like to see as Houston's new manager? Someone who loves the Astros, someone who can earn respect from the players, and someone who's not afraid to tell McLane and Wade they think a decision they want to make is a bad one. Otherwise, in two or three years, another cattle drive of managerial candidates will ensue.

How's This for a Game Show: Who Wants to Be the Houston Astros Manager?

Richard Zowie — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 14:26:08 -0400

Lately, the Houston Astros have been hosting a game show. Haven't you heard?

It's called, "Who Wants to Be the Houston Astros Manager?"

Apparently, Bob Melvin and Manny Acta really do . And, of course, so does a motley cast comprised of the likes of Phil Garner, Dave Clark and several others.

The plan is to go in and interview with owner Drayton McLane, telling him what Midas Touch you have to take the Astros and miraculously turn the franchise around. Of course, you have to do this while doing everything you can to make McLane feel happy, involved, and like he's making lots of right decisions.

The winner will receive a million dollars, most of which will probably be spent on Pepto Bismol for the ulcers that are bound to follow.

I wonder if leaving an interview confident is really all it's cracked up to be. After all, how many times has one of us left an interview thinking we knocked every question out of the park and made a stellar case for why we should be hired with a nice generous salary and great benefits, only to turn around and learn the company instead hired someone else who has no clue of what they're doing?

I'm a journalist and former broadcaster, with an in-law who works in the auto industry. In my experience—and from talking to this relative—it seems the three industries have one thing in common: There's an extreme reluctance to hire anyone smarter than you are.

I wonder if McLane will pass on a really, really savvy baseball man, a leader, as his manager only because McLane doesn't want to be told that much of what he's done the past few years has been wrong. I'm still trying to understand the whole ordeal of Kaz Matsui and the no-trade clause, for instance.

So, anyway, back to this game show, I'm sure Regis Philbin will ask each candidate this million-dollar question:

If your opinion differs from that of McLane's, will you: a) Smile and say nothing; b) Speak your mind and get overruled; c) Resign and give the obligatory "I wish the club well;" or d) Do what McLane wants and be prepared to take the blame when it goes wrong.

The bottom line, of course, is this: Unless the Houston Astros plan to overhaul the front office and change the way they do things as far as whom they'll sign, trade, draft, and how they'll assess talent, then I honestly don't think any of the great managers of past or present (Billy Martin, Sparky Anderson, Earl Weaver, Bobby Cox, Joe Torre, Whitey Herzog, etc.) could successfully manage this team.

Herzog turned down chances to manage the Oakland A's in the late 1970s, and the Chicago Cubs a few decades ago. He declined the first because he reportedly felt it was too hopeless a task, and the second because he jokingly thought it would turn him into an alcoholic.

If I could pick, I'd hope Houston choose Phil Garner as its manager and then brings on Jeff Bagwell and Craig Biggio as coaches. We'll see.

Besides, Garner looks like he'd be amusing going the whole dance of "NAUSEA! HEARTBURN! INDIGESTION! UPSET STOMACH! DIARRHEA!"

As The Stomach Turns: Houston Astros Edition

Richard Zowie — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 10:28:45 -0400

You know: in the 1960s and 1970s there was The Carol Burnett Show and in an ongoing skit they'd do a spoof of the soap opera As The World Turns with As The Stomach Turns.

If the show were on now, they'd do a skit called As The Houston Astros' Fans' Stomachs Turn.

Phil Garner, the former Astro who managed Houston to its first and only World Series appearance, was fired and replaced by Cecil Cooper, who was fired this season. Cooper, a good hitter when in his Major League career, showed that as a manager he's, well, a good hitter.

So now, Cooper and his odd pitching changes and his clubhouse demeanor are gone, and now we're left wondering who will take charge next of Houston.

Jeff Bagwell or Craig Biggio? Those would be great choices, considering how much respect those guys have for the game and how much others respect them. However, that's not a guarantee for success. Fans and teammates alike loved Detroit Tigers shortstop Alan Trammell, who promptly flopped as Tigers manager.

Garner, who led the Astros to the 2005 World Series and then was fired in 2007 and replaced by Cooper?

Garner sounds good, and if he's hired, the question will remain among many: why was he hired in the first place? Was it a mistake? Did owner Drayton McLane order him to look hip by using that moustache dye that Keith Hernandez does commercials for?

Manny Acta, who's grown up in the Astros organization? They say he has lots of passion about the team, which is good. But he also, of managers who've managed at least 350 games since 1950, had the worst record.

What's worse, the Washington Nationals Acta managed dealt with the same problems today's 'Stros face: weak pitching and fielding. It's similar to firing a manager of a restaurant plagued by employees who are chronically late and rehiring him at another restaurant where the employees there are already chronically late.

Jim Fregosi? Yes, yes, I know that Houston Chroniclecolumnist Richard Justice (nice first name, by the way) has been writing sonnets and poems and singing Fregosi's praises. The feisty Fregosi loves the game, is respected and managed the Philadelphia Phillies to their 1993 World Series run against the Toronto Blue Jays.

However, he's also 67, hasn't managed in nearly 10 years and had a losing record in his 15 seasons at the major-league level.

Dave Clark? Possibly. They say he takes guff from nobody and gets respect. Those two are starts.

