NFL Playoff Scenarios ( Humor / Funny )

The NFL BCS System

Stemming from a rise in complaints over teams with great records not making the playoffs, the NFL is considering dissolving all the divisions and creating a ranking system based on the Bowl Championship Series System used by the NCAA for its collegiate football league.

Under this system, the twelve playoff spots are based on ranking, and not on division wins and record. If the NFL decides to use this system because of the complaints of 8-8 teams making the playoffs, here is what we will see in January 2009:

(6) Cincinatti Bengals (3-11-1) vs. (7) Indianapolis Colts (11-4)
(5) The New England Patriots (10-5) vs. (8) Ball State (12-1)
(4) The Pittsburg Steelers (11-4) vs. (9) Carolina Panthers (11-4)
(3) The New York Giants (12-3) vs. (10) The Atlanta Falcons (10-5)
(2) The Baltimore Ravens (10-5) vs. (11) Seattle Seahawks (4-11)
(1) The New York Yankees (N/A) vs. (12) The Dallas Cowboys (9-6)

Even with much evidence to the contrary, BCS officials site that the ranking system is far more superior than the playoff format. Former Ball State head coach Brady Hoke, also agrees.

"Well, I guess I gotta go back and bring these kids to Foxboro. Thank you BCS! Without this system, college football would be so much more organized and sensible. You gotta love the chaos and absurdity. How else would ESPN/Disney make any money?The Romo-Owens-Witten love triangle can only go so far."

The Poodle Kick

A new stipulation in the NFL rulebook allows that any team, regardless of record, can make the playoffs if they can hit the longest field-goal on Sunday. The trouble is, the kicker cannot use a professional-rated football, but Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen's poodle.

Matt Bryant, kicker for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, is salivating over the playoff rule.

"Our team takes an intense approach to screwing up in the red zone," says Bryant, as he practices 30-yard chip-shots. "Sometimes, I try to get my my coach ( Gruden ) to put me out there at first down, so we can skip all the insanity. I have kicked so many field goals this year, I am very prepared to pooch Tom Brady's poodle through the uprights. Hell, with all this practice, I can probably kick a 20-pound bag of rice through!"

"You would think with the whole Vick situation that people would be upset about the rule's treatment towards dogs," adds Bryant. "But there is such a fervent hatred for Tom Brady that people would join Al-Queda if it somehow would make his life more miserable."

When confronting Brady about the rule, Tom became visibly upset.

"F&^K Matt Cassel," he screams. " He is taking all of my fame. I could care less about the rule. I only used the dog to attract women, and now Cassel is hogging the spotlight. F#%K Matt Cassel! And f*&k his ability to run faster than me."

Tom Brady chucks a football in madness across the room, which fell right into the hands of Jabar Gafney, and dropped. It was noticeable as Tom walked away, that he actually had no leg. Not a boot for a sprained ankle, or a limp from torn ligaments, but an entire leg was missing from his body. In the entire NFL history, there has never been a quarterback who has played with one leg. The Patriots are nonetheless still secretive about his status for 2009.

When talking to Matt Cassel over Tom Brady's outburst, Matt Cassel replied:

"I'm Rick James, bitch."

This seemed to be more in reference to the enormous amount of drugs he will be able to buy from his huge bonus coming his way after this season is over.

Well, you have just been updated to all the scenarios and outcomes for the NFL playoffs. If you still are scratching your head over these situations, feel free to contact me at contact@redsoxmaniac.com.

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