Bleacher Report - Articles by Alex Akita

Top 11: Things To Do in Your Very Own Silverdome

Alex Akita — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:04:29 -0500

*This article is featured in its entirety with pictures and video at SeattleSportsnet.com.

Once upon a time, the Pontiac Silverdome was the home of the NFL’s Detroit Lions and the NBA’s Detroit Pistons.

Built in 1975 in the midst of America’s dome frenzy era, the Silverdome was constructed at a cost of $55,000,000 (or roughly $220,000,000 in today’s economy). This past Monday, the 127 acre plot of land along with its dilapidated arena was sold to a Canadian investment firm for $583,000. Yes, that’s thousands of dollars, not millions.

I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re thinking, “How in the hell did I let this opportunity pass me by?” There are literally millions of Americans out there that could have purchased the Silverdome and done whatever they wanted with it. It costs slightly more than the median home price in many cities across the U.S. And frankly, why have a home when you can have a dome?

The Canadian investment firm plans to use the 24-year-old, 80,000-seat venue to host soccer games (good luck with that), but come on. There are so many great things you could do with this place that haven’t even been explored yet. That’s why we’ve come up with this list of 11 things you could do if you owned the Silverdome. Because it’s fun to think big.

11. Host Prize-Cannon Shooting Tournaments

Let’s think about this. Where else are you going to be able to shoot your prize cannon and not have to worry about a) killing an American bald eagle (a felony) with an errant shot or b) losing the prizes you shoot?

Answer: Your very own Silverdome.

Probably the only controlled space that is large enough to contain your obsession with prize cannons, the Silverdome (or whatever the hell you decide to call it; you do own it after all) would make for an ideal location to practice your prize shooting, while also allowing you the freedom to hold competitions.

Set up targets on the surface, in the stands, in the suites, and then get firing. People would flock from miles around to join in. Charge a $20 entry fee, keep half the money for yourself, and give the rest away as the grand prize. Sign me up.

10. Invite Midgets to Jello-Wrestle for Your Amusement in a Kiddie Pool on the 50-Yard Line

Midgets make you laugh. Wrestling makes you laugh. Jello makes you laugh. Kiddie pools make you laugh. Combine all four things and you have unbridled hilarity.

The key here is to keep the midgets focused and make sure they take the event seriously. You can’t let on that this is some sort of gag fight that will ultimately be the subject of a YouTube video that becomes an instant internet sensation.

No, you have to convince these midgets that this is the Superbowl of midget jello wrestling. Maybe provide an incentive for them, too, in the form of a grand prize. Something like stilts or moonboots. Or maybe a 10-gallon hat. There’s nothing funnier than a midget jello wrestler in a 10-gallon hat.

Simple things, simple things.

9. Have Sleepovers on the Astroturf, and Turn the Ceiling Into a Planeterium

Not only could you have enormous camp outs for hundreds of people on fake grass, but you could make it even better by staring at fake stars throughout the night. Think about it. Year-round camp outs for all of your friends, plus all of their friends, plus some people you don’t even know.

Put a gigantic fire pit in the middle of the stadium, roast s’mores, tell campfire stories, drink beer, have a dance party, go crazy. It’s the biggest indoor party on earth, and when it’s all said and done you can all go to bed under the air conditioned comfort of the Silverdome roof.

8. Hold Ferret Races From End Zone to End Zone

In theory, you could do this with any type of animal or rodent and be thoroughly entertained. But why not ferrets?

Ferrets are long, low to the ground, and don’t walk so much as slink. Watching a ferret slink 100 yards in competition with other ferrets sounds like a great time.

Plus, you have to figure that in order to transport the ferrets to and from the arena you’d have to contain them by putting them on a leash. I would pay at least a quarter to see someone walking a ferret on a leash. I’ve seen dogs on leashes and cats on leashes, but never ferrets. That’s new.

7. Play Capture the Flag

There is no better game in the world than Capture the Flag. What a simple-ass game, right?

You take an object, any object, and deem it “the flag.”

You assign your fattest, slowest, most useless teammate to be the protector of said flag.

You draw a line in the middle of your playing field to divide the sides. One team on one side, the other team on the other side. Should you cross onto the opponents side and get tagged, you get sent to jail. On your side, you’re safe. If a teammate is so bold, they can rescue you and your other tagged teammates from prison.

The object of the game is so clear that even a child can understand it: Steal the flag from the fat kid guarding it. Go.

Why don’t we play this game more? How much fun was this game? It was the most fun, that’s how much fun it was.

You know what, I’d bet money that EA Sports or Nintendo is trying right now to come up with a Capture the Flag video game but they can’t do it. You can’t replicate the reality of Capture the Flag. It’s impossible.

And trust me, there would be no better way to play Capture the Flag than in your own enormous dome. Awesome.

6. Have a Saved By The Bell Viewing Party on the JumboTron

I guarantee you that there are at least 80,000 people out there who would love to be a part of the world’s largest Saved By The Bell viewing party. Hell, you might have to sell standing room only tickets or turn people away. This would be huge.

Start from the very beginning by forcing everyone to watch the awkwardly painful middle school episodes that effectively destroy the entire plot line for the ensuing high school (and even college) seasons. First off, the show takes place in Indiana (unlike the high school episodes, which are set in fictional Bayside, Calif.) and is centered around Hayley Mills’ character, Miss Bliss.

Zack, Screech, Lisa, and Mr. Belding are all supporting characters that get retained and given expanded parts when the show switches to its more familiar high school format. Interestingly enough, there is never so much as a hint of explanation as to why three students and a principal would up and leave their lives in the Midwest and move as a unit to California. In this one lousy season, the show was actually entitled Good Morning, Miss Bliss and not SBTB .

But I digress.

From here you navigate your way through the high school years, making sure to watch the Jessie Spano caffeine pill freak-out episode twice, then empty the tissue box for Zack and Kelly’s breakup.

You suffer through the Tori years (where all your favorite characters are seniors for the second year in a row…guess they got held back), take a little vacation with the Malibu Sands episodes, and even include Saved By The Bell: The College Years just for fun. (Absolutely no SBTB: The New Class , however.)

If you want to make this even more enjoyable, you can incorporate a drinking game where everyone takes a shot each time Zack hits on a girl. Double shots when he hits on an ugly girl, like that homeless chick in the Christmas episodes.

5. Make the Silverdome the Permanent Home of a WNBA team

Just kidding.

Other things you would definitely not want to do with your dome include:

Accommodate Antiques Roadshow events.
House Afghani military training classes.
Hold a rave.
Feature Yanni concerts.
Furnish professional bowling events.
Stage a Mexican donkey show.
Entertain the idea of a renaissance fair.
Allow George Lopez to perform live.
Provide refuge for hurricane victims.

4. Adopt a UFL Franchise

Now this one I am serious about. The UFL may not be the next big thing, or even on the radar. But it is entertaining.

And frankly, where else can you see so many players who will make you smile because you remember their names from years gone by? Like Quinn Gray. Or Simeon Rice. Or even Tim Rattay. You know you need a little Tim Rattay in your life.

What better market for a UFL team than Detroit? It’s not like their NFL team is worth watching, and at least in the UFL the players will give their all on every single play.

I mean, let’s face it. You’re going to have to pay for the upkeep of your dome in some way (the city of Pontiac lists annual upkeep of the Silverdome at $1.5 million). Might as well earn some petty cash by housing a pro football team.

3. Hold the National Convention of American Moderates

You don’t know about the American Moderates? They’re neither Republican nor Democrat. They embody the majority of voters in the U.S. and could give a rat’s ass about politics. Why? Because most politicians are crooks, and on a grand scale your vote doesn’t really count anyways.

This is how I envision the National Convention of American Moderates going down:

Everyone arrives at least a half hour late and fights for parking.
Upon entering your Silverdome, half the people head for the bathroom while the other half head for the concession stands.
After getting food/taking a dump, everyone ignores the printing on their ticket and heads down to the lower bowl, as close to the front row as possible.
Beer drinking ensues.
Pot smoking ensues.
Dave Chappelle performs.
A Japanese rodeo takes place, using the cows they turn into Kobe beef as the transportation.
Everyone plays some Xbox, then takes a nap.
Everyone wakes up and checks their fantasy teams or watches some Maury Povich on the ‘Tron (that’s what I’m calling the JumboTron now).
Everyone cheers when Maury announces, “Dominique…you are NOT THE FATHER!” Everyone except the mother, of course, who was actually hoping that this man who flips burgers at McDonald’s would end up being her baby daddy.
Someone scheduled to speak never shows up so everyone keeps watching Maury instead.
A couple people go home, but most of the 80,000 attendees end up crashing at your place. They’ll slowly trickle out over the next few days, but you’re cool with that.

2. Put on a stage rendition of The Hangover

Naturally, you will hire all of the original actors to reprise their roles on the stage. But if you can’t afford all the actors, at least get Zach Galifianakis to play Alan. That is absolutely imperative.

Besides that, there are no restrictions. This has to happen. If you own a dome, you need to make this go down. It’d be the greatest event ever.

1. Hijack the Oklahoma City Thunder and Bring Them to Their New Home at Your Dome

How’s it feel to be on the receiving end, bitches?!

Of course, as you’re physically removing the team from their practice facility in Oklahoma, you are forced to fight Clay Bennett in a battle to the death for the right to own what was previously his basketball team. Luckily you came prepared with the sword once carried by the Megazord in the original Power Rangers .

Bennett stops you with a gun in his hand, dressed in full cowboy regalia. He challenges you to 12 paces and you oblige. At six paces you stop, turn around, brandish your sword which is about 30 feet long since it did belong to the Megazord and all and utter a catch-phrase that you’ve spent all day thinking up: “Hey Clay,” you say, “it’s Morphin time.”

Then as your sword lights up with cool mid-'90s special effects illumination, you rip off your shirt to reveal a green-and-gold Gary Payton Sonics jersey underneath, before unleashing complete fury on Bennett as he tries to fire his turn-of-the-century pistol at you.

After that you basically just take the team to your dome and tell them to play there and they have to do what you say because you own them. Pretty anticlimactic, but that’s business.

Justin Forsett, Louis Rankin Offer Hope For Seahawks Backfield

Alex Akita — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:53:32 -0500

In a lost season, all you can hope for is any sign of progress for the future. That’s where running backs Justin Forsett and Louis Rankin come in.

The former Pac-10 foes—Rankin attended Washington, Forsett was a Cal Bear—saw extended action in Sunday’s loss to Arizona after starter Julius Jones exited with an injury.

Assuming the majority of the playing time, second-year pro Forsett ran for a career-high 123 yards on 17 carries, notching an impressive 7.2 yards per attempt and recording a touchdown in the process.

Compare that to Jones, who has eclipsed the 100-yard mark just once this season, that coming in Week One against St. Louis. In that contest, Jones logged 117 yards and averaged 6.2 yards per attempt, which should put into perspective just how big Forsett’s day truly was for this struggling offense.

In a change of pace role, Rankin, the team’s part-time punt and kick returner, spelled Forsett on certain downs and carried the ball three times for 24 yards, an average of 8.0 yards per attempt. He also hauled in three passes for 24 yards and made for an intriguing one-two punch alongside the diminutive Forsett.

Forsett, the team’s seventh-round draft pick in 2008, is listed at 5′8″, 194 pounds. Though clearly undersized for an NFL back, the 24-year-old is a shifty speedback that hits the hole hard and isn’t afraid to fight for extra yardage.

Contrast that to Rankin, also 24 years of age, listed at 6′1″, 205. The former Oakland Raider provides a big target for quarterback Matt Hasselbeck to throw to, and is a juking-and-jiving presence who, because of his size, is tough to take down on first contact.

Whether Julius Jones returns or not is meaningless at this point. In nine games, the sixth-year pro has amounted just 392 yards on 107 carries. That’s an average of 3.7 yards per attempt, and just 43.5 yards per game. Not featured back numbers by any stretch of the imagination.

In one showing against a solid opposing defense, Forsett and Rankin have earned the right to assume the workload for the Hawks in a season that has slowly slipped away. Never mind about Julius Jones, his ego, or his contract: he flat-out has not gotten the job done.

This is a team building towards 2010 now, and the franchise needs to start exploring options that hold promise for the future. In Justin Forsett and Louis Rankin, the Seahawks may very well have found two of those options.

Matt Hasselbeck Must Shoulder Blame for Seahawks' Losses

Alex Akita — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 22:18:16 -0500

Matt Hasselbeck is one of those guys who is often exempt from criticism. He’s a veteran who has had a relatively long and prolific career, and is generally regarded as a leader both on and off the field. When it comes to the struggles of the Seahawks, we generally give Hasselbeck a free pass.

But after Sunday’s loss at Arizona—a game in which Hasselbeck threw for 315 yards in the process—we need to place at least some of the blame for this team’s indiscretions at the feet of number eight. Frankly, we can ill afford to spare him any longer.

