Bleacher Report - Articles by Geoff Crawley

Tiger Woods' Wife Hires Drew Rosenhaus To Renegotiate Pre-nup (SATIRE)

Geoff Crawley — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 20:58:41 -0500

In the wake of her husband Tiger’s admission of infidelities, Elin Woods has hired super agent Drew Rosenhaus to renegotiate her pre-nuptual agreement.

“EW has out-performed this contract,” said Rosenhaus, holding up a copy of the agreement at a press conference in the Woods’ driveway. “She has more than lived up to her end. Tiger has not."

“We only want what’s fair for E-Dub. And her kids.”

Behind Rosenhaus, Mrs. Woods was seen doing sit ups in the garage when he was asked if this was a bit unusual.

“Not at all,” he replied. “Yes, typically, we like to do this behind the scenes. Do you think Kobe just came up with the idea of the ‘house on a finger?’ That was me. I am not a publicity hound. I am simply trying to get my client fairly compensated.”

Rosenhaus was asked why, if he wasn’t a publicity hound, was he holding a press conference to discuss personal family matters.

“Next question,” he said.

Tiger Woods, after promising to speak to reporters three times, released the following statement on his website.

“I will not be bullied into negotiating in public. The Spouse signed this agreement, and the expectation of the Tiger Woods Empire is that The Spouse live up to her agreement.

“Oh, and Katy in Virginia, Annie in San Francisco, Sarah in Chicago, and Rhonda in Philly, can you do me a huge favor and take your names off your voice mail? You gotta do this for me. Huge. Quickly.”

Rosenhaus insisted that Elin wanted to keep this private, but was forced to go public when Tiger insisted that she stick to the cockamamie “accident” story.

“Look, Tiger has to face reality,” said Rosenhaus, disconnecting from a phone call from his partner, Lucifer Mephistopheles. “No one was buying that garbage. People just want truth and honesty. That is what I am all about. Truth and honesty.

“What are you laughing at?” he asked.

Rosenhaus was then asked if he was licensed to practice family law.

“Next question,” he replied.

Other celebrities were quick to pass judgement.

“Yeah, she should renegotiate,” said singer and actress Beyonce Knowles. “She could have another him in a minute. He needs not to get to thinking he’s irreplaceable.”

“He did what? That’s just wrong,” said talk show host David Letterman. “I hope she takes him for all that he’s worth. Guys like that are just terrible.”

Kobe Bryant was unavailable for comment.

It could not be confirmed at press time whether or not Mrs. Woods yelled “Fore!” before she hit Tiger in the grill with a 4-iron.

The Most Important Position in Professional Sports: Fan

Geoff Crawley — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 19:22:25 -0500

I was talking about the Phillies' chances in the World Series last week at work. I told a co-worker, “I think we have a good chance of sweeping the Yankees.” (Obviously, that was wrong, but that isn’t the point here.)

His reply was, “We? What position do you play?”

“I play fan,” I said.

I used to think the same way. People who say “we” when talking about their sports teams are a little too attached. It is not “we.” We are not a part of the team.

Or are we?

I now say that fan is the most important position in professional sports. I am not naive enough to say that we directly pay the players’ salaries. But without us, how much do you think FOX would pay Major League Baseball for national television rights?

If we don’t watch, how much do you think Bud Light would be paying FOX for commercial time? If we don’t watch, how much do you think Citizens Bank would have paid for rights to name the Phillies’ new stadium?

If we don’t watch, Alex Rodriguez is selling ladies shoes at Neiman Marcus.

If we don’t watch, Chase Utley is selling cars.

If we don’t watch, Cole Hamels is a barista at Starbucks. Maybe he should be anyway.

You think teams don’t listen to the fans?

They do.

Oh, don’t misunderstand, Andy Reid is not listening to Vinny from Palmyra (“Yo, dat McNabb is a bum, yous need to sign Tom Brady!”), but Reid knows that the fans want to win. Thus, he does what he thinks is best to achieve that goal. We may not always agree with his method, but he is trying.

We all want to win. Owners know this. They know we will buy less merchandise, and, in some cities, stop coming to games if our teams don’t win. (Hello, Jacksonville and Cincinnati.) The fans will hit you in the pocketbook if you continue to put out an inferior product.

Are you listening, Dan Snyder?

Probably not. But he is, I’m sure, aware of the discontent of his fans, because they are not coming to the games, which is costing him money. We know he is aware because he banned signs at FedEx Field, because, he says, they mar the experience of other fans.

Sure, Danno, not because of what the signs will say, but because they negatively influence the fan experience.

Teams fight all season for home field advantage. Why? Because we are there. We push them. We encourage them. We give them that extra burst to make that last pitch, or shot, or save, or pass.

The emotional outpouring after the Phillies' World Series win last year was because of the fans’ long suffering drought. Player after player, coach after coach, executive after executive thanked the fans. Why?

Because without us, there is no game.

Not quarterback. Not goaltender. Not pitcher. Not point guard.

Fan.

Fan is the most important position in professional sports.

We win and lose, live and die with our teams. Yes, the players and coaches and owners care. But long after they are all gone, we will still be here.

We are the fans.

Week Four NFL Picks Against the Spread plus Two College Picks

Geoff Crawley — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 10:46:16 -0400

No coin flip picks this week.

The good news is that I was 9-7 versus the spread in the NFL last week and 1-0 in college. The bad news is I missed my first STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(tm) and UPSET SPECIAL. From now on, maybe I’ll just stick to one SCLPL per week, as I got cocky with the Steelers, who are one more loss away from being dead to me.

The coin flip option is still available.

As usual, the following picks are for recreational purposes only. Don’t gamble on my advice. I’m just an idiot with a computer. Home team in CAPS:

Oakland(+9) at HOUSTON: There will be a lot of death threats this week. We will start with Houston, who should have pounded Jacksonville last week. Take the Texans and give the points.

Houston, if you don’t cover, you are DEAD to me.

Tennessee (-3) at JACKSONVILLE: I don’t like Jacksonville. I don’t like the team. I don’t like the coach. I don’t like the city. I don’t like the fact that they lead the league in guys with hyphenated last names. Titans get their first win of the season and cover the three. STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(TM).

Baltimore (+2) at NEW ENGLAND: So I spent the last week in Baltimore trying not to get shot in broad daylight, and everybody thinks the Ravens are like the second coming of the 72 Dolphins. Look, the Ravens are a fine club.

They are probably going to win 11 or 12 games. This will not be one of them. Patriots giving only two points at home? That’s like stealing. Take the Pats, give the two, and despite an earlier promise that I would stick to one per week, I am making this one also a STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(tm).

Ravens winning in Foxboro. Pssh.

Cincinnati (-6) at CLEVELAND: Cleveland is going to Derek Anderson at QB. I don’t care if they start the ghost of Joe Montana (insert laugh track here), as long as Eric Mangini is coaching there, I will NEVER pick the Browns to win anything, except the worst team ever championship. Take the Bengals and give the six. Whoa, did I just say take the Bengals minus six? Wow. The Browns must really suck.

NY Giants (-8.5) at KANSAS CITY: The Giants are the quietest 3-0 team ever. The Jets are getting all the press in New York, while they Giants just go out and pound people every week. Kansas City is horrible, yes, but great teams pound horrible teams, and that is what the Giants will do here. Take the Giants, give the points, repeat until January.

Detroit (+10) at CHICAGO: I cannot, cannot pick the Bears. I’m sorry, Jay Cutler just makes me nauseous. I can’t do it. No logic, just don’t like the guy. Take the Lions plus ten.

Tampa Bay (+7.5) at WASHINGTON: Jim Zorn. Dead man walking. Take the Bucs plus the points, UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK.

Seattle (+10) at INDIANAPOLIS: Seneca Wallace, you are not quite dead to me, but that’s only because I remember how great you were at Iowa State. Having said that, you have no shot this week. None. Indianapolis wins and covers the ten.

NY Jets (-7) at NEW ORLEANS: In a battle of unexpected 3-0 teams, the Saints are somehow favored by a touchdown. Really? Jets cover the seven. They might even win.

Buffalo (+1.5) at MIAMI: Everybody who had the Dolphins at 0-3, raise your hand. Liars. Miami gets it done at home this week, take them minus the points.

Miami, last chance. You lose this week and you are DEAD to me.

St. Louis (+9.5) at SAN FRANCISCO: The 49ers would be 3-0 if they hadn’t gotten Farved last week. They played well enough on the road to beat a very good Minnesota team. I shudder to think what Mike Singletary did to them this week. They will take it out on the Rams, who seriously may not win a game this year. Niners win big, take them, give the points.

Dallas (-3) at DENVER: No love for the 3-0 Broncos? They are an inexplicable home underdog to the Cowboys here. Why is everyone so in love with Dallas? I don’t get it. I think that Denver, somehow, goes to 4-0 here, but even if they don’t, they will cover the three, take them plus the points.

San Diego (+6) at PITTSBURGH: Man, I don’t like this one. Not one bit. I think the Steelers win a close one, even without Willie Parker. Like a Republican voting for John McCain, hold your nose and take San Diego plus the points.

Green Bay (+3.5) at MINNESOTA: Despite what ESPN will tell you, there is really not that much juice for this game. Now, Farve at Green Bay? That will be Must See TV. This is just a big divisional game. Vikings win as AP goes for 250 and three touchdowns, take Minnesota minus the points.

COLLEGE DOUBLE DIP:

Florida State (-3.5) at BOSTON COLLEGE: FSU’s wild inconsistency will pay off this week. After getting manhandled physically at home by a South Florida team that is better than people think, FSU bounces back with a teasing beatdown of Boston College. Then they will revert to the mid-major they have become again the next time that they play. Take FSU minus the points.

Virginia Tech (-13.5) at DUKE: It’s funny, but if I’m Virginia Tech, I take being favored by only 13.5 at Duke as an insult. I think Frank Beamer’s boys will too. VT beats Duke like they stole something, take them minus the points.

LAST WEEK: 9-7 NFL, including 1-1 STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(tm), 0-1 UPSET SPECIAL. College, 1-0.

OVERALL:

NFL 24-23-1.

STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(tm): 3-1

UPSET SPECIAL: 2-1

COLLEGE: 1-1

Week Three NFL Picks Plus One College Pick

Geoff Crawley — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 22:47:32 -0400

So I'm thinking I may just start flipping a coin.

I mean, after an 8-8 week (plus missing on the college pick), it can't be any worse, right?

Well, I did hit on both the UPSET SPECIAL and STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(tm) again, so I'm still perfect, 4-0 on the season there. Maybe I'll save the coin for next week if things don't improve.

