Ron Rivera, Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol—California has had a lot of fun off of Chicago's misfires and near-misses.
But the state of California doesn't have it's head so far up its ass that they can't thank Chicago for all the good they've done for them.
Even though it was kind of accidental, and completely based off of stupidity.
I would assume that the conversation would go something like this.
California: Hey buddy, how's it going?
Chicago: To be honest, it's a little cold, and I've been shoveling a lot. I truly think Mother Nature is bi-polar.
Cali: Really? Because it's beautiful out here, you should come visit sometime.
Chi: Why did you call?
Cali: Just wondering if you've heard all the good fortune we've had lately.
Chi: You mean like the writers strike being over so that you can make even more money, or the award season being a success like always?
Cali: Well that's all been great, but I'm talking about sports-wise.
Chi: You mean like having Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol ready to dominate the NBA once again?
Cali: Yea, didn't you have interest in those guys?
Chi: Yea, we were actually pretty close to getting both of them, we decided it would be better to fire the coach that got us into the playoffs the last three years and go 10 games below .500 at the All-Star Break. It just seemed more exciting than, you know, winning.
Cali: Oh yea, winning sucks. I'm so pissed that we had to beat you guys in the Rose Bowl. We're still picking pieces of Juice's ass off of our cleats.
Chi: Shut the hell up.
Cali: Did you know that we've also got this professional football team that went to the AFC Championship game? Didn't one of our coaches used to coach for you guys?
Chi: Yea, Ron Rivera, he was the defensive coordinator when we went to the Super Bowl. I guess he figured he'd rather have a no-name job in your state than a high level job in my city.
Cali: Yea, I get that a lot. He has really helped Merriman though, and I'm pretty sure he's helped us get those extra turnovers. How have you guys been doing since the switch?
Chi: Still looking for a way to clone 23 more Devin Hesters to fill out the starting line-up. We almost got one, but it exploded on contact.
Cali: Wow, that is very exciting. Do you mind if I make that into a movie? I think Denzel Washington could star, and Samuel L. Jackson will have to be involved in some way. Forrest Whitaker as Lovie Smith. Keanu Reaves can be Rex Grossman. He's used to having bone-head roles. This movie is going to be the next blockbuster.
Chi: Do I get anything for inspiring it?
Cali: Hell no. Who do you think I am, Oregon? Ha.
Chi:
6 comments Last one added about 1 year ago — Leave a Comment
Dave Huet about 1 year ago
Pure genius!
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Joe Willett about 1 year ago
I know
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Darec Edwards about 1 year ago
wow i thought that was the most boring peice i had ever read lets all try to act like we are at least 16 years old
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Joe Willett about 1 year ago
wow darec, it's like you know me outside of bleacherreport. btw, nice picture, but i think i've seen it somewhere else before you.
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JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago
Nice article--but the last time Chicago met California in any sort of postseason play, Chicago won.
So, California, you may have the teams now, but remember this: I got to first base with Doug Eddings.
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z.z. about 1 year ago
That was uber funny. Made me laugh out loud...
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