BYU Football: Santa Brings Cheer and Good Tidings to Cougars

Lou MartinContributor IIIDecember 24, 2011

BYU Football: Santa Brings Cheer and Good Tidings to Cougars

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    Yo! Yo! Yo! Merry Christmas, BYU football fans!

    If you’re not Christian, Happy Hannukah. If you’re not Christian or Jewish, Happy Kwanzaa. If you’re atheist, happy (insert day of week here).

    Santa Cleats here, wishing you all a warm and happy holiday season!

    Sorry for the dust, but seems Blitzen and Dasher—who are HUGE football fans—couldn’t wait to get here and took us a little too close to Mount Timpanogos on our way in.

    Yo! Yo! Yo!

    Seems I have a few things here in my bag for a certain college football program that ends in U.

    No, not those pesky Utes of the U of U. The Cougars of BYU!

    It’s come to my attention the Cougars have been good boys this year. Winning 75 percent of your games in a season will do that, boys and girls. Let that be a lesson to you!

    Yo! Yo! Yo!

    Let’s take a look at what Santa brought the Cougars this year.

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A Gift for Bronco

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    Our first gift is for the head Cougar, Bronco Mendenhall.

    Let’s see. What do we have here?

    Why, it’s a new coaching outfit! That’s right, Coach, now you don’t have to occasionally dress like you’re one of the equipment managers!

    Yo! Yo! Yo!

    We love that casual look, Coach, but maybe it’s best used for practices, not for national TV appearances. With your new outfit, now you have more to choose from!

    You’re welcome, Bronco. You’re welcome.

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A Gift for Brandon

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    Santa loves a good offensive attack and is especially fond of teams that can convert inside the red zone!

    The Cougars did convert on 78 percent of their red zone drives this season, but like Santa always says: There’s always room for improvement!

    Yo! Yo! Yo!

    So, for offensive coordinator Brandon Doman, Santa brought a brand new playbook!

    Now Santa has no problems with the Cougars’ offensive output against the cream puffs on the schedule, but the unimpressive numbers compiled against the stiffer opponents? Eh.

    Did someone say cream puffs? Mmmm.

    Yo! Yo! Yo!

    There you go, Coach. Enjoy your new playbook and put it to good use, OK?

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A Gift for Tom

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    No, Santa didn’t forget you, Tom Holmoe. In fact, your gift should bring sanity and excitement to the whole BYU football family.

    For you, Tom, Santa brought the biggest and best gift of all: a conference affiliation!

    Now if Santa had his druthers, the Cougars would become a member of the Big 12 conference, but I’m going to let you decide which conference is the best fit.

    There’s no shame in trying to do things on your own, but come on now, even Santa knows there’s strength in numbers. Not to mention an easier path to BCS glory!

    Yo! Yo! Yo!

    There’s nothing wrong with a little help from your friends.

    I sure do miss John and George.

    Well there you go, Cougar boys and girls! May you all enjoy the gifts Santa Cleats brought you and may they lead to a happier and more exciting BYU football season in 2012!

    On Dasher, on Dancer, on Pr...well, you know the rest!

    Merry Christmas to (foot)ball and to all a (foot)ball night!

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