It's the IMPACT before Christmas!
My Christmas list is pretty long. I'm sure Santa won't be able to get some of the things on my list. I want to see Bobby Roode retain at Genesis and Kazarian to get more TV time. Also, I want Brooke Tessmacher, Traci Brooks, Velvet Sky and Mickie James.
I promise I won't shoot my eye out!
That's only a small part of my list. Let's get on with IMPACT.
Heavyweight Champion, Bobby Roode and Bully Ray come to the ring. Bully Ray is wearing a big Santa hat.
Both guys talk about their holidays, then talk about the Seasons Beatings they gave to Sting and Jeff Hardy last week.
Roode takes a mic and dares Sting to come suspend him for his actions last week. Roode says he is in need of a good vacation.
Instead, Jeff Hardy comes out. Hardy says the same thing since winning his match at Final Resolution. You know, all this "I'm going to take the World title off Roode" crap that nobody is buying into. Hardy says that Roode will team with Bully Ray in a match against Hardy a partner of his choice.
Bully says that Jeff has no friends and nobody likes him.
"The Icon" Sting comes out and has his Joker-style face paint and a Jeff Hardy shirt. The two guys that were supposed to main event Victory Road earlier this year will now main event IMPACT as a tag team.
Wild Card Tag Team Tournament
Rob Van Dam and Daniels vs. AJ Styles and Kazarian
Okay, I change my mind.
I like the team of Samoa Joe and Magnus, but Styles and Kazarian is my new favorite team. If we're lucky, they'll face each other in the finals.
Is this Kazarian's first match since before BFG?
If so, that's stupid. He's a great wrestler and deserves more TV time or some feud.
Rob Van Dam and Daniels are rivals as Styles and Kazarian are former Fortune members. I wonder who'll win.
After some good action between these four, Daniels attempts to tag in Rob Van Dam who was mad about Daniels walking away when he wanted to tag out earlier in the match, so he kicked him in the face.
Kazarian hit his finishe, (I forget what it's called since he's been off TV for so long), and they win.
Winners: Kazarian and AJ Styles
Best of Three Series: Match Two
Zema Ion vs. Anthony Nese
Zema picked up the win last week in the first of three matches. It's time for Nese to step it up. Winner of the series gets to join Kid Kash, Jesse Sorensen and Austin Aries in an X Division title match at Genesis.
Zema comes out with a can of hairspray and is spraying it everywhere. I thought it was worth taking note of.
Nese comes out and Zema takes it to him before entering the ring.
The two work another good X Division-style match. Zema Ion did his facebuster move to Nese and went for a pin, but like last week, stopped the pin for one more move.
Nese managed to catch Zema in a roll-up, and the series is tied at one a piece.
Winner: Anthony Nese
Next week, we'll have a new No. 1 contender.
Prior to IMPACT, I tweeted that this match would be one reason to watch IMPACT. The eventual winner, Anthony Nese retweeted that. Cool.
Pope is Pimpin'
The Pope is backstage doing an interview. He starts talking about Pope being a father figure for the fatherless and being a husband to the husbandless.
He starts talking about how cool he is and how uncool Devon is.
Devon slams Pope against a wall and threatens him. One of Devon's kids hits him with a chair from behind. Pope calls Devon's kids his boys and they all leave Devon on the floor. I wouldn't expect Devon's kids to get much for Christmas this year.
New Sheriff in Town
Madison Rayne is backstage, and she claims that Karen left her in charge of the Knockouts.
Madison is wearing some referee clothes and has an announcement coming shortly.
"It's a Business Meeting"
A clip airs and it's about Eric Young and ODB getting ready for their Wild Card tag team match.
They're at a restaurant and Young thinks it's a date. ODB says it's a business meeting and says if it were a date, Young would get her something expensive.
The entire clip is for comedy purposes and, I say, it worked! I liked it and I'm sure there's plenty of people out there complaining about it. Deal with it.
Even Shane Helms liked this segment. He said so via Twitter!
Madison reminds us about her previous statement about becoming the official Executive Vice President of the Knockouts after Karen left.
Her first order, make TNT explode...or implode.
She calls out Tara and Tessmacher and makes a match with herself as referee.
Tara vs. Brooke Tessmacher
Tara and Brooke are screwing around early on. They're pretending to hurt each other and just rolling around the mat. They're not taking any of this seriously and Madison is getting pissed which causes her to scream which causes me to hit the mute button.
It's a vicious circle.
Madison threatens to fire them if they don't fight. They keep messing around and Madison gets even angrier.
Tara and Tessmacher lock up, go into the turnbuckle and Madison smacks them both in the head. She's instigating a fight, obviously.
Shortly after, Tara and Tessmacher start to wrestle a real match. They go back and forth then meet in the center of the ring to yell at each other.
Madison screams at them to hit someone, and they do. They both hit Madison.
Match is thrown out
Madison goes down and rolls out of the ring as Tara and Tessmacher drop to a knee and start Tebowing. Daniel Tosh is not a fan.
Bromance: A close sexual relationship between two men that doesn't involve sex (source: Dictionary.com).
