Yeah, yeah, I know. I didn't write a review of last week's IMPACT.
The TNA part of this site must've been really boring without me last week. Well, now I'm back and, as the title somewhat says, reviewing IMPACT again.
I am hosting the official 2011 IMPACT Awards here on Bleacher Report. If you didn't vote yet, I honestly have no idea what you're waiting for. If you don't vote before the deadline, you are not a true TNA fan and should be banished from everything TNA related... Just kidding.
Vote for the 2011 IMPACT Awards at this link.
I took the usual, humorous part of the review out of the title just for more room to write in other stuff. There was a lot that went down on IMPACT and I needed some more space. Simple as that.
Even without the humor in the title, this review will still be as fun as those Kia Hamsters.
Damn, do they know how to party.
World Heavyweight Championship
AJ Styles vs. Bobby Roode
The IMPACT general manager Sting wanted to start the show with a blast and he damn sure did.
Styles and Roode went a full 30 minutes and ended the Iron-Man match in a three-to-three tie. Sting wanted to break that tie.
In the final seconds, Styles had Roode down and went for his springboard "450 Splash."
Roode moved, Styles missed and time ran out...again.
Sting went out and said that there needed to be a winner and decided to drop the Iron-Man stipulation and made it a basic match.
Roode clipped Styles' knee from behind and locked in a single-leg Boston crab-type move. Styles tapped out and Roode retained his title.
Winner and still champion...Bobby Roode!
Wild Card Tag Team Tournament
Hernandez and Rob Terry vs. Scott Steiner and Abyss
This was the first match of the new Wild Card Tournament that went on for four-straight weeks. What TNA was trying to do here was crown a new No. 1 contender or find a new team to sub in for Beer Money.
It's true. One of the best tag teams in TNA history was randomly selected.
Scott Steiner was putting in his share of work this match. He was tossing around Terry and Big 'Nandez."
Abyss came into the match and hit "Big Rob" with a "Black Hole Slam." He then tagged in Steiner who picked up the pin.
How nice of Abyss, right?
Steiner went to leave the ring but Abyss pulled him back. Abyss was just happy that they won and was trying to make this work.
Winners...Abyss and Scott Steiner!
Kurt Cowboy-ed Up.
Kurt Angle said he was tired of Sting and headed to the ring and eventually called out the IMPACT general manager.
Angle wanted a rematch against "Cowboy" James Storm and Sting denied it. He said that Storm was ready to move onto bigger and better things such as a match with Roode.
Sting told Angle to "cowboy up" and Angle said he would "cowboy up" by going to Storm's hometown and kicking everyone's ass.
Now that would have been a sight to see.
Angle wants a rematch with Storm.
Best of Three Series
Anthony Nese vs. Zema Ion
Wasn't this awesome? Zema Ion and Anthony Nese got TV time for a promised three weeks in a row! These two are the most misused X Division guys on the roster.
Whoever came out on top of this series would get to face Austin Aries at Genesis for the X Division title.
I'd be very happy to see the X Division on TV more often.
Much of the match was Anthony Nese dominating Ion and proved why he's one of the very best wrestlers on the roster.
It's true, he is.
Ion fought back with a double-kick straight to the face of Nese. He went for a pin but stopped claiming to have "one more move." Zema swung Nese around in a way that was near impossible to describe in words, and slammed Nese face first across his knee.
Another pin and Zema, once again, had more to display.
He dragged Nese towards the ropes and flattened him with a nice "450."
"Taz" was pretty sure that Nese was going to be angry about the outcome.
Thanks for the expert analogy, Taz.
Backstage, Zema said it was all about himself. He was tired of waiting for opportunities and I can't really blame him.
Nice X Division display, especially by Nese since he was dominant most of the match.
Jeff and Karen Jarrett Arrive.
With Jeff losing this past Sunday at Final Resolution, either he or Karen must be fired.
Jeff is willing to leave so Karen can stay and succeed. Karen says the same about Jeff.
They're the perfect couple and will do anything for each other.
Jesse Neal vs. Gunner
This match was clearly a way of showing Gunner's mean streak and wrote Jesse Neal off TV forever. Yes, Jesse Neal was done with TNA and this was his last match.
Gunner beat Neal all around the ring. When the action fell outside the ring, referee Earl Hebner tried to tell Gunner to bring Neal back into the ring. Gunner shoved Earl and the match was over.
Winner...by disqualification...Jesse Neal!
