Tim Tebow: 20 Ideas Better Than Tebowing
Listen, you guys—everybody is Tebowing these days. And that is so, like, two weeks ago.
Like planking before it, Tebowing has already gotten stale. You, my savvy Internet friends, need the next hot Internet fad derived from sports so you can remain the coolest kid in school.
That's where I come in. I've nominated 20 new memes that should replace Tebowing. So what are you waiting for?
It's time to start the next meme.
LeBroning: (verb) To throw powder into the air and spread your arms like you are Bono or something. Funniest to do in front of people who are obviously annoyed at you or directly in the face of anyone from Cleveland. The more powder photographed hitting someone in the face, the funnier.
People will not like you if you do this one. When they complain, just tell them you don't need them and that you'll be "taking your talents" somewhere more fun.
Ray-Raying: (verb) To be photographed or filmed doing Ray Lewis' trademark dance upon walking through a door. Bonus points if the photo or film manages to capture the bewildered looks upon the faces of anyone in the room witnessing your spectacle.
Extra bonus points if you are then filmed tackling the crap out of someone.
Burressing: (verb) As Stevie Johnson of the Bills is demonstrating here, you are to be photographed while pretending to shoot yourself in the leg. Definitely the funniest when done in the club, hospital or while standing behind a cop.
(Note: In no way, shape or form do I recommend you do this standing behind a cop. Unless you are a glutton for pain, in which case, knock yourself out. Literally.)
Wilsoning: (verb) To randomly show up and be photographed in a formal setting wearing a fake beard, sunglasses and a spandex tuxedo while carrying a cane in public. The fake beard and spandex tuxedo are enough to be considered "Wilsoning," though, the true "Wilsoners" will add the sunglasses and cane.
Bonus points if you weren't invited to the formal event in the first place.
Claying: (verb) To do the bicep flex now popularized by Clay Matthews' sack celebration. Some have attempted to popularize this, including Verizon, as seen in the commercial above. However, they are simply "Claying" in reaction to Clay "Claying," which is probably the most confusing sentence I have ever written.
You should Clay at far less appropriate times, like anytime you walk past a baby in a stroller or a kitten you could obviously beat up if you were a heartless, soulless jerk-face. Also, it might be funny to do this anytime you are carrying something extremely light in each hand, or when you are attempting to get on the subway and don't want people to cut in front of you in line.
Martining: (verb) To be photographed making as angry and intense a face as possible, a la Kansas State men's basketball coach Frank Martin. This move is funniest when done in contrast, such as next to your grandmother, cute puppies or while eating an ice cream cone.
Harrisoning: (verb) To be photographed while launching oneself headfirst, like a torpedo, into any objects one can find. It should be noted that anyone participating in "Harrisoning" is probably an irresponsible idiot, however.
Boweing: (verb) To be photographed keeping your hands at your side while somebody attempts to hand you something. Especially funny if food or drink are being passed back and forth, though, be prepared for a potential mess. Guaranteed to piss off the person attempting to pass something to you.
Mossing: (verb) To be photographed fake-mooning a group of people. Most hilarious in situations where it would be deemed inappropriate to moon someone, such as outside of a nun convent or anywhere in the vicinity of Joe Buck.
A note for hipsters: "Mossing" at a nude beach will earn you plus-250 hipster points, redeemable for vinyl records and PBR anywhere hipster points are accepted.
Suhing: (verb) To be photographed stomping someone while they are on the ground. Most hilarious when done to friends who are sleeping.
It should be noted, however, that "Suhing" might legally be considered assault in certain cases. Be forewarned when "Suhing" that the party on the receiving end might soon be doing their own suing.
Mayweathering: (verb) To be photographed striking someone when they aren't looking or prepared to be hit. Much like "Suhing," this could be considered assault in certain cases, so it is best to do so gently.
Additional meme points to anyone who makes a GIF of the moment that includes gloating over the person who just got "Mayweathered."
Garretting: (verb) To be photographed making the hand gesture for a timeout immediately before an important event is about to take place.
Hilarious examples including "Garretting" before two people are about to kiss after their wedding vows or before someone attempts to remove the ever-tricky "anklebone connected to the knee bone" from the board game Operation.
Icelandic Celebration: (noun) A meme within a meme, this is to combine a flash mob and soccer celebration. To do an "Icelandic Celebration," gather several friends, choreograph a celebration and do it randomly in a public space while filming the entire thing.
It will be shorter and less populated than your average flash mob but way cooler. Do a couple of ridiculous celebrations, one after another, if you are feeling froggy.
Cutlering: (verb) To make a sour or dour face at any given time and be photographed doing so. Most hilarious when done in the company of others who seem excited or joyful. Poor body language is a must.
DeSeaning: (verb) To be photographed or filmed falling backwards off of something and putting your arms out, as seen above. Modern interpretations include replacing the ball with a bank statement, looking unhappy, ducking and covering your head if others are near you and sulking before and after you pull the move.
Marshawning (Part I)
Marshawning: (verb) Similar to "DeSeaning," but with an important twist, as while you are falling backwards, you grab your crotch. Hilarious to do when falling off of a diving board, mid-air while on a trampoline or falling onto one's bed. May also be referenced as "Beast Moding."
Marshawning (Part II)
Marshawning: (verb) To be photographed eating Skittles after accomplishing a feat. Hilarious examples might include a dentist eating Skittles after successfully filling in a cavity (bonus irony points!), a lawyer in a courtroom eating Skittles with his client after winning a case or anyone else eating some Skittles after winning a round of "Words with Friends."
(Also, I would like to take this moment to mention that I am a big fan of Skittles. They are delicious. Honestly, free publicity like this—I mean, I'm attempting to create a meme around this product—should probably be rewarded with some free Skittles, am I right? Marshawn Lynch was sent a two-year supply of the rainbow-birthed candy. Hook a brother up. And no, this request for Skittles isn't unethical, because being given the gift of candy is the most ethical freaking thing ever. Probably. Possibly. Dammit, I just want some Skittles!)
The Fainting Goat / Soccer Flop
The Fainting Goat: (noun) Also known as "The Soccer Flop," this video meme is achieved when you are filmed lightly bumping into a stranger in public and immediately fall to the ground and writhe about in pain. The name derives from this iconic YouTube video and this common phenomenon in soccer.
In some circles, this is also being referred to as the "The Jerome Simpson."
A-Rodding: (verb) To be photographed while kissing your own image in a mirror, a la Alex Rodriguez in a photo that accompanied a 2009 profile on him in Details magazine. The more sexually aroused you appear to be at the notion of kissing your own image, the better the "A-Rod" will be.
I don't understand why this never became a meme.
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