Greg Oden: Ask Kevin Pritchard to trade for Adam Morrison so you aren't the most anti-social guy on the team.
Kevin Martin: Hope that no one realizes he is just sitting out all these games to get Rubio on the Kings so he can play with a fantastic point guard. No offense, Beno.
Utah Jazz: Hire a new trainer and team doctor.
Tim Duncan: Do the Tim Duncan face when he realizes he doesn’t finish in the top five in MVP voting.
Chris Mullin: Pick Billy Knight’s brain and find out the best way to deal with a roster of 42 small forwards.
Elton Brand, Luol Deng, Andre Iguodala, Gilbert Arenas, and Baron Davis: Hold a symposium about how overpaying non-franchise, oft-injured, and non-winning players is a bad idea.
Kevin McHale: Use the inevitable acquisition of the second pick in the upcoming draft to obtain more undersized centers and a few more combo guards.
Toronto Raptors: Wonder if things could get any worse only to see Jay Triano’s record since taking over the team.
Dwyane Wade: Continue to have hands-down the best season by any player who didn’t win the MVP.
Michael Beasley: Get back on defense...sometimes.
Brook and Robin Lopez: Do a viral video of Mike Myers’ "Phillip the Hyper Kid" from SNL. Brook would play Phillip and Robin would play the Nicole Kidman part. I would literally pay $1,000 to see this.
Danny Granger: Be the Arrested Development of the 2008-09 NBA season (aka The Best Show No One Watches).
Tracy McGrady: Save some of his injuries for key playoff games. You don’t want to use them all up in the regular season.
Josh Howard: Celebrate his third month without doing or saying something stupid by smoking a ton, driving drunk, and crashing into an American flag store.
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