As usual, you are an idiot if you gamble with my picks. They are for recreational purposes only. Home team in CAPS:

Kansas City (+9) at PHILADELPHIA: I'm telling you right now, if the Eagles don't beat Kansas City by three touchdowns, there will be riots in the streets. I don't care who is starting at quarterback, I don't care if Brian Westbrook doesn't play. The Chiefs are an awful football team. I would take the University of Texas minus nine over Kansas City on the road. Eagles win big, STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(tm).

Tennessee (+2.5) at NY JETS: Rex Ryan gave a game ball to Fireman Ed (that one dude who sits on that other dude's shoulders and leads the "J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS" chants) last week on behalf of the fans. It will be insane in the Meadowlands Sunday. Tennessee absolutely, positively HAS to win this game. They won't. Buddy's boy's boys go to 3-0, take the Jets, give the points.

Jacksonville (+3.5) at HOUSTON: OK, Houston, which is it? Are you the team that beat Tennessee or the team that got worked by the Jets? What's that you say? You're playing Jacksonville this week so it doesn't matter? Oh, alright, cool, we'll check back next week, Houston beats J-ville by a WHOLE lot, give the points.

Cleveland (+13) at BALTIMORE: Only Kansas City prevents the Browns from being the worst team in the AFC. For the second time in three weeks, I'm gonna say something I rarely say: take the Ravens and give the THIRTEEN. Wow, that is a lot of points. Fortunately for me, Eric Mangini coaches the Browns, and he's an idiot.

NY Giants (-6.5) at TAMPA BAY: Byron Leftwich. Cadillac Williams. Kellen Winslow Jr. OK, there, now I can name three guys on the Bucs. They still suck. Take the Giants, give the points.

Washington (-6.5) at DETROIT: Detroit has to beat somebody at some point, don't they? Yeah, and it may even be this week. Take the Lions plus the points.

Green Bay (-6.5) at ST LOUIS: Look, don't get me wrong here, the Rams are awful. AWFUL. But why is everybody so in love with the Packers now? They were 6-10 last year. I don't get it. Take the Rams plus the points.

San Francisco (+6.5) at MINNESOTA: San Francisco is for real. Will they beat Minnesota in a battle of the NFC's two best running backs so far? Well, let's not go crazy here. But they will cover the nigh-touchdown spread, take the Niners and the points.

Atlanta (+4) at NEW ENGLAND: The Pats need to get it in gear. Losing to Atlanta at home will not sit well with Lord Vader, er, I mean Bill Belichick. Pats win and cover the four.

Chicago (-1.5) at SEATTLE: Really? The Bears? Jay Cutler? Really? Seattle, with Seneca Wallace at QB, beats the Bears. UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK.

New Orleans (-6) at BUFFALO: It is getting harder and harder to pick against The Greatest Show On Turf: Part Two, This Time, It's Personal. But I am a sucker for home underdogs getting six or more. Grit your teeth and take the Bills to cover in a shootout.

Miami (+6) at SAN DIEGO: Two teams that are real close to being dead to me square off here. Miami needs this game badly. So do the Chargers. I believe the Chargers win and cover. I think. Yeah, take the Chargers. I think.

Pittsburgh (-4) at CINNCINNATI: So I'm listening to the NFL radio channel today, and everybody and their mom is picking the Bengals to not only cover, but beat the defending world champs. Uh, what? Mike Tomlin is 8-1 all time in the regular season the week after a loss. Those eight wins are by an average of nearly two touchdowns, and include two shutouts. This is what we call a "trend." Take the Steelers to lay the smackdown on the Bengals, give the four. In fact, make it a bonus second STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(tm).

Denver (-1.5) at OAKLAND: The Raiders made me sweat it out against Kansas City last week. Is it possible that Josh McDaniel goes to 3-0? It sure is. It's not LIKELY, but it's possible. Equally unbelieveable, the Ray-dizz go to 2-1, take them plus the points.

Indianapolis (+2.5) at ARIZONA: Uh, is that a misprint? Peyton Manning is getting points? Against ARIZONA? Colts win big, people, stop with this Arizona nonsense, come on. Get a grip.

Carolina (+9) at DALLAS: The day I give nine points with the Cowboys is the day I wear a Cowboys Jersey to Lincoln Financial Field. Not happening. Plus, Carolina is gonna win at least one game this year, why not here? Take the Panthers plus the nine.

COLLEGE SPECIAL:

Washington State (+45) at USC: Washington State is a bad team. They have lost 16 of their last 19. They haven't beaten USC since 2002. They won't beat them this week either, but 45 points is just a little ridiculous, don't you think? Me too. Take the Cougars to lose by SIX TOUCHDOWNS and still cover. That's just silly.

LAST WEEK: 8-8 NFL, including 1-0 STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(tm), 1-0 UPSET SPECIAL. College, 0-1.

OVERALL:

NFL 15-16-1.

STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(tm): 2-0

UPSET SPECIAL: 2-0

COLLEGE: 0-1

Washington Redskins' Season Preview 2009

Geoff Crawley — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 09:03:34 -0400

The 2009 Washington Redskins look eerily familiar to the 2008 version, which, depending on your perspective, can be a good or a bad thing.

The optimist says that they are returning a defense that has added two key pieces in free agent tackle Albert Haynesworth and LB Baby Freak (which is what he will be called in this space) Brian Orakpo. The defense was already very good in a lot of ways, and will have CB DeAngelo Hall for a full year with a chip on his shoulder.

Quarterback Jason Campbell also has something to prove, with the team trying to trade for Jay Cutler and draft Mark Sanchez. He is also in a contract year, which pushed Haynesworth to a tremendous season last year. The team started 6-2 last season, and if they can recall that magic, they should be in good shape, maybe 10-6 or 11-5 shape.

The pessimist says that they still have Jason Campbell, and there is a reason that they tried to replace him. Clinton Portis is a high mileage back, and Ladell Betts is not an adequate replacement should Portis go down, or simply wear down.

They have no receivers beyond Santana Moss, TE Chris Cooley only scored one touchdown all year, and, despite the 6-2 start, they finished 8-8. Oh, did we mention the fact that they play in the toughest division in football?

On defense, yeah, they were ok, but they produced very few turnovers. If DeAngelo Hall is so good, why were the Raiders so eager to let him go? Orakpo is a beast, but he is playing a position that is new to him. How will he handle covering the likes of Jason Witten, Kevin Boss and Brian Westbrook?

Jim Zorn is a lame duck. Unless he wins the Super Bowl, you know Triple J (Jerry Jones Junior, Dan Snyder) will be throwing wads of cash at Mike Shanahan or Jon Gruden next year. And they are not winning anything. The pessimist has them at 5-11 or 4-12. If not for the defense, it might be even worse.

The realist knows that the truth is somewhere in between. Here is the realist’s preview.

Offense. Now entering his fifth season, Jason Campbell has never been in the same offensive system for two years in a row, until now. He will benefit greatly from the rare continuity that Head Coach Jim Zorn brings to the table. Zorn’s positivity is a big plus, but being undermined by the owner negates it to a large extent. (“No, you can’t suspend Clinton Portis; I don’t care what he says to you.” Triple J didn’t really say that. Not to my knowledge, anyway.)

Portis is a beast. He is still an elite back in this league that is capable of going off for 200 yards on any given Sunday. With the return of LG Derrick Dockery from the sixth circle of Dante’s inferno, er, I mean, Buffalo, and LT Chris Samuels coming in trimmer than he has been in a long time, the offensive line looks to be improved after being decimated by injury in the second half of last year.

Look for Portis to have a big year, as, well, he really is the best choice they have on offense.

The receivers are relatively nondescript. TE Chris Cooley is a Pro Bowler who needs to figure out how to get into the end zone more. WR Santana Moss is a good player, but there is a significant drop off after him. Antwaan Randle-El is listed as the second receiver, but it will really be second-year man Malcolm Kelly. Randle-El is more of a slot receiver, and should get some Wildcat type looks as well.

Bottom line? This offense will be very good on the ground, and in the air is a huge question mark. If Campbell can keep the turnovers to a minimum, it could be pretty good.

Defense. This is truly the strength of this team. The defense last year was fourth in the league in yards allowed, and sixth in scoring. Their issue was with turnovers.

Their turnover differential was zero. Yes, 0.0, good for 17th in the league. For a team with a stated desire to win championships, that is not good enough.

The line is better on paper with the addition of the $100 million man Albert Haynesworth. But as Skins fans know all too well, the game is not played on paper.

The knock on Haynesworth is that he plays well only when he has incentive to do so, such as, being in a contract year, like he was last season in Tennessee. Thus, the $100 million question is, will he continue to play at a high level, or will he be content with the money and go back to taking plays off, of which he has been accused in the past?

New LB Brian Orakpo was an amazing DE at the University of Texas. But he is being asked to transition to play a new position, strong side LB. While he certainly has the physical ability to do so, he is being asked to make this change at the game’s highest level. He has looked phenomenal in preseason when rushing the passer, but that is what he does.

We will find out early about his cover skills as the team opens at the Giants and Kevin Boss.

The secondary will be great. Period. CB DeAngelo Hall feels disrespected around the league, and has said that he feels like he is starting over with something to prove. Given a full offseason and training camp in this system, he will have a big hand in changing that turnover ranking.

CB Carlos Rogers is now two years removed from shredding his knee and is also in a contract year. Look for him to force his share of turnovers as well.

FS LaRon Landry is a star in the making. Defensive coordinator Greg Blache expects Landry to get at least six interceptions and more.

"Creating turnovers for us," said Blache when asked what his goals were for Landry. "Having six-eight picks. Some devastating plays where he's got some of these highlight kind of hits and breakups on the ball, and at the end of it him taking a trip to Hawaii as a Pro Bowl safety as opposed to being an alternate."

No pressure or anything, LaRon. Oh, and Greg, the Pro Bowl is in Miami this year. Just so you know.

The special teams are nothing special, no pun intended. They won’t win many games, but they won’t lose many either.

The pick. If the Redskins were in another division, say, the NFC West, they would be the clear cut favorites and looking at 11 or 12 wins. But they are in the NFC East, and they have a brutal schedule, particularly in the second half. Another late season collapse will lead to a 7-9 record, a last place finish, and both Jason Campbell and Jim Zorn being shown the door.

Mr. Gruden? There’s a Dan Snyder on line one for you.