All I know is this: Houston's had friendly managers (Art Howe), fiery managers (Hal Lanier and Terry Collins), cerebral managers (Larry Dierker) and managers who've been fired at other places (Jimy Williams). They've all resigned or were fired.

Whoever manages the Astros next will have to deal with Drayton McLane. This is to say a manager who won't shy away from being honest with McLane about what plagues the club and what absolutely has to be done to fix it.

Fregosi, who reportedly told McLane he'd knock the owner on his posterior end if the owner tried to punch him in the gut, would fit this bill very well. We have to hope the manager has enough savvy and demands enough respect that McLane will listen to him.

As for myself, I'll never forget how when Houston had Cooper as interim manager a few years ago and were looking to see whom they would hire, I actually called the Astros (as a fan) and made a suggestion.

"I see that Joe Girardi is available," I told the lady who answered the phone. "He's respected, he turned around a very shaky Florida Marlins franchise. Why not fly him in for an interview?"

A few days later, Houston announced it was making interim manager Cooper the permanent manager.

And now, Cooper's been fired while Girardi has the New York Yankees in the ALCS versus the Anaheim Angels.

Sigh.

Pitching Woes Killed the Houston Astros' Season

Richard Zowie — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:36:51 -0400

The Houston Astros, after 157 games this season, are 73-84, in fifth place in the NL Central, and 17 games back of the first place St. Louis Cardinals

The Astros' chances at the postseason are deader than...well, it would be in poor taste to give names, but deader than a certain environmentalist actor who died in his early 20s from a drug overdose.

Going into this season, I suspected the Astros were in trouble—even with their early flirtations with first place. In spring training, their pitchers were getting killed, and the season turned out to be no different. Take away Roy Oswalt (who's struggled with injuries) and Wandy Rodriguez, and the 'Stros have no decent starting rotation.

That's not good. At all.

People roll their eyes when they hear, "Offense wins games, defense wins championships," but it's true. Think of all the great teams that have won World Series, and they all have something in common: GREAT starting pitching.

I hope in the offseason Drayton McLane or somebody can recruit a few decent free agents to pitch for Houston. I'm also hoping Bud Norris further develops and becomes a solid starter. Sure, there's the short porch in left field to worry about, and the park's atmosphere isn't as homer-unfriendly as the Astrodome, but fly balls hit to deep left center, right center, or center tend to die.

Of the 22 pitchers currently on Houston's roster, only five have ERAs below 3.00. Only eight are below 4.00. Of all the starting pitchers, only three (Oswalt, Wandy, and Norris) have winning records.

Wandy Rodriguez is the classic study in frustration: 14-11 record, 2.97 ERA, 190 strikeouts. With more run support, he could've possibly been 20-5 and would be a Cy Young candidate.

Hindsight is indeed 20/20, and it really makes me cringe to think of how Houston guessed wrong and let Andy Pettitte and Randy Wolf go. It's as painful as John McMullen's disastrous decision to save money by letting Nolan Ryan go and replacing him with the unforgettably forgettable Jim Clancy.

Firing Houston's Skipper Was Easy, Getting Rid of Astros Owner Is the Tough Part

Richard Zowie — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 09:22:52 -0400

It's officially over, the Cecil Cooper Project in Houston. Cooper, who had a decent Major League Baseball career, never could get things going as the Houston Astros manager. Coop took over late last season to replace the fired Phil Garner and made a well-publicized and ill-advised predicted the team would win 90 games this season.

Not even close, as a shaky starting rotation and a chronic inability to get clutch hits sunk Houston. Perhaps Cooper meant 70 games in 2009 and 20 in 2010. Currently, the Astros are 70-81 (with 11 games to go), 18.5 games behind the St. Louis Cardinals and tied with the Cincinnati Reds for fourth place in the N.L. Central.

Now it's up to interim manager Dave Clark, who had been third-base coach. If Clark has a leg up, it's that he was also successful a minor league manager in the Astros' organization and is a man who's respected.

Even now, some are calling for Jeff Bagwell or Craig Biggio to manage the team. With as dreadful as Houston's been playing, a part of me wonders if Houston should try to coax the feisty, fiery Earl Weaver out of retirement.

This is the time of year when Astros owner Drayton McLane will once again start talking about the budget and how Houston needs to unload high-priced players. You'll recall that veteran lefty pitcher Mike Hampton was one of those high-priced players that McLane unloaded years ago—Convinced Houston couldn't afford to re-sign him, McLane traded Hampton to the New York Mets.

Along with unloading high-priced players who haven't panned out and filling in the gaps by acquiring more over-the-hill players and mediocre players, maybe McLane should just consider selling the team to an owner who wants to invest in the team, an owner who swallows his pride and brings in baseball-savvy people to run the team.

Yes, I've griped in the past about the ugly Astros uniforms that they've worn now for 10 long years, but besides those, they have many other issues to address: a thin minor-league system, a weak approach to winter baseball meetings, a disturbing trend of letting go quality players (Andy Pettitte and Randy Wolf) and bringing in guys who haven't panned out (Russ Ortiz and Jason Jennings).

Growing Pains For Houston Astros Pitcher Bud Norris

Richard Zowie — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 19:04:12 -0400

I really think Bud Norris can become an effective starter in the Houston Astros' starting rotation.

He just has growing pains to overcome.