Sting and Jeff Hardy are walking backstage talking about being big fans and even being marks for each other. They're brothers in paint as Tenay said.
Sting thinks Jeff deserved a second chance. After all, Sting had plenty of second chances in life.
What? How can someone get plenty of second chances in life? Doesn't it turn into third, fourth, fifth and so on? Sting really is insane.
"It's a Business Meeting" Part II
Eric Young is in the kitchen of that restaurant that we've seen earlier. He's looking for a gift to give to ODB.
He gets into trouble with a chef and ends up stealing a tray and a fan. Now is it a date?
Another Tebow Reference
"Cowboy" James Storm comes out and says that Kurt Angle whipped his butt last time they fought. Storm was down for three quarters but in the fourth, pulled a Tim Tebow on Angle.
Don't expect Daniel Tosh to guest appear for TNA anytime soon.
Kurt shows up via satellite in Storm's hometown.
He's dressed as a cowboy and talking to a waitress at a bar about Storm. Kurt asks for some moonshine that Storm likes. Angle tells the waitress that she looks like the horse he rode in on and spits moonshine in her face.
Wild Card Tag Team Tournament
Anarquia and Shannon Moore vs. Eric Young and ODB
Prior to the match, Shannon says he and Anarquia don't get along and he doesn't like the idea of ODB in the match. He respects women.
Eric Young does all the heavy lifting for his team.
After Anarquia body slams ODB. Shannon Moore walks out because of Anarquia's lack of respect for women. ODB slams Anarquia. EY follows up with an elbow drop then locks up with Earl Hebner and ODB kicks Anarquia in the yambag region as the ref is distracted.
Winners: Eric Young and ODB
This match proved that Anarquia is nothing without Hernandez. Certified jobber if not for Mexican America.
Tag Team Champions, Crimson and Matt Morgan give their insight on the Wild Card Tournament.
Neither one cares about who wins. They just know they'll beat them, and they're just looking for a challenge.
It doesn't matter what organization, what state, what country or what continent their opponents are from.
Both, Crimson and Morgan did a good job with this interview. They sounded badass!
Angle "Cowboy-ed Up"
Kurt is back with his latest footage from the bar somewhere in Storm's hometown.
Angle takes a pool stick and knocks one guy out with it, then cracks it over some guy's back.
Kurt takes a telephone and breaks it over a guy's head. Kurt knocks out four or five guys then drops a Christmas tree on them.
Bully Ray and Bobby Roode vs. Jeff Hardy and Sting
The main event street fight was a fun match to watch. There were plenty of weapons and action inside and outside the ring.
The match really started to slow down when Roode and Bully took control, but the beat downs didn't stop at all.
Bully and Roode set up a table and were going to suplex Hardy through it. Sting shot up and pushed the table, but Hardy's legs still broke one end of the table.
Sting fights off Roode and Ray as Hardy recovered and the two of them had to set up a new table, since Sting was a bit slow the first time.
Sting placed Roode on the table, Hardy jumped off the ropes. The table broke. After the three count, it was over.
Winners: Sting and Jeff Hardy
- Opening Segment. Roode and Bully Ray can constantly give good heel promos.
- RVD and Daniels vs. Styles and Kazarian was nice while it lasted. This match was most likely to further the Daniels/BVD feud and also keep Styles out of the World title hunt.
- Nese vs. Ion. Again, both of these guys produced a nice X Division match. I wanted to see Nese win using a finishing move, but a win is a win no less. Next week is their final match and we'll see who goes to Genesis.
- Storm's promo. Despite a Tim Tebow reference, this promo was short and straight to the point. Nice job by Storm.
- Main Event Street Fight. There was plenty of weapons and someone was put through a table. What else could you want?
- Tara vs. Tessmacher. The match started off as a joke, got serious then ended with both women hitting Madison. This was to further push the Knockouts rebellion thing, I guess but I really wanted to see Tara and Tessmacher in a real match.
- Anarquia and Moore vs. Eric Young and ODB. I understand the concept of the tournament is to make random teams but why include a Knockout? ODB should be doing something in the Knockouts division. Eric Young carried the match well, I like his team, but it was just weird.
- Kurt Angle segments. The segments were more funny than serious. Angle doesn't really look so tough when he dresses as a cowboy and beats up a ton of random people at a bar. If he wanted to look tough, he should've joined Gunner in attacking a gym a few weeks ago. That was cool, this was more funny than anything else.
- Hardy wins. I don't know why, but the sight of Jeff Hardy standing over Bobby Roode annoyed me. I hope we don't see the same sight come Genesis.
This episode of IMPACT has gotten mixed reviews. Some of my Twitter followers and fellow writers thought it was really bad. Some people commenting on Wrestling Inc. thought it was good while others called it bad.
This episode wasn't the best, but it wasn't the worst.
It had one good tag match, a good X Division match, some good promos and a pretty solid main event. This week's IMPACT was alright.
Thanks for reading.
Happy holidays to everyone, and be sure to leave cookies and milk out for Santa or else he'd be pretty pissed.