Four Teams That Can Derail The Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl Train

Geoff Crawley — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 16:10:50 -0400

I am already on record predicting the Eagles to win Super Bowl XLIV. Since that prediction, the Eagles have lost Jim Johnson, Stewart Bradley and Cornelius Ingram. They have added Michael Vick, and may be starting a rookie at free safety.

A rookie may be replacing Brian Dawkins.

So, naturally, I will not be cutting them an inch of slack. I will not be changing my prediction. Super Bowl or bust.

SI’s Don Banks disagrees. He thinks the Eagles will miss the playoffs. But he is a mook, who cares what he thinks?

I believe that the Eagles are a top five team. Here, in order, are the four teams I believe pose the greatest threat to the Eagles Super Bowl chances.

1. New York Giants

The Giants are not the best team in the NFL. But they may be the best team in the NFC, and they are in the same division as the Eagles, making them the biggest threat.

They have a great defense, a great running game and a Manning at quarterback. (Yeah, I know it's the wrong Manning, so what?) They have championship experience and know how to win. They will not have the Plaxico Burress issue distracting them this season.

In fact, I think that it is highly likely that they will win the division with the Eagles getting in as a wild card.

But the Giants have not beaten the Eagles in the playoffs since Bill Clinton was in office. The Eagles are 2-0 versus the Giants in the playoffs, having beaten them at the Linc in 2006 and in the Meadowlands last year. Since 2001, including the playoffs, the Eagles are 12-6 versus the Giants.

They also lost their defensive coordinator. All Pro DE Osi Umenyiora recently walked out of camp for a day because he felt that new defensive coordinator Bill Sheridan was disrespecting him. How long until Tom Coughlin goes off on somebody for showing up five minutes early for a meeting instead of ten minutes early?

The Giants are a great team. They may have a better regular season than the Eagles. But the Eagles will beat them in the playoffs. Again.

2. Pittsburgh Steelers

The defending champs are still the best team in football. They return intact, plus get Willie Parker and Rashard Mendenhall for the entire season. They should avoid the slow start they had last year. This is a ridiculously good football team.

They are well coached. They are battle tested, having won two of the last four Super Bowls. They have the most clutch quarterback in football not named Tom Brady, and an otherworldly great defense.

But…

For some reason, the Eagles own them. The Birds are 46-27-3 all time versus the Steelers. They even won the only postseason meeting between the two. (OK, it was in 1947. I’m just sayin’.) They are 2-1 versus the Steelers since 2000.

I’m not saying the Eagles are better. I’m saying the Eagles can beat them. If they meet in Super Bowl XLIV, they will.

3. New England Patriots

He’s baaaaaaack.

The most analyzed knee in the NFL is back to wreak havoc on the league. Tom Brady’s return makes the Patriots a Super Bowl threat.

They have the best coach in the NFL over the last decade in Bill Belichick. They have the best receiving corps in football outside of Arizona. And their defense is always tough.

Granted they have questions at running back, but they always have questions at running back. Laurence Maroney is listed as the starter, but BenJarvis Green-Ellis and Fred Taylor will see time there as well.

Brady’s knee was shredded less than 12 months ago, and as of now they have only undrafted rookie Brian Hoyer as a backup. They are rumored to be looking at AJ Feeley, but ESPN”S Adam Schefter reports that deal is unlikely to happen.

If Brady’s knee holds up, they will be dangerous. If not, they will be beatable. Either way, in the tougher AFC, they will be battered and bruised by the time they get to play the Eagles in the Super Bowl.

4. Baltimore Ravens

They have their usual ferocious defense, and Joe Flacco now has a year under his belt at QB. They are very well coached and well assembled by GM Ozzie Newsome. The offensive line may be one of the league’s best. Did I mention the defense? It’s pretty good.

But they have major questions at RB and WR. Derrick Mason changed his mind about retirement, but one has to wonder how enthusiastic he’ll be by, say, week eight. The defense is good enough to win a lot of games by itself, but can that propel them to the Super Bowl? They did it before in 2000, but this defense is not as good as that one, which was arguably the best ever.

This offense is better than that one also. Do they have enough to get by the Steelers and Patriots? Maybe. Do they have enough to win it all? I think not.

Honorable mentions

Green Bay and Minnesota are sexy picks this year. San Diego and Indianapolis are always in the mix, and should be this year as well. But all four are all in the next tier of teams behind the four mentioned above.

My official prediction? In a game for the ages, the Eagles beat the Steelers, 20-17 in Super Bowl XLIV.

Stone Cold Lead Pipe Lock(tm).

Confessions of a Seminoles Fan: Tim Tebow Is the Greatest of All Time

Geoff Crawley — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 16:25:32 -0400

OK, maybe not yet. But after he leads the Gators to their first ever undefeated season, wins his third national title, and wins his second Heisman Trophy, he will remove all doubt.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

The list of my favorite college football players of the last 25 years that are not Seminoles is short. These are the guys I loved to see play, even against my beloved Noles.

Tommie Frazier. Eric Crouch. Reggie Bush. Vince Young.

I am obliged to now add a Gator (gasp) to that list.

Fact is, he would make my favorite list even with the Seminoles included.

We’ve heard all the lines about Superman wearing Tim Tebow underwear, he was asked to be Pope, but was too modest to take it, etc. He is a phenomenal human being, which certainly counts for a lot. But when his college career is remembered, it will be, at least in my mind, for what he said after the Gators most recent loss to Mississippi:

“You will never see any player in the entire country who will play harder than I will play the rest of the season. And you will not see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody for the rest of the season, and you will never see a team play harder than we will the rest of the season.”

Then he did it.

I mean, guys SAY crap like this all the time. And surely, Tim Tebow was not the only Gator who elevated his game after that one point loss last year. But the guy basically called HIMSELF out. In this age of zero accountability, he took accountability, put his team on his back and carried it to the National Championship.

A Gator!

In my mind, he should have won the Heisman for that speech (and his subsequent backing up of the speech) alone. Forget the stats, which are impressive alone. This year he will become the SEC’s all time leader in yards, passing TDs, and rushing TDs. He is already the all-time conference leader in passing efficiency.

Not enough to convince you? The guy is a winner and a natural born leader. He knows how to handle himself with the press and in public. He recently acquitted himself very well in a press conference when he was asked a ridiculous question about his virginity.

Will he be a great NFL player? Probably not. But that is not the question here. He embodies what makes college football superior to the pro game. The passion these young men have is unrivaled.

And Tim Tebow will go down as the best of them all. Ever.

I bleed garnet and gold. I remember with glee the Choke at The Doak and with horror Wide Right I, II, and III (and Wide Left, too). I love the Florida State Seminoles.

But the truth is the truth. It is what it is. And after this season, it will be three National Titles, two Heisman trophies, and the first undefeated season in the storied history of the University of Florida football program.

If he does it, he deserves the title of G. O. A. T. Greatest Of All Time.

And he will top my list as favorite of all time. Sorry, Charlie (Ward).

Sean Landeta Irate That Eagles Let Michael Vick Wear Number Seven

Geoff Crawley — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 15:03:25 -0400

In an angry, tear filled press conference, ex-Eagle/Giant/Ram/Buccaneer/Packer/USFL Star punter Sean Landeta lambasted the Philadelphia Eagles for allowing new quarterback Michael Vick to wear number seven.

“Everybody knows that seven is my number, man,” said a visibly shaken Landeta. “When you think Philadelphia Eagles and the number seven, who comes to mind?

“Sean Landeta, fool. That’s who. You better recognize.”

Vick was recently released from prison after serving 18 months for bankrolling a dog fighting operation. However, that wasn’t Landeta’s problem.

“It’s about respect, son,” said Landeta, wiping away tears and patting his chest. “Respect!”

Landeta got angrier when asked if he had been drinking.

“Look, man, you can’t understand this, because you never strapped on the armor and went to war for the Eagles and five other teams.” Standing abruptly and knocking over the press table, Landeta, arms spread wide, then bellowed, “I AM THE GREATEST!”

Philadelphia quarterback Donovan McNabb seemed puzzled by the whole thing.

“Who?” said McNabb. “Sean Landeta played for the Eagles? While I was playing here? Really? Huh.”

Eagles President and COO Joe Banner said in a statement: “While we very much appreciate the efforts Shaun (sic) Landeta gave during his time here, the fact of the matter is that his jersey doesn’t make us any money. Michael Vick, on the other hand, sells lots of jerseys. We couldn’t care less what he did.

“It’s all about the Benjamins, baby. Ka-ching!”

Landeta clearly disagreed. “How many Super Bowl rings does Vick have? None. I got two. OK, so both were with the Giants, but still. I’m a champion. He’s a felon.

“I mean, it was bad enough that they let Jeff Garcia wear it. I didn’t say anything about that. But this is too far. TOO FAR!” He then put his head down, sobbing.

Philadelphia head coach Andy Reid addressed it in his post practice news conference as usual.

“Uh, injuries, Westbrook’s ankle came out ok, he should be good to go for the season, uh, Celek, he, uh, his, uh, shoulder is coming along, he will play Thursday night, uh, Abiamiri, he’s, uh, close to 100%, he’s, uh, he’s chomping at the bit to get out there, uh, the Andrews Sisters still can’t do anything, uh, time’s yours.”

After being asked about Landeta’s press conference, Reid said, “I don’t comment on guys that don’t play here. I’m not gonna get into all that.”

Bobby Hoying could not be reached for comment in his van down by the river.

Brad Lidge Continues Relentless Pursuit Of Blown Saves Record

Geoff Crawley — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 18:22:23 -0400

With his Major League leading eighth blown save, Philadelphia Phillies closer Brad Lidge is ever closer to fulfilling his boyhood dream of being in the record books for most blown saves in a single season.

“When I was a youngster, I always dreamed of breaking records in baseball,” said Lidge, after literally throwing away a game with the Atlanta Braves. “But there was always one that was near to my heart, the holy grail; the single season blown saves record.”

The current record for blown saves in a single season is 14, held by four different players. The last pitcher to achieve the feat was the Minnesota Twins’ Ron Davis in 1984.

Lidge was visibly choked up when talking about the record.

“That was a magical year, 1984,” said Lidge wistfully. ”It takes a special kind of situation. You can’t just suck. You have to suck in a special way.

“Kind of like I do this year.”

Lidge was in danger of saving the Braves game Saturday.

With his Phillies leading 3-2 in the bottom of the ninth, it started off well enough for Lidge, with Braves OF Garret Anderson singling to right, just under the glove of Gold Glove second baseman Chase Utley.

“That was a break right there,” said Lidge.

Then, Matt Diaz laid down a bunt just to the right of Lidge. He had time to throw to second and start the double play.

