Grandpa has been in a pretty rough spot the past few weeks. He’s got no one to blame but himself, but of course, he doesn’t see it that way. He never did. He always seems to find a way out of trouble somehow—although this time will be a real challenge.
Pops escaped from jail (with the help of a few corrupt guards) and hid in the basement for a couple of days before flying out to California to stay with my mom. We’re trying to raise money for him one of the only ways we know how—betting on the NFL.
Grandpa Joe called me on my cell phone (untraceable and disposable, of course) to make our Week 12 picks.
Me: “Hey, pops! What are you and mom doing for Thanksgiving tomorrow?”
Grandpa: “Working on my disguise. I still have my wig from when I changed my identity a few years back. And of course I’ll be watching football. You like anyone tomorrow, kid?”
Me: “Yep. I think Dallas is going to blow Miami out of Cowboys Stadium. DeMarco Murray gives the Cowboys a rushing attack they haven’t had in a long time which helps Tony Romo and the passing game too. I know Miami has won three in a row, but Dallas is in a dogfight for the NFC East and they need to take advantage of an easy game at home. Take Dallas minus the touchdown.”
Grandpa: “Sounds good. Let me tell you about a line I don’t understand. San Diego is a six-point favorite over Denver? Has Vegas seen these two teams play lately? The Chargers have lost five games in a row and Tebow Time is alive and well in Denver. Take the Broncos plus-six. I think they win the game outright.”
Me: “I agree with you there, Joe. Just do me one favor, pops.”
Grandpa: “What’s that, kid?”
Me: “Don’t even try going to that game in San Diego. It’s just a two-hour drive from where you are in L.A. and I know you’re probably itching to go.”
Grandpa: “Too late. I already got my ticket.”
Me: “What? How’d you do that?”
Grandpa: “I took your debit card with me when I left.”
Me: “Gee, thanks, pops. There ain’t much left on there anyway. You know, you left the state just in time. The boys in blue came looking for you the morning after your flight.”
Grandpa: “What did you tell them?”
Me: “That they were foolish for thinking they’d be able to keep you behind bars for long. And that I had no idea where you are.”
Grandpa: “I’m proud of you, kid.”
Me: “Thanks, pops. But I wouldn’t stay with mom for too long. Someone is bound to show up looking for you there.”
Grandpa: “I’m looking for some cheap apartments around here. Found a couple of possibilities, but I need a couple grand for a security deposit. So let’s keep going, kid.”
Grandpa: “I don’t usually mess with over/unders, but I got one for you this week. I say Pittsburgh goes into Arrowhead and they shut out the Chiefs, 24-0. Now I’m not that good at math, but I know that 24 plus zero is a lot less than 40, so Steelers/Chiefs under 40 it is.”
Me: “I got the last one. Put on your Giants gear on Monday night because Eli Manning goes into New Orleans and gives the Saints all they can handle. This game goes down to the wire, so take the Giants plus the seven points.”
Grandpa: “This phone call is coming down to the wire, kid. I hear some knocking on the front door. Time to go.”
Me: “Good luck, pops.”