In the past, we’ve had a tendency to put the onus for losing on a number of different targets. A porous offensive line, an inconsistent running game, receivers who can’t hang onto passes. The fact is, we can only make scapegoats out of certain people so many times before the words ring hollow. And our scapegoats have been the same for two seasons.

What about the rest of the team? What about a guy like Hasselbeck?

When healthy enough to play, Hasselbeck has been playing at an unacceptable level for more than a year. That could be for any number of reasons, including the ones we listed above.

On top of that, he’s been hurt. Frequently. And he’s played hurt. Frequently.

You have to respect Hasselbeck’s willingness to put the team before himself, before his body, and before his future. But unfortunately that gutsiness can only be used as an excuse for a certain amount of time before it becomes a crutch to stand on.

Hasselbeck has earned our respect. He’s earned our patience. He has a passion for the game that is unrivaled, and absolutely gives the Seahawks the best chance to win under center. Plus he’s a likable guy that is as down to earth as anyone else. All of this allows him the freedom to stink up the joint every once in a while and suffer no consequences.

But Sunday's game was different. We witnessed a new side of Hasselbeck that epitomized the frustration of a miserable 3-6 season. Instead of the savvy, confident, capable game-manager that we’ve grown accustomed to finding on Autumn weekends, the second half of Sunday’s loss brought forth a jittery, panicked, exasperated Hasselbeck that showed up at precisely the wrong time.

The Seahawks had this game. A game that would have salvaged their season for a week, and likely longer. They led 17-10 at halftime, then stood idly by as everything unraveled.

Amidst it all was Hasselbeck, who engineered the downfall of his ball club. One costly interception, then another. Passes thrown well out of reach of receivers. Passes thrown into double, and even triple coverage. And time and again, when walking off the field following an abbreviated drive, here was Hasselbeck—the leader, the captain—with head hung and a look of unmitigated acrimony on his face. It was like a child on the verge of a tantrum.

Losing wears on us all. Fans, media members, coaches, and, most importantly: the players. But leaders are who we count on when we’re down. On Sunday afternoon, at University of Phoenix Stadium, the Seahawks were searching for a leader where none could be found.

I like Matt Hasselbeck. I’ve always liked him. Most fans and media members alike can echo those sentiments. As I alluded to before, part of the reason we spare him from criticism is because he’s our brother, our son, our dad, our friend. He’s a guy we all feel we can relate to.

But every now and then we need to put our emotions aside and do what has to be done for the team. In this case, we need to put some of the blame for this most recent loss and, in turn, all six of the Seahawks’ losses on Matt Hasselbeck. It's time.

Pot Should Be Legalized in Honor of Tim Lincecum

Alex Akita — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:47:24 -0500

Tim Lincecum got busted for marijuana possession. Big deal. At least he didn’t hurt anyone. Kill anyone. Cheat the game.

On top of that, the San Francisco Giants ace and Renton, Wash., native wasn’t even under the influence when he was caught.

He just committed a slight faux pas. Had his pipe sitting out during a routine traffic stop. Whoops. We’ve all been there. Not necessarily with marijuana. But other stuff.

Maybe your porn collection was discovered.

Maybe you told a fib to get out of going to the opera, then got found out.

Maybe you cheated your diet, got caught with your pants down, or let slip a four-letter word in front of your mom. We all make mistakes. We’re human.

Fact is, I’m cool with Lincecum smoking a doobie every once in a while. I don’t smoke myself, but I absolutely condone the use of marijuana by others. It doesn’t bother me.

Smoking pot then getting behind the wheel bugs me a little bit. But smoking in and of itself is no big deal. Falls right in line with alcohol consumption and frivolous sex. It fails to register on my moral code.

Think about it. How many potheads do you know that have caused serious problems in our world? You never hear about a pothead committing a heinous act against society.

You don’t see potheads holding up banks, kidnapping children, or murdering anyone. Crackheads, maybe. Needle junkies, maybe. Potheads, no.

Potheads are among the most passive individuals on the face of the earth. All they want to do is eat, sleep, and play XBox. What’s wrong with that?

They aren’t hurting anybody, and if you talk to them you’ll probably have a nice conversation that tunes you into life. Potheads love life. You have to appreciate that.

And who knows. Maybe Lincecum is one of those dudes that becomes a savant when he’s on the hash. Maybe weed is what gives him his remarkable flexibility, his ability to throw a fastball 100 miles per hour, his gift to bedazzle the masses with his wicked curveball.

Hell, we enjoy watching that go down. We love witnessing the marvel of Tim Lincecum’s athletic feats. Why would we want to sideline that gift, if that gift just so happens to be brought on by the use of marijuana?

I say let that gift thrive. Let it be free. Let’s just go ahead and legalize the darn plant— because that’s what it is, a plant, like a freakin' rose or daisy—and get this bad boy over with.

Legalize pot and you cut the arms and legs off of violent, malicious drug cartels that capitalize on the sale of a controlled substance.

Legalize pot and you free up space in our prisons.

Legalize pot and Tim Lincecum is just another guy with a pipe, a dimebag, and a gift that brings smiles to the faces of children and adults alike.

If Tim Lincecum has a need for weed, then I say let that need be freed.

Let’s all say it together now: Let that need be freed.

Legalize!

Seahawks Following in Footsteps of Division Rival Rams

Alex Akita — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:25:18 -0500

Remember when the St. Louis Rams were the team to beat in the NFC West? No team—not the Seahawks, 49ers, or Cardinals—could wrest the division crown from the Rams’ iron grip.

Led by the likes of Isaac Bruce, Torry Holt, Marc Bulger, Kurt Warner, Orlando Pace, Leonard Little, and Marshall Faulk, the Rams were a force to be reckoned with in an otherwise weak division.

And then it all blew up.

Seemingly overnight, the Rams got very, very old.

Their rock of a left tackle, Pace, became an injury-prone question mark year in and year out.

Faulk ran out of gas and retired.

Bruce and Holt both dropped from their lofty perches as two of the game’s best wideouts. Each would see a reduced role in the team’s offense before moving on to different clubs.

Warner moved on, paving the way for Bulger. Bulger, in turn, took the reins of the St. Louis offense and proved consistently inconsistent.

The defense fell apart.

Coaches came and went.

It was a carousel of problems for the former Super Bowl champs as they went from contender to cellar-dwellar over the course of a matter of months.

And their biggest issue? That came in failing to acknowledge their own demise.

Rather than attempt to rebuild their franchise from the ground up, the Rams instead opted to patch holes with stopgap veterans through free agency. They frivolously invested money in the wrong players, handicapping their payroll in the process, and stalling their team’s growth when all was said and done.

Five years after the Rams first relinquished the division crown to the rival Seahawks, it is Seattle that is now experiencing a similar fall from grace.

Beset by a litany of obstacles since their last NFC West title in 2007, the Seahawks have witnessed key players go down to injury, seen former superstars run out of town, made bad decisions in trades and free agency, and, like the Rams, have complicated matters by ignoring all the warning signs.

There’s Matt Hasselbeck, who has spent most of the past two seasons nursing a chronically ailing back, missing significant game time in the process. The quarterback has been absent from 11 contests since the start of 2008, all due to injury.

Hasselbeck’s pain has only been amplified by a decaying offensive line that has been hampered by injuries of their own. At certain points in each of the past two years, the team has entered ballgames with backups starting at every single position in the offensive trench.

The biggest loss on the O-line comes in the form of left tackle Walter Jones, a future Hall of Famer who was on the downside of his career three years ago. Jones was placed on injured reserve just one week ago and may have played his last game as a Seahawk.

Injuries have also plagued the secondary (cornerback Marcus Trufant spent the first six weeks of 2009 on the PUP list), the linebacking corps (Pro Bowler Lofa Tatupu is out for the remainder of the year, and starter Leroy Hill missed time in the early going), the defensive line (DE Patrick Kerney played in just seven games in 2008), and the receivers (nine different wideouts saw playing time for the team in 2008).

Free agency and the draft have been two other areas of concern for the once-proud ballclub.

It began when left guard Steve Hutchinson was lost to the Minnesota Vikings in the 2006 offseason. One of the cogs in the team’s Super Bowl season in ‘05, Hutchinson’s departure left a gaping hole on the offensive line.

From that point forward, a laundry list of questionable signings were brought in to try and help the team return to prominence.

Nate Burleson, Julius Jones, Mike Wahle, Brian Russell, Deon Grant, and TJ Duckett are among the veteran signees that have underwhelmed during their tenure with the Seahawks. Another acquired veteran, receiver Deion Branch, was obtained in a trade for draft picks with the New England Patriots.

Among draft selections, Darryl Tapp, Lawrence Jackson, Baraka Atkins, Kelly Jennings, Josh Wilson, Chris Spencer, and Rob Sims have all failed to live up to expectations in their brief careers.

Additionally, the Seahawks have failed to seriously acknowledge any of the positions of greatest need on their roster in recent draft. Offensive tackle, tailback, and quarterback are three areas where the club could drastically improve themselves with high draft choices.

Instead they overdraft at positions of strength, or tend to swing and miss (see Sims, Rob) when selecting a player at a critical need spot.

Ultimately, this run of failure will cost general manager Tim Ruskell his job. With an open checkbook bestowed upon the franchise by billionaire owner Paul Allen, the organization can simply stall no longer.

As evidenced by their intradivision foes, the Rams, resisting the need to rebuild can be a painfully costly process that can cripple a franchise for years. Rather than make the same mistakes as their conference counterpart, the time has come for the front office to consider blowing up their decaying roster and start anew.

As far as the Seahawks are concerned, it’s rebuilding time.

Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Ducks (With Pictures!)

Alex Akita — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 23:47:43 -0400

The Washington Huskies football team takes on their archrival to the south this weekend when they face the Oregon Ducks at Husky Stadium.

In order to educate fans on the opponent, we did some research on Ducks and have compiled our findings in this article.

Each of the following entries have been adapted from various references across the web. Please follow the highlighted links within the text for visual aids.

1. Origin of the word “duck”

The term duck comes from the old English word dūce .

2. Old ducks versus young ducks

A duckling is a young duck in downy plumage or baby duck ; but in the food trade young adult ducks ready for roasting are sometimes labeled “duckling”.

3. Appearance

The drakes of northern species often have extravagant plumage , but that is molted in summer to give a more female-like appearance .

4. Breeding

Ducks are generally monogamous , although these bonds generally last a single year only .

The male ducks perform courtship displays in fall and winter to attract females. These displays involve head and tail shaking; wing flapping ; quacks , whistles , and other sounds ; etc .

5. Hunting

In many areas, wild ducks of various species are hunted for food or sport . Because an idle, floating duck or a duck squatted on land cannot react, fly or move quickly, “a sitting duck” has come to mean “an easy target” .

6. Experimentation

In 2002, psychologist Richard Wiseman and colleagues at the University of Hertfordshire (United Kingdom) finished a year-long Laugh-Lab experiment, concluding that of all animals, ducks attract the most humor and silliness . [Wiseman] said “If you’re going to tell a joke involving an animal, make it a duck .”

7. Food/Consumption

Duck meat is derived primarily from the breasts and legs of ducks .

8. Migration

Ducks, like other waterfowl, tend to follow the same path year after year when they migrate.

We sincerely hope that you have found the preceding facts about Ducks useful in your research. For more information, head out to Husky Stadium on Saturday (kickoff at 12:30 PM) to witness a real, live Duck roast.

Go Dawgs!

Why Soccer Fans Need Your Love, But Don't Want Your Support

Alex Akita — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 20:18:56 -0400

I like soccer, but it hasn’t always been that way.

As a kid, I used to hate it. Played it when I was in second grade, thought it was boring, quit, and never looked back. It was a lot of running for nothing, a lot of standing in the pouring rain, and a lot of unnecessary shots to the head. It just wasn’t my thing.

As a teenager, I got back into soccer by watching the World Cup. At first it was a nice segue to my afternoon nap, but after a while I actually began to watch the games.

Played at its highest level, soccer was compelling. As is the case with most spectator sports, I found myself rooting for one team over the other in spite of my initial inhibitions about the game. Before long, I could sit through a full 90 minutes without falling asleep.

At this point in my life, I am by no means a hardcore soccer fan. I don’t go out of my way to attend games in person, and given the choice between watching baseball, basketball, football, hockey, or soccer, I’d still choose the former four before I took the latter.

But I don’t hate the game anymore, and that’s progress. The same kind of progress has yet to be attained by millions of Americans who flat-out don’t like soccer. At all. Not one bit.

And yet this just doesn’t translate to your true-blue hardcore soccer fanatic.

Unlike diehard baseball, basketball, football, or hockey fans, soccer fans are a completely different breed. They want you to like their sport. They need you to like their sport. If you don’t like their sport, they simply do not like you.

As a fan of all of America’s major professional sports, I could care less whether you like baseball, basketball, football, hockey, or soccer at all. I just don’t give a damn. If you decide you don’t like baseball, fine. If you can’t stand football, that’s cool. If you’re anti-hockey, whatever, no big deal.