“That went through my mind as I reached for the ball,” said Lidge. “But then I thought, the record!

“So, I bobbled the ball and threw it into right field. I had no choice, really.”

Anderson scored on the errant throw. Lidge, charged with two errors on the same play, knew his work was not done yet. He then walked the next two batters, one intentionally, then struck out Ryan Church.

“It was more dramatic that way,” he said.

Then, to the surprise of no one, Lidge left a slider over the plate that Omar Infante drove into left field for the win.

More importantly, for Lidge, he preserved the blown save.

“I really think I can do it if I get the opportunities,” said Lidge. “I’m glad Kim (Myers) hit (her husband and injured Phillies pitcher) Brett (Myers) in the eye like I asked her to. That should buy me a couple extra chances.”

When told that Kim denied that and that the Myers' claimed that Brett fell out of his car, Lidge chuckled and said, “Sure, ok, whatever.”

“Six more to go. Wow, I can’t believe I am actually this close to history.”

With Brett Myers Returning Soon, a Dear Brad Conversation with Lidge

Geoff Crawley — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 10:00:39 -0400

Hey, Brad, you got a second? We, the fans of Philadelphia, just wanted to say thanks.

Thanks, Brad, for the magical perfect ride last season. That run of 48 straight saves in a Phillies uniform last year, from April through the World Series was amazing, thanks. Don’t let the bullpen door hit you on the way out.

It’s over. Brett Myers is coming back.

No, it’s cool, we know you’re a great guy and everything. It’s just that, well, you know, you really have been a terrible pitcher this year.

We can live with the major league leading seven blown saves. The law of averages says that’s probably about right with the perfect season last year. It really isn’t about the ERA either, really, although an ERA above seven is ridiculous.

No, it is the way you are blowing saves that concerns us, to the point where we need to end this now.

Your success is dependent on people chasing that nasty slider, because you can’t throw it for a strike. (Well, you can, but when you do, it gets hit hard.) People are on to this. They know that they can just wait out the sliders until you have to throw a fastball for a strike to hit, or a slider for a strike to hit, or continuous sliders off the plate or in the dirt until you walk them.

Let’s take Tuesday night in Chicago. You walked Kosuke Fukudome, who was then sacrificed to second. Behind in the count to Milton Bradley, you threw your slider over the plate, which, predictably, got smacked into center for a game-tying RBI single.

After the game, you wanted to focus on the walk. Regarding the pitches to Fukudome you said, “I guess I could have made them a little closer so they could be called strikes.”

Yes, Brad, you could have thrown them over the plate instead of trying to nibble. A pitcher working a perfect closing season gets those calls. A guy with six blown saves and an ERA north of a touchdown does not.

Look, you don’t have to explain. It’s not that we don’t love you, we do. You’re a great guy. It’s not you, it’s us. We just need more consistency, like Phillies’ pitching coach Rich Dubee says. You aren’t giving us what we need.

Look, Brad, don’t make this harder than it already is. It was fun, right? You can keep the ring. No, we insist. You can—wait, that’s our cell phone, hold on, we need to take this—hello? Hey, Brett, how’s it going?

You threw two simulated innings yesterday? No pain? You think you might be pitching in a rehab start within a week? Great! Hold on, what? Yes, he’s still here. We’re telling him now, hold on a second.

Look, Brad, we gotta go. Actually, you gotta go. Thanks again for last year. No, now. Goodbye, Brad.

Sixers Trade Samuel Dalembert To Los Angeles For Candace Parker And A Throwback

Geoff Crawley — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 14:46:39 -0400

The Philadelphia 76ers today traded disgruntled center Samuel Dalembert to the Los Angeles Sparks for star power forward Candace Parker and a throwback jersey from Hall of Fame center Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Dalembert is expected to back up Sparks center Lisa Leslie.

According to sources, talks have been ongoing for some time, but were held up due to the Sixers insistence on a signed Magic Johnson jersey. Once that was reduced to a game worn Abdul-Jabbar jersey, things moved quickly.

“We are proud to introduce our new forward, Candace Parker,” said Sixers general manager Ed Stefanski of the 6′4″ dunking machine. “We expect her to be a significant improvement over Dalembert. She is stronger, has a better outside shot, and is far less likely to cost us games by committing four fouls in the first quarter of every game.

“Plus, this Kareem jersey is gonna look sweet on the wall of my office.”

Dalembert seemed thrilled to be traded to a contender.

“It is an honor to be traded to a team with such a rich tradition,” said the soul-rending center. "I hear the seats on the bench there are well padded. I look forward to taking my team killing skills to Los Angeles.”

When asked what Dalembert’s role would be, Sparks head coach Michael Cooper was very clear.

“His role will be to make sure that Lisa has plenty to drink, and that she has a fresh towel with which to dry off when she sits down.” When asked specifically about his playing role, Cooper just laughed and left the podium.

Contacted by phone, Sixers guard Andre Iguodala seemed to sum up the feelings of the whole team, if not the city.

“Wow, I thought we would never unload that mook,” said Iguodala. “To call him useless is an insult to useless people. Who did we get for him? You know what, it doesn’t matter. We are a better team today.”

When told that WNBA star Candace Parker was now a Sixer, Iguodala replied, “Great. She will double his scoring average just by not fouling out.”

Parker seemed to take the whole situation in stride.

“I’m just going to try to fit in and do what I do. I plan to be a team player. [Sixers head coach] Eddie [Jordan] told me that I was a much better fit for the Princeton offense, due to the fact that I have an IQ over 75, unlike Dalembert."

“He said that, not me. I mean, it’s true, but I’m just saying.”

When asked about how she would handle the difference in the game play, Parker expressed confidence.

“Look, I am not worried,” said Parker. "I know what I can do. Obviously, the Sixers do too, or I wouldn’t be here. I can handle the ball, I can shoot, I can dunk, all the things that were missing from that position for the seven minutes a game that he played last year.

“If some high school kid can dunk on (Cleveland Cavaliers forward) LeBron (James), I can too.”

At press time, it could not be confirmed that the New York Mets were trying to trade Oliver Perez to the USA Olympic team for softball ace Jennie Finch and a Mia Hamm throwback.

Pedro Martinez to Make Rehab Start Versus Washington Nationals (Humor)

Geoff Crawley — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 16:04:02 -0400

Unable to locate a Double-A team with space on its schedule, the Philadelphia Phillies have secured the Washington Nationals as an opponent for newly signed pitcher Pedro Martinez's rehab start next week.

“We want to ease Pedro back into the groove,” said Phillies general manager Ruben Amaro Jr. “We didn’t want him facing major league hitters until his arm strength gets to where he is comfortable.

“The Nationals are a perfect fit for that.”

Nationals pitcher John Lannan could not contain his excitement.

“What a thrill, to be on the same field as a major league team,” said Lannan. “It’s every kid’s dream to be on the field with actual major league ballplayers.

“Do you think (Phillies second baseman) Chase Utley will give me an autograph?”

The Nationals were resistant at first to playing at home, as they lose tens of thousands of dollars on every home game.

“An extra home game? No way,” said Nationals president Stan Kasten. “Why should we open the doors so 2,600 people can come in and cost us money again? We just laid off Manny Acta to save money.

“We’ll play in Philly if they pay for the train tickets.”

Martinez, surrounded by a phalanx of midgets and wearing armless sunglasses like Morpheus from The Matrix, displayed his usual cockiness.

“Look, I don’t care if these guys aren’t major leaguers. If I need to, I will drill them. Go dig up Frank Howard, I’ll drill him right in the (censored), too. If they want to cry, let them cry.

“There’s no crying in baseball,” Martinez added. He then began throwing peanuts to a small elephant he’d brought with him.

When told that Frank Howard wasn’t dead, Martinez began throwing peanuts at reporters.

The Mets were originally asked but were unavailable due to their malaria-curing world tour.

The Phillies Have to Trade For Roy Halladay? Not So Fast, My Friend

Geoff Crawley — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 17:11:16 -0400

Roy Halladay is the best pitcher in baseball.

Let’s get that out of the way right now.

It isn’t that he wouldn’t make the Phillies World Series favorites; he absolutely would.

But what would be the price?

If the Blue Jays were asking for a ham sandwich and Eric Bruntlett, this trade would be a no brainer. But they are not.

Toronto general manager J. P. Ricciardi says that he is looking to be “blown away.”

Remember, Halladay is under contract through the end of 2010, so it isn’t as if the Jays have to trade him now or risk losing him for nothing.

They are not desperate.

They just stink.

Therefore, it will require a king’s ransom to make this happen. Logic says that the Blue Jays will require a major league pitcher (it isn’t going to be Brett Myers, kiddies), plus at least two, possibly three, blue chip prospects to get this done.

Thus, for the Phillies, you are looking at JA Happ, Kyle Drabek, Michael Taylor, and possibly Jason Donald or Lou Marson.

Happ has been their most consistent pitcher this season.

Drabek has wowed everyone in baseball with his comeback from Tommy John surgery, and is penciled in as at least the number three starter next year.

Michael Taylor is a legitimate five tool stud who may be an all-star for the next ten years.

Frankly, Donald and Marson are very good players, but not as good as those three,

Still, Marson is likely to be a very good catcher, and those don’t grow on trees. Donald is stuck until Jimmy Rollins leaves, so he is definitely tradeable.

Oh, and for those thinking that a package of Carlos Carrasco, Kyle Kendrick, Donald, and Marson will get it done, you are dreaming.

Not gonna happen.

The Blue Jays are not going to make that trade, sorry Charlie.

The fact of the matter is, with the addition of Pedro Martinez, the Phillies are good enough to win as constructed.

If you were told before the season that at the all-star break, the Phillies would be leading the division by four games with two games in hands, you would take that, wouldn’t you?

What if you were told that Pedro Martinez was going to be added to the rotation?

Would you take that?

In a heartbeat and that is where they stand.

They are hitting as well as they have all season. They are coming off one of their best homestands ever, and have a chance to bury the Marlins this week.

Now, they have a three-time Cy Young winning, World Series Champion, and future hall of famer taking the mound once every five days.

Is Martinez what he once was?

No but for the first time since early in 2006, he is healthy and his head is clear. His fastball is as good as it has been in years. He has a chip on his shoulder for not being signed until now.

Most importantly, he didn’t require the Phillies to gut their farm system to come aboard.

Remember 2008, when everyone was screaming for the Phillies to get the best pitcher available, CC Sabathia?

Remember that they got Joe Blanton instead?

