(0:00) – Dan Orlovsky TD pass Jacob Tamme – Baltimore wins by 14 losing the -17
(0:02) – T.J. Yates TD Pass to Kevin Walter – loses Cincinnati -3
(4:17) – Matt Ryan TD Pass to Julio Jones (75 yards) – loses Carolina +3.5. The Panthers were outscored 24-0 in the second half to lose the cover.
Those are bad beats people. At least I didn’t lose last week. I’m pretty sure I haven’t had a losing week since October.
I’ve been complaining all week to my resident Elf on a Shelf, Rudy, that I deserve something extra special for putting up with this fourth quarter incompetence. I shouldn’t have to lose bets by the exact method on how my column is named. Irony isn’t funny if it is against you.
Still, I plan to stop whining and use this holiday season to thank everyone at The Hazean for all the presents they give us all each week as we play Fake Football. Couldn’t win my consolation bracket without you!
ATLANTA -11.5 vs Jacksonville – This will be a beat down. A good, old-fashioned beat down. It will be like Jacksonville wandered into a party where they don’t know anyone and find themselves surrounded by lots of Falcons. And these Falcons have baseball bats. Jacksonville has been extremely lucky the past few games and Atlanta is due a big game. “Never trust a public underdog in prime time TV” – Abraham Lincoln.
WASHINGTON +6.5 @ NY Giants – Remember last week when we bet on the Redskins and they covered? Man that was awesome. You know what? Let’s relive those good times by taking them again this week. If there is anything I know it’s that I don’t mind giving my money to Roy Helu. He is like investing in Blockbuster – a sure thing. The Giants don’t deserve to be a big favorite.
MINNESOTA +6.5 vs New Orleans – Have zero reason for taking the Vikings other than the Saints might be the biggest public play of the year thus far for this game. I tried to think about how the Saints don’t play well on the road and this will be back-to-back road games, but that’s all negated by how terrible the Vikings are these days. Oh, and thanks to Jared Allen for the bulletin board material. NOT what Vikings backers needed this week.
SAN DIEGO +1.5 vs Baltimore – Leave it to Norv to create his usual drama. We are used to his fast starts and then late season collapses that causes everyone to face palm simultaneously. However, this year we’ve been treated to slow start and now winning enough to be on the cusp of tying the division lead. I can just see the Chargers claiming a tie if the Broncos lose and everyone talking about Norv for a few days.
INDIANAPOLIS +6.5 vs Tennessee – Read something about how the Colts will fire their coach if he doesn’t win one of the last three games. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t but if they are going to, I have to give it a shot against a new quarterback on the road. Not sure how winning ONE game in an entire season saves the coach’s job. Seems pretty dumb and is a good example of why everyone hates the Colts.
SEATTLE +3.5 @ Chicago – Not sure what I’m missing here. The Bears are certifiably terrible and can’t score more than 13 points. I see Seattle getting at least 10 so this should be winna winna chicken dinna. I watched the entire Bear game last week; Caleb Hannie couldn’t start in the Sun Belt conference. The game is moving 100 times faster than he needs it too and the Seahawks defense is legit enough to keep him stifled. I see a boring, slug-fest that I won’t watch but will assume a field goal decides it.
TAMPA BAY +7 vs Dallas – This time of year I don’t like to take terrible teams as home underdogs. I fully realize that betting on the Bucs breaks this code, but my reasoning is that it is Saturday night against what people in central Texas refer to as “America’s Team”. I HAVE to take the other side on this one. I hate Tampa as much as you do, but I also haven’t figured them out. If they have truly quit on the season, then this will go down in flames. I’m banking they Buc up for this one though. They have to cover with cleverness like that on our side.