Soccer fans are different.

If you don’t match their enthusiasm for the world’s game, you simply aren’t worth their time. They don’t value your opinion, and frankly they look down upon you.

As someone who hasn’t been fully absorbed into the soccer culture, I can’t quite grasp why this holier-than-thou mentality exists. So what if someone doesn’t like your sport? Who really cares what they think anyways?

Because of this attitude, soccer has become as divisive an issue in today’s society as Jon and Kate Gosselin, the divorced parents of eight children who have been the subject of TLC’s hit show Jon and Kate Plus Eight since 2007.

You’re either on Jon’s side or Kate’s side. There is no in between. Likewise, you’re either an all-out soccer nut or you’re hardly a fan at all. No room for the occasional onlooker.

And that’s where the problem lies. Because the fanaticism of soccer is predicated on an all-or-nothing belief, there is no open-door policy for casual fans to be a part of the action. It’s like requesting a membership to Augusta National Golf Club. If you’re not part of the elite, you need not apply.

The funny thing is, hardcore soccer fans can’t stand the people that can’t stand their sport, but at the same time they have no intention of making fanatics out of the laymen.

They want you to like their sport, but they don’t want you to partake in the action unless you’re 100 percent committed, same as them. The fan culture, in a word, is stagnant.

If soccer intends to thrive in the United States, the exclusivity needs to go away and everyone must be welcomed equally. The game continues to grow in the land of the free, but that’s mainly at the youth level, rather than amongst the paying adults.

The marketability is there, the teams are in place, and the window is ajar. Now is the time to let some fresh air in.

The Worst Fantasy Football Team Ever Assembled (Satire)

Alex Akita — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:21:31 -0400

As much as it pains me to write this article, I am the owner and sole proprietor of the worst fantasy football team ever. In the history of the world. And I know it. And it sucks.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking there’s no way that my team could be worse than your team from back in the day. At some point in time we’ve all been victimized by some bad fantasy teams. Maybe we pooched the draft, or started the wrong guys, or simply were plagued by bad luck or injuries. We’ve all had our ups and downs from season to season, but no one—I assure you, nobody—has had a season as bad as the 2009 Compton Honkies.

It’s not for lack of trying. Heck, some guys realize their teams suck early on and abandon them like a newborn Chinese daughter. They fail to respond to trade offers, refuse to update their lineup, and generally bring down the entire league with their lack of participation.

I’m the complete opposite of that. I’m in a league with 11 of my friends (it’s a keeper league, as well, so we retain three players from year-to-year) and we treat our teams with the same care and precision as real-life NFL owners.

We post upwards of 100 messages a week on our league message board, issue “press releases” via email to our fellow owners, trade draft picks years in advance, and keep the incentive up by playing for money. We’re basically nerds, and we’re okay with that. Everyone needs to be passionate about certain things, and it’s probably better that we’re into fantasy football and not Magic cards or something. At least we can still maintain wives and girlfriends through all this. Not so, in the world of Dungeons and Dragons.

So here we are, six weeks into the season, and my Honkies are winless. This has to be some sort of aberration. A year ago, my team played for the PFL (Pearce Fantasy League) championship. The year before that we finished in fourth place. We’re not bad, we’re just unlucky. To the Nth degree. Let’s try and understand how we got to this point.

From the very beginning, I made some bad decisions. First off, I went to the grocery store and purchased a fantasy football preview magazine. In 11 years of playing fantasy sports, I had never once spent money on a fantasy publication. For whatever reason, I changed my tactic this year and emptied my wallet on the reading material.

To make matters worse, after I finished reading Sports Illustrated’s preview magazine, I went and bought the ESPN version, as well. Two fantasy football previews, both of which trumped the likes of Josh Morgan as a candidate for Sleeper of the Year. He’s still asleep, so does that mean he’s winning?

After six weeks of games, I’m upset at the Matthew Berrys of the world for getting paid to make ridiculous prognostications that have little basis and end up being flat wrong. At the end of the year, it’d be nice if SI and ESPN could print retraction issues that simply list all the fantasy players they were dead wrong about. Put Morgan on the cover, along with a shot of the Titans defense, Kevin Boss, Anthony Gonzalez, and Derrick Ward and you have your Fantasy Football Recap: We’re Really Sorry edition.

More than that, however, I’m mad at myself for not trusting my own judgment. Sometimes we put these highly-paid journalists on a pedestal. We shouldn’t. In my experience, these guys are just like us, except in most cases they’re a little socially retarded. In other words, they can write, but they can’t necessarily interact with humans. Does that make them useless fantasy football experts? Maybe. It means they might have trouble taking a quote or some verbal dialogue from a conversation with a team or player and translating it to the pages of a preview mag, and that should be enough to convince us to stay away.

I mean, let’s face it. I knew Anthony Gonzalez would suck. I knew it. And I drafted him anyways. And then he got hurt. He might end up being a fine receiver in the long run, but this year is a bust, no matter what he does from here on out. My best judgment said, “Don’t draft Gonzalez.” But the preview magazines were so high on him that I couldn’t resist. Idiot. The same can be said about Josh Morgan and Derrick Ward. I flat-out blew it.

But like I said before, the Honkies’ downfall is more complex than just a busted draft or a key injury here or there. In many cases, I ended up with usually-reliable players who just couldn’t cut the mustard this year.

There was Greg Jennings, who suddenly turned into a deep threat receiver and nothing else.

There was Donovan McNabb, who got hurt and forced me to start the abysmal Trent Edwards. Edwards, in turn, was supposed to be much-improved over last year, and with the addition of Terrell Owens, how could he not be?

There was Ward, who immediately got stuck in a timeshare with Cadillac Williams of all people, begging the question as to why the Bucs went out and signed Ward to a big free agent contract if they had no intention of giving him first-string reps all the time.

There was Boss, who was supposed to be Eli Manning’s safety net in the red zone, but instead has been treated like a redheaded stepchild all season long. The fact that he’s redheaded doesn’t help, either.

There was Morgan, an absolute nonfactor in San Francisco’s molasses-like offense. It’s like they play their home games in quicksand or something.

There was Darren McFadden, who sucked and then quit sucking by getting hurt.

There was Felix Jones, who is quickly establishing himself as the most fragile player in the NFL.

There was my keeper at running back, Steve Slaton, who eventually got traded for LeSean McCoy and Terrell Owens, neither of whom have done much for my team in the process.

There was Devin Hester, who one of my fellow league owners once dubbed a “cock-tease,” tantalizing us again this year with his potential, then failing to live up to it on the gridiron.

At any given point in the season there were a handful of replacements.

There was Cadillac Williams, great one week, then horrible the rest.

There was Fred Taylor, who promptly got injured just days after I added him to the roster.

There was Michael Bush, Jamal Lewis, Mike Bell, LenDale White, and even Derrick Ward again, after I dropped him early on. It has become a circus in Compton.

Then yesterday it all came to a head.

At 0-5, I went into my Week 6 matchup expecting a close battle against a less-than-formidable foe. He was projected to put up 89 points. My Honkies were slated for 72. Not bad, considering my season high in points up to that point was 65.

Instead, everything went to hell. I lost by 101 points. I put up a record low (in the history of the entire league, that is) 31 total points. My leading scorer was tight end Greg Olsen, who managed 11 points. My number two was kicker Lawrence Tynes, with 10. Nobody else reached double figures. One player put up zero. My quarterback registered minus six. It was a joke.

In fact, I’d wager that it might be the worst starting lineup in the history of fantasy sports, assembled by someone trying to win, that is. Perhaps even more glaring than that is the fact that ESPN projected me for 72 points, when I managed 41 less than that. How do these guys have jobs?

Here’s the complete starting lineup, enjoy it:

QB – Mark Sanchez, -6 points

RB – Derrick Ward, 0 points

RB/WR – Jamal Lewis, 3 points

WR – Braylon Edwards, 4 points

WR – Nate Burleson, 4 points

TE – Greg Olsen, 11 points

D/ST – New Orleans, 5 points

K – Lawrence Tynes, 10 points

You’re probably asking yourself why I didn’t start different players. Sadly, my bench only registered 14 points, so it’s not like I had options. Here’s what the second-string looked like:

RB – Felix Jones, BYE

WR – Percy Harvin, 1 point

RB – LeSean McCoy, 1 point

WR – Terrell Owens, 1 point

RB – Mike Bell, 9 points

RB – Beanie Wells, 2 points

RB – Darren McFadden, INJ

Take Mike Bell out of the equation, and the bench only musters five points. Just flat-out ugly.

At this point, the only thing I have left to play for is next season. And pride, I suppose. But in a keeper league, you’re better off swallowing your pride and building towards the future, and that’s what I intend to do. Not that I have too many tradeable commodities. But we’ll see what happens.

Frankly, if this wasn’t my team going through this plight, it would probably be comedic. When I checked the box score of my game yesterday afternoon and saw 17 points on the board, I couldn’t help but laugh. It was so miserable it was funny, like Not Another Teen Movie. And I’m okay with being the laughingstock of the league. Someone has to fill that role from time to time, and there’s no reason it shouldn’t be me.

I like to think I’m more knowledgeable than this, but when it comes to fantasy sports, it really is a crapshoot. You win some, you lose some, and at the end of the day you realize it’s just one big made-up game.

Washington Huskies: Questionable Play-Calling Dooms Team In Desert

Alex Akita — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 11:50:43 -0400

With under a minute remaining in a tie ballgame and all three timeouts intact, the Washington Huskies screwed up. Bad.

Given the option to run out the clock and play for overtime, or use the timeouts and go for the win, Washington did neither. Instead, they called consecutive run plays on first and second down, essentially killing the clock in the process; then hurried to the line of scrimmage and went for the home run, launching a deep pass down the sideline to no one in particular.

The clock stopped, leaving the Huskies deep in their own territory on fourth down. They had no other choice. They had to punt.

Arizona State fielded the punt and returned it to midfield. The Sun Devil offense took the field with under 20 seconds left to play, then executed one play that decided the outcome of the game.

ASU's quarterback Danny Sullivan took the snap, dropped back, and launched a 50-yard bomb to receiver Chris McGaha, who had managed to slip unnoticed behind Washington’s defensive secondary. Replays confirm that McGaha had time to stop and tie his shoe, readjust his jock strap, take a short nap, and update his Twitter before making the catch.

Upon hauling in Sullivan’s toss, McGaha strolled into the end zone untouched, sending Sun Devil Stadium (Do they still call it that, even? It might be KY Jelly Stadium these days, for all I know) into a frenzy.

The Devils knocked down the ensuing PAT, then handed the ball back to the Huskies for one play with less than five seconds remaining. Following an unsuccessful Hail Mary attempt, the game was over. Final score: Arizona State 24, Washington 17.

Husky fans were stunned. More than nine hours later, after a night to think about what the hell just happened, we’re still stunned.

No, the outcome of that game should not have come down to the decisions made on one ugly offensive possession. The Huskies had opportunities that they squandered in the previous three-plus quarters, and at the same time continually allowed Arizona State to run off big play after big play.

Really, the Dawgs were lucky to even have the opportunity to win in the fourth quarter. They gave up 464 total yards to an otherwise anemic ASU offense, allowed the Devils to rack up 24 first downs, and most importantly committed 12 penalties for a staggering 124 yards. On one play in the third quarter, successive personal fouls gave Arizona State a 30-yard advantage from the previous spot of the ball.

Not that Arizona State was entirely innocent, however.

The Sun Devils were unable to convert on a number of lucrative scoring opportunities deep in Husky territory, instead settling for field goals, or in some cases field goal attempts that sailed wide.

At the same time, the Devils managed to live up their nickname, recording nine penalties for 99 yards. A sizable handful of those transgressions could be attributed to ASU freshman linebacker Vontaze Burfict, who played the entire first half with the mentality of Liam Neeson’s character from the movie Taken .

Had a puppy been placed at the feet of Burfict halfway through the second quarter, there is no doubt in my mind that he would have booted that poor, defenseless animal as far as a Will Mahan Red Bull-and-adrenaline infused punt.

It was an ugly game. A sloppy game.

One team can be happy they got a win, but neither team can be all that proud with the way 60 minutes of football shook out.

For the Huskies, it now becomes a challenge to rebound from this devastating loss and prove they can win on the road. Ultimately, Washington won’t need to address the road demons for another two weeks, though their home schedule doesn’t make winning any easier in the coming seven days. The Dawgs face the conference-leading Oregon Ducks at Husky Stadium next Saturday.

Until then, there can be no excuses. From top to bottom, coaches to players, the Huskies blew this game. Blessed with the chance to win, they instead wrapped up a victory, put a bow on it, and handed it to the Arizona State Sun Devils.

You’re welcome, ASU.

Photo credit: Matt York, AP

Reliving the 1995 ALDS: Yankees vs. Mariners, Game Five

Alex Akita — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 20:31:17 -0400

It has been exactly 14 years and six days since that fateful evening in October when the Mariners toppled the mighty New York Yankees to advance to the 1995 American League Championship Series.

