Bleacher Report - Articles by Kelso Hakes

All-Star Ballot Opens Friday Featuring Nine Twins

Kelso Hakes — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 05:47:02 -0400

Twins fans, make sure to log in on Friday to MLB.com and start casting your votes for this year's All-Star ballot. Nine Twins have been chosen.

Voting is open until July 2. Among the ballotees are:

Jason Kubel

This is his first All-Star Ballot. Being injured since 2004, he hasn't really had the time to shine. Being the Twins' main DH, he is currently batting .247 with four home runs and 16 RBI.

Kubel's DH rivals include David Ortiz and Jim Thome.

Justin Morneau

Having been to the All-Star game last year, the Twins' first baseman is batting .258. He is tied for second with the most home runs in the American League with six, and is fourth with 21 RBI.

Rivals include Carlos Guillen and Paul Konerko.

Joe Mauer

Also having All-Star experience back in 2006, this catcher is currently 16th in the National League with a batting average of .306. He is also 13th with the most runs scored at 16.

Rivals are Ivan Rodriguez and A.J. Pierzynski.

Delmon Young

Having the most at-bats on the team at 99, Young is batting .273. He also has the most hits with 27 on the team, and is ranked 29 in the American League.

He is second on the team with the most stolen bases (6). Rivals include DeJesus and Granderson.

Michael Cuddyer

Batting .286 and nothing too impressive. Cuddyer, already being injured this season, has not had too many chances to do great things. He still has a great arm, and only a few chances to show it off.

Rivals in the outfield are the same as for Delmon Young.

Carlos Gomez

Leading the team in stolen bases with 10 and tied for first in the American League for most stolen bases, Gomez shows how speed thrills in this game. The only problem is that he is batting .245 and has struck out 24 times, the most on the team.

Outfield rivals are the same.

Mike Lamb

Batting .213, Lamb has had six doubles, the only thing he's shown this year. If anything, he's been average. He's had a little trouble at the plate, but he is consistent with his defense.

Rivals include Beltre and Rolen.

Brendan Harris

Harris has had some trouble but is, nonetheless, consistent. Currently batting .294, the Twins' second baseman is second on the team with the most runs scored. He has struck out 21 times, which just shows his rookie side.

Rivals include Kendrick and Grudzielanek.

And last but not least...

Adam Everett

Batting .185, Everett is currently on the DL. He's had as many strike-outs as hits with five, and has touched base only six times. Having only one extra base hit, Everett is not what the Twins need right now.

Rivals are Young and Renteria.

Do Names Have to Do with How the Game Is Played?

Kelso Hakes — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 16:14:37 -0400

How many successful Joe's have their been in baseball?

-Joe DiMaggio

-Joe Mauer

-Joe Torre

How many Rodriguez's

-A-Rod

-Ivan Rodriguez

Help make a list of all of the common names to support my point!

Stupid People: Our Society is Succumbing

Kelso Hakes — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 15:57:36 -0400

Scientists have discovered a new species that are believed to have been around since the beginning of man.

They are now the fastest growing minority in America and possibly the World. They are everywhere. Lurking in your subways, airports, government offices and Wal-marts. They are a growing factor in American culture. It only takes one to destroy a major company or even…a country.

Scientists classify them as Stupidimundos Homosapius. Common folk, such as ourselves, know them as Stupid People.

Let’s begin by saying being stupid is completely optional and preventable. My personal belief is that if you are “stupid” it is your parents fault. Well-rounded individuals, such as myself tend to have parents that took them to museums and baseball games when they were a little kid.

I find that stupid people don’t get out of the house that often. They are the people who know nothing of the world.

For instance, I know one of these deprived-from-the-world type of person.

To make fun of her I called her Amish one day. She replied, “I’m not Amish, I’m mostly German and a little Swedish.” I just gave her one of those looks. I’m pretty sure I got dumber just by hearing that.

If her parents had taken her to a museum, I’m sure we never would have heard that conversation.

Another thing that makes people stupid is they don’t think things through.They just blurt out the first thing that comes into their head. Also, they have no idea what they just said.

They say it in all seriousness. Serious face and serious tone of voice.

A teacher was showing his students pictures of the sun that he had taken from his telescope. A student raised his hand and asked, “Were these pictures taken during the day or at night?”

Stupid people are also very gullible; seriously…you can convince them to do anything. They believe anything you say.

Lonnie from geocities.com said that he worked for Wendy’s. Lonnie convinced a new worker that for inventory purposes, he had to count all of the pickles in an industrial size jar. Lonnie said the guy spent half the shift in the freezer counting pickles until the manager found him.

Let’s face it…stupid people do stupid things. Stupid people might think they are smart, but in the end it makes them look even more stupid.

From the Associated Press, a man who was soliciting 13-year-old boys on the internet made his own charges of molestation…against Big Foot. Yes, he claims that he was molested by the legendary Big Foot himself.