Afterwards, Ric Flair and Gunner beat down Jesse. Flair exposed the concrete and Gunner hit Jesse with a "DDT" on the concrete.
"Broken!" is what Gunner yelled as medics came to prepare Jesse Neal for his ambulance ride out of TNA. On behalf of Ron Simmons, Monty Brown, SoCal Val, John Laurinaitis and anyone else notable in my reviews, we wish Jesse Neal the best of luck in his future endeavors.
Time to Suck Up or Shut Up
Karen Jarrett was seen talking with Sting. After all, the guy could send her home for good later that night.
Karen said that she couldn't get fired. She was the vice president of the Knockouts and her and Sting were running IMPACT so perfectly.
She told Sting that there was a hundred Jeff Jarrett's out there and that he was easily replaceable. Sting wanted to hear Jeff's side before he made his choice.
Maybe the perfect couple isn't so perfect, after all.
Bullying Jeff Hardy
Jeff Hardy came out and said his back hurt, his neck was sore, he bit his lip on the way to the ring but that was all good because he was No. 1 contender to the world title.
Hardy said that he was going to win at Genesis and Bully Ray's music came up.
Bully Ray hit the ring quicker than Ron Simmons could say "Damn!"
Yeah, that was quick.
Bully Ray bashed Jeff Hardy and his fans. He said that Jeff probably talked to them using Twitt-uh.
That was Bully Ray's way of saying Twitter.
I like it.
He said that if Jeff had a life and was more creative, he wouldn't be using Twitter.
Hear that, Vince?
Bully Ray did thank Jeff, though. Bully thanked Jeff for his problem at Victory Road. Ever since Hardy screwed up, Bully Ray has been Immortal's number one guy.
The two would meet in the main event.
Wild Card Tournament
Samoa Joe and Magnus vs. TV Champion, Robbie E and Douglas Williams
Before the match, Joe and Magnus were talking. Joe told Magnus to stay out of his way and Magnus said that neither of them really got an opportunity and they needed to make the best of it.
Side note: Magnus was the winner of the first ever Xplosion Championship Challenge. Still, he should get TV time on IMPACT.
Anyone else think that it would've been better to see the British Invasion vs. Robbie and Joe?
No? Just me?
Williams came out with Robbie and was actually wearing his British Invasion jacket.
Magnus made the tag to Joe after taking a beating and Joe cleaned the ring. He took out Douglas and then Robbie.
Williams started to climb the rope behind Joe, but Magnus went running toward the ropes to save Joe from anything Williams had in mind. Magnus " crotched" Williams on the ropes and Joe finished with the "Muscle Buster."
Winners...Samoa Joe and Magnus!
Good to see these guys advanced into the next round. Both of them deserved better than what they were getting.
Time for Jeff to Suck Up or Shut Up
Jeff Jarrett was with Sting and was trying to convince him to fire his wife, Karen.
Jarrett said the wrestling industry wasn't a place for women.
Hear that, Dixie?
Jarrett wanted Sting to let Karen down easy.
He didn't want to get fired.
He wanted Karen gone.
Preview Next Week Wild Card Tag Team
Eric Young was told by Sting to wait somewhere for his tag partner to show up. Young is in the Wild Card Tournament next week.
There was a bit of confusion between "EY" and Sting about where to meet. Young then gave us a quick run down of his day after his mom dressed him.
"ODB" showed up and Young wanted to know who was his partner for next week. ODB said that she was here and EY thought of her as a messenger.
Nope. She's teaming with EY next week!
"The Pope" Slaps in the Face of People Who Don't Want to be Cool.
Yes, that is a Carlito reference.
Devon came out and asked "The Pope" to meet him in the ring.
"The Pope" wanted to come out and Devon's kids were right by his side.
Devon wants to raise his own kids the way he wants to. He wants to train them the right way.
Devon took his kids and started to leave because Devon didn't think Pope was a good role model.
Pope called him back and says that Devon's kids looked up to Pope because he was cool. Pope talked about how cool he was compared to how old and boring Devon was.
Devon still tried to leave with his sons but Pope involved more of Devon's family by telling Devon that he better not walk out on him like his wife already did.
Devon got pissed and Pope said that Devon's sons should have been his kids and not Devon's. Pope said not to worry because he and the kids' mother were working on that.
Devon attacked Pope but then got himself together. He hugged his sons and was about to leave until Pope kicked him in the "yambag" region.
Pope beat down Devon and his kids started to smile. They cheered, watched and helped Pope beat down their dad.