In honor of the annual playoff atmosphere consuming Major League Baseball this time of year, the MLB Network broadcasted the original footage of the final game of the ‘95 American League Divisional Series between the M’s and Yankees earlier this afternoon. In its entirety, the contest was absolutely spectacular, culminating in Edgar Martinez’s historic double and Ken Griffey Jr.’s franchise-altering slide.

I was able to catch the second half of the game on TV today (originally broadcast on ABC and narrated by veteran play-by-play man Brent Musberger) and noticed a few interesting things that may have been forgotten over time. It’s a trip down memory lane, and if you’re a Mariners fan, you’ll love it. My observations, in bullet point format:

Randy brought us to The Jungle

Even on television, Randy Johnson’s entrance as a relief pitcher was spectacular. I mean really, how was Lou Piniella supposed to deny bringing the guy into the game when the entire crowd was chanting “RANDY! RANDY! RANDY!” with Norm Charlton on the mound? It just wasn’t possible.

When Randy stepped off the bullpen mound and Welcome to the Jungle came blaring down from the Kingdome speakers, you couldn’t help but go nuts. One of the greatest entrances ever, even to this day.

Everyone and their mother knew about Bobby Ayala

“Where,” said Brent Musberger, “is Piniella going to go next?” This was in reference to who Lou Piniella would tap in relief if Randy Johnson had to exit the game. Ultimately, it never came to that, but Musberger—astute broadcaster that he is—knew one reliever that Sweet Lou wouldn’t lean on: “He’s lost confidence in Ayala.”

Donnie Strikeout

57,000-plus people stood and chanted “Donnie Strike-Out!” at Yankee first baseman Don Mattingly in the final at-bat of his career. Naturally, he struck out. Randy Johnson was the culprit.

Where’d all those signs come from?

Office Depots around the Seattle Metro area must have had record business days with all the poster board and magic markers they sold to Mariners fans on their way to the game. Hanging from every conceivable point within the Kingdome was a poster with words of inspiration scrawled in bubble letters across it.

On top of that, there were hundreds, if not thousands of people holding signs in their seats. It looked like something out of a movie, or perhaps the busiest street corner in town during election season. Must have set some kind of record for most signs at a sporting event. Too bad the Guiness Book wasn’t on hand.

Chris Widger’s mullet

It wasn’t nearly as obscene as the Big Unit’s SuperMullet, but worth mentioning nonetheless.

Widger, a 24-year-old rookie catcher who replaced starter Dan Wilson in the late innings, had one of those Florence Henderson-type mullets. You know, where the hair barely starts to flip up in the back.

The kind of mullet that says, “Yeah, I’m here to party for a few minutes, maybe have a drink or two, maybe dance a little bit, but then I gotta go. Gotta wake up early tomorrow morning and get to work.”

By contrast, Randy’s SuperMullet would say, “I’m here to party all night, bitches!!!! Where’s the keg?!?! Where’s the motherf****** keg?!?! Don’t keep me waiting! I’m thirsty!! I’m f****** THIRSTY!!!! LET’S DO THIS!!!!!”

Tony Fernandez was pretty good

We tend to overlook Tony Fernandez’s contribution to baseball in the annals of history. Maybe we shouldn’t. The Yankee shortstop was better than we give him credit for.

Brent Musberger, honorary Seattleite

Eight-and-a-half years after Griffey’s slide, Musberger was on the call when the ‘03-’04 Washington Huskies men’s basketball team upset the undefeated No. 1-ranked Stanford Cardinal at Hec Edmundson Pavilion. Musberger can be a part of our city any day.

Felix Fermin’s mustache

Shortstop Felix Fermin just sat there on the bench with what appeared to be a giant pet caterpillar perched neatly on his upper lip. That ’stache is worth a shout-out even after all these years, in spite of all the other ’staches populating the Kingdome on that day (Don Mattingly, Randy Johnson, Vince Coleman, to name a few).

Darryl Strawberry was good

He had his battles with drugs, but people often forget that Darryl Strawberry used to be one of the best players to ever put on a big-league uniform.

By 1995, he was relegated to bench duty with the Yankees, but he could still hit the ball a long way. This isn’t something you could get from the telecast, but I remember watching batting practice and witnessing Strawberry blast dinger after dinger into the right field upper deck seats at the Dome. That was territory rarely visited by even the most powerful left-handed hitters.

Even the police loved it

Right after Joey Cora led off the bottom of the 11th inning with a bunt single, a camera shot of the Yankees' left field bullpen showed a Seattle police officer cheering right along with the fans. It was one of those days where professionalism could take a back seat to passion.

14 years later, nothing has changed

It’s still impossible to not get goosebumps as soon as you see the close-up camera shot of Jack McDowell during the final at-bat of the game.

Once the lens closes in on McDowell, with the count 0-1 to Edgar, you know what’s coming next. Edgar hits the double, Musberger announces the game is tied, Junior comes barrelling around second and in seemingly no time at all is halfway around third. The camera pans out, Leyritz lines up for the throw, Griffey slides, and all of a sudden absolute chaos takes over.

For me, personally, there is no greater moment in sports.

Rush Limbaugh, American Citizen, Has Every Right To Buy An NFL Team

Alex Akita — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 22:19:11 -0400

If Rush Limbaugh wants to buy a football team, then he should be allowed to buy a football team. Why the hell not, right?

The guy has the funds to do so, he’s not a criminal, and it is within his right as an American citizen to be able to make a legal purchase of property that is, in turn, legally and willingly sold to him.

This whole “Ban Rush” fest is getting ridiculously out of hand. It seems like every single person on the planet wants to keep him from spending his money as he wishes. I don’t even like the guy. But I respect his right to exchange currency for goods and services within the confines of our nation.

Limbaugh is a controversial figure, there’s no getting around that. He has made a living ripping other individuals, essentially turning himself into a target for scrutiny in the process.

He has said some things that cannot ever be atoned for, that have tarnished the image he seemingly cares little about, and that have led to this whirlwind of speculation over his potential ownership of the NFL’s St. Louis Rams.

But why must we, as fellow citizens, hang a “We Reserve The Right To Refuse Service” sign in this man’s face? He hasn’t even walked in the door yet, and we’re already telling him to get out. That doesn’t seem fair or equitable in the least.

Why, when it comes to a man as intolerant as Rush Limbaugh, must we be equally as intolerant in forsaking his right to ownership? If there’s anything Rush has taught us, it’s that we should avoid stooping to his level.

Regardless of your opinion of Rush Limbaugh, the person, there are certain rights that Rush Limbaugh, potential property owner, possesses. It is not up to us to infringe upon those rights, no matter how much we may dislike the person on the other end.

Is Rush Limbaugh good for sports? Nobody really knows for sure. You could ask that question of any prospective owner prior to his or her acquisition of a franchise, but in reality there can be no immediate answer.

All we know is that we don’t like Rush Limbaugh. There are many of us who are offended by him, hurt by him, insulted by him, and put off by his stance on politics. It shouldn’t make a difference.

Rush Limbaugh has a right to buy the St. Louis Rams if he wants to. And who are we to stop him.

In the End, Seattle's Griffey Experiment Worked to Perfection

Alex Akita — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:06:30 -0400

They celebrated like a playoff-bound team, despite the fact that their season had just come to a close. A third-place finish in a four-team division is not often cause for celebration, but for all accounts and purposes this ballclub was a winner.

Before the year began, forecasters pegged the Seattle Mariners for a .500 record or worse. An 81-81 showing would be a 20-game improvement over the year prior, and a positive step in the right direction.

By Sunday afternoon, when the 2009 season ultimately came to its conclusion, the M’s had posted a record of 85-77. They finished eight games over .500 and 24 games better than a miserable 101-loss 2008 campaign.

Following a 4-3 victory over the visiting Texas Rangers—the Mariners’ 35th one-run win of the season—players embraced on the field, saluted an encouraging crowd, then embarked on a victory lap of sorts around the warning track, tossing souvenirs to fans as they marched.

Amidst all the bedlam stood one George Kenneth Griffey, Jr., 39 years of age and barely one hour removed from his final at-bat of 2009. An at-bat that resulted in a no-doubt-about-it line drive single up the middle, no less.

In perhaps his last plate appearance as a big league baseball player—let alone a Mariner—Griffey responded to a crowd that had greeted each emergence of their hero with a standing ovation. He politely doffed his helmet on more than one occasion, attempted to remain focused on the task at hand, and at the last possible moment delivered what the enthusiastic faithful had waited all day to see: a base hit.

Seconds later, the future Hall of Famer was lifted for a pinch runner—22-year-old outfielder Michael Saunders was the guilty party—and could hold back his emotions no longer.

Entering a dugout full of teammates that had been molded and shaped by Griffey’s attitude all season long, the designated hitter let tears fall for the first time that afternoon. He gave one last curtain call to the desiring crowd, then quickly departed down the tunnel to the team’s locker room.

An inning later, Griffey reemerged as his teammates took to the field following the final out of the ballgame. Closer David Aardsma ensured the team’s 85th triumph with his 38th save, and the postgame handshake turned into an outpouring of emotion rarely displayed by a third-place finisher.

As teammates hugged and paraded around Safeco Field, their senior member spent time wiping his face and hiding behind a pair of dark sunglasses that only partially masked what he was really feeling. Before the party ended, Junior was on their shoulders and being lifted off the field, an exit to rival even the greatest of departures.

The Mariners brought Ken Griffey, Jr. back not to sell tickets, not as a publicity stunt, and not to be some beacon of inspiration for the players to feed off of. They plainly and simply brought him here to win.

At this point, there’s no telling whether Junior will ever be spotted in a Mariners uniform again. Let’s face it, the spikes themselves are this close to being hung up for good.

But whether he stays or goes or returns or retires, the fact remains that this city’s Golden Son did exactly what he was signed on to do: win baseball games.

From 101 losses a year ago to a winning season and a foundation for the future just 12 months later. It was an experiment that worked to perfection. And we owe much of it to Ken Griffey, Jr.

Chip Kelly Unveils Waffle Soul To Rival Nike

Alex Akita — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 20:48:37 -0400

Chip Kelly is weak.

First he drops the hammer on his star running back, suspending the volatile LeGarrette Blount for the remainder of the college football season.

Then, barely one month later, the head coach of the Oregon Ducks backtracks on his honorable defense of good character by stating that Blount could be back playing by November 7, enough time to get in four regular season games.

What happened to your balls, Chip?

Kelly’s immediate reaction to Blount’s attack on Boise State defensive lineman Byron Hout, however severe, was one made with conviction and a seemingly rational digestion of the events that took place during the season’s first week.

Blount, a senior running back, threw a punch at Hout during the postgame handshake after the Ducks’ loss to the Broncos on September 3. The punch landed directly on Hout’s jaw, and a small skirmish ensued, forcing Oregon players to physically remove Blount from the field of play.

Blount, who refused to easily make his way to the team locker room, attempted to climb into the stands and confront opposing fans after his on-field display of machismo.

Though many onlookers felt that Kelly’s season-long banishment of Blount was too harsh a punishment, sports fans and media members alike could agree that the first-year head coach ultimately made the right move.

Now, however, Kelly’s wishy-washy attitude has diminished all the respect he once gained.

Memo to Chip Kelly: Once you give your say on a matter, it’s best to stick to your guns.

If LeGarrette Blount takes the field for the University of Oregon for even one more play this season, it will send the wrong message to all parties involved with the situation.

Blount will be blessed with an unwarranted second chance, his teammates will realize that anything goes, and Chip Kelly will have undermined his very own authority.

Oregon’s parent company may have patented the waffle sole, but Chip Kelly is reinventing a waffle soul of his own kind.

Top 10 Signs Your Fantasy Football Team Sucks

Alex Akita — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 12:35:26 -0400

In this era of fantasy athletics, there are always going to be fantasy winners and fantasy losers. You strive to be a winner, but more often than not you lose. And you don’t know why. Lucky for you, we’ve got your answers. From sleepers to sure-things, we all make mistakes. The first step towards success is admitting we’ve made mistakes, correcting those mistakes, and moving forward from those mistakes. Nobody is perfect and we all have our flaws. Together, we can overcome just about anything. Even Tarvaris Jackson. On to the list…

Begin Slideshow

Seattle Seahawks Sign Ex-University of Washington RB Louis Rankin

Alex Akita — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 11:07:25 -0400

The Seattle Seahawks have signed former University of Washington running back Louis Rankin to their practice squad, according to the team’s website.

Rankin, who rushed for over 1,000 yards during his senior year at UW in 2007, has spent the past two seasons with the Oakland Raiders.

The 6′1″, 205-pound tailback was on Oakland’s active roster for two games this season, acting as the team’s kick returner early on.

Rankin was released prior to last Sunday’s game against the Denver Broncos. There was some speculation that the Raiders were attempting to sign Rankin to their own practice squad, were he able to sneak through waivers.