Courtesy of a 7-5 loss to the Arizona Diamondbacks, Norris is now 3-2 on the season. He lasted just one inning, giving up six hits and six runs, walking three, and striking out one hitter. He yielded no home runs and now has an ERA of 5.86.

The loss stings, because it now puts the Diamondbacks at 55-70 on the season. Houston is now at 61-63. Norris, we recall, shut down the mighty St. Louis Cardinals in his first major league start.

What's the problem?

Maybe Norris is starting to get more exposed to National League hitting and is seeing that location will need to complement his fastball and other pitches.

I really hope he develops and becomes the starter that Houston so desperately needs. Houston's not the youngest team, and I keep worrying Drayton McLane will trade Roy Oswalt or Wandy Rodriguez in the off-season and get a giant sack of pus players in return.

Houston Astros To Bolster Farm System and Trade Pudge to Texas Rangers

Richard Zowie — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 14:09:19 -0400

To be honest, I was never a huge fan of the Astros signing catcher Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez for a short-term contract. Granted, Rodriguez is a great catcher, but he's clearly not the player he was in his prime.

He's a veteran who brings experience, but as I saw him play this season (especially his hitting), I wondered if he was a mere place-setter until the Astros could get a catcher like minor league prospect Jason Castro sufficient seasoning.

Now, it looks like the Astros will be sending Pudge back to where his career started—the Texas Rangers.

Houston could possibly get two minor leaguers out of the deal, which would help the team bolster their farm roster.

Rodriguez, 37, is hitting .251 with eight home runs and 34 RBI in 93 games and 344 plate appearances for the Astros.

It's probably a good thing: Houston signed Rodriguez to only a one-year deal and probably wouldn't have re-signed him. Now, they get something from him.

Dallas Cowboys' First Team Looks Good in 31-10 Preseason Loss To Raiders

Richard Zowie — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 14:43:55 -0400

Despite losing to the Oakland Raiders 31-10, the Dallas Cowboys offense seemed upbeat about their performance. They might even start asking, "Terrell WHO?"

Tony Romo, in his brief stint with the first team, completed four of six passes for 38 yards including a touchdown pass to his friend Jason Witten.

Witten's touchdown catch was perhaps an amazing coincidence, considering each of Romo's completions went to a different receiver.

Pretty encouraging considering Dallas' first drive of the game went three and out.

Jon Kitna looked decent, completing seven of 10 passes for one interception. Stephen McGee, the rookie quarterback from Texas A&M, went four for nine for 34 yards.

The game does show Dallas' defense has kinks to work out, especially the second team. Dallas' second team left after the first quarter with a 7-3 lead. From there on things, fell apart.

Oakland had 456 yards of total offense versus Dallas' 274. Oakland also out-rushed Dallas 176-127. And, not surprisingly, Oakland also had more penalties than the Cowboys.

We'll see what happens next. Usually the first game of preseason is where teams are more apt to evaluate players and get an idea whom to cut and whom to keep.

NFL Becomes the Justice League, Suspends Stallworth for a Year

Richard Zowie — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 14:29:51 -0400

A few months ago, I argued on Bleacher Report that if the NFL reinstated Donte Stallworth before Michael Vick, it would have to apologize to Vick.

Not a worry. Vick’s back in the NFL and has been signed by the Philadelphia Eagles.

Stallworth, who served 30 days in jail for drinking, driving and killing someone with his vehicle, will be given lots of time to think about his mistake.

The NFL has suspended Stallworth for a year without pay.

The suspension won’t bring back Mario Reyes, but it’s nice to see that Stallworth will have to spend a year without his livelihood. I hope he’s been good with his finances and has something to live on.

Stallworth’s punishment gives me hope that perhaps a few potential drunk drivers will give more consideration to calling a cab than getting behind the wheel.

Meanwhile, my advice to Stallworth is to get lots of exercise. And, please, since you’ve already shown yourself irresponsible towards it, stay away from alcohol.

Michael Vick: Don't Blow This Second Chance

Richard Zowie — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 14:25:42 -0400

Since I know you have football practice with the Philadelphia Eagles, I’m going to make this nice and simple, Mike. You’ve been given a second chance, and a rare one at that. It’s really amazing: two years ago, I thought your NFL career was as dead as a doornail. If things work out, maybe you should consider “Lazarus” as a new nickname.

It sounds much better than “Ookie” or “Ron Mexico.” So, Mike, if you want to succeed in the NFL, get your debts paid and earn enough money to have a nice retirement, all you have to do are these two things.

One, produce on the field, whether you are a backup quarterback or a wide receiver or some option in a wildcat offense. Catch passes. Make great throws. Make defensive backs miss you. Score. Make the extra effort to get the first down. When the clock's ticking down, get out of bounds and set David Akers up for a field goal.

You know why Adam “Pacman” Jones’ aborted comeback with the Dallas Cowboys failed? In part, it was because Jones failed to be the reckoning force he used to be as a cornerback and as a kick and punt returner. Eagles’ fans are notoriously brutal, but if you can win them over, you’ll be surprised how quickly forgiveness will be given to you.

(Except for road games in Atlanta, of course).

Second, be a good citizen off the field. I am reminded of a quote from my favorite movie, Heat. Jon Voight’s character tries to convince Robert DeNiro’s character to avoid one last bank heist before retirement, saying Al Pacino’s character is hot on his trail. “This guy can hit or miss,” Voight tells DeNiro. “You can’t miss once.”