Jeff and Karen talked about their meetings with Sting.
They completely lied to each other about their meeting.
Traci Brooks vs. Madison Rayne
Traci Brooks gained one more fan before she even reached the ring.
Ron Simmons is right!
Traci is hot!
Traci brought it to Madison early on by attacking her on the entrance ramp. Traci was dominant much of the match but Madison fought back.
The two worked a good match but Madison finished it off.
Madison hit the "Rayne Drop" which Traci actually kicked out of. Traci was crawling toward the ropes when Madison kicked her right in the side of her head.
That's all she wrote...Ow!
I want to see Traci as a wrestler more than I'd like to see her take Karen's job as vice president. She's been impressive the past few weeks.
Madison winning was the right call. It only made sense since she is a former Knockouts Champion.
Traci though, looked good and had a nice in-ring performance.
The Jarrett's were together and Sting was actually in an office this time around. I mean, it was only natural for the general manager to be in an office rather than in a dark storage room.
Jeff and Karen kept up the stuff about wanting to be fired. They kept up their act as "perfect couple" until Sting turned on his TV and showed them the secret meetings he had with each of them.
Jeff got really pissed when he heard Karen say that there was a hundred other Jeff Jarretts.
So mad, you could barely hear his meeting on TV where he bashed Karen!
Sting said that you can't have Jeff without Karen and Karen without Jeff. They agreed with "The Stinger" and he fired both of them!
Jeff and Karen were gone!
Jeff Hardy vs. Bully Ray
World Heavyweight Champion, Bobby Roode joined Mike and Taz on commentary.
Hardy came out and went around giving a high-five to people in the crowd.
Then, the camera guy stuck his hand out... Yeah, the camera guy wanted a high five, too.
It took Hardy two "Twists of Fate" to put Bully away.
Bully Ray was in control much of the match and Hardy kind of pulled the old, comeback win.
Hardy pointed to Roode and signaled that his time was running out. Bully Ray failed miserably at a post-match attack and Hardy started to beat him down.
Roode ran in to make the save and together, Bully and Roode beat down Jeff.
Bully Ray grabbed a table and power-bombed Hardy through it.
Sting ran out and actually punched Bully Ray but in the process turned his back to Roode.
Sting might as well have written "Hit here" across his back because Roode knocked him out with a shot from the belt.
Bully and Roode beat down the No. 1 one contender and the general manager to end the show.
No opening segment! We actually started the show with a match! Success!
Tag Team Tournament. Ink Inc is gone, Mexican America sucks and the British Invasion is no more. What better way to find a new No. 1 contender than a Tag Team Tournament? I love tournaments.
Angle wants a rematch. The segment itself was good but the fact that this feud between Angle and Storm may actually continue is awesome.
Anthony Nese vs. Zema Ion: It's good to see the X Division on TV again and we finally have Nese and Ion getting TV time. Did I mention it's a best of three series?
Gunner looked strong. Hey, that's all that matters.
Bully Ray thanked Jeff Hardy for screwing up. It really drew heat towards Bully Ray and he is simply awesome.
Magnus and Samoa Joe won! When was the last time you've heard either one of them associated with winning? Congrats to them and I wish they keep it up.
Pope, Devon and the kids: I actually liked this segment. Now, this feud actually has a direction and it should be interesting.
Yeah, call me weird now. I'm interested in the Pope/Devon feud involving children.
Traci Brooks vs. Madison Rayne: Both of them worked a good match. Traci really sold her injuries well, looked good doing it and had a pretty strong display against a former champion in Madison Rayne.
Sting fired both Jeff and Karen Jarrett.
Thank you, Sting!
The five-minute overtime could've been used at Final Resolution instead of IMPACT but I get what they were trying to do.
Why's the Tag Tournament have to use random teams and pairings? The first match could've been Mexican America vs. Abyss and Anderson or something like that. The second match could've been Rob Terry and Robbie E vs. The British Invasion and Samoa Joe could've been placed in a team with Daniels for next week.
Next week, AJ and Kazarian will team up against RVD and Daniels.
Yeah, the two rivals, RVD and Daniels, must team up.
Who believes that?
Joe and Daniels vs. AJ and Kazarian would've been awesome and RVD could've easily taken Steiner's spot as Abyss' partner.
I don't see why we need to see random teams...
I liked this edition of IMPACT if you can't tell from the pro list.
Everything just felt on the right track and at the right pace.