Instead, it was the Seahawks who made a move, and now Rankin appears destined to at least put some heat on second-year tailback Justin Forsett in practice.

Forsett has been largely ineffective as the third-string tailback this season. His stint as kick and punt returner has been modest, but far from impressive.

To make room for Rankin on the practice squad, the Hawks cut running back Devin Moore and linebacker Thomas Williams. With Rankin’s addition, there is still currently one open slot on the practice roster.

Mariners Broadcaster Mike Blowers Makes Greatest MLB Prediction of All Time

Alex Akita — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:44:11 -0400

At one time or another, we’ve all made some outlandish predictions in life. If you’re a baseball fan, chances are you may have made a few more crazy prognostications than the average human being.

Trying to forecast an at-bat or a certain play can keep a slow baseball game going. So-and-so is going to hit into a double play; John Doe is going to strike out; Joe Blow will pop this one up. Stuff like that.

I’m just going to go out on a limb here and say that no one—and I mean NO ONE—has ever correctly made a baseball prediction as insane as the one Mariners color commentator Mike Blowers made on Sunday afternoon.

Blowers, the team’s former third baseman, was participating in a pregame segment called “Picks to Click” when he was asked which Mariners player would end up having a big day.

Blowers went with M’s infielder Matt Tuiasosopo, then went so far as to predict Tui’s first big league home run, the count that the home run would be hit on (3-1), the pitcher that the home run would be hit off of (Blue Jays starter Brian Tallet), the at-bat that the home run would be hit in (second), the pitch that the home run would come off of (fastball), and the location of the home run (left-center field).

Everything came true, exactly as projected by Blowers.

All of which leads me to believe that Blowers is some sort of witch, warlock, wizard, mind freak, whatever you want to call it. This is truly unbelievable.

Click here to listen to Blowers’ prediction, and the play-by-play of Tuiasosopo’s home run.

Gutsy Performances Lift UW Football Back to Relevance

Alex Akita — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 01:00:46 -0400

Pressed to find a single, solitary word to describe the University of Washington football team and their monumental upset over conference rival USC, one would have to give considerable thought to “gutsy.”

Gutsy (adj., slang): marked by courage, daring, or determination in the face of difficulties or danger; brave; spirited; bold.

Gutsy, as in quarterback Jake Locker’s 21-35, 237-yard passing performance, capped off by a legendary fourth quarter march down the field to set up a game-winning field goal. Locker, a junior and arguably one of the best quarterbacks in the nation, rushed four yards for Washington’s only touchdown in the game, late in the first quarter.

Gutsy, as in tailback Chris Polk and his ability to drag, two, three, four, five, even six Trojan defenders on his back as he fought for all 71 of his rushing yards on 25 hard-nosed carries. The redshirt freshman, a highly-regarded recruit who spurned USC and their crop of backs to be a featured player on Washington’s roster, also hauled in three of Locker’s passes for 22 receiving yards.

Gutsy, as in sophomore wide receiver Jermaine Kearse. The Lakes High School (Lakewood, Wash.) product totaled 70 yards on three receptions, none bigger than his final two catches which came on consecutive third downs on Washington’s final drive. Though he essentially occupies the No. 5 wideout role on the roster, Kearse performed like a starter when called upon late in Saturday’s contest.

Gutsy, in the form of senior linebacker Donald Butler, winner of the Walter Camp Defensive Player of the Week award after recording 12 tackles and creating two turnovers. A three-year starter, Butler forced a fumble and hauled in an interception of an Aaron Corp pass during a pivotal third quarter.

And perhaps redefining gutsy was Eric Folk. Prior to Saturday, the sophomore placekicker was perhaps best known as the younger brother of Dallas Cowboys kicker Nick Folk. By Sunday, however, the entire nation was introduced to Eric.

Folk, a native of Woodlawn Hills, Calif., notched 10 of Washington’s 16 points, including a 28-yard boot, a 46-yard moonshot, and most notably the winning field goal with three seconds remaining in the fourth quarter. A 22-yard attempt under the most intense circumstances, Folk nailed the kick with plenty of room to spare, sending Husky Stadium into an unbridled frenzy in the final moments of the ballgame.

For 60 minutes on Saturday afternoon, a number of heroic individual performances led the Huskies to a monumental victory over a superbly-talented opponent in USC.

As a school, the University of Washington regained a great deal of relevance that had gone missing for most of the past decade.

As a program, the two-time national champion Husky football team earned respect in the form of the No. 24 spot in the latest Associated Press Top 25 poll, as well as an improbable 1-0 start to Pac-10 conference play.

A huge leap forward for a gutsy ballclub that played spirited football less than ten months removed from an 0-12 2008 season. The next step for the Dawgs? Prominence.

The Top 11 Fantasy Football Players We Love To Hate

Alex Akita — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 13:28:26 -0400

Every year around this time, millions of Americans kick off fantasy football season. After months of scouting, drafting, adding, and dropping, all the blood, sweat, tears, and hand cramps that go along with preparing for a new year of fake football become absolutely worthwhile. Amidst all the pomp and circumstance of the moment is a group of real-life football players that are seemingly brought to this earth to torment the fictional locker rooms of our made-up ballclubs. They may be superstars who absolutely murder the opposition, big-name Pro Bowl-types who can’t get it done on paper, or the projected fantasy studs that can’t step their game up. No matter who they are, we all can agree that they are deserving of our hatred. Which is why we’ve narrowed the group down and present for your enjoyment a list of the Top 11 Fantasy Football Players We Love To Hate. *Editor's Note: This list only includes active NFL players. So sorry, Shaun Alexander, but you don’t qualify.

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The Brutally Honest NFL Preview: AFC East

Alex Akita — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:36:19 -0400

The fourth installment of our 2009 NFL Preview. Teams are ranked by projected finish.

1. New York Jets

You’re on crack, you’re on dope, you’re on LSD, you’re high, you’re intoxicated, you’re a homer (I’m not from New York), you’re insane, you’re gay.

Fact is I’m none of these things, but chances are you’re thinking it about me right now because a) this is New England’s division, b) the Dolphins are expected to be as good or better than the Jets, and c) major publications like Sports Illustrated have picked New York to finish no better than third in the AFC East. Lucky for me, I have no credibility and hence nothing to lose in making this prognostication. Allow me to explain.

First, why not the Pats or Fins?

Both New England and Miami play two of the toughest schedules in the NFL. So do the Jets, in a sense, but not near to the degree of toughness as that of the Patriots or Dolphins.

In addition, New England is heavily banking on big performances from a number of question mark players.

Their starting cornerbacks are the ancient Shawn Springs and the underwhelming Leigh Bodden.

Their third wideout is a throwback to another era in the form of Joey Galloway. Hopefully they let him bring his Rascal scooter onto the playing field.

Their starting defensive end, Richard Seymour, is now a member of the Oakland Raiders…kind of.

And no one knows how healthy their quarterback—some guy named Brady—really is.

All of which eliminates the Patriots, in my opinion, from winning this division.

With Miami, the element of surprise is gone.

Teams will prepare for the Dolphins by studying the Wildcat and anticipating Miami’s tricks. This alone should cost them a couple winnable games in the division.

None of which tells you much about the J-E-T-S.

Sure, they have a rookie QB, and yeah, none of their guys are considered fantasy studs (the telltale sign of a “good” ball club these days). But they also have a revamped defense that is led by first-year head coach Rex Ryan.

Add to that a tremendous offensive line that should allow first-year QB Mark Sanchez time to find his reads. Dustin Keller is an above-average tight end, and wideouts Jerricho Cotchery and Chansi Stuckey are better than their numbers hint at.

Finally, the Jets have depth on offense.

Behind starting tailback Thomas Jones (who has posted better numbers than you think in recent years) is running back Leon Washington and rookie Shonn Greene, two ball carriers that could see significant action this season. There’s depth at quarterback, as well, in Kellen Clemens, who could start for a number of NFL teams.

Until the season starts, none of this means anything. But we like the Jets. And so should you.

2. New England Patriots

Every year they seem to defy the clock and win, despite their age. In fact, with each new calendar it appears that this ball club gets better and better, regardless of which players are on the field. It’s a trend that’s been continuing for most of this decade, and one that will likely end this year.

Where to begin. Let’s start with the good.

The Patriots boast a solid offense and a solid defense, and have at their disposal one of the greatest quarterbacks of our generation. No denying that.

In addition, they have a plethora of veteran savvy on both sides of the ball and a winner’s mentality that cannot be discounted.

They have tailbacks for days (ageless Fred Taylor is the starter, to be relieved early and often by the likes of Kevin Faulk, Laurence Maroney, and Sammy Morris), a reliable kicker (Stephen Gostkowski), two of the best wideouts in the business (Randy Moss and Wes Welker, who in and of himself has created his own “type”), and a battle-tested offensive line.

But at the same time, something is missing from this year’s edition of the Pats.

Perhaps it’s linebackers Mike Vrabel and Tedy Bruschi, two of the wisened vets from New England’s championship days that finally succumbed to their expiration dates. The defensive stalwarts have been replaced by two former undrafted free agents in Pierre Woods and Gary Guyton.

Or maybe it’s in the secondary, where New England was never spectacular to begin with, but is now counting on one cornerback past his prime (Shawn Springs) and another who is just okay (Leigh Bodden).

It could be the departure of defensive end Richard Seymour, who was dealt to Oakland less than a week ago. New England shrewdly obtained a first-round draft choice in exchange for Seymour, but unfortunately that solves no problems in 2009.

We could be like everybody else and pick the Pats to win this division just for the hell of it, but we’re not going to do that. The 2009 New England Patriots are good, but are they good enough? Not this time.

3. Miami Dolphins

Last year they outwitted opponents with the Wildcat offense. This year, they’ll have to take deception to a whole new level to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes.

Opposing teams are going to be scheming and game-planning and re-scheming and re-game-planning simply to stop Miami’s Wildcat designs. As it stands, the Dolphins might be better off abandoning the Wildcat altogether this year. Now that would be a shock.

Whether they go gimmicky or gravy, Miami simply doesn’t have the horses to pull the cart across the finish line in first place.

Quarterback Chad Pennington is an efficient manager of the offense, but lacks the arm strength to capably utilize his primary weapon in WR Ted Ginn Jr. Ginn is short, speedy, and could be one of the better deep threats in the league if, say, backup QB Chad Henne was doing the throwing.

Instead, the lackluster Pennington is forced to dump off short throws to the likes of TE Anthony Fasano, or less-flashy (i.e. slower) wideouts Greg Camarillo or Davone Bess.

Even tailbacks Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams are on the receiving end of their share of Pennington’s throws, and while both ball carriers are decent runners, neither are as effective away from the deceptive nature of the Wildcat.

The Fish do possess a powerful, veteran-laden defense that should help keep them in some games, but they also have the toughest schedule statistically in the NFL.

It seems that with this ballclub every positive has a counterproductive negative, and that should be just enough to keep Miami from the upper half of this division.

4. Buffalo Bills

The T.O. Show is broadcasting 24-7 in Buffalo these days, but one receiver, no matter how flashy, can’t make all the difference.

Even with Terrell Owens in uniform, the Bills are still lacking in certain facets of their game. Most notably, they struggle on both sides of the line, offense and defense. Everyone knows that big games are won in the trenches, but unfortunately for Buffalo, there aren’t that many big-game linemen wearing the red-and-blue.

If Buffalo is going to contend, it will be thanks in large part to their offensive skill players.

QB Trent Edwards is one of the headiest players in the NFL (going to school at Stanford will do that for you), and should be able to effectively manage ballgames with two top-tier wideouts to throw the ball to. In addition to Owens and Lee Evans (a 1,000-yard receiver in 2008), Buffalo’s third pass-catcher, WR Josh Reed, isn’t half bad himself.

In the backfield, Buffalo has one of the ugliest tailbacks to ever play the game in Marshawn Lynch. Lynch should be able to thwart opponents just by looking them in the eye (it’s the equivalent of watching that girl from The Ring destroy your soul at first glance), but on top of that he’s a decent rusher, as well.

Buffalo will be without Lynch for the first four games of the season as he serves a suspension for violating the NFL’s policy on personal ugliness. I jest.

In reality, Lynch is out for getting into off-the-field trouble, which paves the way for backup Fred Jackson, a powerfully built runner (Jackson stands 6′1″, and weighs in at 215 lbs) in the mold of Lynch who should fill in capably to start the season.

In any other division, the Bills could easily contend for first or second place with the talent they now have. But this is the AFC East, the toughest grouping of four teams in football, and for Buffalo, that equates to a year in the cellar.

The Brutally Honest NFL Preview: AFC South

Alex Akita — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 10:39:43 -0400

Part three in our 2009 NFL preview. Teams are ranked by projected finish.

1. Indianapolis Colts

On paper, Peyton’s boys should run away from the rest of the division. In reality, the race for first will likely be a three-team battle that includes Houston and Tennessee, as well.

The Colts have the edge in experience and talent. Their offense is tops in the AFC South, even in spite of the departure of WR Marvin Harrison.