Think of it that way, Mike. Don’t do something stupid by getting caught in a strip club, drinking and driving, assaulting someone, and above all, don’t be caught being cruel to an animal. Make the best of your chance, Mike.

Honestly, Mike, considering all the professional athletes who've been welcomed back with open arms after beating up on their wives and girlfriends, considering those who've been welcomed back after having drug problems, I'm honestly rooting for you to succeed.

Except when you play against my Cowboys.

Seriously, best of luck.

Bud Norris Continues To Shine For Houston Astros Pitchers

Richard Zowie — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 14:12:32 -0400

Ok, the good news is Bud Norris is really starting to show he could become the next great Houston Astros pitcher. Roy Oswalt returns tonight.

The bad news is Houston is ???? on the season and is falling. You don't want to see a grown man cry, so I'll focus on the good.

In his second major league career start, Norris pitched six innings against the Milwaukee Brewers. He yielded three hits (one a home run), two runs, walked five and struck out seven. He's now 2-0 in his young career and has a 1.69 ERA.

If only Brian Moehler, Mike Hampton and other Astros pitchers could pitch that well.

Two nights later, Wandy Rodriguez showed he may get some Cy Young Award consideration as he's now 11-6 with a 2.51 ERA, courtesy of scattering five hits over seven scoreless innings to defeat the Wisconsin Makers of Beer.

Alas, Houston is now 55-57, courtesy of last night's 8[-6 loss to the Florida marlins. Moehler lasted five innings, giving up five hits, four runs and is now 7-8 on the season with a 5.32 ERA.

Tonight, Oswalt returns to the mound. Maybe he can stop the slide. Houston's seven games behind the N.L. Central-leading St. Louis Cardinals.

Having shaky starting pitching makes me think this won't be Houston's year. Look at past World Series winners...many—if not most—had great starting rotations. And as far as relief pitching goes, I submit that it was the Boston Red Sox' shaky bullpen—and not Bill Buckner—that cost them the 1986 World Series.

'Getcha Retirement Papers Ready' Could Become Terrell Owens' New Catch-Phrase

Richard Zowie — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 14:01:14 -0400

A few nights before the NFL Hall of Fame game, they had a commercial for it on television. Terrell Owens looked into the camera and said, “Getcha popcorn ready!”

I imagine the commercial was solely to promote first game of the NFL exhibition season, but one has to wonder if some tuned in hoping to see Owens work some of his magic for his new team, the Buffalo Bills.

Well, not really. T.O. (or B.O., as his detractors no doubt call him) had two catches for 27 yards as the Bills lost to the Tennessee Titans 21-18. Granted, Owens played only one series (as is very common for starters to do this early in the pre-season).

I caught a few glimpses of the game and found the only noteworthy thing to be the teams’ throwback uniforms. The Bills looked great in their old uniforms from when a certain disgraced former star NFL running back (O.J. Simpson for those of you born after 1994) played for the team while the Titans broke out the baby blue jerseys and helmets from the early Houston Oiler era.

Such a shame the Bills don’t return to those royal blue and scarlet red threads while the Titans don’t let the Houston Texans have access to the Oiler name, but that’s for another column.

Considering the Bills haven’t exactly had a great passing game lately. According to their website, atop their quarterback depth chart is Trent Edwards, who’s in his third year in the NFL. He has 18 career touchdown passes and 18 career interceptions, a quarterback rating of 85.4 last year and a career completion percentage of 61 percent. I wonder how Edwards will handle the ego of T.O.

Let’s see…the Bills are now Owens’ fourth team—fifth if you count his very brief time as a Baltimore Raven before he successfully lobbied the NFL to veto that trade. Will the Bills succeed where the San Francisco 49ers, Philadelphia Eagles and Dallas Cowboys have failed and get Owens to do more catching of passes and less griping?

That’s a tough one, especially when you consider the brilliant coaching minds that gave up on Owens:

Bill Walsh, who built the 49ers Dynasty, coached three Super Bowl-winning teams and was the architect behind the other two Super Bowl-winning teams. Yes, I dislike the 49ers and cringe at The Catch, but I view Walsh as having had one of the best football minds ever. Mr. Walsh, you may be gone, but you definitely are not forgotten.

Andy Reid, who coached the Philadelphia Eagles to one Super Bowl. Yes, the Eagles lost that one, but I wouldn’t be surprised at all if the Eagles end up with a Super Bowl championship or two in the next 10 years.

Donovan McNabb is the Rocky Balboa of NFL quarterbacks: Every time you think he’s done and should be traded, he goes out and has a great game. Is it just me, or have the Eagles offense improved with the departure of Owens and the addition of low-profile receivers?

Bill Parcells, who won two Super Bowls as New York Giants head coach, took the New England Patriots to a Super Bowl and deserves some credit for the team’s dynasty. Columnist Skip Bayless correctly predicted that the Cowboys would part ways with Parcells before Owens, and that came true when Parcells resigned.

You’ll notice that Parcells almost always referred to Owens as “That Player”. A friend who covers the Cowboys for one Texas daily metro tells me you could tell by Parcells’ facial expressions when talking about Owens that signing the controversial receiver was done against Parcells’ fervent advice.

