The NFL's Worst Teams Compared to Blockbuster Movie Flops
It may come as a surprise, but the things that frustrate football fans also frustrate movie fans.
The price tag for watching it in person has gone way too high, which has made it much easier to just watch the action at home.
The main contributors seem to be making way too much money, and their sometimes eccentric personalities make it tough for fans to relate.
These problems are magnified when the final product is lousy. You probably won't get your money back, but it can be pretty satisfying for football fans to boo a lousy team or a moviegoer to walk out of a bad film.
With that in mind, here are the 10 of the worst NFL teams this season, and their movie flop equivalent.
Philadelphia Eagles: Jack and Jill
Movies and football have an interesting way of awarding things that probably deserved to be tossed in the junk pile.
For most of the season, the Philadelphia Eagles have been a mismatched collection of superstar talent, and the result has been a team who has grossly underperformed. However, they still somehow remain a playoff threat if they can win their final two games (and get some help.) Even if the Eagles miss the playoffs, it's amazing they are close as they are.
Likewise, Jack and Jill is an awful movie. That's saying it nicely. However, it won the box office in its opening week, grossing $25,003,575. It may have fallen short of its $120 million budget, with a total gross of around $87 million, it's amazing it got as far as it did.
Indianapolis Colts: Zyzzyx Road
The Indianapolis Colts aren't going to be winless, and may end the season with one or two wins.
Likewise, the film Zzyzx Road (which somehow stars Katherine Heigl) is not completely unwatchable. According to its sales receipts, at least one person went to go see it (it ended its domestic release grossing $30.)
Buffalo Bills: Remember Me
(NOTE: The attached video/slide is a major spoiler.)
The Buffalo Bills had the appearances of being a pretty solid team this year, getting out to an impressive 5-2 start. However, a seven game losing streak has meant the team will end the season on a major low note.
Likewise, the film Remember Me had the makings of being a decent if forgettable romantic flick, at least until the film's ending. Deciding to eliminate the male lead, played by Twilight's Robert Pattinson, by placing him in the World Trade Center on 9/11 (a unneccessary, bizarre and crass plot device) ensured that this film would end on a major low note.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Hudson Hawk
The Jacksonville Jaguars have been completely directionless this season, and in the past few weeks have dumped their head coach and ownership. This combined with the low fan enthusiasm leaves only one conclusion: This team will be completely unwatchable.
Likewise, the film Hudson Hawk is baffling and directionless. What is it trying to be? An action flick? Heist flick? Comedy? Musical? This combined with the image of watching Bruce Willis sing his way through a burglary leads to only one conclusion: This movie is unwatchable.
(Movie audiences agreed. The film only generated around $17 million, way short of its $65 million budget.)
Miami Dolphins: Osmosis Jones
Osmosis Jones flopped commercially, but did it really deserve to do so? Despite an unusual pairing of live action and cartoons and a focus on the areas of the body we don't really like, on paper it should be good. It's made by the Farrelly Brother, has great talent involved (like Bill Murray and Chris Rock), and for 2001 the visuals were pretty impressive. Maybe it just wasn't the right thing at the right time.
Likewise, the Miami Dolphins shouldn't have been such a disaster in the win column this season. They were awful to start the year, but their play to end the year (including a nice three win streak and a one point loss to the Dallas Cowboys) shows the team wasn't as bad as the record would suggest. Maybe they didn't play to their best until their season was over.
Minnesota Vikings: Gigli
The Minnesota Vikings have been a complete disaster this season. With the exception of Adrian Peterson, there have been few redeeming qualities coming out of the team's play this season. For the most part, watching the team's games have been a waste of time.
Likewise, Gigli is a bomb of epic proportions (grossing about $7 million on a $54 million budget) and a nightmare to watch. Besides seeing Jennifer Lopez and having funny jokes to crack about how bad this movie is, there are few redeeming qualities for this movie. Watching this film is a waste of time.
St. Louis Rams: The Nutcracker in 3D
The St. Louis Rams have been dreadful this year. Quarterback Sam Bradford has appeared to regress, the team has been ravaged by injuries and have been able to build zero momentum (outside of a nice win against the New Orleans Saints). They may look like a pro football team, but this is clearly a D-rated squad.
Likewise, The Nutcracker in 3D was a dreadful movie experience. Taking the story familiar to generations of small children, the film adds a futuristic and overly complex backstory, which made it tough for moviegoers to rally around. It may look like the Christmas classic, but this is clearly a D-rated substitute.
Cleveland Browns: The Alamo
The poster for the 2004 film The Alamo informs viewers that "You Will Never Forget." That may be the case, as it went down as one of the worst commercial bombs ever (grossing about $23 million on a budget of $92 million).
Likewise, it'll be tough to forget the 2011 Cleveland Browns. In addition to their lousy play, it will be tough to forget how careless they were in how they dealt with the concussion to starting quarterback Colt McCoy, allowing him to return to action without properly screening him medically, prompting rule changes from the league.
Carolina Panthers: The Adventures of Pluto Nash
Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton is a star, and a likeable one at that. However, he and the Panthers have failed miserably in their attempt to put together some wins. The team stands at 5-9.
Likewise, it's tough to not like Eddie Murphy (he's a funny guy). However, nothing lined up correctly for his 2002 film The Adventures of Pluto Nash. The film was a critical bomb, and a commercial train wreck, earning just over $7 million on a budget of $120 million.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Town and Country
A movie is a big production, and even if there are a few likeable names, it can be a bomb. Despite casting Goldie Hawn, Gary Shandling, Warren Beatty and Diane Keaton, the film Town and Country was a disaster from all angles. Its reviews were terrible, and it only grossed $10 million on a budget of $120 million.
Likewise, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have a lot of players I like, including Josh Freeman, Legarrette Blount and Mike Williams. I'm also a big fan of head coach Raheem Morris. However, these good parts have not been enough to get it done. The team stands at a woeful 4-10, with little way to compete against the superior Atlanta Falcons and New Orleans Saints.