Remember that the Brewers gutted their farm system to get Sabathia?

Sabathia and the Brewers went to the playoffs. Blanton and the Phillies got a ring.

It says here it happens again wiithout Roy Halladay.

Philadelphia Beats Cincinnati By Three Touchdowns (SATIRE)

Geoff Crawley — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 14:01:56 -0400

In a laugher, the Philadelphia Phillies beat the Cincinnati Reds by three touchdowns last night, 22-1, led by a stunning 95-yard interception return for one of the touchdowns by cornerback Shane Victorino.

Phillies quarterback Cole Hamels threw for 275 yards and a touchdown before giving way to backup QB Scott Eyre. Kevin Kolb was unavailable.

"I was really in the zone tonight," said Hamels, who completed 17 of 20 passes with no interceptions. "The protection was amazing, and how about that catch and run by (Philadelphia Tight End) Ryan (Howard)?"

Hamels was referring to the one-handed second quarter grab by Howard at the Cincinnati 30-yard line, after which he spun past one defender, ran through another, and dragged four more the final 15 yards into the end zone.

"Nothing happens if Cole doesn't make that throw, man," said Howard. "Cincinnati has a great defense. (Cincinnati linebacker Joey) Votto had great coverage on me, Cole just made a perfect throw. He took just enough off it, almost like a pitcher throwing a change up."

Reds wide receiver Jonny Gomes snapped at a reporter who asked what happened on Victorino's pick six.

"Look, I don't know how many times I have to tell you guys, my last name is Tres Uno. Write it down if your are too dumb to remember it. Tres Uno."

When it was pointed out that "Tres Uno" means Three One and not 31, Gomes came completely unglued.

"You guys write whatever the [bleep] you want alright? I don't throw the ball. I'm wide open in the end zone, next thing I know, the Hawaiian is Flyin' the other way. Talk to (Cincinnati quarterback) Johnny (Cueto) if you wanna know what happened. And I will no longer respond to anything but Tres Uno. Or Tres."

Perhaps the real reason the Reds were so upset may have been Phillies coach Charlie Manuel's decision to go for two after Jayson Werth's 85 yard TD reception on a halfback option from Jimmy Rollins.

"Completely bush," said head coach Dusty Baker. "You would think that World Champions would know better than that. What reason would you need to go for two when I have (Punter Paul) Janish in at quarterback so I don't get guys hurt? None.

"I lost a lot of respect for Charlie Manuel tonight."

When told of Baker's comments, Manuel replied, "I'm not gonna get into all of that. Injuries, uh, we came out of that game pretty good, uh, nothing major, we were able to get (free safety) Chase (Utley) and Ryan out early, uh, Jimmy is a little tired after, uh, running for 225 yards and throwing that TD to, uh, Jayson. Time's yours."

It was unclear how the Reds scored one point.

Barack Obama to Mets: "Go Cure Malaria Like You Cured the Phillies" (Satire)

Geoff Crawley — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 00:03:04 -0400

After watching the New York Mets be swept by the Philadelphia Phillies again, President Barack Obama made his boldest move yet of his young presidency.

"The New York Mess, er, Mets have been declared as 'The Cure For What Ails You,'" said Obama to an emergency session of the United Nations. "Therefore, it is with great pride that we are sending them on a worldwide tour to cure malaria.

"Look, if they can cure the Phillies, they can cure anything."

The announcement was met by thunderous applause, especially in sub-Saharan Africa, Southeast Asia, and Queens.

"Anyting to get dese bums outta here," said Nicky from Yonkers on WFAN. "Just don't let dat mamaluke (Mets second baseman Luis) Castillo near anyting important. He'll drop it."

"Castillo, you suck!" he added.

Zambian President Rupiah Banda said that the Mets will be greeted with open arms.

"These great heroes will save the lives of thousands of Zambian children," said Banda from behind a mosquito net emblazoned with the Mets' logo. "The fact that they can't hit, field, or give any run support to one of the greatest pitchers in the league today means all the world to us."

"Anybody that can break (Phillies shortstop Jimmy) Rollins out of the worst slump of his career can certainly deal with something as simple as malaria."

"Let's Go Mets!" he added, clapping rhythmically.

Rollins whole-heartedly supported the plan as well.

"As long as they come back before our next series with them, I'm all for it," said Rollins, who entered the three game series with only one hit in his last, like, million at-bats. "They certainly cured my slump."

"Forget fat girls, the Mets are the real slump-busters."

Mets pitcher Johan Santana balked at first. "Hey, look, I do my part. I can't help it that this bullpen is incapable of holding a lead, and that Luis (Castillo) can't catch a cold standing in a hospital room full of feverish three year olds. I'm not going."

Santana later relented when reminded that he gave up Rollins' first home run since the Reagan Administration.

Even Brad Lidge, who has an ERA over 7.00, picked up two saves in the series. "Yeah, my head hasn't been right all year," said Lidge, who wasn't even sweating after striking out the side in the ninth to earn his sixteenth save of the year, even though he has blown six saves—some in spectacular fashion—this season.

"I really wasn't sure if I would ever pitch effectively again in the majors. I thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for the New York Mets, and those malaria stricken people soon will also."

It is reported that Pamela Anderson is currently in negotiations to have the Mets come to her house to cure her after they are done with malaria.

Cristiano Ronaldo Weeps, Barcelona Wins Champions League

Geoff Crawley — Thu, 28 May 2009 10:38:58 -0400

Manchester United has the reigning FIFA player of the year. They have the defense and strength to keep the stallion of Barcelona at bay. They have the skill up front to beat Las Blaugranas. They are the best club in the best league on earth. They should win easily.

Right?

Wrong.

In a stunner, Barcelona shut out the Premier League Champion Manchester United 2-0 to capture the UEFA Champions League title. They became the first Spanish team to complete the treble, winning La Liga, Copa del Rey, and the CL title.

The result wasn’t stunning. The way in which it was achieved was, at least for this admittedly casual fan.

Most experts picked Manchester to win by imposing their will on Barcelona—and they did just that.

For nine-and-a-half minutes.

Manchester came out guns a-blazin’. They nearly scored in the second minute when 2008 FIFA player of the year and heartthrob Cristiano Ronaldo sent a wicked free kick bending in towards goal from 32 meters. Barca keeper Victor Valdez, not surprisingly, had trouble with it. But after bobbling it, the threat was cleared.

But Man U kept coming. They came with a ferocity that Barcelona hadn’t seen thus far in this tournament. They were physical. Barca seemed on their heels.

Enter the hero (or villain, if you are a Chelsea supporter) of Stamford Bridge.

Andres Iniesta put a brilliant pass onto the boot of Samuel Eto’o, one of the world’s best finishers. From there, Eto’o turned Man U center back Nemanja Vidic like a top and pushed the game winner past Edwin van der Sar.

The keeper had no chance.

United were stunned. They had thrown their best shot at Barcelona, and not only had Barca not blinked, they scored.

Manchester were not the same after.

They put up the good fight, getting an injection of life from the entrance of Carlos Tevez to start the second half. But the match had a feel of eventuality to it when Xavi hit the post on a free kick in the 54th minute.

Barcelona was going to win. It was just a matter of by how much.

When 2009 FIFA player of the year Lionel Messi (it’s going to happen, I’m crowning him now) put in a masterfully outswinging pass from (who else?) Xavi, the eventuality turned to a near certainty.

When Barcelona is putting headers in, you know things are going well.

At the end of the evening, Josep Guardiola became only the sixth person ever to play for as well as manage a CL winner. He also became the youngest manager to ever win the Champions League.

Lionel Messi led all goal scorers in the tournament with nine, and veteran striker Thierry Henry finally added the line to his already impressive résumé that has eluded him for so long.

UEFA Champions League winner.

Is this Barcelona club the best ever? That is a question for someone far more experienced than this writer. But one thing is certain: It is the best club this year.

What a glorious ride.

VISCA EL BARCA!

Why the 1991 Philadelphia Eagles Are My Favorite Team

Geoff Crawley — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:03:10 -0400

I can count with one finger the number of times I've seen my father cry.

It was Sept. 1, 1991—a warm, late summer day in Northern Virginia where we lived. I had religious services that morning and asked my dad to record the Eagles game for me so I could watch it later.

When I got home, I rang the bell, and he opened the door and looked as if someone was dead. He was welling up with tears. I asked him what happened.

"The game," he said.

I kinda laughed. "That bad?" I asked. "Did they lose?"

He shook his head and said, "No, they won." When I asked him what was wrong, he started to speak, stopped, then pushed past me and said, "Just watch it. I need to go for a long, long drive."

So as I watched, I saw Bryce Paup end our hopes and dreams for a Super Bowl by destroying Randall Cunningham's knee.

Out for the year.

We finally have a coach who won't ignore the offense, and Randall, the ultimate weapon, goes down in game one. Season over, right?

Wrong.

Enter the best defense ever to take the field.

(This column is not about comparing this defense statistically to any other. For that, see here where a Steelers blog calls the 1991 Eagles the best defense ever. Over the 1985 Bears. Over the 2000 Ravens. Over the 1976 and 2008 Steelers. Ever.)

Led by the Minister of Defense, Reggie White, this Eagles team refused to quit after Randall went down. My personal favorite moment came in Week 14 against the Houston Oilers.

The Oilers were led by Hall of Fame quarterback Warren Moon and a slew of great receivers. They were the Greatest Show on Turf when Kurt Warner was in high school. Unbeaten at home, the thought was that as dominant as the Eagles defense had been, they would not be able to keep up with the high-powered Oilers.

Early in the game, Oilers wide receiver Ernest Givins ran a square in pattern. Just as the ball arrived, Eagles free safety Wes "The Widowmaker" Hopkins launched himself like a missile. Parallel to the ground, he put his forearm through Givins' face mask and broke it.

I'll give you a second to let that sink in.

His nose broken, Givins dropped the ball. The Oilers turned the ball over five times that day. They were held to two field goals, and, typically, the Eagles won only 13-6.

This was an abysmal offensive team. It really highlighted the greatness of Randall Cunningham. They turned the ball over 44 times, 26 in their six losses. In addition to an over the hill (and oft-injured) Jim McMahon, they had Brad Goebel, Jeff Kemp, and then 95-year-old Pat Ryan all see significant playing time at quarterback.

What, Guido Merkins wasn't available?

The leading rusher was James Joseph with 440 yards. No, I didn't leave a "1" off the front of that. The leading wide receiver was Fred Barnett. He had four touchdowns.

Four.

To call this offense bad is an insult to bad offenses. They would have had trouble scoring on SMU, whose football program didn't even play that year. But the defense...