Buffalo, if you want to keep Owens happy, I suggest throwing the ball to him on every play. Even when you’re running the ball. Even when you’re playing defense. Or punting. Or kicking off.

Getcha Buffalo Wings ready, Bills fans.

The Bills were smart to sign Owens to a one-year contract. No doubt feeling it was better to make Owens prove he has plenty of gas left in his tank, and deal with the higher-market teams, than to sign him to a lucrative, long-term deal and risk getting burned.

Owens will turn 36 in December, and many argue he’s not the receiver he once was. He’d better hope he has something left, because it’s up to him to prove he’s misunderstood. He's slowly running out of opportunities to prove his former employers wrong.

Otherwise, Owens’ new catchphrase might become, “Getcha Retirement Papers Ready!”

Shhhhh! Be Vewy Kwiet! Dawwas Cowboys Want Pways Kept Secwet!

Richard Zowie — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:00:36 -0400

This has to be one of the funniest things I've read in some time.

Maybe I'm just biased since I'm a journalist, but here's a quick lesson: if you don't want something to be reported, i.e., "on the record", then don't tell a reporter about it.

Dallas Cowboys public relations director Rich Dalrymple told the media yesterday to not report on any new formations or plays the Cowboys are using in training camp.

One small problem: Cowboys training camp at the Alamodome in San Antonio is open to the public.

One has to wonder if Dalrymple, whom I've dealt with professionally while freelancing for a recreation magazine and have found him to be very helpful, was just kidding.

I mean, can you really hold camps open to the public and media and expect reporters not to report on it?

Not happening.

I suppose it would be tantamount to Colonel Sanders allowing experimentations of his Chicken Fried in the State of Kentucky (as the Russians so deliciously call it) to be open to the public and then threatening to strangle with his string tie any reporter who flaps their gums about the colonel's secret blend of 11 herbs and spices.

(Here they are, by the way. Supposedly).

If Dallas is working on stuff they don't want other teams to know, maybe they should be a little more discreet.

Or maybe this is a brilliant publicity stunt cooked up by Dalrymple, the NFL's current coach-on-the-bubble, Wade Phillips and Mr. Marketer, Jerry Jones.

Is it possible Dalrymple's request is a red herring, and that somewhere Dallas has its secret plays locked under tight security that a top-secret security clearance won't get you in?

I don't know. We'll see.

Meanwhile:

Shhhhh! Be vewy, vewy kwiet! The Dawwas Cowboys are working on pways to defeat the New York Giants, Washington Wedskins, Phiwadewphia Eagwes, St. Wouis Wams, Detwoit Wions, Oakwand Waiders and other teams! Hehehehehe!

A fight broke out in camp between nose tackle Jay Ratliff and offensive tackle Marc Colombo. Don't get too excited—fights are as common at training camp as are players crying because they've been told they've been cut.

Besides, after how things fell apart last season, you sort of want a few fights to happen. It shows that the only thing Ratliff and Colombo hate more than each other's guts is losing...

A note for Jessica Simpson, who's single now that she and Tony Romo have went their separate ways. I know I don't speak for all Cowboys fans, but I wish you all the best, Jessica. May happiness follow you.

Houston Astros Get Stomped by San Francisco Giants, Fall below the .500 Line

Richard Zowie — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 11:11:02 -0400

If the Houston Astros sputter, if fans in the Bayou City start displaying, "Wait 'till next year!" signs, if Drayton McLane throws the ultimate Hail Mary pass and begs Mike Scott, Nolan Ryan, and Jim Deshaies to come out of retirement, I think it'll be for one central reason.

Pitching.

Yes, Bud Norris is looking impressive, having shut down a good St. Louis Cardinals team in his first major league start. Yes, Roy Oswalt is having a tough time. Yes, Wandy Rodriguez looks like he could become the great lefty ace the Astros haven't had since Mike Hampton's first tour of duty.

But despite the flashes of brilliance, Houston's pitching needs help. Felipe Paulino was roughed up last night, lasting 4.1 innings, giving up nine hits, five runs. His ERA is 7.28 on the season, and he's now 2-6.

It makes you wonder if releasing Russ Ortiz was really a good idea. His ERA was lower than Paulino and Wesley Wright. Twelve of the Astros' 18 pitchers have ERA's above 3.50. Less than half of the Astros' pitchers have winning records, and a disturbing number of them are relief pitchers.

Larry Dierker, back when he was pitching, said one year, "Do you know one team I can't see? The Atlanta Braves [back before the Bobby Cox/Greg Maddux era]. They just don't have the depth. You know another team I can't see? Ours."

That's the way I feel about this team. Give it a year or two.

The Houston Astros lost to the San Francisco Giants 8-1 and are now 53-54 on the season.

Bud Norris: There's a New Sheriff in Houston

Richard Zowie — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 10:46:30 -0400

You know, folks, I was actually just kidding about the Bud Norris "facts."

You know, the humorous ripoff I did of the Chuck Norris "facts" simply because Bud shares a surname with Chuck.

But Bud has shown, as a Houston Astros pitcher, he can indeed be as nasty towards opposing hitters (including even Albert Pujols) as Chuck Norris was against the scum of the earth on Walker, Texas Ranger.