Harrison is replaced in the starting lineup by third-year pro Anthony Gonzalez, a sure-handed threat that should see a significant uptick in production this season.

Alongside Gonzalez is the ever-reliable Reggie Wayne, who is quite simply one of the best in the business.

Indianapolis should benefit from a younger, healthier running back corps led by Joseph Addai. Addai is coming off a subpar 2008 campaign in which his numbers suffered due to injury.

Despite the fact that the organization brought in rookie Donald Brown to hold down the No. 2 tailback role, this is Addai’s job to lose.

No, Indy’s defense isn’t what it used to be, but Dwight Freeney is still a pass-rushing game-changer that will affect every play, and with an offense as potent as the Colts have, winning games should be second-nature to the boys in blue.

2. Houston Texans

The Texans are poised for a breakout season, but they’ll need their franchise quarterback to stay healthy all year in order to contend for a playoff berth.

QB Matt Schaub missed five games last season to injury and witnessed his team go 2-3 during his absence. He still managed to throw for over 3,000 yards in his 11-game season, but his departure only served to prove his importance to this ballclub.

In addition to Schaub, Houston has great talent at every offensive skill position, including wideout (Andre Johnson and Kevin Walter), running back (Steve Slaton), and tight end (Owen Daniels).

On the other side of the ball, it is defensive end and former No. 1 overall pick Mario Williams that changes games for this Texan team.

Like Indianapolis before them, it is offense that will make the difference for this club.

3. Tennessee Titans

Team 1C in the South, Tennessee is, on paper at least, the third-best club in this division.

Unlike the rest of their divisional counterparts, the Titans win games thanks to a powerful defense and a grind-it-out running game.

They say defense wins championships, but in order to compete in this league, you need some semblance of offense, as well.

While the Titans were able to surprise a lot of teams last year with QB Kerry Collins under center, they’ll be hard-pressed to sneak up on opponents this season.

The one-two punch of speedback Chris Johnson and powerback LenDale White will be the focus of opposing gameplans, forcing the Titans to throw the ball more and stray from their bread and butter.

With an unproven receiving corps (the starters at WR are Nate Washington and Justin Gage) and an aging QB, an enormous amount of pressure will be put on the defense to carry the load for this team.

Can they repeat the magic of 2008? Maybe, but we don’t think so.

4. Jacksonville Jaguars

Just one year ago, Jacksonville was everyone’s sexy pick to go to the Super Bowl. Uh…what?!

A year later, the Jags are a forgotten ballclub after going 5-11 in 2008. I guess that’s what crack cocaine will do to a club.

Not that it’s entirely crack’s fault, but the drug has seemingly vanquished the entire receiving corps (beginning and ending with Matt Jones, though former first-rounder Reggie Williams has also been linked), leaving behind a shell of the talent that used to exist at wideout.

This year, the top three wideouts are completely overhauled from 2008. Veteran Torry Holt is the only guaranteed starter, while former Minnesota Viking Troy Williamson as well as third-year pro Mike Sims-Walker should both receive playing time on the opposite side.

In the Jaguars’ backfield, Maurice Jones-Drew will, for the first time in his career, assume the role of feature back with Fred Taylor’s departure. That’s great news if you’re a fantasy owner, but bad news if you’re the Jaguars.

Allowing Jones-Drew the luxury of sitting plays out was a tremendous boon to the team’s offense in past seasons and the added load could have a negative effect on MJD’s production late in the season.

Jacksonville’s defense is middle-of-the-road and on top of all that, the ballclub plays a tough schedule, going on the road for five games against playoff contending opponents.

In just one year, the atmosphere in Jacksonville has completely changed. Will it work out for the best? Not this season.

Steve Sarkisian, Washington Coaching Staff Make Husky Football Likable Again

Alex Akita — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 15:37:42 -0400

From head coach Steve Sarkisian to volunteer assistant Marques Tuiasosopo, it’s hard not to like the coaching staff of the University of Washington football team.

A group of passionate, excited young teachers that, in many cases, look like they could still take the field themselves are the men in charge of guiding the current roster of Husky players.

Not one year ago, it was an entirely different group that patrolled the Washington sideline on gameday.

Led by Tyrone Willingham, the 2008 Husky coaching staff was older, more reserved, and lacking the spark that fades with age and losing. The dispassion exuded by those coaches spawned an atmosphere of gloom and doom on Montlake that seemingly could not be lifted.

But less than 365 days later, the clouds have parted and sunshine is breaking through on the shores of Lake Washington once again. The new regime that runs, jumps, and chest bumps along the north end of Husky Stadium has done the near-unthinkable, transforming all the negative energy to positive in less than a calendar year.

Last Saturday, the change in attitude was evident even before kickoff.

Fans who found their seats early were greeted by a video board message introducing every one of Coach Sarkisian’s assistants personally. Members of the fun-loving staff even went the extra mile by adding goofy quips to the end of their basic info.

The preparation and attention to detail by that very same staff became evident in the ensuing minutes and hours that followed.

From the organization of player warmups, to a smoke machine (a transplant from USC, no doubt) that blasted as players ran onto the field, to the infusion of upbeat music during timeouts, to the arm-waving conducting of the fanbase, to the incorporation of inspiring messages and words of excitement on the video board as the game transpired, the coaches had every base covered on their way to hitting a home run on day one.

In a fragment of a single day, the new coaching staff was able to engage the fanbase, recruit prospective student-athletes, and manage a ball game all at the same time. The old coaching staff was barely able to do just one of those things.

Only a victory on the scoreboard could have made these coaching achievements any better, yet there’s no doubting that wins will come with time.

A year ago at this precise moment, we were lamenting an 0-2 start to the season that brought us losses against Oregon and BYU.

These days, Husky fans are preparing to celebrate their first victory in nearly two years.

From A (atmosphere and attitude) to Z (zeal and zest), the UW football program is looking better than it has in years. In the words of defensive coordinator Nick Holt, "That’s just awesome."

The Brutally Honest NFL Preview: AFC North

Alex Akita — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 10:31:02 -0400

Our preview of the 2009 NFL season continues with the AFC North. Teams are ranked by projected finish.

1. Pittsburgh Steelers

Their offensive line is nearly as protective as Travis Henry’s condoms, but that won’t slow down the Steel Town juggernaut.

Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is used to making quick, short passes under pressure and he can expect more of the same in ‘09. Per usual, wideout Hines Ward will benefit most from this arrangement.

Joining Big Ben in the Steelers’ backfield is the two-headed tailback monster of Willie Parker and Rashard Mendenhall. Both backs were injured in 2008, and are looking to rebound on disappointing seasons.

If the line can hold at all, this offense has a chance to make noise.

Not that it matters all that much with a defense as strong as Pittsburgh’s. Opponents can expect a heavy dose of the Steel Curtain’s hard-nosed attack, and that should be enough to lead the black-and-gold to the top of the division once again.

2. Cincinnati Bengals

This is a big IF, but IF Carson Palmer can stay healthy, then the Bengals should be able to overtake Baltimore as the No. 2 team in the division in 2009.

The Cincinnati quarterback has been injured in each of the past two seasons, and his time away has severely hurt the organization. Expect that to change as Palmer returns to strength and benefits from a new weapon in the form of veteran receiver Laveranues Coles.

Alongside Coles is a man who, when he isn’t kicking field goals, is known as one of the better wideouts in football. That would be Chad (aka Esteban) Ochocinco. The enigmatic receiver may have lost a step in recent years, but along with Palmer’s return, Johnson should regain his form as well.

Tailback Cedric Benson will be asked to carry a bigger load than he’s ever had to in his NFL career, but the former Chicago Bear should be up to the task after finishing strong in 2008.

There’s no doubt that the Bengals’ D is a little shaky, but in a division of less-than-potent offenses, it shouldn’t matter a whole lot.

Add in wild cards in the form of WR Chris Henry and DT Tank Johnson, and Cincinnati becomes one of the most intriguing teams of 2009. Will that translate into wins? We’ll have to wait and see.

3. Baltimore Ravens

What’s the difference between second place and third place in a division like the AFC North?

For one, it’s age.

The Ravens are older now, and 2009 will finally be the year that wisdom melds into senility.

The defense is solid, as usual, but the team’s best defenders—Ray Lewis and Ed Reed, for two—aren’t getting any younger. Expect the aches and pains of middle age to creep up on the Crows over the course of this season.

On the offensive side of the ball, the team has been relying on smoke and mirrors—in the forms of Derrick “Smoke” Mason, and Mark “Mirrors” Clayton—in the receiving corps for a number of years now.

The retired-then-unretired Mason is at the end of his line and Clayton would be a third or fourth receiver in a decent passing game.

It’s quite possible that second-year quarterback Joe Flacco might actually regress with wideouts that have added milliseconds to their 40 times in the past 365 days.

That said, the Ravens should finally have some answers in the running game thanks in large part to Ray Rice and Le'Ron McClain.

McClain, who paced the club with 11 rushing TDs in 2008, returns to his natural fullback position after a year in the tailback role.

Rice, a second-year player out of Rutgers, should assume reps as the No. 1 tailback, sending Willis McGahee down the pecking order a rung. McGahee should still be in line for goal-line carries, assuming he can remain in good health.

Though many see Baltimore as the second-best team in the AFC North, we envision a scenario in which Father Time drops the Blackbirds to No. 3 in the division. Sorry, Ravens fans.

4. Cleveland Browns

Brown is the color of poo, which is exactly what the Cleveland Browns most resemble in the AFC North.

Not that there isn’t any talent in Cleveland.

Receiver Braylon Edwards has the ability to be one of the best pass-catchers in the league. When he isn’t dropping passes, that is. In 2008, Edwards was plagued by a bad case of butterfingers and he’ll do his best to recover in ‘09.

Even if Edwards gets sticky hands this season, there’s no guaranteeing that anyone will be able to give him the ball.

The Browns are currently stuck deciding between quarterbacks Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson, a never-ending dispute that will seemingly result in the lesser of two evils being named starter.

Both have had their chances to claim the job in recent years, and neither has exactly wowed onlookers by seizing the opportunity.

In the backfield, Jamal Lewis is a bull who happens to be on his last legs. His backups include scatback Jerome Harrison and rookie James Davis, both of whom should see duty on a semi-regular basis.

The rest of the starters are a patchwork crew, and the prognosis in Cleveland isn’t good for the time being. Give this club a few more years before contention in the North becomes a reality.

The Brutally Honest NFL Preview: AFC West

Alex Akita — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 17:07:28 -0400

To kick off our 2009 NFL season preview, we bring you a breakdown of the AFC Western Division. Teams are ranked by their projected finish.

1. San Diego Chargers

So what if the lights are going out on Shawne “Tequila” Merriman’s career?

Fact is, the AFC West is so bad that the Chargers should be able to pencil themselves in for a division title in each of the next three years or so.

Their window is closing thanks to a number of aging stars, but their depth is fantastic and they have weapons at every skill position.

Tailback LaDainian Tomlinson can still run the ball, backup Darren Sproles is a capable super-sub, and quarterback Phillip Rivers looks like a young Dick Vermeil but plays like a young Joe Montana.

Merriman might be an annual distraction for this club, but he’s little more than a bump in the road on the way to the playoffs.

2. Kansas City Chiefs

Outside of San Diego, the rest of this division is a total crapshoot. Oakland and Denver are flat-out bad, which leaves the door wide open for an up-and-coming Kansas City club.

The Chiefs will rely on a number of fringe big-name players to carry their team. It starts and ends for this club in the backfield, where QB Matt Cassel and RB Larry Johnson will be counted on to produce big numbers in spite of question marks surrounding both.

Save for last season, Cassel is an unproven commodity with absolutely no track record in this league.

Johnson, on the other hand, has a checkered past and will be pushed for PT by backup Jamaal Charles.

Newcomer Bobby Engram should play a big part as the slot receiver, assuming the role of safety net with TE Tony Gonzalez’s departure.

First-year head coach Todd Haley—the offensive coordinator with Arizona in 2008—will look to move the ball through the air early and often in KC.

Expect a lot of offense and little D from this team that looks to improve on a 2-14 2008 season.

3. Oakland Raiders

Assuming they manage to finish the season ranked somewhere better than last place in this division, the Raiders might very well be the all-time worst non-last place finisher in NFL history.

Outside of RB Darren McFadden and CB Nnamdi Asomugha, everyone on this team looks bad, including the sparring coaching staff and the walking death in the front office.

There is little talent on either side of the ball, and naming a receiver from the current roster would pose a task to even the biggest football buff (for the record, Chaz Schilens, Johnny Lee Higgins, and Javon Walker are all considered starters).

Quarterback JaMarcus Russell is in a make-or-break year, and veteran backup Jeff Garcia is a vulture circling, ready to take Russell’s job at a moment’s notice.

Even with Justin Fargas and Mike Bush in the running back rotation, this is without question McFadden’s team. The former Arkansas Razorback was the lone bright spot in a miserable preseason for the Raiders, but even he might have a tough time running behind a shaky O-line.