Reggie White. Clyde Simmons. Jerome Brown. Mike Golic. Seth Joyner. Byron Evans. William Thomas. Eric Allen. Rich Miano. Wes Hopkins. Andre "Dirty" Waters.

The starting front four had 39.5 sacks. White alone had 15, despite constant double- and triple-teaming. But my favorite player on that team was Seth Joyner.

His intensity, his passion, his desire to win are all why his motor never, ever stopped. All he ever wanted was a title. In the aforementioned game in Houston, he was a monster. He had eight tackles, forced two fumbles, recovered two others, and had two sacks.

Oh, and he had a 102-degree fever.

While I wanted Seth to get a title in Philly, he didn't get one until after he left. He played special teams for the 1999 Broncos and got his ring then.

Well deserved.

This was a team that brutalized Troy Aikman for 11 sacks in one game. They handed the eventual Super Bowl champion Redskins one of only two losses that year. They gave up 300 yards in a game only once all year.

Not 300 yards passing. Three hundred yards total.

I'm not saying they would have won the Super Bowl that year, even with Randall. The Redskins were an absurdly good team that year, especially on offense. But still...

If I ever catch Bryce Paup on the street, we got beef.

The (Mock) B/R Interview: Philadelphia Eagles Quarterback Kevin Kolb

Geoff Crawley — Tue, 12 May 2009 20:31:33 -0400

We wanted to interview the next great quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles. We don’t know who that is, so we’ll talk to Kevin Kolb instead.

1. You were likely one of the few people who knew that the Eagles were going to select you in the 2007 draft. What was the feeling like being drafted into such a great franchise?

2. It seems as if you were selected to eventually replace Donovan McNabb at quarterback. What was your first conversation with him like?

3. You were a four-year starter at the University of Houston. Your numbers were amazing, especially during your senior year. You finished your career as the fifth-leading passer in NCAA history. How do you answer critics who say you were the product of a pass happy system?

4. You are supremely confident in your abilities. How frustrating is it to have to sit behind Donovan McNabb?
5. Let’s go back to the Baltimore game last year. How surprised were you to get the call to start the second half?

6. The drive to the end zone was great, until the last play. There are those who say that the interception was Reggie Brown’s fault for not running the route properly. Ed Reed said that he knew the play from film study and baited you. What was going through your mind after the ball left your hand? Did you ever even consider converting to a run there?

7. Let’s play what if. What if Reed does not pick that ball off and take it an NFL record 108 yards to the house, but instead, you score there? Do you win the game? If so, do you start the next week against Arizona? Would that have been the start of the Kevin Kolb era in Philadelphia?

8. How many years do you think Donovan McNabb has left? Do you still believe, barring an injury, that you will be the heir to his throne?

9. There are those who want you to be the starter now. There are others who hope you never take a meaningful snap in an Eagles uniform. What do you say to each of those groups?

10. This city is starving for a Super Bowl. This writer is on record as saying that you will win, labeling it a STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(insert trademark). Is this the year Philly finally gets one?

Thanks for your time, Kevin.

2009 Philadelphia Eagles Preview

Geoff Crawley — Sun, 10 May 2009 20:23:15 -0400

I hear you.

"Don't do it, Geoff," you say.

"You're gonna jinx 'em," you say.

"It's too early," you say.

Fact is, that horse left the barn right after the draft. I am already on record with the Eagles winning Super Bowl XLIV. I went so far as to call it a STONE COLD LEAD PIPE LOCK(tm).

It won't be easy. First we'll talk about what obstacles they will need to overcome to win their first Super Bowl. Then I will explain why the scales will tip the Eagles way.

Stop being so paranoid.

OBSTACLES

1. Tight Ends who Can't Block.

I like Brent Celek. I am a huge, huge fan of fifth round pick Cornelius Ingram. I believe that he will be the starter by the end of the season. But neither of them can block a third grade girl scout on crutches. The tight ends' inability to block has cost the Eagles games over the last couple of years. It could potentially do so again if these two don't improve their blocking.

2. The Wolverine Factor.

On the field, Brian Dawkins had lost a step. This was evident to most observers who followed the team. Off the field, however, is a different story. In the locker room, Brian Dawkins was the unquestioned, unrivaled leader of this team. His defense of McNabb under adversity and his ability to rally the team are unparalleled. It was thought that Sheldon Brown would step into this void, but he is now demanding a trade or a raise. Someone will have to fill this leadership void, or this season will not be as successful as it should be.

3. In-Game Decision Making.

Andy Reid's in-game coaching is sometimes questionable at best. We won't go into the New Orleans game, or the end of the Super Bowl, or this team's continued inability to run a hurry-up offense. Andy's not gonna get into all that, and neither are we. The bottom line is that it has to get better. Now.

Calm down. Here is why we will win it all.

POSITIVES

1. Super 5 is Healthy.

Any time Donovan McNabb is healthy, the Eagles are legitimate Super Bowl contenders. His detractors will point out that when he was hurt a couple of years ago, Jeff Garcia stepped in and led the Birds to the playoffs before losing to New Orleans in the second round. In fact, Garcia played well in that game, and if not for a questionable coaching decision by Andy Reid (SHOCKER!), the Eagles may have won that game.

But they didn't.

McNabb bashers will also point to the way the Eagles have responded to Koy Detmer, A.J. Feeley, and Kevin Kolb (oops, scratch that last one). They talk of McNabb's inaccuracy, and a general inability to make his receivers better.

Hogwash. And that is as politely as I can put it.

Donovan McNabb is, quite simply, the greatest player ever to put on an Eagles uniform. He is, in my opinion, the greatest athlete to play in Philadelphia, in any sport, since 1980. You can point out the occasional ball in the dirt or behind a guy, as if no other quarterback does that.

I will point to the fact that every single year he has been healthy after his first year as a starter, the Eagles go to at least the NFC Championship. For those who say that he only went to the Super Bowl because of TO, I will remind them that TO did not play in the playoffs that season until the Super Bowl.

TO did not get them over the hump. Donovan McNabb did.

I can go on about McNabb's greatness, but the fact of the matter is, if he stays healthy, which is more likely with his new offensive line, the Eagles are Super Bowl contenders.

2. Brian Westbrook is Healthy.

Brian Westbrook is one of the most dangerous and complete running backs in the NFL, when healthy. He was injured all of last season, only practicing on a limited basis and missing two games. He had an off year. For him.

In an off year, a year in which he played through pain severe enough to require knee surgery after the season, B-Dub had over 1,300 yards from scrimmage and 14 touchdowns, averaging four yards a carry. In an off year.

There are running backs who would kill for a season like that, yet Westbrook did it in 14 games, while hurt.

Now he is not.

In addition, he will be pushed for playing time by second round draft pick LeSean McCoy. McCoy is a tremendous talent with very good speed (4.52 40), who catches the ball well out of the backfield. He is a great fit for the Eagles' offense. His biggest flaw is that he does not block well. Yet.

But he will make Westbrook better. Somewhere, Giant fans are shaking their heads saying, "How can Westbrook be BETTER?"

3. Improved Wide Receivers.

The Eagles' wide receivers have been frequently bashed, and with good reason. Here is a partial list of wide receivers McNabb has thrown to in his Eagles career:

Charles Johnson. Torrance Small. James Thrash. Todd Pinkston. Na Brown. Freddie Mitchell. Greg Lewis.

Really? I mean, come on. Michael Irvin flat out questioned the manhood of Thrash and Pinkston (calling them "Trash and Stinkston") before the 2004 NFC Championship game. They proved him right.

This year, the Eagles have a healthy Kevin Curtis, fully recovered from the sports hernia that cost him the first half of last year. They have the electrifying DeSean "Fraction" Jackson, a threat to go the distance every time he touches the ball. And they have first round pick Jeremy Maclin, who has speed to burn and great hands. Those three are lightning fast and virtually interchangeable, although Maclin may be the toughest of the three. You have a group now in which a guy nicknamed "White Lightning" is probably the third fastest.

That's speed. You can't teach speed.

Oh, and they have Reggie Brown, too.

This is the best group of receivers that McNabb has had outside of 2004. It fits perfectly with the Eagles' philosophy of not having one receiver that the defense can key on. The difference this time is that they actually have talent.The sixth receiver right now is Hank Baskett, who is deservedly the sixth receiver, but he is not exactly terrible. Not always, anyway.

Donovan McNabb reportedly asked for more weapons. He got them. This team, talent-wise, is better than the team that walked off the field at University of Phoenix Stadium as the Cardinals celebrated last year. Is this the year McNabb and the Eagles put it all together and bring the Lombardi Trophy to Philadelphia?

Yes.

Stone Cold Lead Pipe Lock(tm).

ESPN Reports Manny Ramirez To Be Suspended 50 Games for Positive Test

Geoff Crawley — Thu, 07 May 2009 12:25:01 -0400

ESPN reports that OF Manny Ramirez will be suspended 50 games for testing positive for performance enhancing drugs.

Much to the shock of no one, Ramirez suspension comes while the Dodgers are off to the hottest home start in baseball history. Ramirez, who was lauded as critical to the Dodgers' success last year, will now be away from his team until near the All-Star break.

Scott Boras, Ramirez agent, says that this was not a positive steroid test (wink, wink), but that it was for a prescription drug to treat an unidentified medical condition.

I do believe that steroids are available by prescription.

Really, though, if that is true, the players union has failed one of the game's superstars. Like Philadelphia Phillies pitcher JC Romero, who was suspended for 50 games for using an over the counter product he purchased at GNC, Manny receives no help from the union for something they should have been giving him advice about.

I do not like Manny Ramirez.

But this seems wrong to me.

UPDATE:

This from the ESPN story:

"Two sources told ESPN's T.J. Quinn and Mark Fainaru-Wada that the drug used by Ramirez is HCG -- human chorionic gonadotropin. HCG is a women's fertility drug typically used by steroid users to restart their body's natural testosterone production as they come off a steroid cycle. It is similar to Clomid, the drug Bonds, Giambi and others used as clients of BALCO."

Never mind, he's guilty, hang him. Jerk.

Donovan McNabb Brokers Middle East Peace, Booed for Taking So Long (Satire)

Geoff Crawley — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:45:47 -0400

After years of searching for a peace agreement, President Barack Obama held a press conference today to announce that Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb brokered Mid-East peace via cell phone while in his Arizona home.

The emotional announcement was met by boos from 30 Eagles fans who made the trip to the White House, led by WIP radio personality Angelo Cataldi.