Norris, making only his second major league appearance and his very first major league start against the St. Louis Cardinals, had this most impressive pitching line: seven innings, two hits, no earned runs, and five strikeouts. He did walk four. He's sporting a 0.90 ERA. He even took a no-hitter into the sixth inning.

It had to be a boost for Houston. For once, Cardinals pitcher Chris Wainwright scattered eight hits over seven innings, yielding two runs while striking out five against Houston and still lost.

Bud Norris Makes Major League Debut, Pitches Well, But Astros Lose

Richard Zowie — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 16:57:39 -0400

Good news: Bud Norris, the man to whom I jokingly attributed a list of Chuck Norris jokes, made his major league debut last night against the Chicago Cubs. The Houston Astros reliever gave up one run in three innings and struck out four.

His line: three innings, three hits, one earned run, one walk, four K's and a 3.00 ERA.

The bad news: Norris was the only Astros pitcher who had a good night last night against the Cubs.

Starter Mike Hampton was shelled for nine runs in four innings and Doug Brocail yielded two runs in an inning.

I guess the best way to look at it is this: at least the Astros made Cubs fans happy.

Houston has no extra-base hits, and from the looks of things, they never really came close to scoring.

Final score: Cubs 12, Astros 0.

Houston's record now stands at 51-50.

Should the Dallas Cowboys Sign Michael Vick?

Richard Zowie — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 16:44:19 -0400

[Richard spends five minutes laughing, regains composure, sighs and returns to the keyboard]

Uh, no.

Absolutely, 100 percent not.

To paraphrase a popular 1960s song (whose title I forget, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the Rolling Stones), “No no no no no no no no no no no!”

If I were speaking Mandarin Chinese, I’d say: Bù!

If I were speaking Russian: Нет!

And if I were speaking Hebrew: !לא

Yes, I know Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is into trying to take decrepit players and remodel and redesign them in his own image and turn them into perennial Pro Bowlers and Mr. Big D in hopes of someday inducting them into the Ring of Honor, but I hope he passes on Michael Vick.

Somewhere there’s an NFL team that will take a gamble and sign Vick to the veterans’ minimum and give him a chance to recreate his left-chinstrap-buckle-dangling, throw-the-ball-100-yards while dancing around defenders. New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, who acquired troubled receiver Randy Moss a few years ago, has praised Vick's athleticism.

I just hope the team Vick ends up with isn't the Cowboys.

And I’m pretty certain it won’t be the Cleveland Browns.* Would the famed Dawg Pound really accept Vick and forgive him?

A friend who works as a reporter in Texas says Jerry Jones isn’t interested in Vick. I hope that’s the case; perhaps after getting burned on Adam “Please Don’t Call Me Pac-Man” Jones, Jerry Jones is employing the “once bitten, twice shy” approach.

Not to say Vick will try to fight bodyguards or get into more trouble with police, but Dallas’ locker room chemistry was one of the reasons for its problems last year. I don’t see how Vick will help things out.

I could be wrong. That does happen, occasionally.

We recall the last time Jones brought a disgraced quarterback to the Cowboys was Ryan Leaf. Granted, Leaf didn’t pull any “Don’t [EXPLETIVE]-ing talk to me! Knock it off! All right?!” embarrassments while with the Cowboys, but he wasn’t able to take up the mantle that had been cast on the ground since the release and retirement of Troy Aikman. Granted, part of that was an injured wrist that never seemed to heal.

Still, considering Tony Romo, Jon Kitna, Stephen McGee (who’s supposed to be really good) and another free agent are in training camp, why would Dallas need another quarterback?

I know, I know: Kitna’s there for veteran insurance and is in the twilight of his not-great-but-not-bad career while McGee no doubt is learning the game in case Romo ends up becoming one of those not-quite stellar quarterbacks.

So far, the Cowboys seem pretty impressed with McGee, a quarterback largely overlooked by other teams because he went to Texas A&M, a school that traditionally runs the ball.**

IF the Cowboys should choose to risk their nose being wide open (as they say in casinos to describe a sucker who gambles away a fortune) by signing Vick, it would make more sense for the Cowboys to sign Vick as a Kordell “Slash” Stewart” wide receiver…you know, someone who’s fast, can catch passes, and who’s a threat to also throw.

Here’s why: Vick has always come across to me as someone whose NFL success stems more from being a great runner with a rocket arm than a great pure quarterback. He’s also six feet tall, short for a quarterback. I can think of four stature-challenged men who’ve had successful NFL careers: Doug Flutie (5’9”), Fran Tarkenton (5’10”), and both Joe Theismann and Drew Brees (6’0”).

But as I’ve watched Vick, I’ve never been very impressed with his ability to read defenses; I seem to remember in the NFC championship game [YEAR] against the Philadelphia Eagles, the Eagles thwarted Vick by laying off blitzes and making him throw the ball instead of trying to make something happen on the go.

My understanding is Vick could be playing in the NFL by October. As long as he keeps a low profile and doesn’t shoot himself in the proverbial foot, and as long as he can still run and throw and make things happen, someone will take a chance on him.

* Truth be told, I have lots of admiration for the Cleveland Browns. Their fans will show up and cheer for the team regardless of the weather and how good or poorly the team’s playing. If there’s one team I’d love to see win a Super Bowl, it’s Cleveland.

