"Texts from Earl Bennett" Is Totally, 100 Percent Fake
Being as savvy with social media as you are, I'm sure that you've either seen or heard of "Texts From Bennett," a Tumblr featuring screencaps of the author's alleged text messages with his curious 17-year-old cousin.
While the author, who simply goes by "Mac," claims the blog is "100% real," the site's authenticity has come under fire. Whether "Bennett" really exists is immaterial to me. I find the site entertaining all the same.
I like it so much, in fact, that I was inspired to spoof it here, using Chicago Bears wide receiver Earl Bennett as my protagonist. And yes, we're obviously calling it "Texts From Earl Bennett." Bennett has had an interesting season, and I've taken this opportunity to chronicle the highlights of Bennett's year here.
As most people should be able to tell, this is intended to be more humorous than informative, so if that doesn't float your boat, do us both a favor and skip it altogether. We'll get over it.
And so, let's get to it.
These are text messages that I did not exchange with Bears wide receiver Earl Bennett. He is a Vanderbilt alumnus that plays in Chicago, probably drives a Mercedes, and would be one of the most unintentionally funny people on the planet if these were real, which they’re not.
By the way, these texts are 100 percent fake.
Earl Bennett on Fashion
October 15, 2011. Earl Bennett considers spicing up his on-field wardrobe.
Earl Bennett on Piracy
October 23, 2011. Earl Bennett prepares for a Bears game against Tampa Bay. Some of you caught that this game was actually played in London and not Raymond James Stadium.
Earl Bennett on Tape
November 20, 2011. Earl Bennett tries to escape a $10,000 fine.
Earl Bennett on Playmakers
November 21, 2011. Earl Bennett gets actual football confused with NBA Jam.
Earl Bennett on the Economy
December 2, 2011. Earl Bennett signs a contract extension.
Earl Bennett on the 24-Hour News Cycle
December 4, 2011. Earl Bennett is really, really focused on his own responsibilities.