Just when all that buzz about Kim Kardashian and her divorce seems to have simmered down, the E! Network's there to thrust it back into your face, filling every inch of your HDTV with all the drama and tears and nasally voices it can handle.
That's right, America, with timing so perfect it almost seems staged, Kardashian's back in prime time. At 10 p.m. on Sunday, Nov. 27, the premier of Season 2 of "Kourtney and Kim Take New York" will hit everyone's cable boxes.
What's that mean for us? It means Bleacher Report's favorite jock chaser is back in the country's biggest sports city, and single. And with Kris Humphries out of the way, it means there needs to be a new man in Kim's life (because that's how reality shows work). Of course, the Big Apple has plenty of possible athletically inclined suitors.
Kim's done the date-an-NFL-er thing before, but it's always been an offensive player. Time to switch sides of the ball.
You know what Reggie Bush and Miles Austin don't have? Their own island. Sure, it's a fictional way to describe the Jets' cornerback's amazing defensive skills, but it works. Think about the naturally ensuing reality show if this duo got together: "Kim and Darelle's Island." Come on, you know it would come to that.
This soccer star's a good catch for when the Kardashian's make the inevitable European reality show. (If "Jersey Shore" did it, this can't be far along.) Henry is a superstar in his native France and was a ultra-stud for the London-based club Arsenal.
Now, he's chilling in New York, with more money than he'll ever need after his years kicking it in the English Premier League. Sounds like it's time for, as our friends across the pond put it, "a holiday."
This would be the GET of gets for Kim and her clan. You want publicity in NYC? Grab the up-and-coming superstar for the Yankees.
No doubt about it, if you wear pinstripes in New York, you're a king. Every day you're on the cover of the tabloids, and people from the Bronx to the Upper East Side hang on your every move. On a national scale, that's Miss Kardashian.
Is there a better name in pro sports than D'Brickashaw? My name's Ryan, and it just feels so bland, inferior, uninspired and wimpy in the presence of The Mighty D'Brickashaw. What a name the Jets offensive lineman has.
And how difficulty awesome that would be for tabloid editors if they had to fit D'Brickashaw into every headline for the foreseeable future: "Kim and D'Brickashaw Seen Smooching At Meatpacking District Hot Spot!" ... "Kim and D'Brickashaw Hit Up Swanky TriBeCa Loft Party!" ... "Kim and D'Brickashaw's Drama in the Hamptons!"
Love it. So much better than "Reggie" or "Kris."
What? You don't know who Stephen Graham is? (And we're not talking about the actor).
It's OK. Neither did I, and I work for a sports website. Graham is a bench-warmer for the New Jersey Nets who didn't average a lot of points last season and has played his entire NBA career in relative obscurity.
Sound familiar? Kardashian reality shows survive on drama, it's the jet fuel that's allowed them to soar to higher and higher ratings. So imagine if Kim starts dating one of Humphries' teammates. Lockout or no lockout, you know it's a storyline that would play.
He's single, good looking and will pose provocatively for magazine covers, too. He's a USC boy—and we know Kim likes USC boys. He's a big man on the town, with a love for Broadway and can handle the tabloid spotlight.
Works for us. And who knows? Maybe Kim's mojo can help fix the New York Jets quarterback's passing accuracy on Sundays.
See that accompanying photo? That's the New York Knicks' star at Fashion Week. Stoudemire has made it be known that he wants to be a sports-transcending icon, and a reality show spot with an A-list celeb would definitely help hasten the process.
Besides, it's in the open now that Kim wanted to date a Knick in the first place.
Yes, we know Eli's married. His wife is beautiful, and we wish the New York Giants QB and his significant other all the best.
But just pretend for a second that Manning was single and he and Kardashian teamed up for a reality show. His Southern drawl and pouty faces. Her over-the-top whining. It would be a train wreck, and that's why we all would watch.
OK, now we're getting serious. Avery and Kardashian? Almost perfect. The New York Rangers punk is arrogant and loves relationship drama. He was snooty enough to land a Vogue internship, yet low-brow enough to drop that "sloppy-seconds" line that disgusted everybody.
Snooty and low-brow? Cha-ching!
Who didn't see this coming? A-Rod and Kim Kardashian would be the quintessential couple. There would be so much vanity packed into that relationship, every mirror they walked by would explode.
She could feed the Yankees star popcorn. He could commission a painting of her as a centaur to go with his.