** I’ll never forget watching the ESPN movie The Junction Boys, about when legendary Alabama head coach Paul “Bear” Bryant took over the reins at Texas A&M early in his career.A quarterback tried to get out of practice with a sore arm, only to be told that since the Aggies would throw the ball maybe “twice in a decade”, having a sore arm wasn’t a sufficient excuse. Granted, according to Junction Boy and future Alabama head coach Gene Stallings, the movie had some fiction in it, but I found the line to be funny all the same.

Brett Favre Tells Minnesota Vikings He's Staying Retired

Richard Zowie — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 13:25:47 -0400

Brett Favre, according to this news report, has told the Minnesota Vikings he will remain retired and won't play a 19th NFL season.

I guess this means he has chosen not to follow in the footsteps of the Rolling Stones or Cher by embarking in another "I Really, Really, Really, Really, REALLY mean it this time!" farewell tour.

I imagine my brother and father-in-law, both Green Bay Packers fans, are very happy.

Can you imagine what would've happened to Favre's legacy had he retired wearing the uniform of the hated Vikings?

That would've been as bad as Emmitt Smith finishing his NFL career as a New York Giant, Philadelphia Eagle or—even worse—Washington Redskin.

Years ago, Barry Sanders gave an enigmatic explanation for why he chose to retire: his desire NOT to play was greater than his desire to play. Perhaps that's why Favre chose to call it a career. He's struggled with injuries.

Favre's longevity and penchant for missing almost no games in his NFL career as a starter amaze me, especially when you consider this Sports Illustrated article and read about the pain Favre was in at 26 the day after a game.

Jokes aside, while I don't see Favre as the greatest quarterback in the game's history, I will see him as the toughest and most passionate. One has to wonder how many more Super Bowls he would've won if he'd had a better supporting cast.

If this is your decision, Mr. Favre, my hat's off to you. You've more than earned the respect of this Cowboys fan.

One question: with you now retired, who will John Madden/Frank Caliendo sing the praises of now?

Houston Astros To Call Up Prospect Norris, Evoking Roundhouse Kicks

Richard Zowie — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 13:07:39 -0400

With the injury of pitcher Roy Oswalt, it looks as though the Houston Astros will call up their top pitching prospect Bud Norris.

I get this strange feeling that Bud's nickname is Chuck.

Or perhaps Walker, Texas Ranger.

Norris (who may or may not be related to Chuck Norris) is 4-9 with a 2.63 ERA in 19 starts at Triple-A Round Rock (a town north of Austin).

Bud was rated as having the best fastball among minor leaguers by Baseball America.

And with a last name like Norris, I can only imagine what they'll be saying about him in Houston.

Whenever Albert Pujols goes to bed at night, he always checks under his bed for Bud Norris.

Even when Bud Norris throws a wild pitch, umpires are so terrified they call it a strike.

Nobody ever dares to charge the mound when Bud Norris is pitching. Why? Two words: roundhouse kick.

Bud Norris' fastball is so fast that it makes the batter feel as though they've been kicked in the face. Not surprisingly, it's called a roundhouse fastball.

Bud Norris' tears could mend the rift between Russ Ortiz and Cecil Cooper. Norris hasn't cried lately, which is why the two don't get along.

Bud Norris doesn't need to use steroids or human growth hormone. In fact, he likes to call them performance DE-enhancing drugs.

Bud Norris occasionally lets other teams win and score runs off of him, simply because there's nothing more he hates than seeing grown men cry.

Houston Astros Cool Off Chicago Cubs, Roy Oswalt Injured

Richard Zowie — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 12:58:25 -0400

Just shy of finishing the second inning, Houston Astros pitcher Roy Oswalt exited last night's game against the Chicago Baby Bears with a strained lower back. One has to wonder if his big bulldozer had anything to do with it.

Not to worry: despite a shaky bullpen performance, the Astros bats accounted for five latter-inning runs to defeat the Cubs 11-6.

It would've been embarrassing had Houston lost, since they outhit Chicago 17-5.

Houston had six extra-base hits, and Miguel Tejada went two for four and drove in five runs.

Houston Astros Cool Off, Lose To Chicago Cubs

Richard Zowie — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 18:38:42 -0400

Sounds like the advice Bill Parcells gave about Tony Romo being the next great Dallas Cowboys quarterback could be used with anyone who thinks the Houston Astros are ready to take over the National League Central and become the next MLB dynasty.

"Put away the anointing oil."

Just a week ago, Houston-area emergency rooms were overrun with cases of a strange strain of Swine Flu (H2A2), otherwise known as "Astros Fever."

Now, those with the apparent flu are experiencing a rapid recovery.

The Astros are now 50-49 with a three-game losing streak, courtesy of yesterday's 5-1 loss at Wrigley Field to the Chicago Cubs in 13 innings.

Wandy Rodriguez pitched good enough to win, going seven innings, allowing one run on six hits and striking out seven. But Houston faced Astros killer Carlos Zambrano, who allowed three hits and one run in seven innings. That run was a long center-field shot by Carlos Lee; the homer wound up somewhere in Lake Michigan.

I'm still trying to figure out how Zambrano, who's been lights-out against the Astros, would float a fat pitch in the strike zone on an 0-2 count. Oh well. I guess it was just a bad pitch.

Mike Hampton Homers, Wins As Astros Muzzle Mets

Richard Zowie — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 13:12:55 -0400

The Houston Astros only hit one home run last night against the New York Mets. Care to guess who hit it?

