Glutton Bowl: The NFL's All-Fat-Boy Team
There is a huge misconception when it comes to identifying the ideal physical specimen in the NFL.
Everyone looks for the guy whose muscles have muscles—the guy who's slender and agile, yet incredibly strong. They look for men who are physical anomalies, and beacons of health.
But this is American football. We like to drink multiple beers with hot dogs and hamburgers at 10 a.m. before the games officially kick off.
Isn't it natural for us to be drawn to the big guys that get it done on the field every week? As a big guy myself, I have to be honest—I tend to cheer a little bit harder for the fat boys.
Here's an homage to the guys that do their part to re-define what a professional athlete looks like—these are the men that made it honorable to be huge.
There's no other way to start this. At 6-foot-2 and 382 pounds, The Fridge brought sumo wrestler size to the NFL and proved how much could be accomplished with it.
Perry proved that he could be used for more than pushing around offensive linemen. Some of NFL fans' fondest memories of the Refrigerator come from his time as a full back, blocking for Walter Payton, and powering through for goal line touchdowns.
Perry is the NFL's ideal big man.
You see him on the sidelines during games aired on Fox. I see him every time there's shade.
Tony Siragusa was the monster in the middle for the Baltimore Ravens Super Bowl winning season. There's nothing that looks athletic about him. His arms have no definition, his stomach hangs over his belt, and he has a fatty neck.
It's his ability on the field that makes him most special. He turned using his weight into an actual talent. Teams looking for a big presence in the middle of the defensive line look to the Goose as the model player.
Wow. Siragusa as a model.
At 6-foot-4 and 360 pounds, Kris Jenkins makes it look easy to carry his weight around. He utilizes it well, dominating offensive linemen for most of the season. And he's on his way to a Pro Bowl because of it.
One of the more agile big men in the league, Jenkins has made a habit of occupying at least two linemen per snap. He's a mismatch every time he takes the field.
Pat and Kevin Williams
Pat and Kevin Williams are the keys to one of the most formidable defensive lines in the NFL.
Between the two of them, nothing really gets between them. The Vikings defense has developed a reputation for being stout against the run. They are players a defense is supposed to be built around.
With them causing fits at the line of scrimmage, so many players are freed up to make the plays they create.
Bettis was big, fast, and he had great vision.
The man would lower his shoulder, pound through for yardage, and still manage to breakaway for long gains.
He wasn't going to outrun many players in the league. But with so many defensemen falling to the ground everytime he ran through, Bettis changed the perception of what a primary running back should look like.
With his stomach dangling, the Bus was a lineman on speed.
Don't lie. You never expected him to run that fast. Even his fat boy celebration dance is awesome.
After he was drafted, there was talk that LenDale White would eat himself out of the league.
Before he does that, I guess he wanted to eat up touchdowns while helping bring his team to the best record in the AFC.
For years, he was known as a mobile quarterback that was built like a lineman.
Culpepper was a true anomaly. The man could run, he could pass, and evade pressure in the pocket.
A true hero to big guys everywhere, Culpepper will always hold a place in the hearts of out-of-shape men with NFL dreams.
Why not follow up Culpepper with the guy who's constantly compared to him?
In his case, I suppose it's good to be built like a lineman. They need as much help in Oakland as they can get.
He's still a developmental project, but Russell showed what he's capable of in college. Once the NFL game slows down for him, he's going to be a good one.
The team is going to need a coach aren't they?
Andy Reid fits the bill. In fact, it might be all he fits. His sideline waddle is fun to watch.