Mike D’Antoni: Kick himself for not waiting until after the draft lottery to choose the Knicks over the Bulls, but be thankful that the Knicks will upgrade the point guard position at this year’s draft.
Nate Robinson: Ruin more dunk contests.
Larry Brown: Bet Michael Jordan $10,000 that he won’t trade him to another team. It may be his only way out.
Sasha Vujacic: Request a bigger percentage of Wall-E’s grosses since they used his image and likeness.
China: Ruin more All-Star Games.
Stephon Marbury: Make outrageous claims like "Chestnuts are lazy" and "I invented the question mark."
Brian Scalabrine: Throw a massive kegger at the Delta house and buy a new long board.
O.J. Mayo: Win the ROY while also setting the record for most games played with a playoff beard without actually making the playoffs.
Andray Blatche: Solicit more prostitutes. With the way the season has gone for the Wizards, I’m sure they’re willing to try anything.
Kobe Bryant: Win more than two meaningful games at the Fleet Center.
Paul Pierce: Fake more injuries.
LeBron James: Learn all the lyrics to "New York, New York."
Glenn Taylor: Find a way to get the hopes of every Wolves fan up only to crush them again. My suggestion: Fire Kevin McHale right before the draft and hire Isiah Thomas as your coach/GM. I couldn’t do this without a mention of Zeke. Plus, I just miss his antics.
There you have it, the unequivocal 2009 New Year’s Resolutions. Granted, it isn’t your standard lose 15 pounds or drink less or quit smoking, but these aren’t your standard guys. I feel pretty confident that every one of these things will happen.
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