Buy yourself a chorizo breakfast taco if you guessed Mike Hampton.

Yep, the pitcher who's an excellent hitter (.313) on the season. This was his 16th career homer.

The two-run homer helped, since Hampton picked up the win in 5.2 shaky innings as Houston defeated the Mets 5-4.

Ironically, Hampton's last home run came in 2005 while pitching for the Atlanta Braves. The victim of that home run? The Astros.

Hampton's line: 5.2 innings, eight hits, four earned runs, four walks, seven strikeouts and a home run allowed.

What helped Houston, no doubt, was the bullpen: Four relievers combined for 3.1 innings of five hits and no runs. No walks and no strikouts.

Houston's now 50-46 on the season. They're 1.5 games behind St. Louis

Congratulations On Entering the Hall of Fame, Jim Rice

Richard Zowie — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 13:00:53 -0400

When I heard earlier this year that longtime Boston Red Sox left fielder Jim Rice made it into the Hall of Fame on his 15th and final try, I could only think of one response:

"It's about time!"

I grew up in the '80s and watched Rice play. In his era, he was most certainly one of the most feared hitters in baseball. His lifetime stats of a .298 batting average, 382 home runs, 2,452 hits and 1,451 RBI in 16 seasons show he was certainly the anti-Dave Kingman*: a power hitter who could also hit for average.

Rice was also a great fielder also, having a .980 career fielding percentage despite playing his career at the tricky confines of Fenway Park (a lot of teams would work extra with their newbie left fielders to get used to fielding balls of the Green Monster).

On a few occasions, I even saw Rice show how much of a scam artist he was in left field. I don't remember the hitter, but someone hit a high drive to left field. Rice stared up at the wall, as if seeing how far the homer would go. The batter trotted slowly, admiring his shot and figuring if the fielder was watching it go, it had to be a home run.

The ball then caromed off the top wall to Rice, who seemed to anticipate exactly where the ball would carom. He fielded it cleanly and threw a strike to second base. Had the hitter been sprinting, it would've been a double; instead, he was held to a long single.

I've often wondered why Rice had to wait so long for his induction into baseball immortality while guys like Ozzie Smith (an average hitter at best who was in double digits for fielding errors 15 times and five times had more than 20 errors in a season) made it on his first try. I've heard two arguments why.

One, Rice hit into many double plays. Those who argue this conveniently neglect to mention Rice hit the ball very hard, and when you hit the ball hard and have slowpoke base runners in front of you (Bill Buckner, for example), double plays are inevitable.

Two, Rice wasn't very friendly. True, Rice wasn't known to be very friendly with reporters. He also challenged one-time Red Sox manager Joe Morgan to a fight during the 1988 baseball season. Big deal. Not everybody's wired to be congenial like Sally Field or funny like Jim Carrey.

I guess it just goes toward appeal: Smith was very popular and did cartwheels. Rice, in the late 1980s, showed he could be a stubborn person by resisting requestsfrom the Red Sox to wear glasses (which he did off the field) or contact lenses.

(In fairness, he said he would sweat too much to wear eyeglasses and his eyes didn't produce enough moisture for contacts; as someone who wears glasses and used to wear contacts, I can attest both can pose these problems.)

On Sunday, Rice will give his Hall of Fame speech. I suspect it'll be short and fitting of his laconic style. Maybe the Red Sox will finally get around to retiring Number 14 while they're at it.

* Prior to baseball's Steroid Era, Kingman held the dubious distinction of being the only Major League Baseball player with more than 400 career home runs who's not in the Hall of Fame. But, having a mediocre career batting average of .236 will do that.

The Houston Astros Are One Game Away from First Place

Richard Zowie — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 13:26:45 -0400

If you're Roy Oswalt, frustration's the word.

Last night, he pitched seven innings, gave up seven hits and three runs while walking only one and striking out four. With a little help from his friends, that would be good enough for a win.

Nope.

Roy O, whose season ERA is 3.66, received a no-decision as the Houston Astros rallied for four runs in the latter innings, including two in the ninth, to edge out the St. Louis Cardinals 4-3.

The two ninth-inning runs came from Miguel Tejada's bat with two outs.

By virtue of the sweep, Houston is now 49-46 and only one game behind the Cardinals in the N.L. Central race.

I honestly can't remember the last time Houston swept St. Louis.

The win must've been frustrating for both teams. Houston was unable to solve Red Birds starter Chris Carpenter, who scattered eight hits over eight innings and yielded two runs, walked two and struck out five for a 2.26 ERA. He'd be 9-3 if he'd won.

Still, my temperature is 98.6. My reason for not having Astros fever? They're on a streak and playing well.

But let's face it—this past month, with the exception of the Dodgers, Giants, and Cardinals, Houston hasn't played a lot of great teams.

I mean, you're supposed to defeat bottom dwellers like the Pittsburgh Pirates (who are playing as if they're wearing those screaming-yellow uniforms from the 1970s), the Washington Nationals (who could probably use President Barack Obama's arm in the starting rotation), and the San Diego Padres (who are playing as if they've taken a vow of losing).

Tonight, the Astros take on a team I love to hate—the New York Mets. The Metropolitans at 44-50, and 10 games out of first in the N.L. East.

Expect a tough game, though.