"He's had 15 years here. Why did it take so long?" screamed Cataldi.

"You suck, McNabb!" he added.

Echoing Cataldi's sentiments was Tony from Palmyra.

"You know what? If he had done this years ago, the world would be a better place," said Tony. "Every single death in the history of that region until now is on his head. Booooo!"

"Look at him smiling, up there, like he's done something," said Mario from South Philly. "T.O. was right about you! You ain't done nothing! He's so smug. He needs to be more serious. When he finds Osama Bin Laden, then I'll stop booing.

"(Former Eagles quarterback Ron) Jaworski was a better negotiator than you'll ever be, you putz!"

McNabb was his usual ebullient self. When asked about the booing fans, he smiled and said, "That's how it is in this town, and that's what I love about it. They put a lot of pressure on you to complete passes, win championships, and bring peace to the world. But no one puts more pressure on me than I do."

NFL Network analyst Deion Sanders chimed in as well: "This is why the people of Philadelphia don't deserve this great man. I hope the war just moves there and they just kill each other off like the animals they are."

When asked why he was choosing to condemn an entire city to death because of 30 fans, he replied simply, "It's God's will. Praise Jesus!"

McNabb was asked what it would take to win this city over after three straight Super Bowl wins, two NFL MVP trophies, and bringing peace to a region that has known hatred and bloodshed for decades. He said that he was not concerned with accolades.

"People are always going to have their opinions, and that's just how it is. I don't worry about what people think. I just go out and do what I have to do to be successful, whether that is scrambling out of the pocket, changing a play at the line of scrimmage, or getting (Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin) Netanyahu and (PLO Leader) Mahmoud Abbas on the phone to stop the killing, all while having fun.

"That's what it's all about, not the championships, not the trophies, not the millions of lives saved; it's about having fun."

Eagles coach Andy Reid was asked what he thought of the fans' booing of his Nobel Prize-winning quarterback.

"Uh, I'm not gonna get into all of that. Donovan is my guy. I had to have him take a step back and let Kevin Kolb get on the phone for a little bit, just for a fresh perspective. But it all worked out in the end."

McNabb told reporters that he has no ill will towards the people who drove down just to boo him. "I'm not one to hold grudges," he said.

"But I'll never forget it."

After the press conference, Cataldi and Sanders were drafted by the Army and sent to Afghanistan.

"I'll boo him with my dying breath," said Cataldi.

Orlando Magic Superman Suspended for Game Six Versus Philadelphia 76ers

Geoff Crawley — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 16:26:51 -0400

Kryptonite has struck the Orlando Magic.

ESPN reports that Orlando Magic center Dwight Howard has been suspended from Thursday night's Game Six in Philadelphia. This is as a result of a first quarter elbow to the head of Sixers, center Samuel Dalembert.

Sixers GM Ed Stefanski said that, "The rule is clear...I contacted the league immediately after the play."

David Stern on speed dial—not even Superman can outrun that. The Sixers have life.

Not that Orlando will be a pushover without the NBA's defensive player of the year. But the good news just keeps on coming.

ESPN also reports that Magic starting guard Courtney Lee will be out for at least Game Six, possibly longer, thanks to an inadvertent elbow from...you guessed it.

Superman.

Orlando may have a three games to two lead in the series, but the Sixers have borrowed a page from the Phillies' book.

Never say die.

Orlando wants no part of a Game Seven, even if it is at Amway Arena. (Amway? Really?) The Sixers have an excellent chance of winning a series in which most experts had them being swept.

Everybody who had the Sixers winning this series before it started, raise your hands.

Liars.

Nobody gave them a shot, not even me, and I am the biggest homer there is. I was just hoping they wouldn't get swept. Now, they have a real shot at winning this series, and they would be even money against either Chicago or a Garnett-less Celtics.

Then comes LeBron and them.

End of the ride.

But that would be a pretty sweet ride considering where it started.

Kansas City Chiefs Trade Tony Gonzalez to Atlanta Falcons for Second-Round Pick

Geoff Crawley — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 15:23:59 -0400

The Kansas City Chiefs have traded 10-time Pro Bowler Tony Gonzalez to the Atlanta Falcons for a 2010 second-round draft pick.

The dream of McNabb-to-Gonzalez is over for Eagles fans.

And for those who say he has lost a step, Gonzalez caught 96 balls for 1,058 yards and 10 touchdowns. What did L.J. Smith do last year?

Nothing.

I have to assume that the Eagles have a plan this weekend to upgrade the TE position. I am hoping it is Florida's Cornelius Ingram.

Why Do People Hate Philadelphia Eagles Fans?

Geoff Crawley — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 21:31:28 -0400

Chicago Cubs fans are lovable losers.

We are obnoxious blowhards.

Buffalo Bills fans are fiery and passionate.

We are ignorant and emotional.

Washington Redskins fans are knowledgeable.

We are stupid and undeserving.

Why is the Philadelphia fan so widely hated?

Is it because we hate ourselves? Because we threw snowballs at Santa? Because we booed Donovan McNabb and cheered Michael Irvin’s career ending injury?

No.

It is because we have the audacity to demand excellence.

We don’t boo indiscriminately. Take the Santa incident. First of all, it happened in 1968. Most people act as if it happened last Thursday. It is 41-years-old. Get over it. The guy who played Santa has.

The fans were angry at the team, not Santa. They vented their frustration with an awful football team at Santa. The team was ending a terrible season, and has a band start playing “Here Comes Santa Claus.”

A happy song? At the end of a 2-12 season? In Philly?

I wasn’t alive, but I would have been booing the team that day as well. What should we do at the end of a 2-12 season?

“Great effort, guys, we’ll get em next year?”

It is not that kind of party. You want that kind of soft acceptance of a season full of sacks of awful? Try Detroit. We don’t want it here.

We booed McNabb? He seems to think so. He even seems to carry a grudge 10 years later about it. But why were they booing?

For months, the fans wanted the Eagles to draft Texas running back Ricky Williams. Even Ed Rendell, the current Governor of Pennsylvania, asked the team to draft Williams.

The local sports station, WIP (which stands for We’re Idiots, People) sent 30 morons up to New York with explicit instructions to boo any pick but Williams.

Thus, because a handful of buffoons boo the team’s pick, not McNabb per se, the entire fan base booed McNabb?

No. I will not accept that. Dissatisfaction with the team’s decision, cannot be extended to an entire city personally attacking a single player. To do so is absurd.

How about booing Irvin? I got nothing.

That was inexcusable and embarrassing. And, of course, we are the only ones to do that, right?

I mean, no Yankees fans were happy about A-Roid’s injury, right?

And no Browns fans cheered when Derrick Anderson got hurt, right? Or when Steelers safety Ryan Clark was seriously injured?

And, of course, NOBODY cheered when Tom Brady went down last year.

That kind of thing only happens in Philly.

NFL Network’s Deion Sanders called us stupid and said he hated us. NFL Network’s Jamie Dukes said we don’t deserve McNabb.

On behalf of the entire city, let me say this.

BOOOOOOO.

We are passionate. We are knowledgeable. We are frustrated with coming close and not getting the ring. We know the team is too. That is why we continue to show up and cheer when they make great plays.

And boo when they don’t. This will not change.

Charlie Manuel said Phillies fans were the best in the world. Andy Reid has said it also about Eagles fans.

We demand excellence and boo mediocrity. If you don’t like that, don’t play here. Go play in Atlanta, or New Orleans or St. Louis, or some other city that doesn’t care.

But when you win, nobody will throw a parade like we will.

Don’t believe me?

Ask Jimmy Rollins.

Philadelphia Eagles Looking Hard at Knowshon Moreno

Geoff Crawley — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 10:07:54 -0400

I gotta stop watching ESPN at the gym in the morning.

Once again, I nearly fell off my elliptical when ESPN's Sal Paolantonio reported that the Eagles are looking to draft Georgia running back Knowshon Moreno in the first round, even if they have to trade up to do it.

Needless to say, but I'm shocked.

Don't get me wrong. I think that the Eagles draft well, but, outside of Fraction Jackson last year, they never draft the guy I want.

Maybe says a lot about my drafting skills.

Knowshon Moreno is the real deal. He is a rare, every-down back that even blocks well. He doesn't have blazing speed (4.5 in the 40-yard dash), but his other qualities more than make up for it.

Don't take my word for it. Here's what Mel Kiper Sr., err, I mean, NFL Network's Mike Mayock has to say about him (insert your own thick Mid-Atlantic accent here):

"Here's what Moreno is to me: He has incredible lateral quickness and ability to make people miss in short areas. But he is also the toughest, most physical running back I've seen since Adrian Peterson. He finishes every run...I think he's going to be a really good back in this league for a long time."

How many times last year did the Eagles need a guy who "finishes every run"? How many games did the lack of a tough back cost them?

What if Moreno had been there to run in the Baltimore game instead of Kevin Kolb throwing record-setting interceptions to Ed Reed?

He fits the Eagles' system perfectly—he has great hands and he actually knows how to block. He is ready to step in and play right now, and the Eagles need an heir to Brian Westbrook.

That heir should be Knowshon Moreno.

I am on record saying that I don't believe Moreno is going be around at No. 21. Apparently the Eagles don't either, or they wouldn't be talking about trading up.

Paolantonio says that, if they cannot get Moreno, they will trade the pick...hopefully to Cleveland or Arizona.

But they never do what I want, right?

The Anquan Boldin-Eagles Rumors Gain New Life

Geoff Crawley — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 08:37:00 -0400

Do you want to see this in blue for the next six years? Yeah, me neither.

Look, I am as sick of this as you are.

I am tired of the teases. The Cardinals have stated repeatedly that they are not interested in trading Anquan Boldin, no way, no how.

Until now.

ESPN’s John Clayton reports that Arizona is now willing to entertain offers for their unhappy All-Pro wideout.

Clayton added on SportsCenter this morning that the Giants and Eagles are the frontrunners to land him.

I nearly fell off the elliptical at the gym.

Here is a list of reasons why it is critical to the long-term success of this franchise to make this deal.

So the Giants don’t get him.

That’s it. That’s the list.

There is no need to talk about Boldin’s greatness. It has been well documented.

Here is the overriding factor for me: Last year, he caught 89 balls for 1,038 yards and 11 touchdowns.

Not only would that have made him the Eagles' top receiver, it would have been one of the best single seasons ever for a Philly wideout.

Oh, did I mention he missed four games, including two for a broken jaw?

A broken jaw only cost him two games!

The bottom line is, the Eagles need to sign Boldin to keep him away from the Giants.

