WWE: John Cena, Jericho, Masked Kane? Let's Hand out Bogus Awards Instead!

Nick BolyardContributor IIIDecember 15, 2011

This past Monday's Raw was, umm...special.  The awards and nominees didn't make a whole lot of sense.  I thought the Slammy Awards represented the best of the best in WWE! 

Wait!  Did I forget to start with a lame paragraph explaining my lengthy absence?  You know what, I'll explain that when someone tells me what happened to the Anonymous Raw GM (I think treachery is afoot)!

Anyway, let's get started with the first (and possibly last) Nick Bolyard Golden Ring Awards!

The concept is to pick the best and worst of each category and award that individual with a fake award that means next to nothing.  

It's all about bragging rights!  

The votes were submitted and calculated (both done by me), and I chose whatever I felt like.  Let's get crackin'!

The "I Thought He Was Dead" Award

This award is awarded to the individual who just randomly showed back up on WWE TV, with no explanation of their previous whereabouts.

Nominees:  Kevin Nash, Royal Rumble Entry; Road Dogg Jesse James, Slammy Awards; X-Pac, WWE Hall of Fame; Tony Atlas, Slammy Awards.

And the FIRST Golden Ring goes to (drum roll)...Road Dogg Jesse James for his presentation at the Slammy Awards!  

Not that I'm complaining.  Road Dogg was the best part of that show.  I know I wasn't the only person, after they heard, "OH, YOU DIDN'T KNOW!" who replied, "YO' ASS BETTER CALL SOMEBODY!"  

All I can say is, thanks for the memories Road Dogg...and thanks for leaving Billy Gunn some place else!

The "Say Hello to the Bad Guy" Award (Best Heel)

This award goes the the performer who best exemplified the role of the heel.  Duh!

Nominees:  Dolph Ziggler, The Miz, Mark Henry, R-Truth.

This one is a landslide.  The winner is Dolph Ziggler.  Heel!  This guy lives the role!  In the ring, and out of it.  Dolph Ziggler has always attracted heat.  Whether it was by being a male cheerleader, introducing himself or showing off, Dolph Ziggler showed why he is the heel in WWE!

The Mike Adamle Memorial Trophy for Terrible Announcing

This one goes out to the worst announcer in WWE this year.  All of them were annoying, incoherent and flat-out stupid, but who was the worst of the worst?

Nominees:  Michael Cole, Booker T, Jerry Lawler, Todd Grisham.

The winner of the Admale Trophy is:  Booker T!  

Don't get me wrong, Michael Cole is annoying.  Booker T, however, makes me wonder if he speaks English.  What the heck does "shucky ducky quack quack" mean?  Using that nonsense and the other two signature phrases "WHAT DA HELL?" and "AWWWWW, MAN!," Booker T shows us why he never won those verbal sparring matches.  


Rising Star Award

This is an actual serious award that goes to a young superstar who showed that they have what it takes to be in the spotlight.

Nominees:  Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler, Zack Ryder, Wade Barrett.

This was a tough one.  After looking back at the impressive year these four men had, the Golden ring goes to:  Cody Rhodes!  

Rhodes has held the Intercontinental Title for some time and made it somewhat relevant again.  He also brought back the use of an actual character with his Dashing/Un-dashing gimmick.  Here is hoping Rhodes and all the nominees continue their ascent to stardom!

"Big Fat Failure Turtle" Award

This one goes to the dumbest character, storyline and wrestler in WWE this year.  It was tough to narrow it down.  But after some strong deliberation, here are the nominees!

Nominees:  John Morrison and Melina, destroying his push; Anonymous Raw GM, vanished into thin air; Christian's first World Title Reign; Mick Foley, John Cena "This is Your Life" segment.

The golden ring goes to:  Christian's first World Heavyweight Championship reign.  

He got two days (five officially)?  Are you serious?  It was a great story with him winning the big one after Edge's retirement.  Then "creative" dropped the ball, as they so often do.  We all want "ONE MORE MATCH."

Diva of the Year.  Brought to you by: Going to the bathroom.

 Hooray Divas!  I can take a pee break now!  See ya in two minutes when the match is over!

Nominees:  Brie Bella, Kelly Kelly, Beth Phoenix, Eve Torres.

This one has to go the best of the bunch:  Beth Phoenix!  Way to go, Beth!

Best Fans (City)

This one is for the fans!  The fans that showed the most passion and had the best reactions this year.

Nominees:  Chicago, Money in the Bank; New York, Survivor Series; Boston, Raw before SS; Atlanta, WrestleMania.

It was a deadlock almost, but the Golden Ring goes to Chicago.

They tore the roof off that place for CM Punk!  As a New York native, I was proud of the MSG fans wanting Ryder so loudly.  However, that doesn't overshadow the support Punk had at the July event.

"Needs More Air Time" Award

This is for the individual we need on TV more often.

Nominees:  Scott Stanford, Trent Beretta, Tyson Kidd, Curt Hawkins.

This one goes to the one and only Scott Stanford!  If you haven't seen him call superstars, be on Regis and Kelly or on Z!TLIS, check him out.  Very entertaining and has great voice.  Too bad he isn't the voice of Raw or SmackDown.

Moment of the Year

The most memorable moment of the year in WWE.  The one that we will go back and watch on YouTube three years from now.

Nominees:  R-Truth Heel Turn and Smoking a Cigarette; CM Punk Shoot before Money in the Bank; CM Punk leaves with WWE Title; Edge and Christian Final Five-Second Pose/Edge Retirement.

The winner of this Golden Ring is: Edge and Christian Final Five-Second Pose and Edge's Retirement.  

The CM Punk shoot was a very, very close second.  This moment won because not only was it the loss of a true legend in Edge, for those of us old enough to remember, the five-second pose was a big part of the Attitude Era (when tag teams were important).  It was a nice way for Edge to leave—in the ring with his best friend doing what made them famous!

Award for the Best Display of Grappling and Entertaining Arts: Wrestler of the Year

This last award is for the WWE performer that showed the best in-ring ability, microphone skill and accomplishments in and out of the ring.

Nominees:  Zack Ryder, Mark Henry, CM Punk, Cody Rhodes.

Each nominee did something to make himself stand above the rest.  Zack Ryder made a name for himself with his YouTube show and great in-ring work, after he earned himself a chance to shine.  

Mark Henry has been a great monster heel and finally won his first World Heavyweight Championship.  CM Punk stole the summer of 2011 with his pipe bombs and stealing the WWE Title for two weeks.  

Cody Rhodes came into his own this year.  He won the Intercontinental Championship and made it important again.  Rhodes has also inserted himself into the World Title picture with his great matches and even better promos.  

The winner of the Wrestler of the Year Golden Ring Award is:  CM Punk!  

Let's face it, he dominated 2011.  Great matches, great commentary, great promos...great tweets (since they like Twitter so much).  CM Punk was WWE this year!

That was the first Golden Ring Awards!  If you didn't like them, oh well.  Feel free to pick your own winners and comment below.  Thanks for reading!


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