Look for the silver-and-black to challenge Denver for the cellar, but come out on top as the lesser of two evils in 2009.

4. Denver Broncos

This year’s edition of the Broncos is like a midday soap opera on UPN. There’s drama and turmoil, but the fact is nobody cares.

New coach Josh McDaniels has rubbed everyone the wrong way since coming over from the Patriots organization. He ended up necessitating a trade of QB Jay Cutler, distancing troubled wideout Brandon Marshall, and angering some fans in the process.

Now the rookie head coach will be hard-pressed to win ballgames with a patchwork crew of youngsters and wishy-washy vets.

Tailback Knowshon Moreno, a first-round pick out of Georgia, is the most promising Bronco on the roster. He should get the first opportunity to start in the Denver backfield, but will be spotted with frequency by backup Correll Buckhalter, among others.

Quarterback Kyle Orton lacks the arm strength to incorporate fleet-footed WR Eddie Royal on deep routes. Expect the two to find success when Royal is in the slot and Orton is utilizing a quick release.

On defense, the Broncos should have confidence in veterans Champ Bailey and Brian Dawkins, both of whom will be patrolling the secondary. Opponents might not have any trouble running on this team, but completing passes could be a whole different matter.

If the Broncos end up being as bad as we think they’ll be, they won’t end up benefiting from their failures in the near future. That’s because they traded their 2010 first-round pick to Seattle during the ‘09 Draft. Expect Seahawk fans to be rooting against the orange and blue all season long.

When Oregon and Boise State Get Together, Hilarity Ensues

Alex Akita — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 01:52:10 -0400

The first big game of the 2009 college football season, featuring the visiting Oregon Ducks taking on the hometown Boise State Broncos, is now complete.

In case you missed it, we're here to relive a few of the hilarious moments and quotes that occurred during this not-so-instant classic. Enjoy.

—"In the WAC, we strive to be champions."—From an in-game advertisement for the WAC, home conference of Boise State and the Pips. Keep striving.

—The Boise State return man stiff-arming an Oregon defender to the ground with authority.

—A Boise State defensive back wagging his finger Dikembe Mutombo style at an Oregon receiver.

—"Who would have thought that the Oregon offense would be SO inept?"—Courtesy of ESPN's third-string broadcast crew.

—Studio host Rece Davis labeling the "O" on Oregon's helmet as a scorekeeping device for their fans during halftime.

—Studio analyst and former Notre Dame coach Lou Holtz talking/spitting.

—Studio analyst Mark May's trendy white-guy glasses.

—"Oregon's vaunted offense has been incompetent so far."—The broadcast crew getting another shot in after halftime.

—The fat, sad-looking kid wearing an old-school Oregon jersey and a yellow headband, shown during the third quarter.

—Oregon running back LeGarrette Blount's -1.2 YPC average in the third quarter.

—Oregon head coach Chip Kelly's visor. Dear Chip, it's not 1999, and you're not a pro golfer.

—Oregon's first first-down coming with 7:07 remaining in the third quarter.

—The crowd shots of Oregon fans after quarterback Jeremiah Masoli throws an interception.

—Broadcast crew calling the Oregon offense "impotent" in the fourth quarter.

—Boise State fans chanting "Over-Rated" at the Oregon team ranked lower than them in the polls.

—LeGarrette Blount punching a Boise State player in the face during the postgame handshake.

—LeGarrette Blount attempting to fight the entire Boise State fan base on his way to the locker room.

—LeGarrette Blount being restrained by four people, including assistant coach and former Nebraska quarterback Scott Frost.

—Scott Frost getting mentioned on national television for the first time in more than a decade.

—The slow-motion replay of Blount's punch on SportsCenter.

All in all a fun evening. Especially if, like me, you happen to be a fan of the University of Washington, rival to Oregon and Boise State. After that ugly display of class, the only real winner here is you, the viewer.

Top 11: Best Intro Songs in Seattle Mariners History

Alex Akita — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:38:50 -0400

*The full context of this article, with pictures and video, can be found here.

The Mariners may not have won their first World Series yet, but they have had some important impacts on the game of baseball.

Perhaps their greatest contribution may be the advent of the intro song, a musical selection played in honor of each individual player's appearance (most often affiliated with at-bats).

The M’s were one of the first franchises to regularly play music before each hitter’s at-bat. That unique aspect of the game quickly spread to other teams and other positions. These days, even pitchers have their own intro music, and it is considered a rarity to take the field without a tune.

The Mariners' promotional staff has been behind a number of great musical selections since 1993, when they first began playing intro songs. Using our way-back machine to relive the glory days, we’ve come up with a list of 11 of the best intro songs in team history, complete with music videos. Enjoy.

11. Welcome to the Jungle

Artist: Guns N’ Roses

Player: Randy Johnson

Year: 1995

A divine intersection of music, incidence, and individual, Johnson emerged from the left field bullpen of the Kingdome to the sound of this tune for, as they say in the concert business, ONE NIGHT ONLY!

The scene was set perfectly: ninth inning, Game Five, American League Divisional Series.

Taking on the New York Yankees, the M’s were looking to extend a magical playoff run that had embodied the final month of the 1995 season.

Locked in a close contest and facing no tomorrow with a loss, manager Lou Piniella called upon his ace to take the hill in relief. The moment, along with the audio selection, was nothing if not serendipitous.

Johnson stalked menacingly towards the mound as a crowd of more than 50,000 rose to its feet and lost its collective mind. The noise that greeted the Big Unit’s warm-up tosses could rival that of any real, live Guns N’ Roses concert.

That solitary place in time wasn’t validated until the bottom of the 11th inning, when Edgar Martinez and Ken Griffey Jr. brought home a victory on a double and a slide.

But it was Johnson who was credited with the win, and for providing us a memory of man and melody that still blisters our eardrums 14 years later.

10. Thriller

Artist: Michael Jackson

Player: Ichiro Suzuki

Years: 2001-Present

The Mariners’ right fielder has been passionate about his song selections during his eight-year tenure with the ballclub. One of his earliest selections was arguably the greatest pop hit ever recorded.

Leading off games for the M’s during his first few years in Seattle, Ichiro would bend and flex his way to the batter’s box to the tune of Michael Jackson’s iconic "Thriller."

The pairing of one legend with another was befitting of the superstar that Ichiro had become. On top of that, it didn’t hurt that almost every fan in attendance could recognize and appreciate the song that Ichiro was announced to.

These days, "Thriller" has been put on the back burner for Ichiro’s at-bats. But being the eclectic guy he is, you just never know when No. 51 might break out the world’s No. 1 pop single one more time.

9. Thunderstruck

Artist: AC/DC

Player: J.J. Putz

Years: 2007-2008

Serving as the team’s closer for two full seasons, Putz was in need of an intimidating song suited for a late-inning relief specialist. Enter "Thunderstruck."

The ominous AC/DC hit coincided with a dimming of the scoreboard lights and a baritone announcement of Putz’s imminent arrival from PA announcer Tom Hutyler.

The moment was Trevor Hoffman-esque (as a member of the San Diego Padres, the All-Star closer would enter games to the tune of "Hells Bells," also by AC/DC), albeit short-lived. As of 2009, Putz was a setup man for the New York Mets.

8. Whatta Man

Artist: Salt-N-Pepa

Player: Dan Wilson

Years: 1994-2005

You don’t often associate a white guy from the Midwest with urban R&B music, but as far as Dan Wilson is concerned, the pairing couldn’t be more apt.

As the team’s longest-tenured catcher in history, Wilson spent the majority of his years making the walk from the on-deck circle to home plate with Salt-N-Pepa’s hit single signaling his at-bat.

Though perhaps not Wilson’s first choice of musical literature, the tune was played in reference to the backstop’s nickname: Dan the Man.

Not a finicky person when it came to his song stylings, Wilson stuck by his team-appointed symphony for the remainder of his years wearing a mask. The result: perfect harmony.

7. Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It

Artist: Will Smith

Player: Shigetoshi Hasegawa

Years: 2002-2005

One thing the Mariners' music team has become famous for over the years is finding songs that pay homage to a player’s name, or in this case, nickname.

Shigetoshi Hasegawa, aka "Shiggy," had a nickname that sounded a lot like "jiggy." Because of that, he was bestowed the gift of the ultimate late-'90s musical fiasco in the form of Will Smith’s "Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It."

Perhaps it wasn’t the most fear-inducing song available, but Shiggy made it work. In 2003, the reliever posted a 1.48 ERA, recorded 16 saves, and even earned his one and only All-Star selection.

It’s safe to say everyone got jiggy when Shiggy was pitching.

6. Kernkraft 400 (aka Zombie Nation)

Artist: DJ Florian Senfter (aka DJ Splank)

Player: Kazuhiro Sasaki

Years: 2000-2003

The M’s closer for three seasons, Sasaki was one of the first athletes in the U.S. to adopt the German-borne techno hit.

Though he didn’t officially enter games to "Zombie Nation," Sasaki’s appearances would often culminate in the blasting of the tune across Safeco Field.

In fact, it often seemed that "Zombie Nation" became the soundtrack to Sasaki’s life.

If Kaz threw a strike, "Zombie Nation" played.

If Kaz recorded an out, more "Zombie Nation."

By the end of his run with the Mariners, the team was probably blasting "Zombie Nation" when Kaz had to take a leak.

Hate it or love it, the infectious tune is still played occasionally in the friendly confines and on a much more widespread basis at sporting events around the globe.

5. Ole, Ole, Ole

Artist: The Fans

Player: John Olerud

Years: 2000-2004

Another example of the music team matching a song to a player’s likeness, “Ole” became much more than just the first three letters of John Olerud’s last name.

For the better part of five seasons, the former first baseman’s at-bats came to resemble international soccer matches. Up to the plate walked Olerud, out from the speakers came the unofficial soccer anthem of the world.

M’s fans, drunk or not, couldn’t help but sing in unison with the simple, catchy lyrics.

In essence, the arrival of John Olerud became a whimsical karaoke festival.

Since 2004, "Ole, Ole, Ole" has been missing from Safeco Field’s playlist. But rest assured, M’s fans, if you want to hear Olerud’s intro music once again, all you have to do is catch any soccer match being played virtually anywhere.

*Side note: In the post-Olerud years, "Ole, Ole, Ole" did make a cameo appearance during the 2007 season. The song was reinterpreted as "Jose, Jose, Jose" and was sung when outfielder Jose Guillen came to bat.

4. Bad to the Bone

Artist: George Thorogood

Player: Jay Buhner

Years: 1993-2001

From the very first year the team started pairing music and players, Jay Buhner was associated with one very memorable song: "Bad to the Bone."

Another example of a play on one’s nickname (Buhner was affectionately referred to as “Bone”), the popular ’80s blues riff was reinvigorated in the early ’90s thanks to the Mariners and Buhner.

The team’s right fielder became so synonymous with the tune that the song’s Wikipedia entry credits Buhner for his association with it.

For eight years now, Safeco Field has been "Bone"-less. But should Jay Buhner make any kind of special appearance on the grounds, you can bet that George Thorogood’s masterpiece will trill from the audio system once again.

3. Macarena

Artist: Los del Rio

Player: Luis Sojo

Years: 1995-1996

There are two very distinct things I remember about the Macarena.

The first is being in fifth grade and having our elementary school music teacher spend a month teaching us the Macarena dance that would become as famous as the song.

The second is Luis Sojo during the 1995 season, meeting each and every opposing pitcher head-on with the song that would ultimately become the world’s greatest one-hit wonder.

Before "Macarena" mania took the world by storm in the mid-’90s, Sojo had adopted it has his own.

A part-time starting shortstop, second baseman, and third baseman, Sojo would go on to have a career year in 1995, thanks in some way or another to his song of choice.

Fourteen years later, the Macarena is long since dead. Its mysticism, however, still resides in the memory of Luis Sojo and the remarkable '95 season.

2. Hip Hop Hooray

Artist: Naughty By Nature

Player: Ken Griffey Jr.

Years: 1993-1999, 2009

In the summer of 1993, Ken Griffey Jr. made a seemingly innocent song selection for his at-bats, taking a single off of Grammy-winning group Naughty By Nature’s 19 Naughty III album. Unbeknownst to Griffey or the Mariners at the time, the song would take on a life of its own as the superstar’s personal anthem.

Almost immediately, fans embraced Griffey’s introductory concerto.

Mimicking dancers from the song’s music video, faithful Kingdome dwellers would raise their arms above their heads and sway them side to side in rhythm with the beat. It started with teens, then spread to kids, and eventually became so popular that adults couldn’t help but join in the craze.

By 1995, the team had a video board display that coincided with Junior’s plate appearances and the playing of the song. The big screen graphic prompted the uninitiated to sway their arms in the air with everyone else.

Even after Griffey was traded from Seattle following the 1999 season, he still couldn’t shake his old-school hit.