I have been stumping for Braylon Edwards in this very space, but that is only because the Cards have said that Boldin wasn’t going to be traded. Now that has changed.

I am not one of those guys who bashes the Eagles receivers (much).

I believe that, as a group, they are the best in the NFC East right now. In fact, outside of the T.O. year, it is the best group that Super Five has had since he has been here.

With a healthy Brian Westbrook and a TE who actually knows how to play the position (read: not L.J. Smith), they are in good shape.

I don’t think they really need Boldin.

I think the Giants do desperately.

With the loss of Plaxico “Six Shooter” Burress, the Giants need a wide receiver.

After years of Burress ripping out the hearts of Eagles fans, this team cannot afford to let Boldin go to the Giants and replace him.

The Giants are not a playoff team without Burress. With Boldin, they are in the mix for the Super Bowl.

So are the Eagles.

Yes, the price will be steep. It will cost a first and a third. But the Eagles have 12 draft picks, including two in the first round. Throw in Reggie Brown, I don’t care. Get it done.

They have to do this. They have to keep him out of New York. Let the Giants overpay Torry Holt or Marvin Harrison.

The Eagles need to overpay for Anquan Boldin.

Harry Kalas: A Legendary Voice is No More

Geoff Crawley — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:43:45 -0400

I never wanted to write this.

When I was a kid, my cousin loved Reggie Jackson. Probably because he was left-handed and named Reggie.

When I called him today in Atlanta and told him of the death of legendary broadcaster Harry Kalas, he was in shock.

"Reggie, I can't stop crying," I said. "Why can't I stop crying?"

He said, "Geoff, when we were kids, everybody else was their favorite player. I was Reggie Jackson, that one kid was Mike Schmidt. We had a guy who was Pete Rose, Garry Maddox, and Bake McBride. Even your uncle Tony was Greg Luzinski. But not you.

"You were Harry Kalas."

Since I was a small child, I have wanted to be sportscaster. I love playing sports, but the ability to paint a picture with words—that was my first love.

Gene Hart was the voice.

Harry Kalas was my hero.

One of my earliest childhood memories is of trying to say Kent Tekulve's name just like Harry. I was 10 years old before I knew that Pittsburgh's baseball team was called the Pirates and not "The Buckos."

The sheer joy in his voice as the Phillies won the series in 1980 will never be forgotten.

The pennant in '83, Mike Schmidt's 500th career home run, the pennant in '93, Lenny Dykstra's game-winner in Game 5 of the '93 series, the NL East title in 2007, the NL East title and pennant in 2008—None of these can be remembered without the legendary call of Harry Kalas.

My favorite? It is my ring tone on my phone right now. While I usually rotate that frequently, this one will stay for a while.

"The 0-2 pitch...Swing and a miss! Struck him out! The Philadelphia Phillies are 2008 World Champions of Baseball! Brad Lidge does it again and stays perfect for the 2008 season...48-for-48 in save opportunities...and let the city celebrate!"

And celebrate we did.

Thanks Harry.

Camp Nou Massacre: Barcelona in Top Form at the Right Time

Geoff Crawley — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 11:53:46 -0400

In a shocking exhibition, Barcelona defeated Real Salt Lake at Camp Nou last Thursday 4-0...wait, what?

That wasn't an MLS club?

That was BAYERN MUNICH? The defending champion of the Bundesliga? Really?

Really.

Bayern manager and German football legend Jurgen Klinsmann said before the match that he thought that Barcelona were the best club in the world. The Blaugrana did nothing to disprove that.

In a marvelous display, Barca showed why they are the most feared club in this tournament and the best club in the world.

All four goals came in the first half, and if not for an amazing save by Bayern's Hans-Jorg Butt in the 50th minute, a ridiculous yellow card on Lionel Messi (called for diving in the penalty area when replays showed he was clearly tripped), and Barcelona trying to get a little too cute in the second half, the score could have been much worse.

The match was over after the second goal, a fine finish by Samuel Eto'o, set up by a no look backheel from Messi. Hey, I personally thought it was over when the draw was made weeks ago (that's a lie, I was nervous, but it sounds good), but, well, let's hear from Bayern playmaker Franck Ribery:

"It felt a bit like the team panicked. It also seemed like we gave up a bit after Barcelona got their first two goals. We couldn't put two or three good passes together and if you are stuck in the last 20 metres of the pitch defending everything which comes at you all the time, then it becomes really difficult."

Panicked? A veteran (read: old) team has no business panicking in the UEFA Champions League quarters. That is a telling statement from Ribery.

The next two goals came straight out of EA Sports FIFA 09. In the 38th minute, Thierry Henry set up Messi's second goal. Its awesomeness (not a word, I know, save it) is hard to describe.

Henry, from a near impossible angle to Butt's right, centered the ball to what seemed like no one. Just as I was saying, "Oh, unlucky," Messi slides in out of nowhere to push it past Butt for a fabulous finish.

Oh, I guess it wasn't that hard to describe.

By the time Henry scored in the 43rd minute off of a disturbingly sick pass from Messi (who was in on all four goals, can we just give him the footballer of the year trophy now, or do we have to wait?), it was all over but the plane ride back to Munich.

The good news for Bayern supporters is that the second leg of this tie is in the friendly confines of Allianz Arena. The bad news? No team in the history of the Champions League has ever come back to win after being down 4-0.

Sure, there's a first time for everything. But honey, this ain't it.

Bring on Chelsea.

My Favorite 20 Athletes In Philadelphia Sports History

Geoff Crawley — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 00:06:19 -0400

This will be the definitive list of the 20 greatest athletes in Philadelphia Pro Sports History. Sort of. At least my favorites anyway. The criteria used are as follows: 1. An expert panel of judges (me) was interviewed for this list. All decisions are final and unassailable. Also, they are completely subjective as to how much I liked the guy or not. 2. I am 35 years old, so this list covers only athletes that I have seen and can remember, so anybody before, say, 1979, will not be on this list. I'm sure Steve Van Buren was off the heezy in 1948, or whatever the kids were saying then, but he will not be on here, so don't look for him. And really, if you are looking for intelligent, in depth analysis like that, I'm not your guy. Sorry. 3. Preferential consideration was given to players who have rings. Sadly, that isn't too many. 4. Anybody who played for any of the major 4 pro sports teams (Eagles, Phillies, Flyers, Sixers) from 1980 onward, for any length of time is eligible. This means that Danny Tartabull is eligible, or rather, he would be if he didn't suck while he was here for an hour and a half, and Joe Frazier is not. Guido Merkins is eligible, Kelvin Bryant is not. Geoff Jenkins is eligible, that guy who caught the winning touchdown for the Soul in the Arena Bowl is not. You get the idea. 5. A lot of consideration is given to what my dad thinks, as he is the smartest guy I know, and a lot of my early sports direction came from him. In other words, play hard, no matter the score, if somebody isn't getting up, make sure it's the other guy, and GET OUT OF THE LANE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, THREE SECONDS!!! Also. more recent players are given preference too, as I tend to have a shady memory. Let's do this.

Begin Slideshow

World Bleeping Champions: Philadelphia Phillies' 2009 Preview

Geoff Crawley — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:39:12 -0400

Admit it. You cried. It's ok.

The goal today will be to not take any cheap shots at the New York Choking Dogs Mets.

Oops.

The Phillies are going to repeat. Let’s get that out of the way now. Of course, I say they are going to win it all every year, but this time I have actual facts to back it up.

Shall we?

PITCHING: Cole Hamels is clutch. He is as cool as that hotel in Sweden made totally out of ice. Yeah, yeah, I know about Johan Santana. Let’s see him throw a changeup in the middle of a typhoon in the World Series. That is clutch. That is Cole Hamels. Also, his wife is hot.

Brett Myers is an angry dude. He channels that anger into striking out a lot of people. Oh, and he figured out how to hit in the postseason too. For Mets fans, the postseason is what other teams do after your team has its annual September meltdown.

Joe Blanton is the other guy. I think he hit a home run or something in the World Series. For Mets fans, the World Series is…ah, never mind, ask your cousin, the Yankee fan. Wait, he might not remember either, it’s been a while for them, too. Look it up.

Jamie Moyer is old. Somehow he continues to get people out with his 43 MPH fastball.

Chan Ho Park (really?) is the fifth starter.

I never thought I’d say this: The Phillies starters are scary good. For the first time in, well, ever, they are not the weak link on the team. I know, I know, I have been looking for pigs over head all winter, but it’s true.

The bullpen took a hit with JC Romero being suspended for 50 games for taking an over the counter supplement that he bought at GNC and that the players union said it was cool for him to take. Seriously.

Why do they even have a union? Other than that, they are money. JA Happ is available for long and middle relief, and can fill in if a starter gets hurt, or has to leave early to get back to the old folks home in the case of Moyer.

The Mets got Francisco “K-Rod” Rodriguez from Anaheim, along with JJ Putz from Seatlle to bolster their bullpen, as it was a big reason they choked like George Bush on a pretzel finished second to the Phils the last two years running.

K-Rod broke the single season save record last year, and Putz was great for Seattle.

K-Rod was outstanding. He had 62 saves with a 2.24 ERA. It was a year for the ages, which is why he won the Relief Man of the year award. Oh, wait, no he didn’t, that was the Phillies’ BRAD LIDGE.

Lidge was perfect last year, 48 for 48 in save opportunities including the postseason. Ryan Madsen, the heir apparent to the closer job, flirts with triple digits on the radar gun. Romero gets back in June. Scott Eyre can hold it down till then.

K-Rod broke Bobby Thigpen’s save record. How about this? Both were 26 years old at the time. Thigpen never saved more than thirty games again. His ERA almost doubled the next year. He was out of baseball three years after saving 57 games.

I’m just sayin’.

OFFENSE: The first baseman has one MVP, and finished second in the MVP voting last year. The shortstop has an MVP, and stole 47 bases on a bad ankle last year. The second baseman hit 33 home runs with a bad hip, and has played in three straight all star games.

Raul Ibanez is much, much better than you think, a significant upgrade over Pat Burrell. Shane Victorino was a Gold Glove center fielder last year. Jayson Werth is no longer looking over his shoulder for a platoon. The bench is so strong that they cut Geoff Jenkins and ate $8 million dollars on his contract.

This team is deep. It is primed for a long run. They have an arrogant swagger that I would like to say comes with winning, but frankly, they had it before. It is why they win while the Mets don’t.

The Mets have added some big guns to their bullpen. They think they now have what it takes to beat the Phillies.

The Phillies know they have what it takes to beat the Mets.

Let’s ride.