Stupid people like the get rich quick kind of ideas. So what do they do? Lawsuits. Remember that lady who sued McDonalds after spilling a cup of coffee on her legs while driving?

A man also tried a McDonald's lawsuit - with a milkshake. He lost.

Or how about that guy who sued himself for $5 million dollars? He apparently quote, “accused himself of violating his religious beliefs and his civil rights by getting himself drunk enough to engage in various crimes.” If it’s not stupid enough yet, he said that the state should pay it.

That goes true for criminals too. Stupid criminals always seem to take the headlines.

For instance, in Chicago, there was an attempted robbery of a store. A young man stormed into the store with a gun and demanded for money. The clerk who was working said he didn’t know the combination for the safe. The robber, in return, gave his number to the clerk and told the clerk to call him when the manager was in and left. Obviously the clerk called the police and the robber was arrested.

To make matters worse, our society is succumbing to fit the needs of stupid people, especially on packaging.

The iPaper website states that on a Sears hairdryer package, it says “Do Not Use while sleeping.”

On a package of a Rowena iron is say, “Do Not iron clothes on body.”

On Sainbury Peanuts, “Warning: Contains Nuts.”

And finally on Nytol Sleep Aid, “Warning: May Cause Drowsiness.”

Do I really need to explain the common sense of these statements? So how do you know if you classify as a stupid person?

If your favorite color is clear, you are stupid.

If you consider French Fries ethnic food, you are stupid.

If you ever studied for a pregnancy test, you are stupid.

And finally, if you ever flunked an I.Q. test, you are stupid.

These statements are from the Geocities website. Stupid people have been around for a long time and I’m not the first person to make fun of them.

Rodney Dangerfield said, “my uncle was so stupid, in the civil war he fought for the west.” And “My wife was at the store the other day and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

Great mind Albert Einstein said, and I quote, “Only two things are infinite, the universe, and human stupidity.”

If Albert Einstein noticed it, you can tell stupidity was pretty obvious. Just think what he would say to this comment, “What is Einstein’s last name?” Here’s your sign.

Will Scott Baker Decrown the Royals?

Kelso Hakes — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 03:54:44 -0400

Last August 30th Minnesota Twin's starting pitcher Scott Baker had success against the Royals, throwing a near perfect game that was broken up in the ninth inning. Will his heat continue in his first start of the season tonight?

After coming into the season not throwing 100 percent, Baker has reassured everyone that he is now completely fine and is feeling great. After losing the series to the Angels, the Twins now look for a win against the Royals tonight with Baker pitching.

The Twins have a good chance of winning tonight because Twins offense usually goes in Baker's favor. Baker is very intimidating as a pitcher and has proved it last year against the Royals. The Royals don't take Baker for granted; if they want to hit off him, they have to learn to attack the ball on the first strike that Baker is sure to give.

Although the Royals are 3-0, the Twins are looking for a sure win tonight. With the solid line-up intact, the Twins just need to get numbers on the board for Scott Baker and Minnesota.

2008 Twins Preview

Kelso Hakes — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:01:08 -0400

There is less than a week until the '08 season of the Minnesota Twins begins at the Metrodome.

One of the biggest concerns coming into the season is the status of the rotation. We definitely will be a team of inexperience. None of the returning pitchers have been around for very long. Scott Baker, although currently injured, will be a big part in this rotation. From last year, he is the only pitcher that is really consistent. His injury right now is nothing too serious, but will be closely watched.

Boof Bonser has lost over 20 lbs. over the off-season. He looks healthy and strong and he's looking to have an important role this season. Livan Hernandez, new pitcher with 85 mph fastball, will also be looking for some time on the mound this year. Acquired in the off-season, the Twins are hoping for a great year for him.

With the Johan Santana trade, the Twins have acquired many young prospects hoping for a spot. One of them, Phillip Humber, is the front runner of these players to make the roster. He has been throwing very well down in Florida.

One of the biggest topics has been of Francisco Liriano. He has been throwing, but not at 100% yet, but is very close. He is expected to be ready by the time Opening Day comes around.

Twins veterans, such as Justin Morneau and Michael Cuddyer, have spent this spring training getting to know many new faces. Morneau must familiarize himself with new teammates surrounding him in the infield with Adam Everett at shortstop, Mike Lamb at 3rd base, and Brendan Harris at 2nd base. Cuddyer looks to his right to find newcomers Delmon Young and Craig Monroe manning the other outfield positions.

With the majority of the roster being new, the possibilities are endless. The Twins definitely have the talent and the ability to win, but can it be done? The Twins will have some competition in the Central Division. The Detroit Tigers have a great pitching staff this year and is the obvious front-runner in the division. All in all, this season could go either way. This team has the potential and the ability, but we'll just have to wait and see.