When the city’s golden boy found his way back to Safeco Field for the first time in 2007—this time as a member of the Cincinnati Reds—the team greeted his return with "Hip Hop Hooray."

Now 16 years since the song first became part of Griffey’s lore, it is still played to this very day when he digs into the batter’s box in the stadium that he built. A Seattle Mariner once again, Griffey might not ever be able to rid himself of Naughty By Nature’s single. And that’s just fine with us.

1. Who Let the Dogs Out?

Artist: Baha Men

Player: Joe Oliver

Year: 2000

Consistently rated as one of the most annoying songs in history, "Who Let the Dogs Out?" owes its entire existence to the Seattle Mariners organization.

Back in 2000, an employee of the team discovered the song, which had been penned two years earlier and recorded and re-recorded by a number of different artists. At the time, the most recent version of the soon-to-be hit was courtesy of a Bahamanian group called the Baha Men.

Using his very best judgment, and completely unaware that he was about to unleash a virus upon the world, the team employee opted to play the song for backup catcher Joe Oliver, mostly as a joke.

Two days later, the joke took a more serious turn when starting shortstop Alex Rodriguez requested the single as his personal entrance music. So long, Joe Oliver.

As the season wore on, "Who Let the Dogs Out?" became increasingly popular.

From Safeco Field it spread to other stadiums and arenas around the world of sports, and eventually found its way to the radio waves and MTV. Within weeks of being first played for Oliver, the song had become an international sensation.

In September of that same year, the Baha Men traveled to Safeco Field to play a pregame concert for fans, acknowledging the success the song had obtained thanks to the Mariners.

Nine years since it first became a hit, "Who Let the Dogs Out?" is still being referenced in pop culture on a seemingly everyday basis. It may not be the world’s greatest song, or even that likable to most fans, but it is and has become a global hit thanks in large part to the Mariners.

Rubio is a Traitorous Con Artist Who Hates America

Alex Akita — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 13:07:23 -0400

Before you go judging me, let me say this: I am not a Minnesota Timberwolves fan. I don’t follow the Timberwolves, could care less whether they succeed in the NBA and don’t usually absorb myself in their personnel issues.

But this is different. This involves a kid who made a stupid decision that screwed over America. Not just the Timberwolves. Not just the state of Minnesota. The United States of America.

If you happen to be American and love your country, then you should find it in your heart to hate Ricky Rubio. It’s patriotism.

Hating Rubio should be synonymous with fireworks on the Fourth of July, watermelon at summer picnics and turkey at Thanksgiving. It should be second nature to all of us who stand and put our hands over our hearts when The Star-Spangled Banner plays.

Before you buy into my notion, you probably want to know why. Why hate Ricky Rubio?

It’s simple, really. Rubio is a traitor. A Benedict Arnold, if you will.

Rubio entered the 2009 NBA Draft pledging his allegiance to basketball in the land of the free. He was projected as a top five pick, then selected fifth overall by the T-Wolves.

A 19-year-old point guard with dazzling playmaking abilities, Rubio remained under contract to his Spanish team, DKV Joventut, but was prepared to have his contract bought out and make the move across the pond.

Instead, just weeks after he was poised to become a citizen of the great state of Minnesota, Rubio has re-declared his loyalty to Spanish basketball and is now donning the jersey of Team Barcelona.

Rubio’s contract, which the 'Wolves were close to purchasing, was instead sold to the intra-national Euro League affiliate, who the Spanish native will play for in 2009 and at least a year after that. After that, he can choose to leave for the NBA if he so desires.

But what’s to say the NBA even wants Ricky Rubio anymore?

Rubio has a) conned an NBA franchise, b) turned his back on the league he claims to want to be a part of, c) expressed a desire to play in Spain after expressing a similar desire to play in America, and d) generally acted like a jerk this whole time.

Okay, so maybe he hasn’t really been a jerk, but whatever. He’s still a punk bitch and there’s no changing that now.

Fact is, we got this bad vibe about Rubio before an NBA team even drafted him. He’s a foreign-born, mop-topped, finesse player. We all know what that means: flopper. Not only is he anti-America, but he’s also a terrorist who cheats.

I’m just gonna throw this out there, and if you don’t like it you can go ahead and throw it right back: should Rubio ever actually make it to the NBA, he’ll rank right up there with the likes of Manu Ginobili as one of the most hated players in the history of basketball. There’s no doubt in my mind.

For now, though, we can focus on our efforts to boost homeland security and keep a traitor like Rubio outside our borders. This is America, Rubio, and we’re not having any of your bullshit.

Adrian Beltre's Nuts Are Okay

Alex Akita — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 20:25:40 -0400

Adrian Beltre has been activated from the 15-day disabled list, meaning his lacerated bleeding testicles are fully healed. The emotional scarring may never disappear, however.

Beltre, who was injured when a wayward ground ball collided with his groin, had been practicing in recent days…without a protective cup. Guess it’s tough to change your ways.

Also returning to the lineup this evening is right fielder Ichiro Suzuki. The M’s leadoff hitter has been nursing a tight calf and hasn’t played in nine days.

In other Mariner-related news, the team promoted first baseman Mike Carp and lefthanded pitcher Jason Vargas from Triple-A Tacoma this afternoon. As of today, teams are allowed to expand their major league rosters from 25 players to 40, so expect more moves to follow.

All this really means is we won’t have to suffer through any more lineups featuring Jose Lopez, Franklin Gutierrez, and seven guys batting lower than .250 the rest of the year. I’m sorry, Jack Hannahan, but you’re no five-hole hitter.

Coming to Grips with Ken Griffey Jr.'s Impending Retirement

Alex Akita — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 15:47:38 -0400

Oftentimes in journalism we tend to settle for objectivity when passion is more apt for the situation.

So when we hear the realists and the fact-mongers going off about Ken Griffey Jr. and his all-but-sealed fate—retirement—it can sting those of us who lack the objective nature to evaluate a passionate situation through a gray lens.

If you grew up in the late-80s and early-90s in Seattle, chances are you formed a bond with Ken Griffey Jr. that cannot be evaluated by any statistic or rational explanation. We all know that Junior has a special relationship with the people of this region, but none more so than with the children who idolized him during a period of mutual growth.

While we were in elementary school and junior high, The Kid was a babyfaced teenager roaming the Astroturf outfield of the Kingdome. As we evolved, so did he. And together we endured life on separate planes, albeit in close proximity to one another.

He was a superstar, a millionaire, a budding legend. He had his own shoe, a video game, even a candy bar. He hit home runs, won MVP awards, and struck fear into men twice his age.

We were kindergartners, third-graders, and finally middle schoolers. We had our own lunch boxes, his video game, and a t-shirt bearing his likeness. We hit home runs while pretending to be him in our backyards, won wiffle ball games, and struck fear into concerned parents (”Are those mud stains on your new white shirt?!”) more than three times our age.

We celebrated his glory, revered his achievements, and mimicked his batting stance whether we were righty or lefty.

We were euphoric when he slid into home in 1995, even though we were too young to fully comprehend the political implications of that iconic run.

We lamented the day he was traded, even though we were just old enough to treat his situation with a teenager’s smug sense of cynicism. It was okay that he was gone, we said, because he didn’t want to be here anyways.

Secretly, though, we knew it wasn’t okay. Just like we knew our parents were doing what was best for us when they set our curfews. Even if we did hate being home by 11:00.

We watched him from afar as he endured injury and frustration, the hopes of an entire city pinned unfairly on his back, the weight of an entire franchise pushing down on his shoulders.

He never could make it Cincinnati, but really did he ever have a chance? It wasn’t home for him, despite where he may have spent his childhood. Because even though he was a kid there, he was The Kid here. Seattle was where he had done his growing up.

And then one day he returned. He was older, wiser, a bit slower on the basepaths, and lacking the freakish bat speed he once possessed. But when he put his jersey on, sported No. 24 on his back, and felt his way into the batter’s box once again, it was like nothing had changed. Even with that inflating spare tire around the middle.

This is where we are now.

He is 39 years old.

We are in our teens, our 20s, the oldest of us brushing 30.

Two decades have passed since he was The Kid and we were just kids.

He’s a first-ballot Hall of Famer who totes a mediocre batting average in what might very well be his final season.

We are college students and young working professionals who carry mediocre bankrolls in what might very well be the worst recession in our nation’s history.

We grew together out of innocence into our very own dealings with reality. From children, to teens, to adults. From a rookie, to a veteran, to a living legend.

In a sense, we are realistic. We know a major leaguer, no matter how special, can’t extend a career while hitting below .230. We know the outside fastball is now his greatest nemesis. And we know playing the field for him, as is the case with most of us, is a practice relegated to his younger days.

We know the end is near. We just don’t care to acknowledge it the way the objective realists do.

We’re a special group, us and him. We’ve never placed expectations on his name, his image, or his numbers. We’ve simply enjoyed what he can do.

Born out of a simpler time, when our biggest problems were fractions and book reports, we are coping with the terminal nature of our hero’s existence. And until Ken Griffey Jr. takes his final cut, you will just have to deal with our passion and our relative ignorance to your numbers and your line of reasoning. It’s not over yet.

Calm Down, Everyone: It's Just Edgerrin James

Alex Akita — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 20:36:12 -0400

The situation must be bad when an entire city can get excited about a 31-year-old running back coming off a season in which he lost his starting job to a guy who will probably lose his starting job to a rookie this year.

The Edgerrin James that the Seahawks have reportedly signed for the 2009 season does not in any way resemble the young man who had his own footwear line (designed by Reebok) at the beginning of the decade. That Edgerrin James was an Indianapolis Colt, a big name back, and had a supporting cast of all-stars to help raise his game.

This older, wiser, and humbler James is trying to rebound from a shaky 2008 campaign in which he was booted from the Arizona Cardinals’ starting lineup in favor of rookie Tim Hightower. Hightower, in turn, is the one living on the hot seat these days with first-year player and highly touted draft pick Chris “Beanie” Wells carrying the ball in the desert.

The Edge the 'Hawks have signed is, in theory, a guy who lost his job to a guy who will probably lose his job—kind of like the assistant to the assistant.

Not that any of that has to do with this year’s edition of Edgerrin James—his days in Arizona are behind him now. In fairness, he helped spark the Redbirds during their run to the Super Bowl a season ago.

A hard-nosed runner who has been lauded as an excellent blocking back, James is expected to compete for the Seahawks’ first-string tailback position with incumbent Julius Jones. His addition also means the team will likely have to let go of either T.J. Duckett or Justin Forsett in their now-crowded backfield.

In all likelihood, it's Duckett who will suffer the wrath of being released. An aging back himself, Duckett provides a similar running style as James, albeit in more limited fashion. Though he may be a goal-line savant, the 'Hawks can ill afford to dedicate a roster spot to a tailback that provides the running ability of a fullback.

Forsett, on the other hand, is only a second-year player who excels on special teams. He quite possibly has a promising future in the NFL. He could serve the team now as a punt returner, and later as a more prominent piece of the offense.

The best-case scenario for this team involves Julius Jones as the unquestioned starter at tailback, with James rotating in as a valuable third-down blocker and change-of-pace guy.

Unfortunately, many fans still see Edgerrin James as the starter he once was and not the quality backup he now is. We can hope for the best with Edge, but for now, it’s probably wise to keep those hopes tempered as we move forward into the start of the ‘09 season.

Why is Miguel Batista Still a Seattle Mariner?

Alex Akita — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 01:31:33 -0400

Over the past few months, we’ve taken our shots at Miguel Batista.

First, we chastised Miggy’s awkwardly out-of-place facial hair.

Then, a couple weeks ago, we simply let the guy have it based on his continuing bout with ineffectiveness.

Now it’s gotten to the point where we need to start questioning management as to why Batista is still on the roster. Because let’s face it, there’s no good reason for the guy to still be in a Mariners uniform.

There are, however, a number of reasons why Miguel should have already seen his way out of town.

One, you have the fact that he sucks.

I mean he just does. I could give you the numbers but it really doesn’t matter anymore. The numbers are bad, the performance is bad, and you, as a fan, get the jitters every time you see the dude warming up. That’s how bad this situation has become. So bad that it now inspires a Pavlovian reaction of the entire Mariners fan base.

Two, you have the fact that his contract is up after this season.

What that means is there is very little harm in releasing the guy. You cut him now, he costs you a mere pittance. You simply pick up the remaining amount of money on his contract and eat the salary. No big deal, you’re not getting any value out of him as it is.

Third, you have the replacement factor.

You get rid of Batista, you open up a roster spot for a young guy who could play a role for this team both now and in the future. It’s clear that Batista has no role on this club beyond October.

So essentially, he’s just preventing a younger player—be it another relief pitcher, or even a position player—from being on the big league roster.

Maybe I’m way off base on this. It’s quite possible that Batista plays an integral role in the clubhouse, what with his novels and saxophone playing and all.

Perhaps the team is getting use out of Miggy as a source of pregame entertainment. On weekdays you have Miguel Batista story hour. On weekends, a musical concerto. Either way, it’s value, I suppose.